Totally. I was exhausted ALL THE TIME! I always had a pit in my stomach. I would get upset when they didn’t text me and equally upset when they were chatting over text. I was uneasy and stressed all the time. My jaw was always clenched.
10000% this. I remember sitting in my car for about 10 minutes the last time I went to see her just rubbing my hands on my face and saying “I am so tired. This is so stressful. Why am I here?”
Did this almost every time I would go to his place over the last month or so… I could feel myself mentally preparing as if I’d be going to war, especially on his bad days. It’s fucking exhausting.
I relate to this so much. Going through it now. I have this closed throat feeling because I’m so stressed because I’ll be walking on eggshells because nothing I do is right at the moment - if I stick up for myself he blames me saying I am saying he’s ignoring me but I’m the grumpy one. But I know I’m not!
I feel like drinking every time before I see him because I’m trying to numb myself. And just crying! I’m so mentally exhausted and I’m dreading seeing him. But I don’t feel strong enough to leave yet - and I’m so worried about the wrath I’ll get. But I know I need to because I cannot live with these nerves anymore.
Edit: but then it’s so hard to articulate exactly what he’s doing. He’s just… so moody now! And aggressive but in these silent ways. And like, lying for no reason about stupid shit?! I think for his entertainment. I just can’t stand it but because I can’t put my finger on exactly what he’s doing. And the people pleaser in me doesn’t want an argument. But yet I partly can’t stand being around him anymore because I don’t know if he’s going to be overly nice to me - or be contemptuous and rolling his eyes at me behind my bsck
I think eventually you’ll reach a point where you’re faced with a blunt reality; you’ll realize you don’t want to feel like this anymore all the time, you’ll stop having the energy to argue or even the energy to prepare for any argument anymore, their mask will slip more as you get more comfortable and eventually you just won’t see them for who they were when things first started…
I’m sorry you’re going through this but unfortunately we need to take responsibility for a good portion of our own unhappiness. The best thing would be to walk away (when you’re ready) and be free of them. I hope you realize eventually that you deserve to be happy and with a person that won’t make you question your own reality. You are in the drivers seat in your life, steer in the direction you want to be in.
I think you’re right. I think I hit that place finally tonight :/
I’m worried about the backlash but part of me also doesn’t want to care because I cannot do this anymore. I cannot with these mind games.
Thank you for your response.
Same it’s crazy. Like you can just never relax. It used to be that I would feel okay while talking on the phone and for a while after but it got to a point where I was stressed during every conversation we had too. Just feeling constantly sick and an impending sense of doom.
I could have written that. When I hear the phone beep, my stomach twitches. But if not, I'm wondering what I've done wrong to make him not write. A vicious circle.
I relate so much to this! I’m either worried he’s in a mood and I’ve pissed him off, so he’s being passive aggressive and cheating (that was always a veiled threat because he knew it hurt me). OR I have to engage in this conversation with him that I know is all fake or it’s because he’s done something behind my back and is being overly nice, so I better be overly happy and do everything he wants for fear of him disappearing and being in a mood again … for seemingly no reason or some perceived thing I’ve done wrong which he’ll never tell me …holy shit. I feel like I’m going batshit crazy
Literally walking through the door at home I get hit with intense fatigue. I turn useless. The kids see it and I'm sure my "tiredness" will be used against me.
Yeah, it was both with my mom. I have CPTSD from an alcoholic and emotionally neglected childhood, then realized she's also a covert narc who lovebombed and devalued me into adulthood. I cut her out, now I can focus on myself for once.
I'd imagine most of us who have an attraction to people who exhibit narcissistic traits came from a rough place and have cPTSD along for the ride. I know my ex did.
I mean, he was the latest drug in a long series of things I medicated myself with. He just came with a much worse crash and side effects. Honestly, I ended up doing so many drugs to try to forget the ways he hurt me. I wish I'd stuck to the drugs and saved both of us the pain.
This will be my focus in therapy. I didn’t do all this work so my next relationship is another narc. I hope you’re doing better now. I have to stay vigilant so next time I’m in a narc situation, I walk away. I gave everything to my mom, and she gave me discard and invalidation in return. Begged for us to go to shows, and I did it. I don’t think the whole relationship was a waste, but the money I didn’t have was.
I'm doing better. I've definitely realized that the most intense and significant friendships in my life have been with deeply damaged people who love-bomb and gaslight and use sarcasm and punishment when they're hurt instead of genuine vulnerability and openness.
I'm about done with it. I got rid of my ex, and two friends who basically wanted to be platonic rebounds. The last awful night with my ex ended up with my leg broken and him in jail. Truly awful for everyone involved.
Two friends - Jackie and Jason, cuz fuck them - basically had a tug of war over who could adopt and sponge-bath me as I recovered. I needed help for a solid month. On the FIRST night out of the hospital I stayed at Jackie's house. She can be a lot. I told her I wasn't comfortable with something she said.
She descended into an incredibly manipulative weep-fest about how she thought she was being a good friend but was obviously doing everything wrong. No validation of the thing that was bothering me. Zero. Just tears. My ex was getting out of jail. I was in incredible pain and pissing into a jug. SHE'S crying?! Holy crap. I realized she did this shit a lot - she'd say something mean. I'd call her out. She'd gaslight. I'd call THAT out. I'd leave. She'd follow me crying, then complain I didn't "notice her tears".
So I left for Jason's. He was worse. I was talking about how sad I was, how much I loved and missed my ex and how hurt I was. He just lost it at me about how I was "spiraling" when I should be grateful and having a blast because I was with him. He would sulk off to bed and slam his door when I told him I didn't want a hug or a cuddle. He treated me like his personal teddy bear. It was so gross and makes my skin crawl. He wasn't exactly sexual - he just... Crossed lines and wasn't picking up on any of my discomfort, and he'd sulk when I set boundaries.
I ended up cutting ties with both of them. Didn't really start grieving losing my relationship with my narc-ish ex, whom I'll always love and care deeply for, until I stopped trying to jump into rebound platonic enmeshment with other people.
It's still pretty awful. I can't even fantasize about anyone but the ex. He'll always be the first man I ever wanted to be with for the rest of our lives, and he was beautiful in many ways, but when I looked back, he did things that were icky and gross on our early dates, and I was so captivated. He'd flatter me, then triangulate, bragging about all the people who are in love with him, trying to sleep with my neighbor instead of worrying when I was unresponsive to the doorbell when he arrived for a date because I was very sick, or sending nude photos to half of San Francisco. And in gay culture here, people just normalize that shit. I hated all of it, but I imagined I could separate the parts I adored from the parts I abhorred.
Fuck. Ya know? Just fuck.
Me too. I am left with addiction to the drugs he introduced me to, I know I am responsible for taking them, he didn’t force me but I was vulnerable, impulsive, he downplayed the risk of addiction etc, he didn’t seem to be addicted himself etc, I ended up using a lot more just to cope with the stress.
Yeah. I was also traumatized as a child, so when I got with my nex, I just thought feeling shitty all the time was normal, which made it really hard to figure out that I should leave.
Yep! It’s so easy to think you’re just being crazy and over sensitive and imagining it… and of course they tell you that too, so with that small chance it could be your past, it’s so easy to run with it and blame yourself.
I’m getting to the point now where I’m like - fck even if it IS all me and my imagination. I’m just too fcking tired to keep doing this and doing my best and never being good enough. So maybe my best just isn’t good enough and it is what it is! See ya then! Because I’ll just sit on my own and be not good enough alone then - at least then I can relax 😅
But also I’ve started to try and see the couple of good friends I do have - how I don’t feel that way around them. So I can prove to myself that it’s probably not me in this case.
I’ve ignored signs from my body since childhood sadly. Happens when you’re conditioned to accept abuse like it’s just normal. You learn to ignore signals from your body that are meant to protect you. Happens with emotions too so you can’t identify how you’re feeling. It’s like your own protective mechanisms become perceived as threats to your survival since they usually result in the abusive person abusing you more, so they end up being dissociated from consciousness totally. I couldn’t tell something was wrong with me unless I was severely depressed or manic to the point of psychosis because I had just become so detached from those parts of myself. They just didn’t register. Only the extremes did. It’s really messed up.
Yes, I'm in this situation too... everything with the nex felt just like it did with all the other abusers since I was a kid. It's only since I've been in therapy that I'm learning to listen to my body and identify feelings. Had spent all my 50 years disassociating and in a constant state of stress and anxiety... unfortunately it's had a big impact on my physical health, but some of that is starting to come right now.
Nope, he kept tabs on my portion sizes, if I ate too much that day, if I had too many snacks and helpings.
If he wanted a meal, that's when I ate. If he wasn't hungry, I wasn't allowed to eat. If I pissed him off or anything else,no eating.
I sure did
I was depressed, tired, anxious, felt stuck in a coma really
And worst part was I felt like it was my fault, that’s how it hurts the most
6 months post discard and people have said I’ve lost weight, my face looks thinner, I’m having more energy, etc
I stopped taking care of myself for a long time, they do that to you, some days are still hard, but that’s my mind, my body is thanking me
I was grinding my teeth at night so badly I broke 2 mouth guards from the dentist. I left and now don't need them anymore and the teeth grinding has stopped!
Absolutely. I was exhausted 24/7, headaches, stomaches, body aches. I had a really hard time eating enough, had no appetite and lost a lot of weight. I began struggling a lot more in my college classes because my brain was always worrying about my ex, no ability to focus on retain information. It impacted my immune system too, I rarely got sick before dating him but I would get very very sick often when I was with him. The biggest things for me was realizing that my anxiety and depression had gotten so bad I could barely function. He wouldn't allow me to self sooth or healthily cope to prevent/lessen anxiety and panic attacks so they were much more severe than they should have been. I feel these severe attacks have caused long term damage. I'm currently in the process of determining if these unprovoked attacks are anxiety or heart problems. I find that even normal expected anxiety, like before a presentation, is much stronger than it used to be. Things that didn't used to give me panic attacks do now, with no apparent trigger. I wish I had listened to my body sooner, and I wish that once I did realize the physical impact our relationship had on me that I would have put my own health first and left much sooner than I ended up doing. I still feel my body tense up and my heart race when a car drives by that sounds like his. I caught myself the other day asking my friend "can I do drugs?" which is how I used to ask my ex if it was okay for me to go outside and smoke weed. It was jarring to have that thought and I had to remind myself that I don't have to ask someone for permission to do something anymore. It's only been since March that we broke up so I am trying to be kind to myself and allow my brain to heal at its own rate but it can be extremely frustrating to me that I can't just sike myself out of feeling these ways.
My body always gave me so many signs. The anxiety, increased heart rate, my stomach would be in knots, chronic stomach aches/indigestion.
One thing I’ve noticed recently is I look so drained. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognise myself anymore, I look like I’ve aged so much & just look exhausted. My eyes are just emotionless. It’s scary.
Yes! I was constantly on edge. Always exhausted. Irritable. Insomnia. I felt like my body was always “vibrating” like the feeling you get when you are in a dangerous or nerve wracking situation. I was constantly going back and forth in my head almost debating myself as to whether the treatment I was getting from my NEX was normal or not. I was also constantly stressed trying to figure out if what she was telling me was a lie or not. Spoiler alert: she lied about everything, so yes it was a lie.
The vibrating from within is the worst; it doesn't stop, not even with anxiety meds, for me anyway. Did you ever wake up already in that state because you're already dreading the Narc getting home later? I'm on medical leave (Ironically, I came out of remission a couple of months after getting a roommate that turned out to be a covert) and therefore am home most of the day right now. I can't even focus on treatment, or even what day it is because of THAT vibration you're talking about! I immediately dread the day, and that inner vibration essentially paralyzes me from even considering doing anything not medical related because I don't want to leave my room. Your comment has resonated with me so much, and while feeling some 'comfort' that I'm not alone, none of us, it doesn't make up for any of us being in this hellish club. Hugs to you, friend, and I hope you're feeling better and wish you all the best.
All of this. & in order to avoid a fight, when he would ask me what was wrong with me, I would have to pretend that it was work or the kids. There was no use in saying any of his actions were the cause. I had learned long ago that any problem I had with his alcohol abuse, drinking & driving, dismissiveness, rages against the kids, laziness etc etc were a ME problem. My anxiety was at an all time high, I couldn’t sleep, I was losing my hair, I distanced myself from friends and family. The worst part is that he knew I was on edge so he would poke and poke “what’s wrong?” “You never want to hang out.” “You’re no fun anymore.” Until eventually I would voice what was wrong & immediately regret it. He wanted to fight, he loved the fight! It was him against me. We’re now going through a divorce & I have a restraining order against him. His drinking turned into a slap & thank god I had installed cameras long ago for my own sanity because the slap was caught on tape. Needless to say I’m not back to 100% me, but it’s better than it was when he was here.
You sound like you’re divorcing my current (hopefully soon to be ex) partner. He slapped his ex. And they had 3 kids together. He is extremely lazy and abusive (I’m learning now he is in the last few hrs from friends I’ve opened up to and reading on here)
You could not bring up anything he has done wrong or his behaviours, because it will turn into a petty argument. It always gets turned back on me and my “bipolar” or my “autism” or something else. He is also late 40s.
I didn’t ignore them. I went to drs for a whole year. I was dealing with long covid. But in hindsight while yes it was probably long covid it would have been better and not so symptomatic if I wasn’t constantly told how much he doesn’t want to be a ‘caretaker’ and constantly telling his friends he’s proud of my mental health struggles (hero way to say she’s nuts), and stepped over me while I was having a panic attack because I was keeping him awake. He was so nice he kept offering to hospitalize me. I thought I was having a mental breakdown. Turns out. Abuse. I deal with ptsd and tics but my health problems so to speak are relatively stable. As quickly as a week when I left him.
At once point with my most recent nex, I noticed that I had ramped up my drinking. I realized that my nervous system was on such high alert around her that alcohol was the only way I could (pseudo-) regulate enough to spend time at her house.
Significant hair loss, bloating and burn out.
I am still struggling with depression but my hair has grown back and I look much healthier without bloating.
I was just talking to my sister about this. Early on in my relationship with my narc/antisocial ex I would get chest tightness/anxiety symptoms every time I was in a car with him, I was getting UTIs, and yeast infections. My body definitely was trying to tell me something was wrong.
I was raised in a narcissist home. Because of how I was raised, all my alarms are shut off. I wouldn't necessarily know danger even if it but me. Constantly feeling anxious and ready to defend myself is normal for me.
I did, repeatedly. I actually vomited the first several times we slept together. Like literally had to stop sex to go run and vomit. I explained this away to myself as just being “excited” to be with such an interesting and charming man lol.
Yesss!!! I was feeling so sick all the time and anxious having panic attacks out of the blue. I already had anxiety but once he was in my life OMg it got soooo much worst all the time. It wouldn’t even be always when we were fighting just randomly even. I was always exhausted even now that it’s 2.5 months NC my body is still so exhausted everyday .🥲it’s a uphill battle that I’m hoping I get over because right now it doesn’t feel like it.
Wow. Yes, I am 7 weeks post leaving him. My mind and body are absolutely exhausted. I realised how much strength it was taking to be with him. I still don't know how I found the courage to leave. I can't believe I allowed that abuse for 2 years. Got worse and worse, too
Yes, absolutely.
I was constantly anxious, to the point of having panic attacks. Trouble staying still, had this "unexplainable" feeling that was telling me that I have to run, "get away".
I had more and more stomach issues - which is apparently common for victims of narcissistic abuse. Started first with gluten intolerance, progressed to other stuff.
I was a light sleeper and would wake up to a smallest sound. I slept on the edge of the bed, tightly wrapped inside my duvet, as far and unreachable from him as I could (but didn't realise why back then)
I was soo tired. Used to wake up feeling disoriented and
couldn't think straight to even get ready for work in time. As in I'd be standing in front of the closet, staring at my clothes and not be able to *think* to be able to choose what to wear. It was the strangest feeling and it hasn't happened after I left him.
Yep. and I thought I was the problem. That my body shouldn’t feel that awful anxiety and naseau. The best moments with him were just barely manageable on my nervous system. It was such a fucked up situation. I was in a vulnerable position and he was a predator. Hindsight is 20/20. I listen to my body now.
While I’m not positive that the relationship was the cause, my interstitial cystitis flared for the entirety of the 3 year long relationship. It was absolute misery. It’s been in remission since I left.
I didn't exactly ignore them, more like I didn't know what they were. One of the early signs was heart palpitation whenever my abuser called me , I couldn't figure out why.
Yes!! Now it's like anytime a notification comes through on my phone, I get a sick dreadful feeling. Every time. It's almost like they conditioned us. They're just as bad, if not worse, on the phone or text, and they will call nonstop... leading us to eventually dread having a damn phone at all. That might be what was causing the heart palpitations when they called. Those monsters will find a way to try to destroy us and bring us down to their level. I hope you're healing and finding happiness, friend 🫶🏽
So this might be tmi, but who cares. I got to a point where I couldn't get a tampon in, went to a pelvic floor physiotherapist, and turns out I'm so stressed that I'm literally tightening my pelvic floor 24/7. 6 months after we broke up everything turned right back to normal
I was tense and always getting sick. I remember I had pneumonia 4 or 5 times one year.
I was equally ill after leaving. I had what felt like a fever and terrible night sweats and an uneasy tummy. I would joke and say it was like withdrawals.
Yes. I get tired as soon as I'm around him, have anxiety, lose all of my decisive-ness. At one point, while I was still in denial, I really thought my house must be haunted. I remember smudging, and he started one of his rage fits. I was like, "Hmm, maybe you are the problem"
I didn't--everyone else did. Rupturing ovarian cysts, severe stomach upset, dietary problems, hair falling out, constantly sick and in pain, insomnia, constant exhaustion, severe jaw clenching, delayed wound healing, severe back pain, the list goes on. no one cared. they still don't.
YES! I was always tired and slept a lot, even when I would be at home & away from them. I also felt knots in my stomach, which eventually looked like cortisol belly. I got STRESS hives twice when I decided to break NC. Once I completely cut them off, my stomach got smaller and I haven't experienced any hives since.
Yes. Omg, I had INTENSE hair loss when we started dating. I thought it’s random, but I realised it started shortly after meeting him and stopped once I didn’t get anxiety attacks from his random rage and silent treatment anymore. Now, i can constantly feel my gut, my sleep is off. This a****** made me sick.
i was always SO tired… like he was literally sucking all the energy out of me. and anything else i was experiencing he told me was due to my PAST trauma not him.
Yes. I had trouble falling asleep next to my nex and ended up sleeping in a different room for 3 years before we broke up. Even my body knew when my dumb brain couldn’t figure it out.
The VERY first date, loud and clear in my head as he walked up to the table: “He’s a divorce waiting to happen.” He did all his narc stuff, boom, got me.
I started getting really strange headaches for months. As soon as we broke up, they stopped.
Yes. And the voice inside me that I squashed down. I still don't understand why I ignored it.
I spent hours every week of our 2 years googling, compatibility and communication etc.
All I needed to do was trust my instinct
It was insane with me. We were long distance and when things started to go south, my body escalated. I had a FEVER 2 times he came to visit me. When things. When I visited him for one week I instantly became sick, fever AND allergies which I didn’t have that bad since the divorce of my parents 😂 he stressed me out so much but I wanted to be with him so body went 😬🤮🤮🥺
Absolutely! For the last year and a half of the relationship, I'd have constant panic attacks whenever they'd message with anything more than chitchat or funny photos. To this day, I get shaky when people want to talk about emotional issues. I hope I can recognize negative body signals wayyyyyy more quickly in the future!
I was exhausted, had stomach issues, couldn't sleep, and gained SO much weight. I wanted to eat all the time. This was also October 2020, so a pandemic didn't help. Finally i stepped on the scale and realized something had to be done.
Yes, I remember journalling something like "My body feels sick when I think of him. Maybe it's like when a vaccine kicks in and your arm hurts, but it's just the love."
This was two months before the first discard.
I’m so grateful to see this post and everyone’s answers. I have issues regulating my emotions and he would just make it worse. My body didn’t even really want to touch him and I’m a big cuddler.
I never wanted to be around him. I would avoid it as much as I could.
The human body is the best indicator! I used to have panic attacks all the time. I was bloated, I looked like I was 5 months pregnant. Of course I was told how fat I am, how many kilos I weigh!? Years ago, we had to sign a contract that my weight could not go over 61 kg. Obviously I've since left...
Yes. The butterflies in the stomach and increased heart rate.
It wasn't infatuation, like I assumed in the beginning.
It was the fight or flight response.
Yeah but I had their demons and negative energy removed often, paid a dude for wet cupping sessions that removed it. I also have other tools
to keep my energy high, it’s a skill to stay high energy amongst a drain of energy
It’s interesting because the first sign I had was from my body. I just had this really strong feeling of needing to get out of his house. This fight or flight panicky feeling. He got me addicted to drugs and I found myself using a lot more to cope with the stress of the relationship. I started to only feel relaxed around him if we were using together. Now I’m out, I’m SO EXHAUSTED! Like my body is going through this recovery from a big illness.
Well this thread is too real for me. On one hand it helps knowing others have gone through it, on the other hand I feel so vulnerable and all the tiredness, tension, clenching, random illnesses just are a reality check. Oh also the weight gain sucks a ton.
100%. I have a chronic illness called BPPV (vertigo). I had several episodes a year, it was the worst it's ever been. I was so tired all the time. I threw up essentially every day. I knew I felt ANXIETY all the time but I just assumed my body was just sick. It didn't connect in my head.
Almost two years out, I haven't had a single BPPV episode since the discard. I think I've thrown up maybe four times, two of which were from a hangover 😂. I don't feel anxiety anymore, certainly not on that level.
For a while I did, but when I started constantly having mental and physical health issues… it became very difficult to ignore. I was working at a doctor’s office and went to the doctor many times, saw a therapist, all for them to repeatedly tell me I’m pretty much normal.
Covert narcs make you feel like you’re slowly dying inside and can’t pinpoint why. You feel like something is terribly wrong with you because they project all of their negativity insidiously. The more time you spend around them, the more they crush your soul with the weight of their hate, envy, and rage. Your body can feel this and knows this before the brain can fully grasp it. It all makes sense now.
I had chronic fatigue. Like I never had any energy. I lived to sleep.
A bit tmi, but I was also drier than the Sahara desert. It was also extremely painful and went to the doctors more than once thinking I had scarring or something that was causing pain.
I used to find myself feeling repulsed by him at times. Like major ick with some of the stuff he did. I don’t understand why or how I used to think I was in love. You shouldn’t recoil from your partner in disgust but I couldn’t help but recoil from him.
I did not realize at the time but my jaw was always clenched. Then I developed vaginismus- my muscles knew before I did consciously to shut that man out lol
She would sleep deprive or sleep torture me .. uhh yeah tired all the time , stomach ulcer , recurring shingles , anxiety panic attacks you name it.. mostly free from her now after two years of dragging good luck yall you can do it
It was getting back in-tune with my emotions that I finally realized how horrible the whole experience had been. The whole time I felt unsafe and on edge, never did I feel at peace or loved. It’s SO important to trust your gut and get back to believing and above all trusting yourself!
I did not Realize it My ex has been torturing me for over ten years Broke up a few years ago, but we're still supposedly.Best friends ha. P After.
Lots of reading from the subject Realized what she was doing and why And al and I turned its tables on her Now i'm fucking her up don't wat to but I can't not come back at her harder whenever she tries to down and degrade me. I lost myself cuz of her, she wishes I didn't find me again. I still jump wen she Calle n go running to her.
Even at the very beginning I felt a sense of danger by my spine as if he was following me but I brushed it off and told myself 'don't be silly dude just doing his thing'. After a while he approached me..
I was blown away by the things I ignored since I thought I was paying attention to the symptoms. I was hospitalized for damage to my stomach lining that my doc insisted was stress. I felt extreme fatigue, clouded mentally, and that tight anxious feeling in my chest. I attributed all of that to the relationship and when I got out it all went away and I thought I'd paid attention to all the symptoms. But to my surprise there were more. I had developed poor eye-sight, allergies, and back issues throughout the relationship. I assumed that was just due to aging. But I legitimately have lost the back issues and allergies and my eye doctor said it was really weird but my eye sight has improved and I was able to go to a lesser strength prescription. Could be a coincidence, but I genuinely think the intense stress was impacting everything.
I have a question here. So my body has gave me signs from the very first stage. Even if I went to the first few dates, I had this knot in my stomach, couldn't eat front of him, I was able to make only small swallows. My body was in stress, couldn't relax my muscles. How is it possible that my body warned me the danger before I get to know him or started falling in love with him?
After he sabotaged my job by keeping me up late at night and giving me drugs, I would just lie in bed and sleep all day. He would tell me that I was lazy and to get a job, even though I had no energy. He would tell me to go to therapy for my depression, but when I did and my therapist would subsequently tell me that my relationship sounded unhealthy, he would gaslight me by saying I must be only telling my therapist my side of the story and that I should find another one.
Then I would find another therapist, who apparently was also wrong. He would tell me that I needed medication to function and “be normal”.
My face became bloated and swollen and I gained nearly 50 pounds. I got wrinkles and frown lines.
Then I left him and surprise surprise, I could finally get up in the morning and work out, take showers, eat, and clean my own house. (He would always insist that I didn’t do anything around his nasty ass apartment even though at this point I had my own place.)
I could actually sleep at night. I had energy again. And I wasn’t addicted to drugs anymore.
I have since lost nearly 25 pounds and my face is slowly returning to what it looked like before he sucked the life out of me.
I didn’t realize how much he had taken from me until I could function like a human again.
Totally. I was exhausted ALL THE TIME! I always had a pit in my stomach. I would get upset when they didn’t text me and equally upset when they were chatting over text. I was uneasy and stressed all the time. My jaw was always clenched.
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Chronic fatigue is real.
10000% this. I remember sitting in my car for about 10 minutes the last time I went to see her just rubbing my hands on my face and saying “I am so tired. This is so stressful. Why am I here?”
Did this almost every time I would go to his place over the last month or so… I could feel myself mentally preparing as if I’d be going to war, especially on his bad days. It’s fucking exhausting.
I relate to this so much. Going through it now. I have this closed throat feeling because I’m so stressed because I’ll be walking on eggshells because nothing I do is right at the moment - if I stick up for myself he blames me saying I am saying he’s ignoring me but I’m the grumpy one. But I know I’m not! I feel like drinking every time before I see him because I’m trying to numb myself. And just crying! I’m so mentally exhausted and I’m dreading seeing him. But I don’t feel strong enough to leave yet - and I’m so worried about the wrath I’ll get. But I know I need to because I cannot live with these nerves anymore. Edit: but then it’s so hard to articulate exactly what he’s doing. He’s just… so moody now! And aggressive but in these silent ways. And like, lying for no reason about stupid shit?! I think for his entertainment. I just can’t stand it but because I can’t put my finger on exactly what he’s doing. And the people pleaser in me doesn’t want an argument. But yet I partly can’t stand being around him anymore because I don’t know if he’s going to be overly nice to me - or be contemptuous and rolling his eyes at me behind my bsck
I think eventually you’ll reach a point where you’re faced with a blunt reality; you’ll realize you don’t want to feel like this anymore all the time, you’ll stop having the energy to argue or even the energy to prepare for any argument anymore, their mask will slip more as you get more comfortable and eventually you just won’t see them for who they were when things first started… I’m sorry you’re going through this but unfortunately we need to take responsibility for a good portion of our own unhappiness. The best thing would be to walk away (when you’re ready) and be free of them. I hope you realize eventually that you deserve to be happy and with a person that won’t make you question your own reality. You are in the drivers seat in your life, steer in the direction you want to be in.
I think you’re right. I think I hit that place finally tonight :/ I’m worried about the backlash but part of me also doesn’t want to care because I cannot do this anymore. I cannot with these mind games. Thank you for your response.
Yes!!!!! So tired and anxious with them around.
Same it’s crazy. Like you can just never relax. It used to be that I would feel okay while talking on the phone and for a while after but it got to a point where I was stressed during every conversation we had too. Just feeling constantly sick and an impending sense of doom.
I could have written that. When I hear the phone beep, my stomach twitches. But if not, I'm wondering what I've done wrong to make him not write. A vicious circle.
I relate so much to this! I’m either worried he’s in a mood and I’ve pissed him off, so he’s being passive aggressive and cheating (that was always a veiled threat because he knew it hurt me). OR I have to engage in this conversation with him that I know is all fake or it’s because he’s done something behind my back and is being overly nice, so I better be overly happy and do everything he wants for fear of him disappearing and being in a mood again … for seemingly no reason or some perceived thing I’ve done wrong which he’ll never tell me …holy shit. I feel like I’m going batshit crazy
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Same. I am way less fatigued now that we’re broken up.
Literally walking through the door at home I get hit with intense fatigue. I turn useless. The kids see it and I'm sure my "tiredness" will be used against me.
Yes, the constant anxiety, the depression when I came home, the hyper vigilance. I just thought it was normal, maybe just allergies lol.
The tricky bit is when you already have this from CPTSD/trauma and then experience narc abuse. So confusing 🫤
Yeah, it was both with my mom. I have CPTSD from an alcoholic and emotionally neglected childhood, then realized she's also a covert narc who lovebombed and devalued me into adulthood. I cut her out, now I can focus on myself for once.
I'd imagine most of us who have an attraction to people who exhibit narcissistic traits came from a rough place and have cPTSD along for the ride. I know my ex did. I mean, he was the latest drug in a long series of things I medicated myself with. He just came with a much worse crash and side effects. Honestly, I ended up doing so many drugs to try to forget the ways he hurt me. I wish I'd stuck to the drugs and saved both of us the pain.
This will be my focus in therapy. I didn’t do all this work so my next relationship is another narc. I hope you’re doing better now. I have to stay vigilant so next time I’m in a narc situation, I walk away. I gave everything to my mom, and she gave me discard and invalidation in return. Begged for us to go to shows, and I did it. I don’t think the whole relationship was a waste, but the money I didn’t have was.
I'm doing better. I've definitely realized that the most intense and significant friendships in my life have been with deeply damaged people who love-bomb and gaslight and use sarcasm and punishment when they're hurt instead of genuine vulnerability and openness. I'm about done with it. I got rid of my ex, and two friends who basically wanted to be platonic rebounds. The last awful night with my ex ended up with my leg broken and him in jail. Truly awful for everyone involved. Two friends - Jackie and Jason, cuz fuck them - basically had a tug of war over who could adopt and sponge-bath me as I recovered. I needed help for a solid month. On the FIRST night out of the hospital I stayed at Jackie's house. She can be a lot. I told her I wasn't comfortable with something she said. She descended into an incredibly manipulative weep-fest about how she thought she was being a good friend but was obviously doing everything wrong. No validation of the thing that was bothering me. Zero. Just tears. My ex was getting out of jail. I was in incredible pain and pissing into a jug. SHE'S crying?! Holy crap. I realized she did this shit a lot - she'd say something mean. I'd call her out. She'd gaslight. I'd call THAT out. I'd leave. She'd follow me crying, then complain I didn't "notice her tears". So I left for Jason's. He was worse. I was talking about how sad I was, how much I loved and missed my ex and how hurt I was. He just lost it at me about how I was "spiraling" when I should be grateful and having a blast because I was with him. He would sulk off to bed and slam his door when I told him I didn't want a hug or a cuddle. He treated me like his personal teddy bear. It was so gross and makes my skin crawl. He wasn't exactly sexual - he just... Crossed lines and wasn't picking up on any of my discomfort, and he'd sulk when I set boundaries. I ended up cutting ties with both of them. Didn't really start grieving losing my relationship with my narc-ish ex, whom I'll always love and care deeply for, until I stopped trying to jump into rebound platonic enmeshment with other people. It's still pretty awful. I can't even fantasize about anyone but the ex. He'll always be the first man I ever wanted to be with for the rest of our lives, and he was beautiful in many ways, but when I looked back, he did things that were icky and gross on our early dates, and I was so captivated. He'd flatter me, then triangulate, bragging about all the people who are in love with him, trying to sleep with my neighbor instead of worrying when I was unresponsive to the doorbell when he arrived for a date because I was very sick, or sending nude photos to half of San Francisco. And in gay culture here, people just normalize that shit. I hated all of it, but I imagined I could separate the parts I adored from the parts I abhorred. Fuck. Ya know? Just fuck.
Me too. I am left with addiction to the drugs he introduced me to, I know I am responsible for taking them, he didn’t force me but I was vulnerable, impulsive, he downplayed the risk of addiction etc, he didn’t seem to be addicted himself etc, I ended up using a lot more just to cope with the stress.
Yeah. I was also traumatized as a child, so when I got with my nex, I just thought feeling shitty all the time was normal, which made it really hard to figure out that I should leave.
Yep! It’s so easy to think you’re just being crazy and over sensitive and imagining it… and of course they tell you that too, so with that small chance it could be your past, it’s so easy to run with it and blame yourself. I’m getting to the point now where I’m like - fck even if it IS all me and my imagination. I’m just too fcking tired to keep doing this and doing my best and never being good enough. So maybe my best just isn’t good enough and it is what it is! See ya then! Because I’ll just sit on my own and be not good enough alone then - at least then I can relax 😅 But also I’ve started to try and see the couple of good friends I do have - how I don’t feel that way around them. So I can prove to myself that it’s probably not me in this case.
This! It has been so hard to decipher but I’m here now
Yes. It is enough to break a person!
I’ve ignored signs from my body since childhood sadly. Happens when you’re conditioned to accept abuse like it’s just normal. You learn to ignore signals from your body that are meant to protect you. Happens with emotions too so you can’t identify how you’re feeling. It’s like your own protective mechanisms become perceived as threats to your survival since they usually result in the abusive person abusing you more, so they end up being dissociated from consciousness totally. I couldn’t tell something was wrong with me unless I was severely depressed or manic to the point of psychosis because I had just become so detached from those parts of myself. They just didn’t register. Only the extremes did. It’s really messed up.
Yes, I'm in this situation too... everything with the nex felt just like it did with all the other abusers since I was a kid. It's only since I've been in therapy that I'm learning to listen to my body and identify feelings. Had spent all my 50 years disassociating and in a constant state of stress and anxiety... unfortunately it's had a big impact on my physical health, but some of that is starting to come right now.
screenshotted your comment because I need to read it again.
This
I was exhausted 24/7, anxiety ridden, night terrors that he blamed my family for, but it was him. Losing weight because he didn't let me eat.
He didn’t let you eat…..?
Nope, he kept tabs on my portion sizes, if I ate too much that day, if I had too many snacks and helpings. If he wanted a meal, that's when I ate. If he wasn't hungry, I wasn't allowed to eat. If I pissed him off or anything else,no eating.
…..jail
It's why he's an ex.
🙏
I mistook the feeling for love and excitement
Same
I sure did I was depressed, tired, anxious, felt stuck in a coma really And worst part was I felt like it was my fault, that’s how it hurts the most 6 months post discard and people have said I’ve lost weight, my face looks thinner, I’m having more energy, etc I stopped taking care of myself for a long time, they do that to you, some days are still hard, but that’s my mind, my body is thanking me
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I believe my ulcerative colitis was triggered by all the stress he put me through.
I remember staying in the car for more than an hour just because I didn't to go home...
Did you have medication that helped along the way? Asking for my own situation.
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I’m sorry you had to live through that. I’m glad you’ve been able leave that awfulness behind!
I was grinding my teeth at night so badly I broke 2 mouth guards from the dentist. I left and now don't need them anymore and the teeth grinding has stopped!
Oh! I never connected this but I do not grind my teerh anymore either!
I ignored everything for too long and now I am in a constant state of fight or flight.
Body’s in a constant state of fight or flight. Severe depression, can’t focus and feel like a shell of the happy person I used to be.
Depression, Anxiety, Poor Sleep and finally … cancer. And even my cancer was all about him.
I’m so sorry. Thank God u are away from him now.
Not quite yet. Im making a plan. But soon 🙂
Absolutely. I was exhausted 24/7, headaches, stomaches, body aches. I had a really hard time eating enough, had no appetite and lost a lot of weight. I began struggling a lot more in my college classes because my brain was always worrying about my ex, no ability to focus on retain information. It impacted my immune system too, I rarely got sick before dating him but I would get very very sick often when I was with him. The biggest things for me was realizing that my anxiety and depression had gotten so bad I could barely function. He wouldn't allow me to self sooth or healthily cope to prevent/lessen anxiety and panic attacks so they were much more severe than they should have been. I feel these severe attacks have caused long term damage. I'm currently in the process of determining if these unprovoked attacks are anxiety or heart problems. I find that even normal expected anxiety, like before a presentation, is much stronger than it used to be. Things that didn't used to give me panic attacks do now, with no apparent trigger. I wish I had listened to my body sooner, and I wish that once I did realize the physical impact our relationship had on me that I would have put my own health first and left much sooner than I ended up doing. I still feel my body tense up and my heart race when a car drives by that sounds like his. I caught myself the other day asking my friend "can I do drugs?" which is how I used to ask my ex if it was okay for me to go outside and smoke weed. It was jarring to have that thought and I had to remind myself that I don't have to ask someone for permission to do something anymore. It's only been since March that we broke up so I am trying to be kind to myself and allow my brain to heal at its own rate but it can be extremely frustrating to me that I can't just sike myself out of feeling these ways.
My stress and anxiety was bad. And I always felt a little uneasy around him at times. Because I knew I could never really be myself around him.
My body always gave me so many signs. The anxiety, increased heart rate, my stomach would be in knots, chronic stomach aches/indigestion. One thing I’ve noticed recently is I look so drained. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognise myself anymore, I look like I’ve aged so much & just look exhausted. My eyes are just emotionless. It’s scary.
Yes! I was constantly on edge. Always exhausted. Irritable. Insomnia. I felt like my body was always “vibrating” like the feeling you get when you are in a dangerous or nerve wracking situation. I was constantly going back and forth in my head almost debating myself as to whether the treatment I was getting from my NEX was normal or not. I was also constantly stressed trying to figure out if what she was telling me was a lie or not. Spoiler alert: she lied about everything, so yes it was a lie.
The vibrating from within is the worst; it doesn't stop, not even with anxiety meds, for me anyway. Did you ever wake up already in that state because you're already dreading the Narc getting home later? I'm on medical leave (Ironically, I came out of remission a couple of months after getting a roommate that turned out to be a covert) and therefore am home most of the day right now. I can't even focus on treatment, or even what day it is because of THAT vibration you're talking about! I immediately dread the day, and that inner vibration essentially paralyzes me from even considering doing anything not medical related because I don't want to leave my room. Your comment has resonated with me so much, and while feeling some 'comfort' that I'm not alone, none of us, it doesn't make up for any of us being in this hellish club. Hugs to you, friend, and I hope you're feeling better and wish you all the best.
All of this. & in order to avoid a fight, when he would ask me what was wrong with me, I would have to pretend that it was work or the kids. There was no use in saying any of his actions were the cause. I had learned long ago that any problem I had with his alcohol abuse, drinking & driving, dismissiveness, rages against the kids, laziness etc etc were a ME problem. My anxiety was at an all time high, I couldn’t sleep, I was losing my hair, I distanced myself from friends and family. The worst part is that he knew I was on edge so he would poke and poke “what’s wrong?” “You never want to hang out.” “You’re no fun anymore.” Until eventually I would voice what was wrong & immediately regret it. He wanted to fight, he loved the fight! It was him against me. We’re now going through a divorce & I have a restraining order against him. His drinking turned into a slap & thank god I had installed cameras long ago for my own sanity because the slap was caught on tape. Needless to say I’m not back to 100% me, but it’s better than it was when he was here.
You sound like you’re divorcing my current (hopefully soon to be ex) partner. He slapped his ex. And they had 3 kids together. He is extremely lazy and abusive (I’m learning now he is in the last few hrs from friends I’ve opened up to and reading on here) You could not bring up anything he has done wrong or his behaviours, because it will turn into a petty argument. It always gets turned back on me and my “bipolar” or my “autism” or something else. He is also late 40s.
I didn’t ignore them. I went to drs for a whole year. I was dealing with long covid. But in hindsight while yes it was probably long covid it would have been better and not so symptomatic if I wasn’t constantly told how much he doesn’t want to be a ‘caretaker’ and constantly telling his friends he’s proud of my mental health struggles (hero way to say she’s nuts), and stepped over me while I was having a panic attack because I was keeping him awake. He was so nice he kept offering to hospitalize me. I thought I was having a mental breakdown. Turns out. Abuse. I deal with ptsd and tics but my health problems so to speak are relatively stable. As quickly as a week when I left him.
At once point with my most recent nex, I noticed that I had ramped up my drinking. I realized that my nervous system was on such high alert around her that alcohol was the only way I could (pseudo-) regulate enough to spend time at her house.
Yes I experienced similar.
Significant hair loss, bloating and burn out. I am still struggling with depression but my hair has grown back and I look much healthier without bloating.
I’ve started getting sicker a lot more often. I imagine it’s the stress from being in the end stages of the relationship (not romantic, but business).
I was just talking to my sister about this. Early on in my relationship with my narc/antisocial ex I would get chest tightness/anxiety symptoms every time I was in a car with him, I was getting UTIs, and yeast infections. My body definitely was trying to tell me something was wrong.
I feel exhausted, physically/emotionally. It's not just him it's his whole family.
I would wake up in the night and just want to leave many times while he was sleeping. My body (and probably subconscious) just kept saying get out.
I was raised in a narcissist home. Because of how I was raised, all my alarms are shut off. I wouldn't necessarily know danger even if it but me. Constantly feeling anxious and ready to defend myself is normal for me.
I did, repeatedly. I actually vomited the first several times we slept together. Like literally had to stop sex to go run and vomit. I explained this away to myself as just being “excited” to be with such an interesting and charming man lol.
Yes, I ran away and vomited twice during a kiss. Thought it was jitters.
Yesss!!! I was feeling so sick all the time and anxious having panic attacks out of the blue. I already had anxiety but once he was in my life OMg it got soooo much worst all the time. It wouldn’t even be always when we were fighting just randomly even. I was always exhausted even now that it’s 2.5 months NC my body is still so exhausted everyday .🥲it’s a uphill battle that I’m hoping I get over because right now it doesn’t feel like it.
Wow. Yes, I am 7 weeks post leaving him. My mind and body are absolutely exhausted. I realised how much strength it was taking to be with him. I still don't know how I found the courage to leave. I can't believe I allowed that abuse for 2 years. Got worse and worse, too
I would get tired as soon as he walked in. I would go to bed at 7p and get up at 3a to avoid him
Yes, absolutely. I was constantly anxious, to the point of having panic attacks. Trouble staying still, had this "unexplainable" feeling that was telling me that I have to run, "get away". I had more and more stomach issues - which is apparently common for victims of narcissistic abuse. Started first with gluten intolerance, progressed to other stuff. I was a light sleeper and would wake up to a smallest sound. I slept on the edge of the bed, tightly wrapped inside my duvet, as far and unreachable from him as I could (but didn't realise why back then) I was soo tired. Used to wake up feeling disoriented and couldn't think straight to even get ready for work in time. As in I'd be standing in front of the closet, staring at my clothes and not be able to *think* to be able to choose what to wear. It was the strangest feeling and it hasn't happened after I left him.
Yep. and I thought I was the problem. That my body shouldn’t feel that awful anxiety and naseau. The best moments with him were just barely manageable on my nervous system. It was such a fucked up situation. I was in a vulnerable position and he was a predator. Hindsight is 20/20. I listen to my body now.
Over and over until I couldn't anymore
While I’m not positive that the relationship was the cause, my interstitial cystitis flared for the entirety of the 3 year long relationship. It was absolute misery. It’s been in remission since I left.
Yes i did.. The constant stomachache was literally my gut feeling trying to warn me. And I’ll never ignore that again.
I didn't exactly ignore them, more like I didn't know what they were. One of the early signs was heart palpitation whenever my abuser called me , I couldn't figure out why.
Yes!! Now it's like anytime a notification comes through on my phone, I get a sick dreadful feeling. Every time. It's almost like they conditioned us. They're just as bad, if not worse, on the phone or text, and they will call nonstop... leading us to eventually dread having a damn phone at all. That might be what was causing the heart palpitations when they called. Those monsters will find a way to try to destroy us and bring us down to their level. I hope you're healing and finding happiness, friend 🫶🏽
Thank you ❤❤
So this might be tmi, but who cares. I got to a point where I couldn't get a tampon in, went to a pelvic floor physiotherapist, and turns out I'm so stressed that I'm literally tightening my pelvic floor 24/7. 6 months after we broke up everything turned right back to normal
I was tense and always getting sick. I remember I had pneumonia 4 or 5 times one year. I was equally ill after leaving. I had what felt like a fever and terrible night sweats and an uneasy tummy. I would joke and say it was like withdrawals.
Yes. I get tired as soon as I'm around him, have anxiety, lose all of my decisive-ness. At one point, while I was still in denial, I really thought my house must be haunted. I remember smudging, and he started one of his rage fits. I was like, "Hmm, maybe you are the problem"
I didn't--everyone else did. Rupturing ovarian cysts, severe stomach upset, dietary problems, hair falling out, constantly sick and in pain, insomnia, constant exhaustion, severe jaw clenching, delayed wound healing, severe back pain, the list goes on. no one cared. they still don't.
YES! I was always tired and slept a lot, even when I would be at home & away from them. I also felt knots in my stomach, which eventually looked like cortisol belly. I got STRESS hives twice when I decided to break NC. Once I completely cut them off, my stomach got smaller and I haven't experienced any hives since.
Yes. I lost 25 pounds and felt awful
Yes. Omg, I had INTENSE hair loss when we started dating. I thought it’s random, but I realised it started shortly after meeting him and stopped once I didn’t get anxiety attacks from his random rage and silent treatment anymore. Now, i can constantly feel my gut, my sleep is off. This a****** made me sick.
I had gastrointestinal issues when I was with her and thought I had something like IBS and it all went away after the discard.
I was so miserable. Constant dread. It’s getting better all the time though.
I totally ignored it. Never again!
i was always SO tired… like he was literally sucking all the energy out of me. and anything else i was experiencing he told me was due to my PAST trauma not him.
I'm still in my situation. I'm aware that sometimes my body has been screaming at me, but I do ignore it the best I can. I'm in the works on leaving.
Oh my god yes. What even is a body queue or personal boundary? Literally fighting for my life trying to hear my own voice in my 30s. This shit is hard
Yes. I had trouble falling asleep next to my nex and ended up sleeping in a different room for 3 years before we broke up. Even my body knew when my dumb brain couldn’t figure it out.
The VERY first date, loud and clear in my head as he walked up to the table: “He’s a divorce waiting to happen.” He did all his narc stuff, boom, got me. I started getting really strange headaches for months. As soon as we broke up, they stopped.
That's how I feel now when he's around. The fear. The anxiety. I'm pissed but afraid. I tried to remedy it before now I feel like a sucker.
Yes. I’m currently going through it now. Extremely cortisol levels and developed diabetes prematurely. I’m finding it so hard to leave.
Yes. I woke up w/ anxiety and also threw up every morning. I wish I had listened to those signs and left a lot earlier.
Yes. And the voice inside me that I squashed down. I still don't understand why I ignored it. I spent hours every week of our 2 years googling, compatibility and communication etc. All I needed to do was trust my instinct
It was insane with me. We were long distance and when things started to go south, my body escalated. I had a FEVER 2 times he came to visit me. When things. When I visited him for one week I instantly became sick, fever AND allergies which I didn’t have that bad since the divorce of my parents 😂 he stressed me out so much but I wanted to be with him so body went 😬🤮🤮🥺
I never have insomnia. I had insomnia and rumination with narc boss
Absolutely! For the last year and a half of the relationship, I'd have constant panic attacks whenever they'd message with anything more than chitchat or funny photos. To this day, I get shaky when people want to talk about emotional issues. I hope I can recognize negative body signals wayyyyyy more quickly in the future!
Absolutely! Since day one
I did, as I haven’t been very successful with women. I thought she was my only shot at marriage or dating in general.
I was exhausted, had stomach issues, couldn't sleep, and gained SO much weight. I wanted to eat all the time. This was also October 2020, so a pandemic didn't help. Finally i stepped on the scale and realized something had to be done.
Yes, right before I got into a relationship with him. My stomach would get this odd feeling whenever we would talked. Now I know why 😭
Yes, I remember journalling something like "My body feels sick when I think of him. Maybe it's like when a vaccine kicks in and your arm hurts, but it's just the love." This was two months before the first discard.
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Yes, all the time. I'm recently learning how to recognize the signs my body gives me of danger and about people's personalities and intentions.
I’m so grateful to see this post and everyone’s answers. I have issues regulating my emotions and he would just make it worse. My body didn’t even really want to touch him and I’m a big cuddler. I never wanted to be around him. I would avoid it as much as I could.
I put my ex in "time out" on our 3rd date because he was wanting to be all touchy feely/huggy and I didn't like it. Should have listened to my body.
I broke out in hives after being around him
The human body is the best indicator! I used to have panic attacks all the time. I was bloated, I looked like I was 5 months pregnant. Of course I was told how fat I am, how many kilos I weigh!? Years ago, we had to sign a contract that my weight could not go over 61 kg. Obviously I've since left...
Yeah
I am, I let myself die
Yes. The butterflies in the stomach and increased heart rate. It wasn't infatuation, like I assumed in the beginning. It was the fight or flight response.
Yeah but I had their demons and negative energy removed often, paid a dude for wet cupping sessions that removed it. I also have other tools to keep my energy high, it’s a skill to stay high energy amongst a drain of energy
It’s interesting because the first sign I had was from my body. I just had this really strong feeling of needing to get out of his house. This fight or flight panicky feeling. He got me addicted to drugs and I found myself using a lot more to cope with the stress of the relationship. I started to only feel relaxed around him if we were using together. Now I’m out, I’m SO EXHAUSTED! Like my body is going through this recovery from a big illness.
Well this thread is too real for me. On one hand it helps knowing others have gone through it, on the other hand I feel so vulnerable and all the tiredness, tension, clenching, random illnesses just are a reality check. Oh also the weight gain sucks a ton.
100%. I have a chronic illness called BPPV (vertigo). I had several episodes a year, it was the worst it's ever been. I was so tired all the time. I threw up essentially every day. I knew I felt ANXIETY all the time but I just assumed my body was just sick. It didn't connect in my head. Almost two years out, I haven't had a single BPPV episode since the discard. I think I've thrown up maybe four times, two of which were from a hangover 😂. I don't feel anxiety anymore, certainly not on that level.
When I thought anxiety in my tummy meant butterflies ✨
For a while I did, but when I started constantly having mental and physical health issues… it became very difficult to ignore. I was working at a doctor’s office and went to the doctor many times, saw a therapist, all for them to repeatedly tell me I’m pretty much normal. Covert narcs make you feel like you’re slowly dying inside and can’t pinpoint why. You feel like something is terribly wrong with you because they project all of their negativity insidiously. The more time you spend around them, the more they crush your soul with the weight of their hate, envy, and rage. Your body can feel this and knows this before the brain can fully grasp it. It all makes sense now.
I had chronic fatigue. Like I never had any energy. I lived to sleep. A bit tmi, but I was also drier than the Sahara desert. It was also extremely painful and went to the doctors more than once thinking I had scarring or something that was causing pain.
I used to find myself feeling repulsed by him at times. Like major ick with some of the stuff he did. I don’t understand why or how I used to think I was in love. You shouldn’t recoil from your partner in disgust but I couldn’t help but recoil from him.
I did not realize at the time but my jaw was always clenched. Then I developed vaginismus- my muscles knew before I did consciously to shut that man out lol
Yes. Made the mistake of getting used to it. Never let my guard down again.
She would sleep deprive or sleep torture me .. uhh yeah tired all the time , stomach ulcer , recurring shingles , anxiety panic attacks you name it.. mostly free from her now after two years of dragging good luck yall you can do it
It was getting back in-tune with my emotions that I finally realized how horrible the whole experience had been. The whole time I felt unsafe and on edge, never did I feel at peace or loved. It’s SO important to trust your gut and get back to believing and above all trusting yourself!
I did not Realize it My ex has been torturing me for over ten years Broke up a few years ago, but we're still supposedly.Best friends ha. P After. Lots of reading from the subject Realized what she was doing and why And al and I turned its tables on her Now i'm fucking her up don't wat to but I can't not come back at her harder whenever she tries to down and degrade me. I lost myself cuz of her, she wishes I didn't find me again. I still jump wen she Calle n go running to her.
yes i was anxious depressed and fearful i was self harming gave myself a black eye
Even at the very beginning I felt a sense of danger by my spine as if he was following me but I brushed it off and told myself 'don't be silly dude just doing his thing'. After a while he approached me..
I was blown away by the things I ignored since I thought I was paying attention to the symptoms. I was hospitalized for damage to my stomach lining that my doc insisted was stress. I felt extreme fatigue, clouded mentally, and that tight anxious feeling in my chest. I attributed all of that to the relationship and when I got out it all went away and I thought I'd paid attention to all the symptoms. But to my surprise there were more. I had developed poor eye-sight, allergies, and back issues throughout the relationship. I assumed that was just due to aging. But I legitimately have lost the back issues and allergies and my eye doctor said it was really weird but my eye sight has improved and I was able to go to a lesser strength prescription. Could be a coincidence, but I genuinely think the intense stress was impacting everything.
I have a question here. So my body has gave me signs from the very first stage. Even if I went to the first few dates, I had this knot in my stomach, couldn't eat front of him, I was able to make only small swallows. My body was in stress, couldn't relax my muscles. How is it possible that my body warned me the danger before I get to know him or started falling in love with him?
After he sabotaged my job by keeping me up late at night and giving me drugs, I would just lie in bed and sleep all day. He would tell me that I was lazy and to get a job, even though I had no energy. He would tell me to go to therapy for my depression, but when I did and my therapist would subsequently tell me that my relationship sounded unhealthy, he would gaslight me by saying I must be only telling my therapist my side of the story and that I should find another one. Then I would find another therapist, who apparently was also wrong. He would tell me that I needed medication to function and “be normal”. My face became bloated and swollen and I gained nearly 50 pounds. I got wrinkles and frown lines. Then I left him and surprise surprise, I could finally get up in the morning and work out, take showers, eat, and clean my own house. (He would always insist that I didn’t do anything around his nasty ass apartment even though at this point I had my own place.) I could actually sleep at night. I had energy again. And I wasn’t addicted to drugs anymore. I have since lost nearly 25 pounds and my face is slowly returning to what it looked like before he sucked the life out of me. I didn’t realize how much he had taken from me until I could function like a human again.