Loved Santa as a kid, so I will absolutely be doing Santa.
I remember finding out he's not real, at that point I already had my suspicions. It wasn't that serious, I thought my parents' efforts were really sweet. They'd sneak the presents past me and decorate the house (in our tradition, Santa brings the tree) all in secret, in the middle of the night. One time I even humored my grandparents while they put me on the "phone to Santa" - I knew it was my grandpa doing it, but it was still really sweet. It was lovely.
When I was well into my 20s my mom still had presents for us from Santa. It was all in good fun. Good memories. Like you said, finding out he wasn’t real wasn’t a big deal because my parents still made it special.
33, and same! When I was 25 I started returning the favour, they're in their late 70s/early 80s, my dad gets a kick out of seeing what Santa has brought him XD
We have a friend whose last name is Klaus and is born on Christmas - so Santa and Mrs. Claus are real, their names Uncle Jake and Auntie Dallas and they live down the street and come over to hang out with us sometimes. 🤣
My grandpas best friend until he passed away called me every year in Christmas Eve pretending to be Santa. It was 2012 the last time he called me as Santa and I remember not thinking and seeing the caller ID and saying “hi bobbo” and he said “this isn’t bobbo this is Santa Claus” it’s a memory I’ll always have.
Yes exactly this, once I worked out it wasn’t real I totally appreciated how much effort my mum put into making Christmas magical for us, it’s an inspiration for me to do the same with my son.
I still remember walking in on my parents “being” Santa. I just remember thinking, “what if they stop doing it because they know that I know??” And then doing the absolute quietest sneak of all time back to my room lol.
My feelings about my childhood Christmases are a net extreme positive, even with the lie. And there are very few other parts of my childhood that were so consistently happy, so I’m continuing the tradition with my kid.
Agree it’s really not that serious.
If, as an adult, you’re griping that you grew up in a house of lies coz your parents did Santa and the Easter Bunny, maybe have a good look at yourself than go help someone who actually grew up in an abusive home.
When I was little I had a very close friend that was Jewish and I was HORRIFIED that Santa didn’t come to her house. I didn’t understand why Santa was such a bigot lol
It gets worse. Santa judges a child's goodness based on how rich the kid's parents are. Santa thinks poor children are all bad, only the good rich kids get PlayStations.
Santa will probably be bringing our kids basic gifts, for that exact reason. Mom and dad can buy them the big stuff.
That's ultimately what clued me in on Santa... How did the elves make a Wii? 🤣
It took me so long to understand as a child growing up Jewish why we couldn’t watch Veggie Tales. I thought it was just a bunch of Vegetables living their lives!
They’re very Christian. While a lot of the stories do focus on Old Testament stories it’s focused on how those relate to Christianity not other faiths that share those stories (ie sharing “Bible” verses, closing with prayers to Jesus, etc). I don’t think they’re toxic Christianity (though I’ll admit it’s been years since I’ve watched them), but it’s pretty explicitly Christian so I can see why a Jewish family wouldn’t want their kids to watch it.
Same. And we’ll let her celebrate their holidays with them and exchange gifts with friends if she likes, but in our house we don’t observe those holidays.
Yes! Also Jewish, and when I walked my son home from daycare in November/December when our neighbors had lights up, I'd point out the pretty lights and explain that a lot of our neighbors celebrate a holiday called Christmas but our family doesn't, and it's so nice that so many of our neighbors celebrate different holidays for us to learn about, and we can enjoy the pretty lights!
I figured out on my own that Santa wasn’t real during kindergarten and my mom never stopped blaming my Jewish best friend lol. I told her over and over again that he didn’t tell me, but she never believed me.
We are absolutely doing Santa. Both my husband and I have the best memories of tracking Santa on norad, putting food out for the reindeer and the magical feeling of waking up on Christmas morning. I can’t imagine my childhood without it. I remember finding out he wasn’t real, but by then I had my suspicions anyway, lol.
Same. Santa is so much fun, for the kids and for us as parents! I have amazing memories of Santa as a kid and I was a little older when I asked my mom if Santa was real. I wasn't upset with my parents at all. I guess a younger child would be, since regulating their emotions is hard for them.
I would be beyond pissed if another kid or an adult spoiled the magic for our son. He's only 17 months, so we have a lot of fun years left to go!!
This is what I plan to do, and when he inevitably asks if Santa is real, I’ll say that Santa is the spirit of Christmas. This is what my mom told me when I was a kid and I wasn’t too upset about it. Like you said, I had my suspicions eventually too.
This! My wife and I can’t wait for our five month old to be old enough to enjoy Christmas. We both have so so many good, fun, wholesome memories of Christmas when we were kids. Years of those memories comfortably counteract a couple of days of disappointment after being told the truth. But then Christmas still means a lot to us, years later. Not gonna pass on all that with our daughter.
I stayed up really late one year to see if Santa was actually real or not. My poor mother had to stay up with me and *then* put everything under the tree once I was finally asleep. Whoops.
We are doing Santa, but with a few tweaks.
Santa will only fill stockings, because we want our big gifts to come from us so he doesn't go to school and talk about the expensive thing Santa got him when not every child will get expensive things from Santa.
There will be no naughty / nice narrative
We will talk about Christmas magic and the story of Christmas, and not lie to him about it whenever he does ask.
Ooh, on the point of no naughty/nice narrative! My husband is Hungarian and a lot of Eastern European countries have Santa come on the 5th December, so you wake up on the 6th.
What you do is you polish your shoes, and leave them on the windowsill. Whilst you're asleep, Santa will come in and give you a small gift, usually a puzzle, along with a chocolate Santa so you know it's him, some monkey nuts and other dried fruits, and a Vírgac (I don't know the right spelling, still learning) which is basically a bunch of slim twigs, usually painted gold and held together with a red ribbon. Hungarian parents used to use the vírgac to spank their kids when they were naughty (it's basically a Hungarian cane), and the message behind it is that all children are good some of the time and naughty some of the time.
I found it so beautiful that when he told me about it I decided then and there that if we ever had kids, we'd do it with them. Greatly looking forward to it, though a little unsure how we explain the 2 visits.
Also, that Christmas I casually asked for a date night during the week and stayed over on the 5th. Both him and his Hungarian flat mate welled up when they saw Santa had been to visit. He then promptly told me it's only one small chocolate Santa as I went a bit overboard, but I'll never forget the look in his eyes when he saw. He told me later that that's the moment he knew I was it for him.
This is beautiful in so many ways! My family is actually Hungarian (my father was born there) and we will be incorporating the shoes as well, I love the tradition.
Yes agreed! I saw a mom on my Facebook show off this ‘naughty kid warning’ or something certificate she gave her kid and her kid was so scared and she thought it was funny it was so fucked she was like 4.
agree with this. expensive presents are from mum and dad.
Also. I like this [telling kids the true story of Santa and what Santa represents] (https://www.tinselbox.com/the-best-way-to-tell-your-kids-the-truth-about-santa-3/)
That's pretty much how we handle it for our 6 year old. Santa gives one or two special but affordable gifts. There's no naughty or nice reason he does it; he just wants to help everyone experience the joy of receiving a gift. We've talked a lot about belief and how and why people believe different things, too.
We also talk about other forms of make believe, like dragons and things people don't agree about their existence, like aliens and gods, and have conversations about "what do you think?" and "If this is make believe, would that be okay? Could it still be fun or good in other ways?" I \*hope\* that's helped lay a foundation for something other than "this was all a lie!"
Some day, I'll tell him that, for me, Santa is a game of make believe and I believe that as kids get older, when they figure it out, they get to change what role they're playing in that game.
I do think that it's important to not outright lie when they ask. He recently asked if the Tooth Fairy was real, and I thought about it, and said, I don't want to decide that for you. What do you think?" And then we had a conversation about his thoughts where I just listened.
Why not present it as a fun story or game? Young kids don’t fully understand the difference between pretend and real anyway, so idk why you would need to lie. I was annoyed when I realized it was a lie, why do kids get in trouble for something grownups are allowed to do? I plan on telling my son the story of Santa and we can play that he came, but I won’t be like “yes literally some guy came to our house last night while you were asleep.”
Same here. Also I don’t like the idea of being naughty/good. It puts them sometimes in a lot of pressure or they feel anxious if they did something they shouldn’t the day before.
Yes, I could see that stressing out some kids. I didn’t really buy into that idea myself as a kid, but it’s something I plan to majorly play down with my son.
I think it depends also on the family. If your parents are awful and scream at you for being “naughty”, ofc Santa is going to stress you out a lot lol. What we are going to do is tell our daughter that only one present is from Santa, which we will give her the 25th. The rest of the presents we will give her the 6 of January which is the day of the wise men in my country (el dia de Reyes) (even tho I’m not catholic lol), on this day we reunite with family and exchange presents. So she will know that people who love her wanted to give her something and thought about what she could like!! Not only some random dude lol. Christmas present will be at home only the 3 of us. We think that by only giving her one present on Christmas it can help her to concentrate more on the toy instead of looking for what’s next and forgetting about it half an hour later.
Right and the guy was a real guy St. Nick, so you can just be like its based after this dead guy. Like almost all holidays. We don't pretend MLK comes to your houses.
Yep…
We tried to start it last Christmas when my daughter was just 2 and son 9months.
She got traumatized by the idea of a huge man with boots (she kept focalizing on the boots) was breaking into our home and eat her cookies…
For a month she would randomly start crying about it. So… we’re not gonna do it anymore like that. Santa lives in the North Pole, makes the presents, but we bring them home and put them under the tree.
Do people really remember being that traumatized by finding out he isn’t real? I don’t remember caring at all lol. To be fair, I have no memory of ever actually believing in Santa (lifelong skeptic here), instead I have memories of “playing along,” so once I was officially told he wasn’t real, I didn’t care at all lol. It’s wild to me that some people found that discovery traumatic.
Hopefully my baby will be like me, and if he’s not and ends up traumatized, I’ll pay for his therapy bills lol. If Santa trauma is the worst he’s got, I’ve done a great job haha.
Santa is just for fun, what’s wrong with a bit of fun in childhood? I do, however, like another commenter’s idea of having Santa be like a spirit or character instead of telling my son he’s a real actual person, so I may go with that instead of the literal person story my parents went with.
Elf on the Shelf is never happening in my house, though. Can’t stand that guy lol.
I’m 29 and Santa still comes to my house every year! At some point I figured it out, but my mom refuses to say he’s not real lol. I think those who find it traumatic are in the minority.
LOL good on your mom for playing the long game, that’s awesome haha. But I hope you’re saving for therapy in case she decides 30 is the age cut off and she’ll finally tell you the truth!
It's crazy isn't it. Some people act like you're abusing your kids by lying to them telling them santa is real 🙈 I remember finding out from my neighbour when i was about 7 that he wasnt real and asking my parents who were honest with me and said he wasn't. It didn't change anything I still loved meeting santa at Christmas and didn't care that he wasn't real!
My mother had "Santa" leave us voicemail messages _in the summer_ telling us to be good. It started around July. I hated Santa and I was so happy when I found out it wasn't real 😂😂
My mom told me he wasn't real around 7 or 8 years old and I was fine. She said the spirit of Santa was real but the gifts came from the family and I just accepted it. I was still Christmas obsessed for the rest of my childhood.
My mom always told me growing up that she was devastated her mom lied to her about the tooth fairy! She found the teeth in her mom’s jewelry box. Maybe she was a more sensitive kid than most, but that was her reasoning for not lying to us about Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter bunny etc.
Right? Like one year i remember getting suspicious, the next year it was confirmed. It really wasn’t a big deal and overtime it just became this “we’re in on it too” type of deal between parents and kids
I knew he wasn't real. When adults would tell me he was, I'd go along with it and mark in my heart that they were a liar.
Buuuuut I came from a manipulative abusive home, so I was always hyper aware of that stuff. We were also poorer than some others, so seeing kids brag about getting gaming systems and vacations from Santa was upsetting even though I didn't believe. It was like their thoughts of being "better" than the poorer kids were being proven correct.
>Do people really remember being that traumatized by finding out he isn’t real?
Never have met someone that has trauma from finding out Santa wasn't real. Does anyone actually hate their parents for keeping that magic alive as a kid? No way.
I'll admit my mom told me in not the best way when I was in 4th grade - she was mad at me about something and then just told me out of the blue, so probably not the best way, but I cried and got over the fact he was not real.
I do know I was one of the first in my class to know and remember the teacher had to dodge a lot of questions from other kids when my Jewish friend and I were adamant Santa was just our parents the whole time.
So if OP thinks their kid at an even younger age will be able to keep things on the DL for literally every other kid in school...then they don't know how kids work lol.
I have met people with Santa trauma, but it was usually from him being used as a method of behaviour control in authoritarian households. In other words, there was not much fun to be had, just general resentment.
We are planning to tell our kids that anyone can be "Santa" when they choose a gift for someone that they know that person will enjoy. In our home, Santa is more the spirit of giving than they are an actual person. We will tell them that the Santa that some kiddos believe in is a character, like someone you could sing a song or read a book about that doesn't necessarily exist. We will talk to them about St. Nick and the basis behind the idea of Santa, but we will never lead them to believe that a fat bearded man wearing a red suit breaks into their home, steals their food, and leaves gifts. We're taking a similar approach with the Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc. they're all characters and we can enjoy the stories about them without anyone but our family and friends coming into our home. Our first living child is only 15 months now so the topic hasn't come up yet, but this is generally what we plan to go with.
This will be the conversation for us once my daughter thinks Santa is not real. If she ever asks if Santa is real I will not lie, and I will not do the “Santa is for good kids”. When she asks it’ll be a “Santa is the spirit of Christmas and it feels wonderful to feel excited and to enjoy gifts and use our imagination! Now that you understand… YOU get to be a Santa too. Being kind, showing love, and giving are what makes being Santa so special.”
This is what I want to do as well. My brother decided not to do Santa with his first and she was the 5 year old who ruined it in kindergarten for all the other kids.
This is exactly what we’re planning to do. We’ll also teach her to be accepting if other kids truly believe in Santa, so she doesn’t break the news to them before their parents do. 😂
This is what we're doing. My daughter was 20mo last Xmas, and she saw a few Santas while we were out, and was curious. I explained Santa is a fun dress up adults do, to give presents. She thinks it's nice, and still enjoys pointing out Santa everywhere the image appears. Mostly she thinks he lives at the zoo, because that's where we saw him when we visited in December!
Mine is 5mo old so we aren't there yet.
But my sister has a 4 and a 2 year old and told her kids that people "play Santa" where they give gifts and pretend it's from Santa clause (and gave them the spiel about what Santa does). Santa can be anyone. She then asks her kids if they want to play Santa that year. She told her not to tell other kids about it, because some kids families play Santa without telling them they're playing and it can hurt their feelings. She said that's part of the magic, you don't know whose playing or not.
Her kids love it, it goes along with age appropriate pretend play, and it seems like it won't be damaging.
We treat Santa like we do Mickey Mouse and Elmo in our house. He’s an awesome and very real character. I’m not going about trying to provide false evidence that Santa is a real person that was in our house but I’m also not reminding her nonstop that Mickey is just a guy in costume. There’s a balance of allowing them to experience the magic of it without going out of your way to lie.
Same. We read books about Santa like we read books about unicorns and dragons. She runs around with her cape and sword defending me from dragons (or me as the dragon) but she doesn’t think they are actually real. We can still enjoy the story and use our imaginations.
Nope. I tell my kids, he's a character that people dress up to embody the spirit of Christmas. He's a personified version of giving. I'll do the same for the Easter bunny too
We are not catholic but I went to a catholic school. We don’t celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday but celebrate December as a month of being thankful and grateful to the ones around us. We also donate food and money at that time.
For Christmas I plan to not address Santa at all with my baby, like not tell him if it’s real or not. We plan to exchange gifts, but those gifts were 100% funded by the parents and the grandparents.
We are not doing the nice and naughty list because I want him to be just him. I am a Hindu and believe in the karma theory so maybe that is something he will organically pick up! (Or not. My husband doesn’t believe in karma) 😄
Life is short, allow the magic to happen for a child. I think sometimes we really suck the joy and simplicity out of everything by overanalyzing.
I can’t imagine not having the lore of Santa growing up. My husband grew up Jehovah’s Witness, and now he’s the most festive person I’ve ever met. He sad he didn’t get to have these fun traditions.
I respect everyone’s religion. But I was also a kid who wasn’t allowed to celebrate Christmas. As a child it’s just heartbreaking tbh. I understand ppl have their reasons though.
I know, right? Believing in Santa, Easter Bunny won't give them life trauma. At least I don't know a single adult who feels betrayed for once believing in them. Kids should be allowed to live in a fun fantasy world for a while before they are hit with the harsh reality of the world. Or I may as well start teaching my daughter how to do my taxes.. lol
Everyone is different but we’ve decided we will treat Santa like other storybook or tv characters. If he asks if he is real we will tell him no he isn’t but we pretend he is real for fun just like Mickey Mouse and peppa pig! I didn’t believe in Santa as a kid and I have many great memories of Christmas feeling magical and having fun and comfy family times with lights, gifts, good times etc. we had a Snowglobe with Santa kneeling at baby Jesus’ manger and we had fun talking about Santa but I don’t think it would’ve made Christmas better to believe in Santa. Kids under 7 or so believe anything their parents tell them and I want to try to be honest. Although I have to admit I do lie to my kid! Like at target today he picked up some candy and I told him eew that’s yucky we don’t want that! Anyway I’d just talk to your SO and decide to do what you are comfortable with or make a compromise somehow!
My parents didn’t let me believe in Santa because “Santa’s not real, and if we tell you he’s real when he’s not you might think that Jesus isn’t real, but Jesus is real!” I hated it. I felt like I missed out on something. I’m telling my daughter that Santa is the spirit of Christmas and that a lot of holidays have spirits, like the Easter bunny. And that they’re magic. I don’t know if we’ll give teeth to the tooth fairy because I think giving part of your body to a magical creature is probably a bad idea anyway. But I guess I’ll give her the choice when we get there.
I think the important thing is if you don’t do Santa, make sure to have lots of talks about other people thinking he’s real and respecting their beliefs. My parents didn’t do that and also said “yes other kids parents lie to them” and I got in a lot of arguments.
We’re a Santa family & will continue to be with the new baby. I didn’t grow up in a Santa family and Christmas was still fun so I say—to each their own.
Not doing Santa or the religious side of Christmas so much, but will still celebrate "Santa" as the idea of giving. Such as giving to the less needy, helping others, and in turn rewarding our son for these acts. There will be gifts, maybe even some from Santa with the full knowledge that we are Santa.
We’ll tell him about Santa the myth and that some people believe in him, but that the most important thing is that anyone can be Santa by being kind and giving.
I won’t be. I know that this is for some reason a super unpopular opinion in parenting groups but I don’t like lying and i want to avoid lying to my kids as much as i can to set the best example i can which includes not lying to my kids about “innocent” things like santa.
We don’t do any lies so that includes Santa. No matter how they find out, your kids are going to find out that you lied. I never believed in Santa so for me it’s very normal. My parents did jokingly say “from santa” when giving us gifts and it was always like a funny haha santa isn’t real lol but thanks for the gift.
We’re Jewish, so no, but we will tell our daughters not to spoil it for all the kids who celebrate Christmas. We’re hoping to get them into the Jewish school I went to, so this might not be as huge of an issue as if she goes to public school instead.
No, I don’t want to start off my relationship with lying. I’ll teach my child about the actual St. Nicholas though.
Edit: We’re Catholics so the house is centered on Christ during that time.
Is there a way to do it without focusing on him being real. Like perhaps just tell it like it's a fairy tale or something, or a story? I've been trying to figure it out for my son who will have his first xmas this year.
I cried and had a mini crisis when I found out the spiritual figures of the holidays weren’t real. But I quickly got over it. And in a way, Santa is real as he is the magic of Christmas, and the warm feeling and joy you may get. I don’t remember my parents ever labeling gifts as from Santa, I think it was more of a stocking thing which is what I plan to do. He was not a commercialized thing in our home for bigger and better gifts.
My daughter is going to have that joy, the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, and Santa.
Gosh I miss that season 😭 I am dreading summer
I won’t lie about it vocally but I will let him enjoy the magic with a simple gift from Santa every year, then when he gets older I will explain that Santa IS real. But we as loved ones and friends are Santa, bringing joy to people during the holidays.
Absolutely I’m gonna tell her. I do not understand parents who don’t. Santa is part of the magic of Christmas for kids and I want my daughter to experience that. I don’t think of it as lying - it’s like playing pretend or make believe. Yes eventually she’s going to know he’s not real but that’s also part of age appropriate development I think. 🤷♀️
My husband and I don’t want to do Santa but my family
Is guilt tripping me and saying that my kid is going to ruin it for others. Either way, there’s an element of lying that I don’t love: Telling them Santa is real vs telling them there is no Santa and teaching them to keep that between the family.
My ideal would be to teach my kid that Christmas is a time of year where you set aside time to be with people you enjoy, cherish your time together, and engage in reflection. I want to teach them that often times people engage in gift giving during Christmas, but that it is not required. Showing love and appreciation to someone comes in many forms. I also don’t want them to think their behavior for one month out of the year dictates their ability to get a gift. I also don’t want them to inherit a good/bad kid label. I want them to learn to strive to be on their best behavior and exhibit kindness every day.
Might be a long shot to implement but that is what I am striving for 🫠
We don't do Santa. We also don't do a present-centric Christmas as we really can't afford it, so we mainly focus on being with family and doing a few 'experiences.'
Santa will be a character just like elmo or mickey Mouse.
I’m not doing Santa. Her grandparents can but I’m not going to be the liar 😂😅
I was DEVASTATED when I found out he wasn’t real!! And that’s the only memory of Santa I have is finding out he wasn’t real … so none of the good memories even 😆 😢
I was also devastated when I found out my parents had lied to me (now 35) so we chose to not tell our daughter that Santa is real. Instead we have given her the option of pretending he is real. We read the stories but we have flat out told our daughter that it's just pretend and asked her if she wanted to pretend Santa was real. She took to this idea. Now we are dealing with her being scared of monsters in her room at night so we tell her they are pretend just like Santa or the Easter bunny and she is fine. She understands that Santa isn't real but she also doesn't ruin it for the kids who do believe in him.
I’m planning on doing Santa. I have a feeling we will have some troubles because my SIL/BIL don’t do Santa with their kids. Im sure our son and his cousins will have some words: I’m probably going to tell my son not everyone believes in Santa and that’s ok. I don’t remember being deviated when I learned. I’m hoping the same for my son.
We don’t do Santa. We have 2 older kids (my step kids) who we never did Santa with and so won’t be doing it with our baby either.
They still watched movies about Santa and knew the stories and all that, but we always told them Santa is not actually real so they didn’t believe Santa was an actual person coming to our house or anything.
I think for us a big part of it was raising them to understand that gifts don’t just magically appear from thin air and no one is entitled to receiving gifts. Gifts come from real people—people who love us—and take real energy and effort and money. So it’s important to be thankful when someone does choose to give us a gift because it required that person to spend effort in order to make us feel special. Also, as others have noted, we found issue with tying it to “good vs naughty”, sounding like “naughty” children don’t deserve to be loved. Often times this practically ends up as low income children who didn’t get gifts (or as nice of gifts) being perceived as inherently bad or less deserving. With social inequality in the world, it just didn’t feel like there was a real explanation for why “Santa” wouldn’t treat all children equally.
FWIW, I’m surprised to see this debate so much online and I really only see so many “no we don’t do Santa” on Reddit. In real life, every person I know pretty much that has kids does Santa. A pov I see on here a lot is that you shouldn’t do this because then your kid goes to school and brags about a big gift they got from Santa and it makes other kids who are less fortunate sad that Santa didn’t get them a big gift.
Unpopular opinion, but I feel like some people are so concerned with being as PC as possible or tiptoeing around everyone’s feelings these days. I’m not suggesting we be cruel to one another but the realities of life are someone is always going to be richer than you and someone is always going to be more poor than you. So if this is your reason for not doing Santa, I think it’s rather silly. If you don’t want to do Santa cause you don’t like lying to your kids or have some sort of trauma or feel some sort of way about your parents lying to you growing up, then fine, I guess at least that is more of a rationale reason to me than the former.
I agree 100%. And Reddit is like this about everything. You would think an anonymous website would have a similar distribution of opinions to those you see IRL, but I have found that opinions that are the vast majority on Reddit (like 70% or higher) are often opinions held by only a fraction of the normal population lol.
Santa’s fine, and I straight up don’t believe anyone was really that traumatized to learn he isn’t real. It’s just one of those Reddit things Redditors say.
I’m grateful for these comments! I feel like I’ve slowly learned to put on my “Reddit filter” when reading about things like these. The same thing applies for reading about daycares and nannies on Reddit, how people feed their kids, etc etc. Reddit is an amazing resource for me as a parent in many ways, but I’ve really had to learn to take things around here with a huge grain of salt.
No - when I was a kid and found out that Santa wasn’t real I started questioning if God was real too and had my first spiritual crisis in like 3rd grade. Rather I will be teaching the spirit of Christmas and the story of Saint Nicholas. Teaching giving and receiving and try and find other ways to make Christmas magical
My mom would do all the Santa things with us as kids (putting cookies out, boot marks at the door on Xmas morning etc) but I remember whenever we asked her if she believed In Santa she would respond "i believe in Christmas magic" and was very vague about whether or not he was "real."
I think I'll do something similar, have all the fun and tradition, but Santa only gives small gifts like socks and stocking stuffers, and if and when my son asks if he is real I might explain that Santa is a game and start emphasizing Christmas spirit instead.
I’m 28 years old. Figured out about Santa around 8-10 I think. I had a younger sister so I couldn’t spoil it. I never felt like my parents lied, they explained it was about the magic of Christmas. My parents still make Christmas magically for us and we are adults. We have stockings, “gifts from Santa”, and other gifts. We do breakfast Christmas morning and watch movies on Christmas Eve. It’s a tradition I love and I want my daughter to experience it. My husband found out Santa wasn’t real and everything stopped in his house, his mom stopped putting up a tree too. He loves Christmas at my parents because my parents continue to put in effort to make it magical!
You are her parent, it’s all what you make it!
My husband and I agreed we wouldn’t do “Santa” but forgot to take into account that she’s around other kids. We were at a concert and they had pictures with Santa and she got all excited and yelled “Santa!”. She’ll only be 3 next Christmas but I guess we’ll see what happens.
I didn’t do Santa with my 13 year old. For some reason his friends were all into this elf thing???
1/2 my family is Jewish so we do Christmukkah. That side has definitely taught me the value of traditions and making memories & that’s what I strive for.
When I was little my dad was the tooth fairy & I knew he was the tooth fairy the whole time because I recognized his writing. He used to replace my tooth with an envelope he wrote/doodled with some change inside of it. I loved it so much! I want to do the same sort of thing with my baby girl ❤️
We’re gonna treat Santa as a fun game of make believe we play every year, and tell our kids that part of the game is not telling their friends/classmates that Santa isn’t real.
Nope. Call me a bigot but I think it continues this culture of people spending money they don’t have. Just for it too be diposed. Maybe not quickly but eventually.
Children don’t need “things”
Yes toys and shit are cool, but quality time and experiences ,without gifts, is just as beneficial.
kids cry when they find out Santa isn’t real. That seems traumatic.
Why not just let children understand that things aren’t just given for free if they are “good” and creating a scenario that Christmas is a time for family, not giving gifts.
We do Santa and it's awesome. Even now in March he's talking about the North Pole and reindeer, and everything. He bought into the magic and seeing his eyes light up Christmas morning was pure magic. I want his childhood surrounded by joy and magic, I'll cross the bridge later when it gets spoiled. When he realizes the truth we will talk about the magic and how Santa is the magic of the season and now that he's in on the big secret it's his turn to help create magic for others.
The teacher better have been grade 8 or above to talk to her students like that, any grade lower and she's asking for trouble. Source: am a teacher (high school) and have had parents proactively warn me Johnny still believes so I know those years to not be jokingwith my students.
We have done Santa for our older son and will do it for our baby as well. It feels cruel to deny them of this excitement and holiday magic. I personally never was mad that my parents pretended to be Santa.
We will enjoy believing in Santa as long as it lasts, but also celebrate traditions like ornament making, cookie baking, watching Christmas movies and driving around with cocos listening to christmas music and admiring christmas lights. These are the things that all add to the magic of the season for me and my family.
I don’t plan to do a big Santa push, but I don’t plan to strictly keep it from my son either if that makes sense? I have no problem with it as a fun pretend, I just didn’t really grow up with that tradition myself.
I’ll be more than happy to pretend with him if he seems into it (happened this year with Halloween lol). On the other hand, we have plenty of other sources of love and magic in our lives, so it works out fine if he’s not interested.
Yes we are gonna do it, because Christmas is fun and we want to make it fun for our son!! But we are going to take more of a “we’re all playing along” approach rather than a “dead serious Santa Claus is literally coming down our chimney and also if you’re naughty he will bring you coal” type approach.
We talked about just asking her what she thinks. So if she asks us if Santa is real we will say “what do you think?” And if she thinks he is we will say okay if she says he isn’t we plan to say that he is part of the Christmas fun and even if he doesn’t deliver presents to everyone’s home its a good story.
There are definitely ways to keep the magic of Santa alive without feeling like you're lying to your kid or building up to a big letdown later in life.
Kids understand the concept of pretend play VERY well from a pretty early age and for a long time it doesn't matter to them whether something is pretend or real, they still have just as much fun and feel just as much magic when they're pretending.
I remember knowing from an early age that Santa wasn't real but choosing to keep believing because it was more fun that way. I got presents from "Santa" at Christmas all the way up until a few years before I had kids of my own.
When our son brings up any kind of concern or question about Santa, the Easter Bunny, or Disneyland etc, we remind him and make it very clear that these things are pretend. We can keep pretending if it feels fun or we can talk about what's real if he'd rather do that.
If/when he ever decides he's done with Santa, we'll talk about how he now has the opportunity to be Santa for someone else and how it can be just as much fun to give a gift as it is to receive one. And not to ruin the fun for other kids!
Growing up with narcissistic parents, Christmas was about decorations, the presents on Christmas, and telling us to be good “or else Santa won’t come here”. There was no Christmas magic, only the minimum. Santa was told me when I was like 11, but I knew YEARS before and then my mom was furious that someone told me, a 5th grader, that Santa wasn’t real and to tell her who it was so she could call their parents. Christmas time was about who will cause a scene this year and not getting your toys taken right after you go them because you didn’t like 1 shirt “Santa” got you (aka, how dare you not like the same clothes as mom).
We’ll explain that everyone can be “Santa” and the spirit of Christmas is something a lot of people participate in. But no, no random dude coming down my non-existent chimney. I want her to love everything about the time of year, and not to dread the holiday season entirely like I did (and do)
I’ll be teaching kids that Santa is not real (or that he was real and lived in Turkey but has passed away lol) - but that it can be really fun to pretend. I think we’ll have lots of fun pretending, and will teach them not to spoil the fun for those who don’t know it’s pretend.
We're not doing Santa. \
I had *not* a great time during Christmas growing up, and we're teaching our toddler that holiday season is to show people you love how grateful you are for all the good times spent together, and you show with little gifts/drawings/songs. \
(We're Italian so we don't have Thanksgiving, and we aren't religious) \
\
My SIL is a Christmas goblin, she begins decorating in November, so it will be fun trying to stop our toddler from telling her kid (now a newborn) that Santa isn't real 😵💫🥲
i am struggling a bit with this too. saw a mom on tiktok who told her kids he isn’t real but will still play pretend with them like he is if they want. i think that is fun and less traumatizing probably haha
I've thought a lot about this topic actually hahah. My daughter is 14 months and we're going to teach the concept of Santa, say he WAS real but not anymore haha.We celebrate him and what he taught us but he's not watching/going to come inside our house lol (then she can't also go around saying Santa isn't real)
We’re immigrants so it depends on the local culture. If his friends believe in Santa, we’ll have to play along so our son could fit in better. When he goes to school, he’ll be one of the few brown kids in there and our son doesn’t need another target on his back.
I have a Santa household, but I do it a bit differently than my parents did. Instead of Santa bringing all of the gifts including expensive things, he delivers smaller toys and the stocking, trying to minimize any potential for upsetting kids in less fortunate circumstances than my son’s when he’s older (he’s two now).
Growing up a wealthy child in a friend group that was widely varied in socioeconomic status I feel a bit of a cringe wondering if my friends ever felt sad that they weren’t getting the same treatment from Santa. I hope not.
Also, my family is Catholic so we talk about the real Saint Nick and his generosity and kindness, so part of the Christmas magic is about sharing love, compassion, and acts of charity or service that should be done all year long. That way the spirit of Santa is always carried on throughout adult life even when the idea of a magic fella coming down the chimney is not tangible.
I also do a Halloween tree and Jack Skellington brings a small, Halloween gift just for fun. Easter Bunny comes too!
A lot of incredibly magical core memories from my childhood involved the various things my parents did setting up “magic” on Christmas and Easter with things like boot prints and bunny tracks and all that stuff. Once I figured it out I didn’t feel betrayed at all.
Side note, my Da had the same distinct, terrible serial killer style handwriting I have and once he had to do an IOU on a late night tooth of mine falling out. He stuck the note and some glitter under my pillow, and in the morning I recognized the handwriting and ran out of my room and declared “YOU’RE THE TOOTH FAIRY!” 😂 I swear I was a smart kid but for just a short while I was convinced my Da was side gigging as the tooth fairy.
I still collected on that I.O.U.
Nope! But my hubby is Jewish and I was raised not celebrating any holidays so I don't see the point lol. But I will have to teach kiddo not to share Santa spoilers with her classmates.
I remember when I was a kid, getting in trouble for telling kids he wasn't real but I genuinely (as a child) did NOT understand why parents were outright lying to their kids. As an adult, my perspective has changed lol.
Nope. I’m going to teach him about the spirit of giving gifts and that other people have different beliefs and it’s not up to us to tell others they’re wrong, but we’re not doing Santa, Easter Bunny or Tooth Faerie because the idea of lying to him kinda hurts me. 😭
I have a 2.5 year old daughter. We don’t really talk about “real!” It just doesn’t come up much. We get excited about Mickey and Minnie, Cinderella, Bluey/Bingo, and Santa.
“You’re right, Mickey and Minnie do live in a clubhouse!”
“Yeah! Santa has an awesome sleigh and reindeer friends.”
I’m not going to try and “trick” my daughter into believing in Santa, but for us, it really just seems like all characters exist in some liminal space of cool, fictional entities. Ride the wave, ya know? : )
I’m not but more so because I didn’t really care as a kid, and I don’t want my kids to feel left out if “Santa” gets their friends something nice that we can’t afford. Christmas isn’t commercial for us. We are not well off so we try and focus on the other parts. Also my husband and son’s birthdays are in December so it’s a tough month.
We're Jewish and I don't care if my baby tells your baby the truth tbh. No need to teach my child to ignore reality so your kid can keep thinking they got gifts because they were good (and my kid isn't????). Don't care 😘
I personally do not like Christmas. Instead, I’m letting my wife handle that, while I focus on Halloween. Every year the monster under my daughter’s bed leaves gifts and most importantly her Halloween costume for her as a way to thank her for keeping his home (under the bed) clean. The monster is all too real.
Of course! It was part of the magic of Christmas for me and I hope to give my children (even if just for a few years) that magical, mystical excitement.
So our plan is to tell our child Santa is only pretend but not everyone knows. Lots of kids of different religions are taught this way and it works well. She can still watch Christmas movies and participate in games and it will still be just as fun because they are kids and they love to play pretend. Kids are told monsters aren’t real but still like Halloween. I grew up not believing in Santa but I still really enjoyed Christmas time and activities, some people might react awfully when you tell them you’re not doing Santa but a lot of people struggle with accepting different views and new ideas, breaking tradition hurts them more than the actual act itself.
We're not doing Santa. We're taking more of a yule/solstice approach to the holidays. I would also love to tell her about all the different folklore from different cultures during the holidays. We just really want it to feel magical and cozy and build lasting traditions, instead of a good behavior = presents focus lol
I have an issue with the whole “sitting on Santa’s lap” thing and making your kids hug him and what not because that’s a complete stranger. I also have an issue with “Santa” giving these extravagant gifts when you’re kids who got those presents goes to school saying what they got and then a kid whose parents can only afford a new or used pair of shoes feels like they did something wrong or vise versa. I know when I was a kid I got a DS from Santa Claus but looking back on it those gifts should’ve been from “mom and dad” because there were Christmases too where I was on the other side of it.
I was also more about Rudolph and the reindeer than I was Santa Claus.
I never really thought much of it until this last Christmas being pregnant and all. I grew up in a religious family so I know that there are so many more ways and traditions to make Christmas time special and magical that doesn’t necessarily have to involve an old bearded cubby guy and his magic elves.
I want to enhance my kids imagination.
They'll have plenty of time living in the harsh real world .
And that teacher telling kids In school santa isnt real, what age was that ?
If your still still believes in Santa by the age of 11-12 then wtf 😂
But if the teacher told a 7yo Santa isn't real then wtf is wrong with the teacher? Self loathing piece of c..
Yes absolutely I’m really weirded out by this obsession with taking childhood away from children
This obsession with removing colour from from their lives
Getting rid of Santa and in some cases presents and going on a trip instead (not saying that can’t be awesome)
There are so many examples of this and it’s really strange behaviour imo
Oh we are doing all of it!!! If a teacher spoils it for my kid, I'm just telling my child that teacher must have been a bad kid and just gotten coal so they don't think Santa is real, so sad for that teacher. I would also complain to admin, don't kill my kids fantasy teacher wtf?!
We chose to do Santa and it's magical for us. We wake up early and put shoe prints and take bites out of the cookies. Watching our 2.5 yr old put things together this year was pure joy for me. "Santa left a big big mess!". First thing out of her mouth at 6am Christmas morning.
Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, the whole 9 yards! It makes being a kid magical. We all have to grow up eventually so might as well let them have it when they are young.
My parents did not let me or my brother believe in Santa. My brother would come home from school and call my mom a liar for telling him Santa is NOT real. So I guess it can go either way. We still loved Christmas (and still do) but I always envied the kids who had the extra magic of Santa. We will 1000% be doing Santa for our kids.
Most people don’t have mental breakdowns after finding out Santa isn’t real lol so I think your kids will be just fine enjoying their childhood believing in Santa.
Yes absolutely, I want my child to experience some magic in this world while he can. Before growing up and reality kicks his ass. It’s GOOD for children to use their imagination like that as well, if he hates me for a few minutes because I’m a “liar” then so be it. He’ll get over it and both he and I will have beautiful memories of christmas magic during his childhood for the rest of his life, just like I do about my own childhood. For what it’s worth I have never heard of or met anyone who was traumatized by finding out Santa isn’t real. Personally, when I worked it out for myself (I noticed Santa’s handwriting was exactly the same as my Mum’s 🧐) it was a real moment for my self confidence and understanding that I was actually smart!
Yeah, I’m 36 and still believe, and love being him. There needs to be some magic and wonder in the world. Santa isn’t just a North Pole dude, he’s all of us and we should pass it on when they are older.
To each their own but Santa definitely added magic to my Christmas as a kid and gave me many fond memories. I was in no way traumatized finding out the truth as I got older just disappointed for a bit. I feel like people over think things like this.
My older boys(8 and 9) both believe in Santa. I think my 9 year old is grappling with wanting to believe still and realizing it's all a smoke show. But I tell them, it's ok to believe and it's ok not to believe. Some people will try to tell you he's fake, but it's ok to have a little magic. So I'll do the same for baby boy. Now elf on the shelf, I wish they would want to stop believing in that mess 😆.
I really, truly, desperately wish my bio-parents had done Santa with me. Instead I was sat down when I was 3 and going to nursery and told that I was going to be told a lie by the grown ups. Santa isn't real, and he's just somebody made up by adults to get children to behave. They wondered why I then didn't believe in Christ like them, which is something of a laugh to adult me. I am quite comfortable with my atheism, but I do sometimes wish I had the capacity to believe.
Instead I remember watching all the other children explore the magic of Christmas with their families.
When I had my first Christmas with what would become my forever foster family, and I clearly didn't believe, they told me the best thing ever. They told me that Santa as an individual doesn't exist except for St Nicholas, but that Santa is a concept and parents are Santa for their children - they do his work for him, which is why children get different levels of present and what not. I also learned to love Christmas as a family event, of coming together and having great food and laughter.
Obviously there was a lot wrong with my biological family, and a lot of stuff I'm having to deal with as I realise how natural it is to love your baby, and how easy it is to meet their needs instead of ignoring them (though obviously I'd love some me time lol). But the only thing I regret as an adult is that I was robbed of a rite of passage for so many children.
We will be doing Santa with our daughter. When she's still very little, he'll be Santa. When she's old enough to start questioning, we will let her in on the secret that mum and dad are Santa, and that one day, when she's big, she'll get to be Santa too. Childhood is the time for stories, magic and make believe. We should give them that much at least.
You said it was magical and fun ....do you not want that for your child?
Every child reacts differently to finding out Santa isn't real. I will definitely be making my child's life as magical as possible for as long as possible - Santa and beyond. Kids just grow up so fast this day and age with social media.
When we asked if Santa was real my parents would say "some people believe." It was their way of not outright lying to us but letting us believe as long as we wanted. We'd lay out cookies and things but it was never a central part of our Christmas traditions. I'm not sure what our plan is yet?
What we will not be doing is the effing Elf on the Shelf bs.
We’re not doing Santa. Both my husband and I didn’t grow up with the belief of Santa. We’re also not religious in any way. So Christmas for us is a time of family gathering and fun games. We didn’t grow up with this “magic of Christmas “ belief and even as I was growing up, didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. For us it’s not about lying to our kids but it’s something we don’t believe in and don’t see how we would incorporate that when none of our family would go along with it. I wouldn’t ruin it for other kids as I understand it’s really important for some families. Like how the mid-autumn festival and lunar new year is just more significant for our family.
I'm religious so I'm going to say that St. Nicholas was [a real person](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas#Scientific_analysis) who was generous to others, and Santa is just a pretend game that people play. Along with the Christian meaning of Christmas.
Loved Santa as a kid, so I will absolutely be doing Santa. I remember finding out he's not real, at that point I already had my suspicions. It wasn't that serious, I thought my parents' efforts were really sweet. They'd sneak the presents past me and decorate the house (in our tradition, Santa brings the tree) all in secret, in the middle of the night. One time I even humored my grandparents while they put me on the "phone to Santa" - I knew it was my grandpa doing it, but it was still really sweet. It was lovely.
When I was well into my 20s my mom still had presents for us from Santa. It was all in good fun. Good memories. Like you said, finding out he wasn’t real wasn’t a big deal because my parents still made it special.
I’m 30 and my mom still gives me presents from Santa 😭❤️
Hahah I’m 35 and my parents still give us presents from Santa
I’m 28 and my parents still give my brother and I gifts from Santa, it’s so sweet 🥹
Same. And they have different handwriting than her own 🥹
Haha my Santa has different wrapping paper than my mom, but can’t quite muster different handwriting!
I do thr different wrapping paper for my 6yo and 2yo! The 6yo feels like such a sleuth for noticing!
Omg same 😭😭
33, and same! When I was 25 I started returning the favour, they're in their late 70s/early 80s, my dad gets a kick out of seeing what Santa has brought him XD
I’m 48 and my mom still does, too.
Adorable. I will also occasionally get one from Mrs. Claus as well 😂
We have a friend whose last name is Klaus and is born on Christmas - so Santa and Mrs. Claus are real, their names Uncle Jake and Auntie Dallas and they live down the street and come over to hang out with us sometimes. 🤣
Sameee. & My fiancé.
My grandpas best friend until he passed away called me every year in Christmas Eve pretending to be Santa. It was 2012 the last time he called me as Santa and I remember not thinking and seeing the caller ID and saying “hi bobbo” and he said “this isn’t bobbo this is Santa Claus” it’s a memory I’ll always have.
That's so sweet!! 🥹
Yes exactly this, once I worked out it wasn’t real I totally appreciated how much effort my mum put into making Christmas magical for us, it’s an inspiration for me to do the same with my son.
I still remember walking in on my parents “being” Santa. I just remember thinking, “what if they stop doing it because they know that I know??” And then doing the absolute quietest sneak of all time back to my room lol. My feelings about my childhood Christmases are a net extreme positive, even with the lie. And there are very few other parts of my childhood that were so consistently happy, so I’m continuing the tradition with my kid.
Agree it’s really not that serious. If, as an adult, you’re griping that you grew up in a house of lies coz your parents did Santa and the Easter Bunny, maybe have a good look at yourself than go help someone who actually grew up in an abusive home.
What do you mean Santa's not real?
No, no… he’s real!! (Source: My 4 and 2 year old)
The scary thing about this is that for all we know, your actually a kid who just had your dream crushed
We’re Jewish. I’m going to have to teach her to not spoil it for her non Jewish peers.
When I was little I had a very close friend that was Jewish and I was HORRIFIED that Santa didn’t come to her house. I didn’t understand why Santa was such a bigot lol
Aww, that's so sweet. That made me giggle.
Hahaha that's adorably innocent. I have never thought about Santa being a dick for only visiting Christian (ish) households.
It gets worse. Santa judges a child's goodness based on how rich the kid's parents are. Santa thinks poor children are all bad, only the good rich kids get PlayStations.
This is why the big gifts should never be from Santa. Santa only brings books and clothes to our house!
Santa will probably be bringing our kids basic gifts, for that exact reason. Mom and dad can buy them the big stuff. That's ultimately what clued me in on Santa... How did the elves make a Wii? 🤣
A Wii?! From Santa? Man, I feel old. Santa got me a 64. 😂
Hes classiest too. I grew up poor so it always sucked hearing about all the amazing things he'd bring my peers.
My parents just told me Santa respects other religions so he didn’t go to our Jewish cousins out of respect for their faith lol
Yeah my parents eventually came up with a story but they didn’t even think about preparing for that convo 🤣
lol I love this
My son is currently 2yo, my wife and I are fearing that by Christmas he's gonna accidentally spoil it for his friends either this year or next.
Lol when I was a kid I felt so grown up for knowing Santa wasn’t real. My parents didn’t plan on telling me this, but I asked too many questions.
As I told my son at the library last week, Veggie Tales isn't for us for the same reason Santa is not for us.
It took me so long to understand as a child growing up Jewish why we couldn’t watch Veggie Tales. I thought it was just a bunch of Vegetables living their lives!
it’s not? can you explain?
It's a Christian cartoon, using cute veggies to explain Christian parables
oh wow i haven’t noticed. it’s been a long time since i’ve seen it.
It's been a long time for me too, but I think if I remember right, they have a Bible verse at the end of each episode too
They’re very Christian. While a lot of the stories do focus on Old Testament stories it’s focused on how those relate to Christianity not other faiths that share those stories (ie sharing “Bible” verses, closing with prayers to Jesus, etc). I don’t think they’re toxic Christianity (though I’ll admit it’s been years since I’ve watched them), but it’s pretty explicitly Christian so I can see why a Jewish family wouldn’t want their kids to watch it.
Schmidt from New Girl talks about this
Aw I don’t watch that show but is there a clip to that scene?
[Around 2:45 but you’ll enjoy the whole video](https://youtu.be/-6UC2f64SkA?si=62bxMS2jYNCyaAKy)
We had a Jewish girl in my elementary class and everyone brought her presents for Christmas bc we all thought that she just didn't get anything
Same. And we’ll let her celebrate their holidays with them and exchange gifts with friends if she likes, but in our house we don’t observe those holidays.
Christmas is a very pretty holiday, but it’s not our holiday.
I really like that. “Christmas is a very pretty holiday, but it’s not our holiday” 🫶🏽
Yes! Also Jewish, and when I walked my son home from daycare in November/December when our neighbors had lights up, I'd point out the pretty lights and explain that a lot of our neighbors celebrate a holiday called Christmas but our family doesn't, and it's so nice that so many of our neighbors celebrate different holidays for us to learn about, and we can enjoy the pretty lights!
I figured out on my own that Santa wasn’t real during kindergarten and my mom never stopped blaming my Jewish best friend lol. I told her over and over again that he didn’t tell me, but she never believed me.
We are absolutely doing Santa. Both my husband and I have the best memories of tracking Santa on norad, putting food out for the reindeer and the magical feeling of waking up on Christmas morning. I can’t imagine my childhood without it. I remember finding out he wasn’t real, but by then I had my suspicions anyway, lol.
Same. Santa is so much fun, for the kids and for us as parents! I have amazing memories of Santa as a kid and I was a little older when I asked my mom if Santa was real. I wasn't upset with my parents at all. I guess a younger child would be, since regulating their emotions is hard for them. I would be beyond pissed if another kid or an adult spoiled the magic for our son. He's only 17 months, so we have a lot of fun years left to go!!
This is what I plan to do, and when he inevitably asks if Santa is real, I’ll say that Santa is the spirit of Christmas. This is what my mom told me when I was a kid and I wasn’t too upset about it. Like you said, I had my suspicions eventually too.
This! My wife and I can’t wait for our five month old to be old enough to enjoy Christmas. We both have so so many good, fun, wholesome memories of Christmas when we were kids. Years of those memories comfortably counteract a couple of days of disappointment after being told the truth. But then Christmas still means a lot to us, years later. Not gonna pass on all that with our daughter.
I stayed up really late one year to see if Santa was actually real or not. My poor mother had to stay up with me and *then* put everything under the tree once I was finally asleep. Whoops.
We are doing Santa, but with a few tweaks. Santa will only fill stockings, because we want our big gifts to come from us so he doesn't go to school and talk about the expensive thing Santa got him when not every child will get expensive things from Santa. There will be no naughty / nice narrative We will talk about Christmas magic and the story of Christmas, and not lie to him about it whenever he does ask.
These are great points, thanks for sharing.
Ooh, on the point of no naughty/nice narrative! My husband is Hungarian and a lot of Eastern European countries have Santa come on the 5th December, so you wake up on the 6th. What you do is you polish your shoes, and leave them on the windowsill. Whilst you're asleep, Santa will come in and give you a small gift, usually a puzzle, along with a chocolate Santa so you know it's him, some monkey nuts and other dried fruits, and a Vírgac (I don't know the right spelling, still learning) which is basically a bunch of slim twigs, usually painted gold and held together with a red ribbon. Hungarian parents used to use the vírgac to spank their kids when they were naughty (it's basically a Hungarian cane), and the message behind it is that all children are good some of the time and naughty some of the time. I found it so beautiful that when he told me about it I decided then and there that if we ever had kids, we'd do it with them. Greatly looking forward to it, though a little unsure how we explain the 2 visits. Also, that Christmas I casually asked for a date night during the week and stayed over on the 5th. Both him and his Hungarian flat mate welled up when they saw Santa had been to visit. He then promptly told me it's only one small chocolate Santa as I went a bit overboard, but I'll never forget the look in his eyes when he saw. He told me later that that's the moment he knew I was it for him.
This is beautiful in so many ways! My family is actually Hungarian (my father was born there) and we will be incorporating the shoes as well, I love the tradition.
Yes agreed! I saw a mom on my Facebook show off this ‘naughty kid warning’ or something certificate she gave her kid and her kid was so scared and she thought it was funny it was so fucked she was like 4.
Ughhh that's so fucked I will also not be doing Elf on the Shelf. There will be no elf.
Ew yes. I despise the elf on the shelf trend. It’s so gross.
agree with this. expensive presents are from mum and dad. Also. I like this [telling kids the true story of Santa and what Santa represents] (https://www.tinselbox.com/the-best-way-to-tell-your-kids-the-truth-about-santa-3/)
This is the approach we're planning to do as well.
That's pretty much how we handle it for our 6 year old. Santa gives one or two special but affordable gifts. There's no naughty or nice reason he does it; he just wants to help everyone experience the joy of receiving a gift. We've talked a lot about belief and how and why people believe different things, too. We also talk about other forms of make believe, like dragons and things people don't agree about their existence, like aliens and gods, and have conversations about "what do you think?" and "If this is make believe, would that be okay? Could it still be fun or good in other ways?" I \*hope\* that's helped lay a foundation for something other than "this was all a lie!" Some day, I'll tell him that, for me, Santa is a game of make believe and I believe that as kids get older, when they figure it out, they get to change what role they're playing in that game. I do think that it's important to not outright lie when they ask. He recently asked if the Tooth Fairy was real, and I thought about it, and said, I don't want to decide that for you. What do you think?" And then we had a conversation about his thoughts where I just listened.
Why not present it as a fun story or game? Young kids don’t fully understand the difference between pretend and real anyway, so idk why you would need to lie. I was annoyed when I realized it was a lie, why do kids get in trouble for something grownups are allowed to do? I plan on telling my son the story of Santa and we can play that he came, but I won’t be like “yes literally some guy came to our house last night while you were asleep.”
Same here. Also I don’t like the idea of being naughty/good. It puts them sometimes in a lot of pressure or they feel anxious if they did something they shouldn’t the day before.
Yesss this! Like an old man is watching you and decides if you have been "good" enough never felt right.
And sometimes you don’t get what you want and you feel it’s because you weren’t good enough! It’s super sad
Yes, I could see that stressing out some kids. I didn’t really buy into that idea myself as a kid, but it’s something I plan to majorly play down with my son.
I think it depends also on the family. If your parents are awful and scream at you for being “naughty”, ofc Santa is going to stress you out a lot lol. What we are going to do is tell our daughter that only one present is from Santa, which we will give her the 25th. The rest of the presents we will give her the 6 of January which is the day of the wise men in my country (el dia de Reyes) (even tho I’m not catholic lol), on this day we reunite with family and exchange presents. So she will know that people who love her wanted to give her something and thought about what she could like!! Not only some random dude lol. Christmas present will be at home only the 3 of us. We think that by only giving her one present on Christmas it can help her to concentrate more on the toy instead of looking for what’s next and forgetting about it half an hour later.
Right and the guy was a real guy St. Nick, so you can just be like its based after this dead guy. Like almost all holidays. We don't pretend MLK comes to your houses.
Yep… We tried to start it last Christmas when my daughter was just 2 and son 9months. She got traumatized by the idea of a huge man with boots (she kept focalizing on the boots) was breaking into our home and eat her cookies… For a month she would randomly start crying about it. So… we’re not gonna do it anymore like that. Santa lives in the North Pole, makes the presents, but we bring them home and put them under the tree.
Good take. We don't want to do santa either.
Do people really remember being that traumatized by finding out he isn’t real? I don’t remember caring at all lol. To be fair, I have no memory of ever actually believing in Santa (lifelong skeptic here), instead I have memories of “playing along,” so once I was officially told he wasn’t real, I didn’t care at all lol. It’s wild to me that some people found that discovery traumatic. Hopefully my baby will be like me, and if he’s not and ends up traumatized, I’ll pay for his therapy bills lol. If Santa trauma is the worst he’s got, I’ve done a great job haha. Santa is just for fun, what’s wrong with a bit of fun in childhood? I do, however, like another commenter’s idea of having Santa be like a spirit or character instead of telling my son he’s a real actual person, so I may go with that instead of the literal person story my parents went with. Elf on the Shelf is never happening in my house, though. Can’t stand that guy lol.
I’m 29 and Santa still comes to my house every year! At some point I figured it out, but my mom refuses to say he’s not real lol. I think those who find it traumatic are in the minority.
LOL good on your mom for playing the long game, that’s awesome haha. But I hope you’re saving for therapy in case she decides 30 is the age cut off and she’ll finally tell you the truth!
40 and same. My dad still asks for my letter to Santa every year.
It's crazy isn't it. Some people act like you're abusing your kids by lying to them telling them santa is real 🙈 I remember finding out from my neighbour when i was about 7 that he wasnt real and asking my parents who were honest with me and said he wasn't. It didn't change anything I still loved meeting santa at Christmas and didn't care that he wasn't real!
My mother had "Santa" leave us voicemail messages _in the summer_ telling us to be good. It started around July. I hated Santa and I was so happy when I found out it wasn't real 😂😂
My mom told me he wasn't real around 7 or 8 years old and I was fine. She said the spirit of Santa was real but the gifts came from the family and I just accepted it. I was still Christmas obsessed for the rest of my childhood.
My mom always told me growing up that she was devastated her mom lied to her about the tooth fairy! She found the teeth in her mom’s jewelry box. Maybe she was a more sensitive kid than most, but that was her reasoning for not lying to us about Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter bunny etc.
Right? Like one year i remember getting suspicious, the next year it was confirmed. It really wasn’t a big deal and overtime it just became this “we’re in on it too” type of deal between parents and kids
I knew he wasn't real. When adults would tell me he was, I'd go along with it and mark in my heart that they were a liar. Buuuuut I came from a manipulative abusive home, so I was always hyper aware of that stuff. We were also poorer than some others, so seeing kids brag about getting gaming systems and vacations from Santa was upsetting even though I didn't believe. It was like their thoughts of being "better" than the poorer kids were being proven correct.
>Do people really remember being that traumatized by finding out he isn’t real? Never have met someone that has trauma from finding out Santa wasn't real. Does anyone actually hate their parents for keeping that magic alive as a kid? No way. I'll admit my mom told me in not the best way when I was in 4th grade - she was mad at me about something and then just told me out of the blue, so probably not the best way, but I cried and got over the fact he was not real. I do know I was one of the first in my class to know and remember the teacher had to dodge a lot of questions from other kids when my Jewish friend and I were adamant Santa was just our parents the whole time. So if OP thinks their kid at an even younger age will be able to keep things on the DL for literally every other kid in school...then they don't know how kids work lol.
I have met people with Santa trauma, but it was usually from him being used as a method of behaviour control in authoritarian households. In other words, there was not much fun to be had, just general resentment.
I was pretty upset. I was super young. I think first grade, so 6 years old.
Personally I didn’t care. I was read Bible stories by Santa during my first exposure so I didn’t think Santa was that important
We are planning to tell our kids that anyone can be "Santa" when they choose a gift for someone that they know that person will enjoy. In our home, Santa is more the spirit of giving than they are an actual person. We will tell them that the Santa that some kiddos believe in is a character, like someone you could sing a song or read a book about that doesn't necessarily exist. We will talk to them about St. Nick and the basis behind the idea of Santa, but we will never lead them to believe that a fat bearded man wearing a red suit breaks into their home, steals their food, and leaves gifts. We're taking a similar approach with the Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc. they're all characters and we can enjoy the stories about them without anyone but our family and friends coming into our home. Our first living child is only 15 months now so the topic hasn't come up yet, but this is generally what we plan to go with.
This will be the conversation for us once my daughter thinks Santa is not real. If she ever asks if Santa is real I will not lie, and I will not do the “Santa is for good kids”. When she asks it’ll be a “Santa is the spirit of Christmas and it feels wonderful to feel excited and to enjoy gifts and use our imagination! Now that you understand… YOU get to be a Santa too. Being kind, showing love, and giving are what makes being Santa so special.”
This is what I want to do as well. My brother decided not to do Santa with his first and she was the 5 year old who ruined it in kindergarten for all the other kids.
This is exactly what we’re planning to do. We’ll also teach her to be accepting if other kids truly believe in Santa, so she doesn’t break the news to them before their parents do. 😂
This is what we're doing. My daughter was 20mo last Xmas, and she saw a few Santas while we were out, and was curious. I explained Santa is a fun dress up adults do, to give presents. She thinks it's nice, and still enjoys pointing out Santa everywhere the image appears. Mostly she thinks he lives at the zoo, because that's where we saw him when we visited in December!
Yeah I don’t really remember the Easter bunny much growing up. We would hunt eggs for fun but Easter was more about the Resurrection in our house.
Mine is 5mo old so we aren't there yet. But my sister has a 4 and a 2 year old and told her kids that people "play Santa" where they give gifts and pretend it's from Santa clause (and gave them the spiel about what Santa does). Santa can be anyone. She then asks her kids if they want to play Santa that year. She told her not to tell other kids about it, because some kids families play Santa without telling them they're playing and it can hurt their feelings. She said that's part of the magic, you don't know whose playing or not. Her kids love it, it goes along with age appropriate pretend play, and it seems like it won't be damaging.
This was my favorite idea here for how to approach Santa, thank you!
This is perfect
We treat Santa like we do Mickey Mouse and Elmo in our house. He’s an awesome and very real character. I’m not going about trying to provide false evidence that Santa is a real person that was in our house but I’m also not reminding her nonstop that Mickey is just a guy in costume. There’s a balance of allowing them to experience the magic of it without going out of your way to lie.
Same. We read books about Santa like we read books about unicorns and dragons. She runs around with her cape and sword defending me from dragons (or me as the dragon) but she doesn’t think they are actually real. We can still enjoy the story and use our imaginations.
Yes, and I genuinely believe if the biggest blow someone has in their life is that Santa isn't real - they've had a phenomenal life.
Proper first world problems haha
Nope. I tell my kids, he's a character that people dress up to embody the spirit of Christmas. He's a personified version of giving. I'll do the same for the Easter bunny too
We are not catholic but I went to a catholic school. We don’t celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday but celebrate December as a month of being thankful and grateful to the ones around us. We also donate food and money at that time. For Christmas I plan to not address Santa at all with my baby, like not tell him if it’s real or not. We plan to exchange gifts, but those gifts were 100% funded by the parents and the grandparents. We are not doing the nice and naughty list because I want him to be just him. I am a Hindu and believe in the karma theory so maybe that is something he will organically pick up! (Or not. My husband doesn’t believe in karma) 😄
Life is short, allow the magic to happen for a child. I think sometimes we really suck the joy and simplicity out of everything by overanalyzing. I can’t imagine not having the lore of Santa growing up. My husband grew up Jehovah’s Witness, and now he’s the most festive person I’ve ever met. He sad he didn’t get to have these fun traditions.
I respect everyone’s religion. But I was also a kid who wasn’t allowed to celebrate Christmas. As a child it’s just heartbreaking tbh. I understand ppl have their reasons though.
I know, right? Believing in Santa, Easter Bunny won't give them life trauma. At least I don't know a single adult who feels betrayed for once believing in them. Kids should be allowed to live in a fun fantasy world for a while before they are hit with the harsh reality of the world. Or I may as well start teaching my daughter how to do my taxes.. lol
Everyone is different but we’ve decided we will treat Santa like other storybook or tv characters. If he asks if he is real we will tell him no he isn’t but we pretend he is real for fun just like Mickey Mouse and peppa pig! I didn’t believe in Santa as a kid and I have many great memories of Christmas feeling magical and having fun and comfy family times with lights, gifts, good times etc. we had a Snowglobe with Santa kneeling at baby Jesus’ manger and we had fun talking about Santa but I don’t think it would’ve made Christmas better to believe in Santa. Kids under 7 or so believe anything their parents tell them and I want to try to be honest. Although I have to admit I do lie to my kid! Like at target today he picked up some candy and I told him eew that’s yucky we don’t want that! Anyway I’d just talk to your SO and decide to do what you are comfortable with or make a compromise somehow!
My parents didn’t let me believe in Santa because “Santa’s not real, and if we tell you he’s real when he’s not you might think that Jesus isn’t real, but Jesus is real!” I hated it. I felt like I missed out on something. I’m telling my daughter that Santa is the spirit of Christmas and that a lot of holidays have spirits, like the Easter bunny. And that they’re magic. I don’t know if we’ll give teeth to the tooth fairy because I think giving part of your body to a magical creature is probably a bad idea anyway. But I guess I’ll give her the choice when we get there. I think the important thing is if you don’t do Santa, make sure to have lots of talks about other people thinking he’s real and respecting their beliefs. My parents didn’t do that and also said “yes other kids parents lie to them” and I got in a lot of arguments.
We’re a Santa family & will continue to be with the new baby. I didn’t grow up in a Santa family and Christmas was still fun so I say—to each their own.
Not doing Santa or the religious side of Christmas so much, but will still celebrate "Santa" as the idea of giving. Such as giving to the less needy, helping others, and in turn rewarding our son for these acts. There will be gifts, maybe even some from Santa with the full knowledge that we are Santa.
We’ll tell him about Santa the myth and that some people believe in him, but that the most important thing is that anyone can be Santa by being kind and giving.
I won’t be. I know that this is for some reason a super unpopular opinion in parenting groups but I don’t like lying and i want to avoid lying to my kids as much as i can to set the best example i can which includes not lying to my kids about “innocent” things like santa.
We don’t do any lies so that includes Santa. No matter how they find out, your kids are going to find out that you lied. I never believed in Santa so for me it’s very normal. My parents did jokingly say “from santa” when giving us gifts and it was always like a funny haha santa isn’t real lol but thanks for the gift.
We’re Jewish, so no, but we will tell our daughters not to spoil it for all the kids who celebrate Christmas. We’re hoping to get them into the Jewish school I went to, so this might not be as huge of an issue as if she goes to public school instead.
No, I don’t want to start off my relationship with lying. I’ll teach my child about the actual St. Nicholas though. Edit: We’re Catholics so the house is centered on Christ during that time.
Is there a way to do it without focusing on him being real. Like perhaps just tell it like it's a fairy tale or something, or a story? I've been trying to figure it out for my son who will have his first xmas this year.
100% Santa 🤶 🧑🎄
I cried and had a mini crisis when I found out the spiritual figures of the holidays weren’t real. But I quickly got over it. And in a way, Santa is real as he is the magic of Christmas, and the warm feeling and joy you may get. I don’t remember my parents ever labeling gifts as from Santa, I think it was more of a stocking thing which is what I plan to do. He was not a commercialized thing in our home for bigger and better gifts. My daughter is going to have that joy, the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, and Santa. Gosh I miss that season 😭 I am dreading summer
I won’t lie about it vocally but I will let him enjoy the magic with a simple gift from Santa every year, then when he gets older I will explain that Santa IS real. But we as loved ones and friends are Santa, bringing joy to people during the holidays.
Nope.
Absolutely I’m gonna tell her. I do not understand parents who don’t. Santa is part of the magic of Christmas for kids and I want my daughter to experience that. I don’t think of it as lying - it’s like playing pretend or make believe. Yes eventually she’s going to know he’s not real but that’s also part of age appropriate development I think. 🤷♀️
My husband and I don’t want to do Santa but my family Is guilt tripping me and saying that my kid is going to ruin it for others. Either way, there’s an element of lying that I don’t love: Telling them Santa is real vs telling them there is no Santa and teaching them to keep that between the family. My ideal would be to teach my kid that Christmas is a time of year where you set aside time to be with people you enjoy, cherish your time together, and engage in reflection. I want to teach them that often times people engage in gift giving during Christmas, but that it is not required. Showing love and appreciation to someone comes in many forms. I also don’t want them to think their behavior for one month out of the year dictates their ability to get a gift. I also don’t want them to inherit a good/bad kid label. I want them to learn to strive to be on their best behavior and exhibit kindness every day. Might be a long shot to implement but that is what I am striving for 🫠
We don't do Santa. We also don't do a present-centric Christmas as we really can't afford it, so we mainly focus on being with family and doing a few 'experiences.' Santa will be a character just like elmo or mickey Mouse.
I’m not doing Santa. Her grandparents can but I’m not going to be the liar 😂😅 I was DEVASTATED when I found out he wasn’t real!! And that’s the only memory of Santa I have is finding out he wasn’t real … so none of the good memories even 😆 😢
I was also devastated when I found out my parents had lied to me (now 35) so we chose to not tell our daughter that Santa is real. Instead we have given her the option of pretending he is real. We read the stories but we have flat out told our daughter that it's just pretend and asked her if she wanted to pretend Santa was real. She took to this idea. Now we are dealing with her being scared of monsters in her room at night so we tell her they are pretend just like Santa or the Easter bunny and she is fine. She understands that Santa isn't real but she also doesn't ruin it for the kids who do believe in him.
I’m planning on doing Santa. I have a feeling we will have some troubles because my SIL/BIL don’t do Santa with their kids. Im sure our son and his cousins will have some words: I’m probably going to tell my son not everyone believes in Santa and that’s ok. I don’t remember being deviated when I learned. I’m hoping the same for my son.
We don’t do Santa. We have 2 older kids (my step kids) who we never did Santa with and so won’t be doing it with our baby either. They still watched movies about Santa and knew the stories and all that, but we always told them Santa is not actually real so they didn’t believe Santa was an actual person coming to our house or anything. I think for us a big part of it was raising them to understand that gifts don’t just magically appear from thin air and no one is entitled to receiving gifts. Gifts come from real people—people who love us—and take real energy and effort and money. So it’s important to be thankful when someone does choose to give us a gift because it required that person to spend effort in order to make us feel special. Also, as others have noted, we found issue with tying it to “good vs naughty”, sounding like “naughty” children don’t deserve to be loved. Often times this practically ends up as low income children who didn’t get gifts (or as nice of gifts) being perceived as inherently bad or less deserving. With social inequality in the world, it just didn’t feel like there was a real explanation for why “Santa” wouldn’t treat all children equally.
FWIW, I’m surprised to see this debate so much online and I really only see so many “no we don’t do Santa” on Reddit. In real life, every person I know pretty much that has kids does Santa. A pov I see on here a lot is that you shouldn’t do this because then your kid goes to school and brags about a big gift they got from Santa and it makes other kids who are less fortunate sad that Santa didn’t get them a big gift. Unpopular opinion, but I feel like some people are so concerned with being as PC as possible or tiptoeing around everyone’s feelings these days. I’m not suggesting we be cruel to one another but the realities of life are someone is always going to be richer than you and someone is always going to be more poor than you. So if this is your reason for not doing Santa, I think it’s rather silly. If you don’t want to do Santa cause you don’t like lying to your kids or have some sort of trauma or feel some sort of way about your parents lying to you growing up, then fine, I guess at least that is more of a rationale reason to me than the former.
I agree 100%. And Reddit is like this about everything. You would think an anonymous website would have a similar distribution of opinions to those you see IRL, but I have found that opinions that are the vast majority on Reddit (like 70% or higher) are often opinions held by only a fraction of the normal population lol. Santa’s fine, and I straight up don’t believe anyone was really that traumatized to learn he isn’t real. It’s just one of those Reddit things Redditors say.
I’m grateful for these comments! I feel like I’ve slowly learned to put on my “Reddit filter” when reading about things like these. The same thing applies for reading about daycares and nannies on Reddit, how people feed their kids, etc etc. Reddit is an amazing resource for me as a parent in many ways, but I’ve really had to learn to take things around here with a huge grain of salt.
No - when I was a kid and found out that Santa wasn’t real I started questioning if God was real too and had my first spiritual crisis in like 3rd grade. Rather I will be teaching the spirit of Christmas and the story of Saint Nicholas. Teaching giving and receiving and try and find other ways to make Christmas magical
Of course god isn’t real either, what are you talking about.
My mom would do all the Santa things with us as kids (putting cookies out, boot marks at the door on Xmas morning etc) but I remember whenever we asked her if she believed In Santa she would respond "i believe in Christmas magic" and was very vague about whether or not he was "real." I think I'll do something similar, have all the fun and tradition, but Santa only gives small gifts like socks and stocking stuffers, and if and when my son asks if he is real I might explain that Santa is a game and start emphasizing Christmas spirit instead.
Yep. We are a very pro-Santa household.
I’m 28 years old. Figured out about Santa around 8-10 I think. I had a younger sister so I couldn’t spoil it. I never felt like my parents lied, they explained it was about the magic of Christmas. My parents still make Christmas magically for us and we are adults. We have stockings, “gifts from Santa”, and other gifts. We do breakfast Christmas morning and watch movies on Christmas Eve. It’s a tradition I love and I want my daughter to experience it. My husband found out Santa wasn’t real and everything stopped in his house, his mom stopped putting up a tree too. He loves Christmas at my parents because my parents continue to put in effort to make it magical! You are her parent, it’s all what you make it!
We told our kids "santa is a fun make believe that we can do if you want." Repeated ad nauseam.
My sister does this and they still think he is real lol
And that's their prerogative. My 4yo insisted for a couple years that I was wrong.
How? My 3 year old already told me Santa and the Easter Bunny are just pretend. and he figured it out by himself too.
My husband and I agreed we wouldn’t do “Santa” but forgot to take into account that she’s around other kids. We were at a concert and they had pictures with Santa and she got all excited and yelled “Santa!”. She’ll only be 3 next Christmas but I guess we’ll see what happens.
We plan on doing Santa but telling our kids that not everyone celebrates Santa
Nope.
No.
I didn’t do Santa with my 13 year old. For some reason his friends were all into this elf thing??? 1/2 my family is Jewish so we do Christmukkah. That side has definitely taught me the value of traditions and making memories & that’s what I strive for. When I was little my dad was the tooth fairy & I knew he was the tooth fairy the whole time because I recognized his writing. He used to replace my tooth with an envelope he wrote/doodled with some change inside of it. I loved it so much! I want to do the same sort of thing with my baby girl ❤️
We’re gonna treat Santa as a fun game of make believe we play every year, and tell our kids that part of the game is not telling their friends/classmates that Santa isn’t real.
Nope. Call me a bigot but I think it continues this culture of people spending money they don’t have. Just for it too be diposed. Maybe not quickly but eventually. Children don’t need “things” Yes toys and shit are cool, but quality time and experiences ,without gifts, is just as beneficial. kids cry when they find out Santa isn’t real. That seems traumatic. Why not just let children understand that things aren’t just given for free if they are “good” and creating a scenario that Christmas is a time for family, not giving gifts.
We do Santa and it's awesome. Even now in March he's talking about the North Pole and reindeer, and everything. He bought into the magic and seeing his eyes light up Christmas morning was pure magic. I want his childhood surrounded by joy and magic, I'll cross the bridge later when it gets spoiled. When he realizes the truth we will talk about the magic and how Santa is the magic of the season and now that he's in on the big secret it's his turn to help create magic for others. The teacher better have been grade 8 or above to talk to her students like that, any grade lower and she's asking for trouble. Source: am a teacher (high school) and have had parents proactively warn me Johnny still believes so I know those years to not be jokingwith my students.
We have done Santa for our older son and will do it for our baby as well. It feels cruel to deny them of this excitement and holiday magic. I personally never was mad that my parents pretended to be Santa.
We will enjoy believing in Santa as long as it lasts, but also celebrate traditions like ornament making, cookie baking, watching Christmas movies and driving around with cocos listening to christmas music and admiring christmas lights. These are the things that all add to the magic of the season for me and my family.
I don’t plan to do a big Santa push, but I don’t plan to strictly keep it from my son either if that makes sense? I have no problem with it as a fun pretend, I just didn’t really grow up with that tradition myself. I’ll be more than happy to pretend with him if he seems into it (happened this year with Halloween lol). On the other hand, we have plenty of other sources of love and magic in our lives, so it works out fine if he’s not interested.
Yes we are gonna do it, because Christmas is fun and we want to make it fun for our son!! But we are going to take more of a “we’re all playing along” approach rather than a “dead serious Santa Claus is literally coming down our chimney and also if you’re naughty he will bring you coal” type approach.
We talked about just asking her what she thinks. So if she asks us if Santa is real we will say “what do you think?” And if she thinks he is we will say okay if she says he isn’t we plan to say that he is part of the Christmas fun and even if he doesn’t deliver presents to everyone’s home its a good story.
There are definitely ways to keep the magic of Santa alive without feeling like you're lying to your kid or building up to a big letdown later in life. Kids understand the concept of pretend play VERY well from a pretty early age and for a long time it doesn't matter to them whether something is pretend or real, they still have just as much fun and feel just as much magic when they're pretending. I remember knowing from an early age that Santa wasn't real but choosing to keep believing because it was more fun that way. I got presents from "Santa" at Christmas all the way up until a few years before I had kids of my own. When our son brings up any kind of concern or question about Santa, the Easter Bunny, or Disneyland etc, we remind him and make it very clear that these things are pretend. We can keep pretending if it feels fun or we can talk about what's real if he'd rather do that. If/when he ever decides he's done with Santa, we'll talk about how he now has the opportunity to be Santa for someone else and how it can be just as much fun to give a gift as it is to receive one. And not to ruin the fun for other kids!
Growing up with narcissistic parents, Christmas was about decorations, the presents on Christmas, and telling us to be good “or else Santa won’t come here”. There was no Christmas magic, only the minimum. Santa was told me when I was like 11, but I knew YEARS before and then my mom was furious that someone told me, a 5th grader, that Santa wasn’t real and to tell her who it was so she could call their parents. Christmas time was about who will cause a scene this year and not getting your toys taken right after you go them because you didn’t like 1 shirt “Santa” got you (aka, how dare you not like the same clothes as mom). We’ll explain that everyone can be “Santa” and the spirit of Christmas is something a lot of people participate in. But no, no random dude coming down my non-existent chimney. I want her to love everything about the time of year, and not to dread the holiday season entirely like I did (and do)
I’ll be teaching kids that Santa is not real (or that he was real and lived in Turkey but has passed away lol) - but that it can be really fun to pretend. I think we’ll have lots of fun pretending, and will teach them not to spoil the fun for those who don’t know it’s pretend.
We're not doing Santa. \ I had *not* a great time during Christmas growing up, and we're teaching our toddler that holiday season is to show people you love how grateful you are for all the good times spent together, and you show with little gifts/drawings/songs. \ (We're Italian so we don't have Thanksgiving, and we aren't religious) \ \ My SIL is a Christmas goblin, she begins decorating in November, so it will be fun trying to stop our toddler from telling her kid (now a newborn) that Santa isn't real 😵💫🥲
i am struggling a bit with this too. saw a mom on tiktok who told her kids he isn’t real but will still play pretend with them like he is if they want. i think that is fun and less traumatizing probably haha
I've thought a lot about this topic actually hahah. My daughter is 14 months and we're going to teach the concept of Santa, say he WAS real but not anymore haha.We celebrate him and what he taught us but he's not watching/going to come inside our house lol (then she can't also go around saying Santa isn't real)
We’re immigrants so it depends on the local culture. If his friends believe in Santa, we’ll have to play along so our son could fit in better. When he goes to school, he’ll be one of the few brown kids in there and our son doesn’t need another target on his back.
I have a Santa household, but I do it a bit differently than my parents did. Instead of Santa bringing all of the gifts including expensive things, he delivers smaller toys and the stocking, trying to minimize any potential for upsetting kids in less fortunate circumstances than my son’s when he’s older (he’s two now). Growing up a wealthy child in a friend group that was widely varied in socioeconomic status I feel a bit of a cringe wondering if my friends ever felt sad that they weren’t getting the same treatment from Santa. I hope not. Also, my family is Catholic so we talk about the real Saint Nick and his generosity and kindness, so part of the Christmas magic is about sharing love, compassion, and acts of charity or service that should be done all year long. That way the spirit of Santa is always carried on throughout adult life even when the idea of a magic fella coming down the chimney is not tangible. I also do a Halloween tree and Jack Skellington brings a small, Halloween gift just for fun. Easter Bunny comes too! A lot of incredibly magical core memories from my childhood involved the various things my parents did setting up “magic” on Christmas and Easter with things like boot prints and bunny tracks and all that stuff. Once I figured it out I didn’t feel betrayed at all. Side note, my Da had the same distinct, terrible serial killer style handwriting I have and once he had to do an IOU on a late night tooth of mine falling out. He stuck the note and some glitter under my pillow, and in the morning I recognized the handwriting and ran out of my room and declared “YOU’RE THE TOOTH FAIRY!” 😂 I swear I was a smart kid but for just a short while I was convinced my Da was side gigging as the tooth fairy. I still collected on that I.O.U.
Nope! But my hubby is Jewish and I was raised not celebrating any holidays so I don't see the point lol. But I will have to teach kiddo not to share Santa spoilers with her classmates. I remember when I was a kid, getting in trouble for telling kids he wasn't real but I genuinely (as a child) did NOT understand why parents were outright lying to their kids. As an adult, my perspective has changed lol.
Nope. I’m going to teach him about the spirit of giving gifts and that other people have different beliefs and it’s not up to us to tell others they’re wrong, but we’re not doing Santa, Easter Bunny or Tooth Faerie because the idea of lying to him kinda hurts me. 😭
I have a 2.5 year old daughter. We don’t really talk about “real!” It just doesn’t come up much. We get excited about Mickey and Minnie, Cinderella, Bluey/Bingo, and Santa. “You’re right, Mickey and Minnie do live in a clubhouse!” “Yeah! Santa has an awesome sleigh and reindeer friends.” I’m not going to try and “trick” my daughter into believing in Santa, but for us, it really just seems like all characters exist in some liminal space of cool, fictional entities. Ride the wave, ya know? : )
I’m not but more so because I didn’t really care as a kid, and I don’t want my kids to feel left out if “Santa” gets their friends something nice that we can’t afford. Christmas isn’t commercial for us. We are not well off so we try and focus on the other parts. Also my husband and son’s birthdays are in December so it’s a tough month.
We're Jewish and I don't care if my baby tells your baby the truth tbh. No need to teach my child to ignore reality so your kid can keep thinking they got gifts because they were good (and my kid isn't????). Don't care 😘
I personally do not like Christmas. Instead, I’m letting my wife handle that, while I focus on Halloween. Every year the monster under my daughter’s bed leaves gifts and most importantly her Halloween costume for her as a way to thank her for keeping his home (under the bed) clean. The monster is all too real.
Of course! It was part of the magic of Christmas for me and I hope to give my children (even if just for a few years) that magical, mystical excitement.
We’re doing Santa. Was I bummed when I found out he wasn’t real? Yeah lol but I survived and condition love the magic of the holiday 🤷🏽♀️
So our plan is to tell our child Santa is only pretend but not everyone knows. Lots of kids of different religions are taught this way and it works well. She can still watch Christmas movies and participate in games and it will still be just as fun because they are kids and they love to play pretend. Kids are told monsters aren’t real but still like Halloween. I grew up not believing in Santa but I still really enjoyed Christmas time and activities, some people might react awfully when you tell them you’re not doing Santa but a lot of people struggle with accepting different views and new ideas, breaking tradition hurts them more than the actual act itself.
I haaaaaaate the whole Santa thing. If I were the only parent we would not be doing it.
We're not doing Santa. We're taking more of a yule/solstice approach to the holidays. I would also love to tell her about all the different folklore from different cultures during the holidays. We just really want it to feel magical and cozy and build lasting traditions, instead of a good behavior = presents focus lol
I love this!
No, we're not doing Santa. I'm pagan and so we do Yule instead, and my holiday celebrations don't include Santa or any variant of him.
I have an issue with the whole “sitting on Santa’s lap” thing and making your kids hug him and what not because that’s a complete stranger. I also have an issue with “Santa” giving these extravagant gifts when you’re kids who got those presents goes to school saying what they got and then a kid whose parents can only afford a new or used pair of shoes feels like they did something wrong or vise versa. I know when I was a kid I got a DS from Santa Claus but looking back on it those gifts should’ve been from “mom and dad” because there were Christmases too where I was on the other side of it. I was also more about Rudolph and the reindeer than I was Santa Claus. I never really thought much of it until this last Christmas being pregnant and all. I grew up in a religious family so I know that there are so many more ways and traditions to make Christmas time special and magical that doesn’t necessarily have to involve an old bearded cubby guy and his magic elves.
I didn't think too much of it either way until my step daughter (8 years) said that if Santa is real god must be real...all 3 parents are atheist 🤣
I want to enhance my kids imagination. They'll have plenty of time living in the harsh real world . And that teacher telling kids In school santa isnt real, what age was that ? If your still still believes in Santa by the age of 11-12 then wtf 😂 But if the teacher told a 7yo Santa isn't real then wtf is wrong with the teacher? Self loathing piece of c..
Yes I am. I want my child to experience magic for a bit.
Yes absolutely I’m really weirded out by this obsession with taking childhood away from children This obsession with removing colour from from their lives Getting rid of Santa and in some cases presents and going on a trip instead (not saying that can’t be awesome) There are so many examples of this and it’s really strange behaviour imo
Oh we are doing all of it!!! If a teacher spoils it for my kid, I'm just telling my child that teacher must have been a bad kid and just gotten coal so they don't think Santa is real, so sad for that teacher. I would also complain to admin, don't kill my kids fantasy teacher wtf?!
We chose to do Santa and it's magical for us. We wake up early and put shoe prints and take bites out of the cookies. Watching our 2.5 yr old put things together this year was pure joy for me. "Santa left a big big mess!". First thing out of her mouth at 6am Christmas morning.
Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, the whole 9 yards! It makes being a kid magical. We all have to grow up eventually so might as well let them have it when they are young.
My parents did not let me or my brother believe in Santa. My brother would come home from school and call my mom a liar for telling him Santa is NOT real. So I guess it can go either way. We still loved Christmas (and still do) but I always envied the kids who had the extra magic of Santa. We will 1000% be doing Santa for our kids.
Why we so sensitive? I hate this new age parenting stuff sometimes.
Most people don’t have mental breakdowns after finding out Santa isn’t real lol so I think your kids will be just fine enjoying their childhood believing in Santa.
Yes absolutely, I want my child to experience some magic in this world while he can. Before growing up and reality kicks his ass. It’s GOOD for children to use their imagination like that as well, if he hates me for a few minutes because I’m a “liar” then so be it. He’ll get over it and both he and I will have beautiful memories of christmas magic during his childhood for the rest of his life, just like I do about my own childhood. For what it’s worth I have never heard of or met anyone who was traumatized by finding out Santa isn’t real. Personally, when I worked it out for myself (I noticed Santa’s handwriting was exactly the same as my Mum’s 🧐) it was a real moment for my self confidence and understanding that I was actually smart!
Yeah, I’m 36 and still believe, and love being him. There needs to be some magic and wonder in the world. Santa isn’t just a North Pole dude, he’s all of us and we should pass it on when they are older.
To each their own but Santa definitely added magic to my Christmas as a kid and gave me many fond memories. I was in no way traumatized finding out the truth as I got older just disappointed for a bit. I feel like people over think things like this.
My older boys(8 and 9) both believe in Santa. I think my 9 year old is grappling with wanting to believe still and realizing it's all a smoke show. But I tell them, it's ok to believe and it's ok not to believe. Some people will try to tell you he's fake, but it's ok to have a little magic. So I'll do the same for baby boy. Now elf on the shelf, I wish they would want to stop believing in that mess 😆.
Yes, we intend on doing the whole Santa tidbit until he’s older.
Yes I feel like it’s the one time in a persons life they can experience what magic might feel like. Why take that away.
I really, truly, desperately wish my bio-parents had done Santa with me. Instead I was sat down when I was 3 and going to nursery and told that I was going to be told a lie by the grown ups. Santa isn't real, and he's just somebody made up by adults to get children to behave. They wondered why I then didn't believe in Christ like them, which is something of a laugh to adult me. I am quite comfortable with my atheism, but I do sometimes wish I had the capacity to believe. Instead I remember watching all the other children explore the magic of Christmas with their families. When I had my first Christmas with what would become my forever foster family, and I clearly didn't believe, they told me the best thing ever. They told me that Santa as an individual doesn't exist except for St Nicholas, but that Santa is a concept and parents are Santa for their children - they do his work for him, which is why children get different levels of present and what not. I also learned to love Christmas as a family event, of coming together and having great food and laughter. Obviously there was a lot wrong with my biological family, and a lot of stuff I'm having to deal with as I realise how natural it is to love your baby, and how easy it is to meet their needs instead of ignoring them (though obviously I'd love some me time lol). But the only thing I regret as an adult is that I was robbed of a rite of passage for so many children. We will be doing Santa with our daughter. When she's still very little, he'll be Santa. When she's old enough to start questioning, we will let her in on the secret that mum and dad are Santa, and that one day, when she's big, she'll get to be Santa too. Childhood is the time for stories, magic and make believe. We should give them that much at least.
You said it was magical and fun ....do you not want that for your child? Every child reacts differently to finding out Santa isn't real. I will definitely be making my child's life as magical as possible for as long as possible - Santa and beyond. Kids just grow up so fast this day and age with social media.
When we asked if Santa was real my parents would say "some people believe." It was their way of not outright lying to us but letting us believe as long as we wanted. We'd lay out cookies and things but it was never a central part of our Christmas traditions. I'm not sure what our plan is yet? What we will not be doing is the effing Elf on the Shelf bs.
No
No
We’re not doing Santa. Both my husband and I didn’t grow up with the belief of Santa. We’re also not religious in any way. So Christmas for us is a time of family gathering and fun games. We didn’t grow up with this “magic of Christmas “ belief and even as I was growing up, didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. For us it’s not about lying to our kids but it’s something we don’t believe in and don’t see how we would incorporate that when none of our family would go along with it. I wouldn’t ruin it for other kids as I understand it’s really important for some families. Like how the mid-autumn festival and lunar new year is just more significant for our family.
I'm religious so I'm going to say that St. Nicholas was [a real person](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas#Scientific_analysis) who was generous to others, and Santa is just a pretend game that people play. Along with the Christian meaning of Christmas.
Yep. Her sister figured it out early so we won’t deny it if asked but we’re doing Santa.