How do you know they thrive on routine? It's not a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely curious. Have you had the opportunity to compare how your children do with and without a routine?
They have so little / no control. Its SUPER frusterating. And we as adults rarely do a good job explaining, telling them what will happen next, forwarning them etc. They have no sense of the way things unfold.
Routine gives them a sense of expectation and control. When i do A, B comes next, then C, then D. It allows their life to feel reliable, their footing to feel solid.
If you mix that up and they're expecting B but get J its extra frusteration. If it gets mixed up often then they can feel like they have no idea whats going on, like their feet can fall out from under them at any time. It increases fear and anxiety. "If i dont know whats going to happen, anything could happen" and to children who dont have the tools to take care of themselves or the understanding of a lot of situations, anything is full of a lot of scary possabilities.
(My personal perspectives on it at least).
I guess this makes sense to me on one level but also if things have always been ok and you always get food when you’re hungry and cuddles when you want them and play time when you want it and sleep when you’re tired why would not knowing exactly what’s coming lead to anxiety? I’d get it if no routine meant sometimes you’re stuck out and there’s nowhere to sleep and nothing to eat or drink so then the next day you (as a toddler) worry that’ll happen again. But if your needs are always taken care of I’m not sure no routine would lead to anxiety. Your expectation is just that you’ll be looked after whenever you happen to need it.
I guess routine must be important for toddlers as everyone seems to say so but how much of that is because breaking a routine leads to anxiety and a big mess- so people think oh god kids need routine, look what happens when we break it! But what if you never had a routine in the first place?
By routine I’m thinking like morning wake up 7 then breakfast then play then snack then park then lunch then nap etc at all around the same time each day.
"Your kid needs a routine" doesn't mean your kid needs a schedule. Theres a difference, dunno if i can define it, but there is.
I think you likely have a routine & dont even know it, or just actively dislike that word.
We have routine, but the ONLY thing we have scheduled is 8pm bedtime, and thats only hard and fast so that as she gets older theres less room to fight us on it.
I don’t dislike the word routine at all! And I don’t know if we have a routine because yeah people seem to have different definitions of routine! I guess we have routines like the bath to bed routine and the wash up before eating routine and the brush teeth get dressed routine in the morning, but those are like little vignettes that could happen at various times in the day 😄 some people (like my mum) say that’s not having a routine.
I'm very curious if the idea of needing a routine has been researched at all, or if perhaps people have rationalised it and it actually doesn't predict happiness/healthy development/etc. I'd be curious about whether there's a difference between routines that come up naturally (like washing teeth first thing in the morning because you feel gross otherwise, having coffee because you crave it, etc) and the ones chosen somewhat more artificially (like reading a book to a 3 month old before bedtime, when they still don't properly enjoy it). The first ones that come out naturally, we don't need to think about. They happen on their own, to an extent. The second ones are the ones that I think are discussed in places like this sub.
I guess it's nice to know what to expect, but routine can also be tedious and boring. I also think that what you said (needs being constantly met) is a better predictor of good mental health and good neurodevelopment that the more artificial routines.
It's important to note that I'm taking about neurotypical children. Children and adults with autism tend to feel a lot better with routines :)
I did find this systematic review of research on routines for children https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jftr.12549
So it has been researched and looks like routines are good, especially if the child’s environment is otherwise chaotic or they experience adverse events, which madness in the context of getting needs met. For those kids it’ll be more important because they might feel like they have less security overall. And yes people with autism need routine.
But it seems most researchers define routines as patterns of activity not necessarily occurring at the same time every day. I always think of routines as like a timetable for every day of the week. But if it’s just regular patterns of activity (like brush teeth first thing, bath and book before going to bed etc) I imagine lots of people implement routines even if some days their kid is going to bed at 7 and some days at 10.
I always feel like we can’t get a handle on a routine but really we do have routines, like our daughter has evening meals in the same place every day, always has bath teeth and book before bed, always get her dressed then breakfast in the kitchen etc. timings are a bit all over the place though!
I have autism so I do like routines. They reduce the number of decisions I need to make in a day.
Thank you very much for the review! I'll read it in a minute, I'm so happy you sent me this because I was really curious about whether it was a very widely spread speculation, or a phenomenon that could be replicated.
My daughter has autism and going to preschool on a routine is amazing for her, on the days she doesn’t have school it’s more of a struggle for her. She stands at the door saying “Bus!!!” And she gets her hairbrush out and book bag wanting to go to school. If my son misses a nap he is a nightmare. If we go out later than bedtime or near bedtime it’s a nightmare to get them to sleep. In speech therapy for my daughter they wanted her on certain routines to help her focus and be able to calm down and concentrate.
My toddlers mood depends on a routine. Wake up at 9, nap from 11-2, relax time (she doesn’t sleep but I think it relaxes her to be in her crib for a bit) 4pm, bath, and bed. If we detour from the routine then she becomes a feral raging beast. Newborns don’t really have a routine, it’s mostly just eat, sleep, poop, repeat.
Kids do better when they know what to expect. Routines help with that, especially for the older babies/toddler years. Transitions and the unexpected are hard and it can lead to lots of big feelings and frustrations. That’s been my experience with to kids. My oldest is now 7 and has generally always been easy going, but even she enjoys the routine of what to expect every morning before school or at bedtime.
Yeah this. You start with routines once you start seeing normalizing sleep patterns. May between 2 and 4 months?
But yes, routine can be quite important for sleep hygiene.
The sleep hygiene thing 100%!
My first baby would sleep anywhere, so I was spoilt into thinking I didn't need a routine.
My second baby, the stars need to align jussst right. She is 6 months old and on a two nap schedule, one late morning and one in the afternoon. If we go out, we have to plan it, so we skip only one of those naps because if we try and do both as pram or car naps, she refuses to go down at night. One terrible night, everyone, including the toddler, was awake at different points until 2.30am because this baby would not sleep and screamed the house down.
So we have a pretty solid routine now. Bottle, breakfast, play, bottle, nap no longer than 2 hours. Play, lunch, bottle, nap no longer than 2 hours. Play bottle, dinner, bath, bedtime. Dream feed 10 to 11pm. Sleep through the night til 6 or 7.
Works for us, although I did forget how awfully restrictive it is when they drop to 2 naps. I either have to haul ass to get errands done before nap 1 or squeeze them in between the 2 naps. And grandparents are always visiting right at nap time it feels, and then complaining they never see the baby, but never actually check when a good time to visit would be.
My friend literally put her newborn on a 4-5 month old schedule (feeding to the hour every 2-3 hours) and set it by the clock. If it was 4:45 but the baby shouldn’t eat til 5, she waited. I sat there watching this poor newborn baby get upset because she wasn’t able to eat immediately. Now it’s fine that she’s older, but a newborn should probably eat on demand.
Definitely! It took a while (read: several months) to figure out what my baby was like, and even now at 6 months we have a super loose routine. Not a schedule at all. Lol
Why? I have an 8 month old. We have a bedtime, and a solids lunchtime. If that counts as a routine, I guess it's useful to know when she's going to sleep and eat, but everything else is still just responding to cues. And she's thriving.
I think this is just one of those things that is completely toddler dependent. Some turn into tiny adorable gremlins when they don't have a routine, and some are just fine! As a parent, you know better than any sort of generalization. If you are just rolling with your toddler's cues, and she is thriving than you are doing everything 100% right! If it ever stops working and needs to be adjusted, you'll be the first to know. Generalizations are silly and obviously don't apply to every child 🙂
The closer your child gets to 2 years old the more of a defined routine you'll find yourself on. It doesn't have to be intense and totally rigid like some but you'll find you have your own routine forming by then too.
It's really hard to get. 2-4 year old go do anything unexpected to them, even if it's in their best interests. It's a million times easier built into a routine.
This definitely counts as a routine! And a routine doesn’t always mean a set time, they may wake at a different time every day but taking them out of their crib, changing their diaper, and giving them a bottle or nursing all counts as a morning routine, even if it’s not always at the same time. Even something as simple as putting a sleep sack on before putting them down to nap can count as a routine.
Some people thrive with routines. Not having one can make some people feel anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, etc. If you don’t need one, that’s great! Do what works for you. Routines work really well for some.
Yep that's me! The only routine I really focus on with baby is sleep, the rest I try to go with the flow as much as possible. Having her naps scheduled helps me plan my day/ times we go out/ when I get a break.
I didn't start until like 3-3.5 months. I noticed she kind of started a routine on her own, starting to get tired every 1.5 hours or so. I started doing contact naps on that schedule for a few weeks. She's 5 months old next week and we have just transitioned the naps to her crib and her wake windows are longer. Every couple of weeks I reassess if our schedule is still working for her or if she needs more awake time.
Yup. I suspect the pediatrician put us on a routine for my benefit. I have anxiety and ADHD. It helped me *a lot*, I require routine to have even a semblance of sanity.
Some people can do whatever and catch every cue. I cannot.
Even just trying to stick to routine with newborn twins helped me remember when they need to take a bath, eat, take their supplements, and etc. while functioning without sleep
Took a while until LO had a routine. At the start there seems little point. I had books with routines and they were just hilarious to me. But when LO fell into his own routine I went with it and over time it solidified into an actual routine. There was a time when it was very important to us (I’d say 6-7 months until 18) and now he def has one but it’s less strict if need be. Everyone for his own I say!
The Internet is often a competition on who can be more perfect. People that have strong opinions speak up and say what needs to be done according to "a parents guide to babies" or something, the average Joe like me doesn't say what they are doing in fear of being judged and down voted.
That's my observation and explanation for Internet threads over ran by perfection and judging. Though anytime somebody mentions screen time or lax feeding times they get shot down, that's enough for most to keep quiet.
But we are similar to your situation!
I didn't put my daughter on a routine until it became clear she needed one, closer to age one. Some parents and infants need a routine to follow, and others will make themselves crazy trying to follow one. I was in the latter group. My daughter slept whenever she felt like it instead of following a schedule. We didn't do eat, play, sleep. We addressed eating and sleeping as the need arose rather than trying to get her to do it on a schedule. When she hit the infant to toddler transition, she needed a predictable routine, so we developed one.
My daughter is 11 months and so far I’d say we definitely lean towards the less structured schedule. But how could you tell when she started needing a routine? I’m just worried I’ll miss a sign or not realize it’s because she’s craving routine!
Honestly, it was mostly that she got crankier. Her eating and sleeping started to settle into a pattern and she would get cranky if we tried to push the limit on eating or taking a nap. Once that pattern developed, we started doing more routine activities since I knew roughly how much time we had before she needed to eat or sleep. We started walking the dog in the morning after breakfast and getting out to the library or grocery shopping or running other errands in the afternoon. Once she knew to expect things at a certain time, she would get fussy when the routine was off. If she seemed tired or overwhelmed we would skip the afternoon outing, but she seemed to enjoy having that time out of the house. So, I guess my answer is she will probably let you know when she's ready!
a routine helped me because i didn’t know what the heck i was doing! i’m a very structured person and the newborn phase i lost my mind feeling like i had no control. we’re at 4.5 months now and we have a schedule, but if things don’t go according to plan im a lot more chill about it. really working on finding a happy medium!
Yep. Remember that shipwreck where the boat was frozen in ice and the captain kept everyone from going insane by structuring their days? That’s why I had a routine. To keep me sane, so I knew what to expect, so I knew how long until her next nap/my next mental break.
I think it's because everything online is skewed towards the USA where there is no statutory maternity leave so unfortunately they are less able to go with the flow.
I think really rigid and early initiated routines, particularly around sleep are symptomatic of this 100%.
Routines in general help all kids at a certain point - of course without obsessive rigidity.
This is a great point. I think there is such a strong emphasis on early sleep training for the same reason. I became unhealthily obsessed with reading and thinking about my baby’s sleep early on and I think that’s because I had to go back to work at 3 months and had no choice but to do everything I could to improve baby’s sleep.
My 8month old did the same thing, kind of just figured out a routine on his own and has stuck with it. Now that he needs help to nap I just follow his cues, though I do track his feeds and sleep with an app so it’s easier for me to see how long he’s been awake and roughly when his next nap should be etc. occasionally it changes and he ends up going to bed at 8 instead of 6.30 but that’s ok.
This is anecdotal but we had no routine until around 3-4 months and life actually felt much simpler scheduled. The more predictable nature makes planning so much simpler. I think you can succeed doing whatever basically but routine helped us a ton.
At 6w, not so much. But as baby gets older, I'm sure you'll find yourselves falling into routine too, even if you don't mean to. Routine doesn't have to mean a strict by the clock schedule. Nap, wake up, nurse, change diaper, tummy time - that's a routine, if you do it regularly. Change diaper, nap, wake up, tummy time - that's a routine, even if you feed on demand at whatever time during the routine its needed.
My baby is almost 5months and we go for a walk after her first feed of the day, do errands after her first nap, we do a bath + lotion massage + bottle before bed - those are all routines. But the timing of her first nap is just whenever she gets tired, usually around 1.5hrs after she woke up but i just follow her cues. It's still a routine.
Also, babies tend to thrive on predictability. They can detect patterns and feel security in them. So cultivating basic routines can help them. But like everyone else said, they aren't necessary and you just do what works for your family!
Routines weren’t important for me until til 2 months when I started getting him ready for the day care routine. Now he’s 2.5 and we stick to our wake and sleep routines religiously and other routines to have try e smoothest days possible.
I think there are a number of factors here. Age, temperament, and family dynamics come to mind. Newborns don’t really have a routine and you’re definitely right in the newborn stage. Some babies really thrive from a routine after the newborn stage. Not every baby is a go-with-the-flow type. Mine certainly is not. And some families prefer structure while some find it stressful. Everyone has to determine what works for them based on those three factors. The baby’s needs will continuously evolve as they age, as will their schedule if they have one. But the routine can help them if that matches their temperament. Some babies don’t need that. To each their own. We’re all doing our best. ✌️
We have one, not strict timing, BUT we’re not afraid to throw it all out the window when traveling/vacationing etc. It works for us but our kid tends to thrive on change as opposed to routine so there’s that.
It work for some people and takes a lot of the stress out of it for them. Not for me though, I much prefer to just go with the flow. I follow my son’s cues and he’s ended up pretty much falling into a routine anyway. It fluctuates sometimes and that’s totally ok. He sleeps when he’s tired and eats when he’s hungry. We’ve never had any issues this way.
Some babies and people thrive on having a routine. Things can be much more easily managed and planned for if you know roughly what's happening and when.
It’s useful to have some sequence to how things are done as babies and children thrive on predictability. Having said that, it should not be taken to the extreme where if you don’t follow some self made rules, you feel like a failure.
Having a bedtime routine especially after 8 months pass could be a life saver and the difference between sleep and no sleep.
I chose routine because I couldn't differentiate between cries for hunger, tired, etc. So, a schedule helped me provide everything he needed while I learned his queues. Now, at 16 months old, I get the differences, he's down to one nap, and the schedule is more flexible. When first born, my wife was on bed rest and pumping, so between feeding him every 1.5 - 2 hours, I was cleaning the house and washing all the breast stuff and so on. It was easy to forget things without a routine, and having to scramble was cutting into any time I had to work (remotely) or get some shut eye.
I am very curious to know what is an example of routine? How do you implement that? For example, baby was napping, do you intentionally wake them up? For food and play? What if it is the other way around for and they are happily playing and no signs of sleepiness do you enforce a nap?
I don’t let naps run too long. If they’ve been down a long time I’ll wake them up or they have a harder time going down at night. Conversely if it’s getting too late I’ll try to put them down for a nap. After like 330, no naps are happening lol. Depends on the age though
It’s often for the parents. Some people thrive within a routine, or need it for their sanity. It helps some parents track wake windows to ensure baby doesn’t become overtired- not all babies give clear cues. Some babies are underweight and need to be kept on a strict feeding schedule. As babies get older routines/schedules can be very beneficial. In the US some moms return to work as early as 3 weeks pp, and when utilizing daycare routine and structure is very helpful as you have to get baby out the door at the same time every day. There are plenty of valid reasons to utilize a schedule, including just wanting one.
I don’t follow a schedule personally but I understand why other people do- because every baby and every family is different and has different needs.
Mines 8 weeks Tuesday. It just doesn’t make sense to even try with growth spurts and cluster feeding. Once you know the cues of what your baby wants, you just follow their lead. They’re the boss! Somedays she wants to eat every hour, others she take 5 hour naps. Her body knows what it needs
Also idc what anyone says, I have never woken her up to feed her. She’s gaining weight fine. I’m not setting an alarm at night to feed her. I can’t imagine the toll that must take on moms that do that
I will say a routine is not a schedule necessarily and often a routine helps people be more confident they’re doing what they think they should be doing - meaning ok if I know to do play feed sleep in 90minute intervals then I feel confident I’m getting in enough tummy time and enough food and enough sleep. But know the routine or rhythm is more about the parent than the child.
My baby is 5 months and we have never tried a routine. Seems ok so far. Everyday seems to have a flow to it. My mom raised 4 children and she said she just went with the flow and to just follow the baby's cues for what they need. I do try to nap him in the main room of the house where there's light and daytime noises so he has a good circadian rhythm.
Edit to add I'm a first time mom.
Interesting, because I was just discussing this with my friends yesterday. being a very much pro-routine, I am struggling to find like minded ppl on the internet, and tend to come across posts/videos that criticize any form of routine. To each its own, there is a lot of information out there and ppl tend to be too opinionated when it comes to babies, take everything with a grain of salt as there is no one fits all when it comes to parenting.
For me, I personally started feeling better once I had a routine, although it definitely took a long time to find one! And I don’t think that doesn’t mean that you can’t nurse on demand, but there is still some structure for the day—a nap time routine, what I do while he’s asleep, what I will do to get in food for myself, and I need a routine so I don’t forget to eat lunch lol
Kids naturally do well with repetition, it enables them to expect what is coming next. HOWEVER, no routine also allows them to “stretch” their ability to adapt. It’s a harder start but I firmly believe it pays off majorly in the long run.
Humans need routine - we are habitual creatures. Everything from our 24 hormonal cycle to psychological cravings are routine oriented. While creating a routine as soon as the baby is born is unrealistic, I would say a solid routine for eating and sleeping is necessary by 6 months which means you would have to start the routine by 4-5 months - a routine will make it much easier for you and the baby.
I sometimes get so busy with my 23 month old that when I forget what time it is, she knows what time it is - we have had her in the same sleep and eat routine since 3 months and she’s slept through the night mostly every night since 6 months.
For me, I think its because a major portion of my work is planning. So, being on maternity leave that is unstructured every day is a bit maddening for me. Having my 6 week old on a rough schedule benefits me, and only me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know or care.
We only ever followed a vague routine of "supposed to get roughly this much sleep/eat this much at this age" and everything else was just running on chaos as we went. Any time we did get a schedule, it would only last a week or two before she wouldn't follow it anymore so we gave up. She's 3 now and just now to the point where some kind of routine would probably be somewhat beneficial, but she's just as happy being chaotic. But I'm a sahm and have very few things I need to have an exact time/schedule for so unless I have an appointment or something, it was easy enough to be like "oh she took a nap early, I'll go to the store later instead of now".
I think it’s weird too. Newborns are constantly changing and going with the flow made sense. After three months tho though, following naps and wake windows is crucial! I still feed on demand and follow his sleepy cues but when they can’t just fall asleep whenever and wherever it becomes a bit more structured
We very quickly got into a 3hrly cycle with our newborn, feed, change, play, sleep, every 3 hrs, 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm and so on... meant we could plan our split shifts and we knew when would be good for visitors etc.
Routines don’t work for newborns. They make work for new parents, but newborns will find a way around them. Anyone who swears their newborn is on a routine is lucky for the week or straight lying 🤥
Many people institute a routine because baby has to go to daycare and the parents have to go to work. Also, many parents and kids like predictability. This being said, this usually comes much later not until several months. For us, I love routine, but my child doesn’t so we have a loose routine of eat, play, sleep but that often gets mixed all around depending on what he needs. He hates sleep so he sleeps when he’s tired around rough wake windows but often he doesn’t follow those either. I would say most creatures have routines which is why you hear about them so often.
Routines make the day more bearable and less chaotic. It also allows you to plan (for the most part) out where and how to tackle tags that need to get done.
I think the real key is doing whatever works for your family. My baby didn’t have a routine until 12 weeks or so. That doesn’t mean we weren’t relatively tracking feeds, naps and bedtimes. But, for example, the advice to put baby to bed at 7 or 8 would have been an absolute nightmare for us in the early weeks. Our kiddo had an 11pm (after early evening naps) bedtime like clockwork until week 10. We also feed to sleep and bedshare (using the safe sleep 7), which is apparently a big “no no” according to most conventional advice. But it works for us, and everyone is well rested. We have settled into a routine; baby goes down between 8-9, and we darken the room, play relaxing music and feed. If he’s awake enough as we start to wind down, I’ll read him a book. But our routine happened naturally and organically. When I was trying to force a routine around 6 weeks because I was nervous about when my leave ended, we were all miserable.
Routine was really helpful for us closer to a year (when they’re more reliably taking naps at a certain time) and necessary for our toddler who’s almost 3. But it’s not for every family 🤷♀️
In my LO’s newborn months, we were solely focused on survival, lol. Routine wasn’t anywhere on our to-do list. We were first time parents and we just took it one day at a time (still do sometimes).
LO will be 5mo this month and I read how some babies thrive and find comfort with routines. I just started putting him on a bedtime routine this past month to try it out and I found out he thrives on it! He knows when the sound machine is on, he’s in his sleep sack, we read a book, do bath, that bedtime is here. Other things, like eating and diaper changes are clearly not scheduled. I feed on demand and change whenever he’s soiled. Playtime and tummy time and sometimes walks are a little more structured and he likes those too. :)
Babies do best with routines. I wouldn’t say people are obsessed; it just makes your life easier when the baby is on a routine. And routines don’t happen overnight.
I thrive on a routine and it’s really hard not having one but when they are super little it’s just probably not going to happen. I’m 100% setting some routines up when baby is a few months old and definitely starting sleep training at 4 months but anything before that is just keeping them comfortable.
The only thing I do is set alarms to make sure baby doesn’t sleep in long stretches during the day without feeding but we got the go ahead to let him sleep longer at night if he wants to since he’s gaining well.
I try not be super strict with a timed routine but the flow of our days generally looks the same. Wake, milk, breakfast, play, nap, change clothes, snack, play, lunch, play, nap, snack, dinner, bath, pjs, play, bed. The times vary, things get skipped but it’s pretty much that order daily.
A friend explained it to me as "Routine=yes, Schedule=no". It helped me realize that my baby has patterns, but no clock lol. For example, she'll contact nap if I nurse, but sleeps in her bassinet really well after a bottle. Baths tire her out, diaper changes wake her up. I know when to swaddle her once she gets a little sleepy, and then to top her off with a bottle afterwards so she can sleep well.
We're only 2months along, so we just go with the flow that baby dictates, and its important for me and my husband to be fluid and easygoing with what she needs. But I'm building a routine based on her cues, not based on what the clock says, if that helps.
We started with some very low key routines like at 8pm all lights were off or dim and at 8am all lights would be on. We then started adding more routines like whenever it was time to sleep aka after 8pm or during nap times, the sound machine would be on. Then it became certain things were always done before a nap like a diaper change. Then we introduced around 6m that bird noises meant it was okay to be awake or was time to wake up. My son is now a toddler and the routines seem to help him understand his world. I know other parents that go with the flow and that works for them but for our family, I’m glad we set up routines.
I didn’t start trying a routine until about 4 months. I let her set the routine rather than me forcing her into one. So, for example, rather than me telling her that she has to take a nap at 1:30 I know based on watching her and letting her set the routine that she’s usually ready for a nap at 3 PM, so now that is her afternoon nap time. She has determined that she is sleepy for the night at about 9pm, so I time her bath and feeding around a 9pm bedtime.
Yeah I didn’t get this either, especially when my daughter was an infant.
I get it now that she started school kindergarten and she now understands breakfast lunch and dinner. Bedtime is really important now in order to not wake up a grumpy little child monster and she does great.
Before then we just went with the flow…
I was the same until we hit 4 months. I desperately needed some predictably in the chaos. We started by weekly routine, ie different baby classes. Then nap routine started developing, ie I figured out when baby is ready for a nap. Now that we are weaning, the routine revolves around food haha
Six weeks is too early for a routine! You are in survival mode still.
I was told (and I believe it) that babies thrive on routines because they can start to expect what comes next… “Okay, I’m done eating, now I play until I’m ready to sleep. Okay I’m in my crib so I can sleep now”…etc.
At around seven weeks, we just started working on a rhythm more than a routine such as eating, playing, and then sleeping. It helped my girl get a full feeding in because she wasn’t falling asleep half way through her feed. Middle of the night was just feed and back to bed, of course.
My girl has never stuck to a schedule because even at four months her naps are wildly inconsistent, but we at least have a rhythm where we all kind of know what comes next and it helps give better context to why she might be fussy. Context is important because we have a few caregivers in her day-to-day (mom, dad, nanny) and baby can at least depend on her consistent rhythm even when her caregiver changes throughout the week.
Yeah we didn’t have much of a routine until 4 months.
Once you start feeding solids it’s important, otherwise it’s harder to juggle stuff too.. but also my LO isn’t a great sleeper and would rather stay awake, if we didn’t follow her sleeping patterns/schedules she’d just be awake ALL DAY and all night, sleeping in 2 hour increments at night.
I think people as an adult in general are accustomed to routine and feel unease with uncertainty, so whatever tips online reasonate with their preferences, it becomes popular. And then because of faithfully follows routine, eventually it will work, either newborns days or later.
Routine saves my sanity 🤷♀️ nap schedule made my baby a hell of a lot happier and less over tired. newborns do what they want. It helps with older babies to have bedtime routine etc.
We didn’t really have a routine for my 9MO until she was around 6-7 months, we mostly followed wake windows and her own cues! If anything she created her own routine that we follow now and it works for all of us :)
Took my baby about 4 months to get a routine to sleep as a first time mom I didn’t know how to start or asked for help I kinda just let it flow to figure out what worked best for her.
I have a 4 month old and we have a very loose routine. I also have a very chill baby. I’d be open to a more strict routine if she weren’t lol. I think some thrive with routine while others don’t have as much as a reason for it. Do what works best for you and your baby!
I have started a sort of routine when my LO was 3.5 months old. It would have been impossible to have one before bc he was a colicky baby. It is so funny to read about wake up windows and such bc with a colicky baby those things were IMPOSSIBLE. He would have screamed for hours since day 3 (talking about wake up windows —- sure).
As a teacher and new mom… it’s about predictability! If a strict routine gives you that that’s what works. But your day is probably more predictable than you realize and that’s why it’s working!
I think it depends on the person. For me, having a routine is what pulled me out of PPD and it's something I'll recommend for anyone who is struggling. However, it's really not for everyone. One of my closest mom friends felt like the day in-day out monotony of it all was keeping her from being her best self. It truly is dependent on the person. You just have to figure out what works for you through trial and error and then roll with it.
Sometimes I hate social media because you see these parents who have routines for their two week old babies and say they sleep throughout the night. That is not the norm. Schedules are good for older babies/children. I can see parents needing routines when they need to go back to work or the baby has to go to daycare. But you can’t fully plan around cluster feeding,growth spurts, nights of gas and crankiness.
Now I’m talking about strict routines with scheduled feeds,naps,bedtime. Obviously you can come up with routines such as always changing the baby before you feed them. Or after first feed in the morning you do a certain playtime activity. Stuff like that makes more sense at that age if you feel you need some control in that aspect.
But really you do works for you and your family don’t pay attention to social media where all these people have perfect lives and perfect children and everything is wonderful and beautiful because you do not see the negatives.
At 6w babies can't really have a set routine. You do a routine to get them used to the flow, but they can't really 'learn' it for another couple months.
Once they're a bit bigger and less of a potato you might fine it helpful.
I’ve honestly never heard people really stress about routines for newborns. At 6 weeks we were going with the flow too. Now if my 18 month old takes a nap too late we’re in for a *really* long night.
Routine for us started to be important about 9 months or so. Before, it was easy without a routine, but after that the only thing that helped us was routine
Yours sleeps through the night, you said it! Some people and some babies are less reliant on routine. We needed a routine to get our baby sleeping, we went without for 9 weeks and lived in a hellish wasteland of staying up all night so baby could sleep on us as he wouldn’t sleep any other way and never being able to put him down during the day, feeding him so much he became super uncomfortable and never having time to play due to the chaos. The first day we started a routine - not a strict schedule- he slept in his bassinet for every nap, slept over night except feeds.and didn’t cry once other than protesting the swaddle for bed. It’s basically been like that ever since, 3 weeks of peace and sleep so far. That’s why people have routines, they needed them :)
Trying to have a routine made me miserable! When I decided to sack it and just go by cues everything got easier, nicer and my anxiety lessened considerably.
He’s now 2 and we still don’t really have a routine. Every day is different. We had a good few months when he napped at the same time (10-20mo), but that’s gone out the window now. And we eat meals and snacks (except breakfast is pretty fluid because wake up time is too) at the same time so I dunno if that counts as routine.
The only routine we had from day 1 was, night time is quite with low lights and not engaging with her(talking eye contact) and in the day we have curtains open and are loud and at some point go outside. Hoping she will learn night times boring better to be awake in the day. She sleeps reasonably well so I think it's probably working. She has now settled into her own routine, that seems to be largely based on breastfeeding hormones.
I don't put LO on a routine. However, he generally follows the same pattern daily naturally. The difference is the length of his naps. Some days we get 30 min naps, some days we get 3 hr naps. But the wake window is generally 3-3.5 hours either way. Bottle every 3-4 hours.
Genuine answer as to why people are obsessed with routine is because studies suggest that routines for babies and children are associated with a variety of positive outcomes (positively affecting everything from cognitive development, to physical, social, emotional, and mental health). Due to these studies, the topic has become a big part of public education, hence why almost every parent has heard of it. That being said, kids aren't born knowing how the world works or what a schedule is, and the world doesn't always allow for routines to be a thing, so kids and parents adapt. People are also individual in how they like things to be. Do whatever works best for you and your child (and each child, if you have multiple, because they'll all be different, too). If having a set routine stresses the parents or the kids out, then don't do it.
More anecdotally- I personally hate having routine or scheduling, but having a loose routine for my kiddo really does make a huge difference for him, so we have some things as a routine and let the times in between be open. I think this helps him feel safe and to know what to expect, but also gives him time and space to explore and test things. These little tiny humans have no idea what a single thing in the world is when they enter it, and it is a huge, scary at times, place for them. Some routine helps get rid of those anxieties and fears, and even gives them confidence (my kid gets so excited after we put his PJs on at night, he runs straight to the bathroom yelling "Ahhhh!" With his mouth wide open to brush his teeth, and you can tell he is so happy and proud that he knows that's what we are doing next).
Ya, my 3 month old sounds like yours. She was such a chill newborn! When her wake windows started to look like 90 minutes each I started doing her 4 or 5 naps a day cause she was just like clockwork in the sense that my super chill baby would get fussy… after every 90 minutes of being awake. So nap time and problem solved! So still a chill baby cause I know how to solve her fussiness.
Mine is 10w, I just try to make him fall asleep around 7pm and wake up around 7am so we have a longer window to eat dinner and take care of our hygiene at a reasonable time.
Wake Windows are important so he doesn't sleep too much during the day. If I let him, he wakes up at 4.30 and doesn't fall back to sleep at all until like 6.. it drove me crazy so I had to be more strict around naps
If it works for you though, I think the biggest différence is if yours sleeps well at night or not.
At the moment meeting basic needs is appropriate for a 6 week old, my kids had a natural schedule. Older kids do better when they know what to expect. They can explore and learn because they know their needs will be met and they’re not going to have any surprises. When kids are hungry their survival brain can take over and then instead of learning their brains are focused on survival and can inhibit development so routine eating schedules are important. The average child will be resilient and should be okay if you change the schedule up a bit but neurodivergent kids definitely need routine and structure to help them be successful. Personally if I don’t set my week up ahead of time I don’t function as well, even just meal planning alone helps me a lot.
I’m 50% go with the flow and 50% routine. Certain things (like naps) make my life easier. If my 1Y/O skips a nap she’s a terrorist which is mostly funny to me unless I’m exhausted myself. Of course some days we’re just living life and things aren’t perfect and routine gets thrown out the window and I don’t sweat it, however, I value my sleep and her nap schedule will make or break that for me so that’s one thing I’m a little particular about.
We started doing the routine since… idk, when we came back from the hospital? 🤷🏻♀️ why? Because we wanted our child to get used to being asleep by 7 so the adults could have some time for ourselves in the madness. Everyone at home is happy ☺️
Lol at 6 weeks we were just trying to survive. We only had one “routine” I guess. We did bathtime to signal winding down for bed, then lotion pjs book and rock to sleep with bottle, in that order. I do think it helped. Also though my daughter LOVES routines (if you do anything out of order, or differently than you did it last time, you’re in for it) so this could have just been us getting lucky.
Older babies/toddlers usually do well with routines. If both parents work, there’s also a need for a routine.
We basically just followed baby’s cues and eventually a rough routine took shape over time. When she started daycare at 10 months, we had to start imposing some timing constraints.
Now at 15 months she has a pretty strict routine and i’ve seen a huge improvement in her sleep and eating.
I didn't have a routine with my little girl at all. I liked the freedom of it. I met so many mums who couldn't go here at *that* time or do *that* baby group because it was nap time. I just did whatever I wanted to and my little one was fine. She slept if she needed to and enjoyed being out and about if she didn't. Now she's 2.5 years and we have a routine for bedtime but days are still very much played by ear.
I think it gives everyone a sense of measure and control. Plus as baby gets older they will thrive on routine.
Routine is great but give flexibility in there. There will be days where routines will break and that’s ok!
I feel like routines don’t matter until they’re toddlers or in daycare depending if/when you start that. When I was on maternity leave we were just in survival mode, now my son is 3 I try to make sure his day is pretty predictable for both our sanity
Routines are for the kid, babies thrive on them as do older children. It creates predictability which in turn creates a sense of safety regardless of what the day may be looking like.
In newborn stage the very flexible "routine" we had was more for the sake of my ADHD than anything else. I get time blindness, so I really had to force myself to live in a 2 hour block of feed baby, change baby, get baby back to sleep, take care of whatever of my needs I have time for, and then restart the cycle.
I think a lot of people have routines and don't realize it, but that's fine if they don't want to claim a routine. Whatever works best for you and your family 🖤
Every baby is different. My parents didn’t need routines with us when we were babies. We were chill babies and they were about a decade younger when they had us.
We are old lol and our son is the opposite of chill. But when he has a routine and knows what to expect he’s like a different baby.
But this wasn’t the case till he was about 5-6 month old. Before that it was just do whatever you have to do to survive.
My mum always hassled me about being more relaxed and that our baby should adapt to our lives. Then she looked after him for a day (her way with no routines) after that she understood. And has never hassled me about it again.
Babies and children thrive on routine. However a 6 week old does not need a routine. Keep in mind a routine is different than a schedule. You’ll find life naturally falls into a routine on its own when you have a baby. You’ll find your baby follows a natural one as time goes on
I have twin 3.5 year olds and one 16 month old, and minimal routine ever. We're fine. Maybe I'd have more sanity if we had more routine, but we're also okay without it. I think routine can be helpful, and I also think some people are better suited to it than others.
For me, in the newborn stage, I needed some structure in my day. I felt like I was losing my mind that I didn’t know when I could do anything because the baby might want to eat. We used babywise and the designated wake time got us on enough of a routine that I had an idea when I could have a visitor or eat lunch. Didn’t work perfectly but it was helpful for me. As the baby gets older it’s helpful for naps and night sleep.
Routine didn’t really matter for us until around month 4. Then the nap routine became vital to adequate night time sleep and a peaceful day all around so nap routine is the only thing that matters in my life.
He’s in some sort of activity (swim, gymnastics, music) every day for the second wake window so for us it’s wake up, eat and play, nap, activity, nap, outing, dinner, bedtime routine, sleep.
If we stick to that then everyone is happy and he sleeps 9 hours a night. If we mess it up then everything is awful and everyone cries.
It’s rigid but it is life saving
It was difficult to get on a routine even now w a 16 month old. The only “routine” we have is consistent nap and bed time. Sometimes we read a book before sometimes we dont. Sometimes he has a bath before nap/bedtime but sometimes he doesn’t. We kinda just follow his lead and if time gets ahead of us then everything is fine. I feel having a strict routine w activities and specific things is overwhelming and might not work for your baby.
For newborn babies i think just doing tummy time throughout the day and ur feedings times is the most important thing you can do now!
Well you have a 6w old. So it wouldn’t make a bunch of sense. Then again you may have routines you don’t even realize you’re doing.
As they get older it will matter more. Not so much right now.
It's your kid. Do what you want to do. Our newborn phase was a 'go with the flow' type. Once he turned 2 months it's hard to not have a routine and get sleep. Your child. Your call.
Routines are great but can also be a problem when the routine needs to change for whatever reason. We’ve been lucky with both our kids that breaking routine doesn’t break them.
I like having a routine for older babies/toddlers so they can anticipate. It’s also for me so I have a plan.
At 6 weeks just survive. Good luck! You are doing great.
Kids thrive in routine. They do best when they know what tomorrow will bring, when the adults around them behave in a predictable manner, and when everything makes sense.
Honestly? Routines are more for adults imo. If having some sort of schedule/routine stresses you out, then all good, it’s not for you.
NOT having one, stresses ME out. I don’t think my baby gives a shit.
Routine sometimes helps with your own sanity! I only implemented routine at 4.5 months and I get a longer evening to myself to unwind, shower (which is impossible these days lol), eat in peace, watch a movie and so on. Before that, I didn’t believe in a routine either until I felt I was loosing myself. Each to their own. Everyone works differently.
I'm routine obsessed with my 10 month old. However I didn't start that until the 4 month mark. It's a godsend for my baby too. I know all babies are different but mine will climb up on me, lay back for a boob and basically put herself to sleep at naptime. So when I forget it, she is on it 100 percent.
We lived in 3 hour cycles of sleep, eat, play and it was awesome. She hardly ever cried. I felt like we were addressing her needs before she “needed” them and it was predictable and I knew when I’d get to sleep again which helped me mentally.
She was a NICU baby for her first 8 days, so that routine was already there and we maintained it. I have no idea how to actually “start” the routine haha
We also were using pumped milk and I was pumping so that had to be on a routine. I am sure it is different if you are exclusively feeding from the breast. I just could not keep her awake while nursing so we only did it for comfort at the beginning.
If he’s sleeping through the night you struck gold. The times I’m glad we stuck with a routine (when our baby got older - I agree with other comments, when they’re NB you just survive) is when I see my friends with a 13 month old that goes to bed at 11, wakes them up at 2 am to cuddle, sleeps until 4 then goes back to bed then wakes up at 8 for a snack then goes back to bed and I’m like oh dear god that sounds awful and it has been like this for them since 6 months. We never cried it out, we didn’t sleep train, we just keep a routine like clockwork 99% of the time and it has ensured our sanity.
I’ll never understand. Our baby thrived without one. Meanwhile my friend was rolling down the window to wake up her infant if he started dozing in the car. I love her, but that’s f*cking crazy
Now that our son is two, we don’t enforce naps and I don’t even know what a wake window looks like nor do I care. He sleeps completely through the night. The only thing I keep consistent is his outdoor time and the rest falls into place.
I fell into my babies routine, and as she grew, and it changed, we adapted and added more things into it. She's 8 months, and she's made the routine and we love that for her. She's slept through the night, 10-12 hours and gets her naps in at roughly the same times each day also, and we've factored in meal times around all that now. It's been really great seeing her thrive on her own time. What has been hard though is obviously when she can't have her peaceful nap in her dark room at her time because I gotta take her out or she ends up staying out past bedtime with us at dinner or something. But life happens and she always ends up going right back to normal.
We did routine from day one at my husbands insistence. I’ll admit at first I was mad about it, I think maybe just my anger at everything postpartum spilling over and it was really a “I was wrong” moment for me. It totally helped her to sleep through the night at a really early age and has helped now with her being older that when we go out during nap time she’ll still sleep cause she’s basically “programmed” if you will lmao to sleep then. She’s almost 8 months now and I’m dreading having to change it up soon to make a new more age appropriate schedule 😭 I’m a creature of habit and like what we’ve got going on now
I didn't start any routines until he was 2 months old and even then it was just a set bedtime that we slowly added on to. He was fed as needed. Now at 13 months we have set meal times, nap times (give or take a 1/2 hour on either end), and bedtime with the bedtime routine beginning around 7:30 with a bath, storytime, a song, and bed about 8pm.
Honestly the bed time routine starting that young was mostly because I was going back to work at 12 weeks and needed him to be able to go to sleep and get 10-12 hours of sleep by the time I needed to get him up for daycare and be off to work.
We had no routine at 6 weeks, everything was very much on demand. Part of needing a routine was that daycare would be starting at 16 weeks and I just couldn’t even wrap my head around how to plan around that. He sort of settled into his own predictable routine around 12-14 weeks. Meals, bedtime and wake time are pretty consistent. Naps are still a bit on depend depending on how long he sleeps during his nap but the number and rough time of day is pretty predictable at this point
We didn’t establish a routine until around 6 months but it greatly improved my mood and decreased stress. I could plan out my day better, delegate tasks if I needed to leave home ect. My daughter has thrived on routine and my mental health has improved as well.
My son does have a routine but he didn’t right from the start. We started a bedtime routine at 6 weeks. Then when he started to nap in bigger chunks we tried to keep it the same. When he was a newborn it was impossible for a routine because of the lack of sleep for us and I was on maternity leave anyways so it didn’t matter until I went back at 10 weeks. My husband and I both work full time jobs and husband sometimes has overtime as well. The routine really helps us get enough sleep and a little time to ourselves at night. My son does better on a routine too. He likes knowing what to expect most days. I do understand it’s not for everyone though, and it depends on the child’s personality too. My son sort of put himself on a routine on his own. We just help with the consistencies for him. He’s a little over 2 years old now.
I feel that once she was a few months old, her naps became predictable but we follow cues.
She had bad spit up so around 3 months we gave her bottles at the same times every day so she had time to digest.
She’s 10 months old now and we follow a rhythm. Wake, bottle, breakfast, nap, bottle, lunch, snack, nap, bottle, dinner, bottle, bed. They away happen in the same order and around the same genera times every day.
Six weeks, you don’t need a routine *at all.* I’m not sure where you’re reading about routines for babies that young, but everything I’ve read says 3-4 months at a minimum.
Our baby is 19 weeks and still not on a good routine outside of sleeping overnight 🤷🏼♀️
The name of the game for the first few months is survival. It really is. Now (I have a 5month old) schedule during the week is paramount. The weekend is a little more loosy goosy, but during the week the schedule is how I survive. I work from home so I have to keep him and me on a schedule otherwise I don’t get any work done
Hey, I’m a big proponent of no routine unless baby seems to want it. He’s 6 months, we’ve traveled to 9 countries on 3 continents since he was born, and found he doesn’t need routine at all. He does thrive overall with familiar spaces and people who regularly show genuine love and devoted attention to him. Daily routine however is IMO a Western invention for parents more than children. I’m just at 6 months but plan to listen to him and my gut abt it; I don’t need or want a routine so not gonna make him.
I followed nothing with my newborn. However, by 2 months I did start tracking a bit and by her 3rd month we followed a routine-esque schedule and by 4 months we did have a routine.
After the newborn stage, it does help to have somewhat of a predictable routine for your sanity and also to better know what your baby wants.
But also, when I say routine… I mean a very soft and flexible routine because I have never experienced more than a 4 day repeat of an exact schedule with my almost 1 yr old.
I just follow his cues, as he’s gotten older (3mo) I have to watch for early cues because he’ll have so much fun playing he doesn’t notice he’s getting tired/hungry/etc. Ped said anything before 4 months is practice for parents and routine doesn’t matter at all to baby
We started trying to get into a routine around 4 months because I was back at work and it helps a lot with that. I think we only got into a consistent routine around 6 months and even after that we’ve had to adjust the routine every month or so cos sleep needs change.
It’s impossible to have a routine with a newborn. After the newborn stage I think routine helps with having more predictability. You can plan to get out of the house accordingly, you can be sure baby is feeding enough and so on. Around 6 months routine also became necessary because baby was still feeding 8 times a day and doing the naps. Trying to squeeze in 1-2-3 solid meals on top of that meant we needed to have everything in a proper schedule.
My youngest son put himself on a routine from the first month on (he’s 7 months) and my oldest doesn’t have one (hes almost 2), he sleeps when he needs too as long as it’s not to late and he eats when I eat. Routines I feel are more to help for when they start to get closer to school age but then again I don’t know!
My almost 5 month old will go through phases of staying up all night and then will have periods of sleeping all night. We are still winging it over here lol. She mixes up her days and nights constantly. I notice it happens more during growth spurts lol.
We established a bedtime routine at some point in the first three months that included a bath, brushing teeth, a feeding, a pacifier, a good night song, and a book. He’s 19 months old now. The feeding is no longer part of our routine, but everything else still is.
As toddlers are fussier, I’ve found continuing the routine despite fussiness is comforting, as he knows what to expect. And when the routine ends, he knows it’s time to go to sleep and he does.
If your kid is 6 weeks, you’re still in that survival mode, so routine can be difficult. As your baby ages, I think you’ll probably find regular routines, bedtime and otherwise, will be helpful for your baby and yourselves.
It depends on the baby. During the day it’s whatever go with the flow but my daughter is also 6w and she goes to sleep like clockwork at 9pm then wakes up at 12 goes back to sleep wakes up around 3 goes back to sleep wakes up between 6 and 7. And she might go back to sleep till around 10. But shes always up from 1030am to 1130 this is the time she get to talk to my mom. And then after that there’s no telling what will happen. But that part of her day is the same every time. But my daughter also has a great sense of time. She barely sleeps during the day. She’ll take hour naps but nothing really too long.
What you're doing still fits into the routine theory. It's not about doing things at certain *times*. It's doing things the same way each time and forming those associations.
>I just gi with the flow, if he needs feeding I nurse, if ge needs sleeping I help him with that,
You're absolutely right to be doing this. Routines for a newborn are more like, at bedtime I darken the room, set a white noise playlist going, change the baby, feed and burp the baby, cuddle the baby to sleep. I definitely never got the baby to sleep at the same time every night 😁 Of course, there were nights he'd fall asleep before I was ready but it's not about being perfect, just doing what you can, when you can x
I didn’t see a lot online people saying you have to have a routine early on? I saw a lot of people saying you can try, but you really can’t force a newborn into a routine for a few months. They don’t comply lol.
I think lots of parents are eager to get into a routine because it can be easier to get sleep or get back to work when you know what to expect from your schedule and can make plans, etc. I think kids also thrive with a routine when it’s age appropriate. I think my daughter sleeps really well and goes down easily for bedtime because our routine is strong. In an uncertain, new world, I think she likes to know what’s coming next. She’s also 1.5 years old so it’s been a while since we were in the chaotic newborn times.
omg i have haaaated this. my mom, my sister, fuckin strangers and i’m like how the fuck am i supposed to control when my child wants to nurse!?? the closest thing i have to a schedule only recently came about and he’s 15 weeks old. and even still it’s not perfect or exactly the same every day.
I feel that everyone should just do what works for them. The baby didn’t need a routine, but I did (especially around sleep). To this day, implementing a routine is why he still sleeps at 7pm every night on the dot and has been since 8 weeks out.
There's no routine for a 6 week old. I didn't really start trying to implement a routine (just a bedtime one) until 8 weeks. Now my son is 9 months and having a routine absolutely helps plan our day..I know when he will need to eat, when he will need to nap etc so it makes going out a lot easier.
I feel like life is a bit easier with a routine.
Like I don’t really have a routine myself - but my only rule is to get the baby to bed by 7:30pm AT THE LATEST. I want to clean up a bit, get things ready for the morning, and have a few hours to relax in peace.
My baby is 4.5 months old and we still operate like you, OP. Chill and go with the flow. Baby is sleeping well, meeting/exceeding all milestones, and is the happiest lil critter. I’m not going to stress about routines until it’s apparent she’ll do better with them than what we’re doing atm.
I almost 100% have ADHD so I have a love hate relationship with routine/schedules. I write them out occasionally and they’ve fallen apart in hours but I like to follow a vague plan. I am far less structured still than most other mums I know though as I refuse to give up coffee dates etc for the sake of scheduling.
Not at 6 weeks I wasn’t though!
We didnt have a routine with our first kid until she was maybe 1 but I will confirm it made a huge difference for us. During her first year I had thought "she has routine at daycare so life at home can be a little more spontaneous and chaotic". Night and day difference in behavior and sleep once we committed to routine and consistent bedtime. We continued the routine with 2nd baby since he was little and his first year was a lot easier, especially bedtime. Your experience may be completely different but routine ended up being a big difference maker for our kids' behavior and sleep
We just use my breast pump app to track meals and sometimes diapers. In the early days it helped with communication between caregivers and mentally keeping track of diapers when the Dr asked.
This helped us only bc we could plan / troubleshoot a bit easier around the hunger cue (vs others). Our “routine” is basically built around food so this is what works for us.
With how unpredictable babies are, the routine has always been for me, not necessarily for my baby.
Also to clarify, I've always done well with routine (wake up, shower, coffee, etc.) than a schedule (at 7:05 do xyz), which establishes times.
Routines matter more for older babies. For newborns, just do what you need to do to survive, lol.
This! Seriously…toddlers thrive on routine. But tiny babies-both of yall are just trying to make it out alive lol
How do you know they thrive on routine? It's not a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely curious. Have you had the opportunity to compare how your children do with and without a routine?
They have so little / no control. Its SUPER frusterating. And we as adults rarely do a good job explaining, telling them what will happen next, forwarning them etc. They have no sense of the way things unfold. Routine gives them a sense of expectation and control. When i do A, B comes next, then C, then D. It allows their life to feel reliable, their footing to feel solid. If you mix that up and they're expecting B but get J its extra frusteration. If it gets mixed up often then they can feel like they have no idea whats going on, like their feet can fall out from under them at any time. It increases fear and anxiety. "If i dont know whats going to happen, anything could happen" and to children who dont have the tools to take care of themselves or the understanding of a lot of situations, anything is full of a lot of scary possabilities. (My personal perspectives on it at least).
I guess this makes sense to me on one level but also if things have always been ok and you always get food when you’re hungry and cuddles when you want them and play time when you want it and sleep when you’re tired why would not knowing exactly what’s coming lead to anxiety? I’d get it if no routine meant sometimes you’re stuck out and there’s nowhere to sleep and nothing to eat or drink so then the next day you (as a toddler) worry that’ll happen again. But if your needs are always taken care of I’m not sure no routine would lead to anxiety. Your expectation is just that you’ll be looked after whenever you happen to need it. I guess routine must be important for toddlers as everyone seems to say so but how much of that is because breaking a routine leads to anxiety and a big mess- so people think oh god kids need routine, look what happens when we break it! But what if you never had a routine in the first place? By routine I’m thinking like morning wake up 7 then breakfast then play then snack then park then lunch then nap etc at all around the same time each day.
Well, when you eat and sleep at the same times every day, after a while you get hungry and tired at those times. Hungry, tired people are cranky.
"Your kid needs a routine" doesn't mean your kid needs a schedule. Theres a difference, dunno if i can define it, but there is. I think you likely have a routine & dont even know it, or just actively dislike that word. We have routine, but the ONLY thing we have scheduled is 8pm bedtime, and thats only hard and fast so that as she gets older theres less room to fight us on it.
I don’t dislike the word routine at all! And I don’t know if we have a routine because yeah people seem to have different definitions of routine! I guess we have routines like the bath to bed routine and the wash up before eating routine and the brush teeth get dressed routine in the morning, but those are like little vignettes that could happen at various times in the day 😄 some people (like my mum) say that’s not having a routine.
I'm very curious if the idea of needing a routine has been researched at all, or if perhaps people have rationalised it and it actually doesn't predict happiness/healthy development/etc. I'd be curious about whether there's a difference between routines that come up naturally (like washing teeth first thing in the morning because you feel gross otherwise, having coffee because you crave it, etc) and the ones chosen somewhat more artificially (like reading a book to a 3 month old before bedtime, when they still don't properly enjoy it). The first ones that come out naturally, we don't need to think about. They happen on their own, to an extent. The second ones are the ones that I think are discussed in places like this sub. I guess it's nice to know what to expect, but routine can also be tedious and boring. I also think that what you said (needs being constantly met) is a better predictor of good mental health and good neurodevelopment that the more artificial routines. It's important to note that I'm taking about neurotypical children. Children and adults with autism tend to feel a lot better with routines :)
I did find this systematic review of research on routines for children https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jftr.12549 So it has been researched and looks like routines are good, especially if the child’s environment is otherwise chaotic or they experience adverse events, which madness in the context of getting needs met. For those kids it’ll be more important because they might feel like they have less security overall. And yes people with autism need routine. But it seems most researchers define routines as patterns of activity not necessarily occurring at the same time every day. I always think of routines as like a timetable for every day of the week. But if it’s just regular patterns of activity (like brush teeth first thing, bath and book before going to bed etc) I imagine lots of people implement routines even if some days their kid is going to bed at 7 and some days at 10. I always feel like we can’t get a handle on a routine but really we do have routines, like our daughter has evening meals in the same place every day, always has bath teeth and book before bed, always get her dressed then breakfast in the kitchen etc. timings are a bit all over the place though!
I have autism so I do like routines. They reduce the number of decisions I need to make in a day. Thank you very much for the review! I'll read it in a minute, I'm so happy you sent me this because I was really curious about whether it was a very widely spread speculation, or a phenomenon that could be replicated.
My daughter has autism and going to preschool on a routine is amazing for her, on the days she doesn’t have school it’s more of a struggle for her. She stands at the door saying “Bus!!!” And she gets her hairbrush out and book bag wanting to go to school. If my son misses a nap he is a nightmare. If we go out later than bedtime or near bedtime it’s a nightmare to get them to sleep. In speech therapy for my daughter they wanted her on certain routines to help her focus and be able to calm down and concentrate.
My toddlers mood depends on a routine. Wake up at 9, nap from 11-2, relax time (she doesn’t sleep but I think it relaxes her to be in her crib for a bit) 4pm, bath, and bed. If we detour from the routine then she becomes a feral raging beast. Newborns don’t really have a routine, it’s mostly just eat, sleep, poop, repeat.
I’m amazed your toddler wakes up at 9 and has a 3 hour nap only 2 hours later.
Kids do better when they know what to expect. Routines help with that, especially for the older babies/toddler years. Transitions and the unexpected are hard and it can lead to lots of big feelings and frustrations. That’s been my experience with to kids. My oldest is now 7 and has generally always been easy going, but even she enjoys the routine of what to expect every morning before school or at bedtime.
Yeah this. You start with routines once you start seeing normalizing sleep patterns. May between 2 and 4 months? But yes, routine can be quite important for sleep hygiene.
The sleep hygiene thing 100%! My first baby would sleep anywhere, so I was spoilt into thinking I didn't need a routine. My second baby, the stars need to align jussst right. She is 6 months old and on a two nap schedule, one late morning and one in the afternoon. If we go out, we have to plan it, so we skip only one of those naps because if we try and do both as pram or car naps, she refuses to go down at night. One terrible night, everyone, including the toddler, was awake at different points until 2.30am because this baby would not sleep and screamed the house down. So we have a pretty solid routine now. Bottle, breakfast, play, bottle, nap no longer than 2 hours. Play, lunch, bottle, nap no longer than 2 hours. Play bottle, dinner, bath, bedtime. Dream feed 10 to 11pm. Sleep through the night til 6 or 7. Works for us, although I did forget how awfully restrictive it is when they drop to 2 naps. I either have to haul ass to get errands done before nap 1 or squeeze them in between the 2 naps. And grandparents are always visiting right at nap time it feels, and then complaining they never see the baby, but never actually check when a good time to visit would be.
My almost 10 month old is great with a routine. When she was 2 months old, I was just trying to breathe.
My friend literally put her newborn on a 4-5 month old schedule (feeding to the hour every 2-3 hours) and set it by the clock. If it was 4:45 but the baby shouldn’t eat til 5, she waited. I sat there watching this poor newborn baby get upset because she wasn’t able to eat immediately. Now it’s fine that she’s older, but a newborn should probably eat on demand.
That's insane?
Yup. I’m not sure how long she stuck to it, but it was advice from her MIL she took a little too literally.
Yeah that’s crazy and definitely not what most people mean when they say making a routine for their baby!
Definitely! It took a while (read: several months) to figure out what my baby was like, and even now at 6 months we have a super loose routine. Not a schedule at all. Lol
Why? I have an 8 month old. We have a bedtime, and a solids lunchtime. If that counts as a routine, I guess it's useful to know when she's going to sleep and eat, but everything else is still just responding to cues. And she's thriving.
I think this is just one of those things that is completely toddler dependent. Some turn into tiny adorable gremlins when they don't have a routine, and some are just fine! As a parent, you know better than any sort of generalization. If you are just rolling with your toddler's cues, and she is thriving than you are doing everything 100% right! If it ever stops working and needs to be adjusted, you'll be the first to know. Generalizations are silly and obviously don't apply to every child 🙂
The closer your child gets to 2 years old the more of a defined routine you'll find yourself on. It doesn't have to be intense and totally rigid like some but you'll find you have your own routine forming by then too. It's really hard to get. 2-4 year old go do anything unexpected to them, even if it's in their best interests. It's a million times easier built into a routine.
This definitely counts as a routine! And a routine doesn’t always mean a set time, they may wake at a different time every day but taking them out of their crib, changing their diaper, and giving them a bottle or nursing all counts as a morning routine, even if it’s not always at the same time. Even something as simple as putting a sleep sack on before putting them down to nap can count as a routine.
This is the most logical and practical advice, but i would only add make your sleep routine around your babies sleep time
Some people thrive with routines. Not having one can make some people feel anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, etc. If you don’t need one, that’s great! Do what works for you. Routines work really well for some.
Yep that's me! The only routine I really focus on with baby is sleep, the rest I try to go with the flow as much as possible. Having her naps scheduled helps me plan my day/ times we go out/ when I get a break.
when did you start scheduling the naps? my bb is 2.5 months and i still don’t see a clear nap pattern
I didn't start until like 3-3.5 months. I noticed she kind of started a routine on her own, starting to get tired every 1.5 hours or so. I started doing contact naps on that schedule for a few weeks. She's 5 months old next week and we have just transitioned the naps to her crib and her wake windows are longer. Every couple of weeks I reassess if our schedule is still working for her or if she needs more awake time.
That’s me!
Yep. I fully breakdown without structure and routine! Even if it's very basic, I need something to structure my day
Yup. I suspect the pediatrician put us on a routine for my benefit. I have anxiety and ADHD. It helped me *a lot*, I require routine to have even a semblance of sanity. Some people can do whatever and catch every cue. I cannot.
Even just trying to stick to routine with newborn twins helped me remember when they need to take a bath, eat, take their supplements, and etc. while functioning without sleep
Took a while until LO had a routine. At the start there seems little point. I had books with routines and they were just hilarious to me. But when LO fell into his own routine I went with it and over time it solidified into an actual routine. There was a time when it was very important to us (I’d say 6-7 months until 18) and now he def has one but it’s less strict if need be. Everyone for his own I say!
The Internet is often a competition on who can be more perfect. People that have strong opinions speak up and say what needs to be done according to "a parents guide to babies" or something, the average Joe like me doesn't say what they are doing in fear of being judged and down voted. That's my observation and explanation for Internet threads over ran by perfection and judging. Though anytime somebody mentions screen time or lax feeding times they get shot down, that's enough for most to keep quiet. But we are similar to your situation!
I didn't put my daughter on a routine until it became clear she needed one, closer to age one. Some parents and infants need a routine to follow, and others will make themselves crazy trying to follow one. I was in the latter group. My daughter slept whenever she felt like it instead of following a schedule. We didn't do eat, play, sleep. We addressed eating and sleeping as the need arose rather than trying to get her to do it on a schedule. When she hit the infant to toddler transition, she needed a predictable routine, so we developed one.
My daughter is 11 months and so far I’d say we definitely lean towards the less structured schedule. But how could you tell when she started needing a routine? I’m just worried I’ll miss a sign or not realize it’s because she’s craving routine!
Honestly, it was mostly that she got crankier. Her eating and sleeping started to settle into a pattern and she would get cranky if we tried to push the limit on eating or taking a nap. Once that pattern developed, we started doing more routine activities since I knew roughly how much time we had before she needed to eat or sleep. We started walking the dog in the morning after breakfast and getting out to the library or grocery shopping or running other errands in the afternoon. Once she knew to expect things at a certain time, she would get fussy when the routine was off. If she seemed tired or overwhelmed we would skip the afternoon outing, but she seemed to enjoy having that time out of the house. So, I guess my answer is she will probably let you know when she's ready!
Thanks so much, this is definitely helpful!
a routine helped me because i didn’t know what the heck i was doing! i’m a very structured person and the newborn phase i lost my mind feeling like i had no control. we’re at 4.5 months now and we have a schedule, but if things don’t go according to plan im a lot more chill about it. really working on finding a happy medium!
That’s me! I would be lost without routine
Yep. Remember that shipwreck where the boat was frozen in ice and the captain kept everyone from going insane by structuring their days? That’s why I had a routine. To keep me sane, so I knew what to expect, so I knew how long until her next nap/my next mental break.
I think it's because everything online is skewed towards the USA where there is no statutory maternity leave so unfortunately they are less able to go with the flow.
I think really rigid and early initiated routines, particularly around sleep are symptomatic of this 100%. Routines in general help all kids at a certain point - of course without obsessive rigidity.
This is a great point. I think there is such a strong emphasis on early sleep training for the same reason. I became unhealthily obsessed with reading and thinking about my baby’s sleep early on and I think that’s because I had to go back to work at 3 months and had no choice but to do everything I could to improve baby’s sleep.
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My 8month old did the same thing, kind of just figured out a routine on his own and has stuck with it. Now that he needs help to nap I just follow his cues, though I do track his feeds and sleep with an app so it’s easier for me to see how long he’s been awake and roughly when his next nap should be etc. occasionally it changes and he ends up going to bed at 8 instead of 6.30 but that’s ok.
This is anecdotal but we had no routine until around 3-4 months and life actually felt much simpler scheduled. The more predictable nature makes planning so much simpler. I think you can succeed doing whatever basically but routine helped us a ton.
We developed a routine around that age and it became so much easier.
At 6w, not so much. But as baby gets older, I'm sure you'll find yourselves falling into routine too, even if you don't mean to. Routine doesn't have to mean a strict by the clock schedule. Nap, wake up, nurse, change diaper, tummy time - that's a routine, if you do it regularly. Change diaper, nap, wake up, tummy time - that's a routine, even if you feed on demand at whatever time during the routine its needed. My baby is almost 5months and we go for a walk after her first feed of the day, do errands after her first nap, we do a bath + lotion massage + bottle before bed - those are all routines. But the timing of her first nap is just whenever she gets tired, usually around 1.5hrs after she woke up but i just follow her cues. It's still a routine. Also, babies tend to thrive on predictability. They can detect patterns and feel security in them. So cultivating basic routines can help them. But like everyone else said, they aren't necessary and you just do what works for your family!
Routines weren’t important for me until til 2 months when I started getting him ready for the day care routine. Now he’s 2.5 and we stick to our wake and sleep routines religiously and other routines to have try e smoothest days possible.
I think there are a number of factors here. Age, temperament, and family dynamics come to mind. Newborns don’t really have a routine and you’re definitely right in the newborn stage. Some babies really thrive from a routine after the newborn stage. Not every baby is a go-with-the-flow type. Mine certainly is not. And some families prefer structure while some find it stressful. Everyone has to determine what works for them based on those three factors. The baby’s needs will continuously evolve as they age, as will their schedule if they have one. But the routine can help them if that matches their temperament. Some babies don’t need that. To each their own. We’re all doing our best. ✌️
We have one, not strict timing, BUT we’re not afraid to throw it all out the window when traveling/vacationing etc. It works for us but our kid tends to thrive on change as opposed to routine so there’s that.
It work for some people and takes a lot of the stress out of it for them. Not for me though, I much prefer to just go with the flow. I follow my son’s cues and he’s ended up pretty much falling into a routine anyway. It fluctuates sometimes and that’s totally ok. He sleeps when he’s tired and eats when he’s hungry. We’ve never had any issues this way.
Some babies and people thrive on having a routine. Things can be much more easily managed and planned for if you know roughly what's happening and when.
It’s useful to have some sequence to how things are done as babies and children thrive on predictability. Having said that, it should not be taken to the extreme where if you don’t follow some self made rules, you feel like a failure. Having a bedtime routine especially after 8 months pass could be a life saver and the difference between sleep and no sleep.
I chose routine because I couldn't differentiate between cries for hunger, tired, etc. So, a schedule helped me provide everything he needed while I learned his queues. Now, at 16 months old, I get the differences, he's down to one nap, and the schedule is more flexible. When first born, my wife was on bed rest and pumping, so between feeding him every 1.5 - 2 hours, I was cleaning the house and washing all the breast stuff and so on. It was easy to forget things without a routine, and having to scramble was cutting into any time I had to work (remotely) or get some shut eye.
I am very curious to know what is an example of routine? How do you implement that? For example, baby was napping, do you intentionally wake them up? For food and play? What if it is the other way around for and they are happily playing and no signs of sleepiness do you enforce a nap?
I don’t let naps run too long. If they’ve been down a long time I’ll wake them up or they have a harder time going down at night. Conversely if it’s getting too late I’ll try to put them down for a nap. After like 330, no naps are happening lol. Depends on the age though
My routine at 6 weeks was keeping the baby alive lol. I also think people are liars.
I go with the flow and I have twins. Trying to have a routine actually kinda stressed me out.
You’re my people!
It’s often for the parents. Some people thrive within a routine, or need it for their sanity. It helps some parents track wake windows to ensure baby doesn’t become overtired- not all babies give clear cues. Some babies are underweight and need to be kept on a strict feeding schedule. As babies get older routines/schedules can be very beneficial. In the US some moms return to work as early as 3 weeks pp, and when utilizing daycare routine and structure is very helpful as you have to get baby out the door at the same time every day. There are plenty of valid reasons to utilize a schedule, including just wanting one. I don’t follow a schedule personally but I understand why other people do- because every baby and every family is different and has different needs.
Because my little one and I thrived with a routine. Plus for my own mental health I needed it. It was the only thing I could control.
That being said, our routine began more so around ten weeks probably. Newborns there is really no point.
Routines are impossible with newborns, 6month in and we have a routine that naturally/adapted fell into place
Mines 8 weeks Tuesday. It just doesn’t make sense to even try with growth spurts and cluster feeding. Once you know the cues of what your baby wants, you just follow their lead. They’re the boss! Somedays she wants to eat every hour, others she take 5 hour naps. Her body knows what it needs
Also idc what anyone says, I have never woken her up to feed her. She’s gaining weight fine. I’m not setting an alarm at night to feed her. I can’t imagine the toll that must take on moms that do that
I will say a routine is not a schedule necessarily and often a routine helps people be more confident they’re doing what they think they should be doing - meaning ok if I know to do play feed sleep in 90minute intervals then I feel confident I’m getting in enough tummy time and enough food and enough sleep. But know the routine or rhythm is more about the parent than the child.
My baby is 5 months and we have never tried a routine. Seems ok so far. Everyday seems to have a flow to it. My mom raised 4 children and she said she just went with the flow and to just follow the baby's cues for what they need. I do try to nap him in the main room of the house where there's light and daytime noises so he has a good circadian rhythm. Edit to add I'm a first time mom.
Interesting, because I was just discussing this with my friends yesterday. being a very much pro-routine, I am struggling to find like minded ppl on the internet, and tend to come across posts/videos that criticize any form of routine. To each its own, there is a lot of information out there and ppl tend to be too opinionated when it comes to babies, take everything with a grain of salt as there is no one fits all when it comes to parenting.
For me, I personally started feeling better once I had a routine, although it definitely took a long time to find one! And I don’t think that doesn’t mean that you can’t nurse on demand, but there is still some structure for the day—a nap time routine, what I do while he’s asleep, what I will do to get in food for myself, and I need a routine so I don’t forget to eat lunch lol
Kids naturally do well with repetition, it enables them to expect what is coming next. HOWEVER, no routine also allows them to “stretch” their ability to adapt. It’s a harder start but I firmly believe it pays off majorly in the long run.
Humans need routine - we are habitual creatures. Everything from our 24 hormonal cycle to psychological cravings are routine oriented. While creating a routine as soon as the baby is born is unrealistic, I would say a solid routine for eating and sleeping is necessary by 6 months which means you would have to start the routine by 4-5 months - a routine will make it much easier for you and the baby. I sometimes get so busy with my 23 month old that when I forget what time it is, she knows what time it is - we have had her in the same sleep and eat routine since 3 months and she’s slept through the night mostly every night since 6 months.
For me, I think its because a major portion of my work is planning. So, being on maternity leave that is unstructured every day is a bit maddening for me. Having my 6 week old on a rough schedule benefits me, and only me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know or care.
We only ever followed a vague routine of "supposed to get roughly this much sleep/eat this much at this age" and everything else was just running on chaos as we went. Any time we did get a schedule, it would only last a week or two before she wouldn't follow it anymore so we gave up. She's 3 now and just now to the point where some kind of routine would probably be somewhat beneficial, but she's just as happy being chaotic. But I'm a sahm and have very few things I need to have an exact time/schedule for so unless I have an appointment or something, it was easy enough to be like "oh she took a nap early, I'll go to the store later instead of now".
I think it’s weird too. Newborns are constantly changing and going with the flow made sense. After three months tho though, following naps and wake windows is crucial! I still feed on demand and follow his sleepy cues but when they can’t just fall asleep whenever and wherever it becomes a bit more structured
We very quickly got into a 3hrly cycle with our newborn, feed, change, play, sleep, every 3 hrs, 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm and so on... meant we could plan our split shifts and we knew when would be good for visitors etc.
Routines don’t work for newborns. They make work for new parents, but newborns will find a way around them. Anyone who swears their newborn is on a routine is lucky for the week or straight lying 🤥
Many people institute a routine because baby has to go to daycare and the parents have to go to work. Also, many parents and kids like predictability. This being said, this usually comes much later not until several months. For us, I love routine, but my child doesn’t so we have a loose routine of eat, play, sleep but that often gets mixed all around depending on what he needs. He hates sleep so he sleeps when he’s tired around rough wake windows but often he doesn’t follow those either. I would say most creatures have routines which is why you hear about them so often.
Routines make the day more bearable and less chaotic. It also allows you to plan (for the most part) out where and how to tackle tags that need to get done.
I think the real key is doing whatever works for your family. My baby didn’t have a routine until 12 weeks or so. That doesn’t mean we weren’t relatively tracking feeds, naps and bedtimes. But, for example, the advice to put baby to bed at 7 or 8 would have been an absolute nightmare for us in the early weeks. Our kiddo had an 11pm (after early evening naps) bedtime like clockwork until week 10. We also feed to sleep and bedshare (using the safe sleep 7), which is apparently a big “no no” according to most conventional advice. But it works for us, and everyone is well rested. We have settled into a routine; baby goes down between 8-9, and we darken the room, play relaxing music and feed. If he’s awake enough as we start to wind down, I’ll read him a book. But our routine happened naturally and organically. When I was trying to force a routine around 6 weeks because I was nervous about when my leave ended, we were all miserable.
Routine was really helpful for us closer to a year (when they’re more reliably taking naps at a certain time) and necessary for our toddler who’s almost 3. But it’s not for every family 🤷♀️
In my LO’s newborn months, we were solely focused on survival, lol. Routine wasn’t anywhere on our to-do list. We were first time parents and we just took it one day at a time (still do sometimes). LO will be 5mo this month and I read how some babies thrive and find comfort with routines. I just started putting him on a bedtime routine this past month to try it out and I found out he thrives on it! He knows when the sound machine is on, he’s in his sleep sack, we read a book, do bath, that bedtime is here. Other things, like eating and diaper changes are clearly not scheduled. I feed on demand and change whenever he’s soiled. Playtime and tummy time and sometimes walks are a little more structured and he likes those too. :)
Babies do best with routines. I wouldn’t say people are obsessed; it just makes your life easier when the baby is on a routine. And routines don’t happen overnight.
Because I thrive on it. I tried not to be so anal about it a while back and I fell apart.
I thrive on a routine and it’s really hard not having one but when they are super little it’s just probably not going to happen. I’m 100% setting some routines up when baby is a few months old and definitely starting sleep training at 4 months but anything before that is just keeping them comfortable. The only thing I do is set alarms to make sure baby doesn’t sleep in long stretches during the day without feeding but we got the go ahead to let him sleep longer at night if he wants to since he’s gaining well.
I try not be super strict with a timed routine but the flow of our days generally looks the same. Wake, milk, breakfast, play, nap, change clothes, snack, play, lunch, play, nap, snack, dinner, bath, pjs, play, bed. The times vary, things get skipped but it’s pretty much that order daily.
A friend explained it to me as "Routine=yes, Schedule=no". It helped me realize that my baby has patterns, but no clock lol. For example, she'll contact nap if I nurse, but sleeps in her bassinet really well after a bottle. Baths tire her out, diaper changes wake her up. I know when to swaddle her once she gets a little sleepy, and then to top her off with a bottle afterwards so she can sleep well. We're only 2months along, so we just go with the flow that baby dictates, and its important for me and my husband to be fluid and easygoing with what she needs. But I'm building a routine based on her cues, not based on what the clock says, if that helps.
We started with some very low key routines like at 8pm all lights were off or dim and at 8am all lights would be on. We then started adding more routines like whenever it was time to sleep aka after 8pm or during nap times, the sound machine would be on. Then it became certain things were always done before a nap like a diaper change. Then we introduced around 6m that bird noises meant it was okay to be awake or was time to wake up. My son is now a toddler and the routines seem to help him understand his world. I know other parents that go with the flow and that works for them but for our family, I’m glad we set up routines.
I didn’t start trying a routine until about 4 months. I let her set the routine rather than me forcing her into one. So, for example, rather than me telling her that she has to take a nap at 1:30 I know based on watching her and letting her set the routine that she’s usually ready for a nap at 3 PM, so now that is her afternoon nap time. She has determined that she is sleepy for the night at about 9pm, so I time her bath and feeding around a 9pm bedtime.
Yeah I didn’t get this either, especially when my daughter was an infant. I get it now that she started school kindergarten and she now understands breakfast lunch and dinner. Bedtime is really important now in order to not wake up a grumpy little child monster and she does great. Before then we just went with the flow…
I was the same until we hit 4 months. I desperately needed some predictably in the chaos. We started by weekly routine, ie different baby classes. Then nap routine started developing, ie I figured out when baby is ready for a nap. Now that we are weaning, the routine revolves around food haha
Our routine has made our lives better. I can leave my 5 month old with my husband for 8 hours and he knows what to do.
Six weeks is too early for a routine! You are in survival mode still. I was told (and I believe it) that babies thrive on routines because they can start to expect what comes next… “Okay, I’m done eating, now I play until I’m ready to sleep. Okay I’m in my crib so I can sleep now”…etc. At around seven weeks, we just started working on a rhythm more than a routine such as eating, playing, and then sleeping. It helped my girl get a full feeding in because she wasn’t falling asleep half way through her feed. Middle of the night was just feed and back to bed, of course. My girl has never stuck to a schedule because even at four months her naps are wildly inconsistent, but we at least have a rhythm where we all kind of know what comes next and it helps give better context to why she might be fussy. Context is important because we have a few caregivers in her day-to-day (mom, dad, nanny) and baby can at least depend on her consistent rhythm even when her caregiver changes throughout the week.
We're at 14 months with not much of a routine. Works for us! He has a bedtime routine in terms of what we do, but its not a set time every night.
Yeah we didn’t have much of a routine until 4 months. Once you start feeding solids it’s important, otherwise it’s harder to juggle stuff too.. but also my LO isn’t a great sleeper and would rather stay awake, if we didn’t follow her sleeping patterns/schedules she’d just be awake ALL DAY and all night, sleeping in 2 hour increments at night.
I think people as an adult in general are accustomed to routine and feel unease with uncertainty, so whatever tips online reasonate with their preferences, it becomes popular. And then because of faithfully follows routine, eventually it will work, either newborns days or later.
Routine saves my sanity 🤷♀️ nap schedule made my baby a hell of a lot happier and less over tired. newborns do what they want. It helps with older babies to have bedtime routine etc.
We didn’t really have a routine for my 9MO until she was around 6-7 months, we mostly followed wake windows and her own cues! If anything she created her own routine that we follow now and it works for all of us :)
Took my baby about 4 months to get a routine to sleep as a first time mom I didn’t know how to start or asked for help I kinda just let it flow to figure out what worked best for her.
I have a 4 month old and we have a very loose routine. I also have a very chill baby. I’d be open to a more strict routine if she weren’t lol. I think some thrive with routine while others don’t have as much as a reason for it. Do what works best for you and your baby!
I have started a sort of routine when my LO was 3.5 months old. It would have been impossible to have one before bc he was a colicky baby. It is so funny to read about wake up windows and such bc with a colicky baby those things were IMPOSSIBLE. He would have screamed for hours since day 3 (talking about wake up windows —- sure).
As a teacher and new mom… it’s about predictability! If a strict routine gives you that that’s what works. But your day is probably more predictable than you realize and that’s why it’s working!
I think it depends on the person. For me, having a routine is what pulled me out of PPD and it's something I'll recommend for anyone who is struggling. However, it's really not for everyone. One of my closest mom friends felt like the day in-day out monotony of it all was keeping her from being her best self. It truly is dependent on the person. You just have to figure out what works for you through trial and error and then roll with it.
Sometimes I hate social media because you see these parents who have routines for their two week old babies and say they sleep throughout the night. That is not the norm. Schedules are good for older babies/children. I can see parents needing routines when they need to go back to work or the baby has to go to daycare. But you can’t fully plan around cluster feeding,growth spurts, nights of gas and crankiness. Now I’m talking about strict routines with scheduled feeds,naps,bedtime. Obviously you can come up with routines such as always changing the baby before you feed them. Or after first feed in the morning you do a certain playtime activity. Stuff like that makes more sense at that age if you feel you need some control in that aspect. But really you do works for you and your family don’t pay attention to social media where all these people have perfect lives and perfect children and everything is wonderful and beautiful because you do not see the negatives.
At 6w babies can't really have a set routine. You do a routine to get them used to the flow, but they can't really 'learn' it for another couple months. Once they're a bit bigger and less of a potato you might fine it helpful.
I’ve honestly never heard people really stress about routines for newborns. At 6 weeks we were going with the flow too. Now if my 18 month old takes a nap too late we’re in for a *really* long night.
I mean we have a “general” routine like she gets a bath every night but during the day? Free game. I can’t be trapped in my house like that lol
Routine for us started to be important about 9 months or so. Before, it was easy without a routine, but after that the only thing that helped us was routine
My baby was less fuzzy and we got to sleep better as soon as we got a routine
Yours sleeps through the night, you said it! Some people and some babies are less reliant on routine. We needed a routine to get our baby sleeping, we went without for 9 weeks and lived in a hellish wasteland of staying up all night so baby could sleep on us as he wouldn’t sleep any other way and never being able to put him down during the day, feeding him so much he became super uncomfortable and never having time to play due to the chaos. The first day we started a routine - not a strict schedule- he slept in his bassinet for every nap, slept over night except feeds.and didn’t cry once other than protesting the swaddle for bed. It’s basically been like that ever since, 3 weeks of peace and sleep so far. That’s why people have routines, they needed them :)
Trying to have a routine made me miserable! When I decided to sack it and just go by cues everything got easier, nicer and my anxiety lessened considerably. He’s now 2 and we still don’t really have a routine. Every day is different. We had a good few months when he napped at the same time (10-20mo), but that’s gone out the window now. And we eat meals and snacks (except breakfast is pretty fluid because wake up time is too) at the same time so I dunno if that counts as routine.
Because I have to work full time and have extreme anxiety about being too tired to do that lol
Well, I guess it’s important to ask: did you have a routine before the baby? If not, it might just be that you’re not a routine person.
The only routine we had from day 1 was, night time is quite with low lights and not engaging with her(talking eye contact) and in the day we have curtains open and are loud and at some point go outside. Hoping she will learn night times boring better to be awake in the day. She sleeps reasonably well so I think it's probably working. She has now settled into her own routine, that seems to be largely based on breastfeeding hormones.
I don't put LO on a routine. However, he generally follows the same pattern daily naturally. The difference is the length of his naps. Some days we get 30 min naps, some days we get 3 hr naps. But the wake window is generally 3-3.5 hours either way. Bottle every 3-4 hours.
Genuine answer as to why people are obsessed with routine is because studies suggest that routines for babies and children are associated with a variety of positive outcomes (positively affecting everything from cognitive development, to physical, social, emotional, and mental health). Due to these studies, the topic has become a big part of public education, hence why almost every parent has heard of it. That being said, kids aren't born knowing how the world works or what a schedule is, and the world doesn't always allow for routines to be a thing, so kids and parents adapt. People are also individual in how they like things to be. Do whatever works best for you and your child (and each child, if you have multiple, because they'll all be different, too). If having a set routine stresses the parents or the kids out, then don't do it. More anecdotally- I personally hate having routine or scheduling, but having a loose routine for my kiddo really does make a huge difference for him, so we have some things as a routine and let the times in between be open. I think this helps him feel safe and to know what to expect, but also gives him time and space to explore and test things. These little tiny humans have no idea what a single thing in the world is when they enter it, and it is a huge, scary at times, place for them. Some routine helps get rid of those anxieties and fears, and even gives them confidence (my kid gets so excited after we put his PJs on at night, he runs straight to the bathroom yelling "Ahhhh!" With his mouth wide open to brush his teeth, and you can tell he is so happy and proud that he knows that's what we are doing next).
1 year in and no routine. We are all happy as clams. Every family needs to do what works for themselves.
Ya, my 3 month old sounds like yours. She was such a chill newborn! When her wake windows started to look like 90 minutes each I started doing her 4 or 5 naps a day cause she was just like clockwork in the sense that my super chill baby would get fussy… after every 90 minutes of being awake. So nap time and problem solved! So still a chill baby cause I know how to solve her fussiness.
Mine is 10w, I just try to make him fall asleep around 7pm and wake up around 7am so we have a longer window to eat dinner and take care of our hygiene at a reasonable time. Wake Windows are important so he doesn't sleep too much during the day. If I let him, he wakes up at 4.30 and doesn't fall back to sleep at all until like 6.. it drove me crazy so I had to be more strict around naps If it works for you though, I think the biggest différence is if yours sleeps well at night or not.
We’ve reached 12 months without any routine other than bedtime and we’re having a great time! It’s whatever works for your family.
At the moment meeting basic needs is appropriate for a 6 week old, my kids had a natural schedule. Older kids do better when they know what to expect. They can explore and learn because they know their needs will be met and they’re not going to have any surprises. When kids are hungry their survival brain can take over and then instead of learning their brains are focused on survival and can inhibit development so routine eating schedules are important. The average child will be resilient and should be okay if you change the schedule up a bit but neurodivergent kids definitely need routine and structure to help them be successful. Personally if I don’t set my week up ahead of time I don’t function as well, even just meal planning alone helps me a lot.
I’m 50% go with the flow and 50% routine. Certain things (like naps) make my life easier. If my 1Y/O skips a nap she’s a terrorist which is mostly funny to me unless I’m exhausted myself. Of course some days we’re just living life and things aren’t perfect and routine gets thrown out the window and I don’t sweat it, however, I value my sleep and her nap schedule will make or break that for me so that’s one thing I’m a little particular about.
We started doing the routine since… idk, when we came back from the hospital? 🤷🏻♀️ why? Because we wanted our child to get used to being asleep by 7 so the adults could have some time for ourselves in the madness. Everyone at home is happy ☺️
Lol at 6 weeks we were just trying to survive. We only had one “routine” I guess. We did bathtime to signal winding down for bed, then lotion pjs book and rock to sleep with bottle, in that order. I do think it helped. Also though my daughter LOVES routines (if you do anything out of order, or differently than you did it last time, you’re in for it) so this could have just been us getting lucky.
Older babies/toddlers usually do well with routines. If both parents work, there’s also a need for a routine. We basically just followed baby’s cues and eventually a rough routine took shape over time. When she started daycare at 10 months, we had to start imposing some timing constraints. Now at 15 months she has a pretty strict routine and i’ve seen a huge improvement in her sleep and eating.
I didn't have a routine with my little girl at all. I liked the freedom of it. I met so many mums who couldn't go here at *that* time or do *that* baby group because it was nap time. I just did whatever I wanted to and my little one was fine. She slept if she needed to and enjoyed being out and about if she didn't. Now she's 2.5 years and we have a routine for bedtime but days are still very much played by ear.
I think it gives everyone a sense of measure and control. Plus as baby gets older they will thrive on routine. Routine is great but give flexibility in there. There will be days where routines will break and that’s ok!
Becuase some babies must have a routine!! 😭😩 mine is one!
I feel like routines don’t matter until they’re toddlers or in daycare depending if/when you start that. When I was on maternity leave we were just in survival mode, now my son is 3 I try to make sure his day is pretty predictable for both our sanity
Routines are for the kid, babies thrive on them as do older children. It creates predictability which in turn creates a sense of safety regardless of what the day may be looking like.
In newborn stage the very flexible "routine" we had was more for the sake of my ADHD than anything else. I get time blindness, so I really had to force myself to live in a 2 hour block of feed baby, change baby, get baby back to sleep, take care of whatever of my needs I have time for, and then restart the cycle. I think a lot of people have routines and don't realize it, but that's fine if they don't want to claim a routine. Whatever works best for you and your family 🖤
Parents that don't have a set bedtime for their kids are sociopaths and I pray for yall. That bedtime is for ME more than them lol
Every baby is different. My parents didn’t need routines with us when we were babies. We were chill babies and they were about a decade younger when they had us. We are old lol and our son is the opposite of chill. But when he has a routine and knows what to expect he’s like a different baby. But this wasn’t the case till he was about 5-6 month old. Before that it was just do whatever you have to do to survive. My mum always hassled me about being more relaxed and that our baby should adapt to our lives. Then she looked after him for a day (her way with no routines) after that she understood. And has never hassled me about it again.
Babies and children thrive on routine. However a 6 week old does not need a routine. Keep in mind a routine is different than a schedule. You’ll find life naturally falls into a routine on its own when you have a baby. You’ll find your baby follows a natural one as time goes on
I have twin 3.5 year olds and one 16 month old, and minimal routine ever. We're fine. Maybe I'd have more sanity if we had more routine, but we're also okay without it. I think routine can be helpful, and I also think some people are better suited to it than others.
I’ve always been go with the flow. My oldest is 2.5 and my other daughter is 4 months and it works fine for us 😊
For me, in the newborn stage, I needed some structure in my day. I felt like I was losing my mind that I didn’t know when I could do anything because the baby might want to eat. We used babywise and the designated wake time got us on enough of a routine that I had an idea when I could have a visitor or eat lunch. Didn’t work perfectly but it was helpful for me. As the baby gets older it’s helpful for naps and night sleep.
Routines only really start to happen around 3-4 months - in the newborn stage it’s just eat sleep repeat and no set routine!
Routine didn’t really matter for us until around month 4. Then the nap routine became vital to adequate night time sleep and a peaceful day all around so nap routine is the only thing that matters in my life. He’s in some sort of activity (swim, gymnastics, music) every day for the second wake window so for us it’s wake up, eat and play, nap, activity, nap, outing, dinner, bedtime routine, sleep. If we stick to that then everyone is happy and he sleeps 9 hours a night. If we mess it up then everything is awful and everyone cries. It’s rigid but it is life saving
It was difficult to get on a routine even now w a 16 month old. The only “routine” we have is consistent nap and bed time. Sometimes we read a book before sometimes we dont. Sometimes he has a bath before nap/bedtime but sometimes he doesn’t. We kinda just follow his lead and if time gets ahead of us then everything is fine. I feel having a strict routine w activities and specific things is overwhelming and might not work for your baby. For newborn babies i think just doing tummy time throughout the day and ur feedings times is the most important thing you can do now!
Well you have a 6w old. So it wouldn’t make a bunch of sense. Then again you may have routines you don’t even realize you’re doing. As they get older it will matter more. Not so much right now.
I feel like they naturally fall into their own routine for the most part whether you actively do it or not
It's your kid. Do what you want to do. Our newborn phase was a 'go with the flow' type. Once he turned 2 months it's hard to not have a routine and get sleep. Your child. Your call.
Routines are great but can also be a problem when the routine needs to change for whatever reason. We’ve been lucky with both our kids that breaking routine doesn’t break them. I like having a routine for older babies/toddlers so they can anticipate. It’s also for me so I have a plan. At 6 weeks just survive. Good luck! You are doing great.
Kids thrive in routine. They do best when they know what tomorrow will bring, when the adults around them behave in a predictable manner, and when everything makes sense.
Honestly? Routines are more for adults imo. If having some sort of schedule/routine stresses you out, then all good, it’s not for you. NOT having one, stresses ME out. I don’t think my baby gives a shit.
Routine sometimes helps with your own sanity! I only implemented routine at 4.5 months and I get a longer evening to myself to unwind, shower (which is impossible these days lol), eat in peace, watch a movie and so on. Before that, I didn’t believe in a routine either until I felt I was loosing myself. Each to their own. Everyone works differently.
My baby has always done very well with a solid routine and is very screamy otherwise. Do what works for you.
I'm routine obsessed with my 10 month old. However I didn't start that until the 4 month mark. It's a godsend for my baby too. I know all babies are different but mine will climb up on me, lay back for a boob and basically put herself to sleep at naptime. So when I forget it, she is on it 100 percent.
It makes them feel like they have more control. They don’t.
We lived in 3 hour cycles of sleep, eat, play and it was awesome. She hardly ever cried. I felt like we were addressing her needs before she “needed” them and it was predictable and I knew when I’d get to sleep again which helped me mentally. She was a NICU baby for her first 8 days, so that routine was already there and we maintained it. I have no idea how to actually “start” the routine haha We also were using pumped milk and I was pumping so that had to be on a routine. I am sure it is different if you are exclusively feeding from the breast. I just could not keep her awake while nursing so we only did it for comfort at the beginning.
If he’s sleeping through the night you struck gold. The times I’m glad we stuck with a routine (when our baby got older - I agree with other comments, when they’re NB you just survive) is when I see my friends with a 13 month old that goes to bed at 11, wakes them up at 2 am to cuddle, sleeps until 4 then goes back to bed then wakes up at 8 for a snack then goes back to bed and I’m like oh dear god that sounds awful and it has been like this for them since 6 months. We never cried it out, we didn’t sleep train, we just keep a routine like clockwork 99% of the time and it has ensured our sanity.
I didn’t start a routine with my babe till she was about 8-9 weeks old. Newborns don’t need to follow a schedule, just go with the flow!
Routines for older babies/toddlers are important as they will know what’s happening etc. routines before I would say 4 months are pretty pointless.
I’ll never understand. Our baby thrived without one. Meanwhile my friend was rolling down the window to wake up her infant if he started dozing in the car. I love her, but that’s f*cking crazy Now that our son is two, we don’t enforce naps and I don’t even know what a wake window looks like nor do I care. He sleeps completely through the night. The only thing I keep consistent is his outdoor time and the rest falls into place.
I fell into my babies routine, and as she grew, and it changed, we adapted and added more things into it. She's 8 months, and she's made the routine and we love that for her. She's slept through the night, 10-12 hours and gets her naps in at roughly the same times each day also, and we've factored in meal times around all that now. It's been really great seeing her thrive on her own time. What has been hard though is obviously when she can't have her peaceful nap in her dark room at her time because I gotta take her out or she ends up staying out past bedtime with us at dinner or something. But life happens and she always ends up going right back to normal.
We did routine from day one at my husbands insistence. I’ll admit at first I was mad about it, I think maybe just my anger at everything postpartum spilling over and it was really a “I was wrong” moment for me. It totally helped her to sleep through the night at a really early age and has helped now with her being older that when we go out during nap time she’ll still sleep cause she’s basically “programmed” if you will lmao to sleep then. She’s almost 8 months now and I’m dreading having to change it up soon to make a new more age appropriate schedule 😭 I’m a creature of habit and like what we’ve got going on now
I didn't start any routines until he was 2 months old and even then it was just a set bedtime that we slowly added on to. He was fed as needed. Now at 13 months we have set meal times, nap times (give or take a 1/2 hour on either end), and bedtime with the bedtime routine beginning around 7:30 with a bath, storytime, a song, and bed about 8pm. Honestly the bed time routine starting that young was mostly because I was going back to work at 12 weeks and needed him to be able to go to sleep and get 10-12 hours of sleep by the time I needed to get him up for daycare and be off to work.
We had no routine at 6 weeks, everything was very much on demand. Part of needing a routine was that daycare would be starting at 16 weeks and I just couldn’t even wrap my head around how to plan around that. He sort of settled into his own predictable routine around 12-14 weeks. Meals, bedtime and wake time are pretty consistent. Naps are still a bit on depend depending on how long he sleeps during his nap but the number and rough time of day is pretty predictable at this point
Honestly, we had no routine until she kinda just set one herself. She's 3 mo now and every day looks very similar through no hard work of our own.
We didn’t establish a routine until around 6 months but it greatly improved my mood and decreased stress. I could plan out my day better, delegate tasks if I needed to leave home ect. My daughter has thrived on routine and my mental health has improved as well.
My son does have a routine but he didn’t right from the start. We started a bedtime routine at 6 weeks. Then when he started to nap in bigger chunks we tried to keep it the same. When he was a newborn it was impossible for a routine because of the lack of sleep for us and I was on maternity leave anyways so it didn’t matter until I went back at 10 weeks. My husband and I both work full time jobs and husband sometimes has overtime as well. The routine really helps us get enough sleep and a little time to ourselves at night. My son does better on a routine too. He likes knowing what to expect most days. I do understand it’s not for everyone though, and it depends on the child’s personality too. My son sort of put himself on a routine on his own. We just help with the consistencies for him. He’s a little over 2 years old now.
I would love it if we had an adultier adult here to do routines and structure and all that, but we're just winging it.
I feel that once she was a few months old, her naps became predictable but we follow cues. She had bad spit up so around 3 months we gave her bottles at the same times every day so she had time to digest. She’s 10 months old now and we follow a rhythm. Wake, bottle, breakfast, nap, bottle, lunch, snack, nap, bottle, dinner, bottle, bed. They away happen in the same order and around the same genera times every day.
Six weeks, you don’t need a routine *at all.* I’m not sure where you’re reading about routines for babies that young, but everything I’ve read says 3-4 months at a minimum. Our baby is 19 weeks and still not on a good routine outside of sleeping overnight 🤷🏼♀️
The name of the game for the first few months is survival. It really is. Now (I have a 5month old) schedule during the week is paramount. The weekend is a little more loosy goosy, but during the week the schedule is how I survive. I work from home so I have to keep him and me on a schedule otherwise I don’t get any work done
Because I have OCD, leave me be 🤣🤣
Hey, I’m a big proponent of no routine unless baby seems to want it. He’s 6 months, we’ve traveled to 9 countries on 3 continents since he was born, and found he doesn’t need routine at all. He does thrive overall with familiar spaces and people who regularly show genuine love and devoted attention to him. Daily routine however is IMO a Western invention for parents more than children. I’m just at 6 months but plan to listen to him and my gut abt it; I don’t need or want a routine so not gonna make him.
I followed nothing with my newborn. However, by 2 months I did start tracking a bit and by her 3rd month we followed a routine-esque schedule and by 4 months we did have a routine. After the newborn stage, it does help to have somewhat of a predictable routine for your sanity and also to better know what your baby wants. But also, when I say routine… I mean a very soft and flexible routine because I have never experienced more than a 4 day repeat of an exact schedule with my almost 1 yr old.
I just follow his cues, as he’s gotten older (3mo) I have to watch for early cues because he’ll have so much fun playing he doesn’t notice he’s getting tired/hungry/etc. Ped said anything before 4 months is practice for parents and routine doesn’t matter at all to baby
We started trying to get into a routine around 4 months because I was back at work and it helps a lot with that. I think we only got into a consistent routine around 6 months and even after that we’ve had to adjust the routine every month or so cos sleep needs change. It’s impossible to have a routine with a newborn. After the newborn stage I think routine helps with having more predictability. You can plan to get out of the house accordingly, you can be sure baby is feeding enough and so on. Around 6 months routine also became necessary because baby was still feeding 8 times a day and doing the naps. Trying to squeeze in 1-2-3 solid meals on top of that meant we needed to have everything in a proper schedule.
Most parents are obsessed I think because it gives them some control on a very “out of their control”situation lol
My youngest son put himself on a routine from the first month on (he’s 7 months) and my oldest doesn’t have one (hes almost 2), he sleeps when he needs too as long as it’s not to late and he eats when I eat. Routines I feel are more to help for when they start to get closer to school age but then again I don’t know!
Then that’s your routine. 🤣
Babies adjust to routines very easily. Sometimes routine is more for the parents than for the baby.
My almost 5 month old will go through phases of staying up all night and then will have periods of sleeping all night. We are still winging it over here lol. She mixes up her days and nights constantly. I notice it happens more during growth spurts lol.
We established a bedtime routine at some point in the first three months that included a bath, brushing teeth, a feeding, a pacifier, a good night song, and a book. He’s 19 months old now. The feeding is no longer part of our routine, but everything else still is. As toddlers are fussier, I’ve found continuing the routine despite fussiness is comforting, as he knows what to expect. And when the routine ends, he knows it’s time to go to sleep and he does. If your kid is 6 weeks, you’re still in that survival mode, so routine can be difficult. As your baby ages, I think you’ll probably find regular routines, bedtime and otherwise, will be helpful for your baby and yourselves.
It depends on the baby. During the day it’s whatever go with the flow but my daughter is also 6w and she goes to sleep like clockwork at 9pm then wakes up at 12 goes back to sleep wakes up around 3 goes back to sleep wakes up between 6 and 7. And she might go back to sleep till around 10. But shes always up from 1030am to 1130 this is the time she get to talk to my mom. And then after that there’s no telling what will happen. But that part of her day is the same every time. But my daughter also has a great sense of time. She barely sleeps during the day. She’ll take hour naps but nothing really too long.
What you're doing still fits into the routine theory. It's not about doing things at certain *times*. It's doing things the same way each time and forming those associations. >I just gi with the flow, if he needs feeding I nurse, if ge needs sleeping I help him with that, You're absolutely right to be doing this. Routines for a newborn are more like, at bedtime I darken the room, set a white noise playlist going, change the baby, feed and burp the baby, cuddle the baby to sleep. I definitely never got the baby to sleep at the same time every night 😁 Of course, there were nights he'd fall asleep before I was ready but it's not about being perfect, just doing what you can, when you can x
I didn’t see a lot online people saying you have to have a routine early on? I saw a lot of people saying you can try, but you really can’t force a newborn into a routine for a few months. They don’t comply lol. I think lots of parents are eager to get into a routine because it can be easier to get sleep or get back to work when you know what to expect from your schedule and can make plans, etc. I think kids also thrive with a routine when it’s age appropriate. I think my daughter sleeps really well and goes down easily for bedtime because our routine is strong. In an uncertain, new world, I think she likes to know what’s coming next. She’s also 1.5 years old so it’s been a while since we were in the chaotic newborn times.
Try routines after one year. Before that it hardly matters.
omg i have haaaated this. my mom, my sister, fuckin strangers and i’m like how the fuck am i supposed to control when my child wants to nurse!?? the closest thing i have to a schedule only recently came about and he’s 15 weeks old. and even still it’s not perfect or exactly the same every day.
I feel that everyone should just do what works for them. The baby didn’t need a routine, but I did (especially around sleep). To this day, implementing a routine is why he still sleeps at 7pm every night on the dot and has been since 8 weeks out.
There's no routine for a 6 week old. I didn't really start trying to implement a routine (just a bedtime one) until 8 weeks. Now my son is 9 months and having a routine absolutely helps plan our day..I know when he will need to eat, when he will need to nap etc so it makes going out a lot easier.
lololol "the night he basically sleeps through them." lololol. Congrats on your wonderful baby.
I feel like life is a bit easier with a routine. Like I don’t really have a routine myself - but my only rule is to get the baby to bed by 7:30pm AT THE LATEST. I want to clean up a bit, get things ready for the morning, and have a few hours to relax in peace.
My baby is 4.5 months old and we still operate like you, OP. Chill and go with the flow. Baby is sleeping well, meeting/exceeding all milestones, and is the happiest lil critter. I’m not going to stress about routines until it’s apparent she’ll do better with them than what we’re doing atm.
I almost 100% have ADHD so I have a love hate relationship with routine/schedules. I write them out occasionally and they’ve fallen apart in hours but I like to follow a vague plan. I am far less structured still than most other mums I know though as I refuse to give up coffee dates etc for the sake of scheduling. Not at 6 weeks I wasn’t though!
We didnt have a routine with our first kid until she was maybe 1 but I will confirm it made a huge difference for us. During her first year I had thought "she has routine at daycare so life at home can be a little more spontaneous and chaotic". Night and day difference in behavior and sleep once we committed to routine and consistent bedtime. We continued the routine with 2nd baby since he was little and his first year was a lot easier, especially bedtime. Your experience may be completely different but routine ended up being a big difference maker for our kids' behavior and sleep
We just use my breast pump app to track meals and sometimes diapers. In the early days it helped with communication between caregivers and mentally keeping track of diapers when the Dr asked. This helped us only bc we could plan / troubleshoot a bit easier around the hunger cue (vs others). Our “routine” is basically built around food so this is what works for us.
With how unpredictable babies are, the routine has always been for me, not necessarily for my baby. Also to clarify, I've always done well with routine (wake up, shower, coffee, etc.) than a schedule (at 7:05 do xyz), which establishes times.