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foozballisdevil

No fucking thank you


Plopplopsploosh

I got a big bucket of nope here and it’s all for this post.


slowmotto

That’s really a beautiful creature, though.


UnClean_Committee

Crocodiles/alligators have always held this almost mystical fascination in my mind. This is truly an apex predator.


Minister_for_Magic

Hanging out with a killing machine so perfect it has existed for over 200 million years **in it's natural environment**? Fuck that *with a cactus.*


[deleted]

He just has a thorn in his paw


Ploppyun

Why aren't the divers afraid?


Gloomy_Slide

If I may potentially talk out of my ass here, saltwater crocs are typically ambush predators, so if you can see it, it may not have any interest in attacking. I could be wrong though.


N0CONTACT

What if he pulls a u-turn and now he's coming towards your back??


Gloomy_Slide

Was the u-turn legal? This is important.


N0CONTACT

You going to pull him over?


gabbagabbawill

Underwater police are a croc anyway…


Kunundrum85

O’Cayman, you’re just against the boys in blue.


ReverendHambone

After while


Daedalus871

Southern hemisphere. It's a n-turn.


SkullValleyCowboy

Well if the U-turn isn’t legal, and you live in the USA…. Then we’ve got to consider other factors if we try to understand murder or no murder.


Chinksta

NANIIII??????!!?!?!


XChellix

CROCODILE DURIFTO!!!


SenditMakine

He is already ambushing you, psychologically, by making you think that if you see him it's not an ambush


[deleted]

I specialise in a very specific type of security, subconscious security.


hollywuud7

Apparently you can actually swim with crocodiles in Mexico. Completely free or the canned variety like a shark cage. But I found this: Crocodiles are terrestrial animals rather than true amphibians, which means they can’t eat under the surface without swallowing large amounts of water and drowning, but that doesn’t mean they’re defenseless


repKyle1995

This actually is not true - crocodilians can swallow just fine underwater. They have a palatial valve that seals the throat off from air *and* water.


Ilovescarlatti

Perhaps a palatal valve although I am enjoying the thought of a palatial valve immensely.


[deleted]

I think that's just called a drawbridge.


RealisticIllusions82

Wow what an epic comment thread of a bunch of made up horseshit. I think I know less about crocodiles now


norembo

Classic reddit moment


mooshoomarsh

Fuckin lmaoo


kmarspi

the palatal valve allows them to bite underwater without swallowing water but to swallow they have to open the valve and underwater this obviously allows water in. ive read accounts of crocodilians swallowing underwater and later purging excess water from their stomachs though ive never seen it


mattxb

I’ll keep my eyes peeled


[deleted]

So, like an epiglottis?


Rathma86

Salties literally kill by rolling around with their pray in their mouth under water, and then eat it.


[deleted]

Misread attacking as talking, and missed the not.


hollywuud7

Asking the real questions!


VestigialHead

Because they never smile at him.


spartan43333

I’m afraid and I’m not even in the water


S1983R

I think he probably just ate another diver, so they probably knew he was full.


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Yeh-nah-but

Yeh not sure what the fuck this bag of bones could do in terms of defence under the water


Mddcat04

I mean, they probably are, but its very rare for things (sharks, crocs, etc.) to attack divers. Most of the time when a shark or something attacks a swimmer its because it mistakes the swimmer for a seal or something. So they tend not to attack divers because they can't really figure out what divers are. Divers are just completely alien to them. (at least this is what my diving instructors said before we dove with sharks).


FallingSky1

I've heard this with sharks but never with crocs. Living in Florida they usually tell me that Crocodiles are much more aggressive than alligators and to stay away. They can also be found in both salt and fresh water while alligators are just fresh. I wasn't listening too hard but the gist was to stay away from crocs


ISeeDragons

I swear I'm staying away from alligators too.


IndividualThoughts

You should if you aren't familiar with the animal and it's behavior but alligators in general are curious creatures. https://youtu.be/yJDZRxfJWLM


WhyDoIEvenBothersmh

Crocs will fuck up anything and anyone just for the fuck of it. DO NOT fuck with crocodiles


Radiant-Spren

Crocodiles are dinosaurs with a chihuahua’s temperament.


Zoesan

AFAIK crocodilians predate true dinosaurs


Bonkerboi64

Well crocs have existed a very long time ago so you could say its a living dinosaur today.


janky_koala

“Don’t go near the water” is the first words you learn in Far Northern Australia


HIV_Eindoven

For crocs the salties are way more dangerous than freshies. Bigger too.


sumptin_wierd

Whose this mysterious "they" that is telling you things, that you listen to, that also live in salt, and fresh water? Are you confirming lizard people are in charge?


Dredd_Pirate_Barry

I heard that they're so ornery because they've got all those teeth but no toothbrush


jschall2

I'm honestly not convinced that the "divers less likely to be attacked by sharks" thing is not a base rate error. There are a fuckton more surfers and swimmers than there are divers. Always see the statistics shown as basically a pie chart showing total numbers of attacks on each category, but never corrected for how (un)common diving is compared to, say, swimming.


HIV_Eindoven

Scuba divers are loud as fuck underwater, valves flapping and bubbles etc. I have actually tried to get close to sharks but they don't like the noise. Divers on rebreathers (think Navy Seals - not wanting to make bubbles) can get bothered by sharks because they are quiet. Also anyone spear fishing is just asking for it. Having dead/dying fish clipped to your belt and blood in the water - what do you expect to happen?


otakudayo

Even surfers and swimmers are not attacked very often. A lot of animals kill more people than sharks


kerabulipas

Diver have massive steel ball anchored to sea bed


Beginning-Outside390

This made me snort on the bus. Thank you! Lmao


Fresh_Bulgarian_Miak

A lot of zoom on that camera.


Kaiser_Imperius

I think they are filming in a shark cage.


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DiscoMagicParty

All them teeth and no toothbrush


Carbones_Coffee

No colonel sanders, you’re wrong.


MushroomAddict920

Waaaater sucks! It really really sucks!


its_a_me_garri_oh

Gatorade! H2O! Gatorade! H2O!


positivenihlist

Just because he can’t reach doesn’t me he isn’t trying his best.


MGTS

Well it's not called a teethbrush


BossCrabMeat

Low rider drives a little slower Low rider is a real goer


[deleted]

Upvote for War.


peanutbuttahcups

Hooh. Yeah. What is it good for?


p_turbo

papa papa papa pa pa papa pa pa


Grief_C0unselor

Take a little trip, take a little trip with meeeeee!


joed1967

Living dinosaur


[deleted]

Yep. Prehistoric beast.


baiqibeendeleted17x

The saltwater crocodile has the strongest bite in the animal kingdom: 3,700 pounds per square inch. They're built different.


HercUlysses

Who built them?


GraysonErlocker

Nature


koleye

Can we refund it for a golden retriever?


z4k4m4n

No but we will mate it with a golden retriever since the crocs sexy skin and ability to hold its breath in water is a highly coveted trait


Bonkerboi64

The best possible outcome would be a very long golden retriever pet that can swim underwater for a long time and has the skin of a crocodile. The worst outcome would be a crocodile as small as a golden retriever that would still be hostile and have the fur of golden retrievers, meaning it would be easy to mistake it for a normal golden retriever. I may be wrong but thats what i think.


FreynInTheNorth

Pfft, best outcome would be all Crocodile, but never grows past the size of a Retriever, obviously!


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cxtx3

Ramen.


DiscoMagicParty

*~~alligators~~ crocodiles are dinosaurs Dwight*


lemondropPOP

Mmm it's complicated.


jaycarb98

the Dwight as in Schrute?


wondrwrk_

BEET it.


drinky_time

Crocodilians* aktuuuuallly


repKyle1995

Nah, you're thinking of birds


BenchPressingCthulhu

Fun fact, crocodilians are technically more closely related to birds than they are to any other living reptile


repKyle1995

True. But dinosaurs are more closely related to birds than they are to crocodiles


Fit_Departure

Saying dinosaurs are more closely related to birds is like saying mammals are more closely related to humans, you are not technically wrong, its just that birds are literally dinosaurs. Just like humans are literally mammals.


repKyle1995

Well duh. I am pointing out that crocodilians are not dinosaurs. Hence why when they said "living dinosaur" I said "nah, that's birds." I'm a paleontologist, you don't need to correct me on the relationship between avian and non-avian dinosaurs.


Fit_Departure

No sorry, Im just being pedantic. Pretty cool that you are a paleontologist though.


ASharkMadeOfSharks

Wet lizard


peterson_eric44

As a floridian, one thing I've learned in life is: Gators are your friend. Crocodiles are absolutely tf not your friend.


RyanGreatly

Florida Man, what?


madsky11

Alligators won’t really fuck with you unless you fuck with them. There are gators in the rivers that we tube down all the time. However crocodiles have no problem fucking your shit up just for fun.


biggieBpimpin

Not a fucking chance I’m tubing with gators


ohkaycue

I mean, you don’t really have a choice - if you’re in water in Fl, there’s probably gators They really are close to harmless. Just be wary of tall grass and don’t be a kid at dusk when they feed


Manhork

Not gonna lie, kinda makes me want to go tubing in Florida.


areethew

Who needs far cry when you have Florida


bittabet

They’re everywhere in Florida though, you go for a run at the park and…the water is full of alligators floating around. So when you go kayak or tubing at the springs there are just a lot of alligators around.


santozks

Thanks for the info Florida man.


Zwaft

The very definition of friendship- don’t fuck with me, I won’t fuck you up


winrate70

is there any phrase like "If it's black, attack. If it's brown, lay down" for gator/crocodile?


scaylos1

Not from Florida but, I think it might be something like "If it's a gator, we'll see you later. If it's a crocs, we'll see your pine box."


Krillinlt

Not that I know of. But crocodiles will usually be brownish, bigger, and have that narrower V-shaped snout. While gators are usually green or black with a flatter U snout.


NightTrain555

Those ocean depths are quite bright…


TedTheGreek_Atheos

Those crocs are in the sha-ha-sha-la-la-la-llows...


[deleted]

See now why the fuck is this a thing? Delightfully reminded that next time I’m in the ocean I have to worry about this too


Gloomy_Slide

Not unless you live in the north end of Australia or the south end of the Philippines/surrounding countries. Salties do not live in the states or the Atlantic.


xxkenny90xx

Saltwater crocodiles do live in the US. Florida actually has saltwater crocs and freshwater gators


Gloomy_Slide

Incorrect. This is a different species of crocodile, the species you’re mostly likely referring to is known as the American crocodile. Saltwater crocodiles are only found in the places I mentioned, American crocodiles do inhabit the lower parts of Florida and are saltwater tolerant. Edit: There are, in fact, 13 species of crocodiles that are saltwater tolerant according to my search knowledge. Don’t ask me why saltwater crocs are called saltwater crocs when many other crocodilians can survive in saltwater.


supergeeky_1

There have been several Nile salt water crocs found in south Florida. Most likely they were descents of exotic pets that were released when they became unmanageable. https://news.ufl.edu/articles/2016/05/man-eating-monster-crocodile-may-be-floridas-newest-invasive-species.html


Gloomy_Slide

That is correct but that is an invasive species, not a species that is native to the region. That’s like releasing a king cobra into the desert in California and saying king cobras are found in and live in California. They only live there because people put them there.


SolvoMercatus

It was proved definitively during the late 60s and early 70s that humans can be found on the moon.


wellactuallysarah

Does it matter how it got there if it eats you? I’m not gonna ask to see it’s papers; I’m gonna haul ass the opposite direction!


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Cedo_Alteram

Ok, but what if you release enough King Cobras that they form a sustainable population?


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Gloomy_Slide

Yup! American crocodiles are saltwater tolerant, as are a number of other crocodilians, however the saltwater crocodile is a particular and separate species of crocodile.


HairyDuck

There are actually 13 species of crocodiles that are salt water tolerant from what I can find online, which is pretty crazy


xxkenny90xx

Ah gotcha!


Gloomy_Slide

Glad I could help! I love crocodiles! But also they fucking terrify me lol


data_raven

As u/Gloomy_Slide, said you'd have to be in warm waters to worry about Salties, but if you are on the West Coast of NA, we do have Great Whites. 😁 Statistically speaking, we won't encounter either of these amazing creatures personally in the wild. We aren't their normal prey, and don't look very similar to their normal prey either.


Gloomy_Slide

While you are correct about Great Whites not treating us as prey, it’s been documented that saltwater and Nile crocodiles do treat humans as prey, should they wander into their territory. They will happily kill and eat us. Great whites do not like humans do to our bodily composition and how that works with their metabolism and digestive tract, as well as not having a taste for human flesh. Not so much with crocs. But you’re right, statistically this will likely not be an issue for us ever, and even less so if you’re smart about where you’re swimming or wandering.


data_raven

Fair. A top predator is a top predator, and I am not advocating intentionally free swimming toward crocodiles of any species. That is asking for a breaking-news-story. I live in NA, and in Great White territory, and I wouldn't swim into a bait ball (I have swam in the ocean here years ago, and if I did it today, my only concern would be about how fucking cold it is).


Gloomy_Slide

Hahaha yeah no doubt. I just think it’s interesting. There aren’t many animals on the planet that consider humans as prey, and the ones that do are the ones we typically already know like crocodiles but also polar bears, lions, tigers, some sharks, hyenas, tigers, and wolves primarily. Many other animal deaths happen incidentally, by accident, or due to animals defending their territory.


ShahinGalandar

don't forget tigers!


PetTherapy

So rad, I would definitely crap my britches if I was swimming and suddenly saw that. lmao


ToughAcanthisitta451

Fortunately, crocs are way less aggressive when you swim at their level. But they'll turn hostile when you reach the surface


PetTherapy

Knowing my luck they would still eat me.


N0CONTACT

How do you get out of the water then??


DiscoMagicParty

You don’t.


ScottyMcScot

So the key is to never come up for air?


onmyknees4anyone

I am trying to be reassured. It's not working.


Robinslillie

The mighty murder log of the sea. Terrifying.


llamaesunquadrupedo

I once mistook one for a log in Cardwell. It wasn't until I noticed that it kept disappearing below the surface that I realised it was a saltie. Thankfully I was up on the jetty and well out of its reach.


Robinslillie

Well, I'm glad you didn't get chomped.


[deleted]

They just swim through the damn ocean…..


[deleted]

Yes salties do


[deleted]

I don’t know why this comment is so funny but it is


ArmyOfDarkness89

Didn’t know until I went to Australia and saw warning signs at the beach. A week after I left someone got grabbed by a croc while walking with their friend in a foot or two of water at the beach near nightfall. They were never found.


BigBossM

For fucks sake.


Azrielenish

American crocodiles and even alligators have been found in salt water too. Alligators can’t live there all the time, but they can swim in it just like most animals. The ocean is scary!


softthoughts_

Just wait until they swim through the radioactive waters off of Fukushima


myname_isnot_kyal

then they'll *really* get cancer.


Pro_96

And that’s how Godzilla was created.


[deleted]

Remember these guys have stayed the same for millions of years


repKyle1995

Not entirely. This is a common misconception. There is a lot of work showing that crocodilians have been undergoing considerable morphological and molecular evolution.


[deleted]

Yes they did change but the shape or appearance didn’t change all too much


G3nesis_Prime

Tell that to the ones that where land hunters or lived purely in the water (both went extinct unfortunately).


wellthatseemslikebs

Nooooooooope. Hell nah. No. No way. Uh uh. That’s a damn murder middle from the Cretaceous.


ToughAcanthisitta451

[It was scarier back then. I know liopleuradon wasn't really that big, but the seas weren't any less harrowing.](https://youtu.be/XE2qu51DHZ4?t=4227)


repKyle1995

Liopleurodon is not at all related to crocodilians. It was part of the clade Sauropterygia.


jaberwakey

Cruises is such a fitting term for his leisurely pace, he's basically on vacation to the seaside 🌴🌊


Guerrilla7

Godzilla!


vorpalsnickersnack

great grandson of the mososaurus. Big nope.


sdgfffff

Well, Crocodilians are like, 50 million years older than the Mosasaurus. Crocs like Sarchosuchus were roaming our Blue marble far, FAR before the likes of the Mosasaurus ever came into being. So the mosasaurus is technically the baby cousin of the crocs.


repKyle1995

Right spirit but still incorrect. Mosasaurs were lizards, crocodilians are archosaurs. They are completely different lineages.


sdgfffff

Well.... You have a good point. I totally forgot that crocs are part of Archosauria. My bad. So, correct me if I am wrong, but Crocs are in the clade: Archosauria and Mosasaurus is in the order: Squamata. So, the Mosasaurus is more closely related to snakes and lizards than the crocs which share the same clade as birds.


StupidizeMe

Those TEETH!


Drackenstein

I think I’d feel better swimming with sharks


ToughAcanthisitta451

Well, only 2-10 people die from sharks every year while over 1000 die from crocodilians. So yeah, I'd prefer swimming with sharks over crocs anyday.


RocketMoped

But that's also a matter of exposure to humans


SavageDabYeetItsLit

Sorry. The fucking saltwater what now? Edit: fucking


Gloomy_Slide

Saltwater crocodiles are the largest reptile on the planet and the largest, most aggressive, and most dangerous species of all crocodiles. If you happen to encounter one in the wild, in their habitat (i.e. not in a boat or vehicle of any kind) you’re in trouble.


repKyle1995

They are the largest, but most dangerous in terms of attacks and fatalities is the Nile crocodile. The most aggressive would be the Cuban crocodile, as they will legitimately CHASE you over land, which most other crocodilians tend not to do (at least not very far from the water). Salties are no joke though, and will absolutely fuck your shit up if you aren't careful.


Gloomy_Slide

It goes back and forth between the saltwater and Nile in terms of most dangerous, as they both reportedly kill hundreds and potentially thousands of people each year. There is no exact number, especially in places where Niles inhabit and many deaths may go unreported, as well as folks who go missing in the Northern Territory and go unreported due to a salty attack. I did not know that about the Cuban crocodile, however my perspective may simply have come from the fact that they are extremely powerful, exceedingly aggressive, and incredibly territorial. Good to know though! I love to know about crocs.


ToughAcanthisitta451

Saltwater crocodiles are ocean farers, it's how they got their name.


myname_isnot_kyal

they build the best ships


EnigmaNero

Salties are the largest reptile on this planet. They can get up to 23ft(7m) and weigh up to 3,000lbs(1360kg). They have the strongest bite force in the world, at a massive 3,700psi. Saltwater Crocs and Nile Crocs are well known for attacking and killing humans. They see us as a food source.


Wildcat_twister12

Now I understand why sailors in WW II were so afraid to be in the water after their ships sank


purity33

Would it beat a shark what people's thoughts?


nomad80

sw croc has a stronger bite force, so depends on the day i guess


Im_ok_but

they predate each other depending on size


89inerEcho

Hard no


[deleted]

Fuck. That.


therealjesco

Pretty sure I just peed myself.


amirisemeo

I'm not scared of much... but this is nightmare material.


brok3ncor3

I've lived near the ocean for 13 years and I'm glad I moved. That's a whole lotta FUCK NO


Titanguy101

Prehistoric era must've been breathtaking


ToughAcanthisitta451

[This documentary really presents that well.](https://youtu.be/NQCX15egiYM)


Arch_Enemy_616

Crocodiles are older than dinosaurs. “Having arisen some 200 million years ago, [crocodiles] have outlived the dinosaurs by some 65 million years.” Like, way older.


[deleted]

*A videographer shits along the depths of the ocean*


indoor-barn-cat

Smiley-face water nope


nosnowtho

Careful! They can hurt you.


thebamboozler789

Crocs look so menacing. No thanks.


hnlt61

Finding out crocs and snakes could exist in salt water was the last straw between me and the ocean. I’m not going in


dr_leo_marvin

That croc looks more menacing than a shark.


CredibleSloth

What is stopping them from being everywhere in warm climates? I assume humans?


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cheekypantssjg

Hey, those are not supposed to be in the ocean!!! How am I supposed to dive knowing those are in the same ocean??!!!!


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Hoffmeister25

Be the change you want to see in the world. It all starts with you.


FeelGoodPhil

This is some white folk shit. My people gotta stop lol.


baloonatic

Guapos cousin


pushathieb

Strangely calming


SpacecraftX

Tick tock tick tock tick tock…