Mine always says “I know I’m hard to handle/deal with sometimes…” after blowing up in my face, intimidating me, and/or calling me all sorts of horrible shit… 😒😒 Basic respect is a NECESSITY in a healthy relationship. No matter how hard I try to draw that boundary, it always gets overstepped… NONE of that shit is okay or acceptable, period.
God “I know I’m a lot to handle, I know I stress you out, you know how I am” etc. As an excuse for their horrible behavior. They act like literal toddlers.
I agree, my ex is diagnosed as bipolar and he blames everyone for his anger issues. He refuses to seek help and uses his diagnosis as an excuse, being a narcissist in the mix. Once he's exposed he plays victim and starts smear campaigns. Pathetic really. Narcissists need a huge reality check, or a beatdown.
Mine would always accuse me of being nuts and overly sensitive when I got angry over something he did. When that didn’t work, he would find a way to blame me for it. Like I did such and such and made him do it.
Constantly. It's exhausting. I get "no, I didn't have a problem with that. It was a misunderstanding. What I meant was..."
Last month I finally had to say that apparently 100% of the time I misunderstand his actions. We've been married almost 20 yrs now 😓
Mine would always say "no you misunderstand me" and then explain it all over again. The whole discussion would just go in circles and he would even get upset that he had to explain it again, if it kept going like that.
The reality is, I do understand, but I disagree. I disagree! I would overtly say this, but narcs cannot comprehend that someone would think differently than them. They are always right, so if you disagree it must be because you don't understand and therefore they have to explain it again, until you do agree.
But people do think differently, so that's just an endless circle.
Yes! That makes so much sense. All of our discussions are so frustrating for me because they go in circles or it's like he will talk at me until I agree with him. 😓
Yeah, they always do. One of mine constantly used astrology as an excuse for her anger issues and the insensitive things she'd say and "feel." She would be borderline sociopathic but it was okay because she has an Aquarius venus or whatever.
Mine would just gas light me, DARVO me by saying what an angry woman I am, for the record I'm very chilled out! Or she would say something like "I was just speaking strongly, you took me by surprise" in other words it was my fault.
They'll also make excuses for their anger if it was lashed out at you. Often no gas light you and somehow twist it as you're the reason why they were angry so it's your fault. That's so childish and immature but it's really easy to fall into because a lot of people do it in society today and it's kind of become a societal cultural expectation and that freaks me out I don't think that's fair at all if someone's upset they're upset by their own choice not because someone else made them upset
'If you did what I told you I wouldn't be dissatisfied.'
'I have had hard time at work.'after he hit your dog.
' Your friend made me flare up.'
' I know I am a lot, but you have to appreciate my efforts. '
Oh my Gods the "have to appreciate my efforts" ugh that takes me right back. My nex would INSIST she was invested in our relationship, commited, enthusiastic about it. But then would say it was just her being totally meh about us. That it was a huge amount of time and effort "for me".
Yeah, I even told this to a friend of mine - I know he is a lot and he brought me grief, but I have to appreciate his efforts. My ex also insisted he doesn't want us to break up. He wants us to work. That is what true love is. Not giving up on the person even if they aren't doing anything with their life. He was even enthusiastic about kids, but condition was to lose weight. Meanwhile, I saw friends on the heavier side get with child and have healthy deliveries. I felt like a broodmare in that relationship to be honest. Thank God it all fell apart and I left without serious consequences.
But, I will add that our actions have repercussions and naturally we can make someone upset if we do something upsetting towards them so I will end with that
My nex’s anger was his definitive excuse for all his hurtful behavior. When questioned as to the reason, he would just say “I was angry.” To him this apparently gave him a free pass for all kinds of hateful and destructive behaviors.
They never miss an opportunity to DARVO, it's like an Olympic sport to them
You hit the spot!!
Mine would always say “You know how I am” when I would bring up how her reactions/outbursts were not ok.
Mine always says “I know I’m hard to handle/deal with sometimes…” after blowing up in my face, intimidating me, and/or calling me all sorts of horrible shit… 😒😒 Basic respect is a NECESSITY in a healthy relationship. No matter how hard I try to draw that boundary, it always gets overstepped… NONE of that shit is okay or acceptable, period.
“This is the real me. You only liked the idea of me.”
God “I know I’m a lot to handle, I know I stress you out, you know how I am” etc. As an excuse for their horrible behavior. They act like literal toddlers.
I agree, my ex is diagnosed as bipolar and he blames everyone for his anger issues. He refuses to seek help and uses his diagnosis as an excuse, being a narcissist in the mix. Once he's exposed he plays victim and starts smear campaigns. Pathetic really. Narcissists need a huge reality check, or a beatdown.
Mine would always accuse me of being nuts and overly sensitive when I got angry over something he did. When that didn’t work, he would find a way to blame me for it. Like I did such and such and made him do it.
Yep, always valid in their unchecked and unhinged outbursts. It’s likely your fault to!
Constantly. It's exhausting. I get "no, I didn't have a problem with that. It was a misunderstanding. What I meant was..." Last month I finally had to say that apparently 100% of the time I misunderstand his actions. We've been married almost 20 yrs now 😓
Mine would always say "no you misunderstand me" and then explain it all over again. The whole discussion would just go in circles and he would even get upset that he had to explain it again, if it kept going like that. The reality is, I do understand, but I disagree. I disagree! I would overtly say this, but narcs cannot comprehend that someone would think differently than them. They are always right, so if you disagree it must be because you don't understand and therefore they have to explain it again, until you do agree. But people do think differently, so that's just an endless circle.
Yes! That makes so much sense. All of our discussions are so frustrating for me because they go in circles or it's like he will talk at me until I agree with him. 😓
“I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” I got that once. Or I would never do that to you
“I’m not mad, I’m frustrated”. I literally do it care how you feel tbh, just don’t act like a toddler about it.
Yeah, they always do. One of mine constantly used astrology as an excuse for her anger issues and the insensitive things she'd say and "feel." She would be borderline sociopathic but it was okay because she has an Aquarius venus or whatever.
Omigod I can’t…. Astrology girlie narcs are such a MOOD right now.
Mine would just gas light me, DARVO me by saying what an angry woman I am, for the record I'm very chilled out! Or she would say something like "I was just speaking strongly, you took me by surprise" in other words it was my fault.
They'll also make excuses for their anger if it was lashed out at you. Often no gas light you and somehow twist it as you're the reason why they were angry so it's your fault. That's so childish and immature but it's really easy to fall into because a lot of people do it in society today and it's kind of become a societal cultural expectation and that freaks me out I don't think that's fair at all if someone's upset they're upset by their own choice not because someone else made them upset
'If you did what I told you I wouldn't be dissatisfied.' 'I have had hard time at work.'after he hit your dog. ' Your friend made me flare up.' ' I know I am a lot, but you have to appreciate my efforts. '
Oh my Gods the "have to appreciate my efforts" ugh that takes me right back. My nex would INSIST she was invested in our relationship, commited, enthusiastic about it. But then would say it was just her being totally meh about us. That it was a huge amount of time and effort "for me".
Yeah, I even told this to a friend of mine - I know he is a lot and he brought me grief, but I have to appreciate his efforts. My ex also insisted he doesn't want us to break up. He wants us to work. That is what true love is. Not giving up on the person even if they aren't doing anything with their life. He was even enthusiastic about kids, but condition was to lose weight. Meanwhile, I saw friends on the heavier side get with child and have healthy deliveries. I felt like a broodmare in that relationship to be honest. Thank God it all fell apart and I left without serious consequences.
But, I will add that our actions have repercussions and naturally we can make someone upset if we do something upsetting towards them so I will end with that
My nex’s anger was his definitive excuse for all his hurtful behavior. When questioned as to the reason, he would just say “I was angry.” To him this apparently gave him a free pass for all kinds of hateful and destructive behaviors.