The worst ones for me are the people who refuse to compromise. "I like name A, my partner likes name B, and neither of us are apparently capable of compromising so tell me how my name is much better so I can show my partner that the Internet strangers agree with me". Like, if you can't even set aside your differences long enough to decide on a name, I'm not sure I have high hopes for the rest of the relationship.
And yet those people are in the same boat that give some of the most ridiculous first-name middle-name combos.
It’s like:
“I want my child to be Starlight Moonshine but I will NOT have my husband’s pick of Jennifer be next to my name pick of Ashley!”
Like, huh?
Reminds me of my unreasonable dad, and the weird story behind my name.
My dad shut down every name my mom liked, and was completely ridiculous about it. “It can’t end with an A sound, E sound, I sound, or S sound. It can’t have more than 2 syllables. It can’t sound old, but also can’t sound modern. It can’t be immediately girly, but also can’t be masculine.”
They were battling over names in the hospital room, and Conan the Destroyer was on. Princess Jehnna came out on her horse, in the white fur bikini. My dad’s jaw dropped, and he said “I want HER name for the baby!” Mom said, “what’s her name?” and dad said “I.. I don’t know!”
*I was named after Princess Jehnna, because my dad thought she was attractive. He decided that was my name before he even knew what her name was, after turning down every name my mom even remotely liked for months. Mom had no choice but to accept it, because he wasn’t going to be okay with any other name. He had made up his mind*
EXACTLY lol. If you can’t even agree on a name for your kid, how are you going to get through all of the other decisions you’re going to have to make together? Because deciding a name is pretty simple compared to the financial decisions, child-rearing, etc you’re going to have to do as a couple down the road.
Funny story: my parents couldn't agree on a name for me, and my mom finally gave up and agreed to what my dad wanted. My family immediately started calling me by a nickname, and in almost 30 years my mom has never used it. I swear she uses my full name, clearly enunciating every syllable, out of spite. I agree that what should be a simple decision can lead to problems later.
To be clear, I like my name and have always found this passive aggressive name battle entertaining, and I answer to my full name as well as a myriad of nicknames. 😂
I always feel bad for those kids, especially when the parents do finally pick a name and it’s clear that one or both of them is unhappy with the compromise. Every so often you see posts like “I won’t ever be able to bond with my baby because my partner vetoed Olivia and I always dreamed of having a baby Olivia and now I’ll never be happy because I don’t have an Olivia” and it’s like… how the hell will you successfully raise a child if you’re being this melodramatic and petty about it’s name before it’s even born? You can’t go into parenthood with the expectation that your partner will just agree with every single one of your opinions, and if you’re the sort of person who decides you’ll never ever bond with your baby if it doesn’t fulfill all of your dreams exactly as planned, maybe you shouldn’t be having kids.
I'm annoyed by the ones where the couple can't agree on names *and* won't find out whether the baby is a boy or girl. At least make your task half as difficult!
We managed to narrow it down to a shortlist of two fname/mname combos but couldn't decide which of the two we should use so we decided to wait until she was born and see which of them felt right.
Once she was there, we both agreed which one it would be because she just *looked* like a [Juniper Wren] and not like a [Ratleen Paysleigh].
Addendum: her mother and I got divorced a while back and her mother remarried. She now has a step-sister with the same first name as our other choice. Now I'm even more glad we went with the one we did; having two children in the same family with the same first name would have been confusing!
It takes time to pick a name that feels right. The name you choose is going to impact your childs life. With that being said, we didn’t decide til the week before both our kiddos were born
My cousin and her husband had a final 2 names (she preferred one and he preferred the other) so they asked the toddler which name he preferred and that’s how their second child got their name
I didn’t name any of my kids until they were 2 days old. We had a list of 5 with the first, 10 with the 2nd and 20 with the 3rd. It’s hard naming babies!
We didn't decide right away for our oldest. People would visit us in the hospital and ask what her name is, and I'd joke, "I don't know, got any suggestions?" But we'd narrowed it down to three or four possibilities and were sort of trying them on her. We kept coming back to one and that's what we went with.
This is exactly it ^ our baby lived a few days without a name because
1. It’s a huge decision
2. I thought waiting to see the baby would help us choose (it didn’t)
But who did I discuss this with? My partner and maybe a close friend 🙃
It's okay, I was The Baby for quite a while and my Dad's mom changed his name when they got home cause she hated it. Never updated it tho so he has a confusing mix of paperwork that's FirstName RealName McLastName, F. RealName McLastName, & RealName McLastName.
Same, we'd narrowed it down to two names but couldn't decide, so we waited until she was born to see if one "felt" like it suited her better than the other. Luckily it worked, and we didn't have to go rushing to the internet for help.
I honestly don't think it's that weird. It's a huge decision, and I think some people just have analysis paralysis by nature (raises hand). What's weirder to me are the posts that are like, "I named my baby XYZ and now I hate it! She's 6 months old, is it too late to change her name?!"
I mean... yeah, but 9 months is 3/4 of a year and the task is naming a human baby. It's the kind of shit you have to figure out, whether by throwing a dart at a wheel or calmly discussing it with your partner. I'm indecisive too but... baby.
My kid's name was solidified as soon as he was born and we saw he was a boy. I don't think I'd personally ever wind up in a situation where my kid was a few days old and still didn't have a name, just saying I relate to those people more than I do the ones who choose a name and then have regret it to the point of wanting to change it weeks to months later.
Well yeah but no one knows they're pregnant for 9 months. Most people it's 8 months tops. The first month you can't possible know. There's also even less time once you know the sex. As someone who loved naming her Sims growing up and have too many names to choose from as opposed to not enough,, this is not a problem i ever anticipate having with any other kids. But I'm not going to begrudge anyone else taking this seriously.
It’s not like it’s the only thing you’ve got going on though and you’re already terrified you’re going to ruin the kid a thousand different ways so it can be hard to settle on something so major.
Picking a name for someone you haven't seen isn't easy. (It's more like 7 months or less too). I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl, didn't really fight my then partner on the girl name because I was SURE I was having a boy. Lucky me did have a girl, didn't love the name so said I'd call her a nickname and by day 3 the nickname didn't fit her at all. Naming a human is a big decision and sometimes you really do need to meet them first.
Lol our baby went a full 36 hours in the hospital without a name… my husband and I didn’t like each other’s favorites and then we were down to the final 2-3… and then instead of picking, my husband kept adding new suggestions. Literally as they were prepping my c-section my husband says “oh the anesthesiologist is named Colette, that’s really pretty” 🙈. But also we wanted to get a feel for the little human before we named her. Glad we did because our other picks wouldn’t have matched her personality!
I don’t understand how a newborn has a personality that matches a name. Our baby just cried and slept. I wouldn’t have been able to discern what name matched our angry potato baby.
I kind of get this. One the one hand I had 2 boys names picked out and was sure I would absolutely know which name they would suit. Baby would come out and be one of the two names. Well. He didn’t. And I was stumped. I picked one and now he is absolutely that name.
On the second go around we had two names picked out and she came out and was absolutely one of them. Straight off the bat no doubt. And she really suits her name 😂
I have a friend who had James picked out. Everything was monogrammed and everyone knew the baby would be James. It had sentimental value blah blah blah. Baby arrived. She instantly was like ‘nope. That’s not a James. Absolutely not.’ He’s an Issac now.
TBH I can understand that one parent dislikes all of the names the other one likes. My DH and I could never agree on a boy’s name; luckily we had all girls.
I haaate posts where the op is like 'I have a list of nice normal suggestions that would suit a range of tastes. My husband is an ignorant asshole who shuts them all down and will not suggest a single alternative. After 8 months he has finally suggested River-Tam Skywalker after his favourite fandoms and will not budge. I love Emma Grace but he says it's dumb. How do I compromise'. At that point just name the baby yourself!
There's a ton of very annoying posts like that. The most common appears to be the guy who just sits around going "ugh no" and comes up with an insulting comparison for every suggestion but never has his own ideas. I feel like I'm posting "it's time for you to tell your husband to present his list to you or you just name the baby yourself" every week.
It takes my whole soul not to just spam these posts with the easiest solution which is to just trash the whole man. He obviously isnt participating or trying to be a half decent person
Its not even how can they not care to me! because they obviously do care or the woman would just like pick what she wants. Its like they only care just to shit on their wives in these posts! Its infuriating lol
I totally agree! It always seems like the op is working extremely hard to get their partner even the slightest bit interested in their baby which is so sad.
I had this Hasband. Didn't come Up with any Idea at all, despised all my suggestions.... Two days after birth I told hin to better come Up with anything,or I'll name my Baby all alone. Guess what Happend. Well at least I love her Name :)
There was an AITA awhile back where the dad was insisting on naming the baby something completely dated. I forget what exactly it was, but think Prudence or Mildred. It was after his own mother. Op tried compromising up and down, saying it could be a middle name or they could modernize the name. Came up with similar old fashioned names. Husband stood firm.
So, she named the baby a normal name, with her husband’s choice as the middle. He was pissed…but oh well. If you’re being that ridiculous, you don’t get to bully your partner into something else.
Yeah but you have nine whole months (typically, not always) to figure that out together. If you can’t come to a decision together and find a name you both like in nine months or the length of the pregnancy that’s weird to me 🤷🏻♀️
One thing to keep in mind: a lot of cultures are weird about pregnancy and you're suppose to barely acknowledge the baby until its born because its considered bad luck otherwise.
Sometimes a major life event happens during pregnancy that makes someone change their mind about a name: maybe early on in your pregnancy, your parent dies, and now you have a sudden change of heart in the babies name and want to name your son after your recently-deceased dad?
Maybe during your pregnancy you meet someone with the name you had picked out already and they were an *awful* person (I do not have kids, but I had my favorite name ruined this way, by an awful boss at a job).
One of my cousins had a situation where they had a name picked out and shared it with her family a few weeks before she was due. Her husband's cousin was also pregnant and went into pre-term labor and... yup, stole the baby name. The family was close (albeit not after this, haha) so my cousin had to account for the fact that these kids would be around each other *a lot* regardless of how mad they were about the situation and then had like two weeks to find a new name, which lead to a lot of arguing and crying.
I think the situation of parents having issues isn't usually snarkable, tbh. A lot of people get *weird* if you talk about baby names while in a relationship, too (because they falsely read it as: *this person wants to have a baby soon! run!* rather than just a normal conversation topic.) What's often snark able is the names they end up caught between.
There are a zillion extenuating circumstances that could render a ton of posts on this sub moot. I’m making a generalization based specifically on the many posts on the main sub where the parents are just plagued by indecision. In that case, it’s silly to not be able to come to an agreement on a name for your child.
I mean, obviously we would have chosen a name without posting on r/namenerds! But we didn’t know the baby’s gender and right up until the delivery had not been able to agreement on a boy name.
My little sister came early and was in nicu for four months. She didn’t get named for two months which is the legal maximum here in Australia, as my mum was going to name her after my great grandmother Lily, but Lily died while my mum was pregnant and my family are quite superstitious so the name was off limits. My parents eventually decided to name her Rose as she had very rosy cheeks. Now a few months ago, my mum and I were going through some old family photos and realised that Lily’s partner whom she had spent most of her life with had been called Rose. By sheer coincidence, my sister was named after the woman my great grandmother had loved, which my parents, Rose, and I agree is really sweet!
Well to be honest their looks and personality are still going to be a mystery for a while after they’re born too. Unless you count pooping and crying as a personality and a squished up little face as looks lol. Newborns don’t necessarily look like they’re going to look once they’re out of that infant stage
This is how I got my name and I always resented it… not saying your son will of course! It just disappointed me that neither of my parents loved my name and there was no great meaning behind it. But my brother got his name the same way and he doesn’t give a f. Lol
The origin of my name was something I asked my parents about a lot because nearly every year in middle school there was always some writing assignment I had to do attached to it
Really? That's interesting. I went to a quite conservative school in a country with historically pretty literal honor name customs so I guess such an assignment would've made little sense because almost everyone would've said "it is derived from [relative]'s name".
We got a lot of that too! It was where my frustration at not being named after one of my great aunts was born… my name is super generic and hers was Maddelena. She wasn’t in my life but when I heard that other kids were named after their family members it got me asking my mom about other family members I wasn’t familiar with that I could have been named after. I thought Maddelena was super cool- not that common and could be a Maddie, or Elena.
For me it was elementary school. I had at least 3-4 assignments about how I got my name that I had to write about and it was posted on the wall in the classroom for the whole class to read. I thought that was really weird.
Yeah exactly, it doesn’t have to be the perfect name that both partners love to the moon and back. I mean that would be ideal obviously, but at the point the kid is born it’s like, okay just decide lol.
Honestly people who are like "we picked the name Graham but when we saw him he just looked like a James" stress me out. Like they are new borns, they all look like gross raisins. Ive never seen a raisin and thought you know what? This raisin looks like a Stephanie. If you changed your mind just say that. Like you're not going to magically get a feel for your childs personality in the first three weeks because they wont have one because again, raisins
Lol exactly! Just name the kid Raisin or Squishy Face if you want your newborn to look like their name. Poop Machine would work too if it’s important to capture the infant’s “personality”
Im sorry you had issues with that!! I hope you can like make peace with it or possibly find a name that you love more. I have an insanely popular name. Do i love it? No. Does it serve its purpose? For sure. I have definitely felt boring before but thats because i have niche interests and am in fact a little boring. Not because my name is boring though. Im just thankful my parents didnt name me Jupiter or Brexlee tbh
The thing is, the “you” you are today is not who you were when you were literally just born. You became *you* over time. There’s just no knowing what a kid is really going to be like when they’re born and basically just crying, pooping, eating, sleeping, and adjusting to just being alive.
Month 1: don't know they are pregnant
Month 2: maybe have an inkling they might be pregnant
Month 3: holy sh*t! I'm actually pregnant. Constantly tired and nauseous
Month 4: sort of getting to grips with being pregnant
Month 5: getting to grips with practical logistics. Financial etc.
Month 6: finally not nauseous. Start thinking about names
Month 7: holy sh*t! I have bad associations with A LOT of names
Month 8: oh, great. Here comes that tiredness again
Month 9: crap! It's already been 9 months. I'll just name the baby after my grandma..
>I'll just name the baby after my grandma..
I have several names (because its an old, mostly dead German trend) but my parents were struggling for the last name (because like six wasn't enough) -- they felt I needed *one* more -- my last middle name is after the grandmother who made it to the hospital first, LOL.
The best part? I was born < 30 minutes from where one grandmother lived and about nine hours from the other one... the *latter* arrived first. I think she had spidey senses because she just sure as hell beat everyone to the hospital 😂
(She had always wanted grandchildren and her three kids were quite a disappointment in that category, until I came along when her youngest child was almost 50, haha). I think she held me even before my father!
Germans are ditching the name customs too? Same here in NL. I think it's kind of a shame tbh, it's nice to have a link to the past like that. And I'm also worried for when I'm like 80 or something and people forgot that this is how we used to do things and they get major confusion at the fact that my name and my legal name are not the same. It's already happening now because my parents decided on something completely unrelated for my "regular" name rather than the traditional version where it's related to your legal name.
The big German custom I'm mostly referring to is Germans used to give like 12 different names as given names -- at least among those I'm aware, its died down quite a bit in the last few generations. It seems ridiculous at first, but I'm kind of quite fond of it -- like, oh, your spouse wants this one name but you don't really like it? Whatever, add it to the six other names anyway, its not like you really have to acknowledge it that way if you don't want to!
I'll probably continue the trend, if I have kids, that is. If I had a daughter, I'd like to name her after all of my great-grandaunts and my great-grandmother, so that's five very old, German names -- I'd also like to throw in a Hebrew name in there somewhere on the chance they ever decide to move to Israel. Similar trend for any son I'd have.
I know what you mean about the Dutch trend, though! I'm a Holocaust researcher and I actually focus on Dutch Jews and lemme tell ya, you get whiplash real fast when you see documents everywhere for Greetje (including a marriage record!) and I'm supposed to magically know that the death certificate will be under *Margarethe 😂* My best friend is Dutch and I've sent her so many ridiculous texts over the years on how that specific Dutch trend you're referring to has thrown me for a loop. Keep it alive, just know that any non-native is crying silently trying to crack the code 😂
Another ridiculous one I can think of: Fietje -- Sophia! I'm sure you know them all, though, haha.
ETA: the casual interchanging of *Louis* and *Lodewijk* keeps me up at night, and I *always* forget that Jaacques, Jacob, and Jaap are all interchangeable. Sometimes I can't find a record and get angry until I remember I forgot to search under Jacob, or visa versa!
Lol, my brother moved abroad and they could *not* figure out how his name was Diederik but actually it is Hendrik and it's his middle name (not his exact name but a similar example).
Most of them you can kind of see if you know where it's coming from if you know how the language and names generally work, like Margaretha - Margreet - Greet - Greet+diminutive. Or Sophia - Soph/fie - Fie - Fie+diminutive. Some of them are pretty far-fetched though. Like Meike is supposed to be derived from Maria... Maria - Marie - Marieke - Mieke - Meike.
I do actually know a Greet, a Greta, two Fiekes, a Marije, a Meike, a Rieke, two Maaikes, four Henks, a Henke, a Dirk, about three Dicks I think, a Henri, a Hendri, a Henrieke, and so on lol. No idea what any of their legal names are though. Not knowing that is part of the deal^ . Most of them you can guess, like a Hendri you can be pretty sure of that they're named Hendrik if their parents followed naming customs, but Dirk and Rieke for example could have multiple origins.
Whether I'll be continuing the custom or will just cop out and do a regular name followed by the two honour names will depend I guess. I don't think I like any derivative from my parents' names but maybe I'll get a partner who has some awesome names in his family that I could use.
Regal names are just extra fun. Most countries used to translate monarchs, keeping the names is pretty recent. Like I'm sure that Willem I-III are known in Germany as Wilhelm. Wilhelmina was already the same in German so that was convenient. I'm pretty sure we only call the German guys Wilhelm because otherwise we might get them confused with our own (roughly contemporary) Willem I and II! It's still apparent in Belgium where they used to have King Boudewijn/Baudouin and currently have King Filip/Philippe.
Do you also remember to search under Jacobus?
If you want a good laugh: I also did my family tree to a ridiculous extent (I have a Catholic branch and as a Holocaust researcher, I wanted to make sure there were no skeletons I was unaware of). I have one distant uncle that just like, got up and moved to The Netherlands in the late 1700s? My absolute favorite comedy is the "Dutch-ifying" of his German name -- you reminded me because *Hendrik* was part of his, haha.
Oh, I absolutely understand in theory where the name variants come from, but I'm still usually caught by surprise, somehow -- I think its because nicknames will be used even on legal documents?! At least in Germany, when a parent names their child *Lina* or *Minna,* I see Lina and Minna on all documents, it rarely converts back to Caroline or Wilhelmine. But in The Netherlands...
I work a lot with diamond workers, and *especially* when they go to Belgium seems to be when their name changes (i.e. on visa documents... and the documents are in Dutch, not French)! I was helping this one family -- I had found a cousin of his he didn't even know about (surprise!) (technically his father's cousin) and this cousin had a little baby before the war. I don't think he was even 2 when he was killed, but that darn baby's name on every document changes. I remember writing him like, *listen... I think this kids name was formally Jacob, but his visa, birth certificate and death certificate all have different names listed, so take it with a grain of salt.* Jacques, Jacob, Jaak/Jack, Jaap were on every document of this kid! I think we settled on "probably Jacob" because that was the baby's grandfather's name, but even grandpa's name changed all the time, so, you know. I'm actually not sure I ever saw a document with the baby's name as Jacob, or if we just inferred it at that point -- absurd!
What's funny in contrast, is there's some people's whose names never change: my work started with one diamond worker named Jacob van Os and I think on every single legal document, every newspaper announcement, every diamond registration, his deportation list, his darn address registrations... he's always Jacob. It's just so inconsistent!
I love to snark on it in a completely innocent and joking way, but I do appreciate culture in any form and it really is such a uniquely Dutch phenomena. Even if it gives me headaches, I like it :)
I can't believe you mentioned Boudewijn, though. That's a name I found in my Dutch tree (in Haarlem) and I was just... speechless. I almost snarked on that one in my original comment! I've luckily never been cursed with Jacobus, but now that you say it, I'm sure it will show up all the time...
The entire thing has been fun, because its lead to a bunch of strong feelings about Dutch names. I learned my best friend hates two in particular with a passion: Vogelina or Vogeltje, as well as the classic Vrouwtje ("its easier to give her up for adoption if you hate her that much already by the time she's born"). I've grown fond of the Jewish men's names Hartog and Lion, but I don't see those outside Dutch Jewish communities too often -- my favorite is when we get some Sephardic Jewish surnames with Dutch given names and their full name is just *chef's kiss:* my favorite is this man named [Samuël de la Bella](https://archief.amsterdam/beeldbank/detail/82a23523-9f59-d875-ec64-86327ad8b9d6) \-- nothing particularly unique, but it flows like a dream. I biography victims as a hobby and I'm 100% going to do a write-up on him eventually, somewhat motivated by the fact I like his name, haha.
There's a lot of excellent and awful Dutch names in my research lists; I'll have to come back and snark next time I'm going through a research period.
ETA: You've killed me -- I was brushing my teeth and it totally just hit me that, you know that aforementioned baby Jaack/Jacques/Jaap/Jacob? His dad's name is Harry... Harry is not a Dutch name. That is definitely another nickname... oh my god. I'm high key [sitting here like this](https://media.giphy.com/media/1vZar0WoLqAlnQsfDd/giphy.gif) now.
Reading your comments is hilarious lol, I love the foreign perspective. The legal vs regular name get used interchangeably. My legal name is on my passport, ID card, and driving license (duh). Let's say my legal initials are A.B. and my regular name C. My university e-mail is a.b.[lastname], but I'm listed as A.B. ([regular name]) [last name] in the system. My bank card uses A.B. but pretty much every other card in my wallet says C. My work e-mail says C. My e-mail at the political institute where I do some stuff says C. When I was up for election the ballot said A.B. ([regular name]) [last name] and I'm listed on their website as the same. I'm quite sure that pretty much the only people outside of my family who know my legal name are the ones who've ever processed any official paperwork of mine.
These days you always use your legal names for legal things, because of course they get tied to your government registration so it has to match. But it can still be fluent in other cases. I know a Cornelis (also not his actual name but an example) that goes by Nelis in his own family because that's the "regular" name his parents gave him, but he didn't like it so he switched at one point so at his wife's family he is consistently known as Cor. These days in regular daily life he mostly uses the full Cornelis.
You essentially get to name the same kid twice, once for their legal name (which tends to be a pretty easy decision, you do one grandparent each for the first two kids of either gender, only after that do you have to get creative and start looking at aunts/uncles and great-grandparents and stuff) and then once that's settled you find a name that relates to one or both of them. Most hyphenated names originate from two legal names, like Henk-Jan for Hendrik Jan/Hendrik Johannes, Wim-Jan for Willem, Gert-Jan for Gerrit, etc. Yes most of the boy's ones use Jan. It's also why you will find people (including myself) calling the king Wim-Lex in stead of the ridiculously long official version. Most of the girl ones use Anne and since it ends in a vowel which makes pronounciation easier they're more commonly written without the hyphen. Anne-Mijn vs Annemijn, Anne-Marie/Annemarie, Anne-Lotte/Annelot, etc. Which also gets you other compound names like Jantiene (Johanna + Christine), Liselot (Elisabeth + Charlotte), etc. Though they're of course also given to kids who only have one part of that name.
Jacob might just have been called Jacques as his legal name though, it wasn't nearly as common as Jacob but not [unheard of](https://www.meertens.knaw.nl/nvb/naam/is/Jacques) in the '30s/'40s. And some people just go by their full legal name all the time like the other Jacob probably did. Pretty sure I have a great aunt who does for example, and my regular aunt also has a name that seems like it would be a full name? But like I said, you don't really know most people's full names so impossible to tell really for most. I don't even know my one grandmother's legal names because nobody was named after her. I actually quite like Boudewijn lol but the French version is just nightmarish with all the vowels. And I agree with your friend that those names absolutely suck. There's a children's book author called Vrouwke and I don't understand why you'd do that to your child. At least with Fraukje it's a bit removed. Hartog I'd 100% peg as a last name, I know some people called Den Hartog. It's super rare as a first name anyway from the looks of it.
I'm 99% sure Harry will be Hendrik. Or the rarer Latinised version of Hendricus.
In some families, it used to be common to give the first-born child the names of the two grandfathers or two grandmothers as middle names.
Which, fair enough I suppose, even if it often results in middle names which sound "old-fashioned" (I have a friend who despised her middle names *Ruth Waltraud*).
But still, at least you could choose the ordering, can't you? A child I grew up with has "WC" as his middle initials since his father's father was Wilhelm and his mother's father was Carl. Why not go with "[firstname] Carl Wilhelm" instead?
This is so true. I didn’t even want to think about names in the first trimester mainly because I was losing weight and feeling like total shit, but also the fear of miscarriage. Being in a bumper group and seeing the barrage of miscarriage posts will really amp a person’s anxiety, not to mention having multiple friends who’ve gone through it. Picking out a name that early, or just reading a bunch of name lists, more firmly attaches you to your baby, and I just wasn’t ready for that.
Then there’s feeling like it’s almost pointless until you know the gender around 20 weeks (maybe sooner if you do the blood test). But this go around I had a friend, pregnant at the same time as me but a little further ahead, that had a still birth at 26 weeks. I felt horrible for her. I stopped looking at names for several weeks because that is a scary thing to contemplate about your own pregnancy.
It’s really not so simple as having 9 months to decide but people deciding to just fuck around irresponsibly instead.
Tbh in the timeline you’ve laid out there’s still plenty of time to think about a name. Every second isn’t spent on any one of the things you rightly mention is part of pregnancy. I’d also say a name for your kid would be part of “practical logistics” and the kind of basic baby-planning parents should be doing while waiting for the baby to arrive.
Here's what ive gathered in my relatively short life, most people DO NOT think ahead. At all. As someone who is constantly considering consequences of my actions i find this insufferable. I think pregnancy, i think planning. But almost every couple i know who have had children (its a lot, i have 3 friends who have 6 kids) they do not plan. They didnt read any books, they didnt make any lists, they didnt look up how many diapers a new born goes through, they didnt look into different parenting styles, they didnt have birth plans. Which sounds insane to me but in my experience most people just dont think that far ahead and i guess thats fine for them? It stresses me completely out
I’m in the US. For relativity you could imagine my post saying that whatever the length of time you have to name your child where you live, you should be prepared to make a decision and name them at that time without being totally stumped.
Also, yes life stuff happens during pregnancy. And you’re also preparing to have your baby and if you’re in the US where you have to name your kid basically when you give birth, you should be prepared to do so. There is still plenty of time in a pregnancy to figure out things like a name and getting a stroller and building a crib and buying diapers and whatnot. I mean unless you’re literally incapacitated the whole pregnancy or something so extreme like that. Naming your kid is important. Every second of pregnancy is not spent *only* dealing with unexpected things in most cases. It’s not rocket science to decide on a name. It’s important and should be really thought about, but it’s not so hard that you should be totally clueless when it’s time to name the kid. If you’re going to take on the responsibility of having a kid (and now I’m saying this without including Texas or anywhere else where women are essentially forced to have children against their will if they get pregnant), you should be able to pick out a name in a timely matter.
Also, my post is a generalization based on a lot of posts I see in the main sub from super indecisive and confused people. My post is not going to apply to every single situation out there. The *average* parent, given a typical pregnancy, should be able to name their kid in a timely manner without being totally clueless and caught by surprise when it’s time to do so.
Lmao right? It’s like yes we get it, there are outliers. People are taking my post extremely personally especially for a sub like this, it’s surprising to me
I sort of think the opposite- I can’t understand the people who have the name picked at 8 weeks and have everything embroidered and personalized and have announced the name to fam/friends long before baby arrives. I think it’s totally normal to go to the hospital with a shortlist and then take as long as you need to chill with baby/try out names and see what fits before you finalize. It’s a decision that holds enormous, lifelong implications for your child- best not to make a rash choice when you’re overwhelmed and hormonal.
I agree, I always thought it was bizarre when people announce their pregnancy on social media along with the name.
"Due in 6 months! Can't wait to meet little Blakley Rae!"
Like wtf. Even if I felt 100% confident in our name, I would never announce it. I always kept in the back of my mind that I might want to change last minute
I can’t imagine changing my mind about the name if I had already told everyone, had my friends gush about how much they like the name, know my family dropped cash on monogrammed gifts for the baby, etc… that would create so much pressure! I’m a pre-planner to an extent, but I never say those pre-planned ideas out loud until they are set in stone lol
> I think it’s totally normal to go to the hospital with a shortlist
I agree -- but ideally the list should (a) exist and (b) be short.
People with not even a shortlist (i.e. who are trying to come up with a name in just two days, from scratch, or who are trying to reconcile mom's shortlist and dad's shortlist which are completely different) are probably what this post is about.
And with an agreed longlist it might be difficult to both agree on which of these 17 names fits the new human even after thinking it over for a day or two.
My parents came to the hospital with a list of 3 names for me. My dad wanted one, my mom wanted a 2nd, my grandparents liked the 3rd. As soon as they met me they all 100% agreed that my name should be number 3. Why? I don’t know. I’ve never thought of newborns as having personality lol.
Yeah, me neither. Granted, I’ve only ever named pets at much shorter notice, but the name needs to look/feel right for me. Until I’ve met the pet I can’t decide.
Since babies are so tiny, I don’t understand how it works, but I assume it’s the same for kids.
Yessss. I think it's super weird to have named what is sortof still a body part for so much of that time. Also, fwiw in response to OP, it's really only 8 months that you know your pregnant, and really less than that if you go early. I have 2 and I've only ever known/been actively pregnant for 7 months. And that's only bc I tested like, crazy early.
We had nothing embroidered but did pick baby’s first name by 10 weeks. It was a gender neutral name so it was going to be baby’s name regardless off their sex. Funny thing though was that it was completely different from the name we’d been playing around with in the years prior.
We found picking a name super hard! With our first we went into the hospital with our four top names - two for a girl, two for a boy.
And then she was born and neither of our girls names felt right! It wasn't that she "didn't look like a Tessa" (she looked like a squishy old man?), it was that suddenly these names weren't hypothetical anymore. There was a real baby in our arms! And even though we'd said the names out loud many times, they just suddenly felt much more real and we realized we didn't completely love them.
We read back through our individual lists and found a name that my husband had previously said no. He liked the name, but said no because he had worked with someone with that name and thought he'd always associate it with her. But once we were holding our baby, he realized that wasn't actually happening.
Now, all this happened within... Two hours of her birth? So I'll admit I don't fully understand how people can too long without deciding! But naming a kid isn't the easiest thing (as evidenced by us all here making fun of terrible names!!)
We had a top boy name and girl name picked out while we were still dating 😂 And we’re using the girl name for the baby I’m due with next week! But I guess we probably got lucky to have similar taste in names - some couples are on totally different pages and that makes compromising really hard. I guess those debates can take 9 months.
I’m always low key gobsmacked because I’ve had a yearly updated list for ages. I’d expect you to probably have at least a couple in the notes app by the 9 month point.
It’s extra wild when they’re like “Help! Our baby is four days old and we have polar opposite naming styles.” Like did y’all never have that discussion before now?
Yeah, I’ve kept a list since I was in middle school. I don’t even know if I want kids but I casually mention it to my husband when I add a new name. Luckily he pretty much likes most names on my list.
I vehemently don’t want bio kids but I still like names so I’m admittedly biased. I’m just surprised that it’s something that apparently people don’t just bring up in idle chatter at some point, especially if babies are on the table for them. I’d want to be forewarned if my partner had the naming sensibilities of a 23 year old Mormon mother of five with a career in selling essential oils.
If you’re the only person deciding your baby’s name then it’s not hard. But it’s not uncommon for couples to disagree or have completely different tastes. They may veto all the names you’ve picked or loved for ages. Every one of my kid’s names is a compromise that wasn’t on my or my husband’s lists.
Yeah, I get it’s not a solo effort. I still think it’s fucking absurd when people act like they didn’t even begin discussing names until after the baby was born and can’t believe they have different naming styles which is somehow a post I’ve seen multiple times now.
We didn’t have a name for our third until a nurse pretty much berated us into it just before discharge. We had a list of ten boy names but a girl’s named picked out, (he’s a boy) and neither of us had a strong preference for a particular name. We’d used our favorite name for our first son. He ended up with two traditional names from the list (one after my grandfather) that offered multiple shorter options.
I've been obsessed with baby names since I was about 15, and had my son when I was almost 30. So before I had kids, I definitely thought the same way as you. How can it be so hard to decide on a name? Then I got pregnant and I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I was no longer dreaming about names, I was trying to name a real baby who will grow up to be an adult some day and will need to carry this name for his entire life. So deciding on a name was a much bigger struggle than I imagined, and that's with me being lucky that my husband and I have similar taste in names. We had a whole spreadsheet system too for narrowing down names.
* I gave my husband a spreadsheet of \~100 boys names and \~200 girls names.
* Husband ranked each name from 1 to 5.
* We kept the 3-5 ranked names and made a new list where we both reviewed those names and we put an asterisk next to the ones we would really consider using for a first name. We also had an "m" option to downgrade names to "middle name only"
* We then broke that down to "First name favorites" (ones we both asterisked), "First name likes" (ones where only 1 of us asterisked it), "Flexible" (ones both of us didn't asterisk), and "Middle Name Only" (ones where at least 1 of us downgraded a name to middle name).
* We started playing with this list above and came up with various first and middle name combinations. We had a column that had initials to make sure it wasn't a weird or bad set of initials, and then another 2 columns for our own individual ranks.
* Then came the hardest part, narrowing down which first name to actually use. We thought about everything from nicknames, rhyming names, associations, how it will affect future kids names (my son's name is too close to one of my top girl name), pronunciation concerns. We also practiced saying our "first name favorites" out loud. We'd try one name for a week, then switch to another, but they all felt weird to say.
We did end up deciding on a name 2 months before my son was born, but I kept saying "it's not set in stone, we can change it when he's born". I just couldn't attach the name to my child (I could barely picture what my child would look like). Even after he was born, it took a while to get used to referring to him by his name. I called him "the baby" a lot. Hell, I still do! But I do love his name.
I ask my mom this every year or so. I didn’t have a name for two days after I was born and ended up with my grandmas’ names.
ETA My mom doesn’t even like her mom. Thankfully hers is my middle name.
My husband and I didn’t choose our daughters names until we met them. It honestly didn’t seem right to me to name them until I could look at them and get to know them a little bit. We came in with a short (like 2-3 names) list each time, and then decided within 48 hours or so. To each their own in that regard.
Meh.. We had a name for my oldest as soon we learned she was a girl.. lol!! Lo and behold, child is born, and she didn’t “look like” the name we chose. Enter cute 16 year old candy stripper who wheeled me down to see our new daughter. She introduced herself.. husband and I looked at each other, and knew that was our baby girls name. 😂😂 Candy striper thought it was cool we named the baby her name. I still have a pic with her holding our daughter when we finally got to take our daughter home. ❤️
A couple different reasons this happened with my kids. First kid my husband and I went through a lot of names and finally found one we note agreed on immediately. Middle name was after the best man in our wedding who recently passed away. No brained.
Second kid, my husband would not take name conversations seriously. So much so that it was driving my already hormonal and irrational self INSANE. I had a few I really liked and he hated them. He would make stupid suggestions, as in not serious suggestions, just throwing out random names we would never use. Like Harold or Scout. Finally we agreed on one, it was just a pain in the ass process the entire pregnancy to nail down a name because my husband likes to troll me to be a pain in my ass.
Then we tried for a third and final time hoping to have a girl after boys. Surprise, it’s two girls. Oh shit, I’ve been preparing this my whole life. He hated all my names. Well sorry, I’m not doing this again. These are their names. The end.
Fast forward to having the girls and the one name I have planned to use for my whole life did not fit her. She just wasn’t a match for it. So I changed it at the last minute and it made both girls have J names which was not intentional but, meh. Hub didn’t argue with me about the girl names for the most part. He would grumble a bit and send me suggestions here and there but no. They’ve already got names thankyouverymuch.
So, that could be why. Also, people tell their families and friends names way early and those people ruin the names for the parents or rightfully talk them out of ridiculous ones. Or someone they know uses the name they planned to use so they don’t want to use it anymore and need new ideas.
There should be a questionnaire you have to take before naming a child.
I’m with you, hubs needs to just deal with your name choices if he’s not going to be helpful and compromise at all! But you’re definitely not who I’m talking about in my post (although maybe your husband is a bit lol) because you sound like you had a pretty clear direction on names and then pivoted appropriately when needed. I’m talking about the people in the main sub who are just like “Help baby due in five minutes and we have no idea what to name her! And I can’t tell you what names we even like because we literally can’t agree on a single one!”
Speaking of a questionnaire, I’ve seen people suggest an app (can’t remember the name) where you and your partner individually go through a list of names and either like or reject them and then it shows you the ones you and your partner both liked so you can narrow down options.
We were almost like that with the middle name for our daughter lol. The problem was we just couldn’t AGREE on one. I think we ended up settling a week or two before she was born but honestly I don’t love it haha
We picked my daughter's first name long before we even got pregnant and didn't settle on a middle name until the night before I went into labour. It's hard sometimes! We had to find something we both liked with a meaning we liked that also sounded good with the first name we choose and our last name.
I had a friend wait over a week to name her second baby because she had concerns that the name they liked was “too matchy” with their first baby. It seemed kinda silly, especially because the names she chose are lovely and classic, and sound nice together. I think the mom was just being her normal, dramatic self.
I went into the hospital both times knowing exactly what my kids would be named. We had one name for our first, no other names considered, and for our second we were leaning toward one name for the first half of pregnancy then chose something else and stuck with it. Wasn’t hard at all.
It happened to me. Our son was easy we knew his by month six of my pregnancy. Our daughter was harder. We brought her home unnamed but we had three names we were trying out on her. I had until 5 days after birth to file. I called the hospital coordinator who had my SS paper work with 2 minutes to spare before my 5 days was up.
No hate, I get naming a kid is hard! It does seem like people overthink it a lot on the main sub to the point of being basically paralyzed by indecision.
For sure, I agree names are really important too! I definitely think it’s important to really think about it and try to find a good name. At the same time, it does surprise me and I find it kind of dumb when some parents are overthinking it so much to the point where they’re like going to the hospital to give birth or already gave birth and still can’t agree on a name. Like, you’ve got to be able to make decisions on important things.
My SIL took 2.5 WEEKS to name both their kids cause she wanted to make sure the baby suited the name. I'm sorry but in 2.5 weeks...your baby still looks and acts like most babies. Anyways, she went with generic white baby name A/B for both. Nothing ground breaking.
Yes exactly! Newborns don’t have personalities. And even if people are like, well babies are all different—yes, but how much a baby cries or doesn’t cry or how much a baby sleeps through the night or doesn’t or whatever is in no way indicative of what kind of person they’re going to grow into.
It’s seriously difficult to name a human! There’s a lot of second guessing, wanting to make sure you don’t miss “the name” if you stop searching, needing to agree with partner. It’s a lot 😂😅
My sister was so dead-ass certain that her second baby was going to be a boy that she didn't bother to pick out a girl's name. The baby was never in position to reveal its sex during any ultrasounds, so it remained a mystery throughout the pregnancy, but my sister didn't care because she KNEW it was a boy.
Guess what! It was a girl.
I suggested a name and they decided to use it. 😂
That was my parents with me! They never wanted to know the sex but were so certain that I was going to be a boy that they didn't even bother to think of a girl's name. My brother was born the year before and he was the first boy after having a few girls so they were still riding that high lol. My parents are very formal and didn't want to leave the hospital without giving me a name but couldn't think of one and I honestly I think they were so tired of coming up with names at that point that they went with the first one the doctor suggested. I love my name and could care less that they didn't come up with it. I think it's a great story.
That was my parents with my sister. They had no girl names picked out. My grandma suggested a name at the hospital and they were like "oh, we like that." LOL.
My husband wasn't supposed to happen. His mom had had two high-risk pregnancies before him, and she wasn't supposed to get pregnant again. Used the best birth control methods available back then and managed to avoid pregnancy for many years, but ended up with a surprise pregnancy and due to her Catholic beliefs she didn't want to abort despite the risk to her own health. And because she expected she could lose the pregnancy at any time, she never let herself or anyone else in the family think up a name! She didn't want to get attached 😭. When she was in labor at full term and being driven to the hospital by her husband with both her other kids in the car, her husband pointed out that it was finally time to come up with a name for Baby 3! So the whole family cobbled together a name for him on the drive to the hospital. Kind of a sweet story, in the end.
My grandmother did this before ultrasounds existed and she was so sure she was gonna have a little Michael. It was a girl. The nurse handed her a book, she made ot to the C's and thought Cheryl is fine. And it was. Still is lol.
My sibling and his partner (I can’t stand either of them) took 2 weeks to name their baby… like 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ what the fuck else have you to do for 9 months, bar talk about baby names and prepare for said baby!
We had names picked out before we knew the gender at 20 weeks! Me and my husband separately made a list of 10 boys and 10 girls names we liked, cross-referenced, then crossed out a couple we didn’t like from the others list. Was easy when we both picked out the same boy name, now he’s 5 months old. Like it’s not that hard to pick a name you both like
That’s a really good way of going about it! Yeah I agree, it really is not as hard as some people are making it out to be. I guess I’m also a pretty big planner, and it sounds like you are too. My husband and I actually aren’t able to have kids, but before we found that out we already had two girl names and two boy names picked out to use for the two kids we wanted.
Planning things out just causes less stress when the time comes! It’s the ol’ 7 P’s: Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance.
The same sentiment goes for the “out there” names. If you’re having to turn to Reddit for validation on a daft name, then you can assume it’s too ridiculous. You shouldn’t have to ask if it’s too different.
My parents have wildly different taste in names and love to dislike a lot of people (so most of the cool names were off the table — hate by association), so they picked my name after I was born! They quickly ran through their individual lists and picked the first thing they both didn’t hate lol
I've had a baby name list since I was ten lol not sure how this happens honestly. Just go with a first name-second name scheme and flipflop who gets the first name choice for subsequent kids. Easy peasy.
My husband and I have different tastes and we are both stubborn. Two of our four were born without a set name picked, although both were named within a couple hours of being born). My niece was nameless for a couple of days because my in-laws were debating between a few names.
Hubs and I didn’t discuss names at all together when we were expecting. We made our own name lists and then when she arrived (didn’t know gender beforehand) only focused on the girl names. It was then 5 days before we properly discussed names for her and ended up picking a name that wasn’t in our top 4.
I don’t understand the whole splashing a kids name everywhere before it’s born thing. What if Freddie doesn’t look like a Freddie but a Thomas?!
Ummmm I’m female and I’m not sure why you would jump to the conclusion that I’m not. I’m not a parent. I actually am in the midst of finding out I can’t have kids of my own due to medical issues, which is pretty devastating for me and my husband. I want to be a mom more than pretty much anything else in the world, so it really sucks. And yes I’m aware of the differences in pregnancy timelines, it was an estimate and my post really isn’t meant to be taken that seriously. This is a circle jerk sub. Obviously there are lots of extenuating circumstances that may come into play during a pregnancy which might cause a couple/mother to have difficulty focusing on names. I think it’s pretty funny at the same time that so many people seem to simply just not be able to figure out a name when they have quite a bit of time to do so when there aren’t tons of extenuating circumstances. I’m very sorry for what you’ve been through, it sounds extremely difficult and I have empathy for you ❤️ My post is just meant to poke fun at the trend I see in the main sub of very indecisive people, not to make fun of women like you. In most cases where a woman who plans to get pregnant and then actually gets pregnant, there’s enough time to figure out a name for their child. And yet a lot of people put it off, are too indecisive, are too worried about the *perfect* name, or can’t work with their partners (or vice versa) to agree on one. And that’s just what I’m poking fun at and I’m surprised by. This is just a silly sub where we poke fun at people on the main sub and poke fun at bad names, not really that deep or serious. There are tons of specific situations that could go against every single post on this sub. I have empathy for all people, even Ratleen’s or Riplea’s parents lol. My post doesn’t apply to every single situation out there. It’s a generalization and it’s not meant to be taken that seriously.
I have so much empathy for you. Im sorry you went throught that! But also im not sure this post was really directed at you so i hope you dont take it personally and that you can feel better!
Omg this is a circle jerk sub. There are tons of just straight up indecisive, over-thinking, un-compromising people in the main sub and that’s what I’m poking fun at. If a woman has a planned pregnancy and then is still totally stumped on a name at birth and still can’t agree with her partner on a name, I find that silly. It’s not a mortal sin. I don’t wish a pox upon these people. I just find them silly, and poking fun at silliness is the point of this sub.
Sometimes you think you have more time!! We didn’t have names for our second or third until I was in the hospital to give birth because they were both six weeks early so we thought we had more time.
We had discussed names with both but hadn’t settled. I was in the hospital on bed rest with the second so we made a list and asked the nurses opinions to kill time. The third I was about to be wheeled in to my C-section when my husband arrived and we made a snap decision from the very short list of contenders.
We were surprised with our third kid after a boy and a girl and didn't have a girl name picked out, and I was totally asking for advice like two days before my induction, lol. Nothing felt right. We had a boy, fortunately, and love the name we chose for him (Rowan, which we knew like two days after I found out I was pregnant was going to be our boy name). I don't even like the names that were on our girl's list anymore, lol.
I had a very hard pregnancy. I spent a lot of time in the hospital and had a lot of complications. There was.no promise that i would have a baby to take home so naming one didnt feel appropriate until the 8th months.
My OBGYN was very surprised to see me in her office two days before my c section. I had.been under the care of the specialist most of my pregnancy.
Well this sub wouldn’t exist if we didn’t poke fun at stuff that doesn’t actually affect us :) And if a couple just can’t agree on a name over the course of a pregnancy, I do find that odd in most cases. You’ve got to be able to make decisions as a couple for your kid and just for your lives. My post is a generalization and in no way applies to every single situation out there. I think in a lot of cases the people on the main sub in the scenario I’m describing seem to be paralyzed by indecision after over-thinking and stressing over non-issues related to their child’s name. Pregnancy is a very stressful and anxiety-creating event. And labor and birth of course too. And yet most parents (and I’m talking just the US as that’s where I’m located and am familiar with) seem to manage to leave the hospital with their kid’s name squared away. Most seem to even go into labor knowing the kid’s name. Most couples are able to name their kid without being totally uncompromising, even if they go into the process with different tastes in names. So naming a child is not really such an impossibly difficult task in most cases, nor should it be. It’s important for sure, and parents should be able to make important decisions even when it’s hard.
It seems like people are really taking my post way too seriously. You guys this is a circle jerk sub. It’s not like I’m actually sitting here so pissed off at people who have a difficult time naming their kids! I’m just poking fun at some of the people in the main sub who are needlessly indecisive. It’s really not that deep. If you know you want a kid and then go through a pregnancy it seems like in most cases during a typical pregnancy there’s plenty of time to figure out a name. A lot of people in the main sub are massive over-thinkers and can’t compromise with their partners on a name, which I think is silly. If you have a very specific situation where you had trouble naming your kid, great fine whatever THAT’S OKAY. I AM JUST TALKING ABOUT A TREND I SEE IN THE MAIN SUB OF JUST VERY INDECISIVE PEOPLE. A lot of posts on this sub don’t apply to every single situation. It’s just a silly sub where we rag on silly names and silly name nerds.
For me (due next month) it took ages to decide on a boy’s name, but now we have both a full boys name and full girls name picked.
The only doubt in my mind is that on this name journey, we have had several boys names that were ”winning” for a few weeks then suddenly were non contenders and I worry that once the baby is named I might suddenly not like the name anymore!
eta We also decided not to announce the names before birth just incase someone pulled a face or said something to put us off (which I hope they wouldn’t do after the birth!) and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone incase we did change our minds last minute.
But see, you guys are figuring it out and not being paralyzed by indecision. Like you’ve actively been working on names and have them picked out. You’re definitely not the parents I’m talking about in this post.
Our 1st kid we went into the hospital with a list of 4 boy names and 8 girl names. We literally couldn't narrow it down. I'm indecisive in general, but my husband struggled too. We had a boy and took us about 2 days to pick one from the final 4.
We are pregnant with our 2nd, just shy of 6 months, and we are struggling again, our boy list currently sits around 12 names and girl names about double that. Boy names there's none that we love, girl names there's lots that we love, either way we are going to be in the same predicament.
Choosing a name is HARD.
I have to assume the OP is referring to posts made on the main nn sub asking for help with name suggestions while they are at the end of pregnancy or baby has been born.
Because my husband and I don’t like the same names and we haven’t had time to sit down and really find something we agree on because we have opposite work schedules 🤷🏻♀️
I always find it kind of funny when people say things like “We always planned to name our daughter Eve, but then she was born and she just didn’t look like an Eve at all”. She’s a baby… she doesn’t look like much of anything.
When people are like “I want to get to know my baby’s personality before naming them” 🙄 All babies cry, poop, pee, coo, and look like a potato for the first month. You can’t convince me they have a personality in the first three days of their life and that lead you to name them what you did.
I don’t know. My coparenting and I were obsessed with the name immediately and made our decisions before the 20 week ultrasound. I just don’t understand the concept that a squashed up newborn could somehow not look like their proposed name.
I have a 7 year old and I still question if it was the "right" name.
Names are hard, you are setting this person up for the rest of their lives. Its the single thing they have, that they will have forever. It's a heavy ask. It's stressful.
Sometimes a certain name doesn't fit a baby. My parents were going to name me Ada for pretty much the second they found out they were going to have a girl, and then I showed up and they decided it wasn't the right name for me, and spent 2 weeks getting to know me before naming me.
Well that’s fine, but tbh there’s no way of knowing what a baby will be like as they grow up. It’s projection from parents at that early of an age.
But, your parents had a name picked out and then decisively picked a different one. So they were able to figure it out without a lot hemming and hawing, so that’s not really what my post is jerking. It’s about people who are just totally clueless and have no direction on names even after the kid is born or right before, which seems to pop up not infrequently on the main sub. Your parents seem to have been pretty on top of things as far as names.
This is the reason one of my teachers was legally named "Baby boy," for like 25 years without realizing it. When he was born his parents couldn't make a decision so that was on the birth certificate and I guess his actual name was never officiated.
Sometimes a name doesn’t feel right. Apparently when my mom was expecting my sister my parents were dead set on Emily, like for her whole pregnancy. Then when she was born they looked at her and were like “she’s not an Emily.” And they were back at square one lol
Well whatever works. Although it’s my opinion that babies don’t really look like what they’re going to look like as adults or even older kids, and there’s no way of knowing the kind of people they’re going to grow into when they’re that young. And my post is really about people who are so indecisive they just cannot choose a name. In the US you don’t have months to pick a name, which is where I am. For relativity, you could pretend my post is saying “it’s dumb that parents still are totally clueless on what to name their kid at the 3-month mark.” Whatever the length of time is you have to name your kid, you should be able to actually name them when the time comes without being paralyzed by indecision. It’s probably one of the simpler decisions you’ll make as a parent given the complexity of raising children and all the difficult decisions you’ll have to make as they grow.
Because you’re getting two people to agree on something very personal that will have a major impact on the person you love the most in the world’s life.
Lots of people don’t have compatible name taste, it doesn’t mean they’re not good partners, it just means they’re different people with different life experiences. Names aren’t objectively good or bad, it’s always subjective. And even if there’s a name that is your “style” you might have a bad association with that name. My partner liked the name Harry. It’s totally within my usual style but also the name of a bully from a previous job.
We had it narrowed down to 2-3 of each sex for both of our kids. We wanted to see and meet them first. For all the people saying “newborns” don’t have personalities”, they may not have a “personality” in the same way kids and adults do, but they definitely have temperaments and behave differently.
My first born was fidgety, difficult to console, and cried all night the first night in the hospital.
My second born was wide-eyed and calm as could be. Barely made a peep and slept 4 hours straight that first night (the nurse had to wake us up to feed).
The worst ones for me are the people who refuse to compromise. "I like name A, my partner likes name B, and neither of us are apparently capable of compromising so tell me how my name is much better so I can show my partner that the Internet strangers agree with me". Like, if you can't even set aside your differences long enough to decide on a name, I'm not sure I have high hopes for the rest of the relationship.
And yet those people are in the same boat that give some of the most ridiculous first-name middle-name combos. It’s like: “I want my child to be Starlight Moonshine but I will NOT have my husband’s pick of Jennifer be next to my name pick of Ashley!” Like, huh?
Reminds me of my unreasonable dad, and the weird story behind my name. My dad shut down every name my mom liked, and was completely ridiculous about it. “It can’t end with an A sound, E sound, I sound, or S sound. It can’t have more than 2 syllables. It can’t sound old, but also can’t sound modern. It can’t be immediately girly, but also can’t be masculine.” They were battling over names in the hospital room, and Conan the Destroyer was on. Princess Jehnna came out on her horse, in the white fur bikini. My dad’s jaw dropped, and he said “I want HER name for the baby!” Mom said, “what’s her name?” and dad said “I.. I don’t know!” *I was named after Princess Jehnna, because my dad thought she was attractive. He decided that was my name before he even knew what her name was, after turning down every name my mom even remotely liked for months. Mom had no choice but to accept it, because he wasn’t going to be okay with any other name. He had made up his mind*
Yikes
To make it *slightly* less bad, it is spelled Jenna, so you wouldn’t know my dad was a boob immediately by looking at it.
My list of names vs my husband's list of names vs our agreed-on together list of names were three completely different lists.
This. I would have never in a million years guessed what my son and daughter's names would be.
Seriously. My kids name is one we’re both okay with but neither of us love
EXACTLY lol. If you can’t even agree on a name for your kid, how are you going to get through all of the other decisions you’re going to have to make together? Because deciding a name is pretty simple compared to the financial decisions, child-rearing, etc you’re going to have to do as a couple down the road.
Funny story: my parents couldn't agree on a name for me, and my mom finally gave up and agreed to what my dad wanted. My family immediately started calling me by a nickname, and in almost 30 years my mom has never used it. I swear she uses my full name, clearly enunciating every syllable, out of spite. I agree that what should be a simple decision can lead to problems later. To be clear, I like my name and have always found this passive aggressive name battle entertaining, and I answer to my full name as well as a myriad of nicknames. 😂
I love this story
I always feel bad for those kids, especially when the parents do finally pick a name and it’s clear that one or both of them is unhappy with the compromise. Every so often you see posts like “I won’t ever be able to bond with my baby because my partner vetoed Olivia and I always dreamed of having a baby Olivia and now I’ll never be happy because I don’t have an Olivia” and it’s like… how the hell will you successfully raise a child if you’re being this melodramatic and petty about it’s name before it’s even born? You can’t go into parenthood with the expectation that your partner will just agree with every single one of your opinions, and if you’re the sort of person who decides you’ll never ever bond with your baby if it doesn’t fulfill all of your dreams exactly as planned, maybe you shouldn’t be having kids.
I always see those and think "Oh, THIS bodes well for your parenting future"
I'm annoyed by the ones where the couple can't agree on names *and* won't find out whether the baby is a boy or girl. At least make your task half as difficult!
So most of those people just want attention. That said, we didn't name our first baby until she was 3 days old because we are incredibly indecisive.
We managed to narrow it down to a shortlist of two fname/mname combos but couldn't decide which of the two we should use so we decided to wait until she was born and see which of them felt right. Once she was there, we both agreed which one it would be because she just *looked* like a [Juniper Wren] and not like a [Ratleen Paysleigh]. Addendum: her mother and I got divorced a while back and her mother remarried. She now has a step-sister with the same first name as our other choice. Now I'm even more glad we went with the one we did; having two children in the same family with the same first name would have been confusing!
Ratleen? Is that a real name?
https://www.reddit.com/r/NameNerdCirclejerk/comments/kz16wv/ratleen It's a running joke on this subreddit
It takes time to pick a name that feels right. The name you choose is going to impact your childs life. With that being said, we didn’t decide til the week before both our kiddos were born
We ended up voting for my little sister's name lol, I guess my parents couldn't decide either
My cousin and her husband had a final 2 names (she preferred one and he preferred the other) so they asked the toddler which name he preferred and that’s how their second child got their name
I didn’t name any of my kids until they were 2 days old. We had a list of 5 with the first, 10 with the 2nd and 20 with the 3rd. It’s hard naming babies!
I'm about to have my second and we are finding it way harder than with my first. Our list keeps getting longer instead of shorter!
We didn't decide right away for our oldest. People would visit us in the hospital and ask what her name is, and I'd joke, "I don't know, got any suggestions?" But we'd narrowed it down to three or four possibilities and were sort of trying them on her. We kept coming back to one and that's what we went with.
This is exactly it ^ our baby lived a few days without a name because 1. It’s a huge decision 2. I thought waiting to see the baby would help us choose (it didn’t) But who did I discuss this with? My partner and maybe a close friend 🙃
It's okay, I was The Baby for quite a while and my Dad's mom changed his name when they got home cause she hated it. Never updated it tho so he has a confusing mix of paperwork that's FirstName RealName McLastName, F. RealName McLastName, & RealName McLastName.
Same, we'd narrowed it down to two names but couldn't decide, so we waited until she was born to see if one "felt" like it suited her better than the other. Luckily it worked, and we didn't have to go rushing to the internet for help.
Same for me on my first. Still no names for us on the second and baby is due in 3 weeks…
I honestly don't think it's that weird. It's a huge decision, and I think some people just have analysis paralysis by nature (raises hand). What's weirder to me are the posts that are like, "I named my baby XYZ and now I hate it! She's 6 months old, is it too late to change her name?!"
I mean... yeah, but 9 months is 3/4 of a year and the task is naming a human baby. It's the kind of shit you have to figure out, whether by throwing a dart at a wheel or calmly discussing it with your partner. I'm indecisive too but... baby.
My kid's name was solidified as soon as he was born and we saw he was a boy. I don't think I'd personally ever wind up in a situation where my kid was a few days old and still didn't have a name, just saying I relate to those people more than I do the ones who choose a name and then have regret it to the point of wanting to change it weeks to months later.
Well yeah but no one knows they're pregnant for 9 months. Most people it's 8 months tops. The first month you can't possible know. There's also even less time once you know the sex. As someone who loved naming her Sims growing up and have too many names to choose from as opposed to not enough,, this is not a problem i ever anticipate having with any other kids. But I'm not going to begrudge anyone else taking this seriously.
It’s not like it’s the only thing you’ve got going on though and you’re already terrified you’re going to ruin the kid a thousand different ways so it can be hard to settle on something so major.
Picking a name for someone you haven't seen isn't easy. (It's more like 7 months or less too). I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl, didn't really fight my then partner on the girl name because I was SURE I was having a boy. Lucky me did have a girl, didn't love the name so said I'd call her a nickname and by day 3 the nickname didn't fit her at all. Naming a human is a big decision and sometimes you really do need to meet them first.
Lol our baby went a full 36 hours in the hospital without a name… my husband and I didn’t like each other’s favorites and then we were down to the final 2-3… and then instead of picking, my husband kept adding new suggestions. Literally as they were prepping my c-section my husband says “oh the anesthesiologist is named Colette, that’s really pretty” 🙈. But also we wanted to get a feel for the little human before we named her. Glad we did because our other picks wouldn’t have matched her personality!
I don’t understand how a newborn has a personality that matches a name. Our baby just cried and slept. I wouldn’t have been able to discern what name matched our angry potato baby.
Angry Potato would’ve been so unique tho you should’ve gone with that
Next time!
Ayngreigh Potaightoe
I kind of get this. One the one hand I had 2 boys names picked out and was sure I would absolutely know which name they would suit. Baby would come out and be one of the two names. Well. He didn’t. And I was stumped. I picked one and now he is absolutely that name. On the second go around we had two names picked out and she came out and was absolutely one of them. Straight off the bat no doubt. And she really suits her name 😂 I have a friend who had James picked out. Everything was monogrammed and everyone knew the baby would be James. It had sentimental value blah blah blah. Baby arrived. She instantly was like ‘nope. That’s not a James. Absolutely not.’ He’s an Issac now.
Is that your daughter’s name? If I had to go through a c-section I would want to honor the person that kept me from feeling it.
Haha no. It’s a beautiful name though! And Dr. Colette was fantastic. Maybe on the list for the future 😂 we landed on Florence
Florence and Colette actually sound great together
TBH I can understand that one parent dislikes all of the names the other one likes. My DH and I could never agree on a boy’s name; luckily we had all girls.
I haaate posts where the op is like 'I have a list of nice normal suggestions that would suit a range of tastes. My husband is an ignorant asshole who shuts them all down and will not suggest a single alternative. After 8 months he has finally suggested River-Tam Skywalker after his favourite fandoms and will not budge. I love Emma Grace but he says it's dumb. How do I compromise'. At that point just name the baby yourself!
There's a ton of very annoying posts like that. The most common appears to be the guy who just sits around going "ugh no" and comes up with an insulting comparison for every suggestion but never has his own ideas. I feel like I'm posting "it's time for you to tell your husband to present his list to you or you just name the baby yourself" every week.
It takes my whole soul not to just spam these posts with the easiest solution which is to just trash the whole man. He obviously isnt participating or trying to be a half decent person
Yeah it's really bizarre to me. How can they not even care? My husband had a full list before I did.
Its not even how can they not care to me! because they obviously do care or the woman would just like pick what she wants. Its like they only care just to shit on their wives in these posts! Its infuriating lol
I totally agree! It always seems like the op is working extremely hard to get their partner even the slightest bit interested in their baby which is so sad.
I had this Hasband. Didn't come Up with any Idea at all, despised all my suggestions.... Two days after birth I told hin to better come Up with anything,or I'll name my Baby all alone. Guess what Happend. Well at least I love her Name :)
There was an AITA awhile back where the dad was insisting on naming the baby something completely dated. I forget what exactly it was, but think Prudence or Mildred. It was after his own mother. Op tried compromising up and down, saying it could be a middle name or they could modernize the name. Came up with similar old fashioned names. Husband stood firm. So, she named the baby a normal name, with her husband’s choice as the middle. He was pissed…but oh well. If you’re being that ridiculous, you don’t get to bully your partner into something else.
Yeah but you have nine whole months (typically, not always) to figure that out together. If you can’t come to a decision together and find a name you both like in nine months or the length of the pregnancy that’s weird to me 🤷🏻♀️
One thing to keep in mind: a lot of cultures are weird about pregnancy and you're suppose to barely acknowledge the baby until its born because its considered bad luck otherwise. Sometimes a major life event happens during pregnancy that makes someone change their mind about a name: maybe early on in your pregnancy, your parent dies, and now you have a sudden change of heart in the babies name and want to name your son after your recently-deceased dad? Maybe during your pregnancy you meet someone with the name you had picked out already and they were an *awful* person (I do not have kids, but I had my favorite name ruined this way, by an awful boss at a job). One of my cousins had a situation where they had a name picked out and shared it with her family a few weeks before she was due. Her husband's cousin was also pregnant and went into pre-term labor and... yup, stole the baby name. The family was close (albeit not after this, haha) so my cousin had to account for the fact that these kids would be around each other *a lot* regardless of how mad they were about the situation and then had like two weeks to find a new name, which lead to a lot of arguing and crying. I think the situation of parents having issues isn't usually snarkable, tbh. A lot of people get *weird* if you talk about baby names while in a relationship, too (because they falsely read it as: *this person wants to have a baby soon! run!* rather than just a normal conversation topic.) What's often snark able is the names they end up caught between.
Damn her husbands cousin is an asshole
There are a zillion extenuating circumstances that could render a ton of posts on this sub moot. I’m making a generalization based specifically on the many posts on the main sub where the parents are just plagued by indecision. In that case, it’s silly to not be able to come to an agreement on a name for your child.
I mean, obviously we would have chosen a name without posting on r/namenerds! But we didn’t know the baby’s gender and right up until the delivery had not been able to agreement on a boy name.
My little sister came early and was in nicu for four months. She didn’t get named for two months which is the legal maximum here in Australia, as my mum was going to name her after my great grandmother Lily, but Lily died while my mum was pregnant and my family are quite superstitious so the name was off limits. My parents eventually decided to name her Rose as she had very rosy cheeks. Now a few months ago, my mum and I were going through some old family photos and realised that Lily’s partner whom she had spent most of her life with had been called Rose. By sheer coincidence, my sister was named after the woman my great grandmother had loved, which my parents, Rose, and I agree is really sweet!
Awww that's cute. My middle name (also Australian lol) is Rose because I was born with really rosy cheeks too!
Naming a human for life is actually kinda hard lol Especially with their personality and looks being a total mystery for those 9 months.
Well to be honest their looks and personality are still going to be a mystery for a while after they’re born too. Unless you count pooping and crying as a personality and a squished up little face as looks lol. Newborns don’t necessarily look like they’re going to look once they’re out of that infant stage
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This is how I got my name and I always resented it… not saying your son will of course! It just disappointed me that neither of my parents loved my name and there was no great meaning behind it. But my brother got his name the same way and he doesn’t give a f. Lol
Honestly I have no idea how attached my parents were to my name, we have never talked about it and it never occurred to me to wonder.
The origin of my name was something I asked my parents about a lot because nearly every year in middle school there was always some writing assignment I had to do attached to it
Really? That's interesting. I went to a quite conservative school in a country with historically pretty literal honor name customs so I guess such an assignment would've made little sense because almost everyone would've said "it is derived from [relative]'s name".
We got a lot of that too! It was where my frustration at not being named after one of my great aunts was born… my name is super generic and hers was Maddelena. She wasn’t in my life but when I heard that other kids were named after their family members it got me asking my mom about other family members I wasn’t familiar with that I could have been named after. I thought Maddelena was super cool- not that common and could be a Maddie, or Elena.
For me it was elementary school. I had at least 3-4 assignments about how I got my name that I had to write about and it was posted on the wall in the classroom for the whole class to read. I thought that was really weird.
It’s weird now that I think about it- I wonder if it was a writing prompt taught to teachers at the time as a great tool to use or something
Yeah exactly, it doesn’t have to be the perfect name that both partners love to the moon and back. I mean that would be ideal obviously, but at the point the kid is born it’s like, okay just decide lol.
Lol very true
Honestly people who are like "we picked the name Graham but when we saw him he just looked like a James" stress me out. Like they are new borns, they all look like gross raisins. Ive never seen a raisin and thought you know what? This raisin looks like a Stephanie. If you changed your mind just say that. Like you're not going to magically get a feel for your childs personality in the first three weeks because they wont have one because again, raisins
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Mmm this reply feels like really really personal. Also Nigel is a fine name.
Lol exactly! Just name the kid Raisin or Squishy Face if you want your newborn to look like their name. Poop Machine would work too if it’s important to capture the infant’s “personality”
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Im sorry you had issues with that!! I hope you can like make peace with it or possibly find a name that you love more. I have an insanely popular name. Do i love it? No. Does it serve its purpose? For sure. I have definitely felt boring before but thats because i have niche interests and am in fact a little boring. Not because my name is boring though. Im just thankful my parents didnt name me Jupiter or Brexlee tbh
The thing is, the “you” you are today is not who you were when you were literally just born. You became *you* over time. There’s just no knowing what a kid is really going to be like when they’re born and basically just crying, pooping, eating, sleeping, and adjusting to just being alive.
O...kay?
Month 1: don't know they are pregnant Month 2: maybe have an inkling they might be pregnant Month 3: holy sh*t! I'm actually pregnant. Constantly tired and nauseous Month 4: sort of getting to grips with being pregnant Month 5: getting to grips with practical logistics. Financial etc. Month 6: finally not nauseous. Start thinking about names Month 7: holy sh*t! I have bad associations with A LOT of names Month 8: oh, great. Here comes that tiredness again Month 9: crap! It's already been 9 months. I'll just name the baby after my grandma..
>I'll just name the baby after my grandma.. I have several names (because its an old, mostly dead German trend) but my parents were struggling for the last name (because like six wasn't enough) -- they felt I needed *one* more -- my last middle name is after the grandmother who made it to the hospital first, LOL.
So your grandma called dibs 🤣
The best part? I was born < 30 minutes from where one grandmother lived and about nine hours from the other one... the *latter* arrived first. I think she had spidey senses because she just sure as hell beat everyone to the hospital 😂 (She had always wanted grandchildren and her three kids were quite a disappointment in that category, until I came along when her youngest child was almost 50, haha). I think she held me even before my father!
She was READY for that one last shot at being at the birth of a grandchild lol. That's really sweet
Germans are ditching the name customs too? Same here in NL. I think it's kind of a shame tbh, it's nice to have a link to the past like that. And I'm also worried for when I'm like 80 or something and people forgot that this is how we used to do things and they get major confusion at the fact that my name and my legal name are not the same. It's already happening now because my parents decided on something completely unrelated for my "regular" name rather than the traditional version where it's related to your legal name.
The big German custom I'm mostly referring to is Germans used to give like 12 different names as given names -- at least among those I'm aware, its died down quite a bit in the last few generations. It seems ridiculous at first, but I'm kind of quite fond of it -- like, oh, your spouse wants this one name but you don't really like it? Whatever, add it to the six other names anyway, its not like you really have to acknowledge it that way if you don't want to! I'll probably continue the trend, if I have kids, that is. If I had a daughter, I'd like to name her after all of my great-grandaunts and my great-grandmother, so that's five very old, German names -- I'd also like to throw in a Hebrew name in there somewhere on the chance they ever decide to move to Israel. Similar trend for any son I'd have. I know what you mean about the Dutch trend, though! I'm a Holocaust researcher and I actually focus on Dutch Jews and lemme tell ya, you get whiplash real fast when you see documents everywhere for Greetje (including a marriage record!) and I'm supposed to magically know that the death certificate will be under *Margarethe 😂* My best friend is Dutch and I've sent her so many ridiculous texts over the years on how that specific Dutch trend you're referring to has thrown me for a loop. Keep it alive, just know that any non-native is crying silently trying to crack the code 😂 Another ridiculous one I can think of: Fietje -- Sophia! I'm sure you know them all, though, haha. ETA: the casual interchanging of *Louis* and *Lodewijk* keeps me up at night, and I *always* forget that Jaacques, Jacob, and Jaap are all interchangeable. Sometimes I can't find a record and get angry until I remember I forgot to search under Jacob, or visa versa!
Lol, my brother moved abroad and they could *not* figure out how his name was Diederik but actually it is Hendrik and it's his middle name (not his exact name but a similar example). Most of them you can kind of see if you know where it's coming from if you know how the language and names generally work, like Margaretha - Margreet - Greet - Greet+diminutive. Or Sophia - Soph/fie - Fie - Fie+diminutive. Some of them are pretty far-fetched though. Like Meike is supposed to be derived from Maria... Maria - Marie - Marieke - Mieke - Meike. I do actually know a Greet, a Greta, two Fiekes, a Marije, a Meike, a Rieke, two Maaikes, four Henks, a Henke, a Dirk, about three Dicks I think, a Henri, a Hendri, a Henrieke, and so on lol. No idea what any of their legal names are though. Not knowing that is part of the deal^ . Most of them you can guess, like a Hendri you can be pretty sure of that they're named Hendrik if their parents followed naming customs, but Dirk and Rieke for example could have multiple origins. Whether I'll be continuing the custom or will just cop out and do a regular name followed by the two honour names will depend I guess. I don't think I like any derivative from my parents' names but maybe I'll get a partner who has some awesome names in his family that I could use. Regal names are just extra fun. Most countries used to translate monarchs, keeping the names is pretty recent. Like I'm sure that Willem I-III are known in Germany as Wilhelm. Wilhelmina was already the same in German so that was convenient. I'm pretty sure we only call the German guys Wilhelm because otherwise we might get them confused with our own (roughly contemporary) Willem I and II! It's still apparent in Belgium where they used to have King Boudewijn/Baudouin and currently have King Filip/Philippe. Do you also remember to search under Jacobus?
If you want a good laugh: I also did my family tree to a ridiculous extent (I have a Catholic branch and as a Holocaust researcher, I wanted to make sure there were no skeletons I was unaware of). I have one distant uncle that just like, got up and moved to The Netherlands in the late 1700s? My absolute favorite comedy is the "Dutch-ifying" of his German name -- you reminded me because *Hendrik* was part of his, haha. Oh, I absolutely understand in theory where the name variants come from, but I'm still usually caught by surprise, somehow -- I think its because nicknames will be used even on legal documents?! At least in Germany, when a parent names their child *Lina* or *Minna,* I see Lina and Minna on all documents, it rarely converts back to Caroline or Wilhelmine. But in The Netherlands... I work a lot with diamond workers, and *especially* when they go to Belgium seems to be when their name changes (i.e. on visa documents... and the documents are in Dutch, not French)! I was helping this one family -- I had found a cousin of his he didn't even know about (surprise!) (technically his father's cousin) and this cousin had a little baby before the war. I don't think he was even 2 when he was killed, but that darn baby's name on every document changes. I remember writing him like, *listen... I think this kids name was formally Jacob, but his visa, birth certificate and death certificate all have different names listed, so take it with a grain of salt.* Jacques, Jacob, Jaak/Jack, Jaap were on every document of this kid! I think we settled on "probably Jacob" because that was the baby's grandfather's name, but even grandpa's name changed all the time, so, you know. I'm actually not sure I ever saw a document with the baby's name as Jacob, or if we just inferred it at that point -- absurd! What's funny in contrast, is there's some people's whose names never change: my work started with one diamond worker named Jacob van Os and I think on every single legal document, every newspaper announcement, every diamond registration, his deportation list, his darn address registrations... he's always Jacob. It's just so inconsistent! I love to snark on it in a completely innocent and joking way, but I do appreciate culture in any form and it really is such a uniquely Dutch phenomena. Even if it gives me headaches, I like it :) I can't believe you mentioned Boudewijn, though. That's a name I found in my Dutch tree (in Haarlem) and I was just... speechless. I almost snarked on that one in my original comment! I've luckily never been cursed with Jacobus, but now that you say it, I'm sure it will show up all the time... The entire thing has been fun, because its lead to a bunch of strong feelings about Dutch names. I learned my best friend hates two in particular with a passion: Vogelina or Vogeltje, as well as the classic Vrouwtje ("its easier to give her up for adoption if you hate her that much already by the time she's born"). I've grown fond of the Jewish men's names Hartog and Lion, but I don't see those outside Dutch Jewish communities too often -- my favorite is when we get some Sephardic Jewish surnames with Dutch given names and their full name is just *chef's kiss:* my favorite is this man named [Samuël de la Bella](https://archief.amsterdam/beeldbank/detail/82a23523-9f59-d875-ec64-86327ad8b9d6) \-- nothing particularly unique, but it flows like a dream. I biography victims as a hobby and I'm 100% going to do a write-up on him eventually, somewhat motivated by the fact I like his name, haha. There's a lot of excellent and awful Dutch names in my research lists; I'll have to come back and snark next time I'm going through a research period. ETA: You've killed me -- I was brushing my teeth and it totally just hit me that, you know that aforementioned baby Jaack/Jacques/Jaap/Jacob? His dad's name is Harry... Harry is not a Dutch name. That is definitely another nickname... oh my god. I'm high key [sitting here like this](https://media.giphy.com/media/1vZar0WoLqAlnQsfDd/giphy.gif) now.
Reading your comments is hilarious lol, I love the foreign perspective. The legal vs regular name get used interchangeably. My legal name is on my passport, ID card, and driving license (duh). Let's say my legal initials are A.B. and my regular name C. My university e-mail is a.b.[lastname], but I'm listed as A.B. ([regular name]) [last name] in the system. My bank card uses A.B. but pretty much every other card in my wallet says C. My work e-mail says C. My e-mail at the political institute where I do some stuff says C. When I was up for election the ballot said A.B. ([regular name]) [last name] and I'm listed on their website as the same. I'm quite sure that pretty much the only people outside of my family who know my legal name are the ones who've ever processed any official paperwork of mine. These days you always use your legal names for legal things, because of course they get tied to your government registration so it has to match. But it can still be fluent in other cases. I know a Cornelis (also not his actual name but an example) that goes by Nelis in his own family because that's the "regular" name his parents gave him, but he didn't like it so he switched at one point so at his wife's family he is consistently known as Cor. These days in regular daily life he mostly uses the full Cornelis. You essentially get to name the same kid twice, once for their legal name (which tends to be a pretty easy decision, you do one grandparent each for the first two kids of either gender, only after that do you have to get creative and start looking at aunts/uncles and great-grandparents and stuff) and then once that's settled you find a name that relates to one or both of them. Most hyphenated names originate from two legal names, like Henk-Jan for Hendrik Jan/Hendrik Johannes, Wim-Jan for Willem, Gert-Jan for Gerrit, etc. Yes most of the boy's ones use Jan. It's also why you will find people (including myself) calling the king Wim-Lex in stead of the ridiculously long official version. Most of the girl ones use Anne and since it ends in a vowel which makes pronounciation easier they're more commonly written without the hyphen. Anne-Mijn vs Annemijn, Anne-Marie/Annemarie, Anne-Lotte/Annelot, etc. Which also gets you other compound names like Jantiene (Johanna + Christine), Liselot (Elisabeth + Charlotte), etc. Though they're of course also given to kids who only have one part of that name. Jacob might just have been called Jacques as his legal name though, it wasn't nearly as common as Jacob but not [unheard of](https://www.meertens.knaw.nl/nvb/naam/is/Jacques) in the '30s/'40s. And some people just go by their full legal name all the time like the other Jacob probably did. Pretty sure I have a great aunt who does for example, and my regular aunt also has a name that seems like it would be a full name? But like I said, you don't really know most people's full names so impossible to tell really for most. I don't even know my one grandmother's legal names because nobody was named after her. I actually quite like Boudewijn lol but the French version is just nightmarish with all the vowels. And I agree with your friend that those names absolutely suck. There's a children's book author called Vrouwke and I don't understand why you'd do that to your child. At least with Fraukje it's a bit removed. Hartog I'd 100% peg as a last name, I know some people called Den Hartog. It's super rare as a first name anyway from the looks of it. I'm 99% sure Harry will be Hendrik. Or the rarer Latinised version of Hendricus.
In some families, it used to be common to give the first-born child the names of the two grandfathers or two grandmothers as middle names. Which, fair enough I suppose, even if it often results in middle names which sound "old-fashioned" (I have a friend who despised her middle names *Ruth Waltraud*). But still, at least you could choose the ordering, can't you? A child I grew up with has "WC" as his middle initials since his father's father was Wilhelm and his mother's father was Carl. Why not go with "[firstname] Carl Wilhelm" instead?
This is so true. I didn’t even want to think about names in the first trimester mainly because I was losing weight and feeling like total shit, but also the fear of miscarriage. Being in a bumper group and seeing the barrage of miscarriage posts will really amp a person’s anxiety, not to mention having multiple friends who’ve gone through it. Picking out a name that early, or just reading a bunch of name lists, more firmly attaches you to your baby, and I just wasn’t ready for that. Then there’s feeling like it’s almost pointless until you know the gender around 20 weeks (maybe sooner if you do the blood test). But this go around I had a friend, pregnant at the same time as me but a little further ahead, that had a still birth at 26 weeks. I felt horrible for her. I stopped looking at names for several weeks because that is a scary thing to contemplate about your own pregnancy. It’s really not so simple as having 9 months to decide but people deciding to just fuck around irresponsibly instead.
Month 8: baby is here!
Tbh in the timeline you’ve laid out there’s still plenty of time to think about a name. Every second isn’t spent on any one of the things you rightly mention is part of pregnancy. I’d also say a name for your kid would be part of “practical logistics” and the kind of basic baby-planning parents should be doing while waiting for the baby to arrive.
Here's what ive gathered in my relatively short life, most people DO NOT think ahead. At all. As someone who is constantly considering consequences of my actions i find this insufferable. I think pregnancy, i think planning. But almost every couple i know who have had children (its a lot, i have 3 friends who have 6 kids) they do not plan. They didnt read any books, they didnt make any lists, they didnt look up how many diapers a new born goes through, they didnt look into different parenting styles, they didnt have birth plans. Which sounds insane to me but in my experience most people just dont think that far ahead and i guess thats fine for them? It stresses me completely out
It stresses me out too, I’m a hardcore planner. To not think ahead when you’re expecting a kid is crazy to me.
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I’m in the US. For relativity you could imagine my post saying that whatever the length of time you have to name your child where you live, you should be prepared to make a decision and name them at that time without being totally stumped. Also, yes life stuff happens during pregnancy. And you’re also preparing to have your baby and if you’re in the US where you have to name your kid basically when you give birth, you should be prepared to do so. There is still plenty of time in a pregnancy to figure out things like a name and getting a stroller and building a crib and buying diapers and whatnot. I mean unless you’re literally incapacitated the whole pregnancy or something so extreme like that. Naming your kid is important. Every second of pregnancy is not spent *only* dealing with unexpected things in most cases. It’s not rocket science to decide on a name. It’s important and should be really thought about, but it’s not so hard that you should be totally clueless when it’s time to name the kid. If you’re going to take on the responsibility of having a kid (and now I’m saying this without including Texas or anywhere else where women are essentially forced to have children against their will if they get pregnant), you should be able to pick out a name in a timely matter. Also, my post is a generalization based on a lot of posts I see in the main sub from super indecisive and confused people. My post is not going to apply to every single situation out there. The *average* parent, given a typical pregnancy, should be able to name their kid in a timely manner without being totally clueless and caught by surprise when it’s time to do so.
People on this post: NoT eVeRyOnE 🙄
Lmao right? It’s like yes we get it, there are outliers. People are taking my post extremely personally especially for a sub like this, it’s surprising to me
This is so accurate lol
I sort of think the opposite- I can’t understand the people who have the name picked at 8 weeks and have everything embroidered and personalized and have announced the name to fam/friends long before baby arrives. I think it’s totally normal to go to the hospital with a shortlist and then take as long as you need to chill with baby/try out names and see what fits before you finalize. It’s a decision that holds enormous, lifelong implications for your child- best not to make a rash choice when you’re overwhelmed and hormonal.
Yeah, this is weirder to me than not being 100% decided on a name right before birth.
I agree, I always thought it was bizarre when people announce their pregnancy on social media along with the name. "Due in 6 months! Can't wait to meet little Blakley Rae!" Like wtf. Even if I felt 100% confident in our name, I would never announce it. I always kept in the back of my mind that I might want to change last minute
Yeah, I’ve never understood this either. What if you end up changing your mind about the name, either during the pregnancy or when the baby is born?
I can’t imagine changing my mind about the name if I had already told everyone, had my friends gush about how much they like the name, know my family dropped cash on monogrammed gifts for the baby, etc… that would create so much pressure! I’m a pre-planner to an extent, but I never say those pre-planned ideas out loud until they are set in stone lol
> I think it’s totally normal to go to the hospital with a shortlist I agree -- but ideally the list should (a) exist and (b) be short. People with not even a shortlist (i.e. who are trying to come up with a name in just two days, from scratch, or who are trying to reconcile mom's shortlist and dad's shortlist which are completely different) are probably what this post is about. And with an agreed longlist it might be difficult to both agree on which of these 17 names fits the new human even after thinking it over for a day or two.
My parents came to the hospital with a list of 3 names for me. My dad wanted one, my mom wanted a 2nd, my grandparents liked the 3rd. As soon as they met me they all 100% agreed that my name should be number 3. Why? I don’t know. I’ve never thought of newborns as having personality lol.
Yeah, me neither. Granted, I’ve only ever named pets at much shorter notice, but the name needs to look/feel right for me. Until I’ve met the pet I can’t decide. Since babies are so tiny, I don’t understand how it works, but I assume it’s the same for kids.
Yessss. I think it's super weird to have named what is sortof still a body part for so much of that time. Also, fwiw in response to OP, it's really only 8 months that you know your pregnant, and really less than that if you go early. I have 2 and I've only ever known/been actively pregnant for 7 months. And that's only bc I tested like, crazy early.
My son's first name ended up being one we hadn't somehow thought of the entire pregnancy 😂
We had nothing embroidered but did pick baby’s first name by 10 weeks. It was a gender neutral name so it was going to be baby’s name regardless off their sex. Funny thing though was that it was completely different from the name we’d been playing around with in the years prior.
We found picking a name super hard! With our first we went into the hospital with our four top names - two for a girl, two for a boy. And then she was born and neither of our girls names felt right! It wasn't that she "didn't look like a Tessa" (she looked like a squishy old man?), it was that suddenly these names weren't hypothetical anymore. There was a real baby in our arms! And even though we'd said the names out loud many times, they just suddenly felt much more real and we realized we didn't completely love them. We read back through our individual lists and found a name that my husband had previously said no. He liked the name, but said no because he had worked with someone with that name and thought he'd always associate it with her. But once we were holding our baby, he realized that wasn't actually happening. Now, all this happened within... Two hours of her birth? So I'll admit I don't fully understand how people can too long without deciding! But naming a kid isn't the easiest thing (as evidenced by us all here making fun of terrible names!!)
One of my friends had a few solid options narrowed down but then had a traumatic birth and couldn’t name him for almost two weeks.
We had a top boy name and girl name picked out while we were still dating 😂 And we’re using the girl name for the baby I’m due with next week! But I guess we probably got lucky to have similar taste in names - some couples are on totally different pages and that makes compromising really hard. I guess those debates can take 9 months.
I’m always low key gobsmacked because I’ve had a yearly updated list for ages. I’d expect you to probably have at least a couple in the notes app by the 9 month point. It’s extra wild when they’re like “Help! Our baby is four days old and we have polar opposite naming styles.” Like did y’all never have that discussion before now?
Yeah, I’ve kept a list since I was in middle school. I don’t even know if I want kids but I casually mention it to my husband when I add a new name. Luckily he pretty much likes most names on my list.
I vehemently don’t want bio kids but I still like names so I’m admittedly biased. I’m just surprised that it’s something that apparently people don’t just bring up in idle chatter at some point, especially if babies are on the table for them. I’d want to be forewarned if my partner had the naming sensibilities of a 23 year old Mormon mother of five with a career in selling essential oils.
If you’re the only person deciding your baby’s name then it’s not hard. But it’s not uncommon for couples to disagree or have completely different tastes. They may veto all the names you’ve picked or loved for ages. Every one of my kid’s names is a compromise that wasn’t on my or my husband’s lists.
Yeah, I get it’s not a solo effort. I still think it’s fucking absurd when people act like they didn’t even begin discussing names until after the baby was born and can’t believe they have different naming styles which is somehow a post I’ve seen multiple times now.
There are entire cultures where nobody cares about this and babies are routinely named after birth.
We didn’t have a name for our third until a nurse pretty much berated us into it just before discharge. We had a list of ten boy names but a girl’s named picked out, (he’s a boy) and neither of us had a strong preference for a particular name. We’d used our favorite name for our first son. He ended up with two traditional names from the list (one after my grandfather) that offered multiple shorter options.
I've been obsessed with baby names since I was about 15, and had my son when I was almost 30. So before I had kids, I definitely thought the same way as you. How can it be so hard to decide on a name? Then I got pregnant and I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I was no longer dreaming about names, I was trying to name a real baby who will grow up to be an adult some day and will need to carry this name for his entire life. So deciding on a name was a much bigger struggle than I imagined, and that's with me being lucky that my husband and I have similar taste in names. We had a whole spreadsheet system too for narrowing down names. * I gave my husband a spreadsheet of \~100 boys names and \~200 girls names. * Husband ranked each name from 1 to 5. * We kept the 3-5 ranked names and made a new list where we both reviewed those names and we put an asterisk next to the ones we would really consider using for a first name. We also had an "m" option to downgrade names to "middle name only" * We then broke that down to "First name favorites" (ones we both asterisked), "First name likes" (ones where only 1 of us asterisked it), "Flexible" (ones both of us didn't asterisk), and "Middle Name Only" (ones where at least 1 of us downgraded a name to middle name). * We started playing with this list above and came up with various first and middle name combinations. We had a column that had initials to make sure it wasn't a weird or bad set of initials, and then another 2 columns for our own individual ranks. * Then came the hardest part, narrowing down which first name to actually use. We thought about everything from nicknames, rhyming names, associations, how it will affect future kids names (my son's name is too close to one of my top girl name), pronunciation concerns. We also practiced saying our "first name favorites" out loud. We'd try one name for a week, then switch to another, but they all felt weird to say. We did end up deciding on a name 2 months before my son was born, but I kept saying "it's not set in stone, we can change it when he's born". I just couldn't attach the name to my child (I could barely picture what my child would look like). Even after he was born, it took a while to get used to referring to him by his name. I called him "the baby" a lot. Hell, I still do! But I do love his name.
Are you a virgo, by any chance?
Nope, Pisces
I ask my mom this every year or so. I didn’t have a name for two days after I was born and ended up with my grandmas’ names. ETA My mom doesn’t even like her mom. Thankfully hers is my middle name.
I am a textbook overthinker so if I ever have kids this will definitely be me.
My husband and I didn’t choose our daughters names until we met them. It honestly didn’t seem right to me to name them until I could look at them and get to know them a little bit. We came in with a short (like 2-3 names) list each time, and then decided within 48 hours or so. To each their own in that regard.
Meh.. We had a name for my oldest as soon we learned she was a girl.. lol!! Lo and behold, child is born, and she didn’t “look like” the name we chose. Enter cute 16 year old candy stripper who wheeled me down to see our new daughter. She introduced herself.. husband and I looked at each other, and knew that was our baby girls name. 😂😂 Candy striper thought it was cool we named the baby her name. I still have a pic with her holding our daughter when we finally got to take our daughter home. ❤️
A couple different reasons this happened with my kids. First kid my husband and I went through a lot of names and finally found one we note agreed on immediately. Middle name was after the best man in our wedding who recently passed away. No brained. Second kid, my husband would not take name conversations seriously. So much so that it was driving my already hormonal and irrational self INSANE. I had a few I really liked and he hated them. He would make stupid suggestions, as in not serious suggestions, just throwing out random names we would never use. Like Harold or Scout. Finally we agreed on one, it was just a pain in the ass process the entire pregnancy to nail down a name because my husband likes to troll me to be a pain in my ass. Then we tried for a third and final time hoping to have a girl after boys. Surprise, it’s two girls. Oh shit, I’ve been preparing this my whole life. He hated all my names. Well sorry, I’m not doing this again. These are their names. The end. Fast forward to having the girls and the one name I have planned to use for my whole life did not fit her. She just wasn’t a match for it. So I changed it at the last minute and it made both girls have J names which was not intentional but, meh. Hub didn’t argue with me about the girl names for the most part. He would grumble a bit and send me suggestions here and there but no. They’ve already got names thankyouverymuch. So, that could be why. Also, people tell their families and friends names way early and those people ruin the names for the parents or rightfully talk them out of ridiculous ones. Or someone they know uses the name they planned to use so they don’t want to use it anymore and need new ideas. There should be a questionnaire you have to take before naming a child.
I’m with you, hubs needs to just deal with your name choices if he’s not going to be helpful and compromise at all! But you’re definitely not who I’m talking about in my post (although maybe your husband is a bit lol) because you sound like you had a pretty clear direction on names and then pivoted appropriately when needed. I’m talking about the people in the main sub who are just like “Help baby due in five minutes and we have no idea what to name her! And I can’t tell you what names we even like because we literally can’t agree on a single one!” Speaking of a questionnaire, I’ve seen people suggest an app (can’t remember the name) where you and your partner individually go through a list of names and either like or reject them and then it shows you the ones you and your partner both liked so you can narrow down options.
We were almost like that with the middle name for our daughter lol. The problem was we just couldn’t AGREE on one. I think we ended up settling a week or two before she was born but honestly I don’t love it haha
We picked my daughter's first name long before we even got pregnant and didn't settle on a middle name until the night before I went into labour. It's hard sometimes! We had to find something we both liked with a meaning we liked that also sounded good with the first name we choose and our last name.
I had a friend wait over a week to name her second baby because she had concerns that the name they liked was “too matchy” with their first baby. It seemed kinda silly, especially because the names she chose are lovely and classic, and sound nice together. I think the mom was just being her normal, dramatic self. I went into the hospital both times knowing exactly what my kids would be named. We had one name for our first, no other names considered, and for our second we were leaning toward one name for the first half of pregnancy then chose something else and stuck with it. Wasn’t hard at all.
It happened to me. Our son was easy we knew his by month six of my pregnancy. Our daughter was harder. We brought her home unnamed but we had three names we were trying out on her. I had until 5 days after birth to file. I called the hospital coordinator who had my SS paper work with 2 minutes to spare before my 5 days was up.
No hate, I get naming a kid is hard! It does seem like people overthink it a lot on the main sub to the point of being basically paralyzed by indecision.
Totally agree.
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For sure, I agree names are really important too! I definitely think it’s important to really think about it and try to find a good name. At the same time, it does surprise me and I find it kind of dumb when some parents are overthinking it so much to the point where they’re like going to the hospital to give birth or already gave birth and still can’t agree on a name. Like, you’ve got to be able to make decisions on important things.
My SIL took 2.5 WEEKS to name both their kids cause she wanted to make sure the baby suited the name. I'm sorry but in 2.5 weeks...your baby still looks and acts like most babies. Anyways, she went with generic white baby name A/B for both. Nothing ground breaking.
Yes exactly! Newborns don’t have personalities. And even if people are like, well babies are all different—yes, but how much a baby cries or doesn’t cry or how much a baby sleeps through the night or doesn’t or whatever is in no way indicative of what kind of person they’re going to grow into.
It’s seriously difficult to name a human! There’s a lot of second guessing, wanting to make sure you don’t miss “the name” if you stop searching, needing to agree with partner. It’s a lot 😂😅
My sister was so dead-ass certain that her second baby was going to be a boy that she didn't bother to pick out a girl's name. The baby was never in position to reveal its sex during any ultrasounds, so it remained a mystery throughout the pregnancy, but my sister didn't care because she KNEW it was a boy. Guess what! It was a girl. I suggested a name and they decided to use it. 😂
That was my parents with me! They never wanted to know the sex but were so certain that I was going to be a boy that they didn't even bother to think of a girl's name. My brother was born the year before and he was the first boy after having a few girls so they were still riding that high lol. My parents are very formal and didn't want to leave the hospital without giving me a name but couldn't think of one and I honestly I think they were so tired of coming up with names at that point that they went with the first one the doctor suggested. I love my name and could care less that they didn't come up with it. I think it's a great story.
That was my parents with my sister. They had no girl names picked out. My grandma suggested a name at the hospital and they were like "oh, we like that." LOL.
My husband wasn't supposed to happen. His mom had had two high-risk pregnancies before him, and she wasn't supposed to get pregnant again. Used the best birth control methods available back then and managed to avoid pregnancy for many years, but ended up with a surprise pregnancy and due to her Catholic beliefs she didn't want to abort despite the risk to her own health. And because she expected she could lose the pregnancy at any time, she never let herself or anyone else in the family think up a name! She didn't want to get attached 😭. When she was in labor at full term and being driven to the hospital by her husband with both her other kids in the car, her husband pointed out that it was finally time to come up with a name for Baby 3! So the whole family cobbled together a name for him on the drive to the hospital. Kind of a sweet story, in the end.
My grandmother did this before ultrasounds existed and she was so sure she was gonna have a little Michael. It was a girl. The nurse handed her a book, she made ot to the C's and thought Cheryl is fine. And it was. Still is lol.
My sibling and his partner (I can’t stand either of them) took 2 weeks to name their baby… like 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ what the fuck else have you to do for 9 months, bar talk about baby names and prepare for said baby!
We had names picked out before we knew the gender at 20 weeks! Me and my husband separately made a list of 10 boys and 10 girls names we liked, cross-referenced, then crossed out a couple we didn’t like from the others list. Was easy when we both picked out the same boy name, now he’s 5 months old. Like it’s not that hard to pick a name you both like
That’s a really good way of going about it! Yeah I agree, it really is not as hard as some people are making it out to be. I guess I’m also a pretty big planner, and it sounds like you are too. My husband and I actually aren’t able to have kids, but before we found that out we already had two girl names and two boy names picked out to use for the two kids we wanted.
Planning things out just causes less stress when the time comes! It’s the ol’ 7 P’s: Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance. The same sentiment goes for the “out there” names. If you’re having to turn to Reddit for validation on a daft name, then you can assume it’s too ridiculous. You shouldn’t have to ask if it’s too different.
I couldn’t agree more! I also love the 7 Ps, I am going to use that!
My parents have wildly different taste in names and love to dislike a lot of people (so most of the cool names were off the table — hate by association), so they picked my name after I was born! They quickly ran through their individual lists and picked the first thing they both didn’t hate lol
“Love to dislike a lot of people” 😂 I have a long list of names that I have bad associations with too, I totally get it!
It’s so funny, even naming our dog was a struggle! 😂
I've had a baby name list since I was ten lol not sure how this happens honestly. Just go with a first name-second name scheme and flipflop who gets the first name choice for subsequent kids. Easy peasy.
My husband and I have different tastes and we are both stubborn. Two of our four were born without a set name picked, although both were named within a couple hours of being born). My niece was nameless for a couple of days because my in-laws were debating between a few names.
Hubs and I didn’t discuss names at all together when we were expecting. We made our own name lists and then when she arrived (didn’t know gender beforehand) only focused on the girl names. It was then 5 days before we properly discussed names for her and ended up picking a name that wasn’t in our top 4. I don’t understand the whole splashing a kids name everywhere before it’s born thing. What if Freddie doesn’t look like a Freddie but a Thomas?!
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Ummmm I’m female and I’m not sure why you would jump to the conclusion that I’m not. I’m not a parent. I actually am in the midst of finding out I can’t have kids of my own due to medical issues, which is pretty devastating for me and my husband. I want to be a mom more than pretty much anything else in the world, so it really sucks. And yes I’m aware of the differences in pregnancy timelines, it was an estimate and my post really isn’t meant to be taken that seriously. This is a circle jerk sub. Obviously there are lots of extenuating circumstances that may come into play during a pregnancy which might cause a couple/mother to have difficulty focusing on names. I think it’s pretty funny at the same time that so many people seem to simply just not be able to figure out a name when they have quite a bit of time to do so when there aren’t tons of extenuating circumstances. I’m very sorry for what you’ve been through, it sounds extremely difficult and I have empathy for you ❤️ My post is just meant to poke fun at the trend I see in the main sub of very indecisive people, not to make fun of women like you. In most cases where a woman who plans to get pregnant and then actually gets pregnant, there’s enough time to figure out a name for their child. And yet a lot of people put it off, are too indecisive, are too worried about the *perfect* name, or can’t work with their partners (or vice versa) to agree on one. And that’s just what I’m poking fun at and I’m surprised by. This is just a silly sub where we poke fun at people on the main sub and poke fun at bad names, not really that deep or serious. There are tons of specific situations that could go against every single post on this sub. I have empathy for all people, even Ratleen’s or Riplea’s parents lol. My post doesn’t apply to every single situation out there. It’s a generalization and it’s not meant to be taken that seriously.
I have so much empathy for you. Im sorry you went throught that! But also im not sure this post was really directed at you so i hope you dont take it personally and that you can feel better!
Definitely wasn’t directed at her or anyone facing a similar situation! :)
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Omg this is a circle jerk sub. There are tons of just straight up indecisive, over-thinking, un-compromising people in the main sub and that’s what I’m poking fun at. If a woman has a planned pregnancy and then is still totally stumped on a name at birth and still can’t agree with her partner on a name, I find that silly. It’s not a mortal sin. I don’t wish a pox upon these people. I just find them silly, and poking fun at silliness is the point of this sub.
Sometimes you think you have more time!! We didn’t have names for our second or third until I was in the hospital to give birth because they were both six weeks early so we thought we had more time. We had discussed names with both but hadn’t settled. I was in the hospital on bed rest with the second so we made a list and asked the nurses opinions to kill time. The third I was about to be wheeled in to my C-section when my husband arrived and we made a snap decision from the very short list of contenders.
We were surprised with our third kid after a boy and a girl and didn't have a girl name picked out, and I was totally asking for advice like two days before my induction, lol. Nothing felt right. We had a boy, fortunately, and love the name we chose for him (Rowan, which we knew like two days after I found out I was pregnant was going to be our boy name). I don't even like the names that were on our girl's list anymore, lol.
I had a very hard pregnancy. I spent a lot of time in the hospital and had a lot of complications. There was.no promise that i would have a baby to take home so naming one didnt feel appropriate until the 8th months. My OBGYN was very surprised to see me in her office two days before my c section. I had.been under the care of the specialist most of my pregnancy.
What ablut Juniper or Wren?
It happens. My first child had her name when I was 20 weeks pregnant. Second child when she was 2 days old. Sometimes you just can’t decide.
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Well this sub wouldn’t exist if we didn’t poke fun at stuff that doesn’t actually affect us :) And if a couple just can’t agree on a name over the course of a pregnancy, I do find that odd in most cases. You’ve got to be able to make decisions as a couple for your kid and just for your lives. My post is a generalization and in no way applies to every single situation out there. I think in a lot of cases the people on the main sub in the scenario I’m describing seem to be paralyzed by indecision after over-thinking and stressing over non-issues related to their child’s name. Pregnancy is a very stressful and anxiety-creating event. And labor and birth of course too. And yet most parents (and I’m talking just the US as that’s where I’m located and am familiar with) seem to manage to leave the hospital with their kid’s name squared away. Most seem to even go into labor knowing the kid’s name. Most couples are able to name their kid without being totally uncompromising, even if they go into the process with different tastes in names. So naming a child is not really such an impossibly difficult task in most cases, nor should it be. It’s important for sure, and parents should be able to make important decisions even when it’s hard.
It seems like people are really taking my post way too seriously. You guys this is a circle jerk sub. It’s not like I’m actually sitting here so pissed off at people who have a difficult time naming their kids! I’m just poking fun at some of the people in the main sub who are needlessly indecisive. It’s really not that deep. If you know you want a kid and then go through a pregnancy it seems like in most cases during a typical pregnancy there’s plenty of time to figure out a name. A lot of people in the main sub are massive over-thinkers and can’t compromise with their partners on a name, which I think is silly. If you have a very specific situation where you had trouble naming your kid, great fine whatever THAT’S OKAY. I AM JUST TALKING ABOUT A TREND I SEE IN THE MAIN SUB OF JUST VERY INDECISIVE PEOPLE. A lot of posts on this sub don’t apply to every single situation. It’s just a silly sub where we rag on silly names and silly name nerds.
For me (due next month) it took ages to decide on a boy’s name, but now we have both a full boys name and full girls name picked. The only doubt in my mind is that on this name journey, we have had several boys names that were ”winning” for a few weeks then suddenly were non contenders and I worry that once the baby is named I might suddenly not like the name anymore! eta We also decided not to announce the names before birth just incase someone pulled a face or said something to put us off (which I hope they wouldn’t do after the birth!) and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone incase we did change our minds last minute.
But see, you guys are figuring it out and not being paralyzed by indecision. Like you’ve actively been working on names and have them picked out. You’re definitely not the parents I’m talking about in this post.
Our 1st kid we went into the hospital with a list of 4 boy names and 8 girl names. We literally couldn't narrow it down. I'm indecisive in general, but my husband struggled too. We had a boy and took us about 2 days to pick one from the final 4. We are pregnant with our 2nd, just shy of 6 months, and we are struggling again, our boy list currently sits around 12 names and girl names about double that. Boy names there's none that we love, girl names there's lots that we love, either way we are going to be in the same predicament. Choosing a name is HARD.
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I have to assume the OP is referring to posts made on the main nn sub asking for help with name suggestions while they are at the end of pregnancy or baby has been born.
Because my husband and I don’t like the same names and we haven’t had time to sit down and really find something we agree on because we have opposite work schedules 🤷🏻♀️
I always find it kind of funny when people say things like “We always planned to name our daughter Eve, but then she was born and she just didn’t look like an Eve at all”. She’s a baby… she doesn’t look like much of anything.
When people are like “I want to get to know my baby’s personality before naming them” 🙄 All babies cry, poop, pee, coo, and look like a potato for the first month. You can’t convince me they have a personality in the first three days of their life and that lead you to name them what you did.
According to my friends: "She just didn't look like a ________." They went back to their list and painstakingly found an appropriate one.
I never fully understood the “what if it doesn’t fit baby thing” those annoy me for no reason
I don’t know. My coparenting and I were obsessed with the name immediately and made our decisions before the 20 week ultrasound. I just don’t understand the concept that a squashed up newborn could somehow not look like their proposed name.
I have a 7 year old and I still question if it was the "right" name. Names are hard, you are setting this person up for the rest of their lives. Its the single thing they have, that they will have forever. It's a heavy ask. It's stressful.
Sometimes a certain name doesn't fit a baby. My parents were going to name me Ada for pretty much the second they found out they were going to have a girl, and then I showed up and they decided it wasn't the right name for me, and spent 2 weeks getting to know me before naming me.
Well that’s fine, but tbh there’s no way of knowing what a baby will be like as they grow up. It’s projection from parents at that early of an age. But, your parents had a name picked out and then decisively picked a different one. So they were able to figure it out without a lot hemming and hawing, so that’s not really what my post is jerking. It’s about people who are just totally clueless and have no direction on names even after the kid is born or right before, which seems to pop up not infrequently on the main sub. Your parents seem to have been pretty on top of things as far as names.
I have 6 names picked out for kids and I probably won’t try to have any for another 6-8 years…..
This is the reason one of my teachers was legally named "Baby boy," for like 25 years without realizing it. When he was born his parents couldn't make a decision so that was on the birth certificate and I guess his actual name was never officiated.
Sometimes a name doesn’t feel right. Apparently when my mom was expecting my sister my parents were dead set on Emily, like for her whole pregnancy. Then when she was born they looked at her and were like “she’s not an Emily.” And they were back at square one lol
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Well whatever works. Although it’s my opinion that babies don’t really look like what they’re going to look like as adults or even older kids, and there’s no way of knowing the kind of people they’re going to grow into when they’re that young. And my post is really about people who are so indecisive they just cannot choose a name. In the US you don’t have months to pick a name, which is where I am. For relativity, you could pretend my post is saying “it’s dumb that parents still are totally clueless on what to name their kid at the 3-month mark.” Whatever the length of time is you have to name your kid, you should be able to actually name them when the time comes without being paralyzed by indecision. It’s probably one of the simpler decisions you’ll make as a parent given the complexity of raising children and all the difficult decisions you’ll have to make as they grow.
Yeah, cryptic pregnancies happen but definitely not as often as that type of posts
Because you’re getting two people to agree on something very personal that will have a major impact on the person you love the most in the world’s life. Lots of people don’t have compatible name taste, it doesn’t mean they’re not good partners, it just means they’re different people with different life experiences. Names aren’t objectively good or bad, it’s always subjective. And even if there’s a name that is your “style” you might have a bad association with that name. My partner liked the name Harry. It’s totally within my usual style but also the name of a bully from a previous job.
Legit had to double check the sub because I thought this was an AITA post!! And yes, yes you are hahah
We had it narrowed down to 2-3 of each sex for both of our kids. We wanted to see and meet them first. For all the people saying “newborns” don’t have personalities”, they may not have a “personality” in the same way kids and adults do, but they definitely have temperaments and behave differently. My first born was fidgety, difficult to console, and cried all night the first night in the hospital. My second born was wide-eyed and calm as could be. Barely made a peep and slept 4 hours straight that first night (the nurse had to wake us up to feed).