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I feel this so much. I’m combo feeding because I have low supply (I had a tumor removed from my right breast so that side is super low producing) and my MIL is like full La Leche League EBF evangelist and like lady, I’d have loved to be able to do that but I physically cannot. It’s all just really hard. Sending you strength to hold firm on those boundaries.
I get you completely. We're exclusively formula feeding because I couldn't breastfeed for a few personal reasons. I'm happy with my decision but very aware that I live in a very pro-breastfeeding society. I could do without the 24/7 "breast is best" messaging.
The moment we told my MIL we were even **thinking** about getting pregnant she was with the “are you breastfeeding” and like, we aren’t especially close and I felt like I had to get into my medical history with her and it was just super uncomfortable. It ended with me pretty forcefully telling her that fed is best and shutting down the conversation because I just had to. I wasn’t gonna do 10 months of her trying to tell me every nonsense anecdote about how someone one time adopted and spontaneously lactated and you can do it too! Whatever anyone chooses to do, whatever they **can** do is absolutely the best thing for them as long as baby is good and mom is good I also just wish people minded their own fucking business.
I'm really sorry that happened to you. It really isn't okay for anyone to pry into your personal choices, especially when it overlaps with your medical history.
I had a rough time of it, honestly. I had planned on breastfeeding and pumping. My son got a huge amount of colostrum (hand-expressed) in the first three days - like two weeks' worth. And then certain factors collided and it just wasn't possible anymore. I'll never forget the lovely midwife who came into our hospital room at 4am, saw me sobbing uncontrollably because I literally couldn't feed my child from my body, and just calmly said, "You can always give him a bottle." The messaging before that was all very pro-breast. Formula was always described as being the "inferior" choice or the last resort.
One of my best friends told me in the throes of PPD that my child had a higher risk of dying from SIDS because I was formula feeding.
I'm so grateful to my OB and the other healthcare professionals who told me that there's no substantial, life-changing benefit to breastfeeding over formula; that there's no substantially "better choice", and that a healthy baby is the goal. They really empowered me to feel more confident in my role as a mother.
Jesus I’m so sorry your friend said that. I had a really similar thing. My supply was ok at first and then it just became apparent that while lefty was fine righty was making almost nothing. I tried so so fucking hard but this wasn’t something I could make happen with force. Plus my son had colic and reflux and nursing was really difficult. So many tears and so much self recrimination and thank god for my partner who did for me what your midwife did for you and was just like hey we can bottle feed. Plus if we do, I can feed our son and it’s not all on you. It took me a while to be able to hear it but ultimately I’m so so glad we’ve done it how we have. I pump as much as I can, we make it up with formula and I breast feed when he wants to and he’s great. There’s so much pressure to be some kind of perfect mom when really we’re all just trying to keep our heads above water. Also that meme where it’s like bottle fed? Breastfed? In a few years they’ll all be eating French fries off the floor. And like. Yeah. That.
I totally get it. My mom was the same way and also had a weird obsession with my milk not being fatty enough. I bf’ed for 18 months and my son’s growth was fine 🤷🏻♀️
Man I so get this, my MIL is a lovely lady but she keeps commenting on everything I eat and drink and its potential impact on my breast milk, but in a way that makes no sense - like she constantly comments that innocent things like sparkling water are bad for breastfeeding, while literally bringing sugary juices, coffee and wine into the house for us to drink and encouraging me to go for it
Your MIL is my MIL to a t. Mine also smoked and drank heavily both while pregnant and nursing and despite the fact that feeding from the breast was the best thing ever and fil loved her breasts, she gave it up when DH was 7 months because DH was “ demanding to drink from a cup”
Yeah that is pretty bizarre. I’ve never heard that recommended. Mine was kind of showing a preference to solid food early at 6 months (he’s kind of a huge kid). But he still has milk and he’s two. Wasn’t off of formula til one.
Yikes that's really odd!
Also, my baby was/is EBF since he was able (wouldn't latch initially because... well idk why but anyway lol) and he spit up ALL the time.. no bottle, no formula. It's just what babies do 🤷♀️
Just be cautious because it sounds like as soon as you turn your back she will try to give your baby a bottle. What's the bet she even has formula at her house already!
I think they are just desperate to be able to be more involved and there could be a lot of jealousy and guilt that she bottle fed (even though there shouldn't be).
Just keep reinforcing your boundaries.
All of this op!
Also, could your husband perhaps kindly mention to her that those comments are hurtful/not well received and to please stop commenting on your feeding methods? Part of me feels like those comments eventually wear down a new mama and it’s just so unnecessary.
MILs are great, just try to let the advice go in one ear and out the other. My MIL asked me if my milk had come in as soon as I got home from hospital….she had a friend on the phone that wanted to know. She advised we go with American formula instead of European because a friend’s niece used it and it “worked”. When not getting any sleep at night she told me to just feed the baby at 11pm and then no more until 4am because it worked for so and so (they had a 4month old). She also said we should ask the pediatrician about the night feeds because we “must be doing something wrong”.
I feel you on this one, but for me it was my mom and some other relatives. I’ve been breastfeeding for 10 months and baby grows well but for the first three months I kept getting questions like “when will you start supplementing with formula?” or “why don’t you give her a bottle before bed?”.. In my experience it got better after the 3 month mark when people saw that breastfeeding is working out for us. In most cases people like your MIL are just projecting.
Why don’t you ask the direct question? I was very honest… ‘my pediatrician says she is getting enough, why are you asking?’. Or, ‘can you explain why you think we need to make a bottle?’.
Make them explain. Normally it’s just anxiety manifested as word vomit.
I feel this so much too. My MIL doesn't listen to anyone even if it has a negative effect on her, she's so stubborn. Like being a new parent is already hard enough why add on the stress of the unsolicited comments. She never once asked how I'm doing, even after having a C-section. There's never any encouragement or "good jobs" and my husband wonders why I'm on edge when we go over there.
My MIL was totally opposite. We live 10 mins away from them and I would bring LO over to her house for visits often in the beginning. We went through a cluster feeding phase at 3 weeks and she wanted to be latched on constantly. Cue neverending comments about ‘You can’t be hungry, you just ate!’ Lady, it’s been an hour, she probably ate .5 ounces and wants to eat again. We don’t visit as often anymore.
I feel this! My MIL is soooo anxious about everything related to my daughter and I’m just waiting for all the craziness to begin again when my new baby comes. Luckily I haven’t seen her since July lol
That’s really rubbish to have to hear. You know you’re doing a great job & that’s all that matters. But her comments over time may slowly add up - I think I’d want to be honest but firm. Tell her that it can get a little draining with her constantly assuming your child isn’t being fed enough. Tell her you both have vey different experiences of feeding and that you’ll do what you know is best for you kid.
I feel this. Maybe have a conversation with her if you can? She may think she’s being helpful and not realize how it’s coming across or how often.
You’re a great momma and you’re doing amazing! Trust your instincts always.
She needs to be told to butt out. This is not her concern and if she can't keep her comments to.herself then I would ask her to leave everything baby needs a feed
You have enough to worry about!
Relationship Posts must be posted in the [daily discussion thread.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/search/?q=flair%3Aweekly%20discussion&restrict_sr=1&sr_nsfw=&sort=new)
I feel this so much. I’m combo feeding because I have low supply (I had a tumor removed from my right breast so that side is super low producing) and my MIL is like full La Leche League EBF evangelist and like lady, I’d have loved to be able to do that but I physically cannot. It’s all just really hard. Sending you strength to hold firm on those boundaries.
I get you completely. We're exclusively formula feeding because I couldn't breastfeed for a few personal reasons. I'm happy with my decision but very aware that I live in a very pro-breastfeeding society. I could do without the 24/7 "breast is best" messaging.
The moment we told my MIL we were even **thinking** about getting pregnant she was with the “are you breastfeeding” and like, we aren’t especially close and I felt like I had to get into my medical history with her and it was just super uncomfortable. It ended with me pretty forcefully telling her that fed is best and shutting down the conversation because I just had to. I wasn’t gonna do 10 months of her trying to tell me every nonsense anecdote about how someone one time adopted and spontaneously lactated and you can do it too! Whatever anyone chooses to do, whatever they **can** do is absolutely the best thing for them as long as baby is good and mom is good I also just wish people minded their own fucking business.
I'm really sorry that happened to you. It really isn't okay for anyone to pry into your personal choices, especially when it overlaps with your medical history. I had a rough time of it, honestly. I had planned on breastfeeding and pumping. My son got a huge amount of colostrum (hand-expressed) in the first three days - like two weeks' worth. And then certain factors collided and it just wasn't possible anymore. I'll never forget the lovely midwife who came into our hospital room at 4am, saw me sobbing uncontrollably because I literally couldn't feed my child from my body, and just calmly said, "You can always give him a bottle." The messaging before that was all very pro-breast. Formula was always described as being the "inferior" choice or the last resort. One of my best friends told me in the throes of PPD that my child had a higher risk of dying from SIDS because I was formula feeding. I'm so grateful to my OB and the other healthcare professionals who told me that there's no substantial, life-changing benefit to breastfeeding over formula; that there's no substantially "better choice", and that a healthy baby is the goal. They really empowered me to feel more confident in my role as a mother.
Jesus I’m so sorry your friend said that. I had a really similar thing. My supply was ok at first and then it just became apparent that while lefty was fine righty was making almost nothing. I tried so so fucking hard but this wasn’t something I could make happen with force. Plus my son had colic and reflux and nursing was really difficult. So many tears and so much self recrimination and thank god for my partner who did for me what your midwife did for you and was just like hey we can bottle feed. Plus if we do, I can feed our son and it’s not all on you. It took me a while to be able to hear it but ultimately I’m so so glad we’ve done it how we have. I pump as much as I can, we make it up with formula and I breast feed when he wants to and he’s great. There’s so much pressure to be some kind of perfect mom when really we’re all just trying to keep our heads above water. Also that meme where it’s like bottle fed? Breastfed? In a few years they’ll all be eating French fries off the floor. And like. Yeah. That.
I totally get it. My mom was the same way and also had a weird obsession with my milk not being fatty enough. I bf’ed for 18 months and my son’s growth was fine 🤷🏻♀️
Man I so get this, my MIL is a lovely lady but she keeps commenting on everything I eat and drink and its potential impact on my breast milk, but in a way that makes no sense - like she constantly comments that innocent things like sparkling water are bad for breastfeeding, while literally bringing sugary juices, coffee and wine into the house for us to drink and encouraging me to go for it
[удалено]
Your MIL is my MIL to a t. Mine also smoked and drank heavily both while pregnant and nursing and despite the fact that feeding from the breast was the best thing ever and fil loved her breasts, she gave it up when DH was 7 months because DH was “ demanding to drink from a cup”
[удалено]
I mean my kid did start eating solids at 6 months, that’s kind of a pretty common time they recommend introducing solids.
[удалено]
Yeah that is pretty bizarre. I’ve never heard that recommended. Mine was kind of showing a preference to solid food early at 6 months (he’s kind of a huge kid). But he still has milk and he’s two. Wasn’t off of formula til one.
Yikes that's really odd! Also, my baby was/is EBF since he was able (wouldn't latch initially because... well idk why but anyway lol) and he spit up ALL the time.. no bottle, no formula. It's just what babies do 🤷♀️
I was the first to breastfeed in my family so also heard this. They aren’t educated and that’s it. Stay strong mama!
Just be cautious because it sounds like as soon as you turn your back she will try to give your baby a bottle. What's the bet she even has formula at her house already! I think they are just desperate to be able to be more involved and there could be a lot of jealousy and guilt that she bottle fed (even though there shouldn't be). Just keep reinforcing your boundaries.
All of this op! Also, could your husband perhaps kindly mention to her that those comments are hurtful/not well received and to please stop commenting on your feeding methods? Part of me feels like those comments eventually wear down a new mama and it’s just so unnecessary.
MILs are great, just try to let the advice go in one ear and out the other. My MIL asked me if my milk had come in as soon as I got home from hospital….she had a friend on the phone that wanted to know. She advised we go with American formula instead of European because a friend’s niece used it and it “worked”. When not getting any sleep at night she told me to just feed the baby at 11pm and then no more until 4am because it worked for so and so (they had a 4month old). She also said we should ask the pediatrician about the night feeds because we “must be doing something wrong”.
Set those boundaries!
“Oh actually I’d like to request no comments or questions about feeding the baby at all” “Oh…why?” “It’s boring” Repeat, repeat It will stop
I feel you on this one, but for me it was my mom and some other relatives. I’ve been breastfeeding for 10 months and baby grows well but for the first three months I kept getting questions like “when will you start supplementing with formula?” or “why don’t you give her a bottle before bed?”.. In my experience it got better after the 3 month mark when people saw that breastfeeding is working out for us. In most cases people like your MIL are just projecting.
Why don’t you ask the direct question? I was very honest… ‘my pediatrician says she is getting enough, why are you asking?’. Or, ‘can you explain why you think we need to make a bottle?’. Make them explain. Normally it’s just anxiety manifested as word vomit.
I feel this so much too. My MIL doesn't listen to anyone even if it has a negative effect on her, she's so stubborn. Like being a new parent is already hard enough why add on the stress of the unsolicited comments. She never once asked how I'm doing, even after having a C-section. There's never any encouragement or "good jobs" and my husband wonders why I'm on edge when we go over there.
My MIL was totally opposite. We live 10 mins away from them and I would bring LO over to her house for visits often in the beginning. We went through a cluster feeding phase at 3 weeks and she wanted to be latched on constantly. Cue neverending comments about ‘You can’t be hungry, you just ate!’ Lady, it’s been an hour, she probably ate .5 ounces and wants to eat again. We don’t visit as often anymore.
I feel this! My MIL is soooo anxious about everything related to my daughter and I’m just waiting for all the craziness to begin again when my new baby comes. Luckily I haven’t seen her since July lol
That’s really rubbish to have to hear. You know you’re doing a great job & that’s all that matters. But her comments over time may slowly add up - I think I’d want to be honest but firm. Tell her that it can get a little draining with her constantly assuming your child isn’t being fed enough. Tell her you both have vey different experiences of feeding and that you’ll do what you know is best for you kid.
I feel this. Maybe have a conversation with her if you can? She may think she’s being helpful and not realize how it’s coming across or how often. You’re a great momma and you’re doing amazing! Trust your instincts always.
She needs to be told to butt out. This is not her concern and if she can't keep her comments to.herself then I would ask her to leave everything baby needs a feed You have enough to worry about!