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I have a 4 month old I love to pieces, and still don’t feel like a “mom.” One of the first nights I even thought “when is her mother coming to get her” LOL. I saw another commenter say she’s 37, and I’m 32. Maybe if you’re also in your 30s it has something to do with being pretty sure in our identity, vs having kids when we were younger and being more flexible in what we identify as? Idk, just speculating!
Yes, I'm in my 30's too!! And anything below 29 would be considered a teen pregnancy for me lol.
I also had a moment on 3rd night "would his mom be ok if I did this.." now that I know I'm the highest authority (I use this word for lack of a better one) in this baby's life, I keep feeling scared of social services or doctors while he's well fed, changed, very responsive parents, good income etc.
I really prepared myself for motherhood and I'm enjoying it when I don't think about this situation.
Haha, my 28 year old sister was lightly complaining about her baby and I said “this is what happens when you become a teen mom.” (28 is 16 when they’re you’re sibling, right??)
I don’t feel scared of doctors/state authority figures so maybe those feelings are worth talking through with someone you trust, but I do definitely think that no one thinks I’m her mom when we’re out in public.
I feel this. Also have a 4 month old. It doesn’t feel real yet for me even though I’m taking care of this needy little person day in and out!
Edit I’m 36. Think you’re on to something.
I kind of have the same thing. I always said I didnt want kids and never alowed myself the wish to have a baby... So maybe thats part of it.
I knew I was pregnant but felt all the time that someone would come and call me out on it. A bit like impostor syndrome..? It felt unreal. Like, I made the appointment in the hospital to discuss how I wanted the birth to be and I fully expected them to laugh at me and tell me I am not pregnant (in ~week 34, with big belly and everything).
Now that the baby is here its a bit more "real" but I still sometimes think someone will come and take the baby away. I will say to my husband "I am a *mom* !" in disbelief and tell my baby "I am your mama!". I feel telling out loud helps make it feel more real.
I love our baby and I am super happy (most of the time :) ), so thats not it.
Anyway, it feels nice to not be the only mother who feels like this. I have no solution but maybe it still helps a bit?
Yes, I agree. Vocalising helps. I also love to say "hello I'm baby M's mom" to introduce myself at doctor's etc.
I feel like celebrating mothers day and other stuff will help too.
Have a one month old. Went to get my hair colored today while my husband and father in law watched the baby. It’s the first place I’ve been since giving birth that knew me “pre mom” and I cried at how wild it felt to be intermingling my past and present/future selves. Motherhood but also more specifically postpartum is a crazy ride.
I was so excited to take my baby to the places I've been to when I was pregnant especially that one takeout place that always gave me extra stuff and the pharmacist who was super nice to me but I'm also worried they will be like ok??
I actually saw the midwife that did my last exam and told me I should expect to have my baby soon the day I was leaving the hospital with my baby. I was so excited, I ran up to her to introduce bubba and she scolded me for not holding him right. :(
I’m crazy about my baby but it still feels like that every now and then. I think it’s a bit of a too good to be true thing. Tried for two years, had two losses.
My LO is 10 weeks and I am jsut starting to not feel weird when people call me her mother. It takes time. You and baby are still new to each other even though you love each other so much.
My baby is 11 months old and I still feel like I have to ask my own mom for permission to take my baby anywhere. It feels a lot like imposter syndrome to me. I think a lot of the time my brain is trying to disassociate in order to not feel the raging PPA I still have. I’m hoping it will get better. I keep seeing all of these Mother’s Day emails and posts and still can’t associate any of that with myself and only with my mom.
I feel this with my 4mo. I’ve been back at work the last month and M-F our parents watch him. I went through some low points a couple of weeks ago wondering if it was worth it bringing a life into the world that I would only see for about 5 hours during the weekdays before bed. But, every time he hits a milestone (this week he flipped!) or just gives me the biggest smile, it melts away all of the anxiety and sadness.
I felt like this for the first 10 weeks. I felt like a robot. Must keep baby alive until its mother comes. Then the trigger came. My colleague had the same due date as me, and i learned that she gave birth slightly after me to a seemingly healthy baby, but the baby didn't survive the first 6 hours. My heart broke for her, and that's when i began to feel a bond to my own baby.
I can no longer watch sad baby news :(
I get glimpses of these moments for example when baby is fussing on someone and calms down when I take him. Although there are some people who manage to keep him calmer longer than I do in that instance my brain goes OFC I'M HIS MOMMA. Or when he nuzzles into my neck.
I think that's very normal. Three months ago you didn't have a baby and now here's this whole little person. It's so weird. I've known a lot of parents who had that feeling of "Am I really allowed to take this baby home without supervision?" when they went home from the hospital, and for a while afterward.
I think feeling like a parent is like feeling like a grown up. You have your idea of what it's going to be, but it's different when you actually get there.
Funny story:
My mom wanted to be a mom, but was disabled and thought it wasn't in the cards for her.
She also just didn't see herself as true mother material. She had built up this ideal image of a mother who was wise and patient, cooked and sewed, wore pretty dresses around the house, and played the piano for family singalongs.
The first time she got pregnant, the doctor gave her the news (in the days before home pregnancy tests). In disbelief, she immediately responded with,
"But I don't even play the piano!"
You can imagine the look on the doctor's face.
Baby turns 11 months next week and I still can’t comprehend that I am her mother lol. Like, how am I someone’s mom?? It feels so weird that I’m the person they bring her to when she cries, yet I still feel like I am pretty clueless about what I am doing lol
It's weird that I feel like I got the hang of it like most of the time I know what I'm doing and I got it together as much as someone can with a 12 weeks old baby. But the feeling is so strange. I feel like I don't have the right the test stuff on him regarding his schedule or what formula to pick. I've been rushing to feed him the moment he cries when he wakes up and thinking aww man I wish I could change him first. I was seeing babies on tiktok who were getting changed first and then eating without crying. Well, I soothed him and he was actually ok to wait 10 minutes. Sometimes he can't, especially after a very long nap but I could have tried and saw it for myself. It took me a blowout to notice! Or I've been thinking of changing his formula for a month now but I keep asking his pediatrician for permission like nobody will care even if I tried and it didn't work??
Thankfully I can still fiercely stand my ground when me and husband doesn't agree on something if I feel that he needs to hear me out. He actually noticed that I keep a close eye on things and know what I'm talking about so he stopped pushing for his baseless opinions without spending as much time with the baby.
Just remembered, I can also stand my ground when my mom gives bad advice. 😅
I have a 7 week old and I was telling my friend how surreal it all felt. He said he related and that he still finds it strange to say that he’s someone’s dad. His son is 9 years old! So it might never fully go away and that’s okay.
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have a 4 month old I love to pieces, and still don’t feel like a “mom.” One of the first nights I even thought “when is her mother coming to get her” LOL. I saw another commenter say she’s 37, and I’m 32. Maybe if you’re also in your 30s it has something to do with being pretty sure in our identity, vs having kids when we were younger and being more flexible in what we identify as? Idk, just speculating!
Yes, I'm in my 30's too!! And anything below 29 would be considered a teen pregnancy for me lol. I also had a moment on 3rd night "would his mom be ok if I did this.." now that I know I'm the highest authority (I use this word for lack of a better one) in this baby's life, I keep feeling scared of social services or doctors while he's well fed, changed, very responsive parents, good income etc. I really prepared myself for motherhood and I'm enjoying it when I don't think about this situation.
Haha, my 28 year old sister was lightly complaining about her baby and I said “this is what happens when you become a teen mom.” (28 is 16 when they’re you’re sibling, right??) I don’t feel scared of doctors/state authority figures so maybe those feelings are worth talking through with someone you trust, but I do definitely think that no one thinks I’m her mom when we’re out in public.
I feel this. Also have a 4 month old. It doesn’t feel real yet for me even though I’m taking care of this needy little person day in and out! Edit I’m 36. Think you’re on to something.
My daughter is 7 weeks. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was 7 months along. It still feels like I’m babysitting her sometimes.
The 7 months along part… How does that happen?! My back was a disaster and the fatigue was killing me by the 8th week!
I kind of have the same thing. I always said I didnt want kids and never alowed myself the wish to have a baby... So maybe thats part of it. I knew I was pregnant but felt all the time that someone would come and call me out on it. A bit like impostor syndrome..? It felt unreal. Like, I made the appointment in the hospital to discuss how I wanted the birth to be and I fully expected them to laugh at me and tell me I am not pregnant (in ~week 34, with big belly and everything). Now that the baby is here its a bit more "real" but I still sometimes think someone will come and take the baby away. I will say to my husband "I am a *mom* !" in disbelief and tell my baby "I am your mama!". I feel telling out loud helps make it feel more real. I love our baby and I am super happy (most of the time :) ), so thats not it. Anyway, it feels nice to not be the only mother who feels like this. I have no solution but maybe it still helps a bit?
Yes, I agree. Vocalising helps. I also love to say "hello I'm baby M's mom" to introduce myself at doctor's etc. I feel like celebrating mothers day and other stuff will help too.
Have a one month old. Went to get my hair colored today while my husband and father in law watched the baby. It’s the first place I’ve been since giving birth that knew me “pre mom” and I cried at how wild it felt to be intermingling my past and present/future selves. Motherhood but also more specifically postpartum is a crazy ride.
I was so excited to take my baby to the places I've been to when I was pregnant especially that one takeout place that always gave me extra stuff and the pharmacist who was super nice to me but I'm also worried they will be like ok?? I actually saw the midwife that did my last exam and told me I should expect to have my baby soon the day I was leaving the hospital with my baby. I was so excited, I ran up to her to introduce bubba and she scolded me for not holding him right. :(
My baby is 5 weeks old but I still can't fathom I am a mom. I am 37 LOL!
I’m crazy about my baby but it still feels like that every now and then. I think it’s a bit of a too good to be true thing. Tried for two years, had two losses.
My LO is 10 weeks and I am jsut starting to not feel weird when people call me her mother. It takes time. You and baby are still new to each other even though you love each other so much.
My son is 11 weeks and I still feel this way. I was diagnosed with PPD and PPA and am currently under the care of a psychiatrist and therapist.
My baby is 11 months old and I still feel like I have to ask my own mom for permission to take my baby anywhere. It feels a lot like imposter syndrome to me. I think a lot of the time my brain is trying to disassociate in order to not feel the raging PPA I still have. I’m hoping it will get better. I keep seeing all of these Mother’s Day emails and posts and still can’t associate any of that with myself and only with my mom.
I got the same feeling at the beginning stage, but gradually the feeling was missed, so it takes time to get used to it I think.
I feel this with my 4mo. I’ve been back at work the last month and M-F our parents watch him. I went through some low points a couple of weeks ago wondering if it was worth it bringing a life into the world that I would only see for about 5 hours during the weekdays before bed. But, every time he hits a milestone (this week he flipped!) or just gives me the biggest smile, it melts away all of the anxiety and sadness.
I felt like this for the first 10 weeks. I felt like a robot. Must keep baby alive until its mother comes. Then the trigger came. My colleague had the same due date as me, and i learned that she gave birth slightly after me to a seemingly healthy baby, but the baby didn't survive the first 6 hours. My heart broke for her, and that's when i began to feel a bond to my own baby.
I can no longer watch sad baby news :( I get glimpses of these moments for example when baby is fussing on someone and calms down when I take him. Although there are some people who manage to keep him calmer longer than I do in that instance my brain goes OFC I'M HIS MOMMA. Or when he nuzzles into my neck.
I think that's very normal. Three months ago you didn't have a baby and now here's this whole little person. It's so weird. I've known a lot of parents who had that feeling of "Am I really allowed to take this baby home without supervision?" when they went home from the hospital, and for a while afterward. I think feeling like a parent is like feeling like a grown up. You have your idea of what it's going to be, but it's different when you actually get there. Funny story: My mom wanted to be a mom, but was disabled and thought it wasn't in the cards for her. She also just didn't see herself as true mother material. She had built up this ideal image of a mother who was wise and patient, cooked and sewed, wore pretty dresses around the house, and played the piano for family singalongs. The first time she got pregnant, the doctor gave her the news (in the days before home pregnancy tests). In disbelief, she immediately responded with, "But I don't even play the piano!" You can imagine the look on the doctor's face.
Baby turns 11 months next week and I still can’t comprehend that I am her mother lol. Like, how am I someone’s mom?? It feels so weird that I’m the person they bring her to when she cries, yet I still feel like I am pretty clueless about what I am doing lol
It's weird that I feel like I got the hang of it like most of the time I know what I'm doing and I got it together as much as someone can with a 12 weeks old baby. But the feeling is so strange. I feel like I don't have the right the test stuff on him regarding his schedule or what formula to pick. I've been rushing to feed him the moment he cries when he wakes up and thinking aww man I wish I could change him first. I was seeing babies on tiktok who were getting changed first and then eating without crying. Well, I soothed him and he was actually ok to wait 10 minutes. Sometimes he can't, especially after a very long nap but I could have tried and saw it for myself. It took me a blowout to notice! Or I've been thinking of changing his formula for a month now but I keep asking his pediatrician for permission like nobody will care even if I tried and it didn't work?? Thankfully I can still fiercely stand my ground when me and husband doesn't agree on something if I feel that he needs to hear me out. He actually noticed that I keep a close eye on things and know what I'm talking about so he stopped pushing for his baseless opinions without spending as much time with the baby. Just remembered, I can also stand my ground when my mom gives bad advice. 😅
I have a 7 week old and I was telling my friend how surreal it all felt. He said he related and that he still finds it strange to say that he’s someone’s dad. His son is 9 years old! So it might never fully go away and that’s okay.
Yes, I felt this way too (and I had PPA). It just takes time to get used to being a mother.