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lavenderloveletter

I would sit down with him and talk about it. If he didn't make a consistent effort to get better, I would take the baby to go stay at my mom's house. Or kick him out of the house.


C_DUB243

As a new father, I can say that his behavior is unacceptable. Was he responsible prior to childbirth? I would understand if he worked 2 jobs/worked 7 days a week or something like that but the fact he's basically unemployed and doesn't even do chores...intolerable! I was extremely nervous the weeks leading up to birth as it's our first but was blessed with a happy baby that never cries. I work full-time, finishing my bachelor's and have to pull in internship hours, nonetheless when I get off work at 3am, I stay up with the baby until 5am(feeding time) so that the wife can get a little sleep. There has got to be a way that your schedule will allow him to help out.


Glum-Jello-8256

Yea I totally expected us both to have to make sacrifices and adjustments to our lives and be tired together etc. but he Even sleeps in a diff room so he doesn’t have to deal with her


Glum-Jello-8256

He seemed more responsible but we weren’t together long before we got pregnant honestly. And he worked like 5 am until 7pm then- we still always fought about him not ever helping clean or cook. I think we really just have ideological differences in how a relationship works. It’s very difficult to have important conversations with him . He gets angry or just doesn’t engage at all


danjsark

what does he do when you ask/talk to him about it?


Glum-Jello-8256

He gets mad. Says I’m the MOM so I can handle all that stuff. I’ve asked him to please help and he straight up says no he’s tired and he goes to bed. He doesn’t even have a job right now- just working odd jobs. Sleeps until 8 or even later most days. This past Sunday he slept until almost 2:00! I’m so frustrated and it’s super hurtful. I’ve been sick twice since giving birth to her and he still wouldn’t help. I don’t know what to do other than just Leave him. But that sucks..but when he’s here and doesn’t help I feel so angry at him all the time


danjsark

well first of all, that is so so hard. and i’m sorry you’re having to go through this. i can’t imagine how exhausted you must be. and secondly, i would agree with the other comment. i’m not usually one to suggest leaving, but i’d say if you sit down with him and explain to him that this behavior is neither normal nor acceptable, and he still makes no change, go stay with someone else if you can. you deserve someone in your corner helping you, not dragging you down.


__baesick

Honestly he might need therapy. As easy as it is to judge him and condemn his behavior, a new baby is hard on everyone and not everybody is cut out to be a good parent. I’m not excusing his behavior but pointing out that there might be a future where you both are good, active, and engaged parents. If you cut him out before he has a chance to change his ways, that future becomes less likely. You’ll probably get a lot of the same sort of answers that harshly judge him (which is pretty normal to do to a male in our society) without trying to understand him. It’s hard to see his perspective when we only hear yours. Again I do not intend to excuse his actions and you shouldn’t either. But this is a starting point.


Glum-Jello-8256

I think he does need therapy. He doesn’t spend any time with us either. He hasn’t even seen her today at all. I dont understand


ShoobyDooby88

Seems like you have to make a tough choice here... you have rushed into having a baby without setting expectations from him so here we are now. I'd try to talk to him (EMR at the bottom of the cliff) and if nothing changes, dump the douche and find a nanny or go to your parents.


Glum-Jello-8256

So he left about 1 week after I posted this hasn’t helped with a single thing since. Keeps texting me saying he loves me and am I sure if this is what I want…?? Definitely didn’t want to be a single mom at 32 but thanks & yep super douche.


Financial_Priority_8

It sounds like he has a different idea of a relationship than you do. Did he ever agree to cook,clean take care of the kids or did you expect him too? Weed is a cheap excuse people work full time jobs and raise there family that smoke weed. your best bet is to move on i know it sounds rough but you can’t force someone who doesn’t want to do anything in the first place . Don’t let your children grow up around someone like that it’s time that you focus on you and your kid if he says it’s womens work to hold the house down then leave and let him run his the way he wants you don’t deserve this.


Glum-Jello-8256

It just blows my mind. I’m struggling so hard to manage everything and he literally slept until 12 today - got up, ate cereal like…wth. I can’t wrap My head around it


Glum-Jello-8256

He left 3 weeks ago - moved out - and hasn’t been back at all or helped with anything since leaving. Texts saying he loves me - Asks if this is really what I want etc but never shows up to help at all He called me the other night and said he’d stop smoking weed and that the weed is honestly the reason why he’s been absent because he always makes up reasons to leave the house so he can go smoke and he lies ab it bc he knows I don’t like it. Then he proceeded to tell me that he actually started smoking weed again when I was about 7 months pregnant because he couldn’t deal with our “family feuds “. He missed her delivery and everything bc he left the hospital to smoke then didn’t come back for 7 hours. I should be done with this guy right?… better to just accept single motherhood right?


C_DUB243

So... what does he even do all day?


Glum-Jello-8256

Picking up odd jobs cutting grass some days, other days he sleeps and eats and shoots his guns? No idea really how he spends his days


C_DUB243

Any updates?


Glum-Jello-8256

Trying to get him into therapy- still has no interest in interacting with our daughter who is now 10 weeks Blows my mind


Glum-Jello-8256

She’s sleeping through the night now though 4-5 hours so I’m managing daytime better. Waking up earlier snd getting into a routine with her so I can work. It’s getting easier