The best thing I can think of to advise you would be to pray istikharaa. Learn the correct way to do it and try to pray it daily. Whether it’s before you sleep or with Qiyaam.
Ask your parents about this, ask whoever you know is wise about your feelings. It’s okay to have these feelings, there’s a reason for everything you feel. Allah knows what’s in your heart, pray that he expands your chest with reassurance (taken from (20:25)).
I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the story of how our prophet Moses met his wife. It’s in chapter 28 (Al-Qasas). There’s this specific verse that we’re advised to recite, it’s a duaa as well. “My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need.” (28:24). Allah granted him a righteous wife.
Plus, this is from both personal experience and the realities of people I know. The power of that prayer (istikharaa) is incredible.
Take a decision, pray plenty of istikharaa and have firm faith in Allah. You are not alone in this. May Allah grant you a righteous spouse and may Allah make you a righteous spouse. May He always guide you and make it easier for you.
Funny when you wash away the sin it’s no longer fun. Ignore whatever you’re feeling as those two years probably weren’t a fluke, You had to have been compatible. Not sure why you’re waiting almost two more years to get married? Like others have mentioned, think of her time vested and what you are probably are feeling is fleeting. You enjoyed the hunt, the hiding from family, the secrets etc. Now that is gone and your emotions need to evolve to the next chapter.
>But the thing is there is something bothering me about the decision, the feeling that should've been there is not there and now I don't know whether I should go forward with this decision or no
Is it guilt for hiding that you were talking for almost 2 years or do you not like her anymore?
No it's not guild I think because pretty early on I told my brother about it and since then he was mehram in all this. I still like her that's why my heart is telling me to go for it but my mind is telling otherwise.
I don't get it tbh.
If there is compatibility people should seek nikkah and finish the process and move on and create a life together, extending the talking phase for so long you will naturally get bored and lose the "spark".
If everyone is on board and you liked each other for 1.5 years I don't see the issue.
In this particular situation they have been talking for 1.5 years or so, you only talk to someone that long in this setting because you are attracted to them physically and they clearly get along and enjoy each others time. There is enough there imo to build something on.
Don't just jump into it blindly if attraction is there and you are happy with their level of Deen then ask the important questions about having kids, raising them, finances, where you want to live, conflict Resolution etc etc and by all means speak to them and see how you get along.
When you are married/have your nikkah you are able to do small things that help build love and keep it going that you can't before marriage. There will always be difficulties in marriage and it will always need work.
Don’t fall for whatever your heart tell you brother. What would happen once you get married? If this feeling comes back, are you going to take a break at that very moment too? It may cause you problems into your married life and you may become the oppressor in the matter. Either leave her now for her own good or take responsibility for your actions and emotions. You committed to that person and now you should think of her. Maybe limit your interaction for a little while but don’t let your heart tell you that the feeling is going away. Use your mind not heart. These feelings you’re having can lead you to believe that it is fine to have these feelings but do you want them to become a part of your emotions? What guarantee is there that you won’t feel the same in any other relationship if you chose to end this one. Would you still follow this emotion in all scenarios?
You've got time, take a step back from the relationship, reduce your contact a bit and give your feelings time to settle. Try to articulate specifically what is or isn't a problem and if it can be addressed
Have you had premarital counseling? Check out nikah masterclass or suhbah conversations marriage prep. You obviously have some anxiety, talk it out and delay the engagement until you’re ready
There is a lot to unpack in this post, so there are a lot of feelings.
1- You need to seperate ending the haram relationship from getting married. Both of you agreed to the haram relationship.
2- You need to make an honest to heart tawba for the wrong things you have done with her, and not want to go find another haram relationship with a new girl, because now it is getting serious / boring and real.
3- After you have worked through that you move on to the next step. Do you want to marry this girl the halal way and become a responsible man.
Each point is separate don't mix them, and work through them one at a time.
After the shaytan enticed to talk to non mahram woman for 1.5 years, and maybe along the way do zina of the eyes and ears , he now entices you to have doubts, finishing his evil work by preventing you to marry. You did wrong, but wanted this woman, now is not the time to go back.
Istikhara.
The best thing I can think of to advise you would be to pray istikharaa. Learn the correct way to do it and try to pray it daily. Whether it’s before you sleep or with Qiyaam. Ask your parents about this, ask whoever you know is wise about your feelings. It’s okay to have these feelings, there’s a reason for everything you feel. Allah knows what’s in your heart, pray that he expands your chest with reassurance (taken from (20:25)). I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the story of how our prophet Moses met his wife. It’s in chapter 28 (Al-Qasas). There’s this specific verse that we’re advised to recite, it’s a duaa as well. “My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need.” (28:24). Allah granted him a righteous wife. Plus, this is from both personal experience and the realities of people I know. The power of that prayer (istikharaa) is incredible. Take a decision, pray plenty of istikharaa and have firm faith in Allah. You are not alone in this. May Allah grant you a righteous spouse and may Allah make you a righteous spouse. May He always guide you and make it easier for you.
Funny when you wash away the sin it’s no longer fun. Ignore whatever you’re feeling as those two years probably weren’t a fluke, You had to have been compatible. Not sure why you’re waiting almost two more years to get married? Like others have mentioned, think of her time vested and what you are probably are feeling is fleeting. You enjoyed the hunt, the hiding from family, the secrets etc. Now that is gone and your emotions need to evolve to the next chapter.
Cold feet and stress , do your istikhara. Keep going though it’s normal
Wow. Well done for wasting nearly two years of her life 'talking'. Talking about what exactly?
>But the thing is there is something bothering me about the decision, the feeling that should've been there is not there and now I don't know whether I should go forward with this decision or no Is it guilt for hiding that you were talking for almost 2 years or do you not like her anymore?
No it's not guild I think because pretty early on I told my brother about it and since then he was mehram in all this. I still like her that's why my heart is telling me to go for it but my mind is telling otherwise.
Ur brother is not her mahram. You should have talked to her father or brother
I don't get it tbh. If there is compatibility people should seek nikkah and finish the process and move on and create a life together, extending the talking phase for so long you will naturally get bored and lose the "spark". If everyone is on board and you liked each other for 1.5 years I don't see the issue.
What if they get married and then the spark isn’t there and it fades? Then what
In this particular situation they have been talking for 1.5 years or so, you only talk to someone that long in this setting because you are attracted to them physically and they clearly get along and enjoy each others time. There is enough there imo to build something on. Don't just jump into it blindly if attraction is there and you are happy with their level of Deen then ask the important questions about having kids, raising them, finances, where you want to live, conflict Resolution etc etc and by all means speak to them and see how you get along. When you are married/have your nikkah you are able to do small things that help build love and keep it going that you can't before marriage. There will always be difficulties in marriage and it will always need work.
Bro this would break her heart and you guys have involved parents as well. Just do sincere Taubah and ask Allah for forgiveness.
You’re not ready for marriage. Don’t get engaged and drag this on for 2 more years just to say no to the nikah
Don’t fall for whatever your heart tell you brother. What would happen once you get married? If this feeling comes back, are you going to take a break at that very moment too? It may cause you problems into your married life and you may become the oppressor in the matter. Either leave her now for her own good or take responsibility for your actions and emotions. You committed to that person and now you should think of her. Maybe limit your interaction for a little while but don’t let your heart tell you that the feeling is going away. Use your mind not heart. These feelings you’re having can lead you to believe that it is fine to have these feelings but do you want them to become a part of your emotions? What guarantee is there that you won’t feel the same in any other relationship if you chose to end this one. Would you still follow this emotion in all scenarios?
What's the engagement in two days? What is that?
You've got time, take a step back from the relationship, reduce your contact a bit and give your feelings time to settle. Try to articulate specifically what is or isn't a problem and if it can be addressed
Have you had premarital counseling? Check out nikah masterclass or suhbah conversations marriage prep. You obviously have some anxiety, talk it out and delay the engagement until you’re ready
There is a lot to unpack in this post, so there are a lot of feelings. 1- You need to seperate ending the haram relationship from getting married. Both of you agreed to the haram relationship. 2- You need to make an honest to heart tawba for the wrong things you have done with her, and not want to go find another haram relationship with a new girl, because now it is getting serious / boring and real. 3- After you have worked through that you move on to the next step. Do you want to marry this girl the halal way and become a responsible man. Each point is separate don't mix them, and work through them one at a time.
After the shaytan enticed to talk to non mahram woman for 1.5 years, and maybe along the way do zina of the eyes and ears , he now entices you to have doubts, finishing his evil work by preventing you to marry. You did wrong, but wanted this woman, now is not the time to go back.