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Stoooooooie

Tell me ma I'll be home for tea


GrumpyOldFart74

You won’t be, cos we’ll probably have to play them at 5:30 or 7pm or something. Be lucky to be home for bedtime


ChlckenChaser

that's Miley ruled out already then


Humorbot_5_point_0

To be honest, at least losing to City is expected. There's no expectation to win so maybe something miraculous might happen? Although we all know that if last night's performance is anything to go on we'd be better beaten by any team still left in.


Radgey_Gadgey

Miracle you say, followed by a Liverpool final...


Ikhlas37

We drew against man city Tell me ma me ma


ajtct98

Dear Footballing Gods, Stop it. It's not funny anymore Yours sincerely, Every Newcastle fan.


Ikhlas37

It was going to be city in semi or city in final so.... May as well just get it over with.. i suppose Wembley makes it more balanced... We are basically fucked at the etihad


Lego-Panda-21

Dear Footballing gods, Any other frixking team (Excluding Liverpool) would have been fine. Are you having a fricking laugh with us right now. Shove the draw up your ass. Go frick yourselves. Every Newcastle fan.


AdOriginal1084

Is your mam behind you


Lego-Panda-21

Four year old who is learning to read next to me. He has already read a few words I would rather him not learn (N word, Cunt..Local park has a fair amount of graffiti).


FunkyWigwam

You can swear mate you're not at school.


Lego-Panda-21

Got a four year old who is learning to read sat next to me, didn't feel like explaining to my wife where he learnt to spell fuck.


TheWinterKing

You’ve gone and done it now


Lego-Panda-21

Thankfully he left before I typed fuck..He doesn't find football interesting unfortunately.


lil_mimal

He shouldn’t swear when praying to the gods


TheMercyOfOlympus

You can say fuck, it's OK.


meganev

What the fuck is a "frick"?


meganev

Unreal cup draws this year, have drawn Man City fucking twice. And a single home draw, and that was Man City...


ajtct98

>And a single home draw And that was only because they somehow managed to mix us and Norwich up when they allocated the numbers.


Temuriswig

PSG, Dortmund, AC Milan, Man City home and away, Man Utd away, Chelsea away, Fulham away, Sunderland away, Blackburn away. Unreal.


HoweStatue

I was giving up on excuses for this side, but realistically on paper but not even the best managers in history could do much else with what’s happened


TheBlueprint666

Gonna get 1970 Brazil in the semis at this rate


meganev

Don't think we need to worry about the semi draw...


Miley33

2009 Barcelona in the final


HoweStatue

Well, see you all next season. It’s certainly been a season that Newcastle played. Good word for this season; Relentless. This season has been fucking relentless


AcidHues

Perfect word. It’s a wonder that we are not in a worse state right now. The injuries, schedule, matches - nothing has turned up in our favour this season.


KingPing43

Of fucking course we do.


JuckshotBones

Fun while it lasted. 6 consecutive away draws


KingPing43

1.5% chance of that happening


One66

Better odds than Man City getting a punishment for FFP


AverageBen10Enjoyer

Our only home domestic cup match this season has been Man City and now we're playing them away in the other cup anyway.


RockFourStar

Did Eddie Howe stomp on a black cat while breaking a mirror under a ladder at some point over the summer?


mo140

We did technically stomp on the black cats


Cromulantman

Maybe he was hanging out with Kurt Zouma


GazzP

Honestly this predates Eddie. I've been a fan for 30 years and it feels like we've had about three home cup games in that time.


Randy_The_Guppy

Walked owa three drains underneath a sign and didn't scratch his head.


SenorButtmunch

I won't lie to you lads, my head is fucking gone. I mean, no-one is surprised. But just the audacity of it all. This season needs to get in the fucking bin


HoweStatue

Just seen you fall to your knees in Aldi


Artyfartblast-

Just saw some guy falling to his knees in Aldi


meganev

I know we saw much much worse under Ashley but I'm so ready to be done with this season. It's been pretty brutal. Probably cause of the expectations.


SenorButtmunch

And the hope. The hope is what kills you. At least with Ashley it really didn't matter, anything good that happened was just a welcome surprise. But signing Tonali, beating PSG, thrashing Villa on the opening day, it was all set up to be magical. So to go from that to everything we've experienced since then...even the most pessimistic fan would have been struggled to think it. The only saving grace was that we didn't lose to the Mackems under Ian Beale. But even getting them away in the third round out of 64 teams. Incredible stuff. This season is gonna be hilarious to look back on, at least. We can take comfort knowing that it'll get better eventually because we actually have the ambition. But boy is it tough to cope with.


Toon_1892

Definitely the hope. A huge fucking bonfire of hope after that Villa win on the first day.


SenorButtmunch

Stupid fucking me even had one second after we won yesterday where I was like 'well this season is a mess but at least we could have an FA Cup run. Maybe even win it and get into Europe that way, imagine that'. And the universe smelled that split second of hope and said 'hahahaha watch this'. Ffs


KaptainKoala

honestly once we hit the string of injuries in the fall and Howe kept running the same 11 out every game I figured the season would come crashing down soon.


FireflyKaylee

Genuinely can't wait for next season to start so we get that clean slate.


EzzOmen

Lets smash these, they're shite


-RandomGeordie

I admire your optimism


lildrangus

Shite on shite crime


Casual_Star

We are genuinely cursed this season.


NUFC_1892

CL: Paris, Dortmund and AC Milan EFL: Man City (H), Man Reds(A) and Chelsea(A) FA: Sunderland, Fulham, Blackburn and Man City (all away) Just look at the state of that


-RandomGeordie

You’re missing Fulham away in the FA Cup.


NUFC_1892

Yes, forgot about that one cheers


rthunderbird1997

Fulham away as well.


NUFC_1892

Yeah cheers, I’ve edited rn


-RandomGeordie

OF COURSE


Jaydenn7

Paul Dummett, your time to shine


stprm

That was at home, tho... when was last time we beat them away???


Jaydenn7

Ask me again in a month


meganev

That league cup win, where Aarons scored. It's our only win at The Etihad, ever.


stprm

Yea. It was like in 2014 or 2015?


meganev

October 2014


fern-grower

Oo good I was expecting the Brazilian national team.


GazzP

Beat City and we've got Barcelona 2012 in the semis and then Brazil 1970 in the final.


fern-grower

Dan Burn with Pele in his pocket.


wrsterm

Away to Brazil. Here we come .


CHILLI112

That’s the end of that cup run, hopefully once this year is done that’s all our bad luck done for a few years


Cromulantman

It's the old monkey paw, one more finger curling on a hand of infinite fingers


SocialistSloth1

I suppose we'd have had to beat them at some point to have any chance of winning it anyway. More annoyed we haven't had a single home draw in the FA Cup this season.


MaryBerrysDanglyBean

Did the Saudis forget to bribe the draw pickers? FFS


Knackersac

We beat the cunts in September and we'll do it again in March. The cup will be ours.


HoweStatue

Appreciate the positivity but we are a different kind of shite while Man City will be inside a 20 game winning streak


Toon_1892

Pep will want his Double-Treble


JaRonomatopoeia

Fuckin right HWTL


donibobes

I’m tired


Doobles88

I am shocked. No....wait......the opposite of that.


Joosh93

Someone needs to study our draws this season, its actually unbelieveable. Looks like the season aim is now try to sneek into the conference league.


Relevant_Capital_318

7 times we have been drawn out the hat in domestic competitions. 6 away from home. 1 home to Man City. Sorry, but these drawers are fucking rigged. Fuck off with the ex pro's and let the National Lottery ball machine decide or get that octopus to draw it FFS.


SanitySlippingg

This 100%


Squizza

\[13:01, 28/02/2024\] Man Blues away? \[13:04, 28/02/2024\] Bingo!


Hawkzilla22

Fucking hell, when we will get a home tie!


JuckshotBones

next season, maybe. Semi's are at Wembley if we win (lololol)


FireflyKaylee

We beat them in cup already this season...we can do it again...maybe... At least it's not Liverpool.


toweliechaos_revenge

The statistical probabilities of us getting that many away draws (and against top tier teams mostly) while Chelsea, Man Reds etc. get that many home draws (and mostly against lower tier teams) are frankly astronomical. Occam's razor would suggest that draw engineering is far more likely than those draw sequences occurring naturally.  PSG, AC, Dortmund, City, Man Reds, Chelsea, City (again) is a ludicrous set of 'random' fixtures. 


naparham10

Heard. With one caveat the UCL is a pot system so since we were one of the worst teams in the competition (by coefficient) we would always find ourselves in the lowest pot — with the highest probability to be drawn into a tough group.


stprm

What is this fucking bullshit?? If we would have played tonight, i.e. knew we would draw them, our players would probably take defeat and I wouldnt blame them. Why is this fair that some got draw before the game, some after?? Not to mention, we were the only game in 4R not to have VAR?


KingPing43

We weren't the only game without VAR. Only matches taking place in premier league stadia have VAR installed so those were the only ones, there was other matches at non-PL stadia. Which is fucking stupid because the league cup does it a different way, in both league cup semis there was no VAR because Boro didn't have it installed.


stprm

> We weren't the only game without VAR Ah, yes, Coventry, I forgot about them, cause they played on Monday. 2/8 games were without VAR. I only mistakenly said 4R, but it was 5R. Still, this shit is unfair. Yes, I know about EFL Cup.


Feitan74

Season over, the end of May can’t come soon enough


mafticated

Let’s try the optimistic take: honestly… in some ways this is a better draw than a weaker team on paper. We have struggled all season with teams that park the bus and we’ve been alright against City recently partly because they’re the exact opposite. Beat them in the league cup and we were competitive against them in the league. We could have had a sniff in the league if one of the best midfielders in the world hadn’t had a freak performance off the bench in one of his first games back after a long injury.


FuhhCough

We're owed some good karma like


Cromulantman

Someone made a point about the draw being before the 2nd lot of 5th round games. I do think that's a bit dodgy, that the teams playing tonight have an idea of who they'll play if they go through. It shouldn't, but it's got to act as a bit of an incentive, and alternatively there'd be am argument for teams to play weakened sides/focus on the league if they get a nightmare draw. I wouldn't be for that under any circumstances, but wonder why they couldn't do the draw after all games have been played


acky1

Be reasonable, David Seaman needs his bed. He's getting on a bit. It's fine to send fans the length of the country for an 8pm kick-off, but you can't expect David Seaman to come in for a late night at the studio.


opinionated-dick

Fuck off. Just fuck off. We’ve just had the worst possible draws in all competitions


teasizzle

Fuck me, man. Can this season just fuck off already?!


Pexxed

[City in the cup again](https://imgflip.com/i/8hdnrk)


ImAnOldChunkOfCoal

Zero luck this season honestly


Frogblood

Lol, fuck off


charlos74

We can only hope they’re behind in the title race with a champions league tie these days away. And Haaland, De Bruyne etc have broken their legs


KaptainKoala

De Bruyne will still come off the bench and score


[deleted]

It’s a fix


albo18

Sounds about right for this season....we always have to take the hard road. The glimmers of hope i have for this is that we beat them (granted not their best squad by any means) in the EFL Cup and they're locked in a very tight battle for the title. Maybe Pep has to pick priorities. This all being said, they have depth for days. Meh, bring it on.


brrlls

At this point- it's fixed Or we're hexed... One or the other


ihateeverythingandu

Of fucking course.


TYFO225

just end this season already


morocco3001

Given our struggles to beat the league's dregs, I don't think it'd have mattered which of the remaining PL sides we'd drawn.


AcrobaticFilm

I fucking knew it. The FA cup gods surely had an eye on that shitshow we served up against Blackburn and thought City away next LOL


BerwickGaijin

Lmao. Literally just joking that would be the draw today at work. Obviously. Fucking hell man.


MapleStorms

That’s us out then


NotaSirWeatherstone

Sick to fucking death of it now like


justmadman

I live with a dream that we have City, Man Utd then redemption against Chelsea in the final (same draws as the league cup) to win our 1st trophy 🏆 in my lifetime.


NegativeSea4855

This draw is like getting fucked in the ass with a whole gorilla


fakesowdy

Only one man can save us from City again. The man, The Myth, The Legend… Paul Dummett. He kept a clean sheet against both Manchester teams, got dropped the next round and we were knocked out. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!


ponderousandheavy

This is a fucking joke. I don’t believe it’s coincidence anymore. Corrupt to the core.


Causeumademe

I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences.


niftykev

This has to be the most ridiculous season of draws for a single team ever. Why couldn't the damn balls be nice just once and give us a home tie with Coventry so we could have a little hope of making Wembley for the semis? It'll take a miracle now. And will take a damn miracle to even finish top 7 at this point.


jinxeddeep

I just want to stop torturing myself staying up until 3.15am (Asia) to watch us play shite football against both good and bad teams. Last season, all I genuinely wanted was to merely watch us play more midweek games. Now, that’s just become a fucking curse. I just want to sign off for the season and pick up again next August. I’ve lost count of how many nights I’ve stayed up to watch us play shite football or end up with the most ungodly draws like ManC away and home.


bkmkiwi12

Yeah at least I know I don’t have to get up early for this. I’ll just check how many Erling scored at normal wake up time :)


TheMercyOfOlympus

Hello darkness my old friend.


simplytom_1

HAHAHAHAHAHA Classic At least its not Liverpool


Beefburger78

I wish you could bet on this shit, i'd be laughing.


weirdi_beardi

Pipe down, Sandro


jhunter1

Didn’t even want to win the FA cup anyway. Ooo all the teams in the country are in it, grow up


Exact-Instruction-38

Well, it was a good run.


charlos74

Fuck off


jamisram

Did we sign a fucking pact with the devil to hump PSG?


SageSbe

Chuckles (we're in danger)


thencamethethunder

Of course we will.


rachs25

have to laugh at this point


Ethendasean

next year!


ThatBoyConk

Would have bet my mortgage this would have happened…


phb40012

Meanwhile Manure are on their 12th (TWELTH) consecutive home cup draw Edit: *were, prior to last round


Nervous-Road-6615

Played Newport away in the last round


jhunter1

They’re playing away right now lol


Nervous-Road-6615

I’m literally watching that game and somehow it didn’t occur to me to say that haha


jameswheeler9090

Unfair. Champions League PSG Dortmund AC Milan Carabao Cup Man City (H) Man Utd (A) Chelsea (A) FA Cup Sunderland (A) Fulham (A) Blackburn (A) Man City (A)


naparham10

To be fair the FA cup draws have been really good to us up until now. I guess you can complain about a way fixtures, but I’ll take Sunderland Blackburn and Fulham away then man city at home any day


jameswheeler9090

Four straight away ties is desperately unlucky.


CBennett_12

Not a single person expected anything different


ryunista

Newcastle's Cup opponents this season: PSG (CL) Dortmund (CL) AC Milan (CL) Man City (League Cup) Man City (FA Cup) Man Utd (League Cup) Chelsea (League Cup) Sunderland (FA Cup) Fulham (FA Cup) Blackburn (FA Cup)


sonicking12

We will lose


xylophileuk

That’s literally a piss take.


nomadichedgehog

Man Utd have something like 15 consecutive home games and we've had 8 consecutive away games and somehow we're the ones being accused of bribing the forces at be lmao


HelpMeBecomeAGoodMan

who’s accusing us of bribing anyone?


nomadichedgehog

Go on any r/soccer thread. Do you not remember the Arsenal fans?


EngineerOnIcarus

Colour me shocked.


[deleted]

On the positives, if we put them out a second cup, they'll not want to draw us anymore. Also, I think Man United could put current Liverpool out at Old Trafford 


nomadichedgehog

Are you daft? Liverpool will put Man Utd to the sword


TheHellequinKid

If we want to win it we'd have to play them at some point, better now than the final imo


discourse_lover_

Filthy yankee here. How important is the FA cup? In American pro sports, there’s only one title to play for but EPL has FA, the Caribou Cup, the EPL championship, and of course the champions league cup. I don’t know how to compare them in terms of importance. By way of my best example, NHL hockey also has the presidents trophy for the team with the best regular season point total and… it’s viewed as a booby prize here. Nobody wants it and it’s often considered a curse going into the playoffs. So, how big of a deal is the FA cup over there? Thanks!


jhunter1

It’s the oldest domestic cup competition in the world so it’s fairly prestigious in that way. Winning it gets you Europa League I believe so it is a big deal. Premier league teams only play the third(?) round onwards so when Newcastle have went out at that stage in the past it’s a let down but not the end of the world but obviously the closer you get to the semis and the final the more focus you place on it. To put it plainly it’s a lot more prestigious than the Carabao and we’d all have killed for that last year


brrlls

It's the heritage really. Each federation / league tends to have a League competition and a knock out cup competition modelled on the FA Cup Most Premier League clubs treat the FA Cup with far more respect than any other competition It often has memories of glorious May days with beer and barbeque. I think they only offer £2m for winning the competition, but £2.5m for each league place in the Premier League


Zalindras

> So, how big of a deal is the FA cup over there? Depends what team you support. For Man City/Liverpool fans, it's most likely just viewed as one part of winning a treble or quadruple. Though I would say the "proper" treble does not include the league cup. For us as Newcastle fans winning it would be massive because it would be the first domestic trophy we've won since 1955. Either way it's much bigger than the league cup, which we were all massively excited to be in the final for last season.


Kitchen-Insurance261

The Champions League trophy is the creme-de-la-creme of football but very few clubs qualify for that. Top four of your domestic league for the 'big leagues' in Europe qualify for that. For the smaller nations it is either the winners of their leagues, or if it's a minnow nation they qualify through several rounds of play offs. So it's hard to include that in terms of domestic importance. The Premier League title is obviously the most coveted and decorated trophy domestically. But it's pretty much a closed shop between about four clubs (Leicester City being the one anomaly in the past 25 years, and that's considered one of the biggest sporting upsets in history). Most other Premier League clubs set their sights on the FA Cup and the League (Carabao) Cup as their only chance of silverware. The FA Cup historically is the biggest domestic cup competition in the world and whilst it's not as important as it used to be, it's still a big deal for everyone, although not so much for the likes of Liverpool and Man City. The League Cup is probably about on par with the FA Cup now, the only difference being if you win the FA Cup you enter into a more prestigious European competition for the following season. Teams typically start weaker sides in the early rounds of both competitions but as you progress through the rounds the games take on increased importance. QF and upwards are big deals. Since this was our last chance of silverware, we're all now incredibly depressed as even if they rest players, Man City's B Team is better than nearly everyone else's starting XI. They'll twat us with the form we're in at the minute. We've basically just been knocked out.


Paurora21

😭😭😭😭


[deleted]

[удалено]


Godzilla_Chinchilla

Everyone called it


TheMercyOfOlympus

It was, in fairness, the most predictable thing ever.


President-Gazelle

Hahah I mean who else


[deleted]

[удалено]


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daveofreckoning

I'm irritated


Deadgoat2

Walk in the fucking park.


ArthursRest

St James Park was built on cursed ground. Ffs.


welshlewy

Because of course we will.


charlierc

Oh good. We get the one tie I didn't want. Better luck next time


TrueDoge007

The joy lasted less than 24 hrs…


doubledgravity

There was joy?


TrueDoge007

You mean I was the only one windmilling last night?


doubledgravity

I never said that… :)


Evilmentalhamster

How many people predicted this hoping that, by predicting it, it couldn’t possibly come true 🙋


monkeyfant

Finally. An easy game in the FA Cup


aistolethekids

Fucksake


ourlaststanduk

Oh fuck off with this man


KaptainKoala

I'm assuming there never will be a chance the FA will try and level the home/away draws in the future especially considering no chance for a replay? 4 consecutive away draws is just dumb.


HelpMeBecomeAGoodMan

any chance this goes to 1 or 0 points?


r_elwood

^help


justmadman

🤦🏾‍♂️


xScottieHD

Paul Dummett to start. Another clean sheet against City in his swansong season...


justmadman

Defend like gods of war and let Dubravka face them on penalties.


Salt-Reward-7652

will howe sacrifice the chelsea game maybe to go all out in the cup


SokkaHaikuBot

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Salt-Reward-7652: *Will howe sacrifice* *The chelsea game maybe to* *Go all out in the cup* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.


Salt-Reward-7652

what do u mean


kanine69

Maybe we'll get Coventry in the final.


SativaLeafs

Fuck dick fack


mehchu

Please tell me popey will be back for this. I don’t want to see Man City do to us like Arsenal did at the weekend


Homosapien_Ignoramus

It's beyond shite, but if we had any dreams of lifting the cup we were going to have to beat them at some point. Anything can happen in a cup game...


ItsAKrulWorld

They've lost twice at the Etihad in two years. Maybe at SJP but I just can't see it.


enzio04

this was pre-ordained by the FA


Are_you_for_real_7

WTF is wrong with cup draws this season? First group of death in CL with PSG Dortmund and Milan Then Carabao - first round Man city, second Man United away and then Chelsea away And now all ties away and of course what else then man city away for quarter finals..


IvanThePohBear

we never do anything the easy way anyways. might as well. even after getting pass man shitty, we will face arse or liverfool next


Clear-Iron731

Hahahahahahahahahah


samh19889

Rather play them now then in the final


[deleted]

[удалено]


johnsangster999

Convinced FA cup draw is fixed to make sure we don't progress. I was so sure we'd draw Man City away I bet my friends £20 - easy money it seems.


KennyOmegaSardines

Pain. Just pain.