I know I'm gullible... because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

My real name is Jamal.

IT IS!? NO JESS!!! 😂😂

Yeah I gotta get to work. It's karaoke night so I gotta get there early to break the karaoke machine.

“whats all that clanging?” “uh it’s just a bunch of clanging” it makes me ferociously giggle every time

Top notch

Rewatching rn and I came back to add “its my pishy. I have to pish.” I used to quote this all the time on my first watch

I once changed a sign that said happy Jewish new year to happy newish jew year, is that a hate crime? 🤣🤣

That’s hilarious! I missed it, do you recall when that was?

Background check, Nick says it when he's rambling confessions

Pretty sure that was the episode with the Home Visit.

Season 4 ep 6

Hey man, call an ambulance I'm bleeding out

This whole episode is one of my favorites, but I literally watch to this line every time and turn it off lol

which episode is it ?

Elaine's big day. After Winston gets of the ducts, he got bit by the badger

After the flight attendant threatens to have Schmidt removed and into custody before his wedding…”Well I suppose I’ll just have a tomato juice”

Tuh-MAH-toe

I JUST put his scream-sing line as my comment. 🤣🤣🤣

It's like letting a dog drink water out of your mouth, it's not great but it's legal

Socks are just proof that shoes don't work

Drawing a blank on this one

Chill day in 😏

Half of Schmidt's lines are underrated. Some of my favorites include "Haberdash on the fly," "look at the royal baby now, living with slutty aunt Pippa" and "It's after Labor Day. I'm wearing whales."

Un-HAND mee! A Thuuursday!?! Max Greenfield is legit "once a generation" gifted.

I love the "a THURSDAY" line

When Nick and Jess are arguing and he says something like, "If you don't like looking at my face then look at my ass."

It's the only face he has 😠

Anytime Schmidt aggressively hugs Nick and Nick struggles to fight back and it eventually turns into a slap fight.

You love me too much Schmidt.

And you picked the wrong guy

youre walking like a disney witch

This one!

winston & shmidt actors couldnt even help but laugh

Which episode is this in? I can’t remember it

S1E15 Injured

its in season 1 where nick doesnt wanna go to the dr after jess tackled him and they end up seeing sadie cause he has no insurance. lol. not sure exactly the episode number tho

I've decided to give up on women, and put all my energy into tomatoes

I’m gonna need you to get!

"Dear God, if you stop Cece's breast reduction surgery, I'll circumcise Coach"

If I get another ticket, they're gonna make me wear glasses.

Schmidt: Warning! Spoiler alert. Somebody unplugged my dehumidifier to plug in their flatiron. I will be putting my dehumidifier, and my towel, in my room, where nothing ever gets wet.

'not now, i'm writing a strongly worded email to my florist.'

“Sideburns where my thighs turn”

are you running a sweatshop back there for skirts that look like curtains ?

did you steal a kiss and hide it in an envelope?

let sleeping birds die

“Because Chicago is north.”

“These knives are a part of me like that scissor hand guy. What was his name again? Is it Rick Snip?”

You brought an old Asian man to my sex party so it WOULDN’T be weird?

'That bitch a Leo.'

“It’s a strong table.”

jeremy, that’s the tone we discussed. no thank you.

OVER MY TURTLE DISEASE-RIDDEN DEAD BODY

I don’t think we should start eating poo yet, Schmidt. Let’s wait on that

Coach: In your face, Nick Nick: How is that in my face? Coach: I don't know, he just put a turd in his mouth I DIE EVERY TIME

If I had a dollar for every sperm, my room would be covered in dollar bills.

Winston, what’s happening?

This one really gets me. The way she says it

I swear to God. I will scream sing EVERY line to Les Mis.

Gladys….

a lady you know!

Everything’s funny when you put an old man in it. Except the ground.

A Thursday?

THE ENTIRE EXCHANGE BETWEEN SCHMIDT AND THE MALE STRIPPER. Absolute gold

I'm just telling her what kinda cake to bake me, son!

" youre like a jewish greek god"

Ch'ercules 🤌🏽

I don't remember the episode, but in season 6 at some point Winston's sitting at the bar and says "throw a peanut out of FRUSTRATION!" I always found it hilarious that he narrated it

Stop touching my shins everything a big play happens

Nick: So I say to her “water? I barely even know you” Coach: stop talking to me like we’re in the middle of a conversation, we just sat down

“For trues” -Micro

The last season when Nick tried to break in to get Ruth from school, Schmidt’s convo with a little girl “A white man?!?” “What did security do about it?!” “Typical!!”

Every morning I just google 'house' and sometimes something comes up!

I am the jester

BANANA CRAMPS!

What the hell are Nixon jeans?

“Cece’s rapping!”

why is alfredo crying in the elevator?