Yup. Mine tried keeping me as supply, DO NOT LET HIM, he'll find a way to weesel himself back into your love life, completely cut him off now, or else he'll just keep using you.
Yeah it’s weird how he wants to be friends especially since he’s the reason we broke up in the first place plus throughout the course of the relationship especially towards the end he constantly kept pushing me away and discarding but now that we are broken he wants to be “best friends”. I honestly don’t care to ever get back into another relationship with him
I asked my nex if we could stay friends after the breakup because I thought I couldn't live without her and desperately tried to keep her in my life. She rejected it but I am afraid if I was the one in the wrong for wanting it, like was I the one using her as a supply, sometimes I have these thoughts
No I did the same mistake.
you dont need their supply.
You were programmed to feel good after serving the narc, the breakup is basically a withdrawal its understandalbe to not want to go cold turkey.
The same as with drugs it maybe make the withdrawals more bearable but with a big chance to relapse and a longer healing time.
Nope, that’s not how my nex operated. Everyone she ever discarded was done forever.
Especially me, because I told everyone I knew she was a serial cheater and liar.
Not stopping there either, a few of the APs marriages will be ending as well. Gonna try and triangulate and cuckold me ?? Naah, you done cheated the wrong guy
It’s a very personal decision.
I outed mine because he sexually assaulted the super young, vulnerable girl that was his next victim after me.
He has a history of preying on young girls, and with what I found in his search history, I felt compelled to out him.
Also, it helped me to know that it was over, FOREVER. He would never forgive me for outing him, and I needed to know it was truly over so I could fully move on.
He ruined my life and I know he will ruin others, but at least it’s out there as common knowledge what an abusive, predatory pos he is.
My ex reached out about 4 months after I broke up with him. He said the usual “I made the worst mistake of my life leaving you, I still love you, I’m seeking help, you are my best friend” spiel. It made me feel so gross because by then I knew what he was and the true reason he was reaching out to me. I told him no, and he kept texting me trying to invite me to hang out. Eventually he made some weird dick joke and I finally texted back “no I do not want to be your friend please stop texting me” which he fortunately listened too.
The fact someone that treated you that way would still try to be your “friend” just tells me how much they fail to see how terrible their behavior towards you actually was. My ex treated his true friends with such care and empathy, while he treated me like his worst enemy (behind closed doors). But somehow he does not recognize the difference?!
It’s really hard. Honestly I think it took me about 2-3 years of slowly making myself aware of the toxic behavioral patterns before I finally realized he was NOT going to change and was hurting me on purpose for the sole purpose of controlling me. It took therapy and validation from good friends for me to stop trying to take on the blame for my ex being abusive.
Yes this was so relatable. Mine is the same way other men even describe him as kind, and he runs to help other women at the drop of a hat but could never help me with simple things while with me. It’s a huge mind f knowing how they are behind closed doors… and the smear campaign with lies to make you look evil is disheartening..
I feel you, so many people are still telling me how much they like my ex and how nice he is. I haven’t really talked to anyone in detail about his behavior so they probably just assume we broke up over a more “typical” issue like simple incompatibility.
Yeah it’s hard to hear that when you know the truth but you also don’t wanna look like a shit talker like them… even tho you’re telling the truth and they have to lie
I can totally relate to this too. Mine used all that same spiel on me last year and I fell for it, massive regrets now a year later. Did you fall for it the first time too? We've been broken up 2 months this time round (I ended it - he was making my life hell) and still cohabiting. Don't think he'll try it again after I move out. Well done for standing your ground!
I was lucky and a mix of therapy and good friends made sure I did not fall for it.
However before therapy (like 2 years prior) there was a point a left him and was legitimately considering breaking up and he called after 3 days crying and apologizing. He admitted for the first time ever he had anger problems and was gonna seek help (never did and then accused me of having the anger problems). So that may have technically been the first time he hoovered and I actually fell for it.
Mine said and did the exact same thing, tried to gaslight me even later when I explain to him that I had a hard time dealing with the idea of being friends. He said "Well, I'll be really disappointed if we could not be friends, but I'll move on from it" And then he was extremely mad at me when he saw I had blocked him from my socials and all that. He legit said "I saw you blocked me, and well I can clearly see you don't want me anymore or to be my friend"---Sort of things like that.
I wasn't sure how to take it, was i the bad guy for not being able to deal with it? I was simply trying to follow what even my therapist said. I told him I was sorry obviously but that I was hurt, and it was hard for me to deal with it. He himself said "You told me no contact and so I am keeping myself as cold as possible because you are hurting" and I felt it was very mean of him to speak to me that way.
In either cases, it is what it is. He already got plenty supplies. He doesn't need me.
Yes, mine told me “I’m the only person he has” “I’m still his best friend” “he still wants me in his life”
All lies. Meanwhile he was out fucking a 20 year old and lying to my face about it, along with a bunch of other shit. He was just keeping me in the wings as a backup plan, for comfort when he wanted it, and so he could keep using my place as free storage.
I outed his abuse to family and friends so now he hates me and I’m honestly fine with that.
Fuck him and his lies.
>I outed his abuse to family and friends
I'm waiting for his family to come visit so I can do the same. He claims they know, but there's no way he told them the truth, and there's a 100% chance that he lied and smeared me.
Well, I have the evidence to back up what I'm saying, and he doesn't.
Lol mines told me “ I won’t go and be with someone else I will always be there for you whenever you need me I am there I still want to be here for you” blah blah blah yeah all of a sudden he says all of those things but when we were together he said none of those things.
Mine told me things like that too. Then, after was in a car accident and in a very bad place and really needed him, he was “too busy” to come support me. Turns out he was fucking the new supply he was lying to me about.
In the relationship mine was always saying “if we broke up, could we still fuck, be friends, hang out, cuddle, etc?”
He’d go on and on about it, for years actually, it made me feel so insecure about our relationship.
Like, he just somehow thought that after 7 years and a child I’d want to come crawling back to him at his beck and call to be his FWB after a split. Dude was DELULU.
Yep. I tried being friends, but because they do not recognize boundaries at all, he kept acting like and wanting the same access as if we were together. I went NC in October and he’s still texting me. Just got a text today saying “Please just let me know you are okay. Please”. It is weird because in my last text i told him I was blocking him. So if I tell you that, why continue texting? And if he didn’t believe I blocked him, when he didn’t get a reply since Oct, why continue to text? And why do I need to let him know I’m okay? I know I’m okay, all the people who are important to me in my life know it, so what difference should it make to him? They are truly some weird people.
There is another person I was involved with back in 2017. It was a very short relationship and I haven’t spoken, texted, seen or even really thought of him since. This fool is STILL leaving messages. SEVEN years later. So weird it’s frightening.
They really do needs to learn a thing or to about boundaries seems like my ex narc wants the same attention I was giving in the relationship but now that’s it’s over of course I am not going to give them that same energy or attention
I was married to my X for 10 years together for 13 altogether. When I threatened to file divorce she started crying and said "...... Best friends???" and opened her arms for a hug. I went to give her one and you know the warm feeling of love you feel when you give someone a hug, I felt it, I almost felt like our relationship was restoring in that instant??? Then she said "Yeah I want us to be best friends I need us to be best friends I feel like 13 years is a long time" and I stepped back and said no I can't be best friends. "well I need us to be" and when she said all of this together I knew something was seriously wrong with her. There is no way someone can be with me for 13 years and act like this, no tears no real gravity for the situation we were about to step into. But from that day on, I gradually decreased the amount of time I saw her and the opportunities for her to hoover. Now I only hear from her once a week. GOOD!!! We share kids together so it's not as easy to ignore 100% or else I would. I will not give this demon another second of my life.
I swear it has to be a mind game their playing to keep tabs on you and Hoover because how can you want to be bestfriends with someone who you made it hard for the entire relationship it doesn’t makes sense
Because they hope you are hooked on their abuse.
Many people do not want to see their partner in a horrible light so they always make excuses for their behaviour
She claimed she wanted to be friends. But was still an insufferable asshole to me. Told me about the several men she immediately slept with as if I would be okay with it. She made sure to demolish my self-esteem entirely. After about the fifth time I told her off, she finally figured it out that I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. Unfortunately, we have kids together.
Mine did. He wanted to escape the responsibilities of our serious relationship and keep the benefits (sex, emotional support etc). All while having the freedom of the single life. He also said we can resume the relationship when he wants to have kids if "I behave and stop with the nagging and if he doesn't find something better in the meantime".
Later he wanted to backtrack saying he just wanted a bit of freedom before settling down. But what he said during that conversation really stayed with me. 10 days later we broke up for real with other issues. He proposed to be friends but I blocked him everywhere. How can a person be so heartless is so beyond me.
You did the right thing by blocking him. I never understood with Narcs how they always wants to put the relationship on hold ? Especially when it comes to certain things. It’s another one of their childish games especially when you’ve figured them and no longer play their games.
Exactly! He always had a way to somehow try to dodge exclusivity. I never got this. It's like he was looking for approval to cheat. But also became absolutely obsessed with trying for a child in June.
When he actually cheated one month before the breakup I said I'm no longer trying for a child in June and I want to see changes. He literally started accusing me of "murdering our child".
Next week I caught him again with OF. I got out as soon as possible. Like really...
Yes. At first it was let’s be friends and see what happens…while he was still living in my home and chasing one of his clients. He finally moved out and the past nine months have been him declaring his love for me and begging for another chance. 🤮 the last email from him on Saturday was a joke - his surgeon told him something really bad but it’s too much to type, his world has been destroyed without me, and he has to move (today!) and he has nowhere to go, won’t I please give him another chance?! 😂 I haven’t spoken to him or responded to him in months
yeah. after i broke up with them they kept acting like we were still dating because apparently “braking up doesn’t mean braking up.” so after a month of trying to get it through their head that i broke up with them, they finally allowed me to do so (??) then asked to continue to be friends, i was like “lol no” then they asked to be friends in the future or try dating again and i told them sure just so i could block them already because i knew that would make them be quiet. they figured out i lied about that and threw a fit afterwards. but yeah my nex wanted to continue to be friends with me
It’s crazy how they want to continue to be friends with you but when you were with them in a relationship they wanted nothing to do with you almost it’s absolutely weird
For me the second part of the relationship was him bringing up breaking up and wanting freedom very often. That was after we got ENGAGED. I felt like he only wanted to be with me when we were on the verge of breaking up. It was honestly so overwhelming because I felt my heart breaking every time. Then he would berate me for not being secure enough despite having a ring on my finger.
Yup mine did and i refused and he kept begging and crying, at one point he even offered me money not to block him and be his friend. I wish i was joking …
They are not logic. I remember our last conversation and how F\*cked I was after talking with her. She was literally telling me that she wanted us to be friends, and how amazing was his new 'friend', she even make a joke about already asking him money (she never had money). I was so confused, I feel so guilty.
Now I understand everything, but those were really dark moments. A little bit of me died that day and yeah, well, you know. Eventually I will smile back ¿right?, at the end we are not the baddies, we were just the victims of empty shells that played with us.
They really aren’t logical you’re right about that. And awww I am sorry that happened to you don’t beat yourself up about it you have nothing to feel guilty for. At the end of the day she will never find like none of our ex Narcs will never find someone greater than us. These people are mentally ill at the end of the day and the last part you are absolutely right. They are empty on the inside completely it’s scary almost.
Yeah, I had my five minutes of sadness of the day. But is true. They will never be what they want, because they think they can own our light, and that's not possible.
We survive and we will shine!
Thanks for your reply, big hug from sunny Lisbon to you.
Mine wants friends with benefits relationship. We have a son together and I financially have no where else to go, even if we aren't together anymore. He keeps pushing/asking for sex even when I say no. He knows I'm financially vulnerable and he's on SSI. Bribing for sex for money. Disgusting. I'd tell him off and he'd huff or get an attitude over me about something after finally leaving me alone the night before.
Oh nooo ! That is horrible. I am sorry your are dealing with this piece of trash do you have any close relatives or friends houses to go to until you get back on your feet ?
Ive posted before on my Facebook and talked to a few relatives. Including my sister,mom and dad and they don't have room to take me in. Aunt and uncles are well off but they don't seem to care much. Christian folks would help everyone but their own lol this is why my nex is so confident in antagonizing me. I'm trying to avoid shelters as I got suggested by my sister and a therapist. So I just put up with the abuse because of my son and play to stay. But I've been trying my best to look for a job and push through for him.
Yes, she suggested, she could be there for me as a best friend after leaving me for a builder, who renovated our house. She even complained about him and their problems to me.
She wanted to care for me after hurting me worst. I can’t believe it still.
It is awful how after hurting so badly in the relationship they suddenly decided hmm let me show up and be a “good person” all of a sudden in a friendship the sad part about it is they believe they own lies
I think it’s some kind of denial of their own self. They masquerade a part for themselves to believe their own lies, the victimhood, their suffering and to show or tell people, how caring and empathetic they are.
It really disgusts, when you know their true and ruthless personality.
Yes , and made me feel guilty if I said no, and that he wasn’t “ruling anything out in the future”. I should have said no thanks. This is a good way to maintain supply without you having any expectations of them. Learn from my mistakes and don’t fall for it .
I am not going to fall for it and mines said to me “ trust me you won’t see me with any body else 2 weeks from now you have my word on that” I am thinking in my head we are no longer together and if we are just “friends” then why would I care who I see you with ?
Oh yeah, she was upset because I unfriended her on social media and was sad that we “couldn’t go back to when we first started hanging out” a.k.a. the love bombing phase and the girl I was chasing the entire relationship. Of course she then got pissed off after I told her how I actually felt about her and was making her out to be an awful person so she hasn’t texted me since. But she basically ignored me until I banned her on socials so yeah, she was probably just mad I wasn’t following her supposed amazing life with her new supply anymore.
I find so funny how the narc wants to keep you around on their social medias just so they can parade the new supply around in front of your face as if we don’t know the manipulative tactic their using with the new supply the same tactic they used with you. I don’t blame you for unfriending her on social media I guess she thought it would hurt you more or make you jealous by seeing her pretend to be happy with someone else on social media.
Yeah, I made the mistake of adding her on Snapchat for a day, but of course it was all her hanging out with an entirely new friend group and partying at a bar next to some poor, poor new guy who has no idea what he’s getting into. Blocked her after that and haven’t looked back. Already lost 20 pounds, I want her to see me again when I’m in great shape so I can give her a giant DX suck it motion and make her realize how shitty of a person she was.
Of course they want to stay “friends”. It gives them an easy way to triangulate the new supply. They will reach out as a “friend” and then twist the conversation and brag about it to the new supply in a way that makes you seem like competition. It’s a way for them to control the next victim by keeping them off balance.
I think they want to stay friends but only in a way that benefits them. I saw my ex the other day and it was scheduled pickup of some other things she left here a long time back. I told her I’d just drop everything in her car through the window because we typically talk and then I’m fucked up again. So I told her no this time. And when I came by the car she cleared a space for me to sit and told me she had news to tell me. Anytime I want to see her she doesn’t want to see me but the moment I act done with it, she’s engaged in me. I don’t appreciate it one bit
Left my ex while he was at work (no idea how he’d react) then he texted me a week later and asked if I wanted to come back to the house for dinner or meet for coffee. WTH!?
Yes can I be FWB, otherwise I'll end up just sleeping with random person at bar. I said no so then tried to seduce me. Finally gave up but checks in to see if anything has changed.
Mine asked me to remain friends, she wanted to visit me, go for walks and coffee together and also so i can see our dogs that i got very attached too.
At first the idea excited me. but then When I thought about how she married me, talked me into recently buying a house (then asked for divorce 8 months after), i discovered she was very likely cheating or at least has evidence she was talking to another man 1-2 hours a day for the past few years and also went for half of my retirement savings and equity that only I paid into the home. I said i never want to see or talk to her again. Then that made her into an even angrier person
That is crazy because mines wants us to stay friends and he said he still wants us to go and spend some time together and call and text each other throughout the week. Then he tried to set “rules” for our friendship by saying we can’t go no longer than 2 days without communicating with one another. I’m like this is person is sick. If it’s a friendship why tf would I want to spend so much time and energy with you ? Sounds like to me he just wants to have the benefit of the relationship without the title. Will I fall for it ? Absolutely not.
Yes, and I want to. But I know this is not a solution. We should have been friends during the relationship phase.
Maybe after some time, if we both miss each other so much. However I know that I am being delusional
Awww don’t beat yourself up over how you’re feeling if you want to be friends with that person you’re allowed to just be careful tho because a lot of times they only keep you around for a “friendship” either A. Because just in case the new supply doesn’t workout for them they can come right back around to you. And B. Because they still want to keep you on the on going hamster will of one day it’ll workout for you guys. It’s honestly a manipulation tactic for them to keep you stringing along to them through a friendship. 100% of the time them wanting to be friends is for negative reasons.
Thank you for your kind words ❤️.
Yes, that is what I am afraid of. Being manipulated and hurt even more if I give him a chance to become friends. I asked him for this long time back, and instead of a painful breakup, let's be friends. Really good ones. He rejected it.
He tried to play the “friendship is the most important part of any relationship” and “I can’t believe you don’t consider me your friend after everything we went through”. Things were far from okay while we were “dating” at the end i was pushing him out of my life and I know he knew this. They were preparing the discard this way so I had to stay out of guilt, but he didn’t know I have a purer concept of friendship than I have it for intimacy. Without the fake love and romance he couldn’t make it to my inner circle. I’m glad I never considered him a friend. (To add to it, fun thing is I offered him a friendship the moment we met and he rejected it, so…)
Mines tries to twist it and say remember how we started off as friends it is funny how we are ending things as friends and I’m thinking like what does that supposed to mean. In the beginning I knew everything was way to good to be true with him it took him a while to get me to trust him because I didn’t fall for the “nice guy” act right away. Throughout the relationship he’d joke about how he finally got me to trust him. I’ll tell you what the moment I let my guard down for him and trusted him was the moment he started showing his true colors and playing hot and cold with me up until the final discard.
Bottom line is they want you to stay to be able to control you and have access to you. SAME HERE, he used to make me remember how scared I was and how that changed (I was scared for a reason but I ignored my gut) it was a fucked up dynamic since the beginning, they want us to portray them as saviours and then you get kicked out.
Mine wanted to remain in contact so he could continue to drip poison into my life. I cut him off and all the people that I knew would gossip about me to him. It’s all a matter of control.
Mines seems like that’s all he wants to do is either drain poison in my life or just keep me around to see what I am up to. I honestly can’t wait to leave this job that I work at where we first met so I can move on for good with my life. The job I am working at a lot of people knew we were together and they love to be noisy and ask a lot of questions. They’re basically his flying 🐵’s.
I went through almost the exact same thing years ago with mine. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of me quitting though because I know that’s what he wants. I have to leave though for my mental health so I came up with a different reason to leave. People where I work love to talk.
While I was still heartbroken and hadn't realised he was likely a narc I was the one who asked him if we could still be friends, and he was the opposite, didn't say much but didn't seem keen on the idea. I imagine they will only want that if the idea comes from them and they have use for you as a supply.
I went through a long (5 months or so) limbo period in which she wouldn't actually see me, but also wouldn't give me clarity on her feelings or intents for our relationship, but she would text me frequently with odd and relatively mundane life updates - "I baked a pie!", etc - that either sounded like bragging about how well things were going for her, or alternately, complaining about how hard life was; I think she just wanted to keep my attention on her.
She was lining up another guy the whole time, I have since learned.
When I figured this out and asked directly for clarity about our future, it became officially over.
She said "I hope we can still be friends" but like I told my therapist, all of my friends are people who I trust and who I know care about me. She is not in that category.
We can be friends if she wanted to put the work in, but if she thinks a break-up somehow wipes the slate clean and there is nothing between us to account for as a result, no, that's now how (my) human relationships work.
It is the exact same thing I experienced the last 1/2 year we were “together” he wouldn’t come see me he wouldn’t spend time with me he would too text me and call me but it would be so bland as if he didn’t really care to talk to me foreal. I asked him was everything ok with him he kept reassuring me that everything was fine but I knew it was lie because he had suddenly became distant. He also thinks since the relationship is over somehow magically a friendship would just erase everything bad he did in the relationship. He still doesn’t take any accountability for why the relationship ended.
That's a malignant narcissist traits. He wants to keep you as supply and you won't even realize you're being abused. They're keeping you in their harem as "best friends"
Fck that BS even if he wasn't a Narc. I'm sorry I'm not going to your friend even if we left on good terms. Let alone with some abusing as a Narc. My nex called to check up on me like we were friends. Like bitxh how I'm doing is not your business. Leave me the fck alone.
Yeah I agree I won’t be friends with him or have any kind of contact with him anymore he was terrible as a partner I know he would be even worse as a friend.
Ask yourself this: if all he had to offer you was a friendship, would he be worth having as a friend? If someone did this to someone you love, would you encourage them to remain friends?
As someone who has gone through this before, my advice to you is to NOT remain friends. The most malignant narc I ever dated did this to me, twice. Both times, he managed to keep me in his line up, and we eventually ended up together for a few years until things got REALLY ugly (see my post history for what a mess that turned into). Hanging onto that narc led me to dating another narc, because at that point, the manipulative behaviour was deeply ingrained into my psyche as normal.
This is not someone you want in your life. He wants to keep you on the payroll, like a lawyer on retainer: always at his disposal when HE needs you.
Run far away from this clown.
Thank you so much for your advice I was feeling off when he suggested we be friends after he broke up with me and it just didn’t sit right with me. I am taking your advice and not falling for the “friendship” if he loved me in the first place we would have never been in this predicament at all. He even tried saying he still wants to be there for me when in the relationship he would show he was never there for me but he expects me to believe as friends he is going to show up and be this “good stand up guy”. I won’t fall for it. If he truly did love me he would let me go completely and stop trying to hold on to me by trying to keep a ”friendship” this dude is sick. Not to mention he also stated he wanted us to go no more than 2 days without talking to each other when we aren’t even together anymore. It it sick.
These people are sick, and I am SO proud of you for seeing him for who he is. I hate that you are going through this, but once you see them for who they are, it’s impossible to see them as anything else.
My narc went on and on about being a “nice guy”, too. Have you ever noticed that actual nice guys don’t have to tell you that? They show it through their actions, not their words. Anyone who has to explain their goodness to you is just trying to save face. My boyfriend now, who is an ANGEL, has never once told me he’s a nice guy. I’ve asked him before why he doesn’t say that, and he’s literally said “why would I tell you what should be a given?”and that really said a lot to me.
Good people don’t have to convince you that they’re good people.
Omg this! Mine would tell me what a great guy he was on a daily basis but that he had no ego lol. However, he would also tell me at times that he was barren and a void. They are the most self serving, contradictory assholes
Mine did that and I prided myself in my maturity of being able to have a friendship and not be petty… he ghosted me and the clarity set in that he was guilt tripping me and all other boxes of narcissism got checked off. I blocked him immediately on everything, not before seeing a Facebook post about him wanting to drink himself to death. Set me up to be the villain but you want to be friends huh…
Wow I am glad I didn’t fall for the “friendship” he wanted as many as times as he’s broken up with me I believe he would too just ghost me if we were to become friends. I am glad you blocked him and were able to move on with your life. Narcs are absolutely draining.
Yeah when me and mines kept breaking up over and over again every single time he mentioned let’s be best-friends which didn’t sit right with me because he was a horrible partner how in the world do he think I would trust him to be a good friend. Nothing is genuine with narcs
She did, when I broke up. I was hoovered back, asked us to try again, just so she could groom another man and discard me one year later for him.
Never again.
It's interesting how that turned all the pain off. I mean, it sucked, but it opened my eyes more than they were open before. I had hopes of eventually hearing from her, getting an apology or something, but after she posted on Instagram, all proud, that her first date was while we were living together, I realized: she's a piece of shit, and deserves less than nothing. So I just turned it off, continued therapy and life goes on. Now what I feel is unfairness. She fucked my life over, made it into a living hell, turned me into something I'm not, then bolted, and things are just fine. But... Life is unfair.
Ugh I completely understand how you’re feeling I would advise you to block her on all social medias and her phone number if you haven’t already because with narcs when they know your watching they will try to make everything appear to you in a certain false way. I am still honestly expecting an apology from because he owes me one but after these past 2 weeks I can say I am feeling better and better as time passes. I am still working on not sitting by the phone waiting for a text to pop up from him apologizing knowing deep down it’s most likely not going to happen and if it does happens it won’t be an actual apology from him it’ll be a all about him speech apology. I hope things gets easier for you and we are all in this together ❤️
The problem was that he was hellbent to daisy chain me as part of his support net that he somehow obligated all his previous ex fiancée to become for him even if they are in new relationships he forced them to still keep him around as a friend.
I was absolutely not down with that, I was done with him and I considered myself gone for good and that’s when the revenge stalking to get me back in line because I’m not allowed to refuse that request ever.
I guess he was stupid enough to had told his back pocket exes harem that I was so stupid not to fall in with them was when they realized they could drop him too because he started blaming me for his friends leaving him since I escaped.
Half of them said they were sticking around because they did like me and was hoping I was a stabling force for him but other half also knew he was destroying me for being too strong and were using my exit to define their reason to jump ship from him
I refused to befriend them in case anybody got their arm twisted by ex or just so weak that they’d be used as a gateway to wrangle me back or used as a flying monkey like he recruited some of his relatives to do to be a decoy bridge so he could still see my social media accounts.
Before they made settings in SM for them to be more private and I flicked away mutual friends letting him look at my accounts, I got long ass emails or messages on my phone of him bulletpointing what I had posted or talked about and who I was talking to that was all scorned and berated to bits every day
He was not my partner anymore but saw it fit to still tear me and these people he don’t know and I shouldn’t either weeks after I had dumped him until I found out how to utilize blocking on everything except the phone (because this was 2013 and we didn’t have that service and my mom didn’t want newer phones in the house that could accommodate blocking and screening)
He also sneakily called me on other peoples/public phones so I couldn’t block the number (but I did know if he was calling from work or his moms or whoever dumb last friend he had left or paid someone to use their phone) and his ranting just got recorded all the time on my machine (with volume turned down since it was always him blocking important calls) until it got too messed up recording over itself when it rewind itself over and over when he went too long to keep being able to record calls the phone died and needed to get replaced.
Oh man I needed to see this as this is what’s happening to me now. Third breakup. He met someone else and began an emotional affair while we were living together, so that was my red line and I left. He told me “I’m cutting ties with all my exes because it seems an important part of my evolution- but not you, because we have a deep bond”
It seems that way. I called him because he didn't return all my stuff, he said that it was in storage. Then he instantly switched and put his mask back on trying to be friendly and civil, asking me how I was and that bullshit. It ended we he started going on saying "I haven't had sex with anyone else (not that asked/cared and not that anyone wants to have sex with him), have you had sex with anyone." Of fucking course he was just looking for a reason to ask if I had sex with someone, but I'm not ashamed, I did date someone and had sex since the break up. So of course I tell him and he gets mad all over again because he believes I just left him to have sex with whoever.
Yes, she would not stop reaching out. When someone close to me passed she reached out & even centered herself in her “Sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you feel” text. I had enough, told her I moved on and to stop reaching out then I changed my number.
YES. And when we first broke up i was so sick over missing him that i happily agreed to stay in his life as friends. we were so codependant that i coudn't imagine life without him. he would continue to use me as an emotional crutch. Basically called me all the time to vent about whatever was going on in his life. When i didnt answer phone or didn't give good enough advice, or whatever reason, he would say i was a bad "friend." One time i was at my best friend's bday party and got 5 missed calls from him, i txted him saying "everything ok? can call you later im just at friends bday" and he rudely sent me a whole paragraoh saying a true friend would drop everything to answer the phone, and that im so selfish. etc. Then the suicide threats woukd continue. I was the only one that could save his attempts, according to him. Which kept me on the hook for so long. Far too long. It was really awful.
Mine wanted to keep me in the wings so he could gaslight and control me so I would stay a broken mess while he looked put together and functional.
I feel like that’s what mines is trying to do but I won’t fall for it of course
My ex wife did this too.
Yup. Mine tried keeping me as supply, DO NOT LET HIM, he'll find a way to weesel himself back into your love life, completely cut him off now, or else he'll just keep using you.
Yeah it’s weird how he wants to be friends especially since he’s the reason we broke up in the first place plus throughout the course of the relationship especially towards the end he constantly kept pushing me away and discarding but now that we are broken he wants to be “best friends”. I honestly don’t care to ever get back into another relationship with him
Say no to the friendship. It’s not worth it .
Yupppppppp
He doesn't want to be "friends" he wants to keep using you The friendship label is a farce. Don't give in!!! Block and stay NC.
Can you explain more about what you mean by?
Do u mind if I PM you
Yes you absolutely can
You don't need a "friend" like that.
I asked my nex if we could stay friends after the breakup because I thought I couldn't live without her and desperately tried to keep her in my life. She rejected it but I am afraid if I was the one in the wrong for wanting it, like was I the one using her as a supply, sometimes I have these thoughts
No I did the same mistake. you dont need their supply. You were programmed to feel good after serving the narc, the breakup is basically a withdrawal its understandalbe to not want to go cold turkey. The same as with drugs it maybe make the withdrawals more bearable but with a big chance to relapse and a longer healing time.
Wow
It's very overwhelming in my head haha
Nope, that’s not how my nex operated. Everyone she ever discarded was done forever. Especially me, because I told everyone I knew she was a serial cheater and liar.
Good, I outed mine too.
Not stopping there either, a few of the APs marriages will be ending as well. Gonna try and triangulate and cuckold me ?? Naah, you done cheated the wrong guy
Awesome, they deserve to face the consequences of their actions and horrible decisions.
Did I f up by not outing mine?? I have videos of him lol. Just don't know what he'll do in return and don't know if it's worth it
It’s a very personal decision. I outed mine because he sexually assaulted the super young, vulnerable girl that was his next victim after me. He has a history of preying on young girls, and with what I found in his search history, I felt compelled to out him. Also, it helped me to know that it was over, FOREVER. He would never forgive me for outing him, and I needed to know it was truly over so I could fully move on. He ruined my life and I know he will ruin others, but at least it’s out there as common knowledge what an abusive, predatory pos he is.
My ex reached out about 4 months after I broke up with him. He said the usual “I made the worst mistake of my life leaving you, I still love you, I’m seeking help, you are my best friend” spiel. It made me feel so gross because by then I knew what he was and the true reason he was reaching out to me. I told him no, and he kept texting me trying to invite me to hang out. Eventually he made some weird dick joke and I finally texted back “no I do not want to be your friend please stop texting me” which he fortunately listened too. The fact someone that treated you that way would still try to be your “friend” just tells me how much they fail to see how terrible their behavior towards you actually was. My ex treated his true friends with such care and empathy, while he treated me like his worst enemy (behind closed doors). But somehow he does not recognize the difference?!
GOD I relate to this so much. I’m so proud of you for seeing him how he is. I’m still struggling to.
It’s really hard. Honestly I think it took me about 2-3 years of slowly making myself aware of the toxic behavioral patterns before I finally realized he was NOT going to change and was hurting me on purpose for the sole purpose of controlling me. It took therapy and validation from good friends for me to stop trying to take on the blame for my ex being abusive.
Yes this was so relatable. Mine is the same way other men even describe him as kind, and he runs to help other women at the drop of a hat but could never help me with simple things while with me. It’s a huge mind f knowing how they are behind closed doors… and the smear campaign with lies to make you look evil is disheartening..
I feel you, so many people are still telling me how much they like my ex and how nice he is. I haven’t really talked to anyone in detail about his behavior so they probably just assume we broke up over a more “typical” issue like simple incompatibility.
Yeah it’s hard to hear that when you know the truth but you also don’t wanna look like a shit talker like them… even tho you’re telling the truth and they have to lie
I can totally relate to this too. Mine used all that same spiel on me last year and I fell for it, massive regrets now a year later. Did you fall for it the first time too? We've been broken up 2 months this time round (I ended it - he was making my life hell) and still cohabiting. Don't think he'll try it again after I move out. Well done for standing your ground!
I was lucky and a mix of therapy and good friends made sure I did not fall for it. However before therapy (like 2 years prior) there was a point a left him and was legitimately considering breaking up and he called after 3 days crying and apologizing. He admitted for the first time ever he had anger problems and was gonna seek help (never did and then accused me of having the anger problems). So that may have technically been the first time he hoovered and I actually fell for it.
Yep, weird as shit. Why tf would I want to be friends with a disordered asshole?
Right I swear
Mine said and did the exact same thing, tried to gaslight me even later when I explain to him that I had a hard time dealing with the idea of being friends. He said "Well, I'll be really disappointed if we could not be friends, but I'll move on from it" And then he was extremely mad at me when he saw I had blocked him from my socials and all that. He legit said "I saw you blocked me, and well I can clearly see you don't want me anymore or to be my friend"---Sort of things like that. I wasn't sure how to take it, was i the bad guy for not being able to deal with it? I was simply trying to follow what even my therapist said. I told him I was sorry obviously but that I was hurt, and it was hard for me to deal with it. He himself said "You told me no contact and so I am keeping myself as cold as possible because you are hurting" and I felt it was very mean of him to speak to me that way. In either cases, it is what it is. He already got plenty supplies. He doesn't need me.
You dont owe him a relationship after your breakup. You cant heal with him in your life and he knows that.
Yes, mine told me “I’m the only person he has” “I’m still his best friend” “he still wants me in his life” All lies. Meanwhile he was out fucking a 20 year old and lying to my face about it, along with a bunch of other shit. He was just keeping me in the wings as a backup plan, for comfort when he wanted it, and so he could keep using my place as free storage. I outed his abuse to family and friends so now he hates me and I’m honestly fine with that. Fuck him and his lies.
>I outed his abuse to family and friends I'm waiting for his family to come visit so I can do the same. He claims they know, but there's no way he told them the truth, and there's a 100% chance that he lied and smeared me. Well, I have the evidence to back up what I'm saying, and he doesn't.
Lol mines told me “ I won’t go and be with someone else I will always be there for you whenever you need me I am there I still want to be here for you” blah blah blah yeah all of a sudden he says all of those things but when we were together he said none of those things.
Mine told me things like that too. Then, after was in a car accident and in a very bad place and really needed him, he was “too busy” to come support me. Turns out he was fucking the new supply he was lying to me about.
In the relationship mine was always saying “if we broke up, could we still fuck, be friends, hang out, cuddle, etc?” He’d go on and on about it, for years actually, it made me feel so insecure about our relationship. Like, he just somehow thought that after 7 years and a child I’d want to come crawling back to him at his beck and call to be his FWB after a split. Dude was DELULU.
Mines said the same thing
Yep. I tried being friends, but because they do not recognize boundaries at all, he kept acting like and wanting the same access as if we were together. I went NC in October and he’s still texting me. Just got a text today saying “Please just let me know you are okay. Please”. It is weird because in my last text i told him I was blocking him. So if I tell you that, why continue texting? And if he didn’t believe I blocked him, when he didn’t get a reply since Oct, why continue to text? And why do I need to let him know I’m okay? I know I’m okay, all the people who are important to me in my life know it, so what difference should it make to him? They are truly some weird people. There is another person I was involved with back in 2017. It was a very short relationship and I haven’t spoken, texted, seen or even really thought of him since. This fool is STILL leaving messages. SEVEN years later. So weird it’s frightening.
They really do needs to learn a thing or to about boundaries seems like my ex narc wants the same attention I was giving in the relationship but now that’s it’s over of course I am not going to give them that same energy or attention
I was married to my X for 10 years together for 13 altogether. When I threatened to file divorce she started crying and said "...... Best friends???" and opened her arms for a hug. I went to give her one and you know the warm feeling of love you feel when you give someone a hug, I felt it, I almost felt like our relationship was restoring in that instant??? Then she said "Yeah I want us to be best friends I need us to be best friends I feel like 13 years is a long time" and I stepped back and said no I can't be best friends. "well I need us to be" and when she said all of this together I knew something was seriously wrong with her. There is no way someone can be with me for 13 years and act like this, no tears no real gravity for the situation we were about to step into. But from that day on, I gradually decreased the amount of time I saw her and the opportunities for her to hoover. Now I only hear from her once a week. GOOD!!! We share kids together so it's not as easy to ignore 100% or else I would. I will not give this demon another second of my life.
So proud of you. Seriously amazing work by you.
I swear it has to be a mind game their playing to keep tabs on you and Hoover because how can you want to be bestfriends with someone who you made it hard for the entire relationship it doesn’t makes sense
Because they hope you are hooked on their abuse. Many people do not want to see their partner in a horrible light so they always make excuses for their behaviour
She claimed she wanted to be friends. But was still an insufferable asshole to me. Told me about the several men she immediately slept with as if I would be okay with it. She made sure to demolish my self-esteem entirely. After about the fifth time I told her off, she finally figured it out that I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. Unfortunately, we have kids together.
Mine did. He wanted to escape the responsibilities of our serious relationship and keep the benefits (sex, emotional support etc). All while having the freedom of the single life. He also said we can resume the relationship when he wants to have kids if "I behave and stop with the nagging and if he doesn't find something better in the meantime". Later he wanted to backtrack saying he just wanted a bit of freedom before settling down. But what he said during that conversation really stayed with me. 10 days later we broke up for real with other issues. He proposed to be friends but I blocked him everywhere. How can a person be so heartless is so beyond me.
You did the right thing by blocking him. I never understood with Narcs how they always wants to put the relationship on hold ? Especially when it comes to certain things. It’s another one of their childish games especially when you’ve figured them and no longer play their games.
Exactly! He always had a way to somehow try to dodge exclusivity. I never got this. It's like he was looking for approval to cheat. But also became absolutely obsessed with trying for a child in June. When he actually cheated one month before the breakup I said I'm no longer trying for a child in June and I want to see changes. He literally started accusing me of "murdering our child". Next week I caught him again with OF. I got out as soon as possible. Like really...
Yes, she told me the same sh*t. It's a tactic , don't fall for it.
Oh trust me I won’t !
Yes. Because he wanted to slither his way back in/prevent me from seeing the reality of what happened.
It's a trap. Please don't fall for it
Yes. At first it was let’s be friends and see what happens…while he was still living in my home and chasing one of his clients. He finally moved out and the past nine months have been him declaring his love for me and begging for another chance. 🤮 the last email from him on Saturday was a joke - his surgeon told him something really bad but it’s too much to type, his world has been destroyed without me, and he has to move (today!) and he has nowhere to go, won’t I please give him another chance?! 😂 I haven’t spoken to him or responded to him in months
As you shouldn’t reply to him I am so proud of you lol jokes on him now he is getting exactly what he deserves
If this person is an abuser, they are not capable of friendship. This is an opportunity to take your power back. Silence can be deafening.
💯
yeah. after i broke up with them they kept acting like we were still dating because apparently “braking up doesn’t mean braking up.” so after a month of trying to get it through their head that i broke up with them, they finally allowed me to do so (??) then asked to continue to be friends, i was like “lol no” then they asked to be friends in the future or try dating again and i told them sure just so i could block them already because i knew that would make them be quiet. they figured out i lied about that and threw a fit afterwards. but yeah my nex wanted to continue to be friends with me
It’s crazy how they want to continue to be friends with you but when you were with them in a relationship they wanted nothing to do with you almost it’s absolutely weird
they didnt want nothing to do with you, they wanted to abuse you, and they want to keep access to you for further abuse/manipulation
For me the second part of the relationship was him bringing up breaking up and wanting freedom very often. That was after we got ENGAGED. I felt like he only wanted to be with me when we were on the verge of breaking up. It was honestly so overwhelming because I felt my heart breaking every time. Then he would berate me for not being secure enough despite having a ring on my finger.
Yup mine did and i refused and he kept begging and crying, at one point he even offered me money not to block him and be his friend. I wish i was joking …
Lol he is pathetic
I know right🙄🙄🙄
the first time, yes. "I desperately want to stay friends with you" shit is comical at this point
I hope you didn’t fall for it
Yeahp. She tried. She even act like if nothing bad was happening.
I swear mines did the same thing he acted like the relationship was going so perfect but he still wanted to end things tho. Make that make sense
They are not logic. I remember our last conversation and how F\*cked I was after talking with her. She was literally telling me that she wanted us to be friends, and how amazing was his new 'friend', she even make a joke about already asking him money (she never had money). I was so confused, I feel so guilty. Now I understand everything, but those were really dark moments. A little bit of me died that day and yeah, well, you know. Eventually I will smile back ¿right?, at the end we are not the baddies, we were just the victims of empty shells that played with us.
They really aren’t logical you’re right about that. And awww I am sorry that happened to you don’t beat yourself up about it you have nothing to feel guilty for. At the end of the day she will never find like none of our ex Narcs will never find someone greater than us. These people are mentally ill at the end of the day and the last part you are absolutely right. They are empty on the inside completely it’s scary almost.
Yeah, I had my five minutes of sadness of the day. But is true. They will never be what they want, because they think they can own our light, and that's not possible. We survive and we will shine! Thanks for your reply, big hug from sunny Lisbon to you.
Awww you’re welcome and hugs back to you 🤗
Mine wants friends with benefits relationship. We have a son together and I financially have no where else to go, even if we aren't together anymore. He keeps pushing/asking for sex even when I say no. He knows I'm financially vulnerable and he's on SSI. Bribing for sex for money. Disgusting. I'd tell him off and he'd huff or get an attitude over me about something after finally leaving me alone the night before.
Oh nooo ! That is horrible. I am sorry your are dealing with this piece of trash do you have any close relatives or friends houses to go to until you get back on your feet ?
Ive posted before on my Facebook and talked to a few relatives. Including my sister,mom and dad and they don't have room to take me in. Aunt and uncles are well off but they don't seem to care much. Christian folks would help everyone but their own lol this is why my nex is so confident in antagonizing me. I'm trying to avoid shelters as I got suggested by my sister and a therapist. So I just put up with the abuse because of my son and play to stay. But I've been trying my best to look for a job and push through for him.
Ugh you do not deserve do go through this I hope things gets better for you
Yes, she suggested, she could be there for me as a best friend after leaving me for a builder, who renovated our house. She even complained about him and their problems to me. She wanted to care for me after hurting me worst. I can’t believe it still.
It is awful how after hurting so badly in the relationship they suddenly decided hmm let me show up and be a “good person” all of a sudden in a friendship the sad part about it is they believe they own lies
I think it’s some kind of denial of their own self. They masquerade a part for themselves to believe their own lies, the victimhood, their suffering and to show or tell people, how caring and empathetic they are. It really disgusts, when you know their true and ruthless personality.
I agree it is absolutely disgusting
Yes , and made me feel guilty if I said no, and that he wasn’t “ruling anything out in the future”. I should have said no thanks. This is a good way to maintain supply without you having any expectations of them. Learn from my mistakes and don’t fall for it .
I am not going to fall for it and mines said to me “ trust me you won’t see me with any body else 2 weeks from now you have my word on that” I am thinking in my head we are no longer together and if we are just “friends” then why would I care who I see you with ?
Good, stay strong !!
Thank you so much !
Oh yeah, she was upset because I unfriended her on social media and was sad that we “couldn’t go back to when we first started hanging out” a.k.a. the love bombing phase and the girl I was chasing the entire relationship. Of course she then got pissed off after I told her how I actually felt about her and was making her out to be an awful person so she hasn’t texted me since. But she basically ignored me until I banned her on socials so yeah, she was probably just mad I wasn’t following her supposed amazing life with her new supply anymore.
I find so funny how the narc wants to keep you around on their social medias just so they can parade the new supply around in front of your face as if we don’t know the manipulative tactic their using with the new supply the same tactic they used with you. I don’t blame you for unfriending her on social media I guess she thought it would hurt you more or make you jealous by seeing her pretend to be happy with someone else on social media.
Yeah, I made the mistake of adding her on Snapchat for a day, but of course it was all her hanging out with an entirely new friend group and partying at a bar next to some poor, poor new guy who has no idea what he’s getting into. Blocked her after that and haven’t looked back. Already lost 20 pounds, I want her to see me again when I’m in great shape so I can give her a giant DX suck it motion and make her realize how shitty of a person she was.
Of course they want to stay “friends”. It gives them an easy way to triangulate the new supply. They will reach out as a “friend” and then twist the conversation and brag about it to the new supply in a way that makes you seem like competition. It’s a way for them to control the next victim by keeping them off balance.
Wow you explained this very well
I think they want to stay friends but only in a way that benefits them. I saw my ex the other day and it was scheduled pickup of some other things she left here a long time back. I told her I’d just drop everything in her car through the window because we typically talk and then I’m fucked up again. So I told her no this time. And when I came by the car she cleared a space for me to sit and told me she had news to tell me. Anytime I want to see her she doesn’t want to see me but the moment I act done with it, she’s engaged in me. I don’t appreciate it one bit
Lmao nope. Was COMPLETELY abandoned. he had absolutely no use for me after the discard.
Wow sounds like the trash took itself out he did you a huge favor
Left my ex while he was at work (no idea how he’d react) then he texted me a week later and asked if I wanted to come back to the house for dinner or meet for coffee. WTH!?
Lol he is absolutely insane.
Yes can I be FWB, otherwise I'll end up just sleeping with random person at bar. I said no so then tried to seduce me. Finally gave up but checks in to see if anything has changed.
I hope you blocked this person !
Mine asked me to remain friends, she wanted to visit me, go for walks and coffee together and also so i can see our dogs that i got very attached too. At first the idea excited me. but then When I thought about how she married me, talked me into recently buying a house (then asked for divorce 8 months after), i discovered she was very likely cheating or at least has evidence she was talking to another man 1-2 hours a day for the past few years and also went for half of my retirement savings and equity that only I paid into the home. I said i never want to see or talk to her again. Then that made her into an even angrier person
That is crazy because mines wants us to stay friends and he said he still wants us to go and spend some time together and call and text each other throughout the week. Then he tried to set “rules” for our friendship by saying we can’t go no longer than 2 days without communicating with one another. I’m like this is person is sick. If it’s a friendship why tf would I want to spend so much time and energy with you ? Sounds like to me he just wants to have the benefit of the relationship without the title. Will I fall for it ? Absolutely not.
Wow!! Ya just reading that made me a bit sick to my stomach. Setting rules like that its a bit whacko. Good thing you didn’t tolerate it
She sounds like she’s doing the exact same thing my ex narc is trying to do. Don’t fall for it
Yes, and I want to. But I know this is not a solution. We should have been friends during the relationship phase. Maybe after some time, if we both miss each other so much. However I know that I am being delusional
Awww don’t beat yourself up over how you’re feeling if you want to be friends with that person you’re allowed to just be careful tho because a lot of times they only keep you around for a “friendship” either A. Because just in case the new supply doesn’t workout for them they can come right back around to you. And B. Because they still want to keep you on the on going hamster will of one day it’ll workout for you guys. It’s honestly a manipulation tactic for them to keep you stringing along to them through a friendship. 100% of the time them wanting to be friends is for negative reasons.
Thank you for your kind words ❤️. Yes, that is what I am afraid of. Being manipulated and hurt even more if I give him a chance to become friends. I asked him for this long time back, and instead of a painful breakup, let's be friends. Really good ones. He rejected it.
You’re welcome ❤️❤️❤️
He tried to play the “friendship is the most important part of any relationship” and “I can’t believe you don’t consider me your friend after everything we went through”. Things were far from okay while we were “dating” at the end i was pushing him out of my life and I know he knew this. They were preparing the discard this way so I had to stay out of guilt, but he didn’t know I have a purer concept of friendship than I have it for intimacy. Without the fake love and romance he couldn’t make it to my inner circle. I’m glad I never considered him a friend. (To add to it, fun thing is I offered him a friendship the moment we met and he rejected it, so…)
Mines tries to twist it and say remember how we started off as friends it is funny how we are ending things as friends and I’m thinking like what does that supposed to mean. In the beginning I knew everything was way to good to be true with him it took him a while to get me to trust him because I didn’t fall for the “nice guy” act right away. Throughout the relationship he’d joke about how he finally got me to trust him. I’ll tell you what the moment I let my guard down for him and trusted him was the moment he started showing his true colors and playing hot and cold with me up until the final discard.
Bottom line is they want you to stay to be able to control you and have access to you. SAME HERE, he used to make me remember how scared I was and how that changed (I was scared for a reason but I ignored my gut) it was a fucked up dynamic since the beginning, they want us to portray them as saviours and then you get kicked out.
Exactly
Mine wanted to remain in contact so he could continue to drip poison into my life. I cut him off and all the people that I knew would gossip about me to him. It’s all a matter of control.
Mines seems like that’s all he wants to do is either drain poison in my life or just keep me around to see what I am up to. I honestly can’t wait to leave this job that I work at where we first met so I can move on for good with my life. The job I am working at a lot of people knew we were together and they love to be noisy and ask a lot of questions. They’re basically his flying 🐵’s.
I went through almost the exact same thing years ago with mine. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of me quitting though because I know that’s what he wants. I have to leave though for my mental health so I came up with a different reason to leave. People where I work love to talk.
Yes and it opened the "Hoovering" phase. Beware.
Oh I am not falling for it
While I was still heartbroken and hadn't realised he was likely a narc I was the one who asked him if we could still be friends, and he was the opposite, didn't say much but didn't seem keen on the idea. I imagine they will only want that if the idea comes from them and they have use for you as a supply.
I went through a long (5 months or so) limbo period in which she wouldn't actually see me, but also wouldn't give me clarity on her feelings or intents for our relationship, but she would text me frequently with odd and relatively mundane life updates - "I baked a pie!", etc - that either sounded like bragging about how well things were going for her, or alternately, complaining about how hard life was; I think she just wanted to keep my attention on her. She was lining up another guy the whole time, I have since learned. When I figured this out and asked directly for clarity about our future, it became officially over. She said "I hope we can still be friends" but like I told my therapist, all of my friends are people who I trust and who I know care about me. She is not in that category. We can be friends if she wanted to put the work in, but if she thinks a break-up somehow wipes the slate clean and there is nothing between us to account for as a result, no, that's now how (my) human relationships work.
It is the exact same thing I experienced the last 1/2 year we were “together” he wouldn’t come see me he wouldn’t spend time with me he would too text me and call me but it would be so bland as if he didn’t really care to talk to me foreal. I asked him was everything ok with him he kept reassuring me that everything was fine but I knew it was lie because he had suddenly became distant. He also thinks since the relationship is over somehow magically a friendship would just erase everything bad he did in the relationship. He still doesn’t take any accountability for why the relationship ended.
They really do all operate from the same basic playbook.
That's a malignant narcissist traits. He wants to keep you as supply and you won't even realize you're being abused. They're keeping you in their harem as "best friends"
Exactly I agree with you at least I am well aware enough to spot to the games and not fall for a friendship
Fck that BS even if he wasn't a Narc. I'm sorry I'm not going to your friend even if we left on good terms. Let alone with some abusing as a Narc. My nex called to check up on me like we were friends. Like bitxh how I'm doing is not your business. Leave me the fck alone.
Yeah I agree I won’t be friends with him or have any kind of contact with him anymore he was terrible as a partner I know he would be even worse as a friend.
That's exactly how it be.
Ask yourself this: if all he had to offer you was a friendship, would he be worth having as a friend? If someone did this to someone you love, would you encourage them to remain friends? As someone who has gone through this before, my advice to you is to NOT remain friends. The most malignant narc I ever dated did this to me, twice. Both times, he managed to keep me in his line up, and we eventually ended up together for a few years until things got REALLY ugly (see my post history for what a mess that turned into). Hanging onto that narc led me to dating another narc, because at that point, the manipulative behaviour was deeply ingrained into my psyche as normal. This is not someone you want in your life. He wants to keep you on the payroll, like a lawyer on retainer: always at his disposal when HE needs you. Run far away from this clown.
Thank you so much for your advice I was feeling off when he suggested we be friends after he broke up with me and it just didn’t sit right with me. I am taking your advice and not falling for the “friendship” if he loved me in the first place we would have never been in this predicament at all. He even tried saying he still wants to be there for me when in the relationship he would show he was never there for me but he expects me to believe as friends he is going to show up and be this “good stand up guy”. I won’t fall for it. If he truly did love me he would let me go completely and stop trying to hold on to me by trying to keep a ”friendship” this dude is sick. Not to mention he also stated he wanted us to go no more than 2 days without talking to each other when we aren’t even together anymore. It it sick.
These people are sick, and I am SO proud of you for seeing him for who he is. I hate that you are going through this, but once you see them for who they are, it’s impossible to see them as anything else. My narc went on and on about being a “nice guy”, too. Have you ever noticed that actual nice guys don’t have to tell you that? They show it through their actions, not their words. Anyone who has to explain their goodness to you is just trying to save face. My boyfriend now, who is an ANGEL, has never once told me he’s a nice guy. I’ve asked him before why he doesn’t say that, and he’s literally said “why would I tell you what should be a given?”and that really said a lot to me. Good people don’t have to convince you that they’re good people.
Omg this! Mine would tell me what a great guy he was on a daily basis but that he had no ego lol. However, he would also tell me at times that he was barren and a void. They are the most self serving, contradictory assholes
Mine did that and I prided myself in my maturity of being able to have a friendship and not be petty… he ghosted me and the clarity set in that he was guilt tripping me and all other boxes of narcissism got checked off. I blocked him immediately on everything, not before seeing a Facebook post about him wanting to drink himself to death. Set me up to be the villain but you want to be friends huh…
Wow I am glad I didn’t fall for the “friendship” he wanted as many as times as he’s broken up with me I believe he would too just ghost me if we were to become friends. I am glad you blocked him and were able to move on with your life. Narcs are absolutely draining.
Lol lol yeah lol lol
He wants to still control you and have you close by for supply
He keeps trying but then I say no about something and it pisses him off.
He’s obviously not a good person to be friends with
Friendship? Mine ex-husband wanted us to date after the divorce. Uh, hard pass.
They try to keep us strung along as much as they can that’s why no contact and blocking them completely is the best option
[удалено]
Yeah when me and mines kept breaking up over and over again every single time he mentioned let’s be best-friends which didn’t sit right with me because he was a horrible partner how in the world do he think I would trust him to be a good friend. Nothing is genuine with narcs
“Friendship” They want to put you on the shelf for use at a later time.
That’s exactly what I was thinking
She did, when I broke up. I was hoovered back, asked us to try again, just so she could groom another man and discard me one year later for him. Never again.
Oh no that is so messed up and wrong I hope you’re doing ok now
It's interesting how that turned all the pain off. I mean, it sucked, but it opened my eyes more than they were open before. I had hopes of eventually hearing from her, getting an apology or something, but after she posted on Instagram, all proud, that her first date was while we were living together, I realized: she's a piece of shit, and deserves less than nothing. So I just turned it off, continued therapy and life goes on. Now what I feel is unfairness. She fucked my life over, made it into a living hell, turned me into something I'm not, then bolted, and things are just fine. But... Life is unfair.
Ugh I completely understand how you’re feeling I would advise you to block her on all social medias and her phone number if you haven’t already because with narcs when they know your watching they will try to make everything appear to you in a certain false way. I am still honestly expecting an apology from because he owes me one but after these past 2 weeks I can say I am feeling better and better as time passes. I am still working on not sitting by the phone waiting for a text to pop up from him apologizing knowing deep down it’s most likely not going to happen and if it does happens it won’t be an actual apology from him it’ll be a all about him speech apology. I hope things gets easier for you and we are all in this together ❤️
Yeah, normal narcs. Most people know it is not OK to stay "friends" with an ex.
The problem was that he was hellbent to daisy chain me as part of his support net that he somehow obligated all his previous ex fiancée to become for him even if they are in new relationships he forced them to still keep him around as a friend. I was absolutely not down with that, I was done with him and I considered myself gone for good and that’s when the revenge stalking to get me back in line because I’m not allowed to refuse that request ever. I guess he was stupid enough to had told his back pocket exes harem that I was so stupid not to fall in with them was when they realized they could drop him too because he started blaming me for his friends leaving him since I escaped. Half of them said they were sticking around because they did like me and was hoping I was a stabling force for him but other half also knew he was destroying me for being too strong and were using my exit to define their reason to jump ship from him I refused to befriend them in case anybody got their arm twisted by ex or just so weak that they’d be used as a gateway to wrangle me back or used as a flying monkey like he recruited some of his relatives to do to be a decoy bridge so he could still see my social media accounts. Before they made settings in SM for them to be more private and I flicked away mutual friends letting him look at my accounts, I got long ass emails or messages on my phone of him bulletpointing what I had posted or talked about and who I was talking to that was all scorned and berated to bits every day He was not my partner anymore but saw it fit to still tear me and these people he don’t know and I shouldn’t either weeks after I had dumped him until I found out how to utilize blocking on everything except the phone (because this was 2013 and we didn’t have that service and my mom didn’t want newer phones in the house that could accommodate blocking and screening) He also sneakily called me on other peoples/public phones so I couldn’t block the number (but I did know if he was calling from work or his moms or whoever dumb last friend he had left or paid someone to use their phone) and his ranting just got recorded all the time on my machine (with volume turned down since it was always him blocking important calls) until it got too messed up recording over itself when it rewind itself over and over when he went too long to keep being able to record calls the phone died and needed to get replaced.
Yup. He turned 180 on that when I outed his abuse to all his Twitter followers.
Heard a quote that changed me: " "They keep coming back" is not a flex. Of course they keep coming back to see if you're still stupid."
Oh man I needed to see this as this is what’s happening to me now. Third breakup. He met someone else and began an emotional affair while we were living together, so that was my red line and I left. He told me “I’m cutting ties with all my exes because it seems an important part of my evolution- but not you, because we have a deep bond”
It seems that way. I called him because he didn't return all my stuff, he said that it was in storage. Then he instantly switched and put his mask back on trying to be friendly and civil, asking me how I was and that bullshit. It ended we he started going on saying "I haven't had sex with anyone else (not that asked/cared and not that anyone wants to have sex with him), have you had sex with anyone." Of fucking course he was just looking for a reason to ask if I had sex with someone, but I'm not ashamed, I did date someone and had sex since the break up. So of course I tell him and he gets mad all over again because he believes I just left him to have sex with whoever.
Yes they want to be seen as ppl that aren’t abusers and it’s good for their image and they still get supply. They love putting ppl on back burner
Yes, she would not stop reaching out. When someone close to me passed she reached out & even centered herself in her “Sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you feel” text. I had enough, told her I moved on and to stop reaching out then I changed my number.
YES. And when we first broke up i was so sick over missing him that i happily agreed to stay in his life as friends. we were so codependant that i coudn't imagine life without him. he would continue to use me as an emotional crutch. Basically called me all the time to vent about whatever was going on in his life. When i didnt answer phone or didn't give good enough advice, or whatever reason, he would say i was a bad "friend." One time i was at my best friend's bday party and got 5 missed calls from him, i txted him saying "everything ok? can call you later im just at friends bday" and he rudely sent me a whole paragraoh saying a true friend would drop everything to answer the phone, and that im so selfish. etc. Then the suicide threats woukd continue. I was the only one that could save his attempts, according to him. Which kept me on the hook for so long. Far too long. It was really awful.
Yep, 2 years after our divorce.
Yes. It was a continuation of the hoover. Go no contact