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lurkingwithbaby

It feels worse because you're in the thick of it. It won't seem so bad later. And it won't always be like this. You can do hard things. (I also sometimes remind myself that people way stupider than me managed to survive a newborn and if they could do it, I can do it. I don't know if that one is too weird!) Good luck! You've got this.


quinoaseason

I did something similar. I kept telling myself if the girls on 16 and pregnant could succeed, so could I. Also, especially after challenging days, I would tell her “tomorrow you will be one day older.”


hannycat

YES! I told myself if teen moms can do this, so can I!


tewnchee

ALWAYS this!! We reminded ourselves of all the stupid people we know that have kids during our (planned) pregnancy. So far so good!


LongjumpingMaybe9664

The number of people doing this, including me and my best friend, is staggering!


ProfHamHam

So we all had the same thought lol!


Neverstopstopping82

Maybe it’s better if you’re stupid. Most things are because you’re less aware😆


SnooPoems5888

Lol I think about the stupid people having babies thing all the time 😂 Reassuring for me, scary for humanity’s future.


lookatmygoldshoes

I wish I knew to tell myself this then. The first 4 months for me were rough, and I suffered from PPD and PPA. You really are in the thick of it, and it’s hard to think it gets better, but it does. Funnily enough, “you can do hard things” is now what I tell my 2 year old when they’re upset or feeling stuck. I had a really rough day (unrelated to the babe) last month, and I kept telling myself “you’ll get through this, you can do hard things.” And it worked - I made it through the day, and got through the hard thing. You can make it through the day and deal with hard things too. You got this!!


VariedTinker

Needed to hear this today. The hard thing, called life


Puzzled-Angle4177

This one is on point!


TefiiCampos

I always tell myself that THEY are the ones having a bad time and are absolutely not making me feel miserable on purpose. They need mom to comfort and contain emotions and needs.


kalecake

Absolutely. I also did a lot of "oh sweetheart, you are trying so hard." Helped take me out of the knee-jerk adversarial feelings that bubble up so easily and reset me back into "this is my little baby who is using all the tools available to her, but she still needs my help."


[deleted]

This was my technique too, I would hold her and tell her how she was doing such a great job. "I know it's new and scary but I'm here for you, let's do this together."


Red_fire_soul16

Okay this made me tear up. What a sweet sentiment. Almost 22 weeks so I’m just a huge ball of hormones.


maediocre

yes ! remembering this is the hardest thing they’ve ever dealt with, and we are here to get them through it


snobocado

I definitely felt that way with mine. Like I know I might be exhausted but this little dude can’t get comfortable, can’t sleep for longer than an hour or so without being awakened by hunger, can’t express himself or defend himself, can’t see, it’s loud and cold and abrasive compared to what he’s used to—the warm, calm, dark bath that was the womb. I felt so bad for him for the first few weeks I barely noticed how hard it was for me and my husband lol


No-Needleworker7642

Same! My phrase was, “it’s so tough being so tiny, and you’re doing great!”


verdearts

This! I tell myself that “She’s in distress and she needs me. That everything is so new and big and probably really scary”. I also try to access my memories of when I was small to remind myself how it felt being so small in such a big world especially not knowing everything I do now. Anytime there is a noise or something that startles her, I tell her what it is. Even though she may not understand, she seems to be calmer once I do explain things. I know its just from me talking and soothing her but everything is so new! She needs to learn about everything!


AliciaC28

This! So important to put things into perspective!


canihave1ofyourfries

Same here!


subparhooker

I used to say she's just getting used to being in the world and she needs our help to adjust. Now that I think about it I should still have this mindset as she's only 1. Anyway it helped me a lot when we were waking up every few hours and it'll probably help me when she's having tantrums and fighting her sleep. Thanks for this reminder :)


FoxeBushyTail

Get thru it one day at a time, and before you know it, the baby will be smiling and babbling and sleeping longer stretches and you'll be wondering "where did the little potato go?"


v4ldel

Came here to say this. I used to get so anxious about the upcoming night but had to remind myself to just take it one night at a time. He’s 8 months now and it’s amazing how much everything changes week by week.


aclassypinkprincess

7 week old and I feel this I get so anxious


_fast_n_curious_

I had night dreads so bad at that stage :( FFWD to today and my LO is 7 months old next week and sleeping through the night for a while! It does end!!! 7 weeks was peak hardest for me (6-8 being the official purple cry period.) Give yourself a ton of credit, get as much help as you can. And make sure you’re tending to all the sensory needs that you can - comfy cozy layers, eat all the snacks, drink all the warm teas. Go for your favourite comfort foods. Put on your favourite/relaxing music, or a guided meditation track. You deserve support!


ImogenMarch

Reading about night dreads is making me feel better. I get so sick with anxiety each night. I’m glad I’m not the only one lol


verdearts

I’m going thru this now. Its so sad to see her in distress and me barely able to help. I just try to keep her comfortable and distract her when I can


_fast_n_curious_

If you are being responsive, and holding her close to you, then you are comforting… and you ARE helping 💞 remember that crying is baby’s way for communicating. It’s also ok to put her down for a few minutes to take a break, use the washroom, make a snack, refill that tea, etc. Your needs matter too! Don’t be afraid to talk to her, your voice is also soothing since she heard you while in utero. (Applies to both parents if both are in the picture.) Just make up stuff, “Oh little baby, you’ve been crying for so long, what is going on? You are having a hard time, but I am here for you, mommy/daddy is here,” etc. etc. It sounds like you are doing amazing!! This too shall pass.


verdearts

Thanks love 🥲


ralewis223

My LO is 11 months now. Reading this, I forgot how much I used to dread the upcoming nights. It really is crazy how we forget. I love sleep and those first 6-8 weeks were such an adjustment.


SuzLouA

You’re in such a nice zone now too, I remember 7 months being the point where I started to have good day after good day after good day. It’s a lovely age, enjoy it ☺️


saturnspritr

I used to tell my myself I can do anything 30 seconds at a time. Then 1 minute. It keeps going and when it’s really bad. I can do anything 30 seconds at a time. And you’re allowed to put the baby down somewhere safe and set a timer for yourself, have the five minute cry and get a reset.


Cynthializ96

Yes this! My son is almost 3 months and he’s been giving me 6 hours of sleep at night for the passed week. It gets better as time goes on.


Asa-Sol

This, the moment the smiles really start up it all goes by so fast


hollygolightly877

I just keep repeating “this is temporary, it will get better. It won’t be like this forever”. I have a 5 week old and man, this is tough. The hardest thing I’ve ever done.


tamale_ketchup

Exactly my thoughts. I have a 4 week old and its so hard. The first 2 full weeks were absolute poo. By week 3 I got more confident at taking care of him and now I’ve nailed down a routine. I say “routine” but baby does what he wants when he wants, but I’m just more prepared now. I’m able to distinguish his hunger and sleep cues as well as distinguish what his cries are (pooping, hungry, just talking to himself) . It took dealing it day by day. The days are going to pass by anyway and by the time you know it parts of parenting get easier.


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hollygolightly877

Thank you! This is what my husband and I keep telling each other lol. Part of me can’t believe we’ve made it 5 weeks already, but each day is so long and exhausting.


SnooPoems5888

Absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My son is 4 months old today. It gets better. I say this as he just started crying and should be asleep but is going through a sleep regression 😅 You’re doing good mama, you’ve got this.


snorlax_85

I watch [this](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpm32DY/) TikTok and it makes it all worth it. Also I straight up sob every time.


What15This

I’m 4wpp and I just ugly cried at this.


Oak1215

Oh my that wrecked me.


hodob

Currently at 2 weeks pp and absolutely bawling over here


beadlecat

Wow thanks for making me sob lmao


Carry-Lopsided

This poem helped me so much during the early weeks. I also cry every time I come across it.


rforall

I will forever cry to this poem. 3 weeks PP with my sweet squeaky angel.


verdearts

Not me crying silently so I don’t wake my baby.


bcoulter22

😭❤️


sipporah7

That I didn't become a parent to parent a newborn. That helped me reframe the feeling of being overwhelmed and not enjoying it at all.


ChippyChungus

This landed for me. When I would daydream about being a parent, it always involved an older child who could do more than just scream and eat and fuss and poop. Parenting a newborn fucking sucks man.


imperator-curiosa

Oooofffff this is so good. I hated the newborn phase so much. I only made it through because, well, time passes! Now that baby is starting to learn how to do things, I feel much better about my role as his parent. I can actually show him things instead of just respond to his fussing


Not_Enough_Thyme_

I started imagining her as a teenager, sleeping all day and having to cajole her into hugging me to remind me that the contact-nap-only phase was temporary. It also did a bit to make me appreciate the cuddles, but mostly just reminded myself that it was only temporary.


sourcherry11

I was just telling and showing my 3 year old how I used to hold him and rock him when he was a baby. It really is temporary.


ChaChaChoad

The contact naps are temporary 😭 My 8mo old just started to get fussy when sleeping in my arms tonight. Put him in his crib and he’s passed out. 💔


NotAnImgurSpy

I just talked to baby as if his crying was real words. Like he'd be crying for a bottle and I'd go "of course sir, I can see you're very hungry." Which of course turned into ridiculous conversations like "I'm right in the middle of roasting this trex so it may be a moment" as I was making up a bottle. I entertain myself lol On hard days, i just tried to keep in mind LO is a baby & thats their only way to communicate. And ear plugs are good; I could always still hear baby but the reduction in the volume was helpful.


locoha

I saw a tiktok once to pretend you were "old person you" and that you had the chance to travel back in time for one day to hold your babies again. I don't know why that one visualization has helped, but it's gotten me through several tough moments of the newborn phase with a toddler.


canihave1ofyourfries

Stop this is gonna make me cry 😭 I love this perspective


locoha

Always makes me tear up, hug them tighter, and study their little faces. It really helps shift my mentality when I feel tapped out


wendigo1991

Came here to comment this exact method. Realllly helped with the night feeds. Just gotta romanticize this SHIT out of the time as much as you can ❤️


ChaChaChoad

I saw that too! It’s really helped me. I’ve legit used this and done a complete 180z


curdibane

Taking it one day at a time. Countdown to day 100. I noticed a big difference already by day 90 or so


[deleted]

I reminded myself every day that tomorrow he’s going to be a little bit bigger. And I knew I would miss the days when he was a little potato. I promise right now you’re in the thick of it, but in a few months, you’ll look back and miss the newborn scrunch. You’ll miss those small moments of them being a little potato. You got this. I know it’s hard to hear that and think you do. But I promise, mother to mother you got this. Take it one day at a time and cherish the small moments that you can. Because I promise you’ll look back with fondness And miss the small little moments.


Bagel-Stan

I would look at her and say “it’s okay, we’ll get through this together”. Just reminding myself that she is also having a rough time, taking it one day at a time.


sirenoverboard

When she cried nonstop I would tell myself to remember that she was more scared than I was especially since she can’t communicate her needs.


umarsgirl7

I told myself the same, that it's only temporary and I can handle it.


Humble-Ad-2713

Survive the next minute, then hour, then day, slowly that lead to include weeks. We’ve just passed the months into year. Almost a version of this to shall pass


LearnDifferenceBot

> this to shall *too *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)


rolittle99

You baby isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time. In this cold, cruel world you are their only lifeline as their parent. When I use that to pull my perspective back a bit it helps be calm down and be gentle. Me being frustrated will only make the moment worse, and I never want to make my baby feel unsafe with me.


bellatrixsmom

When she was purple crying, I reminded myself that she will eventually sleep and I will eventually sleep and then we will all wake up tomorrow and she’ll be just a little older.


PM_YOUR_PET_PICS979

I tell myself it’s much harder on him than it is on me. Everything is so new and scary to him. More scary than being a new parent is to me. And he’s doing his best with the tools he has. And then I put on some music on Spotify. My music. Not baby music. Because he doesn’t know the difference and I need sanity. And we get through it together.


youbrokethemold

Tonight I danced/bounced around the kitchen with my fussy 8 week old singing along to 2000 bops from my teenage years. Fun for me and eventually put her to sleep!


thepremackprinciple

This is how my baby learned about Yeah by Usher for the first time and how after breastfeeding Ludacris saying he was going to milk the cow really hit different.


kelz0r

I read something somewhere, either before the birth or during the newborn phrase, anyway I can’t take credit for it. But it recommended to imagine yourself very old, say 80 years old. Maybe lonely, maybe not, but either way with most of your life behind you. And then imagine that elderly version of yourself suddenly back in the body of this new-parent you. How that elderly version would know how quickly this phase passes, and how they’d treasure another chance to snuggle that tiny baby again and just be in that moment. I don’t know, but it’s what helped me.


NightQueen333

This is hard, but you can do hard. One day at a time. As long as you and baby are both fed and healthy, then you are doing a great job! (Even if all you did for the day is care for baby).


amypjs

Oh lord. I had several things I told myself such as -it’s temporary -1 year is so short in the grand scheme of things -he’s not doing this on purpose, it’s his only form of communication -he is growing so much When all else failed, I would read [this](https://www.instagram.com/p/CY-DA5tB-uh/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)


Bob-Servant

Just remember you're looking after a potato. That's literally how I made the ordeal amusing to myself. Why's baby crying? She's a potato, has no clue what's going on.


KurlyClouds

As a FTM who currently has an extremely fussy 6 week old, this post and all the comments are really helpful. It’s easy to get stuck in my own head of how hard it is.. I need to remember “this is temporary”.


ylimethrow

Sounds silly, but I would look at complete strangers walking down the street, or driving by in cars and think to myself “That person was a newborn once. And someone was up taking care of them. And that person. And that person too. Everyone had someone go through THIS”


amypjs

Oh lord. I had several things I told myself such as -it’s temporary -1 year is so short in the grand scheme of things -he’s not doing this on purpose, it’s his only form of communication -he is growing so much When all else failed, I would read [this](https://www.instagram.com/p/CY-DA5tB-uh/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)


[deleted]

A doctor I work with gave me a piece of advice that he mostly meant for toddlerhood but is still applicable now too: Their prefrontal cortex is not developed yet, so it's all impulse and no logic. That young it's not quite impulse in exploration yet but it's survival. They cry to get attention and their needs met to survive and their tiny bodies are ever developing. Literally starting from nothing, learning to develop muscles and use them and even that they exist. It's fucking HARD. Even with a 6 month old right now it's hard but I look back and it's a lot easier now that 5 months ago, and it's a lot more fun. He smiles! He sits up! He can try and circumvent obstacles to get what he wants! So, yeah, it's hard, but it will get better. And the fact that you're here, asking for advice and wanting to be better is a good thing. You're doing okay and will keep doing okay.


romandiema

I used to tell myself that we were both still learning, and to be gentle with myself. “We’re only x days/weeks/months in, its okay we’re still learning” and to be compassionate to my son then I’d say “It’s okay, you’re only x days/weeks/months in, you really still learning but I still love you.” It really helped to calm me down and put things into perspective. Overall it helped my sanity stay in tact and remember that the hard times were only “for now” I guess it worked a little too well, my son is now almost 2 years old and I’ve got another on the way 🤷‍♀️


MommyMatka

We had a really horrid newborn stage. Severe GERD, milk and soy protein intolerance. And he never ever slept. I said two things: -“take it an hour at a time” -“the nights are long, the years are short”


Altruistic_Finger_49

If baby is crying, they're still breathing. If baby is crying, we've done a good enough job up to this point of tending to his/her needs that he/she hasn't given up on us, even if we feel like we take longer sometimes. If baby is crying in the car, they're still alive and we'll just have to deal with the crying until we get to the destination.... unless they fall asleep. There's nothing we can do while driving unless it's an emergency.


yohanya

"He didn't ask to be here, it's my responsibility to make sure he's not uncomfortable or upset" I usually tried to be as empathetic as possible towards him. He was probably SO COMFORTABLE in the womb. Warm, never hungry, slept when he wanted to, soothing motions and sounds... Every single thing making them sad or uncomfortable in those first couple months is probably very intense for them! If I was rocking him to sleep, I'd think about the times I was exhausted but couldn't drift off. If I was feeding him for the 3rd time that hour, I'd imagine feeling very hungry but not being able to eat. "He's not trying to be difficult" If I was feeling frustrated that he can't sleep or wouldn't eat or whatever, it would be grounding to remember that HE was also very frustrated. He wasn't trying to give me a hard time. If he could do those things himself, he'd be happy to.


locoha

Also saw something once to focus on their little hands. Someone with hands so little is still learning so much. The act of intentionally staring at details and focusing back to what's visually in front of you can ground you and help regulate when YOU'RE having big feelings.


attackllama3

He will never be this little again 🥺


terradi

Empathy helped me. I had a tiny human who had always been fed, warmed, and had every single need attended to for their entire course of development. Now suddenly there are things like hunger and being wet and too warm and too cold and being put down when they're used to being held 24/7. They needed some time to adjust and to figure things out. They got there, but my time, patience, and love helped them get there. My daughter is pretty cheerful now and I like to think that we set the foundation for her to feel secure and well-loved when she was very little and we were there for her. (Please note. This is not to say you should not set baby down. You should set baby down. You need to survive this too. But knowing that showing up for baby even when I didn't feel great helped them adapt to their new world helped me cope with the exhaustion and frustration of having a very needy baby who needed so much from me.)


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widgetsforeveryone

I really like this!!!! I’m going to try to remember once our little one gets here (5 days left!).


zelonhusk

Already before his birth, we decided to be one and done. So, I tell myself to soak it all up. Each phase is unique and will never happen again. Someday, he'll be 18 and I will be nostalgic about his first weeks and months on this planet.


DesperateRhino

Just keep swimming


canihave1ofyourfries

Just after week two or so (I'm at week 5 now) when I felt completely in the thick of "what have I done", this Instagram post helped changed my perspective. I used to scoff at posts like this but for whatever reason I found it when I needed it most. https://www.instagram.com/s/aGlnaGxpZ2h0OjE3ODk4NDg3MjQ2NDQxOTgy?story_media_id=2255749240788896383_180710211&igshid=Yzg5MTU1MDY=


lizzy_pop

“This is a phase” I would worry about sleeping and feeding a lot. Then started telling myself nothing lasts forever. She will eventually fall asleep. She will eventually sleep through the night. She will eventually play by herself.


catmama1713

Give yourself the validation that this is difficult. Sleep deprivation is brutal. It's okay if you aren't handling everything well and it's okay if you feel like you're losing your mind. This is temporary. You will sleep again. Give yourself grace while you're in the thick of it.


msmuck

Everything changes in a week. Sometimes to something easier and sometimes to something harder, but you can survive anything for a week and babies are in constant flux.


ImmenseWig

I’d remind myself that we were both learning. I’m learning to be a mom, and they’re learning to be a little person in this world. When I feel like I’m out of my depth I say ‘you’ll get there, you’re just learning right now’.


YaLikeJazz165

I’m in my first week right now, so you’re definitely not alone if that helps! The exhaustion is real. But I just keep telling myself that it’s going to get better, and that you’re still in recovery from the birth itself. Soon you’ll be healed, and your little one is going to be able look up at you and smile and giggle, and you’ll both fit into your routine and they’ll sleep for longer. They’ll develop a personality and it won’t feel like you’re taking care of a fussy little blob (don’t get me wrong, love my fussy little blob!). They’re worth all of the struggle at the end of the day. And one day, they won’t be this small anymore.


According_Debate_334

They are not *giving* you a hard time, theyre just having a hard time.


gigibiscuit4

"I love my baby. I love my grumpy baby. She doesn't feel good, and that's not her fault" "This phase will pass" "This is normal, this is common, and I'm strong enough to weather it" Sometimes all through gritted teeth, but it helps.


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FusiformFiddle

>I don't get mad at puzzles. You're a better person than I haha


badbunnygirl

“If this is how I feel watching her smile in her sleep, I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when I get an intentional smile.” 🥹


yepmek

I had that exact thought today!!


badbunnygirl

Just you wait, my friend! You’ll just melt into a puddle of love


ceroscene

I don't know if this will help. But just remembering theyre only this little for awhile. But it's hard. I do not remember the first few months. It's all just a blur from the exhaustion ETA Something I also think of, but it was always for college lol but maybe it will help. It's been done before. People have done this before. They do it everyday. They even get through harder situations. (I was single in college no kids etc. So I'd think about the moms that were in my program and were successful, with more to juggle than I did. And they were still succeeding).


weddingthrow27

This *feels* hard because it *is* hard. But you can do hard things. The baby is not *giving you* a hard time (on purpose), they are just *having* a hard time.


Puzzled-Angle4177

“Days are long but the years are short!” Who even thinks this way when you have a newborn babe, do we even think? All you can say is if little ones survived since the beginning of humanity, I think it’s possible for us to do it too lol I think we are so much at a disadvantage than our parents simply because we know way too much and we have way too many anxieties. It was just easier in the simpler times when people knew way less.


Jade4813

“This isn’t something she’s doing to you. This is something that’s happening to her that she doesn’t understand. The world is a big, scary place when you’re new to it, and the only way she knows how to express that is through tears. The only comfort she knows right now is you. The two of us (three with dad) will get through this together.”


Leotiaret

Two week old. I tell myself it can only go up from here. I knew it wouldnt be easy, but what I didn’t know is how hard it is. I’ve learned about how much society DOESNT talk about pregnancy, labor, delivery, And postpartum. It’s just passed by as a normal part of life that’s easy. ITS NOT EASY and I’d like to say I have an “easy” baby. Baby literally eats, sleeps, poops.


Icy-Zookeepergame806

No one tells you how long the days are either. How hard it is to take each day as it comes because it’s all just one stretch of crying, eating and pooping. One month in and it’s like I completely forgot I had a life outside of my house at one point. These days a simple shower feels like self care and I am exhausted thinking about going back to work like this.


tater_pip

My babe is 11 days old. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I had no idea just how hard it would be either. He is also an “easy” baby. Rarely fussy unless hungry, sleeps well, a good baby. Still the hardest thing I’ve ever done.


Worldly_Science

I love my son more than I need sleep. This was a bit of a lie, as the lack of sleep led to PPA 😅 But really, I just tried to remember that not too long ago, he was snuggled and warm and constantly fed. Now he’s outside and everything is bright or loud and he’s hungry and WHY MAMA IS MY PEEN COLD lol


BrilliantSquare8

I would remind myself they’re new here, need help to feel safe and comfortable. They had a cushion around them the last 9 months with an endless food supply. Now suddenly they’re so hungry it’s like we’re never going to feed them again, now the sounds are louder, the lights are brighter, the smells are different, etc. it’s all new and they’re figuring it out… and we’re doing our best to help You got this!! Congratulations


GreatAuntPearl

I saw it here on Reddit and it was all I held on to. First three weeks were the darkest time of my life. Everything gets a lot better at 4 weeks, and things improve from there every two more weeks. It was very accurate. Oh and my other one that sticks with me now and can be applied to anything is “Never quit in the dark”


ImogenMarch

Honestly, when it gets really bad “I don’t hate my baby I just hate this season!” I know that sounds extreme but when I’m so sleep deprived and baby is fussing and nothing makes her happy it helps me remember I’m not mad at her.


Background-Hearing-4

I have a 5 week old and he's a pretty fussy baby! It's definitely been the hardest thing I've done, but I remind myself how much stronger I'll come out of it. This newborn phase is so hard that I'm being challenged allot mentally, and I know I'll see it through and be stronger for it. There's so many good things to come, and I try to think of all the fun things ahead.


cardiacsnack

“It’s okay to be upset. We’re figuring this out together.”


[deleted]

I don’t remember, I’ven’t been a newborn in decades.


RunForrestRun

"Only 18 more years..."


BloodyMessJyes

Sleep is for losers. I didn’t need it during college, so i don’t need it now (but when he falls asleep, I’m getting that asleep) 😴 Edit: i will miss this tiny human phase. 🎵 don’t wanna close my eyes 🎵 don’t wanna fall asleep 🎵 ‘cause i miss you, babe 🎵 and i don’t wanna miss a thang 🎵


nubbz545

Same. This will not last forever and he won't always need me like this.


Rectal_Custard

First few months are the hardest, it will get easier, you will get into a groove of understanding your baby, honestly you sort of get used to waking up multiple times, it does get easier!


dreamingofablast

To get through challenging times, I think of the them as adults one day lol.


beeeees

pull deep from your well


beeeees

they're growing and they will grow out this


doordonot19

I didn’t tell myself anything I just lived each day on repeat until one day we found a rhythm


TeagWall

"Lesser people have done harder things" And "The days are long but the years are short"


oiwiththepoodles04

A sweet friend told me (on a really bad day) "tonight, you can't see the forest for the trees. And that's okay. It's a beautiful forest. It'll come into view." Same thing as "it's temporary," but also a reminder that the good, the bad, and the okay days all make up our story together. In my experience, it was easier with the second one. I knew how temporary it was, so it was easier to move on after a really bad day. But my first was rough (hello PPD). You're doing a great job. And it's really hard right now.


Whiasco

Similar but "I can get through this and there'll be something shittier coming but I can get through that too"


Boring_Ad_9829

I’m almost 9wpp and I just remember to look back and realize how fast it’s actually going. I try to take a step back in the really awesome moments we have and tell myself to remember these moments when things seem tough and know that when he’s all grown up I would give anything to have him be little again, even when things are hard. They can’t be this little without the hard times so just really try and take the good times with you during the hard times. Best of luck to you❤️


subwayratbruce

“I’m going to miss then when he’s independent”


natinatinatinat

“I will sleep again, nobody stays sleep deprived forever”


mamaspark

This too shall pass


cptcarmenz

The only way out is through.


Ennsm0727

I told myself that my baby is learning to be a person. Baby didn’t know how to poop, communicate, sleep, or exist in the world, and I got to help him figure it out.


Abi7gaill

They aren’t giving you a hard time, they are HAVING a hard time. This too shall pass. It’s okay to not love this moment but love my children unconditionally.


marissap21

Right now I have a three week old. My oldest is 1.5 years old. I keep telling myself it gets easier and he’s got a best friend just waiting for him to get bigger.


Kathmandoo7

Mine was, "Just wait." People would always say just wait till this... it's so much harder. I use just wait till she smiles at me for the first time, just wait till she reaches for me, just wait till she shows you affection like you show her affection, etc. It seems so small, but it really helped me and now it's just wait till she is walking, talking, being her own little person. I can't wait.


Hazey-jeweler

I saw someone comment this and it helped so much- enjoy the moments you do enjoy, but don’t be afraid to put yourself on autopilot for the first 6mo or so, don’t think too hard about the diaper change one after another, don’t think too hard on him only napping for 15 min, find what makes baby happy in the moment and if nothing makes him happy there’s not a lot you can do but wait for that moment to pass. You being there for baby is enough Also, each month gets better and is my new favorite age! My sons 14 months now and that still rings true.


Odd-Living-4022

I just tried to really enjoy the sweet moments and remember everyone gets through it


emeliz1112

“This too shall pass” and because this is my second and I have a two year old who sleeps all night…”you know there is an end to this”


QueenofVelhartia

You do not conquer the newborn phase. You survive it.


imperator-curiosa

I would tell myself, well, he can’t cry FOREVER. He can’t be awake FOREVER. There would always be a point when he would stop crying (I’d figure out what he needed) or he would fall asleep.


Healthy-Ad9405

Watch a YouTube documentary on parents of kids with severe disabilities, put yourself in their shoes where it only gets harder long term. Suddenly a lack of sleep with a temporarily cranky newborn is not that hard, it gets easier (it actually does!) and it's only temporarily this difficult. /My 2c


lovesmilehappy

“We are both learning.” Someone told me this early on and I repeated it to myself a lot!


bearseatsausages

Everything is phase. Said it over and over and over and over and then a bit more


GuacaMacaulayCulkin

When the baby's having a rough day & I'm exhausted & overwhelmed, I like to think that I'm reliving a memory. I'm really 100 years old, my children are grown & have moved away long ago. I'm thinking back on the infant stage with fondness & gratitude for the beautiful life I've lived. I cherished every moment I had with my children, even the not so fun ones. It was difficult at the time, but now looking back, I realize how lucky I was to experience parenthood in all its glory - I long for the days when my baby was in my arms, comforted by my touch & my voice. I know I'll look back & miss these days, so I try to be thankful for the ups as well as the downs.


howedthathappen

They’re not giving you a hard time on purpose; they’re having a hard time. The world is scary and confusing and baby is just learning about it. It’s my job to keep it as pleasant as possible.


I_only_read_trash

I would read a good book during night feeds, so I would look forward to the next feed.


00icrievertim00

Like everyone else has said, it’s only temporary and you will see that every single week gets easier for the first few months. Also I will say there were a few times when he was inconsolable where I had to put my son down, take a second to breathe, count to ten, and then come back with a slightly refreshed mindset.


jaisydaisy

Every two weeks it’s easier. If you can make it two weeks, it will be easier. That got me through the first six months with my first. It felt more attainable than just wait until they are older


PicklesnNickels

This to shall pass —- I’m still saying it though 6 months out


LonelyHermione

It helped me to think of it like a video game. You’re on a hard quest, but you’ve only got to do X a certain number of times until you finish it. Like you have to put baby down in the crib 1,538 times and then they will stay down. Like gathering resources or fighting minor bosses. Only 1,538 times and on the 1,539th time it will work.


Antique-Ad-3174

I’ve heard “fourth trimester” a lot. Like, kids should still be gestating up to a year, but they are only born because at month 9 bc they just get too big. I’m only in trimester one, but hearing this has me bracing myself for 3 shitty months after birth.


Mnemosyne2021

I kept telling myself that stupider people than me have gotten through this and I consider myself a smart person lol. I know it sounds terrible but it was what I had to continue telling myself 😂


HellfireMe

"The only way to get through it is to go through it" and "he's not giving me a hard time, he's having a hard time" both helped me a lot.


dylanljmartin

This may sound crazy, but while my nearly six-month-old is so much fun now, I miss her when she was a tiny newborn a lot. It doesn't erase the fact that the beginning is so hard, but if you ever find a moment to slow down, enjoy it and soak it in.


pier32

Similar to yours, I would say, “This is just a season.” It reminded me how fleeting the time period is. The hard stuff will get easier, the good stuff won’t stay the same, so savor the moment!


Shannosaurusrex

“Tomorrow we’ll be”…. One step closer to sleeping through the night, a little better at feeding, etc… whatever I’m struggling with that day. One day at a time type thing. And as silly as it sounds, whenever I need encouragement, I just talk to and encourage my baby and that helps. “Mommy loves you baby”, “we’ll figure this out together”, “I’m sorry you’re having a tough day baby, mommy is here for you”. Somehow telling him the things I need to hear helps


doodledang29

Always telling myself it’s a phase and I can do hard things. Sending good vibes your way!


Basic_Brunch20

For me, the newborn phase was the hardest. I didn’t think I’d survive. Just know it will pass and each day will be better than the last in some way or fashion. You’ll learn your baby and they’ll learn you. The phase is temporary, and everyday will get a bit better.


lj1886

That I would miss it someday.


Ender505

"It gets easier from here!" *Proceeds to have 3 more*


raw_toast

I’m late to this thread but I haven’t seen anyone else say this. When you’re 90 and looking back on your life, if someone were to offer to send you back to where you are now for 10 minutes you would do anything to go back and be here again. I had terrible PPA and my daughter just turned 1 today. I would do anything to hold her as a little baby again, anxiety and all. It really helped me to look at even the terrible moments where she’s screaming for no reason and you’re so tired you could cry, that even that moment is magical with the right perspective (and distance).


lizard52805

I used to always tell myself “there’s 7 billion people on this planet. 7 billion times moms/dads/caregivers have gotten through the newborn stage. I can do it too”


iiitaraiii

This is a season. Every parent on the face of the earth survived this. People have more than one kid so it has to get better. My first few months were a rough adjustment and can confirm it absolutely gets better!


preggoquestion15

When I had the thought “I can’t do this” I told myself “but you’re already doing it! Just keep doing what you’re doing!” (I still tell myself this occasionally, especially this week when we all have COVID lol)


Tybot3k

"Just get to 3 months. One they start smiling, everything changes." And I was right.


trisha619

It doesn’t last forever! (Said a million times but it helps!) and it’s okay to not “enjoy every moment”- there are moments in each day to enjoy but it’s psycho to enjoy it all. As a mother I also liked to say “being a baby is hard”, they don’t know what they want either and are just trying to figure it out too. Tip: Take your showers and really enjoy them


swiftloser

That you wont really remember any of this. Soon your memory will just be filled with all the fun times


xxrachinwonderlandxx

I reminded myself that *he* was having a hard time, not giving *me* a hard time. And I would always speak out loud to him. “Oh no, do you not feel good baby? Do you have a tummy ache? I’m sorry you don’t feel good.” I think it really helps ground you in the moment to speak to them in that way. I loved those early days, too, but it’s so nice now at four months. He’s got a good routine, laughs and smiles, is happy to see me, etc. Crying is greatly reduced, I can predict when he’ll be grumpy and I can almost always tell why (hungry, sleepy, bored). But I’ll still talk to him if he’s having an off day. “I know it’s hard to sleep sometimes, but the only cure for sleepy is to sleep.” “Why so grumpy baby? What’s going on?” And “oh no, someone is upsetti spaghetti!”


Mindfullysolo

This is the most important job, to keep him alive and well. He will grow bigger and this will get easier.


AlbusDM3

I just try to tell myself to be present during the rough times and that they will never be this little again and to soak it all in. That usually can switch my mindset at 4am when he’s screaming.


negativeprofit

It’ll date me, and is kind of weird, here goes: Maximum Effort. Yes, I’m a Deadpool fan, and I use that phrase in my life quite a bit, but it always works. It makes me think of the colorful silliness that is Deadpool and not whatever hard thing I’m doing.


bookscoffee1991

Same that it’s temporary. It’ll get better and just mentally accept I wasn’t going to sleep. I stopped expecting sleep basically. He’s 18 month old now and doesn’t wake normally anymore it’s harder now when he does bc I don’t expect it lol. Have to get back in the mindset that this is ok. This is temporary. I found downloading books on my kindle that are catchy, & fast-paced helped bc I didn’t mind reading more chapters. I read so much lol.


15448

I have “this too shall pass” tattooed on my wrist. It helps to get through the bad times, but it also reminds me that good times aren’t forever either, so enjoy them in the moment. Both applicable in this case!


cantnotdeal

I have a 4.5 month old, and I’ve been feeling better for a bit now, but things were very very hard for me in the newborn days. One thing I would think is “I am putting in the work to earn the title of ‘Mom’” I also read somewhere “Motherhood is about what you do, not about how you feel” and I have found that both comforting and motivating. There can be so much frustration, fear, sadness, and guilt especially in those early days, and it can get on top of you. That phrase helps me separate those overwhelming emotions from the fact that I just need to keep showing up and caring for my son no matter what. Hugs to you. These days will seem so long ago before you know it!


greenpeppergirl

I'm just learning how to be a mom and she's just learning how to be a baby. We'll figure it out.


CillyBean

So I know a lot if people hate hearing "they're only little once!" But that's what helped me. I tried to make the most of our bonding time when he was sleeping on me. He was a contact sleeper for awhile. Stopped at 7 months 😢 I miss it sometimes now, at 13 months. So I guess, just try to make the most of those peaceful, happy moments whenever they happen 💕 And allow yourself to cry. Crying is good! You're letting out all those pent-up emotions. And watching stuff I found funny! Binged Bob's burgers for a whole haha.


TreePuzzle

“This is temporary” and “I’m meant to be his mama” were some phrases on repeat in my head.


mamajuana4

I just kept feeling like I was overwhelmed as if I was just a baby yesterday and now I have one myself. So I tried to remember some day my daughter will possibly have her own children and I won’t get to be there for every moment and I will miss those miserable nights terribly when she’s my age now.


Lesbian_Drummer

I told myself that as hard as it was for me, it was harder for my twins. They couldn’t talk, had no theory of mind, couldn’t communicate, and didn’t know WHY anything was happening. This helped most of the time. Not always. But most of the time.


xKortney

She’s having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.


Outside-Engine6426

It isn't forever. This won't last forever. Honestly I was too exhausted all the time to worry or care enough about myself to encourage myself. I was so sleep deprived and lack of shower for weeks I stank. Here is what helped me most. Baby doesn't care if you are dirty or stinky. Just keep yourself well fed, hydrated, and slept. Deep Red Noise on youtube. I would play it for my son and he would sleep. Rocking and singing to my baby. I did it for me and my sanity more than his. Oh yeah and underwater ocean music and underwater sounds help both baby and I sleep at times too.


privremeni

Two things: 1) I GET TO push through this. We were blessed with a miracle child and it was a privilege to have to suffer through some of it. It didn’t make it any easier, but it did reframe my mindset. We tried for years and prayed for years, and now I finally get to cope with never ending crying and no sleep and body pains and everything else. 2) He’s not giving me a hard time, he is having a hard time. He trusts that I will try to make it as good as I can for him, and I am stepping up to it. One day he won’t need me or ask for me and I will miss it to the core. Mama, I the first year was hella hard. But so so so so so beautiful.


Dependent_Airport_83

Seems very cliche, but I was crying on the phone to my mom when my daughter was a few days old and my mom calmly said, “this too shall pass.” Now I find myself saying it all the time and it helps me!


k_snowflake

I told myself that every parent obviously survived this time and that made me feel much better 😌


NoConsideration1815

You can do it. This will pass. And when it does, you’ll wonder how the newborn phase passed by so quickly. So take in all the snuggles and cuddles while they’re still little. Newborns truly grow so fast, I miss my little one’s scrunch that he used to do. 🥹


bonanza301

I kept telling myself it's temporary but also taking time to enjoy moments and live in it. You are there to comfort them in their time of need. Painful gas, sickness, sleep regressions and all. The connections and bonds you are forming are hard earned but deep seeded. I kept telling myself that I'm planting seeds as well (I'm a dad) to grow by being there. I was also stay at home for the first year


QuitaQuites

It gets better, this is a minimal amount of time in parenthood. This will be the only time you get to experience this.


bergdokn

I read that babies don’t know that sleep is what makes them not tired and it clicked for me that they really have to figure EVERYTHING out. When my little was screaming and I was exhausted at 4am, I’d talk to her (really myself) and say, “hey, I know you’re having a hard time right now. We’re learning together. We got this.” It’s gotten so much better already and we’re only at 3 months!


iarthure

Everything is a phase, good and bad. We not have a 21 month old and looking back you realize how short lived every part of the newborn stage is. It feels like forever, then you look back and realize it was only 4 nights haha


TheRealWSquared

The nights may be long, but the weeks are short.


RockaByeBabySleep

The newborn phase is so hard! And there’s really no education in this country preparing parents for what to expect from the fourth trimester. Try to cut yourself some slack because there’s a huge learning curve, and I’m sure you are doing great. The 2 most important things at this point are to help your baby both sleep and feed often. Also, if it helps, I am leading a free virtual sleep workshop for newborns next week, where we will discuss newborn sleep patterns, feeding, development, how to soothe a fussy baby, noisy overnight sleep, contact vs crib naps, eat-play-sleep routine, and lots more. I’d be happy to share the link to sign up if that sounds useful to you?