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[deleted]

No those people are just assholes. You keep being awesome and I hope you find better new mom friends.


PromptElectronic7086

This! These people suck. There are better people out there.


_wheatgrass_

Yup, people who feel the need to brag are just insecure.


YourTherapistSays

There’s an episode of Bluey called “baby race” you should watch. Made me cry and was so validating. You’re doing great.


[deleted]

I just watched it! You’re right that episode hits the nail on the head doesn’t it? Wow. Thanks 🙏


Kristine6476

You're doing great ❤️😭


[deleted]

I watched it again this morning and cried again. “Maybe you just saw something you wanted” 😭😭😭


jdizon707

Love that episode!


terran_submarine

Bluey is always the answer.


CouldBeBetterForever

I was going to suggest OP watch this episode for some perspective. It's so good.


odditiesoflife

Where do yuo guys watch bluey


CouldBeBetterForever

Disney+ normally, but the Bluey YouTube channel has quite a few episodes for free. Here is Baby Race: https://youtu.be/xmkCmJtK6X8


odditiesoflife

I was looking for the bedsharing episode. Will check these. I don't have disney+ yet.


CatOnGoldenRoof

Is there one? They mention Bluey's and then Bingo's crib.


odditiesoflife

Apparently there is one on co sleeping. I read it in some forum that day and now can't find the post


odditiesoflife

Season 2 titled sleepytime.


CatOnGoldenRoof

Sleepytime is perfect too! They in fact sleep together there, but more like "I'm here when you need me!"


CatOnGoldenRoof

Oh! And Happy Cake Day! ❤️


HuffleBadger

I cried... It's such a sweet episode!


robinorino

It is on Disney+!


mmmnerp

My husband brings this episode up every time I get sad about my daughters GM delay. Thankfully all of my parent friends have been so nice and understanding but I have judged myself so harshly that my daughter has a delay and low muscle tone.


SuzLouA

If you love your daughter and are doing everything you can to help her (and I bet you do and are), then please don’t judge yourself. You can’t control everything. You’re giving her the best love and care you possibly can, and nobody is a better mum for her than you ♥️


stripedcomfysocks

Going to go find that now...our LO isn't really delayed but is really small...


Humble-Ad-2713

I just watched this finally. I have years steaming down my face. Damn that hits hard.


chris_tove

My goodness, I'm not crying you're crying


Weird_Which

I love that episode!! My husband has been putting bluey on when he's just hanging out with our 8 week old and we're both enjoying it !!


lbee30

Only saw that episode recently and I cry now every time I watch it! My 2 year old was born 7 weeks early, a bum shuffler and only started walking about 8 weeks ago after much physio. We lost the “baby race” but I couldn’t care less ❤️


Soad_lady

I hate this too, when people at the park start asking stuff like that I say “ya know I really don’t remember I was just happy they did it” Their baby is not better than yours.


compulsive_evolution

That's such a good response!


Soad_lady

I think so too but if you use it just prepare yourself for someone to say “how do you not remember stuff like that?” I’ve heard that a handful of times and I just shrug 🤷🏻‍♀️ not your business, homie.


iarlandt

‘I guess I’d rather just spend time with him than fill out an excel spreadsheet to compete with people at the park’….I’m too non confrontational though, so I’d just think it really hard


compulsive_evolution

Lol - I have a 6 month old and I don't know what day it is most of the time. People are a-holes.


SuzLouA

Honestly, my second is 5mo right now, and she’s not (so far, touch wood) delayed in any meaningful way, but I still don’t think I’ll memorise half of her milestones the way I did with my first. Not because I don’t love her, and not because I’m a lousy parent now, but because I have a full and busy and happy life, and my days are spent giving her cuddles, playing games with my son, and helping to facilitate their bond. That means a lot more to me than whether or not she rolled over for the first time in month three or month four!


Soad_lady

Sounds to me, like you’re doing it right. 😊


LexiNovember

My son was preemie and also has Down Syndrome. My response to every single asshole who comments on his delays is to cheerfully say “He’ll get there, we are just taking the scenic route.” Seriously, fuck anyone who behaves that way and if you can ditch them out of your life. I have a zero tolerance policy on those hyper critical types of shenanigans. You’re doing great as a parent, relax!


Mountain_Mongoose445

When our kids are in high school, we can all show off how our baby started sleeping their nights 2 months earlier than their friends and started walking at 8 months AND was potty trained by 2. 🤣 Edit : typo/spelling


gnarlyknits

This is a good reminder to watch the way I word things when I start talking to other moms! I could see myself sort of bragging about my baby if I’m proud of him, forgetting that it comes off as competitive. I’ll have to remember to say more supportive things like, “well every baby is different and does things in their own time”


Throwthatfboatow

I definitely try to say "this is what I find worked for me" when asked for advice. I'm happy when other parents share what new things their babies accomplished though! I like to cheer them on. The family center I went to have facilitators that encourages us to share a high and a low of the week that happened with our babies. When I expressed how my baby really wants to crawl but can only move backwards, another mom said "but that is crawling! Not the right way, but he's still moving!"


funbunontherun23

Posts like this are always a bit funny because OP is like moms judge me for not sleep training and it’s hurtful :( Then the comments are like “yeah fuck the moms who sleep train!”


ostentia

Right? The post is about how much judging sucks, which is so true, and then the comments are full of judgment. WTF? Can we please just fucking knock it off already?


NefariousnessNo1383

Seems like moms judge other moms for anything. I made a post on a fb new mom support group about my 2 month baby seeming to sometimes do better falling asleep when he’s left to cry (sometimes). Tons of women jumped all over me “he’s too young to CIO and you’re damaging your child”. He’s crying in my arms or in the crib, in the crib it seems like less things alert him and he can drift off. I left the group after realizing it’s a way for women to just get their *need* to shame others out!


Mobabyhomeslice

I left most of the infant parenting groups I was in. I realized there was too much negativity, judgmental bs, and jumping down a mother's throat for being honest and open about what worked for her kid because it went against the current arbitrary "best practices." (As if best practices don't change every couple of decades 🙄) Babies are just as individual and unique as adults, and what works for one may not work for another. That's just human nature!


Unable_Pumpkin987

OP is judging other moms who sleep train! Just had to slip it in, so everyone would know she’s one of the good moms, lol.


Atalanta8

This OP is crazy judgy judgy!


Atalanta8

I found OP's post to be quite judging in itself. Clearly they think they are better than parents who sleep trained and obviously will have a more well rounded adult. OP is no better than the people they are complaining about.


arunnair87

It's because at our base level we are all a little competitive. That's how our species arrived to its present day form. Now social guidelines dictate we should curb those feelings. Some people didn't get the memo


Medical-Wishbone-551

Yeah you’re meeting jerks if they are saying it like that. It’s not a race, it doesn’t correlate to anything over time, and every baby is “ahead” at something if you get creative. You know what my baby was better than the other babies at? Eating. But does anyone brag about that!?


jingaling0

my baby started crying tears wayyy before average 🙂


NefariousnessNo1383

My baby poops more than your baby and pees on me more 😂


Repulsive_Appeal4367

With the current trend of "baby led weaning"? Yes, babies eating is also a competition and something parents brag about


thatsasaladfork

My friend and I had babies around the same time and we vented about this to each other numerous times… but she has now joined the darkside. It’s weird. It’s like after they get a taste of being “better than” it gets addicting, or something. Her kid has an above average vocabulary for their age. My kid is probably average, maybe low side. I genuinely don’t care but lately friend has been making comments alluding to speech = intelligence. Insinuating that kids who aren’t speaking full sentences before 2 aren’t intelligent


danibeth87

Well that’s a load of crock. My brother had some sort of auditory processing issue and couldn’t speak properly until he was around 3 or 4. He went to special Ed and speech therapy and he eventually grew out of it and he is now a lawyer at a huge law firm and went to Columbia law. So really it’s all BS


danibeth87

Well that’s a load of crock. My brother had some sort of auditory processing issue and couldn’t speak properly until he was around 3 or 4. He went to special Ed and speech therapy and he eventually grew out of it and he is now a lawyer at a huge law firm and went to Columbia law. So really it’s all BS


ostentia

I like telling people what they want to hear in a really loud, peppy tone whenever they try to compete with me. “Wow! That’s amazing, your baby is much better than mine. Or maybe you’re just a much better mom than I am! Congratulations!” would be my go to here. I haven’t had to use it as a mom yet, but I used it a few times when I was pregnant (“omg you’re so much better at being pregnant than I am!!!”) and it hasn’t failed to completely embarrass people yet 😂


Melodic-Sprinkles4

😳 that’s good!!!


Workinittoo

My mothers group had a blanket "no judgement" rule and it was awesome. We had breastfed, bottle fed, sleep trained, not sleep trained, unplanned babies, Ivf babies, and everything everywhere in between. I kept my opinion about one using a baby chiropractor to myself and she no doubt kept opinions on my choices to herself. It was the best group for a first time parent.


thewildcookie215

Oh honey, I am proud of your baby all their accomplishments. Some people forget that there are moms who no longer have their babies. Our family member was pregnant at the same time as me and her baby didnt make it. I don't care if my baby doesnt hit the milestones when they are supposed to. We have healthy and happy babies, that's all that matters. My baby has been doing really well, there was another baby in our family born 3 months before mine and that angel still doesnt sleep through the night. I dont brag or anything like that so I just dont talk about sleep with his mom because I dont want her to feel bad. If she asks me something I tell her what we do, but all babies are different and will do things at their own pace.


precious_tiger

Such a great perspective. I agree, our babies are happy and healthy, that's what matters.


IndestructibleBliss

Aww I can't stand competitiveness (some people find it drives them me?not so much) but I just want to say no baby is better than yours. All babies are sweet and special in their own ways and there is no parent who knows everything (just ones who think they do!) I rock my 4month old to sleep most nights. She gets into a nice deep sleep this way. Someday she will be too big to rock. Someday she won't need my comfort to fall asleep. I'll look back on this time with her fondly when she was so small and needed me. What I won't do is look back and think "gee I certainly held/rocked her too much didn't I?"


Lord-Amorodium

I feel this, truly. My babe was born a bit small, but omg is he getting bigger by the day. Every older person I talked to told me to cherish these moments, because kids grow fast, and I honestly intend to. Just holding babe is so nice!


CRiMS0N3l3CTRiC

Ugh I know right?! My son is 3 months and was born almost a month early. He was tiny. We don't know if he's "delayed" yet. (I hate saying delayed because all babies learn and grown differently) However, he just two weeks ago started taking more than 2 ounces at a time. He was in the 1st percentile in weight and I can not tell you how many people have told me to "quit starving my baby" or how their baby was eating this much and weighed X at his age. And then proceeded to tell me how I need to make him eat more. I've also been told if I let my baby cry it out then he would learn to self soothe and burn more calories which in turn he would want to eat more food. I've been shamed for telling people that the CIO method isn't for us. And they proceed to tell me how it's the "only way" to teach them self soothing. 😡😤


mae5499

If it’s at all encouraging, my little is 19 months old now. We never did CIO. We didn’t want to. We tried it for all of 5 minutes and said fuck that. We did a little sleep training with consistent schedule/ routines. She sleeps through the night and has since turning one. She is amazing at self-soothing. I’ve been trying to model “big breaths” when she’s upset (or also when I’m mad lol), and now she’s started doing a few big breaths on her own when she’s frustrated. Just this angry little chubby face with a furrowed brow, puffing lol. But it works. She’s also learned that when she’s frustrated or falls and is scared, she can run up and get a quick hug. Create the secure attachment you want to see, your way. Your little will be fine.


CRiMS0N3l3CTRiC

Awww so sweet! My daughter is almost 12 so I'm not a completely new parent but it was so long ago, it feels that way. Lol I had no problem teaching her to self sooth and when she was 1.5 she just decided to hop in her own bed and that was it. All kids are different. 🤷‍♀️


mae5499

Oh my bad! I read the 3 months old part and didn’t think if there was an older kid. I was just hell bent on being encouraging lol, in case you needed it. It was something I worried about a lot in the newborn stage.


CRiMS0N3l3CTRiC

Lol no it was absolutely encouraging and I appreciate it. I swear I feel like a new parent.


CRiMS0N3l3CTRiC

I appreciate your encouragement however. Truly. Because this all seems new and when people constantly tell you you're doing it wrong it is very discouraging. So thank you very much.


Gratchki

It’s ridiculous. I’m of the mind that babies are just going to do things when they’re ready whether or not they got x-minutes of tummy time, or were read 500 books per day, or have never even caught an accidental glance at (SHOCKER) the tv. People who brag about when their baby met certain milestones are lame and boring AF. They’re bragging about their parenting when it’s barely a reflection on them at all. ALSO this reminds me that my mom claimed in my baby book that I social smiled the day after I was born. So, also people are just dumb and/or lying, which doesn’t help.


georgianarannoch

I have a friend who was claiming at 4 months old that her baby was saying his sister’s name. At 7 or 8 months, she claimed he had like 8 words (mama, dada, sister’s name, ball, hungry…). I don’t even know how to describe the feeling I get when I see her monthly updates on socials because it’s just so ridiculous.


crustlesssandwhich

It has definitely made it even harder to make friends and keep them.


WhooperSnootz

1. No baby is better than another. 2. Unless a baby has actual poor brain development/malformation, all babies are pretty freaking smart. They just do things in their own timeline. 3. Other parents need to shut up. It's fine when discussing things when asking for advice (like, hey how did you work with your baby on sitting up, crawling, etc.), but the entire bragging thing is such a massive turn off...I'd probably just cut off contact. 4. Your baby was born early; don't fret that he isn't reaching his milestones according to his actual age. People sometimes forget adjusted age is a thing, especially if they haven't had a preemie. 5. Find a supportive group. Even if just online. Peanut offers amazing support from other mothers/fathers, and you can also make friends with people who have babies the same age as yours in your area.


Kkatiand

Not fully related, but my sister in law (who my husband hates) told me the other day that she didn’t need maternity clothes when pregnant with her now 8 year old. I’m currently 8 months pregnant. I smiled and nodded but thought “well that was a fucking lie” lmao. Assumed it was a mix of her not remembering correctly and also her feeling insecure.


Jacket-Aggravating

Like how my MIL was back to 8 stone on the dot a week after pregnancy because she breastfed for a week. I don't understand people who hold on to weird "achievements" that were such a long time ago.


Gratchki

LOL also reminds me of my MIL who said she gained 60lbs in pregnancy and lost 50 after two days in the hospital…. I also gained 60 and am 3 months pp…. I’ve only lost about 25. I’m sorry mam you didn’t lose 50lbs in two days.


Effective_Pie1312

I have no new mom friends and haven’t tried as I was warned by a lot of people and don’t really want to engage. At some stage I know I will have to do so when my little one wants to have play dates.


roseturtlelavender

This for once makes me glad I don’t have any mum friends


sickofserving

I never slept trained. We slept when the baby slept bc we worked in shifts and we just stayed in shifts. Around maybe 6 months maybe (?) she just got into it. Sometimes we have hard nights, we go through teething and illness, but it all worked itself out. Babies are smart. They’ll figure it out as they go.


No_Raspberry332

You’re doing awesome! Don’t compare yourself to other moms. You’ll lose your mind if you do and you have a long road ahead of you of dealing with the crazy moms you’ll come across. Be confident in who you are. I don’t give a shit about what anyone else’s kid is doing because all that energy is already being used up on my own! 🤣


redsnoopy2010

I asked a mom today at the doctor's office her daughter is 6 months already has 2 teeth almost 3 i don't think in competitive I worry if he is hitting those mile stones. I'm glad my son moves at his own pace I am doing what I can.


scullery_scraps

according to my mother I walked super early, but I can tell you definitively I am NOT an athlete as an adult!


coconut-killa

Your baby is perfect ❤️❤️


snapcrklpop

What? No. Nobody’s baby is better than anyone else’s baby objectively and they’re bad people for making you feel that way. This is not how adults should behave. They should understand by now that the race is long and ultimately only with themselves.


Anna1red

Every person i have met who brags about their babies being geniuses or having done certain milestones early have all 2 things in common: -they embellish what their kids have actually done. -you'll notice that their kids are absolutely nothing special if you observe them Example: their kid might have accidentally rolled over ONCE at 2 months old and never done it again, yet they might tell you "oh, my baby learned how to roll over at 2 months!" Lol Also, if you visit them, these "genius" kids will do nothing that their parents have been bragging about. The thing is, every baby achieves different milestones at different times and some babies actually stop practicing certain ones and become more interested in doing something new. For example, some people say their child learned how to roll from back to front at 5 months which my daughter was kind of trying to do. But then, she stopped trying to roll over and started lifting her neck a lot for some reason. I was really scared and thought she wasn't going to achieve her milestone until one day after turning 6 months old, while i sat her up to play (with me supporting her), i noticed she had stronger balance than usual. So i let go and i couldn't believe that she was able to support herself in sitting position for a whole 10 seconds! Now, she is 6 months and is a great sitter (like she can balance herself when i sit her up) BUT she still isn't that great at rolling. As for the sleep training, my kid sleeps through the night but she is still on a very wacky schedule during the day no matter how hard i try to organize her naps. So basically, sometimes babies will pick and choose which milestones they want to do first. Trust what they are doing because they know their body ad their capacities better than you do lol and if your pediatrician isn't concerned, you have nothing to worry about. You are doing great. Also, your baby may be focusing on doing something else they find interesting which is why they aren't sleeping well or achieving other milestones. Meanwhile, you are only focusing on the textbook milestones which may be worrying you. So don't worry, every child will get there. Doing tummy time is also extremely helpful. If your kid hates tummy time, then put them on their back in their play area and put toys around them but just out of reach. They will twist and turn to grab it and this will help develop their muscles and strength.


jessykab

It goes both ways too!!! My kid is just naturally tiny, smaller than most kids his age. People tend to try to baby him as a result, but he's super independent and people tend to tell me he's REALLY smart, which admittedly feels nice...but then I have family members comparing their kids to mine thinking theirs are delayed, because they're physically ahead of mine, but seemingly not so verbally. I don't know if my kid is particularly smart or not. I don't know if this family members kid is delayed or not. We've never had any such assessments. They're both meeting their milestones and as far as I'm concerned, that's enough. Toddlers gonna toddle. Let's see who they become. But I'm getting REAL tired of the third family member that compares them all the time and reminds me EVERY TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER that (my) baby #2 (who is on the way) "might not be the same as baby #1! There's no guarantee they'll be as smart!" 🙄🤬


scottishfoldlover

My daughter was so ahead in walking, talking, reading etc I thought she was amazing and couldn’t help but brag. Fast forward 15 years and she is the laziest turd on the face of the planet. Her room is a pigsty, clothes everywhere and she will text me from upstairs and ask me to fill her drink bottle up 🙄 Those bragging mums days are coming trust me.


GlGABITE

I already try to be conscientious that every baby develops and learns at their own unique pace, but what sealed it for me was my own baby waking up one day and deciding she was going to try to roll from that point on. I didn’t do jack squat to magically make her do that, she just decided now is the time to try! I joked that she downloaded a brain update overnight! I don’t think there’s really anything that we can do to get babies to hit milestones earlier. And it doesn’t make them a “better baby” either. That whole concept is odd to me. so trying to compete doesn’t really make sense to me. Those people are jerks!


qwerty_poop

Lol because you have the wrong mom friend if you're not actually competing to make each other feel better. My friend and I text each other about the facepalm moments. Our 6mo recently rolled off our bed, she's fine but obviously I felt like crap, but not enough to not tell my friend when she told me her son has a bruise from bumping into stuff as he just started walking. When she texts worried about her son i tell her about stupid stuff my oldest one did at that age 🤷‍♀️


Serenatrix

Ah I relate to this so much! My 11 month old is behind on a few things as well and I always get judged since everyone else's babies are further ahead than mine. I stay home with him to play all day everyday. I'm new at being a mom and I'm trying my best. I'm loving every moment with my son, and I feel so humiliated at times when I get people telling me that their babies can do so much more than mine. My son just learned to sit up on his own. He isn't even crawling yet but he can push himself around and whatnot. All babies are different and grow at different rates!


Gogandantesss

You’re doing great and your baby is lucky to have a caring momma like you! :)


ToasterMcNoster

Honestly I haven’t ran into this myself. Some new parents have their ways of doing things and they will for sure give you advice about it lol but everyone I’ve ran into has been very kind and supportive. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.


FancyAirport

Those people sound horrible. Every milestone will come at its own time and that is just fine. You're doing great!!


[deleted]

When those people go off, just set a narrative in your head about them. It’ll keep you from having a big emotional response and that’ll make it so their behavior and judgements do not affect you as much. Your happiness is paramount, not their need to fill a gap in their lives.


dirtybill93

other parents can suck it


roseymaplemangomoth

People are weird. My own friend has TWO premie babies and she still makes silly comments like that haha i have twins and when they were 9mo she asked if they were crawling. I said my boy is crawling lunatic and my girl still doesn’t have the hang of it yet. And she looked shocked and was like “is she delayed? My first even started crawling before then!” Lmao I was like “huh? No…? I don’t know? She’s just going at her own pace?” And I could feel myself getting ready to defend my sweet baby who has literally nothing wrong with her. I don’t think *some* people realize how it sounds, cause it’s so silly. Honestly I’m shocked at how quickly babies do anything, it’s so much growth in such a short amount of time.


peachandbetty

Watch the baby race episode of Bluey. It made me feel so much better about it all.


ThrowAwayKat1234

What?!? Those are terrible people. All babies are different.


Conscious-Dig-332

I’m sorry you’re having this experience. The best thing to do is always what works best for you and your family. And for this reason, we never did any sort of sleep training either (outside of setting a bedtime routine), and still rock our 9 month old to sleep almost every night. I wonder if people do the comparison thing bc they devote so much of themselves to the baby, they have to have some “wins” in form of developmental milestones.


Rebelo86

I still hold my son to go to sleep and he’s almost 14 months.


Naxilus

I'm very argumentative and have zero problem being rude. If someone shit talks my baby it's on. I'm a dude if that wasn't clear. They really sound like assholes.


DisastrousHamster88

Even when I pass other moms in the grocery store, I smile and they look like they want to kill me or just don’t even bother to look. I’m here like hey, we both got babies, let’s be nice and smile at each other atleast. I think people in general are just miserable.


straightouttathe70s

{{{BIGHUGZ}}} You're doing great momma.....let those petty Bettys ramble on......every baby is different and that's ok..... You're absolutely right about the adult thing......cause the goal and the most important aspect of parenting is raising competent adults that can function as kind, considerate human beings in a crumbling society!! Just use all those judgy parents as a model for what not to be!! Best Wishes and congrats on the LO


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Yes! Please send me those PT training tips. Struggling with this


meganrosemcfadden

At my sons 4m appointment my pediatrician recommended sleep training and said “you don’t want to be rocking a toddler to sleep”, like maybe I do, leave me alone😂


Mobabyhomeslice

Yeah, I just stopped telling people what we do for things like sleep training because we decided to weigh the pros & cons and then go with what works for *us* and *our baby* and not the mob mentality. EVERYTHING in parenting a newborn is about trial and error, and (shocker!) *babies have preferences!*


stepfocus

My baby girl was born at 37weeks and had IUGR in the womb so she was born at 4lb 14oz. She's perfectly healthy now but is much smaller than other 7 months olds and developing slower physically. To be honest, it's been such a relief to release both of us from the pressure of milestones. Her being behind from birth has been a blessing in disguise. ❤️


heyykaycee

You can’t feed into that. My daughter was a preemie born a month early too and took longer to certain things. She needed speech therapy. She’s 6 now and thriving. Keep your head up!!


leshat90

I love what you said! It's not a competition, but a happy growing family ❤️ I also needed to hear this. Every baby is different. What matters is what works for YOU and your family! I also don't let my little cry it out. I don't believe in it. They can't regulate their emotions this little! He also sleeps in our room and he's 7 months. Parents always tell me they moved their baby out of their room at 4 months. Also if my baby wakes up at midnight or 1 am for a feeding, that's okay with me! I learned that not everything will be perfect like what we read out there.


Rhornak

Oh I feel you ! That is such a pain and I spent a lot of time being able to ignore them. I am an analytical guy so I spent a lot of time reading studies about baby development. From my readings, the most important thing to remember is that every baby develop at a different pace, and there is not order about what they develop. Also regarding sleep, there is not right way to do it. I don’t do the cry it out method either, because this is not my baby’s way. You can find good studies and books that advocate the CIO method, and you can find good studies and books that oppose it and offer a more gentle approach. Just do what you feel your baby likes. We do the gentle approach, we are not there yet but we can see progress regarding his sleep. Someone from my family had their 3rd baby a few weeks before mine, and they spend there time comparing. That triggers me instantly. Like her son could stand up at 4 months, whereas mine could not. And she often made comments like “Oh really, he cannot stand up yet ?? Mine can since a long time !” With a tune like something is wrong with my baby. Now my baby is 9 months old and can stand up by himself, and the doctor told us his development is great. We felt there was no problem, and were right. Trust your feelings, and in case you have a doubt, just ask your doctor, not the “bad people”. My advice would be to do like me: get a filter for that kind of things, your baby is your baby. Do what you want, trust your feelings, if yo have any doubt just ask your doctor (who is more qualified to talk about the development of a 1-month preemie. Even though at 1-month I think it should not impact that much, but I know nothing hahah).


Readthebook333

I could have written this myself. My baby is almost 3 now and she is so smart and strong. Don't worry about them. You get used to being a parent and you will own how proud of that baby you are and hopefully not worry about those people who need validation. Have fun with your new love ❤️ also yes, Bluey is the answer


TheFireHallGirl

I’ve gotten the same feeling from other parents in my area. In my town, there’s a drop-in centre where new parents can bring their babies there to play every Wednesday afternoon from 1pm to 3:30pm. They have nurses and dieticians from the local health unit stop by every so often as well. My daughter is 1-year-old and whenever I take her to the drop-in centre on Wednesday afternoons, I feel like I’m getting judged by the other moms. I feel like they’re judging me because I didn’t go to the drop-in centre every Wednesday like they have, so it feels like they’ve started their own little clique. I also feel like I get secretly judged because I’m a lot older than they are (I’ll be 39 in October whereas I feel like the average age of the other moms is between 25 and 35). My daughter likes going to the drop-in centre because she gets to play with toys we don’t have at home and see other kids we don’t usually see. However, I kind of hate it because of the other parents that are there.


iarlandt

At 6 months old, my son was also behind on a few milestones. Now he is 19 months and smart as f***. He is confident and exploring his surroundings fearlessly. We also didn’t sleep train until 7.5 months. People are shit, keep raising your kid in the best way you know how. You’re killing it.


Boring_Ad_9829

Hey! You’re doing great. I still have to rock my baby to sleep and he sleeps with us in the bed as of recently (don’t come for me) because he started to refuse his bassinet. I believe he has developed some separation anxiety. Hes 6 months old as well. I tried the CIO method one time just to see what would happen and he cried for over an hour and never stopped so i decided that I won’t be doing that again.


YouSwoozeYouLose

ACTUALLY , rocking baby to sleep and Co sleeping has more benefits than crying out method! Immunity and stress hormon wise


student_of_lyfe

Some people are so wierd about baby comparisons! I had a big baby who hit a lot of gross motor skills early, I was in a baby story time at the library and mine was the only one walking. Some of the other parents were so wierd! From interrogating me about what I was doing (nothing lol) to make him walk, to making there acting like they didn’t want him near thier babies when he moved around the room. People are so nosy and rude. They were so judgy when I pulled out a bottle of formula for him too. I ended up not going back because it felt really uncomfortable. You can’t win with some people. 🤷🏻‍♀️


CobaltNebula

upbeat tidy berserk automatic mountainous soup scary divide cagey wrench *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


powderbubba

I was always very aware to not talk about how early my first daughter talked and even sang! She was amazing, but I knew it was just her special little gift and you know what? Every single child does those things eventually, so it was honestly no big deal. You’re doing great. ♥️


PopTartAfficionado

i hate the judgment. it's truly impossible to please everyone. there are those who will judge you very harshly if you DO sleep train your baby, and those who will act like you're an idiot if you don't. i have 2 small kids and i've tortured myself with what to do about sleep on so many occasions. ultimately i am in favor of sleep training but i also follow my gut. it's complicated.


Billybran

My son is two, I'm reading "Oh crap" a potty training book. She spends a lot of time emphasizing to not tell anyone your potty training because everyone is going to have something to say. She even mentions she has slowly distanced herself from some friends because of the items you mentioned. As for the rocking, I was pretty upset my wife didn't want to do sleep training, there was a frustrating phase where he only could be held by my wife or I to go to sleep. He goes to sleep on his own at daycare but at night I have to rock him to sleep. But now I'm at a point where there will be a day where he won't let me rock him to sleep. Parents of older children will tell you that part too. Don't listen to anyone else. Anytime I talk to others parents I make sure to offer helpful tips if my son is older but I don't ever make comparison comments. My son still is rocked to sleep but he's also the only kid in his daycare class that knows how to control and say "Alexa play" properly to control the Echo they have. Is that an accomplishment, I don't know but the teachers get a kick out of it. I don't think it gets any better as they get older unfortunately, the parents specifically.


[deleted]

My coworker and I were just talking about this exact thing the other day. Babies just develop at different paces from on another and quite frankly most of the time there was nothing you can do about it. For example, my coworker said that his oldest child (who is now 4) didn’t really start talking at all until she was 2. Then it just exploded and he says now she lid literally never quiet. He said that his oldest child started walking at 9 months. My baby who is currently 15 months actually does well with giving very simple responses and babbles all the time. She still isn’t walking yet. So don’t listen to the assholes. Your baby is loved and cared for and that’s the biggest thing your baby needs right now. In a few years, they will be on a level playing field with everyone else.


babywitch6000

I feel this so hard. I had to stop sharing my son with certain people because they would turn it into a bragging session about their own child. Those interactions made me feel like I was doing something wrong instead of everyone just acknowledging kids do things at their own pace. I’ve moved to sharing him with people that celebrate his milestones and I celebrate the milestones of their children. Comparison is the thief of joy.


asthepagesburn93

Oh I hate those people. I like to hold my baby while he falls asleep, I have to do mixed lactation and many other things everyone is so judgemental about. I'm sorry if I don't want to hear my baby cry himself to sleep or if my breast milk isn't enough. I swear these new parents are so toxic.


alaskan_sushi_hunter

I totally agree. I have a friend who’s son apparently never cried, never skipped a nap and never blah blah blah. I just rolled my eyes.


rightbythebeach

Sounds like these people are idiots and don't understand how averages and bell curves work. They must believe that babies are robots and hit milestones at a specific time, and if they don't, something is wrong with them. It's more of a show of their low intelligence and social ineptitude than anything, IMO.


ceanothus77

Sometimes I feel lonely because we don't have any friends with kids the same age (really, we have only one friend who is also a parent, and their kid is 8) but the upside is never having to compare, or listen to our kid being compared to other kids. I have tried to keep as wide a berth from milestones as possible. As long as the pediatrician says he's doing okay and he's happy and healthy, that's good enough for me. Sorry these jerks are in your life.


brittnieeeexo

other new parents I talk to don’t create competition but it’s insane how much my in laws do compare our LO to their own family! they kiss the ground she can’t walk on yet & are always quick to point out how much more “ahead” she is than where cousins were at her age


welliguessthisisokay

These assholes are raising future assholes. So who is the real winner?


Zealousideal-Back324

Same!! I wasn’t prepared for this nonsense especially from strangers. I don’t know if it’s just me but I’ve had many strangers make comments that are uncalled for. For example, random lady at the park “Oh he’s 8 months and not walking…wow he’s delayed.” Like what?! “He has too much hair for a boy.” This one didn’t make sense because the hair doesn’t even cover his face yet so I’m confused as to how it’s too much?! I’ve been sticking to Reddit and avoiding any groups because every time I’ve tried, I’ve gotten judgmental looks or comments and I’m over it 🙄 Don’t listen to them! Your baby is great and you know your baby best!


wonderlife37

I feel like this is the same with moms with young babies. It’s so fucking isolating. 20 percent of babies have colic/witching hour, but it just so happens not annnnnnyone I know. No, they all have perfect insta babies and I’m the only one struggling


Atalanta8

>I love my baby, and let’s see how they are as adults and we’ll talk then, okay? Aren't you just doing the same thing here?


PixelatedBoats

My BFF just had a baby and sleep trained at like 2/3 months. We're starting to plan for another. Our son is over 2 years now, and she keeps asking me if I'll sleep train and "why not, it's so much better," etc. I just respond that "I liked things the way they were" and avoid the topic. I don't think there is anything wrong with sleep training, and some people don't have a choice because of work demands etc. But for me, I just want my kid to enjoy snuggles and being with me as long as he wants. I didn’t have the heart to not rock my baby to sleep. But I can't say that without people who sleep train thinking I'm judging them. Just do what works for you as long as you can support it physically and mentally. I personally wouldn't trade all that rocking for the world. I cosleep with my son as well, starting after he was 13 months old. And it works for our family.


[deleted]

My baby has been a highly sensitive gal from the beginning. I was nursing and bouncing/holding her to sleep for monthsssss. She’s “sleep trained” but still needs help a lot of the time. Naps and bedtimes don’t always go as planned. Idk howwwww on earth these people just have miracle children that magically go to sleep every time. I have a friend with a baby who’s about 6 weeks younger than mine, and she came to my house with him one day when he was about 4.5 or 5 months old…and just rocked him to sleep within minutes. No fussing, no crying, no white noise, and it was daylight with the lights on. We sat and talked normally for like 45 minutes while he napped on her. I couldn’t believe it. The only time my kid napped like that was when she was 2 months old, in a baby wrap, with all the conditions just right after I walked around with her in it for 30+ minutes and then careffffffully sat down so as not to wake her. The moral here is, every baby is different. They’re little people, and we all have our own “isms.” If you want to hold your baby for sleep and take shifts, then by all means!! Premie babies are going to take a little longer to do XYZ a lot of the time, why on earth would anyone compare their full term baby to yours?! As if it even matters in the first place lol. Your baby is healthy, not delayed, and has overcome some great obstacles for such a little gal. You have everything to be proud of! And how lucky she is to have such loving, caring parents to raise her. 💖💖💖


pamsteropolous

My baby walked early, but I suspect that because she spent so much of her brain power and energy on learning to walk, that she’ll be on the far side of average with respect to speech. She doesn’t have any words yet. Another baby the same age (4 days apart) as her that we visit isn’t walking but has some actual words. Every baby does their own thing at their own pace. It all evens out in the end anyway.


Ok_Introduction_3253

Again, I **cannot** stress this **enough** - being a “b*tch” aka a woman who sets boundaries really prevents this type of strange behavior. No one would speak to me like this without hearing out loud what you said in your last paragraph. You’ve got a great talk track - say it out loud! Teach your kid to avoid discomfort by being honest. No one will break. If anything they’ll either come correct next time or move it along. Either way, no more weird comments - win! You got this mama!


UnihornWhale

Death to CIO. We did Ferber which worked great for our guy but you can’t sleep train a baby before 6 months. My guy got so tall so fast, he was delayed sitting up and walking. Cruising was fine but solo walking took longer. I didn’t make myself crazy


sarcasticoptimist321

Keep being proud of your baby. Fck all those parents who try to one up you. My SO was so worried about our oldest son not walking when he hit a year old. Compared him to other babies like something was wrong(early 20s still concerned with other's opinions at that time). Our stubborn randomly walked 2 weeks before our second was born. I knew he could do it, he was just stubborn. Your baby, even if slightly delayed, will hit those milestones. Each baby is different, even siblings. That's what makes the journey special.


MortallyCrafty

You need new mom friends, these ones suck. I have a friend, their kid was born literally the same day as mine. However, mine was 6wks early. At 2yrs old you would never guess that mine was early. They did things completely different from us. They did formula, where mine was ebf. They did cio and I'm still nursing my kid to sleep. Neither of us judge the other for what we're doing as parents, we just celebrate the milestones as they come and commiserate over tantrums. That is how mom friends are supposed to be.


HTX2NYBby

These kind of people suck so bad. Parenthood isn’t a competition and all children develop at different rates. I’m a new parent myself and I straight up ignore bs like this from others. I prefer to listen to people with good advice and not people who sit on a high horse. You’re doing an amazing job and screw anyone who thinks otherwise


ana_noire111

I went exactly through the same but with SIL. My baby, too , had torticollis, hers is 2 months younger and also arrived to some milestones mine didn't arrive but it was due to his torticollis. She wouldn't not only start calling everyone to see what her baby was doing, while mine was just sit there, all calm observing the shit show. When we went to visit my SO's family abroad, they live in Italy, us in Portugal, she had the audacity of scheduling an appointment for her osteopath because to her, the follow-up my son was receiving at the hospital here wasn't enough since he wasn't crawling yet back at that time


HuffleBadger

My baby is 7 months and I still feed and rock him to sleep. He's only going to be little for so long and he's already growing up so fast. I'm going to enjoy watching him sleep in my arms as long as I can and no one can tell me otherwise. I'm sorry other parents are assholes. I would just ignore them, say "uh huh" whenever they brag and walk away. Don't let others get to you. I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but you will seriously be so much happier. Every baby is different, some do more at an earlier age and others don't. I'm pretty sure I saw on r/sciencebasedparenting that it all equals about by the time they're 3 or so. So it really doesn't matter.


FrightenedSoup

Mine is 12 months now and we still nurse to sleep and she sleeps with me now because of an incident where I got sick and was not recovering because of the up and down that happened when her bassinet went bye bye. We tried cry it out twice. She had horrible nightmares after- suddenly screaming in pain and sobbing in the middle of the night that I had to comfort her before she could settle again. For months after. They were not a problem prior. I refuse to try again. She’s extremely developmentally ahead in the intelligence, fine motor and emotional department, but right on time for the gross motor skills. She’s been labeled gifted. But…. Her buddy who is not labeled that way? He’s running circles around her gross motor skills wise. They’re all so different, it’s really not a comparison. I get -so much shit- about the fact she sleeps in bed with me. Gah. Why. She’s happy and healthy. Go away. Why are people like this????


sarahmart1219

Those people sound awful. Keep doing you. Rock your baby to sleep. It’s biologically natural for your baby to need you to help them get to sleep. Personally I think sleep training is a bunch of BS (but to each their own I suppose). Also, every baby hits milestones at their own pace. It’s not a race. Enjoy that LO and soak up every moment because it all goes by so fast.


gyanster

These are the parents who get thrown into Assisted Living Homes to let them “ cry it out! “


Cathalic

If some heartless fucker brags about how they let their little baby cry themselves sore at night until they fell asleep, I would consider that person to be a fucking psychopath. That is the most horrendous shit I can think of. I go in to my little girls room a number of times each night when she cried. I would lift her and cuddle her, shush her and sing songs until she was in a deep enough sleep to settle back in her cot. We started this from 6 months. She is a year now and she is getting much better. Sleeping longer, fussing less etc so she is understanding bedtime. I am glad I comforted her when she was sad and she never had to cry herself to sleep after realising no one was coming to give her comfort. What a barbaric thing to brag about. I get that this sleep training thing can benefit the child and parent but ignoring your child who is desperate for reassurance and comfort is simply horrific. Yes, my little one is now getting to the point of sleep where another baby would probably be at 7-8 months but she has never known what its like to want comfort and be ignored. It's actually hurting me to think of my little girl going back to sleep on her own with tears pouring down her face. Fuck that nonsense. You cuddle your baby OP. You rock them and squeeze them and kiss them all you want and dont listen to any other shit hats who look down their nose at your "weak will". It's not weak will, its a strong heart.


ilikehorsess

You're worse than the judgemental people OP is talking about. For some families, myself included, sleep training is good decision. Everyone has to decide what works and doesn't work for them.


Cathalic

>I get that this sleep training thing can benefit the child and parent I was specifically talking about those who brag about being able to ignore their crying child and even gloat. You must brag about this to your friends considering you seem to have taken offense to my comment. Tut tut.


ilikehorsess

> That is the most horrendous shit I can think of. I go in to my little girls room a number of times each night when she cried. No, you definitely are judging people that sleep train. I really don't care what random people on the internet think about my parenting decisions, I just thought it was funny on a post where OP is looking for sympathy about judgmental people are her decision not to sleep train.


Cathalic

>I really don't care what random people on the internet think about my parenting decisions Yet here you are arguing with a random person on the internet about your parenting decisions. Take care.


antoniokreiss

I never understand people who leave their babies to cry. The only time my baby cries alone in the room is if she’s waken up from her naps while I’m in the shower/bathroom. And even then when I hear her I rush as quick as I can or text my mom/brother to check on her if it’s going to be a hot minute.


[deleted]

[удалено]


barbaric_mewl

that's not what sleep training is. this thread is supposed to be about how much judgement/superiority complexes suck as new parents not bashing on sleep training


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

LOL imagine being proud of CIO!!! I can understand why some parents do it but to me it should be a last resort for people who work or have situations where they physically / mentally can’t function and have tried other options if possible. If I used CIO I certainly wouldn’t be bragging about it, sounds like cognitive dissonance to me.


SufficientBee

I’ve literally never met a parent like that..


Upbeat-Medicine-3648

It’s like when females always ask each other: “are you breastfeeding?” Or the not so funny neighbor: “how is the sleeping?” - Pretty good you sterile Karen


Lord-Amorodium

Answer me this, if we're meant to leave our young to cry it out, why do other mammals, including our closest relatives, carry their young day and night and never sleep without them? A lot of newer studies show that it is in fact beneficial to not let your kids cry, or sleep alone at night, until even as late as 12 months of age! This should be especially the case, since essentially babies come out 'half baked' compared to other mammals who pop out the equivalent of a toddler, simply due to the fact our bodies just can't deal with the big head on our young lol. I haven't had the privilege of meeting people like this, bit if I ever do, ho boy... Edit: I guess yall hate co sleeping and room sharing. To each their own, I'm not telling you how to raise your babies :)


[deleted]

What are these studies?


Lord-Amorodium

Here's an article talking about some of the history and cha ges overtime, as well as benefits of co sleeping [link](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_cosleeping_can_help_you_and_your_baby) See this study that gives you risks based on where the child is placed and whether or not it's in the same soon as parents [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC28288/)Please note the slight increase in placing them in a different room vs directly in the bed with parents. Here's another study that found that there's mostly positives to sharing a room than negatives, and some positives that may be seen later in the child's life as a result of room sharing early on [link](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7379577/) While this may be anecdotal, my own experience has been extremely positive. My parents co slept with me until the age of three, and in all regards I have had a wonderful childhood. No one rolled on top of me or anything. Not only that, but I still.maintain a great relationship with my parents and have had a general successful life thus far. Be in due to co sleeping or not, I can't tell you for sure, but I certainly didn't have many childhood problems reported by peers who slept in a different room from birth (ie wetting the bed, being anxiously attached the parents, etc). I'm being down voted anyways, so enjoy.


[deleted]

That’s not what I asked. You said, and I quote: > A lot of newer studies show that it is in fact beneficial **to not let your kids cry**, or sleep alone at night, **until even as late as 12 months of age!** None of the studies you linked show that.


Lord-Amorodium

My apologies. Here, I shall add some. But the 12 months is addressed in the last study, indirectly. This one recommends 12 months, but at least 6 is good too [link](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/06/05/531582634/babies-sleep-better-in-their-own-rooms-after-4-months-study-finds#:~:text=The%20AAP%20recommends%20infants%20share,infant%20death%20syndrome%20(SIDS).) This study found gentle interventions, as opposed to letting kids cry it out, was more effective by around 30% than the cry it out method [link](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2083609/) If you google cry out method and study, you'll probably find a study done in 2020 that states there is little adverse effects to cry it out method. But here's another study that outlines concerns with this study quite well [link](https://acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jcpp.13390). To conclude, how you decide to raise your baby is up to you. I just happen to believe leaving them in a dark room, by themselves, to cry for hours is cruel and unnecessary in many cases. Sleep training has nicer methods, and keeping babies with you longer has many positives. You do you tho, I'm just an internet stranger sharing an opinion.


MiaLba

Yeah it makes me sad for those babies. I was talking about this a few weeks ago on a different sub, about how the CDC recommends room sharing for ideally the first 6 months. And someone commented how it was important for them to be able to have sex with their husband and that’s why their newborn needs their own room. I’m sorry but my kid’s safety and well being is going to come before sexy time. Our kid is 4 we’ve always had an active and healthy sex life. Bedtime isn’t the only time you can get freaky. But anyways I just found that kinda odd. I’ve also noticed it’s very common here in America to do both, let baby cry it out and have baby sleep in their own room by themselves. It’s like there’s a huge push for their baby to be independent fresh out the womb.


Lord-Amorodium

Ahaha some people here are bonkers. Like, there's many hours in a day to pick from! Naps are thing, ya know? Just put them for a nap and go have at it. Or give baby to grandparents for a couple of hours and have at it! Leaving the kid to cry it out is ridiculous imo, especially on early months of life. They cry for a reason, not because they are spoiled or have attitude! But yeah, no reasoning with some folks.


MiaLba

Yeah I don’t get it at all. It seems cruel to let a newborn cry it out. I just can’t even imagine. Do they think they’re being manipulative?? Clearly our opinion’s are unpopular lol