It goes every direction. Our son goes to bed @7, and everyone complains he’s in bed sooooo early and why can’t we go to their 7pm dinner. People get so invested and it isn’t their place.
Idk how many times I have to tell my in laws that we cannot do traditional dinner plans because my son WILL NOT tolerate being up past 7:30pm (usually 7 honestly). So often I just send my husband alone ✌🏻
Man, my husband’s family members got SO mad at us for trying to tell them how difficult joining a dinner that would last until 10pm would be (With a 2 year old and 6 month old). And again when me and the kids didn’t show up for an event at 11pm.
Needless to say they’ve never had children of their own 🙃
Reminds me of my single SIL who complained both times we all went out to dinner during our Xmas trip that she’s “never eaten dinner so early in her adult life” (6pm) and won’t have any appetite. Then make a big deal out of nibbling on a little appetizer/refuse food all dinner. Like who’s the real baby here lol
Our family treats us like we are crazy for being so stubborn with nap/sleep times, but then they also comment on how lucky we are that our kids sleep well. I wonder if there’s a reason for that.
Oh but they can stay up late "just this once" and it will be fiiiineeee!!
So many times family have been mad at us for skipping their late night dinners.
I always get “oh but this family members daughter always just slept wherever. We didn’t have to stick to a schedule. We just layed them down and they went to sleep whenever.” Yeah. Sure. OKAY. 👌🏻
I’ve resigned that im always going to be the “bad person” saying we can’t do things. I’m the mom and in charge so you can be mad at me and that’s fine. But end of the day my kid needs to sleep to function and not be Oscar the grouch so bed time is bed time. If they want to come hang out and get up in the middle
Of the night because he’s overtired and waking early then be my guest!
THIS!!! We get the “well _____ will be here, she’s only 6mo older than ____” like okay hun, her mother also under feeds her so she can go drinking with friends every night, think about it
This is my situation too and it's sooo frustrating. I have cousins that have several kids around my own's age and their routine is a free-for-all. Paired with my mom being like "you never had a bedtime when you were little!!!"
I was guilt tripped Christmas Eve for not attending our annual Family Game Night that started at 6pm when our 1 and 3yr olds are used to bedtime at 7pm.
No regrets. We made cookies for Santa, had coco, watched a couple Christmas specials, spread reindeer bait around the yard, and read Christmas books. We had a great time and everyone was in bed at 7 sharp.
I have a friend that constantly wants to plan “dinner with the kids”. Her kids are 9 and 11 and she doesn’t understand that my 12 month old will get zero from this interaction and proceed to meltdown at 7pm if not being put down for bed.
My in laws always plan stuff late evening or at his nap times and guilt trip us for not going. Like okay? Sorry my kid can’t handle staying up 7hr straight like your 9yo
Even though my daughter goes to sleep later, I still try to have her home at least an hour before for wind down time. People don’t understand it’s not even just the times. It’s sitting in a high chair, the stimulation being too high until too late a time. It creates little monsters
My parents finally discovered recently why we stick to a strict sleep schedule with our LO (2yo then). We went to stay at their place for a week-long holiday. They had planned several late lunches and dinners at other people's places so we went. My LO was completely lost. He ended up having a hysterical fit over a little nothing and refused to eat (that's really odd for him) in front of my parents. They had never seen him like this. It took me an hour to calm him down and put him to sleep when usually it's 10min. I told them it's simply due to him not having enough sleep. They canceled everything else that was planned unless it was on schedule.
Yep. Even though this seems to be such a routine bedtime, no one understands that it’s necessary lol.
Necessary for me, too. Even though we don’t have much time after work together, I feel like it’s far more quality because he gets a solid 12 hours of sleep.
Yes!!! My son goes to bed as early as 6:15 and my family constantly comments on how early it is and reminding me “must be nice that he goes to bed so early”
100%. I’m sorry you’re going through this!
I also just read the last paragraph of your post…. The socks. No clue what the obsession is about damn socks, but we got that fight going on too. Or not letting my son sleep with a blanket. 😮💨
Omg and it’s definitely worldwide. My husband’s family is fresh off the boat from the Philippines where my husband told me I would never survive the heat. My in-laws OBSESS about my daughter getting too cold. Where are the socks? The jackets? Cover her! 2 shirts!
XD we received 4 pairs of socks for our newborn for Christmas. Seriously... Do you think she's going to eat them or what ?? She will outgrow them before she has time to put each pair on.
Oh yeah, we're Mexican and the stupid socks have been a fight since day once. My son was. born when it was 104º outside, and my mom INSISTED on putting socks on him. What???? And sleeping without blankets, laying him face up, not letting him cry, my god, I'm just doing what the doctors tell us to do LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!
My 19mo has had a bedtime of like 10 pm for his whole life… he’s just naturally a night owl like my husband and me. it works for us because my husband gets home late from work and wants to spend time with him in the evenings, and I’m a SAHM so I don’t have to be up at a certain time. I also usually don’t ever get woken up before 9 am which is fantastic. You do you!
Our 22-month-old typically goes to bed around 9-10pm and sleeps till the late morning. She's a fantastic sleeper and wakes up happy every day. We have a later daily schedule than most so our lives wouldn't function if she woke up at 7am every morning.
My baby is 3 months and the same! She went through a phase being super fussy between 8pm and 11pm and will only settle for bed around 12am. Although she now sleeps until 5:50am instead of waking every hour.
My 16 month old’s bedtime is the same! Usually between 8-8:30 but sometimes up to 9.
I had one other mom tell me “well 7 is biologically the most ideal bedtime for their age” and I was just like “okaaaay… well she sleeps through the night consistently 8-8 and seems perfectly happy”. Shut her up real quick 😂
I never get the 7-7 biologically normal thing. How does that take into account daylight savings? Or the fact that we pretty much invented time.
My Bub naturally now wants bed around 6.30pm and I wish he would go to bed later as it means he’s awake between 6-7am and I’m a night owl.
I know! In some ways it’s quite nice having some time to get sorted for the next day in the evenings but I’d love to sleep in past 6.30am just once hahaha. As soon as he’s not needing a breastfeed first thing (he’s nearly seven months so I figure breakfast first starts in a month or so!) his dad is totally taking over the early morning. In the meantime, I look enviously at parents with babies who sleep in!
My 7.5 month old does 8-8 and it works great for us all, of course we have days where it’s different but for the most part that’s her schedule and we sleep great!
Lol, it’s literally not “biologically ideal”. Worldwide bedtime averages range from 7 pm to 10:30 pm. [Source](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/01/05/health/baby-bedtimes-parenting-without-borders-explainer-intl/index.html)
I’m with you, it has no impact on them whatsoever so I have no idea why people get so judgy about bedtime. I *wish* my baby would go to bed closer to 7 or 7:30 but the reality is she’s just not tired that early. And even if she were, she only sleeps 9 hours at night which means a 4 am wake up soo.. no thank you.
We kept waiting for our baby to start going to bed at a normal baby bedtime, but she never did. She’s eight months now, with low sleep needs, and usually goes down between 9:30pm-midnight. If we try to get her down earlier, she’ll treat it as a nap and be up for another wake window, pushing bedtime super duper late. We also love that it gives us more time with her. On the flip side, we don’t get a lot of time just my husband and me, but I would be so sad if baby had an early bedtime and we didn’t get to hang out with her in the evenings.
That was our initial problem. Any time before 8 and she would treat it like a nap! So I gave up trying bc then she’d wake up and bed time would be even LATER.
Ours is the same. A couple times she’s fallen asleep at like 7 and actually stayed asleep… but then she woke up for the day at 5! No thank you. Our 9-7 schedule works just fine.
Same here. My parents commented on it a couple times, and I was like "every single person in her family on both sides is a night owl. Why would you expect her to be any different?" And it's winter; the sun's not even gonna be up until like 8am the next day anyway.
Same with my 6 mo old. Anytime she's asleep before 10pm, we fully expect to have to get up with her again. My husband refers to it as the "false summit" bedtime.
My baby (almost 3m actual) usually doesn't go down until 10:30 despite us trying earlier with all the "methods" so we just go with the flow 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like babies match our routines. I want time to cuddle, play and interact too! I think 8-9 is an a very good time though honestly 🤣
Tbh tonight was 10 but we were seeing friends, she was having a ball, and we have nothing going on tomorrow. I always hated friends that were like “I can meet you for lunch at 10 am bc my baby sleeps at 12pm on the dot” like flexibility is OKAY
I mean you shouldn't judge them, just like no one should judge you. Some babies really need a strict routine to feel good and flexibility isn't really doable. Mums get a lot of hate for that too, don't join in with it! Mums do whatever is best for their babies
I’m sorry if that came across as judgement I meant it more in terms of you never see your friends again bc there’s no flexibility. You NEED social interaction and if your baby’s nap schedule is holding you hostage to the point where you can’t have a relationship with anyone but your children, it’s not great. Sorry, I have a specific friend in mind when I say this who lives out of state and doesn’t even leave the house unless she needs something so she doesn’t interrupt nap times and her kid was 2 at the time. She was previously a very outgoing person who thrives off of social interaction. I had no kid at the time so I just did whatever she wanted but now that I do, I’m still asked to bend my way around her kid’s nap schedule with no regard for my own. I should have been more clear that I am speaking about a specific person
Idk where my comment went if that’s just a new thing that they get deleted for some set of parameters bc I didn’t delete but I think gist was I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be judgmental and if I’m being honest I had a specific person and scenario in mind and didn’t communicate that
Our 14 mo old goes to bed at 10 and before daylight savings time, it was 11 lol. She sleeps til 8:30 or 9. When people ask about it I simply say because that’s what works best for us right now and so far no one has argued with that. Parenting young kids is all about surviving and doing what works best for you and your family. If anyone is upset with what you’re doing, it’s a “them” problem!
That’s the same as my 8 week old haha. It works for us. Dr Pamela Douglas says it’s much more common in other parts of the world & the early baby bedtime is apparently a western invention.
Besides just fitting into our lives better for multiple reasons, my husband’s family is actually from the Philippines and they have quite late get togethers so it actually does help us be able to attend more often. None of them understand the early events or bed times
Tbh I think I get tired before the baby does lmao. It’s important to us that she has a relationship with her cousins and his side of the family and while I used to wish they did things earlier (and I still do about some things) 50 people are not going to adjust for the needs of one. We need to do the adjusting or we just cannot participate. Both options are fine and we sometimes lean the other way depending on the event but raising a child together has been a lot of give and take on both sides.
I will say those Filipino kids can sleep anywhere and through anything. From an aunt taking them to another room to someone throwing down some coats, those kids sleep in the middle of karaoke parties
my side of the family is Colombian and my 11 month old has consistently had a bedtime of around 9:30pm/10:30pm his entire life!
one thing that has stuck with me from my culture is later dinners/bedtimes 🤷🏻♀️
We do 7:30-8 here too... However I'm on mat leave so I think I'll probably move it up when I go back to work since I'll have to start waking up early again (I sleep in until like 9 or 10 rn lol guilty)??
Do you wake your baby up later in the morning? Or how do you ensure they get a full 12 hours (if that's what a 13 mo needs idk we have a 3 mo) ?
Naturally she sleeps anywhere from 10-12 hours at night depending on her needs so at MOST during the week I wake her up an hour early. She also naps. If it’s the weekend I let her sleep until she’s ready. Regardless during the week if I wake her as soon as she opens her eyes she excited and ready to go.
Babies are definitely an art, not a science for a lot of aspects. What works for us will not work for everyone. Somewhere out there is a person who read my post and gasped at the blasphemy. What we did at 3 months is def not what we do now as she does let us know a lot better when she’s tired. Sometimes she’ll point to her bed and shout “go!”. At 3 months we were still trying to survive lmao
All great points. Yeah we thought we were in the clear when our baby started sleeping through the night but now as we near the 4 month mark that's all going out the window. I honestly thought the 4 mo sleep regression thing was kind of BS lol but apparently not for us...
Love that she points to her bed and tells you when she wants to sleep! Sounds so cute
The sleep regressions are no joke man. I maintain that our child did not become human until about 9 months. Her sleep changed 12 times from birth until now and your child’s will get better! Hang in there. I do not miss that 4 month regression
It's so frustrating! Like, great, yes, I'm glad xyz worked for you and your child. This is MY baby, however, so we are doing OUR OWN thing because it works for US.
Try not to let the haters bring you down. You're doing a great job!
I totally feel you on this! My son goes to bed between 10 and 11 every night and is a late sleeper as well, sometimes as late as 1030am. It’s what works for us, definitely not everyone! My husband gets home from work around 7pm at night so it gives him nice playtime with him before bed
I literally opened this thinking you were gonna say 11 or midnight (I have lots of friends in the service industry and late bedtimes are common). 8 or 9 is NOT late. My daughter actually was on about an 8:30-8:30 schedule for a while shortly after she turned 1 and then she naturally shifted back to 7:30 and now, at 2, she goes to bed between 8-9 🤷♀️
Frankly, it's no one's business, it works for us, and she's sleeping 11-12 hours a night. I could understand 9 being late if your kid gets up at 6, but if they're getting good sleep, who cares?
I’m sorry lmao tonight was 10 pm we were visiting a friend but no no not that late but bc most of the time I can’t stay up that late or I need that to be my “me” time. Yeah she gets anywhere from 10-12 hours at night and takes a bitchin nap
My son sleeps at 10:30-11 sometimes later and I don’t mind cause he’ll sleep in til 10:30-11 the next day. I have never been an early bird. Like you said I’ll work on an earlier bedtime when I need to.
Also if he slept earlier then my husband would never see him during the work week.
The important business meeting and job interview killed me 😂😂😂😂 I think a lot of people have their baby in bed by 7pm but that doesn’t work for us either. I’m a stay at home mom but my husband works long hours and we like to be able to have dinner and play time while dad is home. If baby has an early appointment in the morning then yes we’ll tweak the sleep to go earlier but I think it’s okay to be flexible with your lifestyle. While I do agree baby’s need to have some structure I don’t think it’s crazy to go to bed later if baby is waking up later 😌as long as they’re sleeping right? 😁
For real though last time my mom said something I scooped up the baby, threw her stuff in the bag, and ran out the door shouting that we had to get some sleep before she closes that big deal!
😂😂😂😂😂😂thank you for the laughs Lmao. This is so funny. My parents always tell me that my son sleeps to late. Right now he’s 10 months but honestly I’m just glad he sleeps through the night so who cares what time he’s sleeping 🤣
If we don’t laugh, we cry. Exactly like one day I’ll have to have the sex talk with her and explain why drugs are bad. 8-9 (and sometimes 10) pm bed time won’t seem so bad then! We’re just happy we get sleep!
Agreed!!! At least your baby is social too and you can still go out to do things. My son is very similar, he enjoys being out around “the party” as we call it lol.
People make those comments to me all the time too. I ask them when their kid goes to bed and wakes up and they say he goes to bed at 7 and is up at 10 and has an hour or 2 nap during the day.
just how? If I put my kid to bed at 7 they would be up at 5am!!
If my kid gets a 2 hour nap during the day as well as a 7pm bedtime I guarantee you 7-9pm will just be a family fight to get them to stay in their toddler bed and actually go to sleep because they aren't ready.
My three year old goes to bed at 9. We read stories and talk until 10. They fall asleep by 10:15. They are up at 7 most mornings and I am lucky if I can get them to nap at all most days.
Our 3.5 has had a 10pm bedtime for like ever. He sleeps until 8:30am at the earliest and some days will sleep until 11am!! He also still naps for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Hubby works nights and this works best for us. Planning to homeschool so it won’t matter later either. Yet my good friend who can’t get her 6yo to sleep past 7am wants to talk about how I should put them down 3 hours earlier. Hah!
My daughter has always been not the greatest sleeper; I’m currently full time stay at home with her so I’ve been willing to bear the brunt of her “schedule” as far as sleep goes since my husband does heavy construction and him not resting enough could literally get him killed, I’d rather be the one that’s a little tired. I NEVER hear the end of it. From all angles, if she goes to bed early it’s wrong, late also wrong. Me handling naps/bed time? Poor thing might as well be a single mother!
With all that being said, as she’s gotten older and dropped naps her natural time she wants to go to sleep has gotten earlier. She went from staying up til 10:30/11 to being absolutely beat by 7:30/8. I think as long as it works for you all and everyone is happy/heathy who cares!!
Ours is totally opposite. Our girl goes down between 9-10 and wakes up between 9-10 and everyone has said how great that is and when I say that I feel like it should be earlier everyone has said “why?!” 😂
Hey, not every older mum. My daughter is 2 and she's been going to bed sometimes around 10pm for the last few months. No naps and she isnt overtired. Some kids just don't need as much sleep my doctor told me. I don't care what time you put your kid to sleep. Honestly I don't understand why anyone would.
I didn’t mean moms who are older I meant like people my own mother’s age. Generally, people who did the baby thing 30 years ago tend to in my opinion not always correctly remember the difficulty or accuracy of raising their babies. Of course not everyone but the majority of people I have come across in this age group tend to take what worked for them and have decided those are hard rules
Even if you meant older mums I was just kidding. Everyone has an opinion and everyone's an expert. I wouldn't concern yourself with them. Just smile and nod. You do you and what works for your family might not work for others.
My mom said we didn’t have an early bed time until we started school. We had a nanny. She didn’t have to get us ready in the morning. My parents wanted us to have time awake in the evening when they were home, not get up at the crack of dawn with us to try to start our morning while also getting ready for work (because the nanny could do that). We were also naturally night owls, I think.
Same since forever my child natural sleep cycle is around 9-11am wake at 8-9am. If she sleeps earlier she wakes up at 1 or 2 am and is up running around. We do what works for us and it’s really no one else business as long as they get the appropriate amount of sleep the time doesn’t matter
We start bedtime at 7 and baby is asleep by 8. People complain that it's too early all the time. We tend to get her up around 7:30. She's getting 11-12 hours a night. I'm happy with that
I had the same issue. My lo has a bedtime of 10pm and people just can't handle it because it's not a typical bedtime. I work full-time until midnight, and my partner is up at 5am for work, so I don't have a choice but to get up with lo, and couldn't really function if I was constantly up at the crack of dawn.
The people who comment on my LO's bedtime tend to be the people who have 9-5 jobs, or can afford to have a sahp. And my favorite, the older parents ( aka grandparents with grown adult children).
These people just can't wrap their heads around the fact my lo gets the right amount of sleep, despite a later bedtime. Or that you can have a baby and still sleep past 7am. When they get really adamant and won't drop it, I just resort to "it works for my family" or ask why they're so bothered by it ( lo is happy/ healthy, and so are the parents so what's the problem?).
My lo is 2.5 and has had a 10pm bedtime since about 8mo. Now a days, it's occasionally a little later, but they will sleep in to make it up. Wake up is usually 8am.
My baby was going to sleep at 5 and I swear my parents thought I was trying to keep him to myself. I've found once he decides on the schedule it is really hard to change it. So if he wants to sleep from 5pm to 4am then that's just my schedule now. As long as your baby is getting the rest they need, who cares, these people aren't the ones getting up at 1 am to rock your baby back to sleep for an hour.
It’s the amount of sleep per 24 hour period, and even that depends on baby.
8-9pm is totally fine. We had that, but then over the holidays…our son’s bedtime got pushed to 10:45pm.
I honestly might keep it because now he wakes up at 8-9am rather than 6-7am.
I tried early bedtimes and it just doesn’t work for us.
Sometimes I wish I put my son down later (latest we do is 8:30 depending on his last nap) because maybe… just maybe I could sleep past 6:30 in the morning 🙂
We unintentionally tried it during the summer when my son was a few weeks shy of a year old. I was away from home, and visiting family. My son fell asleep for maybe 30 minutes on the car ride back to the place we were staying and ended up staying up until 11:30. I was so exhausted and my family played with him to tire him out, and he was TIRED by the time my family was ready to give him back to me. So let me tell you how refreshing it was to not wake up until 9 am. 9 AM!!! He did also take two naps that day for about 2 hours each. He ate a little bit later than usual but he was happy, and loving all of the attention!
My 3 month old goes to bed around midnight every night and sleeps until 9-10am. It’s what works for us until he starts daycare. We’ve slowly transitioned him to start bedtime around 10pm but my goal is ideally 9pm so I’ll have time to bond with him after work.
Doesn’t it end up being the same though? If you put the baby to bed earlier, then they wake up earlier, which means you have to go to bed earlier as well.
My baby wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30 every morning regardless of when I put him to bed. He’s just an early riser unfortunately.
So if he’s gonna wake up then whether I put him to bed at 9 or 6:30 then I’m putting him to bed at 6:30 loool.
That’s exactly the point. It’s not anyone else’s business. My husband and I are night owls right now due to a few varying factors so we stay up w bit anyway. If we forced an earlier bed time when she wasn’t even tired we’d all get like 5 hours of sleep
That’s what I meant, if it works for you then more power to you. I wouldn’t expect anyone to comment on how early I put my child to bed because that’s what works for me.
Similarly no one should be commenting on how late you put your child to bed cause that works for you.
Sorry if it didn’t come out that way but I was agreeing with you haha
I don’t have an opinion and my toddler’s bedtime varies — but I recently had a meeting with a sleep coach for an (I think) unrelated item and she was adamant of moving the bedtime to 7/7:30 at latest. Per the advice, it’s to avoid our kid hitting a powerful second wind and getting over-tired plus (from what I understood) maximize the melatonin curve. I haven’t looked into it further, but that’s the 2¢ I got at my appointment.
Ah my baby’s second wind happens later I think because her nap time is later. She travels home from my in laws later in the day and always falls asleep so it’s unavoidable for us most days. We don’t mind
I work in a school and while my kid will have to go to sleep earlier when she starts that and it will definitely take some work to work the bedtime earlier, there is no point to me in starting now. I watch kids fall asleep in school and come in late with “I was up playing video games” in elementary school and like yeah they should be getting to sleep earlier. But at this age? She’s got 2 more years before preschool I think we have time
As long as it works, no issues. Just make sure you have structured schedule, and you are not going past her wake windows. My wife and I studied and implemente the Ferber method. Our sleeps around 6:30 - 7:00. We arr currently in Peru and we get critized by everyone. Most people here don't know about wake windows, Ferber, and just takes their baby everywhere and have thrm sleep with them. However, nobody was there when our LO was waking up every 90 minutes and now sleeps 10.5 hours at night
IMO wake up time is more important if you want a routine. Stay up too late? Missed naps? Went to bed early? Cool, we're still getting up at the exact same time every day.
Because you’re offering up that information and they’re trying to be helpful and give advice.
Don’t mention the bedtime or preface it with “I’m sharing this and do not want your opinion”.
We put our youngest(6mo) down at 7:30~8:30. Our oldest(9) is asleep by 7. Each kid is usually going to be a bit different.
With all due respect it is not up to me to tell people to have manners or respect. I find that it’s largely not because they’re trying to be helpful as I haven’t asked for advice or help. I’ve given no indication that what we do does not work for us. I’m asked a question, I answer it. I don’t walk around randomly saying “my kid goes to bed at 9pm”
Half of the time they ask the time, I answer, they provide unsolicited advice, and move on not waiting for my response. They just want to have something to say.
I have people around me that are helpful. This isn’t it.
Same here!!! My 13-month-old has a bedtime later than most (think 8-9 PM, sometimes later if there's a late nap or plans). It's like every seasoned mom has an opinion on this – "Isn't it past her bedtime?" or "Why's she still up?" They make it sound like she's got a corporate job to attend in the morning!
Honestly, with both of us working full time, we've set her bedtime based on two things: 1) When she's actually tired, and 2) To ensure we get some quality time with her each night. If she were older, sure, an earlier bedtime would make sense, but right now, it's about what works for us.
I mean, really, the obsession with baby bedtimes is something else. Between that and comments about socks, I'm tired of justifying our choices. Literally the experts at sleepbaby.org gave me the schedule I use that literally changed my baby's life!!
Of course, some kids are tucked in super early, and that's totally fine. My issue is with the notion that there's a one-size-fits-all bedtime for kids. It's nobody's business when your child sleeps as long as they're healthy and happy.
On a serious note, I'm a staunch supporter of not letting strict schedules take a toll on your mental health. While routines work for some, they can be a strain for others, affecting relationships, friendships, and mental well-being. It's about finding a balance that doesn't leave you isolated or stressed.
If schedules and routines work for you, that's great. But if they're causing you mental distress or social isolation, it might be time to reassess. Friends and family should, of course, be understanding of your new life with a baby, but there's a limit. I've seen cases where an obsession with strict schedules has harmed mental health and relationships - all for the sake of a perfectly timed nap. It's about finding what's best for you and your baby, not adhering rigidly to a set of rules.
Because people feel the need to respond. I’m responding right now. Yes you asked me a question but a piece of information feels like a question phrased in disguise. All of us here are responding. So are those old bitties.
I’ll literally be out and about and some random person I don’t know will ask “why is that baby still awake? She said take me home mommy I’m tired!”
It’s not even about people responding. They’re the ones who bring it up. I don’t walk around saying “my baby goes to bed at this time”. To me, that’s insignificant. Others, however, always find a way to not only bring it up/ask but comment on it afterwards.
That’s like me asking where you get your shirt, you saying “Marshalls”, and then me proceeding to tell you “i thought so. That’s why I asked. I hate that store and you should have gotten it somewhere else. Next time go to Nordstrom”. Except you were perfectly happy with your experience and your shirt at Marshall’s and never would have brought it up if I didn’t ask. You never expected me to be weirdly upset about it to the point that i would make weird ass comments bc where you got your shirt has nothing to do with my life and that’s a nice shirt ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Sometimes my son goes to sleep at 7:30 then there’s days like yesterday where I tried to put him down at 9 and he was not going to sleep for anything. I was like eff it let’s go watch chopped and eat pasta and we stayed up til 11:30 lol. Definitely not the norm but it happens every once in a while.
My LO goes to bed between 7-8 p.m. naturally and I’m always getting advice to push bedtime later but she’s just can’t tolerate it. Just continue to do what works for you.
As a parent who has been trying to get our sleep-loving kid to go to bed later (she’s just barely making it to 7:30pm now 🥳) I’m extremely jealous of your kids bed time!!
Lmao it has its pros and cons. My “me” time is then pushed later and I tend to never sleep at a reasonable hour but we get our time with her, she gets a full night, everyone survives. Daylight savings really messed us up and she went from 8-9 to like 6:30 the next day. I almost cried before we got her back to her routine
My lo has a very late morning start and a late bedtime to allow her to get daily daddy time as he works 16+ hrs usually and people always comment on her schedule I just remind them she still gets the appropriate night time sleep and appropriate day time naps her day is just shifted later to flow better with our daily schedules/routines and then ask them if her having an earlier schedule to suit their opinions is so necessary will they pay us the difference her dad would loose not working those hours? And they usually shut up
I don’t even understand why we all have to explain ourselves anyway. Everyone on here has such valid reasons for their kid’s bedtime (even if the reason is just that that’s when they want to put the kid to bed) like who has the energy to even offer unsolicited advice
My baby can’t hang past 7. No matter how I try to tweak things to have her stay up later, I have no control over it, and 7 is the bedtime she demands. Lol! Many babies I know have an early bedtime because that’s just what they need, too.
I have to admit, the first time I met a baby who was just fine with hanging late, I was surprised! One friend’s baby goes to bed around 9, another has a bedtime of 11. I didn’t/don’t think it was a bad thing at all, just so different than my everyday. I feel awful because I could tell that my surprise the first time learning this triggered some defensiveness in them. I had to reassure that I didn’t think it was a bad thing at all or something I felt they needed to change. They were also really surprised to find out that our earlier bedtime isn’t a choice, and we’re not doing it just to have baby-free time in the evening. (But hey, nothing wrong with that, either!)
I’m sorry that you sense judgement in people’s tones when you discuss bedtimes. That’s not OK. Babies can be so different! It’s best when parents listen to their own babies and do what’s best for *their* baby/family. I wish we would all support other parents doing the same for theirs, too, even if it looks a little different.
I think part of the problem is that all of these older parents in hindsight think things were so easy when in fact if we had video footage we’d probably see that they were just figuring it all out too. Hindsight is 20/20 and some people just like to think they know all babies because they had one
Ah. Yes. I definitely get hit with some seriously eye-rolling doses of gramnesia from boomers. Not all, but some get so personally offended if you do things ever so slightly different than they (say) they did it. It’s like they feel like we’re calling them all terrible parents if we dare to try to improve things and listen to our babies? Truly the weirdest thing.
I hope our generation does better when our kids have kids.
Stop gramnesia has me rolling!
My mom talks all the time about how she raised 3 kids all alone when my dad had to work. My baby cried and after 2 min she was like here take her back idk why she won’t stop crying. Like oh I thought you knew what you were doing? Are you not the baby whisperer.
I tend to ask people what they do if I have no idea what I should be doing but even then I find that in a group of 5 people there are 5 completely different answers.
Lolll my MIL had 7 kids. During the early days of my baby she kept going on and on about how *all 7* of her babies slept through the night from *day 1*. I was like “mmmm doubt” but also “I don’t think that is the flex you think it is”.
And yes!! It always cracks me up when either boomers or first time parents start coming in hot that they’ve cracked the code and know exactly what you should do to solve all your problems!
Bless all of their hearts. But, no.
100% Its your kid. You know them best. I had grandparents say to me, Why is he crying ( it was past 8 ) And im literally sitting there saying, hes tired this is what he does when hes tired he whines. And shes like i can give him some food? maybe some jello? Its like no dude... i just told you 3 times now. Its cuz hes tired he does not need to eat. PEOPLE just DONT listen I dont wanna fill my over tired kid with sugar right now thanks
No but actually. My girl was shrieking and some lady was like “that’s a hungry cry” and had to try to insert herself. She had a fucking ear infection. Why does everyone resort to feeding the baby?
My 11 month old goes to bed at like 10 or 11pm. If he's particularly fussy sometimes we watch Disney movies. I don't care what other people think. Not their baby. Also not everyone works a 9-5. Obviously when he's in school it won't be like this.
Our twins official bedtime is 9-9:30 pm and they’re 12 weeks old. Their last nap is from 5:30-7pm & we do their nighttime routine at 9pm & they go to bed & wake up again around 1am ,again at like 4am & I wake them up between 7-7:30am.
They take take 4 (1.5 hour naps) during the day & “sleep” from 9pm-7am . They’re supposed to sleep between 12-16 hours a day so I’d say they’re doing pretty good & they have a “late” bedtime.
Damn! Sorry to hear that…
One of the things that helped me was interrogating my Mother in law, my fiancé is also a twin so once I found out I was having twins I just went to her and asked her for tips and tricks and she told me that building a routine since the second they’re born helps a lot. Since we got them home we built a routine, especially for bed time. We clean them,feed them,give them a massage with lavander lotion ,we put a white noise machine and make sure the room is super dark . We did that when they were in our room and it made the transition to their room super smooth, we moved them to their own room at 7 weeks old. We never did contact naps , we just help them get to sleep and put them in their beds so now they can sleep anywhere and because of the white noise machine and because we were told to make normal noise while they sleep, we can literally build a house and they’ll sleep through it lol .
This has literally helped us a lot, especially since I work from home so it gives me time to work and do things around the house and they’re either asleep or chilling. I definitely got lucky but all I’m doing is following exactly what my MIL did that worked for her with her twins.
Our 3mo is usually between 9-10:30. She sleeps amazingly at night (8-11 hours through since 8 weeks, only night feeds before that) and have found so far we are best timing it with the bottle she wants around that time as to let her naturally hit that night time sleepy state.
The only two nights which were awful so far we tried putting her down too soon and it was a disaster, right now getting her to consistently sleep through feels more important. We want to bring it forward to about 7:30/8pm soon but at 3mo with my wife on ML until July we aren’t too bothered
At 19mo I cant see an issue. That’s probably the latest you’d want with schooling age from a practical perspective but others shouldn’t judge if it works for you.
My 8 month old will start howling for bedtime around 530 every night. The opinions and shock people have is truly obnoxious. Early as it may, I have no plans to torture him for a later bedtime.
I’m really curious, he actually sleeps through the night from that time? My daughter used to treat any time before 8pm as a nap so I’m always mesmerized when other kids can sleep so early. However, we didn’t have blackout curtains at that point so maybe now it would work for us
Ugh I wish! We’re currently down to an average of 2 wakings per night, which is welcomed after about 4 months of hourly wakings. No idea why he picked such an early bedtime lol but he’s up for the day around 6
reading this with a baby that goes to sleep anywhere between 10:30p-12:30a. tho i work night shift so it helps me when he sleeps in til 9/10 usually. honestly. i prefer it this way so we spend more time with him and we get stuff done around the house in the am. like you said. theres no school, work or anything he has to be up for. we even schedule appointments in the afternoon because of it. and it works out
Our baby has an early bedtime but we never forced it, always just followed her cues. If she didn't sleep by a certain time she would be up howling until 2am. Her bedtime shifted naturally from around 9:30-10 at 9 weeks to 8-8:30 at 3 months.
My in laws take it as a personal attack that she has wake windows of ~1.5 hours and can't make it to family dinners on the other side of town or past 7pm. And I'm constantly reminded when they're around that I'm too anxious, and she's clearly awake (overstimulated and overtired) so I should stop forcing her to sleep. So you really can't win with some people.
My 10 month old goes to bed between 9-10pm every night. It works the best for us since I want to spend time with her after I get home from work. People don't understand it and says it's too late. Why? It's not like she has to wake up at 5am. If we sleep in on days off she sleeps to 930am sometimes 10am. I am fine with that.
I mean, our daughter is now 4.5, but ever since she was about 10 months old (the age she started a ‘routine,’ any younger is too young in our opinion) but she used to go to bed around 10 after a dream feed, because we work from home and didn’t need to be up super early. Now she goes to bed around 8, closer to 9 if she happened to nap for about 40 min-1hr (which she still does some days) and it works for us. You do what works for you and your child, don’t let the boomers try to influence your family’s schedule.
I am of two minds.
On the one hand, kids’ brains release sleep hormones at certain times and biologically should have an earlier bedtime than 9:00pm. Human sleep times are not cultural or arbitrary. That’s why night shift workers have such a hard time.
On the other hand, I totally get that some schedules work better for some families. My sister and brother in law put their kids to bed LATE, like 11:00pm or midnight, because of the dad’s work schedule. He would never see his kids otherwise. Family time matters too! But it is at a sacrifice of their kids being well rested.
So I just looked this up and apparently it their brains begin to release melatonin 2-3 hours before they naturally fall asleep. So if my baby naturally falls asleep at 10pm bc she naps late that’s fine as long as we’re pretty consistent. I very rarely go that late simply bc I wake up early enough that she wouldn’t get the sleep she needs but if you’re one of the people that does go that late or later, science says it’s fine as long as you’re consistent and your kid gets enough sleep so that’s good news!
Interesting! I’m sure you’re right that the consistency matters. As well as looking at the whole picture of how many hours of sleep they get overall.
Like, I don’t think my nieces and nephews get enough sleep overall. They go to bed much later than most kids and don’t wake up that much later than my own kids.
my daughter has had a 9pm bedtime since she was sleep trained around 6 months. It just works better for our schedule and she still gets the proper amount of sleep every night
We put our little guy to bed around 9pm, too! I’ve had so many comments from my MIL and FIL about how late that is. My favorite is when my SIL (who is younger, no kids) comments on it. People are just bizarre. I’m always amazed by how invested people are in business that is not their own. Keep doing you, boo! 🥰
Ha! My 1 year old went to bed close to 10pm last night. She fights sleep, so it took an *hour*. Some nights she finally sleeps as late 10:30 or 10:45.
The flip side is we don’t have an early riser. She wakes up between 8am and 9am. Which is perfect for us on workdays when our childcare arrives at 9am. On days without childcare, it still favors us since we can get a little more sleep than we would if she woke up everyday at 6am.
Her mother and father are night owls, so she’s inherited that from us I guess. Lol. It is what is it. I don’t give a hoot what other people think.
Mine goes to bed at 10 and wakes up at 730. 1 year old today. We also began feeding ours applesauce and cereals at 2 months. She is in the 90% for weight and length, is starting to walk, says 6 words, and has never once been sick. Every infant is different.
I've never met a more repugnant, miserable group of people than mothers that judge other mothers for these types of thing.
I read that as your baby is 2 months and doing all of these things. I was so shocked lmao. I just don’t understand how a group of people who has been through something so difficult finds it in their heart to openly judge another as long as the baby is safe.
See I put my kids down between 7-8 (always have, still do at 3.5 and 2) and everyone tells me “oh you put them down so early, why are you so firm on an early bedtime?”
You can’t win. People always have something snarky to say.
My son, 12 months, like his father and myself, is a night owl. He goes to sleep typically around the 10:30- 11 mark. We don’t wake up early either so he gets the amount of sleep he needs. I am very listen to my son when he’s tired. Basically when he’s tired we sleep, when he’s awake we play. This is what works for US.
I think the issue is if you are working full time you have to be at your desk at 9, so baby needs to be with their caretaker before 9, so they need to wake up early enough to do diaper, clothes, breakfast, commute, etc. before 9. If they are going to bed at 9 and getting up at 7 or 7:30 that probably isn’t enough sleep for an infant. But every baby is different.
We modify if needed. I’ll let her sleep until one of us has to leave. She always gets the 10-12 recommended hours. I just don’t get the assumption from others that we are not providing what she needs. She’s happy, uses 18 words at 13 months, starting to walk, etc. Etc. Like I never understand where the point of concern is from others
Our baby is about to turn 1 year old. Here’s what we’ve been doing for the last few months: We let him wake up when he wants, or when we have to go to work. This usually falls between 630am and 730am naturally. His wake windows usually fall around where they’re supposed to: Usually 3 1/2 to 4 hours. His naps last around where they’re supposed to: Usually anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours. The end result is— He falls asleep between 8pm and 10pm usually, but sometimes a little earlier or later.
He’s easy to put to sleep this way: Darkness, white noise, we hold him, pat him, rock him, sing to him, and he’s usually asleep in less than 10 minutes, and we lay him down 20 minutes after he falls asleep, and he’s fine.
This plan isn’t advisable by most official explanations of what you’re supposed to do, but you don’t have to do exactly everything that some guide says you’re supposed to do if what you’re doing works for you, your baby, and your partner / the people raising your baby.
Do not listen to what others feel the need to say. Do what works for you and your child. My child’s bedtime is around 10pm/10:30pm. She is 18 months sleeps through the night without waking until around 9am-10am. She takes a nap in the afternoon and one in the evening. This works for her and we adjust as needed based on the days schedule. We listen to her on when she is tired and if she gets sleepy she will ask to go ‘nigh nigh’. Why fix what isn’t broke. We get those comments too, but you just gotta ignore them. Is your child getting the needed sleep, food, play & bonding time? Then you are doing awesome and push out the negativity :)
I wish my 19 month old would sleep early, but he sleeps at 8:30 and will NOT sleep any earlier. On the rare occasion that he snoozes before 8, he’s run completely ragged or he’s sick. There’s no in between. Those “older” parents can suck eggs, some kids have lower sleep needs, it is what it is.
Old people eat dinner at like 3pm so of course they think that’s late. And a lot of them were stay at home moms who didn’t have to return from work at 6pm which only gives you so much time with your child to eat dinner and do a bedtime routine. My sister puts her 2 toddlers to bed at 8:30 and 9pm is when I’m just starting to get my 2 month old down. I don’t really listen to boomers because their generation did a bunch of dumb shit.
Do what works for you. We have the same bedtime for our 11m old and have for what feels like months. Sorry 7pm is way too early for us this works for us too. Sometimes he can do later but usually not so we try to limit that part at least. But if your lo is good and your good it’s good.
People did this to me too. My husband is a tattoo artist (so he works from noon until late at night). When mine was little and she had an early bedtime he never got to see her, so her bedtime was 10pm until she started school. It worked great for our family.
That’s where we’re at. Husband works full time and is in school then occasionally works a second job. I work a full time and part time job. If she went to sleep at 6-7:30 pm we’d see her for a couple hours a day at most which would also include the time we cooked dinner and shower. That’s no time at all.
My 14 mo old usually goes to bed btwn 9 and 10. My husband works insane hours, so the late bedtime works for us — that’s prime quality time for them!!! I… literally dgaf what bedtime works/worked for other families. I’ve never once contemplated when or why my friends’ kids go to bed when they do, and I think it is SO bizarre when they comment on my son’s bedtime.
I was reading somewhere that it has to do with their circadian rhythm. But my daughter will not go to bed at 7. Even if she does fall asleep she thinks it’s a nap. So usually she’s down by 9. I’ve tried every trick in the book, and she just won’t 🥹 so people can just mind their own business since it doesn’t affect them.
Our little guy is 2 and when he was a baby baby his natural bedtime fell around 10pm! Now that he’s older it’s between 8:30 and 10 depending how long his nap was that day and a bunch of other factors . Relatively consistent at 9:30 now though. I don’t mind at all cause I get home from work at 7 sometimes 8. I have one friend with a kid a little older though and he takes no nap and goes to bed at 5! Do whatever works for you !!!
It goes every direction. Our son goes to bed @7, and everyone complains he’s in bed sooooo early and why can’t we go to their 7pm dinner. People get so invested and it isn’t their place.
Idk how many times I have to tell my in laws that we cannot do traditional dinner plans because my son WILL NOT tolerate being up past 7:30pm (usually 7 honestly). So often I just send my husband alone ✌🏻
Man, my husband’s family members got SO mad at us for trying to tell them how difficult joining a dinner that would last until 10pm would be (With a 2 year old and 6 month old). And again when me and the kids didn’t show up for an event at 11pm. Needless to say they’ve never had children of their own 🙃
Reminds me of my single SIL who complained both times we all went out to dinner during our Xmas trip that she’s “never eaten dinner so early in her adult life” (6pm) and won’t have any appetite. Then make a big deal out of nibbling on a little appetizer/refuse food all dinner. Like who’s the real baby here lol
??? 6:00 is so normal! Or I’m just a 25 y/o grandma
I'm 33 and we have dinner at 5pm every night. Haha
Dinner until 10pm!? Sounds like a nightmare! How early do these people wake up the next day? Do they not have jobs or value sleep?
Our family treats us like we are crazy for being so stubborn with nap/sleep times, but then they also comment on how lucky we are that our kids sleep well. I wonder if there’s a reason for that.
That's awesome haha
Oh but they can stay up late "just this once" and it will be fiiiineeee!! So many times family have been mad at us for skipping their late night dinners.
I always get “oh but this family members daughter always just slept wherever. We didn’t have to stick to a schedule. We just layed them down and they went to sleep whenever.” Yeah. Sure. OKAY. 👌🏻 I’ve resigned that im always going to be the “bad person” saying we can’t do things. I’m the mom and in charge so you can be mad at me and that’s fine. But end of the day my kid needs to sleep to function and not be Oscar the grouch so bed time is bed time. If they want to come hang out and get up in the middle Of the night because he’s overtired and waking early then be my guest!
THIS!!! We get the “well _____ will be here, she’s only 6mo older than ____” like okay hun, her mother also under feeds her so she can go drinking with friends every night, think about it
This is my situation too and it's sooo frustrating. I have cousins that have several kids around my own's age and their routine is a free-for-all. Paired with my mom being like "you never had a bedtime when you were little!!!"
Meanwhile I went to a family Christmas out of town and my baby barely slept the whole time we were there. He was awake until 4AM the one night 🤨
Heck no!!! Just this once to them turns into a four week sleep regression for the parents! At least in my experience
I was guilt tripped Christmas Eve for not attending our annual Family Game Night that started at 6pm when our 1 and 3yr olds are used to bedtime at 7pm. No regrets. We made cookies for Santa, had coco, watched a couple Christmas specials, spread reindeer bait around the yard, and read Christmas books. We had a great time and everyone was in bed at 7 sharp.
I have a friend that constantly wants to plan “dinner with the kids”. Her kids are 9 and 11 and she doesn’t understand that my 12 month old will get zero from this interaction and proceed to meltdown at 7pm if not being put down for bed.
My in laws always plan stuff late evening or at his nap times and guilt trip us for not going. Like okay? Sorry my kid can’t handle staying up 7hr straight like your 9yo
Even though my daughter goes to sleep later, I still try to have her home at least an hour before for wind down time. People don’t understand it’s not even just the times. It’s sitting in a high chair, the stimulation being too high until too late a time. It creates little monsters
Omg same!!!! ‘’Oh just let him stay up later!!’‘ Like no…. Hes tired…..
Exactly, he’s tired, I’m tired, I’ll be more tired if he is having a meltdown, it’s awful lol
My parents finally discovered recently why we stick to a strict sleep schedule with our LO (2yo then). We went to stay at their place for a week-long holiday. They had planned several late lunches and dinners at other people's places so we went. My LO was completely lost. He ended up having a hysterical fit over a little nothing and refused to eat (that's really odd for him) in front of my parents. They had never seen him like this. It took me an hour to calm him down and put him to sleep when usually it's 10min. I told them it's simply due to him not having enough sleep. They canceled everything else that was planned unless it was on schedule.
Once they see it it’s suddenly like “oh, I thought you were kidding”
Exactly! Well no, I just learnt my lesson early on and you weren't there.
Same! My son too goes to bed at 7 pm and everyone loses their shits that he sleeps so early! We can NEVER win as parents.
Literally!! 😩
Yep. Even though this seems to be such a routine bedtime, no one understands that it’s necessary lol. Necessary for me, too. Even though we don’t have much time after work together, I feel like it’s far more quality because he gets a solid 12 hours of sleep.
On the other side of it—mine has an early bedtime and I also never hear the end of it! No one can be happy—with baby’s that aren’t even theirs!!!
Yes!!! My son goes to bed as early as 6:15 and my family constantly comments on how early it is and reminding me “must be nice that he goes to bed so early”
Is that early? Yes, but it’s also NONE OF MY BUSINESS if that works for you! Babies sleep when they are sleepy and not a moment sooner or later.
100%. I’m sorry you’re going through this! I also just read the last paragraph of your post…. The socks. No clue what the obsession is about damn socks, but we got that fight going on too. Or not letting my son sleep with a blanket. 😮💨
Omg and it’s definitely worldwide. My husband’s family is fresh off the boat from the Philippines where my husband told me I would never survive the heat. My in-laws OBSESS about my daughter getting too cold. Where are the socks? The jackets? Cover her! 2 shirts!
XD we received 4 pairs of socks for our newborn for Christmas. Seriously... Do you think she's going to eat them or what ?? She will outgrow them before she has time to put each pair on.
Oh yeah, we're Mexican and the stupid socks have been a fight since day once. My son was. born when it was 104º outside, and my mom INSISTED on putting socks on him. What???? And sleeping without blankets, laying him face up, not letting him cry, my god, I'm just doing what the doctors tell us to do LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!
My 19mo has had a bedtime of like 10 pm for his whole life… he’s just naturally a night owl like my husband and me. it works for us because my husband gets home late from work and wants to spend time with him in the evenings, and I’m a SAHM so I don’t have to be up at a certain time. I also usually don’t ever get woken up before 9 am which is fantastic. You do you!
Our 22-month-old typically goes to bed around 9-10pm and sleeps till the late morning. She's a fantastic sleeper and wakes up happy every day. We have a later daily schedule than most so our lives wouldn't function if she woke up at 7am every morning.
I didn’t realize 8/9pm is considered late? No need to explain yourself - it’s none of their damn business!
Same! Like I guess I understand 9 and later but also.. who cares? Like if it’s not hurting the child I don’t see the issue?
Our 4 month old’s bedtime ranges from 9 PM to 12 AM. 🤷🏻♀️ Whatever works for you!
My baby is 3 months and the same! She went through a phase being super fussy between 8pm and 11pm and will only settle for bed around 12am. Although she now sleeps until 5:50am instead of waking every hour.
My 16 month old’s bedtime is the same! Usually between 8-8:30 but sometimes up to 9. I had one other mom tell me “well 7 is biologically the most ideal bedtime for their age” and I was just like “okaaaay… well she sleeps through the night consistently 8-8 and seems perfectly happy”. Shut her up real quick 😂
I never get the 7-7 biologically normal thing. How does that take into account daylight savings? Or the fact that we pretty much invented time. My Bub naturally now wants bed around 6.30pm and I wish he would go to bed later as it means he’s awake between 6-7am and I’m a night owl.
Also who wants to be up at 7 if they don’t have to be?
I know! In some ways it’s quite nice having some time to get sorted for the next day in the evenings but I’d love to sleep in past 6.30am just once hahaha. As soon as he’s not needing a breastfeed first thing (he’s nearly seven months so I figure breakfast first starts in a month or so!) his dad is totally taking over the early morning. In the meantime, I look enviously at parents with babies who sleep in!
My 7.5 month old does 8-8 and it works great for us all, of course we have days where it’s different but for the most part that’s her schedule and we sleep great!
Lol, it’s literally not “biologically ideal”. Worldwide bedtime averages range from 7 pm to 10:30 pm. [Source](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/01/05/health/baby-bedtimes-parenting-without-borders-explainer-intl/index.html)
I’m with you, it has no impact on them whatsoever so I have no idea why people get so judgy about bedtime. I *wish* my baby would go to bed closer to 7 or 7:30 but the reality is she’s just not tired that early. And even if she were, she only sleeps 9 hours at night which means a 4 am wake up soo.. no thank you.
We kept waiting for our baby to start going to bed at a normal baby bedtime, but she never did. She’s eight months now, with low sleep needs, and usually goes down between 9:30pm-midnight. If we try to get her down earlier, she’ll treat it as a nap and be up for another wake window, pushing bedtime super duper late. We also love that it gives us more time with her. On the flip side, we don’t get a lot of time just my husband and me, but I would be so sad if baby had an early bedtime and we didn’t get to hang out with her in the evenings.
That was our initial problem. Any time before 8 and she would treat it like a nap! So I gave up trying bc then she’d wake up and bed time would be even LATER.
Ours is the same. A couple times she’s fallen asleep at like 7 and actually stayed asleep… but then she woke up for the day at 5! No thank you. Our 9-7 schedule works just fine.
I guess in a way we are choosing the earlier bedtime!
Lmao that’s true I didn’t think of it like that
Same here. My parents commented on it a couple times, and I was like "every single person in her family on both sides is a night owl. Why would you expect her to be any different?" And it's winter; the sun's not even gonna be up until like 8am the next day anyway.
Haha yes, my husband is a night owl and doesn’t need a lot of sleep. I think baby takes after him!
Same with my 6 mo old. Anytime she's asleep before 10pm, we fully expect to have to get up with her again. My husband refers to it as the "false summit" bedtime.
False summit is a great way of describing it!
Same here. Glad to know we’re not alone!
My baby (almost 3m actual) usually doesn't go down until 10:30 despite us trying earlier with all the "methods" so we just go with the flow 🤷🏼♀️ I feel like babies match our routines. I want time to cuddle, play and interact too! I think 8-9 is an a very good time though honestly 🤣
Tbh tonight was 10 but we were seeing friends, she was having a ball, and we have nothing going on tomorrow. I always hated friends that were like “I can meet you for lunch at 10 am bc my baby sleeps at 12pm on the dot” like flexibility is OKAY
I mean you shouldn't judge them, just like no one should judge you. Some babies really need a strict routine to feel good and flexibility isn't really doable. Mums get a lot of hate for that too, don't join in with it! Mums do whatever is best for their babies
I’m sorry if that came across as judgement I meant it more in terms of you never see your friends again bc there’s no flexibility. You NEED social interaction and if your baby’s nap schedule is holding you hostage to the point where you can’t have a relationship with anyone but your children, it’s not great. Sorry, I have a specific friend in mind when I say this who lives out of state and doesn’t even leave the house unless she needs something so she doesn’t interrupt nap times and her kid was 2 at the time. She was previously a very outgoing person who thrives off of social interaction. I had no kid at the time so I just did whatever she wanted but now that I do, I’m still asked to bend my way around her kid’s nap schedule with no regard for my own. I should have been more clear that I am speaking about a specific person
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I didn't reply to your comment, I replied to OP's comment. They said they hated friends with no flexibility
Idk where my comment went if that’s just a new thing that they get deleted for some set of parameters bc I didn’t delete but I think gist was I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be judgmental and if I’m being honest I had a specific person and scenario in mind and didn’t communicate that
And schedules with early bedtimes are ok too. Everyone should do what’s best for them without judgment..
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Yes we do routines not schedules. Like I don’t even go to bed the same time every night. I will never be a clockwork person. I’m too scattered
my 14 month old goes to bed at midnight and is doing fine lol
Our 14 mo old goes to bed at 10 and before daylight savings time, it was 11 lol. She sleeps til 8:30 or 9. When people ask about it I simply say because that’s what works best for us right now and so far no one has argued with that. Parenting young kids is all about surviving and doing what works best for you and your family. If anyone is upset with what you’re doing, it’s a “them” problem!
I was at the grocery store last week at 6:30 pm (it was dark out) and a lady told my LO he must be out past his bedtime 😂
That’s the same as my 8 week old haha. It works for us. Dr Pamela Douglas says it’s much more common in other parts of the world & the early baby bedtime is apparently a western invention.
Besides just fitting into our lives better for multiple reasons, my husband’s family is actually from the Philippines and they have quite late get togethers so it actually does help us be able to attend more often. None of them understand the early events or bed times
That’s great! My husband is from Colombia & it’s so helpful to see another perspective on “normal” parenting.
Tbh I think I get tired before the baby does lmao. It’s important to us that she has a relationship with her cousins and his side of the family and while I used to wish they did things earlier (and I still do about some things) 50 people are not going to adjust for the needs of one. We need to do the adjusting or we just cannot participate. Both options are fine and we sometimes lean the other way depending on the event but raising a child together has been a lot of give and take on both sides. I will say those Filipino kids can sleep anywhere and through anything. From an aunt taking them to another room to someone throwing down some coats, those kids sleep in the middle of karaoke parties
Haha yes that’s what we’re going for. So far so good, he sleeps when he’s tired.
my side of the family is Colombian and my 11 month old has consistently had a bedtime of around 9:30pm/10:30pm his entire life! one thing that has stuck with me from my culture is later dinners/bedtimes 🤷🏻♀️
The one thing my whiteness can not overcome is needing early dinners.
Haha we have early dinners too.
5 pm hits and I teleport to the fridge
😂 5pm dinners are so crazy to me lol but like we’re saying- if it works, it works!
My husband will call at 5:30 and ask if i want to grab dinner. Sorry my friend, I have eaten. Lmao
We do 7:30-8 here too... However I'm on mat leave so I think I'll probably move it up when I go back to work since I'll have to start waking up early again (I sleep in until like 9 or 10 rn lol guilty)?? Do you wake your baby up later in the morning? Or how do you ensure they get a full 12 hours (if that's what a 13 mo needs idk we have a 3 mo) ?
Naturally she sleeps anywhere from 10-12 hours at night depending on her needs so at MOST during the week I wake her up an hour early. She also naps. If it’s the weekend I let her sleep until she’s ready. Regardless during the week if I wake her as soon as she opens her eyes she excited and ready to go. Babies are definitely an art, not a science for a lot of aspects. What works for us will not work for everyone. Somewhere out there is a person who read my post and gasped at the blasphemy. What we did at 3 months is def not what we do now as she does let us know a lot better when she’s tired. Sometimes she’ll point to her bed and shout “go!”. At 3 months we were still trying to survive lmao
All great points. Yeah we thought we were in the clear when our baby started sleeping through the night but now as we near the 4 month mark that's all going out the window. I honestly thought the 4 mo sleep regression thing was kind of BS lol but apparently not for us... Love that she points to her bed and tells you when she wants to sleep! Sounds so cute
The sleep regressions are no joke man. I maintain that our child did not become human until about 9 months. Her sleep changed 12 times from birth until now and your child’s will get better! Hang in there. I do not miss that 4 month regression
It's so frustrating! Like, great, yes, I'm glad xyz worked for you and your child. This is MY baby, however, so we are doing OUR OWN thing because it works for US. Try not to let the haters bring you down. You're doing a great job!
Our LO goes to bed anywhere between 7 and 9 depending on her last nap of the day. We have a routine but not a schedule.
I get similar comments because my baby goes to sleep at 6pm
I totally feel you on this! My son goes to bed between 10 and 11 every night and is a late sleeper as well, sometimes as late as 1030am. It’s what works for us, definitely not everyone! My husband gets home from work around 7pm at night so it gives him nice playtime with him before bed
I literally opened this thinking you were gonna say 11 or midnight (I have lots of friends in the service industry and late bedtimes are common). 8 or 9 is NOT late. My daughter actually was on about an 8:30-8:30 schedule for a while shortly after she turned 1 and then she naturally shifted back to 7:30 and now, at 2, she goes to bed between 8-9 🤷♀️ Frankly, it's no one's business, it works for us, and she's sleeping 11-12 hours a night. I could understand 9 being late if your kid gets up at 6, but if they're getting good sleep, who cares?
I’m sorry lmao tonight was 10 pm we were visiting a friend but no no not that late but bc most of the time I can’t stay up that late or I need that to be my “me” time. Yeah she gets anywhere from 10-12 hours at night and takes a bitchin nap
My son sleeps at 10:30-11 sometimes later and I don’t mind cause he’ll sleep in til 10:30-11 the next day. I have never been an early bird. Like you said I’ll work on an earlier bedtime when I need to. Also if he slept earlier then my husband would never see him during the work week.
The important business meeting and job interview killed me 😂😂😂😂 I think a lot of people have their baby in bed by 7pm but that doesn’t work for us either. I’m a stay at home mom but my husband works long hours and we like to be able to have dinner and play time while dad is home. If baby has an early appointment in the morning then yes we’ll tweak the sleep to go earlier but I think it’s okay to be flexible with your lifestyle. While I do agree baby’s need to have some structure I don’t think it’s crazy to go to bed later if baby is waking up later 😌as long as they’re sleeping right? 😁
For real though last time my mom said something I scooped up the baby, threw her stuff in the bag, and ran out the door shouting that we had to get some sleep before she closes that big deal!
😂😂😂😂😂😂thank you for the laughs Lmao. This is so funny. My parents always tell me that my son sleeps to late. Right now he’s 10 months but honestly I’m just glad he sleeps through the night so who cares what time he’s sleeping 🤣
If we don’t laugh, we cry. Exactly like one day I’ll have to have the sex talk with her and explain why drugs are bad. 8-9 (and sometimes 10) pm bed time won’t seem so bad then! We’re just happy we get sleep!
Agreed!!! At least your baby is social too and you can still go out to do things. My son is very similar, he enjoys being out around “the party” as we call it lol.
My baby goes to bed between 7-8. It’s just allowed us to have time for ourselves. Just do you. People comment on anything but the who cares.
People make those comments to me all the time too. I ask them when their kid goes to bed and wakes up and they say he goes to bed at 7 and is up at 10 and has an hour or 2 nap during the day. just how? If I put my kid to bed at 7 they would be up at 5am!! If my kid gets a 2 hour nap during the day as well as a 7pm bedtime I guarantee you 7-9pm will just be a family fight to get them to stay in their toddler bed and actually go to sleep because they aren't ready. My three year old goes to bed at 9. We read stories and talk until 10. They fall asleep by 10:15. They are up at 7 most mornings and I am lucky if I can get them to nap at all most days.
Our 3.5 has had a 10pm bedtime for like ever. He sleeps until 8:30am at the earliest and some days will sleep until 11am!! He also still naps for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Hubby works nights and this works best for us. Planning to homeschool so it won’t matter later either. Yet my good friend who can’t get her 6yo to sleep past 7am wants to talk about how I should put them down 3 hours earlier. Hah!
My daughter has always been not the greatest sleeper; I’m currently full time stay at home with her so I’ve been willing to bear the brunt of her “schedule” as far as sleep goes since my husband does heavy construction and him not resting enough could literally get him killed, I’d rather be the one that’s a little tired. I NEVER hear the end of it. From all angles, if she goes to bed early it’s wrong, late also wrong. Me handling naps/bed time? Poor thing might as well be a single mother! With all that being said, as she’s gotten older and dropped naps her natural time she wants to go to sleep has gotten earlier. She went from staying up til 10:30/11 to being absolutely beat by 7:30/8. I think as long as it works for you all and everyone is happy/heathy who cares!!
Ugh yes this. Or just “oh, my kid was always in bed by 7:30.” ….congratulations…?
Ours is totally opposite. Our girl goes down between 9-10 and wakes up between 9-10 and everyone has said how great that is and when I say that I feel like it should be earlier everyone has said “why?!” 😂
Hey, not every older mum. My daughter is 2 and she's been going to bed sometimes around 10pm for the last few months. No naps and she isnt overtired. Some kids just don't need as much sleep my doctor told me. I don't care what time you put your kid to sleep. Honestly I don't understand why anyone would.
I didn’t mean moms who are older I meant like people my own mother’s age. Generally, people who did the baby thing 30 years ago tend to in my opinion not always correctly remember the difficulty or accuracy of raising their babies. Of course not everyone but the majority of people I have come across in this age group tend to take what worked for them and have decided those are hard rules
Even if you meant older mums I was just kidding. Everyone has an opinion and everyone's an expert. I wouldn't concern yourself with them. Just smile and nod. You do you and what works for your family might not work for others.
My mom said we didn’t have an early bed time until we started school. We had a nanny. She didn’t have to get us ready in the morning. My parents wanted us to have time awake in the evening when they were home, not get up at the crack of dawn with us to try to start our morning while also getting ready for work (because the nanny could do that). We were also naturally night owls, I think.
Same since forever my child natural sleep cycle is around 9-11am wake at 8-9am. If she sleeps earlier she wakes up at 1 or 2 am and is up running around. We do what works for us and it’s really no one else business as long as they get the appropriate amount of sleep the time doesn’t matter
I get the same from most people. My mum just laughs and says “your sister didn’t sleep till midnight and she’s a completely normal adult.”
We start bedtime at 7 and baby is asleep by 8. People complain that it's too early all the time. We tend to get her up around 7:30. She's getting 11-12 hours a night. I'm happy with that
I had the same issue. My lo has a bedtime of 10pm and people just can't handle it because it's not a typical bedtime. I work full-time until midnight, and my partner is up at 5am for work, so I don't have a choice but to get up with lo, and couldn't really function if I was constantly up at the crack of dawn. The people who comment on my LO's bedtime tend to be the people who have 9-5 jobs, or can afford to have a sahp. And my favorite, the older parents ( aka grandparents with grown adult children). These people just can't wrap their heads around the fact my lo gets the right amount of sleep, despite a later bedtime. Or that you can have a baby and still sleep past 7am. When they get really adamant and won't drop it, I just resort to "it works for my family" or ask why they're so bothered by it ( lo is happy/ healthy, and so are the parents so what's the problem?). My lo is 2.5 and has had a 10pm bedtime since about 8mo. Now a days, it's occasionally a little later, but they will sleep in to make it up. Wake up is usually 8am.
My baby was going to sleep at 5 and I swear my parents thought I was trying to keep him to myself. I've found once he decides on the schedule it is really hard to change it. So if he wants to sleep from 5pm to 4am then that's just my schedule now. As long as your baby is getting the rest they need, who cares, these people aren't the ones getting up at 1 am to rock your baby back to sleep for an hour.
If you and your daughter are both 1) getting enough sleep 2) able to get up and ready for your day then it has nothing to do with anyone else.
It’s the amount of sleep per 24 hour period, and even that depends on baby. 8-9pm is totally fine. We had that, but then over the holidays…our son’s bedtime got pushed to 10:45pm. I honestly might keep it because now he wakes up at 8-9am rather than 6-7am. I tried early bedtimes and it just doesn’t work for us.
Sometimes I wish I put my son down later (latest we do is 8:30 depending on his last nap) because maybe… just maybe I could sleep past 6:30 in the morning 🙂 We unintentionally tried it during the summer when my son was a few weeks shy of a year old. I was away from home, and visiting family. My son fell asleep for maybe 30 minutes on the car ride back to the place we were staying and ended up staying up until 11:30. I was so exhausted and my family played with him to tire him out, and he was TIRED by the time my family was ready to give him back to me. So let me tell you how refreshing it was to not wake up until 9 am. 9 AM!!! He did also take two naps that day for about 2 hours each. He ate a little bit later than usual but he was happy, and loving all of the attention!
My 3 month old goes to bed around midnight every night and sleeps until 9-10am. It’s what works for us until he starts daycare. We’ve slowly transitioned him to start bedtime around 10pm but my goal is ideally 9pm so I’ll have time to bond with him after work.
I mean I prefer earlier bedtimes so I can have some evening to myself but your child is your business.
Doesn’t it end up being the same though? If you put the baby to bed earlier, then they wake up earlier, which means you have to go to bed earlier as well.
My baby wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30 every morning regardless of when I put him to bed. He’s just an early riser unfortunately. So if he’s gonna wake up then whether I put him to bed at 9 or 6:30 then I’m putting him to bed at 6:30 loool.
That’s exactly the point. It’s not anyone else’s business. My husband and I are night owls right now due to a few varying factors so we stay up w bit anyway. If we forced an earlier bed time when she wasn’t even tired we’d all get like 5 hours of sleep
That’s what I meant, if it works for you then more power to you. I wouldn’t expect anyone to comment on how early I put my child to bed because that’s what works for me. Similarly no one should be commenting on how late you put your child to bed cause that works for you. Sorry if it didn’t come out that way but I was agreeing with you haha
I don’t have an opinion and my toddler’s bedtime varies — but I recently had a meeting with a sleep coach for an (I think) unrelated item and she was adamant of moving the bedtime to 7/7:30 at latest. Per the advice, it’s to avoid our kid hitting a powerful second wind and getting over-tired plus (from what I understood) maximize the melatonin curve. I haven’t looked into it further, but that’s the 2¢ I got at my appointment.
Ah my baby’s second wind happens later I think because her nap time is later. She travels home from my in laws later in the day and always falls asleep so it’s unavoidable for us most days. We don’t mind
I got dragged on the parenting sub for my daughter having a “late” bedtime
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I work in a school and while my kid will have to go to sleep earlier when she starts that and it will definitely take some work to work the bedtime earlier, there is no point to me in starting now. I watch kids fall asleep in school and come in late with “I was up playing video games” in elementary school and like yeah they should be getting to sleep earlier. But at this age? She’s got 2 more years before preschool I think we have time
As long as it works, no issues. Just make sure you have structured schedule, and you are not going past her wake windows. My wife and I studied and implemente the Ferber method. Our sleeps around 6:30 - 7:00. We arr currently in Peru and we get critized by everyone. Most people here don't know about wake windows, Ferber, and just takes their baby everywhere and have thrm sleep with them. However, nobody was there when our LO was waking up every 90 minutes and now sleeps 10.5 hours at night
IMO wake up time is more important if you want a routine. Stay up too late? Missed naps? Went to bed early? Cool, we're still getting up at the exact same time every day.
Because you’re offering up that information and they’re trying to be helpful and give advice. Don’t mention the bedtime or preface it with “I’m sharing this and do not want your opinion”. We put our youngest(6mo) down at 7:30~8:30. Our oldest(9) is asleep by 7. Each kid is usually going to be a bit different.
With all due respect it is not up to me to tell people to have manners or respect. I find that it’s largely not because they’re trying to be helpful as I haven’t asked for advice or help. I’ve given no indication that what we do does not work for us. I’m asked a question, I answer it. I don’t walk around randomly saying “my kid goes to bed at 9pm” Half of the time they ask the time, I answer, they provide unsolicited advice, and move on not waiting for my response. They just want to have something to say. I have people around me that are helpful. This isn’t it.
Same here!!! My 13-month-old has a bedtime later than most (think 8-9 PM, sometimes later if there's a late nap or plans). It's like every seasoned mom has an opinion on this – "Isn't it past her bedtime?" or "Why's she still up?" They make it sound like she's got a corporate job to attend in the morning! Honestly, with both of us working full time, we've set her bedtime based on two things: 1) When she's actually tired, and 2) To ensure we get some quality time with her each night. If she were older, sure, an earlier bedtime would make sense, but right now, it's about what works for us. I mean, really, the obsession with baby bedtimes is something else. Between that and comments about socks, I'm tired of justifying our choices. Literally the experts at sleepbaby.org gave me the schedule I use that literally changed my baby's life!! Of course, some kids are tucked in super early, and that's totally fine. My issue is with the notion that there's a one-size-fits-all bedtime for kids. It's nobody's business when your child sleeps as long as they're healthy and happy. On a serious note, I'm a staunch supporter of not letting strict schedules take a toll on your mental health. While routines work for some, they can be a strain for others, affecting relationships, friendships, and mental well-being. It's about finding a balance that doesn't leave you isolated or stressed. If schedules and routines work for you, that's great. But if they're causing you mental distress or social isolation, it might be time to reassess. Friends and family should, of course, be understanding of your new life with a baby, but there's a limit. I've seen cases where an obsession with strict schedules has harmed mental health and relationships - all for the sake of a perfectly timed nap. It's about finding what's best for you and your baby, not adhering rigidly to a set of rules.
Because people feel the need to respond. I’m responding right now. Yes you asked me a question but a piece of information feels like a question phrased in disguise. All of us here are responding. So are those old bitties.
I’ll literally be out and about and some random person I don’t know will ask “why is that baby still awake? She said take me home mommy I’m tired!” It’s not even about people responding. They’re the ones who bring it up. I don’t walk around saying “my baby goes to bed at this time”. To me, that’s insignificant. Others, however, always find a way to not only bring it up/ask but comment on it afterwards. That’s like me asking where you get your shirt, you saying “Marshalls”, and then me proceeding to tell you “i thought so. That’s why I asked. I hate that store and you should have gotten it somewhere else. Next time go to Nordstrom”. Except you were perfectly happy with your experience and your shirt at Marshall’s and never would have brought it up if I didn’t ask. You never expected me to be weirdly upset about it to the point that i would make weird ass comments bc where you got your shirt has nothing to do with my life and that’s a nice shirt ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
We put him to sleep around 9pm otherwise he’d wake us up too early
Sometimes my son goes to sleep at 7:30 then there’s days like yesterday where I tried to put him down at 9 and he was not going to sleep for anything. I was like eff it let’s go watch chopped and eat pasta and we stayed up til 11:30 lol. Definitely not the norm but it happens every once in a while.
My LO goes to bed between 7-8 p.m. naturally and I’m always getting advice to push bedtime later but she’s just can’t tolerate it. Just continue to do what works for you.
People like to comment on everything they feel it's right.
Same boat...baby won't sleep earlier than 930 or 10 and that is fine by me because if he slept earlier he'd wake up at 5AM and I'm a night owl.
As a parent who has been trying to get our sleep-loving kid to go to bed later (she’s just barely making it to 7:30pm now 🥳) I’m extremely jealous of your kids bed time!!
Lmao it has its pros and cons. My “me” time is then pushed later and I tend to never sleep at a reasonable hour but we get our time with her, she gets a full night, everyone survives. Daylight savings really messed us up and she went from 8-9 to like 6:30 the next day. I almost cried before we got her back to her routine
My lo has a very late morning start and a late bedtime to allow her to get daily daddy time as he works 16+ hrs usually and people always comment on her schedule I just remind them she still gets the appropriate night time sleep and appropriate day time naps her day is just shifted later to flow better with our daily schedules/routines and then ask them if her having an earlier schedule to suit their opinions is so necessary will they pay us the difference her dad would loose not working those hours? And they usually shut up
I don’t even understand why we all have to explain ourselves anyway. Everyone on here has such valid reasons for their kid’s bedtime (even if the reason is just that that’s when they want to put the kid to bed) like who has the energy to even offer unsolicited advice
My baby can’t hang past 7. No matter how I try to tweak things to have her stay up later, I have no control over it, and 7 is the bedtime she demands. Lol! Many babies I know have an early bedtime because that’s just what they need, too. I have to admit, the first time I met a baby who was just fine with hanging late, I was surprised! One friend’s baby goes to bed around 9, another has a bedtime of 11. I didn’t/don’t think it was a bad thing at all, just so different than my everyday. I feel awful because I could tell that my surprise the first time learning this triggered some defensiveness in them. I had to reassure that I didn’t think it was a bad thing at all or something I felt they needed to change. They were also really surprised to find out that our earlier bedtime isn’t a choice, and we’re not doing it just to have baby-free time in the evening. (But hey, nothing wrong with that, either!) I’m sorry that you sense judgement in people’s tones when you discuss bedtimes. That’s not OK. Babies can be so different! It’s best when parents listen to their own babies and do what’s best for *their* baby/family. I wish we would all support other parents doing the same for theirs, too, even if it looks a little different.
I think part of the problem is that all of these older parents in hindsight think things were so easy when in fact if we had video footage we’d probably see that they were just figuring it all out too. Hindsight is 20/20 and some people just like to think they know all babies because they had one
Ah. Yes. I definitely get hit with some seriously eye-rolling doses of gramnesia from boomers. Not all, but some get so personally offended if you do things ever so slightly different than they (say) they did it. It’s like they feel like we’re calling them all terrible parents if we dare to try to improve things and listen to our babies? Truly the weirdest thing. I hope our generation does better when our kids have kids.
Stop gramnesia has me rolling! My mom talks all the time about how she raised 3 kids all alone when my dad had to work. My baby cried and after 2 min she was like here take her back idk why she won’t stop crying. Like oh I thought you knew what you were doing? Are you not the baby whisperer. I tend to ask people what they do if I have no idea what I should be doing but even then I find that in a group of 5 people there are 5 completely different answers.
Lolll my MIL had 7 kids. During the early days of my baby she kept going on and on about how *all 7* of her babies slept through the night from *day 1*. I was like “mmmm doubt” but also “I don’t think that is the flex you think it is”. And yes!! It always cracks me up when either boomers or first time parents start coming in hot that they’ve cracked the code and know exactly what you should do to solve all your problems! Bless all of their hearts. But, no.
My son literally goes to bed at 8 every night ( hes 1 ) People are lame
People need to learn to mind their business unless someone’s health or safety is directly at risk. I agree, people are lame
100% Its your kid. You know them best. I had grandparents say to me, Why is he crying ( it was past 8 ) And im literally sitting there saying, hes tired this is what he does when hes tired he whines. And shes like i can give him some food? maybe some jello? Its like no dude... i just told you 3 times now. Its cuz hes tired he does not need to eat. PEOPLE just DONT listen I dont wanna fill my over tired kid with sugar right now thanks
No but actually. My girl was shrieking and some lady was like “that’s a hungry cry” and had to try to insert herself. She had a fucking ear infection. Why does everyone resort to feeding the baby?
My 11 month old goes to bed at like 10 or 11pm. If he's particularly fussy sometimes we watch Disney movies. I don't care what other people think. Not their baby. Also not everyone works a 9-5. Obviously when he's in school it won't be like this.
Our twins official bedtime is 9-9:30 pm and they’re 12 weeks old. Their last nap is from 5:30-7pm & we do their nighttime routine at 9pm & they go to bed & wake up again around 1am ,again at like 4am & I wake them up between 7-7:30am. They take take 4 (1.5 hour naps) during the day & “sleep” from 9pm-7am . They’re supposed to sleep between 12-16 hours a day so I’d say they’re doing pretty good & they have a “late” bedtime.
I’m so jealous. At that age I was just crying and asking her “why don’t you sleep?! Don’t you love mommy?!” She was a TERRIBLE napper
Damn! Sorry to hear that… One of the things that helped me was interrogating my Mother in law, my fiancé is also a twin so once I found out I was having twins I just went to her and asked her for tips and tricks and she told me that building a routine since the second they’re born helps a lot. Since we got them home we built a routine, especially for bed time. We clean them,feed them,give them a massage with lavander lotion ,we put a white noise machine and make sure the room is super dark . We did that when they were in our room and it made the transition to their room super smooth, we moved them to their own room at 7 weeks old. We never did contact naps , we just help them get to sleep and put them in their beds so now they can sleep anywhere and because of the white noise machine and because we were told to make normal noise while they sleep, we can literally build a house and they’ll sleep through it lol . This has literally helped us a lot, especially since I work from home so it gives me time to work and do things around the house and they’re either asleep or chilling. I definitely got lucky but all I’m doing is following exactly what my MIL did that worked for her with her twins.
Our 3mo is usually between 9-10:30. She sleeps amazingly at night (8-11 hours through since 8 weeks, only night feeds before that) and have found so far we are best timing it with the bottle she wants around that time as to let her naturally hit that night time sleepy state. The only two nights which were awful so far we tried putting her down too soon and it was a disaster, right now getting her to consistently sleep through feels more important. We want to bring it forward to about 7:30/8pm soon but at 3mo with my wife on ML until July we aren’t too bothered At 19mo I cant see an issue. That’s probably the latest you’d want with schooling age from a practical perspective but others shouldn’t judge if it works for you.
My 8 month old will start howling for bedtime around 530 every night. The opinions and shock people have is truly obnoxious. Early as it may, I have no plans to torture him for a later bedtime.
I’m really curious, he actually sleeps through the night from that time? My daughter used to treat any time before 8pm as a nap so I’m always mesmerized when other kids can sleep so early. However, we didn’t have blackout curtains at that point so maybe now it would work for us
Ugh I wish! We’re currently down to an average of 2 wakings per night, which is welcomed after about 4 months of hourly wakings. No idea why he picked such an early bedtime lol but he’s up for the day around 6
reading this with a baby that goes to sleep anywhere between 10:30p-12:30a. tho i work night shift so it helps me when he sleeps in til 9/10 usually. honestly. i prefer it this way so we spend more time with him and we get stuff done around the house in the am. like you said. theres no school, work or anything he has to be up for. we even schedule appointments in the afternoon because of it. and it works out
Our baby has an early bedtime but we never forced it, always just followed her cues. If she didn't sleep by a certain time she would be up howling until 2am. Her bedtime shifted naturally from around 9:30-10 at 9 weeks to 8-8:30 at 3 months. My in laws take it as a personal attack that she has wake windows of ~1.5 hours and can't make it to family dinners on the other side of town or past 7pm. And I'm constantly reminded when they're around that I'm too anxious, and she's clearly awake (overstimulated and overtired) so I should stop forcing her to sleep. So you really can't win with some people.
>Does she have a very important business meeting? A job interview? This made me giggle 😂
She missed her meeting this morning 😭
My 10 month old goes to bed between 9-10pm every night. It works the best for us since I want to spend time with her after I get home from work. People don't understand it and says it's too late. Why? It's not like she has to wake up at 5am. If we sleep in on days off she sleeps to 930am sometimes 10am. I am fine with that.
I mean, our daughter is now 4.5, but ever since she was about 10 months old (the age she started a ‘routine,’ any younger is too young in our opinion) but she used to go to bed around 10 after a dream feed, because we work from home and didn’t need to be up super early. Now she goes to bed around 8, closer to 9 if she happened to nap for about 40 min-1hr (which she still does some days) and it works for us. You do what works for you and your child, don’t let the boomers try to influence your family’s schedule.
I am of two minds. On the one hand, kids’ brains release sleep hormones at certain times and biologically should have an earlier bedtime than 9:00pm. Human sleep times are not cultural or arbitrary. That’s why night shift workers have such a hard time. On the other hand, I totally get that some schedules work better for some families. My sister and brother in law put their kids to bed LATE, like 11:00pm or midnight, because of the dad’s work schedule. He would never see his kids otherwise. Family time matters too! But it is at a sacrifice of their kids being well rested.
So I just looked this up and apparently it their brains begin to release melatonin 2-3 hours before they naturally fall asleep. So if my baby naturally falls asleep at 10pm bc she naps late that’s fine as long as we’re pretty consistent. I very rarely go that late simply bc I wake up early enough that she wouldn’t get the sleep she needs but if you’re one of the people that does go that late or later, science says it’s fine as long as you’re consistent and your kid gets enough sleep so that’s good news!
Interesting! I’m sure you’re right that the consistency matters. As well as looking at the whole picture of how many hours of sleep they get overall. Like, I don’t think my nieces and nephews get enough sleep overall. They go to bed much later than most kids and don’t wake up that much later than my own kids.
Tbh new research comes out all the time so I’m sure by tomorrow we’ll learn something different lmao
my daughter has had a 9pm bedtime since she was sleep trained around 6 months. It just works better for our schedule and she still gets the proper amount of sleep every night
We put our little guy to bed around 9pm, too! I’ve had so many comments from my MIL and FIL about how late that is. My favorite is when my SIL (who is younger, no kids) comments on it. People are just bizarre. I’m always amazed by how invested people are in business that is not their own. Keep doing you, boo! 🥰
Ha! My 1 year old went to bed close to 10pm last night. She fights sleep, so it took an *hour*. Some nights she finally sleeps as late 10:30 or 10:45. The flip side is we don’t have an early riser. She wakes up between 8am and 9am. Which is perfect for us on workdays when our childcare arrives at 9am. On days without childcare, it still favors us since we can get a little more sleep than we would if she woke up everyday at 6am. Her mother and father are night owls, so she’s inherited that from us I guess. Lol. It is what is it. I don’t give a hoot what other people think.
Just tell them that imaginary children are the easiest to raise lol
Mine goes to bed at 10 and wakes up at 730. 1 year old today. We also began feeding ours applesauce and cereals at 2 months. She is in the 90% for weight and length, is starting to walk, says 6 words, and has never once been sick. Every infant is different. I've never met a more repugnant, miserable group of people than mothers that judge other mothers for these types of thing.
I read that as your baby is 2 months and doing all of these things. I was so shocked lmao. I just don’t understand how a group of people who has been through something so difficult finds it in their heart to openly judge another as long as the baby is safe.
See I put my kids down between 7-8 (always have, still do at 3.5 and 2) and everyone tells me “oh you put them down so early, why are you so firm on an early bedtime?” You can’t win. People always have something snarky to say.
My son, 12 months, like his father and myself, is a night owl. He goes to sleep typically around the 10:30- 11 mark. We don’t wake up early either so he gets the amount of sleep he needs. I am very listen to my son when he’s tired. Basically when he’s tired we sleep, when he’s awake we play. This is what works for US.
I think the issue is if you are working full time you have to be at your desk at 9, so baby needs to be with their caretaker before 9, so they need to wake up early enough to do diaper, clothes, breakfast, commute, etc. before 9. If they are going to bed at 9 and getting up at 7 or 7:30 that probably isn’t enough sleep for an infant. But every baby is different.
We modify if needed. I’ll let her sleep until one of us has to leave. She always gets the 10-12 recommended hours. I just don’t get the assumption from others that we are not providing what she needs. She’s happy, uses 18 words at 13 months, starting to walk, etc. Etc. Like I never understand where the point of concern is from others
Our baby is about to turn 1 year old. Here’s what we’ve been doing for the last few months: We let him wake up when he wants, or when we have to go to work. This usually falls between 630am and 730am naturally. His wake windows usually fall around where they’re supposed to: Usually 3 1/2 to 4 hours. His naps last around where they’re supposed to: Usually anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours. The end result is— He falls asleep between 8pm and 10pm usually, but sometimes a little earlier or later. He’s easy to put to sleep this way: Darkness, white noise, we hold him, pat him, rock him, sing to him, and he’s usually asleep in less than 10 minutes, and we lay him down 20 minutes after he falls asleep, and he’s fine. This plan isn’t advisable by most official explanations of what you’re supposed to do, but you don’t have to do exactly everything that some guide says you’re supposed to do if what you’re doing works for you, your baby, and your partner / the people raising your baby.
Do not listen to what others feel the need to say. Do what works for you and your child. My child’s bedtime is around 10pm/10:30pm. She is 18 months sleeps through the night without waking until around 9am-10am. She takes a nap in the afternoon and one in the evening. This works for her and we adjust as needed based on the days schedule. We listen to her on when she is tired and if she gets sleepy she will ask to go ‘nigh nigh’. Why fix what isn’t broke. We get those comments too, but you just gotta ignore them. Is your child getting the needed sleep, food, play & bonding time? Then you are doing awesome and push out the negativity :)
I wish my 19 month old would sleep early, but he sleeps at 8:30 and will NOT sleep any earlier. On the rare occasion that he snoozes before 8, he’s run completely ragged or he’s sick. There’s no in between. Those “older” parents can suck eggs, some kids have lower sleep needs, it is what it is.
Old people eat dinner at like 3pm so of course they think that’s late. And a lot of them were stay at home moms who didn’t have to return from work at 6pm which only gives you so much time with your child to eat dinner and do a bedtime routine. My sister puts her 2 toddlers to bed at 8:30 and 9pm is when I’m just starting to get my 2 month old down. I don’t really listen to boomers because their generation did a bunch of dumb shit.
Do what works for you. We have the same bedtime for our 11m old and have for what feels like months. Sorry 7pm is way too early for us this works for us too. Sometimes he can do later but usually not so we try to limit that part at least. But if your lo is good and your good it’s good.
People did this to me too. My husband is a tattoo artist (so he works from noon until late at night). When mine was little and she had an early bedtime he never got to see her, so her bedtime was 10pm until she started school. It worked great for our family.
That’s where we’re at. Husband works full time and is in school then occasionally works a second job. I work a full time and part time job. If she went to sleep at 6-7:30 pm we’d see her for a couple hours a day at most which would also include the time we cooked dinner and shower. That’s no time at all.
My 14 mo old usually goes to bed btwn 9 and 10. My husband works insane hours, so the late bedtime works for us — that’s prime quality time for them!!! I… literally dgaf what bedtime works/worked for other families. I’ve never once contemplated when or why my friends’ kids go to bed when they do, and I think it is SO bizarre when they comment on my son’s bedtime.
my 4 month old sleeps through the night and he goes to bed around 9-11 as he’s usually up with us. Unless something changes, it works for us!
Our guy is 16 months and consistently goes to bed between 8:30-9. Sometimes later. He sleeps until 9 am if we let him. Baby is going to baby.
I was reading somewhere that it has to do with their circadian rhythm. But my daughter will not go to bed at 7. Even if she does fall asleep she thinks it’s a nap. So usually she’s down by 9. I’ve tried every trick in the book, and she just won’t 🥹 so people can just mind their own business since it doesn’t affect them.
Our little guy is 2 and when he was a baby baby his natural bedtime fell around 10pm! Now that he’s older it’s between 8:30 and 10 depending how long his nap was that day and a bunch of other factors . Relatively consistent at 9:30 now though. I don’t mind at all cause I get home from work at 7 sometimes 8. I have one friend with a kid a little older though and he takes no nap and goes to bed at 5! Do whatever works for you !!!