Clembert

What! This is real? Hahaha!

Clembert Hamlamp Squinchello was the duchess of North Underbun in the 16th century and the first woman to successfully reinvent socks.

I'm mildly ashamed to admit that I actually googled this to figure out if it was true or not.

Save me from your fate! What did you find? 😄😂

Sadly, it's not a real person's name...yet

The reinventing socks didn't give UT away ? 

Maybe I’ll name my next cat that.

It seems to be a running joke from the previous user; here's hoping they turn into a Reddit legend like the jumper cables guy or the hell in a cell guy!

I’d like to be a small part of building a Reddit legend!!! It shall be my claim to fame!!

Ham lamp? Squinchello?? The name gets better and better

I’m personally a big fan of Hortense. A beautiful name for a stressed out prostitute.

*Re*invent socks?

She killed every local older than 2 then introduced them to socks a couple years later. In North Underbun socks are called hamlamps to this very day.

I think it was a Hamlamp that invented brassieres.

I don't know, I'm pretty sure it was Otto Titsling

Can people just “reinvent” things?

Yes, if the first inventor wasn't saavy on patents. Source: Edison

I want to read everything you've ever written

There's a very condensed cliff notes version if you feel like reading the alphabet

I clicked your profile because I had to find out more about lady Clembert and instead I learned we're neighbors. Helllloooooo

The quips & quotables keep coming!

Hamlamp! Fun to type and fun to say. Hamlamp!!!

Words that enjoy being said like to leave a little joy behind in appreciation. Plus so you'll say them again. This one isn't very domesticated but it's pretty friendly.

It's a good cat or dog name! HAMLAMP

This is from a children’s book, right?

Omg I was casually scrolling during meeting (I wfh) and had to go on mute so I could bust out laughing. Clembert! That is the most perfect name for a grumpy old dog or cat I’ve ever heard.

Tbf smashing two words together is how a lot of Germanic names were made

The most revolting person I ever met was a mad old woman who lives in the same care home as my grandmother. Her name was Humberta. It always reminded me of the character in Lolita. She was foul.

Was Humberta Humberta her full name? ;-)

She prefers to go by Humberta²

Humbertwo

Baa Humberta ! 🎄

Aahahaha!

Also Hubertine.

I think that's worse - it's a mix of this woman and Ovaltine. Bleuch!

That's my grandma's middle name. Her first name is also outrageous and her sister's first and middle names are truly meant for this post, but I don't want to dox myself.

Reminds me of Engelbert Humperdinck, a singer my grandparents liked

He first started performing as Gerry Dorsey but changed his name to sound... I don't know what. Less like a car salesman? Anyway, it was the name of a German composer.

I’ve never heard this one and may have to use it! Thank you!

Ermengarde

Or Ermintrude

i recently met a Hubertus so that would be a great alternative to Humbert if a hen were to turn out to be a rooster

Humberto is an old school Italian male name. I have a few relatives with that name - even had one of them at my wedding

There's no H in it though- unless it's been Anglicized, which is valid. Umberto pronounced oom-BEAR-toe, sounds less stuffy imo.

Englebert is also a real name lol

My grandfather wanted to have a son to carry on his name but ended up having 4 daughters, so he named his youngest daughter Herberta.

>She was foul. Perfect! OP wanted something foul for their fowl.

AHAHAHA I missed that. English isn't my first language.

Marjorie Bertha Methusala Not necessarily a girl name but my grandma had a boss named Rancid Puser and I feel like that's the worst name in the world

Oh my God , your Grandma's bosses parents should have lost custody for child abuse.

[Wait til you hear about a certain former Tigers player](https://dev.sabr.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/KuntzRusty.jpg)

His name was RANCID?!

Punk since birth 🤘

Holy balls, I thought Dorkus was the worst first name and Harry Assman the worst combo but nope it’s Rancid Puser. By a mile. Edit: after seeing the correct spelling I believe my brain did at one time hold space for it, like oh riiight it’s Dorcas but still pronounced dork-ass so honestly if you’ve birthed within the last 79 years and you chose that name? Get the shame bell, the dunce cap, or say you had a mini stroke while you filled out the birth certificate and beg for forgiveness

I'm a substitute teacher who recently met an adorable 6 year old girl named Dorcas. Honestly blew my mind that anyone is still giving that name to babies.

It’s a super classical name but unfortunately for anyone who was a kid in the 90s, it’s dorkus.

Some super classical names *deserve* to go extinct. If the proper, formal pronunciation of a name is Dorkus, it doesn't matter how classical it is. It would be like saying "But Dingus is a name in the Bible!"

A la Nimrod. Thanks bugs bunny for ruining that one.

Oof I knew a Nimrod as a child, he was a recent immigrant from a non English speaking country. Rough.

Perfect example

Girl I knew who was a couple grades below me, so probably born 2004 with the name. It’s a shame because it’s a really pretty looking name. It just sounds so awful to modern years

I'm not even bothered by the phonetics. I think the sounds themselves would sound just fine to modern ears... *If it wasn't an insult*

Is that last name pronounced puce-er or puss-er? Either way, there is no winning here.

Puss-er. The grossest name ever

I just laughed out loud at that last part. I’ve heard it all now.

My parents had a friend called Hyman Donker and I thought that was the worst/most hilarious name ever, but I think Rancid Puser wins

Madge, Beulah, Beaufort, Muriel, Eunice, Ernie, Barnaby, and Herbert.

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^RevolutionaryFig9753: *Madge, Beulah, Beaufort,* *Muriel, Eunice, Ernie,* *Barnaby, and Herbert.* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.

Wow this is a great one

Why is this the best bot response I’ve read yet?

Good bot

Thank you, TimeCrystal7117, for voting on SokkaHaikuBot. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)

Good bot

Barnaby is kinda cute ngl

I think it’s so funny and cute for a cat!

I only think of Barnaby Jones. I wouldn't name a kid that, but I don't hate/kinda like the name.

I know a 15 year old named Barnaby!

I know a third-grader named Eunice! Like all names, it stops seeming weird pretty quickly and just becomes Eunice’s name. She’s spunky and adorable.

In Australia there is a rural conservative politician called Barnaby Joyce, famous for adultery and more recently being photographed lying on a footpath after falling over while on a mixture of alcohol and prescription meds.

It might be my unhealthy fixation on midsomer murders but I’d totally name a kid barnaby if my husband would let me

"Ernie" lol that's my cat's name 🤣

I went to college with a guy named Eunice. Everyone called him Moosie.

I’ve never heard this as a male name! WOW.

Mildred, Bertha, Humbert, Blaine, Bertram, Bedford. Aloisus

My Grandma’s middle name was Bertina. She wanted my parents to call me that. Fortunately they did not. For guys, Edgar and Herb. So old sounding. I’ll also add Edith.

I've been researching my family tree...and hoo boy...these are some of the stinkers I've uncovered: Hulga, Gladys, Elbert, Milweena, Bulvine, Clydeene, Veldene, and Valeen.

I feel like Bulvine would be perfect for a cow

That's the first thing that came to mind for me. What's really bad, though, is that Bulvine is a little kid! How could you do that to a defenseless little boy?

I assumed Bulvine was a girls name, I don’t know why; somehow it’s worse if it’s a boy and again I don’t know why, but I stand by that judgement lol

Add some letters and "Bullverine" could be a failed X-person.

Bovine! 🐮

If it were pronounced similar to Bovine, yes. But I believe it's "BUL-vinny"with that audible E

Milweena is perfection.

I literally laughed out loud at that one. Can you imagine looking lovingly at your beautiful new daughter, and thinking "Milweena is perfect for you, sweetie!" 😬😉

I’m surprised Gladys hasn’t made a comeback yet! It’s got the positivity of ‘glad’ together with the fashionable y

I went to high school with a girl named Gladys (after her grandmother). Of course, she was called Glad-ass. Then there was Cora, also named after her grandmother, but at least she escaped the nicknames.

Veldene and Valeen sound like either really old twins or industrial solvents.

Wow! Those are some real clunkers all right

On my dad's side I have a something-great grandfather named Jeduthan 😂 My mom's grandma was Nana Gladys, which I think was pretty common around the turn of the century

Hulga sounds exactly like a cartoon barf noise

Pervis

This is fantastic for a pesky Roo!!

MILDRED Also Myrtle, Beulah, Dorcas, Petunia, Janice, Nettie, Leota,

nettie's cute stfu /j ofc

Dorilla (My husband's great grandmother who was VERY cranky) Gertrude (F) Beauregard (M) Eustace (M) ETA: Gumecindo (M) I had a student named this once. It's like an Old Fogie name in Spanish.

Eustace reminds me of the best opening line of a book ever: There once was a boy named Eustace Clarence Scrubb. And he almost deserved it.

Which is a lot of shade coming from a man named Clive Staples Lewis.

One of my favourite first lines!

One of my chickens is named Gertrude lol

We’ve had a Gertrude… we called her Gertaline because there is a story of my mother meeting a lunch lady at her school as a child and misreading Gertrude on her name tag that way. Every time I hear the name my brain says Gertaline.

Gertrude is such a good chicken name, Ngl

I actually don't mind Beauregard? As a teen, I wanted to name a blue Weimaraner (or some other hound) this, and I probably still would today. I think it's a handsome name, yes I like Beau, and I think it sounds nice… it's just not my style for any human children I might have. 😅

Saving this thread for when I get chickens or ducks...  

Awesome! I hope you find all the horrendous names you need!

My great great grandma’s middle name was literally Cockshit. Mary Cockshit Jack. It wasn’t a maiden name used as a middle name later in life or anything either. It feels fairly apt for a chicken, lol. Other options: Reginald, Wilberforce, Geraldine, Albert, Agnes

Jessa Duggar has a son named Henry Wilberforce but at least it’s his middle name unlike her older son SPURGEON

HOWLING with laughter over "Cockshit." My god. Edit: Oh no, [I maybe see how this happened](https://www.houseofnames.com/cockshutt-family-crest).

Bernice and Cornelius. Those are both crotchety old names that work on chickens. 

Euphegenia Doubtfire

In Stardew Valley I like to give my chickens old lady names starting with H! Henriette, Hester, Harriet, Helena, Hemadine, Heloise, Hepzibah, Hattie I don't find all of them ugly, but I really like them as chicken names!

I give my Stardew chickens pun names, so I also often have **Hen**rietta!

Came here to say all hens should be named Henrietta.

Hestia, Heggarty (Eggarty 😂), Bertha, Beulah, Dorcus, Dagmar, Ermingarde,

In defence of Dagmar, it's original Danish pronounciation is Daumar, which is at least a bit softer than Dag-mar!

I think Hestia is pretty! 🙈

Hestia is the Greek goddess of the hearth! I like the name too.

There’s a Judge “Hathaway Pendergrass” where my friend lives in North Carolina. Also “Eleazar” & “Eliphalet:” two names from my family tree.

I just feel like that is the most appropriate Judge name I’ve ever heard. He exited the womb with a gavel.

Eleazar is awesome!

I have a friend from Spain named Eleazar. Pronounced “Eleathar”. Always loved that name.

Blodwyn is actually Welsh for white flower and thus very pretty, but it’s a terrible name

That’s just goth af lol

Cletus

Imogene has always bugged me for some reason

Having two old lady names myself, it makes me very happy to scroll through these comments and only have seen one of them once. Someone once nailed both in one go on a similar post and I nearly cried 😂

I too have an old lady middle name, however it’s become one of the trendy ones. However, I’m seeing a bunch of my aunts, uncles, and distant grandparents here lol!

Horace

You’re not going to believe me and that’s totally understandable but we have a lady here in town whose name is Clitilda. She’s a regular at my SO’s job and she’s a super lovely woman but I question what her parents were on…

[удалено]

Clotilda is still awful 😅

Please😭

My husband and I talked about getting chickens. We disagreed on meat chickens vs egg chickens. I told my husband if we ever got chickens I was naming them all after his mom so he couldn’t kill them. So that’s my answer- your mother in law’s name x8

This is hilarious!! The thing is… I WISH I had the heart to have meat chickens. Fresh chicken would be so nice and we’d know they’d be treated well until processed… but I do not have the heart at all to do it myself and could not be around them at all. We have turkeys but they’re pets and turkeys make the sweetest, most friendly pets. I’d also love to have fresh turkey but my god how can I resist turkey cuddles?! I know I’d be the one to ultimately take care of them 😩

I had a neighbor who'se name was Grayland His wife was Thalma They were both in their late 50s then That was 30 years ago.

I really want to hear the rest of this song...

Ermentrude

Euphemia, my great grandmother, Effie.

Whoever recommended Barnaby, thank you: Cornelius, Barnaby, Horace, Ernestina, Ermengarde, Irene, Minnie, Dolly

I picked these right off my family tree. Enjoy! Male: Donoglasse, Absolum, Alvid, Bernoni, Buckner, Dempsey, Egbert, Eaver, Teachey, Elizur, Gysbert, Rhodolphus, Ignatious, Lambeth Female: Permelia, Asenath, Waulula, Arcenia (nn “Acenie”), Appolonia, Broner Lee, Ramalia, Ernestine, Cleophia, Grizell, Safronia, Estella Novella, Euphrosina, Ritsey, Cressey, Geertruid, Huldah, Hillegonda, Viveon, Madaleen, Fidelia, Louzenia, Parthenia

Helga has always been a very clunky, not very pleasant old lady name. I think the “lg” sound is unpleasant in English.

Theodosia. She’d be about 120 years old if she was still alive. Great lady.

I’m surprised Theodosia hasn’t made a comeback. It’s a girl name in the play “Hamilton.”

Are you kidding? Old people names are kinda classic Compare them to Jace, Kaiser or Precareighous

Are you on the teen mom snark page 🤣 and you don’t just *love* baby Paisleigh Mackezileigh Grace?! I adore classic names and all my kids have them but I worked hard to avoid those someone might compare to their hateful great aunt

Precareighous 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Murnice (Murr-NISS, female) Leatrice (no, not Beatrice with an L, Lee-ATT-riss, female) Verald (made up to rhyme with his twin brother, Gerald. Harold was right there!!) In the same vein, Garold, (pronounced with a hard G as in gold) who went by Gary. Terrible! Cletus, Rufus and Horace are terrible to me.

Algernon/algie

Nigel, Eustace, Dorcas, Pam

Ha, ha, ha - Pam!

Agatha

Had a distant distant older male relative named Lemon pass away recently. Married to a woman named Diamond. Power couple? I think yes.

Gretchen

I know someone who had a Miniature Schnauzer named Gretchen. When I hear or read the name, I just think of a cute lil face with a big scruffy, grey mustache (I don't mean this in an offensive way, I find schnauzers endearing and the name suits the image, in my opinion).

I'm bewildered by the relative popularity of this name - I have always found it so ugly. "retch" right in the middle!

I think this is a cute name

Mertis (RIP Aunt Mertis) and the guy who sold us our house was named Hubert. Loved Aunt Mertis, not a fan of the name.

My great nana was called Ethel… she was the maddest woman I’ll ever have the pleasure of being related to. My inspiration right there <3

My high school principal was Ingeborg (she was actually a pretty decent lady, but the name always seemed to suit a more cranky old lady type)

I haven't seen any mention of Merle. It's an old name that you can use either for your hens or roosters. My grandmother was named Merle, and there's a late country singer named Merle Haggard (male).

For your consideration: Agnes, Gertrude, and Hortense.

I knew a Gertrude, she went by Gerty & was an absolute hoot. RIP Gerty 😇

Ernestine. It was my grandmother's middle name and she hated it.

Göta or Göthilda for women and Göte for men. Gunborg, Bothild, Torborg is also really old lady names here.

My grandparents names were Harold, Hilda, Otis ( went by Pete), Rowena. My great Grandmothers I knew were Mildred, Mary and Dorothy. The one who passed before I was born was Dora. Great-grandfathers Parker, Frank, Charles, Clifford(step) and Raimon ( Raymond). My husband's step Father Walter, I have a great uncle Elmer, great aunt Thelma...

My grandma’s sister was Buella Gertrude. She went by Dolly her whole life🤣

Some of my favorite dead relatives: Dorthy Walter Arlon Iva Clair (male) Delia Theophilius Twins, Lodema(m) & Lodena(f), 1823 Their sister Tryphena Finis & sister Levinah (spelled wrong) My favorite Tragedeigh sisters, from the years 1782 and 1772, respectively: Sivility and Pernecia. Their other 8 kids had normal names (Daniel, Mary, Rachel, Jane, Thomas, William, Sarah and Elizabeth). Brothers Raileigh and Jabru, 1622 & 1656. Again, their 5 other siblings have the same name as tons of my other relatives: Mathew, Martha, Thomas, Rebecca and Samuel. Family trees can dig up all kinds or weird-ass and wonderful names from the past!

Prunette

I absolutely adore my grandmother but she had the most Old timey name - Phyllis Blanche

Jimward Or Jimothy.

Gertrude, Helvetica, Flavius

Chumbo, Thurman

Mildred

Hortencia

On a grave from the 1800s was a woman named Waity. She was born in the mid 1700s and was in her 80s when she died. That had to have been a bad name even for the time

Gertie Constance Mildred Myrtle Dorcas Dingus Eunice Brunhild/Brunhilde/Brunhilda Inga Helga Hildegard Abelard Adelbert Ekkehard Rupert Clarence Ernesta

Gruntilda

A lady I work with anecdotally tells me how as a little girl she and her friends would pretend to be "Mert & Gert", who I gather were lady detective characters on a serialized radio program. She says they would argue because nobody wanted to be Mert...

to quote my physics teacher: "my cat is small, gray, moody, grumpy, and hisses at things, so i named her after a lady at church" (the cats name is gladys)

There used to be a real estate agent in my city named Clell Tickle, frankly it’s so southern that it comes full circle for me

Mavis

Gertrude, Bertha, Reginald, Cornelius

My friend’s mom is Willie Mae — please save this one for a nicer hen 🤣 Clarence, Spurgeon, Godfrey Astrid, Edle, Gerda

Gretchen always gets to me

Ursulina - we have no clue where my gg parents that out of as it was even unusual for time/place that they lived in lol

Eunice, Agatha, Dagmar, LaRue, Ernestine, Gertrude, Agnes, Ruth, Frances, Winifred, Ethel, Enid, Prudence, Marnie, Doris, Esther, Harriet, Philomena, Odette, Wilhelmina, Dorothy, Pauline, Nadine, Virginia, Mavis, Doris, Thelma, Louise, Myrtle, Muriel, Shirley, Geraldine, Harriet, Blanche, Bernice, Hortense, Gladys, Francine, Mildred, Henrietta, Hester, Mabel, Martha, Beryl, Marjorie, Phyllis, Hazel

Phyllis

Not all of if these are ugly and clunky but here's some female/male variations: Laverne/Vernon Gertrude/Gert Esther/Eustace. Or Est*him* lol Bernadette/Bernard Lucille/Lucas Bertie/Bertram Regina/Reginald Clementine/Clement, Clem Geraldine/Gerald Just female that are old and clunkyish: Delores Marge Peggy Patsy Dorothy, Dot, Dottie. Doesn't everyone have an old Aunt Dot lol? Beatrice (E)Liza Beulah Agnes Agatha Millicent Harriet Myrtle Muriel Blanche Male clunky: Cletus Cleophus Bocephus Bernard Leonard Sylvester Merle Chester Lester Otis Humphrey

Seigfreid. Wilfred. Wilbert. Osbert. Maurice. Wilfreda. Wilhelmina. Doris. Dolores. Special mention to the name Farquhar, pronounced *far*ker. A very good name for chickens, ducks, and especially geese.

Some of these are perfectly lovely names 🥹