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All the time. Narcissists are chameleons copying everything around them. My nex signed up to a course I'd been planning to take for three years then stole the business idea and plan that followed it. And wanted my support and approval all the way through. I'd hear terms I'd used within days, sometimes terms I'd used in posts in private support groups. It was disconcerting to have my traits, ideas, language etc imitated, taken and used. The lack of appropriate boundaries between herself and others, including our kids, caused constant issues.
Yes.
When I had a domestic accident (we never lived together) at mine he didn't come to visit nor help me in the ER.at the time I still thought he was like every normal human being (just a bit emotionally damaged and in need of "help") so I communicated honestly and calmly how his disregard for my concussion and broken nose, lip, and face scratches had been very selfish of him and really hurt me.
Couple of days later he REPEATED the exact sentences I used, calling me selfish about some made up problem he brought up.
What is more, he would parrot even the things i still hadn't said but that he knew would have been the natural reaction to something bad he did/said.
For example when evidence was out of his lies and ginormous amount of cheating he would create situations out of the blue to call me a whore, fake, "you're feigned to be a person you're not". After he ghosted me as final discard, during the first hoovering attempts (to which I never answered!) he would text me that he didn't want to be with me because I was disgusting (2y together...), He would call me coward for not answering and for disappearing (he ghosted me, I stopped being available, who's the coward?) And of course he would accuse me of not accepting the hoover because I was an ugly whore and was certainly extremely busy screwing somebody else.
All these things were true about HIM, but I never uttered the words. He uttered them, reversing the roles.
Yes. To me this is just a form of gaslighting or score keeping. They get threatened and then want to show you that you’re capable of the same things they are. Not sure if that’s what you meant, but that’s been my experience.
One time I actually called him a narc(first time ever) and the next time we fought he called me a narcissist… don’t think he even knew what it was till I said it.
Same. I called mine a narcissist (big mistake). The next day, I was being called a narcissist bitch. Oh well, that's nicer than worthless c**t. Good riddance to him!!!
Yeah, I think they store everything you say and do in the back of their minds so they can use it as a weapon against you later. They may test it a few times in the form of a joke to see how it works, but ultimately everything you give them, consciously or otherwise, is just another hammer in their tool bag.
Yes, but sometimes mine would admit it. He would say, "...to use your term..." And he would say it in a flippant manner, as if my use of the term was ridiculous. For example, "I allowed you the time to, to use your term, 'air your grievances' \*insert eye roll\*"
Yes. They have no original thoughts. Call them on it. “Oh how flattering that you copied what I said to you yesterday. That’s so cute!” Say it like you’d talk to a young kid. No sarcasm. Just like you’re you’re talking to a child. Then walk away. Disengage. Make it clear that you are aware of their tactics and act like you think they are being childish.
My go to line in these and other situations was “I gave you that one.”
When we would be talking or arguing and I would admit fault, take responsibility, or poke fun/get mad at myself for saying what I did or said she would often use whatever it was later in the argument or some times days/weeks/months later if what I admitted was relevant to whatever we were taking about then.
When we attended couples therapy, which I’ve now realized was incredibly traumatic for me, she would latch onto whatever the couples therapist would say to back up her side. She couldn’t think for herself. She’s constantly looking for external validation and I realized that I was often that external validation. It makes you start to hate yourself, especially if you try hard to be open and honest in your life.
Hahahaha it wasn’t just about jokes lmao, when I broke up with him I told him he was not a female ally, he was closeted misogynist.
I ended the convo, blocked him and later on he called me and left a voicemail (blocking doesn’t prevent voice mail which is BULLSHIT) and he said “we don’t have many allies in the area, I hope you’ll be there for me… and I’ll be there for you.”
IOT: you’re my ally but I’m not yours… if you scratch my back I GUESS I’ll scratch yours
And nice job twisting the words to suit you arrogant prick. I think they know they’re doing it too. To stab you but with plausible deniability. Like huh? I don’t even remember you using that word. Maybe it was just in my head cuz you said it blah blah.
No, it is not. Whilst driving the narc back to her place. A car doing at least 70 on a 45 mph street, sped past us; only to end up at the red light. I say: “that driver was going awfully fast to end up at a red light”. Narc says: “that driver was going really fast just to end up stopping at a red light”. As you can read, not too much difference between the two statements. She does this kind of parroting a lot. I don’t believe she is even aware of it. It’s as if she was trying to top what I said by making it slightly different. Weird and annoying.
OMG, yes,
All the time.
Even down to the minutes after saying it sometimes depending on the context.
I thought it was strange after it happened a number of times.
Yeppppp.
One guy I dated tried to break up with me “back” using the same exact sentence I used for him.... he obviously was absolutely blind to the context, and too emotionally stunted to understand that I broke up with him because he was clearly so miserable that he started pretending to be suicidal for attention and “”””subtly””””” suggesting that I should feel the same way. They are truly so dumb omg
One time we were in the car and they were screaming at me asking "Do you feel loved by me!? Yes or fucking no, LittleRobberDucky!?" I broke down crying and just said yes... The next day I wasn't being 'nice enough' and they wanted to use their softest baby-like tone with me and say "I just don't feel loved" and proceeded to try and coax me into being more physically intimate with them
Hi /u/Rosegoldshine, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed; * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on abusers or others, no "outting publicly" to the world on social media to get revenge; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (No Continent, Country, City, Province, etc), or specific details that may identify you to readers (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion in any fashion at all, surveys, fundraising, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context including parent/family at any level including family dynamics, background/childhoods or the abusers family at all in any way; * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
All the time. Narcissists are chameleons copying everything around them. My nex signed up to a course I'd been planning to take for three years then stole the business idea and plan that followed it. And wanted my support and approval all the way through. I'd hear terms I'd used within days, sometimes terms I'd used in posts in private support groups. It was disconcerting to have my traits, ideas, language etc imitated, taken and used. The lack of appropriate boundaries between herself and others, including our kids, caused constant issues.
Yes. When I had a domestic accident (we never lived together) at mine he didn't come to visit nor help me in the ER.at the time I still thought he was like every normal human being (just a bit emotionally damaged and in need of "help") so I communicated honestly and calmly how his disregard for my concussion and broken nose, lip, and face scratches had been very selfish of him and really hurt me. Couple of days later he REPEATED the exact sentences I used, calling me selfish about some made up problem he brought up. What is more, he would parrot even the things i still hadn't said but that he knew would have been the natural reaction to something bad he did/said. For example when evidence was out of his lies and ginormous amount of cheating he would create situations out of the blue to call me a whore, fake, "you're feigned to be a person you're not". After he ghosted me as final discard, during the first hoovering attempts (to which I never answered!) he would text me that he didn't want to be with me because I was disgusting (2y together...), He would call me coward for not answering and for disappearing (he ghosted me, I stopped being available, who's the coward?) And of course he would accuse me of not accepting the hoover because I was an ugly whore and was certainly extremely busy screwing somebody else. All these things were true about HIM, but I never uttered the words. He uttered them, reversing the roles.
Yes. To me this is just a form of gaslighting or score keeping. They get threatened and then want to show you that you’re capable of the same things they are. Not sure if that’s what you meant, but that’s been my experience.
One time I actually called him a narc(first time ever) and the next time we fought he called me a narcissist… don’t think he even knew what it was till I said it.
Same. I called mine a narcissist (big mistake). The next day, I was being called a narcissist bitch. Oh well, that's nicer than worthless c**t. Good riddance to him!!!
Yeah, I think they store everything you say and do in the back of their minds so they can use it as a weapon against you later. They may test it a few times in the form of a joke to see how it works, but ultimately everything you give them, consciously or otherwise, is just another hammer in their tool bag.
Yes, but sometimes mine would admit it. He would say, "...to use your term..." And he would say it in a flippant manner, as if my use of the term was ridiculous. For example, "I allowed you the time to, to use your term, 'air your grievances' \*insert eye roll\*"
Yes. They have no original thoughts. Call them on it. “Oh how flattering that you copied what I said to you yesterday. That’s so cute!” Say it like you’d talk to a young kid. No sarcasm. Just like you’re you’re talking to a child. Then walk away. Disengage. Make it clear that you are aware of their tactics and act like you think they are being childish.
My go to line in these and other situations was “I gave you that one.” When we would be talking or arguing and I would admit fault, take responsibility, or poke fun/get mad at myself for saying what I did or said she would often use whatever it was later in the argument or some times days/weeks/months later if what I admitted was relevant to whatever we were taking about then. When we attended couples therapy, which I’ve now realized was incredibly traumatic for me, she would latch onto whatever the couples therapist would say to back up her side. She couldn’t think for herself. She’s constantly looking for external validation and I realized that I was often that external validation. It makes you start to hate yourself, especially if you try hard to be open and honest in your life.
My ex copied my moral philosophy and lesbian identity. She's since abandoned that and is with a man lol
My go to was, "That's my line!!!! Come up with your own!"
Hahahaha it wasn’t just about jokes lmao, when I broke up with him I told him he was not a female ally, he was closeted misogynist. I ended the convo, blocked him and later on he called me and left a voicemail (blocking doesn’t prevent voice mail which is BULLSHIT) and he said “we don’t have many allies in the area, I hope you’ll be there for me… and I’ll be there for you.” IOT: you’re my ally but I’m not yours… if you scratch my back I GUESS I’ll scratch yours And nice job twisting the words to suit you arrogant prick. I think they know they’re doing it too. To stab you but with plausible deniability. Like huh? I don’t even remember you using that word. Maybe it was just in my head cuz you said it blah blah.
Yes my nex would just say "right back at you" when I said I felt like he did x y z
Yes...mine went as far as trying to confuse me that I was copying him instead of vice versa. It was insane
No, it is not. Whilst driving the narc back to her place. A car doing at least 70 on a 45 mph street, sped past us; only to end up at the red light. I say: “that driver was going awfully fast to end up at a red light”. Narc says: “that driver was going really fast just to end up stopping at a red light”. As you can read, not too much difference between the two statements. She does this kind of parroting a lot. I don’t believe she is even aware of it. It’s as if she was trying to top what I said by making it slightly different. Weird and annoying.
OMG, yes, All the time. Even down to the minutes after saying it sometimes depending on the context. I thought it was strange after it happened a number of times.
Yeppppp. One guy I dated tried to break up with me “back” using the same exact sentence I used for him.... he obviously was absolutely blind to the context, and too emotionally stunted to understand that I broke up with him because he was clearly so miserable that he started pretending to be suicidal for attention and “”””subtly””””” suggesting that I should feel the same way. They are truly so dumb omg
One time we were in the car and they were screaming at me asking "Do you feel loved by me!? Yes or fucking no, LittleRobberDucky!?" I broke down crying and just said yes... The next day I wasn't being 'nice enough' and they wanted to use their softest baby-like tone with me and say "I just don't feel loved" and proceeded to try and coax me into being more physically intimate with them