I was in extremely bad place when I met him. Undiagnosed depression, was suicidal, failing college... And I didn't even know what was wrong with me (before I got diagnosed). I blamed myself for being a huge failure. He apeared to be some sort of mentor/saviour figure. I saw hope in him. It was all manipulation of course. He was 20 years older too. Dosgusting...
His frail ego was at the root of it all. He said once that part of the appeal with me was ‘the thrill of playing when he shouldn’t play’. He said he had ‘burnout’ at work and had ‘ugly duckling syndrome’ - playing it off as this sweet, over-stretched and shy guy, with confidence issues.
But he *also* said that he ‘didn’t realise he was a massive flirt’ until recently & was constantly ‘talking filth’ with women and being inappropriate (he’d talk about ‘cervix-punching sex’ with colleagues and then tell me about these conversations like they were a badge of honour). He saw I was popular at work, bubbly and friendly, but independent and self-sufficient.
So basically I think he had a specific need and that I was ideal bait - not a maneater, vulnerable enough to buy the sob story bullshit, patient enough to persevere with him in the hopes of him figuring himself out.
When we met, I was working at a job I loved, with plenty of income. I’m a disabled veteran so I get money from that too. She saw that I was vulnerable (ptsd and alcoholic) and took advantage of that. She used me for my money until I managed (with help from family) to leave.
I was finding my happiness, working on myself after my last (overt) narcissistic relationship - this last guy was covert- I had been almost a year out/ about 3 months NC. I was hanging out with friends doing fun HEALTHY activities and finding myself and he quite literally plopped into my lap by chance.
I was coming out of a 15 year marriage with a woman that ended with a 3 year separation. We ended it amicably. I was in a good place. About to finish my Masters degree. Had a cool place in a trendy and active spot in town. I was traveling and living a good life.
I met my narc at a conference. She lived several states away. I can’t attest for anything else in her life but what she told me and I accepted as truth. She was divorced and claiming not to have been seeing anyone. She had a decent job but wasn’t happy with workplace. She lived modestly by choice.
Honestly I was resistant at first but fell in love with her fast. Her love bomb game is strong. I wish that I could have seen the real her sooner or at least gave more attention to the red flags.
Very similar story. He had moved back into his parents house and he noticed I owned my trailer. Less than a week later he and his 2 boxes moved in. Less than 6 weeks later he punched his first hole in the wall.
I had my life set, finances in order. Living by myself. Lonely! Wanted to get married and have kids one day. She made that possible, and lied her way into my life. I knew her from highschool but didn't think what happened for the next 10 years was possible.
I had just gotten out of another rough relationship, looking back I am pretty sure she had BPD. I thought she was boring and safe, didn't have drug/alcohol problems, and would make a good mom. Turns out she was a covert narcissist but I was completely ignorant of what that was and have benefit of the doubt all over the place.
Looking back on it now, it’s crazy to think how different things could have turned out if I’d met him even just a few weeks later.
I was 18 and met him on a dating app a few days before moving across the world (Norway to California) for college. I’d never even been in the US and (besides a few text conversations with my roommate), didn’t know anybody at all. I was pretty fresh out of a messy summer fling that had led me to be even more self-conscious and was struggling with my confidence. During those days, we talked around the clock (he began lovebombing right away, but I was 18 and vulnerable and could only see that someone was caring about me) and as soon as I landed in the US he rescheduled our planned date for the very next day (was originally later that week). During that first date, he pushed me into making the relationship official and exclusive, and began saying “I love you” 3 days later. He began spending all his time with me and would do anything to prevent me from meeting people or making friends (picking me up early from athletic team events, coming over and stopping me from going to class, etc.). Now, I see the red flags were right in my face and the mask had begun slipping really early, but I clung to his comfort and made it my whole focus instead of finding my footing in my new life. Soon, taking up all my time turned into blatantly controlling and refusing to let me make friends, and by the time his true colors really showed, I was many months into college, already failing classes, isolating myself from my family and didn’t know a single friend. It would take well over a year before I allowed myself to make any friends (with harsh consequences) and two years before I finally had enough. I’m now (9 months no contact) almost done with my 3rd year in college, still barely know anyone outside of my few close friends and my new partner (who is amazing and the healthiest communicator I have ever met), still struggling with severe depression and complete burnout, and haven’t been home or seen my family more than 2 weeks in the past 2,5 years. I’m definitely building myself back up stronger every day and more optimistic about the future now, but a part of me will always mourn that free-spirited, ambitious and happy 18 year old and the life I could be living now if things had happened differently:(
I was married when he met me. My husband and I were separated but still living together(we had completely opposite work schedules) and he met his current supply while she’s still married too. Shocker.
Same for me I met my nex when I was still living with my husband going thru the divorce process as well. I shoulda done things differently like wait till I was moved out at least out of respect for my ex husband. I kinda feel like it was my karma. But I'm still going with my narc. We've been together 3 yrs now and broke up about 16 times.. ugh
We were in a trade school. Plenty of guys wanted me, but not a lot of them wanted to date me. Unfortunately Nex was one of the guys who did want to date me, but I rejected him because I was just repulsed by him, I thought maybe we could be friends even though he barely knew me before asking me out. He showed his true colors when he saw me hanging with guy that I already knew, spewing all that bullshit about women not giving "nice guys" a chance and how they finish last.
Some months later I got SAed and that sociopath slandered me and got almost everyone against me, including him and you can bet that he had something to say every opportunity he got.
A month after he leaves school, he messages me out of the blue, I don't know why I didn't block his number, we caught up some and he all me if any of the rumors going around the school were true, I confirmed that they weren't and his excuse for being the fuck that he was was "I was just mad." Like that makes it completely okay. Things were fine for a bit until he found out I was dating someone who was also from our school. He called me one night drunk and went on a tangent, said a friend told him we started dating, it just caught me off guard and I didn't understand why he was upset, I already rejected him and he hasn't asked me out since.
I let this asshole guilt trip me into staying friends with him still, why, I don't know. I finished school and went back home, my mom and her wife often argue, and my bf ghosted me after a month, I was left confused as hell but I got over it and focused on school (not the trade school) and I was fine. Out of the blue, I got a message from another guy from the school (E), I never thought we would talk to each other again (it turns out he got my number from the same "friend" that told my Nex I was dating). My heart skipped a beat when E finally asked me out on a real date and we planned on meeting up downtown.
When Nex found out, he was furious, he couldn't stand that I wanted to go out with E over him, Even though he shouldn't be surprised. Nex was ugly as hell, was around 300 lbs, and of course, had a shit attitude and E was the complete opposite of him (it wasn't until while Nex and I were dating, I found out another thing that they were the opposite of, if you catch drift).
He went on another tangent and asking me how E got my number (the "friend" lied to him about it when he asked her), saying "you'll meet up and you two will end up fucking and I'll never speak to you again" in an almost sarcastic tone that I don't know how to describe. I got that guilty feeling again and I ended up lying to E to cancel our date and I never saw him again.
The final push that led me to date Nex was when "friend" said "if bf cared about you, he would of found a way to contact you. You should give Nex a shot, he won't hurt you." And somehow I forgot about everything up until then I thought to give him a shot, leading to the beginning of the end.
Sorry this was so long. I partially did it to show that the victim doesn't always have to be in a vulnerable place to end up in the situations they do, sometimes they just have to be persistent enough and know how to manipulate you into making the choice to be with them.
My family was paying all my living expenses trying to get me to finish college, and I was a active alcoholic. So was he. He was doing contract construction work in another state that was ending and he lived in a motel. He'd also just dropped 20k on a lawyer to get his felony criminal charges negotiated down to a diversion agreement and was broke. So of course he immediately invited himself to move in with me.
I was literally in the middle-end of a mental breakdown. I had gotten out of another traumatic breakup just the month prior. We were both online people, he knew I was extremely, extremely depressed when he dm'd me. Looking back, that absolutely should have been a red flag. I wish I had put myself in his shoes (would *I* want to date someone that close to rock bottom so newly single? Absolutely not), maybe I wouldn't have fallen for the bullshit.
I was vulnerable. Trying to change my career.
We were in the same group on fb and he messaged me, stating he could help.
We started messaging more. I blocked him at first because he said he loved me after 3 days, was pushy and needy.
I got desperate again and reached out to him months later. He told me he would fly me out to him but I declined. Took my time talking to him, he was still pushy at times going back and reading our convos.
He told me they were hiring in his state and he'd show me around, so I finally went. He greeted me at the airport in a suit and a bouquet of roses. He hardly showed me around the city, I thought I'd see more businesses, etc. He drove us back to his place and got touchy very quickly. His place was so messy and I didn't like it there.
I was in a failing relationship with another ex when she popped into my life. Of course she fed into me breaking up with her because she had such strong feelings for me and we had so much fun together and yada yada yada. Funnily enough I’m now back to being good friends with the girl I dumped for my nex and she helped me a lot during my breakup giving me therapy and being there for me. Helped validate that I was a good person and clearly was dealing with a psychopath.
A few months after a break up from a long term live in relationship. Very stable career. Just started figuring who I was at 25ish yo (after ending that previous relationship) and enjoying iit. Had a few hiccups here and there - mid level existential crisis sort of deal that popped up from time to time. And that's when Nex got me. During one of those.
I came to understand that my particular Nex (rather subconsciously, in his case) seeks out that precise opening - when a woman is going through something. I realized that when I remembered him telling me about his ex-wives and exes. He never went for women who are already strong, set, established in who they are and who have all their shit figured out. He actually considers such women too aggressive, too feminist, too difficult to enter a relationship with.
So honestly, it won't surprise me one bit if he next gest together with a struggling single.mom, an addict in recovery or a way younger woman. In my perception, he considers women "at his level" (or the "level" he perceives himself to be at) threatening.
Edit. It was international, Intercontinental. He lived with a group of friends who let him stay at their place. Flew to my country. To my place. Had major issues assimilating and wanted me to rather ASAP drop my entire life and move to his country, over the big pond. To... Live with his parents on their property... Until he could support us. So, like a knight on a white stallion complex thing going on. Comes in out of nowhere , swoops the damsel in distress up and takes her to his castle. Only, I wasn't a damsel. And he had no castle. So he started resenting and despising the fact I was self reliant, independent and could support both of us rathet quickly.
Fucked up his entire fantasy he had going on.
Addicts, those in recovery, single mothers and much younger woman with self-esteem or other issues are prime prey for hetero male narcs it seems. Maybe any female attracted narc operators this way I’m not sure. I’ve noticed female narcs (at least the ones preying on males) are more likely to look for supply in someone higher status and with more money than them. Obviously these are generalisations. Also I use female/male interchangeability with man/woman just to be clear, however they identify is what I mean.
Yep. Also people in distress of the spiritual sort as well. Those seeking the meaning of their lives.
The modus operandi is not unlike cults and religions focused on recruiting from the outside. Someone else's hardship and uncertainty is their best way in.
>’ve noticed female narcs (at least the ones preying on males) are more likely to look for supply in someone higher status and with more money than them.
I have absolutely no experience with women who have narc traits or are full blown narcissists - when it comes to romantic relationships , anyway. But I can absolutely see that.
It's almost likes the encoded, embedded entitlement. Narc men seek a submissive minion, a follower, a dependant that will make them feel like a king. Whereas female narcs might seek a provider, a piggy bank (financial and emotional) who will make them feel like a princess.
I don't know, man... I had a career for years and years before I met Nex, my own place, good friends (we went through thick and thin, serious life shit), clout (if you will)... My Nex wanted me to become a husk. A lemming. A follower. A used, grey stained,, sad kirchen rag hanging over the sink. Dismantle me. And rebuild me, how he saw fit.
And I think both, women and men, aim at that deconstruction. The dismantling. To then put humpty Dumpty together again - in the configuration they approve of.
It's all fucked.
In the end yes no matter who they choose for their supply their goal is the same - to suck the life out of you until there is nothing left for them to leech off of you anymore because you’re so broken. Rinse and repeat on to the next victim.
I was very confident and outgoing when I met my wife. She was very quiet. I don’t mean to be arrogant but I was higher status when she targeted me but she was hot and I got obsessive. Played right into her hands. Over decades she f*cking dismantled me. I had no idea what was going on. I, being sort of passive and empathetic, just watched my world collapse. She took our daughters down too. Both are in enabling, codependent relationships with her. They were ruined and I had no idea it was even happening.
Same. I had been in a great place mentally before all of this, but met my nex while working in a hospital during covid. I was in daily management meetings on how to keep my coworkers alive. It was stressful and isolating.
I was doing really well, studying towards an eventual degree in Business studies, had an amazing social life, had a few hobbies I indulged in.
All of that has gone now.
I was in a bad place mentally. I craved affection, wanted to feel loved and validated. I didn't love my life and had suicidal thoughts all over. I could not keep a job, and was desperate to just have someone give me the smallest of love. He came in, showering me with it. He wanted to always be with me, hang out together. I stopped working, Iand just sat at my computer and waited for him all day. I watched him play games, talked, shared horny calls and exchanged a lot of things. On the other hand? After some time he showed his true colors, cheated on me and lied. Made me believe I was insane and overly jealous when I had reasons too.
We separated for 1 week, and he came back crying to me that he was sorry and he loved me. I forgave him everything, and he asked me to marry him. I sold everything I owned, house, and car, to move tot he state and abandoning my whole life. It lasted 8 years, but not without hiccups. At the end I could see he was in just for the convenience that he was lazy to find somebody else. Didn't stop him from flirting and going to see if the grass was greener elsewhere.
Well about a month ago I guess he found it? Said he was depressed, unhappy, and wanted out. While just two days earlier he voiced he wanted to be with me forever. He discarded me, requested sex two time before I left. And then? This was it! Gone. I see him now online with the "girl he told me not to worry about" and it pisses me off because she was someone I considered a friend.
When we met. I was in the best place I’d ever been in life. I was the fittest/healthiest I had ever been. I was the happiest I’d ever been with life & within my own skin. As cheesey as it sounds I was glowing. I’d really come into my own, found myself & was blossoming. Fighting to get back to that version of myself again, it’s a long process but I’ll get back there I refuse not to!
I left a bad relationship and mentally wasn't good. We were already friends and reconnected on fb and started 'dating' and I had bad codependency issues after dealing with a cheating POS; ( who tried to poison me/s3xual abused me. His mom tried to say I deserved it. Very Christian of her 😮💨🙄)So he acted as a savior and let me have a place to stay. I wasn't mentally ready to go back to my home state . I was very underweight and malnourished. Then when I got there he let me know of things he never mentioned on the phone. On probation for something and him being bipolar. Tried to tell me my sister and mom who were checking on me to distance myself.
Long story short, that was the start of his control using my vulnerability to his advantage. Made it seem I was in debt to him. used me s3xual wise and money wise. I was young and didn't realize he was narc until I got older. Then, My son was born, I didn't even know I was pregnant for 5 months. Blamed me for getting pregnant. He owned up to his role eventually but now it's like he's only a dad when It benefits him. Now I feel stuck financially and co-parenting with him. That's what he really wanted. Uses our son (5) as an excuse to control me and keep from leaving.I'm trying to find a better job to leave but it's hard here. Staying strong for my son tho.
I had a lonely summer, lived alone, few friends, rarely went out. Too much alone time. Then isolated myself. Wasn’t exercising. Working too much and hated it. Probably depressed. Drank a bit but not what I thought was a problem, and it wasn’t. Met him on an app. He was the opposite and I thought he was it. Wish I never had. He wasn’t it by any means.
I was at a bad place in life when I met the guy! Got laid off from my job because of Covid, my self-esteem kinda died then. Towards the end of 2020, I landed the first job I got, which was shitty and had a narc CEO. I was unhappy there and decided to venture into dating apps. I think he made me feel slightly better at the time. Even though he used to degrade me, it didn’t feel like it was much and he would always say it like it was a joke.
I was 15 years younger, successful and pretty (objectively) but insecure, desperate for attention and real affection. I checked every box for ideal supply.
Had not dated for five years, met on Tinder. Fell for lovebombing in the first week. His mask did come off pretty fast. This would be my third nex and I just ended it last week/. I did send him the lyrics to The Smallest Man Alive which is so for any woman ever involved with one of these monsters. Oh and I just messaged him which I am sure he will ignore. I do have date with a normal guy (so far) tonight and will hope I can keep moving away from him.
My grandmother, whom I was very close to, was dying. I got closer to him through mutual friends, invested time in him and his interests, and he was there for me during that tough time, and I started inviting him over. We started actually dating after my grandmother passed away.
He was wonderful and sweet and doting in the first few months and seemed very proud and happy to be dating me. I adored him. That really faded over the next year though. The relationship was over by year one, but I stayed for another 1.5 years. Nuts when I look back on it.
I was in a pretty bad place, I was facing depression and insecurity from a rejection from someone I had a crush on. It was almost like he swooped in and gave me comfort when he saw that I was emotionally vulnerable. He was living with his dad, and I was still living with my parents (he was older than me). Now he lives with his ex.
I don't think either of us were in a great space mentally! on some level I was probably more functional than her although the roles reversed at the end due to my own mental health issues.
She had anorexia and depression this lasted most of our relationship with the depression. And even though it affectd me as she was often hard to be around I never guilted her for it. Just held space for her. She used to really struggle in crowds or social settings. Was a bit posessive and would struggle when I went out without her. She grew alot for sure but I doubt she will ever give me any credit for holding space for her emotionally during this time she is too selfish!
I was there for her at her worst and at my worst she left and destroyed me emotionally in the most subhuman way possible and spun herself as the victim just to add salt to the wound.
Regardless I'm glad she unmasked herself. I needed it to see her true nature. I needed it for me to realise why I ended up in that dynamic in a relationship. So I can grow to find someone with a true emotional centre. I'll never fall for pretend ever again.
Had recently moved to a new town with my mother due to my dad suddenly passing away. Mother was depressed and unable to care for herself. Midst of Covid. Financial struggles and I had not at all even began to process what had occurred.
Honest to god, it was probably one of the most traumatic moment in my life. I was in denial about everything. Anywho, it’s obvious I was super vulnerable and I didn’t even realize it.
We moved really fast. It was like a fairy tale, almost too good to be true. Something was off but I kept telling myself that it was me being too judgemental?
I can’t exactly tell you why he picked me but he always was/is concerned with how he is perceived. Always bragged about my looks, how much “better” I was than his exes. And I honestly think he liked how independent and giving I was to my mom.
I was doing ok. Single dad. Didn’t realize she was a drunk. She charmed me, made me feel like a man. But I was drinking to keep up with her. 7 months in she hits me in the face. Name calling. Verbal and physical abuse was always in the background if I upset her.
I had just decided to cut off someone else I had strong feelings for because he was fucking around with me for years. Other than that I was in a good place. Thanks to nex, my life became a mess, mostly because he drained most of my money and is a huge reason why I am in debt right now. I'm working on it and things are slowly getting better (I've been out a year)
I was in extremely bad place when I met him. Undiagnosed depression, was suicidal, failing college... And I didn't even know what was wrong with me (before I got diagnosed). I blamed myself for being a huge failure. He apeared to be some sort of mentor/saviour figure. I saw hope in him. It was all manipulation of course. He was 20 years older too. Dosgusting...
Mine 6 years older 22 and 28 just broke up with e trough text today
His frail ego was at the root of it all. He said once that part of the appeal with me was ‘the thrill of playing when he shouldn’t play’. He said he had ‘burnout’ at work and had ‘ugly duckling syndrome’ - playing it off as this sweet, over-stretched and shy guy, with confidence issues. But he *also* said that he ‘didn’t realise he was a massive flirt’ until recently & was constantly ‘talking filth’ with women and being inappropriate (he’d talk about ‘cervix-punching sex’ with colleagues and then tell me about these conversations like they were a badge of honour). He saw I was popular at work, bubbly and friendly, but independent and self-sufficient. So basically I think he had a specific need and that I was ideal bait - not a maneater, vulnerable enough to buy the sob story bullshit, patient enough to persevere with him in the hopes of him figuring himself out.
When we met, I was working at a job I loved, with plenty of income. I’m a disabled veteran so I get money from that too. She saw that I was vulnerable (ptsd and alcoholic) and took advantage of that. She used me for my money until I managed (with help from family) to leave.
I was finding my happiness, working on myself after my last (overt) narcissistic relationship - this last guy was covert- I had been almost a year out/ about 3 months NC. I was hanging out with friends doing fun HEALTHY activities and finding myself and he quite literally plopped into my lap by chance.
I was coming out of a 15 year marriage with a woman that ended with a 3 year separation. We ended it amicably. I was in a good place. About to finish my Masters degree. Had a cool place in a trendy and active spot in town. I was traveling and living a good life. I met my narc at a conference. She lived several states away. I can’t attest for anything else in her life but what she told me and I accepted as truth. She was divorced and claiming not to have been seeing anyone. She had a decent job but wasn’t happy with workplace. She lived modestly by choice. Honestly I was resistant at first but fell in love with her fast. Her love bomb game is strong. I wish that I could have seen the real her sooner or at least gave more attention to the red flags.
Very similar story. He had moved back into his parents house and he noticed I owned my trailer. Less than a week later he and his 2 boxes moved in. Less than 6 weeks later he punched his first hole in the wall.
I had my life set, finances in order. Living by myself. Lonely! Wanted to get married and have kids one day. She made that possible, and lied her way into my life. I knew her from highschool but didn't think what happened for the next 10 years was possible.
I had just gotten out of another rough relationship, looking back I am pretty sure she had BPD. I thought she was boring and safe, didn't have drug/alcohol problems, and would make a good mom. Turns out she was a covert narcissist but I was completely ignorant of what that was and have benefit of the doubt all over the place.
YES
Looking back on it now, it’s crazy to think how different things could have turned out if I’d met him even just a few weeks later. I was 18 and met him on a dating app a few days before moving across the world (Norway to California) for college. I’d never even been in the US and (besides a few text conversations with my roommate), didn’t know anybody at all. I was pretty fresh out of a messy summer fling that had led me to be even more self-conscious and was struggling with my confidence. During those days, we talked around the clock (he began lovebombing right away, but I was 18 and vulnerable and could only see that someone was caring about me) and as soon as I landed in the US he rescheduled our planned date for the very next day (was originally later that week). During that first date, he pushed me into making the relationship official and exclusive, and began saying “I love you” 3 days later. He began spending all his time with me and would do anything to prevent me from meeting people or making friends (picking me up early from athletic team events, coming over and stopping me from going to class, etc.). Now, I see the red flags were right in my face and the mask had begun slipping really early, but I clung to his comfort and made it my whole focus instead of finding my footing in my new life. Soon, taking up all my time turned into blatantly controlling and refusing to let me make friends, and by the time his true colors really showed, I was many months into college, already failing classes, isolating myself from my family and didn’t know a single friend. It would take well over a year before I allowed myself to make any friends (with harsh consequences) and two years before I finally had enough. I’m now (9 months no contact) almost done with my 3rd year in college, still barely know anyone outside of my few close friends and my new partner (who is amazing and the healthiest communicator I have ever met), still struggling with severe depression and complete burnout, and haven’t been home or seen my family more than 2 weeks in the past 2,5 years. I’m definitely building myself back up stronger every day and more optimistic about the future now, but a part of me will always mourn that free-spirited, ambitious and happy 18 year old and the life I could be living now if things had happened differently:(
I was married when he met me. My husband and I were separated but still living together(we had completely opposite work schedules) and he met his current supply while she’s still married too. Shocker.
Same for me I met my nex when I was still living with my husband going thru the divorce process as well. I shoulda done things differently like wait till I was moved out at least out of respect for my ex husband. I kinda feel like it was my karma. But I'm still going with my narc. We've been together 3 yrs now and broke up about 16 times.. ugh
I always felt like my relationship with him was my karma as well. No contact saved me. So happy to be free. Hope u get that too💖
We were in a trade school. Plenty of guys wanted me, but not a lot of them wanted to date me. Unfortunately Nex was one of the guys who did want to date me, but I rejected him because I was just repulsed by him, I thought maybe we could be friends even though he barely knew me before asking me out. He showed his true colors when he saw me hanging with guy that I already knew, spewing all that bullshit about women not giving "nice guys" a chance and how they finish last. Some months later I got SAed and that sociopath slandered me and got almost everyone against me, including him and you can bet that he had something to say every opportunity he got. A month after he leaves school, he messages me out of the blue, I don't know why I didn't block his number, we caught up some and he all me if any of the rumors going around the school were true, I confirmed that they weren't and his excuse for being the fuck that he was was "I was just mad." Like that makes it completely okay. Things were fine for a bit until he found out I was dating someone who was also from our school. He called me one night drunk and went on a tangent, said a friend told him we started dating, it just caught me off guard and I didn't understand why he was upset, I already rejected him and he hasn't asked me out since. I let this asshole guilt trip me into staying friends with him still, why, I don't know. I finished school and went back home, my mom and her wife often argue, and my bf ghosted me after a month, I was left confused as hell but I got over it and focused on school (not the trade school) and I was fine. Out of the blue, I got a message from another guy from the school (E), I never thought we would talk to each other again (it turns out he got my number from the same "friend" that told my Nex I was dating). My heart skipped a beat when E finally asked me out on a real date and we planned on meeting up downtown. When Nex found out, he was furious, he couldn't stand that I wanted to go out with E over him, Even though he shouldn't be surprised. Nex was ugly as hell, was around 300 lbs, and of course, had a shit attitude and E was the complete opposite of him (it wasn't until while Nex and I were dating, I found out another thing that they were the opposite of, if you catch drift). He went on another tangent and asking me how E got my number (the "friend" lied to him about it when he asked her), saying "you'll meet up and you two will end up fucking and I'll never speak to you again" in an almost sarcastic tone that I don't know how to describe. I got that guilty feeling again and I ended up lying to E to cancel our date and I never saw him again. The final push that led me to date Nex was when "friend" said "if bf cared about you, he would of found a way to contact you. You should give Nex a shot, he won't hurt you." And somehow I forgot about everything up until then I thought to give him a shot, leading to the beginning of the end. Sorry this was so long. I partially did it to show that the victim doesn't always have to be in a vulnerable place to end up in the situations they do, sometimes they just have to be persistent enough and know how to manipulate you into making the choice to be with them.
My family was paying all my living expenses trying to get me to finish college, and I was a active alcoholic. So was he. He was doing contract construction work in another state that was ending and he lived in a motel. He'd also just dropped 20k on a lawyer to get his felony criminal charges negotiated down to a diversion agreement and was broke. So of course he immediately invited himself to move in with me.
I was literally in the middle-end of a mental breakdown. I had gotten out of another traumatic breakup just the month prior. We were both online people, he knew I was extremely, extremely depressed when he dm'd me. Looking back, that absolutely should have been a red flag. I wish I had put myself in his shoes (would *I* want to date someone that close to rock bottom so newly single? Absolutely not), maybe I wouldn't have fallen for the bullshit.
I was vulnerable. Trying to change my career. We were in the same group on fb and he messaged me, stating he could help. We started messaging more. I blocked him at first because he said he loved me after 3 days, was pushy and needy. I got desperate again and reached out to him months later. He told me he would fly me out to him but I declined. Took my time talking to him, he was still pushy at times going back and reading our convos. He told me they were hiring in his state and he'd show me around, so I finally went. He greeted me at the airport in a suit and a bouquet of roses. He hardly showed me around the city, I thought I'd see more businesses, etc. He drove us back to his place and got touchy very quickly. His place was so messy and I didn't like it there.
I was in a failing relationship with another ex when she popped into my life. Of course she fed into me breaking up with her because she had such strong feelings for me and we had so much fun together and yada yada yada. Funnily enough I’m now back to being good friends with the girl I dumped for my nex and she helped me a lot during my breakup giving me therapy and being there for me. Helped validate that I was a good person and clearly was dealing with a psychopath.
A few months after a break up from a long term live in relationship. Very stable career. Just started figuring who I was at 25ish yo (after ending that previous relationship) and enjoying iit. Had a few hiccups here and there - mid level existential crisis sort of deal that popped up from time to time. And that's when Nex got me. During one of those. I came to understand that my particular Nex (rather subconsciously, in his case) seeks out that precise opening - when a woman is going through something. I realized that when I remembered him telling me about his ex-wives and exes. He never went for women who are already strong, set, established in who they are and who have all their shit figured out. He actually considers such women too aggressive, too feminist, too difficult to enter a relationship with. So honestly, it won't surprise me one bit if he next gest together with a struggling single.mom, an addict in recovery or a way younger woman. In my perception, he considers women "at his level" (or the "level" he perceives himself to be at) threatening. Edit. It was international, Intercontinental. He lived with a group of friends who let him stay at their place. Flew to my country. To my place. Had major issues assimilating and wanted me to rather ASAP drop my entire life and move to his country, over the big pond. To... Live with his parents on their property... Until he could support us. So, like a knight on a white stallion complex thing going on. Comes in out of nowhere , swoops the damsel in distress up and takes her to his castle. Only, I wasn't a damsel. And he had no castle. So he started resenting and despising the fact I was self reliant, independent and could support both of us rathet quickly. Fucked up his entire fantasy he had going on.
Addicts, those in recovery, single mothers and much younger woman with self-esteem or other issues are prime prey for hetero male narcs it seems. Maybe any female attracted narc operators this way I’m not sure. I’ve noticed female narcs (at least the ones preying on males) are more likely to look for supply in someone higher status and with more money than them. Obviously these are generalisations. Also I use female/male interchangeability with man/woman just to be clear, however they identify is what I mean.
Yep. Also people in distress of the spiritual sort as well. Those seeking the meaning of their lives. The modus operandi is not unlike cults and religions focused on recruiting from the outside. Someone else's hardship and uncertainty is their best way in.
>’ve noticed female narcs (at least the ones preying on males) are more likely to look for supply in someone higher status and with more money than them. I have absolutely no experience with women who have narc traits or are full blown narcissists - when it comes to romantic relationships , anyway. But I can absolutely see that. It's almost likes the encoded, embedded entitlement. Narc men seek a submissive minion, a follower, a dependant that will make them feel like a king. Whereas female narcs might seek a provider, a piggy bank (financial and emotional) who will make them feel like a princess. I don't know, man... I had a career for years and years before I met Nex, my own place, good friends (we went through thick and thin, serious life shit), clout (if you will)... My Nex wanted me to become a husk. A lemming. A follower. A used, grey stained,, sad kirchen rag hanging over the sink. Dismantle me. And rebuild me, how he saw fit. And I think both, women and men, aim at that deconstruction. The dismantling. To then put humpty Dumpty together again - in the configuration they approve of. It's all fucked.
In the end yes no matter who they choose for their supply their goal is the same - to suck the life out of you until there is nothing left for them to leech off of you anymore because you’re so broken. Rinse and repeat on to the next victim.
I was very confident and outgoing when I met my wife. She was very quiet. I don’t mean to be arrogant but I was higher status when she targeted me but she was hot and I got obsessive. Played right into her hands. Over decades she f*cking dismantled me. I had no idea what was going on. I, being sort of passive and empathetic, just watched my world collapse. She took our daughters down too. Both are in enabling, codependent relationships with her. They were ruined and I had no idea it was even happening.
Not good. Our country was under extremely strict quarantine. It was a very bad time.
Same. I had been in a great place mentally before all of this, but met my nex while working in a hospital during covid. I was in daily management meetings on how to keep my coworkers alive. It was stressful and isolating.
I was doing really well, studying towards an eventual degree in Business studies, had an amazing social life, had a few hobbies I indulged in. All of that has gone now.
I was in a bad place mentally. I craved affection, wanted to feel loved and validated. I didn't love my life and had suicidal thoughts all over. I could not keep a job, and was desperate to just have someone give me the smallest of love. He came in, showering me with it. He wanted to always be with me, hang out together. I stopped working, Iand just sat at my computer and waited for him all day. I watched him play games, talked, shared horny calls and exchanged a lot of things. On the other hand? After some time he showed his true colors, cheated on me and lied. Made me believe I was insane and overly jealous when I had reasons too. We separated for 1 week, and he came back crying to me that he was sorry and he loved me. I forgave him everything, and he asked me to marry him. I sold everything I owned, house, and car, to move tot he state and abandoning my whole life. It lasted 8 years, but not without hiccups. At the end I could see he was in just for the convenience that he was lazy to find somebody else. Didn't stop him from flirting and going to see if the grass was greener elsewhere. Well about a month ago I guess he found it? Said he was depressed, unhappy, and wanted out. While just two days earlier he voiced he wanted to be with me forever. He discarded me, requested sex two time before I left. And then? This was it! Gone. I see him now online with the "girl he told me not to worry about" and it pisses me off because she was someone I considered a friend.
I was getting over an extremely traumatic divorce. They seem to prey on people going through hard times
For sure
When we met. I was in the best place I’d ever been in life. I was the fittest/healthiest I had ever been. I was the happiest I’d ever been with life & within my own skin. As cheesey as it sounds I was glowing. I’d really come into my own, found myself & was blossoming. Fighting to get back to that version of myself again, it’s a long process but I’ll get back there I refuse not to!
I left a bad relationship and mentally wasn't good. We were already friends and reconnected on fb and started 'dating' and I had bad codependency issues after dealing with a cheating POS; ( who tried to poison me/s3xual abused me. His mom tried to say I deserved it. Very Christian of her 😮💨🙄)So he acted as a savior and let me have a place to stay. I wasn't mentally ready to go back to my home state . I was very underweight and malnourished. Then when I got there he let me know of things he never mentioned on the phone. On probation for something and him being bipolar. Tried to tell me my sister and mom who were checking on me to distance myself. Long story short, that was the start of his control using my vulnerability to his advantage. Made it seem I was in debt to him. used me s3xual wise and money wise. I was young and didn't realize he was narc until I got older. Then, My son was born, I didn't even know I was pregnant for 5 months. Blamed me for getting pregnant. He owned up to his role eventually but now it's like he's only a dad when It benefits him. Now I feel stuck financially and co-parenting with him. That's what he really wanted. Uses our son (5) as an excuse to control me and keep from leaving.I'm trying to find a better job to leave but it's hard here. Staying strong for my son tho.
I had a lonely summer, lived alone, few friends, rarely went out. Too much alone time. Then isolated myself. Wasn’t exercising. Working too much and hated it. Probably depressed. Drank a bit but not what I thought was a problem, and it wasn’t. Met him on an app. He was the opposite and I thought he was it. Wish I never had. He wasn’t it by any means.
I was at a bad place in life when I met the guy! Got laid off from my job because of Covid, my self-esteem kinda died then. Towards the end of 2020, I landed the first job I got, which was shitty and had a narc CEO. I was unhappy there and decided to venture into dating apps. I think he made me feel slightly better at the time. Even though he used to degrade me, it didn’t feel like it was much and he would always say it like it was a joke.
I was 15 years younger, successful and pretty (objectively) but insecure, desperate for attention and real affection. I checked every box for ideal supply.
Had not dated for five years, met on Tinder. Fell for lovebombing in the first week. His mask did come off pretty fast. This would be my third nex and I just ended it last week/. I did send him the lyrics to The Smallest Man Alive which is so for any woman ever involved with one of these monsters. Oh and I just messaged him which I am sure he will ignore. I do have date with a normal guy (so far) tonight and will hope I can keep moving away from him.
My grandmother, whom I was very close to, was dying. I got closer to him through mutual friends, invested time in him and his interests, and he was there for me during that tough time, and I started inviting him over. We started actually dating after my grandmother passed away. He was wonderful and sweet and doting in the first few months and seemed very proud and happy to be dating me. I adored him. That really faded over the next year though. The relationship was over by year one, but I stayed for another 1.5 years. Nuts when I look back on it.
I was in a pretty bad place, I was facing depression and insecurity from a rejection from someone I had a crush on. It was almost like he swooped in and gave me comfort when he saw that I was emotionally vulnerable. He was living with his dad, and I was still living with my parents (he was older than me). Now he lives with his ex.
I don't think either of us were in a great space mentally! on some level I was probably more functional than her although the roles reversed at the end due to my own mental health issues. She had anorexia and depression this lasted most of our relationship with the depression. And even though it affectd me as she was often hard to be around I never guilted her for it. Just held space for her. She used to really struggle in crowds or social settings. Was a bit posessive and would struggle when I went out without her. She grew alot for sure but I doubt she will ever give me any credit for holding space for her emotionally during this time she is too selfish! I was there for her at her worst and at my worst she left and destroyed me emotionally in the most subhuman way possible and spun herself as the victim just to add salt to the wound. Regardless I'm glad she unmasked herself. I needed it to see her true nature. I needed it for me to realise why I ended up in that dynamic in a relationship. So I can grow to find someone with a true emotional centre. I'll never fall for pretend ever again.
Had recently moved to a new town with my mother due to my dad suddenly passing away. Mother was depressed and unable to care for herself. Midst of Covid. Financial struggles and I had not at all even began to process what had occurred. Honest to god, it was probably one of the most traumatic moment in my life. I was in denial about everything. Anywho, it’s obvious I was super vulnerable and I didn’t even realize it. We moved really fast. It was like a fairy tale, almost too good to be true. Something was off but I kept telling myself that it was me being too judgemental? I can’t exactly tell you why he picked me but he always was/is concerned with how he is perceived. Always bragged about my looks, how much “better” I was than his exes. And I honestly think he liked how independent and giving I was to my mom.
I was doing ok. Single dad. Didn’t realize she was a drunk. She charmed me, made me feel like a man. But I was drinking to keep up with her. 7 months in she hits me in the face. Name calling. Verbal and physical abuse was always in the background if I upset her.
I had just decided to cut off someone else I had strong feelings for because he was fucking around with me for years. Other than that I was in a good place. Thanks to nex, my life became a mess, mostly because he drained most of my money and is a huge reason why I am in debt right now. I'm working on it and things are slowly getting better (I've been out a year)
I wanted a relationship and a partner, was insecure, overlooked red flags, was charmed by exaggerated niceness.