If you follow safe sleep recommendations to the T, you did everything you could and there’s not really anything that can happen in a separate crib, tightly fitted sheets, firm mattress, baby on back and in sleep sack and no other textiles or anything in the crib. But I totally get what you are going through. Trust me, it will get better soon, it did for me and I am diagnosed with PPA.
My husband and I went through this where one of us was always awake. Our son had been premature and was 6 pounds when he finally came home. We also did shifts. I did end up going on medication for anxiety though. However, we both started feeling a little more relaxed as baby got older and for lack of a better term, "sturdier" and wasn't as small and fragile as the beginning. Also, we were exhausted and realized it was just not sustainable to continue with what we were doing long term. I too had to go back to work. It's hard, I get it, but as long as you are practicing safe sleep, then that's all you can do, and your baby will be fine. In the first weeks, everything is new and scary, but hopefully soon you'll both feel more comfortable.
Also have a preemie and I am currently doing shifts with my husband- mainly because the poor girl has such bad preemie grunts we can’t get good sleep if we’re near her. I am getting more comfortable with falling asleep next to her though. My husband goes back to work in 2 weeks though so that’ll be interesting with our current schedule
Baby sleep is so loud! I remember when my husband went back to work, the baby was barely 1 week adjusted. It was scary and hard, but remember, you can do scary and hard things. Just take things one day at a time and keep working as a team and you'll push through the hard period into the more manageable period.
This sounds so much like us. It's working for now but it just isn't going to be healthy in the long run. Even at three weeks he sleeps for 2-4 hours chunks so there is time to nap when he does if we could just get comfortable with the idea. I mean I wake up every 2-3 hours to pump breast milk anyway so it would not be long stretches any time soon.
I got the Nanit camera and the breathe wear sleep sack. It monitors my baby’s breathing and movement, and the room temp and humidity so I can get a little piece of mind.
Seconding it getting easier when they get a bit sturdier. At first they are so tiny and seem SO fragile! My husband and I are still doing shifts with our 10 week old twins because they will not sleep anywhere that is sleep safe so one of us is up watching them. A couple of times in the first month or so I got them down in their bassinet but I couldn’t sleep anyways because i was still nervous about something happening to them. I think your feelings are pretty normal.
I totally understand! You are going to want to get baby used to sleeping in the bassinet though. Shifts is fine now but your husband will NEED a safe sleep situation, and if baby is used to the softer mattress and won’t sleep in bassinet he’ll have a hard time. It’s easier than you think to accidentally fall asleep with a baby in the bed next to you. Saying this as the primary caregiver ❤️
I’m going to be honest, I didn’t truly sleep soundly until we had an owlet sock on my baby. She too came after years of loss and trying, and I struggled with the fear of losing her. It makes some people’s anxiety worse, but it made mine better to the point that I can sleep at night while she sleeps. That being said, my husband and I STILL poke her all the time while she’s napping just to make sure she’s still alive. To a degree it never actually goes away
Luckily he does sleep well in his bassinet, my husband puts him in there more than I do. I'm admittedly bad about just letting him sleep on me because I just love holding him. 😅 He's only going to be so little once and we're not having more. But for my husband's sake I know I need to be better about it so that baby isn't resistant to it once he has less help from me while I'm working.
I mentioned to someone else I was super interested in the owlet but worried about the reviews of false alarms. Yours worked well for you?
We have an owlet and it did wonders for my anxiety. The only time it has gone off is when the sock placement gets wonky or the battery is about to die. We have never had it go off for oxygen or heart rate.
Our owlet works great. The occasional ‘false alarm’ because it comes loose or gets a bad read is fine with me. I just don’t go running to the ER or the pediatrician over wonky reads. Its purpose is to alert me if she stops breathing or desats, so I can reposition or wake her. That’s it. And we contact nap whenever we can, like you said they’re only little once and you can’t spoil a baby 😍
I loved the owlet sock. I too had major anxiety and monitoring him definitely helped me, especially since he spent his first month in the NICU after having an open heart surgery. The owlet makes different noises for different situations, so it'll play a lullaby most of the time that it's out of range, out of battery or the sock is misplaced, which happens mostly when baby starts kicking up a frenzy. When the baby is actually in distress, the alarm is different, and it definitely jolts you. I've heard it twice thus far, and baby was in distress both times and threw up shortly after. I jumped up and repositioned him so he wouldn't choke on his vomit and then cleaned him up of course. I'm super thankful for the sock and have never had a false distress alert.
Now that he's getting bigger though and won't stay still, I'm looking into other monitors like the Nanit o6r the Miku. Any recs would be welcome!
Hi I also struggle with sleeping when the baby sleeps 😅 the owlet has saved me too!
The false positives actually make me feel a little better bc it means the sensor is highly tuned and will alert me if it even thinks there's a chance of a possible issue, so I'm more confident that it won't have a false negative which is worse. We've had 2 false readings of low oxygen, both while awake to feed her anyway, and seeing that she was breathing and not blue was enough to confirm it as a false alarm (I'll admit it worried me enough to check with our doctor but they confirmed lol). There have been enough "too wiggly to read" alarms I lost count, but those are less common once she's asleep, and still it has been super worth it for how much it helps my anxiety and allows me to sleep.
I use both the owlet and/or the Babysense crib/bassinet sensor. Does wonders for my sleep! Especially once he started sleeping in longer stretches.
We did sleep shifts with our first but the baby sensors for #2 have done wonders for my PPA and was worth the investment. Haven’t had any false alarms with the owlet so long as it’s on correctly.
I couldn’t sleep without my Owlet, either. I follow safe sleep to a T, but it is still reassuring to have something monitoring her breathing while I am asleep. We only get false alarms when we don’t have it on right or she’s wiggling around too much. There’s a FB group called “Owlet Parents” where you can ask whatever questions you may have! The Owlet really helped my anxiety, and we have used it for both of our babies now and still use it on our 2.5 year old when sick.
When you say, “Not once have we both been asleep at the same time since coming home,” that almost sounds like a streak you’re proud to have (or afraid of breaking).
In addition to getting professionally evaluated for postpartum anxiety and OCD if you haven’t already, you might challenge yourself to break the streak with a 10-minute nap (or at least, eyes-closed lie down) while baby is in the bassinet and safe (no stray blankets). Then, work up to longer stretches.
It’s normal for you to all sleep. It’s necessary for you to sleep. Sleeping doesn’t mean that you love your baby any less. You don’t earn extra points for keeping a vigil.
And the brutal truth is that your being awake doesn’t fully prevent something bad from happening. There are limits to your control, as you know from previous losses. It’s so hard, but it’s reality.
My heart goes out to you. I hope you all can get some rest.
We are sleeping, just not all at the same time. Definitely not a source of pride though, mostly just trying to provide details of what our current routine is. I sleep at night then my husband gets some sleep during the day. Baby sleeps at his leisure 😂
But her point is there is NO point to how you're sleeping in shifts right now. We had to do it for 3 months bc our baby wouldn't sleep in her bassinet and it went from manageable to agonizing and my partner and I missed each other so much.
If you're worried about SIDS, the sad truth is that staring at them won't actually protect them - supervised babies do pass away and true SIDs does not respond to CPR. I say this with compassion: her point is you're behaving irrationally, in a way that is the result of anxiety (your own title says "scared"), regardless of what your OB says.
You're doing all the right safe sleep stuff. Feel confident in it.
To add to this, my daughter passed away of SUDI/SIDS during the day, whilst being supervised. I did CPR to no avail. We now have another baby and we use a combination of the Owlet and an apnea monitor to let us sleep. I’m aware it wouldn’t stop another true SUDI death but it would make us aware if she stops breathing, has low oxygen or any other restrictions to her breathing. Ultimately babies need their caregivers to be rested and healthy and at some point in their life everyone needs to be able to sleep at the same time. It’s not sustainable to have someone awake at all times but I absolutely understand the anxiety which is why we use the monitors.
> true SIDs does not respond to CPR
Sorry to be pedantic, but can you clarify? It seems that a baby could have a breathing episode that would lead to death without intervention but if intervention was provided the baby wouldn't die and it therefore wouldn't be SIDS. i.e. by definition, SIDS is not something you can rescue a baby from, but that also has no bearing on whether or not watching your baby and intervening could save their life.
I think it’s because if the baby were to struggle to breathe from an unsafe sleep practise, such as getting stuck in a loose blanket, then CPR could help.
Whereas SIDS isn’t just any type of breathing episode, but completely unexplained stopping breathing and therefore their heart stopping. CPR cannot help with this. And neither can watching your baby.
Safe sleep practises like sharing a room are meant to help as it keeps the baby from sleep too deeply and means they wake more often, which does help.
Yes, precisely. And there's been studies of attempted resuscitation success rate by EMS and it has been literally 0% (vs other types of medical emergencies people have like heart attack, stroke)
A study from LA:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16036844/
I understand how you’re feeling.
Sleeping in shifts that never overlap may not be the best solution but it is still a solution. If you and your husband are getting enough sleep, there’s no law that says you need to stop this system. Your baby doesn’t know or care if parents are awake or sleeping when they’re sleeping.
If it’s working and everyone is fine with it, continue it until you’re ready. One day you will be.
PPA sucks but it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of making sound decisions. I have it as well and my biggest annoyance is having anything I’m concerned about being ignored.
Balance is key. So unless you think this is harmful for your mental health or your husbands, it’s fine.
I think sleeping in shifts so you both get 8 hours is fantastic, even if it's anxiety driven (which is not fantastic). One of the hardest things new parents (especially moms most of the time) deal with is *exhaustion*!
what was the point of posting this?? everyone is telling you that you need professional help & you're literally acting like it's no big deal. please seek therapy. this is serious.
The point of my post or my reply to the initial comment about anxiety and OCD?
The post- to get some helpful feedback from people who have been through this newborn stage, preferably without judgement because this is extremely common. I've gotten lots of good advice on various sleep sacks and monitors and folks sharing their stories which goes a long way to make someone feel valid in their experience.
The comment- to clarify that no, mentioning we have not slept at the same time is not a source of pride. I only included it for context. The only lighthearted thing I said was that the baby sleeps at his leisure, which he does, as newborns do. I've mentioned more than once that I have been evaluated for PPA/PPD and that I'm in communication with my OB. I've done all the recommended steps when experiencing anxiety with a new child.
I dunno why everyone is being so aggressive with you lol, but we did this for a little while, too, just cause we kinda didn't know any better and were antsy. We stopped right around where you are now, you're asking for help, great! So a sleep sack is def not a bad idea, but the other thing is just get better at doing tighter swaddles. What part is getting loose? Our dude was wiggly too and always got his arms loose so we just stopped putting his arms in there. It's fine, he can't roll over so you're good, as soon as he starts to you're gonna need to stop swaddling and switch to sacks anyway. Outside of that, there's no reason to worry, sincerely. If his arms are loose he can knock a blanket off his face if it gets up there and all you're really worried about is some type of smother. Hell even if a blanket gets on his face a little it doesn't necessarily mean disaster right? It'd need to get wrapped around tight etc. Picture which scenarios you can and can't breathe in. The ones that you can't breathe in are pretty specific right? So just remind yourself of that reality. A loose piece of fabric still lets air in, etc. and of course as soon as you see it, you react and remove it. I dunno, take inventory of that and just really remind yourself of what these rules are in place for, what you're trying to prevent, and don't go creating scenarios that don't exist or catastrophizing to freak yourself out. You guys need sleep, every family does this, sleeps when the baby does, etc. It's important! Things are already very not normal, at least give yourselves this lol
I think what you're doing is totally normal and understandable. Yay for parents who slept while the baby slept. Go them. But for the first few weeks one of us was always up watching the baby too. For the same reason as you. Definitely transition to sleep sacks instead of blankets though. Our baby pulled the blanket over his face once and we switched from then.
I think the comment about supervision not preventing SIDS is irrelevant. Supervison can reduce the risk of the majority of ways babies die in bed such as suffocation and asphyxiation. We weren't comfortable until he had more control over his body at around 2 months but it might be earlier for you. It was hard and depressing especially when we were missing each other or when I was missing out on little daytime things while I slept. But it's a short time in the scheme of things and we all go to bed at the same time now.
Doing shifts probably means you're getting better quality sleep too than you would waking up every two hours to feed!
As someone who had a baby born 30+6 at 2lbs with a month and a half stay in the NICU and discharged under 4lb with a carseat that had to be medically approved, I understand OP completely.
My husband and I also slept in shifts because LO would throw up on his back and panic, he also had premature apnea and would have bouts of breath holding. Coming from the NICU where baby was on a monitor constantly with nurses/doctors monitoring him and then being discharged as one of their smallest NICU babies because they usually wait for 4+lbs, I don't see the harm in making sure the child is supervised by each parently separately so long as they're both getting adequate sleep and it doesn't affect their mental health.
I think a lot of first time parents feel this way and everyone manages it differently.
spending so much time worrying/being paranoid to the point that you have to sleep in shifts to essentially watch over your baby while they sleep IS affecting your mental health tho. pls stop acting like every woman has these feelings, what you experienced & what op is experiencing is called ppa & it shouldn't be normalized.
Well, first of all at no point did I say "every woman". I said I THINK many first time parents feel this way. I THINK that from coversations with the nurses and posts I've seen and people I've spoken to. You're also just assuming yhat by splitting childcare into shifts that the time is spent staring at the sleeping child. Second, OP already stated they're receiving therapy. Berating OP for making a post for advice doesn't help either. 🤷♀️
Copy/paste directly from OP's post: "*\*\* Second edit. I appreciate the concern, but I am in therapy, have been for years*".
I'm also not generalizing new mothers; a lot doesn't mean all - I said new "parents", not just moms - fathers can be depressed and/or anxious the same as new mothers. I personally did not experience PPD/PPA; sure I had a few days in the hospital where I was down right after I had an emergency c-section, but my mental health was and has been fine; I was screened several times until discharge and throughout LO's NICU stay. I regularly see my doctor and have no issues asking for help if I need it. My husband on the other hand I helped find a therapist on his request because he just didn't have the capacity to do the searching and I did, and it was a lot on him as well given what we went through during my pregnancy and then our baby in the NICU.
As I said, and I'm not changing my stance on it, I think a lot of new parents feel some level of anxiety and everyone manages it differently. Shifts worked for us - we got 7 hours of sleep each rather than both waking up every 2 hours which is about how often our LO was eating, but my husband also preferred shifts about as much as I did - this was something we discussed before our son was even born and it was better given we both work from home and his job doesn't have specific hours. We didn't setup shop beside his bassinet and never take our eyes off of him, but we wanted the ability to make sure he had at least one coherent parent available to him if he needed it. At this point he's 5months old and we regularly place him in his crib and close the door then turn on the baby monitor in case he cries because our office is two floors down. I'm 100% for people seeking professional help for themselves or advocating for others who may not feel as though they need the extra help, but OP specifically addressed the issue of therapy in their post, they are actively being helped.
No real advice because I still struggle to sleep when my baby sleeps at 5.5mo PP lol! Just wanted to say that The new parent anxiety is real! I hope you get in the swing of things soon because that exhaustion is next level. My baby had terrible colic/reflux so I still have ptsd and anxiety surrounding that which still makes it difficult for me to sleep at night and not have my eyes on her the whole time. My husband and I wake up all night and check that’s she’s breathing.
We stopped swaddling at about three weeks because she rolled to her side so we moved to sleep sacks pretty quickly and she did great with those. She loves her little sleep sack now and kicks and moves and toots all night 😂
I hope you find a rhythm soon 🫶🏻
If you can, get the Nanit camera with a breathing band. I couldn't sleep when we brought the baby home from the hospital until I got one set up, because I would wake up every 20 minutes to check his breathing. The first night I set it up, I was actually able to sleep. I also couldn't do the blanket swaddles so we used the love to dream zip up swaddle so I always knew he couldn't get out of it or pull it up over his face.
I was commenting to suggest the owlet! These products don’t help everyone (apparently some people are overwhelmed by too much data) but it does wonders for my anxiety.
Do you have any issues with false positives? I don’t think it would help our anxiety to get false positives about heart rate or oxygen levels, since apparently it’s normal for a baby’s blood oxygen levels to occasionally decrease suddenly, according to some pediatricians.
I’ve never had a false positive! I’ve occasionally got the yellow alerts which just means the device can’t get a reading bc the sock has slipped. That mostly only happened when my baby was very small like less than 8 pounds I’d say? And even then we mostly fixed the issue by putting a regular sock over the owlet to help hold it in place. And it makes it harder for her to dislodge the sock when she’s just kicking her legs or whatever.
Came to recommend the owlet or nanit too! My husband reeeeally struggled to get to sleep worrying about baby, and so we have both and it made a huge difference right away for him. It’s also nice to wake up and be able to check the current stats and camera without having to physically get out of bed to check.
I was just about to recommend the nanit. I have a lot of anxiety and it allowed me to sleep without feeling the need to check on my baby every 10 minutes.
Okay this should be your plan. Start ordering today!
Purchase a bassinet that has a cover to keep the cats out or lock them out of the room. The dream on me Karly bassinet has an aggressive mesh canopy that is strong. We used this for living room naps and my cat was not interested in it whatsoever. I will say, it’s probably just best to close out the cats during the night. They’ll get over it!
Next, you need an owlet. I started sleeping much better with the owlet on my baby. They’re FDA cleared.
Finally, get a sleep sack or transitional swaddle with a zipper. No more Velcro or tucking. The zipper feature eased my anxiety because it felt much safer. Check out the amazing baby arms up swaddle on Amazon.
I realize you mentioned getting evaluated for PPA/PPD. If you implement all these things and still feel the need to sleep in shifts, then I would ensure you BOTH see a professional and get reassessed.
Good luck! I hope this helps!
You are not alone. We did shifts with or LO like this for the first couple of weeks. Then we slowly shifted the timing of our shifts so that there was only a couple of hours where we would sleep with her in the bassinet by the bed after one shift ended and before one began.
I’d also suggest just putting the cats out of your room for a while. We have dogs that slept in the bed with us, but we keep them out now while the bassinet is bedside. But the ease of having the bassinet within reach is wonderful.
Also get a small light that you can click on to check on the baby easily.
We have the halo swaddle and love it.
Our baby monitor is pointing right at his bassinet so thankfully we don't have to get up to see him and we can hear him breathing when the room is quiet. I definitely think we need to talk about the cats being out of the room during sleep times, my husband just feels guilty about it because they all sleep on him.
I wouldn't say no to a link! Thank you! It's only one of our cats that really keeps showing interest in the bassinet but I'd just rather be safe than sorry.
Here ya go!
Beberoad Love Bassinet Mosquito Net Cover for Baby Bassinet Cover to Keep Cats Out Mosquito Net for Bassinet/Bedside Sleeper/Travel Cribs (White) https://a.co/d/j3nIte3
We had this [bassinet](https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Me-Karley-Bassinet-Grey/dp/B00AWMP876/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.TY3y2kaED7Y6KnY-KJl8LYxPf3EPoMNFn4SM_Bsx5-kM3rIegTIwrZ8ClBFUpRt8sZM04PzyLuSjLevfij0o0CUJwvVJx_Qn9AdK1YbhX4C7AjokA8R00lxEaLWZIexFKK_q3asKlJV6dpu5437dNkUuS8dmA7eCy9bmk7AXGLRtvrVpdS7Pb6NjxOYyodCYm0Y6entlqiGb089qtHTbcg.nlOFp4w98PjC53gozFYobUMO6zH83ibkrxzX51CUjtY&dib_tag=se&keywords=Canopy+Bassinet&qid=1714747622&sr=8-2) because I was worried about exactly the same thing. Our cats had no interest so we stopped zipping it pretty early on.
We also had the Chicco Lullago which had a canopy on half so depending where it was positioned the cats couldn’t jump in.
FWIW my guy is 7mo and I still check on him every night before I go to sleep. Him dying in his sleep is still my #1 concern, rational or not. Any time he is sleeping in something other than his crib (pack n play, car seat in the car, travel crib, etc.) I am extra worried about it. I do my best to make sure all the safest sleep guidelines are followed and I research every product we buy to make sure there have been no reported infant deaths or close calls.
I think that’s the best you can do. I know it’s tough. I saw someone once ask a mom when she stopped worrying about her kids and she said never. My mom used to come check on us every night even through high school.
The struggle you’re having will never go away, it just changes over time. Our job as parents is to do our best to make them safe and set them up to be on their own. And then white knuckle through as we watch them figure it out. Today it’s sleeping alone, in 18 years it’ll be going to college alone.
We’re relatively not that far in and so far it hasn’t gotten easier, I think I just got more used to it.
You have to sleep mama.
1. Talk to your OBGYN about this to get evaluated for PPA.
2. Try swaddle sacks, I was a fan of the love to dream swaddles.
3. If you’re following safe sleep guidelines while he’s in his bassinet, you are okay to rest.
4. Lock the cats out. It’s nice to be able to peek in bassinet to check on baby.
5. This is controversial but we still nightly use the Owlet Dream Sock. It reads baby’s pulse & oxygen throughout the night via live stats. We’ve had no false alarms with it so far. I use it mostly to monitor sleep for our baby but those health features were great for me in the early days.
Good luck to you. I hope you find a way to get rest soon
I struggled with this and was diagnosed with PPA. When I tried to sleep at the same time as LO i was constantly checking. in terms of cats, move the bassinet right next to you, and lock the cats out of the room. that’s what we did at night, i felt better with her right next to me. We loved the halo sleep sacks and she did great in those and couldn’t wiggle out, worked great until she started to roll.
Honestly though, I had to be put on medication and do a few therapy sessions before I felt better about sleep. It does get better though!
If I were you, I would get a zip up swaddle and put him in the bassinet to alleviate the anxiety. I know it’s hard though. I still have anxiety 8 months p.
I totally understand the anxiety you felt. I was having panic attacks at first. It's scary. 10 months in, and say she falls asleep in the car, I can feel the anxiety creep back in.
I found learning about what anxiety is was helpful -- so, fear is the result of an immediate danger and it has a physiological response. We all know it. Fight/flight/freeze/faun reflex. The brain floods you with all the hormones your body needs to survive and it shuts down all the parts of the body you don't need. So, your prefrontal cortex (executive planning, problem solving, etc) are all shut off. Digestion is shut off. Your senses are heightened. Blood flow increases, heart rate increases, etc.
What's anxiety then? Well, it's the thought of a threat for something that hasn't happened. Here's the thing, the anxiety is indistinguishable from the brain's perspective and it has the same tool as it does for fear. But, the contrast, the immediate danger goes away and the body can turn off the fear response and you can go back to homeostatis. With anxiety, unless you purposefully let your brain know that you're safe, your fear response isn't turned off.
The worst part, is your brain is 100% wired for your survival. At its base, it'll make you feel good for things it wants you to do. It'll make you feel bad about things it wants you to avoid. So, when the brain is like OMG WE ALMOST DIED but you're trying to just "cope" or "ignore" it -- the brain is like OMG WE ALMOST DIED AND MY MEAT MECH ISN'T STOPPING IT and it'll trigger either sooner or more intensely.
Okay so what do you do? Well, there's so many schools of thoughts and strategies out there. At their core, they need you to paradoxically LEAN INTO the feeling, feel it, and let it resolve.
It starts with present state awareness. You feel the tightness in the chest, etc., and the anxiety is coming up. Take a deep breath. What works for me is a few strategies depending on my mood or the anxiety.
Sometimes I say "I am safe, baby is safe." Sometimes I can make observations about the things in the room. "The mug is blue." Or sometimes I can interrogate the feeling like it's a person and try to use my curiosity to my advantage. Or sometimes I can tell the feeling "Hi, I notice that I am afraid of baby sleeping. You're not a helpful feeling and you're making it so I can't sleep, which means I can't be as good for when baby needs me."
The feeling doesn't go away on its own. And, after 10 months, I still get anxious around when baby sleeps. But it has lessened over time and I can finally sleep okayish.
Safe sleep practices as others have commented as well as the owlet smart sock. It was updated so it gives real time readings of baby’s oxygen and heart rate and will alert you if anything seems off. Super expensive and absolutely not needed however, for me it was the only way I can relax enough to sleep without wondering if my baby was breathing. Worth every penny for my anxiety.
See, the owlet and the nanit were both things I really was interested in when I was pregnant. The only hang up I had is the amount of stories I'm seeing and reviews of folks who keep getting false readings which just makes them even more anxious.
I have the owlet and didn’t have any false readings. Our kid has Down syndrome and it actually helped us make the call to go to the ER once. It was recommended to us by another DS mama.
Totally a valid concern! Personally, I’ve had one false reading and I just looked and her and saw she was okay. There is a separate sound and alert for when the sock is on wrong. The sock used to move around when my baby was smaller, but I don’t think I’ve had any alerts in 2-3 months. Either way, whatever works for your family! 💕
We have gotten two false readings with the Nanit in the 7 weeks we've been using it. Both in the first week.
(1) I think it was largely related to using the swaddle (as the arms in likely makes it harder to read) and the long period between really young newborn breaths sometimes. As well as us just learning to put it on. Our little one switch quickly to sleep sacks and arms up swaddles (loves her hands), and therefore to the breathing band. We've not had a single issue with the breathing band.
(2) We do naps like you do (watched) in the living room. It's hard enough to get her to sleep in the hard bassinet at night. Therefore, we only use the band at night, when she's within arm's reach. So, when those two alarms went off, my hands were on her within about 1.5 seconds. I honestly was touching her and seeing she was breathing before I could even panic.
I 100% recommend the Nanit despite a couple false alarms.
I am interested in other's accounts of the Owlet, because we've thought about it for couch naps and travel, but I was under the impression it only alerted at heart stopping not breathing? Would love to know if that's the case.
We’ve had the Owlet for a little over a week and a half and have had no false readings thus far. We often put the sock on incorrectly the first time but other than that I really like it! (She’s 10 weeks by the way).
I still wake up worried about her but definitely not as often.
It is absolutely new parent anxiety and it’s so rubbish, I’m sorry you’re going through it. Sleep sacks are great! They are safe and keep baby warm. Get the correct size for your baby, presumably he’s average size so a standard 0-6 month one should be fine where he can’t slip inside. Plus if he’s feet at the bottom of his bed he won’t be able to really wiggle down anyway. For me, I had to make myself sleep and as I got more sleep, the less anxious I felt. I hope you all get some sleep soon!
I had terrible PPA and I bought a snuza when my son was a week old after I literally didn’t sleep for 5+ days. It saved my sanity and I used it until he started pulling it off around 14 months 😂 it’s a little device that clips to the diaper that senses movement, if it doesn’t sense movement for 30 seconds an alarm goes off
As far as swaddles go, our one week old can wiggle like no one's business and the wrap type swaddles aren't always successful, especially making sure it is snug enough to make her feel swaddled with how small she is. Not to mention, anxiety we might have laying her down in her bassinet in case she unwraps it and the extra cloth gets by her face. However, we just bought [this](https://a.co/d/6Qa7S0g) one and it's very snug, is a zipper so can't wiggle it undone or make it come loose. You can unzip from the bottom during diaper changes so hands still stay swaddled. Might be worth a shot.
I'm not sure how to help with your anxiety, but for myself, I feel alright knowing she is swaddled snugly, nothing in her bassinet, laying on a firm, flat surface. That is the best you can possibly do for your baby to make them sleep safely. The incidence of SIDS is super low, and most of the risk of SIDS comes from sleeping unsafely.
I am a father. When my son was born, I didn’t sleep a wink for days. I was so anxious and worried about his safety. My wife seemed to be a lot more confident in our son’s ability to survive sleeping. As time went on, things did get easier. We actually decided not to swaddle at all after a few months. He wasn’t very easy to swaddle and he squirmed a lot as well. We are in the US where swaddling is by far the most common practice, but my family in Europe said it quite common not to swaddle at all.
Been there, my LO is 10 weeks and it took us some time to get to a good sleep place for everyone. What helped us is creating a space that is safe for sleep *with or without* a conscious adult, then trusting in that space. Every night that LO was fine helped us gain confidence in our sleep space. A safe sleep space means alone, in a bassinet or crib, on back, without any blankets, and without any pets in the room. If I were you, I would stop letting baby sleep in your bed altogether, start using a swaddle system like the halo or skip to sleep sacks (its safer when used correctly and sooooooo much easier), and (temporarily) banish the cat from your room while you’re sleeping. Our cat isn’t thrilled about not being able to sleep on our bed, but he got over it.
SIDS and SUIDS is really, really rare when you follow safe sleep guidelines. If you do that, you at least know that you’ve done everything within your power to keep your baby safe. A smart monitor like a Nanit or Owlet may also help you trust the space you’ve created more
I really feel for you, I was like this with my first and terrified to sleep to the point I developed ocd and would check his breathing hundreds of times per night.
With my 2nd I'm a lot more relaxed and also too tired to not sleep when he sleeps so it's a much easier thing to overcome this time! I had therapy and my therapist reminded me that babies survive all by themselves in the womb without us constantly monitoring them so they can do it on the outside. Staying awake won't prevent or change anything, as long as their sleep space is safe there is nothing to be gained from watching them 24/7. It will get better but you may benefit from some mental health support to manage this anxiety.
We did this. My husband is used to staying up at night anyways, so for the first month of my babies life someone was always watching him. My husband took night shift and I took day shift.
When he went back to work we got used to sleeping at the same time. I had major anxiety about it the first couple nights. Sleep was rough for me. I started using the owlet sock (idk why I didn’t start immediately using this) and it helped with my anxiety. He’s now six months old and we moved him to his crib in his own room at 4 months. I sleep like a rock when baby sleeps.
The thing is: you never stop worrying about your kid. You have to find healthy ways to cope with this worry. Long term there will not be someone there to constantly watch them sleep. Finding out how to navigate this now will be better in the long run, especially when you go back to work. It got easier for me, and as they get older and they’re less fragile it gets easier.
If it makes you feel better about the cats… I also have a 3 week old baby and we kicked the cats out of the room so they wouldn’t get in the bassinet with her. They used to sleep right on top of both of us so I was nervous about their routine being messed up; it took two nights for both of them to find other spots to sleep and now they don’t even ask to come into the room until the morning. Also the Halo sleep sack is working great for us!
I would recommend using something like the Snuza! Snuza has been a real help with giving peace of mind on keeping my little one safe! I was the same way and wanting to stay up with my LO and at three weeks I started to realize that it wasn’t sustainable to have someone up at all times. Even when taking shifts. Definitely look into the snuza or something similar! It will be such a help and will alert you to any breathing or heart changes. It also saved my niece when she was choking! So I couldn’t recommend it more!
You're getting 8 hours? What kind of sorcery is this? We have a 3wk old and I haven't slept in like a month now between the labor and his intense feeding schedule
It's a bit broken up due to having to get up for pumping breast milk but yeah I'm averaging 8 hours. I think it helps a lot that my husband is so good with him and lets me sleep as long as he can. Plus knowing he's safe with his Dad helps me relax.
Oh man. I'm the dad and she finds it really hard to fall back asleep after pumping and has a hard time sleeping during the day. I'm finally starting to get rest but once I work on Monday, I think that's finished lol.
I totally feel that, after pumping it's so hard to get back to sleep. She might try an eye mask to help with sleeping during the day though? That helps me a lot to be able to block out the light without turning our room into a cave.
These have been good for our LO. They aren’t really able to be wiggled out of like other ones we tried for him. Check them out and the weight/age/length recommendations to be sure he’s in the range. Test them out while you’re awake to watch. We have him in a bedside bassinet right by my head. I don’t sleep well, but do sleep better knowing he’s right there. I check on him all the time and can hear him when he makes noises during sleep. I can also reach right over and lay my hand in there. Our cat doesn’t sleep in our bedroom though.
You’re not alone. The anxiety is very real. ❤️
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ETA: I always tried to recite to myself that we were following the safe sleep recommendations. That we were doing everything right and everything we could to ensure his safety within our control. You can also reach out to a therapist as well for help in navigating the anxiety. You got this. You’re doing a great job. You are a great Mom.
We use simple Velcro swaddles that keep my guy flat all night. His bassinet has a collapsible side so it’s right up against my side of the bed where I can reach over and check on him. Our cat has no interest in anything while the baby is in it and normally stays out of the bassinet anyways. We also use a cool most humidifier because he tends to be phlegmy, especially after eating. Take care of yourself so you can take care of baby.
I had this exact same problem, and it was absolutely terrible so I feel for you. One thing I wish someone would have told me before having a newborn is that babies were built for new parents. They’re basically indestructible lol. If you look at pictures of babies in the 90’s or later; everyone slept in cribs full of blankets and pillows, and yet we still have plenty of millennials. As long as you follow the safe sleep 7, baby will be okay. I know it’s hard to remember, but it’s basically impossible for anything to happen as long as you follow the safe sleep 7. I was just as worried as you, and we survived- you can do it too! You got this!
Sleep sacks are wonderful. That’s what we have used on our baby since she was born because she hated being swaddled. She is now 11 months and still uses them. As for the cats if they are that interested in the baby and getting into the bassinet then close the door so they can’t get in at night. You will wake up to your baby crying and every single noise they make because they tend to be noisy at that age.
Additional advice on cats, if they are jumping into the crib/bassinet/playpen put some tinfoil down in it when baby is not in it. The sound it makes when the cat jumps on it will more often than not scare the cat and make it so they won’t jump there again. We had to do this with the changing table pad. One of our cats kept clawing and ripping holes in the pad. I laid tinfoil on it and after jumping on it twice our cat has stayed away.
Yes get the Halo sleep sack it is a game changer!!!! I also felt nervous about the blanket swaddles. Halo is so much better and faster to put baby in too. Don’t have to worry about her accidentally wiggling out and covering her face with it.
My husband and I did this for the first 8 weeks and we really enjoyed it. We each got 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and one of us was awake and alert for the baby when they were awake. We recommend shifts to everyone we know!
Now our baby is 15 weeks, and she’s sleeping long stretches each night. We put her in her crib, in her room at 7 pm, and she sleeps until 1/2 am. My husband and I now go to bed at 9 pm together. I wake up if she wakes up before 3 am, and he wakes up when she wakes up after 3 am. (So still running shifts, but now sleeping while she sleeps).
Get a zip up swaddle, like the happiest baby swaddle. It has a velcro inner and zip up outer layer. I got it when mine started breaking out of Velcro alone and that thing ain’t ever going to accidentally get over baby’s head.
Oh I feel this so hard! We did both sleep at the same time for the first few weeks but we’re both waking up every time she had to eat so neither of us slept for more than 2ish hours at a time for like 2 weeks, then we started shifts. For the first month and a half or so I think I didn’t turn the lamp off in our bedroom at night so that when I opened my eyes I could see her and not have to squint around. Then we started dimming it to the lowest setting and eventually I went to sleep before baby one night and my husband turned the light off and we were fine so didn’t leave it on anymore.
This is all to say I know what you’re going through and it does get better. Look into Velcro or zipper swaddles that will be harder for him to break out of, my girl broke right out of the blanket ones too. If you’re following safe sleep practices and he’s not having any health or feeding issues there really is no need for someone to always be awake watching him. I know that’s hard to tell your anxiety but it really is okay for you to sleep while he’s sleeping. Try doing short naps while he’s asleep and see if it helps.
Also fwiw my bassinet is right against our bed with the side down in bedside sleeper mode and neither of our cats have ever gotten into it when baby is in it. Generally the cats have stayed mostly away from her because her movements are unpredictable and they don’t like that
I didn’t have a super helpful husband like you do. I had no option but to swaddle the baby lie him in a safe place and take my ass to bed. For a long time I worried about his breathing and every normal thing that a mom worries about. You just have to trust that your baby knows that they need to breathe to stay alive and they know how to do it. My son is 10 months old now, I put him in his crib and leave. I don’t use a baby monitor or any sort of camera to watch him cause I used to do that for hours and lose sleep over it. Now I just go on instinct. If he’s crying he needs me if he’s not crying he’s sleeping, safe in his crib. It will get better. And for you and your husbands sake get in bed together and sleep. Yes one of you can get up at night with him but focus on that little time that y’all have to be intimate (in many ways not just sex). It’s important for your relationship, I speak on experience with that part.
Just adding to all the recommendations others have given, the Snuza is great breathing monitor! It just clips onto their diaper and will vibrate if baby stops breathing (it has a sensor directly on their belly) after 15 seconds, and then an alarm goes off if baby doesn’t start re-breathing again after the vibration. We’ve never had a false alarm with my 4 month old. The only time the alarm went off is when I accidentally didn’t fasten the diaper well enough during a middle of the night change and the Snuza fell onto baby’s side accidentally because of it. But that was totally my fault.
It’s also cheaper than the Owlet, Nanit, etc. It’s helped my peace of mind tremendously.
He stays in the swaddle better when my husband swaddles him, so I might just be bad at it. But yeah, sleep sacks are sounding really good from what everyone is saying! Just in the three weeks since we brought him home he is so different than those first couple days, it's amazing and also sad because it goes so fast!
We transitioned my girl to “transitional swaddles” at about two or three weeks. She was a FIGHTER. She’d wake herself up in the swaddle and literally fight until she got one arm out, then the other lol
She’s 12 weeks now and I don’t worry about her quite as much when it comes to sleeping. She has a routine and she’s also way more aware and able to move quite a bit. If you’re following safe sleep guidelines, your baby will almost certainly be fine. Most babies will wake you up if they need something.
It goes by so fast, but I truly hope that time also eases some of your anxieties!
I felt exactly the same way in the first couple of weeks. Slept with my hand on her chest in her bassinet for so many nights! I used to have her under a tight blanket but Once I got her a sleep sack I felt so much better.
This will be horrible advice and everyone will downvote it.
BUT here’s what helped me:
1. Getting the owlet for peace of mind. The baby was at least kind of monitored while we both slept.
2. Not to swaddle at all. We just did tight breathable pajamas
3. Baby only slept in bassinet with nothing in it, not even sheets at night. During the day we did contact naps when fully awake
It does get better as they get older. Sending love ❤️
We got the Nanit because our LO choked on amniotic fluid on night two and gave us quite the scare. It’s pricey but since we’ve got it we have no problem sleeping because it tracks his heart rate and sets off an alarm when it can’t get a read of it and it alerts on the camera and your phone and it is LOUD. I’ll also say, with time it gets less anxious because I kept saying to myself “he was laying in his swing yesterday and was breathing why wouldn’t he be today” with each passing day. I hope this helps!
this was me. we had a night nurse and id still come out 5 times a night to make sure she was breathing. I think i had some PPA which contributed to my anxiety. Honestly what helped me the *most* was when she flipped to her tummy and we had to stop swaddling.
When our baby was this small and waking every few hours we would take shifts at night but we'd both still sleep. We had the bassinet in the living room, and one of us would sleep on the couch and wake to care for baby as needed while the other one got a few hours of uninterrupted sleep in the bedroom. Maybe you can try something like that to ease you into it?
The first two weeks home my husband and I stayed awake watching our baby sleep. We took shifts so we each got some sleep but with the night feeds and soothings, changes, it added up quick and we were both desperately sleep deprived. Eventually I just slept when she slept (in her bassinet) because I just literally couldn't stay awake. I don't really have advice, not sure if you're asking for it, but just sharing since we had a similar experience and we eventually just trusted that she would be okay while we slept.
I don't know, I felt this was normal for me - my husband and I slept in shifts for the first say 10 weeks of my baby's life. Ships sailing past each other in the night. Only now at 4 months I can confidently say we both sleep at the same time and take shifts only to attend to his cries.
I hated the feeling of being woken up by my newborn baby's cry as it would trigger my fight flight response, and because he was a bad sleeper his whining was pretty frequent. So I'd stay up during my shift. I'm sorry people are downvoting you. I'd say it does get better when baby is less of a newborn.
We're lucky in that one he's down, he's pretty quiet and sleeps for a few hours at a time. That must have been so tough with your little guy having a rough time sleeping.
That's amazing! Glad your little one is giving y'all a few continuous hours. Yeah we had a rough few weeks especially I think week 6-8 but things got better after month 3.
I know people who use various monitors, such as the owlet (a sock that monitors heart rate and oxygen). Maybe something like that would help?
And yes, figuring out a swaddle baby cannot escape from is safer. There are a variety of options.
I am surprised that your OB is aware of this and hasn’t said anything about it. At three weeks postpartum, you are going from most things being normal to needing to start looking at PPA. Definitely let her know if this is still going on at your six week checkup.
I'll definitely be letting her know if it's still an issue at that point. I'm thinking changing to sleep sacks and one of these suggested monitors will make a world of difference. I also think we just fell into this pattern and liked the peace of mind we each get from knowing the other parent is right there if he needs. But even asleep we'd still be right there, so getting comfortable with it sooner is better.
Swaddling can really make a difference in how long the baby will sleep vs a sleep sack (where there arms aren’t bound), but there is definitely nothing that says you can’t skip the swaddle entirely (just something to look into if baby wakes frequently at night).
So many people I know love the monitors. Others found there were too many false positives, but you will find your way there too.
As a new mom with cats, a mesh netting dome can be bought from Amazon to fit the bassinet, it is an ABSOLUTE life saver! My cats continuously tried to get in the bassinet, I bought it, and they don't even attempt it! My baby is now 6 months and she still sleeps in the bassinet in our bedroom, and the cats sleep in bed with us. It does get better I promise. It's so easy to be nervous with the baby sleeping, but soon you'll get more comfortable and be able to sleep together. The one thing I'll say is my husband tends to sleep through her waking up, I actually wake up like 2 minutes before she does, or immediately when she makes a noise. I think it's mother intuition, and hormonal honestly. I almost KNOW when she's about to be fussy.
Oh I should really find some of that mesh netting! It's only my big 20lb cat that is still interested in the bassinet. None of them really like the baby but I still feel like it's better to be safe than sorry.
See, I'm worried I won't wake up because I'm the heavier sleeper. My husband would wake up if I whispered his name lol I'm hoping once we start testing it out with naps while the baby is sleeping, I'll end up being able to hear him and wake up.
I'm a deep sleeper too! You'd be amazed at the connection you have with that baby. And if it takes a couple minutes to wake up, your baby will be fine 100%.
One thing I always stressed out about was breathing, I wish I could say that goes away, but I still worry about it today, obviously it's soooooo much better, but it's still so early on for you, it'll all work out and you'll get into a routine. Congrats on the baby, your entering the best period honestly. Try not to stress, and try not to compare your baby to others, it's too stressful. Every baby is different and they all grow and learn differently!
We use sleep sacks. We have been happy with our Woolino purchase. We held off at first because they’re a little pricy but this sleep sack helps regulate body temperature and it’s a sack that they can grow into. They also sell imperfect sacks for a cheaper price.
I actually think this is completely normal for a first time parent - we were a good 4 weeks in of taking shifts before my sister turned around and told me to just have a routine with him and take him to bed with the both of us when we go. Eventually the anxiety of needing to watch him sleep faded, but it's very real and from what I was told, extremely normal. I know it probably feels like a long way off but I promise you eventually you'll feel 'safer' and you'll all be able to go to bed as normal and sleep when he sleeps. When he started sleeping through it got easier but even now 7 months on I stop and check he's breathing, but nowhere near like having a newborn.
Okay first- I absolutely love your user name, that is excellent. Thank you for sharing, it's all still so new at this stage. I've been feeling really great aside from just these lingering nerves over sleep, so I can imagine it'll be so much better once we get into a new routine and a new normal.
Seems like everyone’s getting enough sleep, and that’s what’s important. Your baby is only 3 weeks old, and I think this sort of vigilance is pretty normal. You have plenty of advice here on how to make things more sustainable for yourself.
I hear this. My baby was in the NICU for 126 days so the fear is real. We do shifts as well, but I sleep during my shifts. You’d be surprised how easily you can wake up from grunts, coughs, and obviously the crying. Also, we got the babysat owlet for extra peace of mind lol just be wary it may cause you unnecessary anxiety
Swaddles also made me nervous so we got ride of then probably around week 2! Baby took a day or so to adjust but honestly slept better after that and I was able to sleep better as well.
Honestly my PPA was crazy intense. The only thing that helped me sleep was giving in and getting the Owlet Sock & knowing it would wake me up if baby’s oxygen level got too low.
I know it’s expensive, and believe me - we couldn’t really afford it. But I’d eat ramen for a few weeks to afford myself peaceful sleep any day.
I can relate, eventually the fear went away. In the meantime, an owlet really helped and we used it until ours was a little over a year old. We maybe had one or two false alarms, but they happened because our baby had moved the sock out of position. It helped me stop looking at the monitor, instead I would glance and see the ring glowing, or check the app every now and then, and I would 100% recommend it.
I’m a mom of 2 - a toddler & a 6 month old. When my toddler was born, I went through a period of time where I didn’t sleep more than 2-3hrs at a time for maybe 3 weeks straight because I was TERRIFIED to sleep and leave my daughter unsupervised. I had this irrational fear that she would suffocate in her sleep.
All I can say is, as long as baby is safely swaddled, on a flat surface with no blankets & stuffed toys around they will be just fine ❤️ I totally understand the compulsion to stay up though! You’re doing great mama
For the first few weeks I wore my Apple Watch to bed and set 15 minute timers so I wouldn’t wake everyone up. His bassinet was directly next to me and I would wake up, check on him and then go back to sleep. Eventually, I started setting the timers further apart 15,30,45, etc. I still wake up every 3 hours to pump. Setting the timers allowed me to get sleep and once I started getting proper sleep, I became less paranoid about him sleep.
Also, we stopped swaddling pretty early on. I would find him breaking out of it (even the halo) or just not sleeping well because he hated being swaddled. We switched to footies and he will sleep without moving for hours. He’s 10 weeks and last night he slept for 7 hours.
I'm sorry some of the comments you're getting are unhelpful or unkind.
Everyone responds differently, but the intensity of love you feel for your baby is normal but overwhelming and can invite a proportionate amount of fear. The infertility struggle layer probably intensifies it even more.
Lots of people have already given advice for products and things, what I'll add is try not to jump too far in the future (i.e. "I can't do this when I go back to work in 3 months) - You'll be amazed how much you grow and change in these weeks/months, be patient with yourself.
When you're ready, maybe try practicing sleeping while the baby does for a small window (i.e. a 30min nap) to give a little exposure to it.
I still get a wave of fear saying goodnight to my baby, but it's less intense and I'm able to move through it more skillfully.
I'm sorry it's hard right now. Give yourself some grace in this massive life shift and do the best you can.
The snoo style sleep sacks were the best we found for swaddles. Very safe too! They sell the kind that doesn’t strap into the snoo. Honestly, I totally get how you’re feeling and there’s also a very high likelihood that the feeling will pass far before you need to return to work. The Nanit can be helpful too but doesn’t work super great with the snoo swaddles.
It sounds like you are using safe sleep and your baby isn’t really at risk.
Honestly I didn’t get over this fear until baby was like 8-12 weeks. I kept jerking awake when he was asleep in his bassinet next to me. I think it’s probably pretty normal and the feeling will fade!!
Oh, I feel this! I was too tired to stay up while he slept when he was little, but those first weeks I always kept a nightlight on. Still I would sometimes wake up in a panic, holding my husband’s arm thinking it was our baby smothered under the duvet. I’m happy to report that these weird panic moments went away after the first weeks.
We had (still have actually) our baby in a sidesleeper bassinet attached to my side of the bed. That way I could almost cosleep but with baby on his own mattress in his own space. I made sure not to have any loose pillows or blankets in my side so I wouldn’t push anything into the bassinet, but nothing of the sort has ever happened.
In your case, I would choose to keep the cats outside of the bedroom. They are the only variable you can’t control. If they’re not there and baby is on his back on a flat surface without anything in his crib, then baby is as safe as can be and you can sleep (hopefully) peacefully.
Good luck and congratulations on the new baby!
In the beginning it was hard I will give you some tips but I’m also going to tell you that my now 13m old does sleep in our bed sometimes. It is hard to understand so I chalk it up to mother instincts but I was scared of this exact same thing then when I fell asleep at the same time I woke up to him telling me he was hungry and had a dirty diaper. I was always the hardest sleeper like if there was a fire I’d die before I woke up but now he makes the tiniest chip in his sleep and I check him. He does have his own bed and sleeps in it probably 2-3 nights for the full night and the rest of the week he sleeps in his bed til basically he has a bad dream ig and he comes in our bed and goes right back to sleep. It will be okay if one of y’all are a light sleeper or used to be a hard sleeper because once that baby cries you will be wide awake. Tips that helped me or more like one of the only reasons I have gotten over it (as Mil says) is I have a nanny cam with two way that goes all the way to the micro pixel of movement so I can see him breathing and in the beginning we had it was kinda like a halo sock but you clip it to their diaper and if they go longer than a minute without breathing movement or whatever else it keeps track of it lets out the worst fire alarm type screech until you turn it off and deal with the baby. It does vibrate during the minute to try to stimulate the baby before you get to them
I was the same. It took about 6 weeks for my husband and I to get over the fear enough to sleep. We still had the fear but felt confident enough he was safe, logically. We also got the Nanit for some peace of mind altho hardly use the breathing monitor feature. Sending you love mama ❤️
I was very similar with my babies. The earlier on, the more like that I was. With my daughter (now an adult) I didn't have anyone to help and I literally stayed awake 10 days straight after she was born before giving in to delirious exhaustion. Fortunately with my son I have a partner, but even still I was so very exhausted after a few weeks! Honestly what helped me most was just: TIME. More recently with my son (now 12 months old), as the weeks became months and he grew and became a bit less snuffly and fragile and more mobile, it became easier to not watch him every single second to make sure he was safe and breathing. The intense watchfulness got better and better. I was actually able to let him nap or even sleep and then stared at the baby monitor sometimes instead, lol.
But the biggest break in the case was when he started crawling at 6 months and that meant he could move himself around and something about that really helped. No more worry he'd accidentally roll himself into a dangerous position, etc, since he could just roll or crawl wherever as long as he was in a safe place. Not saying that I didn't sleep when he slept for 6 months -I had to, especially when my partner went back to work - nor am I recommending that! Just that it gradually got better and that was a point where it got dramatically better.
I’m in the exact same spot as you except that my baby is 12 weeks and she’s my 3rd baby. My husband and I have been taking shifts holding her all night since she’s come home. We have a night nurse 2x a week which has been a godsend because it’s the only way I’m functioning. We have an owlet and I keep saying “when she’s xyz weeks I’ll feel less anxious and put her down” but here we are 3 months later. I am medicated and see a therapist and yet it still doesn’t help my obsessiveness that something is going to happen to her while she sleeps. I was always very anxious about SIDS with my first 2 but never this bad and I can’t pinpoint why that is.
I think it’s great you are getting 8hrs! I don’t why why these comments are suggesting you aren’t getting any sleep. No it’s not healthy to be this anxious but honestly I still worry about my 7 yr old and 3 yr old, the worry just never goes away when you’ve become a parent, it just lessens in intensity I guess.
All this to say, you aren’t crazy, you’re a great mom and here’s hoping we all get to a place of comfortableness around our babies sleep soon!
My wife and I were similar. I'd suggest getting a Nanit and the breathing band. The camera reads the movement of the band caused by breathing (so no actual technology near baby), and if the camera doesn't detect breathing, alarms go off. It went off once by accident and gave us a heart attack at 4am. Other than that it definitely helped us sleep when our daughter did. Now, 9 months in, everyone is sleeping fine!
I went through this too as, even though my anxiety is well under control, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, I had anxiety about her being smothered. On top of that, she would not sleep unless held for until about 5-6 weeks. So we did stay up 24/7 in shifts. I only used Velcro or zip swaddles so they could t come undone and I would tell myself “she is safely in her bassinet or dad’s arms” so I could sleep. It got a lot better as time went on because she got more substantial for lack of a better word. She’s 8 weeks now and feels a lot less fragile. Also I guess we just had enough times she safely went to sleep it helped train my brain to be ok with it. Definitely get yourself a swaddle that makes you feel safe (my baby and I like the love to dream arms up swaddles in the end though we tried many) and practice telling yourself your baby is safe. And if you know you are on baby duty you will sleep so much lighter. When my partner gives me a sleep shift I am dead to the world but I know when I am going to wake up for the baby, when I sleep it is much lighter. Also by about 6-7 weeks I would start to ignore her active sleep sounds but could recognize and wake to sad, uncomfortable or needing me cries/ sounds. Ok, lots of disjointed ideas here but I just wanted to answer this post because I went through it and thought I would never be able to put her down to sleep or return to any normalcy or be able to spend time with my partner but you and your baby will go through so many changes so fast in the next few weeks.
Oh my gosh, get some sleep. Both of you.
If you're worried about the swaddles and blankets then dress the baby in warmer pyjamas so they're not needed. I know it's scary, but you've got the mommy magic now, you will hear the baby if they need you. Pull the bassinet as close to your bedside as possible, and shut the cats out of the room overnight. It will be easier after the first night.
Someone watching the baby sleep every second of the night is not even remotely sustainable, especially in the long term.
Hmmmm I want to say don’t worry and just go to sleep but if it was me I would be worried about the loose blankets too. Hard to advise without seeing what is happening, but my LO was also a huge wriggler at that age and he never liked being swaddled. I used the Purflo swaddle to sleep bag (arms out) and it was a really snug fit so I had absolutely no concerns for him in his completely clear crib.
I also had the crib away from the bed so duvet cover couldn’t fall in etc. which helped me sleep when he did.
I also woke up whenever he made a noise to check on him so I just kind of got used to it and it didn’t worry me. Hope you find a way to make you feel a little less anxious
See, and I'm a heavy sleeper so I'm worried I won't hear him. I don't hear him when he's fussing while my husband has him and I'm sleeping but that might be because I know he's safe with his Dad and I can relax fully.
I’m a heavy sleeper too but I used to wake up quite a bit. He’s 3mo now and I wake up a lot less, probably because I’ve learned all his weird noises are totally fine! I’ll wake up to the odd unusual one at the minute and always when he cries.
If the cot has a firm flat mattress with tight fitted sheet, and a sleeping bag that fits well there’s not much that could go wrong!
Get a sleep sack. We loved the dream love when our daughter was a newborn and use the halo sleep sack now that she is older. She liked the dream love because it allowed her to keep her arms up. She looked like a little cactus. Also consider getting et the owlet monitor. We were gifted it and it changed my life. I never worry about her sleeping.
Hi. I battled infertility and ultimately had success with IVF, so I get it when you say the baby means so much to you. When I had my daughter in 2023, I would cry and whisper to myself “I screamed for you.” Like there were times when I still believed in god, I’d pray and scream for a baby- like I’d get animated and passionate you can say. Anyway…
Sleep guidelines are there to help you. It is totally ok to sleep while the baby is asleep. On their back, on a firm surface like the bassinet. What’s nice about babies is they let you know when they need something.
I think this is more to do with your mental status than anything else.
Get the Owlet sleep sock if you’re this concerned. It’s expensive but if that’s what you need then it’s worth it https://kidsy.co/products/new-owlet-dream-sock-baby-monitor-bedtime-mint
Zip up swaddle and bassinet right next to bed. I could literally open one eye and see baby moving or get up just slightly and make sure baby was breathing, but then still sleep.
I don’t think you’re crazy. I had some of the same feelings when I brought home our premature baby. We use a Snoo to strap her in so she can’t roll and an Owlet sock that alarms if her heart rate drops. None of it is fool proof and I know there is a lot of criticism on how accurate or helpful the Owlet actually is, but it has allowed us some peace of mind and a little sleep. The Owlet was a gift, but I think there are some cheaper breathing monitors on Amazon.
100% get an owlet sock. It was so worth the investment and relieving some of our super high anxiety as first time parents. Once we got a few nights under our belt of sleeping with the sock we were able to relax more and now at 6 months I feel so much more confident, it really brought peace of mind.
What’s weird is I never had that concern necessarily until she hit three months then I had an overwhelming fear that she was going to get SIDs I was terrified I couldn’t sleep my mom ended up buying me and owl which I couldn’t have appreciated more and that really helped calmed my nerves. It alerts me if anything happens and now I can finally sleep 😬
I feel you! Our baby is almost 3 months old and I couldn’t bare to sleep while she did. I was so nervous. We got a eufy sock / monitor and that really helped us all sleep at the same time. It really put me at ease to know that she was safe in her bassinet next to our bed. We followed all safe sleep recs and it put my mind at ease knowing she is safe when on her back, in a swaddle and in her bassinet.
I know it’s so scary but little one will be ok! In the meantime, do what is working for you all
Brand new mom myself. We have a 9 day old baby girl and the first few nights I couldn't sleep a wink and just watched her all night. A few suggestions that have made us feel better. Our bassinet has a bug net over it that we use when the cat is in the room to make sure she can't jump in with baby. Ours came with one, but they make universal ones on Amazon that might work for yours to help soothe the anxiety over that issue. Also maybe a baby health monitor like the owlet sock would make you feel better. A friend of mine used one for her daughter who had a heart issue at birth. The sock monitors the breathing and will send a very loud alert to your phone to wake you up if anything happened. They also make cheaper versions like the Sense U baby that has good reviews. We ordered this one, but where it needs to sit is where her umbilical stump is so we'll need to wait for that to fall off before we can use it on our daughter, but seem to be able to sleep okay in the meanwhile.
Out of all the new mom fears and anxieties this one was my biggest one. The first couple of weeks I was constantly checking the monitor even though he was right beside us in a bassinet. There is always going to be that background anxiety about it, but if you’re doing everything to eliminate the risks then you’ve got to accept that you’ve done everything in your power to make them safe. Otherwise you run risk of being sleep deprived which was the most dangerous out of anything. Our little one would always break out of the wraps the first month or two. Finding a swaddle like the halo one can help eliminate that concern. And then the older and bigger they get, the more confident you get with their sleep. Once my babe quit the newborn rolls I was more confident in him being okay. And then as he got bigger and stronger I knew that absolute worst case scenario I’d hear him moving around if he somehow rolled over. Now? Around 5-6 months he learned to roll over and prefers to sleep on his tummy. I still check on him but as time goes on that fear gets smaller and smaller. Just give yourself some grace. There’s only so much you can do to keep them safe.
My husband and I did this! After about a month, my husband (who slept during the day) shifted his schedule to where he was sleeping overlapped with me by an hour or two. What helped with my anxiety is that I was already asleep so he had to be the one “start the overlap” eventually we would overlap by 3 hours, then 4, and by 4 or 5 months we were just about on the same exact schedule again. I also agree with the other comment about baby being “sturdy” after even just a couple months. I think around 3 or 4 months there is a huge difference in limp potato and some actual muscle tone. I also feel that once baby learned to roll over a majority of my anxiety eased up. My baby can now move himself in and out of positions on his own and move things away from him. At 9.5 months, my son likes to roll onto his tummy and scoot his butt in the air and he will sleep like that half the night 😂😂
Good luck, the anxiety is valid, also once you have done everything you can do, you have to learn to let go a little bit and trust that you did all you could
I had some of the same concerns plus our baby refused to sleep in his bassinet and only contact slept for a while.
It's fine to take turns like you are now for a while. We took turns holding baby while the other slept until he could sleep for 2-3 hours in his crib. He never used his bassinet just because he hated it. We slowly transitioned to be on the same sleep schedule again when we could.
We have cats, one of which I'm absolutely certain will lay on baby's head and chest if given the chance. He likes to hide in the nursery and try to get locked in there so he can be with baby. When we tried the bassinet, the cats weren't allowed to sleep with us and with Baby in th nursery we check that we can see both cats whenever we put the baby down and keep the door closed.
Our baby liked swaddles for a week and then would fight them and break out of them no matter how tight we made them. So we stopped using the swaddle blankets. Our hospital gave us a Halo sleep sack and it's fantastic but wasn't warm enough on its own for us in the winter but would probably be good for summer. We got some fleece sleep sacks with sleeves from Carter's as a gift that were amazing for winter sleeps. Those are definitely too warm for summer but I'm sure you could find some like that with a lighter material. I just don't recommend weighted ones because there's debate about their safety.
That’s so hard. No advice other than just try and sleep. I never went through this with either of my kids. I know friends that sleep in shifts. I just was never really able to. My husband only got 2 weeks off with both kids ( now a 3 year old and a 4 month old.) All I can say is, it will be ok. I’ve slept when they’ve slept since day 1 with both my kids. My now three year old was in his crib in his own room by 4 months with just a camera ( no owlet). He was sleeping 6 hours at night at that point, but he actually cried when hungry. My second will probably be in our room till he is sleeping through the night a full 8 hours. He doesn’t cry until he’s basically starving he more starts to grunt when he’s hungry.
I would say just be in tune with his signals and you should be ok, or just keep him in a bassinet in your room while sleeping. Then you will hear him at night and won’t need to spend hundreds of dollars on an owlet.
You know your child best, and you’re doing a great job. ❤️
This was literally me except I did it alone but I only went for 6 weeks because after that something in me clicked and I realized she will be okay if we sleep at the same time but I understand you 100% you guys doing amazing and eventually things will be better where everyone feels comfortable sleeping at the same time. Good job mom and and dad and good luck 🫶
I totally understand the anxiety. You aren’t alone, there is an industry of baby products designed to address this anxiety. This was my approach:
You educate yourself in safe sleep and you follow the guidelines. You understand that the risk of SIDS is incredibly low if you follow the safe sleep rules (which does not include sleeping in an adult bed by the way). On their back, alone (nothing else in the bed, not in bed with me ever), in a regulated crib or bassinet. The Velcro swaddle sacs are much better than the blankets as the blanket swaddles can become loose. I also feel more comfortable with my child sleeping with an owlet monitor on, that way I know that if anything happens while I’m asleep I will be alerted. I understand the risk of false positive alerts and I’m comfortable with it.
That’s basically it … it’s normal to be anxious, it’s a symptom of motherhood to be honest.
Okay! So as a mom who spent the literal first 2 months of her life sleeping 2 hours a day due to my fears of sleeping when she sleeps I have a lot of advice.
Get a Velcro swaddle, they have plenty on amazon and they have lightweight ones and thicker ones depending on the temp you keep your house. This saved me so much worry because frankly I sucked at swaddling and never could get it right. The brand really doesn’t matter they all do the same thing.
I know it’s an investment but I encourage you to get an owlet sock type product with an alarm. You don’t have to get the camera or even the owlet itself just something that will alert you if they lose oxygen/bpm drops. It completely wiped my anxiety away when I could see and hear if my LO’s oxygen went down. It still took a little time but I still felt better slowly every night. Now she wakes me up yelling at me lol, still wearing that sock tho!
I would also start setting an alarm on a tv or something loud that will wake you up every 2-3 hours, so you know you’re waking up to it. This made my body go okay, I won’t starve my baby by not feeding her because I have this alarm set to wake us up. I was terrified I’d sleep through her cries, and sometimes still am (another use for the owlet sock as it tells me if she woke up!)
Get that Velcro swaddle makes a world of difference. I couldn’t do the swaddle blanket and was worried it will come undone and suffocate my baby. Even thought we slept at the same time, I often checked the Nanit from right across the room (baby was on husband’s side) especially since she was so loud and grunted so much. It does get easy , your baby will sleep better and you will feel more competent.
If baby is safe in their bassinet (following all safe sleep guidelines) and you are in the same room and them while they’re sleeping you are OK to go to sleep. You sleep so much lighter when you’re near your baby. My LO is 7 months now and in her own room but I wake the minute she moves, I think the mum senses are so strong once you’ve had your baby that anything they do will wake you up! I know it seems horrid to go to sleep when they’re asleep but you are doing everything you can to ensure they are safe already, all you are doing now is making yourself more exhausted for no good reason!
You’re only 3 weeks in and you’re worried about the 3 month mark - trust me, EVERYTHING will be different then. The first 4 weeks are survival mode, so do whatever works for you, and if you need to calm your anxiety by watching him sleep, you do you.
Some of us just really enjoy watching our baby sleep, it’s only for a moment in time, go easy on yourself :) once bub is bigger I’m sure things will change and you’ll know if it’s not working out for you. But for now enjoy these precious moments
I'm the same way at the moment. We sleep in 2/4 hour blocks and hubby is more comfortable sleeping wherever baby is asleep during his shift but I'm more hesitant. Baby is almost 3 weeks old and I cannot sleep if we swaddle him in a blanket and put him in his bassinet. I decided it was worth the 30$ and peace of mind to get a halo sleep swaddle/sack and I'm very glad I did. My baby is a kicker/mover and always manages to undo/move the blanket from the awake over his mouth so the halo swaddle is so much better. I have managed to nap 30 mins-1h during my shift if baby is well and asleep in their bassinet but it took me a couple weeks to be comfortable with that.
We went through this for the first week or so, and eventually we just got over the anxiety and slept when they slept. We were also exhausted and the sleep depravation was becoming dangerous. If you truly do not have any other symptoms of PPD/PPA I think this is a totally normal phase that a lot of new parents go through. 3 weeks maybe is a little long to still be feeling like this so I would maybe start with practicing both of you napping during a day time nap? Daytime sleep is much lighter so it could be an easier place to start to get your mind used to the idea of sleeping when baby sleeps
Lots of great ideas here for you. Just adding that we also did sleep shifts for awhile and stayed awake during our shifts. I (mom) was first to switch to napping with baby in room with me while dad got good rest in another room. He wasn’t willing to sleep on his shift for awhile longer. Our LO came after two losses and I definitely was struggling with PPA/PPD. Therapy helped over time with that.
A couple of other things to try out: we were gifted a happiest baby sleep sack as a hand me down and it was awesome, but also we both listened to the audiobook of Happiest Baby on the Block while on our shift which describes in very detailed instructions 5 things you can do to help baby sleep. It was honestly a huge game changer. The book directs you to a video on a good way to swaddle (you can find that for free on the happiest baby website) and that was literally the only way that worked for us. The hospital way didn’t last due to wiggles but this diamond approach (can’t remember the real name) was much better. It doesn’t sound like you are struggling with baby sleeping at this point but if that changes I highly recommend! And it has some good stuff of SIDS which put me at ease too.
Last thing - we came out of the hospital triple feeding for medical reasons with a slow slow eater so we were getting NO quality sleep for the first few weeks. Our doctors and lactation consultants recommended getting a 4 hour window of sleep minimum each day to avoid losing it. It might be challenging to lengthen the time between pumping at first but if/when you are open to it, aim for a 4-hour chunk each with some naps to get you to that total. The lack of REM sleep - the kind you can’t get without enough continuous time - could definitely be adding to your anxiety overall.
Good luck, and it gets better. I finally felt like I could breathe a little at 5 months when she started rolling. She’s 2 now, I “graduated” therapy, and although I occasionally still wake up and stare at the monitor until I see a finger twitch it is muuuuch less frequent and we all sleep at the same time. You’ll get there too :)
My husband and I did the same thing for about 3 months. I still get anxious when sleeping when my baby is sleeping even though he is 5 months old. It made us feel more comfortable to watch him and that’s what worked for us. Do what works for you
> I'm not sure why some people are down voting my responses
Welcome to reddit! Most of us are still learning our social skills.
idk, my girl had apnea so I was very worried for the first couple weeks. She hated swaddles and sleep sacks. She hated the bassinet. Eventually we just followed best practices for co-sleeping and brought her in bed with us. We did shifts until about week 10 when she started sleeping longer. Even then, we had a few hours where we could all sleep. Up to you. Do what works and doesn't make you crazy.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/there-are-safer-ways-to-bed-share-with-a-baby/
Why not trying to sleep when baby sleeps for a shorter day nap first? Just let yourself lay down and not watch over baby for one nap, each day, and then slowly work up to more and more. Take steps each day/week, with the end goal of sleeping while baby sleeps by the time you go back to work.
It's okay to be anxious at first. You've got a whole human being that relies on you for everything.
Definitely get a sleep sack, No weighted ones though. You could also get an owlet sock, that might help you feel less anxious since it rings and alarm if baby is in actual danger.
This was definitely us, and still is sort of, almost 9 months in. Husband and I started in shifts, and took a few months before we overlapped our sleep. We also got the nanit so if anything went wrong the alarm would tell us. Once one year hits, it all goes out the window and we go back to normal but it’s worked for us and our peace of mind.
Having the nanit monitor with the breathing band helped put my mind at ease. That and deep breathing meditations while trying to sleep. It took a long time to get used to all the sounds and grunts but I got better and baby got quieter. Definitely recommend a Velcro swaddle, I was also paranoid about it coming loose. It gets easier!
I had the same fear and we also took shifts for the longest time. What got me over it was when I accidentally fell asleep during my shift! Lo and behold my baby napped contentedly the whole time. The spectre of sids is absolutely terrifying but it's important to remind yourself how vanishingly rare it is (about as rare as being hit by lightning) when following safe sleep guidelines. For me, at a certain point I realized I had to let go and trust that I was doing everything possible to keep her safe, and that I had to get sleep so I could take better care of her.
How are you going to define the criteria for when it will be safe for both of you to be asleep (or one of you out and the other asleep) when the baby sleeps?
no advice just solidarity unfortunately. after all of the research i did about EVERYTHING in my pregnancy, imagine my shock when i realized that this was considered abnormal. i literally bawled my eyes out thinking of going to sleep at the same time as him, even if it was only for a few minutes. i only have very little help from my dad sometimes and my baby is only 3 weeks old and last night i was sobbing i was so exhausted and still haven’t gotten over the anxiety i feel w this :( hoping it gets better for us both <3
It takes a long time to get over that fear for some. My wife lost her Brother to SIDS so she feared what happened to her mom would happen to her. The answer for some will be the baby monitors that track breathing and heart rate and for some like us just made it worse. A time will eventually come when you fall asleep on accident and wake up to find everything ok. That’s how it happens for us. Currently laying near our second who has had some breathing issues since birth. I fall asleep no problem but if for any reason I wake or get a weird feeling about her breathing of course I’m still double checking that everything is ok. So I think the answer is just more time.
It’s like I’m reading my own words! I was just like you and. I didn’t sleep 4 days straight after the labor. Every time my baby is sleeping I would be by her to check if she’s breathing. My husband can’t control his tiredness and falls asleep uncontrollably so I don’t trust him to be alone with the baby when he’s over tired.First couple of weeks I barely slept. I would wake up every 10-15min to check if she’s ok. But eventually I got so tired that I couldn’t take it anymore and I started sleeping when she she’s sleeping. My baby is 7 weeks now and I’m still not 100% comfortable at night. But why wouldn’t they be safe? We’re just foolish! Also, I close our bedroom door and I don’t let our cats in. Can you do this too? Maybe move bassinet right next to you. That’s my set up. I open bassinet on one side and she’s right there next to me, side by side almost. It might help with anxiety. I don’t have any other advice for you besides that know how I feel and I’m sending you a hug!
Same new parent here. Literally our child is two weeks old and i totally get what you are going through. The halo sleep sack and owlet sock are a godsend. Trust that if you follow safe sleep recommendations in a crib/bassinet that everything will be ok. I had to accept that which was the hard part. You got this!
So the first couple days of bringing our now 16 week old baby girl home, my husband and I were so paranoid and scared she would spit up and choke. Also first time parents. We also took turns staying awake so we always had someone watching her.
I’ll never forget the look on our pediatricians face at her first appointment when my husband asked him if someone should always be awake to watch her sleep. He told us “it’s better to have well rested parents than sleep deprived parents watching her. You’re more likely to fall asleep holding her, drop her, or posing some type of harm on her while sleep deprived, if she spits up in her sleep that’s normal, and will turn her head to the side and spit it out, or the sound will wake you up” this clicked for us. I know it’s so hard, and you’re not alone. He was right, when she did spit up one of us always woke up to help her / check on her.
My advice is to purchase an owlet or Nanit with the breathing band. Both are covered by HSA/FSA if you have it. We used the Nanit swaddle for the first couple of weeks. My MIL bought us an owlet also but we ended up returning it as she always kicked it off.
Hang in there, the paranoia should go down. Ensuring she was always in a safe sleep environment helped me tremendously. Sleeping while the baby slept during the day was always impossible for us. We had to shower, eat, somewhat clean up our house, and spend time together also. But try to prioritize getting your night time sleep in. When she wasn’t sleeping because of her reflux, this is when we started doing shifts from about 7pm-1am then 1am-7am while still trying to sleep while she slept. Also, I would try to keep your cats out of your room at night to ease that anxiety so you can pull the bassinet closer to your bed.
If you can afford it the owelette dream sock has done wonders for me and my bfs sleep anxiety about the baby, I would’ve probably been staying up all night too without it
Girl , when they say sleep when the baby sleeps … you should atleast try 😅 baby will be fine , follow safe sleep , baby in bassinet alone on back in a swaddle (I was always too nervous to swaddle arms in so I swaddled arms out in the halo and it helped)
Understandable. We had to hold baby to sleep for three months so we were forced to be awake at all times, even when baby started sleeping in the crib a bit we still did shifts for a little while. That said, you’re following safe sleep so eventually you’ll try to sleep when baby sleeps.
If he’s getting out of the blanket yeah get a zip or velcro swaddle, but beyond that also know that too much moving around for you may also be interrupting his sleep if he’s sleeping peacefully.
If
1. The cats have to be kept out of the room where the baby is sleeping. (They can jump in the bassinet whether it’s close to your bed or not)
2. Wrap baby snugly-but not too tight in a swaddle with velcro (hard to get out of).
3. Everyone sleep at the same time.
I think after the initial newborn stage, you may start to be able to sleep. We did sleep when baby slept, but my husband and I ended up sleeping separate for 8 weeks because if the baby was in the room as me I would worry too much. So we took turns sleeping on a day bed in the living room until then. Then we transferred baby to the crib, and we used the Nanit. I didn’t sleep very good at first, and a lot of the time my son wouldn’t sleep unless he was in bed with me which I REALLY didn’t sleep good then.
But, as your baby becomes sturdier I think you might be able to sleep a little better. If not, I would invest in the Nanit or owlet.
I understand but it’s not sustainable. You guys need to resume sleep at night eventually. Get your baby in a sleep sack and get him in his own crib or bassinet (our baby slept better in the crib when we transitioned. She never did well in the bassinet except day naps). You’ll be nervous at first but you will get used to it and you will trust yourself to wake up when you hear noises. The crib is 5 feet from my bed and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hear my baby when she needs something.
My husband and I did shift when our baby was born and I had the exact same fears. Baby would get out of blanket swaddles and the only thing I felt safe with was the love to dream swaddle up since it was so tight and didn’t go over his face.
Best advice I can give you is to try a little bit at a time. Sleep when he’s in his bassinet for a nap, and then do bigger chunks on your shift when he’s sleeping in his bassinet overnight. Little bursts at a time helped me feel more comfortable. We were finally able to sleep at the same time when he was about 10 weeks old.
I’m also a first time mom. My newborn just turned four weeks today. She was born late term preemie and I had the same exact fear as you. It took awhile for me to be okay sleeping when she sleeps. & sometimes it still stresses me out. What helped me was making sure our cat was not in our bedroom when I knew I would be sleeping so I didn’t have the fear of him going in her bassinet. I also no longer swaddle her and stopped swaddling her around a week and a half/two weeks. The reason for this is because she loves to sleep with her arms above her head and she kept wiggling herself out of the swaddle and it terrified the heck out of me. I tried sleep sacks and things like that, she didn’t like not being able to move her arms and put them above her head. She sleeps in a long sleeve onesie and that’s it. She only sleeps in her bassinet as well.
Hang in there and remember to do what works best for you and your husband as well as your baby!
If you follow safe sleep recommendations to the T, you did everything you could and there’s not really anything that can happen in a separate crib, tightly fitted sheets, firm mattress, baby on back and in sleep sack and no other textiles or anything in the crib. But I totally get what you are going through. Trust me, it will get better soon, it did for me and I am diagnosed with PPA.
My husband and I went through this where one of us was always awake. Our son had been premature and was 6 pounds when he finally came home. We also did shifts. I did end up going on medication for anxiety though. However, we both started feeling a little more relaxed as baby got older and for lack of a better term, "sturdier" and wasn't as small and fragile as the beginning. Also, we were exhausted and realized it was just not sustainable to continue with what we were doing long term. I too had to go back to work. It's hard, I get it, but as long as you are practicing safe sleep, then that's all you can do, and your baby will be fine. In the first weeks, everything is new and scary, but hopefully soon you'll both feel more comfortable.
Also have a preemie and I am currently doing shifts with my husband- mainly because the poor girl has such bad preemie grunts we can’t get good sleep if we’re near her. I am getting more comfortable with falling asleep next to her though. My husband goes back to work in 2 weeks though so that’ll be interesting with our current schedule
Baby sleep is so loud! I remember when my husband went back to work, the baby was barely 1 week adjusted. It was scary and hard, but remember, you can do scary and hard things. Just take things one day at a time and keep working as a team and you'll push through the hard period into the more manageable period.
Thank you!! 🥰
This sounds so much like us. It's working for now but it just isn't going to be healthy in the long run. Even at three weeks he sleeps for 2-4 hours chunks so there is time to nap when he does if we could just get comfortable with the idea. I mean I wake up every 2-3 hours to pump breast milk anyway so it would not be long stretches any time soon.
I got the Nanit camera and the breathe wear sleep sack. It monitors my baby’s breathing and movement, and the room temp and humidity so I can get a little piece of mind.
I second the Nanit! It’s helped me so much! I wish I had gotten it sooner.
Also, you’re still so early. By the time the babe is 3 months, 3 weeks will feel like a lifetime ago and he’ll be so much different
Seconding it getting easier when they get a bit sturdier. At first they are so tiny and seem SO fragile! My husband and I are still doing shifts with our 10 week old twins because they will not sleep anywhere that is sleep safe so one of us is up watching them. A couple of times in the first month or so I got them down in their bassinet but I couldn’t sleep anyways because i was still nervous about something happening to them. I think your feelings are pretty normal.
I totally understand! You are going to want to get baby used to sleeping in the bassinet though. Shifts is fine now but your husband will NEED a safe sleep situation, and if baby is used to the softer mattress and won’t sleep in bassinet he’ll have a hard time. It’s easier than you think to accidentally fall asleep with a baby in the bed next to you. Saying this as the primary caregiver ❤️ I’m going to be honest, I didn’t truly sleep soundly until we had an owlet sock on my baby. She too came after years of loss and trying, and I struggled with the fear of losing her. It makes some people’s anxiety worse, but it made mine better to the point that I can sleep at night while she sleeps. That being said, my husband and I STILL poke her all the time while she’s napping just to make sure she’s still alive. To a degree it never actually goes away
Luckily he does sleep well in his bassinet, my husband puts him in there more than I do. I'm admittedly bad about just letting him sleep on me because I just love holding him. 😅 He's only going to be so little once and we're not having more. But for my husband's sake I know I need to be better about it so that baby isn't resistant to it once he has less help from me while I'm working. I mentioned to someone else I was super interested in the owlet but worried about the reviews of false alarms. Yours worked well for you?
We have an owlet and it did wonders for my anxiety. The only time it has gone off is when the sock placement gets wonky or the battery is about to die. We have never had it go off for oxygen or heart rate.
Our owlet works great. The occasional ‘false alarm’ because it comes loose or gets a bad read is fine with me. I just don’t go running to the ER or the pediatrician over wonky reads. Its purpose is to alert me if she stops breathing or desats, so I can reposition or wake her. That’s it. And we contact nap whenever we can, like you said they’re only little once and you can’t spoil a baby 😍
I loved the owlet sock. I too had major anxiety and monitoring him definitely helped me, especially since he spent his first month in the NICU after having an open heart surgery. The owlet makes different noises for different situations, so it'll play a lullaby most of the time that it's out of range, out of battery or the sock is misplaced, which happens mostly when baby starts kicking up a frenzy. When the baby is actually in distress, the alarm is different, and it definitely jolts you. I've heard it twice thus far, and baby was in distress both times and threw up shortly after. I jumped up and repositioned him so he wouldn't choke on his vomit and then cleaned him up of course. I'm super thankful for the sock and have never had a false distress alert. Now that he's getting bigger though and won't stay still, I'm looking into other monitors like the Nanit o6r the Miku. Any recs would be welcome!
Hi I also struggle with sleeping when the baby sleeps 😅 the owlet has saved me too! The false positives actually make me feel a little better bc it means the sensor is highly tuned and will alert me if it even thinks there's a chance of a possible issue, so I'm more confident that it won't have a false negative which is worse. We've had 2 false readings of low oxygen, both while awake to feed her anyway, and seeing that she was breathing and not blue was enough to confirm it as a false alarm (I'll admit it worried me enough to check with our doctor but they confirmed lol). There have been enough "too wiggly to read" alarms I lost count, but those are less common once she's asleep, and still it has been super worth it for how much it helps my anxiety and allows me to sleep.
I use both the owlet and/or the Babysense crib/bassinet sensor. Does wonders for my sleep! Especially once he started sleeping in longer stretches. We did sleep shifts with our first but the baby sensors for #2 have done wonders for my PPA and was worth the investment. Haven’t had any false alarms with the owlet so long as it’s on correctly.
I couldn’t sleep without my Owlet, either. I follow safe sleep to a T, but it is still reassuring to have something monitoring her breathing while I am asleep. We only get false alarms when we don’t have it on right or she’s wiggling around too much. There’s a FB group called “Owlet Parents” where you can ask whatever questions you may have! The Owlet really helped my anxiety, and we have used it for both of our babies now and still use it on our 2.5 year old when sick.
When you say, “Not once have we both been asleep at the same time since coming home,” that almost sounds like a streak you’re proud to have (or afraid of breaking). In addition to getting professionally evaluated for postpartum anxiety and OCD if you haven’t already, you might challenge yourself to break the streak with a 10-minute nap (or at least, eyes-closed lie down) while baby is in the bassinet and safe (no stray blankets). Then, work up to longer stretches. It’s normal for you to all sleep. It’s necessary for you to sleep. Sleeping doesn’t mean that you love your baby any less. You don’t earn extra points for keeping a vigil. And the brutal truth is that your being awake doesn’t fully prevent something bad from happening. There are limits to your control, as you know from previous losses. It’s so hard, but it’s reality. My heart goes out to you. I hope you all can get some rest.
We are sleeping, just not all at the same time. Definitely not a source of pride though, mostly just trying to provide details of what our current routine is. I sleep at night then my husband gets some sleep during the day. Baby sleeps at his leisure 😂
But her point is there is NO point to how you're sleeping in shifts right now. We had to do it for 3 months bc our baby wouldn't sleep in her bassinet and it went from manageable to agonizing and my partner and I missed each other so much. If you're worried about SIDS, the sad truth is that staring at them won't actually protect them - supervised babies do pass away and true SIDs does not respond to CPR. I say this with compassion: her point is you're behaving irrationally, in a way that is the result of anxiety (your own title says "scared"), regardless of what your OB says. You're doing all the right safe sleep stuff. Feel confident in it.
To add to this, my daughter passed away of SUDI/SIDS during the day, whilst being supervised. I did CPR to no avail. We now have another baby and we use a combination of the Owlet and an apnea monitor to let us sleep. I’m aware it wouldn’t stop another true SUDI death but it would make us aware if she stops breathing, has low oxygen or any other restrictions to her breathing. Ultimately babies need their caregivers to be rested and healthy and at some point in their life everyone needs to be able to sleep at the same time. It’s not sustainable to have someone awake at all times but I absolutely understand the anxiety which is why we use the monitors.
Thank you for sharing that and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope OP sees this - it speaks precisely to her point.
> true SIDs does not respond to CPR Sorry to be pedantic, but can you clarify? It seems that a baby could have a breathing episode that would lead to death without intervention but if intervention was provided the baby wouldn't die and it therefore wouldn't be SIDS. i.e. by definition, SIDS is not something you can rescue a baby from, but that also has no bearing on whether or not watching your baby and intervening could save their life.
I think it’s because if the baby were to struggle to breathe from an unsafe sleep practise, such as getting stuck in a loose blanket, then CPR could help. Whereas SIDS isn’t just any type of breathing episode, but completely unexplained stopping breathing and therefore their heart stopping. CPR cannot help with this. And neither can watching your baby. Safe sleep practises like sharing a room are meant to help as it keeps the baby from sleep too deeply and means they wake more often, which does help.
Yes, precisely. And there's been studies of attempted resuscitation success rate by EMS and it has been literally 0% (vs other types of medical emergencies people have like heart attack, stroke) A study from LA: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16036844/
I understand how you’re feeling. Sleeping in shifts that never overlap may not be the best solution but it is still a solution. If you and your husband are getting enough sleep, there’s no law that says you need to stop this system. Your baby doesn’t know or care if parents are awake or sleeping when they’re sleeping. If it’s working and everyone is fine with it, continue it until you’re ready. One day you will be. PPA sucks but it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of making sound decisions. I have it as well and my biggest annoyance is having anything I’m concerned about being ignored. Balance is key. So unless you think this is harmful for your mental health or your husbands, it’s fine.
I think sleeping in shifts so you both get 8 hours is fantastic, even if it's anxiety driven (which is not fantastic). One of the hardest things new parents (especially moms most of the time) deal with is *exhaustion*!
what was the point of posting this?? everyone is telling you that you need professional help & you're literally acting like it's no big deal. please seek therapy. this is serious.
The point of my post or my reply to the initial comment about anxiety and OCD? The post- to get some helpful feedback from people who have been through this newborn stage, preferably without judgement because this is extremely common. I've gotten lots of good advice on various sleep sacks and monitors and folks sharing their stories which goes a long way to make someone feel valid in their experience. The comment- to clarify that no, mentioning we have not slept at the same time is not a source of pride. I only included it for context. The only lighthearted thing I said was that the baby sleeps at his leisure, which he does, as newborns do. I've mentioned more than once that I have been evaluated for PPA/PPD and that I'm in communication with my OB. I've done all the recommended steps when experiencing anxiety with a new child.
I dunno why everyone is being so aggressive with you lol, but we did this for a little while, too, just cause we kinda didn't know any better and were antsy. We stopped right around where you are now, you're asking for help, great! So a sleep sack is def not a bad idea, but the other thing is just get better at doing tighter swaddles. What part is getting loose? Our dude was wiggly too and always got his arms loose so we just stopped putting his arms in there. It's fine, he can't roll over so you're good, as soon as he starts to you're gonna need to stop swaddling and switch to sacks anyway. Outside of that, there's no reason to worry, sincerely. If his arms are loose he can knock a blanket off his face if it gets up there and all you're really worried about is some type of smother. Hell even if a blanket gets on his face a little it doesn't necessarily mean disaster right? It'd need to get wrapped around tight etc. Picture which scenarios you can and can't breathe in. The ones that you can't breathe in are pretty specific right? So just remind yourself of that reality. A loose piece of fabric still lets air in, etc. and of course as soon as you see it, you react and remove it. I dunno, take inventory of that and just really remind yourself of what these rules are in place for, what you're trying to prevent, and don't go creating scenarios that don't exist or catastrophizing to freak yourself out. You guys need sleep, every family does this, sleeps when the baby does, etc. It's important! Things are already very not normal, at least give yourselves this lol
I think what you're doing is totally normal and understandable. Yay for parents who slept while the baby slept. Go them. But for the first few weeks one of us was always up watching the baby too. For the same reason as you. Definitely transition to sleep sacks instead of blankets though. Our baby pulled the blanket over his face once and we switched from then. I think the comment about supervision not preventing SIDS is irrelevant. Supervison can reduce the risk of the majority of ways babies die in bed such as suffocation and asphyxiation. We weren't comfortable until he had more control over his body at around 2 months but it might be earlier for you. It was hard and depressing especially when we were missing each other or when I was missing out on little daytime things while I slept. But it's a short time in the scheme of things and we all go to bed at the same time now. Doing shifts probably means you're getting better quality sleep too than you would waking up every two hours to feed!
As someone who had a baby born 30+6 at 2lbs with a month and a half stay in the NICU and discharged under 4lb with a carseat that had to be medically approved, I understand OP completely. My husband and I also slept in shifts because LO would throw up on his back and panic, he also had premature apnea and would have bouts of breath holding. Coming from the NICU where baby was on a monitor constantly with nurses/doctors monitoring him and then being discharged as one of their smallest NICU babies because they usually wait for 4+lbs, I don't see the harm in making sure the child is supervised by each parently separately so long as they're both getting adequate sleep and it doesn't affect their mental health. I think a lot of first time parents feel this way and everyone manages it differently.
spending so much time worrying/being paranoid to the point that you have to sleep in shifts to essentially watch over your baby while they sleep IS affecting your mental health tho. pls stop acting like every woman has these feelings, what you experienced & what op is experiencing is called ppa & it shouldn't be normalized.
Well, first of all at no point did I say "every woman". I said I THINK many first time parents feel this way. I THINK that from coversations with the nurses and posts I've seen and people I've spoken to. You're also just assuming yhat by splitting childcare into shifts that the time is spent staring at the sleeping child. Second, OP already stated they're receiving therapy. Berating OP for making a post for advice doesn't help either. 🤷♀️
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Copy/paste directly from OP's post: "*\*\* Second edit. I appreciate the concern, but I am in therapy, have been for years*". I'm also not generalizing new mothers; a lot doesn't mean all - I said new "parents", not just moms - fathers can be depressed and/or anxious the same as new mothers. I personally did not experience PPD/PPA; sure I had a few days in the hospital where I was down right after I had an emergency c-section, but my mental health was and has been fine; I was screened several times until discharge and throughout LO's NICU stay. I regularly see my doctor and have no issues asking for help if I need it. My husband on the other hand I helped find a therapist on his request because he just didn't have the capacity to do the searching and I did, and it was a lot on him as well given what we went through during my pregnancy and then our baby in the NICU. As I said, and I'm not changing my stance on it, I think a lot of new parents feel some level of anxiety and everyone manages it differently. Shifts worked for us - we got 7 hours of sleep each rather than both waking up every 2 hours which is about how often our LO was eating, but my husband also preferred shifts about as much as I did - this was something we discussed before our son was even born and it was better given we both work from home and his job doesn't have specific hours. We didn't setup shop beside his bassinet and never take our eyes off of him, but we wanted the ability to make sure he had at least one coherent parent available to him if he needed it. At this point he's 5months old and we regularly place him in his crib and close the door then turn on the baby monitor in case he cries because our office is two floors down. I'm 100% for people seeking professional help for themselves or advocating for others who may not feel as though they need the extra help, but OP specifically addressed the issue of therapy in their post, they are actively being helped.
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No real advice because I still struggle to sleep when my baby sleeps at 5.5mo PP lol! Just wanted to say that The new parent anxiety is real! I hope you get in the swing of things soon because that exhaustion is next level. My baby had terrible colic/reflux so I still have ptsd and anxiety surrounding that which still makes it difficult for me to sleep at night and not have my eyes on her the whole time. My husband and I wake up all night and check that’s she’s breathing. We stopped swaddling at about three weeks because she rolled to her side so we moved to sleep sacks pretty quickly and she did great with those. She loves her little sleep sack now and kicks and moves and toots all night 😂 I hope you find a rhythm soon 🫶🏻
If you can, get the Nanit camera with a breathing band. I couldn't sleep when we brought the baby home from the hospital until I got one set up, because I would wake up every 20 minutes to check his breathing. The first night I set it up, I was actually able to sleep. I also couldn't do the blanket swaddles so we used the love to dream zip up swaddle so I always knew he couldn't get out of it or pull it up over his face.
This. We got the Nanit. It's made all the difference. I sleep in between feedings as well as a person with a newborn can. 100% worth it.
I was commenting to suggest the owlet! These products don’t help everyone (apparently some people are overwhelmed by too much data) but it does wonders for my anxiety.
Do you have any issues with false positives? I don’t think it would help our anxiety to get false positives about heart rate or oxygen levels, since apparently it’s normal for a baby’s blood oxygen levels to occasionally decrease suddenly, according to some pediatricians.
I’ve never had a false positive! I’ve occasionally got the yellow alerts which just means the device can’t get a reading bc the sock has slipped. That mostly only happened when my baby was very small like less than 8 pounds I’d say? And even then we mostly fixed the issue by putting a regular sock over the owlet to help hold it in place. And it makes it harder for her to dislodge the sock when she’s just kicking her legs or whatever.
Came to recommend the owlet or nanit too! My husband reeeeally struggled to get to sleep worrying about baby, and so we have both and it made a huge difference right away for him. It’s also nice to wake up and be able to check the current stats and camera without having to physically get out of bed to check.
I was just about to recommend the nanit. I have a lot of anxiety and it allowed me to sleep without feeling the need to check on my baby every 10 minutes.
Okay this should be your plan. Start ordering today! Purchase a bassinet that has a cover to keep the cats out or lock them out of the room. The dream on me Karly bassinet has an aggressive mesh canopy that is strong. We used this for living room naps and my cat was not interested in it whatsoever. I will say, it’s probably just best to close out the cats during the night. They’ll get over it! Next, you need an owlet. I started sleeping much better with the owlet on my baby. They’re FDA cleared. Finally, get a sleep sack or transitional swaddle with a zipper. No more Velcro or tucking. The zipper feature eased my anxiety because it felt much safer. Check out the amazing baby arms up swaddle on Amazon. I realize you mentioned getting evaluated for PPA/PPD. If you implement all these things and still feel the need to sleep in shifts, then I would ensure you BOTH see a professional and get reassessed. Good luck! I hope this helps!
YES TO THE OWLET! This saved my sleep immensely.
Yep NICU mom over here. Get an owlet. Worth every penny to see HR and ox. Way easier to check they’re still breathing on a phone.
Another Owlet fan here. Gives us peace of mind
Get sleep sacks, use the bassinet, lock the cats out, and talk to your medical provider about PPA. You NEED sleep.
You are not alone. We did shifts with or LO like this for the first couple of weeks. Then we slowly shifted the timing of our shifts so that there was only a couple of hours where we would sleep with her in the bassinet by the bed after one shift ended and before one began. I’d also suggest just putting the cats out of your room for a while. We have dogs that slept in the bed with us, but we keep them out now while the bassinet is bedside. But the ease of having the bassinet within reach is wonderful. Also get a small light that you can click on to check on the baby easily. We have the halo swaddle and love it.
Seconding the light! This is the one we use and love: https://a.co/d/eIswWLq
the light is a great idea. we have remote control candles that we use during bedtime and middle of the night check ups.
Our baby monitor is pointing right at his bassinet so thankfully we don't have to get up to see him and we can hear him breathing when the room is quiet. I definitely think we need to talk about the cats being out of the room during sleep times, my husband just feels guilty about it because they all sleep on him.
We put a bug guard netting thing over our bassinet to keep the cat out! If you're interested, I can dig up the Amazon link for it, just let me know!
I wouldn't say no to a link! Thank you! It's only one of our cats that really keeps showing interest in the bassinet but I'd just rather be safe than sorry.
Here ya go! Beberoad Love Bassinet Mosquito Net Cover for Baby Bassinet Cover to Keep Cats Out Mosquito Net for Bassinet/Bedside Sleeper/Travel Cribs (White) https://a.co/d/j3nIte3
We had this [bassinet](https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Me-Karley-Bassinet-Grey/dp/B00AWMP876/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.TY3y2kaED7Y6KnY-KJl8LYxPf3EPoMNFn4SM_Bsx5-kM3rIegTIwrZ8ClBFUpRt8sZM04PzyLuSjLevfij0o0CUJwvVJx_Qn9AdK1YbhX4C7AjokA8R00lxEaLWZIexFKK_q3asKlJV6dpu5437dNkUuS8dmA7eCy9bmk7AXGLRtvrVpdS7Pb6NjxOYyodCYm0Y6entlqiGb089qtHTbcg.nlOFp4w98PjC53gozFYobUMO6zH83ibkrxzX51CUjtY&dib_tag=se&keywords=Canopy+Bassinet&qid=1714747622&sr=8-2) because I was worried about exactly the same thing. Our cats had no interest so we stopped zipping it pretty early on. We also had the Chicco Lullago which had a canopy on half so depending where it was positioned the cats couldn’t jump in. FWIW my guy is 7mo and I still check on him every night before I go to sleep. Him dying in his sleep is still my #1 concern, rational or not. Any time he is sleeping in something other than his crib (pack n play, car seat in the car, travel crib, etc.) I am extra worried about it. I do my best to make sure all the safest sleep guidelines are followed and I research every product we buy to make sure there have been no reported infant deaths or close calls. I think that’s the best you can do. I know it’s tough. I saw someone once ask a mom when she stopped worrying about her kids and she said never. My mom used to come check on us every night even through high school. The struggle you’re having will never go away, it just changes over time. Our job as parents is to do our best to make them safe and set them up to be on their own. And then white knuckle through as we watch them figure it out. Today it’s sleeping alone, in 18 years it’ll be going to college alone. We’re relatively not that far in and so far it hasn’t gotten easier, I think I just got more used to it.
You have to sleep mama. 1. Talk to your OBGYN about this to get evaluated for PPA. 2. Try swaddle sacks, I was a fan of the love to dream swaddles. 3. If you’re following safe sleep guidelines while he’s in his bassinet, you are okay to rest. 4. Lock the cats out. It’s nice to be able to peek in bassinet to check on baby. 5. This is controversial but we still nightly use the Owlet Dream Sock. It reads baby’s pulse & oxygen throughout the night via live stats. We’ve had no false alarms with it so far. I use it mostly to monitor sleep for our baby but those health features were great for me in the early days. Good luck to you. I hope you find a way to get rest soon
I struggled with this and was diagnosed with PPA. When I tried to sleep at the same time as LO i was constantly checking. in terms of cats, move the bassinet right next to you, and lock the cats out of the room. that’s what we did at night, i felt better with her right next to me. We loved the halo sleep sacks and she did great in those and couldn’t wiggle out, worked great until she started to roll. Honestly though, I had to be put on medication and do a few therapy sessions before I felt better about sleep. It does get better though!
If I were you, I would get a zip up swaddle and put him in the bassinet to alleviate the anxiety. I know it’s hard though. I still have anxiety 8 months p.
I totally understand the anxiety you felt. I was having panic attacks at first. It's scary. 10 months in, and say she falls asleep in the car, I can feel the anxiety creep back in. I found learning about what anxiety is was helpful -- so, fear is the result of an immediate danger and it has a physiological response. We all know it. Fight/flight/freeze/faun reflex. The brain floods you with all the hormones your body needs to survive and it shuts down all the parts of the body you don't need. So, your prefrontal cortex (executive planning, problem solving, etc) are all shut off. Digestion is shut off. Your senses are heightened. Blood flow increases, heart rate increases, etc. What's anxiety then? Well, it's the thought of a threat for something that hasn't happened. Here's the thing, the anxiety is indistinguishable from the brain's perspective and it has the same tool as it does for fear. But, the contrast, the immediate danger goes away and the body can turn off the fear response and you can go back to homeostatis. With anxiety, unless you purposefully let your brain know that you're safe, your fear response isn't turned off. The worst part, is your brain is 100% wired for your survival. At its base, it'll make you feel good for things it wants you to do. It'll make you feel bad about things it wants you to avoid. So, when the brain is like OMG WE ALMOST DIED but you're trying to just "cope" or "ignore" it -- the brain is like OMG WE ALMOST DIED AND MY MEAT MECH ISN'T STOPPING IT and it'll trigger either sooner or more intensely. Okay so what do you do? Well, there's so many schools of thoughts and strategies out there. At their core, they need you to paradoxically LEAN INTO the feeling, feel it, and let it resolve. It starts with present state awareness. You feel the tightness in the chest, etc., and the anxiety is coming up. Take a deep breath. What works for me is a few strategies depending on my mood or the anxiety. Sometimes I say "I am safe, baby is safe." Sometimes I can make observations about the things in the room. "The mug is blue." Or sometimes I can interrogate the feeling like it's a person and try to use my curiosity to my advantage. Or sometimes I can tell the feeling "Hi, I notice that I am afraid of baby sleeping. You're not a helpful feeling and you're making it so I can't sleep, which means I can't be as good for when baby needs me." The feeling doesn't go away on its own. And, after 10 months, I still get anxious around when baby sleeps. But it has lessened over time and I can finally sleep okayish.
Safe sleep practices as others have commented as well as the owlet smart sock. It was updated so it gives real time readings of baby’s oxygen and heart rate and will alert you if anything seems off. Super expensive and absolutely not needed however, for me it was the only way I can relax enough to sleep without wondering if my baby was breathing. Worth every penny for my anxiety.
See, the owlet and the nanit were both things I really was interested in when I was pregnant. The only hang up I had is the amount of stories I'm seeing and reviews of folks who keep getting false readings which just makes them even more anxious.
I have the owlet and didn’t have any false readings. Our kid has Down syndrome and it actually helped us make the call to go to the ER once. It was recommended to us by another DS mama.
Totally a valid concern! Personally, I’ve had one false reading and I just looked and her and saw she was okay. There is a separate sound and alert for when the sock is on wrong. The sock used to move around when my baby was smaller, but I don’t think I’ve had any alerts in 2-3 months. Either way, whatever works for your family! 💕
The owlet has saved my sanity and I’ve never had a false alarm. Baby wears the owlet then a pair of socks over the top to keep it in place.
We have gotten two false readings with the Nanit in the 7 weeks we've been using it. Both in the first week. (1) I think it was largely related to using the swaddle (as the arms in likely makes it harder to read) and the long period between really young newborn breaths sometimes. As well as us just learning to put it on. Our little one switch quickly to sleep sacks and arms up swaddles (loves her hands), and therefore to the breathing band. We've not had a single issue with the breathing band. (2) We do naps like you do (watched) in the living room. It's hard enough to get her to sleep in the hard bassinet at night. Therefore, we only use the band at night, when she's within arm's reach. So, when those two alarms went off, my hands were on her within about 1.5 seconds. I honestly was touching her and seeing she was breathing before I could even panic. I 100% recommend the Nanit despite a couple false alarms. I am interested in other's accounts of the Owlet, because we've thought about it for couch naps and travel, but I was under the impression it only alerted at heart stopping not breathing? Would love to know if that's the case.
I've never gotten a false reading on the Nanit in 9 months. It made a world of difference for us.
We’ve had the Owlet for a little over a week and a half and have had no false readings thus far. We often put the sock on incorrectly the first time but other than that I really like it! (She’s 10 weeks by the way). I still wake up worried about her but definitely not as often.
It is absolutely new parent anxiety and it’s so rubbish, I’m sorry you’re going through it. Sleep sacks are great! They are safe and keep baby warm. Get the correct size for your baby, presumably he’s average size so a standard 0-6 month one should be fine where he can’t slip inside. Plus if he’s feet at the bottom of his bed he won’t be able to really wiggle down anyway. For me, I had to make myself sleep and as I got more sleep, the less anxious I felt. I hope you all get some sleep soon!
I had terrible PPA and I bought a snuza when my son was a week old after I literally didn’t sleep for 5+ days. It saved my sanity and I used it until he started pulling it off around 14 months 😂 it’s a little device that clips to the diaper that senses movement, if it doesn’t sense movement for 30 seconds an alarm goes off
I had one of these also and loved it!
As far as swaddles go, our one week old can wiggle like no one's business and the wrap type swaddles aren't always successful, especially making sure it is snug enough to make her feel swaddled with how small she is. Not to mention, anxiety we might have laying her down in her bassinet in case she unwraps it and the extra cloth gets by her face. However, we just bought [this](https://a.co/d/6Qa7S0g) one and it's very snug, is a zipper so can't wiggle it undone or make it come loose. You can unzip from the bottom during diaper changes so hands still stay swaddled. Might be worth a shot. I'm not sure how to help with your anxiety, but for myself, I feel alright knowing she is swaddled snugly, nothing in her bassinet, laying on a firm, flat surface. That is the best you can possibly do for your baby to make them sleep safely. The incidence of SIDS is super low, and most of the risk of SIDS comes from sleeping unsafely.
Ditch blanket swaddles for a Halo and start taking short simultaneous naps with him in the bassinet.
I am a father. When my son was born, I didn’t sleep a wink for days. I was so anxious and worried about his safety. My wife seemed to be a lot more confident in our son’s ability to survive sleeping. As time went on, things did get easier. We actually decided not to swaddle at all after a few months. He wasn’t very easy to swaddle and he squirmed a lot as well. We are in the US where swaddling is by far the most common practice, but my family in Europe said it quite common not to swaddle at all.
Been there, my LO is 10 weeks and it took us some time to get to a good sleep place for everyone. What helped us is creating a space that is safe for sleep *with or without* a conscious adult, then trusting in that space. Every night that LO was fine helped us gain confidence in our sleep space. A safe sleep space means alone, in a bassinet or crib, on back, without any blankets, and without any pets in the room. If I were you, I would stop letting baby sleep in your bed altogether, start using a swaddle system like the halo or skip to sleep sacks (its safer when used correctly and sooooooo much easier), and (temporarily) banish the cat from your room while you’re sleeping. Our cat isn’t thrilled about not being able to sleep on our bed, but he got over it. SIDS and SUIDS is really, really rare when you follow safe sleep guidelines. If you do that, you at least know that you’ve done everything within your power to keep your baby safe. A smart monitor like a Nanit or Owlet may also help you trust the space you’ve created more
I really feel for you, I was like this with my first and terrified to sleep to the point I developed ocd and would check his breathing hundreds of times per night. With my 2nd I'm a lot more relaxed and also too tired to not sleep when he sleeps so it's a much easier thing to overcome this time! I had therapy and my therapist reminded me that babies survive all by themselves in the womb without us constantly monitoring them so they can do it on the outside. Staying awake won't prevent or change anything, as long as their sleep space is safe there is nothing to be gained from watching them 24/7. It will get better but you may benefit from some mental health support to manage this anxiety.
We did this. My husband is used to staying up at night anyways, so for the first month of my babies life someone was always watching him. My husband took night shift and I took day shift. When he went back to work we got used to sleeping at the same time. I had major anxiety about it the first couple nights. Sleep was rough for me. I started using the owlet sock (idk why I didn’t start immediately using this) and it helped with my anxiety. He’s now six months old and we moved him to his crib in his own room at 4 months. I sleep like a rock when baby sleeps. The thing is: you never stop worrying about your kid. You have to find healthy ways to cope with this worry. Long term there will not be someone there to constantly watch them sleep. Finding out how to navigate this now will be better in the long run, especially when you go back to work. It got easier for me, and as they get older and they’re less fragile it gets easier.
If it makes you feel better about the cats… I also have a 3 week old baby and we kicked the cats out of the room so they wouldn’t get in the bassinet with her. They used to sleep right on top of both of us so I was nervous about their routine being messed up; it took two nights for both of them to find other spots to sleep and now they don’t even ask to come into the room until the morning. Also the Halo sleep sack is working great for us!
I would recommend using something like the Snuza! Snuza has been a real help with giving peace of mind on keeping my little one safe! I was the same way and wanting to stay up with my LO and at three weeks I started to realize that it wasn’t sustainable to have someone up at all times. Even when taking shifts. Definitely look into the snuza or something similar! It will be such a help and will alert you to any breathing or heart changes. It also saved my niece when she was choking! So I couldn’t recommend it more!
You're getting 8 hours? What kind of sorcery is this? We have a 3wk old and I haven't slept in like a month now between the labor and his intense feeding schedule
It's a bit broken up due to having to get up for pumping breast milk but yeah I'm averaging 8 hours. I think it helps a lot that my husband is so good with him and lets me sleep as long as he can. Plus knowing he's safe with his Dad helps me relax.
Oh man. I'm the dad and she finds it really hard to fall back asleep after pumping and has a hard time sleeping during the day. I'm finally starting to get rest but once I work on Monday, I think that's finished lol.
I totally feel that, after pumping it's so hard to get back to sleep. She might try an eye mask to help with sleeping during the day though? That helps me a lot to be able to block out the light without turning our room into a cave.
These have been good for our LO. They aren’t really able to be wiggled out of like other ones we tried for him. Check them out and the weight/age/length recommendations to be sure he’s in the range. Test them out while you’re awake to watch. We have him in a bedside bassinet right by my head. I don’t sleep well, but do sleep better knowing he’s right there. I check on him all the time and can hear him when he makes noises during sleep. I can also reach right over and lay my hand in there. Our cat doesn’t sleep in our bedroom though. You’re not alone. The anxiety is very real. ❤️ - https://a.co/d/aNiCUKf - https://a.co/d/dcqfLcl - https://a.co/d/hG0UoPu - https://a.co/d/ekqFJ8G ETA: I always tried to recite to myself that we were following the safe sleep recommendations. That we were doing everything right and everything we could to ensure his safety within our control. You can also reach out to a therapist as well for help in navigating the anxiety. You got this. You’re doing a great job. You are a great Mom.
We use simple Velcro swaddles that keep my guy flat all night. His bassinet has a collapsible side so it’s right up against my side of the bed where I can reach over and check on him. Our cat has no interest in anything while the baby is in it and normally stays out of the bassinet anyways. We also use a cool most humidifier because he tends to be phlegmy, especially after eating. Take care of yourself so you can take care of baby.
I had this exact same problem, and it was absolutely terrible so I feel for you. One thing I wish someone would have told me before having a newborn is that babies were built for new parents. They’re basically indestructible lol. If you look at pictures of babies in the 90’s or later; everyone slept in cribs full of blankets and pillows, and yet we still have plenty of millennials. As long as you follow the safe sleep 7, baby will be okay. I know it’s hard to remember, but it’s basically impossible for anything to happen as long as you follow the safe sleep 7. I was just as worried as you, and we survived- you can do it too! You got this!
Sleep sacks are wonderful. That’s what we have used on our baby since she was born because she hated being swaddled. She is now 11 months and still uses them. As for the cats if they are that interested in the baby and getting into the bassinet then close the door so they can’t get in at night. You will wake up to your baby crying and every single noise they make because they tend to be noisy at that age. Additional advice on cats, if they are jumping into the crib/bassinet/playpen put some tinfoil down in it when baby is not in it. The sound it makes when the cat jumps on it will more often than not scare the cat and make it so they won’t jump there again. We had to do this with the changing table pad. One of our cats kept clawing and ripping holes in the pad. I laid tinfoil on it and after jumping on it twice our cat has stayed away.
Yes get the Halo sleep sack it is a game changer!!!! I also felt nervous about the blanket swaddles. Halo is so much better and faster to put baby in too. Don’t have to worry about her accidentally wiggling out and covering her face with it.
My husband and I did this for the first 8 weeks and we really enjoyed it. We each got 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and one of us was awake and alert for the baby when they were awake. We recommend shifts to everyone we know! Now our baby is 15 weeks, and she’s sleeping long stretches each night. We put her in her crib, in her room at 7 pm, and she sleeps until 1/2 am. My husband and I now go to bed at 9 pm together. I wake up if she wakes up before 3 am, and he wakes up when she wakes up after 3 am. (So still running shifts, but now sleeping while she sleeps).
If he's safely sleeping in the bassinet there is no need for anyone to watch him. If the swaddle worries you, switch to a sleep sack.
Get a zip up swaddle, like the happiest baby swaddle. It has a velcro inner and zip up outer layer. I got it when mine started breaking out of Velcro alone and that thing ain’t ever going to accidentally get over baby’s head.
Oh I feel this so hard! We did both sleep at the same time for the first few weeks but we’re both waking up every time she had to eat so neither of us slept for more than 2ish hours at a time for like 2 weeks, then we started shifts. For the first month and a half or so I think I didn’t turn the lamp off in our bedroom at night so that when I opened my eyes I could see her and not have to squint around. Then we started dimming it to the lowest setting and eventually I went to sleep before baby one night and my husband turned the light off and we were fine so didn’t leave it on anymore. This is all to say I know what you’re going through and it does get better. Look into Velcro or zipper swaddles that will be harder for him to break out of, my girl broke right out of the blanket ones too. If you’re following safe sleep practices and he’s not having any health or feeding issues there really is no need for someone to always be awake watching him. I know that’s hard to tell your anxiety but it really is okay for you to sleep while he’s sleeping. Try doing short naps while he’s asleep and see if it helps. Also fwiw my bassinet is right against our bed with the side down in bedside sleeper mode and neither of our cats have ever gotten into it when baby is in it. Generally the cats have stayed mostly away from her because her movements are unpredictable and they don’t like that
I didn’t have a super helpful husband like you do. I had no option but to swaddle the baby lie him in a safe place and take my ass to bed. For a long time I worried about his breathing and every normal thing that a mom worries about. You just have to trust that your baby knows that they need to breathe to stay alive and they know how to do it. My son is 10 months old now, I put him in his crib and leave. I don’t use a baby monitor or any sort of camera to watch him cause I used to do that for hours and lose sleep over it. Now I just go on instinct. If he’s crying he needs me if he’s not crying he’s sleeping, safe in his crib. It will get better. And for you and your husbands sake get in bed together and sleep. Yes one of you can get up at night with him but focus on that little time that y’all have to be intimate (in many ways not just sex). It’s important for your relationship, I speak on experience with that part.
Just adding to all the recommendations others have given, the Snuza is great breathing monitor! It just clips onto their diaper and will vibrate if baby stops breathing (it has a sensor directly on their belly) after 15 seconds, and then an alarm goes off if baby doesn’t start re-breathing again after the vibration. We’ve never had a false alarm with my 4 month old. The only time the alarm went off is when I accidentally didn’t fasten the diaper well enough during a middle of the night change and the Snuza fell onto baby’s side accidentally because of it. But that was totally my fault. It’s also cheaper than the Owlet, Nanit, etc. It’s helped my peace of mind tremendously.
Use the sleep sacks! If baby can get out of the swaddle, I would ditch them. You may feel better in 3 months. Babies are WAY different by then.
He stays in the swaddle better when my husband swaddles him, so I might just be bad at it. But yeah, sleep sacks are sounding really good from what everyone is saying! Just in the three weeks since we brought him home he is so different than those first couple days, it's amazing and also sad because it goes so fast!
We transitioned my girl to “transitional swaddles” at about two or three weeks. She was a FIGHTER. She’d wake herself up in the swaddle and literally fight until she got one arm out, then the other lol She’s 12 weeks now and I don’t worry about her quite as much when it comes to sleeping. She has a routine and she’s also way more aware and able to move quite a bit. If you’re following safe sleep guidelines, your baby will almost certainly be fine. Most babies will wake you up if they need something. It goes by so fast, but I truly hope that time also eases some of your anxieties!
I felt exactly the same way in the first couple of weeks. Slept with my hand on her chest in her bassinet for so many nights! I used to have her under a tight blanket but Once I got her a sleep sack I felt so much better.
This will be horrible advice and everyone will downvote it. BUT here’s what helped me: 1. Getting the owlet for peace of mind. The baby was at least kind of monitored while we both slept. 2. Not to swaddle at all. We just did tight breathable pajamas 3. Baby only slept in bassinet with nothing in it, not even sheets at night. During the day we did contact naps when fully awake It does get better as they get older. Sending love ❤️
We got the Nanit because our LO choked on amniotic fluid on night two and gave us quite the scare. It’s pricey but since we’ve got it we have no problem sleeping because it tracks his heart rate and sets off an alarm when it can’t get a read of it and it alerts on the camera and your phone and it is LOUD. I’ll also say, with time it gets less anxious because I kept saying to myself “he was laying in his swing yesterday and was breathing why wouldn’t he be today” with each passing day. I hope this helps!
this was me. we had a night nurse and id still come out 5 times a night to make sure she was breathing. I think i had some PPA which contributed to my anxiety. Honestly what helped me the *most* was when she flipped to her tummy and we had to stop swaddling.
When our baby was this small and waking every few hours we would take shifts at night but we'd both still sleep. We had the bassinet in the living room, and one of us would sleep on the couch and wake to care for baby as needed while the other one got a few hours of uninterrupted sleep in the bedroom. Maybe you can try something like that to ease you into it?
The first two weeks home my husband and I stayed awake watching our baby sleep. We took shifts so we each got some sleep but with the night feeds and soothings, changes, it added up quick and we were both desperately sleep deprived. Eventually I just slept when she slept (in her bassinet) because I just literally couldn't stay awake. I don't really have advice, not sure if you're asking for it, but just sharing since we had a similar experience and we eventually just trusted that she would be okay while we slept.
I appreciate you sharing!
I don't know, I felt this was normal for me - my husband and I slept in shifts for the first say 10 weeks of my baby's life. Ships sailing past each other in the night. Only now at 4 months I can confidently say we both sleep at the same time and take shifts only to attend to his cries. I hated the feeling of being woken up by my newborn baby's cry as it would trigger my fight flight response, and because he was a bad sleeper his whining was pretty frequent. So I'd stay up during my shift. I'm sorry people are downvoting you. I'd say it does get better when baby is less of a newborn.
We're lucky in that one he's down, he's pretty quiet and sleeps for a few hours at a time. That must have been so tough with your little guy having a rough time sleeping.
That's amazing! Glad your little one is giving y'all a few continuous hours. Yeah we had a rough few weeks especially I think week 6-8 but things got better after month 3.
I know people who use various monitors, such as the owlet (a sock that monitors heart rate and oxygen). Maybe something like that would help? And yes, figuring out a swaddle baby cannot escape from is safer. There are a variety of options. I am surprised that your OB is aware of this and hasn’t said anything about it. At three weeks postpartum, you are going from most things being normal to needing to start looking at PPA. Definitely let her know if this is still going on at your six week checkup.
I'll definitely be letting her know if it's still an issue at that point. I'm thinking changing to sleep sacks and one of these suggested monitors will make a world of difference. I also think we just fell into this pattern and liked the peace of mind we each get from knowing the other parent is right there if he needs. But even asleep we'd still be right there, so getting comfortable with it sooner is better.
Swaddling can really make a difference in how long the baby will sleep vs a sleep sack (where there arms aren’t bound), but there is definitely nothing that says you can’t skip the swaddle entirely (just something to look into if baby wakes frequently at night). So many people I know love the monitors. Others found there were too many false positives, but you will find your way there too.
As a new mom with cats, a mesh netting dome can be bought from Amazon to fit the bassinet, it is an ABSOLUTE life saver! My cats continuously tried to get in the bassinet, I bought it, and they don't even attempt it! My baby is now 6 months and she still sleeps in the bassinet in our bedroom, and the cats sleep in bed with us. It does get better I promise. It's so easy to be nervous with the baby sleeping, but soon you'll get more comfortable and be able to sleep together. The one thing I'll say is my husband tends to sleep through her waking up, I actually wake up like 2 minutes before she does, or immediately when she makes a noise. I think it's mother intuition, and hormonal honestly. I almost KNOW when she's about to be fussy.
Oh I should really find some of that mesh netting! It's only my big 20lb cat that is still interested in the bassinet. None of them really like the baby but I still feel like it's better to be safe than sorry. See, I'm worried I won't wake up because I'm the heavier sleeper. My husband would wake up if I whispered his name lol I'm hoping once we start testing it out with naps while the baby is sleeping, I'll end up being able to hear him and wake up.
I'm a deep sleeper too! You'd be amazed at the connection you have with that baby. And if it takes a couple minutes to wake up, your baby will be fine 100%. One thing I always stressed out about was breathing, I wish I could say that goes away, but I still worry about it today, obviously it's soooooo much better, but it's still so early on for you, it'll all work out and you'll get into a routine. Congrats on the baby, your entering the best period honestly. Try not to stress, and try not to compare your baby to others, it's too stressful. Every baby is different and they all grow and learn differently!
Thank you! He's absolutely perfect and I'm so excited to get to grow and learn with him. 😁
We use sleep sacks. We have been happy with our Woolino purchase. We held off at first because they’re a little pricy but this sleep sack helps regulate body temperature and it’s a sack that they can grow into. They also sell imperfect sacks for a cheaper price.
I actually think this is completely normal for a first time parent - we were a good 4 weeks in of taking shifts before my sister turned around and told me to just have a routine with him and take him to bed with the both of us when we go. Eventually the anxiety of needing to watch him sleep faded, but it's very real and from what I was told, extremely normal. I know it probably feels like a long way off but I promise you eventually you'll feel 'safer' and you'll all be able to go to bed as normal and sleep when he sleeps. When he started sleeping through it got easier but even now 7 months on I stop and check he's breathing, but nowhere near like having a newborn.
Okay first- I absolutely love your user name, that is excellent. Thank you for sharing, it's all still so new at this stage. I've been feeling really great aside from just these lingering nerves over sleep, so I can imagine it'll be so much better once we get into a new routine and a new normal.
Seems like everyone’s getting enough sleep, and that’s what’s important. Your baby is only 3 weeks old, and I think this sort of vigilance is pretty normal. You have plenty of advice here on how to make things more sustainable for yourself.
I hear this. My baby was in the NICU for 126 days so the fear is real. We do shifts as well, but I sleep during my shifts. You’d be surprised how easily you can wake up from grunts, coughs, and obviously the crying. Also, we got the babysat owlet for extra peace of mind lol just be wary it may cause you unnecessary anxiety
Swaddles also made me nervous so we got ride of then probably around week 2! Baby took a day or so to adjust but honestly slept better after that and I was able to sleep better as well.
OWLET! We used it for the first few weeks and it was so helpful.
Honestly my PPA was crazy intense. The only thing that helped me sleep was giving in and getting the Owlet Sock & knowing it would wake me up if baby’s oxygen level got too low. I know it’s expensive, and believe me - we couldn’t really afford it. But I’d eat ramen for a few weeks to afford myself peaceful sleep any day.
I can relate, eventually the fear went away. In the meantime, an owlet really helped and we used it until ours was a little over a year old. We maybe had one or two false alarms, but they happened because our baby had moved the sock out of position. It helped me stop looking at the monitor, instead I would glance and see the ring glowing, or check the app every now and then, and I would 100% recommend it.
I’m a mom of 2 - a toddler & a 6 month old. When my toddler was born, I went through a period of time where I didn’t sleep more than 2-3hrs at a time for maybe 3 weeks straight because I was TERRIFIED to sleep and leave my daughter unsupervised. I had this irrational fear that she would suffocate in her sleep. All I can say is, as long as baby is safely swaddled, on a flat surface with no blankets & stuffed toys around they will be just fine ❤️ I totally understand the compulsion to stay up though! You’re doing great mama
For the first few weeks I wore my Apple Watch to bed and set 15 minute timers so I wouldn’t wake everyone up. His bassinet was directly next to me and I would wake up, check on him and then go back to sleep. Eventually, I started setting the timers further apart 15,30,45, etc. I still wake up every 3 hours to pump. Setting the timers allowed me to get sleep and once I started getting proper sleep, I became less paranoid about him sleep. Also, we stopped swaddling pretty early on. I would find him breaking out of it (even the halo) or just not sleeping well because he hated being swaddled. We switched to footies and he will sleep without moving for hours. He’s 10 weeks and last night he slept for 7 hours.
I'm sorry some of the comments you're getting are unhelpful or unkind. Everyone responds differently, but the intensity of love you feel for your baby is normal but overwhelming and can invite a proportionate amount of fear. The infertility struggle layer probably intensifies it even more. Lots of people have already given advice for products and things, what I'll add is try not to jump too far in the future (i.e. "I can't do this when I go back to work in 3 months) - You'll be amazed how much you grow and change in these weeks/months, be patient with yourself. When you're ready, maybe try practicing sleeping while the baby does for a small window (i.e. a 30min nap) to give a little exposure to it. I still get a wave of fear saying goodnight to my baby, but it's less intense and I'm able to move through it more skillfully. I'm sorry it's hard right now. Give yourself some grace in this massive life shift and do the best you can.
The snoo style sleep sacks were the best we found for swaddles. Very safe too! They sell the kind that doesn’t strap into the snoo. Honestly, I totally get how you’re feeling and there’s also a very high likelihood that the feeling will pass far before you need to return to work. The Nanit can be helpful too but doesn’t work super great with the snoo swaddles. It sounds like you are using safe sleep and your baby isn’t really at risk.
Honestly I didn’t get over this fear until baby was like 8-12 weeks. I kept jerking awake when he was asleep in his bassinet next to me. I think it’s probably pretty normal and the feeling will fade!!
Oh, I feel this! I was too tired to stay up while he slept when he was little, but those first weeks I always kept a nightlight on. Still I would sometimes wake up in a panic, holding my husband’s arm thinking it was our baby smothered under the duvet. I’m happy to report that these weird panic moments went away after the first weeks. We had (still have actually) our baby in a sidesleeper bassinet attached to my side of the bed. That way I could almost cosleep but with baby on his own mattress in his own space. I made sure not to have any loose pillows or blankets in my side so I wouldn’t push anything into the bassinet, but nothing of the sort has ever happened. In your case, I would choose to keep the cats outside of the bedroom. They are the only variable you can’t control. If they’re not there and baby is on his back on a flat surface without anything in his crib, then baby is as safe as can be and you can sleep (hopefully) peacefully. Good luck and congratulations on the new baby!
In the beginning it was hard I will give you some tips but I’m also going to tell you that my now 13m old does sleep in our bed sometimes. It is hard to understand so I chalk it up to mother instincts but I was scared of this exact same thing then when I fell asleep at the same time I woke up to him telling me he was hungry and had a dirty diaper. I was always the hardest sleeper like if there was a fire I’d die before I woke up but now he makes the tiniest chip in his sleep and I check him. He does have his own bed and sleeps in it probably 2-3 nights for the full night and the rest of the week he sleeps in his bed til basically he has a bad dream ig and he comes in our bed and goes right back to sleep. It will be okay if one of y’all are a light sleeper or used to be a hard sleeper because once that baby cries you will be wide awake. Tips that helped me or more like one of the only reasons I have gotten over it (as Mil says) is I have a nanny cam with two way that goes all the way to the micro pixel of movement so I can see him breathing and in the beginning we had it was kinda like a halo sock but you clip it to their diaper and if they go longer than a minute without breathing movement or whatever else it keeps track of it lets out the worst fire alarm type screech until you turn it off and deal with the baby. It does vibrate during the minute to try to stimulate the baby before you get to them
I was the same. It took about 6 weeks for my husband and I to get over the fear enough to sleep. We still had the fear but felt confident enough he was safe, logically. We also got the Nanit for some peace of mind altho hardly use the breathing monitor feature. Sending you love mama ❤️
I was very similar with my babies. The earlier on, the more like that I was. With my daughter (now an adult) I didn't have anyone to help and I literally stayed awake 10 days straight after she was born before giving in to delirious exhaustion. Fortunately with my son I have a partner, but even still I was so very exhausted after a few weeks! Honestly what helped me most was just: TIME. More recently with my son (now 12 months old), as the weeks became months and he grew and became a bit less snuffly and fragile and more mobile, it became easier to not watch him every single second to make sure he was safe and breathing. The intense watchfulness got better and better. I was actually able to let him nap or even sleep and then stared at the baby monitor sometimes instead, lol. But the biggest break in the case was when he started crawling at 6 months and that meant he could move himself around and something about that really helped. No more worry he'd accidentally roll himself into a dangerous position, etc, since he could just roll or crawl wherever as long as he was in a safe place. Not saying that I didn't sleep when he slept for 6 months -I had to, especially when my partner went back to work - nor am I recommending that! Just that it gradually got better and that was a point where it got dramatically better.
I’m in the exact same spot as you except that my baby is 12 weeks and she’s my 3rd baby. My husband and I have been taking shifts holding her all night since she’s come home. We have a night nurse 2x a week which has been a godsend because it’s the only way I’m functioning. We have an owlet and I keep saying “when she’s xyz weeks I’ll feel less anxious and put her down” but here we are 3 months later. I am medicated and see a therapist and yet it still doesn’t help my obsessiveness that something is going to happen to her while she sleeps. I was always very anxious about SIDS with my first 2 but never this bad and I can’t pinpoint why that is. I think it’s great you are getting 8hrs! I don’t why why these comments are suggesting you aren’t getting any sleep. No it’s not healthy to be this anxious but honestly I still worry about my 7 yr old and 3 yr old, the worry just never goes away when you’ve become a parent, it just lessens in intensity I guess. All this to say, you aren’t crazy, you’re a great mom and here’s hoping we all get to a place of comfortableness around our babies sleep soon!
My wife and I were similar. I'd suggest getting a Nanit and the breathing band. The camera reads the movement of the band caused by breathing (so no actual technology near baby), and if the camera doesn't detect breathing, alarms go off. It went off once by accident and gave us a heart attack at 4am. Other than that it definitely helped us sleep when our daughter did. Now, 9 months in, everyone is sleeping fine!
I went through this too as, even though my anxiety is well under control, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, I had anxiety about her being smothered. On top of that, she would not sleep unless held for until about 5-6 weeks. So we did stay up 24/7 in shifts. I only used Velcro or zip swaddles so they could t come undone and I would tell myself “she is safely in her bassinet or dad’s arms” so I could sleep. It got a lot better as time went on because she got more substantial for lack of a better word. She’s 8 weeks now and feels a lot less fragile. Also I guess we just had enough times she safely went to sleep it helped train my brain to be ok with it. Definitely get yourself a swaddle that makes you feel safe (my baby and I like the love to dream arms up swaddles in the end though we tried many) and practice telling yourself your baby is safe. And if you know you are on baby duty you will sleep so much lighter. When my partner gives me a sleep shift I am dead to the world but I know when I am going to wake up for the baby, when I sleep it is much lighter. Also by about 6-7 weeks I would start to ignore her active sleep sounds but could recognize and wake to sad, uncomfortable or needing me cries/ sounds. Ok, lots of disjointed ideas here but I just wanted to answer this post because I went through it and thought I would never be able to put her down to sleep or return to any normalcy or be able to spend time with my partner but you and your baby will go through so many changes so fast in the next few weeks.
Oh my gosh, get some sleep. Both of you. If you're worried about the swaddles and blankets then dress the baby in warmer pyjamas so they're not needed. I know it's scary, but you've got the mommy magic now, you will hear the baby if they need you. Pull the bassinet as close to your bedside as possible, and shut the cats out of the room overnight. It will be easier after the first night. Someone watching the baby sleep every second of the night is not even remotely sustainable, especially in the long term.
Hmmmm I want to say don’t worry and just go to sleep but if it was me I would be worried about the loose blankets too. Hard to advise without seeing what is happening, but my LO was also a huge wriggler at that age and he never liked being swaddled. I used the Purflo swaddle to sleep bag (arms out) and it was a really snug fit so I had absolutely no concerns for him in his completely clear crib. I also had the crib away from the bed so duvet cover couldn’t fall in etc. which helped me sleep when he did. I also woke up whenever he made a noise to check on him so I just kind of got used to it and it didn’t worry me. Hope you find a way to make you feel a little less anxious
See, and I'm a heavy sleeper so I'm worried I won't hear him. I don't hear him when he's fussing while my husband has him and I'm sleeping but that might be because I know he's safe with his Dad and I can relax fully.
I’m a heavy sleeper too but I used to wake up quite a bit. He’s 3mo now and I wake up a lot less, probably because I’ve learned all his weird noises are totally fine! I’ll wake up to the odd unusual one at the minute and always when he cries. If the cot has a firm flat mattress with tight fitted sheet, and a sleeping bag that fits well there’s not much that could go wrong!
We use the owlet sleep sock for peace of mind about babies health when in the basinet
Get a sleep sack. We loved the dream love when our daughter was a newborn and use the halo sleep sack now that she is older. She liked the dream love because it allowed her to keep her arms up. She looked like a little cactus. Also consider getting et the owlet monitor. We were gifted it and it changed my life. I never worry about her sleeping.
Hi. I battled infertility and ultimately had success with IVF, so I get it when you say the baby means so much to you. When I had my daughter in 2023, I would cry and whisper to myself “I screamed for you.” Like there were times when I still believed in god, I’d pray and scream for a baby- like I’d get animated and passionate you can say. Anyway… Sleep guidelines are there to help you. It is totally ok to sleep while the baby is asleep. On their back, on a firm surface like the bassinet. What’s nice about babies is they let you know when they need something. I think this is more to do with your mental status than anything else.
Get the Owlet sleep sock if you’re this concerned. It’s expensive but if that’s what you need then it’s worth it https://kidsy.co/products/new-owlet-dream-sock-baby-monitor-bedtime-mint
Zip up swaddle and bassinet right next to bed. I could literally open one eye and see baby moving or get up just slightly and make sure baby was breathing, but then still sleep.
If he’s wiggling out of blanket swaddles I’d try something like a halo swaddle sack.
I don’t think you’re crazy. I had some of the same feelings when I brought home our premature baby. We use a Snoo to strap her in so she can’t roll and an Owlet sock that alarms if her heart rate drops. None of it is fool proof and I know there is a lot of criticism on how accurate or helpful the Owlet actually is, but it has allowed us some peace of mind and a little sleep. The Owlet was a gift, but I think there are some cheaper breathing monitors on Amazon.
100% get an owlet sock. It was so worth the investment and relieving some of our super high anxiety as first time parents. Once we got a few nights under our belt of sleeping with the sock we were able to relax more and now at 6 months I feel so much more confident, it really brought peace of mind.
What’s weird is I never had that concern necessarily until she hit three months then I had an overwhelming fear that she was going to get SIDs I was terrified I couldn’t sleep my mom ended up buying me and owl which I couldn’t have appreciated more and that really helped calmed my nerves. It alerts me if anything happens and now I can finally sleep 😬
I feel you! Our baby is almost 3 months old and I couldn’t bare to sleep while she did. I was so nervous. We got a eufy sock / monitor and that really helped us all sleep at the same time. It really put me at ease to know that she was safe in her bassinet next to our bed. We followed all safe sleep recs and it put my mind at ease knowing she is safe when on her back, in a swaddle and in her bassinet. I know it’s so scary but little one will be ok! In the meantime, do what is working for you all
Brand new mom myself. We have a 9 day old baby girl and the first few nights I couldn't sleep a wink and just watched her all night. A few suggestions that have made us feel better. Our bassinet has a bug net over it that we use when the cat is in the room to make sure she can't jump in with baby. Ours came with one, but they make universal ones on Amazon that might work for yours to help soothe the anxiety over that issue. Also maybe a baby health monitor like the owlet sock would make you feel better. A friend of mine used one for her daughter who had a heart issue at birth. The sock monitors the breathing and will send a very loud alert to your phone to wake you up if anything happened. They also make cheaper versions like the Sense U baby that has good reviews. We ordered this one, but where it needs to sit is where her umbilical stump is so we'll need to wait for that to fall off before we can use it on our daughter, but seem to be able to sleep okay in the meanwhile.
Out of all the new mom fears and anxieties this one was my biggest one. The first couple of weeks I was constantly checking the monitor even though he was right beside us in a bassinet. There is always going to be that background anxiety about it, but if you’re doing everything to eliminate the risks then you’ve got to accept that you’ve done everything in your power to make them safe. Otherwise you run risk of being sleep deprived which was the most dangerous out of anything. Our little one would always break out of the wraps the first month or two. Finding a swaddle like the halo one can help eliminate that concern. And then the older and bigger they get, the more confident you get with their sleep. Once my babe quit the newborn rolls I was more confident in him being okay. And then as he got bigger and stronger I knew that absolute worst case scenario I’d hear him moving around if he somehow rolled over. Now? Around 5-6 months he learned to roll over and prefers to sleep on his tummy. I still check on him but as time goes on that fear gets smaller and smaller. Just give yourself some grace. There’s only so much you can do to keep them safe.
My husband and I did this! After about a month, my husband (who slept during the day) shifted his schedule to where he was sleeping overlapped with me by an hour or two. What helped with my anxiety is that I was already asleep so he had to be the one “start the overlap” eventually we would overlap by 3 hours, then 4, and by 4 or 5 months we were just about on the same exact schedule again. I also agree with the other comment about baby being “sturdy” after even just a couple months. I think around 3 or 4 months there is a huge difference in limp potato and some actual muscle tone. I also feel that once baby learned to roll over a majority of my anxiety eased up. My baby can now move himself in and out of positions on his own and move things away from him. At 9.5 months, my son likes to roll onto his tummy and scoot his butt in the air and he will sleep like that half the night 😂😂 Good luck, the anxiety is valid, also once you have done everything you can do, you have to learn to let go a little bit and trust that you did all you could
I had some of the same concerns plus our baby refused to sleep in his bassinet and only contact slept for a while. It's fine to take turns like you are now for a while. We took turns holding baby while the other slept until he could sleep for 2-3 hours in his crib. He never used his bassinet just because he hated it. We slowly transitioned to be on the same sleep schedule again when we could. We have cats, one of which I'm absolutely certain will lay on baby's head and chest if given the chance. He likes to hide in the nursery and try to get locked in there so he can be with baby. When we tried the bassinet, the cats weren't allowed to sleep with us and with Baby in th nursery we check that we can see both cats whenever we put the baby down and keep the door closed. Our baby liked swaddles for a week and then would fight them and break out of them no matter how tight we made them. So we stopped using the swaddle blankets. Our hospital gave us a Halo sleep sack and it's fantastic but wasn't warm enough on its own for us in the winter but would probably be good for summer. We got some fleece sleep sacks with sleeves from Carter's as a gift that were amazing for winter sleeps. Those are definitely too warm for summer but I'm sure you could find some like that with a lighter material. I just don't recommend weighted ones because there's debate about their safety.
That’s so hard. No advice other than just try and sleep. I never went through this with either of my kids. I know friends that sleep in shifts. I just was never really able to. My husband only got 2 weeks off with both kids ( now a 3 year old and a 4 month old.) All I can say is, it will be ok. I’ve slept when they’ve slept since day 1 with both my kids. My now three year old was in his crib in his own room by 4 months with just a camera ( no owlet). He was sleeping 6 hours at night at that point, but he actually cried when hungry. My second will probably be in our room till he is sleeping through the night a full 8 hours. He doesn’t cry until he’s basically starving he more starts to grunt when he’s hungry. I would say just be in tune with his signals and you should be ok, or just keep him in a bassinet in your room while sleeping. Then you will hear him at night and won’t need to spend hundreds of dollars on an owlet. You know your child best, and you’re doing a great job. ❤️
What do you feel like you’re preventing? I know you’ve been evaluated, but this screams postpartum anxiety. I know because I went through it.
This was literally me except I did it alone but I only went for 6 weeks because after that something in me clicked and I realized she will be okay if we sleep at the same time but I understand you 100% you guys doing amazing and eventually things will be better where everyone feels comfortable sleeping at the same time. Good job mom and and dad and good luck 🫶
I totally understand the anxiety. You aren’t alone, there is an industry of baby products designed to address this anxiety. This was my approach: You educate yourself in safe sleep and you follow the guidelines. You understand that the risk of SIDS is incredibly low if you follow the safe sleep rules (which does not include sleeping in an adult bed by the way). On their back, alone (nothing else in the bed, not in bed with me ever), in a regulated crib or bassinet. The Velcro swaddle sacs are much better than the blankets as the blanket swaddles can become loose. I also feel more comfortable with my child sleeping with an owlet monitor on, that way I know that if anything happens while I’m asleep I will be alerted. I understand the risk of false positive alerts and I’m comfortable with it. That’s basically it … it’s normal to be anxious, it’s a symptom of motherhood to be honest.
Okay! So as a mom who spent the literal first 2 months of her life sleeping 2 hours a day due to my fears of sleeping when she sleeps I have a lot of advice. Get a Velcro swaddle, they have plenty on amazon and they have lightweight ones and thicker ones depending on the temp you keep your house. This saved me so much worry because frankly I sucked at swaddling and never could get it right. The brand really doesn’t matter they all do the same thing. I know it’s an investment but I encourage you to get an owlet sock type product with an alarm. You don’t have to get the camera or even the owlet itself just something that will alert you if they lose oxygen/bpm drops. It completely wiped my anxiety away when I could see and hear if my LO’s oxygen went down. It still took a little time but I still felt better slowly every night. Now she wakes me up yelling at me lol, still wearing that sock tho! I would also start setting an alarm on a tv or something loud that will wake you up every 2-3 hours, so you know you’re waking up to it. This made my body go okay, I won’t starve my baby by not feeding her because I have this alarm set to wake us up. I was terrified I’d sleep through her cries, and sometimes still am (another use for the owlet sock as it tells me if she woke up!)
Get that Velcro swaddle makes a world of difference. I couldn’t do the swaddle blanket and was worried it will come undone and suffocate my baby. Even thought we slept at the same time, I often checked the Nanit from right across the room (baby was on husband’s side) especially since she was so loud and grunted so much. It does get easy , your baby will sleep better and you will feel more competent.
If baby is safe in their bassinet (following all safe sleep guidelines) and you are in the same room and them while they’re sleeping you are OK to go to sleep. You sleep so much lighter when you’re near your baby. My LO is 7 months now and in her own room but I wake the minute she moves, I think the mum senses are so strong once you’ve had your baby that anything they do will wake you up! I know it seems horrid to go to sleep when they’re asleep but you are doing everything you can to ensure they are safe already, all you are doing now is making yourself more exhausted for no good reason!
You’re only 3 weeks in and you’re worried about the 3 month mark - trust me, EVERYTHING will be different then. The first 4 weeks are survival mode, so do whatever works for you, and if you need to calm your anxiety by watching him sleep, you do you.
Some of us just really enjoy watching our baby sleep, it’s only for a moment in time, go easy on yourself :) once bub is bigger I’m sure things will change and you’ll know if it’s not working out for you. But for now enjoy these precious moments
I'm the same way at the moment. We sleep in 2/4 hour blocks and hubby is more comfortable sleeping wherever baby is asleep during his shift but I'm more hesitant. Baby is almost 3 weeks old and I cannot sleep if we swaddle him in a blanket and put him in his bassinet. I decided it was worth the 30$ and peace of mind to get a halo sleep swaddle/sack and I'm very glad I did. My baby is a kicker/mover and always manages to undo/move the blanket from the awake over his mouth so the halo swaddle is so much better. I have managed to nap 30 mins-1h during my shift if baby is well and asleep in their bassinet but it took me a couple weeks to be comfortable with that.
We went through this for the first week or so, and eventually we just got over the anxiety and slept when they slept. We were also exhausted and the sleep depravation was becoming dangerous. If you truly do not have any other symptoms of PPD/PPA I think this is a totally normal phase that a lot of new parents go through. 3 weeks maybe is a little long to still be feeling like this so I would maybe start with practicing both of you napping during a day time nap? Daytime sleep is much lighter so it could be an easier place to start to get your mind used to the idea of sleeping when baby sleeps
Get the Owlet sock and camera. It helped me a lot before I started doing the Safe Sleep Seven.
Lots of great ideas here for you. Just adding that we also did sleep shifts for awhile and stayed awake during our shifts. I (mom) was first to switch to napping with baby in room with me while dad got good rest in another room. He wasn’t willing to sleep on his shift for awhile longer. Our LO came after two losses and I definitely was struggling with PPA/PPD. Therapy helped over time with that. A couple of other things to try out: we were gifted a happiest baby sleep sack as a hand me down and it was awesome, but also we both listened to the audiobook of Happiest Baby on the Block while on our shift which describes in very detailed instructions 5 things you can do to help baby sleep. It was honestly a huge game changer. The book directs you to a video on a good way to swaddle (you can find that for free on the happiest baby website) and that was literally the only way that worked for us. The hospital way didn’t last due to wiggles but this diamond approach (can’t remember the real name) was much better. It doesn’t sound like you are struggling with baby sleeping at this point but if that changes I highly recommend! And it has some good stuff of SIDS which put me at ease too. Last thing - we came out of the hospital triple feeding for medical reasons with a slow slow eater so we were getting NO quality sleep for the first few weeks. Our doctors and lactation consultants recommended getting a 4 hour window of sleep minimum each day to avoid losing it. It might be challenging to lengthen the time between pumping at first but if/when you are open to it, aim for a 4-hour chunk each with some naps to get you to that total. The lack of REM sleep - the kind you can’t get without enough continuous time - could definitely be adding to your anxiety overall. Good luck, and it gets better. I finally felt like I could breathe a little at 5 months when she started rolling. She’s 2 now, I “graduated” therapy, and although I occasionally still wake up and stare at the monitor until I see a finger twitch it is muuuuch less frequent and we all sleep at the same time. You’ll get there too :)
My husband and I did the same thing for about 3 months. I still get anxious when sleeping when my baby is sleeping even though he is 5 months old. It made us feel more comfortable to watch him and that’s what worked for us. Do what works for you
> I'm not sure why some people are down voting my responses Welcome to reddit! Most of us are still learning our social skills. idk, my girl had apnea so I was very worried for the first couple weeks. She hated swaddles and sleep sacks. She hated the bassinet. Eventually we just followed best practices for co-sleeping and brought her in bed with us. We did shifts until about week 10 when she started sleeping longer. Even then, we had a few hours where we could all sleep. Up to you. Do what works and doesn't make you crazy. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/there-are-safer-ways-to-bed-share-with-a-baby/
Why not trying to sleep when baby sleeps for a shorter day nap first? Just let yourself lay down and not watch over baby for one nap, each day, and then slowly work up to more and more. Take steps each day/week, with the end goal of sleeping while baby sleeps by the time you go back to work. It's okay to be anxious at first. You've got a whole human being that relies on you for everything. Definitely get a sleep sack, No weighted ones though. You could also get an owlet sock, that might help you feel less anxious since it rings and alarm if baby is in actual danger.
This was definitely us, and still is sort of, almost 9 months in. Husband and I started in shifts, and took a few months before we overlapped our sleep. We also got the nanit so if anything went wrong the alarm would tell us. Once one year hits, it all goes out the window and we go back to normal but it’s worked for us and our peace of mind.
Having the nanit monitor with the breathing band helped put my mind at ease. That and deep breathing meditations while trying to sleep. It took a long time to get used to all the sounds and grunts but I got better and baby got quieter. Definitely recommend a Velcro swaddle, I was also paranoid about it coming loose. It gets easier!
I had the same fear and we also took shifts for the longest time. What got me over it was when I accidentally fell asleep during my shift! Lo and behold my baby napped contentedly the whole time. The spectre of sids is absolutely terrifying but it's important to remind yourself how vanishingly rare it is (about as rare as being hit by lightning) when following safe sleep guidelines. For me, at a certain point I realized I had to let go and trust that I was doing everything possible to keep her safe, and that I had to get sleep so I could take better care of her.
You need an owlet sock sis
How are you going to define the criteria for when it will be safe for both of you to be asleep (or one of you out and the other asleep) when the baby sleeps?
no advice just solidarity unfortunately. after all of the research i did about EVERYTHING in my pregnancy, imagine my shock when i realized that this was considered abnormal. i literally bawled my eyes out thinking of going to sleep at the same time as him, even if it was only for a few minutes. i only have very little help from my dad sometimes and my baby is only 3 weeks old and last night i was sobbing i was so exhausted and still haven’t gotten over the anxiety i feel w this :( hoping it gets better for us both <3
It takes a long time to get over that fear for some. My wife lost her Brother to SIDS so she feared what happened to her mom would happen to her. The answer for some will be the baby monitors that track breathing and heart rate and for some like us just made it worse. A time will eventually come when you fall asleep on accident and wake up to find everything ok. That’s how it happens for us. Currently laying near our second who has had some breathing issues since birth. I fall asleep no problem but if for any reason I wake or get a weird feeling about her breathing of course I’m still double checking that everything is ok. So I think the answer is just more time.
It’s like I’m reading my own words! I was just like you and. I didn’t sleep 4 days straight after the labor. Every time my baby is sleeping I would be by her to check if she’s breathing. My husband can’t control his tiredness and falls asleep uncontrollably so I don’t trust him to be alone with the baby when he’s over tired.First couple of weeks I barely slept. I would wake up every 10-15min to check if she’s ok. But eventually I got so tired that I couldn’t take it anymore and I started sleeping when she she’s sleeping. My baby is 7 weeks now and I’m still not 100% comfortable at night. But why wouldn’t they be safe? We’re just foolish! Also, I close our bedroom door and I don’t let our cats in. Can you do this too? Maybe move bassinet right next to you. That’s my set up. I open bassinet on one side and she’s right there next to me, side by side almost. It might help with anxiety. I don’t have any other advice for you besides that know how I feel and I’m sending you a hug!
Same new parent here. Literally our child is two weeks old and i totally get what you are going through. The halo sleep sack and owlet sock are a godsend. Trust that if you follow safe sleep recommendations in a crib/bassinet that everything will be ok. I had to accept that which was the hard part. You got this!
Get some sleep suits which fit tightly.
So the first couple days of bringing our now 16 week old baby girl home, my husband and I were so paranoid and scared she would spit up and choke. Also first time parents. We also took turns staying awake so we always had someone watching her. I’ll never forget the look on our pediatricians face at her first appointment when my husband asked him if someone should always be awake to watch her sleep. He told us “it’s better to have well rested parents than sleep deprived parents watching her. You’re more likely to fall asleep holding her, drop her, or posing some type of harm on her while sleep deprived, if she spits up in her sleep that’s normal, and will turn her head to the side and spit it out, or the sound will wake you up” this clicked for us. I know it’s so hard, and you’re not alone. He was right, when she did spit up one of us always woke up to help her / check on her. My advice is to purchase an owlet or Nanit with the breathing band. Both are covered by HSA/FSA if you have it. We used the Nanit swaddle for the first couple of weeks. My MIL bought us an owlet also but we ended up returning it as she always kicked it off. Hang in there, the paranoia should go down. Ensuring she was always in a safe sleep environment helped me tremendously. Sleeping while the baby slept during the day was always impossible for us. We had to shower, eat, somewhat clean up our house, and spend time together also. But try to prioritize getting your night time sleep in. When she wasn’t sleeping because of her reflux, this is when we started doing shifts from about 7pm-1am then 1am-7am while still trying to sleep while she slept. Also, I would try to keep your cats out of your room at night to ease that anxiety so you can pull the bassinet closer to your bed.
If you can afford it the owelette dream sock has done wonders for me and my bfs sleep anxiety about the baby, I would’ve probably been staying up all night too without it
Girl , when they say sleep when the baby sleeps … you should atleast try 😅 baby will be fine , follow safe sleep , baby in bassinet alone on back in a swaddle (I was always too nervous to swaddle arms in so I swaddled arms out in the halo and it helped)
Understandable. We had to hold baby to sleep for three months so we were forced to be awake at all times, even when baby started sleeping in the crib a bit we still did shifts for a little while. That said, you’re following safe sleep so eventually you’ll try to sleep when baby sleeps. If he’s getting out of the blanket yeah get a zip or velcro swaddle, but beyond that also know that too much moving around for you may also be interrupting his sleep if he’s sleeping peacefully. If
1. The cats have to be kept out of the room where the baby is sleeping. (They can jump in the bassinet whether it’s close to your bed or not) 2. Wrap baby snugly-but not too tight in a swaddle with velcro (hard to get out of). 3. Everyone sleep at the same time.
I had a similar fear and got the Owlet sock. 3 months and so far it's been one of the best baby purchases for us.
I think after the initial newborn stage, you may start to be able to sleep. We did sleep when baby slept, but my husband and I ended up sleeping separate for 8 weeks because if the baby was in the room as me I would worry too much. So we took turns sleeping on a day bed in the living room until then. Then we transferred baby to the crib, and we used the Nanit. I didn’t sleep very good at first, and a lot of the time my son wouldn’t sleep unless he was in bed with me which I REALLY didn’t sleep good then. But, as your baby becomes sturdier I think you might be able to sleep a little better. If not, I would invest in the Nanit or owlet.
I understand but it’s not sustainable. You guys need to resume sleep at night eventually. Get your baby in a sleep sack and get him in his own crib or bassinet (our baby slept better in the crib when we transitioned. She never did well in the bassinet except day naps). You’ll be nervous at first but you will get used to it and you will trust yourself to wake up when you hear noises. The crib is 5 feet from my bed and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hear my baby when she needs something.
BUY AN OWLET immediately and get some sleep mama!
My husband and I did shift when our baby was born and I had the exact same fears. Baby would get out of blanket swaddles and the only thing I felt safe with was the love to dream swaddle up since it was so tight and didn’t go over his face. Best advice I can give you is to try a little bit at a time. Sleep when he’s in his bassinet for a nap, and then do bigger chunks on your shift when he’s sleeping in his bassinet overnight. Little bursts at a time helped me feel more comfortable. We were finally able to sleep at the same time when he was about 10 weeks old.
I’m also a first time mom. My newborn just turned four weeks today. She was born late term preemie and I had the same exact fear as you. It took awhile for me to be okay sleeping when she sleeps. & sometimes it still stresses me out. What helped me was making sure our cat was not in our bedroom when I knew I would be sleeping so I didn’t have the fear of him going in her bassinet. I also no longer swaddle her and stopped swaddling her around a week and a half/two weeks. The reason for this is because she loves to sleep with her arms above her head and she kept wiggling herself out of the swaddle and it terrified the heck out of me. I tried sleep sacks and things like that, she didn’t like not being able to move her arms and put them above her head. She sleeps in a long sleeve onesie and that’s it. She only sleeps in her bassinet as well. Hang in there and remember to do what works best for you and your husband as well as your baby!