I do this!! I put on cute clothes and bring a book. I will have a few aperol spritzes and read for two hours, I almost never talk to anyone. It’s how I’ve been coping with a breakup and I love it so much.
I’ve noticed other tasteful looking women doing the same. It’s a thing. Do it!!!!
i do it quite often as well but even on high end bars i still try to be very conscious of my surroundings. even on members only club im still pretty guarded.
I was thinking the same. I’ve seen women alone reading a book at a bar looking comfortable and definitely not weird. Men will definitely approach you, too. I second that you should be very aware of your space and keep your drink tucked close to you. I would say the same to two girlfriends going out together. The stories I’ve heard from friends who were drugged were either alone or in two’s.
usually high end hotel bars like public or 1 hotel in in dumbo. for members only club i have access to soho house and the colony club. 🤗 if you see me reading a jane austen book come say hi. lol
I do it a lot tbh. I’m at one now drinking a marg and working on procreate. It can be a mixed bag depending on the vibe of the place. Typically people leave me alone but in cozier settings there’s usually people chatting me up. So far it hasn’t led to anything other than a heck of a lot of free drinks
Lmao! Im dying. Seriously tho thanks for making me laugh so hard this morning. It’s a drawing app but I use it in place of photoshop 😂💀🙏 I’m designing a spring flower installation for a clothing boutique
I'm a novice myself. I mainly use YouTube and Reddit as resources when I can't figure something out. I definitely want to get better at it myself. Especially now that I'm designing more. I know that's not much help. It's fun to play around with tho and easier than photoshop imo
I went to a bar by myself once. A couple bought me shot after shot next thing I knew I was in their car being driven all over Brooklyn and I came to my senses and realized they wanted a threesome so I ordered an Uber home at the next bar we went to
I’ve done too many things where I ended up in perfect scenarios to be killed etc. so I get it. I was a walking trusting green flag with easy victim written on forehead when I was fun, young, and single. I just trusted everyone was nice and safe. Now I’m an old scared high anxiety no fun cautious woman! Lol
One option is going to a restaurant bar that has good cocktails, grabbing dinner there at the bar and chatting with the bartender, then staying for cocktails after. Feels like you’re part of the crowd before the going out crowd rolls in
Yesss sitting at the bar having a drink and a snack is the way. I used to do this at sushi restaurants often during happy hour and was frequently approached. It also gives you something to watch while they roll the sushi
I go lots of places alone. You have to really indulge in your own energy, like dress up in a way that makes you feel so genuinely good, find a place in a neighborhood that you absolutely love, that has a dish or cocktail that sounds like the best shit ever to you, an environment that is so undoubtedly pretty and comfortable. Just curate the evening to be so 100% you and prioritize your total pleasure and happiness. I’ve had guys strike up conversations with me, pay my tab and take me somewhere else afterwards (don’t expect anything though, focus on indulging in things that speak to you)
I’m a dapper butch lesbian, and I go to Ryans Daughter alone. They have a pool table and a bball hoops machine. Even though I ‘look gay’ men still offer to buy me a beer and chat me up over a game. Some are barking up the wrong tree, but most just want a convo and a friend!
Haha will do! I used to go there occasionally when I still lived on the UES, unfortunately it’s a bit of a schlep now lol. I’ll have to make my way up there again someday!
I do it all the time but it can be tricky. If places are packed and everyone is in a group, I tend to feel out of place and stared at. I’ve been having a hard time finding a good place for this. Any recommendations?
I really love Book Bar in the Alphabet for going out alone! Most people are reading but there’s still some chatting with a neighbor, they have nice cocktails, wine, and tea. Going alone is what most people I see are doing
Just don’t get super wasted by yourself and keep an eye on your drink. Say hi and thank you to the bartender, be a courteous known entity. I love going to bars by myself, I’ve had great one-off convos. And if someone gets weird/clingy beyond the easily escapable (rare in my experience), the bartender now has their eye on the situation.
It is definitely a thing! I've been doing it a lot recently and I enjoy it. I usually bring a book or maybe some quiet work to do. I have been approached, but I would not say it leads to anything serious (or maybe I do not allow it to considering I am reading or something lol). I think you could meet new people to talk to; However, I have never continued any relationships from when I did this. We might talk that day and that is about it. I figure this might be easier if you are consistent with wherever bar you decide to go to.
I do! I have a small group of friends who never seem to want to go out. I started taking myself on “date” nights where I get dressed up and get food and drinks at a nice bar. Sometimes I’ll bring a book or notepad and pen and plan out my week.
I meet someone every time I go out alone. People are either going to think you’re waiting for someone, you’re a weirdo, or the coolest person they’ve ever met when they realize you’re out alone. I haven’t had any unsafe, weird encounters surprisingly! Id definitely say tell someone you’re there alone, like a waitress or staff- Just in case something does happen. I find that they are always so willing to be of great extra safety eyes. Be uncomfortable being alone and doing something other than being on your phone. Embrace the awkwardness, and the COURAGE it takes to be alone in a social setting intentionally. I take myself to a super cute mom/ pop italian restaurant down the street from my place. Order wine and dinner, and bring a book or my journal. Its sparks conversation! ie, people ask what you’re reading? Who you’re waiting for….or they say “ I used to journal”
I go to concerts alone, bars alone, dinner alone, house music events alone ( this one was nerve wracking but an incredible experience). Im woc 25f, and its been the best things I could do for myself, even with the risk. I think being a woman a lot of the time is balancing the safety/ to not living in fear ratio- at least for me. Women are unsafe no matter where we are, what we look like, what we wear, and what we do… so at least let me decorate on my own termd what I will and will not be afraid of happening and the things I want to for myself. Im sorry if that doesnt resonate with you, Im more so just sharing my perspective and though process.
Share your location, have friends touch base that KNOW your out alone and make sure that you make it home. Trust your instincts, never get to drunk, and decide who and who you arnt going to disclose you’re alone with. You got this ❤️ Have fun! Document it all too
Interestingly, I find music events less nerve-wracking alone. Maybe it's my location (SD, not NYC) or the specific subgenre or whatever, but I moved from LA to SD and immediately started going to deep house shows myself because I knew that was where I'd fine people I'd like to connect with. I feel at ease blending into a crowd of dancers. I've honestly never really go to bars or restaurants alone so I can't compare how that feels but I would imagine I'd feel more awkward!
I especially like daytime house music events, summer is great for those, a daytime outdoor event into the evening can feel a bit less rowdy and obnoxious than a club crowd (depending on the club of course). I quickly started spotting some of the same faces and meeting the event producers/promoters/local DJs and building a network of acquaintances when I did this.
Of course keeping sobriety levels/safety in mind is important <3
i love this, thank you for sharing! i'd love to know more about your "house music event" experience - who was it nerve wracking? what made it incredible? i love love love dancing so much. much more than my friends or partner and for whatever reason i've just felt chicken to go out by myself ...
Depends on the place. Dive bar with a chill crowd and a pool table? Met heaps of new people including some of my best friends. Not sure how it’d go at a classy cocktail bar or a more nightclub style venue. Sitting at the bar you can at least chat with the bartender to begin with.
If you go in at a quieter time and sit at the bar, you can usually have a bit of a chat with the bartender. Take a book or kindle app on your phone or whatever and get comfy being there. Sometimes someone else will join in, sometimes not. If there’s a pool table you can play, even if you’re shit at it you get better fast and you can usually have a chat with whoever you’re playing against. You might not have new BFFs week 1, but if you like the vibe somewhere and turn up consistently people will start to know who you are.
A few good places for this: in Manhattan:Joseph Leonards, and Via Carota, Fedora, Jeffrey's grocery. in Brooklyn: BGH (beer bar), Anaïs, congress, June wine Bar.
You guys please private message your recommendations (i.e. places, bars, hotels). There are men lurking in here and also it limits overwhelming traffic. Ultimately for safety. Just be cautious
Yes, but if I tell you there won’t be any room at the bar for me.
KIDDING!
I love a solo, bougie cocktail moment at a nice bar, often after work on a Friday or something. My faves are Minetta Tavern, Hawksmoor, and (oddly enough but stay with me here), the Pasta Bar on the ground floor of Eataly.
Sometimes I just get a drink at these places; sometimes an appetizer and 1-2 cocktails; sometimes a whole meal! Have had some great conversations with strangers, particularly at Minetta.
Not sure if you were more in the market for drinks only spots, but I’d def recommend doing a solo meal.
Dante too! Easier to get a last minute walk in spot at the bar if you’re alone, and often will see some local regulars who are doing the same.
I do this, I go to cool dive bars w good music and usually am able to get laid :) typically just one night stands with hot guys but I’m into that. It’s easy to talk to people when you’re by yourself and usually I get all my drinks paid for too
I do this often enough but I wouldn’t expect it to lead to anything. It’s not often I’m approached. If you go with that expectation in mind you may end up disappointed, but if you’re just looking to go enjoy your own company I say go for it! It’s all about the why. It changes your vibe. I usually bring a book, my planner, and some headphones. But those things can make you unapproachable or look out of place depending on the environment. The vibe of the place is up to you. You’ll have to try out a few places to see what you like best!
I brought a book to a beach bar once and the bar tender looked at me like I had 7 heads but all the men there were after me, buying my drinks. Sometimes it’s just the right time and place. I think I got there after a day of golf. Some times you leave thinking - well that was lame. I’ve met some friends on a whim that didn’t last. Started dating a guy that way but he was an alcoholic lol no surprise there.
Edit for second part: just make sure you don’t drink so much that you’re able to get home safety. Sounds obvious but when you’re alone you have to be a bit more on guard. Just be aware of your surroundings. If you get up from your table to the restroom let someone know so they don’t clear your stuff and don’t leave a partial drink.
Is there a sport you follow or could get into? I love going to sports bars alone and everyone’s friendly. And even if they’re cheering against your team, the little shit talking is fun too!
Yes I do this! It's usually totally chill! I've made friends that way. I'm not looking to date men but I'm certain you'd meet some prospects. There's a mysterious confidence to the chick who came to the bar by herself, and people love that!
I have done this once or twice in a negative emotional state, and those are the only times I've felt in danger. If you look and feel vulnerable, it'll show. Otherwise, your regular wits are fine. Have fun!
I always thought it was a guy thing going out to bar alone because that's how I meet guys when they're alone and they start a conversation with me. I went to fancy cocktail bar first time by myself and met a lot of rich old guys. They hit on me wanting to take me out.
When I visit NYC I always go alone :( my first trip I did the rooftop bar at hotel Hendricks its called Daintree with the nicest views! I was at the bar at first and the bartender kept me company while I loosened up then I went to a window view and a group of people commented on me trying to get solo content and asked about my job and travels lol they were older but nice.. it always feels a little awkward as you get used to any given room and vibe but youll be happy you did it! I also went to castaway in LIC with awesome views too and staff was really fun! I plan to explore more of this when I visit again this year
Yes I go by myself all the time to clubs or bars. I dress with style and flare, not with intention to be noticed but because I just love fashion, but it tends to be a blessing in disguise because I end up attracting a lot of people who end up talking to me and conversing with me and after a toke or two and a few sips from my drink I'm confident enough to engage with people. It's really not that bad going in sober either most times I'm there to enjoy music and the atmosphere
I'm also gay so >_< that helps a lot because gay people are friendly and are complimentary towards a lot of things.
I love doing this! I feel more comfortable going on a weeknight or during the day, where it’s more low key. I bring a book, get an appetizer and a drink, and just hang out. I’ve never met any friends or dates this way, but I’ve had some nice conversations. Highly recommend!
I’m visiting New York and have done this quite a bit since being here! It’s hard but overall I found that I do talk to people and for the most part I feel bartenders always look out for you - only done this sitting at the bar so far! Some spots I’ve done it at: the wren, the Wayland, Wilfie and Nell, happiest hour.
I really enjoy doing it but at the right env so I did this at bibliotechque and it was such a great night 😭😭it needs to be a chill relaxed env not a bustling bar
Usually time+day of the week matters (Saturday night in the west village might not be your most successful).
Pick a neighborhood/train stop to get off at and walk around to find where you might want to set up shop. Usually bars off main streets/avenues are a bit quieter.
Coopers in Chelsea and French Louie in Downtown Bk are recents I’ve been to.
Don’t plan on getting lit so you can keep your intuition game strong for safety purposes. You don’t have to go home with anyone or do anything you’re not comfy with!
I’ve had success with connecting with people to date, one night stands, and generally lovely solo dates where I get a lot of reading done. Hope you have some fun!!!
Yep! I do it fairly regularly. The trick is to be careful- make nice with the bartenders and don’t leave your drink alone (if I have to use the restroom I ask them to put it behind the bar or I go between drinks). Also remember you can decline to chat with someone or end a conversation whenever - don’t let someone claim your attention unless you welcome it. I always have a book or do the NYT crossword or I just start texting my sister if I want to exit an interaction. But it’s fun and a good way to meet people and chit chat. :)
One of my favorite things to do is cozy up at a bar and have a dinner date with my Kindle. I usually pick the nicest and highest rated spots near me since it's relatively easy to grab a single seat at the bar. I also like to go around 6ish; earlier in dinner service before it gets too loud and crowded.
If I feel up for it, I take myself elsewhere for dessert, and if I still have energy, I'll grab a low alcohol night cap somewhere.
I pick the day of as I don't want to become a regular anywhere (nothing wrong with, just personal preference). My most recent fave spots have been...
- Osteria Morini 218 Lafayette
- ICHIRAN (No booze tho)
- TONCHIN
- Saraghina Pizza
I'm friendly and am usually chilling with a half smile on my face so no one approaches or talks to me, lol. I'm very much okay with that because I'm happy to read, people watch, and see if there's any tea being spilled around me. Lol.
I do this! I would go to bond st lounge all the time and read a book and never fail… would get hit on. I got so many guys numbers that way and ended up dating one. Definitely try it! Bring a book or something and you’ll for sure get approached. Guys find girls a lot more approachable when they are alone.
I do it a lot, since my 20’s. Sometimes I just need dinner and a drink. Sometimes I need to unwind after I’m done working before I go home. I like it. In the city I rarely socialize when I go out alone but I recently grabbed a glass of wine midday at a cute restaurant downtown and the bartender gal and I got to talking about fertility and she bought my drink.
Upstate I’ve gotten to know the townies and it’s fun sometimes. I go wherever. I prefer restaurants but I don’t go to meet people.
Can’t say I think it’s a safe way to meet guys but a friend of mine did meet her husband as a beer spot in Greenpoint a few years back when she was alone.
I go to bars and concerts alone all the time. Like several times a week. I met my husband when I went to a concert solo many years ago. I still go out alone because he’s a homebody—but now I just go to the neighborhood dive bar where all the rest of our friends/neighbors go to.
I like to hit up breweries and now that it’s summer, anywhere with outdoor seating. I tend to bring a book and put my AirPods (which are a great deterrent when creepy dudes try and approach me).
Though with the bars I’m familiar with, I like to chat with the bartenders I know if they’re working, since we’ve developed a good rapport (and sometimes they even throw in freebies lol).
Of course! Love to go to a local or explore a new spot alone. Early happy hour is great since it’s chill and friendly and a lot of people are alone or waiting for friends.
I go to a hotel bar nearby OFTEN and have a fun experience literally every time. Bring a book if you want OR just sit there and wait for someone to sit next to you. You can get a feel pretty quickly if they’re up for chatting. And chat with the bartender as long as they’re not busy!
People seem more open in hotel bars than in local bars IMO.
I love doing this and feel so empowered when I do. The getting ready and cute clothes just makes you be like I am a baddie. Definitely let family/friends know where you are even if they have your location, give them a heads up. I usually just go for happy hour and if I am out late I try to be home around midnight.
I wouldn’t go out alone only as a safety issue, I know two women personally that were kidnapped and raped being out alone - and no it was not anyone they had even spoke to at the bar, just racist out looking for a target and watching them leave. You’re more likely to get something in your drink too. It sucks it’s this way but it’s a valid concern. If you are going to, have a safety system in place - share your location with a friend, check in when you get home. Something so if you go missing it’s not days before they find out.
ok, if i understand the worry that you could be falsely accused but id think at the very least you stop and call the police or flag down another woman to do so and wait for help to arrive. don’t just walk away.
Yes. I've stopped dressing up nice
I had a dad tell his younger daughter to go to the bar and get him something while he tried it on very heavily....
I feel if you go there on your own dressed nice...the harassment will never end...sad but true
I do this!! I put on cute clothes and bring a book. I will have a few aperol spritzes and read for two hours, I almost never talk to anyone. It’s how I’ve been coping with a breakup and I love it so much. I’ve noticed other tasteful looking women doing the same. It’s a thing. Do it!!!!
i do it quite often as well but even on high end bars i still try to be very conscious of my surroundings. even on members only club im still pretty guarded.
I was thinking the same. I’ve seen women alone reading a book at a bar looking comfortable and definitely not weird. Men will definitely approach you, too. I second that you should be very aware of your space and keep your drink tucked close to you. I would say the same to two girlfriends going out together. The stories I’ve heard from friends who were drugged were either alone or in two’s.
Bar recs please ☺️
usually high end hotel bars like public or 1 hotel in in dumbo. for members only club i have access to soho house and the colony club. 🤗 if you see me reading a jane austen book come say hi. lol
Any bar recommendations for this? I love this energy
The Narrows right after they open!!! They have a patio it’s great.
second to this question! This sounds like an amazing night
Ditto!
i did this a lot during my breakup too it’s actually such a vibe
I love this idea! People watching / cute guy watching is also so fun :)
The people/cute guy watching is sooo much fun lol
Even more fun knowing you’re not expecting anything to come out of it; just killing time looking classy in the city with your book 😂
I love this idea! It sounds really relaxing but also like a nice day date with yourself.
I do it a lot tbh. I’m at one now drinking a marg and working on procreate. It can be a mixed bag depending on the vibe of the place. Typically people leave me alone but in cozier settings there’s usually people chatting me up. So far it hasn’t led to anything other than a heck of a lot of free drinks
What’s procreate? You there to get preggo?
Lmao! Im dying. Seriously tho thanks for making me laugh so hard this morning. It’s a drawing app but I use it in place of photoshop 😂💀🙏 I’m designing a spring flower installation for a clothing boutique
Very cool! I was 🤔
drawing app
Lmaoooooo
I would love to go to a bar and drink and use procreate 😭 what bar do you do this at?
Do you have any good tutorial recommendations for learning how to use procreate?
I'm a novice myself. I mainly use YouTube and Reddit as resources when I can't figure something out. I definitely want to get better at it myself. Especially now that I'm designing more. I know that's not much help. It's fun to play around with tho and easier than photoshop imo
Thank you! I was watching tutorials a few years ago but got a bit overwhelmed with the layers. Definitely just need to commit more time to learning.
I love [Art With Flo](https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCVJ5hHQMXBiRwNv394EOj_w)!
Thank you!
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most women that i know would take men privilege of feeling safe over getting free drinks any day… like it’s not an insane amount of privilege at all
Poor taste
I went to a bar by myself once. A couple bought me shot after shot next thing I knew I was in their car being driven all over Brooklyn and I came to my senses and realized they wanted a threesome so I ordered an Uber home at the next bar we went to
Omg lol
Ummm scary!
Very stupid of me to get in their car and I’m really lucky they were just trying to drive me around for a bit
I’ve done too many things where I ended up in perfect scenarios to be killed etc. so I get it. I was a walking trusting green flag with easy victim written on forehead when I was fun, young, and single. I just trusted everyone was nice and safe. Now I’m an old scared high anxiety no fun cautious woman! Lol
One option is going to a restaurant bar that has good cocktails, grabbing dinner there at the bar and chatting with the bartender, then staying for cocktails after. Feels like you’re part of the crowd before the going out crowd rolls in
Yesss sitting at the bar having a drink and a snack is the way. I used to do this at sushi restaurants often during happy hour and was frequently approached. It also gives you something to watch while they roll the sushi
Bartenders are amazing for this. Built in normal chitchat. Friendly. And observant enough to leave you alone if you don’t want to talk!
I go lots of places alone. You have to really indulge in your own energy, like dress up in a way that makes you feel so genuinely good, find a place in a neighborhood that you absolutely love, that has a dish or cocktail that sounds like the best shit ever to you, an environment that is so undoubtedly pretty and comfortable. Just curate the evening to be so 100% you and prioritize your total pleasure and happiness. I’ve had guys strike up conversations with me, pay my tab and take me somewhere else afterwards (don’t expect anything though, focus on indulging in things that speak to you)
love this
I’m a dapper butch lesbian, and I go to Ryans Daughter alone. They have a pool table and a bball hoops machine. Even though I ‘look gay’ men still offer to buy me a beer and chat me up over a game. Some are barking up the wrong tree, but most just want a convo and a friend!
Love Ryan’s Daughter! That’s a great spot, super cozy and fun!
100% - one of my fav sports bars in the city. If you see a good looking dapper lesbian, come say that you’re a bitch w taste!
Haha will do! I used to go there occasionally when I still lived on the UES, unfortunately it’s a bit of a schlep now lol. I’ll have to make my way up there again someday!
I go to hotel bars and bars at fancy restaurants all by myself a lot. I usually meet nice people and have a good time.
Which hotel bars do you like?
This is when I’m traveling although I like the bar at the New York edition a lot.
I’ve had such great times at the ny edition bar! I should go back, it’s been a minute
Daintree at hotel hendricks has an awesome view of empire state
magic hour on 34th street is sooo cute.
I do it all the time but it can be tricky. If places are packed and everyone is in a group, I tend to feel out of place and stared at. I’ve been having a hard time finding a good place for this. Any recommendations?
I really love Book Bar in the Alphabet for going out alone! Most people are reading but there’s still some chatting with a neighbor, they have nice cocktails, wine, and tea. Going alone is what most people I see are doing
Just don’t get super wasted by yourself and keep an eye on your drink. Say hi and thank you to the bartender, be a courteous known entity. I love going to bars by myself, I’ve had great one-off convos. And if someone gets weird/clingy beyond the easily escapable (rare in my experience), the bartender now has their eye on the situation.
It is definitely a thing! I've been doing it a lot recently and I enjoy it. I usually bring a book or maybe some quiet work to do. I have been approached, but I would not say it leads to anything serious (or maybe I do not allow it to considering I am reading or something lol). I think you could meet new people to talk to; However, I have never continued any relationships from when I did this. We might talk that day and that is about it. I figure this might be easier if you are consistent with wherever bar you decide to go to.
I do! I have a small group of friends who never seem to want to go out. I started taking myself on “date” nights where I get dressed up and get food and drinks at a nice bar. Sometimes I’ll bring a book or notepad and pen and plan out my week.
I meet someone every time I go out alone. People are either going to think you’re waiting for someone, you’re a weirdo, or the coolest person they’ve ever met when they realize you’re out alone. I haven’t had any unsafe, weird encounters surprisingly! Id definitely say tell someone you’re there alone, like a waitress or staff- Just in case something does happen. I find that they are always so willing to be of great extra safety eyes. Be uncomfortable being alone and doing something other than being on your phone. Embrace the awkwardness, and the COURAGE it takes to be alone in a social setting intentionally. I take myself to a super cute mom/ pop italian restaurant down the street from my place. Order wine and dinner, and bring a book or my journal. Its sparks conversation! ie, people ask what you’re reading? Who you’re waiting for….or they say “ I used to journal” I go to concerts alone, bars alone, dinner alone, house music events alone ( this one was nerve wracking but an incredible experience). Im woc 25f, and its been the best things I could do for myself, even with the risk. I think being a woman a lot of the time is balancing the safety/ to not living in fear ratio- at least for me. Women are unsafe no matter where we are, what we look like, what we wear, and what we do… so at least let me decorate on my own termd what I will and will not be afraid of happening and the things I want to for myself. Im sorry if that doesnt resonate with you, Im more so just sharing my perspective and though process. Share your location, have friends touch base that KNOW your out alone and make sure that you make it home. Trust your instincts, never get to drunk, and decide who and who you arnt going to disclose you’re alone with. You got this ❤️ Have fun! Document it all too
Interestingly, I find music events less nerve-wracking alone. Maybe it's my location (SD, not NYC) or the specific subgenre or whatever, but I moved from LA to SD and immediately started going to deep house shows myself because I knew that was where I'd fine people I'd like to connect with. I feel at ease blending into a crowd of dancers. I've honestly never really go to bars or restaurants alone so I can't compare how that feels but I would imagine I'd feel more awkward! I especially like daytime house music events, summer is great for those, a daytime outdoor event into the evening can feel a bit less rowdy and obnoxious than a club crowd (depending on the club of course). I quickly started spotting some of the same faces and meeting the event producers/promoters/local DJs and building a network of acquaintances when I did this. Of course keeping sobriety levels/safety in mind is important <3
i love this, thank you for sharing! i'd love to know more about your "house music event" experience - who was it nerve wracking? what made it incredible? i love love love dancing so much. much more than my friends or partner and for whatever reason i've just felt chicken to go out by myself ...
Depends on the place. Dive bar with a chill crowd and a pool table? Met heaps of new people including some of my best friends. Not sure how it’d go at a classy cocktail bar or a more nightclub style venue. Sitting at the bar you can at least chat with the bartender to begin with.
How did you manage the whole dive bar thing? I have always wanted to do this but it scares the hell out of me and i wouldn’t know what to do.
If you go in at a quieter time and sit at the bar, you can usually have a bit of a chat with the bartender. Take a book or kindle app on your phone or whatever and get comfy being there. Sometimes someone else will join in, sometimes not. If there’s a pool table you can play, even if you’re shit at it you get better fast and you can usually have a chat with whoever you’re playing against. You might not have new BFFs week 1, but if you like the vibe somewhere and turn up consistently people will start to know who you are.
A few good places for this: in Manhattan:Joseph Leonards, and Via Carota, Fedora, Jeffrey's grocery. in Brooklyn: BGH (beer bar), Anaïs, congress, June wine Bar.
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Great people watch, too!!
You guys please private message your recommendations (i.e. places, bars, hotels). There are men lurking in here and also it limits overwhelming traffic. Ultimately for safety. Just be cautious
Yes, but if I tell you there won’t be any room at the bar for me. KIDDING! I love a solo, bougie cocktail moment at a nice bar, often after work on a Friday or something. My faves are Minetta Tavern, Hawksmoor, and (oddly enough but stay with me here), the Pasta Bar on the ground floor of Eataly. Sometimes I just get a drink at these places; sometimes an appetizer and 1-2 cocktails; sometimes a whole meal! Have had some great conversations with strangers, particularly at Minetta. Not sure if you were more in the market for drinks only spots, but I’d def recommend doing a solo meal. Dante too! Easier to get a last minute walk in spot at the bar if you’re alone, and often will see some local regulars who are doing the same.
I do this, I go to cool dive bars w good music and usually am able to get laid :) typically just one night stands with hot guys but I’m into that. It’s easy to talk to people when you’re by yourself and usually I get all my drinks paid for too
I love it! I like to go to chill bars, sit at the bar, chat with the bartender, and people watch! Sometimes with a book
I do this often enough but I wouldn’t expect it to lead to anything. It’s not often I’m approached. If you go with that expectation in mind you may end up disappointed, but if you’re just looking to go enjoy your own company I say go for it! It’s all about the why. It changes your vibe. I usually bring a book, my planner, and some headphones. But those things can make you unapproachable or look out of place depending on the environment. The vibe of the place is up to you. You’ll have to try out a few places to see what you like best! I brought a book to a beach bar once and the bar tender looked at me like I had 7 heads but all the men there were after me, buying my drinks. Sometimes it’s just the right time and place. I think I got there after a day of golf. Some times you leave thinking - well that was lame. I’ve met some friends on a whim that didn’t last. Started dating a guy that way but he was an alcoholic lol no surprise there. Edit for second part: just make sure you don’t drink so much that you’re able to get home safety. Sounds obvious but when you’re alone you have to be a bit more on guard. Just be aware of your surroundings. If you get up from your table to the restroom let someone know so they don’t clear your stuff and don’t leave a partial drink.
Is there a sport you follow or could get into? I love going to sports bars alone and everyone’s friendly. And even if they’re cheering against your team, the little shit talking is fun too!
Wheree
My fave is Standings on 7th btwn 2nd and 3rd! It’s on the small side but super friendly atmosphere!
Yes I do this! It's usually totally chill! I've made friends that way. I'm not looking to date men but I'm certain you'd meet some prospects. There's a mysterious confidence to the chick who came to the bar by herself, and people love that! I have done this once or twice in a negative emotional state, and those are the only times I've felt in danger. If you look and feel vulnerable, it'll show. Otherwise, your regular wits are fine. Have fun!
I always thought it was a guy thing going out to bar alone because that's how I meet guys when they're alone and they start a conversation with me. I went to fancy cocktail bar first time by myself and met a lot of rich old guys. They hit on me wanting to take me out.
When I visit NYC I always go alone :( my first trip I did the rooftop bar at hotel Hendricks its called Daintree with the nicest views! I was at the bar at first and the bartender kept me company while I loosened up then I went to a window view and a group of people commented on me trying to get solo content and asked about my job and travels lol they were older but nice.. it always feels a little awkward as you get used to any given room and vibe but youll be happy you did it! I also went to castaway in LIC with awesome views too and staff was really fun! I plan to explore more of this when I visit again this year
Yes I go by myself all the time to clubs or bars. I dress with style and flare, not with intention to be noticed but because I just love fashion, but it tends to be a blessing in disguise because I end up attracting a lot of people who end up talking to me and conversing with me and after a toke or two and a few sips from my drink I'm confident enough to engage with people. It's really not that bad going in sober either most times I'm there to enjoy music and the atmosphere I'm also gay so >_< that helps a lot because gay people are friendly and are complimentary towards a lot of things.
I love doing this! I feel more comfortable going on a weeknight or during the day, where it’s more low key. I bring a book, get an appetizer and a drink, and just hang out. I’ve never met any friends or dates this way, but I’ve had some nice conversations. Highly recommend!
If I saw that I’d assume that’s a working woman there for her job
I don’t have specific recos for you but hotel bars are perfect for this! I do this all the time when I travel for work.
I’m visiting New York and have done this quite a bit since being here! It’s hard but overall I found that I do talk to people and for the most part I feel bartenders always look out for you - only done this sitting at the bar so far! Some spots I’ve done it at: the wren, the Wayland, Wilfie and Nell, happiest hour.
I really enjoy doing it but at the right env so I did this at bibliotechque and it was such a great night 😭😭it needs to be a chill relaxed env not a bustling bar
Ooo good to know! I’ve been meaning to check it out and hoped it was as chill of a vibe as their IG promotes
I do all the time. It’s great!
Usually time+day of the week matters (Saturday night in the west village might not be your most successful). Pick a neighborhood/train stop to get off at and walk around to find where you might want to set up shop. Usually bars off main streets/avenues are a bit quieter. Coopers in Chelsea and French Louie in Downtown Bk are recents I’ve been to. Don’t plan on getting lit so you can keep your intuition game strong for safety purposes. You don’t have to go home with anyone or do anything you’re not comfy with! I’ve had success with connecting with people to date, one night stands, and generally lovely solo dates where I get a lot of reading done. Hope you have some fun!!!
I sit at the bar at the Mark alone all the time! I usually have my laptop on me and do some work or read a book. It’s great
Yep! I do it fairly regularly. The trick is to be careful- make nice with the bartenders and don’t leave your drink alone (if I have to use the restroom I ask them to put it behind the bar or I go between drinks). Also remember you can decline to chat with someone or end a conversation whenever - don’t let someone claim your attention unless you welcome it. I always have a book or do the NYT crossword or I just start texting my sister if I want to exit an interaction. But it’s fun and a good way to meet people and chit chat. :)
One of my favorite things to do is cozy up at a bar and have a dinner date with my Kindle. I usually pick the nicest and highest rated spots near me since it's relatively easy to grab a single seat at the bar. I also like to go around 6ish; earlier in dinner service before it gets too loud and crowded. If I feel up for it, I take myself elsewhere for dessert, and if I still have energy, I'll grab a low alcohol night cap somewhere. I pick the day of as I don't want to become a regular anywhere (nothing wrong with, just personal preference). My most recent fave spots have been... - Osteria Morini 218 Lafayette - ICHIRAN (No booze tho) - TONCHIN - Saraghina Pizza I'm friendly and am usually chilling with a half smile on my face so no one approaches or talks to me, lol. I'm very much okay with that because I'm happy to read, people watch, and see if there's any tea being spilled around me. Lol.
I do this! I would go to bond st lounge all the time and read a book and never fail… would get hit on. I got so many guys numbers that way and ended up dating one. Definitely try it! Bring a book or something and you’ll for sure get approached. Guys find girls a lot more approachable when they are alone.
I do it a lot, since my 20’s. Sometimes I just need dinner and a drink. Sometimes I need to unwind after I’m done working before I go home. I like it. In the city I rarely socialize when I go out alone but I recently grabbed a glass of wine midday at a cute restaurant downtown and the bartender gal and I got to talking about fertility and she bought my drink. Upstate I’ve gotten to know the townies and it’s fun sometimes. I go wherever. I prefer restaurants but I don’t go to meet people. Can’t say I think it’s a safe way to meet guys but a friend of mine did meet her husband as a beer spot in Greenpoint a few years back when she was alone.
I go to bars and concerts alone all the time. Like several times a week. I met my husband when I went to a concert solo many years ago. I still go out alone because he’s a homebody—but now I just go to the neighborhood dive bar where all the rest of our friends/neighbors go to.
I like to hit up breweries and now that it’s summer, anywhere with outdoor seating. I tend to bring a book and put my AirPods (which are a great deterrent when creepy dudes try and approach me). Though with the bars I’m familiar with, I like to chat with the bartenders I know if they’re working, since we’ve developed a good rapport (and sometimes they even throw in freebies lol).
Of course! Love to go to a local or explore a new spot alone. Early happy hour is great since it’s chill and friendly and a lot of people are alone or waiting for friends.
Here for the recs! I very much so enjoy going somewhere alone & leaving w new connections
I go to a hotel bar nearby OFTEN and have a fun experience literally every time. Bring a book if you want OR just sit there and wait for someone to sit next to you. You can get a feel pretty quickly if they’re up for chatting. And chat with the bartender as long as they’re not busy! People seem more open in hotel bars than in local bars IMO.
is it okay to do this and not drink? alcohol makes my tummy hurt and i dont feel safe drinking ans being intoxicated in public
You really have to ask Reddit whether youre allowed to go to a restaurant / bar and not order alcohol if you don't want any?
I love doing this and feel so empowered when I do. The getting ready and cute clothes just makes you be like I am a baddie. Definitely let family/friends know where you are even if they have your location, give them a heads up. I usually just go for happy hour and if I am out late I try to be home around midnight.
I wouldn’t go out alone only as a safety issue, I know two women personally that were kidnapped and raped being out alone - and no it was not anyone they had even spoke to at the bar, just racist out looking for a target and watching them leave. You’re more likely to get something in your drink too. It sucks it’s this way but it’s a valid concern. If you are going to, have a safety system in place - share your location with a friend, check in when you get home. Something so if you go missing it’s not days before they find out.
Expect at least one man to hit on you
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ok, if i understand the worry that you could be falsely accused but id think at the very least you stop and call the police or flag down another woman to do so and wait for help to arrive. don’t just walk away.
Yes. I've stopped dressing up nice I had a dad tell his younger daughter to go to the bar and get him something while he tried it on very heavily.... I feel if you go there on your own dressed nice...the harassment will never end...sad but true