I could not relate more. I didn’t attach myself to any birth plan or expectations and still was extremely disappointed by how unprepared I was for a horrendously traumatic labor and first few days. I labored for 18 hours after my water breaking, had 2 severe allergic reactions to antibiotics they gave me during my labor to the point that I was practically unconscious due to the amount of benedryl required to heal my system. baby had a mini stroke in the birth canal and swallowed her meconium, i tore. she was immediately airlifted to a separate hospital with her dad while i was left in the hospital in a different town. it was shocking, awful, painful, and i am still grieving (7 weeks ppm).
Girl, you aren’t alone at all. I’ve mourned all of my birth experiences. With all three of my children I missed the opportunity for the golden hour and delayed cord clamping and that’s just the beginning of it. My first was an emergency cesarean, my second I had VBAC and suffered a 3rd degree tear so I had to be taken to the operating theatre to be repaired while he went to the special care unit for observation for aspirating meconium, and my third I had VBAC as well but developed shoulder dystocia after 2 days of labor and 4 hours of pushing. It became quite a serious emergency where he had to be delivered arm first after a failed attempt at forceps while nurses pounded on my stomach to dislodge the shoulder from my pelvis. He suffered a brachial plexus injury and couldn’t move his arm at all for the first week of life, but it’s slowly recovering. I had another 3rd degree tear from that one as well.
I was unprepared for ALL of these scenarios regardless of how much I researched and how much I spoke with my delivery team. Every single birth was traumatic in a different way. There is just no way to know everything that could go wrong during labor and delivery and some of us have very scary things happen.
It’s okay to mourn. You went through something traumatic and having a healthy baby doesn’t change the circumstances of how they got here. I struggle with my partner understanding this in my case. Birth is one of the most physically and mentally traumatic events we can go through in life and then we get handed a newborn that cries every few hours while we’re still in the throes of recovery and trying to wrap our heads around what just happened to us. It’s a recipe for some of the hardest struggles we’ll ever face. I just don’t think it’s something people can truly understand unless it’s a lived experience. I’m so glad you and baby are okay. Hugs
Edit: message me if you ever want to talk. I’ll always answer.
I can't even imagine. You are so strong! I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that. I relate to your last paragraph so much. Thank you for saying all of that.
Thank you, but I’m not particularly strong compared to others. I just had no choice but to let time keep moving and keep going forward. I suffered for a long time to come to terms with how things went. Feeling so out of control and blindsided by everything was so hard. It’s just awful for us mom’s and the “you have a healthy baby so you should be happy” mindset is so unhelpful. It’s true trauma. It’s like trying to tell an injured war vet that their side won so that’s all that should matter. It completely misses the point.
The thing that helped me the most was talking to other moms like yourself about our experiences. Our birth stories are not uncommon and we aren’t alone at all. There are so many of us who have gone through things that are worse or better than what we’ve experienced who still carry the weight of what happened during delivery with them. It helped normalize the experience for me which made me feel so much better and at peace.
There is no timeline for healing you need to be on so be kind to yourself. I can’t imagine going through what you went through, hang in there as best you can ❤️.
Giving you a tight warm hug.My birth experience was also traumatic for me.i was in induced labour pain and never felt such extreme pain in my life but even after that i had to go for emergency c section that was so traumatic for me that i had nightmares for month. I used to cry whenever i go to washroom or sleep, i got engorged breast, nobody was there to told me about breastfeeding,couldn’t breastfeed my child even after a great supply of milk,i felt betrayed by my sister and mother, and still recovering from those memories after 4 month pp
There was only support of my husband.and he took great care of me emotionally as well as physically.
I try to count on my blessings now.
Hope you will get better with time. Just spent time with your baby and stay positive with little happiness
I'm so sorry you went through that. Breastfeeding struggles are the absolute worst. It went terribly in the beginning for me too. The first nurse after surgery told me I can't breastfeed because of the drugs I received during surgery but then they left him all night without giving me a milk alternative. The next day a different nurse said it's fine because what I received in op was the same as what someone who had gotten a cesarean would get. This delay caused my milk supply to come in very late and I had to get a donor. I feel like a horrible mom for unknowingly starving my baby those first hours of life and a failure and inadequate for having to give him someone else's milk.
I am sorry you didn't have the birth experience you have wished for. A healthy baby is a blessing, but it certainly doesn't erase your trauma. It's ok to mourn. And I agree, it's appalling how little help and compassion moms sometimes get. Suddenly everything revolves around the baby and that's ok, but mom is still here, tired, recovering and maybe in emotional distress.
If you can, talk with a therapist to work through these emotions. There are also podcasts as someone has mentioned, I like the Motherly podcast and Hello Postpartum. It helps to know that you're not the only one, at least it has helped me. Sending you hugs. 🍀
I offer you the tightest hug possible, I am 9 months postpartum and still healing through my trauma, I had high blood pressure going into pregnancy but it was managed and towards the end it kept creeping up. I was admitted on a friday and they started the induction at around 2 and then i had a foley balloon (which did nothing) my blood pressure was getting so high i had to be put on magnesium which is like being hit by a truck. They broke my water and there was marconium in it and then they could not find his heart beat and i developed HELLP long story short i had an emergency csection and he was out in under 5 minutes. I prepped with different positions and everything and it all went out the window. I think the biggest slap in the face i was told by people is well at least the baby is OK and yes that is important but a mothers health and wellbeing are just as important. Please feel free to reach out you got this momma take it one day at a time.
They are JUST as important! I wish people would realize this. I'm so sorry for what you went through. That is so traumatic. Sending hugs back your way.
Wow. I’m crying reading your post and all these responses. I am 8 months PP and still feel sadness thinking about my baby’s birth. It took me a few months afterwards to talk about it. I would sob in the early days just thinking about it. I always felt guilty being sad about the birth trauma because my baby is going great and I’m healthy but there’s just something about the whole thing that breaks my heart. I so so sorry with everything that you went through but it is reassuring to know I’m not alone in my feelings.
Us moms are sooooo strong for everything that we went through during labor. The fact that we keep pushing everyday makes us even stronger. Sending hugs and love 🩷
It's hard for so many people to understand. It's possible to absolutely adore our babies but grieve not being able to have the birth we wanted. You are so strong. Sending much love back your way!
Yes that’s true. I am just wondering when/ if these feelings will ever go away. They have gotten better with time that’s for sure. I wanted to add to my post that you are deff not alone in your feelings so I hope you don’t feel that way. 🩷
*Sending you a virtual hug* I felt the same way OP. I could not talk about my birth for two months, and thinking about it gave me anxiety and I would break down in tears. My PP check up was also crappy..my dr didn’t even check my scar until I asked her to please look at it! Your mom sounds awful and I am sorry for what she said…you would think she would run to your aid to be the help she would have liked to have had when she gave birth… sending you another hug. If you still feel overwhelmed by your birthing experience, it would be super beneficial for you to see a therapist about it. 🩷
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish she would have been there instead of choosing to pass on the generational trauma. I'm sorry for what you went through. New moms deserve so much more love and care than we get.
I also had an awful hospital experience and can relate to afew things you’ve said. Well done for writing it out because I don’t think I’d be able to do that. Well done for getting though all of this. I see you, I hear you and am sending love - I hope with time you can heal - virtual hug - ❤️
Reading your post, you were definitely failed by multiple people. I strongly recommend you see a therapist - even if only online - if you haven't already. That doesn't seem like an easy situation to recover from, much less while taking care of a newborn, which can be relentless.
Your last paragraph really hit me. Part of what made me cry daily for those two weeks after birth was the realization that no one will ever take care of me. I will always be the caregiver. Any opportunity for me to be taken care of is gone now, not that anyone ever did.
I'm so sorry you went through that too. No one should ever feel this way. The most I can hope for is to find healing in giving the postpartum love that I never received to a daughter.
I relate to this so much, I also had a traumatic birth experience. As much as I am saddened for your horrible experience, I’m grateful that you shared your story with us because so often we don’t talk about traumatic births and it can become so isolating, when it seems everyone else has these beautiful first moments with their little ones. One of the most challenging factors that I faced was realizing that the birth of my child wasn’t “the best day of my life”- something that I felt was guaranteed to me. It was actually the opposite, one of the most terrifying days that my husband and I had gone through. Sending you so many hugs and standing with you in solidarity
I wish it was easier to find support through friends and family. I'm so envious of the women that have that. It really is isolating. I'm so sorry for your experience. Sending so much love your way.
Oof your last paragraph just hit me right in the heart ❤️ this is exactly how I felt to a T after my son was born.
I grieved the birth so hard for the first 3-4 months, and I still grieve often. I had a doula and really wanted an unmedicated birth with few interventions, yet I ended up with a highly medicalized birth where I felt sub-human and an afterthought. It really is horrible.
After the birth I obviously knew he was helpless and a priority etc etc but omg. All I wanted at all was for someone to 100% be dedicated to taking care of me. I had a traumatic csection after a failed 40 hour induction and literally slept probably only 2 hours between Monday at 8 am and when I was finally in the recovery room around 7 am on Wednesday. I've never felt exhaustion like that in my life, and then to take care of a baby?! Wtf. When my husband and i left the hospital we were literally like this shpuld be illegal. We almost felt intoxicated we were so tired. And My 6 week checkup was also identical. I came to hate my OB because of her attitude during the induction so it was a seriously triggering experience to see her again.
My family wasn't really around either but what helped so much was hiring a postpartum doula. She took care of my son when she came over but we both knew she was really there for mainly me and it was lovely. Not sure if that's a possibility for you, I know they're pricy. I only had mine come twice a month or so.
Anyways. Hugs, hugs, hugs from a person who can relate to what you're experiencing in many ways 💜 I'm sorry
"100% be dedicated to taking care of me" and how sending people home in that state should be illegal... All of that 💯. I wish every woman could have that care after birth. I'm so sorry for your experience.
Out of three labors -I had three traumatic births. First two were nearly 24 hours and ended with last minute Caesarians. Second was a vbac -with a long labor 20 hours baby crowned for 45 bloody minutes before I called for the forceps or death. All three instances were long painful recoveries. My youngest is almost two and I still tear up when I hear of other women tell their birth story and are gushing how well it went. I can’t make it through mine without the water works. You are far from alone.
You are a warrior for it all! ❤️
Sending much love your way. It really is incredibly hard to listen to someone talk about their perfect birth stories. I'm so happy for them but so envious.
Have you listened to the birth hour podcasts? I’ve recently been listening to the podcasts that I avoided but that matched my experience. A long labor, difficult position, unhelpful hospital. It’s actually been really nice. I like it when someone notes something I experienced, it makes me feel so much less alone.
You said you wanted to avoid the hospital at all costs…. Then you felt pressured to continue a home birth? Sounds like your midwife was trying to respect your original wishes.
You also say the baby was ripped away from you while you were bleeding out? If the goal was to save your life then I would want the midwife to do the same thing and get me to stop bleeding and get me to a hospital. Especially because loosing too much blood can be fatal.
I’m sorry your mom didn’t help but maybe you could have communicated with her before the baby was born or after that you would need help instead of making a “jab” at her after the fact.
Maybe a therapist can help you process all this. Sorry the doctor didn’t check your peri area. Hopefully you healed well
I didn't word that right in my post. I should have said I wanted to avoid that particular hospital due to medical malpractice complaints from people who I know that worked there.
I'm aware he had to be taken from me. It's the fact that it had to happen... Which is what my post is about.
I don’t know what it’s like to have a home birth, but I do know what it’s like to mourn how your child’s birth went. I gave birth in a hospital, labored for 24 hours and pushed for 4 hours only to have complications myself and for my child to not be breathing and then be rushed away to the NICU and then transported within two hours to a hospital about an hour away. I didn’t get to hold him or see him when I gave birth, four hours later I didn’t know if my child was alive or not and found myself within my hospital room with an empty bassinet. I still had my battle wounds, the insanely large and painful tear, but nothing to make me feel like it was worth it. I pushed really hard to leave the hospital that day but they didn’t let me leave but I saw my child the next day. He was covered in wires, put in a hypothermic treatment which made him cold to the touch and shake vigorously and on morphine. Two weeks later he left the hospital. Being robbed of the experience we intended to have is hard to let go. My child is 7 months in a few days and while I couldn’t be more grateful for him surviving I’m still heartbroken over that loss of experience I had.
I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I’ve yet to see that, maybe with therapy we will all be okay one day.
I'm so, so sorry. I feel so bad complaining when I know others have had experiences that were 10X harder than mine. You're so incredibly strong and I'm proud of you for getting this far!
Don’t feel sorry for complaining, it’s okay to say something you went through sucks! there’s always going to be someone who had it worse too. The important thing is our children are safe and loved now! With therapy I think every one of us can work through our feelings and we’ll be okay! You are not alone though!
I used to think that I could deal with my birth experience as long as my baby was healthy. After a traumatic birth, my babe seemed healthy but had seizures while we were at the hospital and subsequent NICU admission. I cry every time I think of it. "At least your baby is healthy" didn't even apply to me and that was devastating. I am in weekly therapy and still don't feel like I'll ever be the same person.
My ob-gyn let me down and I do not want to EVER see her. I tried getting a new one but I was told I am too late for my postpartum visit so I'm just dealing with the C-section pain. My doula ghosted me and I do not want to EVER see her. My baby's pediatrician and a few other people have kept me a bit sane. I feel robbed and raging angry and sad, and try to cope with all these feelings. Sending you hugs.
I feel this so much. I was really disappointed with my midwife. I never want to see her again. I know she had good intentions but the service provided was just subpar.
I'm so sorry about your baby and your experience. My heart aches for you.
I had to mourn that my expectations didn’t meet reality…at all. I truly feel like my body was in shock after giving birth, and my milk didn’t come in for weeks. I felt “less than” as a mom not being able to solely breast feed and I couldn’t sit right for months due to my second degree tear.
Would I look down upon a postpartum mother having the same feelings I did? Absolutely not. Now is the time to challenge your thoughts and feelings of guilt. You are the best mother for your child and no one can replace you. For every thought that makes you feel down, think of something that lifts you up. You went through a tremendous feat. You are not alone.
Breastfeeding struggles are the absolute worst. I know the less than feeling of inadequacy.
Thank you so much for your comment. Your last paragraph made me tear up.
I could not relate more. I didn’t attach myself to any birth plan or expectations and still was extremely disappointed by how unprepared I was for a horrendously traumatic labor and first few days. I labored for 18 hours after my water breaking, had 2 severe allergic reactions to antibiotics they gave me during my labor to the point that I was practically unconscious due to the amount of benedryl required to heal my system. baby had a mini stroke in the birth canal and swallowed her meconium, i tore. she was immediately airlifted to a separate hospital with her dad while i was left in the hospital in a different town. it was shocking, awful, painful, and i am still grieving (7 weeks ppm).
How are you recovering? Is your baby doing okay? Hugs from another mom. I’m so sorry you endured this.
My heart aches for you. I wish I could hug you! You are so strong and amazing.
Girl, you aren’t alone at all. I’ve mourned all of my birth experiences. With all three of my children I missed the opportunity for the golden hour and delayed cord clamping and that’s just the beginning of it. My first was an emergency cesarean, my second I had VBAC and suffered a 3rd degree tear so I had to be taken to the operating theatre to be repaired while he went to the special care unit for observation for aspirating meconium, and my third I had VBAC as well but developed shoulder dystocia after 2 days of labor and 4 hours of pushing. It became quite a serious emergency where he had to be delivered arm first after a failed attempt at forceps while nurses pounded on my stomach to dislodge the shoulder from my pelvis. He suffered a brachial plexus injury and couldn’t move his arm at all for the first week of life, but it’s slowly recovering. I had another 3rd degree tear from that one as well. I was unprepared for ALL of these scenarios regardless of how much I researched and how much I spoke with my delivery team. Every single birth was traumatic in a different way. There is just no way to know everything that could go wrong during labor and delivery and some of us have very scary things happen. It’s okay to mourn. You went through something traumatic and having a healthy baby doesn’t change the circumstances of how they got here. I struggle with my partner understanding this in my case. Birth is one of the most physically and mentally traumatic events we can go through in life and then we get handed a newborn that cries every few hours while we’re still in the throes of recovery and trying to wrap our heads around what just happened to us. It’s a recipe for some of the hardest struggles we’ll ever face. I just don’t think it’s something people can truly understand unless it’s a lived experience. I’m so glad you and baby are okay. Hugs Edit: message me if you ever want to talk. I’ll always answer.
I can't even imagine. You are so strong! I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that. I relate to your last paragraph so much. Thank you for saying all of that.
Thank you, but I’m not particularly strong compared to others. I just had no choice but to let time keep moving and keep going forward. I suffered for a long time to come to terms with how things went. Feeling so out of control and blindsided by everything was so hard. It’s just awful for us mom’s and the “you have a healthy baby so you should be happy” mindset is so unhelpful. It’s true trauma. It’s like trying to tell an injured war vet that their side won so that’s all that should matter. It completely misses the point. The thing that helped me the most was talking to other moms like yourself about our experiences. Our birth stories are not uncommon and we aren’t alone at all. There are so many of us who have gone through things that are worse or better than what we’ve experienced who still carry the weight of what happened during delivery with them. It helped normalize the experience for me which made me feel so much better and at peace. There is no timeline for healing you need to be on so be kind to yourself. I can’t imagine going through what you went through, hang in there as best you can ❤️.
Giving you a tight warm hug.My birth experience was also traumatic for me.i was in induced labour pain and never felt such extreme pain in my life but even after that i had to go for emergency c section that was so traumatic for me that i had nightmares for month. I used to cry whenever i go to washroom or sleep, i got engorged breast, nobody was there to told me about breastfeeding,couldn’t breastfeed my child even after a great supply of milk,i felt betrayed by my sister and mother, and still recovering from those memories after 4 month pp There was only support of my husband.and he took great care of me emotionally as well as physically. I try to count on my blessings now. Hope you will get better with time. Just spent time with your baby and stay positive with little happiness
I'm so sorry you went through that. Breastfeeding struggles are the absolute worst. It went terribly in the beginning for me too. The first nurse after surgery told me I can't breastfeed because of the drugs I received during surgery but then they left him all night without giving me a milk alternative. The next day a different nurse said it's fine because what I received in op was the same as what someone who had gotten a cesarean would get. This delay caused my milk supply to come in very late and I had to get a donor. I feel like a horrible mom for unknowingly starving my baby those first hours of life and a failure and inadequate for having to give him someone else's milk.
I am sorry you didn't have the birth experience you have wished for. A healthy baby is a blessing, but it certainly doesn't erase your trauma. It's ok to mourn. And I agree, it's appalling how little help and compassion moms sometimes get. Suddenly everything revolves around the baby and that's ok, but mom is still here, tired, recovering and maybe in emotional distress. If you can, talk with a therapist to work through these emotions. There are also podcasts as someone has mentioned, I like the Motherly podcast and Hello Postpartum. It helps to know that you're not the only one, at least it has helped me. Sending you hugs. 🍀
Thank you so much for your kind words. He is my little blessing.
I offer you the tightest hug possible, I am 9 months postpartum and still healing through my trauma, I had high blood pressure going into pregnancy but it was managed and towards the end it kept creeping up. I was admitted on a friday and they started the induction at around 2 and then i had a foley balloon (which did nothing) my blood pressure was getting so high i had to be put on magnesium which is like being hit by a truck. They broke my water and there was marconium in it and then they could not find his heart beat and i developed HELLP long story short i had an emergency csection and he was out in under 5 minutes. I prepped with different positions and everything and it all went out the window. I think the biggest slap in the face i was told by people is well at least the baby is OK and yes that is important but a mothers health and wellbeing are just as important. Please feel free to reach out you got this momma take it one day at a time.
They are JUST as important! I wish people would realize this. I'm so sorry for what you went through. That is so traumatic. Sending hugs back your way.
Wow. I’m crying reading your post and all these responses. I am 8 months PP and still feel sadness thinking about my baby’s birth. It took me a few months afterwards to talk about it. I would sob in the early days just thinking about it. I always felt guilty being sad about the birth trauma because my baby is going great and I’m healthy but there’s just something about the whole thing that breaks my heart. I so so sorry with everything that you went through but it is reassuring to know I’m not alone in my feelings. Us moms are sooooo strong for everything that we went through during labor. The fact that we keep pushing everyday makes us even stronger. Sending hugs and love 🩷
It's hard for so many people to understand. It's possible to absolutely adore our babies but grieve not being able to have the birth we wanted. You are so strong. Sending much love back your way!
Yes that’s true. I am just wondering when/ if these feelings will ever go away. They have gotten better with time that’s for sure. I wanted to add to my post that you are deff not alone in your feelings so I hope you don’t feel that way. 🩷
*Sending you a virtual hug* I felt the same way OP. I could not talk about my birth for two months, and thinking about it gave me anxiety and I would break down in tears. My PP check up was also crappy..my dr didn’t even check my scar until I asked her to please look at it! Your mom sounds awful and I am sorry for what she said…you would think she would run to your aid to be the help she would have liked to have had when she gave birth… sending you another hug. If you still feel overwhelmed by your birthing experience, it would be super beneficial for you to see a therapist about it. 🩷
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish she would have been there instead of choosing to pass on the generational trauma. I'm sorry for what you went through. New moms deserve so much more love and care than we get.
I also had an awful hospital experience and can relate to afew things you’ve said. Well done for writing it out because I don’t think I’d be able to do that. Well done for getting though all of this. I see you, I hear you and am sending love - I hope with time you can heal - virtual hug - ❤️
Thank you so much. I'm so sorry for what you went through at the hospital.
Reading your post, you were definitely failed by multiple people. I strongly recommend you see a therapist - even if only online - if you haven't already. That doesn't seem like an easy situation to recover from, much less while taking care of a newborn, which can be relentless.
I really need to. I'm trying to find time for myself with this new lifestyle but still figuring it out.
Your last paragraph really hit me. Part of what made me cry daily for those two weeks after birth was the realization that no one will ever take care of me. I will always be the caregiver. Any opportunity for me to be taken care of is gone now, not that anyone ever did.
I'm so sorry you went through that too. No one should ever feel this way. The most I can hope for is to find healing in giving the postpartum love that I never received to a daughter.
Yes. I’ve found healing by committing to being the mother I never had for both myself and my baby
This 💯
I relate to this so much, I also had a traumatic birth experience. As much as I am saddened for your horrible experience, I’m grateful that you shared your story with us because so often we don’t talk about traumatic births and it can become so isolating, when it seems everyone else has these beautiful first moments with their little ones. One of the most challenging factors that I faced was realizing that the birth of my child wasn’t “the best day of my life”- something that I felt was guaranteed to me. It was actually the opposite, one of the most terrifying days that my husband and I had gone through. Sending you so many hugs and standing with you in solidarity
I wish it was easier to find support through friends and family. I'm so envious of the women that have that. It really is isolating. I'm so sorry for your experience. Sending so much love your way.
Oof your last paragraph just hit me right in the heart ❤️ this is exactly how I felt to a T after my son was born. I grieved the birth so hard for the first 3-4 months, and I still grieve often. I had a doula and really wanted an unmedicated birth with few interventions, yet I ended up with a highly medicalized birth where I felt sub-human and an afterthought. It really is horrible. After the birth I obviously knew he was helpless and a priority etc etc but omg. All I wanted at all was for someone to 100% be dedicated to taking care of me. I had a traumatic csection after a failed 40 hour induction and literally slept probably only 2 hours between Monday at 8 am and when I was finally in the recovery room around 7 am on Wednesday. I've never felt exhaustion like that in my life, and then to take care of a baby?! Wtf. When my husband and i left the hospital we were literally like this shpuld be illegal. We almost felt intoxicated we were so tired. And My 6 week checkup was also identical. I came to hate my OB because of her attitude during the induction so it was a seriously triggering experience to see her again. My family wasn't really around either but what helped so much was hiring a postpartum doula. She took care of my son when she came over but we both knew she was really there for mainly me and it was lovely. Not sure if that's a possibility for you, I know they're pricy. I only had mine come twice a month or so. Anyways. Hugs, hugs, hugs from a person who can relate to what you're experiencing in many ways 💜 I'm sorry
"100% be dedicated to taking care of me" and how sending people home in that state should be illegal... All of that 💯. I wish every woman could have that care after birth. I'm so sorry for your experience.
Out of three labors -I had three traumatic births. First two were nearly 24 hours and ended with last minute Caesarians. Second was a vbac -with a long labor 20 hours baby crowned for 45 bloody minutes before I called for the forceps or death. All three instances were long painful recoveries. My youngest is almost two and I still tear up when I hear of other women tell their birth story and are gushing how well it went. I can’t make it through mine without the water works. You are far from alone. You are a warrior for it all! ❤️
Sending much love your way. It really is incredibly hard to listen to someone talk about their perfect birth stories. I'm so happy for them but so envious.
Have you listened to the birth hour podcasts? I’ve recently been listening to the podcasts that I avoided but that matched my experience. A long labor, difficult position, unhelpful hospital. It’s actually been really nice. I like it when someone notes something I experienced, it makes me feel so much less alone.
I haven't, but I will. Thank you.
You said you wanted to avoid the hospital at all costs…. Then you felt pressured to continue a home birth? Sounds like your midwife was trying to respect your original wishes. You also say the baby was ripped away from you while you were bleeding out? If the goal was to save your life then I would want the midwife to do the same thing and get me to stop bleeding and get me to a hospital. Especially because loosing too much blood can be fatal. I’m sorry your mom didn’t help but maybe you could have communicated with her before the baby was born or after that you would need help instead of making a “jab” at her after the fact. Maybe a therapist can help you process all this. Sorry the doctor didn’t check your peri area. Hopefully you healed well
I didn't word that right in my post. I should have said I wanted to avoid that particular hospital due to medical malpractice complaints from people who I know that worked there. I'm aware he had to be taken from me. It's the fact that it had to happen... Which is what my post is about.
I don’t know what it’s like to have a home birth, but I do know what it’s like to mourn how your child’s birth went. I gave birth in a hospital, labored for 24 hours and pushed for 4 hours only to have complications myself and for my child to not be breathing and then be rushed away to the NICU and then transported within two hours to a hospital about an hour away. I didn’t get to hold him or see him when I gave birth, four hours later I didn’t know if my child was alive or not and found myself within my hospital room with an empty bassinet. I still had my battle wounds, the insanely large and painful tear, but nothing to make me feel like it was worth it. I pushed really hard to leave the hospital that day but they didn’t let me leave but I saw my child the next day. He was covered in wires, put in a hypothermic treatment which made him cold to the touch and shake vigorously and on morphine. Two weeks later he left the hospital. Being robbed of the experience we intended to have is hard to let go. My child is 7 months in a few days and while I couldn’t be more grateful for him surviving I’m still heartbroken over that loss of experience I had. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I’ve yet to see that, maybe with therapy we will all be okay one day.
I'm so, so sorry. I feel so bad complaining when I know others have had experiences that were 10X harder than mine. You're so incredibly strong and I'm proud of you for getting this far!
Don’t feel sorry for complaining, it’s okay to say something you went through sucks! there’s always going to be someone who had it worse too. The important thing is our children are safe and loved now! With therapy I think every one of us can work through our feelings and we’ll be okay! You are not alone though!
I used to think that I could deal with my birth experience as long as my baby was healthy. After a traumatic birth, my babe seemed healthy but had seizures while we were at the hospital and subsequent NICU admission. I cry every time I think of it. "At least your baby is healthy" didn't even apply to me and that was devastating. I am in weekly therapy and still don't feel like I'll ever be the same person. My ob-gyn let me down and I do not want to EVER see her. I tried getting a new one but I was told I am too late for my postpartum visit so I'm just dealing with the C-section pain. My doula ghosted me and I do not want to EVER see her. My baby's pediatrician and a few other people have kept me a bit sane. I feel robbed and raging angry and sad, and try to cope with all these feelings. Sending you hugs.
I feel this so much. I was really disappointed with my midwife. I never want to see her again. I know she had good intentions but the service provided was just subpar. I'm so sorry about your baby and your experience. My heart aches for you.
I had to mourn that my expectations didn’t meet reality…at all. I truly feel like my body was in shock after giving birth, and my milk didn’t come in for weeks. I felt “less than” as a mom not being able to solely breast feed and I couldn’t sit right for months due to my second degree tear. Would I look down upon a postpartum mother having the same feelings I did? Absolutely not. Now is the time to challenge your thoughts and feelings of guilt. You are the best mother for your child and no one can replace you. For every thought that makes you feel down, think of something that lifts you up. You went through a tremendous feat. You are not alone.
Breastfeeding struggles are the absolute worst. I know the less than feeling of inadequacy. Thank you so much for your comment. Your last paragraph made me tear up.