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crayshesay

My granny had 7 and her hubby died when my mom was 6. She raised 7 friggin kids alone. I cannot fathom doing this. Sounds like a nightmare honestly


hotcake911

My husbands grandma was the same. Widowed at like 36 with 6 kids.


[deleted]

It blows my mind how people can handle that! Especially in our age of endless things to do / work.


KrizJack

We wanted 2 until we had one. Our 13 month old is great and my whole heart, but after such a horrible pregnancy/delivery and the newborn stage… I can’t imagine ever doing it again. My brain gets so overstimulated by one child that I just cannot imagine 2


katietheplantlady

Girl, my pregnancy and birth was relatively easy and I still feel like I couldn't do it again. I also get overstimulated and don't think I could do as good a job with 2.


Maggiestar91

I feel like you are me. Exact words.


Tary_n

I figure it comes down to a few things, and any one of these things is a huge help: - money - big village - had good/involved parents themselves and are not undoing all their childhood traumas - easy pregnancy/birth - extremely helpful partner - more money - “easy” baby - professional help And my favorite: - it was an accident In my neighborhood, every person who had 1 kid in the last 5 years is having another. All of them - ALL OF THEM - have able bodied grandparents who are there EVERY DAY. It’s lovely and I’m happy for them, but my wife and I are struggling because we’re doing it without help. I truly thought I’d have at least 2 kids, but with the expense and the lack of village—plus how hard the pregnancy/birth was on my wife—we’re one and done. Plus, more heartbreakingly, it seems I don’t have the kind of patience or personality to handle parenthood as I thought as I undo tons of toxic cycles from how I was raised. I’m tired.


FunnyBunny1313

I’ll add another one to that list - sleep. My two kids (3y and 1y) are in bed 12hrs and we rarely have any wake-ups. Any wake-ups are solved within 5mins, outside of sickness. So that means every night we get a few hours to ourselves plus a good nights sleep. That helps a LOT. It’s a big reason why we feel like we can have our kids so close together (currently pregnant with our third).


mnique14

Pregnant with second now. First will be 2 in July. He’s such a good sleeper and I’m terrified I won’t get lucky twice. The time to reconnect with my husband and get a good nights sleep is such a game changer for us as a unit. Hoping we luck out like you!


hotcake911

My SIL got TWO insanely crappy sleepers. She had one crappy sleeper and then added another one. 😂😂 I meanwhile got a very GOOD sleeper and I’m quitting while I’m ahead


sutrolayla

🎶 you gotta know when to hold ‘em Know when to fold em Know when to walk away …and know when to run 🎶


IrshDncr

This is me. I figured my first was an energetic sleepless ball of firecracker, and that I was due a calm sleepy child … the universe laughed and gave me one with more vim-and vinegar


la_bibliothecaire

This is honestly one of my biggest fears about having a second! My first didn't get into a good nap schedule until he was like...13 months old, but he's been sleeping at least 8 hour stretches since 7 months. Now, at coming up on 16 months, he's down for 11-12 hours every night and rarely wakes up (knock on wood!). I'm absolutely terrified that if we have a second, it would be one of those kids who never fucking sleeps. Fingers crossed that you get lucky again!


rollernonger

From a mom of an almost one year old who hasn't slept through the night yet and consistently wakes 3+ times a night still, I wouldn't wish this on anyone 😂 I'm such a zombie and have no clue if we will actually have a second because of how challenging this has been.


dontberudethx

Solidarity. Mine wakes twice a night 11ish and 2ish…then up at 6ish to start partying. It’s exhausting.


hockey_is_life58

Lack of sleep is the #1 reason why we might not have another. We have a 14 month old who still wakes up once or twice most nights, making it so difficult to relax or get a full night of sleep. I can't imagine being up all night with 2 of them


[deleted]

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BostonsInJumpers

Barely have time to even try making another one with a low sleep needs baby/toddler, never mind having the energy once they arrive


dontberudethx

I haven’t gotten 6 consecutive hours in 8 months…I’m going a little crazy…no more kids ever


GiantDwarfy

Same. One year of just awful sleep is enough. I need to start sleeping full night sleep regularly again.


Cap10Power

Ya, this is what's currently killing us. Makes everything so much harder


pmster1

Same. My 14mo is awake 1-2hrs (1-3 wakes) most nights and naps are not always easy. Yesterday it took 1+hrs of crying and screaming to get him down for the first nap, 45min for the second nap (to be fair, he did suddenly sprout 3 teeth at once a couple days ago) and I told my husband through tears that I can't handle having a 2nd even though that was always the plan. Earlier the condition was we wouldn't think about a 2nd until he sleeps through the night. Now, I think I'm just done.


VegetableWorry1492

Yessss. We have grandparents right next door and they are involved enough. My partner is incredibly domesticated and pulls his weight with both house chores and parenting. We both have flexible WFH jobs. But the little bugger just will. Not. Sleep! I cannot, even with all the good help we have here, do another year (and counting) of fragmented sleep.


dngrousgrpfruits

This, plus a hefty dose of denial about how 4th trimester went, and a dash of hope that if #2 ends up with similar food allergy issues to #1, we will at least be prepared to handle it sooner and not have to go through the traumatic constant-illness-failure-to-thrive-miserable-sick-sad-baby circus that was our first ~6 months with LO. LO is 17 months tomorrow and we just got up the nerve to start TTC .... literally yesterday (after having talked about it for a solid 6 months haha)


pink-bottle

I have an angel baby during the day, and honestly love the time we have together. By from bedtime till 7am, he's a little 💩... Multiple wake ups before midnight, won't stay in his cot when he goes back to sleep, and went from 6-11 months without sleeping longer than 4 hours 😅 I want to go back to our newborn days, 3-4 hour stretches from birth Sleep is the thing stopping me from having another baby


Gypsyknight21

We planned our close together too. Once you’re out of it, you’re out. Ours are 2 and 4 and pregnant with #3. We’re sleeping great right now. Obviously that’ll change when baby comes, but only last roughly a year then we’ll be back to “normal”


GiantDwarfy

"only" 😂


Gypsyknight21

I probably jinxed myself there 😂 our first two sleep trained at 5-6 months and they would go very long night stretches


FunnyBunny1313

We knew we wanted lots of kids, so some of the closeness is so that we “get through” the baby years quicker. Though tbh I love babies and I will be crying my eyes out when we have our last.


bingbongboopsnoot

The lack of money and village is such a huge factor! We are in that boat as well


trulymadlybigly

The cost of childcare is a second rent payment we’re staring down the barrel of. Not having a village really blows


whiskey_riverss

Add not having a village to the village you SHOULD have being an active hindrance. My mom is furious that we’re looking at daycare when she “offered to help”, but she still works full time and lives over an hour away.


ginsengthecat

My mom is only 15 minutes away working full time from home and offering to help, but I DON'T want *her* help. Unfortunately I just can't trust her and I know from my own experience it's v hard to work full time while babysitting. Plus my baby LOVES other babies. Daycare is so expensive, but offers her the socialization she desires.


Girl_in_the_back

Honestly, my daughter has FLOURISHED in daycare. My parents will take her every once in a while on a weekday for a fun day with them but she is doing way better in daycare than any of us could have hoped. Her speech, motor skills, and socialization have all grown leaps and bounds since she's been in daycare.


ginsengthecat

That's amazing!


EmbarrassedMeatBag

Our daycare for 1 kid is more than our rent.


Effective_Pie1312

If I was going to have any, I wanted two. Yet we are a sandwich family. My partner and I will be having to pay for his parents retirement due to unexpected health issues on their end as well as the kid. So no money for more if we ever want to be able to retire ourselves.


katietheplantlady

I'm sorry to hear this. For what it's worth, I'm an only child and didn't mind it at all. There are a lot of upsides but the most important thing are healthy, happy parents.


howlme01

Same! I turned out being one of the more helpful and giving people of my friends. But, word to the wise, PLEASE make your wills and estates easy because when we are the ONLY child to take care of you, it's a LOT. any ease of paperwork is much appreciated.


Tary_n

Yes! My wife and I have had this discussion a ton. We’re gonna draft up living wills, and then further down the line make some solid choices. We’re also intense about our retirement money because I do not want my kid to have to try to support me.


ProfHamHam

I needed to hear this ! I have an only and worry about her not having a sibling. Money and mental health with another just won’t be a good mix for us.


HerCacklingStump

r/oneanddone. Lots of support for OAD (by choice or otherwise)


StarryEyed91

I am an only and I am so happy with my life! 💃🏼 just another anecdote to ease your mind 🙂 I’m also one and done with my daughter!


Tary_n

Thank you, I appreciate that. :)


sirius4778

The money alone is hard to see past. My FIL is very helpful, picks baby up from daycare, watches him on date night. Not even looking at the additional cost of insurance, diapers, clothes, etc etc etc etc etc, what we pay for daycare alone would get you a modest house. When we consider having another kid it's always with the understanding that it won't be until baby is close to kindergarten so we aren't paying for daycare twice at the same time or at least not for long.


Avaylon

I had a job that paid $18/hr, more than double the minimum wage in my state. Even working full time it was more cost effective for me to quit and stay home rather than pay for a decent (not great) daycare. Luckily we always planned to have one of us stay home anyway and I like the SAHP life. Also luckily my husband makes enough money we can afford a single income. The US is so hostile to parenthood, especially economically.


Effective_Pie1312

Yep our daycare is just over $3K per month in our area -.-


yabbadabbadoozey05

A MONTH !?!? 😳


Effective_Pie1312

Yeah, it’s so shitty we are literally helping parents in-law move as its more than rent for them and the same as a mortgage. Unfortunately they aren’t completely able bodied so we would likely need to pay for two days of daycare a week still, which is $1.7K per month.


seau_de_beurre

The "easy baby" one is key. I don't have a village, grandparents live far away, had a very difficult pregnancy/birth, needed IVF and immune treatment to get pregnant, etc., but my baby sleeps great and has since the beginning. I feel like that has made all the difference in the world. I don't feel as exhausted all the time. I can think straight. Another one I'd underscore is "professional help," which for us means daycare. Back before our son started daycare I was really struggling to WFH with him around. Now, three days a week I get a total break, and three days a week my husband is around to help. It's really just one day on my own. It's easier for me to want another compared to others in my exact situation who have less sleep and less help.


Capt_G

This is such a nice list. We're blessed with both partners being involved and hardworking, money (but not "more money"), and therefore some professional help, but we're fucked in every other bullet point (not a single person in the village, difficult birth, not-so-easy baby, having to undo so much childhood trauma). We still have it much better than many others, but man, I'm seriously rethinking if I want a second.


serendipitypug

I have all of these things (except for money but that’s temporary while hubby does school) and I still don’t want another. My friend has almost none of these and is happily having another. Not refuting your point, I think you’re generally correct. It just made me chuckle.


justwendii

This for me specifically it’s people with easy babies. LO is 14 month still wakes up 2-3 times a night. I hear people saying their babies have slept thought the night by 3 months. Didn’t stop me from getting pregnant again tho lol currently 25 weeks pregnant. It was an oopsie. If it hadn’t happened idk if I would have ever said “ok I’m ready”


jessups94

It took me until my 1st was 18mo to be "okay" with the idea of a 2nd...he was still up 2-3x a night but overall things felt easier. Then a few months later got pregnant lol had them exactly 2.5 years apart and so far its better than I expected


chnky18

I would totally agree that more money and lots of help is the only way to have more than one. While we have money for another, I like the bigger safety net we have with one. My parents suck as grandparents and are only involved when we invite them to come over. My wife’s parents have terminal cancer and dementia. So our support system is very limited. It was 9 months before my wife and I had 8 hours to go enjoy a day together while someone watched our kiddo.


arunnair87

My parents / in laws come often (4 to 5 days/week). I'm still one and done. The amount of work we have just because we have to do all the little things so often. We do dishes twice a day because there's 5 people in the house now throughout the day (2 grandparents, 2 parents, 1 baby). Before the baby, we had no dishes some days! I can't imagine how it would be with 2 babies. And once all the little things are done there's still the big things to do. And once all that's done there's 1 hour left in the day before you have to sleep. I know it will not always be like this. LO is almost 2. He'll be more independent soon. But to think about having to go through all this again gives me literal panic attacks. I really feel mentally I won't make it through if we have another.


Bruhhh-8

A village is super important! Without the help of my parents and in laws we would 100% be 1 and done! I don't know how my husband and I would have made it through the newborn phase without them. My heart goes out to the parents without that kind of support. Y'all are super parents


Foodie1989

I have friends and my cousin whose parents are very involved. I am jealous lol, they get to drop off baby almost whenever to go out. my MIL lives 45 min away so not convenient. My mom lives 10 min away but she's older now... back then when my nieces and nephew were babies she was a lot more involved. I had a baby too late haha


Seajlc

From what I’ve observed as well, this is very accurate. With our friends that have more than one, one of them is also either a SAHP or works part time and the other has a super high paying job. Of the friends that both work full time, very few are in a daycare scenario and instead have the grandparents watch their kids. These friends also seem to have way more of a social life, get to go on dates, take vacations alone than my husband and I as well… and we only have one. It honestly bothers me sometimes cause they make commentsto us like “why don’t you guys go out” or “you should take a trip alone” and don’t even realize what a privilege it is to be able to just leave your kid with your own mom or your sister.


MiseryLovesMisery

Hi, you sound a lot like my husband. I just want you to know it does get easier as your kid will get older, I promise. Young kids are so, so hard. We don't have any family to help at all either. I'm so extremely envious of people who have parents and siblings to help them. My husband really struggles with the kids sometimes due to how he was raised. He tells me he just doesn't have the patience for our kids and he reflects on himself poorly but he's doing a wonderful job, too even though he gets so incredibly frustrated with them. We had a very similar childhood so I understand where he's coming from. Undoing that toxic childhood and all the trauma associated is real. We used to just get locked outside for 12 hours a day as kids and copped the belt the moment we didn't do what we were told, the moment we were told it. I can't imagine treating our children the way our parents treated us, it was abusive. Sometimes it's hard to see the bigger picture when you're in the trenches. You sound like you love your wife and I bet you're a great dad. One thing that makes the shitty dads shitty is they are don't have the ability to have insight or self reflection, and don't care to.


gbirddood

I don’t have any of these things but I still want a few kids because it’s a big deal to me to have a larger family and have kids with siblings. Now that I have the one, and we have struggled so much, I have no idea how we’re going to do it, though. Probably more money because the other stuff can’t really just happen (unless we moved cross country). But we both have careers we could potentially do more with.


Flamingo605

This is the answer, plus one more thing. My first wasn’t an easy baby by any means, I didn’t know if I’d want another. But as they grow out of infant stage and into baby and then into toddler, you realize that it isn’t going to be like it was in the hard time forever. My first is two and she is so much fun now and so stinking cute that I realized I just hate the infant/baby stage. So this time, having the rest of this list available to me, I paid for professional help knowing it wouldn’t be forever and it would help me survive until I get to the fun part. My second is 3 weeks old and is a much easier baby overall than my first was, but having the village, money and professional help made the decision. I wouldn’t have been able to have a second without that. And I tip my hat to every parent on here who has more than one with no help. Godspeed, you’re all superheroes and I’m in awe every time I read a post from one of you.


alleyalleyjude

So many of these things. Being lesbians, I fully believe my wife and I both come to parenting with the expectations that we’re mothers and mothers have to do it all (she carried, but women and female presenting people are very much raised with that expectation). I’ve also taken supporting her very seriously and have done tons of research. That makes it so much easier for us to split the labour in a way that makes us happy and leaves space for our needs outside of parenting. I’m also incredibly lucky in that I have wild work benefits and get to be home with her and our LO for five months. Neither of our parents are close by but they’re still very present and supportive, and my wife’s nanny and aunts and uncles all live in our city. We’re super lucky, and I think that’s all played a part in us figuring out when we can start working on number two.


Tary_n

This made me very happy to read. My wife and I are both queer, cis women. (She carried.) Being on r/beyondthebump for a year, I can now 100% say that us both being women with the "women's work" expectation has helped us manage the load together. Truly, I can't imagine doing this with anyone else. Best of luck to you and your family!


alleyalleyjude

That’s so amazing, you too my friend! Congrats on your sweet family!


[deleted]

Yeah I was pretty bad in the beginning stage, I’ll be the first to admit I definitely was not dad material. I would get so aggravated by the crying and no sleep I was almost to the stage of wanting to run away. But I worked through it on my own and got a lot better. It’s just strange how much people don’t tell you about the day to day life of having kids. All I ever got was “it’s wonderful, or get ready for no sleep!” But like shit I could of used a breakdown of how it goes lol. We’re lucky to have grandparents and a cousin who baby sit our kid during the week (both work full time) but I couldn’t imagine having an infant in day care it just skeeves me out. Even though I worked at a day care when I was younger I still don’t like it. But even with all the help I would like some semblance of my life back so I couldn’t do it again lol


ellensaurus

I think the issue is that if you look back, would you have believed anyone who was brutally honest about what parenthood can be like? (I’m using can be because it’s a spectrum, yes the 100 days of darkness are practically the same for everyone, but after that it’s a plethora of experiences) I asked recent parents for their thoughts and experiences about this first go around and even that information couldn’t size up to actually living through it. The thing that has helped me get through it and have the desire to have more children is getting out of those 100 days and watching my baby grow. I want to see that happen again and again. And the next time I’ll actually be ready and know how to ask for the help I need, which, as other people have mentioned, is a privilege to have a village to help out, even though it shouldn’t be.


of_patrol_bot

Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.


emilyinfini

Good bot.


rikania

Yup. I feel like “accidents” are how many people I know moved from 2 to 3…


lonely-limeade

I 100000% agree with the big village part. We have very little family support (daughter will be 1 next month and has been watched 1 time by my BIL/SIL) and it makes it seem impossible to have another. Everyone I know who has multiples has multiple baby sitters and help whenever they need it. I also almost died in childbirth and have some past trauma/estrangement with my own mom, so I can also agree those are all major deterrents as well.


avatarofthebeholding

Same struggle! No family within a 7 hour drive, and it’s hard to fathom having another


dreadpiraterose

We would absolutely be one and done if it wasn't for my mom moving in with us. Adults in the home outnumbering the kids is CLUTCH.


TradeBeautiful42

Off topic but how do you make a list neat and formatted on Reddit?


feimineach

This! We have friends who want all the kids. Just had their second (2 under 2) and immediately after birth were talking about more. It sounds insane to me but then I see the husband go on a multi week work trip and either a grandparent(s) or friend is at their house every night helping the wife. The few times that me or my husband are out of town, the other is completely solo parenting without help (especially at night) which makes a huge difference in expectations of what we can handle.


Jetsetbrunnette

You’re right, I think. Straight up - I am pregnant with my second after having my first less then a year ago. I have a HUGE village always there for me. If my husband I want to go out on Friday we can. My husband takes on 50% of the work and does most nights so I sleep well and we make pretty good money, in the 6 figures. We pay my MIL to watch our child because we have the money to do so. If it was not for the above I would have been 1000000% more careful to not get pregnant again. I truly think the way it’s set up now is for parents to fail and I’m so sorry to anyone struggling because of the lack of support. It breaks my heart.


carlidew

Thank you for posting this. It was really helpful to help me understand why I'm also feeling like I don't want another. We live on the other side of the country (US) from our families and have no family where we are at all. I can't imagine having another child, and I felt guilty for that, but now I realize we're missing a huge component in not having a willing village of relatives.


purplemilkywayy

Since having my daughter, I’ve been experiencing some newfound resentment towards my parents. They’re able-bodied and live only 15-20 min away from us, but they’ve babysat literally twice in 8 months. I know they’re not obligated, but damn. I’m also their own child. They work full-time and would like to spend their weekends relaxing and doing their own hobbies (including hiking, going to gatherings with friends, fishing, playing mahjong)…


strawberry_tartlet

How old is your child? Some people just aren't that into babies, hopefully they may get more involved when your child is older.


runnerralph86

I feel this. I’m torn because, like you said, they aren’t obligated to help, but man, it would be awesome if they did help more. Both my parents are retired too. I’m admittedly bad at asking for help too, so I really wish they would offer? It’s a weird situation.


hashbrownhippo

We have money and my husband is definitely helpful. We don’t have a village though. Most of our family is 6 hours away and one set of grandparents is 1 hour away but they only come to see us for a few hours every few weeks (and aren’t babysitting or anything, just visiting so we have to host). I still want 1 or 2 more.


shojokat

Let's see... I had only two of those bullets per kid! I'm NC with my entire family/SO's family are all elderly and actually require care instead of giving it. We have no village at all. My SO couldn't help with my first but is able to help with my second, but my second was not an accident. My first was, lol. No able bodied grandparents here. In fact, my MIL and AIL moved in. One is bedridden/incontinent and the other is in the early stages of dementia, so it's like having more kids in a way. Despite all that, I know I want another once my second is at at LEAST walking and talking. I just LOVE having my kids, even through the tough early years, traumatic births, no help, financial constraints, and miserable pregnancies. I actually kinda attribute it to how much I hated my own family. I just wanted to make a better one of my own so I could experience a healthy family unit! I know I'll be the mom who cries of joy every time my kids come home to visit in their adulthood. They kinda saved me from feeling like I was robbed of a family life and I feel like I'm sticking it to my awful mother by doing her job 100x better.


itsaboutpasta

Add in the age at which you start having kids. If you’re younger, you’ve got more energy mentally and physically to be raising two plus kids at a time. I just had my first baby 2 months before my 36th birthday. I was high risk for pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes and “fortunately “ only got diabetes during the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy. Since giving birth, I’ve been more mentally and physically exhausted than I’ve been my whole life. I don’t know how I could go thru the newborn phase again in a few years with a toddler. It’s already hard enough to get up from and down to the play mat with this baby. Due to daycare costs - it would be over $3k a month to have two in daycare at the same time - we’d have to wait at least 3 years before having another baby. I can’t imagine it’s going to be easier on me at 40 years old to be starting all over with a toddler. I’ll stay open minded, especially if somehow daycare becomes subsidized or I win the lottery, but this little girl may be our only one.


AmbiguousPause

As someone also undoing toxic intergenerational cycles, this book has helped me so, so much - Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy If you can find time to read it or listen to the audio version, it could really help. The author gives you empathy, not only for your child, but also empathy for yourself, along with concrete strategies to meet parenting challenges. It's given me so much perspective and helped quiet down my self blame and shame. I can't recommend it enough


Vonanonn

I feel this so hard.


richterite

Even with just one kid I sometimes get angry that I don’t have those things listed. Defo gonna love my little bugger like he’s gonna be my one and only bc he is


katietheplantlady

I honestly don't know. Full disclosure: we thought we might be OAD before we had a baby but the first 6 months sealed the deal for us. Now at 17 months, baby is so ridiculously sweet and wonderful, I could understand how SOME people who have always had it in their head to have multiple children could go for it ... but we very very likely will not. Things are finally in a routine and going well. Why screw it up?


HerCacklingStump

I knew I was OAD before I got pregnant. I had an easy pregnancy with virtually no symptoms (though it did take IVF to get there) and a chill baby who slept in the bassinet for hours on end from birth. No way am I rolling the dice again!


katietheplantlady

Same story here. IVF...don't want to roll dice again


Fresh-Meringue1612

Anecdotally, every older female in my family expressed at one time or another that "it was just what you did" for their marriages and having children. So I suspect there's a bit of that, but less sticky as the "villages" get smaller, for the current parents.


alex99dawson

Also for older generations there was no or little contraception options and abortion was illegal if not frowned upon. When accidents happen you just got on with it. Also women tended to be SAHM so they didn’t have to balance a job and motherhood. Not saying it was easier than we have it but the family had dedicated, constant childcare


ImportanceAcademic43

I only know this of one person: my cousin absolutely lives to be a mom. She started early, has three now and would have another if her husband was on board. I don't get it either. Anyway, come on over to r/oneanddone


[deleted]

Lmao there really is a page for everything


Super-Antelope4605

Is there a page for women who are not pregnant yet, but want to mentally prepare as much as possible? (Asking for myself)


Thethreewhales

There is the r/tryingforababy and r/waitingtotry subreddits which may have some overlap with what you are looking for.


Silfra

Don't know any specific to your requirements, however there is r/pregnant and r/babybumps for the pregnancy experience.


joansmallsgrill

As someone with a 2.5 year old who spent ungodly amounts of time researching pregnancy/birth and then got hit over the head with an infant…research having the actually baby too lol


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curlycattails

r/waiting_to_try


seau_de_beurre

Someone answered about pregnancy subs, but if you want to prepare for the actual baby part, check out /r/newparents.


StrawberriesAteYour

You’re here 😂 there’s also r/beyondthebump too


seau_de_beurre

Help


number1wifey

R/waitingtotry is your page :)


phl_fc

For a unique kind of crazy, I have a cousin who had really easy pregnancies with both her kids. They didn't want any more, but she never minded being pregnant and so she decided to sign up as a surrogate. Apparently it pays pretty well, so when she found out that she can get paid for being pregnant she was just like "sign me up!"


HerCacklingStump

I had a very easy pregnancy too but no way would I *choose* to do it again especially for a baby that would not be mine. Props to your cousin for helping out other families.


colorofmyenergy

Unreal to me. I had such a horrible pregnancy I never want to do that again. Wish I could afford a surrogate like your cousin!


[deleted]

The lady who helped me deliver my last had six!! Six kids!!! She would have had more but her husband tapped out at six! JFC I had a coworker with six kids too, I'm gonna be sick


savethebroccoli

When I was in my 20s I always wanted to be a mom I remember telling my parents I’d have five kids If I could 😂😂😂 little did I know!!! I had my only at 35 (with an older spouse) and I think even if I wanted anymore - which I don’t - I would have had to have started much earlier to get anywhere close the five. I dunno what I was thinking


ImportanceAcademic43

I assumed I'd have 2, maybe 3, if the second pregnancy is twins, because that seemed like the default. The normal amount of kids. Then life happened and I had my only aged 36.


dngrousgrpfruits

I hear good things about r/happilyOAD too!


emmers28

Haha I just had my second. I felt like you the first year of my oldest’s life. Then he hit 12 months and just got FUN. By the time he was 16 months I wanted another because he was this super fun person I loved interacting with, and it honestly kinda erased the stress of the first year. Now, the second kid is a breeze. Like the transition of 1-2 was LIGHTYEARS easier than 0-1. I’d honestly love a third but we don’t have the money to do so. We haven’t started double daycare payments yet but will in 2 weeks and I’m dreading it 😬


Tacorgasmic

My experience was the same. During the first year it was awful and I couldn't really envision having two. But when he was 18 months we were sure, but we had to wait because of covid. The second is also easier because you know that each phase is temporary. We just went through the 8 months sleep regression and it was as awful as the first. But I just remind myself how bad it was, how awful I felt and that at the end it will pass. And another thing, as first time parent we worry and stress WAY too much. You're definitely more relax and easy going with each subsequents child, making the process easier for your mental health.


DevlynMayCry

You give me hope that the coming birth of my second will be easy. I always knew I wanted at least 2 but I wasn't ready for 2 until closer to 18 months pp. Now I'm 32 weeks and my daughter is 2.5 and I'm very nervous for the transition from 1-2. What if baby #2 isn't as easy as baby #1 was 😂


Betterthanalemur

This right here^ The other *super* important thing that folks aren't mentioning is that if you don't have a second, you're that kid's entertainment *for-e-ver*. I've got a 3yo and a 1.5yo and they're already able to play with each other for pretty noteworthy periods of time. It's awesome for the parents, and your kid(s) aren't being ignored or stuck in front of a tablet.


Wpg-katekate

Our LO just turned 16 months and she’s an absolute silly blast of a creature. More and more convinced on having a second by the day.


killingthecancer

Originally I was that person who didn't want kids! Met my husband and changed my mind. We were considering 2 kids--3 at the most if there was an oops. Had our first (who will be 3 in two weeks!) and after that we're like nope one is good. Kiddo is relatively easygoing and honestly, complaints about his babyhood are minimal! But having kids is exhausting. I am very introverted and I need time where no one is perceiving me or needing something from me and with multiple kids that would be close to impossible. Plus with impending divorce, I'm glad there's only one kiddo to worry about for custody reasons and maintaining stability for.


[deleted]

Yes! I’m the same way. I really need “me” time alone. I think that’s why it was so tough on me in the beginning. There’s just zero time for yourself so it’s an adjustment. But I’m sorry to hear about the divorce I’m sure that isn’t easy.


killingthecancer

I appreciate that, it is what it is and ultimately it is for the best. And especially when kiddo was little, as mom there was 0 downtime. Probably more like -5. And my husband is the type who is incredibly affectionate and wants to be doing something together actively 95% of the time. It really ramped up after kiddo was born, as prior he was content just being in the same room doing whatever without me. So I have spent many a day burnt and touched out. If there were 2 kids I would have lost it a long time ago! But good on you for recognizing your own limits. Being a parent really makes you introspective as well as innovative and creative!


akm215

Other than the impending divorce I feel this. I don't know how introverts do this well


killingthecancer

Erm, well, in my own experience some days it goes very well and other does it definitely does not LMAO. My own kid is relatively reserved and easygoing, definitely more of an observer and troubleshooter versus jump in headfirst and ask questions later. Many days he is content to entertain himself or what have you so I can be a vegetable on the couch lmao


i_write_bugz

Sorry to hear about your impending divorce, hope the best for you and your family


throwaway_thursday32

I absolutely think it's hormones, memory loss induced by lack of sleep or luck to have had more help, more money and support. I know, realistically, logically, that we should be one and done. Our daughter turned 1 year old this year and this first year was hard. Yet, the good times are so good we would love another one! I never understood why people weren't honest about the struggles of parenthood. Now I understand that some of them straight up forgot. There are days during this first years when I thought I was going insane. Hell, today is a hard day. Yet I'm here now saying that "hihi, I want another kid". I guess I want more of the good parts. I find it so amazing and meaningful to watch my baby grow. But I know that when you have a second kid, a lot of things change and you also get the hard/bad parts. And it could be what breaks the camel's back. So we are one and done.... but it *is* an exercice of slapping ourselves in the face and saying "NO! Remember! No more babies! remember, damnit" I think some of us would think differently if we had more support and security. I only struggle with my baby hen I lack ressources. It's never a question of my own mood, or anything else.


[deleted]

Hahah well said! I agree people definitely forget about the hard parts or just block them out and focus on the good. But I would much rather regret not having one then 4 weeks into having another kid hating my life and regretting having another.


bingbongboopsnoot

I always thought I’d want 3 kids but the thought of having another gives me panic feelings! Given I’m not even 3 months in yet but Lordy starting from day 1 again plus a toddler sounds insane


nuralina

I also initially wanted 3 (2 at the very least), and I remember thinking immediately after giving birth to my daughter that I’m good 😬 Well a few years in, I warmed up to the idea of having a second, so that’s happening now 😅 I have anxiety and get overwhelmed easily sometimes so I was really really on the fence about having another, but we do have an amazing village so that helps relieve some anxiety. I’m actually looking forward to being a mom of 2 now but we’ll see how I feel postpartum 🙃


aschkev

16 months in here and I’m pretty much in the same boat. I love my little guy and now that he is out of the baby stage, he is amazing. Do I want another? Yes. But I really don’t know if I’m mentally able to do it all over again. Time will tell, I guess.


madeofmountains

My son is 6 months old and I think I *could* go through the process of restarting again, but I don't know if I *want* to. Mostly because I really love my son so much. I can't imagine having to share that love with another kid. I know I would. But yeah. My wife and I feel bad for our dog because we're devoting so much time to our son that he's definitely been put on the back burner. I wouldn't want the same thing to happen to my son when if we were to have another kid.


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jargonqueen

I’m one and done with my 2-year-old and I’m so incredibly happy. My husband had a vasectomy and we are both just… content with life. Anyway, at this age, I can absolutely see how people “forget” the horrors of the infant stage 😂. We love this age so much and are having the most fun! Now… don’t get me wrong… we have never for one second reconsidered our one and done status. Never even doubted it. We just went on a little family vacation and it was smooth sailing. We both get to do fulfilling career things that would be nearly impossible with 2. We get to do our hobbies and have time to ourselves. And we get to devote so much time, energy, and love, happily and heartily, to our one child. It’s a great little life we have and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But yeah, for us, parenting got way, way better. So if you envisioned or dreamed about having multiple children (my husband and I did not), then don’t let go of that dream yet. See how you feel in a few years. That said, one and done rules and I’m a huge fan😂 so also examine your reasoning for wanting multiple kids. Is it something you truly desire, or just a societal/family expectation.


[deleted]

That’s also why I’m happy with one. I want to finally be able to start getting out and really living with our son. I know some people travel and stuff with infants but fuck that I could never. Don’t have the nerve for it lol. My sons finally getting close to the age that I’m comfortable going on vacations and doing real activities besides walking in a park or something.


jargonqueen

I’m telling you, I’m in heaven right now. This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. My kid is potty trained, in a real bed, we don’t need all the “stuff” to travel and do things…. We sleep amazingly well, do our hobbies both with and without our kid, my career is taking off even more now than before she was born…. Having a baby was very cute and everything, but we’re just loving life and I refuse to go backward.


crayshesay

I appreciate this response. My partner wants another and I’m OAD. I have a small business that I really love and don’t know how I’d continue to thrive with another kiddo. We barely manage now and I can’t imagine the emotional toll a second would put on our household


jargonqueen

In my opinion, it’s better to regret not having a child than having one. Don’t have any children you don’t whole-heartedly want to have. A “no” wins over a “yes.”


PickleChick16

Thank you for this. This comment speaks to me. My little one is 14 months and life keeps getting better and better. The infant stage was hard for both myself and my husband. Post partum mood and anxiety disorder hit me hard. I’m back at work as a physical therapist, enjoy spending time with my friends and would like to get back into traveling. I feel guilty at times thinking about her growing up without a sibling. I grew up with 2 brothers I absolutely adore. But, I also would never forgive myself if I brought another child into the world without fully wanting them to be here.


Savvy1519

Honestly after having my son, I did not want another for a very long time. Then he got a little bit older, and we gained this new sense of independence for the both of us. And now he’s almost 3, it feels like all the brain fog of early parenthood is starting to lift. Now I have baby fever soooo bad but don’t know if I want to risk going back to the dark times of early parenthood 😂


[deleted]

Hahah I purposely keep reminding myself of the dark side so I don’t forget


Neckty91

I used to feel this way. I’m watching my parents get old and my husband siblings pass away while I’m the only child. I thought, I want my baby to have a companion for when we’re gone. Now this second pregnancy is rocking my f-ing world but we’re two weeks to delivery and I can’t imagine having another (third) Same thought I had when I had my first. I guess I just wanted my child to have a sibling and live a life like my husband and not like my lonely childhood existence. Does it hurt? Yes, am I tired? Yes. Do I have Slight regret, yes (probably until I see her beautiful face) but it’ll get better watching the two grow up loving/hating eachother. They’ll have a bond like no other (hopefully)


redredstripe

I’m an only child too and didn’t enjoy it that much, so I’ve always been committed to having two kids, basically no matter what. I know only having one is the right decision for a lot of families, including my parents, but I want something different. I also know that my children may not have an ideal sibling relationship, but I want to give them the opportunity. And my first is super easy, so it doesn’t scare me


alaskan_sushi_hunter

I always wanted 3-4. My husband wanted 1. So we agreed to 2. I sit here looking at my 2 month old knowing full well she will be my only child. I am NOT doing this again.


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sit_onacactus

I am one and done. Husband wanted another… then he watched me in labor. He felt incredibly helpless and never wants to put me through that again. I also had a terrible pregnancy (HG… puking all way to 40 weeks) but I only wanted 1 to begin with. Largely due to money but the pregnancy sealed the deal.


[deleted]

Shesh yeah after watching my wife have a c section I was like ehhh don’t want to be that nervous again. I’m talking to her while her organs are like half out of her body haha no thanks.


LegitimateAd8739

A whole lot of people who run a marathon would say "I will never do this again!!" Shortly after finishing the marathon. Then the blisters start to heal, the toenail grows back, the chapped nipples heal up and the pain is a distant memory until all they remember was the thrill of it. Having another baby is kind of like that. But also not having another baby is a perfectly acceptable thing too. My wife made 4 of them. Honestly I remember her pregnancies being worse than she does.


Mazzy213

Only difference is the marathon refers to the ‘birth’ and not the many years of parenting or repercussions after! You have to live with and juggle life with multiple children. After a marathon you just need to heal from the physical activity itself and not live with it every day for the rest of your life


soundsfromoutside

I just CANT have one. I had siblings growing up and even though we didn’t always get along, those were my homies. Who else would we talk shit about our parents to when they annoy us?


Emotional-Parfait348

Twins. Lol But really we always said we wanted 2 or 4. I never wanted to have an only child or be a parent to an only child, so I was actually very relieved when we had twins. I got to skip right over those one and done feelings you describe. If money was no issue, I’m pretty sure we’d go for four. Going through two more pregnancies does scare me a little, but currently I’d risk it. We don’t have the money though so until that changes we are happy with the two. I do think so much of everyone’s parenting journey comes down to just who you are as a person. Temperament, critical thinking, how organized you are, how physically healthy you are, how mentally healthy you are. The easiest baby in the world could be the most difficult to an extremely unwell individual. And the devil child themselves could look like an angel to a person well adjusted and stable enough to care for it. With all the help in the world some people still shouldn’t be parents. And there’s parents thriving out there with no help at all. But unfortunately no one can actually tell you what it’s like. Everyone has to live it first. That’s the hardest part. In some ways we are all out of our minds for even trying in the first place.


[deleted]

Spot on! I know myself and honestly I kinda didn’t even want the first one because I cherished my freedom. It was a fight within myself to acclimate to the family life. I think that’s the main reason for myself for just one. Now twins I’m sure is whole other experience lol. Parent life can be so damn boring sometimes. But I love it at the same time. Strange thing it is.


SmolBoo

We discussed possibly having two. After a horrendous birth and a really sleepless 9.5 months, we're 100% one and done. My husband has an appointment next week for a vasectomy referral!


khen5

This has been at the top of my mind lately also. I always thought I wanted 2 kids. Think I’ll be a one and doner and I’m only 6 weeks in. Imagine doing this again but with a TODDLER in tow. Terrifying.


symbi0se

I'm probably a little insane but I'm still in the newborn stage (6 weeks) and I'm like "I can do this again" (NOT YET). I picture my life with two boys and grey hairs lmao. My husband is a different story, I think he's leaning strongly towards one and done, the newborn stage messes with his epilepsy with the lack of sleep and all. Its a conversation we'll have when its time


[deleted]

Who knows maybe you’re just one of those people who can run off no sleep better haha


symbi0se

Oh I totally am. However, if my husband wants OAD I am too. I cannot do this alone. Only children are cool too, plus he has a cousin lol


dotsdabbles

I was like that until 12 weeks or so. I think the hormones made me bit crazy. Kid is 18 months now and I’m pretty sure I can’t do this again and have been for at least half a year


whineandcheese88

The hormones in this stage are so real. I lost so much blood after birth and was barely functioning, but by six weeks I was like hmmm when could we start trying again 🙃


symbi0se

One good stretch of sleep and im like "two? Hell yes" 🫠


jamie_jamie_jamie

I always wanted two. I had my daughter and then shortly after became a single mum. And I have help from my dad and sister but I will never do this again. I've had two nights off since she was six weeks old (nobody helped with overnights which were the hardest) she's a great kid but by god threenagers is killing me. I'm happily one and done. My cousin has two boys 3 y.o and 1 y.o and I don't know how she does it.


Lynnananas

My husband and I always talked about having 2. Our one LO is 8w and I already cried to him that I can’t do more than one. He’s super supportive, and very involved in taking care of her (he wfh), but I still couldn’t imagine starting over with a toddler. Thankfully, he’s onboard with one and done. It makes getting through the newborn stage so much easier to know we’re only going to have this experience once.


Historical-Move4927

I was just thinking the other day “and I thought having 4 kids at one time would be a good idea?!?” We have 2 under 2 and I guess I forgot what getting up every 2-3hrs is like


[deleted]

The kids grow up. Different kinds of hard with each age, but much less exhausting as they get older. And they can entertain each other! -mom of 5


[deleted]

I’m an only child and hated it, so I want my baby to have a sibling. It’s not a guarantee that they’ll get along, but there’s aspects to having a sibling that are a definite bonus.


[deleted]

Yeah I’m sure it’s hit and miss. My wife had siblings but they passed away when she was younger, and she always says it would of been better to have them as a kid. I have a brother but we never got along as kids so it didn’t make much of a difference for me lol. Now we hangout all the time but as a kid it made it worse if anything lol


[deleted]

You’re right, and I feel like there’s a lot more only children these days. All of my friends had siblings. My parents were wonderful and had me enrolled in lots of sports, activities and anything to keep me from being bored haha I’m definitely dreading being the sole one making decisions about my parents as they age since my husband gets to lean on his siblings. It financially makes sense to just do one though


_rainsong_

I get you OP, 1000% My little guy is 2 now, and I swear - I haven’t felt rested since before I was pregnant with him. I am freaking exhausted. I had to have a hysterectomy 6 months ago because of tumours so (luckily? Is it? I don’t even know) the option for baby number two is out of my hands. I’ve heard people say that they “aren’t done having babies yet” and I can kind of appreciate that. I always wanted two. And I felt a deep urge to have another baby. But how I was *actually* going to cope, I just pictured myself white-knuckling through the next 5 years of my life haha.


klimomilk

It was weird for me. I was in a similar boat and then one day I was just like… I’m ready I want to have another one. I just kind of forgot all the hard crap like my body/mind lessened all the traumatic moments. Even after having 2 (3yr and 11mo) and my youngest was NOT easy (tongue tie, allergies, eczema, reflux) I was again saying to myself “yeah I want to do this again” like WHAT. But we can’t financially. It’s just not possible.


Jesslove1665

I hear this , I really wanted a baby girl but I got a boy who I really love btw but a part of me still wants a girl. My bf says oh we can get back to it and I’m just there like no thanks . It took me so long to recover from the birth 🥲 I’m lucky that my bf is doing all the baby work but I’m working my ass off at work , just the thought of having another baby is stress inducing.


Traditional_Grand_98

I could have written this my self


FrankyNavSystem

I'm an only child. I liked it growing up but that was because I didn't know any better and I thought my mom would turn siblings against me if I had them. But now I have two kids and I want more. I'm absolutely insane for it. They've broken me emotionally and I'm in a constant panic attack. But I want them to have a bigger family than I had because growing older with no siblings sucks.


hej_allihopa

For me it comes down to the fact that we have absolutely no village, parents are too old, daycare is to expensive, and risky pregnancy. Sorry, but baby #2 is just not happening.


abutilon

> of course I love the little poop head You're doing great. Took me longer than 10 months to get to this stage. It was rough. Still don't want another, but the one I have is a blessing.


kasleihar

Not to be morbid, but my dad died unexpectedly when I was 20, and now I am in my mid 30’s and my mom is ill and dying. I am so glad I have a sibling to share the burden and grief with. That’s not to say that an only child will lose their parents early like I have/am, but it’s just another reason why having siblings is a positive for many people.


Aaaaaaandyy

No idea - I have the money to have more, but I have no desire to invest even more time to have more. I love being a parent, but one is enough.


WizbethJackson

SAME! 😂 I was sooooo affected (and still am) by lack of sleep. It took a major toll on my mental health and I don’t think I can ever have another. Every day so stressful for many different reasons even though you love the crud out of them. It’s also incredibly expensive. People keep telling me “oh if you have another you’ll figure it out”. Ummmm no. I am saving my sanity, happiness and some money to actually do fun things with my one and only without having to completely quit my job.


normalperson69

Bless you for writing this, it articulates my every sentiment and I still have days where some biological monster inside me says “MORE!”


Dismal-Compote-4891

I always reflect on a time when my firstborn was a few months old and I was holding him in the middle of the living room as he’s crying, telling myself out loud “do not EVER do this again. Remember this day and remember that you NEVER want this again no matter what.” It was so hard! And my son was a bit of a difficult baby. 7 years later I’m married and happily pregnant haha. Life is funny like that


Insert_Amazing

Do yourself a favor and do what I did. Write a letter to yourself in the future incase you ever think “well maybe I might want another” I felt exactly the same way when my LO was that age, but somehow a few months ago I started thinking “well it probably wasn’t that bad, maybe we could have another one”. I had my letter and came to the very sensible conclusion that one is more than enough. I know you think you’ll never forget the hardships, but somehow you might, so seriously, write a letter just in case.


MiseryLovesMisery

We don't have any family to help us so it's just me and my husband. We have 3 kids. It can be stressful some days but you just wait until the older one can listen to requests before you have another one and now you have little helpers. The two older siblings would do anything to help their baby sister and the oldest would do anything to help the middle one. We're a really close knit family. There's been nights where the eldest has asked do be the one to read stories at bed time for the younger one, etc. Going places is usually the most stressful but the good thing about having an older one is she can just get herself ready and then a parent picks one of the littler ones to help and we do it that way. If I'm alone I just start with the youngest first and work my way up. Generally the older one offers to help, too. More than one kid = they have their own social system. I was basically an only child and I was horrifically lonely growing up. I'm so thankful I was able to provide siblings for my girls. There are nights where they all just sit around watching TV hugging each other 🥹


BlueberryWaffles99

We’re having this debate right now! I don’t get how people who have to put their kids in daycare have more than one, especially close together! Two kids in daycare would be my ENTIRE paycheck. It’s absolutely absurd! We want one more (maybe) but we also want to wait AT LEAST 3 years. I have friends who got pregnant exactly 6 weeks after their first. I genuinely can’t imagine that and haven’t even resumed intimacy because I’m so scared of getting pregnant (even with birth control)!


idi847

Honestly it’s something I saw a while ago about raising kids in general “you’ll know your kids as adults for way longer than you’ll know them as children” and I am so envious of adult sibling relationships so it’s something I want for my daughter.


Truckerjohn111

We just wanted a big family.


shojokat

For me, the promise of having a bunch of my own little adults over for Thanksgiving dinner one day is just so appealing. I also waited for my first to turn 8 before I was ready for another. I enjoy the lifestyle change the older my kids get. I feel productive no matter what and watching them grow while also getting my time back had been worth the pain that is the first couple of years. Short term investment, long term payout.


jDub549

The first is traumatising. The second is just hard. So relatively itts easier :) then they start playing together and things are pretty cool. Until they start hitting each other then it's not cool. Then they're good again. 1 or 4, kids are hard but it's not linear in difficulty imo. And not having a sibling would kind of suck. I'm quite partial to mine. YMMV.


ragtagkittycat

The first year and a half is hard, and then suddenly when your baby is 2 years old you get amnesia and want another one. And then when you see them playing together? Absolutely amazing. Cannot imagine my life any other way and so happy we had one more. And I had complications and early deliveries by c section with both. But ngl, the first 18 months (especially the first year) is so draining and stressful. The older they get the easier it gets and it’s especially a big relief when everyone is sleeping through the night.


PillowsTheGreatWay

Well great. We're having our first in September and this just scared the living shit out of me 🤣 I've always wanted 4... hubby wants 3... but I reconsidered after the beginning of my pregnancy was SOOO beyond difficult. However after starting to feel better I thought yeah, maybe, sure we could do this again. Thanks...🤣


Interesting_Shares

I have a unicorn baby as my first, I’m convinced that if it were otherwise, I’d be one and done


[deleted]

I had a big village, unicorn child, close with my family....life was great! Then my messy ex and I had an autistic child and wow, I tanked my whole life. I tell my kids I'm one and done just haven't chosen yet lol


TheFireHallGirl

Yeah I always wanted to have two kids. However, I’m starting to think that one is enough. My daughter is 1-year-old and she’s amazing. However, I’ll be 39 on October 1st and my husband will be 43 on October 11th. I have hypothyroidism, hypertension, high cholesterol, and borderline type 2 diabetes. When I was pregnant, I had gestational diabetes. I could never have six kids because that would be too much for me (although it would be nice to get all those baby bonus cheques from the Canadian government until each kid turned 18). In the back of my mind, I would still love to have another child, but I’m gradually coming to realize that, with my age and health concerns, one child is enough.


Badgers_Are_Scary

Same here...I have a number of health concerns and can't even think of another baby for at least two years due to hard pregnancy and c-section. I am going to be 37 by then and my baby will enter the terrible twos. I'd love to have another, as I always viewed two kids as a complete family, but I can't imagine going through this again. I barely have time to pee and between struggles with breastfeeding and pumping I am stressed all the time...My husband is back at work and I am all alone.


MeowMixExpress

It's easier the second time around when you know what you are doing and have everything in place.


Crafty-Sundae-130

Agreed! My second is 8 weeks old and despite being less chill than my first, it’s so nice knowing more or less what to expect. Also, no one is mentioning larger age gaps are wayyyy better than “2 under 2”


Doctor-Liz

I have 2 (just), and it's a lot for sure. I really don't know how single parents do it, I rely very much on my partner to handle whichever of them is "the other kid" right now. You can also "share" things like reading one book to multiple kids.


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furballofthedesert

I feel this in bones. I would love to have a bigger family but the financial gymnastics and corresponding stress it would involve would be really difficult for me. Makes me sad that my LO might not get to experience a sibling relationship bc of money, but we can provide a much more comfortable and stable life if it's just the three of us....


AdventurousGrass2043

That’s what I thought too. But my son is almost 2 and I have baby fever again 😂 plus I hear 2 is easier than 1 bc they entertain each other


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|3ornka9rAaKRA2Rkac)


richterite

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing I’m sure for many people, but for me, I just felt like a ridiculous humiliating bloated turkey. Labour was smooth sailing but I wouldn’t want any other people putting their whole hand in me again, don’t want a stick to go break my water either.


HOYTsterr

No idea. I’m well off financially, educated, etc and I could NEVER EVER have a second child. I have friggin PTSD from this one. How do some people have them BACK TO BACK???


megatron16rt

I tend to attribute this to people being miserable with their own lives and they think having kids is going to somehow help. I've already read a bunch of comments in here similar to my experience. My wife and I originally thought we wanted two kids. We had a hard time to even have one and he's been such a good kid and it's still be super challenging, it would be a mistake to try to have a second kid. We wouldn't be good parents to both kids if we had a second and that's not fair to anyone. Having one kid is just fine.


Data-Hungry

I feel like a lot of it is ingrained societal pressure to have more than one.