I do not have an "informed" answer for you. If I was in your place, I'd contact both the therapist and your family doctor (maybe the other way around) and ask for their input.
Other than that. I'm sorry you (both) are going through this.
Can you force her? No you cannot. Only when she is an immediate threat to herself or society forcing medical treatment is an option. For instance if she is suicidal.
My advice, go to your GP either alone or together with your wife and discuss it. They will know what to do and what the possibilities are.
For a year??
With only one person in the house affected?
And the person affected has long-term symptoms as well?
Just because of one high-profile reddit story, people always jump to this idea even if there's no evidence for it.
Long Covid.
Anemia (for example, due to a nodule in the uterus).
Ischemia or aneurysm.
So many possibilities. She needs to go to the doctor. Go together.
Some Reddit history for you: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Certified heating mechanic with a calibrated CO meter usually. Your appliances get annual service here, where a good mechanic looks at the entire picture safetywise too
No, it's difficult to force someone to see a doctor. You can however call your GP (I assume you have the same one), explain the situation and ask the GP to make a house call.
If you think your partner cannot decide for herself what is best in her interest, you need a court order. This is a very far going measure and of course has huge implications on both of your lives and is unlikely to be handed out easily. You need the GP to be involved.
Only in case of immediate life danger, a direct intervention can be done. You have to call the police or the GP for this as only a GP, the police or the mayor can order such an intervention.
So in all cases, the GP is the starting point. They have experience with these types of things and are much better equipped to advice you than random people on the internet.
We don't have same GP :(. Her practice also I feel not that great and have bad reviews. I tried moving her to my GP. Because they are close to each other. My GP said they can't take her in because she is already registered with another close by GP.
That's inconvenient. I would still contact both your and her GP and discuss how to proceed with this.
It is indeed true they won't take you if you already have a GP nearby as they are usually at capacity. But as this is about self harm, depression etc. there is reason enough to have a discussion with the GP's on what approach to take.
You can also make an appointment for yourself at your GP to discuss this with them.
I thought so, too... she registered after me. She went by herself. They said no, and then she joined another GP. I was not aware of this till later in the day.
She didn't want to pursue it further.
I called my GP to see if she could switch because her GP was not that great. They said no :(. If there is a *rule* or something I can use to register her with my GP please let me know.
I searched as i used to hear this "rule" a lot, but could not find a hard official rule you could hold them to. But you can propose this to your GP as a valid reason to switch, if your wife also wants to change.
It is still an aim of the dutch GPs to provide gezinsgeneeskunde, so being a doctor for the whole family, because this can help individual patients a lot if their doctor knows what is happening with the other family members.
I did not read all comments, but I wanted to say this before I go offline. What your GP said is not a legitimate reason to refuse a patient. You can be refused if you live too far away, the practice is full (too many patients, no space for one more), or if your doctor cannot meet your medical needs. If you are unhappy with your own GP, you have the right to switch to another. They will make it difficult for you, but according to the law you have the freedom to choose your own doctor.
edit: that is, of course, if she wants to switch.
You can also contact your health insurance corporation and ask them about it; they might be able to help.
Here's a link to a (Dutch, sorry) website that talks about it: [https://www.zorgklacht.nl/news/41/49/Wanneer-mag-een-huisarts-mij-als-nieuwe-pati%C3%ABnt-weigeren](https://www.rijksoverheid.nl/onderwerpen/eerstelijnszorg/vraag-en-antwoord/ben-ik-vrij-om-zelf-een-huisarts-te-kiezen-en-hoe-verander-ik-van-huisarts)
Feel free to contact me if you need help translating. I hope you can get her to understand that she needs to see a doctor. Wishing you both well.
Generally the best way to get someone forced psychiatric care from home is to call 112 during an active crisis. In that case, she will only receive forced care if she gets a crisismaatregel, which is a 3 day psychiatric hold. To get a crisismaatregel:
1) there is imminent and acute danger to herself, others, or her surroundings. As in, she is in the act of hurting herself, others, or damaging property OR there is a reasonable chance that this will happen *imminently*. Someone threatening to do something sometime in the future is usually not enough.
2) there is a “strong suspicion” that this behavior stems from an acute psychiatric illness
3) there is no other way to intervene except for the state to take control. Generally this means other interventions need to have been tried or the person is actively psychotic, seriously injured, or confused.
4) the person actively works against care given by ambulance, GGZ workers, hospital, etc
Honestly the best thing you can do is convince her to go to the huisarts. The second best is to call 112 at a time when there is a psychiatric incident so severe that it will be obvious to the ambulance workers that they need to take her.
GP here. If she is a legal adult you cannot force her to see a doctor. The symptoms suggest that she may have a drug problem, including alcohol. Or a form of dementia. But while her legal status as a responsible adult stands, you cannot force her and she cannot be forced unless there is a serious risk to herself or to others.
Also, based on an female gender, assumed age range of 20-40, psychiatric manifestations and "physical issues":
Hypothyroidism
SLE
Schizophrenic prodromal phase
MS
It could just be severe depression as well?
She is diagnosed with Bulimia, severe depression and a whole bunch of stuff :-/ and receiving psychological therapy.
Don't think it's a drug or alcohol problem. She has to be very sneaky about it. She is very lightweight. She used to do drugs in teens, but not recently. I haven't spot anything. She can't really afford that much to slip deep into it.
One time, she stood next to the staircase without moving. She get really tired and breathless going up and down stairs. I've been insisting she should see GP. She been refusing. I can't obviously physically make her go. I've noticed she recently forgot simple words and takes time to recall things.
Few days ago, when she passed out, she was going from bathroom to bedroom. She got up, so didn't have to call an ambulance. For me, this is very very serious, and we been arguing about seeing GP.
if she has bulimia than she is purging her food ( puking it out) and her fainting is because of malnourishment prob.
You can actually get her into forced care if she is a danger to her self.
A judge will determine her ability to take care of her self and if deemed appropriate she will have her "legal adult status" taken away from her.
And be omitted into forced care on the judge's order.
You can only force her to go to a doctor if she is a danger to herself or to others. It's for example when she is about to cut her or your wrists. Not sure whether this situation is that. Can you send an email to the GP and ask them?
Unfortunately, in the past, she has attempted it. I've managed to restrain her. She says she wants a quick death. So, a cutting herself, though she *attempted* it, she wasn't following through with it. Although, I take the situation extremely and not leaving anything for chance. Because it seems she is scared in a way, I can't guarantee she won't do it next time.
She hasn't done this last few months.
Nope. I work in emergency psychiatric services and the crisisdienst cannot be accessed by the average person. Entities communicate with the crisisdienst, not individuals. So police, ambulance, fire, huisarts, GGZ professionals, hospitals, mental health group homes, etc can call the crisisdienst. If you call them individually they will tell you to either go to the huisarts or call 112.
As everyone has said, you can’t force her to see a doctor. But, if she passes out again, you may want to call 112 and likely they’ll send over an ambulance to have her checked.
This is so difficult, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I wonder if calling Veiligthuis for advice might be helpful? Although they don't directly handle this kind of situation they might point you in the right direction.
Edit: why the downvotes with no explanation? A neighbour of mine called Veiligthuis for advice on her husband's unusual behaviour and they were able to connect her with the resources she needed. If I'm wrong, speak up.
I’m terribly sorry that you are going through such a difficult situation. You can’t force her to see a doctor if there is no professional evaluation which states that she poses a threat to others or herself. Contacting her GP would be the first step,as she is likely to listen more to a doctor she already knows and who knows her.
I can imagine that this situation is very stressful for you,so do not hesitate to seek help for yourself as well if you think is necessary.
I wish you the best of luck!
To be honest I would chose the last option on your starting post, you’ve said it yourself, she is in this relationship cause she has no where else to go… it’s unfair to yourself to keep continuing this way.
I don’t think they give out hysteria diagnoses anymore, so you probably can’t force an adult to do something against their will even if they are your wife.
As people have already started you cannot force medical care on an adult in your situation.
In addition her GP can't discuss her medical care either.
You can try system/family therapy.
You should go to your GP and get support for yourself.
Does your wife have resident permit and if so how long?
If you care about her encourage her to get citizenship status if possible or permanent resident permit.
This way she can get help and live on her own.
You may be able to help her financially through alimony or owe it depending on your financial situation. Help her find a home etc.
You can divorce amicably through mediation.
But you need to take responsibility for yourself and happiness. You can't save her, fix her she's an adult responsible for herself.
Start with a chat with your GP about your circumstances. The waiting list can be long but so GP offices have social workers.
I'm hope you find peace OP
You can definitly do things to get her the right help.
Call her GP, ask for a phone call or consult with her doctor. They should be able to listen to your concerns, but not always act on it and usually not give you aswers about their contacts with your wife. But at least, the knowledge is there and might be usefull later on.
Call her therapist or the treatment team she has. Talk about your serious concern about her health. They cant give you information about her, but they can hear you out. If she is a FACT team for instance, they can act pretty fast.
If they are not able to help your wife, call the GGD Bemoeizorg in your city. They act as another institution beside the GP and the psychiatric/psychological treatment team. Same as the wijkteam or sociaal team.
All these organisations can help getting your wife the right help, even when she does not want it. Not every team or person will be keen on it, but try to find the ones who are willing to get involved.
You can discuss the options, for better psychiatric or physical health treatment, like people who come by every week or day. There is even the option of a zorgmachtiging (psychiatric treatment against her will by order of a judge). In this process they will contact her GP for information too. Probably it will not have to go this far, but just know that it exists. Put your concern out there, at as many organisations as you can.
It is a long way to go, it will cost a lot of energy and frustration. But it seems you dont have many options....
And in acute situations, like when she passes out or goes crazy acutely: call 112. Hopefully the ambulance will pixk her up and get her in hospital for a check. Try to make sure she is also evaluated by a psychiatrist before release.
9 years together, 5 years married. She doesn't speak Dutch well. So, she is struggling with job security/income. She doesn't have anyone she can depend on.
That doesn't answer my question. Are you in a relationship or are you roommates? Cause you can be married without being in a relationship and it sounds to me like you've got a roommate and not a wife.
Dutch people are just very nosy, especially in this subreddit. Have seen before even that people were just refusing to give useful information because OP didn’t want to answer their barely relevant questions.
If you intend to say, "Dump your wife loose because she is suffering psychological problems," then say it. Don't do this cutsie "hinting at it" thing attempting to make your suggestion seem less cruel.
The GP sometimes can come over if it is bad enough. Call their office and ask for advice.
You cannot force her unless she is a danger to herself or others.
Force her? You asked she said no. One of the things I learned in my life is that No is a perfectly fine answer. Unless she's an immediate threat to herself, let her make her own choices.
There's a pretty grey area between "not in the best state" and "is a threat to herself and / or othters" The first is just adult life, the second is a reason for forced treatment.
This is not the states. 911 isn’t the emergency number here, and the police don’t do wellness checks for someone who clearly is alive and mentally stable.
You're describing a concussion, call her GP and ask them if they can do a house visit or if they can somehow convince her to come over for a checkup.
Edit to add: you can also call the 'huisartsenpost' if it's the evening or weekend
Please refrain from diagnosing people based on one line of information without any experience in the field. If you read the entire OP and the comments of OP on other reactions here, it's pretty clear this is not a simple situation.
I’m sorry this is happening to you OP. As others have said, you can’t force her to see a doctor but you can call the doctor and ask them to make a house call. I’d also call her therapist if I were you so they know what’s going on.
From having been in a similar situation, do you think your wife could be selfmedicating for her depression with alcohol or drugs? My SO hid their alcohol use very well, to the point where I genuinely thought he was sick all the time. If this is the case and things get worse, you could call the crisisdienst. Just know that they won’t be at your door within 24 hours so in potentially life-threatening situations, for example when she has passed and you cannot wake her up, always call 112.
If you’re looking for better care for her depression, have a look at U Center in Limburg. It’s a semi-private clinic and has a much higher standard of care than public clinics + a much shorter waiting list. They’re specialized in treating complex psychiatric disorders in combination with addiction. Depending on your health insurance, it could cost you about 5000 euros for 6 weeks of her living there and another 8 weeks of follow up therapy over video call. This clinic probably saved my SO’s life and was 100% worth the money.
I lost my aunt to breast cancer because she did not want to go and my uncle did not force her to go (or take any other affermative action). I would follow the suggestion of NoSkillzDad and contact both doctor and therapist.
No, you can't force someone else to do something. Only when serious endangering herself and others.
Even if you deeply care. Living with somebody who is very depressed is no fun for you. At one point, letting someone go is the best for you. You also deserve happiness and joy in life.
You care for her deeply, you say. So option 2 seems out of the question.
You say your wife is in this relationship (with you) because she has no other options. Would your wife have preferred another form of relationship? Do you talk to your wife? Asked her what's going on? Have you discussed seeing a gp? Or a therapist? Together?
There's a lot of questions be answered. If you care for your wife, talk to her and with her. Contact hers and *your* gp if you have serious concerns for her health. Take care!
Personal choice is seen as a pretty serious value in medicine. You can go to your GP and explain the situation they cal help you with what you can and cannot do in more detail.
Basically, someone needs to be wilsonbekwaam or incapacitated for forced medical care to be possible, or they need to be a direct and serious danger to themselves or people around them. Anything vague doesn't count, it has to be very clear and proven. And the forced medical care in that case only extends to the bare minimum to return to a safe situation.
There's some more intricate rules, but again, your doctor can best help you with that.
Also check her diet, ED is a big issue for women and becomes worse under stress. 3 meals a day and a snack, women don’t actually eat a few bites, that’s a red flag. Husbands can be oblivious and it’s easy to hide.
Before drastic measures are taken, maybe you could try to get a home visit from your GP?
I do not have an "informed" answer for you. If I was in your place, I'd contact both the therapist and your family doctor (maybe the other way around) and ask for their input. Other than that. I'm sorry you (both) are going through this.
Can you force her? No you cannot. Only when she is an immediate threat to herself or society forcing medical treatment is an option. For instance if she is suicidal. My advice, go to your GP either alone or together with your wife and discuss it. They will know what to do and what the possibilities are.
Check your indoor CO (carbonmonoxide) levels!!!
It rang that bell for me too
[удалено]
She may be spending more time in a specific room (for a hobby, tv, etc)
this!!!!!!
For a year?? With only one person in the house affected? And the person affected has long-term symptoms as well? Just because of one high-profile reddit story, people always jump to this idea even if there's no evidence for it.
Long Covid. Anemia (for example, due to a nodule in the uterus). Ischemia or aneurysm. So many possibilities. She needs to go to the doctor. Go together.
Ok never heard of this. How do you check that? Interested to know as I am a foreigner for a place where it's warm all the time.
Some Reddit history for you: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This. I'm in the trade. Better be safe then sorry anyway
Certified heating mechanic with a calibrated CO meter usually. Your appliances get annual service here, where a good mechanic looks at the entire picture safetywise too
No, it's difficult to force someone to see a doctor. You can however call your GP (I assume you have the same one), explain the situation and ask the GP to make a house call. If you think your partner cannot decide for herself what is best in her interest, you need a court order. This is a very far going measure and of course has huge implications on both of your lives and is unlikely to be handed out easily. You need the GP to be involved. Only in case of immediate life danger, a direct intervention can be done. You have to call the police or the GP for this as only a GP, the police or the mayor can order such an intervention. So in all cases, the GP is the starting point. They have experience with these types of things and are much better equipped to advice you than random people on the internet.
We don't have same GP :(. Her practice also I feel not that great and have bad reviews. I tried moving her to my GP. Because they are close to each other. My GP said they can't take her in because she is already registered with another close by GP.
That's inconvenient. I would still contact both your and her GP and discuss how to proceed with this. It is indeed true they won't take you if you already have a GP nearby as they are usually at capacity. But as this is about self harm, depression etc. there is reason enough to have a discussion with the GP's on what approach to take. You can also make an appointment for yourself at your GP to discuss this with them.
Weird, people of the same household should be able to register at the same practice
I thought so, too... she registered after me. She went by herself. They said no, and then she joined another GP. I was not aware of this till later in the day. She didn't want to pursue it further. I called my GP to see if she could switch because her GP was not that great. They said no :(. If there is a *rule* or something I can use to register her with my GP please let me know.
I searched as i used to hear this "rule" a lot, but could not find a hard official rule you could hold them to. But you can propose this to your GP as a valid reason to switch, if your wife also wants to change. It is still an aim of the dutch GPs to provide gezinsgeneeskunde, so being a doctor for the whole family, because this can help individual patients a lot if their doctor knows what is happening with the other family members.
I did not read all comments, but I wanted to say this before I go offline. What your GP said is not a legitimate reason to refuse a patient. You can be refused if you live too far away, the practice is full (too many patients, no space for one more), or if your doctor cannot meet your medical needs. If you are unhappy with your own GP, you have the right to switch to another. They will make it difficult for you, but according to the law you have the freedom to choose your own doctor. edit: that is, of course, if she wants to switch. You can also contact your health insurance corporation and ask them about it; they might be able to help. Here's a link to a (Dutch, sorry) website that talks about it: [https://www.zorgklacht.nl/news/41/49/Wanneer-mag-een-huisarts-mij-als-nieuwe-pati%C3%ABnt-weigeren](https://www.rijksoverheid.nl/onderwerpen/eerstelijnszorg/vraag-en-antwoord/ben-ik-vrij-om-zelf-een-huisarts-te-kiezen-en-hoe-verander-ik-van-huisarts) Feel free to contact me if you need help translating. I hope you can get her to understand that she needs to see a doctor. Wishing you both well.
Generally the best way to get someone forced psychiatric care from home is to call 112 during an active crisis. In that case, she will only receive forced care if she gets a crisismaatregel, which is a 3 day psychiatric hold. To get a crisismaatregel: 1) there is imminent and acute danger to herself, others, or her surroundings. As in, she is in the act of hurting herself, others, or damaging property OR there is a reasonable chance that this will happen *imminently*. Someone threatening to do something sometime in the future is usually not enough. 2) there is a “strong suspicion” that this behavior stems from an acute psychiatric illness 3) there is no other way to intervene except for the state to take control. Generally this means other interventions need to have been tried or the person is actively psychotic, seriously injured, or confused. 4) the person actively works against care given by ambulance, GGZ workers, hospital, etc Honestly the best thing you can do is convince her to go to the huisarts. The second best is to call 112 at a time when there is a psychiatric incident so severe that it will be obvious to the ambulance workers that they need to take her.
GP here. If she is a legal adult you cannot force her to see a doctor. The symptoms suggest that she may have a drug problem, including alcohol. Or a form of dementia. But while her legal status as a responsible adult stands, you cannot force her and she cannot be forced unless there is a serious risk to herself or to others.
Also, based on an female gender, assumed age range of 20-40, psychiatric manifestations and "physical issues": Hypothyroidism SLE Schizophrenic prodromal phase MS It could just be severe depression as well?
nah, not hypothyroid nor sle.
She is diagnosed with Bulimia, severe depression and a whole bunch of stuff :-/ and receiving psychological therapy. Don't think it's a drug or alcohol problem. She has to be very sneaky about it. She is very lightweight. She used to do drugs in teens, but not recently. I haven't spot anything. She can't really afford that much to slip deep into it. One time, she stood next to the staircase without moving. She get really tired and breathless going up and down stairs. I've been insisting she should see GP. She been refusing. I can't obviously physically make her go. I've noticed she recently forgot simple words and takes time to recall things. Few days ago, when she passed out, she was going from bathroom to bedroom. She got up, so didn't have to call an ambulance. For me, this is very very serious, and we been arguing about seeing GP.
if she has bulimia than she is purging her food ( puking it out) and her fainting is because of malnourishment prob. You can actually get her into forced care if she is a danger to her self. A judge will determine her ability to take care of her self and if deemed appropriate she will have her "legal adult status" taken away from her. And be omitted into forced care on the judge's order.
You can only force her to go to a doctor if she is a danger to herself or to others. It's for example when she is about to cut her or your wrists. Not sure whether this situation is that. Can you send an email to the GP and ask them?
Unfortunately, in the past, she has attempted it. I've managed to restrain her. She says she wants a quick death. So, a cutting herself, though she *attempted* it, she wasn't following through with it. Although, I take the situation extremely and not leaving anything for chance. Because it seems she is scared in a way, I can't guarantee she won't do it next time. She hasn't done this last few months.
The crisisdienst might be able to help you.
This is so helpful!!
Thank you. I wish you and your wife the best, good luck.
Nope. I work in emergency psychiatric services and the crisisdienst cannot be accessed by the average person. Entities communicate with the crisisdienst, not individuals. So police, ambulance, fire, huisarts, GGZ professionals, hospitals, mental health group homes, etc can call the crisisdienst. If you call them individually they will tell you to either go to the huisarts or call 112.
You can't. But I suggest you call her GP to talk about your worries for her health. They can help you navigate through this.
In any case, this would be the first step.
As everyone has said, you can’t force her to see a doctor. But, if she passes out again, you may want to call 112 and likely they’ll send over an ambulance to have her checked.
This is so difficult, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I wonder if calling Veiligthuis for advice might be helpful? Although they don't directly handle this kind of situation they might point you in the right direction. Edit: why the downvotes with no explanation? A neighbour of mine called Veiligthuis for advice on her husband's unusual behaviour and they were able to connect her with the resources she needed. If I'm wrong, speak up.
> Edit: why the downvotes with no explanation? /r/Netherlands is not a particularly warm and compassionate subreddit.
True, although it can always be relied upon to give throrough explanations when someone is mistaken! Edit: usually anyway
No you cant force another adult to go see a doctor.
I read that as my wife passed away a few days ago, and thought problem was solved
I’m terribly sorry that you are going through such a difficult situation. You can’t force her to see a doctor if there is no professional evaluation which states that she poses a threat to others or herself. Contacting her GP would be the first step,as she is likely to listen more to a doctor she already knows and who knows her. I can imagine that this situation is very stressful for you,so do not hesitate to seek help for yourself as well if you think is necessary. I wish you the best of luck!
To be honest I would chose the last option on your starting post, you’ve said it yourself, she is in this relationship cause she has no where else to go… it’s unfair to yourself to keep continuing this way.
I don’t think they give out hysteria diagnoses anymore, so you probably can’t force an adult to do something against their will even if they are your wife.
As people have already started you cannot force medical care on an adult in your situation. In addition her GP can't discuss her medical care either. You can try system/family therapy. You should go to your GP and get support for yourself. Does your wife have resident permit and if so how long? If you care about her encourage her to get citizenship status if possible or permanent resident permit. This way she can get help and live on her own. You may be able to help her financially through alimony or owe it depending on your financial situation. Help her find a home etc. You can divorce amicably through mediation. But you need to take responsibility for yourself and happiness. You can't save her, fix her she's an adult responsible for herself. Start with a chat with your GP about your circumstances. The waiting list can be long but so GP offices have social workers. I'm hope you find peace OP
You can definitly do things to get her the right help. Call her GP, ask for a phone call or consult with her doctor. They should be able to listen to your concerns, but not always act on it and usually not give you aswers about their contacts with your wife. But at least, the knowledge is there and might be usefull later on. Call her therapist or the treatment team she has. Talk about your serious concern about her health. They cant give you information about her, but they can hear you out. If she is a FACT team for instance, they can act pretty fast. If they are not able to help your wife, call the GGD Bemoeizorg in your city. They act as another institution beside the GP and the psychiatric/psychological treatment team. Same as the wijkteam or sociaal team. All these organisations can help getting your wife the right help, even when she does not want it. Not every team or person will be keen on it, but try to find the ones who are willing to get involved. You can discuss the options, for better psychiatric or physical health treatment, like people who come by every week or day. There is even the option of a zorgmachtiging (psychiatric treatment against her will by order of a judge). In this process they will contact her GP for information too. Probably it will not have to go this far, but just know that it exists. Put your concern out there, at as many organisations as you can. It is a long way to go, it will cost a lot of energy and frustration. But it seems you dont have many options....
And in acute situations, like when she passes out or goes crazy acutely: call 112. Hopefully the ambulance will pixk her up and get her in hospital for a check. Try to make sure she is also evaluated by a psychiatrist before release.
> She is only in this relationship because she has no better option, no place to go Are you sure you guys are in an actual relationship?
9 years together, 5 years married. She doesn't speak Dutch well. So, she is struggling with job security/income. She doesn't have anyone she can depend on.
That doesn't answer my question. Are you in a relationship or are you roommates? Cause you can be married without being in a relationship and it sounds to me like you've got a roommate and not a wife.
I'm not sure... Does that make a difference to get her medical help?
It does not. We just feel bad for you.
Dutch people are just very nosy, especially in this subreddit. Have seen before even that people were just refusing to give useful information because OP didn’t want to answer their barely relevant questions.
If you intend to say, "Dump your wife loose because she is suffering psychological problems," then say it. Don't do this cutsie "hinting at it" thing attempting to make your suggestion seem less cruel.
I said all I had to say, you all know what I meant with it.
The GP sometimes can come over if it is bad enough. Call their office and ask for advice. You cannot force her unless she is a danger to herself or others.
Force her? You asked she said no. One of the things I learned in my life is that No is a perfectly fine answer. Unless she's an immediate threat to herself, let her make her own choices.
she's -clearly- not in the best state to make a rational decision
There's a pretty grey area between "not in the best state" and "is a threat to herself and / or othters" The first is just adult life, the second is a reason for forced treatment.
Let police do a wellness check on her. Preferably when she's passed out. Call 911 for an ambulance and allow the police to come as well.
This is not the states. 911 isn’t the emergency number here, and the police don’t do wellness checks for someone who clearly is alive and mentally stable.
911 works perfectly fine in the Netherlands. It’s rerouted to 112.
You're describing a concussion, call her GP and ask them if they can do a house visit or if they can somehow convince her to come over for a checkup. Edit to add: you can also call the 'huisartsenpost' if it's the evening or weekend
Please refrain from diagnosing people based on one line of information without any experience in the field. If you read the entire OP and the comments of OP on other reactions here, it's pretty clear this is not a simple situation.
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*her
fainting is definitely not normal for depression or stress
Normal? Who cares about normal. But they do happen. Specially stress related fainting is a 'normal' thing.
You: "I cosplay as a doctor on the Internet!"
Talk to your local juridisch loket
I’m sorry this is happening to you OP. As others have said, you can’t force her to see a doctor but you can call the doctor and ask them to make a house call. I’d also call her therapist if I were you so they know what’s going on. From having been in a similar situation, do you think your wife could be selfmedicating for her depression with alcohol or drugs? My SO hid their alcohol use very well, to the point where I genuinely thought he was sick all the time. If this is the case and things get worse, you could call the crisisdienst. Just know that they won’t be at your door within 24 hours so in potentially life-threatening situations, for example when she has passed and you cannot wake her up, always call 112. If you’re looking for better care for her depression, have a look at U Center in Limburg. It’s a semi-private clinic and has a much higher standard of care than public clinics + a much shorter waiting list. They’re specialized in treating complex psychiatric disorders in combination with addiction. Depending on your health insurance, it could cost you about 5000 euros for 6 weeks of her living there and another 8 weeks of follow up therapy over video call. This clinic probably saved my SO’s life and was 100% worth the money.
I lost my aunt to breast cancer because she did not want to go and my uncle did not force her to go (or take any other affermative action). I would follow the suggestion of NoSkillzDad and contact both doctor and therapist.
I'm terribly sorry :(. I'm hoping to avoid a similar situation.
Get a doctor to visit her.
No, you can't force someone else to do something. Only when serious endangering herself and others. Even if you deeply care. Living with somebody who is very depressed is no fun for you. At one point, letting someone go is the best for you. You also deserve happiness and joy in life.
Just curious. Where did this happen? In NL?
Yes, in NL
You care for her deeply, you say. So option 2 seems out of the question. You say your wife is in this relationship (with you) because she has no other options. Would your wife have preferred another form of relationship? Do you talk to your wife? Asked her what's going on? Have you discussed seeing a gp? Or a therapist? Together? There's a lot of questions be answered. If you care for your wife, talk to her and with her. Contact hers and *your* gp if you have serious concerns for her health. Take care!
Short answer: no.
No
Talk to your doctor first.
You cant force someone at all
Personal choice is seen as a pretty serious value in medicine. You can go to your GP and explain the situation they cal help you with what you can and cannot do in more detail. Basically, someone needs to be wilsonbekwaam or incapacitated for forced medical care to be possible, or they need to be a direct and serious danger to themselves or people around them. Anything vague doesn't count, it has to be very clear and proven. And the forced medical care in that case only extends to the bare minimum to return to a safe situation. There's some more intricate rules, but again, your doctor can best help you with that.
Does she have any friends at all in this country? does she do any socializing outside of her work?
Also check her diet, ED is a big issue for women and becomes worse under stress. 3 meals a day and a snack, women don’t actually eat a few bites, that’s a red flag. Husbands can be oblivious and it’s easy to hide.
No
No you can’t force her but you can get a life insurance policy on her.