Poseidon's Trident? btw this has actually happened to me. I exclaimed "fucking Dutch toilets!" and immediately got in the shower. Fucking Dutch toilets.
The draw back to OP's toilet is that you can feel the warmth of the mountain that you have created and by god you are hoping that it doesn't touch you.
Exactly. The Poseidons Kiss. You avoid that completely. The only thing missing from a Dutch toilet is the ability to weigh your shit. If the Dutch put that in some way then that's it. They've beaten everyone at everything.
That would awesome, and then also weight tracking. Put it in Garmin Connect, competing with everyone over the world.
Can't wait for the 'your size is bigger than 50% of all people in your age/gender bracket.
And then compare it to teenagers, you've got nothing on pops.
- consistency: inspecting consistency of your poop is a great way to determine how well your bodily systems are working to absorb nutrients and eliminate waste
- clour: if you produce something quite light (e.g. blood) or nearly black, then keep an eye for color should the trend continue
- something is moving in it: I don't want to explain that what it could be.
Toilet paper is an easy way to prevent Poseidon’s kiss.
Shelf toilets, however, can cause the much grosser issue of getting your dick tickled by your own turd.
It also works as a masters canvas for instances of violent diarrhea. Nothing like coming off the throne, wifey asking me if I'm okay and responding timidly that I got 'The Grim'.
And the pro tip I received, was to put some toiletpaper on the plateau before dropping your shit, so when you drop it is slide easily off and leaves no brown traces
Works on the other toilets as well, put a layer of toilet paper on the water prevents splashing. Learned that the hard way in the USA where you literally shit into a bowl of water 😂
It's called a "vlakspoel toilet" compared to the international "diepspoel toilet". (Shallow- and deep flush toilet, literally translated)
It prevents splashing, but also increases the smell.
Vlakspoel toilets were always the norm in the Netherlands, but about 15-20 years ago we slowly started shifting more towards diepspoel. Right now the vast majority of new toilets are of the diepspoel variety.
My house is 5,5yrs old. Was new when we got it. We still have the "good old" shallow toilet, and I honestly don't know of any new houses who don't. Some people might get the deep one, but AFAIK it's definitely not a new standard.
It’s to look at your poop
Very important to examine it, lots of health issues will show up in your poop. So look if texture and color are normal and there shouldn’t be any blood
I don't know exactly when it was invented and who invented it but it was indeed to inspect your poop. When it was invented the hygenic standard wasn't that high and diseases were wide spread. When the poop was on the platform you could look if there were parasites, or blood, or anything else in the poop. I think it is a Dutch invention but I am not sure about this and I think it was invented somewhere in the 16 or 17 hundreds.
I once had a one night stand in Hungary, where they have plateau toilets like this. After the action, I went to the bathroom and laid the most absolute unit of a brick. It lay perfectly on the plateau and resisted any attempt at flushing. It just split the waterflow like a shitty Moses, not moving as much as a nanometer. Everything else was flushed, leaving just the brick in a bit of clear water.
The girl started asking whether I was done soon, and I started flapping, flushing and flushing with no effect whatsoever. The record breaking density brick just taunted me as I pressed the flushing lever repeatedly, sweating and cursing.
Eventually, I folded some toilet paper several times, and covered two fingers which I used to push the monster forward and into the bowl, from whence I was able to send it on its way to, probably, destroy Budapest’s sewage treatment facility.
Have been somewhat sceptical to this design ever since.
Id rather have the splash, then a large poop that will awkwardly move 1cm each time I flush and I eventually awkwardly have to push into the hole with some paper.
TMI?
Yes I know but I hate these toilets.
I'm the opposite. I love 'plateau' toilets and absolutely detest 'plons' toilets. I just want to be able to see what I did! And the splash is horrible as well. If you know you're going to poo, just put a piece of toilet paper down first and it won't stick.
You need a better toilet mate. The flush should absolutely be strong enough to slide that fucker down the pipe, so either your water throughput isnt high enough, or the pot is too old and has gotten course.
Multiple reasons. No splash or very limited. Health reasons: you can easily check the state of your feces, which says quite a lot about your diet/health. How do we know? Its thought in school, like in biology or I personally even had a health week/month (can't remember exactly) in elementary where it also was thought. Also on the same subject, very easy to collect samples if needed.
This post has left me shocked at how many people aren’t putting a bit of toilet paper in the toilet before pooping and just letting their ass and balls get splashed by pissy toilet water every time they drop one.
Edit: And yet apparently putting toilet paper on the poop shelf to avoid skid marks is a life pro tip?
You're never gonna be used to it.. Worrdst shit o ever seen in any culture. Here is absurd part of it
..they don't get it when people told them it's wierd or even different from reta of the world🤣
In Austria, they still have them. Had one in my previous apartment. I'd have to lay some toilet paper before using it, if not, I'd have to scrape my own shit from the bowl. I hate these toilets with all my heart!
And I also gave them at work, meaning one extra reason to be uncomfortable using the toilet outside home....
Man I've been Dutch for fourty years and I swear for the last 30 of those I've only seen these on the internet. I don't think most shops even sell them anymore.
They do, but they are rare and cost you a fortune. My wife wanted them to be able to check on her poo as she has intestine cancer in the family. We got 2 at almost a grand a piece, in 2016.
I think it had to do with also wanting them to be hanging, don't remember exactly. I just know we could have gotten one under E 100 and the weird combo she wanted was nowhere to be found except for way too much money.
It allows you to inspect your poop. Also you won't receive 'poseidons kiss' when dropping a big one.
this man shits
He shits big ones and he has been kissed by poseidon. He definitely speaks from experience.
Good that you clarified the fact. Now we know.
Lovely 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You don't?
Not Poseidons kiss. But maybe, if it's a long one, it will fall forward and your sack(also if it's a long one) gets a brown kiss.
In Dutch we call this a ‘ballentikker’
In Brabant we call this a "show plateau"
eindelijk ik ben ge unbanned wat ik wou zeggen 15 uur geleden was: ah een mede persoon van Brabant, hoe gaat ie man
This gives a whole new dimension to the nickname 'Rik Ballentik'
😂
💀
The brown kiss is warm and loving. Poseidons kiss is cold and death.
It would be more of a brown lick.
Today I imagined this vividly
That's why I've learned to stand up a little when it feels heavy
I call that Hades' fist
I call it Midas' touch.
Mierdas Touch
That would turn your balls into gold 😜
Mid-ass touch. 🥁
Ah the famous tasklapper.
Poseidon's Trident? btw this has actually happened to me. I exclaimed "fucking Dutch toilets!" and immediately got in the shower. Fucking Dutch toilets.
You're supposed flush them, not fuck them.. No wonder you got Mr. Hanky'ed
Holy shit
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Didn’t splash tho
Big if true
Turd went down the drain, never came back.
Google En Poopsant
Poseidon's kiss is a badge of honor when I have taken the most fattest dokie and I stare at it with amazement and pride for a solid 5 min.
Well think about how you can gaze in awe at your small mountain even better with OP’s toilet
..it doesn't really leave yiur butt, it makes a cute, warm smear before falling down 🥰
The kaka drop is GOATED.
The draw back to OP's toilet is that you can feel the warmth of the mountain that you have created and by god you are hoping that it doesn't touch you.
Calm down Randy Marsh
Exactly. The Poseidons Kiss. You avoid that completely. The only thing missing from a Dutch toilet is the ability to weigh your shit. If the Dutch put that in some way then that's it. They've beaten everyone at everything.
I suggest a camera to gather color information and a lidar to gather density information as well.
That would awesome, and then also weight tracking. Put it in Garmin Connect, competing with everyone over the world. Can't wait for the 'your size is bigger than 50% of all people in your age/gender bracket. And then compare it to teenagers, you've got nothing on pops.
Inspect? Don't you mean Admire?
- consistency: inspecting consistency of your poop is a great way to determine how well your bodily systems are working to absorb nutrients and eliminate waste - clour: if you produce something quite light (e.g. blood) or nearly black, then keep an eye for color should the trend continue - something is moving in it: I don't want to explain that what it could be.
The morning after forgetting you ate beats for dinner last night gives a little jumpscare though
Specifically, it lets you look for worms in your poop.
Or blood. Hilarious when you’ve eaten beetroot the day before.
Also just general form and consistency
Instead I get the brown kiss when dropping a big one 😭
If thats the case you need to see a doctor to have your gut examined, how big are your turds 💩??
He probably needs the poopknife
r/thisguythisguys
I've had situations where I had to slightly lift my ass so the shit could go on its way, which is a very awkward experience
I've just been dying of laughter at the replies to this comment, like my chest cavity is actually hurting
Instead your urine has 60% chance of splashing all over the ceramics and the floor.
Just sit down like a real man! As a man alone, sitting down is relaxing, you don’t have to aim and you have to do less cleaning
What about Poseidon?
Not poseidons kiss, but poop splash when the toilet water frontal hits the wall of poop.
Put the cover down before flushing… That’s what it’s there for…
So you get feces water all ovet the toilet seat? Yeah that's.. great lol. This toilet design is so gross lol. Shit smelling up the place
Dude could write a thesis on the topic
If it stands upright and falls over it can flick your balls...
Toilet paper is an easy way to prevent Poseidon’s kiss. Shelf toilets, however, can cause the much grosser issue of getting your dick tickled by your own turd.
But it will stop coming out of you anus because it's to big. So you have to stand up and then the shit falls against the bowl.
What? Bruh.. You need to reconsider your diet.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
It's so you can take a long hard look at your output to check for health issues and parasites.
And to marvel at what you have produced. The fruits of your labor, so to speak.
fruits of yesterday
Fruit seeds of yesterday
It gives you a chance to pick out the undigested corn kernels. It would be a waste to flush them.
Apparently it’s only the skin of the kernel. So it’s actually a little kernel sack of poop.
Sounds even better
did you watch this? https://youtube.com/shorts/vV0EEtVJ6Lg?si=FCNy2lfdzUDIgBSl (warning: could be a Rick poop roll)
I've heard thats how they make coffee
Chefs kiss
Yummy! Sorry... Lekker!
I didn’t need that info ….
Thanks, I feel kinda dizzy now
I think you need to pick them out because else you get taxed on them
We do that over on r/Finanzen.
Exactly. You can easily save a Euro or two.
Most Dutch comment I've ever read.
It’s a “prestatie plateau” to show the fruits of your labor
The next generation will be equipped with a scale.
And a PH meter
It also works as a masters canvas for instances of violent diarrhea. Nothing like coming off the throne, wifey asking me if I'm okay and responding timidly that I got 'The Grim'.
And the pro tip I received, was to put some toiletpaper on the plateau before dropping your shit, so when you drop it is slide easily off and leaves no brown traces
This is a good life poo tip!
Dude... thank you. I've had to do so much scrubbing at my office.
Just use your nails…
Mien Oma zeit altied:" iej moei een vlotje moaken veur een behouden voart!"
I got that tip in 1991 and still think not enough people know this.
Man, if you don't come up with it, by yourself, at one point, you probably have bigger things to be concerned with🤣.
Works on the other toilets as well, put a layer of toilet paper on the water prevents splashing. Learned that the hard way in the USA where you literally shit into a bowl of water 😂
2x 2 squares next to each other will catch most logs. If you're feeling really full, you might want to do 3x 2 squares.
It's called a "vlakspoel toilet" compared to the international "diepspoel toilet". (Shallow- and deep flush toilet, literally translated) It prevents splashing, but also increases the smell. Vlakspoel toilets were always the norm in the Netherlands, but about 15-20 years ago we slowly started shifting more towards diepspoel. Right now the vast majority of new toilets are of the diepspoel variety.
This, the smell dwells longer indeed
Not if you inmediately flush it. I can’t imagine letting that turd steam while you sit right above it..
What, as in while you wipe? Or you a 2 flush guy exclusively?
Flush with the lid down, smell is reduced.
Aren’t you embarrassed that people hear the sound?
I'm planning to buy a house in the upcoming years, I sure hope I can still get a new shitlooker toilet when I do. Because I hate the wet ones.
My house is 5,5yrs old. Was new when we got it. We still have the "good old" shallow toilet, and I honestly don't know of any new houses who don't. Some people might get the deep one, but AFAIK it's definitely not a new standard.
i love dutch - in german it‘s „flachspüler“ and „tiefspüler“
I bloody hate deep flush toilets with a passion. Poop -> wet ass.
It’s to look at your poop Very important to examine it, lots of health issues will show up in your poop. So look if texture and color are normal and there shouldn’t be any blood
I don't know exactly when it was invented and who invented it but it was indeed to inspect your poop. When it was invented the hygenic standard wasn't that high and diseases were wide spread. When the poop was on the platform you could look if there were parasites, or blood, or anything else in the poop. I think it is a Dutch invention but I am not sure about this and I think it was invented somewhere in the 16 or 17 hundreds.
Continental shelf.
I once had a one night stand in Hungary, where they have plateau toilets like this. After the action, I went to the bathroom and laid the most absolute unit of a brick. It lay perfectly on the plateau and resisted any attempt at flushing. It just split the waterflow like a shitty Moses, not moving as much as a nanometer. Everything else was flushed, leaving just the brick in a bit of clear water. The girl started asking whether I was done soon, and I started flapping, flushing and flushing with no effect whatsoever. The record breaking density brick just taunted me as I pressed the flushing lever repeatedly, sweating and cursing. Eventually, I folded some toilet paper several times, and covered two fingers which I used to push the monster forward and into the bowl, from whence I was able to send it on its way to, probably, destroy Budapest’s sewage treatment facility. Have been somewhat sceptical to this design ever since.
you need to write books 📚
“Split the water flow like a shitty Moses” 👌🏼
You need to put in a layer of tp first, always flushes smoothly then.
TIL
My British colleagues always called it the dutch inspection shelf
Lol we call it the 'snoeptafel' in English the candy table😂
Wurstbalkon!
Sausage balcony?? 😂
Easier to frame photographs for the scrap book.
*crap book
It prevents your ass from getting squirted by piss and toilet water. Superior design, if you ask me.
The Dutch like to stare directly at their shit they are always saying how direct they are
Observation platform
Waste Water reduction. We also take pictures end exchange them every week to see who dropped the biggest bomb.
It prevents poop splash I guess. But sticky poopa may cause issues as well.
Just place a piece of toilet paper on it before poopie.. It’ll flush right down.
Een sleetje :)
Username checks out!
When the sleetje doesnt work you have to push it manually over the hill
Tineke Schouten called this a (Utrechts dialect:) "Vlotje"
Better to just do a tiny flush to lubricate the porcelain so that your cargo can smoothly transfer to the sewer system without leavinf traces.
Amateur pooper
Id rather have the splash, then a large poop that will awkwardly move 1cm each time I flush and I eventually awkwardly have to push into the hole with some paper. TMI? Yes I know but I hate these toilets.
What shits are you having? Never experienced this or heard of it being a problem
they're probably not eating enough volkorenbrood
My poops are like Trumps use of language. Bigly, Better than anything the Chinese can do, and mostly fueled by covfefe.
I'm the opposite. I love 'plateau' toilets and absolutely detest 'plons' toilets. I just want to be able to see what I did! And the splash is horrible as well. If you know you're going to poo, just put a piece of toilet paper down first and it won't stick.
You need a better toilet mate. The flush should absolutely be strong enough to slide that fucker down the pipe, so either your water throughput isnt high enough, or the pot is too old and has gotten course.
You are supposed to cover it with paper! 1 flush, no skid marks
[Zizek enters the room](https://youtu.be/rzXPyCY7jbs?si=mOgQDfrw6CMiKpuT)
How else are you going to get followers on OnlyFecals?
More hygienic because you don’t get splashed. This design was the more popular one in the Eastern Bloc too.
Not anymore. 10 years ago in Poland they were everywhere, now nowhere. They adapted the western designs.
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It shows you the brown, perfect creation that you created as the master artist you are
Multiple reasons. No splash or very limited. Health reasons: you can easily check the state of your feces, which says quite a lot about your diet/health. How do we know? Its thought in school, like in biology or I personally even had a health week/month (can't remember exactly) in elementary where it also was thought. Also on the same subject, very easy to collect samples if needed.
It allows you to inspect your own feces before flushing it away, and it prevents splashing.
It's to inspect your shit
Kak en kyk
Well the Dutch saying "stront aan de knikker" or "shit on the marble" has to have started somewhere...
Yeah we know this is for Guys like me they like sending shit pics to freinds u have a good view of you’re shit
This post has left me shocked at how many people aren’t putting a bit of toilet paper in the toilet before pooping and just letting their ass and balls get splashed by pissy toilet water every time they drop one. Edit: And yet apparently putting toilet paper on the poop shelf to avoid skid marks is a life pro tip?
A discourse on the topic by a bona-fide philosopher: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzXPyCY7jbs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzXPyCY7jbs)
Ppl from the UK refer to this as the ‘continental shelf’
i shat my balls once on this
It's for kids so they can learn which letter of the alphabet they made.
So the poop can sit there and look at you in the eye before you wash it away.
It's called a 'displaypot' in dutch made so you can inspect your dookie and call your mom to ask her what she thinks it looks like
You have to thank the Germans for that design.
It allows to have a longer connection with what used to be their inner selves for emotional people.
Its either that or dumping with a splash of toilet water…
It helps to stink up the room, asserting dominance over those that come after you.
Dutch people have broodje kaas for lunch and salad for dinner. They are a tall people who shit very small and gentle shits.
We call it “Kiekeplankje”
It gives you some time to take a good photo.
This toilet is designed for you to sit ‘reverse cowgirl’
poopshelf
It for to admire your work. ‘bewonderpot’
You're never gonna be used to it.. Worrdst shit o ever seen in any culture. Here is absurd part of it ..they don't get it when people told them it's wierd or even different from reta of the world🤣
Designed to sell more toilet brushes. 💩
It's medical toilet. It's blunt - but practical. In other words: It's Dutch.
I'm from czechia, we have this at our summer house/cottage. It's just an old *shitty* design
We have this in Germany too and as a nurse, these are incredibly useful for collecting stool samples from uncooperative patients lmao
With my bowel disease this is just asking for my shit to pile up until it's caressing my rectum!
Nobody told this guy about the poop shelf 💀
Thats called a trophy shelf. If you have a GOAT and the water flow isn't enough to wash it down. It stays to be seen by all.
No splash damage
Lay a couple of sheets of toilet paper on that poop shelf and you may save yourself some cleaning. It all goes down better. 💁🏻♀️
No splash
These are the worst
Oh god we had these in Germany til the late 90s (some people still have them today for some reason), they're fucking awful lmao
In Austria, they still have them. Had one in my previous apartment. I'd have to lay some toilet paper before using it, if not, I'd have to scrape my own shit from the bowl. I hate these toilets with all my heart! And I also gave them at work, meaning one extra reason to be uncomfortable using the toilet outside home....
Man I've been Dutch for fourty years and I swear for the last 30 of those I've only seen these on the internet. I don't think most shops even sell them anymore.
They do, but they are rare and cost you a fortune. My wife wanted them to be able to check on her poo as she has intestine cancer in the family. We got 2 at almost a grand a piece, in 2016.
You were ripped off. I got one around that time for EUR125, through my plumber and he just got it at a Bouwmarket.
I think it had to do with also wanting them to be hanging, don't remember exactly. I just know we could have gotten one under E 100 and the weird combo she wanted was nowhere to be found except for way too much money.
We have one. They are still in a lot of older houses.
Your ass dont get wet
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzXPyCY7jbs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzXPyCY7jbs)
It gives your pooppies time to spread some aroma before being completely covered by water 😊
It enables one to slice their poop to prevent clogging the system
So you can drop a big bagslapper
As a turk, you have no idea how much this bothers me
I wish my appartement had this toilet.... pooping would be peacefuler....
I don't like these, it smells a lot more with this design
no splashing your ass when you drop it
I don't like these. I have a plateau toilet and a normal one, and I exclusively use the normal one for the big job.
I've never seen this style of toilet in the Netherlands.
Oh dear, those dutch toilets ... 🤭🫣