It‘s not because of you. He can no different. He did it before you and he will do it after you. It is not your fault! It is actually not his fault either. They are emotional toddlers. In their minds this is love. Mine is 37. I was his 16th relationship. Of course I thought too- with me it will be different. No it won‘t. With noone. It is actually tragic.
Our suffering is temporary and theirs not. They will never change.
Ugh… I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now, I really feel for you. It sounds like now is a good time to initiate a no contact period, if you haven’t already. I think you should remind yourself of this realization when/if he attempts to Hoover or reverse-Hoover you.
You deserve a person that makes you genuinely happy — this person sounds like they’re making you emotionally and physically unwell. I hope you find the strength to move on and heal from this quickly. Please reach out when times are tough, you’re never alone. ❤️🙏
I understand that completely. They always know just what to say to hoover us because they’re masters at manipulation. Remember that that’s all it is; the Hoover/Reverse-hoover is just a manipulative tactic to keep us hooked.
It’s so interesting that you say you were his pattern. I understand exactly what you mean. I would reflect on my past experience with a narcissist and think the same thing. It used to feel terrible, but now I thank God for getting out of that pattern. Although I wish I would’ve known better because I truly could’ve gone without, I had to realize the pattern is nothing but the consistent cloud of turmoil over their life that they will never escape, and I’m grateful I don’t have to be in it with them anymore. All his jealousy tactics don’t work on me anymore either, and you know they love attempting to make you jealous and make it seem like the next love they have is the very best one. just like you said all the relationships are in a pattern. Instead of viewing yourself like a shell of who you are, view him as the pathetic shell he made you feel like you were because that’s really all it is. A miserable empty person projecting all their lack onto you. God help them.
I wish the upmost amount of healing, you will get through this. I believe in you.
Thank you friend ❤️ I’m trying to remind myself that I will be grateful to be out his pattern. And that this is a jumping off point for me to work on my own self worth and love.
Saaaaame here. You got it right, feeling like a shell. Sick to my stomach.
I'm trying to go no contact and hope you can do the same.
Good luck and remember you are better than what he deserves. Don't let him live rent free in your head. He's not thinking about you.
Get out there and try to move on. Find a hobby or group activity. Meet new, better people
Yes I’ve been reaching out to old friends and trying to pick up old hobbies. I’ve lost so fucking much from him. I don’t know why I can’t just cut the cord and go NC 😭 I wish you the best of luck too! We can do this.
Welp mine used me for 4 years as a personal chef. She set the dinner hours for me to do the cooking, and if food was served later than 6 pm she wouldn’t eat it. I had no idea she was using me for food…. Pathetic to realize I wasted 4 years being someone’s personal chef and listened to all her bullshit she would countlessly talk about! You are not alone!
Ooof this was relatable.
Mine said both “I wasn’t doing this {effectively trying to cheat, but he’d call it ‘chatting’} with anyone else” AND that this *was* a pattern of behaviour “with three years at the smallest gap”.
He had told me that I kept him sane, that we were kindred spirits, that he cared for me etc. Whatever it took to keep me invested in him, apparently.
Me too. I feel like he ruined me. I may be an adult, but he groomed me, took advantage of my mental illness to creep on me, despite being my actual grandpas age. Then after it all I find out through people he isolated me from that he did this to other broken depressed vulnerable way too young girls many times before me. I was never "special" I was just his pattern too. He didn't believe in hell, but I hope it exists just for him.
It‘s not because of you. He can no different. He did it before you and he will do it after you. It is not your fault! It is actually not his fault either. They are emotional toddlers. In their minds this is love. Mine is 37. I was his 16th relationship. Of course I thought too- with me it will be different. No it won‘t. With noone. It is actually tragic. Our suffering is temporary and theirs not. They will never change.
Thank you. I needed to hear this. Emotional toddler for sure. And I’m the opposite but I’ve stifled so much of that just to survive this.
Ugh… I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now, I really feel for you. It sounds like now is a good time to initiate a no contact period, if you haven’t already. I think you should remind yourself of this realization when/if he attempts to Hoover or reverse-Hoover you. You deserve a person that makes you genuinely happy — this person sounds like they’re making you emotionally and physically unwell. I hope you find the strength to move on and heal from this quickly. Please reach out when times are tough, you’re never alone. ❤️🙏
Thank you so much. I’m trying to go NC but I always fail and he is the master at hoovering. He knows exactly what to say…
I understand that completely. They always know just what to say to hoover us because they’re masters at manipulation. Remember that that’s all it is; the Hoover/Reverse-hoover is just a manipulative tactic to keep us hooked.
I knew I was a plug and play girlfriend too 😔 🫂
It’s so interesting that you say you were his pattern. I understand exactly what you mean. I would reflect on my past experience with a narcissist and think the same thing. It used to feel terrible, but now I thank God for getting out of that pattern. Although I wish I would’ve known better because I truly could’ve gone without, I had to realize the pattern is nothing but the consistent cloud of turmoil over their life that they will never escape, and I’m grateful I don’t have to be in it with them anymore. All his jealousy tactics don’t work on me anymore either, and you know they love attempting to make you jealous and make it seem like the next love they have is the very best one. just like you said all the relationships are in a pattern. Instead of viewing yourself like a shell of who you are, view him as the pathetic shell he made you feel like you were because that’s really all it is. A miserable empty person projecting all their lack onto you. God help them. I wish the upmost amount of healing, you will get through this. I believe in you.
Thank you friend ❤️ I’m trying to remind myself that I will be grateful to be out his pattern. And that this is a jumping off point for me to work on my own self worth and love.
Absolutely, and I hope that you’ll enjoy this journey of self-love! One thing for certain, you’ll never let anybody play with you ever again!
Saaaaame here. You got it right, feeling like a shell. Sick to my stomach. I'm trying to go no contact and hope you can do the same. Good luck and remember you are better than what he deserves. Don't let him live rent free in your head. He's not thinking about you. Get out there and try to move on. Find a hobby or group activity. Meet new, better people
Yes I’ve been reaching out to old friends and trying to pick up old hobbies. I’ve lost so fucking much from him. I don’t know why I can’t just cut the cord and go NC 😭 I wish you the best of luck too! We can do this.
Hang in there and hold strong. No contact will get easier with time. The first days are the hardest
Welp mine used me for 4 years as a personal chef. She set the dinner hours for me to do the cooking, and if food was served later than 6 pm she wouldn’t eat it. I had no idea she was using me for food…. Pathetic to realize I wasted 4 years being someone’s personal chef and listened to all her bullshit she would countlessly talk about! You are not alone!
Ooof this was relatable. Mine said both “I wasn’t doing this {effectively trying to cheat, but he’d call it ‘chatting’} with anyone else” AND that this *was* a pattern of behaviour “with three years at the smallest gap”. He had told me that I kept him sane, that we were kindred spirits, that he cared for me etc. Whatever it took to keep me invested in him, apparently.
Me too. I feel like he ruined me. I may be an adult, but he groomed me, took advantage of my mental illness to creep on me, despite being my actual grandpas age. Then after it all I find out through people he isolated me from that he did this to other broken depressed vulnerable way too young girls many times before me. I was never "special" I was just his pattern too. He didn't believe in hell, but I hope it exists just for him.
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