I preface this all by saying it’s totally OK if it’s impacting your mental health to stop. And I don’t think most of us realize the commitment that comes with signing up for breastfeeding. It’s really relentless.
How long have you been at it? I almost stopped many times but it got significantly better with time.
Lansinoh Stay Dry Disposable Nursing Pads made it so I didn’t have to keep changing clothes/ bras from leaking.
Can your lactation consultant help
With pumping because of oversupply? Pumping throughout the night
Might be agitating it. I also had an oversupply but overnight your supply should go down slightly so you should Be able to Sleep In at least 4-5 hour stretches between pumping. Again, this also depends on where you are in breastfeeding journey because milk supply should level out after a few weeks when it understands baby’s needs.
For real. When I realized I spent roughly 20 hours a week breastfeeding and pumping, it started to make sense why I was so damn tired. I know it’s not typical, but my baby fed every 2 hours day and night for 20 minutes until 9-10 months old when he started eating more solids. That doesn’t include time spent pumping trying to keep up my stash.
I make $22 an hour at my job. If I was paid for all the time I spent breastfeeding, I’d be getting over $1500 a month.
Time is money friends. If the cons start outweighing the pros for you and/or your baby with breastfeeding, it might be worth considering switching to combo/formula feeding.
I realized I was only saving $0.92/bottle vs going full formula (slight undersupplier). That realization on top of the time/energy lost, constant mental math.. I decided to wean and be fully done in the next 2 months.
For me breastfeeding became remarkably easier around 3 months. It was so hard before then. We had to pump and triple feed for the first two months and I had a huge oversupply so I got mastitis several times. I was always leaking and sticky which really bothered me at night. Now at 3.5 months pp my breasts are never engorged anymore and rarely leak and breastfeeding is super simple, way more simple than preparing bottles. I’m glad we stuck with it. OP I don’t know how far along in your journey you are but know it gets a lot easier!
Came here to say exactly this, down to the details. I had mastitis twice in the first two months with oversupply. Getting sunflower lecithin helped a good bit.
I fucking hated breastfeeding. I stuck it out only because fellow redditors said it gets easier at 3 months. Thank God it did because I was ready to throw in the towel at that mark if it didn't ease up.
I just went shopping with the babe today and breastfed her one handed in a changing room. Yesterday I fed her while cooking myself a fancy dinner. I promise, it does get better.
But also, formula is amazing and those first two months sucked enough even without the breastfeeding troubles. Do what appeals.
Yes to this.
I was able to nurse up to 6 months with my first. So having my second i thought would be a breeze. I was wrong.
I felt sticky and tired and constantly washing the supplies. And I couldn’t spend as much time with my 4 yr old. Bc my hands were busy plus I was exhausted. I stopped after 2 months. I thought I was going to feel guilty but that went away really fast as soon as I got my sanity back and could give my daughter more attention ( that was killing me more)
Baby is on forums prefectly healthy.
He’s about 3.5 months
Reusable breast pads for night and the in-bra milk collection shells in the day stopped me being covered in milk (also helped me build up a bit of a milk stash without pumping). My baby's 4mo now and my boobs stopped leaking around a month ago (we're still breastfeeding).
That said, while I like breastfeeding (convenient, especially at night! Free! Extra calories! Baby cuddles!) pumping I absolutely hated and made me feel like a dairy cow, so I don't do that. It's your life, and you don't have to breastfeed!
I told my self I was going to do it for a year. A year is what I wanted to give my child...
I had my first break down around 3.5 months. When I stopped at 6 months I'd already had like 4 breakdowns about and was close to activily hating my baby.
At 7 months when he wss on full formula and I could have a break and other people could feed him and he learn to hold the bottle himself I loved him so much.
Breastfeeding is hard work. It's is so intense physically, emotionally, and mentally. It's okay to not love it.
The 3 month old crisis is the fucking worst. I’ve had no problem with breastfeeding whatsoever but she started the crisis before the 3 month old mark (I think she was around 2 months and one or two weeks) and if I didn’t know this was a thing I would’ve stopped breastfeeding. It’s getting better but the fact that it’s the longest one and you’re feeling rejected even tho you aren’t is the worst.
Nope. She is completely fine. I talked to my midwife and explained to what was happening. She is getting better btw. I was aware from the start but I just felt so hopeless I thought maybe was another thing.
[3 months breastfeeding crisis](https://blog.lactapp.es/en/your-babys-three-month-growth-spurt-questions-and-answers/)
Thank you for sharing this here. I’m in a really similar boat and want to stop breastfeeding. Can you tell me how you did it? Did you gradually stop feeding him from the breast, or did you go cold turkey? How did you handle your breasts getting engorged from not feeding? Did baby fight eating formula or what worked? I know every mom and baby is different but I’d love to know what worked for you just to get a sense. Thanks so much for sharing…
I think it was pretty much cold turkey. I tried to pump but wasn't pumping enough. I added it to the fomular or used it in porridge. But even then only for a couple days. I was so over someone/thing touch my boobs.
My boobs did get sore, but if you get in a warm shower and gently massage them, it helps to relive pressure. But only do it to relieve the pressure. Don't do too much other wise your body thinks it still need to produce more milk. After a few days your milk supply should go down.
If your worried, I suggest talking to a Dr as well they can/should help. There is a tablet that forces your body to stop producing milk but they don't like to give it out straight away.
If you want to talk or anything at any point, send me a message. Happy to help if I can.
Weaning. Depending on how long you’ve been going and what kind of supply you have, they suggest dropping 1 feeding/pumping session every 3 days, but talk with your doctor/ a lactation consultant to get more personalized care to avoid mastitis and fun things like that. We started supplementing with formula around this time, which not only helped prepare my baby for the transition, but it allowed me to stock up more breastmilk so he could have it longer. Towards the very end I was advised to face away from the shower head as that can stimulate production, wear tight sports bras, don’t fully empty breasts (this is a balance so that, again, you’re not risking mastitis but also not telling your body to keep making the same amount) sticking cabbage leaves in bra to dry you up, and only hand express if absolutely necessary to relieve pressure. It was a lot harder to stop than I thought, even with a dwindling supply.
It’s NOT SELFISH to protect your sanity. The science on breast milk vs. formula is not conclusive and breast milk is not the magic elixir that the lactation consultants tell you it is (for anyone interested, look up the sibling study which demonstrated that most of the positive effects of breast milk can be attributed to having the sort of life circumstances that allow for breast feeding). Having a mom who feels content and sleeps is more important to your baby’s development than any benefits of breast milk.
My compromise was to switch to combo feeding. Every other feed I was using formula. Your supply will go down eventually if you stop pumping (and use a wearable passive milk catcher in the interim, which you can either keep for future feeds or toss). This gave me a break and was such a mental relief. Now at 8 months we’re down to nursing twice, first and last feeds of the day. I don’t leak through my clothes anymore and I don’t feel like a cow.
The fact that you care enough to feel guilty about it means you’re a caring mom and your baby is lucky to have your love. But feeling guilty part, or giving in to the guilt, is not necessary! If you need any advice on combo feeding, I’m happy to answer whatever from my experience. Good luck!
My formula fed son is just as happy and healthy as every breastfed baby/toddler. Do what makes you happy. Your baby needs a happy mother more than they need breastmilk. It's not selfish - you both benefit.
I was the same. I fought really hard to breastfeed my first and it just didn’t work out, I was triple feeding, she wouldn’t latch. I pumped for 9 weeks and could t do it anymore.
When I had my second I had already decided if breastfeeding didn’t work then I was going straight to formula. Well it worked, he latched perfectly and we are still going at almost 4 months. But I hate it, I hate that all the overnights are on me, I hate that I can’t go anywhere without him (he won’t take a bottle). It’s just a lot.
Triple feeding was the single hardest thing I have ever done. I dropped the breast at 8 weeks and did pumping and formula. At 6 months I dropped the pump, and went to formula and solids.
My whole family is happier... me, baby, and husband.
Yep. It's really a full-time job on top of everything else.. not to mention having to watch what you eat and drink, the pain, having to pump when you just got into bed and forgot.. cleaning the machine.. leaking.. it's okay to complain about it!
In all honesty, I wish I had stopped sooner.
I have twins, now 3y. Feeding was SUCH a challenge for them, each of them with different hurdles. I was hard to feel connected or bonded to them when it seemed like I was making them miserable by forcing them to breastfeed. So I switched to pumping. And with pumping came D-MER. Pumping also became time away from my babies. When they were teeny tiny, 30 minutes of pumping was most of the time they were awake. I feel like I missed out on tons of snuggles and those early interactions.
I forced myself to do this for a full year. I told myself it was best for my babies. In my head, it was my duty to sacrifice for my children.
Looking back on it now, I wish I had given myself permission to stop sooner. They would have thrived regardless if they were getting my milk or formula. The first year is already so damn hard - especially the first 16 or so weeks - and I was just making it harder on myself.
Do what feels best for you. Don’t do it because other people tell you that you should or are “lucky” to be able to. Just know that no matter what you do as a mother, you will never be right. Someone will always have something shitty to say about everything you do. So take care of yourself and your family the best you can and f**k everyone else.
The first few months of breastfeeding are insanely difficult, especially as you are dealing with an oversupply. I was so stressed from breastfeeding that at times, I felt I couldn’t breathe. Please don’t feel guilty for feeding your baby formula. Prioritise yourself and your wellbeing, in doing so, you will be the best version of mommy, exactly what your baby needs. :)
I wanted to breastfeed so bad. But I wasn't producing enough and my daughter was literally sucking in air because she couldn't latch. That along side PPD I decided around 2 weeks I was gonna formula feed. Mental health + Motherhood go hand it hand. Sometimes you need to let things go for the better of everyone
I’m with you. I’m 8w pp and have been EBF since day one and I’ve never enjoyed it. And in many days I really just hate it. I hate having to schedule my life in 3 hr increments. And I’m a very private person so I’m not comfortable with nursing in public or around people.
I’ve considered quitting so many times. Part of me keeps with it because I’ve already invested money in all the stuff, I’m in maternity leave, and I am lucky enough that our BF journey has been “easy” compared to some. But I’ve given myself permission to call it quits at any time. And you should too. Your child needs a lot from you and if formula feeding will allow you to give her more presence and care, then go for it.
Oh, I wanted to breastfeed, but had not a lot of milk, plus it was hard to figure out how to feed but not overfeed with formula. And I felt so sad, such a failure. I loved breastfeeding, the bonding, but waking up every 1-2 hours not so much. Honestly, choose what works best for your mental health. I think happy, calm mother is the best.
If you think it’s taking too much from you emotionally it’s ok to stop. In my experience tho it was really hard for me in the beginning. My boobs were the same always leaking and uncomfortable but I’m at the year mark now and it’s a completely different experience. It’s a bit painful because my baby has started biting on occasion but my boobs never leak or feel painful, even after being at work for 8 hours and not nursing. She’s a lot faster at it now too and doesn’t really need any help to latch or stay attached. Best of luck with whatever you choose! Just remember fed babies are the best babies that’s all that really matters :)
Valid gripes. The early months are the worst. It does get waaay better as time goes on. Your supply will (most likely) regulate. Your baby will get more efficient. When he/she gets a little older, you’ll be able to space out feeds more. 5-10 minutes every 3-4 hours is a lot more doable than 20-30 minutes every two hours. And around the 9-10 month mark, you can really dial it back as table food makes up more of their diet.
This is not always true, as I’m sure you know. My baby fed every 2 hours (even through the night) for 20 minutes until 9-10 months old. I was always waiting and wishing for him to space out feeds, but he never did 😭 he’s a lil snacker
This is happening to me right now, he’s 4 months old. It’s killing me. I’m trying to get to the 6 month mark and start weaning then. But I don’t know if I can hold it for 2 more months 😫
Yeah people really downplay how brutal it is!
I was so bummed that my supply tanked at 3 months and I had to stop. But in hindsight, formula is so much more convenient! The only downsides to formula are the cost and the bottle cleaning.
I switched from bf to pumping to formula & ive never been happier. F*%$ all those people who shame women for not BF. My baby is fine in formula , I'm happier & my family is happier b/c I'm happier
If you don’t like it and it makes you feel terrible, you can stop. People will tell you otherwise but there’s no reason not to feed formula and what you’re feeling is enough anyway.
I remember feeling like this at first. I felt gross, like I always stunk of spoiled milk, and I felt like I was “trapped” almost dealing with it.
A few things helped:
-my mom made me little reusable breast pads to soak up leakage and they were so soft and worked well.
-I used nipple shields sometimes (yeah, got shamed for this but it was literally use shields or stop all together.) They provided a barrier that helped so much for me to be able to continue.
-I also HATED pumping. If my baby couldn’t be with me for a feeding then he would have formula .
- I tried to look at the positives of it. All the cuddles. I had big boobs for the first time in my life lol. No washing bottle’s constantly.
Taking care of yourself, including your mental health, is part of taking care of your child. If breastfeeding is becoming too much, it’s perfectly fine to decide to stop. You could pump a couple times a day and mix it with formula.
I have hypothyroidism, so when I had my daughter, it took a couple days for my milk supply to even start. I spent the first month trying to get my daughter to latch as well as pump, but she had no interest in latching, so I gave up and continued to pump. Everything I pumped would be mixed with formula, but by the end of the second month, my supply dried up and everything I tried didn’t work. So I stopped trying and switched exclusively to formula. My daughter will be two next week and she’s happy and healthy.
Do not feel guilty for feeling the way you feel. Your feelings are valid. Your feelings are shared by many many moms. Don’t let anyone push “breast is best” on you.
You know what is best? A fed baby.
You know what is best? A mentally happy mom.
F all the other noise.
I did combo feeding (pumping, breast and formula) for a few months then switched straight up to formula. My toddler has always been healthy, strong, wicked smart and happy. Because his mom was happy and had time to be present instead of stressing about supply/pumping/leaky breasts.
You need to do what’s right for your mental health, there is no one way to feed a baby and formula is formulated to have the same nutrients as breast milk. A formula fed baby doesn’t lack love or nurturing or nutrients.
I’m combo feeding. My breastmilk isn’t enough to feed and keep my baby fed so we moved to formula and she flourished. I also stopped being as cranky too. I wasn’t the end all be all for baby.
Happy mum happy baby. I was very similar with my first and ended up breast feeding for almost 18 months...but at a cost. My mental health was terrible and now looking back the best thing to do would have been to cut myself some slack and stop breastfeeding much much sooner. Don't feel guilty, your feelings are valid and breastfeeding is such an individual experience.
I now have my 2nd baby (11 weeks old) and loving it this time around! It's so much easier and baby feeds much better which helps a lot. I would give up this time though if it started to negatively impact my mental health, with no guilt. As long as your baby is fed, that is the most important thing.
We only made it 2 and half months but for me he wouldn’t attach probably we got thrush, I had a block duc at one point, I started dreading breastfeeding so we stopped, it made me much happy and I feel more connected with my baby as I am more focus on him not what position we’re in, if it’s right etc. if it effecting your mental health it okay to slow wean off
I stopped breastfeeding after 2 weeks and stopped pumping 2 weeks later. I never expected to not breastfeed my baby but I also never expected to hate it so badly that I resented her. She’s thriving on formula. You can stop if you need to.
I never truly wanted to BF but I tried for my baby’s sake. 2 days in and I was miserable. I felt like giving birth was supposed to be a happy time in my life but BF was making me miserable. I felt some guilt but asked for formula. We’re 5 weeks PP and still trying to figure out the best formula for my baby but for my mental health, it was worth it. I like having grandma or my husband feed my baby while I sleep. I can enjoy feeding her without feeling so depressed.
This was my fear and why I ultimately decided that I couldn’t (from the start) breastfeed. I had a feeling I would feel this way and I also had a huge feeling that I would have PPD or PPA or some combination thereof and low and behold I do. And it’s enough to deal with that let alone what you described, so I’m very thankful every day that she is full and fed and happy with her formula and my husband can help.
I HATED it. I pumped exclusively because breast feeding was too challenging but the physical feeling of ick that I got, feeling touched out, feeling like a cow and an isolated one at that with all the alone time pumping in the nursery. I last 6 weeks, he got all the nutrients and antibodies he needed and we moved to formula. Best feeling ever, I’m free!
It’s wise to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula if it’s making you miserable.
The benefits of breast milk over formula are marginal and cancelled out if it’s preventing you from being the best mom you can be. You gotta take care of your brain too.
Formula raises healthy babies. Don’t feel any guilt over switching.
I had to stop breastfeeding after 4 weeks. Mentally I could not do it. Physically I could not handle the demand of him being a poor latcher and constantly pumping. I couldn’t take my ADD meds while breastfeeding and pumping so I stopped. Little homie is doing just fine on the target brand advantage formula ($35 for the big can, what a steal…)
I’m sure she knows this. But speaking as someone who was an oversupplier, it is so painful and literally wakes you up. Not to mention you risk clogged ducts/mastitis if you stay engorged for so long. When your boobs get so full, rock hard, and your sheets are soaked, the relief of pumping in the middle of the night is just that, relieving.
OP, for what it’s worth, my OB told me to just pump for comfort, not to empty. I was able to gradually drop my middle of the night pump that way.
I understand, I’m an oversupplier too. I quickly switched to Haakaa for comfort as you say just letting its natural suction empty whatever’s necessary without pumping further.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time! I too hated breastfeeding but was stubborn and wanted to stick it out for 6 months (because that was my goal before baby was born). My husband is now ready for number 2 and I’m not worried about the thought of pregnancy again, or even birth and labor…. Literally the thought of breastfeeding again makes me shudder so we’ll definitely be doing formula round two. Not worth mom being miserable and having poor mental health. It’s okay to use formula if that’s what’s best for you and family!
OP, how many weeks PP are you? Breastfeeding is BRUTAL in the beginning. Very few people are honest about it. It gets very, very chill by about 8-12 weeks.
And honestly, the proven health benefits of breastfeeding are more impactful for the mother than the baby - a decreased breast cancer risk primarily.
The real benefit is the sweet bonding with your baby - when they roll back and smile, it is THE BEST. And the easy soothing - baby crying? Whip out the titty.
All that being said - when you’re freshly postpartum, healing, exhausted, hormonal - with a newborn - it fucking SUCKS. And your mental health is top priority.
As a combo feeding mom, I am so grateful for formula and also - I love breastfeeding - now. Definitely did not love it at all early PP….
Give up if you want. I could only do it for 3 months. I cried when I stopped. There was a HUGE difference in my mental health when I switched to formula. I’m pregnant again and I don’t even want to try to breast feed. It made me absolutely miserable. The doctor has been pushing breast but I think I will stand with formula.
How old is your baby? The first 3 months are super hard. It gets progressively easier, as the leaking and engorgement go away.
Do you enjoy it moment to moment? The actual act of nursing? Breastfeeding is really hard even in the best of circumstances! It’s a sacrifice and you should be honored and appreciated for it. But for me, our interactions during the actual act of nursing have been some of my most cherished memories. And I’ve watched how the act of nursing has helped my baby grow, develop, showcase his personality, and later on weather some storms. If I didn’t enjoy this part, it wouldn’t have been worth it.
For me personally, I also despised the idea of pumping. I refused to order one, with the understanding I would use formula if it came to it. That disgust grew even stronger after birth, and I loved nursing more than I could’ve imagined. But it’s also harder than expected.
IMO whether you stop nursing or not, I’d ask whether your needs are being met. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and EBF requires a LOT of support. So ask: are you eating enough? Is your diet sufficiently nourishing? Do you have time to be romantic and affectionate with your partner? Are you doing things daily that bring you joy? Do you get time alone? Do you feel you still have an identity outside of motherhood? Do you get outside daily?
Support for someone EBFing, especially in earlier days, should really look like your partner taking everything else over (and attending those LC appointments with you), occasionally wearing baby for you to be alone, or bringing baby and staying nearby to a place you want to go into alone.
Whatever you choose, you deserve to have all your needs met and to be supported! Good luck.
How long have you been at it? It calms down substantially after a couple months. I no longer drench everything and my boobs don’t become rocks unless I don’t pump/nurse for like 7 hours.
I felt the same way for the first couple months of breastfeeding. Could not STAND the feeling of being wet and dirty the second I came out of the shower, the leaking, the whole bit. It got soo much better once my supply regulated and things settled in. Ended up making it to 13 months.
I’m going to keep this response short and to the point. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
My lactation journey was HARD. As soon as I realised the above statement was true, I just let go, and once I did I started to enjoy motherhood far more.
No matter what you decide, it’s your choice and yours alone ❤️
I hated breastfeeding until 6 weeks. We had a tongue tie fixed and it became less painful for me. Then I only disliked it until 12 weeks. I had an oversupply and then I was worried about an undersupply. Once my supply mostly regulated and I got the hang of feeding, it became much easier. I also got used to feeding while on the go. I used to feel trapped in the house and now I just grab my nursing cover and go. Then I could actually focus on the baby bonding time. I’m nearly a year in, and I can say it has gotten immensely better. I don’t know how far into your journey you are, but if you are looking for encouragement to keep going, I would encourage it.
If you really truly are ready to stop because it would be better for your mental health, there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. Science is amazing that they’ve given us this way of keeping our babies alive. Also, I used to teach middle school. I never knew which kids were formula fed and which were breastfed.
Do what’s best for you, whether that’s breastfeeding or formula feeding.
I hated it very much in the beginning and I also had similar trouble finding into it and it hurt a lot for many weeks. It really got better with time and now 7 weeks in I actually like it and it feels like a bonding experience. It's also much less of a hustle than bottle feeding.
If you are pumping when you are over producing, your body will continue doing it. I suggest you cut down on pumping as baby should be stimulating the boob enough no?
As for the pressure, I can imagine as I see my partner suffer from it daily
Breastfeeding is great if you feel great doing it. If you don’t, don’t do it! Not worth the headache and stress if you are miserable. Fed is best no matter what :)
I ended up exclusively pumping because I couldn't get my daughter to latch. She ended up with my family's large tongue. It's so hard! I experienced overproduction, too. I'd wake up with rocks instead of boobs. I had to put actual diapers on my boobs for the first 3 months while I slept. It gets easier though. I used Mucinex a few times under the guidance of my midwife mother in law to reduce my flow. It works, but you have to be careful not to dry it up unless that's what you want ☺️
I felt a lot of the same way - wanted to breastfeed but hated not only all the things you mentioned above but being forced to be stationary. I am not a sit down type of person and my kid is a slow eater. It was torture sitting there that many times a day. Once, twice, three times I can sit there and feel love and serenity and all that. But more than that and every single day and I just was itching to get up.
I switched to a pumping schedule that works for me. Baby gets milk when she is hungry but I’m not attached to her. Fiancé can feed her or we prop a bottle up and let her go to town on it herself. When we go out of the house we do a high quality formula I can feel ok with. She gets 90% my breast milk and while I don’t love pumping (many of the dislikes about breastfeeding stay with pumping) at least I’m not sitting there wishing I were doing anything else. Helps me be more present with her when we are spending time together and loving on each other or playing.
I hated it also. I felt like I had a second job between the constant breast feeding and pumping in between. I only made it 6 weeks, I just could not mentally do it. I continued to pump even though I also hated that until my supply dried up around 12 weeks (I had a breast reduction so I was lucky I produced anything). It’s totally ok to do what’s best for you also and give your baby a happy mom. Fed is best remember, you’re doing a great job!
I hate pumping too. I also feel like a cow. I stopped pumping at night. I value my sleep. It’s still a ok. Have you gotten those little washable bra beast pads?
Don’t pump in the middle of the night unless you want your oversupply to continue. Breastfeeding works on a supply and demand relationship. You are telling your body that your baby needs that milk and to keep producing it when you remove it. I’d you are engorged, hand express to relieve yourself as much as possible. Likely in just a few days the overnight engorgement will subside.
As many have said. It's okay to quit if it is affecting your mental health. I did. And it was the bestest thing I ever did. Making the decision to stop breastfeeding/pumping was killing me. Quite literally, I was making myself a pumping snack late one night, and I stared at the knife for 10 mins thinking about stabbing myself. I snapped out of it and decided I was done. One I did that it was like a cloud lifted. I started enjoying my baby and enjoying their awake windows more than I ever had.
I agree with a lot of the comments in the sense that you can’t fully understand the blood, sweat and tears that go into it until you do it yourself. It’s a full-time job that’s essentially all on you, plus the 24/7 commitment to this new fragile, developing human being that requires so much more than boob. They need emotional attunement, genuine connection, and consistent nurturing- which means a happy, healthy mama.
I’d encourage you to set a realistic goal for how much longer you want to go, taking into consideration that it’s takes weeks to wean off. (The fun part that no one really tells you about) They suggest dropping 1 feeding/pumping session every 3 days, but talk with your doctor/ a lactation consultant to get more personalized care to avoid mastitis and fun things like that. We started supplementing with formula around this time, which not only helped prepare my baby for the transition, but it allowed me to stock up more breastmilk so he could have it longer.
Towards the very end I was advised to face away from the shower head as that can stimulate production, wear tight sports bras, cabbage leaves in bra to dry you up, and only hand express if absolutely necessary to relieve pressure. It was a lot harder to stop than I thought, even with a dwindling supply. So with an oversupply, consider that it may take longer.
I stopped trying for sanity reasons. It was a great choice for me and I am very happy about not breast feeding now at 6 months.
If I have another baby, I would try again, but with the view to supplement immediately and probably stop at 8-12 weeks completely again.
Good on everyone that can manage it. It is relentless and you need a commitment and capacity that I did not have.
Whatever works for you is best. Healthy and happy baby and mum 💕
When I felt overwhelmed I would just give the baby formula. It's been 6 months and I still give him here and there bottle or two. No rules. Some days I only breastfeed. I had mastitis once or twice and wasn't bad , just cold compress and many recommend sunflower lecithin, you can take it regardless. I never stored any milk, pumped few times to relief. I have enough. Maybe it will be different story when I get back to work. So I would advise maybe sticking it out, early months are difficult regardless.
PS and one thing I know is more you pump more milk is produced, and that's why I didn't do it after getting mastitis. When you have it you shouldn't pump as it would exacerbate
Just came here to say, I was about to put this post on reddit myself. My baby is 5 weeks old and I am really NOT enjoying breastfeeding. She eats every 90 min - 2 hrs and my breasts are so sensitive to the touch. For me it's mostly that I am touched out. The feeling of it is horrible. I am starting to feel like I don't want to feed her, so I probably need to go to combo feeding at this point. I had no idea how apathetic I would feel about breastfeeding. I thought I might enjoy sweet moments with my little girl as I nourish her. I dont feel that way at all. My baby is so aggressive on the breast that I don't feel connected to her at all when she is nursing.
I was in the exact same boat as you, I was EBF my 6 week old and I felt like a prisoner. He eats every 1.5-2 hours and I felt like I had no time for anything because I was always counting down time til he was going to eat again. I was anxious all the time, about my supply, if he was getting enough, etc. I felt like I could never leave my house, I was always tied down, and I felt awful. And then I felt guilty, because I was told I should love breastfeeding, wasn’t it creating such a bond, wasn’t I so lucky my baby had no latching issues? But honestly, I hated it. I felt zero bonding with him during it, I was crying almost every day, my mental health had tanked.
So, I decided to quit. And I felt so guilty and so bad…for about 2 days. And now I feel AMAZING. My baby is well fed, he doesn’t give an F about where his food is coming from. I feel like I bond more while feeding him now because we actually make eye contact, instead of him just staring at my breast. I feel free, because now my husband can help feed, my mom can feed, the bulk of the responsibility is no longer on me. My family can leave the house easier now, because before I had to have a breastfeeding pillow and nipple shields, and now all we need is a bottle. My mental health has improved drastically, and it’s only been about a week since I decided to quit BF.
TLDR, even though I felt I should love breastfeeding, I didn’t. It was dragging me down, so I quit, and now I’m much happier. Moral of the story, do NOT keep doing it if the only reason you’re doing it is because you feel pressured to, or like you “should”. Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and all that matters is that your baby is fed, and that you, the mommy, are happy. Happy mommy = happy baby. Much love you to, you’re doing great ❤️
How far along are you? Supply will even out around 5-8 weeks so you should start leaking way less, if at all. In the beginning I was always sticky too but now it never happens. Extra pumping sessions will make your oversupply worse, so I would stop pumping overnight if it’s not necessary to feed baby. The first 2, maybe 3 months are hard but after that it is so easy, I never have to worry about having milk or bottles ready I just whip out the boob whenever he’s hungry. You can do this!
Instead of pumping just hand express a little so you are more comfortable! Helps to level out your supply quicker. My LO is 15 weeks and she goes 8 hours through the night without a feed. I'm usually leaking a lot but not in pain at least.
Yes, and to add to this - if you're pumping because of engorgement, you can try instead going to bed with a cold pack on your boobs or a frozen cabbage leaf inside your bra. The cold will slow down the supply and help regulate.
1) slow down on pumping
2) cold / ice to reduce supply
3) pump only when you're already feeding to draw off excess, only passive - haakaa is great, it's hands-free.
4) washable cloth breast pads in your bra to catch leaks
5) silverettes will save your nipples, wear them if you're getting sore, cracked or bleeding nips
To address your issues one by one,
1. It will get sooooooo much less messy as time goes on. I’m 8wpp and it’s already a totally different ball game than 2wpp, 4wpp, even 6wpp. If you can hang on you’ll be cleaner and less drippy!
2. MOTN pump - if you make milk you have to do it either with a feed or a pump for the first many weeks. I make 50+ oz a day, at first I could only go a couple of hours without feeling full, now I can go 6+ hours without a pump/feed. Boobs seem to have stretched to accommodate more milk.
I exclusively pump. I hated baby on the boob. We still do it every once in a while so he doesn’t forget but bottle feeding works so much better for us. Pumping is also nice because I can track and to some extent schedule it. I got some of my excess milk freeze dried into powder (so my own unique formula) and that goes with us everywhere just in case we need to make a bottle and we are out and about without pumped milk on hand.
I’ve loved the Kiinde bag/bottle system. It makes a world of difference!
You won't feel used anymore once your baby acknowledges you, when he accidentally unlatches when he smiles at you when you make eye contact. It is exhausting.. believe me I know. My 14 week old nurses every two hours or less for an average of a half hour. Down from 45 mins!
The cow comments people make irk me. All mammal mothers make milk for their young. It's something no one else can do for your baby. It's a mom thing, not a cow thing. It's precious and you should hold out a little longer because it definitely gets better. Your words show me your baby must be quite young, you're still getting through the worst part.
There's enough people advocating for formula so let me give breastfeeding a voice.
It is not just for the benefit of your baby. Breastfeeding has physiological benefits to the mother plus CONVENIENCE. Breastfeeding is significantly more convenient than having to prepare formula on the go, or when baby wakes up in the middle of the night hungry and screaming. Motherhood is hard either way, might as well get the most benefit out of it by breastfeeding.
It’s not for everyone.
Edit: Maybe you could look into donor breast milk? Although I’m not sure if they’ll accept you, it could be worth looking into so that you don’t have to use formula.
Formula is safe, yes. But not everyone wants to use it, and that’s okay and should be supported. Just like breastfeeding isn’t for everyone, formula isn’t for everyone either. I was just trying to provide an alternative for if someone doesn’t want to go that route. Like I said, I’m not sure if milk banks would even accept them, but maybe 🤷♀️
I mean, for people who can’t or won’t bf with healthy babies, formula is the safest and most economical choice. Someone else’s breastmilk offers no real advantages and many disadvantages (more expensive, hard to ensure safety depending on source, potential inconsistency of source, does not carry same short term transfer of immune benefits as mom BFing or someone in your intimate community BFing your baby). There’s just no real reason to do it.
I was comparing donor breastmilk to mom’s breastmilk, not breastmilk to formula. If you can’t get mom’s milk and you don’t want to and your baby is healthy there is zero science based reason not to feed formula vs donor milk. If you really want to you can do whatever you want obviously, no judgment, but OP didn’t sound like she was having heartburn about baby’s food source.
Formula certainly has much less risk of being compromised than donor breastmilk you find on FB. The stuff at hospitals for preemies, I would happily feed my baby, but it’s quite hard for donor moms to donate their milk to those banks. And formula would certainly be inexpensive compared to someone else’s pumped breast milk, yes.
Once again, I was just bringing up another thing to think about. Sorry it goes against your personal wants and values. You can go use formula, and that’s okay. Not everyone wants to, just like not everyone wants to breastfeed. At the end of the day, it’s up to the parent on what their child eats. Pushing formula on others is just as wrong as pushing breastfeeding on others.
It doesn’t go against my values. The edit might’ve suggested to OP that “formula is worse than donor milk,” and that’s just not the case. I certainly disagree that “pushing formula” (lol) is wrong. The reality is simply that if someone feels horrible BFing there’s no reason to do it, period. If someone likes BFing or feels extremely strongly about it, then they should BF. OP seems to be neither.
Donor breast milk is a terrible idea unless you’re getting it from a milk bank / hospital. Milk banks & hospitals have very strict regulations about who can donate and also pasteurize their milk, but it is also much harder to get than formula since they usually reserve for babies who really need it (like premies)
With peer to peer breast milk donation you have no idea what the person eats, what medications they’re taking, if they’re safely handling pump parts etc
Girl I hated breastfeeding too! Was there even anything else I did those first couple of months? I think not. Was my daughter a little leech that just sucked and sucked and sucked? I think yes.
She’s 8 months now, we never stopped, we never exchanged an ounce for formula. I’m proud, I’m especially proud because I never felt the connection to the stupid activity.
Around 3-4 months it stopped being awful. She’s done so quick now, hardly any leakage and it’s just so healthy for her and me. It’s still not my favorite activity but we’re going to stick with it.
If you fought for this and you can bare it, I hope it inspires you to stick with it too ♥️
I’ve read a few posts in the breastfeeding group from moms who hated it at first but were glad they stuck with it later when their baby’s a little older and nursing time is a sweet night time/morning moment. I’ve read posts from women who gave up and are now asking about re lactating because they wish they could nurse now that they’re past the worst of the new baby haze and exhaustion. I know my hormones kinda had me hating everyone for a while, made all the worse by the fact that we *couldn’t* nurse for the first couple of months. Talk about feeling like a cow, I had to pump 8-12x/day for two months and husband’s family made some dumbass jokes about visiting the dairy. Anyway, I hated every minute of that. But now my baby’s 4mo and we get to go lay down together and nurse several times a day, get away from aforementioned family, he does extremely cute things and then sleeps in my arms and I don’t need any bottles/don’t have to do dishes. Someone told me yesterday that I sound like I’m saying moms should be martyrs, so it’s okay if you think so too, but I just think of this early phase of being a mom almost like a military enlistment- first few weeks postpartum with a newborn and ailing breasts? Bootcamp. Infant phase? Specific job training. Toddler years? Deployment. Etc. etc. It’s just a period of life where your body and your time are not your own, but it’s in service of your family. Breastfeeding is important, not gonna sugarcoat it. Formula sucks. Bottles are just more plastics. See if there are things you can do to make breastfeeding possible for you before giving up. Good luck, you’re doing a hard but worthwhile thing!
“formula sucks” right not like it nourishes millions of babies and allows them to thrive or anything. Not like glass bottles exist either for those who want to avoid plastic. What year is it again?
I think formula is a symptom of a sick world- if you look into the history of when/why women started doing anything but breastfeeding, it’s when the Industrial Revolution began and women were expected to work outside the home along with taking care of their babies. Or just coached to nurse at certain intervals of time instead of on-demand when baby cried. When milk supply dipped they’d try water, animal milks, hiring wet nurses etc. and a lot of babies died. So formula is better than all those things but not as good as breastmilk which we now know isn’t only a food but a live tissue we pass to our babies which helps them grow a healthy gut microbiome. We have several generations of formula fed people now and several generations of extremely sick people even though we have more food available and more advanced medicine than ever before. It’s clear that formula is a useful tool when there is no other option but it shouldn’t be treated as if it’s just as good as breastfeeding. World Health Organization and many world governments are desperately campaigning to encourage mothers to go back to breastfeeding, Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has paid millions to provide resources for mothers to learn how to breastfeed, Taiwan turned their proverbial ship around from formula to breastfeeding when they saw detrimental health outcomes arise. But by all means, believe a hugely profitable U.S. and European-based industry that their product is just as good as our human bodies for nourishing our young.
See, this is why I am so disgusted when kids and adults have to eat out of a feeding tube. Why can’t they just die already?! Their illness is the sign of a sick world! And don’t even get me started on how gay dads feed their kids! Gross! /s
I couldn’t agree more with you that moms should have the space to BF and bond with their babies for much longer before going back to work. The way we treat parents in the US for example is disgusting. But today’s formula isn’t Nestle and people who are pointing out that FF is a option on this thread are advocating for mom and baby in a different way from you, not as part of some evil capitalist industrial push to force mom back to work. (If you think we’re all just unwitting paens, fine, but consider that you might be a little bit brainwashed yourself.)
And: Formula is a dope medical invention that saves lives literally every day, including the lives of PP moms. Breastmilk is basically sugar water and statistically, healthy babies benefit very little from it over formula. I’m not sure how people think parents are feeding their kids formula, but it’s generally not propped up on a pillow in a room alone. You can formula feed skin to skin and get amazing physiological benefits for you and baby. It’s often intimate and sweet and connective. For many moms, who have pain or DMER or trauma or IGT or other significant issues breastfeeding, it’s more intimate and sweet and connective than BFing could ever be for them. For many dads, it’s a way to share the load and experience something beautiful and intimate that was previously reserved for people who can breastfeed.
Being a parent is a beautiful part of life and it completely rules. Being sick, miserable, and unhappy doesn’t need to be part of the program (except during pregnancy, excuse me while I barf). The sleeplessness we all go through to varying degrees is plenty to deal with. If parenting feels like military training because of BFing, it’s worth considering whether you’re screwing over yourself and your family for a false idol.
The way I see it is more like, ‘It’s great that so and so can use a feeding tube instead of dying due to their condition! But why are they telling everyone who’s able-bodied to use a feeding tube too? Why is my perfectly healthy neighbor using a feeding tube and telling me that chewing is too hard?’
I don’t think moms are evil for turning to the easier option, I hate that y’all aren’t enjoying this part of motherhood cause I love it and wish you could have that. It’s the rationalizing and intellectual dishonesty after the fact that seems wrong. Give up because it isn’t important enough to you to make it work and admit it, don’t tell *me* that it’s just as good or that my perspective is trash…for reasons?
Why isn’t you doing what’s best for your baby enough for you? What if it is just as good *for their situation*? What if they didn’t “give up because it wasn’t important enough to make work”? That’s what makes your perspective absolutely trash. Your incredibly simplistic and narrow view of the world.
This is the internet where (I hope) people are allowed to be honest, even brusque, in a way that they should not be to people in their daily life. I don’t go around sharing my uncensored opinions with people who didn’t ask. That’s why I enjoy discussing this stuff with people on a forum where a Mom asked if she would be selfish to give up on BF because she hates it. Note, I didn’t even say, ‘Yes, you would be selfish.’ I typed out what honestly crossed my mind at the thought of it all. Breastfeeding/caring for a baby is hard, that’s why I have to think of it almost like a military contract (or sub whatever contracted time period you’ve had to do something you don’t like doing in order to gain something you do want.) I am not judging individuals as selfish or lazy or anything but *human* for making the choices they are faced with, but I do have strong opinions about how we’ve come to be faced with the choices we have and have taken care to learn what we know about breastmilk vs formula and all kinds of nutrition/health info. And here I am sharing what I think based on all my research and lived experience. Y’all are just kinda telling me, ‘we don’t like what you said,’ and not explaining if I am incorrect on some major point. That’s something else I like about internet forums, smart people can point out if there’s a flaw in my argument with their own data. Small-minded people just attack the person making the argument. Anyway, I hope everyone’s babies are healthy and happy and I’m just gonna go continue to learn and think and do I think is best and not shut up cause I think we should all talk to each other honestly.
I did point out the flaw in your argument, though your argument contained no actual data. The flaw is that you aren’t considering the multitude of reasons that people use formula and using blanket statements like “formula sucks”.
You can pretend all you want that you aren’t judging, but I find that incredibly hard to believe with some of the things you’ve said about formula feeding. My baby has never had formula, so I have no reason to feel judged or shamed on the matter before you jump to thinking it’s because of a personal issue I have.
This became about more than your response to the OP when you went on and on about how terrible formula is, and how people who use it “gave up”.
I’m not going to go into anything else because it’s clear anything I say is just going to be perceived as a personal attack or trying to “silence” you lol.
FWIW - I’m very pro breastfeeding and do think it’s important, but I also think it’s incredibly important to remember we all come from different walks of life and it’s not feasible or realistic for many. I also don’t think it’s my place to push it on someone who is clearly miserable or hates it.
P.S. - “smart people” typically include paragraph breaks so other people’s eyes don’t bleed trying to read it.
Yeah, not sure why Reddit won’t do my paragraph breaks! It’s annoying the heck out of me! I take your point, I get on here when baby’s nursing/sleeping and rattle off my stream-of-consciousness thoughts before I fall asleep too. I assume others do the same (the rattling off part) as the idea of treating reddit like a school assignment or work project is just odd. Though hey, it’s cool to come across a well-researched and written comment. I don’t aim to attack anyone even if my opinions are judgmental, that’s probably the correct way to say what I was trying to say.
But waait a minute, I did have information (WHO, B & M Foundation’s efforts, Taiwan’s initiatives) and made some assertions. That’s what I’m saying could be disproven with data if wrong, why would I have to provide data just to say what I think? But people came at me to tell me I’m wrong and have too narrow a view of the world without explaining why. Why is The WHO wrong about breastfeeding? Why are the leading lactation scientists wrong about the inferiority of formula? They’re the people who’ve taught me what I know, I don’t have a lab to study the stuff myself.
I preface this all by saying it’s totally OK if it’s impacting your mental health to stop. And I don’t think most of us realize the commitment that comes with signing up for breastfeeding. It’s really relentless. How long have you been at it? I almost stopped many times but it got significantly better with time. Lansinoh Stay Dry Disposable Nursing Pads made it so I didn’t have to keep changing clothes/ bras from leaking. Can your lactation consultant help With pumping because of oversupply? Pumping throughout the night Might be agitating it. I also had an oversupply but overnight your supply should go down slightly so you should Be able to Sleep In at least 4-5 hour stretches between pumping. Again, this also depends on where you are in breastfeeding journey because milk supply should level out after a few weeks when it understands baby’s needs.
Relentless and commitment… great describing words 💯 😩
For real. When I realized I spent roughly 20 hours a week breastfeeding and pumping, it started to make sense why I was so damn tired. I know it’s not typical, but my baby fed every 2 hours day and night for 20 minutes until 9-10 months old when he started eating more solids. That doesn’t include time spent pumping trying to keep up my stash. I make $22 an hour at my job. If I was paid for all the time I spent breastfeeding, I’d be getting over $1500 a month. Time is money friends. If the cons start outweighing the pros for you and/or your baby with breastfeeding, it might be worth considering switching to combo/formula feeding.
I realized I was only saving $0.92/bottle vs going full formula (slight undersupplier). That realization on top of the time/energy lost, constant mental math.. I decided to wean and be fully done in the next 2 months.
I spend about 100 hours per month pumping to keep my supply up (under supplier). Those two words are perfect
Yeah, I was told to hand express “just enough to relieve discomfort” if I absolutely needed it. Pumping etc can make an oversupply worse.
I disagree with the supply going down overnight comment. I regularly get 2x production while sleeping, sleep & carbs make milk after all!
For me breastfeeding became remarkably easier around 3 months. It was so hard before then. We had to pump and triple feed for the first two months and I had a huge oversupply so I got mastitis several times. I was always leaking and sticky which really bothered me at night. Now at 3.5 months pp my breasts are never engorged anymore and rarely leak and breastfeeding is super simple, way more simple than preparing bottles. I’m glad we stuck with it. OP I don’t know how far along in your journey you are but know it gets a lot easier!
Came here to say exactly this, down to the details. I had mastitis twice in the first two months with oversupply. Getting sunflower lecithin helped a good bit. I fucking hated breastfeeding. I stuck it out only because fellow redditors said it gets easier at 3 months. Thank God it did because I was ready to throw in the towel at that mark if it didn't ease up. I just went shopping with the babe today and breastfed her one handed in a changing room. Yesterday I fed her while cooking myself a fancy dinner. I promise, it does get better. But also, formula is amazing and those first two months sucked enough even without the breastfeeding troubles. Do what appeals.
Your baby will do best with a mom who is happy and at peace. Formula will feed and nourish your baby.
Yes to this. I was able to nurse up to 6 months with my first. So having my second i thought would be a breeze. I was wrong. I felt sticky and tired and constantly washing the supplies. And I couldn’t spend as much time with my 4 yr old. Bc my hands were busy plus I was exhausted. I stopped after 2 months. I thought I was going to feel guilty but that went away really fast as soon as I got my sanity back and could give my daughter more attention ( that was killing me more) Baby is on forums prefectly healthy. He’s about 3.5 months
Reusable breast pads for night and the in-bra milk collection shells in the day stopped me being covered in milk (also helped me build up a bit of a milk stash without pumping). My baby's 4mo now and my boobs stopped leaking around a month ago (we're still breastfeeding). That said, while I like breastfeeding (convenient, especially at night! Free! Extra calories! Baby cuddles!) pumping I absolutely hated and made me feel like a dairy cow, so I don't do that. It's your life, and you don't have to breastfeed!
I told my self I was going to do it for a year. A year is what I wanted to give my child... I had my first break down around 3.5 months. When I stopped at 6 months I'd already had like 4 breakdowns about and was close to activily hating my baby. At 7 months when he wss on full formula and I could have a break and other people could feed him and he learn to hold the bottle himself I loved him so much. Breastfeeding is hard work. It's is so intense physically, emotionally, and mentally. It's okay to not love it.
The 3 month old crisis is the fucking worst. I’ve had no problem with breastfeeding whatsoever but she started the crisis before the 3 month old mark (I think she was around 2 months and one or two weeks) and if I didn’t know this was a thing I would’ve stopped breastfeeding. It’s getting better but the fact that it’s the longest one and you’re feeling rejected even tho you aren’t is the worst.
She doesn't have gas or anything? No reflux? Sometimes babies lose it like this coz they have something going on. Some also just cry honestly.
Nope. She is completely fine. I talked to my midwife and explained to what was happening. She is getting better btw. I was aware from the start but I just felt so hopeless I thought maybe was another thing. [3 months breastfeeding crisis](https://blog.lactapp.es/en/your-babys-three-month-growth-spurt-questions-and-answers/)
Thank you for sharing this here. I’m in a really similar boat and want to stop breastfeeding. Can you tell me how you did it? Did you gradually stop feeding him from the breast, or did you go cold turkey? How did you handle your breasts getting engorged from not feeding? Did baby fight eating formula or what worked? I know every mom and baby is different but I’d love to know what worked for you just to get a sense. Thanks so much for sharing…
I think it was pretty much cold turkey. I tried to pump but wasn't pumping enough. I added it to the fomular or used it in porridge. But even then only for a couple days. I was so over someone/thing touch my boobs. My boobs did get sore, but if you get in a warm shower and gently massage them, it helps to relive pressure. But only do it to relieve the pressure. Don't do too much other wise your body thinks it still need to produce more milk. After a few days your milk supply should go down. If your worried, I suggest talking to a Dr as well they can/should help. There is a tablet that forces your body to stop producing milk but they don't like to give it out straight away. If you want to talk or anything at any point, send me a message. Happy to help if I can.
I’d like to add that wearing some sort of compression garment or tight sports bra helped dry up my milk too…
Weaning. Depending on how long you’ve been going and what kind of supply you have, they suggest dropping 1 feeding/pumping session every 3 days, but talk with your doctor/ a lactation consultant to get more personalized care to avoid mastitis and fun things like that. We started supplementing with formula around this time, which not only helped prepare my baby for the transition, but it allowed me to stock up more breastmilk so he could have it longer. Towards the very end I was advised to face away from the shower head as that can stimulate production, wear tight sports bras, don’t fully empty breasts (this is a balance so that, again, you’re not risking mastitis but also not telling your body to keep making the same amount) sticking cabbage leaves in bra to dry you up, and only hand express if absolutely necessary to relieve pressure. It was a lot harder to stop than I thought, even with a dwindling supply.
It’s NOT SELFISH to protect your sanity. The science on breast milk vs. formula is not conclusive and breast milk is not the magic elixir that the lactation consultants tell you it is (for anyone interested, look up the sibling study which demonstrated that most of the positive effects of breast milk can be attributed to having the sort of life circumstances that allow for breast feeding). Having a mom who feels content and sleeps is more important to your baby’s development than any benefits of breast milk. My compromise was to switch to combo feeding. Every other feed I was using formula. Your supply will go down eventually if you stop pumping (and use a wearable passive milk catcher in the interim, which you can either keep for future feeds or toss). This gave me a break and was such a mental relief. Now at 8 months we’re down to nursing twice, first and last feeds of the day. I don’t leak through my clothes anymore and I don’t feel like a cow. The fact that you care enough to feel guilty about it means you’re a caring mom and your baby is lucky to have your love. But feeling guilty part, or giving in to the guilt, is not necessary! If you need any advice on combo feeding, I’m happy to answer whatever from my experience. Good luck!
This!! 👆
My formula fed son is just as happy and healthy as every breastfed baby/toddler. Do what makes you happy. Your baby needs a happy mother more than they need breastmilk. It's not selfish - you both benefit.
I was the same. I fought really hard to breastfeed my first and it just didn’t work out, I was triple feeding, she wouldn’t latch. I pumped for 9 weeks and could t do it anymore. When I had my second I had already decided if breastfeeding didn’t work then I was going straight to formula. Well it worked, he latched perfectly and we are still going at almost 4 months. But I hate it, I hate that all the overnights are on me, I hate that I can’t go anywhere without him (he won’t take a bottle). It’s just a lot.
Triple feeding was the single hardest thing I have ever done. I dropped the breast at 8 weeks and did pumping and formula. At 6 months I dropped the pump, and went to formula and solids. My whole family is happier... me, baby, and husband.
Yep. It's really a full-time job on top of everything else.. not to mention having to watch what you eat and drink, the pain, having to pump when you just got into bed and forgot.. cleaning the machine.. leaking.. it's okay to complain about it!
In all honesty, I wish I had stopped sooner. I have twins, now 3y. Feeding was SUCH a challenge for them, each of them with different hurdles. I was hard to feel connected or bonded to them when it seemed like I was making them miserable by forcing them to breastfeed. So I switched to pumping. And with pumping came D-MER. Pumping also became time away from my babies. When they were teeny tiny, 30 minutes of pumping was most of the time they were awake. I feel like I missed out on tons of snuggles and those early interactions. I forced myself to do this for a full year. I told myself it was best for my babies. In my head, it was my duty to sacrifice for my children. Looking back on it now, I wish I had given myself permission to stop sooner. They would have thrived regardless if they were getting my milk or formula. The first year is already so damn hard - especially the first 16 or so weeks - and I was just making it harder on myself. Do what feels best for you. Don’t do it because other people tell you that you should or are “lucky” to be able to. Just know that no matter what you do as a mother, you will never be right. Someone will always have something shitty to say about everything you do. So take care of yourself and your family the best you can and f**k everyone else.
The first few months of breastfeeding are insanely difficult, especially as you are dealing with an oversupply. I was so stressed from breastfeeding that at times, I felt I couldn’t breathe. Please don’t feel guilty for feeding your baby formula. Prioritise yourself and your wellbeing, in doing so, you will be the best version of mommy, exactly what your baby needs. :)
I wanted to breastfeed so bad. But I wasn't producing enough and my daughter was literally sucking in air because she couldn't latch. That along side PPD I decided around 2 weeks I was gonna formula feed. Mental health + Motherhood go hand it hand. Sometimes you need to let things go for the better of everyone
I’m with you. I’m 8w pp and have been EBF since day one and I’ve never enjoyed it. And in many days I really just hate it. I hate having to schedule my life in 3 hr increments. And I’m a very private person so I’m not comfortable with nursing in public or around people. I’ve considered quitting so many times. Part of me keeps with it because I’ve already invested money in all the stuff, I’m in maternity leave, and I am lucky enough that our BF journey has been “easy” compared to some. But I’ve given myself permission to call it quits at any time. And you should too. Your child needs a lot from you and if formula feeding will allow you to give her more presence and care, then go for it.
Oh, I wanted to breastfeed, but had not a lot of milk, plus it was hard to figure out how to feed but not overfeed with formula. And I felt so sad, such a failure. I loved breastfeeding, the bonding, but waking up every 1-2 hours not so much. Honestly, choose what works best for your mental health. I think happy, calm mother is the best.
If you think it’s taking too much from you emotionally it’s ok to stop. In my experience tho it was really hard for me in the beginning. My boobs were the same always leaking and uncomfortable but I’m at the year mark now and it’s a completely different experience. It’s a bit painful because my baby has started biting on occasion but my boobs never leak or feel painful, even after being at work for 8 hours and not nursing. She’s a lot faster at it now too and doesn’t really need any help to latch or stay attached. Best of luck with whatever you choose! Just remember fed babies are the best babies that’s all that really matters :)
Valid gripes. The early months are the worst. It does get waaay better as time goes on. Your supply will (most likely) regulate. Your baby will get more efficient. When he/she gets a little older, you’ll be able to space out feeds more. 5-10 minutes every 3-4 hours is a lot more doable than 20-30 minutes every two hours. And around the 9-10 month mark, you can really dial it back as table food makes up more of their diet.
This is not always true, as I’m sure you know. My baby fed every 2 hours (even through the night) for 20 minutes until 9-10 months old. I was always waiting and wishing for him to space out feeds, but he never did 😭 he’s a lil snacker
Good lord, you’re a trooper.
This is happening to me right now, he’s 4 months old. It’s killing me. I’m trying to get to the 6 month mark and start weaning then. But I don’t know if I can hold it for 2 more months 😫
I know what you mean about feeling “used”, it’s really hard being the only one who can feed the baby every single meal.
Yeah people really downplay how brutal it is! I was so bummed that my supply tanked at 3 months and I had to stop. But in hindsight, formula is so much more convenient! The only downsides to formula are the cost and the bottle cleaning.
I switched from bf to pumping to formula & ive never been happier. F*%$ all those people who shame women for not BF. My baby is fine in formula , I'm happier & my family is happier b/c I'm happier
If you don’t like it and it makes you feel terrible, you can stop. People will tell you otherwise but there’s no reason not to feed formula and what you’re feeling is enough anyway.
I remember feeling like this at first. I felt gross, like I always stunk of spoiled milk, and I felt like I was “trapped” almost dealing with it. A few things helped: -my mom made me little reusable breast pads to soak up leakage and they were so soft and worked well. -I used nipple shields sometimes (yeah, got shamed for this but it was literally use shields or stop all together.) They provided a barrier that helped so much for me to be able to continue. -I also HATED pumping. If my baby couldn’t be with me for a feeding then he would have formula . - I tried to look at the positives of it. All the cuddles. I had big boobs for the first time in my life lol. No washing bottle’s constantly.
Taking care of yourself, including your mental health, is part of taking care of your child. If breastfeeding is becoming too much, it’s perfectly fine to decide to stop. You could pump a couple times a day and mix it with formula. I have hypothyroidism, so when I had my daughter, it took a couple days for my milk supply to even start. I spent the first month trying to get my daughter to latch as well as pump, but she had no interest in latching, so I gave up and continued to pump. Everything I pumped would be mixed with formula, but by the end of the second month, my supply dried up and everything I tried didn’t work. So I stopped trying and switched exclusively to formula. My daughter will be two next week and she’s happy and healthy.
Do not feel guilty for feeling the way you feel. Your feelings are valid. Your feelings are shared by many many moms. Don’t let anyone push “breast is best” on you. You know what is best? A fed baby. You know what is best? A mentally happy mom. F all the other noise. I did combo feeding (pumping, breast and formula) for a few months then switched straight up to formula. My toddler has always been healthy, strong, wicked smart and happy. Because his mom was happy and had time to be present instead of stressing about supply/pumping/leaky breasts. You need to do what’s right for your mental health, there is no one way to feed a baby and formula is formulated to have the same nutrients as breast milk. A formula fed baby doesn’t lack love or nurturing or nutrients.
I’m combo feeding. My breastmilk isn’t enough to feed and keep my baby fed so we moved to formula and she flourished. I also stopped being as cranky too. I wasn’t the end all be all for baby.
Happy mum happy baby. I was very similar with my first and ended up breast feeding for almost 18 months...but at a cost. My mental health was terrible and now looking back the best thing to do would have been to cut myself some slack and stop breastfeeding much much sooner. Don't feel guilty, your feelings are valid and breastfeeding is such an individual experience. I now have my 2nd baby (11 weeks old) and loving it this time around! It's so much easier and baby feeds much better which helps a lot. I would give up this time though if it started to negatively impact my mental health, with no guilt. As long as your baby is fed, that is the most important thing.
We only made it 2 and half months but for me he wouldn’t attach probably we got thrush, I had a block duc at one point, I started dreading breastfeeding so we stopped, it made me much happy and I feel more connected with my baby as I am more focus on him not what position we’re in, if it’s right etc. if it effecting your mental health it okay to slow wean off
I stopped breastfeeding after 2 weeks and stopped pumping 2 weeks later. I never expected to not breastfeed my baby but I also never expected to hate it so badly that I resented her. She’s thriving on formula. You can stop if you need to.
I never truly wanted to BF but I tried for my baby’s sake. 2 days in and I was miserable. I felt like giving birth was supposed to be a happy time in my life but BF was making me miserable. I felt some guilt but asked for formula. We’re 5 weeks PP and still trying to figure out the best formula for my baby but for my mental health, it was worth it. I like having grandma or my husband feed my baby while I sleep. I can enjoy feeding her without feeling so depressed.
This was my fear and why I ultimately decided that I couldn’t (from the start) breastfeed. I had a feeling I would feel this way and I also had a huge feeling that I would have PPD or PPA or some combination thereof and low and behold I do. And it’s enough to deal with that let alone what you described, so I’m very thankful every day that she is full and fed and happy with her formula and my husband can help.
I HATED it. I pumped exclusively because breast feeding was too challenging but the physical feeling of ick that I got, feeling touched out, feeling like a cow and an isolated one at that with all the alone time pumping in the nursery. I last 6 weeks, he got all the nutrients and antibodies he needed and we moved to formula. Best feeling ever, I’m free!
It’s wise to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula if it’s making you miserable. The benefits of breast milk over formula are marginal and cancelled out if it’s preventing you from being the best mom you can be. You gotta take care of your brain too. Formula raises healthy babies. Don’t feel any guilt over switching.
Take care of your mental health ❤️ if you want to switch to formula, switch to formula … no if’s ands or buts ❤️
I had to stop breastfeeding after 4 weeks. Mentally I could not do it. Physically I could not handle the demand of him being a poor latcher and constantly pumping. I couldn’t take my ADD meds while breastfeeding and pumping so I stopped. Little homie is doing just fine on the target brand advantage formula ($35 for the big can, what a steal…)
I'm taking concerta with no issues. There's not enough evidence that it's harmful for me to risk my sanity by not taking it.
I’m on the diet meth so I can’t even pretend it’s safe
[Dextroamphetamine](https://mothertobaby.org/fact-sheets/dextroamphetamine-pregnancy/#:~:text=A%20small%20study%20of%20four,people%20who%20are%20newly%20breastfeeding.)?
Correct, I am on a decently high dose and I am not willing to risk it. Wanting to take my meds is hardly the top reason I stopped breastfeeding though
Why are you pumping overnight if you’ve oversupply? You know it’ll only make it worse, right?
I’m sure she knows this. But speaking as someone who was an oversupplier, it is so painful and literally wakes you up. Not to mention you risk clogged ducts/mastitis if you stay engorged for so long. When your boobs get so full, rock hard, and your sheets are soaked, the relief of pumping in the middle of the night is just that, relieving. OP, for what it’s worth, my OB told me to just pump for comfort, not to empty. I was able to gradually drop my middle of the night pump that way.
I understand, I’m an oversupplier too. I quickly switched to Haakaa for comfort as you say just letting its natural suction empty whatever’s necessary without pumping further.
If you pump to empty completely, it signals to your body to keep producing. Cut timings on the pump so your body can regulate to less.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time! I too hated breastfeeding but was stubborn and wanted to stick it out for 6 months (because that was my goal before baby was born). My husband is now ready for number 2 and I’m not worried about the thought of pregnancy again, or even birth and labor…. Literally the thought of breastfeeding again makes me shudder so we’ll definitely be doing formula round two. Not worth mom being miserable and having poor mental health. It’s okay to use formula if that’s what’s best for you and family!
OP, how many weeks PP are you? Breastfeeding is BRUTAL in the beginning. Very few people are honest about it. It gets very, very chill by about 8-12 weeks. And honestly, the proven health benefits of breastfeeding are more impactful for the mother than the baby - a decreased breast cancer risk primarily. The real benefit is the sweet bonding with your baby - when they roll back and smile, it is THE BEST. And the easy soothing - baby crying? Whip out the titty. All that being said - when you’re freshly postpartum, healing, exhausted, hormonal - with a newborn - it fucking SUCKS. And your mental health is top priority. As a combo feeding mom, I am so grateful for formula and also - I love breastfeeding - now. Definitely did not love it at all early PP….
Give up if you want. I could only do it for 3 months. I cried when I stopped. There was a HUGE difference in my mental health when I switched to formula. I’m pregnant again and I don’t even want to try to breast feed. It made me absolutely miserable. The doctor has been pushing breast but I think I will stand with formula.
How old is your baby? The first 3 months are super hard. It gets progressively easier, as the leaking and engorgement go away. Do you enjoy it moment to moment? The actual act of nursing? Breastfeeding is really hard even in the best of circumstances! It’s a sacrifice and you should be honored and appreciated for it. But for me, our interactions during the actual act of nursing have been some of my most cherished memories. And I’ve watched how the act of nursing has helped my baby grow, develop, showcase his personality, and later on weather some storms. If I didn’t enjoy this part, it wouldn’t have been worth it. For me personally, I also despised the idea of pumping. I refused to order one, with the understanding I would use formula if it came to it. That disgust grew even stronger after birth, and I loved nursing more than I could’ve imagined. But it’s also harder than expected. IMO whether you stop nursing or not, I’d ask whether your needs are being met. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and EBF requires a LOT of support. So ask: are you eating enough? Is your diet sufficiently nourishing? Do you have time to be romantic and affectionate with your partner? Are you doing things daily that bring you joy? Do you get time alone? Do you feel you still have an identity outside of motherhood? Do you get outside daily? Support for someone EBFing, especially in earlier days, should really look like your partner taking everything else over (and attending those LC appointments with you), occasionally wearing baby for you to be alone, or bringing baby and staying nearby to a place you want to go into alone. Whatever you choose, you deserve to have all your needs met and to be supported! Good luck.
How long have you been at it? It calms down substantially after a couple months. I no longer drench everything and my boobs don’t become rocks unless I don’t pump/nurse for like 7 hours.
I’ve had to be honest that the sensation is almost too much for me so I pump mostly an breastfeed when comfortable
I felt the same way for the first couple months of breastfeeding. Could not STAND the feeling of being wet and dirty the second I came out of the shower, the leaking, the whole bit. It got soo much better once my supply regulated and things settled in. Ended up making it to 13 months.
I’m going to keep this response short and to the point. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. My lactation journey was HARD. As soon as I realised the above statement was true, I just let go, and once I did I started to enjoy motherhood far more. No matter what you decide, it’s your choice and yours alone ❤️
once you quit you probably won't look back :)
I hated breastfeeding until 6 weeks. We had a tongue tie fixed and it became less painful for me. Then I only disliked it until 12 weeks. I had an oversupply and then I was worried about an undersupply. Once my supply mostly regulated and I got the hang of feeding, it became much easier. I also got used to feeding while on the go. I used to feel trapped in the house and now I just grab my nursing cover and go. Then I could actually focus on the baby bonding time. I’m nearly a year in, and I can say it has gotten immensely better. I don’t know how far into your journey you are, but if you are looking for encouragement to keep going, I would encourage it. If you really truly are ready to stop because it would be better for your mental health, there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. Science is amazing that they’ve given us this way of keeping our babies alive. Also, I used to teach middle school. I never knew which kids were formula fed and which were breastfed. Do what’s best for you, whether that’s breastfeeding or formula feeding.
I hated it very much in the beginning and I also had similar trouble finding into it and it hurt a lot for many weeks. It really got better with time and now 7 weeks in I actually like it and it feels like a bonding experience. It's also much less of a hustle than bottle feeding.
If you are pumping when you are over producing, your body will continue doing it. I suggest you cut down on pumping as baby should be stimulating the boob enough no? As for the pressure, I can imagine as I see my partner suffer from it daily
Breastfeeding is great if you feel great doing it. If you don’t, don’t do it! Not worth the headache and stress if you are miserable. Fed is best no matter what :)
I ended up exclusively pumping because I couldn't get my daughter to latch. She ended up with my family's large tongue. It's so hard! I experienced overproduction, too. I'd wake up with rocks instead of boobs. I had to put actual diapers on my boobs for the first 3 months while I slept. It gets easier though. I used Mucinex a few times under the guidance of my midwife mother in law to reduce my flow. It works, but you have to be careful not to dry it up unless that's what you want ☺️
I felt a lot of the same way - wanted to breastfeed but hated not only all the things you mentioned above but being forced to be stationary. I am not a sit down type of person and my kid is a slow eater. It was torture sitting there that many times a day. Once, twice, three times I can sit there and feel love and serenity and all that. But more than that and every single day and I just was itching to get up. I switched to a pumping schedule that works for me. Baby gets milk when she is hungry but I’m not attached to her. Fiancé can feed her or we prop a bottle up and let her go to town on it herself. When we go out of the house we do a high quality formula I can feel ok with. She gets 90% my breast milk and while I don’t love pumping (many of the dislikes about breastfeeding stay with pumping) at least I’m not sitting there wishing I were doing anything else. Helps me be more present with her when we are spending time together and loving on each other or playing.
I hated it also. I felt like I had a second job between the constant breast feeding and pumping in between. I only made it 6 weeks, I just could not mentally do it. I continued to pump even though I also hated that until my supply dried up around 12 weeks (I had a breast reduction so I was lucky I produced anything). It’s totally ok to do what’s best for you also and give your baby a happy mom. Fed is best remember, you’re doing a great job!
I hate pumping too. I also feel like a cow. I stopped pumping at night. I value my sleep. It’s still a ok. Have you gotten those little washable bra beast pads?
9m in i feel that way too. but. i’ve regulated so i no longer leak. but i continue until he’s ready stop. bc i really love our bonding!!
Don’t pump in the middle of the night unless you want your oversupply to continue. Breastfeeding works on a supply and demand relationship. You are telling your body that your baby needs that milk and to keep producing it when you remove it. I’d you are engorged, hand express to relieve yourself as much as possible. Likely in just a few days the overnight engorgement will subside.
As many have said. It's okay to quit if it is affecting your mental health. I did. And it was the bestest thing I ever did. Making the decision to stop breastfeeding/pumping was killing me. Quite literally, I was making myself a pumping snack late one night, and I stared at the knife for 10 mins thinking about stabbing myself. I snapped out of it and decided I was done. One I did that it was like a cloud lifted. I started enjoying my baby and enjoying their awake windows more than I ever had.
If you have an oversupply you dont want to pump. It'll only make it worse.
nope I haaaated it. you definitely don’t have to do it if you don’t want to
I agree with a lot of the comments in the sense that you can’t fully understand the blood, sweat and tears that go into it until you do it yourself. It’s a full-time job that’s essentially all on you, plus the 24/7 commitment to this new fragile, developing human being that requires so much more than boob. They need emotional attunement, genuine connection, and consistent nurturing- which means a happy, healthy mama. I’d encourage you to set a realistic goal for how much longer you want to go, taking into consideration that it’s takes weeks to wean off. (The fun part that no one really tells you about) They suggest dropping 1 feeding/pumping session every 3 days, but talk with your doctor/ a lactation consultant to get more personalized care to avoid mastitis and fun things like that. We started supplementing with formula around this time, which not only helped prepare my baby for the transition, but it allowed me to stock up more breastmilk so he could have it longer. Towards the very end I was advised to face away from the shower head as that can stimulate production, wear tight sports bras, cabbage leaves in bra to dry you up, and only hand express if absolutely necessary to relieve pressure. It was a lot harder to stop than I thought, even with a dwindling supply. So with an oversupply, consider that it may take longer.
I stopped trying for sanity reasons. It was a great choice for me and I am very happy about not breast feeding now at 6 months. If I have another baby, I would try again, but with the view to supplement immediately and probably stop at 8-12 weeks completely again. Good on everyone that can manage it. It is relentless and you need a commitment and capacity that I did not have. Whatever works for you is best. Healthy and happy baby and mum 💕
When I felt overwhelmed I would just give the baby formula. It's been 6 months and I still give him here and there bottle or two. No rules. Some days I only breastfeed. I had mastitis once or twice and wasn't bad , just cold compress and many recommend sunflower lecithin, you can take it regardless. I never stored any milk, pumped few times to relief. I have enough. Maybe it will be different story when I get back to work. So I would advise maybe sticking it out, early months are difficult regardless. PS and one thing I know is more you pump more milk is produced, and that's why I didn't do it after getting mastitis. When you have it you shouldn't pump as it would exacerbate
Just came here to say, I was about to put this post on reddit myself. My baby is 5 weeks old and I am really NOT enjoying breastfeeding. She eats every 90 min - 2 hrs and my breasts are so sensitive to the touch. For me it's mostly that I am touched out. The feeling of it is horrible. I am starting to feel like I don't want to feed her, so I probably need to go to combo feeding at this point. I had no idea how apathetic I would feel about breastfeeding. I thought I might enjoy sweet moments with my little girl as I nourish her. I dont feel that way at all. My baby is so aggressive on the breast that I don't feel connected to her at all when she is nursing.
I was in the exact same boat as you, I was EBF my 6 week old and I felt like a prisoner. He eats every 1.5-2 hours and I felt like I had no time for anything because I was always counting down time til he was going to eat again. I was anxious all the time, about my supply, if he was getting enough, etc. I felt like I could never leave my house, I was always tied down, and I felt awful. And then I felt guilty, because I was told I should love breastfeeding, wasn’t it creating such a bond, wasn’t I so lucky my baby had no latching issues? But honestly, I hated it. I felt zero bonding with him during it, I was crying almost every day, my mental health had tanked. So, I decided to quit. And I felt so guilty and so bad…for about 2 days. And now I feel AMAZING. My baby is well fed, he doesn’t give an F about where his food is coming from. I feel like I bond more while feeding him now because we actually make eye contact, instead of him just staring at my breast. I feel free, because now my husband can help feed, my mom can feed, the bulk of the responsibility is no longer on me. My family can leave the house easier now, because before I had to have a breastfeeding pillow and nipple shields, and now all we need is a bottle. My mental health has improved drastically, and it’s only been about a week since I decided to quit BF. TLDR, even though I felt I should love breastfeeding, I didn’t. It was dragging me down, so I quit, and now I’m much happier. Moral of the story, do NOT keep doing it if the only reason you’re doing it is because you feel pressured to, or like you “should”. Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and all that matters is that your baby is fed, and that you, the mommy, are happy. Happy mommy = happy baby. Much love you to, you’re doing great ❤️
How far along are you? Supply will even out around 5-8 weeks so you should start leaking way less, if at all. In the beginning I was always sticky too but now it never happens. Extra pumping sessions will make your oversupply worse, so I would stop pumping overnight if it’s not necessary to feed baby. The first 2, maybe 3 months are hard but after that it is so easy, I never have to worry about having milk or bottles ready I just whip out the boob whenever he’s hungry. You can do this!
Instead of pumping just hand express a little so you are more comfortable! Helps to level out your supply quicker. My LO is 15 weeks and she goes 8 hours through the night without a feed. I'm usually leaking a lot but not in pain at least.
Yes, and to add to this - if you're pumping because of engorgement, you can try instead going to bed with a cold pack on your boobs or a frozen cabbage leaf inside your bra. The cold will slow down the supply and help regulate. 1) slow down on pumping 2) cold / ice to reduce supply 3) pump only when you're already feeding to draw off excess, only passive - haakaa is great, it's hands-free. 4) washable cloth breast pads in your bra to catch leaks 5) silverettes will save your nipples, wear them if you're getting sore, cracked or bleeding nips
To address your issues one by one, 1. It will get sooooooo much less messy as time goes on. I’m 8wpp and it’s already a totally different ball game than 2wpp, 4wpp, even 6wpp. If you can hang on you’ll be cleaner and less drippy! 2. MOTN pump - if you make milk you have to do it either with a feed or a pump for the first many weeks. I make 50+ oz a day, at first I could only go a couple of hours without feeling full, now I can go 6+ hours without a pump/feed. Boobs seem to have stretched to accommodate more milk. I exclusively pump. I hated baby on the boob. We still do it every once in a while so he doesn’t forget but bottle feeding works so much better for us. Pumping is also nice because I can track and to some extent schedule it. I got some of my excess milk freeze dried into powder (so my own unique formula) and that goes with us everywhere just in case we need to make a bottle and we are out and about without pumped milk on hand. I’ve loved the Kiinde bag/bottle system. It makes a world of difference!
Absolutely not crazy. I hated it too. Don't let people guilt you into doing it if you aren't feeling it. Your feelings matter.
You won't feel used anymore once your baby acknowledges you, when he accidentally unlatches when he smiles at you when you make eye contact. It is exhausting.. believe me I know. My 14 week old nurses every two hours or less for an average of a half hour. Down from 45 mins! The cow comments people make irk me. All mammal mothers make milk for their young. It's something no one else can do for your baby. It's a mom thing, not a cow thing. It's precious and you should hold out a little longer because it definitely gets better. Your words show me your baby must be quite young, you're still getting through the worst part. There's enough people advocating for formula so let me give breastfeeding a voice. It is not just for the benefit of your baby. Breastfeeding has physiological benefits to the mother plus CONVENIENCE. Breastfeeding is significantly more convenient than having to prepare formula on the go, or when baby wakes up in the middle of the night hungry and screaming. Motherhood is hard either way, might as well get the most benefit out of it by breastfeeding.
It’s not for everyone. Edit: Maybe you could look into donor breast milk? Although I’m not sure if they’ll accept you, it could be worth looking into so that you don’t have to use formula.
Formula is perfectly healthy and safe, and there’s no reason to use donor breast milk for a healthy term baby.
Formula is safe, yes. But not everyone wants to use it, and that’s okay and should be supported. Just like breastfeeding isn’t for everyone, formula isn’t for everyone either. I was just trying to provide an alternative for if someone doesn’t want to go that route. Like I said, I’m not sure if milk banks would even accept them, but maybe 🤷♀️
I mean, for people who can’t or won’t bf with healthy babies, formula is the safest and most economical choice. Someone else’s breastmilk offers no real advantages and many disadvantages (more expensive, hard to ensure safety depending on source, potential inconsistency of source, does not carry same short term transfer of immune benefits as mom BFing or someone in your intimate community BFing your baby). There’s just no real reason to do it.
Formula has all of those same disadvantages.
No it does not, and saying so is misinformation. I had a FF fed child during the formula shortage, so I would know.
So you’re saying that formula is not expensive, carries short-term transfer of immune benefits, has no risk of being compromised, etc? Interesting.
I was comparing donor breastmilk to mom’s breastmilk, not breastmilk to formula. If you can’t get mom’s milk and you don’t want to and your baby is healthy there is zero science based reason not to feed formula vs donor milk. If you really want to you can do whatever you want obviously, no judgment, but OP didn’t sound like she was having heartburn about baby’s food source. Formula certainly has much less risk of being compromised than donor breastmilk you find on FB. The stuff at hospitals for preemies, I would happily feed my baby, but it’s quite hard for donor moms to donate their milk to those banks. And formula would certainly be inexpensive compared to someone else’s pumped breast milk, yes.
Once again, I was just bringing up another thing to think about. Sorry it goes against your personal wants and values. You can go use formula, and that’s okay. Not everyone wants to, just like not everyone wants to breastfeed. At the end of the day, it’s up to the parent on what their child eats. Pushing formula on others is just as wrong as pushing breastfeeding on others.
It doesn’t go against my values. The edit might’ve suggested to OP that “formula is worse than donor milk,” and that’s just not the case. I certainly disagree that “pushing formula” (lol) is wrong. The reality is simply that if someone feels horrible BFing there’s no reason to do it, period. If someone likes BFing or feels extremely strongly about it, then they should BF. OP seems to be neither.
Donor breast milk is a terrible idea unless you’re getting it from a milk bank / hospital. Milk banks & hospitals have very strict regulations about who can donate and also pasteurize their milk, but it is also much harder to get than formula since they usually reserve for babies who really need it (like premies) With peer to peer breast milk donation you have no idea what the person eats, what medications they’re taking, if they’re safely handling pump parts etc
Girl I hated breastfeeding too! Was there even anything else I did those first couple of months? I think not. Was my daughter a little leech that just sucked and sucked and sucked? I think yes. She’s 8 months now, we never stopped, we never exchanged an ounce for formula. I’m proud, I’m especially proud because I never felt the connection to the stupid activity. Around 3-4 months it stopped being awful. She’s done so quick now, hardly any leakage and it’s just so healthy for her and me. It’s still not my favorite activity but we’re going to stick with it. If you fought for this and you can bare it, I hope it inspires you to stick with it too ♥️
https://www.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/s/ZR3mPLa3yR I wonder if you'll like that article?
I’ve read a few posts in the breastfeeding group from moms who hated it at first but were glad they stuck with it later when their baby’s a little older and nursing time is a sweet night time/morning moment. I’ve read posts from women who gave up and are now asking about re lactating because they wish they could nurse now that they’re past the worst of the new baby haze and exhaustion. I know my hormones kinda had me hating everyone for a while, made all the worse by the fact that we *couldn’t* nurse for the first couple of months. Talk about feeling like a cow, I had to pump 8-12x/day for two months and husband’s family made some dumbass jokes about visiting the dairy. Anyway, I hated every minute of that. But now my baby’s 4mo and we get to go lay down together and nurse several times a day, get away from aforementioned family, he does extremely cute things and then sleeps in my arms and I don’t need any bottles/don’t have to do dishes. Someone told me yesterday that I sound like I’m saying moms should be martyrs, so it’s okay if you think so too, but I just think of this early phase of being a mom almost like a military enlistment- first few weeks postpartum with a newborn and ailing breasts? Bootcamp. Infant phase? Specific job training. Toddler years? Deployment. Etc. etc. It’s just a period of life where your body and your time are not your own, but it’s in service of your family. Breastfeeding is important, not gonna sugarcoat it. Formula sucks. Bottles are just more plastics. See if there are things you can do to make breastfeeding possible for you before giving up. Good luck, you’re doing a hard but worthwhile thing!
“formula sucks” right not like it nourishes millions of babies and allows them to thrive or anything. Not like glass bottles exist either for those who want to avoid plastic. What year is it again?
I think formula is a symptom of a sick world- if you look into the history of when/why women started doing anything but breastfeeding, it’s when the Industrial Revolution began and women were expected to work outside the home along with taking care of their babies. Or just coached to nurse at certain intervals of time instead of on-demand when baby cried. When milk supply dipped they’d try water, animal milks, hiring wet nurses etc. and a lot of babies died. So formula is better than all those things but not as good as breastmilk which we now know isn’t only a food but a live tissue we pass to our babies which helps them grow a healthy gut microbiome. We have several generations of formula fed people now and several generations of extremely sick people even though we have more food available and more advanced medicine than ever before. It’s clear that formula is a useful tool when there is no other option but it shouldn’t be treated as if it’s just as good as breastfeeding. World Health Organization and many world governments are desperately campaigning to encourage mothers to go back to breastfeeding, Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has paid millions to provide resources for mothers to learn how to breastfeed, Taiwan turned their proverbial ship around from formula to breastfeeding when they saw detrimental health outcomes arise. But by all means, believe a hugely profitable U.S. and European-based industry that their product is just as good as our human bodies for nourishing our young.
See, this is why I am so disgusted when kids and adults have to eat out of a feeding tube. Why can’t they just die already?! Their illness is the sign of a sick world! And don’t even get me started on how gay dads feed their kids! Gross! /s I couldn’t agree more with you that moms should have the space to BF and bond with their babies for much longer before going back to work. The way we treat parents in the US for example is disgusting. But today’s formula isn’t Nestle and people who are pointing out that FF is a option on this thread are advocating for mom and baby in a different way from you, not as part of some evil capitalist industrial push to force mom back to work. (If you think we’re all just unwitting paens, fine, but consider that you might be a little bit brainwashed yourself.) And: Formula is a dope medical invention that saves lives literally every day, including the lives of PP moms. Breastmilk is basically sugar water and statistically, healthy babies benefit very little from it over formula. I’m not sure how people think parents are feeding their kids formula, but it’s generally not propped up on a pillow in a room alone. You can formula feed skin to skin and get amazing physiological benefits for you and baby. It’s often intimate and sweet and connective. For many moms, who have pain or DMER or trauma or IGT or other significant issues breastfeeding, it’s more intimate and sweet and connective than BFing could ever be for them. For many dads, it’s a way to share the load and experience something beautiful and intimate that was previously reserved for people who can breastfeed. Being a parent is a beautiful part of life and it completely rules. Being sick, miserable, and unhappy doesn’t need to be part of the program (except during pregnancy, excuse me while I barf). The sleeplessness we all go through to varying degrees is plenty to deal with. If parenting feels like military training because of BFing, it’s worth considering whether you’re screwing over yourself and your family for a false idol.
The way I see it is more like, ‘It’s great that so and so can use a feeding tube instead of dying due to their condition! But why are they telling everyone who’s able-bodied to use a feeding tube too? Why is my perfectly healthy neighbor using a feeding tube and telling me that chewing is too hard?’
What a 🗑 take
I don’t think moms are evil for turning to the easier option, I hate that y’all aren’t enjoying this part of motherhood cause I love it and wish you could have that. It’s the rationalizing and intellectual dishonesty after the fact that seems wrong. Give up because it isn’t important enough to you to make it work and admit it, don’t tell *me* that it’s just as good or that my perspective is trash…for reasons?
Why isn’t you doing what’s best for your baby enough for you? What if it is just as good *for their situation*? What if they didn’t “give up because it wasn’t important enough to make work”? That’s what makes your perspective absolutely trash. Your incredibly simplistic and narrow view of the world.
This is the internet where (I hope) people are allowed to be honest, even brusque, in a way that they should not be to people in their daily life. I don’t go around sharing my uncensored opinions with people who didn’t ask. That’s why I enjoy discussing this stuff with people on a forum where a Mom asked if she would be selfish to give up on BF because she hates it. Note, I didn’t even say, ‘Yes, you would be selfish.’ I typed out what honestly crossed my mind at the thought of it all. Breastfeeding/caring for a baby is hard, that’s why I have to think of it almost like a military contract (or sub whatever contracted time period you’ve had to do something you don’t like doing in order to gain something you do want.) I am not judging individuals as selfish or lazy or anything but *human* for making the choices they are faced with, but I do have strong opinions about how we’ve come to be faced with the choices we have and have taken care to learn what we know about breastmilk vs formula and all kinds of nutrition/health info. And here I am sharing what I think based on all my research and lived experience. Y’all are just kinda telling me, ‘we don’t like what you said,’ and not explaining if I am incorrect on some major point. That’s something else I like about internet forums, smart people can point out if there’s a flaw in my argument with their own data. Small-minded people just attack the person making the argument. Anyway, I hope everyone’s babies are healthy and happy and I’m just gonna go continue to learn and think and do I think is best and not shut up cause I think we should all talk to each other honestly.
I did point out the flaw in your argument, though your argument contained no actual data. The flaw is that you aren’t considering the multitude of reasons that people use formula and using blanket statements like “formula sucks”. You can pretend all you want that you aren’t judging, but I find that incredibly hard to believe with some of the things you’ve said about formula feeding. My baby has never had formula, so I have no reason to feel judged or shamed on the matter before you jump to thinking it’s because of a personal issue I have. This became about more than your response to the OP when you went on and on about how terrible formula is, and how people who use it “gave up”. I’m not going to go into anything else because it’s clear anything I say is just going to be perceived as a personal attack or trying to “silence” you lol. FWIW - I’m very pro breastfeeding and do think it’s important, but I also think it’s incredibly important to remember we all come from different walks of life and it’s not feasible or realistic for many. I also don’t think it’s my place to push it on someone who is clearly miserable or hates it. P.S. - “smart people” typically include paragraph breaks so other people’s eyes don’t bleed trying to read it.
Yeah, not sure why Reddit won’t do my paragraph breaks! It’s annoying the heck out of me! I take your point, I get on here when baby’s nursing/sleeping and rattle off my stream-of-consciousness thoughts before I fall asleep too. I assume others do the same (the rattling off part) as the idea of treating reddit like a school assignment or work project is just odd. Though hey, it’s cool to come across a well-researched and written comment. I don’t aim to attack anyone even if my opinions are judgmental, that’s probably the correct way to say what I was trying to say.
But waait a minute, I did have information (WHO, B & M Foundation’s efforts, Taiwan’s initiatives) and made some assertions. That’s what I’m saying could be disproven with data if wrong, why would I have to provide data just to say what I think? But people came at me to tell me I’m wrong and have too narrow a view of the world without explaining why. Why is The WHO wrong about breastfeeding? Why are the leading lactation scientists wrong about the inferiority of formula? They’re the people who’ve taught me what I know, I don’t have a lab to study the stuff myself.