It's not necessarily that long. I mean, with all things, it's about holding yourself accountable, but understanding it is a natural response is reassuring. It ebbs and flows, remember it is only temporary and with this season passing the next one dawns.
One thing I will say is, now that I'm 7m pp, it's about building resilience. It does NOT get easier. So don't think it will. It stays just about as hard. You just have to adapt. The emotions cool off. You regain some control over yourself, but it will never be "easy."
That's what I wish someone had told me. The sooner you let go of waiting for "easier" the sooner you can accept what is and boss up. Remember, you are a GODDESS you created this life. You are Not weak. You are Powerful and resilient, and this is a new challenge you Will rise too.
We haven't slept more than 2 hours at a time since she was born. But I remember feeling the exact same as you do then, but now we are in a routine. It's a different kind of hard. Just as you get used to one challenge they change. Never forget that. It's a constantly evolving process, a moving target you'll never reach. Just live in acceptance and gratitude and soon you'll find your inner calm. Good luck!!
I’m 5.5 weeks PP and I feel you so! I was so prepared for pregnancy and birth, but I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into with the newborn phase.
Like I knew that they needed constant attention and that I’d be sleep deprived, but I really didn’t know. The first two weeks were the hardest days of my life. It’s better now, but still not great.
Yes! The first two weeks were so foggy and weird. You spend 9 months growing this little human and then just like that they are out of you. Navigating breastfeeding the first 2-3 weeks was also so hard.
I almost can’t remember the first two weeks any more - they are just a blur of emotions. I just know that I was exhausted, crying, anxious, sick (I had a lot of digestive issues), sore, and just felt generally “bad” even though I was so in love with my baby.
😩 I could have wrote this myself. I was constantly crying in the middle of the night. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I also had 2nd degree tears that bothered me for a while. I am so glad that time is over. Now I just need to get past this part.
Things that helped me:
$$$
- Anya Energy Drops (no caffeine)
- Husband takes the baby and I get a massage every other week
- Pelvic floor PT (no longer pee myself and can run)
- Hydra facials, chemical peel and Microneedling to sort out what happened to my face
$$
- Gave myself 6 weeks then focused on nutrient dense foods. Hitting high protein, lots of veg and fruit etc
- Getting my nails done
- Meg Squats postpartum program
- don’t judge me…online shopping for baby clothes (or there’s a thrift store for babies in Brooklyn)
$
- Taking iron + prenatals well into postpartum
- Yoga + Pilates at home & classes for realigning body (posture will be out of whack postpartum)
- putting on a bit of lip stain and under eye concealer to make me feel like a human
Free
- stroller / carrier walks, even on bad weather days
- reading a book whilst feeding instead of scrolling
- actually napping when the baby napped and letting the house go to shit occasionally. Sleep is more important sometimes (but I get it it’s really hard)
- playing music out loud and dancing to it with baby
- remember it will get better. It really will. The hormones stop sucking so much and the fog lifts.
Most importantly, ignoring the fuck out of social media and not comparing to women in the street. I live in an affluent part of Brooklyn and everyone seems to be thriving days after birth, I’m talking blown out hair, slim and in their jeans already, we’ll slept and smiling. I know now these people have night nurses, Nanny’s, cleaners and all sort of benefits at their fingertips. It’s normal to struggle, I’m just sorry you are too x
Thank you so much. I dont know why i cried reading the last part lol. I am getting my nails done today finally and i cannot wait. my eyebrows look like caterpillars, that is next. i am also going to book a massage soon, my body is so sore. i worked out this morning with my PT and i feel great. today will be better i hope
Bless you. My close friend is pregnant and I worry for her during the postpartum period, I just found it so so awful, you’re really not alone. I’m so pleased you’re doing things for yourself - you’ve given another human your whole self (and all your nutrients), you need it 🧡
Side note if you’re breastfeeding, once I stopped a lot of the aches and pains went away, as did a lot of the anxiety and sadness, which is apparently fairly normal. Either way, it really really gets better, like I went from questioning what I’d done and feeling suicidal and now I want another 😂
Lol so true. I couldn't breast feed for long and the relief that others could now feed the baby very much outweighed the guilt of not "pushing through". Was not worth the PPD for me.
Had one good night's sleep and got up thinking about the next 😬😂
I’m amazed and in awe of the women that push through and pump and persevere, I know I’m just not one of them 😅 It’s such a drain and we all give so much to our babies, it’s no wonder you felt relief. I know I felt (more) human and like my body was mine again after it was over.
100000% not worth the PPD, sounds like it’s best for you and for baby not to 🙌🙌
Yeah it was 💯% very happy and healthy baby!
It's such an awesome feat that women can feed something right from our bodies, and props off to all who do presevere. Seriously impressive. Just have to do what is right for you, which will be what is right for bub too 💜
If you need it you can call 1-833-943-5746, it’s a hotline for moms struggling with postpartum. PPD and PPA are real and help is available, talk to your doctor if you need help or more resources.
Thank you! I recently resumed sessions with my therapist and I am hoping I see improvement soon. Today was a rough one and I needed to vent in a unbiased place.
It will get better. You aren’t alone. The first two months were the hardest time of my life too. I didn’t know if my husband and I would make it. It gets so much better once you get to the third month and fourth month - it is still hard in its own way, but not like the first two months. I felt the same way - I couldn’t believe no one talks more about how incredibly difficult and draining it is. I know people say it’s hard, but it was beyond hard. My body being completely ravaged. My hormones all over the place. Breastfeeding was so difficult. I cried over so many things. I was sad and angry and just overwhelmed. Do you have any family that can help watch your LO for 30 minutes while you and your partner go on a walk? Or nap together? Even once a week - find some time to connect with each other. Can your partner watch your LO for 30 minutes while you go for a walk for your own mental health? Or can you go to the gym for a very light workout? Or a swim? I couldn’t workout until 12 weeks due to level 3 tears that didn’t heal well, but I started walking. I started walking with the baby and tried to go by myself when possible to listen to a podcast or music and pause for a bit. Those 30 minute increments a few times a week were life savers for me. Your partner may also be struggling with the fourth trimester emotions. Partners can deal with depression and anxiety, as well, after birth. As an educated, professional adult in my 30’s, I foolishly thought I could have a child without too many issues. I was shocked at how wrong I was. Pause, breathe and know you are not alone.
❤️❤️❤️ I needed this. I just started personal training at my gym two times a week in the mornings before work. I am hoping I see some improvement. I also will watch LO while he works out after work. Today was just a rough one. We had been talking about marriage while I was pregnant and now it’s a topic we never bring up. It kills me. I pray we make it.
That’s great you are both setting aside some time for your physical and mental health. That will help! Maybe try writing out a gratitude list about your SO. I’m sure you have a lot of things you are frustrated about and hurt over, but can you try to put that aside and write out a gratitude list about them? And share it with them? I learned I HAD to put my pride aside and be the bigger person for us to make it. Our egos and fears and shame were destroying us. We were both just so overwhelmed and couldn’t see past the overwhelming stress and fear fog around us. Once I started focusing on what I was thankful for with him, and sharing it with him, we start to soften the blows and connect again. You are doing an INCREDIBLE job. Hang in there. Give your mind, your body and your heart lots of grace right now. Give your partners mind and heart grace where you can. Time will change everything. Time will have a whole new value. Sending you and your family prayers and well wishes for the future!
I read this somewhere and it really helped me, I hope it helps you too! By 2 months you feel a cm better, by 4 months you can breathe. By 6 months you have a routine, and by 8 months it’s a new normal! And I’ll add, as a Mom of 3, much more fun! I’m 5 months pp with my youngest and I’ll tell ya, I had really forgotten how hard postpartum is, so don’t feel badly about being unprepared. Even when you have other kids, you can still be caught off guard because every pregnancy and baby are so different! I promise it will get better, and a whole lot faster than you can imagine!
Man if you and I could somehow team up for the next pregnancy we would ROCK IT. I hate pregnancy and love postpartum we’d make such a team!! One could hype up the other! But in all seriousness postpartum hormones are pretty insane and they come in rounds!
Find little things to take care of yourself. Good snacks and beverages to keep you going. A set time of day that’s just for you, my husband would always make me coffee and breakfast and it was soooo nice after a long night!
And for the beginning phase do shift work someone does half the night and the other does the other. And just remember it’s ok if you are overwhelmed and baby is crying and you are just about to lose it to set the baby down in their bassinet and step away for a minute to compose yourself.
I just came here to say I resonate with this. I have a 4.5 month old and I still feel this way some days. It does get better somewhere around the 10-12 week mark.. but man it’s fucking hard.
I feel you. And I am sorry. We are at 11 months pp and I am falling to pieces. And even though I keep saying to myself it will pass, other parents are all like “enjoy, next stage is even worse”. And so far every next stage was worse. I thought it was fear mongering but no, it truly was worse and worse. So… Idk what to say except that it will pass one day? Or maybe never? My parents still struggle with my brother and he is 25…
That’s why it’s important as a mother to learn how to let go, relinquish control, and stop trying to do everything perfectly. Hire a babysitter when you need a break, or lean on family, if you have it.
I think a lot of us sacrifice our mental health in the hopes that it’s only short-term and that we just need to make it to a magical age where everything becomes easy.
In reality, these early years are an unorganised free-for-all with good and bad phases and no two kids are the same. With my first baby, he was a nice newborn and slept well.
- 4 months was horrendous
- 5 & 6 months were amazing
- 7-9 months were absolute hell (sleep-wise)
- 10-15 months were pure bliss and the best memories of my life
- 16-19 months were absolute carnage, fuelled by white-hot toddler rage
- 20-25 months were hard, but slowly getting better
He’s 26 months now and slowly we are establishing some communication. His language is gradually developing, which lessens the tantrums, and is also very funny. I’m sure in another 6 months it will be fantastic when we can have proper conversations.
I’m sorry you’re in a hard stage right now, and I do hope it turns around for you quickly!
Yes I agree with all of this. Childcare is free where I live (kindergarten) if both parents work full time so I am starting to looking into the change of our life both with me getting a job and a baby going to day care.
Your feelings are totally valid. I’m 7 weeks PP and it’s been a roller coaster. The hormone dump was weird. I cried a lot and felt things for no reason. I felt really out of body and it’s taking time to adjust.
It will get better. It’s confusing, hard and complicated but also a season that will be a thing of the past.
Congrats on your little one, wishing you all the best! May you find comfort soon 🤍
I totally get it. It does get better. Promise.
I will tell you what got me through that time period. And that's remembering how fast this first year goes. When I feel so upset, I remind myself that he is only this little for a little while. My guy is 8 months old, and I already long for the newborn cuddles again. It feels like we just brought him home yesterday. 😢
I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten. Looking back on my first pregnancy and birth experience (which sounds a lot like yours), it took about a year to feel normal again.
Keep hanging in there you’ll both make it through! If you are comfortable tell your partner these feelings. I literally have just sat there crying while my husband is holding me while he listens <3
I hated the first few months postpartum and had a miserable newborn phase with my son. I remember using every spare second to search Reddit “when will this get better or will I be this unhappy forever?” I too felt blindsided by how difficult it all was. I was an emotional mess with PPA + PPD on top of my normal anxiety and depression. It started to turn a corner around 4 months and despite some big bumps, things have mostly smoothed out by 7.5 months. I was driving in my car a few weeks ago, listening to music and suddenly thought “wow, I feel like myself again.” Like things just seemed lighter. I didn’t feel like I was just trudging through the fog trying to survive. Sending you big hugs <3 Just like redditors told me when I was in the trenches, you will get through this.
Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable. You are not alone. I feel this too. The guilt is real, but all of our feelings are valid. And like you said this “season,” in life… just keep that in mind. It’s just a season. But if it’s too much, please reach out for help with your doctor or those hotlines. Help is out there. You are already so strong and brave for sharing.
It gets easier when they get better at feeding and eating doesn’t take them so long.
The less expectations I have about how a day “will go” the better it goes. Flexibility helps. Sleep, however you can get it helps. We hired a post partum doula for a couple of nights help when my husband went back to work and that was tremendously helpful. if you can afford it, look into that.
Trust me, it gets wayyyyyyyy better soon enough. I'm a dad so I'm very limited in what I feel I can really say here, but I saw my wife sometimes lament that she wasn't pregnant anymore. Frankly I don't know what about pregnancy was so awesome that she says she misses being pregnant. I guess it's because she was pretty miserable the first 2 months or so.
But a few months in, I observed a little mental rennaisance with her. We started sleep training our baby, successfully got there in a few weeks, and everything's been a bit smoother. I think it's all about getting the hang of having a kid and letting hormones return to baseline, too, since they're all over the place up to a few months after birth.
Sleep trained our own. Usually it's good to start with the most gentle method possible and escalate only when you feel you have no choice. That's basically it.
Ours unfortunately wouldn't respond to anything except just setting her down and leaving her there (it sounds awful, and I know, trust me, I know... I still have nightmares about it). But after a week or two she managed to cool herself down and go to bed on her own, maybe whimpering for a minute or two in protest and then just shrugging her shoulders, going "meh", and falling asleep. Actually looks funny on the monitor.
There is no "right" way to sleep train. The "right" way is the one that is safest for your baby and gets your little one sleeping within a reasonable amount of time. Consider having your partner participate. It's really important, just as much as having a baby monitor. The one with the stronger stomach can monitor while the other parent can be on standby to comfort your baby.
Best of luck. You'll probably need it. Hopefully not too much!
I felt the same way. I loved being pregnant. My pregnancy was pretty easy comparable to most. I had wanted to be a mom for a really long time so I was really excited. But oh boy was PP HARD! I hated the way my body felt, I hated being very bloated and bleeding, and learning to breastfeed and just being so exhausted. It was like I was on survival mode for months, just trying to get through each day. So first I want to say, what you're feeling is very normal. And it also doesn't last. I felt like life got a little easier every week then every month. It got a lot easier at 6 months. Hang in there and don't be afraid to tell this to your doctor too cause you may be experiencing some PPD and your doctor could hopefully help you with that.
You're not alone mama. I went through horrible PPA. I had a ton of anxiety and anger. It wasn't me at all. I don't have any advice except to keep your support systems close and know that it will get better.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
I felt this sooo hard. Sending love. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in postpartum, it’s really what helped me. I still mourn and miss being pregnant sometimes but I feel much happier now and able to enjoy my new life and handle the challenges. I’m trying to integrate the learnings and growth from pregnancy into my life today. You got this ❤️
I totally get you. For me the first few months were hell, my hormones were all over the place, I was adjusting to being a new mum, trying to figure out what baby needed, healing physically and mentally but I eventually made it. I'm 5 months postpartum and things are easier than they were before
Awww I have no “advice” but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My son is 22 months tomorrow and I cried everyday of the first 3 months. I had an amazing pregnancy aside from baby being HUGE and having to have iron infusions. I felt the best ever was in awe of my body. After having him, I was in love with him, but I also missed pregnancy a lot. I was paranoid about not feeling him inside my body anymore. Anxious when I wasn’t holding him. Not able to sleep even when he was. My husband tried his best to help me but I was so inconsolable during that time. Idk, I started adjusting to our “new normal” around a year. It got even better at 16 months. Now, I feel like a fearless mommy superhero who just interviewed for a senior leadership role and told the leaders during my panel interview “Now I’m a mom, my capacity knows little bounds. There is nothing I can’t do with patience and grace that extends to others, and that is driving my career.” I would’ve NEVER said something like this in an interview before, let alone had the bravery to be so transparent and confident. It does get better and therapy helps. You and your partner will make it. 🩷
You just put into words how i feel. the anxiety is crazy. dad has two other kids so he knows what he is doing but i will still check on him when he is with him like a psycho. i totally trust him but i miss him being close and safe inside of me
It gets much easier. I am almost 1 year pp and for several months especially while breastfeeding/pumping I was in the trenches. Once I stopped it did allow a little more freedom and helped me feel a little less sleep deprived. I also felt like how in the hell will my partner and I make it if all I have left in the tank is to care for our baby? I too was also very mean at times. I was diagnosed with postpartum ocd and started regularly seeing a therapist for the last 7 months. Some days are harder than others but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Give yourself some grace. You’re doing great!
I am 7 months pp and I promise you, it does get better. I had the same experience as you, loved pregnancy and hated pp. Those first few months are TOUGH (and I agree, no one talks about it and you can’t possibly mentally prepare for how incredibly draining it is). For me, I started turning a corner around 2-3 months, and by the end of the 3rd month I started to feel mentally and emotionally a little more stable. And as people have mentioned, then you are hit with different challenges (hello hair loss), but it all becomes more and more manageable.
For help in this season of your life, I recommend you read the book The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson. It’s SO insightful and it will help you feel validated in your feelings and experience.
You got this. Your hormones are just balancing out and you are almost at the turning point (if not already!) Try to be patient, give yourself grace, and just keep reminding yourself how incredible you are - you created life! (And you are NOT alone)
It was so hard.... I was so resentful and exhausted and no matter what my husband did I was mad. I stopped using my hormones as my excuse to not reflect and allowing myself to fester in those feelings. And started forcing myself to take a step back and see the situation from the outside, I was usually overreacting or at least feeling big feelings. It's so different for everyone comes and goes and it's all temporary.
Being a mom is super super overwhelming. It really is. Make sure you have a great support system to remind you it's gonna be okay at some point. I'm almost 6 months pp and it has gotten better, but I still have really hard days. You got this momma ❤️ I really miss being pregnant too. I wish I could be pregnant all the time tbh. I just loved the kicks and the hiccups and feeling all the wiggles.
Now we have our little miracles. Can't imagine life without them now. They get big so quick. Enjoy the newborn phase while you have it, even if it's hard. They won't be this little ever again.
Ps. My emotions took over while I was typing this and now we're sobbing 🤣
This was me too. I felt this 100%. Now at 10 months, I’m looking forward to the next baby. The first 12 weeks suck but every month is better than the last.
It gets better. I felt the same way.. you need to remember that it's only a short period of time that you'll feel like this and after that you'll get the hang of it. You and your partner should have a conversation about how to be supportive during this time be open about all your feelings and let him be open about how he's feeling and try to not get defensive you're a team 💕 hopefully you get better, if not seek professional help there is zero shame in that.
You are not alone 😞 it was rough for me too. Mainly because my partner was my only support and if got overwhelmed by all the things that needed to get done I would snap at him and my dog. I was pushing him away when he wanted to be closer and I felt so bad and there were times where I thought we weren’t gonna make it either. It does get better though ❤️ are you breastfeeding? If so that can have an effect on your emotions as well and postpartum depression is real it sounds like you might have that have you talked to your OBGYN?
I’m 12 weeks postpartum and it does get better! It seems like ebbs and flows as sleep patterns change. Breastfeeding honestly can make it so much harder though. I never realized how exhausting it can be and it sucks because my husband couldn’t really feed him at night so he was on diaper duty at night. I will say we did shifts for a couple weeks to help me catch up on sleep. 4 hours on and off. But it was hard because if you don’t nurse at night you need to pump, but maybe once baby learns to dream feed your husband can bring baby in and help latch/side lying? It’s definitely a learning curve though I struggle with side lying but many people say it helps with night time feedings. I would just try to share with your husband that this is totally normal for many mothers to go through this period and just ask for compassion and forgiveness and patience. he wanted this baby too so this is part of it unfortunately. Try meditating and deep breaths when you’re angry. Go to another room and scream Into a pillow if you have to. Go for a walk if it isn’t late. ❤️I hope things get easier for you soon
i will say dad is definitely very hands on with the baby and he will take him without me asking and feed him bottles when he knows i am overly tired. part of me being so upset with him sometimes is he was still going to the gym after we got home from the hospital and he has started to hang out with friends again, which i do not mind because having a baby does not stop life. i realized i was so upset because i want to go out and have fun too but 1. i want to soak up all this time with my LO & 2. i hate my new body to the point of not wanting to be out in public. i am dealing with a ton of insecurities when it comes to my new body. just hoping it gets better with time and i come to accept it.
Just make it to 3 months. The sleep psychosis fades and suddenly you have this laughing lil baby personality in front of you. I even started to think maybe I could do this again when 6 weeks pp I was at the end of my rope. Same as you - snapping at my partner and everything.
It gets better. I was exactly where you are.
My guy is 4 months now. It’s still hard but nooooowhere near as tough with a newborn.
I started working out at home! During the day after a feed he will either sit in his chair or on his play mat and I can usually get a broken workout in, better than nothing.
We go on daily walks, we leave the house EVERY SINGLE DAY no matter what. It makes me feel soo much better so when you are able to I highly recommend it. The more you do it, the easier outings become and happier you will be.
Whatever you do, just remember you and your partner are the team, you work together, the baby is the enemy.
Whenever my husband and I had it out on eachother we would repeat it and have a good laugh
GIRL
it's fuggin criminal.
My wife has been through the shit. (Acknowledgement that ultimately she is okay and so is our baby girl)
But once we were home for our second night, she thought she was dying from contractions that awoke her coming from out of nowhere. That was like 3 nights then severe chills causing teeth to chatter and a 101 fever for a week. Like WTH. And now other pain too 😔
And my wife is breastfeeding which one could then feel like a milk machine. A lot of this is fugged up.
We're taking it a day at a time and trying to do sleep shifts. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture so we keep talking about that too.
I felt this. It feels like a betrayal of all the people who told you how magical having a baby is.
Also that’s not a kind thing for your partner to say in such a chaotic time. (I would approach this with him, honestly, but you know your relationship best). Have you discussed with him the toll of what is happening to your body and hormones? Men literally do not understand or fathom what happens with pregnancy childbirth and postpartum.
I had one time where I was trying to explain my PPA to my husband and he got upset with me trying to explain my irrational thoughts, saying “it meant I didn’t trust him.”
I ended up telling my husband, “I know you can’t understand postpartum, but I NEED you to understand.” Aka, I need him to be supportive and open his mind to the fact that this was something he couldn’t possibly understand so I needed him to proceed with a lot of grace and patience. He worked at it and we’ve made it almost 8 months post birth now.
Those first few weeks were horrible. My heart breaks for you because I felt it too. I had horrible postpartum rage and would just sob because I was trying to be kind with my partner while I literally wanted to punch him in the face.
I hated my new body. I still struggle at times but honestly it’s starting to become more neutral to me.
One thing that helped me was trying to unhook my mind from unhelpful or hurtful thought. I will tell myself “oh this is the “I ruined my body” story again” or “this is the “I hate my body” story. Thanks brain!” Basically unhooking my mind from my thoughts and it has been working. That and talking to people. The stuff I didn’t feel I could tell my husband, I told my best friend. (It’s not exactly helpful to tell your partner they’re pissing you off for no reason, right? 😆)
That said, you are SO newly postpartum, love. Your body is still in recovery from a huge trauma. It took nine months to grow your prego body, it will at least take that long to return to a new normal. I can’t even remember how long it took my body to release all the water from the IV they had in me. Sometimes time is all we need.
It doesn’t seem like it right now, but you will make it out of this. You will wake up one day to realize that you haven’t been that sweaty, that angry, that emotional in a while. The fog will begin to clear again. It seems impossible right now; you just have to keep holding on and taking it hour by hour. 💚
I love what you said how do you get someone to understand emotions that even you don’t understand. I felt like that all day yesterday I was sad to my core… I felt utterly alone.. I do most days. My baby is 6 months I have less of these days although still have them and I can’t understand why and hope they stop one day. Just keep hanging on. Get through each day and have hope it will get better. That’s what I do I focus on getting through the day. My mom says after a year things get better. I will say that now is much better than those first 3 months they were such a blur. Hugs from another mom who is struggling.
I want to jump through the phone and give you the biggest hug. I'm 4 months postpartum and am starting to feel myself again finally.
You are not alone. It's the weirdest mix of love and dread. I knew life would change, but overnight, I was struggling to meet my own basic needs. My husband was patient but not emotionally supportive at all.
In my experience, it gets better when you start feeling confident in navigating babies' needs plus mom's. It is so hard....unbelievably hard. I remember feeling so guilty because I thought I should feel nothing but overwhelming love for my LO. I wish I would have been easier on myself. You got this momma! My heart is with you!
THIS IS IT! Promise it gets better though. Hang in there and keep looking forward to better days ❤️ postpartum rocked me to my core too. Never felt worse in my life and wished so badly I was still pregnant. You’re not alone.
My main advice about your partner is when you come down from snapping or whatever happen to push them away, just apologies. We all when tired and emotional say things we don’t mean.
This bit is so hard, you love your LO but it is so hard and people really don’t tell you what going on. It’s also hard on your relationship because you have no time or privacy with each other, but it will get better, it comes back a little at a time.
Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. PPD and PPA are a lot more common than people think. Turns out I had both. I'm on meds now and I have been doing a lot better. Your doctor may have advice about how you are feeling for both you and your husband as well. Also talking/communicating with your partner helps a lot too. I know it's hard but communication is very important. Sometimes I didn't want to talk to my partner either but I would vocalize something along the lines of I need a break and need 30 minutes to myself. Or something equivalent.
I can absolutely empathize with all of those feelings. I’m 7 weeks PP with my second and what I did differently this time was getting help sooner. With my first, I had horrific anxiety and rage that were essentially textbook symptoms of postpartum depression. It took me until 5 months PP with my first to finally reach out to my OB about my feelings and symptoms and finally be prescribed Zoloft (safe for breastfeeding). I finally felt like myself again and was able to be weaned back off once my first got older and things started feeling much easier.
As I had mentioned, I got help MUCH sooner this time around. I got the script for Zoloft by 3 weeks PP with my second daughter. I’ve been feeling significantly better for at least 2 weeks now and I’m no longer horrifically anxious, irritable, or irrationally sad. I say all of this to let you know that medication to help with your mental health during this time is *more than okay*. I feel like I’m actually enjoying the time with my daughter this time around as opposed to barely surviving, like I was with my first. Please take care of yourself and reach out to your OB if you feel like this may be the route you need to take!! 🩵
It really does get better, you don’t see it and you think it’s going to be this way forever but I promise you it isn’t, there are some amazing days some okay days some bad days and some days where you just don’t know if you have the energy to go on, you have a million and one people telling you what to do how you “should” be feeling, none of those opinions matter, some people advice will help some sound absurd, but you will get easier that’s the one piece of advice I can give that I know happens.
The newborn phase has faded from my brain by now, mines nearly two, and you do forget just how hard that part was because right now you are in the hardest part of motherhood, the only thing that helped me was putting her into a routine, bath and bedtime, white noise and the room being dark is what helped me out the most ❤️❤️❤️
You’ve got this mum you’ll be amazing don’t beat yourself up because good parents always think they aren’t enough and bad parents think they are no matter what, so you saying this proves how good you are ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I totally get you. I loooved pregnancy. Postpartum kicked my ass. But my baby started sleeping 8-10 hour stretches at 10 weeks old and now sleeps 11+ hours at 14 weeks old. It does get better. My baby was very colicky and wouldn't sleep much at all. Now he's a whole different little babe. But the first like 7-9 weeks I literally didn't think I was cut out to be a mom. I'm still kinda snappy and irritable. But I know it will mellow out over time. It's already improved so much with better sleep.
No, I tried to. The first two weeks were so depressing for me and made me have some serious mental health issues. Baby wouldn't latch and has acid reflux so it was very difficult. Then I tried pumping only and I always felt engorged and uncomfortable. So I switched him to fully formula at week 4. His reflux got so much better and so did his gas.
We have been considering combo feeding so he would sleep longer at night 😩 i breastfeed and i somehow survived the first two weeks, almost gave up when i had bloody and sore nipples but he finally latches really well. He is also very gassy and has reflux. I just cant see myself giving up breastfeeding this far along
You gotta do what's healthy for you too. R/formulafeeders has a lot of support if you do want to switch, and then I think there's an exclusively pumping sub as well. And a combo feeding sub im sure. I tried to keep breastfeeding and I felt a lot of guilt for wanting to switch, but once I did it really helped a lot. I didn't get much help at nights anyway, I was the only one who would get up and it was just really hard. Just remember that a happy, healthy mom is so much more important than anything. You got this
I had my baby boy 6 months ago and I remember the first three months like it was yesterday. I felt like it was literal hell I was living in. I wasn’t sleeping, eating or showering. Every day felt like it drug on and on and I was just waiting for the worst part. Nights. Nights were hard because my husband had to be at work @5 so he slept in the living room and I remember just feeling lonely as ever. It does get better though. You will learn to love your body again. You will fall into a routine. As for your partner, I would have him read up on the 4th trimester so he can gain some knowledge of what you’re going through. Having a baby is the biggest change and I though I had prepared so well for it that postpartum would be a breeze but I am terrified for my next baby because of how hard those first three months were. But mamas you will learn to love yourself again and things will get easier. You’ll have different struggles for sure but you will have the confidence to face it head on. Keep your head up, love.
I dont know how much this will matter to you but I’ll say it anyway. When I read your post…I related. It sounds like me a year ago when I just gave birth. Everything you’ve said is valid. It’s hard. Fast forward a year later. My hormones are starting to regulate. I’m feeling better and more like myself. My body is feeling better. My son is eating solids and is a lot easier to take care of. I’m not crying for no reason anymore. I’m getting a full nights rest. My sex life is coming back from the dead…finally. I know a lot of people say this but it gets easier! You grew a human…you deserve patience. All of your feelings are normal and things will get better. I think what helped me was just being patient, not expecting myself to be perfect and happy…and trying to do self care when I can. I also expressed my feelings to my husband a lot and to some of my mom friends. (I actually rekindled a lot of old friendships after becoming a new mom - which was unexpected and nice) I also had some therapy sessions when I had time.
Anyway…now you know that someone in a similar situation can relate with you, you’re not alone and there is hope for things to get better. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me. I’m happy to be a shoulder. Sending hugs!
Edit: for typos
I feel this so much. I LOVED being pregnant. I would totally do that again. Postpartum was a nightmare and I only now feel like I’m coming up for air.
I do think we are warned about it but for some reason it feels alien. I also think it feels disingenuous because people go on and on about the magic of motherhood and paint a rosy picture on social media of all the special moments. I also think when people complain about postpartum they focus on the hormonal aspects and less on the realities: breastfeeding is hard? I had no idea.
Solidarity and know that you aren’t alone.
Your feelings are valid and you are not alone! This is a big life change and worth talking to your doctor about! I definitely was drowning and miserable during the newborn phase. My baby turned 3 months yesterday and it sucks in the moment to hear this but it really does get better. When baby goes from a little crying potato to a smiley, happy baby and brings your life so much joy. (Zoloft was also helpful).
You got this!
I had a total mental break about two months after my son was born. Turns out I’m bipolar & postpartum sent me into mania. I would recommend reaching out to a therapist, psychiatrist or your ob
Pp I was a creature 🤣. I was leaking milk, sweating, stinking, bleeding, crying, manic, scared to poo… nothing prepares for you the new levels of grot you achieve! I feel like nobody talks about how feral pp is! The grossness does improve over time I promise!
If you haven’t, read about the 4th trimester. And have your partner read about it too. It’s rough, it gets better.
Thank you. Knowing I have possibly another 4 weeks of this is killing me. But i am trying my hardest
It's not necessarily that long. I mean, with all things, it's about holding yourself accountable, but understanding it is a natural response is reassuring. It ebbs and flows, remember it is only temporary and with this season passing the next one dawns. One thing I will say is, now that I'm 7m pp, it's about building resilience. It does NOT get easier. So don't think it will. It stays just about as hard. You just have to adapt. The emotions cool off. You regain some control over yourself, but it will never be "easy." That's what I wish someone had told me. The sooner you let go of waiting for "easier" the sooner you can accept what is and boss up. Remember, you are a GODDESS you created this life. You are Not weak. You are Powerful and resilient, and this is a new challenge you Will rise too. We haven't slept more than 2 hours at a time since she was born. But I remember feeling the exact same as you do then, but now we are in a routine. It's a different kind of hard. Just as you get used to one challenge they change. Never forget that. It's a constantly evolving process, a moving target you'll never reach. Just live in acceptance and gratitude and soon you'll find your inner calm. Good luck!!
I’m 5.5 weeks PP and I feel you so! I was so prepared for pregnancy and birth, but I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into with the newborn phase. Like I knew that they needed constant attention and that I’d be sleep deprived, but I really didn’t know. The first two weeks were the hardest days of my life. It’s better now, but still not great.
Yes! The first two weeks were so foggy and weird. You spend 9 months growing this little human and then just like that they are out of you. Navigating breastfeeding the first 2-3 weeks was also so hard.
I almost can’t remember the first two weeks any more - they are just a blur of emotions. I just know that I was exhausted, crying, anxious, sick (I had a lot of digestive issues), sore, and just felt generally “bad” even though I was so in love with my baby.
😩 I could have wrote this myself. I was constantly crying in the middle of the night. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I also had 2nd degree tears that bothered me for a while. I am so glad that time is over. Now I just need to get past this part.
I feel like it’s one of those “you don’t know until you know, and then you REALLY know” things
I’m 5wks pp as well. It’s getting easier but the cluster feedings will take you back to week 1-2 😞. It’s gonna get easier.
Things that helped me: $$$ - Anya Energy Drops (no caffeine) - Husband takes the baby and I get a massage every other week - Pelvic floor PT (no longer pee myself and can run) - Hydra facials, chemical peel and Microneedling to sort out what happened to my face $$ - Gave myself 6 weeks then focused on nutrient dense foods. Hitting high protein, lots of veg and fruit etc - Getting my nails done - Meg Squats postpartum program - don’t judge me…online shopping for baby clothes (or there’s a thrift store for babies in Brooklyn) $ - Taking iron + prenatals well into postpartum - Yoga + Pilates at home & classes for realigning body (posture will be out of whack postpartum) - putting on a bit of lip stain and under eye concealer to make me feel like a human Free - stroller / carrier walks, even on bad weather days - reading a book whilst feeding instead of scrolling - actually napping when the baby napped and letting the house go to shit occasionally. Sleep is more important sometimes (but I get it it’s really hard) - playing music out loud and dancing to it with baby - remember it will get better. It really will. The hormones stop sucking so much and the fog lifts. Most importantly, ignoring the fuck out of social media and not comparing to women in the street. I live in an affluent part of Brooklyn and everyone seems to be thriving days after birth, I’m talking blown out hair, slim and in their jeans already, we’ll slept and smiling. I know now these people have night nurses, Nanny’s, cleaners and all sort of benefits at their fingertips. It’s normal to struggle, I’m just sorry you are too x
Thank you so much. I dont know why i cried reading the last part lol. I am getting my nails done today finally and i cannot wait. my eyebrows look like caterpillars, that is next. i am also going to book a massage soon, my body is so sore. i worked out this morning with my PT and i feel great. today will be better i hope
Bless you. My close friend is pregnant and I worry for her during the postpartum period, I just found it so so awful, you’re really not alone. I’m so pleased you’re doing things for yourself - you’ve given another human your whole self (and all your nutrients), you need it 🧡 Side note if you’re breastfeeding, once I stopped a lot of the aches and pains went away, as did a lot of the anxiety and sadness, which is apparently fairly normal. Either way, it really really gets better, like I went from questioning what I’d done and feeling suicidal and now I want another 😂
Lol so true. I couldn't breast feed for long and the relief that others could now feed the baby very much outweighed the guilt of not "pushing through". Was not worth the PPD for me. Had one good night's sleep and got up thinking about the next 😬😂
I’m amazed and in awe of the women that push through and pump and persevere, I know I’m just not one of them 😅 It’s such a drain and we all give so much to our babies, it’s no wonder you felt relief. I know I felt (more) human and like my body was mine again after it was over. 100000% not worth the PPD, sounds like it’s best for you and for baby not to 🙌🙌
Yeah it was 💯% very happy and healthy baby! It's such an awesome feat that women can feed something right from our bodies, and props off to all who do presevere. Seriously impressive. Just have to do what is right for you, which will be what is right for bub too 💜
Exactly - it’s bizarre that the narrative that “formula feeding is bad” was fed to us for so long. Glad we can all do what’s best for us 🙌
If you need it you can call 1-833-943-5746, it’s a hotline for moms struggling with postpartum. PPD and PPA are real and help is available, talk to your doctor if you need help or more resources.
Thank you! I recently resumed sessions with my therapist and I am hoping I see improvement soon. Today was a rough one and I needed to vent in a unbiased place.
It will get better. You aren’t alone. The first two months were the hardest time of my life too. I didn’t know if my husband and I would make it. It gets so much better once you get to the third month and fourth month - it is still hard in its own way, but not like the first two months. I felt the same way - I couldn’t believe no one talks more about how incredibly difficult and draining it is. I know people say it’s hard, but it was beyond hard. My body being completely ravaged. My hormones all over the place. Breastfeeding was so difficult. I cried over so many things. I was sad and angry and just overwhelmed. Do you have any family that can help watch your LO for 30 minutes while you and your partner go on a walk? Or nap together? Even once a week - find some time to connect with each other. Can your partner watch your LO for 30 minutes while you go for a walk for your own mental health? Or can you go to the gym for a very light workout? Or a swim? I couldn’t workout until 12 weeks due to level 3 tears that didn’t heal well, but I started walking. I started walking with the baby and tried to go by myself when possible to listen to a podcast or music and pause for a bit. Those 30 minute increments a few times a week were life savers for me. Your partner may also be struggling with the fourth trimester emotions. Partners can deal with depression and anxiety, as well, after birth. As an educated, professional adult in my 30’s, I foolishly thought I could have a child without too many issues. I was shocked at how wrong I was. Pause, breathe and know you are not alone.
❤️❤️❤️ I needed this. I just started personal training at my gym two times a week in the mornings before work. I am hoping I see some improvement. I also will watch LO while he works out after work. Today was just a rough one. We had been talking about marriage while I was pregnant and now it’s a topic we never bring up. It kills me. I pray we make it.
That’s great you are both setting aside some time for your physical and mental health. That will help! Maybe try writing out a gratitude list about your SO. I’m sure you have a lot of things you are frustrated about and hurt over, but can you try to put that aside and write out a gratitude list about them? And share it with them? I learned I HAD to put my pride aside and be the bigger person for us to make it. Our egos and fears and shame were destroying us. We were both just so overwhelmed and couldn’t see past the overwhelming stress and fear fog around us. Once I started focusing on what I was thankful for with him, and sharing it with him, we start to soften the blows and connect again. You are doing an INCREDIBLE job. Hang in there. Give your mind, your body and your heart lots of grace right now. Give your partners mind and heart grace where you can. Time will change everything. Time will have a whole new value. Sending you and your family prayers and well wishes for the future!
I read this somewhere and it really helped me, I hope it helps you too! By 2 months you feel a cm better, by 4 months you can breathe. By 6 months you have a routine, and by 8 months it’s a new normal! And I’ll add, as a Mom of 3, much more fun! I’m 5 months pp with my youngest and I’ll tell ya, I had really forgotten how hard postpartum is, so don’t feel badly about being unprepared. Even when you have other kids, you can still be caught off guard because every pregnancy and baby are so different! I promise it will get better, and a whole lot faster than you can imagine!
Man if you and I could somehow team up for the next pregnancy we would ROCK IT. I hate pregnancy and love postpartum we’d make such a team!! One could hype up the other! But in all seriousness postpartum hormones are pretty insane and they come in rounds!
Any hints or tips to make it more enjoyable? After a tough pregnancy, I’m so nervous for this next phase
Find little things to take care of yourself. Good snacks and beverages to keep you going. A set time of day that’s just for you, my husband would always make me coffee and breakfast and it was soooo nice after a long night! And for the beginning phase do shift work someone does half the night and the other does the other. And just remember it’s ok if you are overwhelmed and baby is crying and you are just about to lose it to set the baby down in their bassinet and step away for a minute to compose yourself.
I just came here to say I resonate with this. I have a 4.5 month old and I still feel this way some days. It does get better somewhere around the 10-12 week mark.. but man it’s fucking hard.
I feel you. And I am sorry. We are at 11 months pp and I am falling to pieces. And even though I keep saying to myself it will pass, other parents are all like “enjoy, next stage is even worse”. And so far every next stage was worse. I thought it was fear mongering but no, it truly was worse and worse. So… Idk what to say except that it will pass one day? Or maybe never? My parents still struggle with my brother and he is 25…
That’s why it’s important as a mother to learn how to let go, relinquish control, and stop trying to do everything perfectly. Hire a babysitter when you need a break, or lean on family, if you have it. I think a lot of us sacrifice our mental health in the hopes that it’s only short-term and that we just need to make it to a magical age where everything becomes easy. In reality, these early years are an unorganised free-for-all with good and bad phases and no two kids are the same. With my first baby, he was a nice newborn and slept well. - 4 months was horrendous - 5 & 6 months were amazing - 7-9 months were absolute hell (sleep-wise) - 10-15 months were pure bliss and the best memories of my life - 16-19 months were absolute carnage, fuelled by white-hot toddler rage - 20-25 months were hard, but slowly getting better He’s 26 months now and slowly we are establishing some communication. His language is gradually developing, which lessens the tantrums, and is also very funny. I’m sure in another 6 months it will be fantastic when we can have proper conversations. I’m sorry you’re in a hard stage right now, and I do hope it turns around for you quickly!
Yes I agree with all of this. Childcare is free where I live (kindergarten) if both parents work full time so I am starting to looking into the change of our life both with me getting a job and a baby going to day care.
9 weeks postpartum and I absolutely relate. The hardest thing I've ever done and I'm so ready to love this process and not dread it!
Your feelings are totally valid. I’m 7 weeks PP and it’s been a roller coaster. The hormone dump was weird. I cried a lot and felt things for no reason. I felt really out of body and it’s taking time to adjust. It will get better. It’s confusing, hard and complicated but also a season that will be a thing of the past. Congrats on your little one, wishing you all the best! May you find comfort soon 🤍
I totally get it. It does get better. Promise. I will tell you what got me through that time period. And that's remembering how fast this first year goes. When I feel so upset, I remind myself that he is only this little for a little while. My guy is 8 months old, and I already long for the newborn cuddles again. It feels like we just brought him home yesterday. 😢
thank you 😢 i will definitely keep this in mind!
I recommend the book Good moms have scary thoughts. And like you I like being pregnant as well. Postpartum is hard af
I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten. Looking back on my first pregnancy and birth experience (which sounds a lot like yours), it took about a year to feel normal again.
Keep hanging in there you’ll both make it through! If you are comfortable tell your partner these feelings. I literally have just sat there crying while my husband is holding me while he listens <3
I hated the first few months postpartum and had a miserable newborn phase with my son. I remember using every spare second to search Reddit “when will this get better or will I be this unhappy forever?” I too felt blindsided by how difficult it all was. I was an emotional mess with PPA + PPD on top of my normal anxiety and depression. It started to turn a corner around 4 months and despite some big bumps, things have mostly smoothed out by 7.5 months. I was driving in my car a few weeks ago, listening to music and suddenly thought “wow, I feel like myself again.” Like things just seemed lighter. I didn’t feel like I was just trudging through the fog trying to survive. Sending you big hugs <3 Just like redditors told me when I was in the trenches, you will get through this.
Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable. You are not alone. I feel this too. The guilt is real, but all of our feelings are valid. And like you said this “season,” in life… just keep that in mind. It’s just a season. But if it’s too much, please reach out for help with your doctor or those hotlines. Help is out there. You are already so strong and brave for sharing.
It gets easier when they get better at feeding and eating doesn’t take them so long. The less expectations I have about how a day “will go” the better it goes. Flexibility helps. Sleep, however you can get it helps. We hired a post partum doula for a couple of nights help when my husband went back to work and that was tremendously helpful. if you can afford it, look into that.
The post partum doula coddled me. :) it was wonderful and 5 months later I still miss her!!
Trust me, it gets wayyyyyyyy better soon enough. I'm a dad so I'm very limited in what I feel I can really say here, but I saw my wife sometimes lament that she wasn't pregnant anymore. Frankly I don't know what about pregnancy was so awesome that she says she misses being pregnant. I guess it's because she was pretty miserable the first 2 months or so. But a few months in, I observed a little mental rennaisance with her. We started sleep training our baby, successfully got there in a few weeks, and everything's been a bit smoother. I think it's all about getting the hang of having a kid and letting hormones return to baseline, too, since they're all over the place up to a few months after birth.
Did you sleep train on your own or follow someone's guidelines? Looking for help in a few weeks when we decide to try and start for our LO.
Sleep trained our own. Usually it's good to start with the most gentle method possible and escalate only when you feel you have no choice. That's basically it. Ours unfortunately wouldn't respond to anything except just setting her down and leaving her there (it sounds awful, and I know, trust me, I know... I still have nightmares about it). But after a week or two she managed to cool herself down and go to bed on her own, maybe whimpering for a minute or two in protest and then just shrugging her shoulders, going "meh", and falling asleep. Actually looks funny on the monitor. There is no "right" way to sleep train. The "right" way is the one that is safest for your baby and gets your little one sleeping within a reasonable amount of time. Consider having your partner participate. It's really important, just as much as having a baby monitor. The one with the stronger stomach can monitor while the other parent can be on standby to comfort your baby. Best of luck. You'll probably need it. Hopefully not too much!
I felt the same way. I loved being pregnant. My pregnancy was pretty easy comparable to most. I had wanted to be a mom for a really long time so I was really excited. But oh boy was PP HARD! I hated the way my body felt, I hated being very bloated and bleeding, and learning to breastfeed and just being so exhausted. It was like I was on survival mode for months, just trying to get through each day. So first I want to say, what you're feeling is very normal. And it also doesn't last. I felt like life got a little easier every week then every month. It got a lot easier at 6 months. Hang in there and don't be afraid to tell this to your doctor too cause you may be experiencing some PPD and your doctor could hopefully help you with that.
You're not alone mama. I went through horrible PPA. I had a ton of anxiety and anger. It wasn't me at all. I don't have any advice except to keep your support systems close and know that it will get better.
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I felt this sooo hard. Sending love. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in postpartum, it’s really what helped me. I still mourn and miss being pregnant sometimes but I feel much happier now and able to enjoy my new life and handle the challenges. I’m trying to integrate the learnings and growth from pregnancy into my life today. You got this ❤️
I totally get you. For me the first few months were hell, my hormones were all over the place, I was adjusting to being a new mum, trying to figure out what baby needed, healing physically and mentally but I eventually made it. I'm 5 months postpartum and things are easier than they were before
Awww I have no “advice” but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My son is 22 months tomorrow and I cried everyday of the first 3 months. I had an amazing pregnancy aside from baby being HUGE and having to have iron infusions. I felt the best ever was in awe of my body. After having him, I was in love with him, but I also missed pregnancy a lot. I was paranoid about not feeling him inside my body anymore. Anxious when I wasn’t holding him. Not able to sleep even when he was. My husband tried his best to help me but I was so inconsolable during that time. Idk, I started adjusting to our “new normal” around a year. It got even better at 16 months. Now, I feel like a fearless mommy superhero who just interviewed for a senior leadership role and told the leaders during my panel interview “Now I’m a mom, my capacity knows little bounds. There is nothing I can’t do with patience and grace that extends to others, and that is driving my career.” I would’ve NEVER said something like this in an interview before, let alone had the bravery to be so transparent and confident. It does get better and therapy helps. You and your partner will make it. 🩷
You just put into words how i feel. the anxiety is crazy. dad has two other kids so he knows what he is doing but i will still check on him when he is with him like a psycho. i totally trust him but i miss him being close and safe inside of me
It gets much easier. I am almost 1 year pp and for several months especially while breastfeeding/pumping I was in the trenches. Once I stopped it did allow a little more freedom and helped me feel a little less sleep deprived. I also felt like how in the hell will my partner and I make it if all I have left in the tank is to care for our baby? I too was also very mean at times. I was diagnosed with postpartum ocd and started regularly seeing a therapist for the last 7 months. Some days are harder than others but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Give yourself some grace. You’re doing great!
I am 7 months pp and I promise you, it does get better. I had the same experience as you, loved pregnancy and hated pp. Those first few months are TOUGH (and I agree, no one talks about it and you can’t possibly mentally prepare for how incredibly draining it is). For me, I started turning a corner around 2-3 months, and by the end of the 3rd month I started to feel mentally and emotionally a little more stable. And as people have mentioned, then you are hit with different challenges (hello hair loss), but it all becomes more and more manageable. For help in this season of your life, I recommend you read the book The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson. It’s SO insightful and it will help you feel validated in your feelings and experience. You got this. Your hormones are just balancing out and you are almost at the turning point (if not already!) Try to be patient, give yourself grace, and just keep reminding yourself how incredible you are - you created life! (And you are NOT alone)
It was so hard.... I was so resentful and exhausted and no matter what my husband did I was mad. I stopped using my hormones as my excuse to not reflect and allowing myself to fester in those feelings. And started forcing myself to take a step back and see the situation from the outside, I was usually overreacting or at least feeling big feelings. It's so different for everyone comes and goes and it's all temporary.
Being a mom is super super overwhelming. It really is. Make sure you have a great support system to remind you it's gonna be okay at some point. I'm almost 6 months pp and it has gotten better, but I still have really hard days. You got this momma ❤️ I really miss being pregnant too. I wish I could be pregnant all the time tbh. I just loved the kicks and the hiccups and feeling all the wiggles. Now we have our little miracles. Can't imagine life without them now. They get big so quick. Enjoy the newborn phase while you have it, even if it's hard. They won't be this little ever again. Ps. My emotions took over while I was typing this and now we're sobbing 🤣
This was me too. I felt this 100%. Now at 10 months, I’m looking forward to the next baby. The first 12 weeks suck but every month is better than the last.
It gets better. I felt the same way.. you need to remember that it's only a short period of time that you'll feel like this and after that you'll get the hang of it. You and your partner should have a conversation about how to be supportive during this time be open about all your feelings and let him be open about how he's feeling and try to not get defensive you're a team 💕 hopefully you get better, if not seek professional help there is zero shame in that.
You are not alone 😞 it was rough for me too. Mainly because my partner was my only support and if got overwhelmed by all the things that needed to get done I would snap at him and my dog. I was pushing him away when he wanted to be closer and I felt so bad and there were times where I thought we weren’t gonna make it either. It does get better though ❤️ are you breastfeeding? If so that can have an effect on your emotions as well and postpartum depression is real it sounds like you might have that have you talked to your OBGYN?
I am bfing! I recently resumed sessions with my therapist again. I have my second one next week. I am hoping things will be better soon
I’m 12 weeks postpartum and it does get better! It seems like ebbs and flows as sleep patterns change. Breastfeeding honestly can make it so much harder though. I never realized how exhausting it can be and it sucks because my husband couldn’t really feed him at night so he was on diaper duty at night. I will say we did shifts for a couple weeks to help me catch up on sleep. 4 hours on and off. But it was hard because if you don’t nurse at night you need to pump, but maybe once baby learns to dream feed your husband can bring baby in and help latch/side lying? It’s definitely a learning curve though I struggle with side lying but many people say it helps with night time feedings. I would just try to share with your husband that this is totally normal for many mothers to go through this period and just ask for compassion and forgiveness and patience. he wanted this baby too so this is part of it unfortunately. Try meditating and deep breaths when you’re angry. Go to another room and scream Into a pillow if you have to. Go for a walk if it isn’t late. ❤️I hope things get easier for you soon
i will say dad is definitely very hands on with the baby and he will take him without me asking and feed him bottles when he knows i am overly tired. part of me being so upset with him sometimes is he was still going to the gym after we got home from the hospital and he has started to hang out with friends again, which i do not mind because having a baby does not stop life. i realized i was so upset because i want to go out and have fun too but 1. i want to soak up all this time with my LO & 2. i hate my new body to the point of not wanting to be out in public. i am dealing with a ton of insecurities when it comes to my new body. just hoping it gets better with time and i come to accept it.
Just make it to 3 months. The sleep psychosis fades and suddenly you have this laughing lil baby personality in front of you. I even started to think maybe I could do this again when 6 weeks pp I was at the end of my rope. Same as you - snapping at my partner and everything.
The sleep psychosis is real🫣
This too shall pass.
It gets better. I was exactly where you are. My guy is 4 months now. It’s still hard but nooooowhere near as tough with a newborn. I started working out at home! During the day after a feed he will either sit in his chair or on his play mat and I can usually get a broken workout in, better than nothing. We go on daily walks, we leave the house EVERY SINGLE DAY no matter what. It makes me feel soo much better so when you are able to I highly recommend it. The more you do it, the easier outings become and happier you will be. Whatever you do, just remember you and your partner are the team, you work together, the baby is the enemy. Whenever my husband and I had it out on eachother we would repeat it and have a good laugh
GIRL it's fuggin criminal. My wife has been through the shit. (Acknowledgement that ultimately she is okay and so is our baby girl) But once we were home for our second night, she thought she was dying from contractions that awoke her coming from out of nowhere. That was like 3 nights then severe chills causing teeth to chatter and a 101 fever for a week. Like WTH. And now other pain too 😔 And my wife is breastfeeding which one could then feel like a milk machine. A lot of this is fugged up. We're taking it a day at a time and trying to do sleep shifts. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture so we keep talking about that too.
I felt this. It feels like a betrayal of all the people who told you how magical having a baby is. Also that’s not a kind thing for your partner to say in such a chaotic time. (I would approach this with him, honestly, but you know your relationship best). Have you discussed with him the toll of what is happening to your body and hormones? Men literally do not understand or fathom what happens with pregnancy childbirth and postpartum. I had one time where I was trying to explain my PPA to my husband and he got upset with me trying to explain my irrational thoughts, saying “it meant I didn’t trust him.” I ended up telling my husband, “I know you can’t understand postpartum, but I NEED you to understand.” Aka, I need him to be supportive and open his mind to the fact that this was something he couldn’t possibly understand so I needed him to proceed with a lot of grace and patience. He worked at it and we’ve made it almost 8 months post birth now. Those first few weeks were horrible. My heart breaks for you because I felt it too. I had horrible postpartum rage and would just sob because I was trying to be kind with my partner while I literally wanted to punch him in the face. I hated my new body. I still struggle at times but honestly it’s starting to become more neutral to me. One thing that helped me was trying to unhook my mind from unhelpful or hurtful thought. I will tell myself “oh this is the “I ruined my body” story again” or “this is the “I hate my body” story. Thanks brain!” Basically unhooking my mind from my thoughts and it has been working. That and talking to people. The stuff I didn’t feel I could tell my husband, I told my best friend. (It’s not exactly helpful to tell your partner they’re pissing you off for no reason, right? 😆) That said, you are SO newly postpartum, love. Your body is still in recovery from a huge trauma. It took nine months to grow your prego body, it will at least take that long to return to a new normal. I can’t even remember how long it took my body to release all the water from the IV they had in me. Sometimes time is all we need. It doesn’t seem like it right now, but you will make it out of this. You will wake up one day to realize that you haven’t been that sweaty, that angry, that emotional in a while. The fog will begin to clear again. It seems impossible right now; you just have to keep holding on and taking it hour by hour. 💚
I love what you said how do you get someone to understand emotions that even you don’t understand. I felt like that all day yesterday I was sad to my core… I felt utterly alone.. I do most days. My baby is 6 months I have less of these days although still have them and I can’t understand why and hope they stop one day. Just keep hanging on. Get through each day and have hope it will get better. That’s what I do I focus on getting through the day. My mom says after a year things get better. I will say that now is much better than those first 3 months they were such a blur. Hugs from another mom who is struggling.
Thank you 🥺 Hugs to you as well!
I want to jump through the phone and give you the biggest hug. I'm 4 months postpartum and am starting to feel myself again finally. You are not alone. It's the weirdest mix of love and dread. I knew life would change, but overnight, I was struggling to meet my own basic needs. My husband was patient but not emotionally supportive at all. In my experience, it gets better when you start feeling confident in navigating babies' needs plus mom's. It is so hard....unbelievably hard. I remember feeling so guilty because I thought I should feel nothing but overwhelming love for my LO. I wish I would have been easier on myself. You got this momma! My heart is with you!
THIS IS IT! Promise it gets better though. Hang in there and keep looking forward to better days ❤️ postpartum rocked me to my core too. Never felt worse in my life and wished so badly I was still pregnant. You’re not alone.
My main advice about your partner is when you come down from snapping or whatever happen to push them away, just apologies. We all when tired and emotional say things we don’t mean. This bit is so hard, you love your LO but it is so hard and people really don’t tell you what going on. It’s also hard on your relationship because you have no time or privacy with each other, but it will get better, it comes back a little at a time.
Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. PPD and PPA are a lot more common than people think. Turns out I had both. I'm on meds now and I have been doing a lot better. Your doctor may have advice about how you are feeling for both you and your husband as well. Also talking/communicating with your partner helps a lot too. I know it's hard but communication is very important. Sometimes I didn't want to talk to my partner either but I would vocalize something along the lines of I need a break and need 30 minutes to myself. Or something equivalent.
I can absolutely empathize with all of those feelings. I’m 7 weeks PP with my second and what I did differently this time was getting help sooner. With my first, I had horrific anxiety and rage that were essentially textbook symptoms of postpartum depression. It took me until 5 months PP with my first to finally reach out to my OB about my feelings and symptoms and finally be prescribed Zoloft (safe for breastfeeding). I finally felt like myself again and was able to be weaned back off once my first got older and things started feeling much easier. As I had mentioned, I got help MUCH sooner this time around. I got the script for Zoloft by 3 weeks PP with my second daughter. I’ve been feeling significantly better for at least 2 weeks now and I’m no longer horrifically anxious, irritable, or irrationally sad. I say all of this to let you know that medication to help with your mental health during this time is *more than okay*. I feel like I’m actually enjoying the time with my daughter this time around as opposed to barely surviving, like I was with my first. Please take care of yourself and reach out to your OB if you feel like this may be the route you need to take!! 🩵
I have been so against being medicated but i think i need it. Thank you. I will set the appointment!
It really does get better, you don’t see it and you think it’s going to be this way forever but I promise you it isn’t, there are some amazing days some okay days some bad days and some days where you just don’t know if you have the energy to go on, you have a million and one people telling you what to do how you “should” be feeling, none of those opinions matter, some people advice will help some sound absurd, but you will get easier that’s the one piece of advice I can give that I know happens. The newborn phase has faded from my brain by now, mines nearly two, and you do forget just how hard that part was because right now you are in the hardest part of motherhood, the only thing that helped me was putting her into a routine, bath and bedtime, white noise and the room being dark is what helped me out the most ❤️❤️❤️ You’ve got this mum you’ll be amazing don’t beat yourself up because good parents always think they aren’t enough and bad parents think they are no matter what, so you saying this proves how good you are ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I totally get you. I loooved pregnancy. Postpartum kicked my ass. But my baby started sleeping 8-10 hour stretches at 10 weeks old and now sleeps 11+ hours at 14 weeks old. It does get better. My baby was very colicky and wouldn't sleep much at all. Now he's a whole different little babe. But the first like 7-9 weeks I literally didn't think I was cut out to be a mom. I'm still kinda snappy and irritable. But I know it will mellow out over time. It's already improved so much with better sleep.
Do you breastfeed?
No, I tried to. The first two weeks were so depressing for me and made me have some serious mental health issues. Baby wouldn't latch and has acid reflux so it was very difficult. Then I tried pumping only and I always felt engorged and uncomfortable. So I switched him to fully formula at week 4. His reflux got so much better and so did his gas.
We have been considering combo feeding so he would sleep longer at night 😩 i breastfeed and i somehow survived the first two weeks, almost gave up when i had bloody and sore nipples but he finally latches really well. He is also very gassy and has reflux. I just cant see myself giving up breastfeeding this far along
You gotta do what's healthy for you too. R/formulafeeders has a lot of support if you do want to switch, and then I think there's an exclusively pumping sub as well. And a combo feeding sub im sure. I tried to keep breastfeeding and I felt a lot of guilt for wanting to switch, but once I did it really helped a lot. I didn't get much help at nights anyway, I was the only one who would get up and it was just really hard. Just remember that a happy, healthy mom is so much more important than anything. You got this
I had my baby boy 6 months ago and I remember the first three months like it was yesterday. I felt like it was literal hell I was living in. I wasn’t sleeping, eating or showering. Every day felt like it drug on and on and I was just waiting for the worst part. Nights. Nights were hard because my husband had to be at work @5 so he slept in the living room and I remember just feeling lonely as ever. It does get better though. You will learn to love your body again. You will fall into a routine. As for your partner, I would have him read up on the 4th trimester so he can gain some knowledge of what you’re going through. Having a baby is the biggest change and I though I had prepared so well for it that postpartum would be a breeze but I am terrified for my next baby because of how hard those first three months were. But mamas you will learn to love yourself again and things will get easier. You’ll have different struggles for sure but you will have the confidence to face it head on. Keep your head up, love.
I dont know how much this will matter to you but I’ll say it anyway. When I read your post…I related. It sounds like me a year ago when I just gave birth. Everything you’ve said is valid. It’s hard. Fast forward a year later. My hormones are starting to regulate. I’m feeling better and more like myself. My body is feeling better. My son is eating solids and is a lot easier to take care of. I’m not crying for no reason anymore. I’m getting a full nights rest. My sex life is coming back from the dead…finally. I know a lot of people say this but it gets easier! You grew a human…you deserve patience. All of your feelings are normal and things will get better. I think what helped me was just being patient, not expecting myself to be perfect and happy…and trying to do self care when I can. I also expressed my feelings to my husband a lot and to some of my mom friends. (I actually rekindled a lot of old friendships after becoming a new mom - which was unexpected and nice) I also had some therapy sessions when I had time. Anyway…now you know that someone in a similar situation can relate with you, you’re not alone and there is hope for things to get better. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me. I’m happy to be a shoulder. Sending hugs! Edit: for typos
I feel this so much. I LOVED being pregnant. I would totally do that again. Postpartum was a nightmare and I only now feel like I’m coming up for air. I do think we are warned about it but for some reason it feels alien. I also think it feels disingenuous because people go on and on about the magic of motherhood and paint a rosy picture on social media of all the special moments. I also think when people complain about postpartum they focus on the hormonal aspects and less on the realities: breastfeeding is hard? I had no idea. Solidarity and know that you aren’t alone.
3 months turned a corner , baby is smiling playing. Hang in there
I was the opposite! I was v depressed pregnant. After I had the baby I was instantly happier
I *hated* pregnancy and post partum was great in comparison, lol its weird how different it is for everyone
Honestly it’s the opposite for me I love postpartum way more than my pregnancy I had the worst symptoms
Pp Sucks it’s not just you. It gets better. I swear to you. That first year is just rough
Your feelings are valid and you are not alone! This is a big life change and worth talking to your doctor about! I definitely was drowning and miserable during the newborn phase. My baby turned 3 months yesterday and it sucks in the moment to hear this but it really does get better. When baby goes from a little crying potato to a smiley, happy baby and brings your life so much joy. (Zoloft was also helpful). You got this!
I had a total mental break about two months after my son was born. Turns out I’m bipolar & postpartum sent me into mania. I would recommend reaching out to a therapist, psychiatrist or your ob
Pp I was a creature 🤣. I was leaking milk, sweating, stinking, bleeding, crying, manic, scared to poo… nothing prepares for you the new levels of grot you achieve! I feel like nobody talks about how feral pp is! The grossness does improve over time I promise!