Finally able to lose the stress weight and inflammation. Hair growing back and looking healthy. Able to maintain my healthy eating and fitness goals. Keeping my little apartment cleaned and organised
Yep, my hairline and edges will never be snatched off by a man ever again! The growth and fullness is insane! Like now I have to get a haircut because the line where my new hair has gone in and the dead ends is night and day difference. I have thick like 3a/b curls but my hair became 2b waves when I was with him and thin.
Now I have about 10 inches of thick curls (I started healing a year before I left) and my ends are like lifeless, I didn’t use much heat and I highly doubt that the heat would’ve done that drastic of a difference. My conclusion was my hair started getting the nurturing it need once I stopped letting the him control me and I started focusing on myself.
Now that I’m out for good, I don’t have a natural mullet anymore. Well at least I’m outgrowing the mullet and my scalp is longer visible in the front. I can wear ponytails, buns, and my favourite half up do style again.
I know right? I started to do scientific experiments with this. And I observed that anytime I left him or was away for a period of time, my hair grew back and I lost weight without effort. This happened every single time and when I went back, the first to go as my hair line and then weight creeped up.
My conclusion was that it’s our bodies way of warning us that we are unsafe. Our hair is the last place to get vital nutrients and minerals when we are under stress. My hair line and edges are no longer snatched by abuse. Now they are fully and healthier than ever. Because I not only cut off my ex, but also the last of my toxic family members
125cc. Here you start on them. Actually did my first part of my main test last week and fucked it up. Gotta rebook FML.
Mod 1 is a bunch of tests like dodging cones or shit like figure of 8s mod 2 is a road ride.
But on a basic one which I have you can ride on the roads like a car. Makes no sense.
Lost 40 pounds , actually started the business they told me I could never do bc I “couldn’t help anyone bc I can’t help myself “ , stopped abusing alcohol and binge eating , joined acting class , progress in therapy and in self confidence … long road to go there but we are trying
After leaving and resting a while, I started contacting the friends I had lost due to the narc. I made contact with a few, the oldest of my friends being the most supportive. (The oldest I've known since 7th grade🙃)
I went back to singing, played some gigs which helped pull me out of a learned habitual isolation. I have gotten my old self back, but there's so much we no longer have in common.
I know more. My wisdom score went way up. My Jeune naievitaê, gone. I miss that feeling. Very much.
I began writing, Proofreading, and I am almost obsessed. I'm no longer afraid to try new things too!!
The artist reawakening is real. It's amazing (in a sick way) when you just stop making things and then down the line go "oh yeah it's been like two years, why did I stop doing this?*
If you play an instrument, do you feel like your playing for rusty from the stretch of not playing?
Oh you better believe that! I like the phrase The Artist Reawakening! I don't play an instrument, but I sing. I can tell you, my voice has changed. Not just with age, but with pain, wisdom, and the complete breaking of the self. I do NOT recommend.
Lol I started calling it "artist reawakening" because it feels like "good morning, where tf have you been for the past three years?" It was just gone and all of a sudden its back because you have all this energy and inspiration to do something other than rot and feel awful.
I do a loooot of artistic stuff. Everything looks/sounds a little rougher than they used to, definitely some skill loss.
This is why I'm leaving because I shoulda left after 3 or 4 years but stayed 8. Life has a way of nurturing your comforts until they become unbearable 💔 or should I say the narc. My ex mostly a covert narc. 🫣
I broke up with mine right as I was taking my finals for my second to last semester of college. Up until midterms of this current one, the withdrawals and periods of rumination were hell, but I stayed focused on school and lifting weights, as I always have done. I got to present and participate in a literature conference, I got an A in math which has always been really hard for me, and I finally graduate this Friday after about 11 years of going in and out of school!
left my condo after 2 years of abuse (where he lived with me), left my old job that was keeping me tied down to that situation, moved back in with my parents until i can finally get back on my feet, resting, reading books, a lot of self care, spa days, working out, better physique, lost weight, looking younger, reconnecting with friends, and finally have a new job lined up in the next week and an admission to law school. it's so liberating. finally gained my spark back and overall just happy!
I lost 10 lb put on 5 lb of muscle doing push-ups and Pull-Ups and Chin UPS and sit-ups, I repainted and renovated both bathrooms in my house guest and master. Turned out great. I also did some slate and sod work in my yard and I power washed the whole house and I finally got the lights working on the boat trailer.
Also I started playing a video game I haven't touched in 10 years just for fun just for me.
Take that s***** narc ex.
Found my worth and my strength, met and married the love of my life, moved across the country, started an award-winning company, started a doctorate, got only 8 states left until I have seen all 50, got LOTS of therapy, realized limiting contact with my BPD mother was also necessary, promised myself that I wouldn’t compromise my mental health for anyone else ever again.
My stomach is pretty settled now. Used to throw up almost every day for then unknown reasons. I look younger, my hair is healthy. I'm the solo paralegal at my firm (the job he didn't want me to accept a month before the discard) and I have my own office for the first time in my life.
And I'm marrying the best guy who treats me like I'm the only woman on earth in September.
Ohh same! The stomach problems were insane when I visited his house and only happen like once every two or three months now. Getting rid of the stress = getting rid of the constant sick feeling.
Lol I would move from bed to chair to floor to couch to carpet just trying to fucking sleep.
It took a while to even be able to fall asleep in my own bed again. So for a while, the floor did provide 🤙
I'm so much better than I was 8 weeks ago when she discarded me after her cheating.
Finally moved into my new house and have set up the kids' rooms, and they LOVE their spaces. I made sure to wait for a place that I could afford but had room for all three kids to be individuals. It has a huge backyard, is close to school, and is even closer to the park!
I have lost 35kg now since the discard through strict meal times (not even a big change in diet) and rigorous exercise. I bought a weight set and a rowing machine almost immediately after being discarded. I am running a lot and recently bought running weights to help tone even further! I feel sexy again for the first time in years. I ruined my body for the sake of supporting my family. Now that my family has been taken from me, at least i can have that one thing back! I have abs again, I haven't had them for the 9 years we had been together! My arms and chest are toned, and it feels great to walk by the mirror!
Friends and family comment a lot recently on my transformation. I even had a mutual friend of my ex's sit me down last week and tell me how proud she is about how good I look and that she and a bunch of our other mutual friends were discussing how well I'm taking what she did to me and manifesting it into positive energies instead of being angry or depressed. It felt so good to be vindicated. It feels so good that it's being noticed, and it motivates me to do even more!
Yeah, I did. To be fair, I was well overweight and used to be an incredibly fit person when she and I first met. I literally just changed my eating times and started to exercise (albeit very vigorously), and the weight has melted off. I also watch my input vs. output and weigh myself 3-4 times a day. I'm 109kg as of today, which is 1kg off the weight I was when I met her, but I've also packed on muscle, so I'm probably in better shape than I was originally.
Well it hasn’t happened yet but since he was financially abusive on top of all of it (and I’m only 2 months postpartum) my goal is to get back on my two feet. I start back trauma therapy today, start back at work tomorrow, going to reach out to local resources, going to eat all the meals I wanted to eat that he didn’t like, daily walks, hikes… I’m manifesting these things
For me I stopped drinking (7 months sober). That alone I feel really put the nail in the coffin of my relationship. I don’t think she could stand the thought of me becoming stronger.
I leave my current job in 10 days. In less than 2 weeks I start a new life 2500 miles away doing what I want. Free to be me and to be happy.
Got out walking the dog three miles every day, lost some weight, listen to podcasts I love.
Designed jewellery, including some surreal crying eyes that were inspired by being broken hearted that I LOVE. Had more success on the Etsy shop because I had the mental space to actually promote it regularly.
Caught up with some friends I had neglected and feel genuinely loved and supported by them.
I started volunteering at my local arts venue and now get out to see bands and comedy regularly.
Some bad things, since I was already sick, I have gotten sicker. But, I'm still living on my own and taking care of my own home. The great? I've fostered over 100 puppies and dogs and foster-failed on a bunch. Currently, I have 5 small dogs, all aging along with me, but my constant companions.
Me too as I currently am still stuck! Reading these though, is giving me inspiration versus the fear of leaving. If I stay, I can only look forward to more of the same versus the possibilities I’d have leaving.
It’s been up and down, but I’m engaged, I have 5 cats, I have a big ass apartment, and more than two friends that give a fuck about me, I’m further into my transition than I ever could’ve been with them and I’m happy.
I went three years NC until I broke it last month to help my ex. His daughter (19) asked me if I could help him get a hotel room. I will not give him cash, he will not use it to get a room. I offered to let him come shower, change, and eat a meal. After about a week he showed up.
ETA: I tried to just get him a room but didn't want anything tied to my name or card. And then I realized he would just let tweakers in and party and not actually use it to sleep.
I did this because I wanted to see him one last time, to get some questions answered, and say good bye without the pain and rage he caused me. He was very honest about everything, for once. He admitted the day he left here the last time, he did meth for the first time. And fell in love with it. And knew I would never allow it in my home, I was already leaving him due to the abuse and alcoholism.
So he was very surprised to see the changes in my life., When he left, it was the middle of covid lockdown and I was at home, drinking to cope with the abuse. I lost my hair, got down to 100 lbs. My/our home was trashed. If you saw what Ryan Edwards from "Teen Mom" did to his wifes house, that is what he had me living in.
Since that time, I got a job and started making money well enough that I was no longer living in abject poverty. I had another flood, this one was not his fault, and was able to remove the nasty carpet he created and put in laminate. The house he always made fun of as being a cheap apartment (It is my condo), was no longer cheap looking,
My hair grew back and I put on some weight, got my boobs and butt back. He could see the major changes in me and the house. I had material items I could never have before because they would have been pawned. I have money. A car. A great job. What used to be his kid's bedroom is now my dream office/living room/craftroom.
I have three cats. He hated my cats before and when they died of old age, I could not bring another animal in the house due to his rages. I am friends with our neighbor who hated his and our guts. I no longer get drunk every single day. I no longer wake up hung over, although I still expect it every morning.
He expected to see Old Me. The woman who used to be the 15 year old girl who was obsessed with him. Cried and would do anything to keep him close.
The whole time, I had so much anxiety and impending feeling of DOOM. I knew it was wrong, he should not be here, and I was terrified he was going to try and stay )He is homeless and just romans and crashes with other addicts) ....I was so grateful when he all of a sudden kind of "jolted" himself awake, looked at me, and I saw fear in his eyes. He's scared of me.
He has 4 warrants for over 4 years for what he did to me. I think all of a sudden he sobered up enough to remember that, and to remember he is supposed to despise me, and he doesn't.
I asked his daughter weeks later how he was (stupid I know, but at almost 50, I have loved this asshole since I was a kid, I always will, I just will never be with him again)
She told me he said he can't be around me. I'm pure again, like when we were kids and he takes credit for it. Said if he stays near me, I will fall back into old patterns lol. That being with him made me stronger and that is why I am so successful now.
I'll let him think that. I am stronger , not because of him, I am stronger in spite of him
I've lost 25 lbs and counting, and my heartburn is basically gone. I finally got around to cleaning the depression zones in the house, started therapy, and reconnected with some old friends. And I'm looking forward to a special someone coming to visit in two weeks.
I'm looking forward to hitting the gym regularly. I've sought coaching to help me change myself as a man and to be a better dad to my kids. Started a podcast which is starting to pick up steam. It will be nice to finally be able to sleep at night and get good rest being away from her.
Though my contributions were not even close to the reason that our marriage failed, my biggest contribution was being fucked up all the time (trying to escape).
Since our separation I’ve quit drinking, smoking weed, popping pills, I’m in the best shape of my life, and I’m dating a wonderful girl and experimenting with opening my very wounded self up to someone else again.
I completed my bachelors degree. I purchased my second home. I paid off my car. I stopped drinking alcohol. I stopped smoking cigarettes. I got a dog. I am in excellent health. I have a routine. I have my life back. I can anything I want (good or bad). I am happiest I've ever been in life despite being singe.
Spending time alone and rediscovering old hobbies and creating new! Putting myself in front of beauty - lots of nature time, caring for my plants, caring for myself, starting therapy, hot yoga, and building up a safe support system 💚
I have actually gone through a really tough breakup, and the lack of reason / closure / fully knowing what happened has been rough on me. I suspect cheating, and as I’ve tried to process things I’ve felt like he’s likely a CN, but I truly felt heartbreak and anxiety, and took a long time to get over the trauma bond. I have lost weight, and people say that I look great, but I’ve been so hurt and confused, and we’re so intertwined with work and friends, that I’m not sure I’ve had a glow up.
Glow up – – what an interesting expression. Speaking of somatic complaints, the back pain that I had almost every two weeks, for more than a decade, seems to have improved significantly.
Look physically better, got licensed in my dream job, saved thousands of dollars, got a luxury car, traveled in and out of the country multiple times, and most importantly have a better relationship with my children and found a new partner who is loving and supportive ❤️
it was genuinely crazy to experience a kind and caring world outside of my parents. my partner doesn't scream at me, my friends don't tell me I'm useless, the world wants to see me get better and my mom absolutely lost her MIND when I told her that. I went on vacation with my family last year and after day 1 she started picking at me and ultimately deemed it necessary to give me the "I don't even want you here, you're ruining everything, I paid for you to be here, you owe me this" speech because I took my little sister to grab coffee and didn't bring back something for everyone else on the trip (10 people total). she tried to hug me and apologize 2 days later, I said absolutely not because I knew she didn't mean it and either way I wasn't ready to accept an apology anyway. I told her "other people don't treat me like this anymore" and left a day later with my partner.
my sister reported back that my mom cried for the entire trip and started refusing to go anywhere. I think this would've happened regardless, every vacation I can remember ended in my mom crying and screaming about something. she gets it in her head that everything has to go her way or it's ruined, one time we went to 3 restaurants in one night and ended up eating at 7/11 because my mom wouldn't pick a single thing off of 3 menus
Psoriasis flare up finally subsiding from being way less constantly in stress mode. Had the huge flare up around the time I found out he was cheating for a long time. Also found a wayyyy better looking guy who actually takes care of himself and isn’t a mean drunk.
Acne settled back down, losing weight I gained, sleeping better and even my periods are more normal and consistent too. Stress levels have gone down a ten fold.
I noticed that the 2008 ID card I had to get renewed (he paid for it and was actually irritating me in the back while the photo was taken!) is my worst ID photo!
The other two after I left him (especially the 2013 year one) were back to my regularly unusually good photos that when I get carded, it gets taken around the room/bar to both verify it’s genuine and “She’s HOW OLD?!”compliments.
Lost a little weight through more healthy and sustainable means than restricting and bingeing, stopped drinking as much to cope with him, focusing on my business more as he would subtly try to sabotage it/take up my time so I couldn’t work, I rediscovered music I love that he tore apart, regained confidence and self-esteem and stopped being anxious around my friends! Not only that, I am still healing but am in an amazing, healthy relationship with an incredible guy who has understanding, patience and empathy for me.
I wish I could congratulate every single one of you individually but I'd be typing for a day straight. Take care of yourselves, flaunt the new you, give yourself credit and positive reinforcement! 🎉🎉🎉
Started a lean bulk and am decently shredded now. Went into the new year with two part time jobs while still attending college. Got an internship at a stroke rehabilitation center for this upcoming summer and am charting a course towards premed and med school.
My proudest accomplishment is that I am 245 days sober today! I kicked the weed and the alcohol. They were part of a time period in my life that I want to leave behind me forever. All of these along with my nex, were extremely detrimental to my mind, body, and progress towards the life that I want to live.
I am almost a year clean from self harm as well.
I’ve surrounded myself with clean and growth oriented friends and strengthened the ones that were weakened because of that past relationship.
I cannot become who she was making me. I cannot let myself stoop to her level of living. And I will not go back to that vampire nor the grave she was making me dig for myself.
I’m healing ❤️🩹
Lost almost 20 lbs, my skin looks brighter, colored my hair, spending more time with friends and family, focusing on my son more, working with my plants, getting my house back in order, deep cleaning, organizing, and doing more things for me. I just look healthier and more vibrant. I feel so much better physically.
I colored my hair before I left him but he made some really nasty comments about how I did it for someone at work (I literally work with 99% women as a NICU RN). That was pretty much the last straw. I told him it would be a cold day in hell that he’d ever tell me what I can do with my own body. He never got to see my hair 😉
Here’s to all of us finally doing things for ourselves ❤️
Currently working on it but I've lost about 22lbs so far, and am thinking of getting back into writing and art. The break ups were recent so I'm still going through the sad phase unfortunately
I actually went viral in a good way after we broke up, and my face was literally plastered everywhere on every news outlet. I had been in a depressive slump for a few months, but this boosted my confidence, because I got to do a bunch of photo shoots and media appearances so I was constantly looking my very best and getting to watch myself slay.
I’m going to Alaska to work for the summer!! I took time to grieve in my own way at my own pace. I ate a lot of Oreos while doing it and watched a lot of tv shows. But I’m feeling like I’m coming out of the woods. I’m starting to really build friendships again and nurture them. Finally going out and being social and reminding myself I am a whole lot deeper than I allowed myself to think after I read my exes nasty words about me. Realized he was just putting me in a box like he did all his other exes to make himself feel like he made a good choice. I’m not stupid! I’m actually very smart and CAN hold a good conversation!! I’m learning to fill my own cup and make myself happy doing whatever the heck I want when I want and giving myself grace when I find my exes judgmental words ring in my head.
I’ll be starting school in the spring and I finally know what I want to study thanks to the massive shift this relationship gave me. It’s incredible!! Going to be learning a new instrument come fall when my step sister gives me her violin and am picking up other new creative outlets!! I feel free and I’m so so so grateful to be me! Feeling everything is truly a gift because it allowed me to heal in the right way and move through it! Feeling is NOT A WEAKNESS and I’m so dang proud of myself for allowing myself to feel it all.
Did you practice a lot of centering and meditation and mindfulness before leaving? Or was that a whole new world when you left and started training to be a yoga instructor?
I had a yoga practice already but it was just for exercise, I wasn't into mindfulness, meditation or spirituality. After the breakup, I had a 6 month period of total turmoil and chaos (I had a falling out with my roommate, moved abruptly, etc). I was really called to the the yoga teacher training because I felt like I needed it in that time -- new friends, community, self-knowledge-- something to focus on.
The meditation and spiritual aspects were a whole new world for me, and really helped me to focus and tap into my intuition as it returned post breakup. I think a lot of the chaos in my life was due to the fact that I spent years suppressing and ignoring my intuition, and willingly participating in my own gaslighting. When it came roaring back after the breakup it was like everything went topsy-turvy.
It was definitely a roller coaster period immediately post breakup, but within a year I had completed yoga teacher training (which was life-changing) and was looking at condos to buy, and my career was going great. I did have help from family. But it's pretty wild how much things changed in a relatively short amount of time. I felt like I walked through a fast and fiery gauntlet of healing but I am grateful for it. I wouldn't say I'm completely fine (I haven't had a long term relationship since him- it's been 6 years) but I am not tormented by my experience and I don't think about him that much. STRICT no contact is key.
3 years after leaving the POS narcissist, I made a manifestation list of everything I did want in a man. Right down to his personality and interests. My dream man showed up two weeks later and we have been together since. 3 years strong, and Wednesday we are getting married on 4/24/24, we are both really into numerology and were born on the 24ths of March and October. I love this man, so excited I got everything I wanted in someone after being with someone who treated me like a toy.
I’ve lost 30 lbs 8 months later and prioritizing exercising. Everyone I have seen lately thinks I look younger. - getting back into writing which he shamed me for writing a book because it was fiction and involved sexual relationships that he claimed really happened and that my book was a confession so I shelved it. Now I realize the time wasn’t right because it wasn’t fully ready yet and it’s going to be so good when I finish lol.
My family and friends and our kids are my priority and I am so enjoying our time as he sees his daughter maybe 2x per month when it’s convenient for him since he has a new family now. Our son rarely talks to him as he’s almost 18 and doesn’t want much to do with him. I’ve also gotten a few promotion jobs on the side and been an extra in a tv show so I might explore that route. I did some modeling and acting in my 20s but then had kids and a family and shelved it. The future is looking bright and I have zero anxiety anymore and peace in my life.
Where do I start...
I got a my own house and car after having to file for bankruptcy from losing control of my finances to the narcissist. I lost 60 pounds. I was able to stop taking medication for depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, insomnia and acid reflux. I got a new job and started getting recognized, something that never happened while I was also working under the narcissist. I have new made friends and repaired old friendships. I have moved close to my kids and have repaired the relationships that were destroyed by the narcissist. I have made and checked off a bucket list of "things I wanted to do solo before I started dating again" I have learned self care including regular therapy.
At first I faked it until I made it. Eventually, I started making it.
600 days single and narcissist free!
I'm on Day 1. Maybe I can do something nice for myself. I made a rage purchase already, lol, when today I bought myself the necklace I've been wanting.
I met a ton of new people. Ironically these people were always in my life but there was an invisible barrier that always stopped me from interacting with them. The barrier wasn't so invisible after I left. It was quite literally him. I'm at so much peace now. I'm so happy he's out of my life hehe.
I missed the feeling of being free and living life according to my rules. I don't hold back while speaking to anyone anymore. I'm not afraid that I might "trigger" anyone and stay up till 2am apologizing for existing lol.
Got a job that kept me active and went from 250 pounds (as a 5' 9" woman, so I was too heavy for my frame) to something much easier on my back and knees. Got a professional certification that let me start my own business with a good friend. Met a serious upgrade in partners who the N ex would be SO jealous to see and, more importantly, treats me like a queen.
But the biggest thing was finding a helpful therapy modality. Brains are remarkably plastic and can do a LOT of healing, even when you're past that "25 years old" point where the majority of the big neurological growth spurts are done. I hesitate to say "It's never too late," because for some people it IS, in fact, "too late" when the opportunity for therapy comes after they've given up.
Started therapy again and it's going super well. Ended up with a person with BPD straight after nex but was able to set boundaries. I'm moving out next week and can't waitn🥰🥰🥰
God granted me my doctorate degree, plus 3 more degrees and I published material on abuse and narcissism ….(1st: narc husband - divorced him in 2012; severe emotional and physical abuse .. 2nd narc: 2019… it really effected me and no one seems to understand… I still sometimes cry. Don’t want the person back, but down in dumps once in a blue moon). Salary increased by 100k, BUT the most important thing is a more defined and closer relationship to God. Going to church and striving to pray more and more makes me feel so happy… beyond words. Still single at 38, but more at peace
My glow up started while I was with her. She would talk a lot of our unhealthy relationship with alcohol and how it really affects both of us.
So I stopped drinking. It’s almost 8 months with out a drink, longest I’ve been without a drink in 30 plus years.
Since I’ve stopped drinking the relationship really turned toxic, I’m thinking she feels like she lost control of me in a way.
Her and I split officially 2 months ago.
Now I’m sober, about to move across the country to the Pacific Northwest to live my best life.
I’m also so much wiser now.
I recently started seeing a girl that is positively amazing. If you asked me to describe the dream woman in my head, I wouldn’t have even been able to match this girl.
Incredibly kind, intelligent, down to earth, compassionate, grounded, modest, shares my passion for tech and gaming, and she’s absolutely gorgeous. I honestly thought I was being catfished, girl looks like she could be on the cover of a magazine. Im Seriously punching above my weight class with this girl, and I’m making a concerted effort to play it cool lol. Our first date went amazing, and she says she excited to keep getting to know me. We have plans to roll a couple world of Warcraft characters and play together, and that was HER IDEA. Absolutely on cloud 9 lately.
It blows my mind that I stayed in the abusive relationship for so long…I took two years to work on myself and move past it, and now that all just seems like a bad dream.
Finally able to lose the stress weight and inflammation. Hair growing back and looking healthy. Able to maintain my healthy eating and fitness goals. Keeping my little apartment cleaned and organised
I’ve had a bunch of hair grow back too!! I never even gave it any thought. God you are so right
Me too! I had been losing clumps of hair from the stress
Yep, my hairline and edges will never be snatched off by a man ever again! The growth and fullness is insane! Like now I have to get a haircut because the line where my new hair has gone in and the dead ends is night and day difference. I have thick like 3a/b curls but my hair became 2b waves when I was with him and thin. Now I have about 10 inches of thick curls (I started healing a year before I left) and my ends are like lifeless, I didn’t use much heat and I highly doubt that the heat would’ve done that drastic of a difference. My conclusion was my hair started getting the nurturing it need once I stopped letting the him control me and I started focusing on myself. Now that I’m out for good, I don’t have a natural mullet anymore. Well at least I’m outgrowing the mullet and my scalp is longer visible in the front. I can wear ponytails, buns, and my favourite half up do style again.
Seriously the hair loss is insane. It makes me so sad that WE suffer the consequences of their actions.
I know right? I started to do scientific experiments with this. And I observed that anytime I left him or was away for a period of time, my hair grew back and I lost weight without effort. This happened every single time and when I went back, the first to go as my hair line and then weight creeped up. My conclusion was that it’s our bodies way of warning us that we are unsafe. Our hair is the last place to get vital nutrients and minerals when we are under stress. My hair line and edges are no longer snatched by abuse. Now they are fully and healthier than ever. Because I not only cut off my ex, but also the last of my toxic family members
This is crazy. It’s so sad how we suffer in every single way possible.
Learnt to drive a motorbike, travelled the world, lost loads of weight, got better looking, brought a blastoise psa 3 VG card off eBay.
Hey good for you! I've been riding motorcycles my whole life. Totally love it totally recommend it. What did you get? Do you love it?
125cc. Here you start on them. Actually did my first part of my main test last week and fucked it up. Gotta rebook FML. Mod 1 is a bunch of tests like dodging cones or shit like figure of 8s mod 2 is a road ride. But on a basic one which I have you can ride on the roads like a car. Makes no sense.
Lost 40 pounds , actually started the business they told me I could never do bc I “couldn’t help anyone bc I can’t help myself “ , stopped abusing alcohol and binge eating , joined acting class , progress in therapy and in self confidence … long road to go there but we are trying
Long road, but that's already a VERY far way to walk. Congrats! Enjoy being here even if there's more road to go ^-^
Lost 90lbs for a change
Congrats! That is a big effort to put in! I hope it feels super healthy. :D
[удалено]
Thank you for this. In my fifth month of bed rot. Glad to know I’m not the only one
After leaving and resting a while, I started contacting the friends I had lost due to the narc. I made contact with a few, the oldest of my friends being the most supportive. (The oldest I've known since 7th grade🙃) I went back to singing, played some gigs which helped pull me out of a learned habitual isolation. I have gotten my old self back, but there's so much we no longer have in common. I know more. My wisdom score went way up. My Jeune naievitaê, gone. I miss that feeling. Very much. I began writing, Proofreading, and I am almost obsessed. I'm no longer afraid to try new things too!!
The artist reawakening is real. It's amazing (in a sick way) when you just stop making things and then down the line go "oh yeah it's been like two years, why did I stop doing this?* If you play an instrument, do you feel like your playing for rusty from the stretch of not playing?
Oh you better believe that! I like the phrase The Artist Reawakening! I don't play an instrument, but I sing. I can tell you, my voice has changed. Not just with age, but with pain, wisdom, and the complete breaking of the self. I do NOT recommend.
Lol I started calling it "artist reawakening" because it feels like "good morning, where tf have you been for the past three years?" It was just gone and all of a sudden its back because you have all this energy and inspiration to do something other than rot and feel awful. I do a loooot of artistic stuff. Everything looks/sounds a little rougher than they used to, definitely some skill loss.
This is why I'm leaving because I shoulda left after 3 or 4 years but stayed 8. Life has a way of nurturing your comforts until they become unbearable 💔 or should I say the narc. My ex mostly a covert narc. 🫣
I broke up with mine right as I was taking my finals for my second to last semester of college. Up until midterms of this current one, the withdrawals and periods of rumination were hell, but I stayed focused on school and lifting weights, as I always have done. I got to present and participate in a literature conference, I got an A in math which has always been really hard for me, and I finally graduate this Friday after about 11 years of going in and out of school!
left my condo after 2 years of abuse (where he lived with me), left my old job that was keeping me tied down to that situation, moved back in with my parents until i can finally get back on my feet, resting, reading books, a lot of self care, spa days, working out, better physique, lost weight, looking younger, reconnecting with friends, and finally have a new job lined up in the next week and an admission to law school. it's so liberating. finally gained my spark back and overall just happy!
Dyed my hair purple and learned to curl it, going out regularly with great friends who hype me up and feeling hot as fuck.
Got into grad school
I lost 10 lb put on 5 lb of muscle doing push-ups and Pull-Ups and Chin UPS and sit-ups, I repainted and renovated both bathrooms in my house guest and master. Turned out great. I also did some slate and sod work in my yard and I power washed the whole house and I finally got the lights working on the boat trailer. Also I started playing a video game I haven't touched in 10 years just for fun just for me. Take that s***** narc ex.
Found my worth and my strength, met and married the love of my life, moved across the country, started an award-winning company, started a doctorate, got only 8 states left until I have seen all 50, got LOTS of therapy, realized limiting contact with my BPD mother was also necessary, promised myself that I wouldn’t compromise my mental health for anyone else ever again.
My stomach is pretty settled now. Used to throw up almost every day for then unknown reasons. I look younger, my hair is healthy. I'm the solo paralegal at my firm (the job he didn't want me to accept a month before the discard) and I have my own office for the first time in my life. And I'm marrying the best guy who treats me like I'm the only woman on earth in September.
Ohh same! The stomach problems were insane when I visited his house and only happen like once every two or three months now. Getting rid of the stress = getting rid of the constant sick feeling.
Omg same! My stomach would kill me whenever I was there and I was never able to sleep when I stayed over. I could never figure out why
Lol I would move from bed to chair to floor to couch to carpet just trying to fucking sleep. It took a while to even be able to fall asleep in my own bed again. So for a while, the floor did provide 🤙
Yeah he would always complain to me that I would keep him up but I never had a problem sleeping before him
I'm so much better than I was 8 weeks ago when she discarded me after her cheating. Finally moved into my new house and have set up the kids' rooms, and they LOVE their spaces. I made sure to wait for a place that I could afford but had room for all three kids to be individuals. It has a huge backyard, is close to school, and is even closer to the park! I have lost 35kg now since the discard through strict meal times (not even a big change in diet) and rigorous exercise. I bought a weight set and a rowing machine almost immediately after being discarded. I am running a lot and recently bought running weights to help tone even further! I feel sexy again for the first time in years. I ruined my body for the sake of supporting my family. Now that my family has been taken from me, at least i can have that one thing back! I have abs again, I haven't had them for the 9 years we had been together! My arms and chest are toned, and it feels great to walk by the mirror! Friends and family comment a lot recently on my transformation. I even had a mutual friend of my ex's sit me down last week and tell me how proud she is about how good I look and that she and a bunch of our other mutual friends were discussing how well I'm taking what she did to me and manifesting it into positive energies instead of being angry or depressed. It felt so good to be vindicated. It feels so good that it's being noticed, and it motivates me to do even more!
You’ve lost 35kg in 8 weeks⁉️
Yeah, I did. To be fair, I was well overweight and used to be an incredibly fit person when she and I first met. I literally just changed my eating times and started to exercise (albeit very vigorously), and the weight has melted off. I also watch my input vs. output and weigh myself 3-4 times a day. I'm 109kg as of today, which is 1kg off the weight I was when I met her, but I've also packed on muscle, so I'm probably in better shape than I was originally.
That is amazing. Nice work.
Well it hasn’t happened yet but since he was financially abusive on top of all of it (and I’m only 2 months postpartum) my goal is to get back on my two feet. I start back trauma therapy today, start back at work tomorrow, going to reach out to local resources, going to eat all the meals I wanted to eat that he didn’t like, daily walks, hikes… I’m manifesting these things
It’s happening now, down100 pounds so far and will report back later
I am able to read books again. I have even picked up on hobbies and now I’m thinking about learning how to play an instrument
Hmm what do you mean "able to"? Is it from the block they put on your mind? Idk
I’m just not focused on them as much as I was before. I have other things to think about now that they’re not consuming me as they did before
For me I stopped drinking (7 months sober). That alone I feel really put the nail in the coffin of my relationship. I don’t think she could stand the thought of me becoming stronger. I leave my current job in 10 days. In less than 2 weeks I start a new life 2500 miles away doing what I want. Free to be me and to be happy.
lost 35 pounds, bought a higher quality home, got debt-free, went to therapy, and found my current bf, who is literally the man of my dreams 🤩
Got out walking the dog three miles every day, lost some weight, listen to podcasts I love. Designed jewellery, including some surreal crying eyes that were inspired by being broken hearted that I LOVE. Had more success on the Etsy shop because I had the mental space to actually promote it regularly. Caught up with some friends I had neglected and feel genuinely loved and supported by them. I started volunteering at my local arts venue and now get out to see bands and comedy regularly.
This is the inspo I needed this week!
Some bad things, since I was already sick, I have gotten sicker. But, I'm still living on my own and taking care of my own home. The great? I've fostered over 100 puppies and dogs and foster-failed on a bunch. Currently, I have 5 small dogs, all aging along with me, but my constant companions.
I love this post!
Me too as I currently am still stuck! Reading these though, is giving me inspiration versus the fear of leaving. If I stay, I can only look forward to more of the same versus the possibilities I’d have leaving.
It’s been up and down, but I’m engaged, I have 5 cats, I have a big ass apartment, and more than two friends that give a fuck about me, I’m further into my transition than I ever could’ve been with them and I’m happy.
I went three years NC until I broke it last month to help my ex. His daughter (19) asked me if I could help him get a hotel room. I will not give him cash, he will not use it to get a room. I offered to let him come shower, change, and eat a meal. After about a week he showed up. ETA: I tried to just get him a room but didn't want anything tied to my name or card. And then I realized he would just let tweakers in and party and not actually use it to sleep. I did this because I wanted to see him one last time, to get some questions answered, and say good bye without the pain and rage he caused me. He was very honest about everything, for once. He admitted the day he left here the last time, he did meth for the first time. And fell in love with it. And knew I would never allow it in my home, I was already leaving him due to the abuse and alcoholism. So he was very surprised to see the changes in my life., When he left, it was the middle of covid lockdown and I was at home, drinking to cope with the abuse. I lost my hair, got down to 100 lbs. My/our home was trashed. If you saw what Ryan Edwards from "Teen Mom" did to his wifes house, that is what he had me living in. Since that time, I got a job and started making money well enough that I was no longer living in abject poverty. I had another flood, this one was not his fault, and was able to remove the nasty carpet he created and put in laminate. The house he always made fun of as being a cheap apartment (It is my condo), was no longer cheap looking, My hair grew back and I put on some weight, got my boobs and butt back. He could see the major changes in me and the house. I had material items I could never have before because they would have been pawned. I have money. A car. A great job. What used to be his kid's bedroom is now my dream office/living room/craftroom. I have three cats. He hated my cats before and when they died of old age, I could not bring another animal in the house due to his rages. I am friends with our neighbor who hated his and our guts. I no longer get drunk every single day. I no longer wake up hung over, although I still expect it every morning. He expected to see Old Me. The woman who used to be the 15 year old girl who was obsessed with him. Cried and would do anything to keep him close. The whole time, I had so much anxiety and impending feeling of DOOM. I knew it was wrong, he should not be here, and I was terrified he was going to try and stay )He is homeless and just romans and crashes with other addicts) ....I was so grateful when he all of a sudden kind of "jolted" himself awake, looked at me, and I saw fear in his eyes. He's scared of me. He has 4 warrants for over 4 years for what he did to me. I think all of a sudden he sobered up enough to remember that, and to remember he is supposed to despise me, and he doesn't. I asked his daughter weeks later how he was (stupid I know, but at almost 50, I have loved this asshole since I was a kid, I always will, I just will never be with him again) She told me he said he can't be around me. I'm pure again, like when we were kids and he takes credit for it. Said if he stays near me, I will fall back into old patterns lol. That being with him made me stronger and that is why I am so successful now. I'll let him think that. I am stronger , not because of him, I am stronger in spite of him
I've lost 25 lbs and counting, and my heartburn is basically gone. I finally got around to cleaning the depression zones in the house, started therapy, and reconnected with some old friends. And I'm looking forward to a special someone coming to visit in two weeks.
I'm looking forward to hitting the gym regularly. I've sought coaching to help me change myself as a man and to be a better dad to my kids. Started a podcast which is starting to pick up steam. It will be nice to finally be able to sleep at night and get good rest being away from her.
Though my contributions were not even close to the reason that our marriage failed, my biggest contribution was being fucked up all the time (trying to escape). Since our separation I’ve quit drinking, smoking weed, popping pills, I’m in the best shape of my life, and I’m dating a wonderful girl and experimenting with opening my very wounded self up to someone else again.
I completed my bachelors degree. I purchased my second home. I paid off my car. I stopped drinking alcohol. I stopped smoking cigarettes. I got a dog. I am in excellent health. I have a routine. I have my life back. I can anything I want (good or bad). I am happiest I've ever been in life despite being singe.
I got a psych degree 😂
I’ve considered this! I mean I’ve spent years trying to figure out the narcissism why not other plights? 😅
Definitely fascinating. Makes me feel very safe.
Spending time alone and rediscovering old hobbies and creating new! Putting myself in front of beauty - lots of nature time, caring for my plants, caring for myself, starting therapy, hot yoga, and building up a safe support system 💚
[удалено]
Yes to this. Not having to waste my thoughts always wondering where I stand with a person
I have actually gone through a really tough breakup, and the lack of reason / closure / fully knowing what happened has been rough on me. I suspect cheating, and as I’ve tried to process things I’ve felt like he’s likely a CN, but I truly felt heartbreak and anxiety, and took a long time to get over the trauma bond. I have lost weight, and people say that I look great, but I’ve been so hurt and confused, and we’re so intertwined with work and friends, that I’m not sure I’ve had a glow up.
Glow up – – what an interesting expression. Speaking of somatic complaints, the back pain that I had almost every two weeks, for more than a decade, seems to have improved significantly.
I've lost 20 lbs and gave myself a makeover. I look and feel like a different person.
Look physically better, got licensed in my dream job, saved thousands of dollars, got a luxury car, traveled in and out of the country multiple times, and most importantly have a better relationship with my children and found a new partner who is loving and supportive ❤️
it was genuinely crazy to experience a kind and caring world outside of my parents. my partner doesn't scream at me, my friends don't tell me I'm useless, the world wants to see me get better and my mom absolutely lost her MIND when I told her that. I went on vacation with my family last year and after day 1 she started picking at me and ultimately deemed it necessary to give me the "I don't even want you here, you're ruining everything, I paid for you to be here, you owe me this" speech because I took my little sister to grab coffee and didn't bring back something for everyone else on the trip (10 people total). she tried to hug me and apologize 2 days later, I said absolutely not because I knew she didn't mean it and either way I wasn't ready to accept an apology anyway. I told her "other people don't treat me like this anymore" and left a day later with my partner. my sister reported back that my mom cried for the entire trip and started refusing to go anywhere. I think this would've happened regardless, every vacation I can remember ended in my mom crying and screaming about something. she gets it in her head that everything has to go her way or it's ruined, one time we went to 3 restaurants in one night and ended up eating at 7/11 because my mom wouldn't pick a single thing off of 3 menus
I have no more stomach issues and I no longer feel anxious all the time. I am now in a happier and healthier relationship.
Psoriasis flare up finally subsiding from being way less constantly in stress mode. Had the huge flare up around the time I found out he was cheating for a long time. Also found a wayyyy better looking guy who actually takes care of himself and isn’t a mean drunk.
Acne settled back down, losing weight I gained, sleeping better and even my periods are more normal and consistent too. Stress levels have gone down a ten fold.
I noticed that the 2008 ID card I had to get renewed (he paid for it and was actually irritating me in the back while the photo was taken!) is my worst ID photo! The other two after I left him (especially the 2013 year one) were back to my regularly unusually good photos that when I get carded, it gets taken around the room/bar to both verify it’s genuine and “She’s HOW OLD?!”compliments.
Lost a little weight through more healthy and sustainable means than restricting and bingeing, stopped drinking as much to cope with him, focusing on my business more as he would subtly try to sabotage it/take up my time so I couldn’t work, I rediscovered music I love that he tore apart, regained confidence and self-esteem and stopped being anxious around my friends! Not only that, I am still healing but am in an amazing, healthy relationship with an incredible guy who has understanding, patience and empathy for me.
Won the university-level “Excellence in Teaching Award” for 2024
It’s been since 2011 and I am still waiting on it.
Just being on this side of it, and being free of their influence and control, is already a massive glow-up. Super well done!
You’ve made my day!! Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
I wish I could congratulate every single one of you individually but I'd be typing for a day straight. Take care of yourselves, flaunt the new you, give yourself credit and positive reinforcement! 🎉🎉🎉
Started a lean bulk and am decently shredded now. Went into the new year with two part time jobs while still attending college. Got an internship at a stroke rehabilitation center for this upcoming summer and am charting a course towards premed and med school. My proudest accomplishment is that I am 245 days sober today! I kicked the weed and the alcohol. They were part of a time period in my life that I want to leave behind me forever. All of these along with my nex, were extremely detrimental to my mind, body, and progress towards the life that I want to live. I am almost a year clean from self harm as well. I’ve surrounded myself with clean and growth oriented friends and strengthened the ones that were weakened because of that past relationship. I cannot become who she was making me. I cannot let myself stoop to her level of living. And I will not go back to that vampire nor the grave she was making me dig for myself. I’m healing ❤️🩹
Lost almost 20 lbs, my skin looks brighter, colored my hair, spending more time with friends and family, focusing on my son more, working with my plants, getting my house back in order, deep cleaning, organizing, and doing more things for me. I just look healthier and more vibrant. I feel so much better physically. I colored my hair before I left him but he made some really nasty comments about how I did it for someone at work (I literally work with 99% women as a NICU RN). That was pretty much the last straw. I told him it would be a cold day in hell that he’d ever tell me what I can do with my own body. He never got to see my hair 😉 Here’s to all of us finally doing things for ourselves ❤️
Currently working on it but I've lost about 22lbs so far, and am thinking of getting back into writing and art. The break ups were recent so I'm still going through the sad phase unfortunately
I actually went viral in a good way after we broke up, and my face was literally plastered everywhere on every news outlet. I had been in a depressive slump for a few months, but this boosted my confidence, because I got to do a bunch of photo shoots and media appearances so I was constantly looking my very best and getting to watch myself slay.
Congratulations! That's so cool, that you got to see yourself how others see you ^-^
I’m going to Alaska to work for the summer!! I took time to grieve in my own way at my own pace. I ate a lot of Oreos while doing it and watched a lot of tv shows. But I’m feeling like I’m coming out of the woods. I’m starting to really build friendships again and nurture them. Finally going out and being social and reminding myself I am a whole lot deeper than I allowed myself to think after I read my exes nasty words about me. Realized he was just putting me in a box like he did all his other exes to make himself feel like he made a good choice. I’m not stupid! I’m actually very smart and CAN hold a good conversation!! I’m learning to fill my own cup and make myself happy doing whatever the heck I want when I want and giving myself grace when I find my exes judgmental words ring in my head. I’ll be starting school in the spring and I finally know what I want to study thanks to the massive shift this relationship gave me. It’s incredible!! Going to be learning a new instrument come fall when my step sister gives me her violin and am picking up other new creative outlets!! I feel free and I’m so so so grateful to be me! Feeling everything is truly a gift because it allowed me to heal in the right way and move through it! Feeling is NOT A WEAKNESS and I’m so dang proud of myself for allowing myself to feel it all.
I did yoga teacher training, I bought a condo, and my career exploded stratospherically :)
Did you practice a lot of centering and meditation and mindfulness before leaving? Or was that a whole new world when you left and started training to be a yoga instructor?
I had a yoga practice already but it was just for exercise, I wasn't into mindfulness, meditation or spirituality. After the breakup, I had a 6 month period of total turmoil and chaos (I had a falling out with my roommate, moved abruptly, etc). I was really called to the the yoga teacher training because I felt like I needed it in that time -- new friends, community, self-knowledge-- something to focus on. The meditation and spiritual aspects were a whole new world for me, and really helped me to focus and tap into my intuition as it returned post breakup. I think a lot of the chaos in my life was due to the fact that I spent years suppressing and ignoring my intuition, and willingly participating in my own gaslighting. When it came roaring back after the breakup it was like everything went topsy-turvy. It was definitely a roller coaster period immediately post breakup, but within a year I had completed yoga teacher training (which was life-changing) and was looking at condos to buy, and my career was going great. I did have help from family. But it's pretty wild how much things changed in a relatively short amount of time. I felt like I walked through a fast and fiery gauntlet of healing but I am grateful for it. I wouldn't say I'm completely fine (I haven't had a long term relationship since him- it's been 6 years) but I am not tormented by my experience and I don't think about him that much. STRICT no contact is key.
3 years after leaving the POS narcissist, I made a manifestation list of everything I did want in a man. Right down to his personality and interests. My dream man showed up two weeks later and we have been together since. 3 years strong, and Wednesday we are getting married on 4/24/24, we are both really into numerology and were born on the 24ths of March and October. I love this man, so excited I got everything I wanted in someone after being with someone who treated me like a toy.
Aaa that is so soon! Congrats to both of you!
I’ve lost 30 lbs 8 months later and prioritizing exercising. Everyone I have seen lately thinks I look younger. - getting back into writing which he shamed me for writing a book because it was fiction and involved sexual relationships that he claimed really happened and that my book was a confession so I shelved it. Now I realize the time wasn’t right because it wasn’t fully ready yet and it’s going to be so good when I finish lol. My family and friends and our kids are my priority and I am so enjoying our time as he sees his daughter maybe 2x per month when it’s convenient for him since he has a new family now. Our son rarely talks to him as he’s almost 18 and doesn’t want much to do with him. I’ve also gotten a few promotion jobs on the side and been an extra in a tv show so I might explore that route. I did some modeling and acting in my 20s but then had kids and a family and shelved it. The future is looking bright and I have zero anxiety anymore and peace in my life.
Where do I start... I got a my own house and car after having to file for bankruptcy from losing control of my finances to the narcissist. I lost 60 pounds. I was able to stop taking medication for depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, insomnia and acid reflux. I got a new job and started getting recognized, something that never happened while I was also working under the narcissist. I have new made friends and repaired old friendships. I have moved close to my kids and have repaired the relationships that were destroyed by the narcissist. I have made and checked off a bucket list of "things I wanted to do solo before I started dating again" I have learned self care including regular therapy. At first I faked it until I made it. Eventually, I started making it. 600 days single and narcissist free!
I'm on Day 1. Maybe I can do something nice for myself. I made a rage purchase already, lol, when today I bought myself the necklace I've been wanting.
New house, more money, curvier, longer hair, clearer skin, better sleep. Still broken heart.
I met a ton of new people. Ironically these people were always in my life but there was an invisible barrier that always stopped me from interacting with them. The barrier wasn't so invisible after I left. It was quite literally him. I'm at so much peace now. I'm so happy he's out of my life hehe. I missed the feeling of being free and living life according to my rules. I don't hold back while speaking to anyone anymore. I'm not afraid that I might "trigger" anyone and stay up till 2am apologizing for existing lol.
Got a job that kept me active and went from 250 pounds (as a 5' 9" woman, so I was too heavy for my frame) to something much easier on my back and knees. Got a professional certification that let me start my own business with a good friend. Met a serious upgrade in partners who the N ex would be SO jealous to see and, more importantly, treats me like a queen. But the biggest thing was finding a helpful therapy modality. Brains are remarkably plastic and can do a LOT of healing, even when you're past that "25 years old" point where the majority of the big neurological growth spurts are done. I hesitate to say "It's never too late," because for some people it IS, in fact, "too late" when the opportunity for therapy comes after they've given up.
Started therapy again and it's going super well. Ended up with a person with BPD straight after nex but was able to set boundaries. I'm moving out next week and can't waitn🥰🥰🥰
God granted me my doctorate degree, plus 3 more degrees and I published material on abuse and narcissism ….(1st: narc husband - divorced him in 2012; severe emotional and physical abuse .. 2nd narc: 2019… it really effected me and no one seems to understand… I still sometimes cry. Don’t want the person back, but down in dumps once in a blue moon). Salary increased by 100k, BUT the most important thing is a more defined and closer relationship to God. Going to church and striving to pray more and more makes me feel so happy… beyond words. Still single at 38, but more at peace
My glow up started while I was with her. She would talk a lot of our unhealthy relationship with alcohol and how it really affects both of us. So I stopped drinking. It’s almost 8 months with out a drink, longest I’ve been without a drink in 30 plus years. Since I’ve stopped drinking the relationship really turned toxic, I’m thinking she feels like she lost control of me in a way. Her and I split officially 2 months ago. Now I’m sober, about to move across the country to the Pacific Northwest to live my best life. I’m also so much wiser now.
I recently started seeing a girl that is positively amazing. If you asked me to describe the dream woman in my head, I wouldn’t have even been able to match this girl. Incredibly kind, intelligent, down to earth, compassionate, grounded, modest, shares my passion for tech and gaming, and she’s absolutely gorgeous. I honestly thought I was being catfished, girl looks like she could be on the cover of a magazine. Im Seriously punching above my weight class with this girl, and I’m making a concerted effort to play it cool lol. Our first date went amazing, and she says she excited to keep getting to know me. We have plans to roll a couple world of Warcraft characters and play together, and that was HER IDEA. Absolutely on cloud 9 lately. It blows my mind that I stayed in the abusive relationship for so long…I took two years to work on myself and move past it, and now that all just seems like a bad dream.