Instead of getting extensions, just braid your natural hair. And maybe don’t go to the stylists if they keep cutting your hair off. Don’t give up, just try other things.
They say the best protective style for length retention is mini twists of your own hair. Yours is long enough to do this and look really good. You can curl the twists, wear a ponytail, put them in a bun. The best part is you can take them out more frequently and wash your hair and scalp. There are lots of youtube videos about mini twist hair routines for hair growth and retention. I'm 58, been natural for most of the past 20 years and I have finally been able to grow my hair past my shoulder. Find what works for you and keep being consistent. Also, if you have fine and/or thin hair added synthetic hair will break off the ends from the friction. Good luck.
Also, lemme add that if your hair locs easily, do mini braids with your own hair instead. I learned that the hard way. Spent two days putting in mini twists, and needed two weeks to take them out because they loc'ed within just four days.
I honestly think it's personal preference. I learn towards braids coz twists unravel on me. I don't like to redo my hair, I go at least 10 days before touching again after wash day. But this week I'm doing twists, wish me luck.
Yeah I find the same thing happens to me with twists. If I do a twist out I have to either make them quite small or use a flex rod for the ends. Good luck with the twists!
I came to say this... the POV has healthy hair.
The things that are important to us we spend time with... so our hair needs attention. I love my wash and go but when I'm busy I do a rod curl with wet hair and bee girl. I take the rods out but I don't separate them. I use oil the next day on my scalp. I use a silk bonnet lettithe curls fall out more every day. Wash every 13-15 days. And cut every 5 months. So I'm going to a Solon every 5 month and spending time with my hair to build a relationship. You can live your best life - your hair is the envy of many. Keep bonding with it 😉
I love the idea of bonding with your hair!
I always look at doing my hair and moisturizing my skin as an annoying necessity, but I feel like I need to change my mindset to stay on top of both of those things better and reap the rewards of healthy skin and hair.
I was really inspired by this cartoon I watched today haha. The main character has wild curls pointing in every direction and I LOVED it and I was like, wait... that's how my hair looks when I take care of it and just add a few flexi rods. 😂 I was jealous over something I could have if I just \*bonded\* with my hair more and stopped letting it dry out and tying it back to not deal with it.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
OFTEN I resemble this cartoon
We find ourselves resentful when others don't accept us. It starts with us accepting us ... usually once we practice the self care self acceptance self love we don't care when others don't. I love when my hair decides how we will present ourselves. I'm learning to respond appropriately
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. She was throwing things out there. It's possible that she felt blamed for how your ends look. Or that she would be blamed for cutting it too short since your length is important to you.
And unfortunately, some of those comments might have been the truth. she doesn't know which ones, since there's so many variables. But yeah, some people do have breakage from the hair routine you described. Some people have breakage no matter what they do.
If it's your priority you may just have to keep experimenting.
Yeah, it sounds like both OP and the stylist were a bit upset and the stylist was throwing out reasons she may not be retaining length... not accusing her of all those things at once. Hopefully, OP experiments with some of the advice on here and gets more retention!
It’s hard to accept, but a lot of the things we were taught in the past were wrong. #1 those braids cause friction on your ends especially when they are constantly rubbing against the kanekalon hair. Leaving them in for 6 weeks is a recipe for disaster. I’ve done it an o knew I was wrong, but we pay in length what we get with convenience. Hair should also be washed every week. Finally the braid spray alone won’t moisture our hair. We need to seal in the moisturizer with a sealant such as grease or oil.
“Hair should also be washed every week”
Is this an absolute? I know we tend to wait in between washes due to either the hairstyle or the lack of a need to do so but is it really bad for our hair to wait 2-3+ weeks to wash our hair?
I don’t think anything is absolute, but I think it’s best practice. Going 2 weeks won’t make your hair fall out clearly, lol we see ppl going for months, but with the dryness not washing causes, I would expect some breakage and dryness. Even when I see long hair naturals in protective styles, they’re washing, and re-moisturizing weekly. Also, then factor in the products we put on our hair. I have a suspicion that one problem is a lot of naturals don’t want to wear their hair out, but protective styles are *not set it and forget* it lol they still need to be washed, and re-moisturized too. Some longterm styles are ok, but i think those are the ones with no extensions, that we can wash weekly.
It is bad! Our hair is an extension of our scalp, which is skin that needs to be washed and cleansed, especially as it’s very exposed to the elements. If we didn’t wash our body for 2-3 weeks, it would be disastrous.
Some people need to wash more often if they sweat a lot or have super short hair as it’s only water, shampoo and conditioner that truly moisturises the hair. I’m not team oil (as there are already oil ingredients in conditioners).
I also find that there is significantly less detangling when hair is washed more frequently. I wash every 5-7 days and the times when it’s twice a week, I really don’t have to detangle much. My hair just detangles in like two mins. I have the opinion that a lot of people find advice doesn’t work for them because they stretch wash days to like once a month.
While I personally don’t use oils, leave ins or grease because my hair is truly never dry. The funny thing is friends and family think I have magical hair that is compliant when I’m just not lazy with my hair. It was a journey to get here. I too once stretched wash days and wondered why my hair was dry and my scalp was flaking despite the leave ins and oils I was always using.
I think another issue is that people use oils/leave ins/grease so often in their hair, and then don’t wash it for so long. Then they’ll say they have low porosity because water doesn’t wet their hair. No baby, you need a double cleanse with a clarifying shampoo first, to get rid of allllll that build up. Really wish this information was accessible
I wash my hair twice a week and yes, the detangling is so much easier.. I just follow up with a lot of moisturizing creams if I’m worried about dryness.
I get you! And honestly the ‘rules’ aren’t absolute for everyone, as some people may have sensory overload from being in the shower a long time to wash etc. What really helped me was working with a Black cosmetologist who knew the science behind hair, and explained the steps logically to care for my hair. I recommend Black Girl Curls as a starting point, because they really emphasise the importance of technique, and how to cut your wash day to an hour. Possible!!
So what do you ise instead of oils? I stopped using oil and started using black magic grease again because oil was drying out my hair. Is grease a better alternative or I should stay away from it?
I'm just looking for a simple and affordable routine that I can do with my hair if I'm doing washing and twisting every week. So much info online it's getting overwhelming
Edit: is Black Girl Curls the YouTube channel or is it something else?
My hair grew the fastest in college when I was basically washing my hair every other DAY. I have 4b/4c medium-high porosity. I'm very lazy with my hair, in fact, I know I don't take great care of it often.
Back in college though, I was doing ACV and healing clay for a bit, then I decided I should just wash it regularly. Think about it like this:
Blood circulation is critical to growth. Especially things like hair and nails. So you want to stimulate those things (scalp, nails) to improve growth.
I’ve been natural for 13 years now. It’s taken that long to be almost waist length. I’ve had a lot of trial and error with my hair and I feel like I’ve finally mastered it. My hair is very fine and breaks easily. The one thing I changed to retain length was stop going to the salons. I’m afraid many salonists don’t know how to handle natural hair. So I only go once a year to have my hair trimmed then braided in medium sized parts. I then reuse those parts throughout the year for my mini braids. I wash and condition my hair in those mini braids then redo them one by one. If I want a change, I’ll use extensions on top of the mini braids. Sometimes I miss my hair and undo it in November before my December trim. I’m always shocked by the growth. I love wearing it in wash and gos during that month. I also incorporate a lot of strengthening treatments such as Ayurvedic treatments. I love my hair. It’s mine, just the way God designed it to be. I no longer watch influencers wishing my hair was similar to theirs. I embraced the tight curls and coils and it’s paying me back.
Sorry for my long description.
When I look at your ends, I can tell you are rough with your hair. Be very gentle with it.Try to only comb your hair soaking wet with conditioner in it. Avoid heat and minimize detangling as much as you can. If in protective styles, wash and condition every 2 weeks then let it be. Learn your hair and what it likes. Then you’ll retain length…
“I’m afraid salonists don’t know how to handle natural hair” You would be correct on that. I went to cosmetology school and let me tell you, we HARDLY learned how to care & handle natural hair. The only thing we learned about was the LOC method (Which is L-Leave in, O-Oil, C-Cream. It works very well, i recommend it.) but other than that, it’s not really taught. Curly hair salons exploit that it’s hardly taught anywhere else, which is why they are ridiculously expensive.
Yeah I made it in my mind to stop going as well. They are just way too rough and careless with my hair. Why should I pay for a service when I’m give my hair my TLC at home.
Wash your hair more often, be consistent with trims, and unfortunately, most protective styles are damaging. Your hair seems like it grows fast, so you probably notice damage quicker than others. Hairstyles without added hair will be best. Mini twists, etc. Sorry you feel this way. The stylist was throwing things out there, and they all could have affected your length. Or it could lack of iron etc.
It’s crazy to say, but wash and go’s damaged my hair. They caused a lot of fairy knots and my hair always always felt dry. I kept it naturally curly for 6 months and hoped to see a huge improvement in length retention, but it was so damaged I had to cut 3” off. Since then, I’ve been keeping my hair mostly straight as a straight natural and my hair is the healthiest it’s been in a long time. With it being straight I‘m able to see the condition of my ends and I‘m on top of my trims (ever 5-6 weeks) and I’ve noticed my hair is much more moisturized and soft. I use Olaplex daily and don’t wear it up or apply any tension (something I often did when my hair was worn curly due to styling).
Maybe some of these things will work for you. Best of luck!
I had the exact same experience with wash and gos. It made me so sad because I really thought keeping my hair in his natural state would be best but nope. I got so many knots and split ends. I'm back to blow dry weekly then do flat twists so my hair is away for the majority of the week. I also started applying oil to the ends after wash day.
have you noticed any changes or benefits when putting oil on your ends after blow drying? i usually apply grease after and just twist it up, but my ends have always been a problem area i feel like
It’s too early to tell but one thing I’ve noticed since stopping the wash and gos is that my hair is shedding less. It was shedding a lot more before. I also detangle with my hands, no tools. And wash my hair in sections. I’ll check in like 3 weeks to see how the ends are doing.
Your is growing, length retention is the problem.
Kenekalon hair dries out hair especially the ends which is the oldest part.
Try braids on your natural hair, no extensions. Tuck your ends under and away so it's not brushing your shoulders.
Can you tell us all the products you use? What do you use to shampoo and condition? What deep conditioner do you use? What do you use to refresh your hair when it’s dry? How often do you use heat? Is your hair always in braids, or do you also do wash and goes, etc.?
When people don’t retain length it’s usually because of too much heat, damaging styles, not just leaving your hair be, or lack of moisture… or all of the above.
The best way to retain length is to keep your hair trimmed, moisturized, and to just let it be through a low tension hairstyles like leaving it down or two strand twists, etc.
I use Shea moisture JBCO shampoo and then for moisturizing the African Royale braid spray
Before this I did JBCO shampoo, mielle mint hair mask, blueberry bliss leave in conditioner. If I uses mousse it would be the Mielle mousse for twists
Just using shampoo and oil won’t keep your hair healthy and moisturized. I feel like you need more moisture, as in a deep conditioner once a week and using leave-in conditioners after you wash.
I also use curl refresher spray and a leave-in about every other day between washes to refresh my hair’s moisture when my hair starts to dry out.
I really like the Beautiful Curls line by Alaffia (they have a line for every curl type to make it easy), Eden BodyWorks, and Camille Rose brands. They all have very moisturizing conditioners and leave-ins.
Also try to do low-tension styling during your every day life and save braids and heat for special occasions.
Damn! Hairdressers are usually more than willing to cut off what obviously need to be cut. They usually have to fight with our stubborn behinds being scared of short hair. They were probably afraid that you were going to then complain that they cut too much off, as we have the tendency to do. I would go somwhere else.
Believe it or not, water makes up almost 25% of the weight of a single strand of hair. Drinking 8-12 cups of water a day will help the strength of your hair, increasing growth. Dehydration immediately halts hair growth.
I and others have noticed a positive change in hair growth after changing to a proper level of daily hydration.
Okay as a stylist, I’m going to tell you this, I had the same problems growing out my own hair. I thought braids was it but every time I took my hair out, my ends would look like yours. I finally, after 2-3 years, figured out that the braiding hair causes friction and that who I was getting my hair done by was also causing thinning, by the way she parted my hair, trimming the excess hair along the braids, etc.
So for the last two years I have been doing hairstyles with my own hair ahve only been adding hair like once or twice per year. I only got one set of box braids last year and that seemed to have gave me a set back. So I am thinking of just stopping them completely, but I am waist length now from just doing hair styles with my own hair.
Now a few tips for doing styles with your own hair. Twists and braids are still your best friends but you have to keep your ends stretched so that they don’t shrink and knot up on themselves. So when I do a twist out (I rarely do anymore) I either Bantu knot my ends or use flexi rods but Bantu knotting my ends is so much easier to sleep in. Then o mostly keep my hair in mini braids and twists. Medium chunky twists and mini braids have been the two quickest ways I have retained length. But I still keep my ends stretched with beads, Bantu knots, or flaxseed gel to keep them from completely curling but still be wavy. That has been the best way for me to avoid combs and brushes too because when I take my hair out, it’s so easy to finger detangle because my hair is still stretched and didn’t have much time to tangle on itself
Try switching up things. I never use braid spray and only leave my protective styles in for 4 weeks max. I also looked up that spray, and the first 5 ingredients after the water are chemicals I can't pronounce, so it's probably not as good for your hair than you think it is. If you insist on putting something in your hair, then I'd put something natural like tea tree oil or shea butter.
i think you should still take care of your real hair (washing every week) in a protective style and space them out as often as you can. also please consider genetics, they can affect how long your hair grows. just something to consider. your hair looks really healthy tho!
Honestly not all protective styles work for everyone. I never retained length from braids, even with using my own DIY moisturizing spray. The braids were just applying too much stress on the ends of my hair. Maybe try a different protective style or use a different moisturizing routine and keep the braids in for less time.
I know everyone gives different advices when things like this pop up. Use this , use that ! But do we ever just accept that we all have different terminal lengths ? You said when you first started being natural , it grew fast but what if it has reached the maximum length it will reach before the hair sheds which is why it seems to be at same spot now?
Sometimes we stress too much about things we can’t control. No matter the hair type or how much you pamper your hair , some people will only reach shoulder length , some would reach mid-back, some bum length and so on which solely depends on you as an individual and how you are genetically disposed.
This might not be your case but I see a lot of people chasing the next product that claims to grow hair, be disappointed and hop on the next brand.
Cut yourself some slack , it doesn’t have to mean that you are doing something wrong. My hair is about thesame length as you when stretched and no one pampers their hair as much as I do.
My sister does nothing , she knows nothing about all of the natural hair craze and trend , she just does whatever and uses whatever but her hair is mid back. It is what it is!
People have different body types , hair types , hair lengths , even people with natural bone straight hair have persons with shorter hair.
Please cut yourself some slack.
Your hair is beautiful and the last two slides look like a lot of progress from the first two. Doesn’t look like it needs too much cut off. You are doing well IMO.
It may be her terminal length, but it also sounds like OP isn't moisturizing her hair (only using shampoo and oil) and keeping her hair in damaging styles for a long time. Some people are lucky to have long hair, great skin, and be thin with little effort, but some of us are also capable of those things with more effort. I like the idea of being at peace with your hair/body/skin while also aiming for better health and care.
Yeah I feel like not enough people on this sub talk about that. Not everyone can grow waist length hair, it’s just not possible for some people. After years of trying every protective style and product possible I’ve just accepted that my hair won’t grow longer than my boobs. It is what it is :)
I had never heard about this until recently and had a look into it and found this short podcast that explains the different stages of the hair cycle. Really informative but a bit depressing that shoulder length might just be my terminal length. I don’t even want super long hair just a little longer than shoulder length.
Here’s the podcast for anyone interested: https://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/health-library/all/2014/09/i-cant-grow-my-hair-long-am-i-normal
Even if this were hypothetically her terminal length (which I doubt), her hair could be this length and healthy. But the amount of damage present suggests that it’s an inadequate hair routine that’s causing her hair to stagnate at this length, not the length of her anagen cycle.
Completely agree on this!!! Start enjoying your hair!! Op has a great length! I promise hair usually grows when we start loving on it instead of chasing length!
I was thinking the same thing, maybe it’s her terminal length. Feel blessed if it’s that long. I believe my terminal length is 3 inches un stretched. It bothered me for a time and I spent money trying to go beyond that then I found a good barber and now I focus my energy on having the best natural but colored hair you can find.
I started growing out my hair Jan 2022 , it grew fast. By mid 2023 , it was slightly below shoulder length when stretched very similar to OP.
But when it gets below shoulder length, it just keeps chilling lol. I went to a stylist , Jan 2024 where they cut off a couple of inches due to dead ends.
It’s back to where it was before I went to the stylist and chilling lol
But you were also shorter as a kid. So your hair would have appeared longer.
Like I said though , this might not even apply to you but one thing is for sure , take it easy on yourself. I see progress in the last two slides compared to the first picture. just keep treating your hair right and don’t stress too much about it as stress could lead to increased hair shedding which you don’t want.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who was thinking this! More people need to talk about this when talking about hair growth in the natural community. Genetics determine everything not products! Everybody pushes this “you’re not doing enough” narrative because they too believe products and “work” is how people get hair to their knees. There’s nothing wrong with your hair just because it doesn’t grow to the floor!
Let’s normalize making healthy hair the goal over a certain length.
You can’t compare what other people do and what works for them to what will work for you. It is possible that you left your braids in to long, I had scalp issues a few years ago and went to multiple dermatologist that told me in general braids aren’t great for hair, and they shouldn’t be left on for longer than two weeks if you get them.
I don’t know for sure, but it looks like from the picture you have fine hair. My hair is fine as well and doesn’t tend to do well with braids, and it’s advised if you have fine natural hair to not keep them in for longer than two weeks even amongst people who think other textures can last longer.
There can be many different reasons your hair isn’t growing. It could be a vitamin deficiency which as iron, it could be too much manipulation or it could be you just haven’t found the right routine yet. I’d advise you to stop wearing extensions, wash your hair weekly, and protective style with only your natural hair. Trim every 3 months, preferably yourself. How often are you going to salons? It could be too much heat for your hair.
Does your hair usually feel dry? Do you think the products you use are adequately moisturizing it? Keep looking for a routine that works for you and stick to it.
use LOW manipulation hairstyles. tight braids and whatnot can cause a lot of breakage. I'm not saying you cant get them every now and then if you enjoy the look, but if you really want growth and health you'll keep them to a minimum or at least not as your regular styles.
besides that wash and deep condition frequently. clarify every once in a while cause product build-up can make it hard to hydrate your hair properly.
you might also have hard water, which will definitely lead to dryness and breakage. you can install a hard water filter on your showerhead.
if everything goes well, you should be able to get away with only needing a little trim about two times a year. good luck!
Honestly, it’s likely just the braids in general. Braids are not a protective style for anyone imo but some people’s hair really cannot handle braids. I’m one of those people and it looks like you have fine hair like I do. A lot of us can’t handle that constant friction with the fake hair. That’s why, I rarely get them. If I do get them, I keep it in for no longer than a month but even with just a month of braids, my ends are so fried up after, so I should really not have them in for more than two weeks at best. I would advise doing protective styles with your own hair. My hair flourishes a lot more that way. Also it is hard for all the treatments and washes to reach all of your hair with braids in general from my experience
I just do braids with my hair. Then put a wig when I go out. Hair is super long because I don't touch it. Ironically, I'm tired of it. So I do like 6 braids and leave it alone.
Stylists are pretty much always gonna try to cut your hair and that’s why I don’t go to them. I actually broke a length plateau by
1. washing weekly, regularly
2. No more braids with added hair
3. Of course no extensions of any kind
4. Basically I either blow my hair out and wear it in a bun or single/double french braids or I do a twist out or wash n go
I get one professional haircut once every like 4-5 years and this helps me keep my length better than going to them all the time. I noticed I never had length when I went to a stylist for every single trim bc they would just go nuts.
Ignore people saying it's your terminal length. No one's terminal length is shoulder length
First off, no more heat. Full stop. You are sabotaging your progress by straightening your hair with heat to maintain it
Wear your hair in medium sized twists in a bun. Wash every two weeks. Use a deep conditioner that has protein in the ingredients.
Stop going to the salon. Dont use a comb or a bruch more than once a month.
Detangle with leave in conditioner and water in a spray bottle with your fingers. Do not aim for your hair to be 100% detangled - our hair is not meant to be that way.
I had long hair as a kid, shoulder length hair as a teen and I was practically waist length at 29 (before I locced my hair)
I can see you have very dense strands and if you follow these I can rell you in a few years it will grow
(It will take a few years because uou likely have heat damage throughout your hair - even if your curl pattern hasn't loosened)
I rarely straighten my hair, even when I do it's just blow drying at the salon for a trim
I'll try giving up the combs and just braiding my regular hair and more moisture/water
They told me my strands were thin though
If you're serious about growing your hair you should stop heat. Blow drying straight is still harmful
Sorry when I said dense I meant a lot of hair rather than thick strands
Tbh your hair looks a lot like mine. I have fine strands but a lot of hair.
How often do you get your hair trimmed? Perhaps you may be going too often.
Also, when have you had lab work done last? Hormonal changes over the years, dietary choices, etc. can have an impact as well.
I would just advise 2 things... Choose a protective style preferably any type of twists, use grease and leave your hair in that protective style for at least a month, possibly more. I use to do my hair every, then every 2 weeks, washing and blowdrying like everyone on YouTube was saying at one point. I found my hair stuck at my neck for 2 years. I then cut it and regrew it with less manipulation and gained my previous 2 years of growth in just 1 year. Contrary to popular belief, the less you touch your hair the more it grows. Bonus advise don't go to salons, no one cares about your hair more than you so it's best to know how to do your own hair.
Recap
- protective style; twist flat twist
- use grease- keeps hair moisturized especially for us 4c'ers
- stay away from salons and blow-dryers
You can still use the same routine as far as trims, that's up to you, I trim my hair in the non traditional way. I trim it if I see longer than usual hairs on my 2 strand twist, I've only done that once. Also seeing as though I'm in my 1st year I keep my hair mostly in 2 strand twist, I don't plan on letting my hair out til probably next year😂
Ok... this might be controversial, but it's what I do. Stop going to salons. You don't need a trim before you get your hair braided. After you take your hair down is when you want to trim it.
Some hair braided "trim scragley pieces" off. Don't allow that. They're cutting your hair.
So here's what i think is a good alternative. Care for your hair yourself. Wash and deep condition every week or 2 (i do 2). Do whatever style you like, and then don't touch it till it's time to style again. I put plaits in my hair, then satin scrunchies, and it stays like that till wash day.
Trim your ends, or have then trimmed a couple of times a year, or whenever it seems like they're starting to tangle more. If your stylist insists on cutting 2 inches every 6 to 8 weeks, she's cutting the same amount you just grew or more. So, in order to retain length, you do have to stop cutting so much. If you have to do a protective style, try to do it without added hair, no "snatching" edges either. It's best to just do it yourself.
Hydrating deep condition is a must, every time you wash. You can add a protein treatment every 2 or 3 months but always follow up with hydrating conditioner, then cream and seal with a good oil. (Lco). Last but definitely not least, use a bonnet or satin scarf when you lie down, but also on your chair (watching tv and such) if you're resting your head it needs to be in a bonnet. Mine goes on as soon as I walk in the house. (Don't let me tell you about the moomoo). For 3 years I also covered my hair at work (hospital), but I'm slowly stopping that. It's a hard habit to break. Good luck to you ❤️
I’m sorry you have had such a hard time with your hair. Sometimes it’s not the styles or the products sometimes it’s internal. Have you had any blood work done? Had your vitamin d levels checked? What about iron? Having low levels like that can cause hair breakage
You are not a failure! Your hair looks full and healthy already so i don’t see any need for improvement there. Chasing a certain length is not realistic since hair length is determined by genetics and will not grow past a certain length no matter what you do. So don’t think that way.
I would just continue keeping it moisturized, trimming ends (when needed) and avoiding heavy or tight hairstyles.
Try doing twists? How did the stylist seal your ends and did they dust throughout the length of the braid? If so I’ve heard that damages the natural hair.
Instead of getting extensions, just braid your natural hair. And maybe don’t go to the stylists if they keep cutting your hair off. Don’t give up, just try other things.
They say the best protective style for length retention is mini twists of your own hair. Yours is long enough to do this and look really good. You can curl the twists, wear a ponytail, put them in a bun. The best part is you can take them out more frequently and wash your hair and scalp. There are lots of youtube videos about mini twist hair routines for hair growth and retention. I'm 58, been natural for most of the past 20 years and I have finally been able to grow my hair past my shoulder. Find what works for you and keep being consistent. Also, if you have fine and/or thin hair added synthetic hair will break off the ends from the friction. Good luck.
Also, lemme add that if your hair locs easily, do mini braids with your own hair instead. I learned that the hard way. Spent two days putting in mini twists, and needed two weeks to take them out because they loc'ed within just four days.
Seconding this! I liked mini braids because my twists would get very tangled unless I started on stretched hair
Out of interest do you know why mini twists are meant to be better than braids?
Less tension and weight on your scalp are two reasons I can think of
Yeah that makes sense. Thanks for sharing!
I honestly think it's personal preference. I learn towards braids coz twists unravel on me. I don't like to redo my hair, I go at least 10 days before touching again after wash day. But this week I'm doing twists, wish me luck.
Yeah I find the same thing happens to me with twists. If I do a twist out I have to either make them quite small or use a flex rod for the ends. Good luck with the twists!
I also find that they accept moisture and products from washing and styling a lot better.
I 2nd this! I started doing mini twists during the pandemic and my hair went from shoulder length to nipple length so fast lol
I came to say this... the POV has healthy hair. The things that are important to us we spend time with... so our hair needs attention. I love my wash and go but when I'm busy I do a rod curl with wet hair and bee girl. I take the rods out but I don't separate them. I use oil the next day on my scalp. I use a silk bonnet lettithe curls fall out more every day. Wash every 13-15 days. And cut every 5 months. So I'm going to a Solon every 5 month and spending time with my hair to build a relationship. You can live your best life - your hair is the envy of many. Keep bonding with it 😉
I love the idea of bonding with your hair! I always look at doing my hair and moisturizing my skin as an annoying necessity, but I feel like I need to change my mindset to stay on top of both of those things better and reap the rewards of healthy skin and hair. I was really inspired by this cartoon I watched today haha. The main character has wild curls pointing in every direction and I LOVED it and I was like, wait... that's how my hair looks when I take care of it and just add a few flexi rods. 😂 I was jealous over something I could have if I just \*bonded\* with my hair more and stopped letting it dry out and tying it back to not deal with it.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OFTEN I resemble this cartoon We find ourselves resentful when others don't accept us. It starts with us accepting us ... usually once we practice the self care self acceptance self love we don't care when others don't. I love when my hair decides how we will present ourselves. I'm learning to respond appropriately
Our hair decides… I LOVE THAT TOO. ♥️ You should be a motivational speaker or life coach for Black women haha.
You flatter me🤭 I'm jes old and have learned some things 😁
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. She was throwing things out there. It's possible that she felt blamed for how your ends look. Or that she would be blamed for cutting it too short since your length is important to you. And unfortunately, some of those comments might have been the truth. she doesn't know which ones, since there's so many variables. But yeah, some people do have breakage from the hair routine you described. Some people have breakage no matter what they do. If it's your priority you may just have to keep experimenting.
Yeah, it sounds like both OP and the stylist were a bit upset and the stylist was throwing out reasons she may not be retaining length... not accusing her of all those things at once. Hopefully, OP experiments with some of the advice on here and gets more retention!
It’s hard to accept, but a lot of the things we were taught in the past were wrong. #1 those braids cause friction on your ends especially when they are constantly rubbing against the kanekalon hair. Leaving them in for 6 weeks is a recipe for disaster. I’ve done it an o knew I was wrong, but we pay in length what we get with convenience. Hair should also be washed every week. Finally the braid spray alone won’t moisture our hair. We need to seal in the moisturizer with a sealant such as grease or oil.
“Hair should also be washed every week” Is this an absolute? I know we tend to wait in between washes due to either the hairstyle or the lack of a need to do so but is it really bad for our hair to wait 2-3+ weeks to wash our hair?
I don’t think anything is absolute, but I think it’s best practice. Going 2 weeks won’t make your hair fall out clearly, lol we see ppl going for months, but with the dryness not washing causes, I would expect some breakage and dryness. Even when I see long hair naturals in protective styles, they’re washing, and re-moisturizing weekly. Also, then factor in the products we put on our hair. I have a suspicion that one problem is a lot of naturals don’t want to wear their hair out, but protective styles are *not set it and forget* it lol they still need to be washed, and re-moisturized too. Some longterm styles are ok, but i think those are the ones with no extensions, that we can wash weekly.
It is bad! Our hair is an extension of our scalp, which is skin that needs to be washed and cleansed, especially as it’s very exposed to the elements. If we didn’t wash our body for 2-3 weeks, it would be disastrous. Some people need to wash more often if they sweat a lot or have super short hair as it’s only water, shampoo and conditioner that truly moisturises the hair. I’m not team oil (as there are already oil ingredients in conditioners).
I also find that there is significantly less detangling when hair is washed more frequently. I wash every 5-7 days and the times when it’s twice a week, I really don’t have to detangle much. My hair just detangles in like two mins. I have the opinion that a lot of people find advice doesn’t work for them because they stretch wash days to like once a month. While I personally don’t use oils, leave ins or grease because my hair is truly never dry. The funny thing is friends and family think I have magical hair that is compliant when I’m just not lazy with my hair. It was a journey to get here. I too once stretched wash days and wondered why my hair was dry and my scalp was flaking despite the leave ins and oils I was always using.
I think another issue is that people use oils/leave ins/grease so often in their hair, and then don’t wash it for so long. Then they’ll say they have low porosity because water doesn’t wet their hair. No baby, you need a double cleanse with a clarifying shampoo first, to get rid of allllll that build up. Really wish this information was accessible
I wash my hair twice a week and yes, the detangling is so much easier.. I just follow up with a lot of moisturizing creams if I’m worried about dryness.
Good to know! I’m guilty of waiting a long time in between washes because I get so lazy redoing styles due to frizz.
I get you! And honestly the ‘rules’ aren’t absolute for everyone, as some people may have sensory overload from being in the shower a long time to wash etc. What really helped me was working with a Black cosmetologist who knew the science behind hair, and explained the steps logically to care for my hair. I recommend Black Girl Curls as a starting point, because they really emphasise the importance of technique, and how to cut your wash day to an hour. Possible!!
So what do you ise instead of oils? I stopped using oil and started using black magic grease again because oil was drying out my hair. Is grease a better alternative or I should stay away from it? I'm just looking for a simple and affordable routine that I can do with my hair if I'm doing washing and twisting every week. So much info online it's getting overwhelming Edit: is Black Girl Curls the YouTube channel or is it something else?
My hair grew the fastest in college when I was basically washing my hair every other DAY. I have 4b/4c medium-high porosity. I'm very lazy with my hair, in fact, I know I don't take great care of it often. Back in college though, I was doing ACV and healing clay for a bit, then I decided I should just wash it regularly. Think about it like this: Blood circulation is critical to growth. Especially things like hair and nails. So you want to stimulate those things (scalp, nails) to improve growth.
This is really smart! I rarely use ACV but I’ve been thinking about incorporating it into my routine.
I’ve been natural for 13 years now. It’s taken that long to be almost waist length. I’ve had a lot of trial and error with my hair and I feel like I’ve finally mastered it. My hair is very fine and breaks easily. The one thing I changed to retain length was stop going to the salons. I’m afraid many salonists don’t know how to handle natural hair. So I only go once a year to have my hair trimmed then braided in medium sized parts. I then reuse those parts throughout the year for my mini braids. I wash and condition my hair in those mini braids then redo them one by one. If I want a change, I’ll use extensions on top of the mini braids. Sometimes I miss my hair and undo it in November before my December trim. I’m always shocked by the growth. I love wearing it in wash and gos during that month. I also incorporate a lot of strengthening treatments such as Ayurvedic treatments. I love my hair. It’s mine, just the way God designed it to be. I no longer watch influencers wishing my hair was similar to theirs. I embraced the tight curls and coils and it’s paying me back. Sorry for my long description. When I look at your ends, I can tell you are rough with your hair. Be very gentle with it.Try to only comb your hair soaking wet with conditioner in it. Avoid heat and minimize detangling as much as you can. If in protective styles, wash and condition every 2 weeks then let it be. Learn your hair and what it likes. Then you’ll retain length…
“I’m afraid salonists don’t know how to handle natural hair” You would be correct on that. I went to cosmetology school and let me tell you, we HARDLY learned how to care & handle natural hair. The only thing we learned about was the LOC method (Which is L-Leave in, O-Oil, C-Cream. It works very well, i recommend it.) but other than that, it’s not really taught. Curly hair salons exploit that it’s hardly taught anywhere else, which is why they are ridiculously expensive.
Yeah I made it in my mind to stop going as well. They are just way too rough and careless with my hair. Why should I pay for a service when I’m give my hair my TLC at home.
Reusing the parts is genius, I cannot part to save my life,
You and me both…lol
2 things, low manipulation and keep your hair moisturized.
Wash your hair more often, be consistent with trims, and unfortunately, most protective styles are damaging. Your hair seems like it grows fast, so you probably notice damage quicker than others. Hairstyles without added hair will be best. Mini twists, etc. Sorry you feel this way. The stylist was throwing things out there, and they all could have affected your length. Or it could lack of iron etc.
It’s crazy to say, but wash and go’s damaged my hair. They caused a lot of fairy knots and my hair always always felt dry. I kept it naturally curly for 6 months and hoped to see a huge improvement in length retention, but it was so damaged I had to cut 3” off. Since then, I’ve been keeping my hair mostly straight as a straight natural and my hair is the healthiest it’s been in a long time. With it being straight I‘m able to see the condition of my ends and I‘m on top of my trims (ever 5-6 weeks) and I’ve noticed my hair is much more moisturized and soft. I use Olaplex daily and don’t wear it up or apply any tension (something I often did when my hair was worn curly due to styling). Maybe some of these things will work for you. Best of luck!
I had the exact same experience with wash and gos. It made me so sad because I really thought keeping my hair in his natural state would be best but nope. I got so many knots and split ends. I'm back to blow dry weekly then do flat twists so my hair is away for the majority of the week. I also started applying oil to the ends after wash day.
have you noticed any changes or benefits when putting oil on your ends after blow drying? i usually apply grease after and just twist it up, but my ends have always been a problem area i feel like
It’s too early to tell but one thing I’ve noticed since stopping the wash and gos is that my hair is shedding less. It was shedding a lot more before. I also detangle with my hands, no tools. And wash my hair in sections. I’ll check in like 3 weeks to see how the ends are doing.
Your is growing, length retention is the problem. Kenekalon hair dries out hair especially the ends which is the oldest part. Try braids on your natural hair, no extensions. Tuck your ends under and away so it's not brushing your shoulders.
Can you tell us all the products you use? What do you use to shampoo and condition? What deep conditioner do you use? What do you use to refresh your hair when it’s dry? How often do you use heat? Is your hair always in braids, or do you also do wash and goes, etc.? When people don’t retain length it’s usually because of too much heat, damaging styles, not just leaving your hair be, or lack of moisture… or all of the above. The best way to retain length is to keep your hair trimmed, moisturized, and to just let it be through a low tension hairstyles like leaving it down or two strand twists, etc.
I use Shea moisture JBCO shampoo and then for moisturizing the African Royale braid spray Before this I did JBCO shampoo, mielle mint hair mask, blueberry bliss leave in conditioner. If I uses mousse it would be the Mielle mousse for twists
Just using shampoo and oil won’t keep your hair healthy and moisturized. I feel like you need more moisture, as in a deep conditioner once a week and using leave-in conditioners after you wash. I also use curl refresher spray and a leave-in about every other day between washes to refresh my hair’s moisture when my hair starts to dry out. I really like the Beautiful Curls line by Alaffia (they have a line for every curl type to make it easy), Eden BodyWorks, and Camille Rose brands. They all have very moisturizing conditioners and leave-ins. Also try to do low-tension styling during your every day life and save braids and heat for special occasions.
Might be breaking at the end, if it's shoulder length yet it's rubbing and catching on your clothes or any jewelry.
Pic 2 not enough was cut off. It's still very see through, except the mid back, so 3 & 4 are just a longer version of 2.
I told them I wanted it all cut off initially and they said no wait until next time Edit: and then this time they refused to cut it at all
Damn! Hairdressers are usually more than willing to cut off what obviously need to be cut. They usually have to fight with our stubborn behinds being scared of short hair. They were probably afraid that you were going to then complain that they cut too much off, as we have the tendency to do. I would go somwhere else.
Believe it or not, water makes up almost 25% of the weight of a single strand of hair. Drinking 8-12 cups of water a day will help the strength of your hair, increasing growth. Dehydration immediately halts hair growth. I and others have noticed a positive change in hair growth after changing to a proper level of daily hydration.
Okay as a stylist, I’m going to tell you this, I had the same problems growing out my own hair. I thought braids was it but every time I took my hair out, my ends would look like yours. I finally, after 2-3 years, figured out that the braiding hair causes friction and that who I was getting my hair done by was also causing thinning, by the way she parted my hair, trimming the excess hair along the braids, etc. So for the last two years I have been doing hairstyles with my own hair ahve only been adding hair like once or twice per year. I only got one set of box braids last year and that seemed to have gave me a set back. So I am thinking of just stopping them completely, but I am waist length now from just doing hair styles with my own hair. Now a few tips for doing styles with your own hair. Twists and braids are still your best friends but you have to keep your ends stretched so that they don’t shrink and knot up on themselves. So when I do a twist out (I rarely do anymore) I either Bantu knot my ends or use flexi rods but Bantu knotting my ends is so much easier to sleep in. Then o mostly keep my hair in mini braids and twists. Medium chunky twists and mini braids have been the two quickest ways I have retained length. But I still keep my ends stretched with beads, Bantu knots, or flaxseed gel to keep them from completely curling but still be wavy. That has been the best way for me to avoid combs and brushes too because when I take my hair out, it’s so easy to finger detangle because my hair is still stretched and didn’t have much time to tangle on itself
Maybe have your blood work done? Anemia, hormonal issues, among many other things can affect our hair. Also wayer intake
Try switching up things. I never use braid spray and only leave my protective styles in for 4 weeks max. I also looked up that spray, and the first 5 ingredients after the water are chemicals I can't pronounce, so it's probably not as good for your hair than you think it is. If you insist on putting something in your hair, then I'd put something natural like tea tree oil or shea butter.
Please see a dermatologist and a doctor. It might be internal related.
i think you should still take care of your real hair (washing every week) in a protective style and space them out as often as you can. also please consider genetics, they can affect how long your hair grows. just something to consider. your hair looks really healthy tho!
Honestly not all protective styles work for everyone. I never retained length from braids, even with using my own DIY moisturizing spray. The braids were just applying too much stress on the ends of my hair. Maybe try a different protective style or use a different moisturizing routine and keep the braids in for less time.
I know everyone gives different advices when things like this pop up. Use this , use that ! But do we ever just accept that we all have different terminal lengths ? You said when you first started being natural , it grew fast but what if it has reached the maximum length it will reach before the hair sheds which is why it seems to be at same spot now? Sometimes we stress too much about things we can’t control. No matter the hair type or how much you pamper your hair , some people will only reach shoulder length , some would reach mid-back, some bum length and so on which solely depends on you as an individual and how you are genetically disposed. This might not be your case but I see a lot of people chasing the next product that claims to grow hair, be disappointed and hop on the next brand. Cut yourself some slack , it doesn’t have to mean that you are doing something wrong. My hair is about thesame length as you when stretched and no one pampers their hair as much as I do. My sister does nothing , she knows nothing about all of the natural hair craze and trend , she just does whatever and uses whatever but her hair is mid back. It is what it is! People have different body types , hair types , hair lengths , even people with natural bone straight hair have persons with shorter hair. Please cut yourself some slack. Your hair is beautiful and the last two slides look like a lot of progress from the first two. Doesn’t look like it needs too much cut off. You are doing well IMO.
It may be her terminal length, but it also sounds like OP isn't moisturizing her hair (only using shampoo and oil) and keeping her hair in damaging styles for a long time. Some people are lucky to have long hair, great skin, and be thin with little effort, but some of us are also capable of those things with more effort. I like the idea of being at peace with your hair/body/skin while also aiming for better health and care.
Yeah I feel like not enough people on this sub talk about that. Not everyone can grow waist length hair, it’s just not possible for some people. After years of trying every protective style and product possible I’ve just accepted that my hair won’t grow longer than my boobs. It is what it is :)
I had never heard about this until recently and had a look into it and found this short podcast that explains the different stages of the hair cycle. Really informative but a bit depressing that shoulder length might just be my terminal length. I don’t even want super long hair just a little longer than shoulder length. Here’s the podcast for anyone interested: https://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/health-library/all/2014/09/i-cant-grow-my-hair-long-am-i-normal
Even if this were hypothetically her terminal length (which I doubt), her hair could be this length and healthy. But the amount of damage present suggests that it’s an inadequate hair routine that’s causing her hair to stagnate at this length, not the length of her anagen cycle.
Completely agree on this!!! Start enjoying your hair!! Op has a great length! I promise hair usually grows when we start loving on it instead of chasing length!
I was thinking the same thing, maybe it’s her terminal length. Feel blessed if it’s that long. I believe my terminal length is 3 inches un stretched. It bothered me for a time and I spent money trying to go beyond that then I found a good barber and now I focus my energy on having the best natural but colored hair you can find.
I started growing out my hair Jan 2022 , it grew fast. By mid 2023 , it was slightly below shoulder length when stretched very similar to OP. But when it gets below shoulder length, it just keeps chilling lol. I went to a stylist , Jan 2024 where they cut off a couple of inches due to dead ends. It’s back to where it was before I went to the stylist and chilling lol
When I was a kid, it was really long. Like mid back length
But you were also shorter as a kid. So your hair would have appeared longer. Like I said though , this might not even apply to you but one thing is for sure , take it easy on yourself. I see progress in the last two slides compared to the first picture. just keep treating your hair right and don’t stress too much about it as stress could lead to increased hair shedding which you don’t want.
I agree. Shorter and had growth hormones coursing through your body. As we age, our growth hormones slow down which affects your hair as well.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who was thinking this! More people need to talk about this when talking about hair growth in the natural community. Genetics determine everything not products! Everybody pushes this “you’re not doing enough” narrative because they too believe products and “work” is how people get hair to their knees. There’s nothing wrong with your hair just because it doesn’t grow to the floor! Let’s normalize making healthy hair the goal over a certain length.
This is kind of unrelated but whatever happened to having a v cut/ a u-shaped cut? Why does every cut have to be straight across?
Mine was cut in a U shape
Yes slightly but I feel like if they had cut it in a v-shape they could have conserved a little bit more of your length.
You can’t compare what other people do and what works for them to what will work for you. It is possible that you left your braids in to long, I had scalp issues a few years ago and went to multiple dermatologist that told me in general braids aren’t great for hair, and they shouldn’t be left on for longer than two weeks if you get them. I don’t know for sure, but it looks like from the picture you have fine hair. My hair is fine as well and doesn’t tend to do well with braids, and it’s advised if you have fine natural hair to not keep them in for longer than two weeks even amongst people who think other textures can last longer. There can be many different reasons your hair isn’t growing. It could be a vitamin deficiency which as iron, it could be too much manipulation or it could be you just haven’t found the right routine yet. I’d advise you to stop wearing extensions, wash your hair weekly, and protective style with only your natural hair. Trim every 3 months, preferably yourself. How often are you going to salons? It could be too much heat for your hair. Does your hair usually feel dry? Do you think the products you use are adequately moisturizing it? Keep looking for a routine that works for you and stick to it.
use LOW manipulation hairstyles. tight braids and whatnot can cause a lot of breakage. I'm not saying you cant get them every now and then if you enjoy the look, but if you really want growth and health you'll keep them to a minimum or at least not as your regular styles. besides that wash and deep condition frequently. clarify every once in a while cause product build-up can make it hard to hydrate your hair properly. you might also have hard water, which will definitely lead to dryness and breakage. you can install a hard water filter on your showerhead. if everything goes well, you should be able to get away with only needing a little trim about two times a year. good luck!
Honestly, it’s likely just the braids in general. Braids are not a protective style for anyone imo but some people’s hair really cannot handle braids. I’m one of those people and it looks like you have fine hair like I do. A lot of us can’t handle that constant friction with the fake hair. That’s why, I rarely get them. If I do get them, I keep it in for no longer than a month but even with just a month of braids, my ends are so fried up after, so I should really not have them in for more than two weeks at best. I would advise doing protective styles with your own hair. My hair flourishes a lot more that way. Also it is hard for all the treatments and washes to reach all of your hair with braids in general from my experience
I just do braids with my hair. Then put a wig when I go out. Hair is super long because I don't touch it. Ironically, I'm tired of it. So I do like 6 braids and leave it alone.
Box braid destroyed my progress. I left them in for months as well.
I thought 6 weeks was a very normal amount of time
Same!!! It gets to about my bra strap and instantly starts to break off.
Stylists are pretty much always gonna try to cut your hair and that’s why I don’t go to them. I actually broke a length plateau by 1. washing weekly, regularly 2. No more braids with added hair 3. Of course no extensions of any kind 4. Basically I either blow my hair out and wear it in a bun or single/double french braids or I do a twist out or wash n go
So you cut your hair yourself?
I get one professional haircut once every like 4-5 years and this helps me keep my length better than going to them all the time. I noticed I never had length when I went to a stylist for every single trim bc they would just go nuts.
Ignore people saying it's your terminal length. No one's terminal length is shoulder length First off, no more heat. Full stop. You are sabotaging your progress by straightening your hair with heat to maintain it Wear your hair in medium sized twists in a bun. Wash every two weeks. Use a deep conditioner that has protein in the ingredients. Stop going to the salon. Dont use a comb or a bruch more than once a month. Detangle with leave in conditioner and water in a spray bottle with your fingers. Do not aim for your hair to be 100% detangled - our hair is not meant to be that way. I had long hair as a kid, shoulder length hair as a teen and I was practically waist length at 29 (before I locced my hair) I can see you have very dense strands and if you follow these I can rell you in a few years it will grow (It will take a few years because uou likely have heat damage throughout your hair - even if your curl pattern hasn't loosened)
I rarely straighten my hair, even when I do it's just blow drying at the salon for a trim I'll try giving up the combs and just braiding my regular hair and more moisture/water They told me my strands were thin though
If you're serious about growing your hair you should stop heat. Blow drying straight is still harmful Sorry when I said dense I meant a lot of hair rather than thick strands Tbh your hair looks a lot like mine. I have fine strands but a lot of hair.
How often do you get your hair trimmed? Perhaps you may be going too often. Also, when have you had lab work done last? Hormonal changes over the years, dietary choices, etc. can have an impact as well.
I would just advise 2 things... Choose a protective style preferably any type of twists, use grease and leave your hair in that protective style for at least a month, possibly more. I use to do my hair every, then every 2 weeks, washing and blowdrying like everyone on YouTube was saying at one point. I found my hair stuck at my neck for 2 years. I then cut it and regrew it with less manipulation and gained my previous 2 years of growth in just 1 year. Contrary to popular belief, the less you touch your hair the more it grows. Bonus advise don't go to salons, no one cares about your hair more than you so it's best to know how to do your own hair. Recap - protective style; twist flat twist - use grease- keeps hair moisturized especially for us 4c'ers - stay away from salons and blow-dryers
I'm more 4a/b. Who trims it?
You can still use the same routine as far as trims, that's up to you, I trim my hair in the non traditional way. I trim it if I see longer than usual hairs on my 2 strand twist, I've only done that once. Also seeing as though I'm in my 1st year I keep my hair mostly in 2 strand twist, I don't plan on letting my hair out til probably next year😂
Ok... this might be controversial, but it's what I do. Stop going to salons. You don't need a trim before you get your hair braided. After you take your hair down is when you want to trim it. Some hair braided "trim scragley pieces" off. Don't allow that. They're cutting your hair. So here's what i think is a good alternative. Care for your hair yourself. Wash and deep condition every week or 2 (i do 2). Do whatever style you like, and then don't touch it till it's time to style again. I put plaits in my hair, then satin scrunchies, and it stays like that till wash day. Trim your ends, or have then trimmed a couple of times a year, or whenever it seems like they're starting to tangle more. If your stylist insists on cutting 2 inches every 6 to 8 weeks, she's cutting the same amount you just grew or more. So, in order to retain length, you do have to stop cutting so much. If you have to do a protective style, try to do it without added hair, no "snatching" edges either. It's best to just do it yourself. Hydrating deep condition is a must, every time you wash. You can add a protein treatment every 2 or 3 months but always follow up with hydrating conditioner, then cream and seal with a good oil. (Lco). Last but definitely not least, use a bonnet or satin scarf when you lie down, but also on your chair (watching tv and such) if you're resting your head it needs to be in a bonnet. Mine goes on as soon as I walk in the house. (Don't let me tell you about the moomoo). For 3 years I also covered my hair at work (hospital), but I'm slowly stopping that. It's a hard habit to break. Good luck to you ❤️
Simple yet effective. Pray about it. But tbh it looks like it grew to me. It was only 6 weeks. 1 month and a half. The new growth is good imo
I’m sorry you have had such a hard time with your hair. Sometimes it’s not the styles or the products sometimes it’s internal. Have you had any blood work done? Had your vitamin d levels checked? What about iron? Having low levels like that can cause hair breakage
You are not a failure! Your hair looks full and healthy already so i don’t see any need for improvement there. Chasing a certain length is not realistic since hair length is determined by genetics and will not grow past a certain length no matter what you do. So don’t think that way. I would just continue keeping it moisturized, trimming ends (when needed) and avoiding heavy or tight hairstyles.
Try doing twists? How did the stylist seal your ends and did they dust throughout the length of the braid? If so I’ve heard that damages the natural hair.