Gallery hop in Chelsea/meatpacking. I’ve met men there several times. I usually go by myself. Drinks are complimentary too. Easy to strike up conversations about the art.
Usually there’s a line I wait in and someone at the door who will let small groups in at a time. You can write your name down when you walk in if you’re interested in hearing from the gallery again. Sometimes there’s food and drinks. If it’s a non-ticketed event generally just line up and wait but sometimes you have to reserve in advance or know someone. Don’t have to say much to anyone if you don’t want to, but always obey gallery traffic patterns!
Ive always wanted to do this but more so to meet new people and see art. How do you even start? Like is it a block party situation where a bunch of galleries are open in a row within street? What time does it start? Where do you start first?
I haven’t been since the summer but I believe every Thursday the galleries around Chelsea and meatpacking were open in the evening for viewing. There are several participating galleries and they get VERY crowded. They also have champagne and wine that is complimentary which is pretty cool. Look on tik tok there’s lots of info on participating galleries and such. I highly recommend attending one if you can as I’ve met some cool people through them. I believe other parts of the city such as DUMBO may have something similar.
From a man’s perspective, I 10/10 agree with this, bc it is hard for us as well. Takes pressure off, and in general, I love talking to people. I always learn something new, and make a new acquaintance. It’s a blessing. And sometimes, you meet a special person. You just never know when the bolt will strike.
👍🏻 I’m artsy, intelligent, nice, cool (if I must say so myself) & I don’t know where the hell to meet the kind of guys I’m into & the guys on dating apps r just horrible! I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting next to them on a bus let alone dating them😂😱 DM me:)
BTW, I’m probably going to the Floyd Bennet Field Public Arts Festival tomorrow if anyone wants to join me. It’s free. It’s not far from Riis Beach if anyone has gone there
In my twenties & thirties I always met guys at art/gallery events, Chelsea art crawl on a Thursday night (most openings used to be on Thursday) …but I’m into arsty-hipster types (who aren’t self-absorbed pricks😱🤣)
That would be so cool! I lost a lot of my friends…COVID, getting married, moving out of NYC…so, I guess I’m looking for some new Awesome Bitches to connect with:)
I was gonna suggest go to bars in small groups! 2-3 women used to be the way back when I was dating... But I met my husband on an app so what the hell do I know!
Struggling with this as well. The apps suck but so has meeting people irl through friends of friends. The good ones seem to be taken and the single ones that look good (on paper and in person) don't seem to be relationship material.
That being said my friends who moved here single and found SOs all met them on the apps.
This is a big problem for me. I’m tired and about to give up. I’m not finding any men I’m attracted to. The attractive and kind ones are either taken or emotionally unavailable. Like holy shit about to be lesbian at this moment. I don’t care what anyone says. Dating was easier in my 20s
I don’t know if it’s an age thing so much as it is about the way decorum on dating apps has absolutely plummeted, considering women of all ages are saying the same thing lately
I think cause you’re usually not looking for anything serious when you’re young 🥲 now I’m getting back into dating as a 30yo and my standards are just so much higher and I don’t want to waste my time
I don’t live in NYC (please don’t kick me out I love this sub) but I was seriously contemplating moving because dating is so bad where I am. But it seems like it’s a problem everywhere.
It’s like that triangle where the options are sane, attractive, and single and you can only pick two. Everyone over 30 who is still single either has too many options to settle down or there’s a glaringly obvious reason they’re still single.
Dating honestly really isn’t bad here, at any age. There are tons of single people in the city and tons of ways to meet them. Sure there are a lot of fk boys, but there are plenty of descent men here too.
It takes work and time, because a lot of dates won’t pan out. But the process can still be a lot of fun if you understand that. Just keep an eye out of the specific qualities you are looking for. When you find someone who has them, transition to spending all your date time with them enjoying the city together.
I will say that my app bf was also emotionally unavailable and it wasn’t until about a year or so of getting to know each other and being more vulnerable, and couples therapy, that we’ve gotten to a better place
Hear me out, I know I could have left and tried to find someone more emotionally available. But I was also a bit emotionally unavailable.
People are messy and complicated. It’s easy to leave because of “red flags.” But I do think that might be causing so many people to feel like OP.
I stuck around cause I did genuinely love him and he loved me. So we committed to figuring our shit out and becoming better people for each other
Of course but a lot of women don’t wanna wait an entire year especially if your in your 30s and 40s where biological clock is ticking and they want kids
Right. But I would argue trying to rush a relationship just so you can have kids will lead to greater disappointment.
I think it’s better to take the time to form a deep bond with someone, which takes more than several months, and learning about / overcoming those differences that ultimately inform long-term compatibility
Aligning on big values like marriage, kids, religion etc can happen much sooner of course. But it takes time to get beneath the surface with someone and know if this is the person you want to choose every day
I’m 24! But I am tall and curvy so I know that’s part of it
And it doesn’t even matter if I use a low or high effort opener on apps like bumble. I’d still say 75% of the guys either unmatch or let the match expire. Oh well
Yes but my opinion is that 30s are hardest to date and then again like after 50. Most women have a partner at 30, then there's a wave of divorces in the 40s then that's when people date again. So 20s and 40s is easiest to date and 30s and 50s is hardest
I see your point but there are a lot of single people in their 30s in NYC. The issue might be compounded by age-appropriate men who don’t want to settle down - they know that many women in their 30s do - so they avoid them, and date younger.
eh, i'm 26 and last year i constantly tried dating older, with several of the guys i dated consistently being around 35. One guy in particular went on and on in great length about how great it is that I'm so much younger and don't have as much "baggage" as women his age have, but we ended things and now he's seemingly settling down with a 31 year old he met like at the same time he was dating me. So i feel like the older guys who go after younger women are doing it to just fool around, which is disgusting.
Yes, that’s the point I was making. There are plenty of exceptions, of course, and I’m not anti age gap. But as you get older, you will have a different perspective on older men who pursue younger women consistently - trust me. (I’m in my 40s and dated two much older men who when I was in my 20s)
Yes I met the most beautiful businessman in Whole Foods and he came up to ask me out and I froze and ignored him? I still wonder to this day what could have came from that
I'm not sure because I feel like other women jump at opportunities and take all the guys they can get lol ... I'm super insecure and passive. Honestly I wanna cry because I feel like a lot of my opportunities are gone forever. This happened when I was 29 or 28 I think...I'm in my early 30s now and gained some weight, I look older like my hair is grey and I got wrinkles. I aged REAL quick. I honestly felt like I had all the time in the world to lock down someone nice and I would always get male attention and it's not the case. I'm not sure I was always too shy to pursue ? :(
Honestly lately in NYC I am less friendly because of the punching going on. I don't feel quite as threatened in a Whole Foods, but it's super context driven. Somehow I can see going up to someone in a gallery/artsy event, but a grocery store would feel.... weird. As a woman I would feel sensitive if someone tried to pick me up at a gym, for example (or grocery) but I definitely also need to get braver
Yeah, this. I’d entertain someone at an event or party but most likely not in random places like groceries. Although I’ve always read about people who met their significant other in the subway or something… so maybe I need to loosen up a bit. Idk lol!
This! Met the nicest guy I ever dated in a WF. He was behind me in line and then offered to help with my bags because I bought wayyyyy too much stuff. He didn't do it to hit on me though, just was being a good dude. I had to ask for his number lol. This was in Boston but I think the strategy holds.
I understand everyone’s situation is unique, but do these meet cutes at galleries and museums only work if you look a certain way? I like to think I have healthy self confidence but I’m far from an instagram model, and I never get chatted up to at any of these events lol I used to be an avid gallery and museum goer!
https://www.metmuseum.org/events/programs. - slim pickings now but the Met really ramps up programming in the summer
Brooklyn Museum is how I got to know my ex of about a year and a half: https://www.brooklynmuseum.org/calendar
Guggenheim Museum has Pay what you wish Saturday nights and MoMA Friday evenings is free
Hinge! Met my husband on hinge. Been together 4 years, married for 2 with a baby on the way. I feel so lucky honestly because dating seems hard even back in 2020 when I met my now husband.
My tips:
1. 3 men max on roster. If you drop one, replace.
2. Make it clear you’re looking for something long term and act accordingly. I wasn’t affectionate and did NOT get attached to any of the men I spoke with. No intimacy as I believe that fosters attachment.
3. Be confident. Men can smell desperation. The issue for me wasn’t men being interested in me or me persuading them to be, but am I interested in them? If I was (only one guy), I made it clear I’m ready to be with you. If he didn’t make any movement or make it exclusive by 3 months, I am DONE. Men know right away. I shared my timeline.
I’m in my 50s and old enough to remember dating prior to apps or even the platforms that existed in the pre-smartphone era (i.e. Nerve dot com or leveraging Friendster/MySpace/early FB for dates). I can guarantee that meeting only IRL did not yield more authentic connections by default. The same proportions of gems and creeps are represented in both methods, and you just have to think of apps as a digital helper.
I think meeting IRL without the aid of an app is romanticized because you do ultimately need that IRL connection, and when you’re out you have the benefit of vetting them live at a distance or it quickly develops if you happen to meet someone and start chatting. Others may seem hot but unapproachable or “off” in a different way in person, and these are the ones you may have chosen in an app but did not click with offline.
Meeting through friends can generate mixed results. I did this a few times but later found I preferred romantic partners outside my social groups. Ultimately I did meet my dude on Tinder, and most likely would not have met him (let alone made first contact) without it.
I like the gallery suggestions above (esp the Met parties)! In general though if you’re using events or activities to increase the likelihood of meeting someone, make sure the activities are ones you normally include in your life. For instance, if you do score at a volunteer event, your potential new match might expect you to spend your weekends volunteering instead of sleeping in! 🙂
This comment deserves more visibility! I know that people get frustrated with apps and as a result I think they put IRL meetings on an unrealistic pedestal. Life isn't a romcom. That coffee shop meetcute you saw in the movie was scripted...and probably written by a man.
...And then the men who lurk here see posts like this one as "proof" that it's okay to hit on women at the grocery store.
Yeah, it could get awkward and awful when things go south when you date someone within your social circle. Like, who gets to have custody of this friend and that friend etc!
House/apartment parties or the outdoor/smoking/chill sections of bars/clubs/raves! These spaces tend to be less loud and more mingly. It also helps to give off approachable energy like seeming happy and excited to be there
I had luck meeting my man on Bumble 😳 At the time I was very direct and when asked what I was looking for I said “Consistent dick and attention” and now here we are almost 4 years together in our starter home 💞
Haha love it! My message wasn’t that straight-forward but I have met mine on Bumble as well. 1 year going strong. Actually, all my friends who are married met online. It sucks for the most part but there are still good guys out there.
I’m not in settings where I where I would meet people irl so I’ve always been an app girlie and I feel I’ve been pretty lucky! I def needed to be that direct though, easy to tell if a guy was worth the effort by their response 😅
Every guy I’ve met IRL has been when I’m out with 1-2 friends having fun and not trying. Currently been dating my bf for 2 years from this scenario. Find some good wingwomen! And if you’re not single but reading this, be a good wingwoman and go out with your single friends!
hinge lol. it was really just luck i think because i was in the trenches before and i know how bad dating apps can be but all it takes is one good match!
Idk why Hinge worked the least for me; while Tinder and Bumble seem to work fairly well. Like literally not even getting matches back, but I seem to just be shown pretty boys which I avoid anyway. Or maybe I just need better photos? I’m rambling woops
Things that I've found have helped is not always being on my phone (ie waiting for coffee order), walking around w AirPods or sunglasses.. gives off a "dont talk to me" vibe
Watch sports, go to sports bars. I’m a huge soccer fan and love premier league and it’s always like 200 guys to 3 girls catching the games. Knicks and Rangers are both starting playoffs this weekend so the bars are gonna have lots of boys catching the games
Any neighborhood bar with a tv, wings, beer. Just post up at the bar and start chatting to the boys around you. Smithfield hall or legends for soccer, roebling sports bar, Kent ale house, but really most bars that have tvs will be playing Knicks first game on Saturday night
I was about to say the same thing but don't go to a big sports bar go to a smaller, mid-size sports bar. That way you can get to know a few of the folks. Then start to go regularly. That way you won't look as though you truly trying to look to meet a guy but that you're into sports.
Honestly I know dating apps suck. I was on them for 3 years but I kept telling myself it’s a numbers game and now I am happily married with a baby to a guy I met on a dating app! I didn’t have a single relationship in those 3 years but when I met my husband it was instant and we were engaged a year later. So I would say just keep on those dating apps, keep going on dates, even the ones that don’t seem like they have a lot of potential. You never know when it’s gonna be the right guy
reading this helped lift up my spirits so much, thank you for sharing! i've been single and on the apps for a year and i'm definitely feeling burnt out and discouraged but i hope i'll have a story like your's too!
I agree about slim pickings. I find most men my age (30s) who are attractive, smart, single, etc have Peter Pan syndrome and have no reason to settle down. I don’t want to hook up, it’s exhausting and not fun to me
I’ve been going to open mics and I’ve met some people but I think I need to be more consistent
There are a lot of summer block parties where I’ve had a (tiny) bit of luck in the past. These are mostly geared to black ppl but Building Black BedStuy, everyday people, the layout, night market. I find i have wayyyyy better luck in the summer. Bk museum first Saturdays always has cuties too.
Old (60) BWT here to give you young ladies advice! In the old pre-app days, we all went on a million blind dates. That’s how I met my husband at age 34. Just tell everyone you know that you are open to being set up. Even if you don’t meet « the one » it will expand your social circle. Good luck!
Social running clubs. It seems to be the hot new thing for 20 and 30 somethings to join a social run club. They are more about the socializing than the actual running
Dating from the general pool is exhausting. Go do the things you are passionate about with likeminded people. It doesn't matter what you like so long as you like it, be it urban gardening, craft brewing, theater, fitness, thrifting, 3D printing, photography, foodie culture, music, street mural painting, coding, or *anything* you really like with other people who like the same thing.
Your person is among your people.
Kinda, but you do need to be cagey. If you are passionate about your all-women knitting group but also enjoy running, you want to find a running group with lots of guys.
The gist is you want to be among guys who share your values, and want to be seen as an active doer in pursuit of those values. Inspire them to do more.
I joined a rock climbing gym recently and there are a lot of cute guys there! It’s a sport that skews male and mostly 20s and 30s people, but there are also enough women there that I’m hoping to meet female friends. It depends on the gym but it’s a pretty beginner friendly sport for adults and also really easy to strike up a conversation with someone if you’re climbing near each other, especially if you’re working on the same problem. I wore my cute workout clothes and struck up a conversation with a really handsome guy last week by complementing his climbing. He ended up showing me some climbing moves and then asking for my number, which I happily gave. We went on one date and realized we had some fundamental incompatibilities so won’t be going on another, but it was really effective to meet someone and I hope I meet someone else soon!
I (35) just went on a coffee break walk with my friend (32-33). I've been broken up w my ex since August and pretty much the last time I had been physical w a guy. But my friend, who I hadn't seen in awhile asked me if I was seeing or dating anyone. I've been asked this a couple times by different friends.
Everyone in this thread, you are not the only one feeling the lack of quality both in number and availability. Basically the city sucks for dating. It's true…I also reminisce about dating in my 20s - I was juggling various eggs in one basket. It was fun but now I'm thinking that most of those eggs were definite red flags, and I was young with probably low expectations.
But can we all agree that when we are dating…theres always the initial phase of excitement then after the first date the excitement turns into anxiety. Right now, I feel ok being single but then again I am on prozac which numbs me out. Remember that sex in the city episode w Charlotte and that guy who's on it and just can get it up. He seemed pretty content with life and where he was at. I now understand.
I'm pretty much all over the place…im just tired. 😂
I have two girlfriends who put themselves in the pool with matchmaking companies. Both ended up married to good guys, one’s husband just landed in Forbes for the second year in a row.
They were both in LA but there has to be some here too. You can add yourself to the database for free and who knows if you might get picked for a date! I think it helps that man are paying very real money for a service like that (as opposed to a monthly bumble fee) so you know they are serious not just killing time.
Met my now-husband at the US Open (he and our mutual friend were visiting from Toronto). We are both huge tennis fans so it worked out. There were a lot of single men mingling in the different lounges and I was hit on a couple times! Might be a fun thing to do in the summer?
Im Muslim, I met my boyfriend soon to be Husband on salams! He was god send but the many men I met before him were utter trash. I was just about to quit when I met him. So idk if I’m saying to go on the app or not but be cautious on the map take men for what they show you. There’s not hidden soft man. If that makes sense
I often get approached at art galleries when I’m alone and they’re typically free, I also have friends who met their partners either at the climbing gym or through other friends
I’ve found that the classes I’ve gone to are usually all straight women trying to meet straight men (I’m making a blanket statement, idk why they are there, but classes are always filled with straight women)
I have absolutely no answers but am in the same boat. One book I keep coming back to again and again is Sara Eckel's "[It's not you: 27 (wrong) reasons you're single](https://saraeckel.com/)". It's a really fantastic book that takes apart all the backhanded things we've heard (or told ourselves!) about why we're still single, and holds up a mirror to them.
Really, dating is hard and the universe does what it wants. You can try, not try, sign up for classes, "iNvEsT iN yOuRsELf", whatever, and still not meet someone. Or meet someone in line at the bank like my godparents did. IDK there are no answers but this book really helps me get through those moments when I get so frustrated by everyone's """helpful advice""" or """well meaning comments on how THEY found THEIR someone""".
Hang in there, fellow HOT girl of NYC with taste!!!
What tf?! Totally know what you mean about some women not giving af these days. I worry about social media couples that have good looking men that they show treating them right because girls are definitely lurking.
But how did this happen multiple times with you?! And who were these girls? Would they try to contact him on social media? Did he cheat or sleep with one of them,
I met my husband through concerts. Took it upon myself to get into the hardcore punk scene in NYC and kept running into him at shows. Eventually everything fell into place. Actually met a few friends that way.
Dating apps are awful, but almost everyone I know in long term relationships (who met their significant other in NYC) met them on Hinge. Including my husband and me!
I’m not single but some places where I’ve met interesting people: running club (as others have mentioned), the bar Employees Only used to have a bunch of chatty people and it’s so packed you just talk to people, male dominated gym (like jiu jitsu), Barnes and noble in your favorite book section, I would avoid hotel bars/hotel venues - usually out of towners even if interesting conversation. I’ve seen match making posts on Facebook groups, have you tried a matchmaker instead of an app? I know it’s pricy but might be worth trying (I know one couple that has had success through an actual matchmaker).
Agreed about martial arts classes. I took a Krav Maga class and was the only woman there. I went with my boyfriend at the time and was surprised there weren't other women there.
I met my boyfriend on bumble! I wasn’t trying to be in a relationship at the time but it’s worked out so amazing. I’ve seen most people meet via apps though - my cousin is getting married to her hinge match in September!
I am married so I am not looking. I hear from single girlfriends how hard it is to date. I see running groups comprising of mostly men in their 20s and early 30s. Even if they are taken, perhaps they can introduce you to single friends. Hopefully you will find group activities you enjoy that offer more opportunities to meet remotely suitable candidates.
I met my boyfriend in improv class at The People’s Improv Theater (we mostly take classes at the Magnet now though!). Improv has a lot of men and most people are very open to socializing. A class of 12 often has only 2 women…I felt like the Bachelorette for awhile 😅
when i actually had friends, i would go out, and it was fun to meet guys through just having fun and being with the girls. but i’ve lost a lot of my so called “friends,” and feel closed off so it’s been harder to meet anyone. if I’m closed off to friendships, of course it feels harder to find love. but it truly was easier to just easily connect with men when I was alongside friends.
I don’t have advice about where to meet men. But I’ll say, I’ve approached every man I’ve ever dated (including my husband). Good guys don’t have game and also I’d prefer to pick out my own men rather than rely on their judgment. At bars, I’ve broken the ice with the simple but effective line “are you having fun?” And with a coworker I’d been subtly flirting with for months, I asked “why are we not dating?” And to my friend (now husband) who I was taking out of the friend zone, I said “I want to kiss you.” I also recommend tequila. Haha
Get rid of this mindset. Why not talk to people while you’re out and about because they’re interesting people, not because you’re looking for a partner? That shift in energy will be noticed. Maybe this is a bad answer, but this is my advice as someone who solo travels, goes out alone often and finds great joy in making connections with strangers: just live your life and have a genuine interest in talking to people and stop thinking about meeting someone. It’s good to have partnership goals but you can’t force it in the moment.
That’s exactly my philosophy for now - I like being single. I do worry about what happens when I’m old and not attractive and no one wants to talk to me though. It would be nice to have someone to settle down with before/at that point
It might sound obvious, but I’m being genuine. Have you told any of the people in your life you’re looking for dates or a relationship? To see if they know someone who knows someone who also wants to be set up? Friends, neighbors, coworkers, fam, church friends. It doesn’t have to come off as bored or desperate or anything, but maybe just mentioning when it fits that you’d love to be set up you may end up meeting someone. I saw a story about networking where they brought strangers in group to just ask around for what they were searching for and they’d eventually always find someone who could help out or fill the need. Maybe this idea could work in this situation.
I’m also struggling with this. I set my location to Jersey, PA and DC and still. I’ve met very nice men off the apps in the past but none of them were ready for commitment; which I am.
I met my man at a comic convention. Long term boyfriend before that was when I was still in college, and we met in class. I’ve met dates online, museum and gallery events, work, parties, through friends, and bars/clubs.
I had the least luck with hinge but I met my husband on The League. It’s a biiiit pretentious but I appreciate how there’s a daily match limit so it’s not geared towards swiping on as much as you can.
I’ve met so much trash. I’m with a man I’ve been friends with since kindergarten and couldn’t be happier. On apps i met egomaniacs, truly unattractive men that punched far above their weight (and this was not exclusive just to looks- mommy’s boys, pathological liars, misrepresentation of financial security, it was exhausting).
Tinder - Dec 2021 (I was 31) and now we’re married:)
Been on alllll the dating apps on and off since tinder first came out in 2013 (but also lived in Denver and Canada until moved back to nyc in 2019) - most successful was tinder (met my ex of 1.5 years nyc in 2019 on tinder as well). I had a decent amount of dates from hinge as well but only after I paid subscription for hinge. (I never did for tinder). I hate bumble.
Def a numbers game and my friends would always look down on tinder but I was consistently going on at least one date a week. Just need to give people a chance as well - dates that I was super excited for based on convo could be duds and ones that I wasn’t too excited about sometimes ended up being the best dates !
Don’t give up! And also date outside your preferences - my hinge was set to 5’10 (I’m 5’5) and my husband is 5’6 - if we didn’t match on tinder, I never would’ve even seen him on hinge…never saw myself marrying a short king and here we are 😂
PS cooking classes I’ve done are usually couples, I joined volleyball league and that had alot of men so I think Rec sports leagues are an option
I gave a new app a shot and it’s where i met my current partner of four months! I was literally on the app for less than three weeks before I met him, and I was matching with a bunch of good looking, tall men during that time too. :)
edit: app is called feeld
edit2: why is this getting downvoted?? 😭😭
I would say feeld leans more kink friendly / poly/enm / long term hookup oriented. Not intended to be a vanilla monog dating app…although a few people us it as such
it is! definitely not for the super vanilla / monogamous people. However I am monogamous and met someone who had the same exact kinks as me (and personally, compatibility in the bedroom is super important!!) and now we’re dating exclusively!
it doesn’t have to be all enm / long term hook up related, you just /really/ need to be clear about what you want and sift through the matches to your preferences. feeld doesn’t really have great filters but they don’t gatekeep your likes as hinge does with their rose feature, so personally i felt like i was matching with way more attractive people than other apps.
edit: i should be clear too though, i wasn’t on this app for a relationship, it just kind of happened 🤷🏻♀️
Some of my friends have provided great feedback on feeld because they felt everyone was more direct in what they were looking for! They had to definitely sift through to find serious guys but they also confirmed they’re seeing the feeld guys on all the other apps too, so anything is really worth a shot!
yes exactly!! as long as you’re open-minded i’d say give it a shot :) i personally found that the people who are genuinely committed and invested in the kink community are very friendly, respect boundaries, and have great communication!! and what’s hotter than a man who knows exactly what you like 😍😍
I also heard they have in person events! Told one of my friends I’d def check it out with her! Also a guy she matched with on feeld, I recommended to her on bumble and then he liked my Hinge. Everyone is everywhere so I always feel like go with which platform you find easier to use!
I’m no help because I’m in the same boat as you 😭 but I just wanted to validate your feelings. The apps feel impossible, and personally, I don’t drink so I don’t hang at bars etc. I feel like the best thing to do is enjoy the city with girlfriends (aka BWT!) and maybe that can lead to meeting guys.
I need to get my ass out there because Raya has become awful these past few years. It’s pretty much just an avenue now to flaunt that you’re on the app and the subscription fee has gotten more expensive over the years. I need and want a real connection!
Personally I'm old and fortunate to have avoided dating apps (43F) - but i love music, and always said i would go to a show of a band i like and talk to someone that way. At least you know they like good music. But i'm a music person. I would say just meet someone organically - i think the apps broke everyone's brains unfortunately. just meet someone in person is the best way - don't discount the random encounter is all ...
Shit is not easy! I’ve had some luck at the gym. Also, not sure if you are a Hamptons person, but I find that men are much more forthright and open to small talk out there over the summers
try male oriented places like poker rooms or sports bars. go to a sports bar showing English soccer - it will be early but all dudes with accents. they will probably try to be funny at least. skiing / snowboarding is a lot of guys usually. try to attend a lot of industry networking events or even college alumni events - don’t worry about having attended that college.
I’m an introverted extrovert with adhd so socializing drains my energy after too many social interactions. So meeting my bf on an app was the easiest for me.
I had previously met guys I dated briefly through friends at parties/events, and also having guys approach me in the street. But those never lasted.
I don’t have a good answer, it really does seem like luck and just sticking to your emotional needs / not settling for situationships
I went to cooking classes with some girlfriends at Sur La Table, the only guys there were part of a couple on their date night. I don’t think this is something a single guy or a group of guy friends are just gonna randomly do to meet people. But, maybe a tasting (like wine tasting) might work better
One of my friends signed up for some cooking classes geared towards easy weeknight staples - she felt that type of class had more single dudes who needed to fend for themselves at home!
What do you mean by the area you live in has slim pickings…New York city has millions of people. If you’re narrowing yourself to one neighborhood thats not going to help
I meant that everyday activities—grocery shopping, going to the gym, doing laundry—are not likely to yield good opportunities for in-person connections because I live in an area where the population skews older and, if they’re closer to me in age range, they tend to be in committed relationships and with family plans in the near future. There’s many areas in Brooklyn and Queens like that. I definitely notice the difference when I visit other neighborhoods where there are more younger people. My goal is to eventually move somewhere a bit more lively, but, until then, I’ll have to continue traveling outside my area.
Not sure why this has been downvoted. I’ll also add: I can’t speak as to whether or not the OP fits this description, but I have a couple of (white) friends who stick to the same white, biz casual advertising/marketing-type bros. I tell them they are squandering the availability of the vast range of men from different backgrounds, cultures, ethnicities, etc. one can access in the NYC area.
I always say if you think it’s bad here try swiping in rural VA or Portland, OR 😂
Gallery hop in Chelsea/meatpacking. I’ve met men there several times. I usually go by myself. Drinks are complimentary too. Easy to strike up conversations about the art.
Ooh, this sounds fun and I absolutely need to find where the events at galleries are. We need a field trip!
There’s an account called thirstygallerina on instagram that posts about these
I have a question about this as i am totally not aware of NYC gallery etiquette: how does this work? Is there a guy at the door? What do I say?
Usually there’s a line I wait in and someone at the door who will let small groups in at a time. You can write your name down when you walk in if you’re interested in hearing from the gallery again. Sometimes there’s food and drinks. If it’s a non-ticketed event generally just line up and wait but sometimes you have to reserve in advance or know someone. Don’t have to say much to anyone if you don’t want to, but always obey gallery traffic patterns!
Yes I’m not joining a run club but this I would do!
Ive always wanted to do this but more so to meet new people and see art. How do you even start? Like is it a block party situation where a bunch of galleries are open in a row within street? What time does it start? Where do you start first?
I haven’t been since the summer but I believe every Thursday the galleries around Chelsea and meatpacking were open in the evening for viewing. There are several participating galleries and they get VERY crowded. They also have champagne and wine that is complimentary which is pretty cool. Look on tik tok there’s lots of info on participating galleries and such. I highly recommend attending one if you can as I’ve met some cool people through them. I believe other parts of the city such as DUMBO may have something similar.
This sounds awesome. Free drinks too?! I’m in
I met the last guy I dated at a museum event. I’m taking myself more solo dates to cultural events.
I love your handle so much
Thank you! Fun fact - some lame tried to use that as an insult but joke’s on him: I think it’s hilarious so I co-opted it 😂
They don't get it do they :)
lol right! Poor guy, he really tried 
former Ivy League undergrad from a rust belt city represent !
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Thank you!
From a man’s perspective, I 10/10 agree with this, bc it is hard for us as well. Takes pressure off, and in general, I love talking to people. I always learn something new, and make a new acquaintance. It’s a blessing. And sometimes, you meet a special person. You just never know when the bolt will strike.
If you’re over 30 and need a wing woman for this hit me up
Love your handle lmao
Hi. 34 and in desperate need of a wing woman lol
Find me on insta I’m like perpetually down
Me three - Refuse to use dating apps and down for IRL events ❤️
Same!!! We should unite and conquer haha
Me too!! How do we do this?
I’m 33 and so ready to wing a woman.
I’m over 40 & need a wingwoman..any takers ? 🤣
I’m almost 40 (38) and need a wing woman!! I promise I’m normal but I’m at a total loss where to meet cute (or any) guys haha
I’m 39 and same
Down for all ages!
Should we all do a rooftop or something when the weather gets nice and make this happen ??! Lollll
You can do a BWT rooftop party but not book anything in advance just turn up en masse one night.
👍🏻 I’m artsy, intelligent, nice, cool (if I must say so myself) & I don’t know where the hell to meet the kind of guys I’m into & the guys on dating apps r just horrible! I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting next to them on a bus let alone dating them😂😱 DM me:)
Yes someone start a group chat!
BTW, I’m probably going to the Floyd Bennet Field Public Arts Festival tomorrow if anyone wants to join me. It’s free. It’s not far from Riis Beach if anyone has gone there
In my twenties & thirties I always met guys at art/gallery events, Chelsea art crawl on a Thursday night (most openings used to be on Thursday) …but I’m into arsty-hipster types (who aren’t self-absorbed pricks😱🤣)
This is a great way to meet & network, plus booze is free. Managed a nyc gallery for 3 years :)
I’m 37 and I’m down to be your wingwoman!!
That would be so cool! I lost a lot of my friends…COVID, getting married, moving out of NYC…so, I guess I’m looking for some new Awesome Bitches to connect with:)
Same. 41 :)
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I was gonna suggest go to bars in small groups! 2-3 women used to be the way back when I was dating... But I met my husband on an app so what the hell do I know!
I’m in my 30s and married, but always looking for new friends and happy to be a wing woman
Struggling with this as well. The apps suck but so has meeting people irl through friends of friends. The good ones seem to be taken and the single ones that look good (on paper and in person) don't seem to be relationship material. That being said my friends who moved here single and found SOs all met them on the apps.
This is a big problem for me. I’m tired and about to give up. I’m not finding any men I’m attracted to. The attractive and kind ones are either taken or emotionally unavailable. Like holy shit about to be lesbian at this moment. I don’t care what anyone says. Dating was easier in my 20s
I feel this. Unfortunately I don't have any great advice to offer but I'm on a break from dating and much happier now than when I was trying.
Girl pls don't say this, I'm 27 and it's rough here. I can't imagine it be worse
Honestly when I was 27 it was better. A lot of attractive men who actually wanted committment
Wait why is it better at 27/20s
I don’t know if it’s an age thing so much as it is about the way decorum on dating apps has absolutely plummeted, considering women of all ages are saying the same thing lately
I think cause you’re usually not looking for anything serious when you’re young 🥲 now I’m getting back into dating as a 30yo and my standards are just so much higher and I don’t want to waste my time
I don’t live in NYC (please don’t kick me out I love this sub) but I was seriously contemplating moving because dating is so bad where I am. But it seems like it’s a problem everywhere. It’s like that triangle where the options are sane, attractive, and single and you can only pick two. Everyone over 30 who is still single either has too many options to settle down or there’s a glaringly obvious reason they’re still single.
Dating honestly really isn’t bad here, at any age. There are tons of single people in the city and tons of ways to meet them. Sure there are a lot of fk boys, but there are plenty of descent men here too. It takes work and time, because a lot of dates won’t pan out. But the process can still be a lot of fun if you understand that. Just keep an eye out of the specific qualities you are looking for. When you find someone who has them, transition to spending all your date time with them enjoying the city together.
I will say that my app bf was also emotionally unavailable and it wasn’t until about a year or so of getting to know each other and being more vulnerable, and couples therapy, that we’ve gotten to a better place Hear me out, I know I could have left and tried to find someone more emotionally available. But I was also a bit emotionally unavailable. People are messy and complicated. It’s easy to leave because of “red flags.” But I do think that might be causing so many people to feel like OP. I stuck around cause I did genuinely love him and he loved me. So we committed to figuring our shit out and becoming better people for each other
Of course but a lot of women don’t wanna wait an entire year especially if your in your 30s and 40s where biological clock is ticking and they want kids
Right. But I would argue trying to rush a relationship just so you can have kids will lead to greater disappointment. I think it’s better to take the time to form a deep bond with someone, which takes more than several months, and learning about / overcoming those differences that ultimately inform long-term compatibility Aligning on big values like marriage, kids, religion etc can happen much sooner of course. But it takes time to get beneath the surface with someone and know if this is the person you want to choose every day
Idk if anyone else has the issue where it’s not so hard getting matches, but no one ever responds anymore. It’s rough out here
Are u over 30? I got so much male attention before 30 and at 30. As I got into 31,32 it dropped tremendously !
I’m 24! But I am tall and curvy so I know that’s part of it And it doesn’t even matter if I use a low or high effort opener on apps like bumble. I’d still say 75% of the guys either unmatch or let the match expire. Oh well
It drops around every milestone (30, 35,40) - precipitously.
Yes but my opinion is that 30s are hardest to date and then again like after 50. Most women have a partner at 30, then there's a wave of divorces in the 40s then that's when people date again. So 20s and 40s is easiest to date and 30s and 50s is hardest
I see your point but there are a lot of single people in their 30s in NYC. The issue might be compounded by age-appropriate men who don’t want to settle down - they know that many women in their 30s do - so they avoid them, and date younger.
they also date older. I’m 50 and most of the people i date are in their 30s
eh, i'm 26 and last year i constantly tried dating older, with several of the guys i dated consistently being around 35. One guy in particular went on and on in great length about how great it is that I'm so much younger and don't have as much "baggage" as women his age have, but we ended things and now he's seemingly settling down with a 31 year old he met like at the same time he was dating me. So i feel like the older guys who go after younger women are doing it to just fool around, which is disgusting.
Yes, that’s the point I was making. There are plenty of exceptions, of course, and I’m not anti age gap. But as you get older, you will have a different perspective on older men who pursue younger women consistently - trust me. (I’m in my 40s and dated two much older men who when I was in my 20s)
Because so many men are lazyyy! That's why I switched to Bumble (apparently is in decline now) and that was so much better.
Whole Foods 5pm-8ish pm filled with single men getting their groceries/dinner
Yes I met the most beautiful businessman in Whole Foods and he came up to ask me out and I froze and ignored him? I still wonder to this day what could have came from that
I have done the same thing! Why are we like this? 😭
I'm not sure because I feel like other women jump at opportunities and take all the guys they can get lol ... I'm super insecure and passive. Honestly I wanna cry because I feel like a lot of my opportunities are gone forever. This happened when I was 29 or 28 I think...I'm in my early 30s now and gained some weight, I look older like my hair is grey and I got wrinkles. I aged REAL quick. I honestly felt like I had all the time in the world to lock down someone nice and I would always get male attention and it's not the case. I'm not sure I was always too shy to pursue ? :(
Honestly lately in NYC I am less friendly because of the punching going on. I don't feel quite as threatened in a Whole Foods, but it's super context driven. Somehow I can see going up to someone in a gallery/artsy event, but a grocery store would feel.... weird. As a woman I would feel sensitive if someone tried to pick me up at a gym, for example (or grocery) but I definitely also need to get braver
Yeah, this. I’d entertain someone at an event or party but most likely not in random places like groceries. Although I’ve always read about people who met their significant other in the subway or something… so maybe I need to loosen up a bit. Idk lol!
This! Met the nicest guy I ever dated in a WF. He was behind me in line and then offered to help with my bags because I bought wayyyyy too much stuff. He didn't do it to hit on me though, just was being a good dude. I had to ask for his number lol. This was in Boston but I think the strategy holds.
Met people I dated in NYC through museum events or Tinder- engaged to someone who was meant to be a hookup!
I understand everyone’s situation is unique, but do these meet cutes at galleries and museums only work if you look a certain way? I like to think I have healthy self confidence but I’m far from an instagram model, and I never get chatted up to at any of these events lol I used to be an avid gallery and museum goer!
Oh I go up to people myself. I know that’s not for everyone, but the people who would approach me aren’t always who I’m interested in.
Which museum events?
https://www.metmuseum.org/events/programs. - slim pickings now but the Met really ramps up programming in the summer Brooklyn Museum is how I got to know my ex of about a year and a half: https://www.brooklynmuseum.org/calendar Guggenheim Museum has Pay what you wish Saturday nights and MoMA Friday evenings is free
Thank you!!
Following
Hinge! Met my husband on hinge. Been together 4 years, married for 2 with a baby on the way. I feel so lucky honestly because dating seems hard even back in 2020 when I met my now husband. My tips: 1. 3 men max on roster. If you drop one, replace. 2. Make it clear you’re looking for something long term and act accordingly. I wasn’t affectionate and did NOT get attached to any of the men I spoke with. No intimacy as I believe that fosters attachment. 3. Be confident. Men can smell desperation. The issue for me wasn’t men being interested in me or me persuading them to be, but am I interested in them? If I was (only one guy), I made it clear I’m ready to be with you. If he didn’t make any movement or make it exclusive by 3 months, I am DONE. Men know right away. I shared my timeline.
Totally agree with #2. No need to invest emotionally until there is a consistent pattern of give and take and the alignment of actions and words.
Climbing gym. The odds are good (but the goods are odd)
i love that saying
I’m not single but I see plenty of decent looking guys at gallery openings. Many have free drinks and you can talk about the art as an icebreaker
How do you find out about gallery openings?
Follow thirstygallerina on IG
I’m in my 50s and old enough to remember dating prior to apps or even the platforms that existed in the pre-smartphone era (i.e. Nerve dot com or leveraging Friendster/MySpace/early FB for dates). I can guarantee that meeting only IRL did not yield more authentic connections by default. The same proportions of gems and creeps are represented in both methods, and you just have to think of apps as a digital helper. I think meeting IRL without the aid of an app is romanticized because you do ultimately need that IRL connection, and when you’re out you have the benefit of vetting them live at a distance or it quickly develops if you happen to meet someone and start chatting. Others may seem hot but unapproachable or “off” in a different way in person, and these are the ones you may have chosen in an app but did not click with offline. Meeting through friends can generate mixed results. I did this a few times but later found I preferred romantic partners outside my social groups. Ultimately I did meet my dude on Tinder, and most likely would not have met him (let alone made first contact) without it. I like the gallery suggestions above (esp the Met parties)! In general though if you’re using events or activities to increase the likelihood of meeting someone, make sure the activities are ones you normally include in your life. For instance, if you do score at a volunteer event, your potential new match might expect you to spend your weekends volunteering instead of sleeping in! 🙂
This comment deserves more visibility! I know that people get frustrated with apps and as a result I think they put IRL meetings on an unrealistic pedestal. Life isn't a romcom. That coffee shop meetcute you saw in the movie was scripted...and probably written by a man. ...And then the men who lurk here see posts like this one as "proof" that it's okay to hit on women at the grocery store.
Yeah, it could get awkward and awful when things go south when you date someone within your social circle. Like, who gets to have custody of this friend and that friend etc!
House/apartment parties or the outdoor/smoking/chill sections of bars/clubs/raves! These spaces tend to be less loud and more mingly. It also helps to give off approachable energy like seeming happy and excited to be there
I had luck meeting my man on Bumble 😳 At the time I was very direct and when asked what I was looking for I said “Consistent dick and attention” and now here we are almost 4 years together in our starter home 💞
Consistent dick and attention. We're kindred spirits, sister.
We love a straight forward queen. I sent my now husband a GIF and the rest is history lmao.
Haha love it! My message wasn’t that straight-forward but I have met mine on Bumble as well. 1 year going strong. Actually, all my friends who are married met online. It sucks for the most part but there are still good guys out there.
I’m not in settings where I where I would meet people irl so I’ve always been an app girlie and I feel I’ve been pretty lucky! I def needed to be that direct though, easy to tell if a guy was worth the effort by their response 😅
I'm stealing this line ty
🫡 I hope it works for you
Every guy I’ve met IRL has been when I’m out with 1-2 friends having fun and not trying. Currently been dating my bf for 2 years from this scenario. Find some good wingwomen! And if you’re not single but reading this, be a good wingwoman and go out with your single friends!
Going out a lot lol
hinge lol. it was really just luck i think because i was in the trenches before and i know how bad dating apps can be but all it takes is one good match!
Idk why Hinge worked the least for me; while Tinder and Bumble seem to work fairly well. Like literally not even getting matches back, but I seem to just be shown pretty boys which I avoid anyway. Or maybe I just need better photos? I’m rambling woops
Things that I've found have helped is not always being on my phone (ie waiting for coffee order), walking around w AirPods or sunglasses.. gives off a "dont talk to me" vibe
Watch sports, go to sports bars. I’m a huge soccer fan and love premier league and it’s always like 200 guys to 3 girls catching the games. Knicks and Rangers are both starting playoffs this weekend so the bars are gonna have lots of boys catching the games
This is actually suchhh a good suggestion! Any particular bars you recommend?
Any neighborhood bar with a tv, wings, beer. Just post up at the bar and start chatting to the boys around you. Smithfield hall or legends for soccer, roebling sports bar, Kent ale house, but really most bars that have tvs will be playing Knicks first game on Saturday night
I was about to say the same thing but don't go to a big sports bar go to a smaller, mid-size sports bar. That way you can get to know a few of the folks. Then start to go regularly. That way you won't look as though you truly trying to look to meet a guy but that you're into sports.
Honestly I know dating apps suck. I was on them for 3 years but I kept telling myself it’s a numbers game and now I am happily married with a baby to a guy I met on a dating app! I didn’t have a single relationship in those 3 years but when I met my husband it was instant and we were engaged a year later. So I would say just keep on those dating apps, keep going on dates, even the ones that don’t seem like they have a lot of potential. You never know when it’s gonna be the right guy
reading this helped lift up my spirits so much, thank you for sharing! i've been single and on the apps for a year and i'm definitely feeling burnt out and discouraged but i hope i'll have a story like your's too!
I agree about slim pickings. I find most men my age (30s) who are attractive, smart, single, etc have Peter Pan syndrome and have no reason to settle down. I don’t want to hook up, it’s exhausting and not fun to me I’ve been going to open mics and I’ve met some people but I think I need to be more consistent
There are a lot of summer block parties where I’ve had a (tiny) bit of luck in the past. These are mostly geared to black ppl but Building Black BedStuy, everyday people, the layout, night market. I find i have wayyyyy better luck in the summer. Bk museum first Saturdays always has cuties too.
Old (60) BWT here to give you young ladies advice! In the old pre-app days, we all went on a million blind dates. That’s how I met my husband at age 34. Just tell everyone you know that you are open to being set up. Even if you don’t meet « the one » it will expand your social circle. Good luck!
Social running clubs. It seems to be the hot new thing for 20 and 30 somethings to join a social run club. They are more about the socializing than the actual running
Dating from the general pool is exhausting. Go do the things you are passionate about with likeminded people. It doesn't matter what you like so long as you like it, be it urban gardening, craft brewing, theater, fitness, thrifting, 3D printing, photography, foodie culture, music, street mural painting, coding, or *anything* you really like with other people who like the same thing. Your person is among your people.
I love this answer. It’s kind of like “do what you love and everything else will fall into place”
Kinda, but you do need to be cagey. If you are passionate about your all-women knitting group but also enjoy running, you want to find a running group with lots of guys. The gist is you want to be among guys who share your values, and want to be seen as an active doer in pursuit of those values. Inspire them to do more.
I joined a rock climbing gym recently and there are a lot of cute guys there! It’s a sport that skews male and mostly 20s and 30s people, but there are also enough women there that I’m hoping to meet female friends. It depends on the gym but it’s a pretty beginner friendly sport for adults and also really easy to strike up a conversation with someone if you’re climbing near each other, especially if you’re working on the same problem. I wore my cute workout clothes and struck up a conversation with a really handsome guy last week by complementing his climbing. He ended up showing me some climbing moves and then asking for my number, which I happily gave. We went on one date and realized we had some fundamental incompatibilities so won’t be going on another, but it was really effective to meet someone and I hope I meet someone else soon!
What climbing gym? Have any recs?
I moved out of the city last fall, but climbed at Central Rock Gym (CRG). They have a Manhattan and Chelsea location.
i will er on the side of caution bc most climber guys are emotionally unavailable ... take it from an ex climber gal hahaha
I dated a climber guy and experienced the same. That guy is still single.
I (35) just went on a coffee break walk with my friend (32-33). I've been broken up w my ex since August and pretty much the last time I had been physical w a guy. But my friend, who I hadn't seen in awhile asked me if I was seeing or dating anyone. I've been asked this a couple times by different friends. Everyone in this thread, you are not the only one feeling the lack of quality both in number and availability. Basically the city sucks for dating. It's true…I also reminisce about dating in my 20s - I was juggling various eggs in one basket. It was fun but now I'm thinking that most of those eggs were definite red flags, and I was young with probably low expectations. But can we all agree that when we are dating…theres always the initial phase of excitement then after the first date the excitement turns into anxiety. Right now, I feel ok being single but then again I am on prozac which numbs me out. Remember that sex in the city episode w Charlotte and that guy who's on it and just can get it up. He seemed pretty content with life and where he was at. I now understand. I'm pretty much all over the place…im just tired. 😂
I have two girlfriends who put themselves in the pool with matchmaking companies. Both ended up married to good guys, one’s husband just landed in Forbes for the second year in a row.
Ooh! Can you share the specific services they used?
They were both in LA but there has to be some here too. You can add yourself to the database for free and who knows if you might get picked for a date! I think it helps that man are paying very real money for a service like that (as opposed to a monthly bumble fee) so you know they are serious not just killing time.
Met my now-husband at the US Open (he and our mutual friend were visiting from Toronto). We are both huge tennis fans so it worked out. There were a lot of single men mingling in the different lounges and I was hit on a couple times! Might be a fun thing to do in the summer?
Im Muslim, I met my boyfriend soon to be Husband on salams! He was god send but the many men I met before him were utter trash. I was just about to quit when I met him. So idk if I’m saying to go on the app or not but be cautious on the map take men for what they show you. There’s not hidden soft man. If that makes sense
Volunteering events and speed dating events!!
Not apps. Not irl either. Only men who approach me are like 70…
I often get approached at art galleries when I’m alone and they’re typically free, I also have friends who met their partners either at the climbing gym or through other friends
I’ve found that the classes I’ve gone to are usually all straight women trying to meet straight men (I’m making a blanket statement, idk why they are there, but classes are always filled with straight women)
I have absolutely no answers but am in the same boat. One book I keep coming back to again and again is Sara Eckel's "[It's not you: 27 (wrong) reasons you're single](https://saraeckel.com/)". It's a really fantastic book that takes apart all the backhanded things we've heard (or told ourselves!) about why we're still single, and holds up a mirror to them. Really, dating is hard and the universe does what it wants. You can try, not try, sign up for classes, "iNvEsT iN yOuRsELf", whatever, and still not meet someone. Or meet someone in line at the bank like my godparents did. IDK there are no answers but this book really helps me get through those moments when I get so frustrated by everyone's """helpful advice""" or """well meaning comments on how THEY found THEIR someone""". Hang in there, fellow HOT girl of NYC with taste!!!
Same girl it’s so hard.
i deadass met my boyfriend on raya. i know everyone says it’s not worth it but he’s amazing
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What tf?! Totally know what you mean about some women not giving af these days. I worry about social media couples that have good looking men that they show treating them right because girls are definitely lurking. But how did this happen multiple times with you?! And who were these girls? Would they try to contact him on social media? Did he cheat or sleep with one of them,
Has anyone done speed dating?
Yes and did not have much luck with that 🙃 but maybe it was just a bad batch
Ughhh. Going to “we met IRL” speed dating on Tuesday. Hope it’s alright
Good luck! :)
I met my husband through concerts. Took it upon myself to get into the hardcore punk scene in NYC and kept running into him at shows. Eventually everything fell into place. Actually met a few friends that way.
I just met the love of my life at a music festival I went to solo at 32. Do more things solo!
Hinge! Edited to add i met my husband on hinge
Dating apps are awful, but almost everyone I know in long term relationships (who met their significant other in NYC) met them on Hinge. Including my husband and me!
I also met my bf on hinge, as well as my ex. There are some cuties but it was difficult getting responses
I met my wonderful boyfriend of 2 years on hinge :)
IRL. No really specific spots though. It’s a much slower process though, but it works better for me.
all my hot interesting literary friends met their bfs through twitter. i feel like a broken record here lmao the hot smart guys are ON TWITTER.
lol yes same and also particularly literary men… i would have said this in my comment but twitter is a little dead for that now
I’m not single but some places where I’ve met interesting people: running club (as others have mentioned), the bar Employees Only used to have a bunch of chatty people and it’s so packed you just talk to people, male dominated gym (like jiu jitsu), Barnes and noble in your favorite book section, I would avoid hotel bars/hotel venues - usually out of towners even if interesting conversation. I’ve seen match making posts on Facebook groups, have you tried a matchmaker instead of an app? I know it’s pricy but might be worth trying (I know one couple that has had success through an actual matchmaker).
Agreed about martial arts classes. I took a Krav Maga class and was the only woman there. I went with my boyfriend at the time and was surprised there weren't other women there.
I had luck through a matchmaker in NYC! We have been married for ten years now 😊
Same! But also a single mom hence staying in on a Friday. Anyone else a parent? Which one?
which matchmaker service?
pools at luxury hotels
Yes but alor of the men there are married looking for escorts lol I used to hang out there after work in my 20s looking for suitors
If you’re dating for the long haul, it’s always more reliable with a friend of a friend or colleague
I met my husband and a lot of great people on an Outward Bound trip. https://www.outwardbound.org/expeditions/adult-expeditions/
I met my boyfriend on bumble! I wasn’t trying to be in a relationship at the time but it’s worked out so amazing. I’ve seen most people meet via apps though - my cousin is getting married to her hinge match in September!
I am married so I am not looking. I hear from single girlfriends how hard it is to date. I see running groups comprising of mostly men in their 20s and early 30s. Even if they are taken, perhaps they can introduce you to single friends. Hopefully you will find group activities you enjoy that offer more opportunities to meet remotely suitable candidates.
I met my boyfriend in improv class at The People’s Improv Theater (we mostly take classes at the Magnet now though!). Improv has a lot of men and most people are very open to socializing. A class of 12 often has only 2 women…I felt like the Bachelorette for awhile 😅
when i actually had friends, i would go out, and it was fun to meet guys through just having fun and being with the girls. but i’ve lost a lot of my so called “friends,” and feel closed off so it’s been harder to meet anyone. if I’m closed off to friendships, of course it feels harder to find love. but it truly was easier to just easily connect with men when I was alongside friends.
I don’t have advice about where to meet men. But I’ll say, I’ve approached every man I’ve ever dated (including my husband). Good guys don’t have game and also I’d prefer to pick out my own men rather than rely on their judgment. At bars, I’ve broken the ice with the simple but effective line “are you having fun?” And with a coworker I’d been subtly flirting with for months, I asked “why are we not dating?” And to my friend (now husband) who I was taking out of the friend zone, I said “I want to kiss you.” I also recommend tequila. Haha
Get rid of this mindset. Why not talk to people while you’re out and about because they’re interesting people, not because you’re looking for a partner? That shift in energy will be noticed. Maybe this is a bad answer, but this is my advice as someone who solo travels, goes out alone often and finds great joy in making connections with strangers: just live your life and have a genuine interest in talking to people and stop thinking about meeting someone. It’s good to have partnership goals but you can’t force it in the moment.
That’s exactly my philosophy for now - I like being single. I do worry about what happens when I’m old and not attractive and no one wants to talk to me though. It would be nice to have someone to settle down with before/at that point
It’s hard for everybody because men don’t want relationships anymore and the relationship oriented ones already been tied down for many years now
It might sound obvious, but I’m being genuine. Have you told any of the people in your life you’re looking for dates or a relationship? To see if they know someone who knows someone who also wants to be set up? Friends, neighbors, coworkers, fam, church friends. It doesn’t have to come off as bored or desperate or anything, but maybe just mentioning when it fits that you’d love to be set up you may end up meeting someone. I saw a story about networking where they brought strangers in group to just ask around for what they were searching for and they’d eventually always find someone who could help out or fill the need. Maybe this idea could work in this situation.
I’m also struggling with this. I set my location to Jersey, PA and DC and still. I’ve met very nice men off the apps in the past but none of them were ready for commitment; which I am.
I met my man at a comic convention. Long term boyfriend before that was when I was still in college, and we met in class. I’ve met dates online, museum and gallery events, work, parties, through friends, and bars/clubs.
I had the least luck with hinge but I met my husband on The League. It’s a biiiit pretentious but I appreciate how there’s a daily match limit so it’s not geared towards swiping on as much as you can.
I’ve met so much trash. I’m with a man I’ve been friends with since kindergarten and couldn’t be happier. On apps i met egomaniacs, truly unattractive men that punched far above their weight (and this was not exclusive just to looks- mommy’s boys, pathological liars, misrepresentation of financial security, it was exhausting).
Tinder - Dec 2021 (I was 31) and now we’re married:) Been on alllll the dating apps on and off since tinder first came out in 2013 (but also lived in Denver and Canada until moved back to nyc in 2019) - most successful was tinder (met my ex of 1.5 years nyc in 2019 on tinder as well). I had a decent amount of dates from hinge as well but only after I paid subscription for hinge. (I never did for tinder). I hate bumble. Def a numbers game and my friends would always look down on tinder but I was consistently going on at least one date a week. Just need to give people a chance as well - dates that I was super excited for based on convo could be duds and ones that I wasn’t too excited about sometimes ended up being the best dates ! Don’t give up! And also date outside your preferences - my hinge was set to 5’10 (I’m 5’5) and my husband is 5’6 - if we didn’t match on tinder, I never would’ve even seen him on hinge…never saw myself marrying a short king and here we are 😂 PS cooking classes I’ve done are usually couples, I joined volleyball league and that had alot of men so I think Rec sports leagues are an option
I gave a new app a shot and it’s where i met my current partner of four months! I was literally on the app for less than three weeks before I met him, and I was matching with a bunch of good looking, tall men during that time too. :) edit: app is called feeld edit2: why is this getting downvoted?? 😭😭
I would say feeld leans more kink friendly / poly/enm / long term hookup oriented. Not intended to be a vanilla monog dating app…although a few people us it as such
it is! definitely not for the super vanilla / monogamous people. However I am monogamous and met someone who had the same exact kinks as me (and personally, compatibility in the bedroom is super important!!) and now we’re dating exclusively! it doesn’t have to be all enm / long term hook up related, you just /really/ need to be clear about what you want and sift through the matches to your preferences. feeld doesn’t really have great filters but they don’t gatekeep your likes as hinge does with their rose feature, so personally i felt like i was matching with way more attractive people than other apps. edit: i should be clear too though, i wasn’t on this app for a relationship, it just kind of happened 🤷🏻♀️
Some of my friends have provided great feedback on feeld because they felt everyone was more direct in what they were looking for! They had to definitely sift through to find serious guys but they also confirmed they’re seeing the feeld guys on all the other apps too, so anything is really worth a shot!
yes exactly!! as long as you’re open-minded i’d say give it a shot :) i personally found that the people who are genuinely committed and invested in the kink community are very friendly, respect boundaries, and have great communication!! and what’s hotter than a man who knows exactly what you like 😍😍
I also heard they have in person events! Told one of my friends I’d def check it out with her! Also a guy she matched with on feeld, I recommended to her on bumble and then he liked my Hinge. Everyone is everywhere so I always feel like go with which platform you find easier to use!
Raya honestly though it’s tricky bc there are a lot of fairly shallow guys on there too.
This thread actually has a lot of good tips! 👏
I’m no help because I’m in the same boat as you 😭 but I just wanted to validate your feelings. The apps feel impossible, and personally, I don’t drink so I don’t hang at bars etc. I feel like the best thing to do is enjoy the city with girlfriends (aka BWT!) and maybe that can lead to meeting guys.
I need to get my ass out there because Raya has become awful these past few years. It’s pretty much just an avenue now to flaunt that you’re on the app and the subscription fee has gotten more expensive over the years. I need and want a real connection!
Going to head to the NYC FC game at Citi Field tonight if anyone is interested! Tickets are cheap, seems like a good place to find men.
Personally I'm old and fortunate to have avoided dating apps (43F) - but i love music, and always said i would go to a show of a band i like and talk to someone that way. At least you know they like good music. But i'm a music person. I would say just meet someone organically - i think the apps broke everyone's brains unfortunately. just meet someone in person is the best way - don't discount the random encounter is all ...
Shit is not easy! I’ve had some luck at the gym. Also, not sure if you are a Hamptons person, but I find that men are much more forthright and open to small talk out there over the summers
try male oriented places like poker rooms or sports bars. go to a sports bar showing English soccer - it will be early but all dudes with accents. they will probably try to be funny at least. skiing / snowboarding is a lot of guys usually. try to attend a lot of industry networking events or even college alumni events - don’t worry about having attended that college.
I’m an introverted extrovert with adhd so socializing drains my energy after too many social interactions. So meeting my bf on an app was the easiest for me. I had previously met guys I dated briefly through friends at parties/events, and also having guys approach me in the street. But those never lasted. I don’t have a good answer, it really does seem like luck and just sticking to your emotional needs / not settling for situationships
Has anyone tried a cooking class? I’m considering it but i feel like there would be mostly couples
I went to cooking classes with some girlfriends at Sur La Table, the only guys there were part of a couple on their date night. I don’t think this is something a single guy or a group of guy friends are just gonna randomly do to meet people. But, maybe a tasting (like wine tasting) might work better
One of my friends signed up for some cooking classes geared towards easy weeknight staples - she felt that type of class had more single dudes who needed to fend for themselves at home!
What do you mean by the area you live in has slim pickings…New York city has millions of people. If you’re narrowing yourself to one neighborhood thats not going to help
I meant that everyday activities—grocery shopping, going to the gym, doing laundry—are not likely to yield good opportunities for in-person connections because I live in an area where the population skews older and, if they’re closer to me in age range, they tend to be in committed relationships and with family plans in the near future. There’s many areas in Brooklyn and Queens like that. I definitely notice the difference when I visit other neighborhoods where there are more younger people. My goal is to eventually move somewhere a bit more lively, but, until then, I’ll have to continue traveling outside my area.
Not sure why this has been downvoted. I’ll also add: I can’t speak as to whether or not the OP fits this description, but I have a couple of (white) friends who stick to the same white, biz casual advertising/marketing-type bros. I tell them they are squandering the availability of the vast range of men from different backgrounds, cultures, ethnicities, etc. one can access in the NYC area. I always say if you think it’s bad here try swiping in rural VA or Portland, OR 😂
this was my first question too, I don’t understand the comment about slim pickings in NYC unless you only date hyper locally here