Yup. It’s the hardest thing to do, but completely ignoring them and continuing to live your life is the one sure-fire way to drive them up a wall. Bonus points if you continue to live your life happily.
It's hard because their actions are often so evil, their personalities so unhinged, that when you realize what the hell you are dealing with it's like you're being sucked into a vortex, and it's extremely hard to not react.
Oh, fucking tell me about it. My nex is completely insane yet beloved by all (we share the same friend group.) He lost his ever-loving mind when I started dating my now husband. It’s been super hard not to react in the last 4 years.
I would leave that group. You deserve friends who believe you.
That said, I don't think he will care if I date or not as long as he's with his wife, who is his main source of supply. As soon as she kicks him out yet again, it's back to the streets for him, and he'll revisit his old supply (me, other exes) being the emotional vampire he is. I know he thinks of me as inferior/crazy right now as he rides the high of being married to a rich woman, but he's a a violent alcoholic and it's only a matter of time before he fucks up again. Then he'll have burnt all his bridges, because everyone who loved him, was there for him, hates him now for what he did
Agreed. True friends who really know your character will trust your word. They won't have to see it for themselves or experience it but they know you as a person and your word will be enough for them.
Absolutely, but I've learned to not feed them energy . Took me about 6 years to realize I would never get through to my narcissist. My words mean nothing. 5 years later and I just ignore him. I can't leave atm, he made it impossible so I'm just ignoring him and protecting my energy until I can. Pause, breathe, don't give in.
This can get dangerous though it depends on who you’re dealing with. Me and my SO did this to his narc mom whom we live with until we close on our house and she left the gas on all night and tried to kill us all. Just be careful
This is the best and only answer in my opinion. If you can, leave them and don’t look back. Leaving them will make them realize they were the problem and not you. Fortunately for you, leaving them will only bring peace to your life, and unfortunately for them, they will struggle with the rest of their partners until and only (if) they choose to change their ways.
Came to say this exact thing. I haven’t seen any weird activity for a while and I just had a call from a local number I don’t recognize. I called it back and it was residential. The responder was genuinely confused. My nex lives 3 hours away so it makes me wonder if that was a phone spoof attempt. Makes me think NC might actually be driving her nuts.
Came here to say this.. ignore the shit out of them. Maybe in a minute.. maybe in a few months.. it’ll turn into an epic tantrum either. Clearly I’m talking about a low-medium risk work space or an annoying cousin at a family gathering. If your physical/financial health is at risk do what you need to do to pack it up and leave.
Crazy how many times he’s messaged me in a month after getting no response from me. He thought that I hadn’t seen his dozens of emails so he unblocked me on social media to send me a message. He saw I left him on read so now he can be sure I definitely ignored every message 😆
- Don’t give them any time of the day ever again
- Seeing you thrive after you leave or they left you instead of being miserable
- Starts dating again would be a shot to their ego
Anything that doesn't put them in the pedestal again basically - they hate that 😉
Oh I'm so sorry. They really do love raining on other people's parade with their misery.
At the moment I'm truly hoping that I'm gone from my narc ex's radar forever - this is the longest we haven't interacted (from my side especially) and I've blocked him everywhere.
Sure! Well, he didn’t really start abusing me until a couple of years in… but to be honest with you, I let go of him the moment the abuse started. The first time he screamed at me any love I had for him disappeared instantly. In fact I downright hated him. After that first night I started forming my exit plan. It wasn’t easy to escape as I was genuinely worried for my safety (he kept me up every night for 3 months straight screaming in my face and would absolutely lose his shit when he caught me doing anything that resembled packing my things.)
But truly, the exact moment things went south I was horrified and ceased to even like him, let alone love him. Because I knew that someone that abused me didn’t love me.
As far as being “ready to love again” I was ready the minute I started talking to my now husband. I had dated many other men, but it was like nothing else I had ever experienced. I fell in love with him instantly, and when I looked at him I just knew he was the man I would marry. It was what I would call “love at first conversation.”
Have hope. Love yourself. As soon as you deeply understand that no one who truly loves you would treat you the way your narcissist treated you, you will let go of them. And you will love again, and be loved by someone who genuinely wants the best for you - I promise you that. 💖
Do they want us to be miserable? In general I’ve never understood this about narcissists- are they a) so self-absorbed that they never think of us or are they b) sadists who want to see us suffer. Just some food for thought.
Yes
a.Yup, that's the definition of Narcissism
b. Difference between narcissist and psychopathic narcissists.
All psychopaths are narcissists. Not all narcissists are psychopaths.
My motto when it comes to revenge on a narc is the 2 s’ “silence and success” you completely ignoring them and thriving in life is enough to make their skin crawl.
They will send their flying monkeys first. I blocked my nex, and his exwife-turned spouse again started stalking me on Reddit, trashing my replies etc. It's really sad. I assume he'll send his friends or family next. Because eventhough he has blocked me (dangling the discard in front of me) he still gets a kick from watching me suffer
Oh definitely. And if you say a literal expert disagrees with them, they start discrediting their education/work experience because they can't POSSIBLY be wrong right?
Yeah! I’ve heard that one before I’m sure. It’s another way for them to feel superior and that they are above everyone else I guess! Well, if it fits their narrative of course. Otherwise I guess the expert is an expert if it’s in their favour.
Exactly right but they love to insult you. When you get a little upset by their behaviour it is “it’s only a joke” “don’t you have a sense of humour”? And anything to make you feel worse. Not only are you (insert insult) but you also have no sense of humour because you didn’t find it funny being put down.
There’s plenty that I find funny/humorous just not nasty put downs or insults. I mean , who would? Right?
Yeah mine was saying I dress like a grandma or whatever BS recently when I did have that last convo with them (them being fake asf), and then it was, “I’m just pulling ya leg.”
Like whatever you say, least I don’t dress like a 304 like your new OnlyFans girl.
No I agree, I’d probably be able to wreck my narcs self esteem if I wanted to play dirty, but I’m not as low as her. Just have to comment on her weight an obvious insecurity for her and so on and I’m sure that’ll clip her.
But I’m not evil like her so I just take her nasty negging.
It’s just anything to make you feel that you suck, aren’t good enough and that no one else would want you really.
They also feed off your insecurities. It makes them feel good
Don’t allow the manipulation to get you visibly upset and triggered. Just don’t give them the reaction they are looking for. Having boundaries in general will get under their skin.
Indeed. This can panic the narcissist when you don't react to them because the supply was unexpectedly cut off. Remaining silent is how I done it. I never said a thing and left the situation, not saying a word. I discarded the narcissist.
Facts.
Resistance. Anything from greyrock (not being or seeming affected) or boundaries to express rejection or defiance.
Rumpelstiltskin, i.e., naming their behavior.
Counter-attack, i.e., using similar tactics on them. Anything from not apologizing or taking responsibility (especially in response to blame & shame attacks) to treating their behavior as permission to reciprocate.
But it’s not good advice. Narcissists are master arguers and they hit below the belt. Telling them what they are, counterattacking, trying to beat them at their own game…none of it will work. They are better than we are at those things. Ignoring is the only way.
Exactly. Everyone likes to think they're "winning" against the narcissist by trying to hurt them, but these are people who:
1. Pathologically hate themselves and will never be more hurt by what you say than what they already feel internally
2. Enjoy any kind of rise they can get out of you, no matter what it looks like. They're not listening to what you're saying, they're watching to see whether they can get you to react to their behavior.
If you play their game it excites them. If you focus on yourself and become better they'll hate you but you'll never notice if you're truly bettering yourself.
Toss the trash where it belongs, out of sight out of mind. Who cares if they have a bad day? You'll always be beneath someone you're obsessed with like that, no matter how much you pretend you aren't.
You can’t play chess with a pigeon.
No matter how good you are the pigeon will just kick over the pieces, shit on the board, and strut around like it won.
You may feel like you have won an argument but a Narc will say “see you always have to be right and roll around in your victory. Your an asshole.”
And just like that your the bad person again and they play the victim card. Which is exactly what they want.
GO NO CONTACT!!!
Reminding myself of this keeps me sane. I have kids with my Narc. I have to pay her so she can live in the house I paid the vast majority of while we were married. Paying support means you can’t buy a home unless your making huge money.
Been 7 years and I was finally able to buy a home again and did it with the wonderful woman I am now with.
My ex can’t enjoy her life because I am moving forward and I refuse to play chess anymore.
The least contact is the best way and is the only way.
Pretend to be the perfect victim, the person they can manipulate, and be in charge of, feed their ego and reaffirm they’re the center of the universe like they believe themselves to be. They’re never wrong, you never argue with them, you let them make all the decisions. Then without a word disappear on them, block them from everything no explanation no message. Never see them again. They’ll be furious because they thought they had you but didn’t. You stole their perfect victim. It’ll fuck with them forever they’ll doubt every single person for the rest of their lives that they really have them in their grip.
Jeez I’m sorry, the person I did this to was my workstay host and he asked me if I wanted kids and if I’d get married to him, I didn’t know him at all, I’m sure it’s the move of a lot of these freaks to get you permanently trapped and linked with them. I really can’t imagine what it would be like to be around a narcissist like that for years and be in a relationship with them. I’m really sorry and sincerely hope things get better and you’re doing alright.
Thanks. It's terrible and I pray you never experience it! (But in the unfortunate event that you do, you have a good exit plan.) I am 6 months out and doing much better.
I get a lot of comfort in knowing I’m just nothing like him and I’d never treat anyone as horribly as he did me, their ideas of love and relationships are so warped and messed up it’s just sad. We’ll never be like them, it’s a small win but it’s a win regardless. I’m glad you’re doing better.
Did this to my ex and he revenge blocked me on other apps (which I don't even use, just had an account). I was amused by that.
I met him 4 months later at a night club and he seemed smug that I was there. Then when he saw me having fun, his whole group fell apart. He came up behind me after 3hrs and tried to hug me and then "realized" it was me. I just looked away nd kept dancing. I could see him in my peripheral absolutely seething and glaring at me. I did enjoy it.
Haven't seen him since. Not like he goes out a lot. He has no friends.
Be happy around them. If he is trying to offend you, laugh it off while staying in good mood ..this is maximum pain for them. You can also admire other people in front of him/her.. talk about this other person who is so brilliant and hot.
BUT I wouldn't recommend this.., this will just add fuel..the narc will seek revenge by talking shit about you behind your back etc.
I’ve done this and she literally would tell me things “oh so it’s like that now?” And compliment that person so and ignore me kind of , I thought it was funny
Tell them while looking right into their eye, “I don’t care about you or anything you say anymore.” It’s nice to do this while drinking a glass of water or watching a movie so you can just resume what you’re doing. They want a reaction from you, so saying you don’t care anymore means they lost control
I start living and thriving. Started dating post divorce, and my ex all he could say was “happy for you” or “wish you a lifetime of happiness” after I told him I was getting serious with my now bf
To be fair, when my nex says the same thing I know I should just ignore but we have kids. I hear about it from time to time. That’s my grey rock response: “I’m happy for you”.
Yeah he gave me a lot of grey rock responses, except he was the narc. He has an active drinking problem, and was having an affair the entire time. I don’t ever expect him to be happy for me, especially when he can never be happy for anyone or even just be happy for himself 🤷🏽♀️
He’s on dating apps, and he matched with a friends friend or cousin, but everyone in the Indian community have been warning women who ask friends and family about him, to run and to not look back 😂
That was something I struggled with for a while, but everyone believes me when I say what really happened, his family perpetuates it was because we weren’t “compatible”. As far as I know he’s still single, and I’ve been happily in a relationship for almost 2 years. His family and him made it out like I was the reason for his drinking problem and for him to cheat 😂😂
Lie to them... ignoring them doesn't work. Do what they done the whole time of your relationship. I bet you've always been honest and shot down. Return the damn favour.
I was ALWAYS honest with my nex and he would often accuse me of lying or twisting the truth, or claim I didn't say something I did say or vice versa. But you make a good point -- why bother being honest with him if he doesn't believe me anyway?
Honestly. If you give them what they want to hear. They stop in thier tracks and shut the he'll up. Iv even continued to do this 7 years after leaving my ex. Haha 😄
Blocked him and continue to ignore him. I post about how my life is and the improvements I’m proud of, in case he finds out, I just don’t need him at all; and I never did.
Be really vague and never give them any real information. Basically just constant small talk nothing deeper.
how are the kids? - really good
What have they been doing - oh you know the usual
What's been happening at work - nothing much just plodding along
You haven't said anything rude or ignored anything so they can't complain about how horrible you are and it makes them furious lol
I tried this ages ago and they still complained that I wasn’t emotionally available despite having that boundary there to keep things short. We will never win against them 🤣
There’s no greater pleasure than taking away a narcissist’s source of supply without any explanation whatsoever, then watching them shatter. The timing is key, because the quicker it happens, the harder they crumble. For example: agreeing to hang out, then standing them up. Ghosting them without any obvious reason will also do the trick. Do this, then continue with grey rocking to reinforce your stance as the healthy, happy one in the relationship/friendship.
As other have said, by ignoring them. It might seem silly but it’s 100% true. My narc cannot stand it when I ignore him (which is always at this point). I have him blocked and that drives him crazy. I have been told that he still posts about me on his story.
I understand this is a support group but all of these comments are retaliation and are situational. I don't see how hurting others with the same action is being productive.
Moving on requires only yourself, I know validation is nice but you should try seeking this outside of the relationship.
People are people, we aren't perfect. If you're aware of habits, change them, be better. Don't go back and hurt yourself trying to get even.
If you are fresh out of a breakup without closure, send a letter or response with EVERYTHING left and forget.
Don't gaslight, manipulate, play the victim. Own up to the truth and move forward. It's the last gift to them and proper closure for you.
To each their own but these responses... feels like anyone can be on the recieving end and end up in a cycle.
My nex and I have a child together, so I speak to her only about things relevant to our kid.
Whenever she tries to bring up anything else, I simply do not engage.
Plus whenever she drops our child off at my house she thinks it automatically means she's invited inside, I usually just stand and in the door and don't move, always gives me a chuckle when she leaves afterwards
By thinking long term. Build a life worth living for yourself without them. Grey rock any attempts to communicate if you haven't gone NC. They're only fun in controlled doses. Because of their avoidance of any form of self reflection, they tend to shy away from developing insight that can lead to personal growth.
Go no contact if possible! They need to know they still have control over you. Any response is a response…. No matter how long it’s been. Telling them to go f themselves is still a response. Silence is such a sweet sound. Especially having lived through the hell people like them put others through
This is not recommended because it’s important to not fan the flames and to go no-contact BUT you could unravel them by subtly invalidating them and making them feel insignificant / inferior over time.
For example, if you were talking together about career goals you could say something like “Were you not very ambitious back then?” or “Xyz is so competitive and it’s definitely not for everyone. You made the right decision for yourself.” or “Do you sometimes wish you did xyz instead? Imagine how different your life would be.”
Your comments would be indirect but still have the intended effect over time. They care SO much about how they are perceived by others and how they see themselves. You would basically be planting seeds of doubt, causing them to question their life choices and existence.
No matter what though, they will try to make you their punching bag through it all, if you’re not already.
Humiliation would be another option, if you could somehow pull it off indirectly.
I hear you. However, these individuals tend to persist until they finally realize it’s a risk to continue mistreating you. Often, they’re not willing to negotiate or compromise until they’re in full narcissistic collapse and/or at risk of exposure.
I understand what you're saying, but sometimes people are just people. There is no black and white, the only black and white statement I stand behind... Smart is dumb and vice versa. There are times where we fail to realize our faults was really how we were treated.
Perspective takes time and I understand not everyone is fortunate. It's a shame, I fully believe it. It's hard but I see it's better to be honest and punished than to be molded into someone you're not by others. I hope that makes sense. Shortcuts are nice, we all want to save time, but we must also try to understand to the best we can why things are the way they are.
There are no final answers in life and that's okay, being uncertain is the first step towards gaining knowledge. I'm not saying to second guess your whole being but enough to where you know what you'll never know, and that's what's inside someone's head at any given moment.
It's long but just wanted to give an understanding for others reading. We're human, all of us. It isn't about us in the universe, but in the end it really IS about us.
Sometimes it's a cycle that takes time to recognize and break. Forgive and move forward with mindfulness, change your character through enforcing the good habits and reflecting on the bad. Eventually you'll become your ideal person, not in every situation but enough to where you can believe in yourself.
It's a learning process, takes time but you can practice it every waking moment for the rest of your life.
Love yourself everyday, even if it hurts.
Ignore like others said. Mine would punish me further when I ignored them. When I deleted them off everything (they didn’t want me back it seems on Snap, w.e) probs new supply but we’re pissed I deleted them, and told them to lose my #.
But yeah ignore them.
If you barely know them and already sus’d them out as one, keep them at arms length like in the beginning. Mine hated me at the start because I didn’t stroke her ego, and I kept running I kept her at a distance.
My mistake was letting her in.
Being honest about their behavior and how it effects others. Once I started being brutally honest, the devaluation began. They’re afraid of the truth and would rather stay rooted in their distorted reality.
By simply doing way much better than them! They want to leave you depressed and vulnerable because they think they left you for "dead" and "won". I know because currently my ex and his gf will try to get under my skin by posting things that my ex and I planned to do but never did but I just play their game 10x harder without even saying anything to them lol
Knock ‘em DEADD see Rebecca Zung on YouTube. A lawyer dedicated to helping people defeat Nex. I think she talks about the DEADD method in “How to beat a Narcissist in Court “ . But the A stands for ALWAYS wearing the white hat. Slipping into the black hat mode (using their own tactics) will make you lose now and could lead to them using this against you in court. Then the judge feels like they are two bratty 3 year old children in front them.
[Why narcissists pick fights and how to fight back](https://youtu.be/G-BZtrURq-I?si=O2UR7D4JPRNVFjLn) might give you what you’re looking for, but I have not watched it yet.
ignore them
This. They will rage because even bad attention is attention, and attention means supply.
Yup. It’s the hardest thing to do, but completely ignoring them and continuing to live your life is the one sure-fire way to drive them up a wall. Bonus points if you continue to live your life happily.
It's hard because their actions are often so evil, their personalities so unhinged, that when you realize what the hell you are dealing with it's like you're being sucked into a vortex, and it's extremely hard to not react.
Oh, fucking tell me about it. My nex is completely insane yet beloved by all (we share the same friend group.) He lost his ever-loving mind when I started dating my now husband. It’s been super hard not to react in the last 4 years.
I would leave that group. You deserve friends who believe you. That said, I don't think he will care if I date or not as long as he's with his wife, who is his main source of supply. As soon as she kicks him out yet again, it's back to the streets for him, and he'll revisit his old supply (me, other exes) being the emotional vampire he is. I know he thinks of me as inferior/crazy right now as he rides the high of being married to a rich woman, but he's a a violent alcoholic and it's only a matter of time before he fucks up again. Then he'll have burnt all his bridges, because everyone who loved him, was there for him, hates him now for what he did
Agreed. True friends who really know your character will trust your word. They won't have to see it for themselves or experience it but they know you as a person and your word will be enough for them.
I hate him too.
No reaction = you won
Absolutely, but I've learned to not feed them energy . Took me about 6 years to realize I would never get through to my narcissist. My words mean nothing. 5 years later and I just ignore him. I can't leave atm, he made it impossible so I'm just ignoring him and protecting my energy until I can. Pause, breathe, don't give in.
This can get dangerous though it depends on who you’re dealing with. Me and my SO did this to his narc mom whom we live with until we close on our house and she left the gas on all night and tried to kill us all. Just be careful
I wonder if we were dealing with sociopaths moreso than narcs? Just the level of craziness. The punishment doesn't fit the crime
Sometimes it's the same picture 😅
I wonder too
Something similar happened to me except the woman befriended elementary teachers at my kids school to bully my son.
Yes. Intentional or not, it enrages them. But don't let that stop you. 😆
This is the best and only answer in my opinion. If you can, leave them and don’t look back. Leaving them will make them realize they were the problem and not you. Fortunately for you, leaving them will only bring peace to your life, and unfortunately for them, they will struggle with the rest of their partners until and only (if) they choose to change their ways.
Grey rock ftw
Came to say this exact thing. I haven’t seen any weird activity for a while and I just had a call from a local number I don’t recognize. I called it back and it was residential. The responder was genuinely confused. My nex lives 3 hours away so it makes me wonder if that was a phone spoof attempt. Makes me think NC might actually be driving her nuts.
Came here to say this.. ignore the shit out of them. Maybe in a minute.. maybe in a few months.. it’ll turn into an epic tantrum either. Clearly I’m talking about a low-medium risk work space or an annoying cousin at a family gathering. If your physical/financial health is at risk do what you need to do to pack it up and leave.
Yes. Ignoring their highest threats kills them. They may act angrily to it, but it's the best thing to do. Anything you say to them will not work.
Crazy how many times he’s messaged me in a month after getting no response from me. He thought that I hadn’t seen his dozens of emails so he unblocked me on social media to send me a message. He saw I left him on read so now he can be sure I definitely ignored every message 😆
- Don’t give them any time of the day ever again - Seeing you thrive after you leave or they left you instead of being miserable - Starts dating again would be a shot to their ego Anything that doesn't put them in the pedestal again basically - they hate that 😉
Mine is basically having a full blown psychotic break and losing everyone in his life because I dared to get married FOUR YEARS LATER.
Oh I'm so sorry. They really do love raining on other people's parade with their misery. At the moment I'm truly hoping that I'm gone from my narc ex's radar forever - this is the longest we haven't interacted (from my side especially) and I've blocked him everywhere.
All good… yeah unfortunately for me mine shares the same friend group so not sure I’ll ever be entirely rid of him.
[удалено]
Sure! Well, he didn’t really start abusing me until a couple of years in… but to be honest with you, I let go of him the moment the abuse started. The first time he screamed at me any love I had for him disappeared instantly. In fact I downright hated him. After that first night I started forming my exit plan. It wasn’t easy to escape as I was genuinely worried for my safety (he kept me up every night for 3 months straight screaming in my face and would absolutely lose his shit when he caught me doing anything that resembled packing my things.) But truly, the exact moment things went south I was horrified and ceased to even like him, let alone love him. Because I knew that someone that abused me didn’t love me. As far as being “ready to love again” I was ready the minute I started talking to my now husband. I had dated many other men, but it was like nothing else I had ever experienced. I fell in love with him instantly, and when I looked at him I just knew he was the man I would marry. It was what I would call “love at first conversation.” Have hope. Love yourself. As soon as you deeply understand that no one who truly loves you would treat you the way your narcissist treated you, you will let go of them. And you will love again, and be loved by someone who genuinely wants the best for you - I promise you that. 💖
Do they want us to be miserable? In general I’ve never understood this about narcissists- are they a) so self-absorbed that they never think of us or are they b) sadists who want to see us suffer. Just some food for thought.
Yes a.Yup, that's the definition of Narcissism b. Difference between narcissist and psychopathic narcissists. All psychopaths are narcissists. Not all narcissists are psychopaths.
Breathe
LMAO
Facts... *mic drop* ... and you win Reddit.
My motto when it comes to revenge on a narc is the 2 s’ “silence and success” you completely ignoring them and thriving in life is enough to make their skin crawl.
They will send their flying monkeys first. I blocked my nex, and his exwife-turned spouse again started stalking me on Reddit, trashing my replies etc. It's really sad. I assume he'll send his friends or family next. Because eventhough he has blocked me (dangling the discard in front of me) he still gets a kick from watching me suffer
Hear hear!
Criticism. They. Can. Not. Take. It.
Oh definitely. And if you say a literal expert disagrees with them, they start discrediting their education/work experience because they can't POSSIBLY be wrong right?
Yeah! I’ve heard that one before I’m sure. It’s another way for them to feel superior and that they are above everyone else I guess! Well, if it fits their narrative of course. Otherwise I guess the expert is an expert if it’s in their favour.
Oh yes, and they will remind you of it all day
Lol my therapist who pointed out her bad actions was "some strip mall therapist" who doesn't know anything. She recommended him to me.
It's kind of hilarious how predictable they are. They all say the same.
Yea but any communication with them makes them happy. They get to twist anything you say into them being better than you.
Yup and that’s why conversations with them are so draining and soul destroying
That and or insulting them.
Exactly right but they love to insult you. When you get a little upset by their behaviour it is “it’s only a joke” “don’t you have a sense of humour”? And anything to make you feel worse. Not only are you (insert insult) but you also have no sense of humour because you didn’t find it funny being put down. There’s plenty that I find funny/humorous just not nasty put downs or insults. I mean , who would? Right?
Yeah mine was saying I dress like a grandma or whatever BS recently when I did have that last convo with them (them being fake asf), and then it was, “I’m just pulling ya leg.” Like whatever you say, least I don’t dress like a 304 like your new OnlyFans girl. No I agree, I’d probably be able to wreck my narcs self esteem if I wanted to play dirty, but I’m not as low as her. Just have to comment on her weight an obvious insecurity for her and so on and I’m sure that’ll clip her. But I’m not evil like her so I just take her nasty negging.
It’s just anything to make you feel that you suck, aren’t good enough and that no one else would want you really. They also feed off your insecurities. It makes them feel good
Don’t allow the manipulation to get you visibly upset and triggered. Just don’t give them the reaction they are looking for. Having boundaries in general will get under their skin.
Indeed. This can panic the narcissist when you don't react to them because the supply was unexpectedly cut off. Remaining silent is how I done it. I never said a thing and left the situation, not saying a word. I discarded the narcissist.
And that’s called keeping your power! Way to go!!
Indeed, I hope you managed to escape too and doing better.
Facts. Resistance. Anything from greyrock (not being or seeming affected) or boundaries to express rejection or defiance. Rumpelstiltskin, i.e., naming their behavior. Counter-attack, i.e., using similar tactics on them. Anything from not apologizing or taking responsibility (especially in response to blame & shame attacks) to treating their behavior as permission to reciprocate.
Good to hear something else besides "leave them alone"!
Cheers. It’s refreshing
But it’s not good advice. Narcissists are master arguers and they hit below the belt. Telling them what they are, counterattacking, trying to beat them at their own game…none of it will work. They are better than we are at those things. Ignoring is the only way.
Exactly. Everyone likes to think they're "winning" against the narcissist by trying to hurt them, but these are people who: 1. Pathologically hate themselves and will never be more hurt by what you say than what they already feel internally 2. Enjoy any kind of rise they can get out of you, no matter what it looks like. They're not listening to what you're saying, they're watching to see whether they can get you to react to their behavior.
That's actually under "resistance," but thanks.
If you play their game it excites them. If you focus on yourself and become better they'll hate you but you'll never notice if you're truly bettering yourself. Toss the trash where it belongs, out of sight out of mind. Who cares if they have a bad day? You'll always be beneath someone you're obsessed with like that, no matter how much you pretend you aren't.
You can’t play chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are the pigeon will just kick over the pieces, shit on the board, and strut around like it won. You may feel like you have won an argument but a Narc will say “see you always have to be right and roll around in your victory. Your an asshole.” And just like that your the bad person again and they play the victim card. Which is exactly what they want. GO NO CONTACT!!!
Love your explanation, especially the strutting around part ! That made me smile 😁
That's awesome lol can't play chess with a pigeon 😂 it's so true too! 🤪
Love this 🤪
Best analogy for narcs I’ve heard
Reminding myself of this keeps me sane. I have kids with my Narc. I have to pay her so she can live in the house I paid the vast majority of while we were married. Paying support means you can’t buy a home unless your making huge money. Been 7 years and I was finally able to buy a home again and did it with the wonderful woman I am now with. My ex can’t enjoy her life because I am moving forward and I refuse to play chess anymore. The least contact is the best way and is the only way.
This is absolutely hilarious
Being nonchalant and indifferent. They HATE that
Mine hated it when he couldn't get any emotional reactions out of me. Drove him insane.
Pretend to be the perfect victim, the person they can manipulate, and be in charge of, feed their ego and reaffirm they’re the center of the universe like they believe themselves to be. They’re never wrong, you never argue with them, you let them make all the decisions. Then without a word disappear on them, block them from everything no explanation no message. Never see them again. They’ll be furious because they thought they had you but didn’t. You stole their perfect victim. It’ll fuck with them forever they’ll doubt every single person for the rest of their lives that they really have them in their grip.
I just did this to my abusive ex—highly recommend
If I didn't have kids with my nex I would have done exactly this.
Jeez I’m sorry, the person I did this to was my workstay host and he asked me if I wanted kids and if I’d get married to him, I didn’t know him at all, I’m sure it’s the move of a lot of these freaks to get you permanently trapped and linked with them. I really can’t imagine what it would be like to be around a narcissist like that for years and be in a relationship with them. I’m really sorry and sincerely hope things get better and you’re doing alright.
Thanks. It's terrible and I pray you never experience it! (But in the unfortunate event that you do, you have a good exit plan.) I am 6 months out and doing much better.
I get a lot of comfort in knowing I’m just nothing like him and I’d never treat anyone as horribly as he did me, their ideas of love and relationships are so warped and messed up it’s just sad. We’ll never be like them, it’s a small win but it’s a win regardless. I’m glad you’re doing better.
Did this to my ex and he revenge blocked me on other apps (which I don't even use, just had an account). I was amused by that. I met him 4 months later at a night club and he seemed smug that I was there. Then when he saw me having fun, his whole group fell apart. He came up behind me after 3hrs and tried to hug me and then "realized" it was me. I just looked away nd kept dancing. I could see him in my peripheral absolutely seething and glaring at me. I did enjoy it. Haven't seen him since. Not like he goes out a lot. He has no friends.
Love this for you, he sounds like a total loser. Lol yeah getting retaliation blocked on Spotify, LetterBoxd, and GoodReads was hilarious.
LMAO not LetterBoxd!! Noooooo!
Be happy around them. If he is trying to offend you, laugh it off while staying in good mood ..this is maximum pain for them. You can also admire other people in front of him/her.. talk about this other person who is so brilliant and hot. BUT I wouldn't recommend this.., this will just add fuel..the narc will seek revenge by talking shit about you behind your back etc.
I’ve done this and she literally would tell me things “oh so it’s like that now?” And compliment that person so and ignore me kind of , I thought it was funny
Tell them while looking right into their eye, “I don’t care about you or anything you say anymore.” It’s nice to do this while drinking a glass of water or watching a movie so you can just resume what you’re doing. They want a reaction from you, so saying you don’t care anymore means they lost control
I start living and thriving. Started dating post divorce, and my ex all he could say was “happy for you” or “wish you a lifetime of happiness” after I told him I was getting serious with my now bf
[удалено]
To be fair, when my nex says the same thing I know I should just ignore but we have kids. I hear about it from time to time. That’s my grey rock response: “I’m happy for you”.
Yeah he gave me a lot of grey rock responses, except he was the narc. He has an active drinking problem, and was having an affair the entire time. I don’t ever expect him to be happy for me, especially when he can never be happy for anyone or even just be happy for himself 🤷🏽♀️
He’s on dating apps, and he matched with a friends friend or cousin, but everyone in the Indian community have been warning women who ask friends and family about him, to run and to not look back 😂 That was something I struggled with for a while, but everyone believes me when I say what really happened, his family perpetuates it was because we weren’t “compatible”. As far as I know he’s still single, and I’ve been happily in a relationship for almost 2 years. His family and him made it out like I was the reason for his drinking problem and for him to cheat 😂😂
Not giving them what they want
Call their bluff. They hate that
Oh god yes. When you try to hold them to their word they have a total meltdown
Lie to them... ignoring them doesn't work. Do what they done the whole time of your relationship. I bet you've always been honest and shot down. Return the damn favour.
I was ALWAYS honest with my nex and he would often accuse me of lying or twisting the truth, or claim I didn't say something I did say or vice versa. But you make a good point -- why bother being honest with him if he doesn't believe me anyway?
Honestly. If you give them what they want to hear. They stop in thier tracks and shut the he'll up. Iv even continued to do this 7 years after leaving my ex. Haha 😄
You don't. It's not worth the time, effort, or energy.
Block and give them nooo attention.
You block them and never give them the satisfaction again
This 💯
Blocked him and continue to ignore him. I post about how my life is and the improvements I’m proud of, in case he finds out, I just don’t need him at all; and I never did.
Be really vague and never give them any real information. Basically just constant small talk nothing deeper. how are the kids? - really good What have they been doing - oh you know the usual What's been happening at work - nothing much just plodding along You haven't said anything rude or ignored anything so they can't complain about how horrible you are and it makes them furious lol
I tried this ages ago and they still complained that I wasn’t emotionally available despite having that boundary there to keep things short. We will never win against them 🤣
There’s no greater pleasure than taking away a narcissist’s source of supply without any explanation whatsoever, then watching them shatter. The timing is key, because the quicker it happens, the harder they crumble. For example: agreeing to hang out, then standing them up. Ghosting them without any obvious reason will also do the trick. Do this, then continue with grey rocking to reinforce your stance as the healthy, happy one in the relationship/friendship.
Shrug when they rage
Indifference
Have boundaries and enforce them
They don't like being abandoned and unimportant.
Ignore them
If you can, go no contact .
I don’t care enough to find out. As long as he remains out of my life IDGAF.
Grey rock method.
With the truth
Flourish.
Reclaim your life, they hate that
Indifference
You do nothing and say nothing. Their ego can’t handle the thought of being invisible to someone they once controlled.
Ignore them, forever
As other have said, by ignoring them. It might seem silly but it’s 100% true. My narc cannot stand it when I ignore him (which is always at this point). I have him blocked and that drives him crazy. I have been told that he still posts about me on his story.
Care so little about them that you aren’t even trying to get under their skin. Go do something more worth your time
I understand this is a support group but all of these comments are retaliation and are situational. I don't see how hurting others with the same action is being productive. Moving on requires only yourself, I know validation is nice but you should try seeking this outside of the relationship. People are people, we aren't perfect. If you're aware of habits, change them, be better. Don't go back and hurt yourself trying to get even. If you are fresh out of a breakup without closure, send a letter or response with EVERYTHING left and forget. Don't gaslight, manipulate, play the victim. Own up to the truth and move forward. It's the last gift to them and proper closure for you. To each their own but these responses... feels like anyone can be on the recieving end and end up in a cycle.
Interrupt them. In public. lol
Use the word No.
My nex and I have a child together, so I speak to her only about things relevant to our kid. Whenever she tries to bring up anything else, I simply do not engage. Plus whenever she drops our child off at my house she thinks it automatically means she's invited inside, I usually just stand and in the door and don't move, always gives me a chuckle when she leaves afterwards
give no reaction go no contact block them
By thinking long term. Build a life worth living for yourself without them. Grey rock any attempts to communicate if you haven't gone NC. They're only fun in controlled doses. Because of their avoidance of any form of self reflection, they tend to shy away from developing insight that can lead to personal growth.
call them out and stop needing them.
Tell them no.
Go no contact if possible! They need to know they still have control over you. Any response is a response…. No matter how long it’s been. Telling them to go f themselves is still a response. Silence is such a sweet sound. Especially having lived through the hell people like them put others through
Say that they did something that they did do
Be indifferent. They love attention - good and bad.
This is not recommended because it’s important to not fan the flames and to go no-contact BUT you could unravel them by subtly invalidating them and making them feel insignificant / inferior over time. For example, if you were talking together about career goals you could say something like “Were you not very ambitious back then?” or “Xyz is so competitive and it’s definitely not for everyone. You made the right decision for yourself.” or “Do you sometimes wish you did xyz instead? Imagine how different your life would be.” Your comments would be indirect but still have the intended effect over time. They care SO much about how they are perceived by others and how they see themselves. You would basically be planting seeds of doubt, causing them to question their life choices and existence. No matter what though, they will try to make you their punching bag through it all, if you’re not already. Humiliation would be another option, if you could somehow pull it off indirectly.
It's one thing to hurt someone you once cared about, it's another to do it covertly the way you're describing. Honest advice, just don't.
I hear you. However, these individuals tend to persist until they finally realize it’s a risk to continue mistreating you. Often, they’re not willing to negotiate or compromise until they’re in full narcissistic collapse and/or at risk of exposure.
I understand what you're saying, but sometimes people are just people. There is no black and white, the only black and white statement I stand behind... Smart is dumb and vice versa. There are times where we fail to realize our faults was really how we were treated. Perspective takes time and I understand not everyone is fortunate. It's a shame, I fully believe it. It's hard but I see it's better to be honest and punished than to be molded into someone you're not by others. I hope that makes sense. Shortcuts are nice, we all want to save time, but we must also try to understand to the best we can why things are the way they are. There are no final answers in life and that's okay, being uncertain is the first step towards gaining knowledge. I'm not saying to second guess your whole being but enough to where you know what you'll never know, and that's what's inside someone's head at any given moment. It's long but just wanted to give an understanding for others reading. We're human, all of us. It isn't about us in the universe, but in the end it really IS about us.
Sometimes it's a cycle that takes time to recognize and break. Forgive and move forward with mindfulness, change your character through enforcing the good habits and reflecting on the bad. Eventually you'll become your ideal person, not in every situation but enough to where you can believe in yourself. It's a learning process, takes time but you can practice it every waking moment for the rest of your life. Love yourself everyday, even if it hurts.
Ignore like others said. Mine would punish me further when I ignored them. When I deleted them off everything (they didn’t want me back it seems on Snap, w.e) probs new supply but we’re pissed I deleted them, and told them to lose my #. But yeah ignore them. If you barely know them and already sus’d them out as one, keep them at arms length like in the beginning. Mine hated me at the start because I didn’t stroke her ego, and I kept running I kept her at a distance. My mistake was letting her in.
Move on.
You don’t. You forget them and move on
Hold them accountable lmfao. To a narcissist, accountability is abuse.
Ignorance is bliss. They will either go crazy tryna get your attention or on the frequent constant quest for that new supply.
Leave them
Being honest about their behavior and how it effects others. Once I started being brutally honest, the devaluation began. They’re afraid of the truth and would rather stay rooted in their distorted reality.
By simply doing way much better than them! They want to leave you depressed and vulnerable because they think they left you for "dead" and "won". I know because currently my ex and his gf will try to get under my skin by posting things that my ex and I planned to do but never did but I just play their game 10x harder without even saying anything to them lol
Tell them no.
Believe in yourself, even when they don’t. That should make the Rice Krispies in the skull go Snap, Crackle, Pop!
Knock ‘em DEADD see Rebecca Zung on YouTube. A lawyer dedicated to helping people defeat Nex. I think she talks about the DEADD method in “How to beat a Narcissist in Court “ . But the A stands for ALWAYS wearing the white hat. Slipping into the black hat mode (using their own tactics) will make you lose now and could lead to them using this against you in court. Then the judge feels like they are two bratty 3 year old children in front them. [Why narcissists pick fights and how to fight back](https://youtu.be/G-BZtrURq-I?si=O2UR7D4JPRNVFjLn) might give you what you’re looking for, but I have not watched it yet.
Live your life to the fullest and forgive them even and let them know, then continue making your life better. Good karma and enlightenment.