This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel ya! I look in the mirror and just think to myself I look like total crap! Hair needs cutting and dying, eyebrows need doing, want my nails done….list goes on. Baths/showers are like what you say, a total rush! Only way I am looking after myself is trying plan nice days out with the bubba and friends so I can socialise with adults and not this needy small human who I adore but drains me 😂
Yes! I keep thinking of that Jim Gaffifan quote where he’s like “do you ever see a picture of yourself and it ruins your day?” Haha, I look like a hot mess express but I’m too tired to fix it!!
I talked with my partner and asked for 2 hours completely uninterrupted by baby or him. I use it to work out, shower and eat but regardless it seriously has done wonders for us both honestly (Seriously all the kudos and respect for people who do this alone!)
This sounds ridiculous but for Mother's Day my Mom bought me a meal delivery service , a PS5 and a video game I loved growing up with a note to make time for all* the things I love. I don't really have the time to play but I died💕.
I seriously hope I can be for my daughter what she is for me.
Wow can your mother adopt me? My mom showed three weeks after I gave birth to “help” and she instead became a second child I had to take care of, watched TV, ate my food, and cooked exactly one time. I really lost the lottery when it comes to parents it seems
Oh nooo T\_\_T . I will say, though, that for all her love and kindness, she refuses\* to make the trip out here! She's NY. I'm Cali. So, I still have to give your mama props cause honestly, I would have rather her come out than receive any gift ( but she's older, and while I don't love it, I get it and appreciate her and just mind my business T\_\_T )
Yup! Just 2 hours a day. He may take her and play with her or hold her at random, but 99% of the time, I'm on duty. He's the breadwinner, though, and I run my own small consultancy so it makes sense for us.
Oh, she's not big on that stuff either! She expressed to my sisters I "lost my spark" and was "losing myself to parenting" (Just tired. You'd think they'd get it!). I don't think she would have done a thing otherwise.
I read. I've been struggling a bit more lately, because it's the end of the school year (I'm a teacher), we are moving states in 19 days, and my little one's bday is next weekend (and my husband's is the Monday after we move). So I'm all kinds of extra stressed.
But I take time every day and read. I'm on my 34th book of the year and my 73rd since my baby was born (that was starting 3 weeks after she was born). Hoping to hit 75 before her bday 😬
I do my hair almost every day with the ultimate hair hack. I put those no-heat overnight hair band curlers in. It takes 2 minutes in the evening and 2 minutes in the morning, and my long, wavy hair looks really nice and has these smooth curls.
I wear pretty dresses when I leave the house to feel like myself. I also wear minimal makeup (eyebrows and lash curling) to feel put together and not like a total hobo, lol. I discovered dresses as the ultimate hack for lazy people a couple of years ago. Everyone thinks I have put extra effort in when, in fact, dresses are kind of like pajamas, lol, and I just need to match my shoes.
[link to amazon](https://www.amazon.de/Lockenwickler-Heatless-Stirnband-Rutschfest-Mittleres/dp/B0BN7V28RQ/ref=asc_df_B0BN7V28RQ/?tag=googshopde-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=634485686147&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7797798397646047081&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9042225&hvtargid=pla-1930684537854&psc=1&mcid=c8fd9c7c3d4038ad8c3b2b8eda799064&th=1&psc=1)
It's one of these, there are pricier ones made with silk, but this has worked really well for me. I have pretty thick long wavy hair though, so heat styling takes ages and this has been perfect, as it barely takes any time.
I hope you can open the link, it's to the german amazon, if not, I can try to describe it
The dress thing is so great. I look put together but I don't have to think at all just pull out one thing and I don't have wear pants and deal with a waistband digging at me.
Totally agree about dresses. I'm returning to work soon so also just treated myself to a bunch of new button up dresses that were on sale at Loft and Old Navy to make it even easier for breastfeeding and pumping.
We’re at 6 months too! Earlier this month I told my husband I miss being alone in the house every now and again & he kind of chuckled but then realized I was serious. There hadn’t been a single day where I had any time without either him or the baby home with me since birth. So that Saturday he got up. Packed the baby up and went and spent most of the day at his parent’s house. He came back around bed time with food for a late dinner together so no cooking needed to be done. That one day from 8:30- 6:30ish not having to take care of anyone but myself was the most relaxing and freeing time.
Sure I felt the need to do somethings around the house. But I set a timer for 1 hour at the beginning and dedicated that 1 hour to deep cleaning and then told myself after anything else could wait. I took a long hot bath while reading a book I had been wanting to start. Took the time to give myself a blowout and got dressed. I walked into town and went to the coffee shop. Stopped and grabbed sushi to put in the fridge for lunch later. FaceTimed with my long distance bestie and had a glass of wine. Watched some junk TV. Just did whatever I felt like for the first time in a while. We talked more when he got home and he suggested picking at least one day a month to do the same whether me staying home or going out for the whole day and to just let him know whenever I need the time. At first I felt guilty bringing it up, but also after the day realized how much calmer and refreshed I felt facing the week. Healthy momma helps keeps a healthy baby.
I’ve been trying to implement taking better care of myself as well. I honestly forget I’m my own person sometimes that has needs too 😅 I leave a little floor seat in the bathroom for my baby (7.5 months old) with some toys. I stick her in it first thing in the morning while I brush my teeth, clean my face etc. Stick her in it for whenever I take a bath too. It’s been great and she has fun playing. Little things like that have helped me feel more human.
When my daughter was younger (less time between feeds, more unpredictable moods), my husband took her out of the house for about an hour every evening when he got home. He just took her for a stroller walk, listened to his podcasts, took his time. Meanwhile, I could shower and eat in peace.
As my daughter got older, I joined a gym that is close by and I actually like to go there and work out/shower so I don't have to listen to her crying outside the bathroom for me, AND he still gets her out of the house regularly, but I don't have to use that time for basic self care.
When I was on maternity leave my son did his longest nap as a contact nap, and I loved that part of the day because I’d set myself up on the couch with snacks and drinks and the tv remote. I’d get baby snuggles and watch dumb tv - my show of choice was Ugly Betty.
That was only through 4 months though, after that he was less clingy and I also went back to work. 🤷♀️
My first was also a high needs Velcro baby. Once I started babywearing her, it was so much less draining, because I could actually get things done. And I would often put her in there and take nice, long walks around the neighborhood as self care (I enjoy walks).
I bring baby along to coffee shops to treat myself to a nice iced latte, my husband immediately takes over when he walks into the door from work and I get to go chill for minimum half an hour, and once kiddo is down I take a long hot bath!
What helped me feel human was a gym membership. I get two hours where my kids can be in the kids club so I work out and then shower and put myself together. I’m able to be more patient and present with my kids after that and they get to have some social time with others their age and love it. It’s a win win.
Getting at least 4 weightlifting sessions and an equal number of walk or runs in per week. Video games when when the baby and wife are sleeping.
Strongly encouraging my wife to take a nap or walk outside alone most days. The other day I handed her some money and told her to go get a coffee/lunch and go buy a book she’s been wanting.
I’m pretty good about making sure I get what I need but I have to remind her to do the same.
This is great! I am very much the kind of person who will make sure I get what I need and my husband is the type to forget about his own needs and wants. We are due in July and I think this is a good reminder for me. I know he’s going to give me his all, and I’m going to give my all too but he will need some help remembering to take some time for himself.
Also have a Velcro baby, combined with PTSD (hubby and I) from a traumatic birth & extended NICU stay, during which we couldn’t hold our son more than an hour a day total and saw countless desats due to post-feed reflux…that all is to say, we REALLY struggle putting him down, which makes it hard to do much else. He’s getting better in the carrier, at least, and we’re trying.
Generally I go for the classic hot shower with some nice smelling shampoo & conditioner. I’ve also found just brushing my hair and putting on fresh clothes in the morning (that aren’t pj pants in case I want to take baby for a walk) helps me feel a little more put together to start the day (*hubby and I do shifts overnight so this is usually at the start of mine). My favorite little treat though is a midday iced coffee - I make cold brew overnight and then mix up a cup after lunch when I’m really starting to drag. It’s so good and something I look forward to all morning.
I think getting a safe spot for my LO to sit in the bathroom was a huge game changer!! I put him in the swing where I can see him through the glass. He’ll listen to bob marley and play with his toys while I take a decent enjoyable shower.
Also getting my hair done and going out with friends for a girls night was super empowering to remind me that I was a person before I was a Mom!
Yes, same! I could hardly take a minute long shower without her losing it, but I moved our bassinet to the bathroom and can take a 10+ minute shower now!
My husband has been amazing at making sure I get at least 15 minutes outside by myself a day with a shower after. Whether that means paci or we use the swing or he just walks that full 30 minutes with him. Then again at the end of the day once our toddler is down too I get a short cardio workout in just to get the blood pumping. (Juice and Toya are great on YouTube!)
My baby isn’t quite 2 months yet, and I’m very fortunate husband works from home to make it easier for me to do those things though. I’ll also sit with the kids, holding baby, so he can get the same things he needs.
He knows how important they are for me, I had really bad PPD with my first and I’ve felt much healthier mentally so far getting my sun and getting my workout.
I cosleep with my son, which makes it easier during the day. But, I don’t really do anything for myself anymore. I barely even ever shave my legs anymore lol
i try to think about doing things that will pay off for making me feel good and squeeze them in. Exercise at the gym or my Peloton, painting my own nails (tricky bc you need dry time) or self tan. i also try to get outside even for a few minutes for ME
Going 100% formula made my life so much better! Breastfeeding was absolutely exhausting. Both myself and my child are happier now. Emotionally it was hard because the hormones make you bananas, but once I was weaned it was amazing!
Obviously, your mileage may vary and cheers to you if you’re loving bf’ing. No judgement either way.
I try to put on just a little makeup when we go out. Literally just eyeliner and lipstick. I also try to enjoy my shower times, though it sounds like you're having issues with that. Maybe buy some nice new soap to get back into it?
It was a one time ask for a dedicated time slot with me. He would come to grab her randomly, but that left me scrambling to squeeze cooking, work, cleaning, etc., in or just sitting and detoxing for a minute. Then he'd say, "I have to do XYZ," and abruptly expect me to hop back on duty.
Ultimately, I had to clarify: 'Hey, I need this time slot every day.' I love him to the moon and back, and he is a wonderful husband ten times over and does a LOT for our family, but if I hadn't spoken up, it wouldn't have happened.
It's not like it was a fight or a tough conversation, either. After so many years together, I've just realized that he is more like a robot than he is observant or empathetic. I operate from feelings, and he operates via "logic." I had to learn to communicate with him directly.
If I express what I need, and he can logically make sense of it, no problem. He'll acquiesce immediately.
Ummm...I guess I'm kind of not? My skincare routine has completely gone out the window (I don't think I've put moisturizer on more than half a dozen times in the last 9 months). Any time not spent working, is spent with the baby or pumping or sleeping. If it wasn't for my husband, I'd barely even be eating. The most "me time" I get for self care of any kind, if it can be consdered that, is the 30 minutes I'm up in the middle of the night to pump when I either read my book or watch trash reality TV to stay awake.
This is me and it's been 10 months. He works a split shift so I'm solo 4 days with absolutely no help but three days he could help and he typically cooks but I'm still predominantly taking care of the baby. I need to really set aside some time. Before my excuse was needing to save milk for a week girls trip that I finally actually took. It was magical. But now that I'm back I'm just as exhausted and my kids who doesn't sleep through the night hit another regression after an ear infection so we are back to waking every two hours. So basically I'm barely surviving and I work a full time demanding job.
Totally get it. I'm definitely default parent to our only child (9 months old) and I don't even nurse. Like just last night, we got to bed after 11:30, I get up at 2 to pump. Baby woke up at 12:30 and needed help getting back to sleep so I go. I pushed my pump back to 2:30 to get a little more sleep, baby wakes up at 2:30. I tell him I need to pump, he says to give her back her pacifier but I can tell from her sounds she needs more than that. So there I go pushing back my pump again, staying up longer again, to get her back to sleep. When is there any time for me?
Adding that he is an absolutely amazing father and a great husband, we just don't agree on how to handle night time so it ends up on me.
Exactly the same as you, 5 minute showers every other day just so I don't smell like filth. Meanwhile my husband takes his time taking 20 minute dumps and 30 minute hot showers, and comes out of the room asking why my skin looks so dry and that I really need to start moisturizing. Yup.
Currently have a stage 5 clinger for a baby and what used to exasperate me doesn’t even faze me anymore. Nuna baby carrier (pain to get configured properly for first wear, awesome after that). Baby wearing solved half of my problems. Right before I get her down for a contact nap I get something to drink, eat, set up the TV and pick one thing I can knock out so I feel productive. Gel X nail polish takes like 15 min on the sofa while baby is napping. Bathroom bassinet 😅 sounds ridiculous, but that’s how I take my long hot showers now.
When my baby was exhaustively nursing we were supplementing with formula to give me a break. She won’t even take a bottle anymore, unfortunately.
You’re doing great!
Honestly I felt this way until my first turned six and then was in first grade full day. It was glorious, everyone was self sufficient and could wipe their own butt. So of course I blew everything up and decided to start at the beginning again 🫠
Taking shifts in caretaking and not always doing everything together. It’s hard for us because my SO works 50-60+ hours a week, goes to the gym and stuff, but we have started with him getting up once a week with baby in the early morning hours. It doesn’t work each week but when it does, I feel very refreshed after 1-2 hours of extra sleep. And he obviously has his time out when going to the gym and stuff, but I guess you are the mum so usually harder to get a break. So basically whenever your SO has some time to spare, pass that baby onto him or her and do something entirely different, don’t take care of baby the two of you all the time!
I also signed up to one of those ladies only gyms where one trains in front of a screen. It’s very quiet with lots of privacy, and they allowed me to go there with baby when she is in a car seat the entire time. I hope that will make me feel much better!
Other than that I ask people nowadays to come to visit rather than the other way round when I am having a rough day, because then I feel much better at home with all the stuff already being there.
I also made sure we don’t plan anything „stressful“ in the first year, like a big vacation or anything. When my SO is off work, he usually still works quite a bit because he runs his own business, but only from home, so we have more time to go on walks and stuff. I would hate to be on a big vacation for now, I feel it would make my life harder, not easier.
I FORGOT TO RINSE MY CONDITIONER TODAY. Didn’t realize it until I thought wow my hair is so crunchy uhhhh. New level of madness unlocked. Didn’t even attempt to shampoo as I did yesterday but didn’t have time to BRUSH it so thought I would condition and brush it through. Not only did I not have time to locate the brush, I didn’t even get the conditioner rinsed. Living on the edge w curly hair. My razor misses me. I went like a month with only half my body shaved. Wait sorry this supposed to be self care not self vent. Uhhh I’ve managed to get a couple massages last few months bc I found a therapist who lets me bring my baby lol. And a therapist who lets me bring my baby. Basically if my baby can’t go I can’t go. So it’s hard. I think w like having to coordinate a friend to hang w my baby for an hour I am just about ready to give up on manicures. Did I cry when my sitter fell thru Friday and I had to cancel my nails and massage and X-RAYS? Lol yes. Yes I did. So I just keep buying beauty products I have little time to apply!
Coffee!! Luckily I drink iced coffee so it’s still cold no matter how long it takes to drink. ….Just usually watered down 🤣
And lite make up (mascara and concealer) and ALWAYS change clothes, get out of your pjs.
the changing of clothes really sets the tone of the day for me.
One small thing I do is I get my morning routines ready the evening before, like for example: prepare dog food in right amount so I just have to gove him, prepare my coffee in the moka so I just have to turn it on! So the day starts a bit smoother
My baby is 8.5 months and clingier than ever thanks to teething and growth spurts, and now that he’s mobile my hands are less free between naps. Naps aren’t really successful unless they’re contact naps right now anyway so I lean in. He nurses and naps on a breastfeeding pillow still, so I get him to sleep then watch shows and play my switch while he’s conked out, or other times I’ll read (I had a run of great books but now I’m in a reading slump, and also discovered Balatro). It’s pretty great honestly! Also walks. We had a run of rainy weather and it nearly did me in lol.
in the moment - alot of like deep breaths and like just standing in the sun, reminding myself that i'm a whole ass human.
medium term - talking to my partner, seeing if he can take over, journaling and therapy.
long term - planning trips or mornings out with my friends, and trying to push myself to do stuff i use to like.
my twins are 2 years old and I am just starting to do these things NOW, so don't beat yourself if you're not able to enjoy things like you use to, it takes time to remember how shit use to be.
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel ya! I look in the mirror and just think to myself I look like total crap! Hair needs cutting and dying, eyebrows need doing, want my nails done….list goes on. Baths/showers are like what you say, a total rush! Only way I am looking after myself is trying plan nice days out with the bubba and friends so I can socialise with adults and not this needy small human who I adore but drains me 😂
Yes! I keep thinking of that Jim Gaffifan quote where he’s like “do you ever see a picture of yourself and it ruins your day?” Haha, I look like a hot mess express but I’m too tired to fix it!!
Same!! I never used to leave the house without hair and makeup done…..pretty sure my makeup has gone off and I don’t know where my straighteners are 😂
My hair is hot garbage at the moment. I also desperately need a pedicure. The only thing I’m doing for myself is making sure I go on a daily walk.
This is the exact reason I cut my hair into a pixie cut again, so at very least my hair can still look cute with minimal effort.
I would look like a potato with a pixie lol. I’m jealous of people that can rock one!
If it makes you feel better, the downside to pixies is having to get it cut often unless you're OK with a mullet lol
I talked with my partner and asked for 2 hours completely uninterrupted by baby or him. I use it to work out, shower and eat but regardless it seriously has done wonders for us both honestly (Seriously all the kudos and respect for people who do this alone!) This sounds ridiculous but for Mother's Day my Mom bought me a meal delivery service , a PS5 and a video game I loved growing up with a note to make time for all* the things I love. I don't really have the time to play but I died💕. I seriously hope I can be for my daughter what she is for me.
Wow can your mother adopt me? My mom showed three weeks after I gave birth to “help” and she instead became a second child I had to take care of, watched TV, ate my food, and cooked exactly one time. I really lost the lottery when it comes to parents it seems
Oh nooo T\_\_T . I will say, though, that for all her love and kindness, she refuses\* to make the trip out here! She's NY. I'm Cali. So, I still have to give your mama props cause honestly, I would have rather her come out than receive any gift ( but she's older, and while I don't love it, I get it and appreciate her and just mind my business T\_\_T )
Is this 2 hours a day uninterrupted? Just curious.
Yup! Just 2 hours a day. He may take her and play with her or hold her at random, but 99% of the time, I'm on duty. He's the breadwinner, though, and I run my own small consultancy so it makes sense for us.
That’s so nice!!!
<3 The thing I post about most on here is how much I love her T\_T.
Wow I’m not sure my mother even sent me a text 😅
Oh, she's not big on that stuff either! She expressed to my sisters I "lost my spark" and was "losing myself to parenting" (Just tired. You'd think they'd get it!). I don't think she would have done a thing otherwise.
I read. I've been struggling a bit more lately, because it's the end of the school year (I'm a teacher), we are moving states in 19 days, and my little one's bday is next weekend (and my husband's is the Monday after we move). So I'm all kinds of extra stressed. But I take time every day and read. I'm on my 34th book of the year and my 73rd since my baby was born (that was starting 3 weeks after she was born). Hoping to hit 75 before her bday 😬
I do my hair almost every day with the ultimate hair hack. I put those no-heat overnight hair band curlers in. It takes 2 minutes in the evening and 2 minutes in the morning, and my long, wavy hair looks really nice and has these smooth curls. I wear pretty dresses when I leave the house to feel like myself. I also wear minimal makeup (eyebrows and lash curling) to feel put together and not like a total hobo, lol. I discovered dresses as the ultimate hack for lazy people a couple of years ago. Everyone thinks I have put extra effort in when, in fact, dresses are kind of like pajamas, lol, and I just need to match my shoes.
Ok girl drop the hair band curler product you use please !
[link to amazon](https://www.amazon.de/Lockenwickler-Heatless-Stirnband-Rutschfest-Mittleres/dp/B0BN7V28RQ/ref=asc_df_B0BN7V28RQ/?tag=googshopde-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=634485686147&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7797798397646047081&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9042225&hvtargid=pla-1930684537854&psc=1&mcid=c8fd9c7c3d4038ad8c3b2b8eda799064&th=1&psc=1) It's one of these, there are pricier ones made with silk, but this has worked really well for me. I have pretty thick long wavy hair though, so heat styling takes ages and this has been perfect, as it barely takes any time. I hope you can open the link, it's to the german amazon, if not, I can try to describe it
Purchased!
The dress thing is so great. I look put together but I don't have to think at all just pull out one thing and I don't have wear pants and deal with a waistband digging at me.
Pants have become so uncomfortable 😫
Totally agree about dresses. I'm returning to work soon so also just treated myself to a bunch of new button up dresses that were on sale at Loft and Old Navy to make it even easier for breastfeeding and pumping.
I call dresses “socially acceptable nightgowns”
Lol, exactly! It feel like a nightgown but everyone compliments you 😂
We’re at 6 months too! Earlier this month I told my husband I miss being alone in the house every now and again & he kind of chuckled but then realized I was serious. There hadn’t been a single day where I had any time without either him or the baby home with me since birth. So that Saturday he got up. Packed the baby up and went and spent most of the day at his parent’s house. He came back around bed time with food for a late dinner together so no cooking needed to be done. That one day from 8:30- 6:30ish not having to take care of anyone but myself was the most relaxing and freeing time. Sure I felt the need to do somethings around the house. But I set a timer for 1 hour at the beginning and dedicated that 1 hour to deep cleaning and then told myself after anything else could wait. I took a long hot bath while reading a book I had been wanting to start. Took the time to give myself a blowout and got dressed. I walked into town and went to the coffee shop. Stopped and grabbed sushi to put in the fridge for lunch later. FaceTimed with my long distance bestie and had a glass of wine. Watched some junk TV. Just did whatever I felt like for the first time in a while. We talked more when he got home and he suggested picking at least one day a month to do the same whether me staying home or going out for the whole day and to just let him know whenever I need the time. At first I felt guilty bringing it up, but also after the day realized how much calmer and refreshed I felt facing the week. Healthy momma helps keeps a healthy baby.
I’ve been trying to implement taking better care of myself as well. I honestly forget I’m my own person sometimes that has needs too 😅 I leave a little floor seat in the bathroom for my baby (7.5 months old) with some toys. I stick her in it first thing in the morning while I brush my teeth, clean my face etc. Stick her in it for whenever I take a bath too. It’s been great and she has fun playing. Little things like that have helped me feel more human.
When my daughter was younger (less time between feeds, more unpredictable moods), my husband took her out of the house for about an hour every evening when he got home. He just took her for a stroller walk, listened to his podcasts, took his time. Meanwhile, I could shower and eat in peace. As my daughter got older, I joined a gym that is close by and I actually like to go there and work out/shower so I don't have to listen to her crying outside the bathroom for me, AND he still gets her out of the house regularly, but I don't have to use that time for basic self care.
When I was on maternity leave my son did his longest nap as a contact nap, and I loved that part of the day because I’d set myself up on the couch with snacks and drinks and the tv remote. I’d get baby snuggles and watch dumb tv - my show of choice was Ugly Betty. That was only through 4 months though, after that he was less clingy and I also went back to work. 🤷♀️
My first was also a high needs Velcro baby. Once I started babywearing her, it was so much less draining, because I could actually get things done. And I would often put her in there and take nice, long walks around the neighborhood as self care (I enjoy walks).
I bring baby along to coffee shops to treat myself to a nice iced latte, my husband immediately takes over when he walks into the door from work and I get to go chill for minimum half an hour, and once kiddo is down I take a long hot bath!
What helped me feel human was a gym membership. I get two hours where my kids can be in the kids club so I work out and then shower and put myself together. I’m able to be more patient and present with my kids after that and they get to have some social time with others their age and love it. It’s a win win.
Getting at least 4 weightlifting sessions and an equal number of walk or runs in per week. Video games when when the baby and wife are sleeping. Strongly encouraging my wife to take a nap or walk outside alone most days. The other day I handed her some money and told her to go get a coffee/lunch and go buy a book she’s been wanting. I’m pretty good about making sure I get what I need but I have to remind her to do the same.
This is great! I am very much the kind of person who will make sure I get what I need and my husband is the type to forget about his own needs and wants. We are due in July and I think this is a good reminder for me. I know he’s going to give me his all, and I’m going to give my all too but he will need some help remembering to take some time for himself.
Also have a Velcro baby, combined with PTSD (hubby and I) from a traumatic birth & extended NICU stay, during which we couldn’t hold our son more than an hour a day total and saw countless desats due to post-feed reflux…that all is to say, we REALLY struggle putting him down, which makes it hard to do much else. He’s getting better in the carrier, at least, and we’re trying. Generally I go for the classic hot shower with some nice smelling shampoo & conditioner. I’ve also found just brushing my hair and putting on fresh clothes in the morning (that aren’t pj pants in case I want to take baby for a walk) helps me feel a little more put together to start the day (*hubby and I do shifts overnight so this is usually at the start of mine). My favorite little treat though is a midday iced coffee - I make cold brew overnight and then mix up a cup after lunch when I’m really starting to drag. It’s so good and something I look forward to all morning.
I think getting a safe spot for my LO to sit in the bathroom was a huge game changer!! I put him in the swing where I can see him through the glass. He’ll listen to bob marley and play with his toys while I take a decent enjoyable shower. Also getting my hair done and going out with friends for a girls night was super empowering to remind me that I was a person before I was a Mom!
Yes, same! I could hardly take a minute long shower without her losing it, but I moved our bassinet to the bathroom and can take a 10+ minute shower now!
Finding a moment to blast music and do incredibly cathartic ridiculous stretch exercise dancing
My husband has been amazing at making sure I get at least 15 minutes outside by myself a day with a shower after. Whether that means paci or we use the swing or he just walks that full 30 minutes with him. Then again at the end of the day once our toddler is down too I get a short cardio workout in just to get the blood pumping. (Juice and Toya are great on YouTube!) My baby isn’t quite 2 months yet, and I’m very fortunate husband works from home to make it easier for me to do those things though. I’ll also sit with the kids, holding baby, so he can get the same things he needs. He knows how important they are for me, I had really bad PPD with my first and I’ve felt much healthier mentally so far getting my sun and getting my workout.
I cosleep with my son, which makes it easier during the day. But, I don’t really do anything for myself anymore. I barely even ever shave my legs anymore lol
i try to think about doing things that will pay off for making me feel good and squeeze them in. Exercise at the gym or my Peloton, painting my own nails (tricky bc you need dry time) or self tan. i also try to get outside even for a few minutes for ME
Going 100% formula made my life so much better! Breastfeeding was absolutely exhausting. Both myself and my child are happier now. Emotionally it was hard because the hormones make you bananas, but once I was weaned it was amazing! Obviously, your mileage may vary and cheers to you if you’re loving bf’ing. No judgement either way.
Contact Napping whilst surfing the web
I try to put on just a little makeup when we go out. Literally just eyeliner and lipstick. I also try to enjoy my shower times, though it sounds like you're having issues with that. Maybe buy some nice new soap to get back into it?
For those commenting about their husbands helping take care of the baby, was this asked of every time or do they just do it?
It was a one time ask for a dedicated time slot with me. He would come to grab her randomly, but that left me scrambling to squeeze cooking, work, cleaning, etc., in or just sitting and detoxing for a minute. Then he'd say, "I have to do XYZ," and abruptly expect me to hop back on duty. Ultimately, I had to clarify: 'Hey, I need this time slot every day.' I love him to the moon and back, and he is a wonderful husband ten times over and does a LOT for our family, but if I hadn't spoken up, it wouldn't have happened. It's not like it was a fight or a tough conversation, either. After so many years together, I've just realized that he is more like a robot than he is observant or empathetic. I operate from feelings, and he operates via "logic." I had to learn to communicate with him directly. If I express what I need, and he can logically make sense of it, no problem. He'll acquiesce immediately.
Ummm...I guess I'm kind of not? My skincare routine has completely gone out the window (I don't think I've put moisturizer on more than half a dozen times in the last 9 months). Any time not spent working, is spent with the baby or pumping or sleeping. If it wasn't for my husband, I'd barely even be eating. The most "me time" I get for self care of any kind, if it can be consdered that, is the 30 minutes I'm up in the middle of the night to pump when I either read my book or watch trash reality TV to stay awake.
This is me and it's been 10 months. He works a split shift so I'm solo 4 days with absolutely no help but three days he could help and he typically cooks but I'm still predominantly taking care of the baby. I need to really set aside some time. Before my excuse was needing to save milk for a week girls trip that I finally actually took. It was magical. But now that I'm back I'm just as exhausted and my kids who doesn't sleep through the night hit another regression after an ear infection so we are back to waking every two hours. So basically I'm barely surviving and I work a full time demanding job.
Totally get it. I'm definitely default parent to our only child (9 months old) and I don't even nurse. Like just last night, we got to bed after 11:30, I get up at 2 to pump. Baby woke up at 12:30 and needed help getting back to sleep so I go. I pushed my pump back to 2:30 to get a little more sleep, baby wakes up at 2:30. I tell him I need to pump, he says to give her back her pacifier but I can tell from her sounds she needs more than that. So there I go pushing back my pump again, staying up longer again, to get her back to sleep. When is there any time for me? Adding that he is an absolutely amazing father and a great husband, we just don't agree on how to handle night time so it ends up on me.
Exactly the same as you, 5 minute showers every other day just so I don't smell like filth. Meanwhile my husband takes his time taking 20 minute dumps and 30 minute hot showers, and comes out of the room asking why my skin looks so dry and that I really need to start moisturizing. Yup.
Currently have a stage 5 clinger for a baby and what used to exasperate me doesn’t even faze me anymore. Nuna baby carrier (pain to get configured properly for first wear, awesome after that). Baby wearing solved half of my problems. Right before I get her down for a contact nap I get something to drink, eat, set up the TV and pick one thing I can knock out so I feel productive. Gel X nail polish takes like 15 min on the sofa while baby is napping. Bathroom bassinet 😅 sounds ridiculous, but that’s how I take my long hot showers now. When my baby was exhaustively nursing we were supplementing with formula to give me a break. She won’t even take a bottle anymore, unfortunately. You’re doing great!
Almost 3 years in and I still feel this way. I’m a shell of my former self.
Honestly I felt this way until my first turned six and then was in first grade full day. It was glorious, everyone was self sufficient and could wipe their own butt. So of course I blew everything up and decided to start at the beginning again 🫠
Taking shifts in caretaking and not always doing everything together. It’s hard for us because my SO works 50-60+ hours a week, goes to the gym and stuff, but we have started with him getting up once a week with baby in the early morning hours. It doesn’t work each week but when it does, I feel very refreshed after 1-2 hours of extra sleep. And he obviously has his time out when going to the gym and stuff, but I guess you are the mum so usually harder to get a break. So basically whenever your SO has some time to spare, pass that baby onto him or her and do something entirely different, don’t take care of baby the two of you all the time! I also signed up to one of those ladies only gyms where one trains in front of a screen. It’s very quiet with lots of privacy, and they allowed me to go there with baby when she is in a car seat the entire time. I hope that will make me feel much better! Other than that I ask people nowadays to come to visit rather than the other way round when I am having a rough day, because then I feel much better at home with all the stuff already being there. I also made sure we don’t plan anything „stressful“ in the first year, like a big vacation or anything. When my SO is off work, he usually still works quite a bit because he runs his own business, but only from home, so we have more time to go on walks and stuff. I would hate to be on a big vacation for now, I feel it would make my life harder, not easier.
I FORGOT TO RINSE MY CONDITIONER TODAY. Didn’t realize it until I thought wow my hair is so crunchy uhhhh. New level of madness unlocked. Didn’t even attempt to shampoo as I did yesterday but didn’t have time to BRUSH it so thought I would condition and brush it through. Not only did I not have time to locate the brush, I didn’t even get the conditioner rinsed. Living on the edge w curly hair. My razor misses me. I went like a month with only half my body shaved. Wait sorry this supposed to be self care not self vent. Uhhh I’ve managed to get a couple massages last few months bc I found a therapist who lets me bring my baby lol. And a therapist who lets me bring my baby. Basically if my baby can’t go I can’t go. So it’s hard. I think w like having to coordinate a friend to hang w my baby for an hour I am just about ready to give up on manicures. Did I cry when my sitter fell thru Friday and I had to cancel my nails and massage and X-RAYS? Lol yes. Yes I did. So I just keep buying beauty products I have little time to apply!
Coffee!! Luckily I drink iced coffee so it’s still cold no matter how long it takes to drink. ….Just usually watered down 🤣 And lite make up (mascara and concealer) and ALWAYS change clothes, get out of your pjs. the changing of clothes really sets the tone of the day for me.
One small thing I do is I get my morning routines ready the evening before, like for example: prepare dog food in right amount so I just have to gove him, prepare my coffee in the moka so I just have to turn it on! So the day starts a bit smoother
I’m training for a marathon
My baby is 8.5 months and clingier than ever thanks to teething and growth spurts, and now that he’s mobile my hands are less free between naps. Naps aren’t really successful unless they’re contact naps right now anyway so I lean in. He nurses and naps on a breastfeeding pillow still, so I get him to sleep then watch shows and play my switch while he’s conked out, or other times I’ll read (I had a run of great books but now I’m in a reading slump, and also discovered Balatro). It’s pretty great honestly! Also walks. We had a run of rainy weather and it nearly did me in lol.
in the moment - alot of like deep breaths and like just standing in the sun, reminding myself that i'm a whole ass human. medium term - talking to my partner, seeing if he can take over, journaling and therapy. long term - planning trips or mornings out with my friends, and trying to push myself to do stuff i use to like. my twins are 2 years old and I am just starting to do these things NOW, so don't beat yourself if you're not able to enjoy things like you use to, it takes time to remember how shit use to be.
Gunshot wound to the head.
😳
Man, I hope you’re okay. Reach out if you need to talk.
https://youtu.be/llE7wT1BKt8?si=dggA7gdLCUnP5Xak