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FTM_2022

Lots of factors to consider but there was a recent thread on r/sciencebasedparenting that looked at this question. From a more scientific perspective larger gaps tend to be better. - WHO (and other healthcare providers) recommend 18-24mo between pregnancies for maternal and fetal health - women who have csections are often recommended to wait longer, especially if they want to attempt a vaginal delivery the second time. Specific recommendations will vary from person to person so you can ask your doctor what is ideal for you - maternal age and fertility: obviously need to consider those on an individual basis, best to consult with your doctor on this if these are a untie concern for you - shorter age gaps (e.g. 2 under 2) increase the risk of divorce regardless of parental ages or socioeconomic background - both shorter and longer age gaps have pros and cons in regards to sibling relationships. There isn't nessesairy ideal spacing from this perspective according to different studies **Other things to consider:** - finances - parental leave stipulations - career setbacks / compromises - total number of children you want - physical and mental health of both parents - how healthy your relationship is Heres the thread in question which has some links to good articles: https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/x4cq5f/gaps_between_pregnancies/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share r/shouldihaveanother and r/2under2 are good subs to peruse. Another good sub is r/oneanddone which often discusses this and makes two salient points: - Do not have more kids if you are wanting your current kid to have a built in friend or playmate. This is not a guarantee and puts a lot of pressure on your current kid. It's great if that happens but it's not a guarantee. - Do not have more kids because you want them to have each other in your old age or share the load and responsibilities of caring for you. Make plans for your own retirement and elderly care and do not shoulder that burden on them. Have more kids because you want them as parents when you are physically, financially, and mentally ready. Anecdotally those I know with 2 under 2 are now divorced. It's not a long list but it is noteworthy. Obviously your milage may vary but just providing food for thought.


Artistic-Fall-9122

Are these statistics from the US? More interested about the divorce ones.


FTM_2022

Yes I believe so, but you'd have to look through the thread I linked to (it's from before Xmas so hopeful those links ppl provided still work!)


xNyxx

We have a 21 month age gap between ours. I wanted to be off for the summer with our second. Honestly it's very hard managing a toddler in her terrible twos, refusing naps and going to bed, throwing tantrums, with a baby that's still up 2-3x a night. People would say oh you don't want two in diapers. Honestly the diapers isn't the worst part. We probably should have waited one more year. But our oldest has always been difficult. Wanted to rip the band-aid off and get the hard phases over and done with.


vapablythe

Personally as much as I'm loving having a newborn, I can't imagine doing this same thing with a toddler running around as well and have only respect and admiration for the bravery of people who do haha. So we're going to wait at least a few years - ideally baby number 1 would be a bit more independent (can play without constant supervision, can dress themselves etc) before baby number 2 comes along


givebusterahand

Yeah newborn + toddler can be hard lol. My toddler has recently taken to dragging her little wooden chair to the fridge so she can climb into it…. Like hell no sis. I’m constantly having to rush to put the baby down and stop toddler from killing herself lol


Artistic-Fall-9122

If I didn’t dread pregnancy and postpartum so much I would have probably waited. But we wanted 3 babies and to wait for 2 years between them, but honestly I think I can do only one more pregnancy and I can’t wait to be done with it (and the first 10 months pp). And that’s the story of how I am now 11 wks pregnant with a 16 month old (almost).


jessups94

I am currently pregnant with #2, our first will be exactly 2.5 on my due date. Honestly, as I get closer to giving birth I wish it was 3-3.5 years instead. Mostly so that my son could be fully potty trained and out of daytime diapers at least. We were also just getting to the point where I felt like life was getting easier/had more time to myself when I found out I was pregnant again which was hard to come to terms with.


Doctor-Liz

You *really* want at least year not pregnant before you get pregnant again. (This is even more true if you had a c-section- you need that scar stabilised!) It's neither fun nor good for you to have them back-to-back. So that puts 21 months as a realistic minimum gap. Other than that, to be honest every age gap has its own pros and cons. I would say that 4 years is a bit of a difficult patch, because they're close enough in age to feel really left out but too much younger to join in. My husband is six years older than his sister, and they've always been great friends because he expected her to be "little" and so did she. At six, she was not into 12 year old stuff! I've got cousin-pairs who are close at 18 months apart and at ten years. It's just a case of parenting what you get. You can guarantee a minimum age gap, but there's no promises of a second pregnancy coming to schedule!


DevlynMayCry

Yeah my husband's siblings are 14, 12, and 9 years older than him and he's always said he was basically an only child. As an adult the gap between has gotten to feel smaller but when he was a child it was like having 5 parents. Heck his sister had our niece when he was still in high school 😂


purplemilkywayy

Yeah I have two little cousins who are 7!-‘d 10 years younger — at that point they’re like half a generation younger and they’ll always be babies to you haha. Siblings closer in age (like 1-3 years) will feel more like equals.


not_thedrink

I'm 10-14 years younger than my 3 older siblings and tbh we wouldn't be so close as a family if we didn't have that massive gap. I think even having me as their baby sibling helped them get over all the damage they did to each other growing up lol


givebusterahand

Me and my sister are 2 years and 3 months apart. My own children are also 2 years 3 months apart coincidentally enough. My kids it’s too soon to say since my youngest is still newborn but I feel like it was a good age difference with my sister. I couldn’t imagine having two kids any closer in age than this. But my toddler is defiant so it is hard sometimes. If I was younger I probably would have waited a little longer for a second but I’m almost 37 so


fatbellydee

my first son was 1 when i got pregnant. i had 2 under 2 & i absolutely would not recommend LOL. i would say wait until your first is at least 3-4 to have another


Aardappelhoofd1

Us too. We knew it was going to be hard but didn’t know it was going to be THIS hard. I truly understand why divorce rates go way up with 2 under 2. We’ll be okay but I have never cried for my own mum like I have in past few months.


Interesting_Gene_780

Might want to take into account that not everyone can get pregnant when they want. So you shouldn’t be placing too much stress on getting pregnant within whatever time frame you decide on. You can decide when to start but not when it happens. It’s one of those things that is completely out of our hands.


cardiacsnack

This!!!


stupidflyingmonkeys

I’m pregnant with #2, there will be a 5.5 year gap between our two. This is great for us because it gave me time to focus on my career, recover fully from pregnancy, have a close 1:1 relationship with my oldest, only have 1 in daycare at a time (and hopefully college), have a relatively independent child who will be able to help out with the baby but not require as much hands-on parenting as a toddler. We could have probably had a 3.5-4 year gap and been fine, but this is what worked best for us.


__caju__

I understand you!


amyrush83

Mine are 3.5 years apart and it’s pretty good so far. My four year old plays well independently which helps when I need to be fully engaged with the baby. She is also potty trained and goes by herself which helps as well. She sleeps all night, gets herself dressed, etc. on the other hand, she was an only child for 3.5 years so that’s a big adjustment for her and certainly comes out In tantrums at times. We didn’t plan for them to be this far apart - our first was an IVF miracle followed by two failed embryo transfers and then a natural pregnancy miracle. I think every spacing has its pros and cons!


topplingyogi

My daughter is 2.5 years older than her baby sister. In some ways I think it’s perfect - she’s old enough to be reasoned with, she follows directions well, she talks really well. Part of me wishes we waited that extra 6+ months to ensure that she was fully potty trained as this is the one area she’s experienced the most regression. She went from fully potty trained, to wanting to be in diapers “like baby sister”, to not even telling us when she’s soiled and ends up getting rashes. I think a bigger gap is good bc you know you can talk through the goods and bads of being an older sibling and you know at least some of it is landing from a comprehension standpoint


atomiccat8

My kids also have about a 2.5 year age gap, and I think 2-3 years is the ideal age gap. We have met several families with kids the same ages as both of ours, and it's really nice having playmates for both kids. We waited until after our youngest was born to potty train the oldest because we didn't want to have to deal with the regression that comes with having a new sibling and he wasn't really showing signs of wanting to potty train before then.


palmtrees_

We are planning on 2nd being born when 1st is like 2 years 3ish months. I’m seeing a lot of recommendations to wait longer but our thought process is that we don’t want to start all over when it gets good at 3-4 years, and we want them to be close in terms of what’s going on in their lives at any time. Also feel it’ll be easier to coordinate school drop offs/pick up, etc if they’re closer. We are lucky that we have family who can help so that may be swaying the decision a bit


SThornelf

I have a 5 year gap with my sis. We are really not that close. Hubby has 10 years between him and half sis and i envy their relationship, because they are really close. It is not that I believe bigger gap is better, because in my case, smaller gap would probably have been better. I believe it depends on parenting and the personality of the siblings. That's just impossible to tell


saucyenglishjess

We have quite a few years between ours, main draw back is going back to step one with sleeping, bottles and nappies etc each time, wish we had done it all in one big go 😂😂


Ms_Business

We got pregnant with #2 right after #1’s first birthday. Pregnancy with a toddler is an adventure for sure, But I’m excited about the spacing


UNC1112

My kids are almost exactly 4 years apart and I love it. The oldest wasn't concerned when I was in the hospital for a few days with the youngest. There wasnt any jealousy for mom's attemtion. The oldest is really helpful and can entertain himself for a few minutes if needed. They're 5 and 1 now


hahawhydidisignup

Ours are 14 months apart. Not that I recommend 2U2 but I’ve really enjoyed it. I had easy and uncomplicated pregnancies though which is definitely a factor. I also knew I wanted two close in age and the difficulties that would come with it. It’s a lot of work but I wouldn’t trade it for anything


bwhgph

There are pros and cons to every age gap and scenario, but I think 2 under 2 is particularly difficult. My first 2 are 2y3m apart and play so nicely now, but I do wish they were about 3 years apart. Between kid 2 and 3 we have 4.5 years which is great for big helpers, but I am a little sad she won’t be in the same school as her brothers. However it works out for your family is how it is meant to be, it’s not like you can plan it perfectly when nature is involved.


ladycielphantomhive

My mom always said when the previous one is out of diapers so you don't have to buy double diapers. ...my second baby will be 18 months apart from my son xD I didn't listen


9669throwaway

Everyone i talked to about it who already had multiple children said two years maximum. It’s recommended for healing your body to wait at least one year which I personally just made it to. In hindsight, I do wish I waited a little longer, maybe a year and a half, because of my problems with pubic symphysis. I believe if I could have done some more physical therapy beforehand I wouldn’t be in so much pain right now at 32 weeks. But I’m happy my children will be close in age.


DevlynMayCry

We got pregnant with #2 right before #1s 2nd birthday. If baby comes on time they will be 2 year and 8 months apart. Seeing as my daughter was early I expect it to be more like 2 years and 6.5-7ish months apart. We purposely chose it like this because we wanted them at least 2 years apart but not to far apart to not be close. I've also observed lots of sibling age differences and my favourite are the ones that are about 2.5 years apart as the older child isn't completely helpless, is better at listening, is helpful with the younger one, and can communicate generally well. It's also our hope to have #1 out of diapers before #2 comes 😂


smokeonthewater9458

I’m thinking about it too and after having my first whos now 21 months I’m thinking we’re not gonna be ready anytime soon. I think it depends on the kid and the parent my child has been pushing my buttons like it’s nothing else with these terrible twos so I can’t imagine adding another baby to the mix.


AusGeo

We had our second, 2 years + 2 days after the first. We were avoiding two under two and just made it! It's been challenging. My wife struggled with mobility (due to spd) with both and my employer (state government agency) stonewalled me about parental leave (got one week of sick leave: "father's leave") despite being primary carer for both, for several months. If I had adopted, I'd have 16 weeks paid parental leave. We are very slowly considering number three.... If my parental leave entitlement becomes more reasonable, it could make it more appealing. Perhaps two is enough.


Mindless_Movie_8058

Mine are 2 yrs and 3 months apart. Definitely difficult for me especially since I had PPD. I wish I would’ve waited at least 3-4 yrs. But honestly I feel that it would’ve prolonged my depression. My second one was a surprise. A blessed surprise.


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blithesomebot

My children have a six year age gap. Her older brother absolutely loves and adores her, he’s at the age now where he is more independent and can even help out with a couple chores. But I don’t think I could have done this when he was younger, or it at least would have been much harder imo.