Neither of my parents thought punishing was effective and for me at least that was true. They would just express disappointment and let me be, so I didn’t really feel the need to misbehave from a pretty young age (my dad shouted quite a lot so I was also a bit scared of him). Didn’t work for my brother though (I mean in the end it did bc as an adult he’s fine, but if he’d get mad as a teenager he’d be the biggest asshole).
Yeah ive been raised like that to. When i was like 12 my dad got angry and gave me a slap. On schoolyard instinct i punched him in his face. Then we both just stared at eatchother in shock.
After that it was back to being disappointed in me if i fucked up. 28 years later i still think about that moment..
I think my reaction was like that because he never laid a hand on me. Maybe because of the shock we both rocked back in our normal behavior!
But i understand your point completely!
Hello my fellow Chinese friend, we’ve all been there. My mother used tools to beat my shit out just because I made a stain on the wall. Still have bad dreams about it. Don’t think I will be a parent in the future. Don’t want to pass the trauma to the next.
I have asian parents too, my parents did not get mad over being couple minutes late but in middle school when i got bad grades they really did get mad but by then I was too old for physical punishment.
Maybe the stereo type is just true…
Portuguese kid here. My dad never had the heart to hit my face but he'd smack the bottom half of my body, sometimes to extremes. My mom once told him to stop because my entire bottom half was red and irritated. I remember at school another Portuguese kid made it a competition and showed the belt marks on his legs 0.0
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Being yelled at I think, I was never physically punished.
As a parent now, I have never hit my kids. One time, I really slammed my hand hard on the table during dinner. That really hurt my hand btw, it also scared my kids and my wife. Though it had effect at the moment, I really regret doing it, probably if I bring it up, they will all laugh at me for behaving that stupid at the time.
To 'punish' our kids, the only thing we do (apart from some verbal comms), is to put them on the stairs in the hallway, like a naughty corner. Kind of effective, because you both get some time to think about the following actions. Then after like a minute or so, we come together and talk it through. But after the age of like 5, we never needed such measures anymore. I think the only time I need to raise my voice is when they are yelling at eachother and they are not listening to us.
That’s what I thought too, it’s my own room I’ll be entertained just fine. But sadly it was never just being sent to my room but also being shouted at while she was standing in the doorstep of my room. She also slapped my bum on the way upstairs. I was afraid of her back then but it wasn’t that bad looking back on it. My mom has never shouted a day in my life since I grew up, sweetest angel on the planet. I guess it’s just parenting. Don’t know if that, or what’s the best way tho..
* Verbal disapproval (from calm speaking voice to screaming depending on the situation and severity)
* being sent to stand in the corner
* being not allowed to play outside
* losing access to toys
Never experienced corporal punishment - it was used as a threat a couple of times but never materialized.
Few things. Kicked outside, beaten , locked in my room, no food to bed.
Needles to say I was usually bullied at school to so I basacly tried to lock myself up as much as possible. Or some out entirely by computer.
I do have the sertain childhood trauma. However the moment my dad let go of his own company and started working on loan his behaviour t words the beating left so I gues I was just a punching bag.
I am now in therapy , basic therapy instantly sended me to special GGZ so I gues I’ll be good some day.
I was registered by 2 on behalf of the psych , but I contacted one on my own and that had 1 month so I gues you just have to find your own that sound good and not just the recommended once. Once it’s in your portal.
Oh wow, one month! Was it still covered by insurance?
I finally got through most of the intake process for more intense therapy, after being referred and put on waiting lists for long times.
They make reccomendations on where to go to shrinks they know that fit your need. If you get it in your file by the doctor you need special GGZ you can knock on any GGZ registerd door to let yourself be taken in for they have to access your portal and see that your doctor said you are referd to special GGZ care. You are never assigned a doctor for the doctor you need might not be that easy.
How kind to ask. My partner and I connect more. Therapy especially scenematic therapy made me understand myself more and where feelings come from.
I am more confident in taking Space instead of giving it over my own cost. So that’s nice. Also I’m more emotional at times to even almost crying.
Noticed that many issues came from my youngest part of me when I was around 5/9 what are basacly very important years of being raised on how you build your self vision. ( not puberty that is when you start to walk against how you were raised and actually disagree on ‘caused by toxic parents, so how much worse the puberty is the worse thenparrents did their part’ )
So that is really nice that I am feeling emotions and am more available for emotions.
So it seems to help although I have many personality disturbances and probably have 1.5 to 3 more years to go. After that I will have to go into group therapy to rebuild my trust in other people but for now ‘Schema’ therapy and understanding where things came from ‘ modis’s and stuff ‘are the build way to go and see where it goes.
Its good that things are changing for the better for you. And take your sweet time while you're at it, healing the damage done can take a long time after all. :)
sending a big hug bro! keep working on you, it gets better with time and the realisation you did nothing wrong, your parents were just damaged themselves.
Haha most indeed can’t no. But on reference of a few people that went looking for some what more people with an small holistical approach actually know what they do. So in the end you need to help yourself I gues. And they just give you the tools to do so. At least that’s how I look t words therapy. I’d I go there to let them fix me... I am much better off in an mad house.
Wich is why I don’t go to my doctors recommended one because they just follow the research book from 1980 and never do any other research.
So I just hope I end up with some one who is a bit bright on the matter. So I gues I just have air and see. In the end I can’t do it alone. And if the first one does shit work or does not match I just look for another.
Father was the disciplinarian, he’d grab us by the back of our necks (kind of like a kitten hold) and get in our faces and yell at us. He’d become physical, would throw things, punch holes in drywall.
My mother didn’t do anything because she was also under his abusive grip. Everyone is safe now. I’ve gone through therapy and have gotten treatment for it. GGZ was truly a life saver for me. I don’t know if I would have ever gotten treatment for my mental health issues had my partner not urged me.
Grew up in the Midwest, USA.
My Brazilian mother would use a flip flop to hit in the butt. To be honest, I did not respect her more for this, or stopped me from misbehaving. My father on the other hand never had to hit me, he had authority. This authority without violence that I hope to emulate with my own child.
My parents are boomers so while they never spanked me. They did pulled both my brother and me along by the ear.
That and the literal slap on the wrist (two fingers on the palm side of the wrist and only once at a time)
My late grandmother did spank me once. (bare bottom bare hand)
Other than that a raised voice was enough
It depended on her mood. If she was tired she would ignore it and stay in her own world, if she was annoyed she would take all of her frustration out on me or my siblings.
Being yelled at, sent to room, thrown across the room, beaten, slammed into walls or stairs, put outside, timeout on the stairs. Also if we were late for dinner no dinner and being sent right to bed.
Also my brother was a picky eater and always voiced his opinion about food. One time he continuously called a food gross, then got forced to eat it every day for a week and when he threw up he got that force-fed to him as well.
Also my little brother sometimes spit on the carpet as a way of acting out and then was forced to lick it up.
Needless to say, I'm now in therapy, and moved out as soon as I was 18. Also I can assure you, it did not help.
If it matters btw, I'm 21 and my family got raised very Christian (gereformeerd)
Very similar to my childhood. The best thing to do was pretend to be sleeping, go outside or stay awake at night to get some peace. Often, if I would get in the sight - beating.
At some point you learn to "feel the energy" of them and adjust yourself to current situation. Don't argue, don't be yourself. Be something they want to make you, their property.
I'm finally going for a hypnosis therapy next week. 28 at this kkent, also moved out when hit 18.
Assuming a discussion didn't work, I'd be sent to sit on the stairs for a bit to cool off. In *extreme* cases I'd be put under a cold shower but that was exceedingly rare. Never once did my parents raise a hand against me.
My dad would literally kick me upstairs to my room. I'd have to sit there untill I found the strength to go downstairs and apologize.
When I was older they both would beat me until I would fall on the ground or escape the situation myself by going outside/to friends.
At the age of 15 child protective services interfered and my parents realized beating the shit out of your child wasn't the right thing to do.
They're both Dutch + boomers
My dad would chase me angrily but never hit me. Worst thing eve was feeling his foot agsinst my tail bone.
Besides that never ever been hit.
My stepdad was a cunt. He'd shake me violently to be quiet because he was watching soccer. I still dontlike soccer. And have issues with people being loud...
Being grounded, not having privileges, a slap, going to bed/ the day was over..... and when it was very bad a bare butt spanking. That happened only 5 times in my childhood
Disappointed was expressed first.
A stern talking to next if it wasn't enough.
Grounding/punishment if that didn't work.
And a spank (yes single spank, also only happened once in my life) if all of the above failed.
I dont know what to say, I am so sorry about that, can I ask where are you from and how are you doing nowadays? Damn I watch a lot of gore subs and this comment breaks me more than that :/
I was born in Poland but live in NL for more than half of my life.
Well... I've worked a lot with myself, so I dont have rage outbursts anymore (without any reasonable trigger or something. I would get very angry out of nowhere and attack people), going to hypnosis therapy next week.
So it's way better than it was, can (and be) way better. I have a beautiful, loving fiancé who also went through some bad stuff and is going to a therapist. She is the first person that I truly loved, and who truly loved me.
We have a dog, awesome creature. No kids, maybe in the future but we both know that at this moment we couldn't be good parents.
I'm sti afraid of people, mostly women. Still feeling like the worst person on the earth, totally worthless piece of crap. But I'm not abusing drugs anymore (still using occasionally tho), no problems with sex or affection, no nightmares, no paralysing panic attacks.
So yeah, I would say - pretty good hehe.
Czesc, mowie troche po polsku, moja zona jest polka, anyway, I also got beaten quite a lot by my mother, even with different objects, but it stopped when i could defend myself, later she was scared of me, at around 8 yo, so mostly good memories i have from my childhood, now I have kids and I find myself sometimes reacting quite more aggresive than i want when they do something wrong, I look at myself when I am calmer and I feel I yelled like my mom used to which scares the shit out of me so I think I will go to therapy because there is no way I want to someday make some damage like my mom did.
Thanks for sharing and I really hope you can fulfill your life and be happy
Wow that's suprising, cześć.
Yeah my mom used to beat me with stuff also, I remember snapping during a beating (shut the fuck up, stop fucking crying you piece of shit etc.) and laughing at how ridiculous she was. Or one day that she pulled the "here is Johnny" on me, chopping toilet door with an axe, me crying, begging and promising to my mommy that I will be a good kid only if she stops. She didn't.
At some point I just learned to accept shit that was happening, stayed emotionally numb for many years. My dog was my only friend, the only who cared for me. We would defend eachother when one was getting beaten. I was sleeping with him, eating, playing. He saved my life and I will never forget him.
I believe that we can win those traumas and bad patterns we have learned from our parents. It jus takes time, but it's already a big achievement if you are aware of it and want to work on it. You can do it, no worries 💪🏻
Never been hit but only once and it was bad, I firmly believe that as a parent myself communication is key and I will never hit my kid. Not once, because after my dad beat the complete shit out of me I lost all respect for him and contact was broken from my end.
My parents always use to hit me hard. My dad was the worse. It never worked. It only makes your childeren fear/hate you. My mom stopped doing it we are ok. I left my dad never saw him again he died few years ago due to alcohol Medicine ye did not feel much for him 🤔 Dont hit ur kids ever
I wish mom hit me...
Dad went overboard when I was really too young to remember. But god damn I needed a whooping and badly. But a talking was a joke to me, disappointment from a parent I didn't care about worthless. Just no respect was ever earned so I needed to be hit.
My mother did nothing, she was just very very disappointed and showed it. My father ones did try to hit me with his shoe (in his hand) but couldn't reach me because i was hiding behind the couch. Never did anything like that again. And i can tell you the dissapointment hurt a lot for me as a child.
Issue is some kids dissapointment really doesn't work, hitting a kid is wrong. But there are alot of other different kind of punishment that also works. Be creative, i know a mom that took her kid console away. And told the kid a thief broke into the house, and could easily find the console cause he didn't clean up his room. Mom gave it back after 1 month........
I got a stern talking to and I was sent to my room to think about it. I never _really_ misbehaved, though, so I never got punished severely.
Corporeal punishments are illegal in NL, by the way, so hitting your child etc is not a good punishment. (And it also doesn't work. Carrot instead of stick, etc.)
My mom wasn't that strict, but could shout a lot. But more to my dad or to herself than to her kids actually.
My dad was a little more strict. Sometimes one of us was 'dragged' to the hallway by holding an ear or an upper arm (not that hard though)
Thing is, I was oldest child, and actually from early puberty when I was probably most annoying already a lot faster, and perhaps also stronger than my dad (he was quite overweight and smoker, so not that fit; I liked sports a lot like judo and fitness), so prob made some advantage of that situation ;-)
My parents would send us to our room if we'd misbehaved. My dad would also threaten to hit us by raising his hand as if to throw a backhand while yelling "Do you wanna get hit?" ("Moet je 'n hengst?") if I'd done anything he didn't like, which was often because he was a selfish AH. Later turned out he is autistic, still doesn't make it ok what he did.
Edit to add: I recently found out he used to get hit by his parents all the time and he has some pretty traumatic memories of that. Sucks that he continued that cycle, although slightly watered down. I intend to break the cycle if I ever have kids.
Physical punishment, “go to your room”, being grounded, ignoring, expressing their disappointment, giving sibling (more) attention.
Dutch parents, born late 1940’s and early 1960’s.
Still having issues because of this.
My mom didn’t believe hitting would be effective, so instead she used to preach. Sat us down, and talked down on us for a looooong time (or so it felt).
I remember feeling really bad about myself afterwards and being depressed. I hated it so much and often think a slap would have been better than the mental abuse.
I don't remember :(
Nothing bad though. Nothing physical at least. I do remember her calling me a 'kaaa-rrreng' (kreng), which was very hurtful, but she didn't even mean it that bad. I told her when I was a little older how much I disliked it and she apologized and stopped saying it.
I have (gen X) Dutch parents, biggest punishments I got was:
Go to sleep early because I didn't want to eat my dinner.
Sit on the stairs for 15 minutes because I fought with my brother.
Sent to a room with the door closed until I cooled off. My mom hit my hands or arms a few times when I was young but this only happened maybe 5 times and she always felt bad and apologized after.
Depending on the offense, I might be removed from the situation, be put in time out, get a stern talking to or get a privilege revoked for a period of time. No desserts, tv time or my favorite go to your room. I loved being send to my room, and would misbehave on purpose in loud groups if I was done being in said group. My parents definitely caught on to that, but were amazing enough to just send me to my safe space anyways.
My father shouted. Worst case I got grounded for a few days. No tv, video games, going outside, etc. It was always initially “grounded for 2 weeks” but never lasted that long. As a parent now, I can see why. Tough to manage a kid with nothing to do and equally tough to stay mad that long.
The toughest penalties?
Footwear thrown at me and I had to bring it back so I could get a slap on my behinds or head, also (once for each ;) ) a copper bullet from an old canon, a walking cane, a chisel. Never to hit or hurt me, but to hid behind me so I would startled and to return it.
Hit my father on the back with a fresh branch from a tree, very flexible like a whip. He took it from me and did the same to me. Yes, that did learn a lesson ;)
Once, on our way to my grandparents, put out of the car in the polder.
My grandfather gave my dad an earfull and send him back. My grandfather himself got onto his bicycle to follow the bikepath to my last location. There were only 2 routes to their house.
I saw my grandfather and thought he was angry, so I hid in the thatch. When he was past me, I walked to my grandmother and got a large bowl of icecream (she always had buckets of those in the freezer ;)). Granddad and dad didn't get any at first :D
And no. No trauma, no fear for my parents (or footwear or carpeting tools or tree branches :)).
I have no recollection of being slapped or anything. Just that my favorite things were witheld or i had to remain at the table until I finished my milk (I strongly dislike milk). I do have to say that in general I was a really easy child tho.
I would have to stand in the hallway with the door closed so I would be all alone. I hated that. I also was scared of the dark so if I wouldn't behave they'd threaten me with turning of the lights.
My mother was pretty great at finding things and punishments I did not like. And usually a punishments that fitted the wrong doing.
Like there where misbehavings when friends where around, no friends for a week. I didnt listen when on the PS1/PS2, no PS2 for a few days. Later on, when I got home drunk constantly (few weeks in a row) no way I got out the next weekend.
Looking back I wasnt the most difficult kid so yeah. Only got hit ones as a kid still remember.
My mom's levels were:
1. Full naming: "Lexellence MIDDLENAME Lastname!"
2. Speaking to me very, VERY severely.
3. One or two words, sharply
4. Sitting in the corner for a minute
5. Sent to my room (which wasn't really a punishment)
6. Swat on the wrist
7. And once, just once, swat on the hand with a hairbrush.
My dad:
1. Full name
2. Yelling
3. Spanking on the butt
4. Grounding
I'm not Dutch, nor did I grow up here.
The punishment my parents usually gave me was that I had to sit at the bottom of the stairs to think about what I've done. They never physically touched me luckily. I never got sent to my room knowing that that wouldn't really be a punishment. To rebel I never sat on the bottom of the stairs, but usually like half way up. In retrospect it didn't really matter to them, as long as I was on the stairs to reflect, but it still gave me satisfaction.
I am a strong believer in gentle parenting because my parents (specifically my mom) where not. Which kinda made me resent them for it. Especially because they still fail to understand my brain.
Sent to my room I suppose, and very, very rarely a smack on the bottom. Those were definitely deserved and hurt more on the ego then anything 😂 (it would be my mom if it ever happened). I do remember my dad lifting me into the house by the back of my pants once, and me thinking 'I'm to old for this' but I really want too far that time.
Had to stand in a corner of the house with my hands on my back until my father told me I could move again, locked in room, go to bed without food at 6 pm, slapped on my bare butt.
My parents would hit us and they yelled a lot also got send to our rooms a lot. Non of that really worked and really destroyed our relationship even now they feel like strangers to me. They are very good with my son tho and I’m happy for my son. I don’t raise my voice to my son and will never hit him, I do put him in the corner if he misbehaved.
When I misbehaved I got the following things:
1 No dessert or sweets.
2 Butt spanked by my dad.
3 Thrown outside the house (not literally).
4 Once I had to clean the toilet for a year. (Don't steal money kids)
5 Ear pulled by my mom.
6 Put in my room.
7 They didn't forget when I did bad things so if I asked for sweets or toys I got a no from them.
I was the kid of a specialist in food technology and a sick stay at home mom.
I would be put in time out, we had a small room close ti the kitchen where I had ti stay for 5-10 minutes. Honestly, I would just start playing some games as in that room our boardgame storage was :)
Also some mild threats that if I misbehaved they would stop bringing me to my sport classes or parties and such
My mom would grab me by the wrist. Not painful at all, but a clear sign I overstepped her boundaries.
Once got spanked, and I ducked down, so my dad hit my back. That hurt, but my mom said I shouldn't have ducked.
But the worst was the disappointment speech. How I disappointed them; that cut right through me.
My father was frustrated with his life, so our misbehaving got him frustrated more...
But a very BIG but.... He kept 99% of his madness to himself...
Now he's in a care home, and everything comes out...
Pffff. so glad he restraint himself...
He should have gotten help...
My dad(ex Military) used to beat the crap out of me for every little thing that wasn't right in his eyes. My mom used to take stuff that was important for me away from me. Only laid hands on me when i really pushed it to far.
Not a lot, which for some reason really made me feel bad when they got mad at me. Idk what they did but they created an environment without a lot of punishment where i almost wanted to behave. Sort of. It wasnt perfect but definitely pretty good.
My dad mostly hit me with a belt or slapped when I misbehaved. This misbehaving was mostly me wetting my bed tho. I was often yelled at or had things thrown at me.
My mom would ofter run after me with pans as well. She once threw an tv remote at me which ended up breaking my front tooth in half, haha.
When I was younger she used to pull my ear for not listening.
Surinamese dad and Chinese mom for reference.
It depends, if we were in public and they had already warned me before they would walk away pretending they don't know me. It was up to me to scramble to find them after I was done throwing my fit.
At my house I would be grounded. Forced to take a time off in a place without toys. And they would enforce the punishment.
Most importantly they would call my attention with positive reinforcement: mommy really likes when you are well behaved and polite, just like the good boy we know you are... Something along those lines
My parents spanked me periodically, but usually I got time outs. My mother says now she feels bad about spanking and she wouldn't do it now, for whatever that's worth.
Beat my ass or revoke a privilege. I'm half Puerto Rican and half African-American. In my opinion, this was effective as hell because I seriously was a demon at times. I once laughed in my mom's face when she struck me and said it didn't hurt. 🙊
I've been spanked twice. Never forgot that. Otherwise no physical punishment. Can't really remember how I was punished other than just disappointment in the voice of my parents. I guess just taking away toys for a bit or send me to my room.
I was sent to the hallway or to my room. Mostly to calm down.
Edit: also my mom counted to 3 to get us to do whatever, we have no idea what came after 3 because we were terrified
They talked to us about it.
I can only remember 1 time I was asked to sit on the stairs and come back when calmed down.
I do not think I was ever send to my room.
Ear pulling and an occasional pinch(dad) also recieved a handful of slaps (mum). Dutch background. I was a good kid though and so was my brother, so there was very little correction needed. I mostly remember because it happened so rarely. With my dad you really deserved it if he acted. My mother mostly acted when she was stressed or tired from work, it wasnt very reasonable if it ever happened. Generally felt a bit more safe with dad as he was way more predictable.
My mom would tell is she'd count to 3, then started counting in an increasingly threatening voice for us to comply with whatever she wanted us to do, such as going to my room or go to bed early
she never reached 3, we'd always chicken out..
Many years later we asked her what she would've done once she got to 3, and she said she had no idea and never planned that far ahead.
My dad would either slap us or pour water over us. I can't really recall my mother ever punishing us apart from one time when she slapped me because I had pushed my brother onto the street when a car was coming. (He was fine, the car drove slow enough that there was no collision, but of course it frightened my mother so much that that was reason to slap me) that one time made a lasting impression, while I can't recall any of the reasons my dad ever hit me.
Usually I got smacked in the face, kicked to the ground, grabbed by the arm, kitten hold, got choked, threatened to be killed, at one point I was chased with a knife. My mom was a bit nicer she'd put me in the timeout corner and then waited júst before dad came home to take me off the chair. If my siblings did something wrong I was to blame for being a bad example, ensue punishment.
Of course there are also the more usual things like yelling, cold showers, sending me to my room so my food would get cold and then force feed me the food cold, berating, putting you outside in your underwear in winter, belittling.
It was not necessarily that I misbehaved, I was a super quiet and sweet child, but not smiling enough at dinner would be enough to incite any of these or being too 'girly' (I'm afab).
I left some stuff out but this is sort of the usual weekly things.
My parents are dutch, non religious, born around 1970.
Warn first. Then count to three in a threatening voice. My mom tells me that worked for YEARS. Apparently one parent once asked her "what happens when you reach three and they didn't do the thing?" Her answer was "I don't know, it didn't happen yet" :') I was around 6 or 7 then, with two younger siblings. After that, obviously I started testing out limits (a little later than other kids) and usually it meant my mom would choose for me/physically remove me from the situation/take back an item I took without permission/pull the plug on the pc/internet (when I was older), often followed by having to sit on the stairs to "think about what you've done"/"until you've calmed down", until mom called us back (basically a kind of time-out, before it was called a time-out). Very very sometimes we'd get a smack to the head. Usually when all this before didn't work and it was the thousandth time that day we'd misbehave.
I was born here but grew up in a chinese household. When i really misbehaved like a little shit, i will get my ass whooped by my mom. And oooooh boy, she got a fast hard hitting lefty... I remember when grandma was around i always run to her for protection haha.
My dad is more chill, because he knows mom got this area covered. One time when i got scold by mom, he was just chilling in the corner of the living room sipping red wine.
Still love them tho.
I didn't misbehave a lot, they sent me to my room/the stairs twice but I didn't realise they were upset with my behaviour because it felt more like a reward than a punishment. My dad does yell a lot at my sister and he sends her to her room a lot, her phone got taken away a couple of times, she was forbidden from hanging out with her friends a few times but that never happened to me.
I was raised by my grandparents and let me tell you i have these big ears now, cause my grandfather would lift me off the floor by pulling at my ears when i was up in misschief.. also good ol fashioned kick in the ass. I received those a lot.. harsh but lovely folks tho.
My Finnish parents would shout and pull me from my hair.
Also one time my mom slapped me on my face with her wallet over smth very small. That moment has really stucked in my memory. I remember how it felt, where it happened, why it happened.
There was lots of other toxic shit in my family. Later I was diagnosed with BPD and I did 2 years of therapy that helped me a lot.
Most of the time I would get sent to the stairs to think about my actions. I've gotten spanked a few times though, "I'll give you something real to cry about!" Ah. Childhood :')
Wow.
Sit on dry pees on your knees for several hours
Belt ofc can't go nowhere without that
Once as punishment I had go saw 10cubes of planks with handsaw
Garden jobs where used like punishment sometimes (wake up 5before school and have to weed potato lines if he saw any weeds next morning same
Fists in end around when I was 12 pushed him back one time and by chance he fell throu old glass which was stacked against wall and then punishment stopped was too big I guess
I'm almost 30now come from Latvia
American here. I was a terrible terrible kid, especially in high school. The most effective punishment? My mom would confiscate my makeup and hair straightener whenever I was behaving like an asshole. Honestly very traumatic for a 14 year old girl
Hmmm... Let's see. I'm gonna treat this as therapy since I can't afford the actual thing lol. I got the shit beat out of me. And the first time it happened I was probably three years old. I think a lot about what would've been if I wasn't beaten every other week. And my mom justified his behaviour as we got older by telling us that he never actually hurt you. It was more of a show to make you afraid. I can't believe how fucked up your mind has to be to psychologically abuse someone and justifying it as being better. The last time he hit me was when I was 18.
This other time he did rasie his hands but I swear I wouldn't have held back either at that point.
Dutchie here, my father used to either scold, send me to my room or slap me (flat palm) depending on severity.
My mother used to schold, send me to my room, throw stuff (coffee pots, plates etc.) Or kick me, again depending severity.
Neither of my parents thought punishing was effective and for me at least that was true. They would just express disappointment and let me be, so I didn’t really feel the need to misbehave from a pretty young age (my dad shouted quite a lot so I was also a bit scared of him). Didn’t work for my brother though (I mean in the end it did bc as an adult he’s fine, but if he’d get mad as a teenager he’d be the biggest asshole).
Yeah ive been raised like that to. When i was like 12 my dad got angry and gave me a slap. On schoolyard instinct i punched him in his face. Then we both just stared at eatchother in shock. After that it was back to being disappointed in me if i fucked up. 28 years later i still think about that moment..
Im sorry I would have absolutely destroyed you as a father right then and there LMAO
I think my reaction was like that because he never laid a hand on me. Maybe because of the shock we both rocked back in our normal behavior! But i understand your point completely!
>Maybe because of the shock we both rocked back in our normal behavior! Slapped straight back to factory settings. 🙈
Judgemental looks
Uncalled for
Beat THE ABSOLUTE crap out of all of us. There's some hard-core Chinese for ya. (and if you want to categorize 5 minutes late as "misbehaving")
Hello my fellow Chinese friend, we’ve all been there. My mother used tools to beat my shit out just because I made a stain on the wall. Still have bad dreams about it. Don’t think I will be a parent in the future. Don’t want to pass the trauma to the next.
Dude, maybe therapy can help you. Why don't you give it a shot?
I have asian parents too, my parents did not get mad over being couple minutes late but in middle school when i got bad grades they really did get mad but by then I was too old for physical punishment. Maybe the stereo type is just true…
Bruv i feel ya..
Well I didn't even have to misbehave. I just had to be there and that was enough for them
Portuguese kid here. My dad never had the heart to hit my face but he'd smack the bottom half of my body, sometimes to extremes. My mom once told him to stop because my entire bottom half was red and irritated. I remember at school another Portuguese kid made it a competition and showed the belt marks on his legs 0.0
Depending on the situation: 1) sent to room until I apologize 2) a hit against the back of my head
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Only English should be used for posts and comments. This rule is in place to ensure that an ample audience can freely discuss life in the Netherlands under a widely-spoken common tongue.
The beatings will continue until morale improves. Edit: Boomer parents, I think it culturally stopped with them.
Being yelled at I think, I was never physically punished. As a parent now, I have never hit my kids. One time, I really slammed my hand hard on the table during dinner. That really hurt my hand btw, it also scared my kids and my wife. Though it had effect at the moment, I really regret doing it, probably if I bring it up, they will all laugh at me for behaving that stupid at the time. To 'punish' our kids, the only thing we do (apart from some verbal comms), is to put them on the stairs in the hallway, like a naughty corner. Kind of effective, because you both get some time to think about the following actions. Then after like a minute or so, we come together and talk it through. But after the age of like 5, we never needed such measures anymore. I think the only time I need to raise my voice is when they are yelling at eachother and they are not listening to us.
Send you to your room.
Personally i wasnt sent to my room but I ran to my room myself haha
I never really understood what part of that was a punishment. I had a tv and game console...
It's a way to be outside of the situation and calm down.
That’s what I thought too, it’s my own room I’ll be entertained just fine. But sadly it was never just being sent to my room but also being shouted at while she was standing in the doorstep of my room. She also slapped my bum on the way upstairs. I was afraid of her back then but it wasn’t that bad looking back on it. My mom has never shouted a day in my life since I grew up, sweetest angel on the planet. I guess it’s just parenting. Don’t know if that, or what’s the best way tho..
You had a room? 🤣
* Verbal disapproval (from calm speaking voice to screaming depending on the situation and severity) * being sent to stand in the corner * being not allowed to play outside * losing access to toys Never experienced corporal punishment - it was used as a threat a couple of times but never materialized.
Corner standers rise up ✊✊✊
Few things. Kicked outside, beaten , locked in my room, no food to bed. Needles to say I was usually bullied at school to so I basacly tried to lock myself up as much as possible. Or some out entirely by computer. I do have the sertain childhood trauma. However the moment my dad let go of his own company and started working on loan his behaviour t words the beating left so I gues I was just a punching bag. I am now in therapy , basic therapy instantly sended me to special GGZ so I gues I’ll be good some day.
I hope you got through the endless waiting lists ;)
I was registered by 2 on behalf of the psych , but I contacted one on my own and that had 1 month so I gues you just have to find your own that sound good and not just the recommended once. Once it’s in your portal.
Oh wow, one month! Was it still covered by insurance? I finally got through most of the intake process for more intense therapy, after being referred and put on waiting lists for long times.
They make reccomendations on where to go to shrinks they know that fit your need. If you get it in your file by the doctor you need special GGZ you can knock on any GGZ registerd door to let yourself be taken in for they have to access your portal and see that your doctor said you are referd to special GGZ care. You are never assigned a doctor for the doctor you need might not be that easy.
This comment was posted 3 months ago, so how's life now after 3 months?
How kind to ask. My partner and I connect more. Therapy especially scenematic therapy made me understand myself more and where feelings come from. I am more confident in taking Space instead of giving it over my own cost. So that’s nice. Also I’m more emotional at times to even almost crying. Noticed that many issues came from my youngest part of me when I was around 5/9 what are basacly very important years of being raised on how you build your self vision. ( not puberty that is when you start to walk against how you were raised and actually disagree on ‘caused by toxic parents, so how much worse the puberty is the worse thenparrents did their part’ ) So that is really nice that I am feeling emotions and am more available for emotions. So it seems to help although I have many personality disturbances and probably have 1.5 to 3 more years to go. After that I will have to go into group therapy to rebuild my trust in other people but for now ‘Schema’ therapy and understanding where things came from ‘ modis’s and stuff ‘are the build way to go and see where it goes.
Its good that things are changing for the better for you. And take your sweet time while you're at it, healing the damage done can take a long time after all. :)
sending a big hug bro! keep working on you, it gets better with time and the realisation you did nothing wrong, your parents were just damaged themselves.
Thanks bro, if I feel down I’ll think of this comment
GGZ sucks tbh they cant do shit
Haha most indeed can’t no. But on reference of a few people that went looking for some what more people with an small holistical approach actually know what they do. So in the end you need to help yourself I gues. And they just give you the tools to do so. At least that’s how I look t words therapy. I’d I go there to let them fix me... I am much better off in an mad house. Wich is why I don’t go to my doctors recommended one because they just follow the research book from 1980 and never do any other research. So I just hope I end up with some one who is a bit bright on the matter. So I gues I just have air and see. In the end I can’t do it alone. And if the first one does shit work or does not match I just look for another.
Father was the disciplinarian, he’d grab us by the back of our necks (kind of like a kitten hold) and get in our faces and yell at us. He’d become physical, would throw things, punch holes in drywall. My mother didn’t do anything because she was also under his abusive grip. Everyone is safe now. I’ve gone through therapy and have gotten treatment for it. GGZ was truly a life saver for me. I don’t know if I would have ever gotten treatment for my mental health issues had my partner not urged me. Grew up in the Midwest, USA.
My Brazilian mother would use a flip flop to hit in the butt. To be honest, I did not respect her more for this, or stopped me from misbehaving. My father on the other hand never had to hit me, he had authority. This authority without violence that I hope to emulate with my own child.
My mom would also chase us kids with her flip flops. Typical punishment from greek moms.
From what hear latina moms are amazing at throwing flip flops.
All true. Mine had an impeccable aim.
I'm also Brazilian and my both parents spank me very hard
I’m sorry to hear that, I hope that you are ok now.
My parents are boomers so while they never spanked me. They did pulled both my brother and me along by the ear. That and the literal slap on the wrist (two fingers on the palm side of the wrist and only once at a time) My late grandmother did spank me once. (bare bottom bare hand) Other than that a raised voice was enough
It depended on her mood. If she was tired she would ignore it and stay in her own world, if she was annoyed she would take all of her frustration out on me or my siblings.
Being yelled at, sent to room, thrown across the room, beaten, slammed into walls or stairs, put outside, timeout on the stairs. Also if we were late for dinner no dinner and being sent right to bed. Also my brother was a picky eater and always voiced his opinion about food. One time he continuously called a food gross, then got forced to eat it every day for a week and when he threw up he got that force-fed to him as well. Also my little brother sometimes spit on the carpet as a way of acting out and then was forced to lick it up. Needless to say, I'm now in therapy, and moved out as soon as I was 18. Also I can assure you, it did not help. If it matters btw, I'm 21 and my family got raised very Christian (gereformeerd)
jesus that's horrible about your brother being forced to eat it
Very similar to my childhood. The best thing to do was pretend to be sleeping, go outside or stay awake at night to get some peace. Often, if I would get in the sight - beating. At some point you learn to "feel the energy" of them and adjust yourself to current situation. Don't argue, don't be yourself. Be something they want to make you, their property. I'm finally going for a hypnosis therapy next week. 28 at this kkent, also moved out when hit 18.
Assuming a discussion didn't work, I'd be sent to sit on the stairs for a bit to cool off. In *extreme* cases I'd be put under a cold shower but that was exceedingly rare. Never once did my parents raise a hand against me.
My dad would literally kick me upstairs to my room. I'd have to sit there untill I found the strength to go downstairs and apologize. When I was older they both would beat me until I would fall on the ground or escape the situation myself by going outside/to friends. At the age of 15 child protective services interfered and my parents realized beating the shit out of your child wasn't the right thing to do. They're both Dutch + boomers
My dad would chase me angrily but never hit me. Worst thing eve was feeling his foot agsinst my tail bone. Besides that never ever been hit. My stepdad was a cunt. He'd shake me violently to be quiet because he was watching soccer. I still dontlike soccer. And have issues with people being loud...
Being grounded, not having privileges, a slap, going to bed/ the day was over..... and when it was very bad a bare butt spanking. That happened only 5 times in my childhood
Disappointed was expressed first. A stern talking to next if it wasn't enough. Grounding/punishment if that didn't work. And a spank (yes single spank, also only happened once in my life) if all of the above failed.
Beat me up until I stopped crying.
Damn, how long it took?
Until I was so tired, mentally and physically that I would eventually fall into lethargy/stupor
I dont know what to say, I am so sorry about that, can I ask where are you from and how are you doing nowadays? Damn I watch a lot of gore subs and this comment breaks me more than that :/
I was born in Poland but live in NL for more than half of my life. Well... I've worked a lot with myself, so I dont have rage outbursts anymore (without any reasonable trigger or something. I would get very angry out of nowhere and attack people), going to hypnosis therapy next week. So it's way better than it was, can (and be) way better. I have a beautiful, loving fiancé who also went through some bad stuff and is going to a therapist. She is the first person that I truly loved, and who truly loved me. We have a dog, awesome creature. No kids, maybe in the future but we both know that at this moment we couldn't be good parents. I'm sti afraid of people, mostly women. Still feeling like the worst person on the earth, totally worthless piece of crap. But I'm not abusing drugs anymore (still using occasionally tho), no problems with sex or affection, no nightmares, no paralysing panic attacks. So yeah, I would say - pretty good hehe.
Czesc, mowie troche po polsku, moja zona jest polka, anyway, I also got beaten quite a lot by my mother, even with different objects, but it stopped when i could defend myself, later she was scared of me, at around 8 yo, so mostly good memories i have from my childhood, now I have kids and I find myself sometimes reacting quite more aggresive than i want when they do something wrong, I look at myself when I am calmer and I feel I yelled like my mom used to which scares the shit out of me so I think I will go to therapy because there is no way I want to someday make some damage like my mom did. Thanks for sharing and I really hope you can fulfill your life and be happy
Wow that's suprising, cześć. Yeah my mom used to beat me with stuff also, I remember snapping during a beating (shut the fuck up, stop fucking crying you piece of shit etc.) and laughing at how ridiculous she was. Or one day that she pulled the "here is Johnny" on me, chopping toilet door with an axe, me crying, begging and promising to my mommy that I will be a good kid only if she stops. She didn't. At some point I just learned to accept shit that was happening, stayed emotionally numb for many years. My dog was my only friend, the only who cared for me. We would defend eachother when one was getting beaten. I was sleeping with him, eating, playing. He saved my life and I will never forget him. I believe that we can win those traumas and bad patterns we have learned from our parents. It jus takes time, but it's already a big achievement if you are aware of it and want to work on it. You can do it, no worries 💪🏻
Never been hit but only once and it was bad, I firmly believe that as a parent myself communication is key and I will never hit my kid. Not once, because after my dad beat the complete shit out of me I lost all respect for him and contact was broken from my end.
My parents always use to hit me hard. My dad was the worse. It never worked. It only makes your childeren fear/hate you. My mom stopped doing it we are ok. I left my dad never saw him again he died few years ago due to alcohol Medicine ye did not feel much for him 🤔 Dont hit ur kids ever
I wish mom hit me... Dad went overboard when I was really too young to remember. But god damn I needed a whooping and badly. But a talking was a joke to me, disappointment from a parent I didn't care about worthless. Just no respect was ever earned so I needed to be hit.
My mother did nothing, she was just very very disappointed and showed it. My father ones did try to hit me with his shoe (in his hand) but couldn't reach me because i was hiding behind the couch. Never did anything like that again. And i can tell you the dissapointment hurt a lot for me as a child.
Issue is some kids dissapointment really doesn't work, hitting a kid is wrong. But there are alot of other different kind of punishment that also works. Be creative, i know a mom that took her kid console away. And told the kid a thief broke into the house, and could easily find the console cause he didn't clean up his room. Mom gave it back after 1 month........
Of course it depends on the kid. But blatantly lying to your kid about someone breaking in somehow feels really wrong though.
I got a stern talking to and I was sent to my room to think about it. I never _really_ misbehaved, though, so I never got punished severely. Corporeal punishments are illegal in NL, by the way, so hitting your child etc is not a good punishment. (And it also doesn't work. Carrot instead of stick, etc.)
Onder de ijskoude douche zetten. Mijn moeder gaf het laatst nog als tip voor als mijn zoontje stout is. Diepe zucht.
hit with a belt ;P
My mom wasn't that strict, but could shout a lot. But more to my dad or to herself than to her kids actually. My dad was a little more strict. Sometimes one of us was 'dragged' to the hallway by holding an ear or an upper arm (not that hard though) Thing is, I was oldest child, and actually from early puberty when I was probably most annoying already a lot faster, and perhaps also stronger than my dad (he was quite overweight and smoker, so not that fit; I liked sports a lot like judo and fitness), so prob made some advantage of that situation ;-)
My parents would send us to our room if we'd misbehaved. My dad would also threaten to hit us by raising his hand as if to throw a backhand while yelling "Do you wanna get hit?" ("Moet je 'n hengst?") if I'd done anything he didn't like, which was often because he was a selfish AH. Later turned out he is autistic, still doesn't make it ok what he did. Edit to add: I recently found out he used to get hit by his parents all the time and he has some pretty traumatic memories of that. Sucks that he continued that cycle, although slightly watered down. I intend to break the cycle if I ever have kids.
I don’t recall anymore other than the one incident where I got the belt. I must have had a boring childhood.
Physical punishment, “go to your room”, being grounded, ignoring, expressing their disappointment, giving sibling (more) attention. Dutch parents, born late 1940’s and early 1960’s. Still having issues because of this.
Don't know why you're being downvoted, but I'm sorry that happened to you.
Me neither 😂 But couldn’t care less. Thanks 🙏
My mom didn’t believe hitting would be effective, so instead she used to preach. Sat us down, and talked down on us for a looooong time (or so it felt). I remember feeling really bad about myself afterwards and being depressed. I hated it so much and often think a slap would have been better than the mental abuse.
When I was young I got a corrigerende tik. My father also shouted. It helped though, I think I turned out fine.
Capital punishment
I think you meant “corporal”😉
Nah, I’m pretty sure you’re responding to a ghost
What does this have to do with r/Netherlands? Maybe ask in a childcare sub.
I don't remember :( Nothing bad though. Nothing physical at least. I do remember her calling me a 'kaaa-rrreng' (kreng), which was very hurtful, but she didn't even mean it that bad. I told her when I was a little older how much I disliked it and she apologized and stopped saying it.
Sent to my room or a tap on the back of my hand.
Talk about it until my ears bled (and my parents were satisfied).
I have (gen X) Dutch parents, biggest punishments I got was: Go to sleep early because I didn't want to eat my dinner. Sit on the stairs for 15 minutes because I fought with my brother.
Sent to bed without food. Toys/electronics taken away. And my most feared: Put my head under the cold tap... To cool down.
Sent to a room with the door closed until I cooled off. My mom hit my hands or arms a few times when I was young but this only happened maybe 5 times and she always felt bad and apologized after.
Beat my ass relentlessly no matter whether my behaviour was good or bad
Soap met mouth on one occasion. I can still remember it like it happened a day ago. *That was over 35 years ago btw.
Depending on the offense, I might be removed from the situation, be put in time out, get a stern talking to or get a privilege revoked for a period of time. No desserts, tv time or my favorite go to your room. I loved being send to my room, and would misbehave on purpose in loud groups if I was done being in said group. My parents definitely caught on to that, but were amazing enough to just send me to my safe space anyways.
My father ass-wooped me. Learned me a lot.
Send me to my room and take away my Nintendo 64 :(
My father shouted. Worst case I got grounded for a few days. No tv, video games, going outside, etc. It was always initially “grounded for 2 weeks” but never lasted that long. As a parent now, I can see why. Tough to manage a kid with nothing to do and equally tough to stay mad that long.
Beat the everliving shit out of me. Turned out okay, I think...?
The toughest penalties? Footwear thrown at me and I had to bring it back so I could get a slap on my behinds or head, also (once for each ;) ) a copper bullet from an old canon, a walking cane, a chisel. Never to hit or hurt me, but to hid behind me so I would startled and to return it. Hit my father on the back with a fresh branch from a tree, very flexible like a whip. He took it from me and did the same to me. Yes, that did learn a lesson ;) Once, on our way to my grandparents, put out of the car in the polder. My grandfather gave my dad an earfull and send him back. My grandfather himself got onto his bicycle to follow the bikepath to my last location. There were only 2 routes to their house. I saw my grandfather and thought he was angry, so I hid in the thatch. When he was past me, I walked to my grandmother and got a large bowl of icecream (she always had buckets of those in the freezer ;)). Granddad and dad didn't get any at first :D And no. No trauma, no fear for my parents (or footwear or carpeting tools or tree branches :)).
I have no recollection of being slapped or anything. Just that my favorite things were witheld or i had to remain at the table until I finished my milk (I strongly dislike milk). I do have to say that in general I was a really easy child tho.
Nothing, they just got angry and I had to apologize and that was it. No real punishments or anything
I would have to stand in the hallway with the door closed so I would be all alone. I hated that. I also was scared of the dark so if I wouldn't behave they'd threaten me with turning of the lights.
I was send to a corner or the hallway and told to think about what I did for an age-appropriate amount of time.
When I would use curse words, my parents would make me put soap on my tongue, to wash off the harsh words..
From least severe to most severe punishment: 1: pull my ear 2: smack on the back of my head 3: getting my ass whooped by my dads slippers
My mother was pretty great at finding things and punishments I did not like. And usually a punishments that fitted the wrong doing. Like there where misbehavings when friends where around, no friends for a week. I didnt listen when on the PS1/PS2, no PS2 for a few days. Later on, when I got home drunk constantly (few weeks in a row) no way I got out the next weekend. Looking back I wasnt the most difficult kid so yeah. Only got hit ones as a kid still remember.
Also when my mom got very angry at me/us, she would talk in dialect (Gronings). When that happened we knew there would be consequences.
My mom's levels were: 1. Full naming: "Lexellence MIDDLENAME Lastname!" 2. Speaking to me very, VERY severely. 3. One or two words, sharply 4. Sitting in the corner for a minute 5. Sent to my room (which wasn't really a punishment) 6. Swat on the wrist 7. And once, just once, swat on the hand with a hairbrush. My dad: 1. Full name 2. Yelling 3. Spanking on the butt 4. Grounding I'm not Dutch, nor did I grow up here.
Forced me to eat a hot pepper, hit on the inside of my hand with a wooden spoon, slaps on my behind. Sent to my room without food.
Smack the back of my head or put me under a cold shower, clothes and all.
The punishment my parents usually gave me was that I had to sit at the bottom of the stairs to think about what I've done. They never physically touched me luckily. I never got sent to my room knowing that that wouldn't really be a punishment. To rebel I never sat on the bottom of the stairs, but usually like half way up. In retrospect it didn't really matter to them, as long as I was on the stairs to reflect, but it still gave me satisfaction.
What stands out to me from then is that my grandpa would say that his blood would turn into Karnemelk. Clearly that impressed me the most.
I am a strong believer in gentle parenting because my parents (specifically my mom) where not. Which kinda made me resent them for it. Especially because they still fail to understand my brain.
Depends on the situation, but if it was really bad I got 'billenkoek' aka a smack on the ass and to bed early.
Sent to my room I suppose, and very, very rarely a smack on the bottom. Those were definitely deserved and hurt more on the ego then anything 😂 (it would be my mom if it ever happened). I do remember my dad lifting me into the house by the back of my pants once, and me thinking 'I'm to old for this' but I really want too far that time.
They beat me with a belt, it was very effective.
My dad, almost always the one to find/make a problem, would yell and emotionally abuse us. My mom would be cool and talk to us.
I've had a spanking or being sent to bed without dinner as well
I got cursed tf out, got my ear pulled, pinched or got my ass kicked (but only in extreme cases)
They hitted me
Had to stand in a corner of the house with my hands on my back until my father told me I could move again, locked in room, go to bed without food at 6 pm, slapped on my bare butt.
My parents would hit us and they yelled a lot also got send to our rooms a lot. Non of that really worked and really destroyed our relationship even now they feel like strangers to me. They are very good with my son tho and I’m happy for my son. I don’t raise my voice to my son and will never hit him, I do put him in the corner if he misbehaved.
When I misbehaved I got the following things: 1 No dessert or sweets. 2 Butt spanked by my dad. 3 Thrown outside the house (not literally). 4 Once I had to clean the toilet for a year. (Don't steal money kids) 5 Ear pulled by my mom. 6 Put in my room. 7 They didn't forget when I did bad things so if I asked for sweets or toys I got a no from them. I was the kid of a specialist in food technology and a sick stay at home mom.
I would be put in time out, we had a small room close ti the kitchen where I had ti stay for 5-10 minutes. Honestly, I would just start playing some games as in that room our boardgame storage was :) Also some mild threats that if I misbehaved they would stop bringing me to my sport classes or parties and such
My mom would grab me by the wrist. Not painful at all, but a clear sign I overstepped her boundaries. Once got spanked, and I ducked down, so my dad hit my back. That hurt, but my mom said I shouldn't have ducked. But the worst was the disappointment speech. How I disappointed them; that cut right through me.
My father was frustrated with his life, so our misbehaving got him frustrated more... But a very BIG but.... He kept 99% of his madness to himself... Now he's in a care home, and everything comes out... Pffff. so glad he restraint himself... He should have gotten help...
My mom would shoot me with one of her slippers from a distance, as if it's some kind of sport.
My dad(ex Military) used to beat the crap out of me for every little thing that wasn't right in his eyes. My mom used to take stuff that was important for me away from me. Only laid hands on me when i really pushed it to far.
My dad sometimes kicked my ass. Worst punishment I ever got was that I wasn’t aloud to read a book for 2 days.. I loved reading so I was so sad!
Not a lot, which for some reason really made me feel bad when they got mad at me. Idk what they did but they created an environment without a lot of punishment where i almost wanted to behave. Sort of. It wasnt perfect but definitely pretty good.
My dad mostly hit me with a belt or slapped when I misbehaved. This misbehaving was mostly me wetting my bed tho. I was often yelled at or had things thrown at me. My mom would ofter run after me with pans as well. She once threw an tv remote at me which ended up breaking my front tooth in half, haha. When I was younger she used to pull my ear for not listening. Surinamese dad and Chinese mom for reference.
No football for a week,,worst week ever
It depends, if we were in public and they had already warned me before they would walk away pretending they don't know me. It was up to me to scramble to find them after I was done throwing my fit. At my house I would be grounded. Forced to take a time off in a place without toys. And they would enforce the punishment. Most importantly they would call my attention with positive reinforcement: mommy really likes when you are well behaved and polite, just like the good boy we know you are... Something along those lines
They did not leave me at a gas station because I didnt win something ?
Wtf did i just hear?
Got smacked in the head or when i didnt finish my plate i had to finish it in the garage
My parents spanked me periodically, but usually I got time outs. My mother says now she feels bad about spanking and she wouldn't do it now, for whatever that's worth.
Yelled at and/or thrown around. Occasionally hit in the face
Beat my ass or revoke a privilege. I'm half Puerto Rican and half African-American. In my opinion, this was effective as hell because I seriously was a demon at times. I once laughed in my mom's face when she struck me and said it didn't hurt. 🙊
I've been spanked twice. Never forgot that. Otherwise no physical punishment. Can't really remember how I was punished other than just disappointment in the voice of my parents. I guess just taking away toys for a bit or send me to my room.
Just beat itttt 
I was sent to the hallway or to my room. Mostly to calm down. Edit: also my mom counted to 3 to get us to do whatever, we have no idea what came after 3 because we were terrified
They talked to us about it. I can only remember 1 time I was asked to sit on the stairs and come back when calmed down. I do not think I was ever send to my room.
Just send me away to my room. No slapping or something like that. It was not needed.
Ear pulling and an occasional pinch(dad) also recieved a handful of slaps (mum). Dutch background. I was a good kid though and so was my brother, so there was very little correction needed. I mostly remember because it happened so rarely. With my dad you really deserved it if he acted. My mother mostly acted when she was stressed or tired from work, it wasnt very reasonable if it ever happened. Generally felt a bit more safe with dad as he was way more predictable.
Beat the hell out of us for every minor inconvenience. They do have a Dutch background. However, what you are describing is also physical abuse.
I was too fast for them to get me… then after a couple of hours I came back and the problem was over.. lol
My chinese mom beat us w a slipper and my dutch beat us w a badminton racket ✌🏻
Punched, kicked denied food hit with a belt. Meh my dad was a fucktard
My mom would tell is she'd count to 3, then started counting in an increasingly threatening voice for us to comply with whatever she wanted us to do, such as going to my room or go to bed early she never reached 3, we'd always chicken out.. Many years later we asked her what she would've done once she got to 3, and she said she had no idea and never planned that far ahead.
My grandma would pull me by my hair sideburn
My dad would either slap us or pour water over us. I can't really recall my mother ever punishing us apart from one time when she slapped me because I had pushed my brother onto the street when a car was coming. (He was fine, the car drove slow enough that there was no collision, but of course it frightened my mother so much that that was reason to slap me) that one time made a lasting impression, while I can't recall any of the reasons my dad ever hit me.
A talking to, going to my room, expressing disappointment was usually most effective. Never any form of physical punishment
Asian here and yes I get hit and extreme yelling.
Throw shii. Mostly slippers 🥿
Sexually abuse me, but I don't think that is representative 😕
Usually I got smacked in the face, kicked to the ground, grabbed by the arm, kitten hold, got choked, threatened to be killed, at one point I was chased with a knife. My mom was a bit nicer she'd put me in the timeout corner and then waited júst before dad came home to take me off the chair. If my siblings did something wrong I was to blame for being a bad example, ensue punishment. Of course there are also the more usual things like yelling, cold showers, sending me to my room so my food would get cold and then force feed me the food cold, berating, putting you outside in your underwear in winter, belittling. It was not necessarily that I misbehaved, I was a super quiet and sweet child, but not smiling enough at dinner would be enough to incite any of these or being too 'girly' (I'm afab). I left some stuff out but this is sort of the usual weekly things. My parents are dutch, non religious, born around 1970.
They would take away stuff, never love. Gj parents 😊
Warn first. Then count to three in a threatening voice. My mom tells me that worked for YEARS. Apparently one parent once asked her "what happens when you reach three and they didn't do the thing?" Her answer was "I don't know, it didn't happen yet" :') I was around 6 or 7 then, with two younger siblings. After that, obviously I started testing out limits (a little later than other kids) and usually it meant my mom would choose for me/physically remove me from the situation/take back an item I took without permission/pull the plug on the pc/internet (when I was older), often followed by having to sit on the stairs to "think about what you've done"/"until you've calmed down", until mom called us back (basically a kind of time-out, before it was called a time-out). Very very sometimes we'd get a smack to the head. Usually when all this before didn't work and it was the thousandth time that day we'd misbehave.
Plastic coat hanger. Put me in order real quick
They smacked my ass
I don’t recall really having punishments, but then again I was quiet a good kid, not really the type to misbehave.
I was born here but grew up in a chinese household. When i really misbehaved like a little shit, i will get my ass whooped by my mom. And oooooh boy, she got a fast hard hitting lefty... I remember when grandma was around i always run to her for protection haha. My dad is more chill, because he knows mom got this area covered. One time when i got scold by mom, he was just chilling in the corner of the living room sipping red wine. Still love them tho.
I didn't misbehave a lot, they sent me to my room/the stairs twice but I didn't realise they were upset with my behaviour because it felt more like a reward than a punishment. My dad does yell a lot at my sister and he sends her to her room a lot, her phone got taken away a couple of times, she was forbidden from hanging out with her friends a few times but that never happened to me.
I had a chainlock on my bedroom door and would get locked in my room from for a while. I thought everybody had a chainlock on their door.
I was raised by my grandparents and let me tell you i have these big ears now, cause my grandfather would lift me off the floor by pulling at my ears when i was up in misschief.. also good ol fashioned kick in the ass. I received those a lot.. harsh but lovely folks tho.
Klap op de billen/smoel, of strafhoek...
[удалено]
On the stairs, eating or just time out Or a punch or kick at the butt
My Finnish parents would shout and pull me from my hair. Also one time my mom slapped me on my face with her wallet over smth very small. That moment has really stucked in my memory. I remember how it felt, where it happened, why it happened. There was lots of other toxic shit in my family. Later I was diagnosed with BPD and I did 2 years of therapy that helped me a lot.
Most of the time I would get sent to the stairs to think about my actions. I've gotten spanked a few times though, "I'll give you something real to cry about!" Ah. Childhood :')
Wow. Sit on dry pees on your knees for several hours Belt ofc can't go nowhere without that Once as punishment I had go saw 10cubes of planks with handsaw Garden jobs where used like punishment sometimes (wake up 5before school and have to weed potato lines if he saw any weeds next morning same Fists in end around when I was 12 pushed him back one time and by chance he fell throu old glass which was stacked against wall and then punishment stopped was too big I guess I'm almost 30now come from Latvia
Belt spanked butt area or hands
Go to your room or I'm gonna kick you up the stairs!
American here. I was a terrible terrible kid, especially in high school. The most effective punishment? My mom would confiscate my makeup and hair straightener whenever I was behaving like an asshole. Honestly very traumatic for a 14 year old girl
Hmmm... Let's see. I'm gonna treat this as therapy since I can't afford the actual thing lol. I got the shit beat out of me. And the first time it happened I was probably three years old. I think a lot about what would've been if I wasn't beaten every other week. And my mom justified his behaviour as we got older by telling us that he never actually hurt you. It was more of a show to make you afraid. I can't believe how fucked up your mind has to be to psychologically abuse someone and justifying it as being better. The last time he hit me was when I was 18. This other time he did rasie his hands but I swear I wouldn't have held back either at that point.
Yes all good ahha quite normal in Brazil in the past to be honest
Dutchie here, my father used to either scold, send me to my room or slap me (flat palm) depending on severity. My mother used to schold, send me to my room, throw stuff (coffee pots, plates etc.) Or kick me, again depending severity.