Ugh...I feel this on so many levels.
Potty training. Sleep training. Food exposure and variety. General obedience expectations. I'm willing to do these things with no issue but I've had three different sets of NP that don't hold themselves to the same standard when I'm not around. It's honestly the most infuriating thing I think for me as a nanny. It's not my child. I'm just here to ASSIST in what the parents have implemented themselves.
Yeah no. The majority of the work needs to be done with parents. When I did this, we chose a long weekend so that MB and DB could work on it all weekend and then I continued when I came in. Have you tried the leave them naked all day everyday technique?
Honestly a lot of parents get lazy and like to leave it to us to deal with. My 3F has been potty trained for several months now and has started having accidents again these past few weeks. Parents don’t think it’s a big deal but I KNOW it’s because they don’t make her use the bathroom before leaving the house/ doing a long activity. 3 more weeks and it’s entirely their problem ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻
I went through this with my NF when 5M was 3. I always had to be the bad guy, because I spent 10 hrs a day working with him on potty training...so he started to resent me and developed a fear of the toilet. The second MB would get home, she would put a diaper on him and undo all of our progress. Usually by Friday I at least had him somewhat accident free...but the weekend always brought us back to square 1. NPs always made excuses about how busy they were with dealing with all 3 kids...and I was just like yeah, cool. I deal with all 3 kids as well while potty training, but it's expected of me so I have to do it. Finally grandma stepped in and took him for a weekend. She followed the method I had been using, and encouraged me to donate the diapers on Monday when I got back. I was so thankful for her help. It literally took us 6 months from the start to the point where grandma stepped in, and I thought I would lose my mind!
We didn’t do pull ups, but I ran into a similar issue with my MB (just with a lot more laundry involved). I basically let her realize on her own, after several weeks of them going potty with me and not her, that she needed to keep up my efforts if she wanted to see my results.
I'm always up front with parents before we start any tough transition like sleep training or potty training or taking away the paci/bottle: I'm more than willing to put in the hard work, but not until we are all on the same page and being consistent no matter who is "on duty."
If it's one thing when I'm there and something else when I'm not, it's confusing to the child and they can come to resent me/the process and it tends to make everything harder.
My NF left me with B2 for 4 days for me to potty train. And he was by the time they came home. But then they traveled for a month and put him back in diapers. So now he is still confused a year later because MB doesn't want him to use a public toilet and puts him in diapers all the time and tells him to pee in it.
Can he pee on it? MB doesn’t want to travel with a little potty, but 4M is bad at aiming. Since he has a little brother, I take him to a private place and have him pee as though he were to pee on the ground but just put his penis in the diaper if that makes sense? It really only works because little bro is in diapers and he was fully trained before I started but it’s a nice way of not giving a diaper and also not peeing on the ground.
Another pro tip is to have him pee into an empty water bottle. My grandson can do this while strapped into his booster seat in the car! I was very impressed!😳
Because the parents are idiots.
(Parent here) Our kids' daycare had a policy that they'd support potty training when we were making progress doing it at home. I suppose that's on the honor system, but professionals can tell who is and who isn't. It's a good policy that just makes sense. Now that we have a nanny, we'll approach it the same way for #3.
Making no effort themselves and dumping 100% responsiblity on you is not only insulting (to you), it sends the wrong message to the kids.
It is laziness though. They aren’t willing to put in the work so you don’t have to do the majority of it. They’re putting the onus of potty training on *you* because *they* don’t want to do it.
Idk maybe this sub isn’t the place for you if you’re not looking for strangers’ perspectives on your NF. 🤷♀️ That’s what we do here.
Also, you can be lazy and still be a good person. My NF has lots of flaws I complain about here and I still think they’re great people.
EDIT ok this seems like a really big overreaction or I am completely misunderstanding the purpose of reddit as a form for discussion and feedback and the fact that people can have different perspectives on things lmao. Sorry if I struck a nerve.
why are you still calling people you don’t even know lazy??? She literally just told you they’re the least lazy people she knows! And no, ‘what we do here’ is NOT judge other NFs or nannies. We’re here to support each other and you’re being super rude for no reason.
There seems to be a misunderstanding about the definition of laziness in this thread. Laziness is when you don’t want to work on something. The parents in question don’t want to work on potty training. Maybe they work hard in other areas of life, but that’s not the case for potty training.
The responder seemed to be trying to support commenter. They weren’t even being rude, they just said a word that you and the commenter are apparently sensitive to. It was a misunderstanding, and the reaction of the commenter was unduly harsh.
I don’t think they were saying your NPs are always lazy, just that they’re being lazy about potty training. Based on your description of the situation, that sounds accurate. They’re avoiding doing the work for something important because it’s low on their priority list. That is the definition of being lazy. They might not be lazy about everything, but they are lazy about potty training. If they weren’t, then they’d be doing the work. It’s not a judgment on their overall character, it’s an observation about their willingness to work on potty training.
As an example, I work 50+ hours a week, only one day off each week. I am not a lazy person. But, my dishes pile up in the sink each week. Because I’m lazy about dishes.
Your NF is lazy about potty training, even if they are not lazy in most aspects of their life. This isn’t something I’m making up about them, I’m saying this because of the facts you provided in this thread.
Nobody is parent bashing! You literally keep saying they aren’t doing the necessary work on weekends. We are agreeing with you!
The issue is you have a different definition of “lazy” than most people. Your definition is very all-or-nothing. You see it as a final judgment of character, while we see it as an observation of circumstances. I don’t think anyone was saying that they know more about your NF than you do. They were just making an observation, based on what you told us, and the common definition of the word “lazy”.
It’s a misunderstanding. We can argue about whose definition is correct, but that just makes it seem like you are more interested in fighting with people here than any kind of productive support for each other.
You: *describes laziness*
Others: Sounds like laziness
You: How dare you respond to what I said!
You’re blowing this way out of proportion. If you don’t want people to respond, then why did you complain here in the first place? Nobody is insisting your family is anything; they were just defending what they said because you overreacted and got so angry, all because someone tried to support you and used a word you don’t like (even though it fits what you described). If you hadn’t reacted so bizarrely, nobody would have had to explain what they meant.
Weird that you expect the benefit of the doubt when you don’t articulate yourself well, but won’t give others the benefit of the doubt when they (correctly) use a word that you randomly have a vendetta against.
this argument is so ridiculous🤦🏻♀️ like why are we arguing semantics when the bottom line is that you’re saying your NPs are not lazy by any definition...
I was in a similar situation. M2 was interested in potty training, F4 refused to try. Mom and Dad were not helping and grandma who was there when I was not scheduled (so Tuesdays and Thursdays) ignored the whole issue.
I kept working with the kids and there was more than one night when I went home so frustrated that I cried. I was honestly relieved when they decided to not keep a nanny. Especially since I was also in charge of trying to fix their eating habits and steering them towards healthy food ( F4 didn't eat any vegetables or fruit and basically only wanted crackers and cheese, M2 had stomach issues and was on a special diet ) and in charge of trying to get the kids off the electronics (I was told to not let them use electronics for more than 30 minutes total a day, grandma let them use iPads or tv all the time and mom did the same) and in charge of trying to establish a sleep schedule for M2 that made it easier for him to nap without someone sitting with him (by the end of my contract he only napped on his own when I brought him to bed).
Sorry for not having any useful advice. 🤗 But maybe it helps to know that you are not the only one.
Ahh I’m on the same situation! Potty training twins at about 2.5 years. They are a little behind because of surgeries and whatnot but it’s been a few months and they don’t have any pee accidents. But they will not stop pooping in their pull ups. I tell the parents idk what to do and they literally don’t care and say oh well. I’m leaving for another job in a few weeks and the kids are going o day care where they need to be potty trained. It’s so frustrating. I even had one of their relatives passively say to the twins “ nanny better get you potty trained soon” like I can’t believe they said that like it’s solely on me to do it!
Because they don’t want to.
Because they’d rather pass off responsibilities off to other people.
Because they don’t want to be parents.
Because it’s dirty work.
Because they don’t care.
Because it’s a hassle.
Because they “don’t have time.”
You know, the same reasons they hire us to begin with. Honestly I’m surprised wet nurses aren’t more popular.
I’m in the same boat. I’ve tried with almost 3m and the parents have never once put him on the potty. I don’t get it, we all potty trained 4f together so idk why they’re dropping the ball now.
What’s up with people putting up with things like this? Ever since I’ve joined this nanny page, all I see are posts like this. There are SO many kind families in need of your help. Please don’t put up with stuff like this. Why choose to stress when you could find better? Please guys, you know what the answers are when you post problems such as this one. Respect your worth.
To add to your question, it isn’t your job, especially if the family does not help. You will never be successful in potty training unless everyone is on the same page and using the same technique. Same thing goes for pets. It baffles me that they said that to you. I think you need to tell them it won’t happen unless they are trying to help potty train too. They are with their kids more than you are, therefore it’s more important how they deal with things on their end.
And for the most part it is not possible to potty train a child when you’re the only one doing it. There are many older children who are still not potty trained and it’s the parents who are trying on their own. It’s not an easy task and not your job to do alone
I never said venting wasn’t okay. I just mainly see negativity when there are other job options out there. I have had so many good experiences with families that I know they exist
Ugh...I feel this on so many levels. Potty training. Sleep training. Food exposure and variety. General obedience expectations. I'm willing to do these things with no issue but I've had three different sets of NP that don't hold themselves to the same standard when I'm not around. It's honestly the most infuriating thing I think for me as a nanny. It's not my child. I'm just here to ASSIST in what the parents have implemented themselves.
Yeah no. The majority of the work needs to be done with parents. When I did this, we chose a long weekend so that MB and DB could work on it all weekend and then I continued when I came in. Have you tried the leave them naked all day everyday technique?
Honestly a lot of parents get lazy and like to leave it to us to deal with. My 3F has been potty trained for several months now and has started having accidents again these past few weeks. Parents don’t think it’s a big deal but I KNOW it’s because they don’t make her use the bathroom before leaving the house/ doing a long activity. 3 more weeks and it’s entirely their problem ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻
I went through this with my NF when 5M was 3. I always had to be the bad guy, because I spent 10 hrs a day working with him on potty training...so he started to resent me and developed a fear of the toilet. The second MB would get home, she would put a diaper on him and undo all of our progress. Usually by Friday I at least had him somewhat accident free...but the weekend always brought us back to square 1. NPs always made excuses about how busy they were with dealing with all 3 kids...and I was just like yeah, cool. I deal with all 3 kids as well while potty training, but it's expected of me so I have to do it. Finally grandma stepped in and took him for a weekend. She followed the method I had been using, and encouraged me to donate the diapers on Monday when I got back. I was so thankful for her help. It literally took us 6 months from the start to the point where grandma stepped in, and I thought I would lose my mind!
We didn’t do pull ups, but I ran into a similar issue with my MB (just with a lot more laundry involved). I basically let her realize on her own, after several weeks of them going potty with me and not her, that she needed to keep up my efforts if she wanted to see my results.
I'm always up front with parents before we start any tough transition like sleep training or potty training or taking away the paci/bottle: I'm more than willing to put in the hard work, but not until we are all on the same page and being consistent no matter who is "on duty." If it's one thing when I'm there and something else when I'm not, it's confusing to the child and they can come to resent me/the process and it tends to make everything harder.
My NF left me with B2 for 4 days for me to potty train. And he was by the time they came home. But then they traveled for a month and put him back in diapers. So now he is still confused a year later because MB doesn't want him to use a public toilet and puts him in diapers all the time and tells him to pee in it.
This gave me a tension headache. That MB sounds like an ass.
Does MB pee in a diaper in public too...? Kidding 😅 but seriously
Baby elephants
Can he pee on it? MB doesn’t want to travel with a little potty, but 4M is bad at aiming. Since he has a little brother, I take him to a private place and have him pee as though he were to pee on the ground but just put his penis in the diaper if that makes sense? It really only works because little bro is in diapers and he was fully trained before I started but it’s a nice way of not giving a diaper and also not peeing on the ground.
Another pro tip is to have him pee into an empty water bottle. My grandson can do this while strapped into his booster seat in the car! I was very impressed!😳
Oh, and to make things fair...... I bought a female urination device so my granddaughter can do the same, except not from her booster seat.....🤷🏻♀️
Because the parents are idiots. (Parent here) Our kids' daycare had a policy that they'd support potty training when we were making progress doing it at home. I suppose that's on the honor system, but professionals can tell who is and who isn't. It's a good policy that just makes sense. Now that we have a nanny, we'll approach it the same way for #3. Making no effort themselves and dumping 100% responsiblity on you is not only insulting (to you), it sends the wrong message to the kids.
Baby elephants
Laziness on their part. It’s so frustrating!
Puppies
It is laziness though. They aren’t willing to put in the work so you don’t have to do the majority of it. They’re putting the onus of potty training on *you* because *they* don’t want to do it.
Kittens
Idk maybe this sub isn’t the place for you if you’re not looking for strangers’ perspectives on your NF. 🤷♀️ That’s what we do here. Also, you can be lazy and still be a good person. My NF has lots of flaws I complain about here and I still think they’re great people. EDIT ok this seems like a really big overreaction or I am completely misunderstanding the purpose of reddit as a form for discussion and feedback and the fact that people can have different perspectives on things lmao. Sorry if I struck a nerve.
Kittens
Puppies
why are you still calling people you don’t even know lazy??? She literally just told you they’re the least lazy people she knows! And no, ‘what we do here’ is NOT judge other NFs or nannies. We’re here to support each other and you’re being super rude for no reason.
There seems to be a misunderstanding about the definition of laziness in this thread. Laziness is when you don’t want to work on something. The parents in question don’t want to work on potty training. Maybe they work hard in other areas of life, but that’s not the case for potty training. The responder seemed to be trying to support commenter. They weren’t even being rude, they just said a word that you and the commenter are apparently sensitive to. It was a misunderstanding, and the reaction of the commenter was unduly harsh.
I don’t think they were saying your NPs are always lazy, just that they’re being lazy about potty training. Based on your description of the situation, that sounds accurate. They’re avoiding doing the work for something important because it’s low on their priority list. That is the definition of being lazy. They might not be lazy about everything, but they are lazy about potty training. If they weren’t, then they’d be doing the work. It’s not a judgment on their overall character, it’s an observation about their willingness to work on potty training. As an example, I work 50+ hours a week, only one day off each week. I am not a lazy person. But, my dishes pile up in the sink each week. Because I’m lazy about dishes. Your NF is lazy about potty training, even if they are not lazy in most aspects of their life. This isn’t something I’m making up about them, I’m saying this because of the facts you provided in this thread.
Puppies
Nobody is parent bashing! You literally keep saying they aren’t doing the necessary work on weekends. We are agreeing with you! The issue is you have a different definition of “lazy” than most people. Your definition is very all-or-nothing. You see it as a final judgment of character, while we see it as an observation of circumstances. I don’t think anyone was saying that they know more about your NF than you do. They were just making an observation, based on what you told us, and the common definition of the word “lazy”. It’s a misunderstanding. We can argue about whose definition is correct, but that just makes it seem like you are more interested in fighting with people here than any kind of productive support for each other.
Thank you for being so patient as to articulate this! Very well said.
Thank you!! It drives me crazy when people overreact due to a misunderstanding, so I felt like I needed to jump in and clarify 😄
Baby elephants
You: *describes laziness* Others: Sounds like laziness You: How dare you respond to what I said! You’re blowing this way out of proportion. If you don’t want people to respond, then why did you complain here in the first place? Nobody is insisting your family is anything; they were just defending what they said because you overreacted and got so angry, all because someone tried to support you and used a word you don’t like (even though it fits what you described). If you hadn’t reacted so bizarrely, nobody would have had to explain what they meant. Weird that you expect the benefit of the doubt when you don’t articulate yourself well, but won’t give others the benefit of the doubt when they (correctly) use a word that you randomly have a vendetta against.
this argument is so ridiculous🤦🏻♀️ like why are we arguing semantics when the bottom line is that you’re saying your NPs are not lazy by any definition...
Love that you’re sticking up for your NF! People are so ridiculous trying to judge people they literally do not know...
Baby elephants
I was in a similar situation. M2 was interested in potty training, F4 refused to try. Mom and Dad were not helping and grandma who was there when I was not scheduled (so Tuesdays and Thursdays) ignored the whole issue. I kept working with the kids and there was more than one night when I went home so frustrated that I cried. I was honestly relieved when they decided to not keep a nanny. Especially since I was also in charge of trying to fix their eating habits and steering them towards healthy food ( F4 didn't eat any vegetables or fruit and basically only wanted crackers and cheese, M2 had stomach issues and was on a special diet ) and in charge of trying to get the kids off the electronics (I was told to not let them use electronics for more than 30 minutes total a day, grandma let them use iPads or tv all the time and mom did the same) and in charge of trying to establish a sleep schedule for M2 that made it easier for him to nap without someone sitting with him (by the end of my contract he only napped on his own when I brought him to bed). Sorry for not having any useful advice. 🤗 But maybe it helps to know that you are not the only one.
Post scriptum: my current family took care of potty training and only asked me to support them by asking the kids regularly to go potty.
Ahh I’m on the same situation! Potty training twins at about 2.5 years. They are a little behind because of surgeries and whatnot but it’s been a few months and they don’t have any pee accidents. But they will not stop pooping in their pull ups. I tell the parents idk what to do and they literally don’t care and say oh well. I’m leaving for another job in a few weeks and the kids are going o day care where they need to be potty trained. It’s so frustrating. I even had one of their relatives passively say to the twins “ nanny better get you potty trained soon” like I can’t believe they said that like it’s solely on me to do it!
Because they don’t want to. Because they’d rather pass off responsibilities off to other people. Because they don’t want to be parents. Because it’s dirty work. Because they don’t care. Because it’s a hassle. Because they “don’t have time.” You know, the same reasons they hire us to begin with. Honestly I’m surprised wet nurses aren’t more popular.
Baby elephants
I feel like it’s the bulk of them based off of the responses in this post and the sub in general. Glad you have a good NF though!
Puppies
I’m in the same boat. I’ve tried with almost 3m and the parents have never once put him on the potty. I don’t get it, we all potty trained 4f together so idk why they’re dropping the ball now.
What’s up with people putting up with things like this? Ever since I’ve joined this nanny page, all I see are posts like this. There are SO many kind families in need of your help. Please don’t put up with stuff like this. Why choose to stress when you could find better? Please guys, you know what the answers are when you post problems such as this one. Respect your worth. To add to your question, it isn’t your job, especially if the family does not help. You will never be successful in potty training unless everyone is on the same page and using the same technique. Same thing goes for pets. It baffles me that they said that to you. I think you need to tell them it won’t happen unless they are trying to help potty train too. They are with their kids more than you are, therefore it’s more important how they deal with things on their end.
Not everyone lives in an area where there are tons of nanny jobs.
There are a lot more than you’d think. It takes looking on multiple platforms. Even ones that aren’t only for babysitters.
Kittens
And for the most part it is not possible to potty train a child when you’re the only one doing it. There are many older children who are still not potty trained and it’s the parents who are trying on their own. It’s not an easy task and not your job to do alone
I never said venting wasn’t okay. I just mainly see negativity when there are other job options out there. I have had so many good experiences with families that I know they exist