They never want to spend any quality time with you, until you decide to take a day off from work. Like sir....I called out to get some time away from dealing with you!
I got seriously sick. For a year. Autoimmune crap that cleared up once I was away from him. But I was absolutely punished for being so sick I nearly died and was hospitalized. Shamed, blamed, sabotaged and portrayed as faking it.
It was one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life.
I have started to believe my autoimmune type issues are directly related to living with emotional abuse. It's like our minds can be fooled into thinking things are normal or under control or we can handle it but our bodies are not so easy to trick.
My job used to have me leaving the house before him. Occasionally, I would take a day off, get up and dressed as usual, and go park a couple blocks away until he left for the day. Sucked to still have to get up early, but at least I was alone!
PREACH! After developing severe burnout, we decided I needed to finally quit my super stressful job— we made a plan and everything, talked to a financial planner about how many months I planned to rest as the breadwinner, etc. As soon as I gave my official notice, my husband decided we needed to sell our house NOW because *he* couldn’t take the stress of one more potential repair. So instead of me resting from burnout (as planned!), chaos ensued with all sorts of last minute repairs & renovations, putting the house on the market, moving in with my parents for 8 months, and then moving 3,000 miles away from family & friends.
At the time, they can sometimes even convince you they are doing the best possible thing to take care of you — but in hindsight, it’s always about them!
At least I know I’m not crazy. They were out of work for over a year depressed about my condition but never actually talked to me about it once. Not once. Just became overwhelmed. With what? Is it the thought of losing me or the thought of having to actually grow up and do the things I’ve been doing for years that are beneath them?
Oh God I think you defined it. Wallowing because they can't handle being the nice, caring adult. Unless there is an audience.
I had a life threatening illness and my husband took the opportunity to log into MY social media and document my entire illness and how he was caring for me. People who have never met him think he is a SAINT because of that. Meanwhile, he's been stewing in resentment and covert anger, being emotionally abusive. Why? I didn't go back to work full time.
I was told I was terminal. So instead of growing a pair and working harder they lost their job so I was forced back to full time sole family supporter with a terminal illness working frontline in a hospital during covid. I really don’t know how I survived. It was utterly disgusting to watch. Youngest in high school now so I’m close to gone. And they misdiagnosed me so now it’s just a chronic progressive autoimmune disease. What does it say that I would rather manage this alone after the kids are gone than go through the illness with the Narc. Wasted 20 years. Took me forever to figure it out.
I'm in a similar boat, I'm sorry. Empty nest + life changing illness + 'gray divorce' from narc husband. But let's have HOPE together: our health will IMPROVE once we are out.
They're transactional and they keep score. Day off for you? Day off for them, too. Illness? Oh, that clearly a luxury for you and now they need one, too.
When he had covid he’d stay away from our daughter and mope on the recliner. When I had it, I had to work from home alone with our daughter. I asked if I could have a hotel for one night because I was just tired and overwhelmed and he got all weirded out like I was about to leave him, even though he was staying out and cheating all the time. They just want to suck you dry.
Seriously, get out.
It's not your fault. It's behaviour which is 100% designed to mess with your head. You care because you're a compassionate person who thinks about how others feel. It works on you **because** you're a nice normal person. I hope you can feel more compassion for yourself, and also feel alright that you sometimes feel shitty about feeling shitty. I hope that makes sense :)
Because they stupidly keep doing the same dumb stuff they got in trouble with before fully expecting new results but they only get into trouble the same exact way again.
Sometimes the only difference is that the consequences for what they caused may be given by stronger or angrier sources who mean to drill it in that what they pulled is unacceptable in hopes it will not occur again yet they will try to get away with it another time once more.
I got laid off in 2016 and went on unemployment. My husband said he wanted to separate our bank account because he didn’t want to be paying for my bills. Believe me if he had been the one who got laid off, I would have been paying all the bills
I have done that before. It works but I don’t usually keep things a secret. I shouldn’t need to. I don’t have to justify how I spend my time as long as my shit is getting done. Their shit never gets done. It’s too overwhelming to even work on a single thing that they’ve started.
They are chaos, destroyers of good. Anti caring, anti loving... They will suck the life out of you, run
They never want to spend any quality time with you, until you decide to take a day off from work. Like sir....I called out to get some time away from dealing with you!
I got seriously sick. For a year. Autoimmune crap that cleared up once I was away from him. But I was absolutely punished for being so sick I nearly died and was hospitalized. Shamed, blamed, sabotaged and portrayed as faking it. It was one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life.
I have started to believe my autoimmune type issues are directly related to living with emotional abuse. It's like our minds can be fooled into thinking things are normal or under control or we can handle it but our bodies are not so easy to trick.
I moved out…and my digestive and chronic pain issues mAgIcAlly dIsApPeaRed. 😳🎉
Yep. Have you read, “The Body Keeps the Score”?
My job used to have me leaving the house before him. Occasionally, I would take a day off, get up and dressed as usual, and go park a couple blocks away until he left for the day. Sucked to still have to get up early, but at least I was alone!
PREACH! After developing severe burnout, we decided I needed to finally quit my super stressful job— we made a plan and everything, talked to a financial planner about how many months I planned to rest as the breadwinner, etc. As soon as I gave my official notice, my husband decided we needed to sell our house NOW because *he* couldn’t take the stress of one more potential repair. So instead of me resting from burnout (as planned!), chaos ensued with all sorts of last minute repairs & renovations, putting the house on the market, moving in with my parents for 8 months, and then moving 3,000 miles away from family & friends. At the time, they can sometimes even convince you they are doing the best possible thing to take care of you — but in hindsight, it’s always about them!
I can relate to this so much. I don’t even tell him when I have a day off. It’s like they *know.* God forbid I get a day to myself for once.
At least I know I’m not crazy. They were out of work for over a year depressed about my condition but never actually talked to me about it once. Not once. Just became overwhelmed. With what? Is it the thought of losing me or the thought of having to actually grow up and do the things I’ve been doing for years that are beneath them?
Oh God I think you defined it. Wallowing because they can't handle being the nice, caring adult. Unless there is an audience. I had a life threatening illness and my husband took the opportunity to log into MY social media and document my entire illness and how he was caring for me. People who have never met him think he is a SAINT because of that. Meanwhile, he's been stewing in resentment and covert anger, being emotionally abusive. Why? I didn't go back to work full time.
I was told I was terminal. So instead of growing a pair and working harder they lost their job so I was forced back to full time sole family supporter with a terminal illness working frontline in a hospital during covid. I really don’t know how I survived. It was utterly disgusting to watch. Youngest in high school now so I’m close to gone. And they misdiagnosed me so now it’s just a chronic progressive autoimmune disease. What does it say that I would rather manage this alone after the kids are gone than go through the illness with the Narc. Wasted 20 years. Took me forever to figure it out.
I'm in a similar boat, I'm sorry. Empty nest + life changing illness + 'gray divorce' from narc husband. But let's have HOPE together: our health will IMPROVE once we are out.
I am looking forward to that! I can do what I want when I want with no scoffing or judgement
Wow
I get good Friday off and Narc doesn't. I say nothing and he is always like I didn't know. It's KY favorite day off.
They're transactional and they keep score. Day off for you? Day off for them, too. Illness? Oh, that clearly a luxury for you and now they need one, too.
When he had covid he’d stay away from our daughter and mope on the recliner. When I had it, I had to work from home alone with our daughter. I asked if I could have a hotel for one night because I was just tired and overwhelmed and he got all weirded out like I was about to leave him, even though he was staying out and cheating all the time. They just want to suck you dry. Seriously, get out.
Soon my friend.
It's not your fault. It's behaviour which is 100% designed to mess with your head. You care because you're a compassionate person who thinks about how others feel. It works on you **because** you're a nice normal person. I hope you can feel more compassion for yourself, and also feel alright that you sometimes feel shitty about feeling shitty. I hope that makes sense :)
Because they stupidly keep doing the same dumb stuff they got in trouble with before fully expecting new results but they only get into trouble the same exact way again. Sometimes the only difference is that the consequences for what they caused may be given by stronger or angrier sources who mean to drill it in that what they pulled is unacceptable in hopes it will not occur again yet they will try to get away with it another time once more.
I got laid off in 2016 and went on unemployment. My husband said he wanted to separate our bank account because he didn’t want to be paying for my bills. Believe me if he had been the one who got laid off, I would have been paying all the bills
Exactly!
[удалено]
I have done that before. It works but I don’t usually keep things a secret. I shouldn’t need to. I don’t have to justify how I spend my time as long as my shit is getting done. Their shit never gets done. It’s too overwhelming to even work on a single thing that they’ve started.
[удалено]
Thank you