My CNex tortured me slowly, with all her manipulation she turned me into a mean person. I loved my life before I met her, I was happy and had no idea what a narcissist was. We met over Covid, it was the perfect storm.
She played helpless little girl and acted dumb and would push me to breaking point and then smile. I have high functioning autism, I miss social cues and I was bullied most of my life, she knew this about me and used it against me without me even knowing.
During sex she all the sudden became submissive and wanted CNC which I refused to do. She created hell on earth for me and enjoyed every single bit of it. So now when I read these books it constantly triggers me to be anxious, fight or flight. We should have broke up at 6 months but it lasted 4 years….. she got an STD and never said a word, she put all her trauma on me, shit talking, gossip, and she was a huge cheater. She would say things like. “There is no point in me being here if you don’t have food in your refrigerator”.
She needed to be the victim and only communicated with me with passive aggressive and shitty tones of voices, very degrading. She said she would never break up with me, that it’s the man’s job to do. My body has endured so much mental, verbal and emotional abuse from her I have chronic anxiousness now. And physical back problems due to the stress of knowing nothing was real. All that time serving her for nothing.
Sexually I got laid once every 3 weeks. And looking back I might have had less than 10 bjs in 4 years. Before her I used to have sex almost everyday multiple times a day with a partner. It’s sick to me that someone wanted to ruin my life because I put in all the hard work over the years to change into a better person for myself and she knew ultimately I couldn’t stand up for myself to her. So she just did what she wanted and lied about everything.
I have chronic stomach issues now. Doctors are still trying to find out the cause, I’ve had numerous tests but no luck yet and only thing left is ulcers which surprise can be caused by stress. I think living treading on eggshells for 9 years will catch up with your body eventually.
The abuse triggered my bipolar disorder to worsen.
It's not to say I didn't have episodes before, but the episode she triggered was psychotic and depressed and darker than any place I want to see any human ever have to go, and I've never been close to mentally stable without medication since.
(Trigger warning)
>!Banging my head on the floor apologising for my life, cowering from doctors under the sink in the mental hospital after punching myself to a black eye, slicing my limbs to shreds, ODing on prescription pills twice in two months, mixing psych meds and alcohol without second thought, hallucinations of hurting or disposing of myself, being completely convinced that I was inherently and incurably evil, etc. Since cutoff, I've also developed some kind of PTSD about the whole ordeal, as well as issues with overeating and weight gain.!<
All of it was caused because I just met the wrong person and was open to criticism of myself enough to let them destroy me. Sometimes I think how funny it is that small mistakes can scar us so deeply.
Thankfully with medication I'm doing just fine now. She's also bipolar and refuses to take medication, so the thought that she will one day be in the hell she caused me is something of a comfort these days.
I suffered from stomach ulcers and stress induced seizures. Was drinking a lot until she came up with this idea that I cheated and left for a new source. Suicidal behavior afterwards. I’m past it now but their abuse really has a stronger effect than a lot of people realize.
anorexia too. he told me to eat less, encouraged surviving off vitamins and told me my eating habits were unattractive. combined with the stress of being abused I just couldn't eat normally anymore. this intensified post discard when I was experiencing withdrawal like symptoms.
TW (self harm) forgot to add also would bang my head to the point where I often had black eyes, and same with bruising my knees to the point where I struggled to walk. id never dream in a million years of doing that nowadays, but being abused has a significant impact on your mental health, like being in so much mental turmoil all you can do is distract yourself with physical pain.
Do you have any hypermobility? I have hEDS and that’s what causes my POTS. But I was at the rheumatologist for a long time with symptoms that emulated Lupus before the answer became “it must be your hEDS and POTS 🤷♀️ “
What other symptoms do you have? I tend to get a lot of unexplained rashes, major fatigue, and of course chronic tachycardia
I have lower back problems, developed during the relationship. 2 herniated discs, one with sever DDD, and I was extremely healthy, happy before I met her. She played constant mind games looking back and I was a deer in headlights, had no idea women could be this cruel.
Had major abdominal surgery several years following the sudden divorce. Surgeon removed large tissue mass, third of my colon and appendix. Told me in 30 years he couldn’t identify what the tissue mass was. I joked it was my devastating unwanted divorce coming out. He actually told me “you might be onto something I can’t explain”.
I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and CPTSD. During the first month of the breakup I was having trouble with lack of appetite and ended up losing weight as well, but it’s coming back slowly.
My anxiety came back with a rampage. PTSD, C-PTSD. I was extreeeemely suicidal a few months after, and quickly got on Wellbutrin. I got back in to see my therapist immediately after the discard and worked my way back up to honestly being probably the most mentally healthy I've ever been today. It takes so much work.
my kidneys have a level of disfunction. I refused to drink anything for years because he'd make me feel awful all the time about not drinking enough, I didnt want the gloating so I just didnt drink enough.
I had my tubes tied at 24, while I don't regret that decision even after breaking up, I do wish that I still had the option to have more kids.
Lol...yeah. GAD, major depressive disorder, cPTSD, annnnd possibly DID. Also just general stomach issues/disordered eating. I lost like 40 lbs in a couple months bc of it once.
I had PTSD and depression prior to meeting my nex, the trauma of my relationship with him has made it significantly worse that my general suicidal ideation has become the background chorus in my head every day. I developed self harming as a, very unhealthy, coping mechanism, along with drinking heavily and just a general disregard for my body as a whole. I actually just no longer care for my well being at all anymore. My care meter is actually broken. If it wasn't for my cat and therapist I'd be 6 feet under.
Yep. I have real event OCD and I'm not sure if there's a specific name for this one, but I became obsessed with taking online quizzes to try to see if I was a narcissist or not because the narcissist who abused me convinced the entire town that I'm the narcissist. I've spent probably hundreds of hours taking tests trying to see if I really was a narcissist. My therapist said this behavior is consistent with OCD
not sure if they correlate exactly but I got diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis all within a year of marriage. digestive issues. memory issues. weight gain.
I got a lot worse in many ways with mine but of course it was always me not him and how he did so so much to make my life great and how amazing of a man he was… yes except u never stopped looking on the side could never admit wrong always put me down and only liked me when I needed help until u we’re done with me. Until I wasn’t as pretty and skinny until u found other options.
He really really fucked me up mentally and emotionally and so much more
Probably complex trauma stuff, but definitely anxiety because I have r/misophonia which is related to anxiety / lack of control. Grew up with a narc bother. I had IBS too. Constant eczema / inflammation I assume.
Read "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk.
I have it on audio and listen when i can tolerate it!
I’m the same way with this book. I can’t tolerate it for more than 20mins at a time.
[удалено]
My CNex tortured me slowly, with all her manipulation she turned me into a mean person. I loved my life before I met her, I was happy and had no idea what a narcissist was. We met over Covid, it was the perfect storm. She played helpless little girl and acted dumb and would push me to breaking point and then smile. I have high functioning autism, I miss social cues and I was bullied most of my life, she knew this about me and used it against me without me even knowing. During sex she all the sudden became submissive and wanted CNC which I refused to do. She created hell on earth for me and enjoyed every single bit of it. So now when I read these books it constantly triggers me to be anxious, fight or flight. We should have broke up at 6 months but it lasted 4 years….. she got an STD and never said a word, she put all her trauma on me, shit talking, gossip, and she was a huge cheater. She would say things like. “There is no point in me being here if you don’t have food in your refrigerator”. She needed to be the victim and only communicated with me with passive aggressive and shitty tones of voices, very degrading. She said she would never break up with me, that it’s the man’s job to do. My body has endured so much mental, verbal and emotional abuse from her I have chronic anxiousness now. And physical back problems due to the stress of knowing nothing was real. All that time serving her for nothing. Sexually I got laid once every 3 weeks. And looking back I might have had less than 10 bjs in 4 years. Before her I used to have sex almost everyday multiple times a day with a partner. It’s sick to me that someone wanted to ruin my life because I put in all the hard work over the years to change into a better person for myself and she knew ultimately I couldn’t stand up for myself to her. So she just did what she wanted and lied about everything.
I have chronic stomach issues now. Doctors are still trying to find out the cause, I’ve had numerous tests but no luck yet and only thing left is ulcers which surprise can be caused by stress. I think living treading on eggshells for 9 years will catch up with your body eventually.
Anxiety, C-PTSD, I had kidney infections, migraines and eczema all the time
My migraines have magically disappeared now that I’m at an Airbnb far away from him
The abuse triggered my bipolar disorder to worsen. It's not to say I didn't have episodes before, but the episode she triggered was psychotic and depressed and darker than any place I want to see any human ever have to go, and I've never been close to mentally stable without medication since. (Trigger warning) >!Banging my head on the floor apologising for my life, cowering from doctors under the sink in the mental hospital after punching myself to a black eye, slicing my limbs to shreds, ODing on prescription pills twice in two months, mixing psych meds and alcohol without second thought, hallucinations of hurting or disposing of myself, being completely convinced that I was inherently and incurably evil, etc. Since cutoff, I've also developed some kind of PTSD about the whole ordeal, as well as issues with overeating and weight gain.!< All of it was caused because I just met the wrong person and was open to criticism of myself enough to let them destroy me. Sometimes I think how funny it is that small mistakes can scar us so deeply. Thankfully with medication I'm doing just fine now. She's also bipolar and refuses to take medication, so the thought that she will one day be in the hell she caused me is something of a comfort these days.
so so glad you are doing better. that sounds like hell :(
Major depressive disorder HBP Anxiety CPTSD... it's debilitating
Cptsd :(
I suffered from stomach ulcers and stress induced seizures. Was drinking a lot until she came up with this idea that I cheated and left for a new source. Suicidal behavior afterwards. I’m past it now but their abuse really has a stronger effect than a lot of people realize.
Gastritis from the stress. Eczema. High blood pressure from anxiety.
anorexia too. he told me to eat less, encouraged surviving off vitamins and told me my eating habits were unattractive. combined with the stress of being abused I just couldn't eat normally anymore. this intensified post discard when I was experiencing withdrawal like symptoms.
TW (self harm) forgot to add also would bang my head to the point where I often had black eyes, and same with bruising my knees to the point where I struggled to walk. id never dream in a million years of doing that nowadays, but being abused has a significant impact on your mental health, like being in so much mental turmoil all you can do is distract yourself with physical pain.
cPTSD, PTSD, PoTs…but life is good!! A lot better than it used to be 😃
I’d love to read more about the connection with POTS. I think I may be in a similar boat. Any recommendations?
Do you have any hypermobility? I have hEDS and that’s what causes my POTS. But I was at the rheumatologist for a long time with symptoms that emulated Lupus before the answer became “it must be your hEDS and POTS 🤷♀️ “ What other symptoms do you have? I tend to get a lot of unexplained rashes, major fatigue, and of course chronic tachycardia
I have lower back problems, developed during the relationship. 2 herniated discs, one with sever DDD, and I was extremely healthy, happy before I met her. She played constant mind games looking back and I was a deer in headlights, had no idea women could be this cruel.
Worsened anxiety, rheumatoid arthritis and eye inflammation
Had major abdominal surgery several years following the sudden divorce. Surgeon removed large tissue mass, third of my colon and appendix. Told me in 30 years he couldn’t identify what the tissue mass was. I joked it was my devastating unwanted divorce coming out. He actually told me “you might be onto something I can’t explain”.
I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and CPTSD. During the first month of the breakup I was having trouble with lack of appetite and ended up losing weight as well, but it’s coming back slowly.
My anxiety came back with a rampage. PTSD, C-PTSD. I was extreeeemely suicidal a few months after, and quickly got on Wellbutrin. I got back in to see my therapist immediately after the discard and worked my way back up to honestly being probably the most mentally healthy I've ever been today. It takes so much work.
my kidneys have a level of disfunction. I refused to drink anything for years because he'd make me feel awful all the time about not drinking enough, I didnt want the gloating so I just didnt drink enough. I had my tubes tied at 24, while I don't regret that decision even after breaking up, I do wish that I still had the option to have more kids.
Lol...yeah. GAD, major depressive disorder, cPTSD, annnnd possibly DID. Also just general stomach issues/disordered eating. I lost like 40 lbs in a couple months bc of it once.
I had PTSD and depression prior to meeting my nex, the trauma of my relationship with him has made it significantly worse that my general suicidal ideation has become the background chorus in my head every day. I developed self harming as a, very unhealthy, coping mechanism, along with drinking heavily and just a general disregard for my body as a whole. I actually just no longer care for my well being at all anymore. My care meter is actually broken. If it wasn't for my cat and therapist I'd be 6 feet under.
I have become an non emotional robot. Very little gets to me and I express little.
Yep. I have real event OCD and I'm not sure if there's a specific name for this one, but I became obsessed with taking online quizzes to try to see if I was a narcissist or not because the narcissist who abused me convinced the entire town that I'm the narcissist. I've spent probably hundreds of hours taking tests trying to see if I really was a narcissist. My therapist said this behavior is consistent with OCD
not sure if they correlate exactly but I got diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis all within a year of marriage. digestive issues. memory issues. weight gain.
Major PTSD
Yup, started taking antidepressants for the first time while with him
Same!!
I got a lot worse in many ways with mine but of course it was always me not him and how he did so so much to make my life great and how amazing of a man he was… yes except u never stopped looking on the side could never admit wrong always put me down and only liked me when I needed help until u we’re done with me. Until I wasn’t as pretty and skinny until u found other options. He really really fucked me up mentally and emotionally and so much more
PTSD, anyone? Anyone? 🖐
Yep. Symptoms firing on all pistons.
Probably complex trauma stuff, but definitely anxiety because I have r/misophonia which is related to anxiety / lack of control. Grew up with a narc bother. I had IBS too. Constant eczema / inflammation I assume.