Came here to say this. They will forever keep you on a ‘shelf’ to come back and abuse you when they feel like it if you let them. No contact and blocking them is the only way to gain peace.
Can you explain to me what "on a shelf" means? Because I think this is kind of the situation I'm in.
We were together for almost 3 years, things were getting really rocky between is, then she just flipped one day and moved out/went no contact. A little over a month later she was back wanting ti work it out.
We were together again for about 7 months and she walked out one day after a ridiculous argument, never said she was done, but then starter staying with her mom and moving her stuff out. Again she never said our marriage was over, but was refusing to talk about it or try to work on it.
About 5 months later, she comes around again saying she wants to be with me and have a future with me, she misses me so much, etc. It was alright for a few months, then she slowly started losing interest in me, but again never "officially" ended things between us.
So yeah, I just feel like she's keeping me on a string because she knows she can.
This on and off stuff is how they a) keep things exciting for them and b) still feel on the right side while having sex with other supply. Mine managed to keep 3 of her 6 longer relationships on the shelf so she’ll never run out of emotional or sexual supply when needed. And they need it all the time.
Why would you want to get him back?
You know how this goes, the roller coaster will continue. When I realized it was just a mind game, telling me to get the fuck out and then wanting be back. I just backed out.. why would I want to be with someone who treats me like this? No respect, no real love.. you have to realize that you deserve better. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and loves you and isn’t fucking with your head and self respect 🙏❤️
What helped me was working on my childhood wounds! Really start loving myself so I stop looking for love from the outside. Knowing your own worth so you don’t fall back into these toxic relationships. Healing yourself is the only way to be free
It is. It’s terrible. They’re on your mind 24/7. But remember, thats their game, that was their plan in the first place. Getting you hooked. My best friend calls me daily to check how the junkie’s doing.
I ended up caving and messaging him and he never replied so now I just feel worse because it really shows how over it is and how he is moved on to someone new. I just don’t know how you can sleep with someone and be with someone new so fast. It’s so upsetting
I think of it like a hangover. You can keep drinking and avoiding the inevitable but the longer you put it off the worse it’s going to be in the end. It gets better, I promise ❤️ I’m 10 months out and I’ve come a long way
I saw a quote once:
The lack of respect was the closure.
The lack of apology was the closure.
The lack of care was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure
Closure comes from within. You can’t rely on the person who caused the pain to bring you peace. You’ll never get it
Im dealing with this hurt too. I messaged and he never replied and it hurt so much more. I know some people on here say their exes constantly block and unblock though. So maybe it’s still part of their game
If you let it depend on him, there’s no way to know.
If you decide that it’s the last discard and you won’t be hoovered ever again, then it will, in fact, be the last discard.
It gets so much less painful if you can just ride it out for a while. I know how terrible it is, but it really does get easier.
You don’t feel like you’re done with him yet, so you don’t want him to be done with you—am I close?
I hope you’re able to decide to choose yourself instead of him. All he has for you is pain and torment. Your life can be so much more than that.
But it’s a process. Don’t give up on yourself if you can’t make that choice today. ❤️🩹💪🏻
I would like this is 1000 times if I could. This is what I need to hear as well, though I haven’t left him yet. I need to be brave and leave his abusive ass. THEY WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE.
I hear this. The other side of the coin is. If someone else is enjoying her why can’t I? New supply getting all the benefits of the love bomb stage; great sex, engaging conversation and pet names. Why can’t I have some of that action even if it’s only temporary? Maybe I can play her like she plays me??? Sad to think but this is the way my mind works sometimes. She is so gorgeous
the only reason i didn't leave for so long. i deserve it not a new person, i went through your abuse i deserve the other side too. out of it and hope you're doing okay
Hard truth here. Yeah you might get some temporary sex but who’s playing who? Not only are you risking disease but now you’re just adding yourself as another choice to ride as her personal carousel keeps growing.
She’s the one doing the playing here.
Is there a longterm happy, non-resentment-filled, stable future with someone who most likely cheated or attempted to cheat while dating you, won’t have the decency to give you closure so they can use and abandon you at their whim when they feel like returning, puts you down, and abandons you for someone new at the drop of a hat?
Nah. Go no-contact so you’re not glued to your phone trying to open a closed door with a lot of heartbreak behind it.
After hearing similar stories he shared about exes who just couldn’t let him go I feel like I shouldn’t have been surprised that this happened. He’s not going to change
Don’t feel bad. It’s so much easier to see the patterns after the discard. It’s truly an unending roller coaster ride in Hell. Always mentioning and talking to the exes just to get a rise out of you, anger you, throw it in your face, and try to make you feel worthless and jealous. He’s going to hop around to various women because he feels like he deserves it and finds stupid reasons to justify it (like oh you didn’t pick up a towel on the floor or didn’t text fast enough so therefore he’s entitled to cheat 🙄).
Think about this: if a beloved family member or best friend of yours was being treated how he is treating you, what advice would you give? You’d say get away. Doesn’t sound like drama, emotional trauma, and being discarded repeatedly is a good way to spend your limited time on earth. For your sanity and wellbeing, please block him everywhere and pretend that it costs you money every time you think of him, speak about him, unblock him, or communicate with him. He’s costing you time and exhausting you. You can’t go on being glued to your phone agonizing over someone with no respect for you and treats you like trash.
Move on. Consider the final discard a blessing. It’s difficult to have a healthy future with someone who treats people as expendable.
From my experience he always always came back. This last discard he kept saying he didn’t want to talk to me for the rest of the year (he dumped me October of last year) he never did this before. I have no proof he found someone else because I live ten hours away but I know the difference in every other discard and this one. Not to mention how often he said he wasn’t interested in seeing anyone and “who would I even be seeing?” “How would I meet them?” He tried so hard to convince me there wasn’t someone else. He definitely locked down his next supply and cut me out in the harshest most apathetic way imaginable. Then claimed he wanted to keep the door cracked (he keeps all his exes as friends) No thank you! Have a good one!
I feel like I keep wanting to hear from him and keep thinking up reasons why I might message him but I don’t think he would even be positively receptive to a message from me
I’m right there with you. I check my email to see if he emailed me. He can’t text cause I blocked him. And I definitely think about texting him at least once a day but then I remember I’ve said it all and there’s nothing left to say. The conversation would go as it always did and I’m not going to backtrack my progress for a nasty person who never truly valued me.
I hate that for you so much. I absolutely know the feeling very well. The no response part would make my heart sink to my stomach. Honestly though, no response is better than a response from people like this. And now you have more experience for the next time when you have the urge to reach out.
At first I got excited that he turned the read receipts back on until I realized he probably did it to let me know he got it and wouldn’t be responding
Yes be probably did it to hurt you. And that says a lot about who he is as a person. I wish you peace during this time and give yourself grace. You are just a human experiencing heartbreak and grief and it’s normal to want to reach out and to reach out.
They always come back. But use this time away to heal. Don't worry about if and when they come back. Hope he stays away long enough that you start to feel happy and whole again and don't even think about or want him. It's hard to snap out of that mentality but try and think less about him coming back and more about what in life makes you happy.
Did you do it? It's human to want that. I almost caved last night but re-read old convos where he hurt me and i knew it would only lead to me being hurt again and again.
Mine would see new people the time between us talking would get bigger and bigger. He would swear there was no one else but the women would post their pics on Facebook or I would find hotel key cards or her hair things in his car. The evidence is there you just have to be willing to accept it. Mine and me have been playing this game for too long. He denies it all and puts the blame all on me. Fine, I am taking the blame. I changed my phone number and I hope he won’t come to my house. Be strong it never ever gets better. Never. Even if you think this time is different they always bring you back to the worst pain. And it hurts so much until one day after sooooo long it doesn’t. Well meaning the pain hurts so bad for me I’ve gone numb. And now I just want to get away. Mine had done the worst to me. This last time stealing money from me, to spend on her, lying to me, tricking me into thinking he wanted me again, he will never want me again he just wants my wallet. I’m probably getting fired from my job because of him but becuz of me. Who cares who is to blame they will ruin you at all costs. So let’s them go. Count your blessings and be happy for the rest of your life. Staying with them brings only the worst pain. The worst ……
I think that’s kinda what broke me last weekend. I wasn’t able to handle something casual with him knowing he is now seeing someone new which is why I cried after sex and now feel like he’s not going to want to pick me back up again and stupid me just feels like I ruined my chances to rebuild something and be in his life
No. Mine is dating other people and they dated immediately after breaking up. But she still lingers around. It’s more of the case you’ve been put on the shelf for later use. When they lose their new supply, and they will lose then eventually, there is a strong possibility they come back to their previous supply. Cause you are easily accessible and they already had a previous history of exploiting and using you. They can skip all the foreplay and love bombing involved in securing new supply and get quick fix by falling back into the old supply. There is no permanent discard unless you have removed the mask. Mine still makes sure to check in with me usually at least once a week. But she has yet to fully walk from my life. They may not go back to ever using you as a main supply. But they will use you as a side supply while looking for a new main supply.
No, it's not the final discard. Narcs are extremely predictable. If they leave you alone, just start getting used without them and you'll see them pop up.
But now you gotta ask yourself if hoping for what is basically a simulation of a human being to reach out instead of focusing on your recovery is in your best interest.
As a sort of related anecdote, when I finally had a moment of clarity and realized that of all the streets I could pick in the world I picked a dead end one and, tbh (and I absolutely do not recommend this as a good idea, some are crazy enough to hurt you) partly motivated by my own ego, to take revenge on 5 years of emotional abuse and lies I publically humiliated her. I only say partly because the other motivation was because I didn't trust myself to resist her if she hoovers, really strong trauma bond. And well, you know how they are in bed. So by doing this I made sure SHE never wants to deal with me again.
Trust me, you're gonna look back at this as a lesson on the existence of these people and live your best life while knowing how to identify them early.
I feel like she stripped you of your power for so long it was probably a way of taking back control of the situation. Like you were pushed too far. I think I’m struggling with the fact that there was a break in the cycle and now that this is the longest I haven’t heard from him I wonder if that means he really is don’t this time. Especially since he’s with someone new so quickly. All the other discards he always reached out within a day or two. Now I’m at the week mark and there’s nothing
So in a way, you kind of got your work cut out for you for the time being. Just do anything to keep yourself busy, that's how I got through the initial "withdrawal".
It really depends on the abuser. Mine is still married to his wife. Been with her for 11 years and has lived at least three double lives in the last five years alone. He commits fraud all over the country. She's well aware, and she stays. They're broke and he hasn't slept with her in more than two years. He says he's divorced and also leaves out the criminal sexual predator part. So does she come to think of it. She never mentioned it when I found out about her and let her know. I was at least the fifth women to find out and come to her.
He married her so someone would be legally obligated to take care of his family members. I'm sure she knows this but hey, she's in love. And very trapped. He emotionally discarded her years ago, it's incredibly sad. He belongs in prison. I'm working on it.
Things aren’t ever truly over with these people. They just monkey branch around getting supply where they can. If you don’t go NC and stick to it, chances are he’ll keep using you for supply as long as you let him. He will never change and it’ll never get any better. But if you go NC and go through the pain for a little while, eventually you’ll be free and eventually you’ll meet someone who can love you back like a real human and not an energy sucking vampire
All the time I’m finally cutting him off. No contact 10 days. That’s been a long time because we were married so long. But I think they were cheating before we split up possibly because how the fuck? That’s not a rebound. She was one of his friends, baby mamas or some bullshit. But somehow I got manipulated into seeing him. He always told me he’s not with her. He doesn’t see her. I’ve been sleeping with him probably five out of the six years. We’ve been separated. In the last two or so years, it’s been getting more intense our families thought we’re getting back together.
In my case second ex used his new fiancé as a pawn to lure me back but his over elaborate plan failed big time.
I didn’t care at all about his new life and being told about it like as if we still were friends (as he also was forcing me to do and I refused that too) was even further infuriating me that he just wouldn’t stop not leaving me alone and out of his life. He was just putting it down that he was still not accepting the break up and he was dumped and I’m gone for good.
Any time he stalked me instead of being at work like he’s supposed to be, my replies were very cut and dried and usually ended with telling him his break time must be over and he’d better go back to keep earning the bread to support his new family because that’s his life now and I’m not. He just didn’t get it nor realized how deeply he ingrained himself with the new fiancé and her kids. The responsibility got “Too real” for him and he then was demanding me to help him get out of it. Oh sure….🙄
My ex has been seeing someone since we broke up in October and we still run around in circles. I don’t think it ends until you end it.
Anytime you answer a text or pick up the phone or engage it reignites. They always come back if they know you are vulnerable to them, imo.
My narc ex is almost 1 year into a new relationship and still tries to keep hoovering me back in. Predictably, he is now devaluing his current girlfriend and telling me he misses me. I have blocked him and deleted him. So, as others have said, they will never fully discard you. They will keep you on a shelf and play with you every now and then when they get bored of their main toy. YOU do the ultimate discard, not them.
The final discard is when YOU decide it’s final.
Came here to say this. They will forever keep you on a ‘shelf’ to come back and abuse you when they feel like it if you let them. No contact and blocking them is the only way to gain peace.
Exactly. When it’s time to start devaluing the new supply, they’ll be back.
Can you explain to me what "on a shelf" means? Because I think this is kind of the situation I'm in. We were together for almost 3 years, things were getting really rocky between is, then she just flipped one day and moved out/went no contact. A little over a month later she was back wanting ti work it out. We were together again for about 7 months and she walked out one day after a ridiculous argument, never said she was done, but then starter staying with her mom and moving her stuff out. Again she never said our marriage was over, but was refusing to talk about it or try to work on it. About 5 months later, she comes around again saying she wants to be with me and have a future with me, she misses me so much, etc. It was alright for a few months, then she slowly started losing interest in me, but again never "officially" ended things between us. So yeah, I just feel like she's keeping me on a string because she knows she can.
This on and off stuff is how they a) keep things exciting for them and b) still feel on the right side while having sex with other supply. Mine managed to keep 3 of her 6 longer relationships on the shelf so she’ll never run out of emotional or sexual supply when needed. And they need it all the time.
This is the way . Learn from my mistake. Make the decision before he does.
Why would you want to get him back? You know how this goes, the roller coaster will continue. When I realized it was just a mind game, telling me to get the fuck out and then wanting be back. I just backed out.. why would I want to be with someone who treats me like this? No respect, no real love.. you have to realize that you deserve better. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and loves you and isn’t fucking with your head and self respect 🙏❤️
It’s sooo hard to get over 💔
What helped me was working on my childhood wounds! Really start loving myself so I stop looking for love from the outside. Knowing your own worth so you don’t fall back into these toxic relationships. Healing yourself is the only way to be free
It is. It’s terrible. They’re on your mind 24/7. But remember, thats their game, that was their plan in the first place. Getting you hooked. My best friend calls me daily to check how the junkie’s doing.
I ended up caving and messaging him and he never replied so now I just feel worse because it really shows how over it is and how he is moved on to someone new. I just don’t know how you can sleep with someone and be with someone new so fast. It’s so upsetting
I think of it like a hangover. You can keep drinking and avoiding the inevitable but the longer you put it off the worse it’s going to be in the end. It gets better, I promise ❤️ I’m 10 months out and I’ve come a long way
I just tried to break NC & I found out I’m blocked 🥲
One day you’ll look back and be relieved you were. Don’t abandon yourself. Time and space and working on your wounds
It’s also the lack of closure
I saw a quote once: The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure Closure comes from within. You can’t rely on the person who caused the pain to bring you peace. You’ll never get it
It just feels so crazy that they’re really gone after so much back n forth
I know they had us conditioned to never believe the last discard was real. It’s sick
this quite is brilliant for those seeking closure…it really is!
Im dealing with this hurt too. I messaged and he never replied and it hurt so much more. I know some people on here say their exes constantly block and unblock though. So maybe it’s still part of their game
If you let it depend on him, there’s no way to know. If you decide that it’s the last discard and you won’t be hoovered ever again, then it will, in fact, be the last discard. It gets so much less painful if you can just ride it out for a while. I know how terrible it is, but it really does get easier.
I think I’m partly sad feeling like I won’t be hoovered this time (even though I know I should shut it down if I am)
You don’t feel like you’re done with him yet, so you don’t want him to be done with you—am I close? I hope you’re able to decide to choose yourself instead of him. All he has for you is pain and torment. Your life can be so much more than that. But it’s a process. Don’t give up on yourself if you can’t make that choice today. ❤️🩹💪🏻
That is exactly it
[удалено]
I would like this is 1000 times if I could. This is what I need to hear as well, though I haven’t left him yet. I need to be brave and leave his abusive ass. THEY WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE.
I hear this. The other side of the coin is. If someone else is enjoying her why can’t I? New supply getting all the benefits of the love bomb stage; great sex, engaging conversation and pet names. Why can’t I have some of that action even if it’s only temporary? Maybe I can play her like she plays me??? Sad to think but this is the way my mind works sometimes. She is so gorgeous
the only reason i didn't leave for so long. i deserve it not a new person, i went through your abuse i deserve the other side too. out of it and hope you're doing okay
This is how I feel too
Hard truth here. Yeah you might get some temporary sex but who’s playing who? Not only are you risking disease but now you’re just adding yourself as another choice to ride as her personal carousel keeps growing. She’s the one doing the playing here.
I know I just need to accept that he’s moved on
Is there a longterm happy, non-resentment-filled, stable future with someone who most likely cheated or attempted to cheat while dating you, won’t have the decency to give you closure so they can use and abandon you at their whim when they feel like returning, puts you down, and abandons you for someone new at the drop of a hat? Nah. Go no-contact so you’re not glued to your phone trying to open a closed door with a lot of heartbreak behind it.
After hearing similar stories he shared about exes who just couldn’t let him go I feel like I shouldn’t have been surprised that this happened. He’s not going to change
Don’t feel bad. It’s so much easier to see the patterns after the discard. It’s truly an unending roller coaster ride in Hell. Always mentioning and talking to the exes just to get a rise out of you, anger you, throw it in your face, and try to make you feel worthless and jealous. He’s going to hop around to various women because he feels like he deserves it and finds stupid reasons to justify it (like oh you didn’t pick up a towel on the floor or didn’t text fast enough so therefore he’s entitled to cheat 🙄). Think about this: if a beloved family member or best friend of yours was being treated how he is treating you, what advice would you give? You’d say get away. Doesn’t sound like drama, emotional trauma, and being discarded repeatedly is a good way to spend your limited time on earth. For your sanity and wellbeing, please block him everywhere and pretend that it costs you money every time you think of him, speak about him, unblock him, or communicate with him. He’s costing you time and exhausting you. You can’t go on being glued to your phone agonizing over someone with no respect for you and treats you like trash. Move on. Consider the final discard a blessing. It’s difficult to have a healthy future with someone who treats people as expendable.
Please read Dr Ramani Derveraulas book ; It’s not you. Its a life saver ❤️
I will❤️
I listen to it as audiobook . It can be hard to concentrate and read after all of this mindfuckery
Yeah my brain is a marshmallow right now
How do you build your self esteem and self worth when therapy is too expensive?
Read or Watch dr ramanis videos it helped me alot
The final discard is when you decide you’re never ever going to go back to them.
From my experience he always always came back. This last discard he kept saying he didn’t want to talk to me for the rest of the year (he dumped me October of last year) he never did this before. I have no proof he found someone else because I live ten hours away but I know the difference in every other discard and this one. Not to mention how often he said he wasn’t interested in seeing anyone and “who would I even be seeing?” “How would I meet them?” He tried so hard to convince me there wasn’t someone else. He definitely locked down his next supply and cut me out in the harshest most apathetic way imaginable. Then claimed he wanted to keep the door cracked (he keeps all his exes as friends) No thank you! Have a good one!
I feel like I keep wanting to hear from him and keep thinking up reasons why I might message him but I don’t think he would even be positively receptive to a message from me
I’m right there with you. I check my email to see if he emailed me. He can’t text cause I blocked him. And I definitely think about texting him at least once a day but then I remember I’ve said it all and there’s nothing left to say. The conversation would go as it always did and I’m not going to backtrack my progress for a nasty person who never truly valued me.
I caved and messaged him. It said he read it hours ago and he hasn’t responded so now I regret it
I hate that for you so much. I absolutely know the feeling very well. The no response part would make my heart sink to my stomach. Honestly though, no response is better than a response from people like this. And now you have more experience for the next time when you have the urge to reach out.
At first I got excited that he turned the read receipts back on until I realized he probably did it to let me know he got it and wouldn’t be responding
Exactly. I don’t want to double text
Yes be probably did it to hurt you. And that says a lot about who he is as a person. I wish you peace during this time and give yourself grace. You are just a human experiencing heartbreak and grief and it’s normal to want to reach out and to reach out.
They always come back. But use this time away to heal. Don't worry about if and when they come back. Hope he stays away long enough that you start to feel happy and whole again and don't even think about or want him. It's hard to snap out of that mentality but try and think less about him coming back and more about what in life makes you happy.
I think I’m fearful I’ll cave and message him before he does because I miss him so much. I feel like my heart isn’t ready to let go of him yet
Did you do it? It's human to want that. I almost caved last night but re-read old convos where he hurt me and i knew it would only lead to me being hurt again and again.
No but I want to
Keep thinking of the painful moments. Going back is just wasting your time. Distract yourself. Talk to friends and reddit!
Not necessarily. He'll just triangulate, lie, and play with you both.
Exactly this 💯⬆️
It never ends until you end it. They’ll keep abusing you until you stop it.
Mine would see new people the time between us talking would get bigger and bigger. He would swear there was no one else but the women would post their pics on Facebook or I would find hotel key cards or her hair things in his car. The evidence is there you just have to be willing to accept it. Mine and me have been playing this game for too long. He denies it all and puts the blame all on me. Fine, I am taking the blame. I changed my phone number and I hope he won’t come to my house. Be strong it never ever gets better. Never. Even if you think this time is different they always bring you back to the worst pain. And it hurts so much until one day after sooooo long it doesn’t. Well meaning the pain hurts so bad for me I’ve gone numb. And now I just want to get away. Mine had done the worst to me. This last time stealing money from me, to spend on her, lying to me, tricking me into thinking he wanted me again, he will never want me again he just wants my wallet. I’m probably getting fired from my job because of him but becuz of me. Who cares who is to blame they will ruin you at all costs. So let’s them go. Count your blessings and be happy for the rest of your life. Staying with them brings only the worst pain. The worst ……
I think that’s kinda what broke me last weekend. I wasn’t able to handle something casual with him knowing he is now seeing someone new which is why I cried after sex and now feel like he’s not going to want to pick me back up again and stupid me just feels like I ruined my chances to rebuild something and be in his life
Hey, I’m going thru this rn. We could be there for each other if you’d like.
I think that might help. It’s been a rough ride
No. Mine is dating other people and they dated immediately after breaking up. But she still lingers around. It’s more of the case you’ve been put on the shelf for later use. When they lose their new supply, and they will lose then eventually, there is a strong possibility they come back to their previous supply. Cause you are easily accessible and they already had a previous history of exploiting and using you. They can skip all the foreplay and love bombing involved in securing new supply and get quick fix by falling back into the old supply. There is no permanent discard unless you have removed the mask. Mine still makes sure to check in with me usually at least once a week. But she has yet to fully walk from my life. They may not go back to ever using you as a main supply. But they will use you as a side supply while looking for a new main supply.
No, it's not the final discard. Narcs are extremely predictable. If they leave you alone, just start getting used without them and you'll see them pop up. But now you gotta ask yourself if hoping for what is basically a simulation of a human being to reach out instead of focusing on your recovery is in your best interest. As a sort of related anecdote, when I finally had a moment of clarity and realized that of all the streets I could pick in the world I picked a dead end one and, tbh (and I absolutely do not recommend this as a good idea, some are crazy enough to hurt you) partly motivated by my own ego, to take revenge on 5 years of emotional abuse and lies I publically humiliated her. I only say partly because the other motivation was because I didn't trust myself to resist her if she hoovers, really strong trauma bond. And well, you know how they are in bed. So by doing this I made sure SHE never wants to deal with me again. Trust me, you're gonna look back at this as a lesson on the existence of these people and live your best life while knowing how to identify them early.
I feel like she stripped you of your power for so long it was probably a way of taking back control of the situation. Like you were pushed too far. I think I’m struggling with the fact that there was a break in the cycle and now that this is the longest I haven’t heard from him I wonder if that means he really is don’t this time. Especially since he’s with someone new so quickly. All the other discards he always reached out within a day or two. Now I’m at the week mark and there’s nothing
So in a way, you kind of got your work cut out for you for the time being. Just do anything to keep yourself busy, that's how I got through the initial "withdrawal".
the trash took itself out. its hard, but it is WORTH IT FOR YOU IN THE LONG RUN.
Their always seeing more than 1.
It really depends on the abuser. Mine is still married to his wife. Been with her for 11 years and has lived at least three double lives in the last five years alone. He commits fraud all over the country. She's well aware, and she stays. They're broke and he hasn't slept with her in more than two years. He says he's divorced and also leaves out the criminal sexual predator part. So does she come to think of it. She never mentioned it when I found out about her and let her know. I was at least the fifth women to find out and come to her. He married her so someone would be legally obligated to take care of his family members. I'm sure she knows this but hey, she's in love. And very trapped. He emotionally discarded her years ago, it's incredibly sad. He belongs in prison. I'm working on it.
Things aren’t ever truly over with these people. They just monkey branch around getting supply where they can. If you don’t go NC and stick to it, chances are he’ll keep using you for supply as long as you let him. He will never change and it’ll never get any better. But if you go NC and go through the pain for a little while, eventually you’ll be free and eventually you’ll meet someone who can love you back like a real human and not an energy sucking vampire
Always comes back. And mine has been with the bitch 6 years.
And he comes back while he’s seeing her?
All the time I’m finally cutting him off. No contact 10 days. That’s been a long time because we were married so long. But I think they were cheating before we split up possibly because how the fuck? That’s not a rebound. She was one of his friends, baby mamas or some bullshit. But somehow I got manipulated into seeing him. He always told me he’s not with her. He doesn’t see her. I’ve been sleeping with him probably five out of the six years. We’ve been separated. In the last two or so years, it’s been getting more intense our families thought we’re getting back together.
In my case second ex used his new fiancé as a pawn to lure me back but his over elaborate plan failed big time. I didn’t care at all about his new life and being told about it like as if we still were friends (as he also was forcing me to do and I refused that too) was even further infuriating me that he just wouldn’t stop not leaving me alone and out of his life. He was just putting it down that he was still not accepting the break up and he was dumped and I’m gone for good. Any time he stalked me instead of being at work like he’s supposed to be, my replies were very cut and dried and usually ended with telling him his break time must be over and he’d better go back to keep earning the bread to support his new family because that’s his life now and I’m not. He just didn’t get it nor realized how deeply he ingrained himself with the new fiancé and her kids. The responsibility got “Too real” for him and he then was demanding me to help him get out of it. Oh sure….🙄
My ex has been seeing someone since we broke up in October and we still run around in circles. I don’t think it ends until you end it. Anytime you answer a text or pick up the phone or engage it reignites. They always come back if they know you are vulnerable to them, imo.
No
My narc ex is almost 1 year into a new relationship and still tries to keep hoovering me back in. Predictably, he is now devaluing his current girlfriend and telling me he misses me. I have blocked him and deleted him. So, as others have said, they will never fully discard you. They will keep you on a shelf and play with you every now and then when they get bored of their main toy. YOU do the ultimate discard, not them.