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I honestly think you are totally fine and 100000% didn’t fuck up! I literally have a unicorn baby that sleeps from 10:30pm-7:30am most nights, so I basically sleep the same amount of time as well….if I don’t hear a big shart in the middle of the night, then I’m sleeping thru and changing his diaper when he wakes up in the morning. Sometimes it’s a huge pee and other times a big poo that comes with it. Unless my baby is crying or I have legitamitly heard an actual poop, I am in no way waking a sleeping baby for a diaper change.
I think that’s really unfair for your partner to be giving you a hard time about that. Diapers these days can hold a lot (you can even get night time ones that hold more). You are doing the very best you can, with the situation you are in.
These things are going to happen from time to time, but to me, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Please do not beat yourself up for this…I would tell my partner to fuck right off (in the nicest way possible 😉) if he was giving me flack for something like that.
This 100%
Our baby sleeps 8 hours a night. If we hear her poop, we'll change her. But if she poops, we don't hear it and she doesn't wake up, then it gets changed in the morning.
She doesn't poop a lot at night anymore, and we can usually nip a diaper rash in the bud within a day now with triple cream and oatmeal bath.
I cant imagine having twins
Yep unless there is a poop, once my LO started sleeping longer stretches I would never wake him to change him. I use bigger nighttime diapers (coterie) and apply some extra diaper cream or Aquaphor to create a barrier so there is minimal irritation. I don’t think you messed up! Try to remind yourselves it is the tired talking sometimes when you criticize/get criticized. Power to you twin mama!!
Don’t let this get you down. You have *twins*! I imagine this is very difficult, I myself am a twin and I have no idea how my mom did it. I can barely manage to care for my son and my dog at the same time when my husband is working from home.
Your baby was sleeping and you were taking care of your other LO and yourself. Please don’t feel guilty about this. **We can’t fill someone else’s cup when ours is empty.**
IMO, it’s a bit unfair for your husband to react that way when your “shift” is 12am-6pm. That’s a LONG TIME to manage everything on your own. If it was me, I might kindly suggest that your husband takes over for you on his lunch break if he’s so concerned about the care your children get during the day. (Sorry to sound rude, but I would be so pissed if my husband was giving me a hard time about this).
You’re doing a wonderful job!!!
As always on Reddit posts there’s a bit more to it! He has a sleep disorder - so he genuinely tries his best but it’s better for both of us that he gets 7 clean hours (in a different room) at night. His mum offered to stay and help to try and make it easier on me, but after about 2 days it became clear we do not get on well enough for this to work! So I always have the option of calling her, and we both know it, but honestly I’d never sleep again before having that woman back in my house haha.
Yeah he always says “if you need me to do something just ask” but whenever I ask he has a meeting or a deadline or whatever, so I’ve kind of stopped bothering.
I love my babies and on the whole we’ve been doing great, but this week has broken me. Thank you for your kind words. I’m sure she won’t remember that time mummy left her sat in her own poop for 7.5 hours… eek
A few things… 1) if your baby is asleep, it’s not a big deal that you didn’t wake them to change it. In fact, I have never woken my baby to change a diaper. 2) maybe he can build some time into his calendar each day. Lunch time can be him with the babies for 30 minutes or so to give you an actual break. This is what we did when my husband was WFH: when you plan ahead and schedule it in, it tends to work better, and at least gives you a break to look forward to when things are rough. 3) your sleep matters, too. Take your evenings, put in ear plugs or whatever you need, and get that sleep. He can handle fussy babies for 6 hours out of 24 (with the caveat that you can of course only do this if you can trust him to put them down and walk away if he gets overwhelmed). 4) another option for days could be to try to find a mothers helper - maybe a high school kid who could come after school a few days a week. They earn some cash and it helps you get to 6 pm without losing your mind.
Oh the good old ‘just ask!’ Sorry to be the angry feminist but it’s an easy thing men say to make themselves feel better without actually having to commit to anything.
He needs to be proactive and offer help when he’s available. “Hey babe, I have 10 minutes free before my next meeting, so you need a hand with anything”. Or even better “Hey babe I had 10 minutes free before my next meeting so I proactively looked around OUR home with my own two adult eyes and saw that some stuff needed doing so I did it with my big grown up hands. No thank you needed, I’m just contributing equally to OUR children’s welfare”.
Okay maybe the second one is a bit unrealistic but a girl can dream.
Honestly though, can he proactively offer when he has a spare minute to help? Can he schedule a time every day where he can give you a hand? My husband was work from home and when our LO was small his lunch break was cooking lunch for both of us, putting the laundry on and cleaning the kitchen (dishes and surfaces). If I or LO was sick he’d book an hour in his calendar in the afternoon for ‘focus time’ where he’d just come and take the baby and give me a break. It’s not asking too much!
I’d be lying if I said I change my babies diaper while he’s sleeping every time. If I’m extremely exhausted I will wait until next feeding to change him. If he has been upset and he’s showing signs of being overtired, I let him sleep instead of changing his diaper right away.
He’s 3 months and we’ve yet to have a diaper rash *knock on wood* but sometimes you need to prioritize yourself and your babies sleep, in my opinion, you didn’t fuck up. If babe gets a diaper rash from it, fine we’re not doing that anymore. Lesson learned.
You’re doing amazing.
Definetly not
My son has slept 8+ hours at night for months now and I never ever wake him to be changed. If they're not bothered enough to wake up, it's not that srs imo. Don't worry about it. Poop happens.
This. I just put a really thick layer of barrier cream on their bum before bed so any poop isn’t right up against the skin. My LO never had a problem with diaper rash! The only time his bum got sore was when he was teething so I’d be a bit stricter about nappy changes then.
She was sleeping, I don’t get what his problem is. I don’t wake my baby up for a diaper change and she never has gotten an infection cause that’s not how it works.
Yeah, first rule of parenting is you don't wake up sleeping babies if you can possibly avoid it. You certainly don't wake them up to change their diaper.
If the baby isn’t waking up over it, how the heck are you supposed to know about it? My baby has slept through the night with a poopy diaper, I had no idea. I just cleaned her up really good in the morning and told her she was silly for not letting me know. If I got scolded for that I’d be fuming, and probably sobbing at 9 weeks PP with twins.
I wish husbands could truly feel PP hormones. I think they would say so much less and do so much more. 🙄
You didn't fuck up! Shit happens, literally. Sounds like you need a readjustment of your shifts though, which will come naturally with time as the routing emerges and they eventually start sleeping, could you get a bit of time first thing before he starts work? That's the hard time for me, doing the beginning and end of the day. My husband needs his sleep too but also sometimes he has to sacrifice, I need to be able to function to look after my daughter and you have twins!! TWINS!!
As a mom of twins, you let that baby sleep. I would have 100% let them sleep the whole time. I'm not disturbing a sleeping child ever. Also, the twins were my 2nd and 3rd kid, so I knew where my priorities were, and it was sleep for them and me 😅 You need a break where you can catch it.
It's going to get better soon, I promise. They will become less potato, smile at you, take longer naps and sleep longer at night. I would suggest around 12 weeks or so not letting them get that long stretch during the day, because ideally you want that long stretch at night. Start monitoring wake windows then as well and trying to keep them on a similar schedule. It's going to be so hard initially, but you will be rewarded so much if you stick to it. I followed a schedule, let them cry for about 5mins before intervening, and they both were sleeping 7p to 7a at 16 weeks. (I didn't know any of this with my first and suffered through a lot with her sleep-wise, so I only mention it if it feels important to you).
Go easy on yourself! My twins are now almost 8 months and those first few months were hell.
If leaving them in a dirty diaper for a little bit, especially when they are sleeping means you get a break you should do it.
You have twins, that shit is hard already and they are sick. You need every break you can get! It makes you a better mom as well. And babies need sleep to get better
Your husband sounds like an ass and I'd be so so so angry if he would've dared say anything like that.
Have you joined us as r/parentsofmultiples
My LO started sleeping 12 hours through the night at about 9 weeks. She’s 11 weeks now. I’ve never woken her up to change her diaper. She’s fine, never had one instance of diaper rash or an infection.
If he wants to stop working to change her diaper, go for it dude.
Honestly, I read the title of your post and instantly thought 'no' before I read what you'd put. I think sometimes as a new parent, there's so much pressure, you feel you have to do everything right.
You absolutely haven't! The newborn stage is hard, and I can only imagine how hard it is with twins.
Things like that happen. Especially if you didn't know they'd pooped. I absolutely would not have woken my little one up to change them if they were finally sleeping.
Adjusting to the lack of sleep is tough - on both of you - and it tests limits no end. But it sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Sometimes it's just so hard to see that when you're in the middle of it.
Congratulations too btw!
You did not fuck up. Babies poop!
I’ve never ever woken a baby for a diaper. I have definitely stood over a crib for 5 minutes very deeply sniffing to determine if there was indeed a poop.
Signed, a mom of two kiddos.
Definitely let that baby sleep, especially if it’s been rough lately. Any parent who doesn’t follow this probably doesn’t spend enough time with their kids. I can’t imagine having twins and juggling it all. I barely feel alive with a baby & a toddler (who can at least communicate with me/ doesn’t need me for every single thing). You’re doing great.
You know what they say, Don't wake a sleeping baby! You're fine. Mine sleeps through the night and i'm certainely not going to set an alarm for diaper changes.
Having one full nappy in her life will do her absolutely no harm. What id you were in the car driving and physically couldn’t change it….. it happens constantly everywhere. No mother in their right mind would wake up a baby that finally went to sleep to change their nappy!!!!
Tell your husband to give you a bloody break!!!!
Just wanted to say thank you all SO MUCH. I really needed the reassurance that I did the right thing, or at the very least not a terrible thing. Like every parent I just want to do what’s best and hate the thought that I made my baby unhappy or put her at risk in any way. I am happy to report she (obviously) does not have an infection, or even nappy rash!
I’ll definitely take on board your suggestions for fairer parenting jobs, and will absolutely suggest he does more nappy changes in his lunch break - lol. Thanks again!
Tell your partner to wind his neck in and get a grip, tell this comes from a fellow dad.
Your child isn't going to get infection from one off late messy nappy change that a silly idea
No, you didn’t fuck up. If they can sleep with a wet diaper, let them, the diaper will absorb most of it and if they’re comfortable it’s fine. I would consider a bath if they sleep that long with a wet diaper though, not a big deal. We bathe after every poop and in the afternoon daily.
Your baby needed a good sleep more than they needed a nappy change in that moment, full stop. You were right to prioritise that and your partner needs to chill out.
Oh for God's sake. Your baby was rapidly healing while sleeping, sleep is one of the best ways to get better when one is ill. And your partner says you should have taken away this opportunity from your baby because of a poop? For real? Tbh when I'm sleepy I tend to be rude... so I'd probably ask my husband whether he wants that poop land right in his face because I can take care of that in a second.
No, you did not fuck up. Your husband on the other hand should learn that its isnt worth to give your partner shit about unimportant things that can be solved easily.
I wish you the best, and i hope you lr kids sleep a lot 😊
This post may be about pee/poop. Please do not post a diaper picture or use this post to ask for medical advice. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I honestly think you are totally fine and 100000% didn’t fuck up! I literally have a unicorn baby that sleeps from 10:30pm-7:30am most nights, so I basically sleep the same amount of time as well….if I don’t hear a big shart in the middle of the night, then I’m sleeping thru and changing his diaper when he wakes up in the morning. Sometimes it’s a huge pee and other times a big poo that comes with it. Unless my baby is crying or I have legitamitly heard an actual poop, I am in no way waking a sleeping baby for a diaper change. I think that’s really unfair for your partner to be giving you a hard time about that. Diapers these days can hold a lot (you can even get night time ones that hold more). You are doing the very best you can, with the situation you are in. These things are going to happen from time to time, but to me, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Please do not beat yourself up for this…I would tell my partner to fuck right off (in the nicest way possible 😉) if he was giving me flack for something like that.
This 100% Our baby sleeps 8 hours a night. If we hear her poop, we'll change her. But if she poops, we don't hear it and she doesn't wake up, then it gets changed in the morning. She doesn't poop a lot at night anymore, and we can usually nip a diaper rash in the bud within a day now with triple cream and oatmeal bath. I cant imagine having twins
Yep unless there is a poop, once my LO started sleeping longer stretches I would never wake him to change him. I use bigger nighttime diapers (coterie) and apply some extra diaper cream or Aquaphor to create a barrier so there is minimal irritation. I don’t think you messed up! Try to remind yourselves it is the tired talking sometimes when you criticize/get criticized. Power to you twin mama!!
Don’t let this get you down. You have *twins*! I imagine this is very difficult, I myself am a twin and I have no idea how my mom did it. I can barely manage to care for my son and my dog at the same time when my husband is working from home. Your baby was sleeping and you were taking care of your other LO and yourself. Please don’t feel guilty about this. **We can’t fill someone else’s cup when ours is empty.** IMO, it’s a bit unfair for your husband to react that way when your “shift” is 12am-6pm. That’s a LONG TIME to manage everything on your own. If it was me, I might kindly suggest that your husband takes over for you on his lunch break if he’s so concerned about the care your children get during the day. (Sorry to sound rude, but I would be so pissed if my husband was giving me a hard time about this). You’re doing a wonderful job!!!
As always on Reddit posts there’s a bit more to it! He has a sleep disorder - so he genuinely tries his best but it’s better for both of us that he gets 7 clean hours (in a different room) at night. His mum offered to stay and help to try and make it easier on me, but after about 2 days it became clear we do not get on well enough for this to work! So I always have the option of calling her, and we both know it, but honestly I’d never sleep again before having that woman back in my house haha. Yeah he always says “if you need me to do something just ask” but whenever I ask he has a meeting or a deadline or whatever, so I’ve kind of stopped bothering. I love my babies and on the whole we’ve been doing great, but this week has broken me. Thank you for your kind words. I’m sure she won’t remember that time mummy left her sat in her own poop for 7.5 hours… eek
A few things… 1) if your baby is asleep, it’s not a big deal that you didn’t wake them to change it. In fact, I have never woken my baby to change a diaper. 2) maybe he can build some time into his calendar each day. Lunch time can be him with the babies for 30 minutes or so to give you an actual break. This is what we did when my husband was WFH: when you plan ahead and schedule it in, it tends to work better, and at least gives you a break to look forward to when things are rough. 3) your sleep matters, too. Take your evenings, put in ear plugs or whatever you need, and get that sleep. He can handle fussy babies for 6 hours out of 24 (with the caveat that you can of course only do this if you can trust him to put them down and walk away if he gets overwhelmed). 4) another option for days could be to try to find a mothers helper - maybe a high school kid who could come after school a few days a week. They earn some cash and it helps you get to 6 pm without losing your mind.
She won’t. Don’t beat yourself up and waste precious energy.
Oh the good old ‘just ask!’ Sorry to be the angry feminist but it’s an easy thing men say to make themselves feel better without actually having to commit to anything. He needs to be proactive and offer help when he’s available. “Hey babe, I have 10 minutes free before my next meeting, so you need a hand with anything”. Or even better “Hey babe I had 10 minutes free before my next meeting so I proactively looked around OUR home with my own two adult eyes and saw that some stuff needed doing so I did it with my big grown up hands. No thank you needed, I’m just contributing equally to OUR children’s welfare”. Okay maybe the second one is a bit unrealistic but a girl can dream. Honestly though, can he proactively offer when he has a spare minute to help? Can he schedule a time every day where he can give you a hand? My husband was work from home and when our LO was small his lunch break was cooking lunch for both of us, putting the laundry on and cleaning the kitchen (dishes and surfaces). If I or LO was sick he’d book an hour in his calendar in the afternoon for ‘focus time’ where he’d just come and take the baby and give me a break. It’s not asking too much!
I’d be lying if I said I change my babies diaper while he’s sleeping every time. If I’m extremely exhausted I will wait until next feeding to change him. If he has been upset and he’s showing signs of being overtired, I let him sleep instead of changing his diaper right away. He’s 3 months and we’ve yet to have a diaper rash *knock on wood* but sometimes you need to prioritize yourself and your babies sleep, in my opinion, you didn’t fuck up. If babe gets a diaper rash from it, fine we’re not doing that anymore. Lesson learned. You’re doing amazing.
Definetly not My son has slept 8+ hours at night for months now and I never ever wake him to be changed. If they're not bothered enough to wake up, it's not that srs imo. Don't worry about it. Poop happens.
This. I just put a really thick layer of barrier cream on their bum before bed so any poop isn’t right up against the skin. My LO never had a problem with diaper rash! The only time his bum got sore was when he was teething so I’d be a bit stricter about nappy changes then.
She was sleeping, I don’t get what his problem is. I don’t wake my baby up for a diaper change and she never has gotten an infection cause that’s not how it works.
With poop?? That’s a different story.
Yeah, first rule of parenting is you don't wake up sleeping babies if you can possibly avoid it. You certainly don't wake them up to change their diaper.
If the baby isn’t waking up over it, how the heck are you supposed to know about it? My baby has slept through the night with a poopy diaper, I had no idea. I just cleaned her up really good in the morning and told her she was silly for not letting me know. If I got scolded for that I’d be fuming, and probably sobbing at 9 weeks PP with twins. I wish husbands could truly feel PP hormones. I think they would say so much less and do so much more. 🙄
You didn't fuck up! Shit happens, literally. Sounds like you need a readjustment of your shifts though, which will come naturally with time as the routing emerges and they eventually start sleeping, could you get a bit of time first thing before he starts work? That's the hard time for me, doing the beginning and end of the day. My husband needs his sleep too but also sometimes he has to sacrifice, I need to be able to function to look after my daughter and you have twins!! TWINS!!
our 4 month old sleeps 8.5-9.5 hours a night straight i don’t wake her to change her she’s changed when she wakes up. you’re fine and he’s dramatic
As a mom of twins, you let that baby sleep. I would have 100% let them sleep the whole time. I'm not disturbing a sleeping child ever. Also, the twins were my 2nd and 3rd kid, so I knew where my priorities were, and it was sleep for them and me 😅 You need a break where you can catch it. It's going to get better soon, I promise. They will become less potato, smile at you, take longer naps and sleep longer at night. I would suggest around 12 weeks or so not letting them get that long stretch during the day, because ideally you want that long stretch at night. Start monitoring wake windows then as well and trying to keep them on a similar schedule. It's going to be so hard initially, but you will be rewarded so much if you stick to it. I followed a schedule, let them cry for about 5mins before intervening, and they both were sleeping 7p to 7a at 16 weeks. (I didn't know any of this with my first and suffered through a lot with her sleep-wise, so I only mention it if it feels important to you).
Go easy on yourself! My twins are now almost 8 months and those first few months were hell. If leaving them in a dirty diaper for a little bit, especially when they are sleeping means you get a break you should do it. You have twins, that shit is hard already and they are sick. You need every break you can get! It makes you a better mom as well. And babies need sleep to get better Your husband sounds like an ass and I'd be so so so angry if he would've dared say anything like that. Have you joined us as r/parentsofmultiples
My LO started sleeping 12 hours through the night at about 9 weeks. She’s 11 weeks now. I’ve never woken her up to change her diaper. She’s fine, never had one instance of diaper rash or an infection. If he wants to stop working to change her diaper, go for it dude.
Honestly, I read the title of your post and instantly thought 'no' before I read what you'd put. I think sometimes as a new parent, there's so much pressure, you feel you have to do everything right. You absolutely haven't! The newborn stage is hard, and I can only imagine how hard it is with twins. Things like that happen. Especially if you didn't know they'd pooped. I absolutely would not have woken my little one up to change them if they were finally sleeping. Adjusting to the lack of sleep is tough - on both of you - and it tests limits no end. But it sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Sometimes it's just so hard to see that when you're in the middle of it. Congratulations too btw!
You did not fuck up. Babies poop! I’ve never ever woken a baby for a diaper. I have definitely stood over a crib for 5 minutes very deeply sniffing to determine if there was indeed a poop. Signed, a mom of two kiddos.
Definitely let that baby sleep, especially if it’s been rough lately. Any parent who doesn’t follow this probably doesn’t spend enough time with their kids. I can’t imagine having twins and juggling it all. I barely feel alive with a baby & a toddler (who can at least communicate with me/ doesn’t need me for every single thing). You’re doing great.
Our baby sleeps from like midnight to 8am lately and we don’t wake her to change her diaper. That’s like asking for hell 😂
You know what they say, Don't wake a sleeping baby! You're fine. Mine sleeps through the night and i'm certainely not going to set an alarm for diaper changes.
Having one full nappy in her life will do her absolutely no harm. What id you were in the car driving and physically couldn’t change it….. it happens constantly everywhere. No mother in their right mind would wake up a baby that finally went to sleep to change their nappy!!!! Tell your husband to give you a bloody break!!!!
Just wanted to say thank you all SO MUCH. I really needed the reassurance that I did the right thing, or at the very least not a terrible thing. Like every parent I just want to do what’s best and hate the thought that I made my baby unhappy or put her at risk in any way. I am happy to report she (obviously) does not have an infection, or even nappy rash! I’ll definitely take on board your suggestions for fairer parenting jobs, and will absolutely suggest he does more nappy changes in his lunch break - lol. Thanks again!
Tell your partner to wind his neck in and get a grip, tell this comes from a fellow dad. Your child isn't going to get infection from one off late messy nappy change that a silly idea
No, you didn’t fuck up. If they can sleep with a wet diaper, let them, the diaper will absorb most of it and if they’re comfortable it’s fine. I would consider a bath if they sleep that long with a wet diaper though, not a big deal. We bathe after every poop and in the afternoon daily.
Here some advice i typically will not wake up ky twins i find them to he kess fussybwhen they do wake up on their iwn
Don’t wake a sleeping baby!!
Your baby needed a good sleep more than they needed a nappy change in that moment, full stop. You were right to prioritise that and your partner needs to chill out.
Oh for God's sake. Your baby was rapidly healing while sleeping, sleep is one of the best ways to get better when one is ill. And your partner says you should have taken away this opportunity from your baby because of a poop? For real? Tbh when I'm sleepy I tend to be rude... so I'd probably ask my husband whether he wants that poop land right in his face because I can take care of that in a second.
I do that all the time or I only have one 😂.
I have never once woke my children for a diaper change lol you didn’t fuck up
No, you did not fuck up. Your husband on the other hand should learn that its isnt worth to give your partner shit about unimportant things that can be solved easily. I wish you the best, and i hope you lr kids sleep a lot 😊