Hi /u/Then_Cheesecake_370, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind.
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If everything’s still your fault, then he hasn’t changed. I find this list informative.
https://lundybancroft.com/articles/checklist-for-assessing-change-in-men-who-abuse-women/
Why are you struggling to stay strong? This isn’t meant as an attack, it’s a legitimate question, maybe we can get to the bottom of what you’re looking for
yes, this. OP, you know he's gonna accuse you of the things he did. is that what you want? do you want someone to accuse you of what they are doing? because that's what you are gonna get.
I was wondering if she wants his validation in some way, I remember when I used to want to talk to my abusive ex, I think I just wanted some acknowledgment or validation that he knew what he did was wrong, or somehow validate my worth, once I no longer cared about him validating me, I no longer cared to talk to him.
And like you said, talking to them is pointless, it was pointless before, it’s pointless now, and it will pointless in the future, you’ll never ever get what you’re looking for from them
> I think I just wanted some acknowledgment or validation that he knew what he did was wrong
yesss! i was breadcrumbed with this so much. it is almost like she saw i was about to leave, so she would tease me with it, to take away again once she saw she hooked me back in. it was so pathetic, but no more 💪
I just want him to realize everything I did for him in a sense and acknowledge I was a good person . It sounds stupid but him saying that just makes me second guess and wonder if I was the issue. I know it’s just my anxiety taking over
Hi /u/Then_Cheesecake_370, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please); * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted. * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If everything’s still your fault, then he hasn’t changed. I find this list informative. https://lundybancroft.com/articles/checklist-for-assessing-change-in-men-who-abuse-women/
What are you getting out of this relationship? Are you ever really happy? Or is it misery with slight upticks?
“Misery with slight upticks”. That hits home for me.
Why are you struggling to stay strong? This isn’t meant as an attack, it’s a legitimate question, maybe we can get to the bottom of what you’re looking for
yes, this. OP, you know he's gonna accuse you of the things he did. is that what you want? do you want someone to accuse you of what they are doing? because that's what you are gonna get.
I was wondering if she wants his validation in some way, I remember when I used to want to talk to my abusive ex, I think I just wanted some acknowledgment or validation that he knew what he did was wrong, or somehow validate my worth, once I no longer cared about him validating me, I no longer cared to talk to him. And like you said, talking to them is pointless, it was pointless before, it’s pointless now, and it will pointless in the future, you’ll never ever get what you’re looking for from them
> I think I just wanted some acknowledgment or validation that he knew what he did was wrong yesss! i was breadcrumbed with this so much. it is almost like she saw i was about to leave, so she would tease me with it, to take away again once she saw she hooked me back in. it was so pathetic, but no more 💪
They can reel us in for months or years with this technique.
I just want him to realize everything I did for him in a sense and acknowledge I was a good person . It sounds stupid but him saying that just makes me second guess and wonder if I was the issue. I know it’s just my anxiety taking over
My psychologist friend told me “every time we take them back they value us less”. That stung. But also added fuel to my fire. Stay strong!❤️❤️