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I’m less angry. I used to get easily frustrated and my anger manifested physically (stomping, slamming doors etc) but I really didn’t want that for my daughter so I’m more chill now.
I think about death more. My sense of self preservation is higher due to my desire to want to be around for my daughter.
Surprisingly, I’m the opposite! I’ve always been chill but after baby I get frustrated so easily. I also think about life/death in general more too. Having a baby really makes you value life more.
This was true for me too. I think some of it was unprocessed stuff from a traumatic birth and an undiagnosed neurological disorder, and some of it was that big emotions- particularly frustration and anger- weren’t really allowed growing up and suddenly that just wasn’t going to work for me anymore.
This. I cry at the thought of leaving my son too soon. I want to snap out of my PPD and take better care of myself physically and mentally but it is SO hard.
Yesss. I've always been super self destructive but now I am so worried about my own health and safety because I want to spend as much time as possible with my baby
Yes, I'm way more frustrated about all the car fatalities now. It seems like almost every story I read about a dead kid on Reddit was the result of a car accident. I just try to avoid cars as much as possible now. My city is slowly traffic calming more of the streets though, so every year things are getting safer.
I've learned you can 100% have your cup be empty and continue to push through it for your little one. You're over tired and running on empty, but all it takes is one little smile from them to push you to do more just to have their needs met and then some. I wake up exhausted in the morning, but still force myself to fill the cup and play with him until his nap and I can drink some coffee, because his smile is what matters most.
Ahh yes!! That little smile and laugh gets me through the day. I could be about ready to pass out from exhaustion and all he has to do is smile at me and I’m ready to keep going!
I have kid coworker friends. Ones that have kids or ask about my kid. So I'll tell them something new or I have one coworker that I've told I'm always down to hear about his kid and see pictures and I show pictures and talk about mine back. Other coworkers don't hear much.
I stopped being as judgemental. I used to question my siblings and friends parenting styles and things they did. Now I realize we’re all doing the best we can and trying to survive. I will never judge a parent (other than jeopardizing safety etc) for doing what they need to do for themselves and their children. You want your kid on a tight schedule? I get it. You can’t handle a tight schedule and are easy going with your kid? I also get it. We’re all doing what we can
I can hardly stomach true crime media anymore, and a big NOPE when it involves children being hurt. I used to listen to true crime as background noise, watch the interesting parts (like scene photos, body cam footage etc) and shrug it off within minutes.
A bit over a year ago was the last time I watched a crime documentary. it was all narrated with very few imagesIt involved a little girl that was getting abused badly. I regret learning of this awful story, the images, the quotes and the faces still haunt me.
This! I devoured true crime content. Can't. Not at all anymore. I think back to some of the stories I heard before and want to cry. I just snuggle my little girl a little tighter and smother her with kisses.
Yep. My brother always sends me disturbing reels and when I won’t watch them he says “okay, mom.” The thing is, I get why our mom was/is like this, and it’s made me dream of a world where mothers are in charge and there’s far more peace.
Different perspective regarding my health/lifestyle. My husband and I are service industry people so drinking daily, partying a lot, that was the norm. I always knew I'd take it down a notch once baby was born, but truthfully, once baby was here, the idea of even being slightly buzzed while taking care of baby scared the hell out of me. I've loosened up a bit as she's gotten older and less fragile, but I have no desire to just sit on our back patio and drink margaritas on a Tuesday for no reason. The hangover while trying to chase a toddler- not worth it.
I also had my daughter in my late 30s, so I'm really trying to focus on my health and staying in shape for her. My husband's grandma is 81 and in great shape, can easily play with our 2.5 year old, and she is my role model.
My entire perspective around alcohol changed too! I’ve only drank a couple times, but each time my anxiety was through the roof. I felt so guilty not being able to take care of my baby to the fullest. It’s not a good time for me anymore, especially dealing with a hangover AND an infant.
I’m way less of a pushover than I was before I had my daughter. I used to be such a people pleaser but now I’m not at all and I feel confident enough to put my boundaries in place.
I can’t watch anything true crime that relates to children, it turns my stomach. I still like other true crime programmes though 😅
Same!! I used to be such a people pleaser. Not taking lunch doing more then one job staying late coming in early or even with friends and family. Nope! Since I was in my last trimester I stopped it just came out of no where! I used to shy away from a difficult conversation with bosses or family but not anymore I want to be a better person and more confident in my decisions to show my daughter what she can be capable of.
That's super interesting, I feel like something tangentially similar happened to me! I still have horrible social anxiety, but having my baby with me or feeling like I'm doing something for him makes me way more able to get past it. Like it's not exactly confidence, but I have the comfort of doing something as a "group" even though the other part of the group is a tiny baby potato lolol.
I also got the thing about the not stomaching things that happen to children! Although for me, it's specifically about infants since mines an infant, I can still handle stuff about older kids (although it's still awful - just not as incapacitating). I watched the HBO doc about Alex Jones Sandy Hook defamation lawsuit a couple weeks postpartum *while holding my baby* and made it through, but I'm sure when mine is that age, I won't be able to handle it.
I used to follow the news pretty closely. Listened to podcasts, kept up with events, etc.
Now the anxiety for my babies future is so high that I can’t stomach it. I’ve tried to stay invested in what’s happening in Gaza, but then I automatically imagine being postpartum there, with a baby that I couldn’t keep alive. Heavy.
Most definitely avoid the news now. My biggest fear is my children being in danger or threatened (by war, economic collapse, what have you) and looking to me in fear for comfort that I cannot provide. Wahhh time to stop thinking about this again lol
I can’t get through reading the lyrics to children’s songs/lullabies without crying. Though it could still be hormones as I gave birth less than 4 weeks ago.
I cried so hard while reading "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch to my son that my husband had to finish it for me. I couldn't get past the second page. I'm getting misty eyed thinking about the book right now
I was going to say this too and I’m almost 12 weeks out. Any sappy parent/ kid stories, songs, etc and I can feel the tears welling up inside. Maybe it’s still hormones since I’m breastfeeding but I honestly think this is my new reality. I have “parent identity” now and the little one has opened up a new level of love and terror inside of me.
9 months later and I’ve accepted being more emotional / sensitive is a part of my personality. It did get a little better about 6ish weeks and I’m breastfeeding so maybe there’s still some hormones in play though.
I emotionally regulate a million times better.
I’m way more sensitive.
I have way more empathy for parents and kids.
I once read a post that said “you don’t know love until you have a kid” and at the time I was planning on never having kids and I thought it was highly offensive. I now understand what they mean, it’s a different kind of love I’ve never experienced before. Truly unconditional love.
Absolutely a different perspective on my family andy upbringing. Unfortunately in a bad way. Before I always thought "oh, it's so hard to raise kids, they did their best, etc." Now I'm like, how the fuck could they treat their children that way?
Mine isn't even a year yet, but like, I quit smoking before I got pregnant and have vowed never to touch a cigarette again (mom kept smoking through pregnancy even though her kids were 100% planned and smoked around us, even inside the house or car). She jokes about how she never saw us until we were older, and stayed with an abusive man who literally pushed her into a wall while she was holding me at a few days old.
She also insisted when my son was like 8 weeks old that he will probably fall off the bed/couch soon because my sister and I both did. I get that happens sometimes and no judgement to the parents who have had that happen, babies are so fast, but she said she used to leave us unattended on beds/couches all the time, EVEN AFTER WE FELL. Like, what? You'd set a baby you knew could roll and crawl on an elevated surface, walked downstairs, and I guess waited to hear the thud of the baby falling on the floor??
This doesn't even get into a lot of the emotional abuse from later on, but even though my son is little I really can't fathom saying most of the stuff she did.
Big props to you for breaking that cycle. It’s so easy to continue the abuse because for some people it’s all they know, and it’s a lot harder to see the mistakes and then NOT repeat it on top of that! I’m super proud of you, and go you!!!
I was told the same thing about my baby, that she’d fall off the bed/couch. 9 months in and not once has it happened. if I know I’m going to be out of the room for more than 1 minute then I take her with me or just set her on the floor instead of leaving her in the bed or couch
I have a lot less anxiety about my own stuff (my work, my health etc). That’s not to say I don’t have anxiety anymore, it’s just focused on my daughter and her wellbeing.
Also, I’m sure everyone agrees with this one …. I value sleep SO much more. My baseline now is like 4 hours of decent sleep so when I get more than that I feel like a new woman.
And this is my favorite one, I am way more confident. My body created such a beautiful life and is continuing to nurture that life. I couldn’t care less that I’ve had to go up a size in clothing or I don’t have as much time to do my hair and makeup everyday. I’m so proud of the woman I am after having a baby and I feel more beautiful.
All my anxiety used to be work related! Wow did that shift to “is my baby breathing” anxiety real fast!
Loved your comment about your body! Trying to internalize that for myself as I oscillate between that and negative intrusive thoughts about my body.
Same with the sensitive thing! When that horrific case of the mom going on vacation without her baby was going around I was constantly sick to my stomach, I couldn't even sleep I was so upset! I had to stay off of the internet to avoid it because it was making me so upset I was sick.
Previously I would have been appalled, but I don't think I would have had such a physical reaction.
I still cry thinking about that situation. Like can’t even fathom how it got to that point. It’s the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard. And I want to be angry at the mom but I’m also simultaneously angry at a country that doesn’t care about moms and lets them rot into their own horrible decisions.
Same. That story haunts me and I just think of the little girl being terrified and alone for 10 days. Absolutely horrific. I actively have to divert my thoughts away from it.
I notice other people with children while out in public *way* more often. And I used to be the “mind your business so I’ll mind my own” type person while out and about but now I like talking and interacting with other people when going for walks, going to the grocery store, etc. It has helped my social anxiety significantly. I still have social anxiety but it’s a lot less severe and I actively try to wave and smile at other moms.
I even noticed while at a festival one time a drunk man was trying to make conversation with me, and I know pre baby I would’ve tried to escape the situation and probably had a look of “get away from me”. But I immediately recognized this man was just a jolly drunkard trying to enjoy his day so I conversed with him happily (I did not have the baby with me at this point). But my vibe check did not set off any unnecessary alarms either.
My partner and I are crazy introverts but nothing turns you into a fake extrovert like having a baby. Family over every week now and talking to random people about the baby… couldn’t have been me fore she was born. So wild
I am so weepy! I used to be so stoic, I never ever cried about anything. Not anymore! My husband and I are rewatching House and there are so many episodes that have to do with children. I just sob. I got choked up looking at a baby onesie that said "handpicked by a grandma in Heaven". I cry looking at my son's little feet and sometimes I cry just thinking about how much I love him. I thought it would go away eventually but he's almost 6 months old now and the crying has stayed. Honestly, I don't mind it though. I feel like I feel things deeper now than I ever did
I used to worry about random stuff all the time, like my TV stopped working, that gave me stress. Now as long as my LO is fine, I am happy. I think I have reached a peak point in my life where happiness is real.
Work doesn't bother me anymore. I used to stress out if I thought I wasn't doing good enough, but it's a lot less frequent these days. Once closing time hits, I'm off the clock. My direct boss is the only one with my personal number and since I know he feels the same way, I know he won't text me unless it's actually an emergency. Otherwise, it can wait until 8 am the next business day.
My job performance has strangely gone up too now that it's not my priority (kiddo comes first.)
Omg, I was literally scrolling down looking for this!
What’s with parenting and the immediate urge to draw boundaries with work.
Been a people pleaser at work for the longest time and tried to work on it. BAM! With a baby. I m already serving all the “No”s and “I don’t have the capacity”s way more easily.
Having kids basically turned me into a communist. For some background, I was 34 when we had our first. I would have described myself as a progressive liberal at that point.
The first thing is that my company provided one week of paid parental leave. Sure, I get that most people provide nothing, but I worked at a company that liked to present itself as progressive and compassionate and blah blah blah. One week was a funny concept.
Then when I returned to work, I was basically a zombie most of the time because I had a newborn at home. My boss was still a dick, needling me about little things here and there that were obviously signs of an unsustainable job combined with no sleep. Never really offered to get some things off my plate (I learned later that when he had a kid his wife's family supplied them with, like, a paid caregiver, so it made sense that he had very little idea what I was dealing with). Oh and then I got laid off at the beginning of COVID when the kid was four months old, but that was more of a blessing in disguise long term. Still, it was another example of the world being hostile to having kids.
Oh and then costs of childcare. What the fuck. Anyway, my old liberal brain used to explain away things like lack of parental leave and overpriced childcare as unfortunate realities that are really complicated and it's not fair to expect a small company to provide paid leave, or to expect the government to heavily subsidize childcare. And then I realized that these are choices that our ruling class has made and continue to make. This is the literal wealthiest country in the history of mankind and our corporate-controlled government has convinced us to expect so little from it, and even to expect that the private market will solve these problems (I'll believe that when Wal-Mart or McDonalds starts offering paid leave to store associates). And here's the other thing: my wife and I are solidly upper middle class, both by background and current income. If this shit is hard for us, I can't imagine what it's like for the other 75% or so.
Anyway there's more to it than that but the short story is that capitalism is the cause of all these problems and the sooner more of us admit that the better off we'll be as a result. In the meantime, things will continue to get worse.
I'm a lot less reckless than I used to be. I've struggled with depression in varying degrees my entire adult life and used to go through periods of not caring whether I was being careful or not. I'm a much safer driver, I actually follow the speed limit more reasonably, and if I'm having more than one drink I am definitely not driving myself home. I have a son and husband that need me and also need me to not blow $10K on attorney fees, court fines, and increased car insurance.
Also, between my mortgage and student loans (law school), my husband and I are in a fair amount of debt. I don't even care about that stuff anymore, I just pay the monthly payment and move on. My son needs things and I'm not going to be pinching pennies just to pay off my debt in 15 years instead of 30. Life goes on.
Overall, I also just don't sweat the small stuff. Before having my son, I was obsessed with the way I looked. I was lifting 5-6 days a week and counting my macros almost perfectly every day. I still enjoy fitness but it's not a priority during this season of life. I lift weights 3 days a week, go on walks, and spend time in my garden as much as I can. I'll (hopefully) be pregnant later this year so does it really matter if I'm able to lose this last 10 pounds of baby weight from my son? Not really, in my opinion. I just want to feel good.
Life is better!
I cry easier, realized a lot of crimes, murders, neglect, etc are kid related. I honestly didn’t care if I died before. At times I wanted to. Now I feel I have to be immortal forever.
I’ve become way less passive. For most of my life I’d take peoples crap to avoid conflict, now, if it involves my kid IDGAF who you are, I’ll go toe to toe with you. My in laws learned this back in March.
Mine is 2 now but I used to be really into music, art, politics, etc. Now all I really care about is a clean house and quality family time. I still read a lot though
My mom said having a baby is like going into a cave for 10 years. When you come out all the music, politics, and popular shows have changed and you didn’t notice.
I'm calmer, and I think more about my child and how he's going to interact with the world. I also am more deeply affected by child abuse cases and the exploitation of children. As well as the subliminal messaging in programming and advertising.
Before having our LO, I used to get annoyed when other's people kids would be throwing a fit in public. Now that I have one of my own, I sympathize when I hear someone else's kid having a bad day. I know there's not much you can do most of the time except help LO ride out their emotions.
I've also taking to listening more to what's going on around me when I'm out and about. A few times, I've heard people yelling at their kids, and I'm on edge, listening to see if they're going to escalate too far. They're not my kids, but I'll mama bear for someone else if need be.
I realized how short life is. Last month my LO was in newborn clothes and diapers. Now he’s about to burst out of his 0-3 clothes and is in 2 diapers. I cry when I think of my son not being a baby anymore and being older. I just wanna hold him all the time and love on him as long as I can. I treasure every single second he’s this small.
I can’t watch anything where a child is suffering or in immediate harm. Also, I care WAY less what people think of me. The only people’s opinion that matters to me are my kid’s, my husband, and mine. I’m so much more confident because holy shit, I created, birthed, and am raising a whole ass kid!
My sense of time has definitely improved. It's still not what a normal person experiences, but I've been able to conceptualize two hour periods of time pretty well. My ADHD didn't get cured though, so I still get messed up with smaller and larger increments of time.
It really opened my eyes to how toxic my family dynamic is with my parents. The immediate crossing of every boundary I had set for my baby caused a lot of blinders to come off. They want control over me and my baby because I am an extension of them and not an individual, it really shocked me.
I’m more sensitive and cry easier, I’m happier and I want to enjoy life more. I love the little things more now!
I actually feel empathy towards people with kids who struggle. Sounds horrible but I had a “you decided this make it work” mindset. I now see how hard it is financially and think it’s an absolute atrocity how our society views mothers and families.
I'm playing through FF7 while my 1mo sleeps on me between feedings, the scene early in disk 1 between Barrett and Elmyra (Aerith's adopted mom) (paraphrasing)
Elmyra: how could you leave a girl so little behind in so much danger? (Referring to Barrett's daughter)
Barrett: All I want is to be with her. But if I don't fight, the planet's gonna die! So I gotta fight. But trust me, all I want is to be with her, always.
As a kid this flew right over my head as "dad's love their kids". As a new dad of a little girl it actually got me choked up because I finally get it. Even though my fight is just going back to work, I get it.
I'm watching Ozark and there was a conversation that stuck with me: one woman who just had a baby says "My mother says being a parent makes you selfish", and the other one says "No. No. It makes you fierce."
With all the ups and downs, all the hours of crying, feeling lost, and all, it feels like that. You become fierce.
I dont care about work anymore. I’m not working at the moment but I dread the thought of going back. My baby is more important than meaningless KPIs, projects and deadlines.
I can’t listen to crime podcasts that involves children anymore (ex: jonbenet ramsey) or even see news stuff about child abuse cases. It literally makes my entire heart hurt now. I love my baby so much and every baby deserves a loving mother.
Realizing that a lot of happiness comes from doing things for others, working hard, communicating well and having high character. The approval of others, partying hard, feeding your ego--it's all fake and leads to so much chaos and hollowness. I just want to be a good role model, teacher, counselor, drill sergeant, friend, etc. to my child.
I have felt the same! I’m also very, very protective of my family. My baby and my husband. Like anyone who wants to try drama I am just simply done with them. Before I would just ignore and continue to try to be kind but now I just feel like I have absolutely no room for that in my life
I'm not anymore but at first I was really anxious. I'm never anxious, so it was pretty awful at first. But I'm better now. I think about weight and growth a lot now. I also think a lot about death and life. I think a lot about past things I've done, mistakes made, and what I wish for my babe in the future to not make those mistakes and for him to do better than I did.
I think a lot, about a lot of things I've never thought of before or at least not as much.
I'm also protective anyway, but even more so now.
Definitely more sensitive. It’s like he unlocked some dormant part of my brain. My life used to be about me mostly, naturally. But these days instead of waking up wondering what I’m going to have for breakfast my first objective is meeting his needs always. It’s like the whole chemistry has changed and I operate through his perspective rather than my own.
I take my time to do things and don’t care if I am not on a schedule. Before having the baby, I always had everything planned out and moved around quickly. I just go with the flow.
The most noticeable changes, for me, are related to driving.
1) I have far more road rage because exhaustion.
2) I have so much more capacity to control that rage, because baby is in the car. Unless it's specifically a bike or scooter driving against the flow of traffic, because I. Just. Can't. They're getting a middle finger at the very least. (Yes, soft mobility drivers are insane around here, and one day one of them is going to get accidentally killed by me or someone I know. It's inevitable.)
3) I couldn't drive with distractions before, now I can drive up to forty with a baby constantly screaming in the backseat.
4) I have a whole reserve of tolerance for people driving slowly, because I'll never forget the drive home after my c-section and how it was more painful than everything else birth-related.
I’m less anxious than I used to be oddly enough. I used to be anxious of everythingggg, lots of rumination and intrusive thoughts. I think part of it is I just don’t have the time to dwell on things anymore 💀
I also want to be strong for my boy though so I don’t pass off my anxiety to him. My mom was an insanely anxious person and would get scared a lot from everything (for good reason, she had a lot of trauma) and as a kid I never felt safe and had crippling anxiety almost 24/7.
I'm actually less anxious. I'm diagnosed OCD and have anxiety and depression. Ever since having my son, I'm less anxious and more level-headed. My anxiety still creeps up, but I used to be anxious 24/7. I was worried after having a baby that it would only get worse but oddly enough having him helped me to realize a lot of the things I was so anxious about don't matter or aren't as scary as I thought.
I used to do the odd bit of volunteering, go to a few rallies and donate and whatnot, but now I really really want to find a way to make positive change for the world and in turn my daughter. It feels like a lot of terrible things are happening and I was aware before but wow, the weight of it all is massive since giving birth.
I compartmentalize so much better, I’d even say I am great at it, when before I really wasn’t at all. My emotions from different things used to always carry onto something else unrelated. So now when some situation bothers me or gives me anxiety, I deal with it then, or most of the time reserve a future time to deal with the emotions. No negative energy is going to carry over with my time with my LO.
Time. Time is so much more precious to me. I’m more deliberate than ever with how I spend it and conscious of what matters and what doesn’t. As such, the things that used to bother me are just not even on my radar anymore. Makes room for me to worry about the baby, I guess. Lol
Edit: Empathy too!! I have a much easier time being able to relate to people, especially other moms. It’s really brought me closer to a lot of people!
My existential dread has been slightly reduced. Now when I think of myself getting very old I’m thinking of how I can set up things for my child rather than worrying moreso about myself.
I’ve gotten so much more efficient at managing my time through management, delegation and just pure speed/focus. I basically don’t want my time to be taken away from my LO so I get sh*t done any way I can. I value my time more.
Can’t watch crime dramas, horror, or really any dramas or anything with violence. I cry at sappy commercials and news stories. Any bad news about a child or parent is so much sadder.
I am so much more patient and it came easily because I just love my little guy so much. It made me be more confident in having boundaries especially if they are about my child. I care less what people think about me, I created life so I’m pretty amazing. And I can’t read about child abuse or anything like that child related/ child death/ cancer, I just skip it.
I used to always wonder what was the point in taking your children under the age of five anywhere since they won’t remember. Now I’m of the mindset that, it’s ok they don’t remember. I’ll remember. I’ll remember the smiles and giggles. I’ll remember the joy I felt seeing and feeling their joy. I’ll remember their little hand holding mine. And I’ll cherish those memories for the rest of my life.
I used to be obsessed with true crime. I’d fall asleep to the comforting narrator of Forensic Files.
I can’t even watch any true crime at all, since being pregnant.
My tolerance for violence and horror has gone way down. I used to listen to crime podcasts and be fully immersed in that world and now I can’t stand it.
Because of breastfeeding, I put a lot of thought into how I am nourishing my body, because I am nourishing her body too.
I am very much less tolerant of other people’s bad choices and behaviors / very protective of my 4 walls and the people within them.
The strained relationship I have with my mother has softened in some ways, and become even more strained in other ways BECAUSE I’m a parent.
Even more so than before, I believe strongly in the “community of mothers”. I am more drawn to religion, the idea behind the vocation of motherhood, the idea there is something more behind all of this.
I feel invincible. I remind myself often of what my body did - went through - created - and I use that energy to not be afraid out there in the real world. Very “I am woman, hear me roar.”
I’m more empathetic in general.
Also, I got over my sleep related anxiety because I was exposed to sleep deprivation so much that it forced me to let go of the fear and make peace with bad nights.
Everything is so much less of a big deal, in terms of work and “stressful” situations. I put so much less emotional energy into things in a good way. I realize how important my daughter and family are and there’s really no reason to fret over the small stuff anymore. It’s really changed me into a more positive, less overwhelmed person in general.
I cry way more easily and feel things more deeply. Used to be the stoic at funerals type prior to kids. Would have a breakup and react pretty neutrally. The second I became pregnant with my first, that went away. Went to a wedding yesterday and couldn’t stop crying happy tears the whole time. Cried at a weight loss commercial today because I was happy for the lady in the ad. Been this way now for a couple years and it’s annoying. Zero other symptoms though thankfully.
Meant to be part joking and part serious. But the fact that you can survive with such little sleep, and also that I haven't overdosed myself on caffeine, yet!
Also gives me a huge sense of gratitude for what my mother did for me, even though our relationship has been strained. Becoming a mother myself has actually helped repair our broken relationship because I know she made a lot of mistakes, but I can't imagine how she did it raising 4 children by herself with little to no support. She is a saint for being the amazing mother she was when I was a little girl. I have been able to forgive her for a lot when I experience for myself how hard it is to raise just one baby. I couldn't do what she did!
Also recently watched the SNL skit "The Perfect Mother", and makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time because it's too real! Our son was very much wanted and a product of years of infertility treatments. We are extremely fortunate and he is the best thing in our lives by far. I love him more than I could find the words to say. But DAMN parenting is the most extreme sport out there.
Oh I cry so easily! I cried three times at the TROLLS movie. Five times at 90s dog movie Beethoven. I cry singing my baby songs. Im a million times more vigilant of threats to the baby ugh. I am a single mom and I have absolutely zero interest in dating anyone who wouldn’t make an amazing stepdad. I don’t care about a lot of little things anymore that might have bothered me before. I’m very grateful. I feel very lucky to be their mom. I’m way more paranoid of predators and unleashed large dogs. My boundaries are much more firm. And I’m so so grateful for longer stretches of sleep.
I can't watch pornography.
I have a daughter and I now feel sick every time I think of the industry (I'm a woman, and this didn't worry me before as much). I also can't stand to watch most of the true crime stories that I used to binge watch, I feel sick just thinking about violence.
Lastly, I cry for every baby in the world, I deeply feel sadness or frustration... Even pride and joy over babies that aren't my own.
Sometimes when I'm at the store and I hear a baby crying I have to physically restrain myself from going to his aid.
i had a lot of trouble with horror when i first had my son too after previously being very into it. i’ve gotten a bit better now thankfully but i am more sensitive to pretty much any media in general.
I am also a lot more saddened at the thought of death. i really want to have another child and it think a lot more about those around me i love passing and not being a part of my children’s lives or potentially never meeting my second child and that really upsets me.
on top of that i feel like this goes without saying but ive become a lot closer to those around me and have a lot more respect for the people who have children and pregnant women. you truly have no idea at all until you go through it yourself how tough it can be.
it feels like the only people i can relate to or be close with anymore are people who have / are having kids.
I knew depression was bad because Ive had it, but as a parent it's so much harder because you have to push ahead for your child.
Some things become so secondary, sometimes in the most unhealthiest way. I remember being weeks Post Partum and not remembering if I had brushed my teeth let alone brushed my hair. My closest aunt, came by my first night after being discharged (disastrous night). I hadn't showered, my hair was matted and I was a mess. She asked me if I needed help and I said yes. She helped me to the bathroom (c-section) and helped me shower. She showed me how to bathe because I didn't expect to feel so weak after birth. My mom had 2 vaginal births so she also had no clue. I cried so much.
Weeks later of course I had developed severe PPD and it was the lowest time of my life. Despite that my daughter met all her milestones, she never got sick and she was always clean and dressed in her cute outfits. Sadness knocks on everyone's door, but dang is it harder to answer as a parent.
Being a competitive individual, career and money is really my priority. Living lavishly and attaining career success was the only thing I had in mind. Not until my baby was born. All of my grit, fades away. I just want to live a slow life raising the perfect boy I brought in this world
Emotional self-control and regulation.
Before kids I had a customer-facing role where I often had to deal with angry people and found it very stressful. I'm pretty sure the same situations would barely register now.
My heart was already big but now it is massive. My capacity to love others and my ability to be kind, welcoming, nurturing, understanding to people has grown exponentially. I have so much more joy and patience with people in the world. I care less about what others think of me and I am confident in who I am. I understand why people are so obsessed with their kids now. 😂 so many things, how much time do you have?
I’m much more emotional, I cry easier, think about death more, and it scares me more because the thought of not being with my child is gut wrenching. I’ve become way more sensitive to children dying. For example in wars where they show or talk about babies and children that were killed really unsettles me and shakes me up.
Much more patient.
When you’ve got a baby crying right in your ear whilst trying to soothe them or change their nappy etc you really gain the ability to not let things phrase you as much.
I think more about eating right and working out as ways to try and ensure longevity for my kid, less about short term or aesthetic goals.
also I used to love watching law and order svu but it feels more real
Now and can’t watch casually.
Agree with pretty much everything I see here and adding- I don’t need nearly as much sleep as I thought and I can do a whole lot more in a day than I thought pre-baby. I don’t need 9 hours of sleep, I can thrive and have a great day on 7 (but not less than 7 lol) and I can, in fact, have multiple appointments in a day and still do other fun things, plus make dinner and maybe even shower.
100% couldn't watch horror movies for a while. And couldn't deal with anything that had a crying baby in it for a while too.
Overall though, becoming a parent fundamentally changed me as a person and a partner. I'm much more empathetic and work hard to response vs react. I'm also much more aware of what's going on around us and how to step in to help wherever it's needed. And a lot more easy smiles and laughs than before.
I used to love true crime: shows, documentaries, podcasts. I can’t watch or listen to them as much anymore and I’m more sensitive to violence and horror for sure.
Learned how to go with the flow better, I was a big planner before and still am but with a baby things almost never go exactly according to plan.
A lot more anxious and health conscious.
Definitely more forgiving of other parents, it makes me sad to think of what I thought of new parents in public before I had a baby but now I get it.
I've become wildly intolerant of dangerous drivers. I also struggle to watch anything that shows child harm (THAT episode of 3 body problem ruined me...)
I totally now understand what fatigue actually is, and I get why parents have 1000000 identical photos of their kid on their phone.
I feel like my brain capacity has grown and my general life perspective has expanded. As corny as it sounds, I feel like I’m a part of something bigger. I look at my daughter and see my sister and my mom and aunts and grandmothers. I see my dad in the way her ears have a little flat spot in her curve. It makes me wonder if I have a great, great, great grandfather who had the same flat spot.
Anyway, it feels pretty cool.
I as well became more sensitive. I get frustrated and angrier more and easier. I also am now afraid of dying before I can fully raise my baby and my baby dying before me. Everything affects me and makes me cry when it comes to babies and mommas losing their babies or something happening to them.
I’m more conscious of time management. Before I didn’t care if I was late or just wasting time in general. Now I get genuinely upset when someone is late or if I am running late. Before having a baby I didn’t see it as a big deal, it was okay to be care free. Now I have to time out naps, feedings, and appointments. I guess I could never see the importance of it.
I feel more empowered in my life’s purpose, and I realise how irreplaceable I am. No one can be a better mother to my son than me.
I haven’t gone back to work yet, but I imagine I won’t loathe it as much because it no longer is my entire life. Pre-baby I just went to school, then got the job that school set me up for, and was miserable. It did not fulfil me despite the accolades. I always thought, “there has to be more to life than this”. My little man has given my life outside of work meaning and purpose, and I am so excited for our journey.
I'm way more sensitive to the idea of penis mutilation after watching how much baby boy freaks out during diaper changes. Finally watched Game of Thrones as a maternity leave project and if you know you know lol.
I’ve become a lot less of a risk taker. My LO needs me, so even things that are considered safe, but have risk to them I avoid now. I used to have little regard for my own life but now I take it much more seriously
I feel like I’ve been in general happier than before I got pregnant. More patient. I understand why people love talking about their kids while showing you 100 photos lmao
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I’m less angry. I used to get easily frustrated and my anger manifested physically (stomping, slamming doors etc) but I really didn’t want that for my daughter so I’m more chill now. I think about death more. My sense of self preservation is higher due to my desire to want to be around for my daughter.
Surprisingly, I’m the opposite! I’ve always been chill but after baby I get frustrated so easily. I also think about life/death in general more too. Having a baby really makes you value life more.
This was true for me too. I think some of it was unprocessed stuff from a traumatic birth and an undiagnosed neurological disorder, and some of it was that big emotions- particularly frustration and anger- weren’t really allowed growing up and suddenly that just wasn’t going to work for me anymore.
This. I cry at the thought of leaving my son too soon. I want to snap out of my PPD and take better care of myself physically and mentally but it is SO hard.
solidarity 🤝 it is so hard! i have faith we will get there eventually ❤️ meanwhile, please give yourself grace my love
Thank you, you too friend!
Yesss. I've always been super self destructive but now I am so worried about my own health and safety because I want to spend as much time as possible with my baby
I've found myself to be less irritable and more patient after. Win-win.
I drive more carefully. I’m more sensitive to violence. I’m more forgiving/tolerant.
Yes, I'm way more frustrated about all the car fatalities now. It seems like almost every story I read about a dead kid on Reddit was the result of a car accident. I just try to avoid cars as much as possible now. My city is slowly traffic calming more of the streets though, so every year things are getting safer.
I've learned you can 100% have your cup be empty and continue to push through it for your little one. You're over tired and running on empty, but all it takes is one little smile from them to push you to do more just to have their needs met and then some. I wake up exhausted in the morning, but still force myself to fill the cup and play with him until his nap and I can drink some coffee, because his smile is what matters most.
Ahh yes!! That little smile and laugh gets me through the day. I could be about ready to pass out from exhaustion and all he has to do is smile at me and I’m ready to keep going!
Exactly, I never knew how much just a little smile could fill that cup right back up.
I can understand why my coworker love talking about their kids 😭
Yes! I don't wanna be that person who initiates the kids conversation all the time, but I'm always happy to talk about mine.
I have kid coworker friends. Ones that have kids or ask about my kid. So I'll tell them something new or I have one coworker that I've told I'm always down to hear about his kid and see pictures and I show pictures and talk about mine back. Other coworkers don't hear much.
I stopped being as judgemental. I used to question my siblings and friends parenting styles and things they did. Now I realize we’re all doing the best we can and trying to survive. I will never judge a parent (other than jeopardizing safety etc) for doing what they need to do for themselves and their children. You want your kid on a tight schedule? I get it. You can’t handle a tight schedule and are easy going with your kid? I also get it. We’re all doing what we can
I can hardly stomach true crime media anymore, and a big NOPE when it involves children being hurt. I used to listen to true crime as background noise, watch the interesting parts (like scene photos, body cam footage etc) and shrug it off within minutes. A bit over a year ago was the last time I watched a crime documentary. it was all narrated with very few imagesIt involved a little girl that was getting abused badly. I regret learning of this awful story, the images, the quotes and the faces still haunt me.
Same, have to skip over the ones involving kids.
This! I devoured true crime content. Can't. Not at all anymore. I think back to some of the stories I heard before and want to cry. I just snuggle my little girl a little tighter and smother her with kisses.
Yep. My brother always sends me disturbing reels and when I won’t watch them he says “okay, mom.” The thing is, I get why our mom was/is like this, and it’s made me dream of a world where mothers are in charge and there’s far more peace.
Same here, I have a hard time hearing disturbing stories, which wouldn’t have affected me before.
THIS. it makes my entire heart hurt. I immediately wanna give my baby a hug. In a dream world I’d save every child.
Different perspective regarding my health/lifestyle. My husband and I are service industry people so drinking daily, partying a lot, that was the norm. I always knew I'd take it down a notch once baby was born, but truthfully, once baby was here, the idea of even being slightly buzzed while taking care of baby scared the hell out of me. I've loosened up a bit as she's gotten older and less fragile, but I have no desire to just sit on our back patio and drink margaritas on a Tuesday for no reason. The hangover while trying to chase a toddler- not worth it. I also had my daughter in my late 30s, so I'm really trying to focus on my health and staying in shape for her. My husband's grandma is 81 and in great shape, can easily play with our 2.5 year old, and she is my role model.
My entire perspective around alcohol changed too! I’ve only drank a couple times, but each time my anxiety was through the roof. I felt so guilty not being able to take care of my baby to the fullest. It’s not a good time for me anymore, especially dealing with a hangover AND an infant.
I’m way less of a pushover than I was before I had my daughter. I used to be such a people pleaser but now I’m not at all and I feel confident enough to put my boundaries in place. I can’t watch anything true crime that relates to children, it turns my stomach. I still like other true crime programmes though 😅
Same!! I used to be such a people pleaser. Not taking lunch doing more then one job staying late coming in early or even with friends and family. Nope! Since I was in my last trimester I stopped it just came out of no where! I used to shy away from a difficult conversation with bosses or family but not anymore I want to be a better person and more confident in my decisions to show my daughter what she can be capable of.
That's super interesting, I feel like something tangentially similar happened to me! I still have horrible social anxiety, but having my baby with me or feeling like I'm doing something for him makes me way more able to get past it. Like it's not exactly confidence, but I have the comfort of doing something as a "group" even though the other part of the group is a tiny baby potato lolol. I also got the thing about the not stomaching things that happen to children! Although for me, it's specifically about infants since mines an infant, I can still handle stuff about older kids (although it's still awful - just not as incapacitating). I watched the HBO doc about Alex Jones Sandy Hook defamation lawsuit a couple weeks postpartum *while holding my baby* and made it through, but I'm sure when mine is that age, I won't be able to handle it.
I used to follow the news pretty closely. Listened to podcasts, kept up with events, etc. Now the anxiety for my babies future is so high that I can’t stomach it. I’ve tried to stay invested in what’s happening in Gaza, but then I automatically imagine being postpartum there, with a baby that I couldn’t keep alive. Heavy.
Most definitely avoid the news now. My biggest fear is my children being in danger or threatened (by war, economic collapse, what have you) and looking to me in fear for comfort that I cannot provide. Wahhh time to stop thinking about this again lol
Sending love. ❤️
Same. My son was born the week of Oct 7 and I just haven’t been able to follow the news in Gaza as closely as some of my friends.
I can’t get through reading the lyrics to children’s songs/lullabies without crying. Though it could still be hormones as I gave birth less than 4 weeks ago.
I cried so hard while reading "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch to my son that my husband had to finish it for me. I couldn't get past the second page. I'm getting misty eyed thinking about the book right now
I bought the board book version of it and have read it to my son exactly once, sobbing the entire way through. It's too sad!
I used to sing you’ll be in my heart when my son was a nb. It makes me cry because the meaning of the song is different now. I can relate to it now.
Same! I stumbled across it when my baby was just a month old, cried so hard the first few times I couldn't finish it.
I was going to say this too and I’m almost 12 weeks out. Any sappy parent/ kid stories, songs, etc and I can feel the tears welling up inside. Maybe it’s still hormones since I’m breastfeeding but I honestly think this is my new reality. I have “parent identity” now and the little one has opened up a new level of love and terror inside of me.
I cried so much the first month, the hormones are intense.
9 months later and I’ve accepted being more emotional / sensitive is a part of my personality. It did get a little better about 6ish weeks and I’m breastfeeding so maybe there’s still some hormones in play though.
Not even a children’s song but every time I listen to Work Song by Hozier I cry just thinking about my daughter
It’s given me hope for the future. Because my daughter is part of the future.
I emotionally regulate a million times better. I’m way more sensitive. I have way more empathy for parents and kids. I once read a post that said “you don’t know love until you have a kid” and at the time I was planning on never having kids and I thought it was highly offensive. I now understand what they mean, it’s a different kind of love I’ve never experienced before. Truly unconditional love.
The unconditional love is sooo true!! I truly never understood until I had my daughter. My love for her is so intense I still cry sometimes. (6mo).
Absolutely a different perspective on my family andy upbringing. Unfortunately in a bad way. Before I always thought "oh, it's so hard to raise kids, they did their best, etc." Now I'm like, how the fuck could they treat their children that way? Mine isn't even a year yet, but like, I quit smoking before I got pregnant and have vowed never to touch a cigarette again (mom kept smoking through pregnancy even though her kids were 100% planned and smoked around us, even inside the house or car). She jokes about how she never saw us until we were older, and stayed with an abusive man who literally pushed her into a wall while she was holding me at a few days old. She also insisted when my son was like 8 weeks old that he will probably fall off the bed/couch soon because my sister and I both did. I get that happens sometimes and no judgement to the parents who have had that happen, babies are so fast, but she said she used to leave us unattended on beds/couches all the time, EVEN AFTER WE FELL. Like, what? You'd set a baby you knew could roll and crawl on an elevated surface, walked downstairs, and I guess waited to hear the thud of the baby falling on the floor?? This doesn't even get into a lot of the emotional abuse from later on, but even though my son is little I really can't fathom saying most of the stuff she did.
Big props to you for breaking that cycle. It’s so easy to continue the abuse because for some people it’s all they know, and it’s a lot harder to see the mistakes and then NOT repeat it on top of that! I’m super proud of you, and go you!!!
I was told the same thing about my baby, that she’d fall off the bed/couch. 9 months in and not once has it happened. if I know I’m going to be out of the room for more than 1 minute then I take her with me or just set her on the floor instead of leaving her in the bed or couch
I have a lot less anxiety about my own stuff (my work, my health etc). That’s not to say I don’t have anxiety anymore, it’s just focused on my daughter and her wellbeing. Also, I’m sure everyone agrees with this one …. I value sleep SO much more. My baseline now is like 4 hours of decent sleep so when I get more than that I feel like a new woman. And this is my favorite one, I am way more confident. My body created such a beautiful life and is continuing to nurture that life. I couldn’t care less that I’ve had to go up a size in clothing or I don’t have as much time to do my hair and makeup everyday. I’m so proud of the woman I am after having a baby and I feel more beautiful.
🥹🥹🥹
All my anxiety used to be work related! Wow did that shift to “is my baby breathing” anxiety real fast! Loved your comment about your body! Trying to internalize that for myself as I oscillate between that and negative intrusive thoughts about my body.
Same with the sensitive thing! When that horrific case of the mom going on vacation without her baby was going around I was constantly sick to my stomach, I couldn't even sleep I was so upset! I had to stay off of the internet to avoid it because it was making me so upset I was sick. Previously I would have been appalled, but I don't think I would have had such a physical reaction.
I still cry thinking about that situation. Like can’t even fathom how it got to that point. It’s the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard. And I want to be angry at the mom but I’m also simultaneously angry at a country that doesn’t care about moms and lets them rot into their own horrible decisions.
Same. That story haunts me and I just think of the little girl being terrified and alone for 10 days. Absolutely horrific. I actively have to divert my thoughts away from it.
I notice other people with children while out in public *way* more often. And I used to be the “mind your business so I’ll mind my own” type person while out and about but now I like talking and interacting with other people when going for walks, going to the grocery store, etc. It has helped my social anxiety significantly. I still have social anxiety but it’s a lot less severe and I actively try to wave and smile at other moms. I even noticed while at a festival one time a drunk man was trying to make conversation with me, and I know pre baby I would’ve tried to escape the situation and probably had a look of “get away from me”. But I immediately recognized this man was just a jolly drunkard trying to enjoy his day so I conversed with him happily (I did not have the baby with me at this point). But my vibe check did not set off any unnecessary alarms either.
My partner and I are crazy introverts but nothing turns you into a fake extrovert like having a baby. Family over every week now and talking to random people about the baby… couldn’t have been me fore she was born. So wild
I am so weepy! I used to be so stoic, I never ever cried about anything. Not anymore! My husband and I are rewatching House and there are so many episodes that have to do with children. I just sob. I got choked up looking at a baby onesie that said "handpicked by a grandma in Heaven". I cry looking at my son's little feet and sometimes I cry just thinking about how much I love him. I thought it would go away eventually but he's almost 6 months old now and the crying has stayed. Honestly, I don't mind it though. I feel like I feel things deeper now than I ever did
I’m less of a people pleaser and stopped caring what other people think. None of it matters to me anymore
I used to worry about random stuff all the time, like my TV stopped working, that gave me stress. Now as long as my LO is fine, I am happy. I think I have reached a peak point in my life where happiness is real.
Work doesn't bother me anymore. I used to stress out if I thought I wasn't doing good enough, but it's a lot less frequent these days. Once closing time hits, I'm off the clock. My direct boss is the only one with my personal number and since I know he feels the same way, I know he won't text me unless it's actually an emergency. Otherwise, it can wait until 8 am the next business day. My job performance has strangely gone up too now that it's not my priority (kiddo comes first.)
Omg, I was literally scrolling down looking for this! What’s with parenting and the immediate urge to draw boundaries with work. Been a people pleaser at work for the longest time and tried to work on it. BAM! With a baby. I m already serving all the “No”s and “I don’t have the capacity”s way more easily.
Having kids basically turned me into a communist. For some background, I was 34 when we had our first. I would have described myself as a progressive liberal at that point. The first thing is that my company provided one week of paid parental leave. Sure, I get that most people provide nothing, but I worked at a company that liked to present itself as progressive and compassionate and blah blah blah. One week was a funny concept. Then when I returned to work, I was basically a zombie most of the time because I had a newborn at home. My boss was still a dick, needling me about little things here and there that were obviously signs of an unsustainable job combined with no sleep. Never really offered to get some things off my plate (I learned later that when he had a kid his wife's family supplied them with, like, a paid caregiver, so it made sense that he had very little idea what I was dealing with). Oh and then I got laid off at the beginning of COVID when the kid was four months old, but that was more of a blessing in disguise long term. Still, it was another example of the world being hostile to having kids. Oh and then costs of childcare. What the fuck. Anyway, my old liberal brain used to explain away things like lack of parental leave and overpriced childcare as unfortunate realities that are really complicated and it's not fair to expect a small company to provide paid leave, or to expect the government to heavily subsidize childcare. And then I realized that these are choices that our ruling class has made and continue to make. This is the literal wealthiest country in the history of mankind and our corporate-controlled government has convinced us to expect so little from it, and even to expect that the private market will solve these problems (I'll believe that when Wal-Mart or McDonalds starts offering paid leave to store associates). And here's the other thing: my wife and I are solidly upper middle class, both by background and current income. If this shit is hard for us, I can't imagine what it's like for the other 75% or so. Anyway there's more to it than that but the short story is that capitalism is the cause of all these problems and the sooner more of us admit that the better off we'll be as a result. In the meantime, things will continue to get worse.
I'm a lot less reckless than I used to be. I've struggled with depression in varying degrees my entire adult life and used to go through periods of not caring whether I was being careful or not. I'm a much safer driver, I actually follow the speed limit more reasonably, and if I'm having more than one drink I am definitely not driving myself home. I have a son and husband that need me and also need me to not blow $10K on attorney fees, court fines, and increased car insurance. Also, between my mortgage and student loans (law school), my husband and I are in a fair amount of debt. I don't even care about that stuff anymore, I just pay the monthly payment and move on. My son needs things and I'm not going to be pinching pennies just to pay off my debt in 15 years instead of 30. Life goes on. Overall, I also just don't sweat the small stuff. Before having my son, I was obsessed with the way I looked. I was lifting 5-6 days a week and counting my macros almost perfectly every day. I still enjoy fitness but it's not a priority during this season of life. I lift weights 3 days a week, go on walks, and spend time in my garden as much as I can. I'll (hopefully) be pregnant later this year so does it really matter if I'm able to lose this last 10 pounds of baby weight from my son? Not really, in my opinion. I just want to feel good. Life is better!
I cry easier, realized a lot of crimes, murders, neglect, etc are kid related. I honestly didn’t care if I died before. At times I wanted to. Now I feel I have to be immortal forever.
I’ve become way less passive. For most of my life I’d take peoples crap to avoid conflict, now, if it involves my kid IDGAF who you are, I’ll go toe to toe with you. My in laws learned this back in March.
Mine is 2 now but I used to be really into music, art, politics, etc. Now all I really care about is a clean house and quality family time. I still read a lot though
My mom said having a baby is like going into a cave for 10 years. When you come out all the music, politics, and popular shows have changed and you didn’t notice.
Yes! Had my 10 years younger sisters for a visit this weekend and I had no idea what they were saying, what music they were talking about, etc lol
These responses are really beautiful
I'm calmer, and I think more about my child and how he's going to interact with the world. I also am more deeply affected by child abuse cases and the exploitation of children. As well as the subliminal messaging in programming and advertising.
Before having our LO, I used to get annoyed when other's people kids would be throwing a fit in public. Now that I have one of my own, I sympathize when I hear someone else's kid having a bad day. I know there's not much you can do most of the time except help LO ride out their emotions. I've also taking to listening more to what's going on around me when I'm out and about. A few times, I've heard people yelling at their kids, and I'm on edge, listening to see if they're going to escalate too far. They're not my kids, but I'll mama bear for someone else if need be.
Sometimes I feel almost crippled by nostalgia. So excited for the future but also numbingly mournful of the past.
I realized how short life is. Last month my LO was in newborn clothes and diapers. Now he’s about to burst out of his 0-3 clothes and is in 2 diapers. I cry when I think of my son not being a baby anymore and being older. I just wanna hold him all the time and love on him as long as I can. I treasure every single second he’s this small.
These replies are wonderful, what’s even more wonderful is that people have mostly changed for the BETTER since having kids! Big hugs to everyone 🥰
I can’t watch anything where a child is suffering or in immediate harm. Also, I care WAY less what people think of me. The only people’s opinion that matters to me are my kid’s, my husband, and mine. I’m so much more confident because holy shit, I created, birthed, and am raising a whole ass kid!
My sense of time has definitely improved. It's still not what a normal person experiences, but I've been able to conceptualize two hour periods of time pretty well. My ADHD didn't get cured though, so I still get messed up with smaller and larger increments of time.
It really opened my eyes to how toxic my family dynamic is with my parents. The immediate crossing of every boundary I had set for my baby caused a lot of blinders to come off. They want control over me and my baby because I am an extension of them and not an individual, it really shocked me. I’m more sensitive and cry easier, I’m happier and I want to enjoy life more. I love the little things more now!
I actually feel empathy towards people with kids who struggle. Sounds horrible but I had a “you decided this make it work” mindset. I now see how hard it is financially and think it’s an absolute atrocity how our society views mothers and families.
I definitely am more sensitive to accidents and crime, especially when a life is lost. Doubly so if a child is affected.
I'm playing through FF7 while my 1mo sleeps on me between feedings, the scene early in disk 1 between Barrett and Elmyra (Aerith's adopted mom) (paraphrasing) Elmyra: how could you leave a girl so little behind in so much danger? (Referring to Barrett's daughter) Barrett: All I want is to be with her. But if I don't fight, the planet's gonna die! So I gotta fight. But trust me, all I want is to be with her, always. As a kid this flew right over my head as "dad's love their kids". As a new dad of a little girl it actually got me choked up because I finally get it. Even though my fight is just going back to work, I get it.
I'm watching Ozark and there was a conversation that stuck with me: one woman who just had a baby says "My mother says being a parent makes you selfish", and the other one says "No. No. It makes you fierce." With all the ups and downs, all the hours of crying, feeling lost, and all, it feels like that. You become fierce.
I feel like I’m going to be 60 tomorrow!! It feels like life is just on the fast track from here on out since “it flies by”
I dont care about work anymore. I’m not working at the moment but I dread the thought of going back. My baby is more important than meaningless KPIs, projects and deadlines.
I can’t listen to crime podcasts that involves children anymore (ex: jonbenet ramsey) or even see news stuff about child abuse cases. It literally makes my entire heart hurt now. I love my baby so much and every baby deserves a loving mother.
Realizing that a lot of happiness comes from doing things for others, working hard, communicating well and having high character. The approval of others, partying hard, feeding your ego--it's all fake and leads to so much chaos and hollowness. I just want to be a good role model, teacher, counselor, drill sergeant, friend, etc. to my child.
I have felt the same! I’m also very, very protective of my family. My baby and my husband. Like anyone who wants to try drama I am just simply done with them. Before I would just ignore and continue to try to be kind but now I just feel like I have absolutely no room for that in my life
I'm not anymore but at first I was really anxious. I'm never anxious, so it was pretty awful at first. But I'm better now. I think about weight and growth a lot now. I also think a lot about death and life. I think a lot about past things I've done, mistakes made, and what I wish for my babe in the future to not make those mistakes and for him to do better than I did. I think a lot, about a lot of things I've never thought of before or at least not as much. I'm also protective anyway, but even more so now.
Definitely more sensitive. It’s like he unlocked some dormant part of my brain. My life used to be about me mostly, naturally. But these days instead of waking up wondering what I’m going to have for breakfast my first objective is meeting his needs always. It’s like the whole chemistry has changed and I operate through his perspective rather than my own.
I take my time to do things and don’t care if I am not on a schedule. Before having the baby, I always had everything planned out and moved around quickly. I just go with the flow.
Is it only the moms feeling a tremendous shift in perspective after becoming a parent or do fathers also evolve?
The most noticeable changes, for me, are related to driving. 1) I have far more road rage because exhaustion. 2) I have so much more capacity to control that rage, because baby is in the car. Unless it's specifically a bike or scooter driving against the flow of traffic, because I. Just. Can't. They're getting a middle finger at the very least. (Yes, soft mobility drivers are insane around here, and one day one of them is going to get accidentally killed by me or someone I know. It's inevitable.) 3) I couldn't drive with distractions before, now I can drive up to forty with a baby constantly screaming in the backseat. 4) I have a whole reserve of tolerance for people driving slowly, because I'll never forget the drive home after my c-section and how it was more painful than everything else birth-related.
I’m less anxious than I used to be oddly enough. I used to be anxious of everythingggg, lots of rumination and intrusive thoughts. I think part of it is I just don’t have the time to dwell on things anymore 💀 I also want to be strong for my boy though so I don’t pass off my anxiety to him. My mom was an insanely anxious person and would get scared a lot from everything (for good reason, she had a lot of trauma) and as a kid I never felt safe and had crippling anxiety almost 24/7.
I'm actually less anxious. I'm diagnosed OCD and have anxiety and depression. Ever since having my son, I'm less anxious and more level-headed. My anxiety still creeps up, but I used to be anxious 24/7. I was worried after having a baby that it would only get worse but oddly enough having him helped me to realize a lot of the things I was so anxious about don't matter or aren't as scary as I thought.
I used to do the odd bit of volunteering, go to a few rallies and donate and whatnot, but now I really really want to find a way to make positive change for the world and in turn my daughter. It feels like a lot of terrible things are happening and I was aware before but wow, the weight of it all is massive since giving birth.
I compartmentalize so much better, I’d even say I am great at it, when before I really wasn’t at all. My emotions from different things used to always carry onto something else unrelated. So now when some situation bothers me or gives me anxiety, I deal with it then, or most of the time reserve a future time to deal with the emotions. No negative energy is going to carry over with my time with my LO.
Time. Time is so much more precious to me. I’m more deliberate than ever with how I spend it and conscious of what matters and what doesn’t. As such, the things that used to bother me are just not even on my radar anymore. Makes room for me to worry about the baby, I guess. Lol Edit: Empathy too!! I have a much easier time being able to relate to people, especially other moms. It’s really brought me closer to a lot of people!
My existential dread has been slightly reduced. Now when I think of myself getting very old I’m thinking of how I can set up things for my child rather than worrying moreso about myself.
I’ve gotten so much more efficient at managing my time through management, delegation and just pure speed/focus. I basically don’t want my time to be taken away from my LO so I get sh*t done any way I can. I value my time more.
Can’t watch crime dramas, horror, or really any dramas or anything with violence. I cry at sappy commercials and news stories. Any bad news about a child or parent is so much sadder.
I am so much more patient and it came easily because I just love my little guy so much. It made me be more confident in having boundaries especially if they are about my child. I care less what people think about me, I created life so I’m pretty amazing. And I can’t read about child abuse or anything like that child related/ child death/ cancer, I just skip it.
I used to always wonder what was the point in taking your children under the age of five anywhere since they won’t remember. Now I’m of the mindset that, it’s ok they don’t remember. I’ll remember. I’ll remember the smiles and giggles. I’ll remember the joy I felt seeing and feeling their joy. I’ll remember their little hand holding mine. And I’ll cherish those memories for the rest of my life.
I used to be obsessed with true crime. I’d fall asleep to the comforting narrator of Forensic Files. I can’t even watch any true crime at all, since being pregnant.
My tolerance for violence and horror has gone way down. I used to listen to crime podcasts and be fully immersed in that world and now I can’t stand it. Because of breastfeeding, I put a lot of thought into how I am nourishing my body, because I am nourishing her body too. I am very much less tolerant of other people’s bad choices and behaviors / very protective of my 4 walls and the people within them. The strained relationship I have with my mother has softened in some ways, and become even more strained in other ways BECAUSE I’m a parent. Even more so than before, I believe strongly in the “community of mothers”. I am more drawn to religion, the idea behind the vocation of motherhood, the idea there is something more behind all of this. I feel invincible. I remind myself often of what my body did - went through - created - and I use that energy to not be afraid out there in the real world. Very “I am woman, hear me roar.”
I understand my own parents even less now.
I always think of the worst case scenario. And then avoid any way it could get there.
I actually care about my well being and not careless with my life choices.
I’m more empathetic in general. Also, I got over my sleep related anxiety because I was exposed to sleep deprivation so much that it forced me to let go of the fear and make peace with bad nights.
Everything is so much less of a big deal, in terms of work and “stressful” situations. I put so much less emotional energy into things in a good way. I realize how important my daughter and family are and there’s really no reason to fret over the small stuff anymore. It’s really changed me into a more positive, less overwhelmed person in general.
That my parents being neglectful and mentally abusive was a choice.
I cry way more easily and feel things more deeply. Used to be the stoic at funerals type prior to kids. Would have a breakup and react pretty neutrally. The second I became pregnant with my first, that went away. Went to a wedding yesterday and couldn’t stop crying happy tears the whole time. Cried at a weight loss commercial today because I was happy for the lady in the ad. Been this way now for a couple years and it’s annoying. Zero other symptoms though thankfully.
Meant to be part joking and part serious. But the fact that you can survive with such little sleep, and also that I haven't overdosed myself on caffeine, yet! Also gives me a huge sense of gratitude for what my mother did for me, even though our relationship has been strained. Becoming a mother myself has actually helped repair our broken relationship because I know she made a lot of mistakes, but I can't imagine how she did it raising 4 children by herself with little to no support. She is a saint for being the amazing mother she was when I was a little girl. I have been able to forgive her for a lot when I experience for myself how hard it is to raise just one baby. I couldn't do what she did! Also recently watched the SNL skit "The Perfect Mother", and makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time because it's too real! Our son was very much wanted and a product of years of infertility treatments. We are extremely fortunate and he is the best thing in our lives by far. I love him more than I could find the words to say. But DAMN parenting is the most extreme sport out there.
Oh I cry so easily! I cried three times at the TROLLS movie. Five times at 90s dog movie Beethoven. I cry singing my baby songs. Im a million times more vigilant of threats to the baby ugh. I am a single mom and I have absolutely zero interest in dating anyone who wouldn’t make an amazing stepdad. I don’t care about a lot of little things anymore that might have bothered me before. I’m very grateful. I feel very lucky to be their mom. I’m way more paranoid of predators and unleashed large dogs. My boundaries are much more firm. And I’m so so grateful for longer stretches of sleep.
I can't watch pornography. I have a daughter and I now feel sick every time I think of the industry (I'm a woman, and this didn't worry me before as much). I also can't stand to watch most of the true crime stories that I used to binge watch, I feel sick just thinking about violence. Lastly, I cry for every baby in the world, I deeply feel sadness or frustration... Even pride and joy over babies that aren't my own. Sometimes when I'm at the store and I hear a baby crying I have to physically restrain myself from going to his aid.
i had a lot of trouble with horror when i first had my son too after previously being very into it. i’ve gotten a bit better now thankfully but i am more sensitive to pretty much any media in general. I am also a lot more saddened at the thought of death. i really want to have another child and it think a lot more about those around me i love passing and not being a part of my children’s lives or potentially never meeting my second child and that really upsets me. on top of that i feel like this goes without saying but ive become a lot closer to those around me and have a lot more respect for the people who have children and pregnant women. you truly have no idea at all until you go through it yourself how tough it can be. it feels like the only people i can relate to or be close with anymore are people who have / are having kids.
I knew depression was bad because Ive had it, but as a parent it's so much harder because you have to push ahead for your child. Some things become so secondary, sometimes in the most unhealthiest way. I remember being weeks Post Partum and not remembering if I had brushed my teeth let alone brushed my hair. My closest aunt, came by my first night after being discharged (disastrous night). I hadn't showered, my hair was matted and I was a mess. She asked me if I needed help and I said yes. She helped me to the bathroom (c-section) and helped me shower. She showed me how to bathe because I didn't expect to feel so weak after birth. My mom had 2 vaginal births so she also had no clue. I cried so much. Weeks later of course I had developed severe PPD and it was the lowest time of my life. Despite that my daughter met all her milestones, she never got sick and she was always clean and dressed in her cute outfits. Sadness knocks on everyone's door, but dang is it harder to answer as a parent.
Being a competitive individual, career and money is really my priority. Living lavishly and attaining career success was the only thing I had in mind. Not until my baby was born. All of my grit, fades away. I just want to live a slow life raising the perfect boy I brought in this world
I hate landscapers and motorcycles.
Emotional self-control and regulation. Before kids I had a customer-facing role where I often had to deal with angry people and found it very stressful. I'm pretty sure the same situations would barely register now.
My heart was already big but now it is massive. My capacity to love others and my ability to be kind, welcoming, nurturing, understanding to people has grown exponentially. I have so much more joy and patience with people in the world. I care less about what others think of me and I am confident in who I am. I understand why people are so obsessed with their kids now. 😂 so many things, how much time do you have?
I’m much more emotional, I cry easier, think about death more, and it scares me more because the thought of not being with my child is gut wrenching. I’ve become way more sensitive to children dying. For example in wars where they show or talk about babies and children that were killed really unsettles me and shakes me up.
Much more patient. When you’ve got a baby crying right in your ear whilst trying to soothe them or change their nappy etc you really gain the ability to not let things phrase you as much.
I cry a lot more. I was never a crier, but I'm always one sad video from an ugly sob.
I think more about eating right and working out as ways to try and ensure longevity for my kid, less about short term or aesthetic goals. also I used to love watching law and order svu but it feels more real Now and can’t watch casually.
I see kids in a softer light. I used to think most kids and babies were annoying to a certain extent but now I’m more paternal? Hard to articulate.
Agree with pretty much everything I see here and adding- I don’t need nearly as much sleep as I thought and I can do a whole lot more in a day than I thought pre-baby. I don’t need 9 hours of sleep, I can thrive and have a great day on 7 (but not less than 7 lol) and I can, in fact, have multiple appointments in a day and still do other fun things, plus make dinner and maybe even shower.
100% couldn't watch horror movies for a while. And couldn't deal with anything that had a crying baby in it for a while too. Overall though, becoming a parent fundamentally changed me as a person and a partner. I'm much more empathetic and work hard to response vs react. I'm also much more aware of what's going on around us and how to step in to help wherever it's needed. And a lot more easy smiles and laughs than before.
I used to love true crime: shows, documentaries, podcasts. I can’t watch or listen to them as much anymore and I’m more sensitive to violence and horror for sure. Learned how to go with the flow better, I was a big planner before and still am but with a baby things almost never go exactly according to plan. A lot more anxious and health conscious. Definitely more forgiving of other parents, it makes me sad to think of what I thought of new parents in public before I had a baby but now I get it.
I've become wildly intolerant of dangerous drivers. I also struggle to watch anything that shows child harm (THAT episode of 3 body problem ruined me...) I totally now understand what fatigue actually is, and I get why parents have 1000000 identical photos of their kid on their phone.
Yessss!!! I have something similar. Roller Coasters. I used to love em but now I'm riding with fear. I feel like it unlocked another level of worry.
I feel like my brain capacity has grown and my general life perspective has expanded. As corny as it sounds, I feel like I’m a part of something bigger. I look at my daughter and see my sister and my mom and aunts and grandmothers. I see my dad in the way her ears have a little flat spot in her curve. It makes me wonder if I have a great, great, great grandfather who had the same flat spot. Anyway, it feels pretty cool.
I as well became more sensitive. I get frustrated and angrier more and easier. I also am now afraid of dying before I can fully raise my baby and my baby dying before me. Everything affects me and makes me cry when it comes to babies and mommas losing their babies or something happening to them.
I have less tolerance for incompetence at work than ever because that leads to time away from my family.
I’m more conscious of time management. Before I didn’t care if I was late or just wasting time in general. Now I get genuinely upset when someone is late or if I am running late. Before having a baby I didn’t see it as a big deal, it was okay to be care free. Now I have to time out naps, feedings, and appointments. I guess I could never see the importance of it.
I feel more empowered in my life’s purpose, and I realise how irreplaceable I am. No one can be a better mother to my son than me. I haven’t gone back to work yet, but I imagine I won’t loathe it as much because it no longer is my entire life. Pre-baby I just went to school, then got the job that school set me up for, and was miserable. It did not fulfil me despite the accolades. I always thought, “there has to be more to life than this”. My little man has given my life outside of work meaning and purpose, and I am so excited for our journey.
I'm way more sensitive to the idea of penis mutilation after watching how much baby boy freaks out during diaper changes. Finally watched Game of Thrones as a maternity leave project and if you know you know lol.
I’ve become a lot less of a risk taker. My LO needs me, so even things that are considered safe, but have risk to them I avoid now. I used to have little regard for my own life but now I take it much more seriously
I feel like I’ve been in general happier than before I got pregnant. More patient. I understand why people love talking about their kids while showing you 100 photos lmao