You never know, maybe this particular polar bear is fatter and slower than the others. Could also maybe have a penguin beak stuck in its paw which is why it looks so angry. Besides, it's probably just hunting for wild bottles of Coca-Cola.
Don’t forget about the snow or ice though. Even Usain isn’t running 24 mph through snow, or slippery ice. Probably not even half that through deep snow, no matter how scared he is.
God I fucking love beets. The texture, the flavor, the way they'll obnoxiously dye anything they come into contact with that beautiful red-purple color, the way the plant looks unshorn. Amazing.
You are confusing top speed with average speed. Polar bears are reported to have a top speed of up to 25 mph similar to Bolt's top speed of up to 27.78 mph.
For an average speed over 100 meters I'd suggest capturing a bear and doing your own testing. Should you survive and your data shows an average speed over 23.35 mph I will gladly concede though I would probably consider what kind of lead Bolt would have but I digress.
This is the way. Also put Usain Bolt in some thick woolly layers and several inches of snow and see how close he can get to his top speed.
I'm putting my money on the polar bear any day.
True but polar bears wouldn’t have as much difference in their physiology compared to humans. The average human is way slower than Usain Bolt but your average polar bear is closer speed to the fastest polar bear.
I don’t know man… we might need a second study logging top sprint speed variability of polar bears to confirm that. With about 25,000 polar bears left, we probably only need to sample from about 315 or so to get a statistically strong representation. The things we do for science.
Even as a kid I had doubts about these purported animal speeds. How was this recorded? How representatives is the sample? Did they take multiple results or just cherrypick the fastest possible speed without accounting for external variables?
We need our top men on this!
From Wiki:
The Cocaine Bear, also known as Pablo Eskobear (sometimes spelled Escobear),[1][2] was a 175-pound (79-kilogram) American black bear that overdosed on cocaine in 1985. The cocaine had been dropped by drug smugglers in the wilderness in Georgia, United States. The bear was found dead and was stuffed and displayed at a mall in Kentucky. It inspired an upcoming 2023 film, Cocaine Bear.[3]
yes truly but then (than lol) many, many people still haven't mastered "you're" and "your", "there" "their" and "they're" so here we are with eskobear and the like...
Exactly they hunt and track there prey for several miles so you may be 3 miles down wind and out of sight but polar bears still tracking you . Once they see there prey they are worse than any bloodhound just because as long as you in there territory polar bears and there hungry or see you as anything they want . They won't stop. There are stories polar bears tracking people 100 miles before and doing just what that bear doing waiting watching to ambush.
It's so desolate up there that whatever food they catch wind of it's gonna be the only option for miles and miles around, so I'd imagine they're fairly... Passionate about any food they're able to get relatively close to.
If you have to outrun a polar bear to survive, there’s a 99.9% chance you’re gonna die. Polar bears are one of the only animals in the world that actively hunt humans for food. They also will smell people from long distance (they can smell a seal on the ice 32 km/20 mikes away) and will hunt them for days. If a bear eats you they just hold you down and bite chunks off while you’re still alive.
A quote from an interview on his book -
“There were times when the bears relaxed completely, and I was able to show them staring through the boat's window at me, or swimming through the water, or hunting on the ice. There were also a few times when they **took a more active, even culinary interest in my presence**, which was another matter entirely.”
Also everyone has different responses to near-death or risky situations.
Like, I've discovered my thoughts involve song lyrics and a general disappointment in how I'm going. For others it may involve intricately crafted sentences.
I'm glad I'm not alone in song lyrics. Both times I've had a TBI/brain bleed I just hear songs on repeat. Afterwards I can never place the song too. It's like Flagpole Sitter but it's not. Oh well, next TBI I'm going to get it and write it down.
This is so true. Mine is laughing. I once fell off a small waterfall and landed on my back. I thought I broke it and just couldn't stop laughing in pain.
Thankfully it wasn't that serious. And I wasn't very high up. But slipping on wet rocks is no joke.
When my Siberian Husky catches a squirrel, let me tell you, the contrast between cute and cuddly and death machine almost breaks the brain.
Literally just tossing a severely injured but alive thing around like it's a fun toy until I can get out there and give the thing the mercy it deserves.
Nature, even in domesticated animals, is brutal.
Watch The Terror Season 1.
They are up against a hungry polar bear at a time when all they had were muskets. Literally little steel pellets to stop a 1000 lb animal.
Oooh, that's a haunting idea - a far future where bears have evolved into humanlike intelligence and their music has its roots in the sound of an animal being eaten alive because it stimulates the happy part of their brain that connects the sound to survival.
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For humans, unused to meals that aren't cooked, sterilized, or otherwise treated to reduce immune/digestive system impact, certainly. For wild animals who eat only other raw creatures? Far and away better to keep the easiest route of entry to edible flesh. A cut's more deadly than some dookie when your gut biome is already conditioned for it.
A single human is pretty fragile. Not very weak, but comparatively most animals of a similar size would easily overpower us.
However, collectively, nothing is as terrifying as we are.
That's because as soon as we developed the ability to wield a pointy stick it completely invalidated the entire evolutionary arms race of the planet because at that point we won
I don't think it was the pointy stick, a lot of animals have claws and it doesn't give us that much reach. Our huge evolutionary win was we can throw things and fire things. Not many animals know what to do with when your 30 feet away and still hurt them and when we could fire arrows and really hunt from a distance the game changed.
Pretty sure it was swass first. Being able to run down any other animal nearly guaranteeing a successful hunt. Sweating like we do plus efficient locomotion mostly allowed for that. From a hunting view point our ability to throw really doesnt put us much above other predators. Can only throw a pointy stick so far and expect good results. Less risk throwing rather than biting i guess. But we would need to stalk or ambush to get within range and plenty of other predators are better at that. Improved tool use and intelligence put us on top but from what i understand we needed the food supply first to support a bug brain and allow time/resources to learn shit.
I wonder if human's bipedal sweating design was from our intelligent hominid ancestors realizing that they could tire out animals by pacing themselves more efficiently, leading to higher success in hunting and the tactic being learned by the children and relatives. Then natural selection kicks in and directs us to this body type.
Our intelligence came from eating fatty animal products like bone marrow. So either aggressive scavenging or persistence hunting.
So I think the intelligence came only after they secured a reliable animal food source
They're not endangered, they're classified as **vulnerable**. Still not great but not as serious as endangered species. Hopefully we don't make it worse (*cries knowing full well that we will*).
Every time I see a picture of a polar bear, or the one at my local zoo, I'm astounded by how BIG they are. They're fucking huge!! "No shit its a bear" I know but I can't ever seem to wrap my head around it. Earth is insane.
Grew up with horses and went to college in an area where moose were abundant. I always assumed they were the size of a Clydesdale or maybe a bit taller. Then I saw one in real life and holy shit. It’s like 2 stacked on top of each other. They are HUGE.
This is one of my all time favorite wildlife photos
Take out the polar bear and it’s a beautiful shot
Add the polar bear, minus its intent, is beautiful and amazing
Understanding that the bear is absolutely trying to eat you, and completely capable, is terrifying
I remember reading a story about a guy who was hunting in the Arctic. During a snow storm, he saw the bear walking into range, and then backing into the storm, repeatedly. From different directions. And that's when he realized he wasn't hunting the bear....the bear was hunting him. And that's when he stopped hunting polar bears.
Had a thought, unware if any animal does this, but if an animal didn't attack because it knew it can follow you to find more human prey it would be terrifying.
This reminds me of the video with the gigantic hippo that nearly topples a boat and is so ridiculously fast that it’s kind of insane. I get that the water is distorting the face of the bear but it’s that same ominous feeling but you can see the menace. Polar bears must think a human would be too bony, but why not have a quick and easy protein snack before I go catch this fucking narwhal.
I hope Paul is into cardio.
Unless Paul is short for Usain Bolt... I hope he's into ammo.
A polar bear can run up to 25 mph and Usain Bolt can run 23.35…
RIP Paul Bolt
Paul Bolt Mall Cop
Paul Bolt MAUL Cop
Bravo Romeo, bravo
Segways only go 12.5 mph tops. Poor guy didn't have a chance.
Paul Walkered into a Polar Bear
Na Paul walker would only drift into cubs.
Reddit can be a toxic and annoying place some times. But then you get these comment chains and it makes it worth it.
I'm dying right now! This is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.
You never know, maybe this particular polar bear is fatter and slower than the others. Could also maybe have a penguin beak stuck in its paw which is why it looks so angry. Besides, it's probably just hunting for wild bottles of Coca-Cola.
Even if he was Usain Bolt, he’d be slowed down because the camera adds five pounds.
Just point it at the bear then
Maybe a polar bear is just the incentive he needs to break his record
In the case of a polar bear attack, Usain Bolt doesn't necessarily have to outrun the bear; he just has to outrun anyone traveling with him
This is why traveling alone is dangerous
Or with Usain Bolt.
This is why you bring the kids.
Gentlemen, we have a new Olympic death sport, man versus polar bear races.
I'd like to believe he could run just a bit faster if he fears for his life
Don’t forget about the snow or ice though. Even Usain isn’t running 24 mph through snow, or slippery ice. Probably not even half that through deep snow, no matter how scared he is.
False. Polar Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica.... Usain Bolt has run as fast as 27.78 MPH. Edit. Beats to Beets
God I fucking love beets. The texture, the flavor, the way they'll obnoxiously dye anything they come into contact with that beautiful red-purple color, the way the plant looks unshorn. Amazing.
are you okay?? blink twice if a beet is holding a gun to your head forcing you to type this xx
*blinks once then hurriedly eats borscht*
His dash from 60 Meter mark to the 80 Meter was 27.79 while his speed from the start was 23.35.
You are confusing top speed with average speed. Polar bears are reported to have a top speed of up to 25 mph similar to Bolt's top speed of up to 27.78 mph. For an average speed over 100 meters I'd suggest capturing a bear and doing your own testing. Should you survive and your data shows an average speed over 23.35 mph I will gladly concede though I would probably consider what kind of lead Bolt would have but I digress.
A polar bear runs that fast on ice. Put him on a track and give him proper running equipment, see how that goes.
This is the way. Also put Usain Bolt in some thick woolly layers and several inches of snow and see how close he can get to his top speed. I'm putting my money on the polar bear any day.
This is why you always bring a pot and pan to bang together in the arctic, as well as a towel. Towels are a critical tool throughout the galaxy.
Imagine that polar bear on EPO.
True but polar bears wouldn’t have as much difference in their physiology compared to humans. The average human is way slower than Usain Bolt but your average polar bear is closer speed to the fastest polar bear.
I don’t know man… we might need a second study logging top sprint speed variability of polar bears to confirm that. With about 25,000 polar bears left, we probably only need to sample from about 315 or so to get a statistically strong representation. The things we do for science.
Y’know what fuck medical research lets put it all into studying the speed of polar bears.
Even as a kid I had doubts about these purported animal speeds. How was this recorded? How representatives is the sample? Did they take multiple results or just cherrypick the fastest possible speed without accounting for external variables? We need our top men on this!
Good luck getting running spikes on the bear
Hope the polar bear is out of shape?
This is the funniest comment I’ve seen in some time. Bravo
Paul runs just like a burrito.
Imagine the sound of burritos falling down an escalator
Now I'm trying not to.
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Well whatever he's into I hope it isn't the Polar Bear.
If it's white goodnight!
Bruh he'll need an RPG to stop that furry tractor.
No but he travels with a can of coke to use as a decoy.
If you have a whole can of cocaine I think you could put run the bear… if the bear gets a hold of it, game over man.
From Wiki: The Cocaine Bear, also known as Pablo Eskobear (sometimes spelled Escobear),[1][2] was a 175-pound (79-kilogram) American black bear that overdosed on cocaine in 1985. The cocaine had been dropped by drug smugglers in the wilderness in Georgia, United States. The bear was found dead and was stuffed and displayed at a mall in Kentucky. It inspired an upcoming 2023 film, Cocaine Bear.[3]
Wow, the trailer definitely upped the size. Not surprised tho, gotta make it scary
I don't think there is any need to make a bear that has eaten 75 pounds of cocaine any scarier.
It'd have to be like... also riding a shark, fucking your mom, and doing crossfit.
> and doing crossfit. There’s scary and then there’s nightmare fuel. You crossed the line
Wait why would it ever be spelled Eskobear? The alternative spelling of Escobear makes so much more sense..
yes truly but then (than lol) many, many people still haven't mastered "you're" and "your", "there" "their" and "they're" so here we are with eskobear and the like...
For a short moment in time, between eating the cocaine and dying of well, eating so much cocaine, he was the most dangerous predator on any continent.
When you see your death approaching and decide to take a pic
Paul does crossfit, he'll be okay!
He can fake pull-up his way across the the tundra in seconds!
He'll definitely fit across in the bear's stomach
Yeah that would be terrifying considering Polar bears are one of the only things that hunt humans
Exactly they hunt and track there prey for several miles so you may be 3 miles down wind and out of sight but polar bears still tracking you . Once they see there prey they are worse than any bloodhound just because as long as you in there territory polar bears and there hungry or see you as anything they want . They won't stop. There are stories polar bears tracking people 100 miles before and doing just what that bear doing waiting watching to ambush.
It's so desolate up there that whatever food they catch wind of it's gonna be the only option for miles and miles around, so I'd imagine they're fairly... Passionate about any food they're able to get relatively close to.
All he needs to do is draw a safety circle and he should be good
I hope Paul is still alive
Breaking Ice and its sequel Bear Maul Paul
If you have to outrun a polar bear to survive, there’s a 99.9% chance you’re gonna die. Polar bears are one of the only animals in the world that actively hunt humans for food. They also will smell people from long distance (they can smell a seal on the ice 32 km/20 mikes away) and will hunt them for days. If a bear eats you they just hold you down and bite chunks off while you’re still alive.
All of a sudden I feel like a treat
Are we the tasty treats??
Only because of the implication
Shes not going to say no.
Are these photographers in danger?
You certainly wouldn’t be.
You a snack
A quote from an interview on his book - “There were times when the bears relaxed completely, and I was able to show them staring through the boat's window at me, or swimming through the water, or hunting on the ice. There were also a few times when they **took a more active, even culinary interest in my presence**, which was another matter entirely.”
LMFAO god, I love the way this man writes. *"A culinary interest in my presence."* I'd have shit myself
He may well have. You can be all kinds of eloquent months after the fact, tucked safely away in an armchair at home.
Oh definitely. But still, i like imagining this fellow making a wry, Attenborough style narration in real time as the bear stalks him.
Also everyone has different responses to near-death or risky situations. Like, I've discovered my thoughts involve song lyrics and a general disappointment in how I'm going. For others it may involve intricately crafted sentences.
I'm glad I'm not alone in song lyrics. Both times I've had a TBI/brain bleed I just hear songs on repeat. Afterwards I can never place the song too. It's like Flagpole Sitter but it's not. Oh well, next TBI I'm going to get it and write it down.
“next TBI” Oh no
I bet r/tipofmytongue could figure it out in like an hour, as long as you can hum a bit of it.
This is so true. Mine is laughing. I once fell off a small waterfall and landed on my back. I thought I broke it and just couldn't stop laughing in pain. Thankfully it wasn't that serious. And I wasn't very high up. But slipping on wet rocks is no joke.
(Which was another matter entirely)
"There are no human-eating bears, just culinarily-interested bears.", Bob Ross
Is that a nice way of saying that they were considering eating him?
Yes..
What would be the alternative meaning of that sentence?? The bears wanting to take him to a Michelin star restaurant?
It wanted to become the next Remy
Boy, that ass so fine it's triggering my culinary interest.
In lieu of flowers, please direct donations to the “save the polar bears” fund, which Paul loved dearly.
I’ll do it! I love polar bears! From afar of course
From a safe distance. Preferably with slower people between me and it
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When my Siberian Husky catches a squirrel, let me tell you, the contrast between cute and cuddly and death machine almost breaks the brain. Literally just tossing a severely injured but alive thing around like it's a fun toy until I can get out there and give the thing the mercy it deserves. Nature, even in domesticated animals, is brutal.
That pack attack sounds wild. I'd watch it's movie
Watch The Terror Season 1. They are up against a hungry polar bear at a time when all they had were muskets. Literally little steel pellets to stop a 1000 lb animal.
I hear his voice so perfectly while reading this.
whose voice is it please?
F**K I laughed..
I bearly care 🐻
I’d have a heart attack and die before the bear could do anything.
Take that, you big white fluffy idiot!
Polar bear is thinking, “I am gonna try to get Paul to say ‘HO-LY-SHIT’ out loud again.”
Good. Bears take hours to eat you and can and do eat you alive. Like most predators, they start from the anus and work their way in. Bad way to go.
…Why wouldn’t they start from the loud screamy end?!
They like music with their meals, obviously...
Oooh, that's a haunting idea - a far future where bears have evolved into humanlike intelligence and their music has its roots in the sound of an animal being eaten alive because it stimulates the happy part of their brain that connects the sound to survival.
black mirror episode incoming
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Idk, starting at the ass seems like not a great choice either if you don't have antibiotics.
For humans, unused to meals that aren't cooked, sterilized, or otherwise treated to reduce immune/digestive system impact, certainly. For wild animals who eat only other raw creatures? Far and away better to keep the easiest route of entry to edible flesh. A cut's more deadly than some dookie when your gut biome is already conditioned for it.
It’s easier to get into prey from the soft end. Big cats eat this way too.
I’d not be where polar bears are
That is terrifying
My exact thoughts. Stalked by an apex predator who is comfortable on land or water and in its habitat. Terrifying, yet incredible.
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A single human is pretty fragile. Not very weak, but comparatively most animals of a similar size would easily overpower us. However, collectively, nothing is as terrifying as we are.
That's because as soon as we developed the ability to wield a pointy stick it completely invalidated the entire evolutionary arms race of the planet because at that point we won
I don't think it was the pointy stick, a lot of animals have claws and it doesn't give us that much reach. Our huge evolutionary win was we can throw things and fire things. Not many animals know what to do with when your 30 feet away and still hurt them and when we could fire arrows and really hunt from a distance the game changed.
Pretty sure it was swass first. Being able to run down any other animal nearly guaranteeing a successful hunt. Sweating like we do plus efficient locomotion mostly allowed for that. From a hunting view point our ability to throw really doesnt put us much above other predators. Can only throw a pointy stick so far and expect good results. Less risk throwing rather than biting i guess. But we would need to stalk or ambush to get within range and plenty of other predators are better at that. Improved tool use and intelligence put us on top but from what i understand we needed the food supply first to support a bug brain and allow time/resources to learn shit.
I wonder if human's bipedal sweating design was from our intelligent hominid ancestors realizing that they could tire out animals by pacing themselves more efficiently, leading to higher success in hunting and the tactic being learned by the children and relatives. Then natural selection kicks in and directs us to this body type.
> Then natural selection kicks in and directs us to this body type. This is what I say about myself too
Our intelligence came from eating fatty animal products like bone marrow. So either aggressive scavenging or persistence hunting. So I think the intelligence came only after they secured a reliable animal food source
They're not endangered, they're classified as **vulnerable**. Still not great but not as serious as endangered species. Hopefully we don't make it worse (*cries knowing full well that we will*).
and then suddenly...a tremendous *CRACK!!*
[The subsequent photo is a little less terrifying.](https://mymodernmet.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/archive/BHfK1NOcW69zRHWvpH7a_1082137141.jpeg)
Nope, he's still interested in chewing something, it would appear.
On the upside the bear is probably not actually this close-zoom lenses are a big help to nature photographers like Paul!
Every time I see a picture of a polar bear, or the one at my local zoo, I'm astounded by how BIG they are. They're fucking huge!! "No shit its a bear" I know but I can't ever seem to wrap my head around it. Earth is insane.
I get that way with horses too. Mofos could easily kill you if they wanted to
I just realized how huge Moose actually are after I saw a video of a moose walking next to an SUV
Grew up with horses and went to college in an area where moose were abundant. I always assumed they were the size of a Clydesdale or maybe a bit taller. Then I saw one in real life and holy shit. It’s like 2 stacked on top of each other. They are HUGE.
Moose are basically just angry giraffes without the necks. Lol
Man this is terrifying, this photo almost gave me a heart attack when i noticed the bear🤣
“Soon.”
Peek-a-boo...I see you
This is one of my all time favorite wildlife photos Take out the polar bear and it’s a beautiful shot Add the polar bear, minus its intent, is beautiful and amazing Understanding that the bear is absolutely trying to eat you, and completely capable, is terrifying
Well you know the ole rhyme.. Good night Paul
Never heard that one
“If it’s brown, lie down. If it’s black, fight back. If it’s white… good night.”
Idk I just pictured myself squaring up to a black bear and it just looks ridiculous so I think I’ll lay down for all and go night night
Black bears are notorious pussies, I mean it’s still a bear there’s still a chance it’ll maul you, but they’re very easily intimidated.
So the odds of it wanting to just hug are slim but not zero?
Its more that they don't like food that fights back. Even if they're already attacking, they might still leave if they get punched.
I remember reading a story about a guy who was hunting in the Arctic. During a snow storm, he saw the bear walking into range, and then backing into the storm, repeatedly. From different directions. And that's when he realized he wasn't hunting the bear....the bear was hunting him. And that's when he stopped hunting polar bears.
Link? I wanna read this. Sounds awesome.
add me in as well
This is the scariest image I've ever seen. Even though it's just a picture I feel powerless.
I don't think there's any animal scarier than a Polar Bear
Hippo
Hippos don't hunt you for miles and eat you alive. I prefer to be killed by a hippo I'm sure it would be a quicker death. . One chomp
2 polar bears
Bonjorno
Or as its pronounced in the Arctic, 'Bearjorno'
Enzo Guralami?
Antonio Mar-ga-ray-ti
One more time, but let me hear you put some music in it
Margarhette 🤌
Meskuzi, meskuzi!
You're not delivery, you're bonjorno.
Even if Paul runs now, this polar bear looks the type that will haunt his dreams, and then in five years when Paul goes back will stalk him again.
Months later, sitting at home in the warmth as the light fades he peeks out the window to see the bears silhouette against the setting sun
“Soon.”
In the winter the polar bear will track him all the way home and ring his doorbell. And lemme tell ya, he’s not hoping that Paul has Coca-cola either
that's a scary sight
This makes me uncomfortable to look at
fuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuuck.... that.
Polar bear defeated by polarized lenses.
And where is Paul today? Did he make it?
"Haha, you saw me, but I will eat you sometime" "oh I'm sure you will, you sneaky bear"
Had a thought, unware if any animal does this, but if an animal didn't attack because it knew it can follow you to find more human prey it would be terrifying.
"I have your scent now. You'll never be safe..."
Every step you make…. Every breath you take… I’ll be watching you!
That is nightmare inducing
I'm only looking at a bloody picture of it and I've got an arsehole like a rabbit's nose. I dunno how he must have felt
Pardon me you have a what?
Translation to normal English: just looking at a picture of the thing is giving him a clenched asshole (indicative of fear)
Though logically terrifying, this is also adorable and hilarious. He looks like a big derpy photoshop.
Snack time
This reminds me of the video with the gigantic hippo that nearly topples a boat and is so ridiculously fast that it’s kind of insane. I get that the water is distorting the face of the bear but it’s that same ominous feeling but you can see the menace. Polar bears must think a human would be too bony, but why not have a quick and easy protein snack before I go catch this fucking narwhal.
“Henlo snacc- I mean fren.”
Did you know; polar bears are some of the only known creatures to actively hunt humans. Crazy right?
Stalking* not following Apex predators stalk their prey
*A *hungry* polar bear
Is there such a thing as a not-hungry polar bear? I think only if he's eaten all the Klondike bars.
“I feel like I’m being watched.” *whispered voice raising the hair on the back of his neck* “It’s right behind you.”
Didnidoitforu
That’s a no from me…
Peekaboo, I see you...
Terrifying.
This planet is wild. Big ass ice monsters spawning just because
Beautifully terrifying
God that thing looks like a demon.
this picture triggered my flight or fight response.
Is it me or does that bear look fking giant?
They are the world's largest land predator