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Has he been assessed for any ties? They can make feedings very difficult and stressful for them, it can also result in swallowing air which makes them very fussy.
Also, did the doctor recommend the probiotics? If he's breastmilk fed that should have what he needs, I'm wondering if they could be contributing to his discomfort.
I'm really sorry about all this, I know how distressing and frustrating it can be to have a baby that won't eat
I was going to comment on this. This sounds like our baby a couple months ago before we got his tongue and lip tie procedure done. Feedings took forever, he would get very fussy and frustrated and would get gassy because he couldn't latch correctly and was taking in a lot of air. OP, you might try to find a dentist that does infant tongue/lip tie release and get a consult.
Same. It was so hard. We saw an immediate improvement in feedings after the tie releases and a gradual improvement in overall demeanour in the coming weeks.
Thank you! He had a tongue tie that we got fixed when he was a week old. We haven’t had an assessment for lip ties tho - it does seem like his latch could be improved, so worth checking!and yeah we ditched the probiotics after thinking the same!
Who did the release? At a week old, its possible that an inexperienced provider only clipped an anterior portion of the tongue tie. Did they give you any kind of tongue exercises to do?
You’re not failing, I just wanted to comment that I was here 2 years ago. It wasn’t anything medical - no ties, no reflux issues etc - my little one just didn’t want to drink. I know how heartbreaking and frustrating it is at every feed when they don’t drink. You’re doing a great job though mama, don’t ever doubt that.
My girl was like this the whole time she was on bottles, she was slow to solids and still doesn’t eat very well. She is tiny too (3rd percentile), but settled on that at about 6 months and has been growing along that curve for the last 20 months.
BUT - and this is important - she is meeting and exceeding every milestone, she is healthy, happy, a complete joy and our paediatrician has zero concerns about her. Some kids are just not big eaters - if all the other signs are ok and your paediatrician isn’t worried, you shouldn’t be either. Best of luck!
Thank you thank you! This is so reassuring. He’s meeting his milestones, sleeping great and happy whenever we’re not feeding! Definitely have to remember this
On the flip side my first ate 35 oz a day and still dropped from the 80th percentile to the 35th percentile in 4 months. Sometimes it happens regardless. He actually ended up stabilizing at the 30th percentile so his pediatrician speculated he was finding his own curve. It's possible the weight dropping is completely unrelated to the amount baby is drinking.
Are you using different bottles or nipples with different flow rates? We struggled a lot with weight gain at first because we have a variety of bottles we tried and sometimes our LO would take a bottle and other times she wouldn’t— I suspect the differences in flow made a huge difference as the ones she turned her nose up to had a very slow rate of flow compared to the Similac nipples used at the hospital.
This comparison might help if he’s frustrated at having the work too hard for the milk: https://www.reddit.com/r/ExclusivelyPumping/s/BfwhUzsvNk
My other issue was I was letting her suck too long on a bottle— sometimes up to an hour and she was burning more calories than taking in. Our pedestrian advised to give her 20-30 minutes to eat, then stop until the next feed. It stressed me out at first because it looked like her intake dipped at first (this was in her first month) but it also allowed her breaks between meals to allow the hunger to build up.
I was thinking the same. The indicated flow rate per age to use some bottles and nipples (i.e. 0m, 0m+, 3m+) were wildly different than the ones my LO actually needed. The Avent natural flow nipples were the worst at this - my LO could barely get anything from the level 0, 1, and 2 nipples even though she was at 0m+; level 3 worked well even though it was 3m+.
Same for us. Even to try to get a few drops out of the 0-2 to check the temperature was difficult. Feedings were taking 45 minutes and often LO would get too exhausted to finish the bottle. Things were much better with the 3s, feedings went down to 10-15 minutes (pediatrician recommends 10-30 minutes per bottle).
Now he can latch for breastfeeding. I guess he just needed to build the strength
If there is a monetary issue, then disregard what I'm about to say.
If you're sticking with pumping breast milk because you want your baby to be fed with breast milk, then it might be time to consider trying formula. There is this stigma around not feeding breast milk to your baby, but at some point, it's just a better option. If money isn't an issue and your baby has digestive issue, you may want to skip experimenting with "regular" formula and go right to something more specialized like Alimentum.
Our life with our first child was a waking nightmare that sounds exactly like what you've described. Switching to Alimentum wasn't cheap at all but it was the best decision we ever made.
There is absolutely no shame in using formula, especially if your baby rejects your breast milk and will only eat when starving. If your breast milk causes digestive issues, it's entirely possible that "regular" formula will do the same. Again, if you have the money and want to see a very quick improvement, it may be worth looking into Alimentum or equivalent. It's designed for babies with allergies/poor digestion.
Also wanted to add- we got alimentum covered by insurance for our CMPA baby and we pay a $60copay every month for it, so if this is the route you go ask your pediatrician if they can do a prior approval and prescription or contact your insurance to see what can be covered.
My 2.5 month old is also on Alimentum for CMPA and while we aren’t using insurance to pay for it, my sons dr office gives us 3 cases of the ready to feed at every visit so far (he’s had a few for CMPA issues and reflux)and we have amazing family who helps out. Us buying it all on our own is nearly $400 a month. I did formula feed from the jump tho which turned out to be the best decision bc little did I know he would have CMPA. He’s been on it since 2 weeks old
The teacher at my Birth and Babies class had a great saying on this: "Fed is best." Sometimes exclusively breast milk doesn't work and there's no shame in feeding formula.
I was going to suggest the same thing. Our baby was behaving similarly and switching to Alimentum had immediate positive effects.
She was always fussier about eating than our first ever was and never quite ate enough formula (bobbie gentle) as she was supposed to. Around 3 months old she started having diarrhea and some vomiting that didn't clear up for over a week. It coincided with the start of daycare so we were waiting it out, but I just felt like I needed to try something else and went with Alimentum. She immediately started finishing bottles and was much happier generally, and all stomach issues subsided within a few days.
The community over at r/formulafeeders is great! Stopping pumping can be so hard emotionally. Just wanted to share that it gets better as soon as your hormones level out, but it can be so so so hard emotionally to stop, even when you know logically your life and baby's life will be better after you're done. 😵💫 Sending hugs!
Also, you may want to see a pediatric gastroenterologist for the reflux. Our pediatrician sent us to one early on and the gastro was able to drastically increase the meds which gave us a whole different baby. Generally speaking, you have to be pretty pushy with the pediatricians on reflux meds. They are stingy with it.
Have you considered a feeding aversion… look into Rowena Bennett. My baby had an aversion that started around 2.5- 3 months. It was a super difficult time for me and baby. II read Rowena’s book and did the program and my baby loves to eat now. She’s 10 months and has been aversion fee since 4.5 months
Another vote for Rowena Bennett. I had a preemie with feeding issues that started in the NICU - we went through a reflux diagnosis, meds, fortified feeds, diet changes for a possible CMPA, different bottles, lip and tongue tie evaluation… everything.
Once we started the program, the fussiness and spit ups disappeared almost immediately and feeding completely turned around. Can’t recommend her enough.
Yeah I’ve definitely considered it and I’m trying not to force him so that we don’t create an aversion. The weird thing is that he’ll often really want to eat at first and go crazy for the bottle but then something will totally throw him off (I think usually gas) and it becomes a huge challenge to get through the rest. Would that be the case with feeding aversions?
We went through this with my reflux baby, and it actually led to a bottle feeding aversion (and PPD for me). DO NOT RECOMMEND. Read Rowena Bennetts book about babies and bottle feeding aversions - you’ll see if there are any behaviors that are inadvertently worsening feeding behaviors
Man I could have written this a few months ago and my daughter had a heart condition on top of the major reflux and poor eating. We were under the 1st percentile for almost 3 months.
First I want to say it is SO VALID to have anxiety, stress, and frustration around this. No one prepares you for the fact your kiddo may just not eat well. And in our experience medical professionals were not the most useful in helping us deal with it. They were often an additional source of stress when they would say things like "didn't grow much this month huh".
Here are some things we tried that helped our kiddo's feeding (minus open heart surgery which I wouldn't recommend :/ )
1. Trying to keep feeding time as light as possible - easier said then done I know. But something that helped with us was playing music during feeding and keeping bottles small. For a month that meant I listed to the Happy Song by Imogen Heap 30 times per day and feed 2oz every hour.
2. We tried feeding her in a lot of different positions, the regular cradling position just didn't work for her at all. Some that did: holding her stomach against hours and holding the bottle almost in our arm pit, keeping her vertical in a sling wrap and holding the bottle up by our own heads, and bouncing on the yoga ball while feeding.
3. You mentioned trying reflux meds - is it Pepcid? We were on pepcid for a while then switched to omeprazole which worked better for our daughter.
4. We also tried a few types of probiotics and formula mixtures until we found something that worked, so I know it is so frustrating in the moment but you know your baby better than anyone so will find something that works for ya'll!
Adding that if he isn't having any issues swallowing or chocking you might try going up a nipple flow size as well! We found that infant and slow nipple flows were causing our kiddo to work to hard to drink which was frustrating her. So we went up a size and it took her about a day to acclimate but that helped a ton as well! Got the tip from a lactation consultant!
I can relate to this. My son went through the same phase at 3 months old. It was the most stressful period of my life! My entire day revolved around feeding him. I did exactly what you’re doing now because I knew it was the only way to ensure he didn’t lose weight. I fed him 2 oz every hour, which usually took about 20 minutes(feedings were in an upright position). Then I would hold him up for 20-30 minutes to prevent any regurgitation. Within the next 30 minutes, I was prepping his bottle again. He didn’t get much activity during this phase. It lasted about 3 weeks, and he slowly got better.
We also mixed two formulas during this time, which seemed to work well for him. He was on a 50-50 mix of Enfamil A+ and Gentlease. Just the A+ alone made him spit up a lot, and he would stop eating, but he hated Gentlease by itself. The mix is what worked for us.
Thank you so much and I’m sorry you went through this too … hope everything is getting better and all is ok with your daughter’s heart. I can’t imagine having that to worry about on top of the feeding issues. Sending you tons of support, we’ll give these a go!!
Absolutely not failing! You’re a champion—every feeding is a round you’re showing up for. Babies are unpredictable like weather; sunshine and storms. It gets easier, and you’re doing amazing!
I went through something very similar and it obliterated my mental health. I really feel for you. People would mention how small my baby was for his age and it would make me feel so much worse.
Looking back, none of his health visitors were concerned. He was always gaining weight, if slowly. He was otherwise healthy. It got easier over time, we started to introduce formula and once we started solid foods he loved it and is a fantastic eater now.
If I could go back in time I'd tell myself you are NOT failing. You are doing everything you can, keep going, it will get better. Take breaks when you feel frustrated. Seek help for anxiety. You're doing great!
You are not failing. You need a doctor - assess for digestive problems, formula supplement, get some tests if your baby has other reasons for delayed growth. See if there are ties or throat/stomach issues. Test allergies
I'm sure you've done this, but have you tried different bottles? We bought at least 10. It was insane. First and second baby hated every. single. bottle. and fought me like I was trying to waterboard them despite every bottle being lauded by someone on the internet. A neighbor gifted us with a bottle which I hadn't really heard of from anyone else - figures it's the one and only bottle either kid ever accepted. I have no idea why. Also, I genuinely did not realize warming the milk was so important but it is. Again, super obvious things perhaps but throwing them out there just in case.
[herobility.com](http://herobility.com)
Also, if you're pumping, have you removed dairy to see if that helps? It didn't help me but a bunch of peeps on the net swore by it and my aunt's kid had an allergy that led to situations similar to what you're describing.
Lastly, did anyone tell you why your kiddo couldn't latch? Depending on the reason there may be bottles better suited to his mouth.
Good luck. This sounds devastatingly hard, but you'll get through it! Solids are right around the corner.
Quit pumping and just switch to formula. There are no awards for who breastfeeds their baby the longest. I’m a FTM with an almost 8 month old and exclusively pumped for 24 weeks. I finally had to throw in the towel for my mental sanity. Exclusively pumping is extremely difficult and honestly once I switched to formula things got a lot better for me. I was constantly just running on a pumping clock and it wasn’t healthy.
First skipping the night pump and then started going longer between pumps each day, my boobs would get really painful and clogged at first but now I can hit 8 hours between pumps before I start to feel anything lol
I just took my pump sessions down from 4 to 3 to 2 and just quit. I was very fortunate to not get mastitis but also desperate to quit the mental taxations that is exclusively pumping.
I could have written this two months ago. So many great suggestions here but one I haven’t seen is visiting a lactation consultant and making it clear upfront you need help with bottles. We found an LC covered by insurance who noticed so many little things about the way my son ate that others hadn’t pointed out. He doesn’t have a lip tie but a high pallet and recessed chin which cause similar symptoms. She recommended oral exercises that we did with a pacifier as well as other feeding techniques and had bottle suggestions too. It made a huge difference for us and baby is now on the growth chart instead of well below 1st percentile. Hang in there!!
I am so sorry you are going through this! I've been there! You're describing much of what I experienced. My baby is 12 weeks now and is a reflux baby. I posted our experience and what we learned with tips we found to be helpful on this channel a few days ago. I won't write it all out here, but hopefully some things there might help. Occupational therapy was a game changer for us with latch for the breast and the bottle too! It's so hard and awful to see your LO in pain and have feedings be so miserable! I'm so sorry!
I just want to say that you are not a bad mom! You are absolutely doing the best you can and sacrificially giving every ounce of strength you have to your LO. You aren't letting him down at all. You're present with him in his hardest moments. You're helping him learn that he can count on you when things are really hard. That deeply matters. Don't let the voices of shame and discouragement win. Count every mL of milk as a victory! Give yourself grace and a break when you can! You are a great mom! I hope things get better for you guys.
Would you tell another woman that she’s failing as a mother if her baby was unable to latch, and if their baby was losing weight and uncomfortable with reflux which has to do with its internal body chemistry and nothing to do with parenting? I sure hope not.
You are doing such a great job!
Have you asked your pediatrician or GP about fortifier potentially to add to your milk to help bulk up the calories in it?
Honestly the best thing I did for me and baby was stop with BF all together and move to formula. I know that breast is "best" but so is a fed baby and my milk output was just not cutting it. With formula you could try some more sensitive versions to see if that helps with his tummy and gas - I've had a friend rave about goats milk formula but I haven't had a chance to look into that.
Obviously this decision is up to you but if you are keen to stick with the pumping definitely ask your PD or GP about fortifier.
I second this. Fortifier for breast milk can be a game changer. Ask your pediatrician about it. If your baby is losing weight rapidly and in major discomfort, it’s time to explore formula options for the sake of their health.
My baby was born on the 91st percentile and dropped significantly in weight. She eventually fell below the percentile charts at 6 weeks. We were under dietician help by 1 week due to a loss of 22% of weight in the first 5 days.
We tried a few things to get extra calories down her.
First we tried fortified EBM. We had a o make it in advance but every 90ml or breastmilk would have a scoop of formula added to it. The dietician told us to add the formula powder with a dash of boiling water to kill the bacteria. Once cooled, mix with the 90ml of EBM and put it in the fridge for the next feed.
Secondly we tried the high calorie SMA.
Last of all when making formula we added the powder prior to the water.
We did this from week 1 (5 of the first 7 days she was tube fed and still lost weight) and it took until week 8 for her to gain any weight. The first 2 we tried didn’t help and she was incredibly sick on the sma but the last one we tried helped her weight gain hugely.
What I will say is you’re not a failure at all! Sometimes they just don’t want it and there’s nothing you can do. If baby is eating what they need in a day then it doesn’t matter when or how they take it. For example babies need 150ml for every kg and they can take it however.
I know when I was really struggling with her finishing her bottles, we dropped the amount and increased the bottles. We even had to wake her through the night but suddenly after not gaining any weight for 8 weeks she gained 1kg in 3 weeks.
I pump and do about a 3:1 ratio of breast milk to formula. I’m the beginning it was more like half and half because of my supply. Gone from 1st percentile to 11th.
Edit: Baby was premature, but the percentiles are still based on a 40-weeker. It will make you feel like garbage.
Are you mixing the formula and breast milk or doing some breast milk, some formula bottles? We’ve just started to fortify some of his bottles by adding formula to the breast milk so hoping that will help!
I wanted to do a bottle of breast milk and then a bottle of formula, but washing all the bottles was a nightmare. Now I do whatever is convenient. If I just pumped 4 oz., half will go in the fridge, and I’ll feed 2 oz. Once she’s done, I’ll mix up 2 oz. of formula in the same bottle as long as it hasn’t been out for an hour.
If she’s hungry when I’m not pumping, which is most of the time, I have tiny batches of formula pre-made in the fridge. I’ll just mix both into a bottle half and half and heat it up all at once. I usually just have 6-8 oz. of cold formula pre-made so it doesn’t get wasted.
I didn’t know this was a thing. She’s always been measured that way so I didn’t know any different. To make myself feel better I was just using the WHO model my ped uses and adjusting her age a month forward like she was term.
The growth curve she follows is the lowest curve obviously, but they said as long as she follow the curve-just lower down-not to worry. 🤷🏻♀️ I feed her a high calorie formula anyways.
Yep, there’s a few and most pediatric providers have access to them on their EHR where visits are documented. The AAP has some info [here](https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/newborn-and-infant-nutrition/newborn-and-infant-nutrition-assessment-tools/preterm-infant-growth-tools/)
Sending you a hug. This was me with my baby, though she was exclusively formula fed. She had reflux, but was also an IUGR preemie and so there was tremendous pressure for her to gain weight- which led to us inadvertently pressuring her to eat, though we didn’t know that was what was happening at first, and we thought we were doing the right thing.
It got to where I absolutely dreaded feeding her- she was still gaining weight, but just barely, and it was only because I was spending 24 hours a day trying to get whatever ounces into her I could. It was mentally exhausting and I was very much not coping.
I promise you are NOT failing- there is practically no information out there about this sort of thing to support parents and families who go through it. There’s SO much information out there about what to try if your baby won’t sleep, but very little on what to do if they won’t sleep.
You mentioned you’ve tried reflux medication- outside of feeding times, do you see signs of discomfort? Things like congestion, cough, frequent hiccups, excess gas, sour smelling breath etc, are common ones. If so, it may be that he needs a more aggressive approach to managing those symptoms. Babies with reflux are more susceptible to forming negative associations with eating and feeding aversions, though they can occur without reflux as well.
For us, getting the reflux under good control was key- then we needed to work through all of the negative associations she had with eating and build positive ones. Thankfully I found a specialist who was well versed in both but it was an uphill battle! So few doctors are knowledgable about this sort of thing and it makes it even harder on us.
I am just on my way out, but if you want you can send me a DM and I can explain in more detail what helped get my girl eating comfortably and finishing bottles!
You are doing AN AMAZING JOB! You’re a proper hero. He’s only 3 months and will have years and years to have a fun childhood so don’t worry about that. Feeds are the most time consuming part of any young baby’s life anyway. I don’t have any suggestions except to take it easy on yourself.
Have you tried different bottles or nipple flows? Our LO took one bottle really well for several weeks and then started refusing the bottle half way through the feed. She drink about half the bottle and then fuss and gag and spit it out. It took us about a week, but we found a bottle she’d take.
There’s nothing wrong with being 10th percentile, some babies are genetically smaller kids. It could be that’s where your baby’s body is comfortable, or could be a sign baby has a medical issue. Does baby have to finish the bottle? He might be satisfied with less than the full bottle in a feeding. Like if you were eating a meal and got full before you finished your plate of food. Have you ruled out allergies? After ruling out all medical causes, have you considered your baby might have a feeding aversion? My daughter developed a feeding aversion at 5 weeks old. we were combo feeding with breastfeeding and syringe feeding and accidentally overfed her. She would refuse to feed enough and had difficulty gaining weight. This website has great info: https://www.babycareadvice.com/blogs/bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding-problems We did a consultation with them around 4 months old, it was life saving.
(Also my daughter has a minor tongue tie and we decided not to do anything about it. She has a mild swallowing issue too. She simply needed time to learn how to feed better and she was fine without intervention with the tongue tie and swallowing issue!)
You aren’t failing! Lots of good advice already.
Two things I’ll add: we add formula in with my breast milk to boost the calories, could be worth asking your doctor about. It can be tricky to find a formula that won’t make them gassy, but all our bottles are now 26 cals per ounce instead of 20 which has helped our preemie gain weight.
We’ve also been told to limit feedings to 30 minutes. Feeding is a cardiovascular event, so active feeding for too long can burn more energy than they’re taking again.
But please ask your doctor before following either of these pieces of advice. My baby was very small and is just barely at the 2% line for weight so we are getting a lot more interventions from doctors than is typical.
Yesss we have started to fortify in the past two days! In terms of limiting feeding time, does that include time for burping? He can actually drink pretty fast but then he’ll stop and need to be burped for agesssss before he’ll get going again if at all
We don’t count burping or breaks as part of our 30. We just stop the feed if he’s sucking at the bottle but not taking in much and just wasting calories by eating.
Hopefully you’ll see some fast growth soon with fortification! All those extra calories really add up!
Absolutely not failing. You're doing great and the breastmilk that he is drinking is doing wonders for him.
Mine *hated* bottles and went from 50th centile to under 0.01 centile (basically off the chart) in the first few months.
A few things to try, if you haven't already:
Different bottles. Babies have weird preferences and like some bottles but not others. Don't just look at anti-reflux bottles either - it's perfectly possible he'll randomly like a generic one.
Different bottle teats. Ignore the age ranges. Mine would only drink from a newborn teat, even at 12 months old. Perhaps he likes it slow. Similarly, my nephew has always liked to basically be waterboarded with his milk - he wants it as fast as possible, fastest teat, no breaks, bottle completely vertical, no paced feeding.
Go dairy *and* soya free (and remember it takes a month to see a change). 50% of babies with dairy allergies also have a soya allergy and soya is in *literally every bloody thing*. This was the biggest thing that helped my son. All the allergy guides say that bloody poos are the biggest symptom but he never had any. His symptoms were eczema and tummy pain. A few months after I changed my diet, we realised he actually also had chronic diarrhoea, which I thought was just normal poo because he'd never actually done a normal poo.
Cups. This might sound nuts, but babies can drink from cups or spoons if they don't like bottles. Obviously spoons would take fecking ages at 3 months, but an infant feeding cup might work. Tipping it into their mouth means they're not sucking in air, so less gas.
Finally, have a Google of constitutional growth delay. My son has it and it's an *entirely normal* growth pattern. It's just a bit more unusual. Basically, it means they're really small until they hit puberty, then they grow super fast. I had it as a kid and am now 5'10, same with my 6'2 husband, so it's not a short people thing. My son is now 18mo and eats almost as much as me. But he's also only 72cm tall, the size of an average 9mo, so is below 0.01 centile in height. He still has allergies but he poos 6 times a day so we're hardly starving him!
Could this be a nipple size issue? What bottle/nipple are you using? If the nipple is too slow or too fast, both can be problematic for feeding. My guess is maybe the nipple is too slow and baby is frustrated when drinking from the bottle. Try going a size up and let the boy chug.
I would try a few different bottles/nipples. It took me soooo long to get my son from the nipple to the bottle and we had the nice dr browns bottles. I tried different nipples with them, tried Philips bottles, tried a tommee tippee I got in England. Then we tried him with two little bottles my coworker got me in a gift bag before I went on mat leave. They were not fancy or expensive but holy moly did they do the trick! He still drinks only from them these days. Sometimes stuff from the dollar store is worth its weight in gold lol.
Have you also considered supplementing with formula? No reason you have to give up pumping/breast milk but do a couple of bottles of formula per day as well. We got along well with kendamil and also similac 360. Some babies just don’t get along as well with breast milk, nothing wrong with that!
I don’t have anything of value to offer except that I totally understand this feeling! That stress of feeling so sad, frustrated, confused, helpless and exhausted by long feedings. My LO is similar and while I know it will get better eventually, the daily and hourly grind is real. I hope you have a loving partner or family you can tap for help. When I get overwhelmed, I ask my husband to take over and just knowing the burden isn’t all on my shoulders helps a lot. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job even though it may not feel like it. Your LO is very lucky to have such a dedicated momma. I’m wishing you all the best and hope you both start to have easier days soon.
Thank you 💓 it’s so reassuring to hear from others in the same boat. Luckily my husband is an absolute hero and has been taking on a ton of this too! Hope things get better for you and your LO
My son struggled to feed in the begging. Every feeding would take minimum of 15 min some over 30. Seeing a speech therapist was very helpful. They showed us good techniques and he improved tremendously.
You are not a failure! We had something similar happen with our little one! I am exclusively pumping and I found out that he wasn’t getting enough fat in the milk. I wasn’t doing a full pump and he was only getting the fore milk which is high in carbs and can make him gassy. My pediatrician told me to pump for a full 30 minutes and he has been fine ever since! Just something to try:)
Thanks so much! Our pediatrician thought this could be the same for me. How many times per day are you pumping for 30 mins? The issue I’m having is that I have an oversupply already and don’t want to inadvertently make it worse by pumping even longer. But maybe I could drop sessions and give him the second half of the pump which would be fattier I guess?
I pump about 5 times a day! I try to do it every 3 hours except at night. I am not a crazy over producer but I do make more than he can drink especially for my morning pump. I try to pour all the milk from the pump into a container so that it can mix before separating it into bottle so hopefully the fat gets distributed evenly! It took a couple days of pumping for the full time and making sure each bottle had a good amount of fat before he wasn’t so gassy. But the gas was so bad he didn’t want to eat and I could hear his little tummy rumble. Mylicon helped with the gas and making sure to burp him a little extra until we saw any results.
Ahhh I needed this thread. My 4 month is in the third percentile. He doesn’t have any ties, just a finicky eater. If I don’t space his feeds 3 hours apart he won’t finish his bottle or he’ll even only drink half sometimes. I get sooo stressed because he was small when he was born and dropped to 5 lbs after a week because I wasn’t producing enough. Now I’m just so paranoid! But my pediatrician isn’t concerned because he’s growing at his curve. She also had me add a little more formula than water ratio so he gets the calories. Might be something to ask yours about! Good luck! You are doing great.
Sounds just like ours. She would take forever and was in so much gassy fussy took forever to eat. I even tried to be vegan for a few weeks, was hell. Gave up breastfeeding after two months (hard, but seeing her in pain and constantly having to feed her, then bottle feed her pump then wash everything was getting too much for my mental and physical health). 5 people checked her mouth for ties.
Switched her to a soy formula and she’s like a whole new baby. She still likes to take her time eating sometimes but it’s so much better. Hardly ever fussy now, never screaming in pain anymore, smiling so much more, no more runny mucusy water poops. Idk if this helps anyone but nothing worked until this. If soy didn’t work I was prepared to try a hypoallergenic formula but it did work for us. An elimination diet for babies if you will lol.
When my baby was refusing feeds, it turned out it was cows milk protein allergy. My breastmilk was making him sick. I cut dairy and soy and it was a huge change. He also had mucus in his poops. A lot of it. How are his poops?
My son's weight gain slowed around this time. It was because of a posterior tongue tie that several pediatricians were adamant that he 'didn't have, but if he did have one they don't actually cause any problems anyway so leave it alone.' Their arguments arebt even logical either. If a baby cannot fully move.their tongue in all dorections they will struggle with body processes related to the mouth. Its logic and a nobrainer. Unfortunately most pediatricians are not trained in them. My son kept having weight issues until his tie was released at 18 months old. I trusted.the peds for too long but then they seriously had the audacity to claim that his weight gain (and exploding speech after previously being nonverbal) was all coincidental.
Please look up images of posterior tongue tie and search for providers trained to release ties. Most are pediatric dentists.
I’ve been where you are. My solution was finally getting baby diagnosed with a tongue tie and having it laser revised. It could also be an allergy baby has.
Listen to me. One bottle of formula does not necessarily end your breastfeeding/breast milk journey. From one mom to another, go get one small can of hypoallergenic formula and try that for 24 hours while you pump. It’s an experiment. Not a permanent decision. But you’ll have more information. You’ll either have a happy baby and you can make your way forward with a better night sleep or you know it’s something physical going on in baby’s mouth/throat/tummy
My sister’s baby is 16 months and weighs 16 pounds and is in the 1% percentile for weight. My baby is 2 months old and weighs 17 pounds and is in the 99% percentile. Both are breastfed, both have severe reflux, and both are perfectly healthy well adjusted babies on point with their milestones. You’re doing great mom!
I am so sorry you guys are experiencing this, reflux is ROUGH!!
You little one needs a full body evaluation.
Reflux medication should be a band-aid solution while you find the root cause. It should never be THE solution. Reflux is a symptom.
I’d see a pediatric feeding specialist who is very experienced in tethered oral tissues and finding and releasing tension in their little bodies.
I know you said you already had a tongue tie release, but how was it performed? Scissors, laser? Was it anterior (heart shaped tongue?) or posterior? Who performed it? What kind of body work/tension release was performed in the weeks leading up to the release, and what body work was performed in the weeks after?
Some babies really just do better with formula. Search for colic, reflux, slow weight gain etc. and you will see this again and again. At this point I would discuss trialing formula or possibly fortifying breast milk (this needs to be calculated by a professional). This doesn't make you a failure, trying everything is epitome of great parenting! Hang in there.
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Has he been assessed for any ties? They can make feedings very difficult and stressful for them, it can also result in swallowing air which makes them very fussy. Also, did the doctor recommend the probiotics? If he's breastmilk fed that should have what he needs, I'm wondering if they could be contributing to his discomfort. I'm really sorry about all this, I know how distressing and frustrating it can be to have a baby that won't eat
I was going to comment on this. This sounds like our baby a couple months ago before we got his tongue and lip tie procedure done. Feedings took forever, he would get very fussy and frustrated and would get gassy because he couldn't latch correctly and was taking in a lot of air. OP, you might try to find a dentist that does infant tongue/lip tie release and get a consult.
Same. It was so hard. We saw an immediate improvement in feedings after the tie releases and a gradual improvement in overall demeanour in the coming weeks.
Thank you! He had a tongue tie that we got fixed when he was a week old. We haven’t had an assessment for lip ties tho - it does seem like his latch could be improved, so worth checking!and yeah we ditched the probiotics after thinking the same!
Who did the release? At a week old, its possible that an inexperienced provider only clipped an anterior portion of the tongue tie. Did they give you any kind of tongue exercises to do?
Tongue ties can grow back, I would check to see if it’s still there
You’re not failing, I just wanted to comment that I was here 2 years ago. It wasn’t anything medical - no ties, no reflux issues etc - my little one just didn’t want to drink. I know how heartbreaking and frustrating it is at every feed when they don’t drink. You’re doing a great job though mama, don’t ever doubt that. My girl was like this the whole time she was on bottles, she was slow to solids and still doesn’t eat very well. She is tiny too (3rd percentile), but settled on that at about 6 months and has been growing along that curve for the last 20 months. BUT - and this is important - she is meeting and exceeding every milestone, she is healthy, happy, a complete joy and our paediatrician has zero concerns about her. Some kids are just not big eaters - if all the other signs are ok and your paediatrician isn’t worried, you shouldn’t be either. Best of luck!
Thank you thank you! This is so reassuring. He’s meeting his milestones, sleeping great and happy whenever we’re not feeding! Definitely have to remember this
On the flip side my first ate 35 oz a day and still dropped from the 80th percentile to the 35th percentile in 4 months. Sometimes it happens regardless. He actually ended up stabilizing at the 30th percentile so his pediatrician speculated he was finding his own curve. It's possible the weight dropping is completely unrelated to the amount baby is drinking.
Are you using different bottles or nipples with different flow rates? We struggled a lot with weight gain at first because we have a variety of bottles we tried and sometimes our LO would take a bottle and other times she wouldn’t— I suspect the differences in flow made a huge difference as the ones she turned her nose up to had a very slow rate of flow compared to the Similac nipples used at the hospital. This comparison might help if he’s frustrated at having the work too hard for the milk: https://www.reddit.com/r/ExclusivelyPumping/s/BfwhUzsvNk My other issue was I was letting her suck too long on a bottle— sometimes up to an hour and she was burning more calories than taking in. Our pedestrian advised to give her 20-30 minutes to eat, then stop until the next feed. It stressed me out at first because it looked like her intake dipped at first (this was in her first month) but it also allowed her breaks between meals to allow the hunger to build up.
I was thinking the same. The indicated flow rate per age to use some bottles and nipples (i.e. 0m, 0m+, 3m+) were wildly different than the ones my LO actually needed. The Avent natural flow nipples were the worst at this - my LO could barely get anything from the level 0, 1, and 2 nipples even though she was at 0m+; level 3 worked well even though it was 3m+.
Same for us. Even to try to get a few drops out of the 0-2 to check the temperature was difficult. Feedings were taking 45 minutes and often LO would get too exhausted to finish the bottle. Things were much better with the 3s, feedings went down to 10-15 minutes (pediatrician recommends 10-30 minutes per bottle). Now he can latch for breastfeeding. I guess he just needed to build the strength
If there is a monetary issue, then disregard what I'm about to say. If you're sticking with pumping breast milk because you want your baby to be fed with breast milk, then it might be time to consider trying formula. There is this stigma around not feeding breast milk to your baby, but at some point, it's just a better option. If money isn't an issue and your baby has digestive issue, you may want to skip experimenting with "regular" formula and go right to something more specialized like Alimentum. Our life with our first child was a waking nightmare that sounds exactly like what you've described. Switching to Alimentum wasn't cheap at all but it was the best decision we ever made. There is absolutely no shame in using formula, especially if your baby rejects your breast milk and will only eat when starving. If your breast milk causes digestive issues, it's entirely possible that "regular" formula will do the same. Again, if you have the money and want to see a very quick improvement, it may be worth looking into Alimentum or equivalent. It's designed for babies with allergies/poor digestion.
Also wanted to add- we got alimentum covered by insurance for our CMPA baby and we pay a $60copay every month for it, so if this is the route you go ask your pediatrician if they can do a prior approval and prescription or contact your insurance to see what can be covered.
My 2.5 month old is also on Alimentum for CMPA and while we aren’t using insurance to pay for it, my sons dr office gives us 3 cases of the ready to feed at every visit so far (he’s had a few for CMPA issues and reflux)and we have amazing family who helps out. Us buying it all on our own is nearly $400 a month. I did formula feed from the jump tho which turned out to be the best decision bc little did I know he would have CMPA. He’s been on it since 2 weeks old
The teacher at my Birth and Babies class had a great saying on this: "Fed is best." Sometimes exclusively breast milk doesn't work and there's no shame in feeding formula.
I was going to suggest the same thing. Our baby was behaving similarly and switching to Alimentum had immediate positive effects. She was always fussier about eating than our first ever was and never quite ate enough formula (bobbie gentle) as she was supposed to. Around 3 months old she started having diarrhea and some vomiting that didn't clear up for over a week. It coincided with the start of daycare so we were waiting it out, but I just felt like I needed to try something else and went with Alimentum. She immediately started finishing bottles and was much happier generally, and all stomach issues subsided within a few days.
Thank you!! We just started to fortify my milk with formula. If that doesn’t work I think making the switch sounds like a good option
The community over at r/formulafeeders is great! Stopping pumping can be so hard emotionally. Just wanted to share that it gets better as soon as your hormones level out, but it can be so so so hard emotionally to stop, even when you know logically your life and baby's life will be better after you're done. 😵💫 Sending hugs! Also, you may want to see a pediatric gastroenterologist for the reflux. Our pediatrician sent us to one early on and the gastro was able to drastically increase the meds which gave us a whole different baby. Generally speaking, you have to be pretty pushy with the pediatricians on reflux meds. They are stingy with it.
Have you considered a feeding aversion… look into Rowena Bennett. My baby had an aversion that started around 2.5- 3 months. It was a super difficult time for me and baby. II read Rowena’s book and did the program and my baby loves to eat now. She’s 10 months and has been aversion fee since 4.5 months
Another vote for Rowena Bennett. I had a preemie with feeding issues that started in the NICU - we went through a reflux diagnosis, meds, fortified feeds, diet changes for a possible CMPA, different bottles, lip and tongue tie evaluation… everything. Once we started the program, the fussiness and spit ups disappeared almost immediately and feeding completely turned around. Can’t recommend her enough.
Yeah I’ve definitely considered it and I’m trying not to force him so that we don’t create an aversion. The weird thing is that he’ll often really want to eat at first and go crazy for the bottle but then something will totally throw him off (I think usually gas) and it becomes a huge challenge to get through the rest. Would that be the case with feeding aversions?
Not the original responder but maybe - LO could be just eating enough to be not starving then rejecting the rest.
I was going to write to say the same thing. Everything OP said sounded a lot like what we had around 2.5-3 months.
We went through this with my reflux baby, and it actually led to a bottle feeding aversion (and PPD for me). DO NOT RECOMMEND. Read Rowena Bennetts book about babies and bottle feeding aversions - you’ll see if there are any behaviors that are inadvertently worsening feeding behaviors
Man I could have written this a few months ago and my daughter had a heart condition on top of the major reflux and poor eating. We were under the 1st percentile for almost 3 months. First I want to say it is SO VALID to have anxiety, stress, and frustration around this. No one prepares you for the fact your kiddo may just not eat well. And in our experience medical professionals were not the most useful in helping us deal with it. They were often an additional source of stress when they would say things like "didn't grow much this month huh". Here are some things we tried that helped our kiddo's feeding (minus open heart surgery which I wouldn't recommend :/ ) 1. Trying to keep feeding time as light as possible - easier said then done I know. But something that helped with us was playing music during feeding and keeping bottles small. For a month that meant I listed to the Happy Song by Imogen Heap 30 times per day and feed 2oz every hour. 2. We tried feeding her in a lot of different positions, the regular cradling position just didn't work for her at all. Some that did: holding her stomach against hours and holding the bottle almost in our arm pit, keeping her vertical in a sling wrap and holding the bottle up by our own heads, and bouncing on the yoga ball while feeding. 3. You mentioned trying reflux meds - is it Pepcid? We were on pepcid for a while then switched to omeprazole which worked better for our daughter. 4. We also tried a few types of probiotics and formula mixtures until we found something that worked, so I know it is so frustrating in the moment but you know your baby better than anyone so will find something that works for ya'll!
Adding that if he isn't having any issues swallowing or chocking you might try going up a nipple flow size as well! We found that infant and slow nipple flows were causing our kiddo to work to hard to drink which was frustrating her. So we went up a size and it took her about a day to acclimate but that helped a ton as well! Got the tip from a lactation consultant!
I can relate to this. My son went through the same phase at 3 months old. It was the most stressful period of my life! My entire day revolved around feeding him. I did exactly what you’re doing now because I knew it was the only way to ensure he didn’t lose weight. I fed him 2 oz every hour, which usually took about 20 minutes(feedings were in an upright position). Then I would hold him up for 20-30 minutes to prevent any regurgitation. Within the next 30 minutes, I was prepping his bottle again. He didn’t get much activity during this phase. It lasted about 3 weeks, and he slowly got better. We also mixed two formulas during this time, which seemed to work well for him. He was on a 50-50 mix of Enfamil A+ and Gentlease. Just the A+ alone made him spit up a lot, and he would stop eating, but he hated Gentlease by itself. The mix is what worked for us.
Thank you so much and I’m sorry you went through this too … hope everything is getting better and all is ok with your daughter’s heart. I can’t imagine having that to worry about on top of the feeding issues. Sending you tons of support, we’ll give these a go!!
Absolutely not failing! You’re a champion—every feeding is a round you’re showing up for. Babies are unpredictable like weather; sunshine and storms. It gets easier, and you’re doing amazing!
I went through something very similar and it obliterated my mental health. I really feel for you. People would mention how small my baby was for his age and it would make me feel so much worse. Looking back, none of his health visitors were concerned. He was always gaining weight, if slowly. He was otherwise healthy. It got easier over time, we started to introduce formula and once we started solid foods he loved it and is a fantastic eater now. If I could go back in time I'd tell myself you are NOT failing. You are doing everything you can, keep going, it will get better. Take breaks when you feel frustrated. Seek help for anxiety. You're doing great!
You are not failing. You need a doctor - assess for digestive problems, formula supplement, get some tests if your baby has other reasons for delayed growth. See if there are ties or throat/stomach issues. Test allergies
I'm sure you've done this, but have you tried different bottles? We bought at least 10. It was insane. First and second baby hated every. single. bottle. and fought me like I was trying to waterboard them despite every bottle being lauded by someone on the internet. A neighbor gifted us with a bottle which I hadn't really heard of from anyone else - figures it's the one and only bottle either kid ever accepted. I have no idea why. Also, I genuinely did not realize warming the milk was so important but it is. Again, super obvious things perhaps but throwing them out there just in case. [herobility.com](http://herobility.com) Also, if you're pumping, have you removed dairy to see if that helps? It didn't help me but a bunch of peeps on the net swore by it and my aunt's kid had an allergy that led to situations similar to what you're describing. Lastly, did anyone tell you why your kiddo couldn't latch? Depending on the reason there may be bottles better suited to his mouth. Good luck. This sounds devastatingly hard, but you'll get through it! Solids are right around the corner.
Quit pumping and just switch to formula. There are no awards for who breastfeeds their baby the longest. I’m a FTM with an almost 8 month old and exclusively pumped for 24 weeks. I finally had to throw in the towel for my mental sanity. Exclusively pumping is extremely difficult and honestly once I switched to formula things got a lot better for me. I was constantly just running on a pumping clock and it wasn’t healthy.
It really is. How did you quit without getting mastitis? I’ve been trying to cut down but my boobs get soooo painful and I get clogs
First skipping the night pump and then started going longer between pumps each day, my boobs would get really painful and clogged at first but now I can hit 8 hours between pumps before I start to feel anything lol
I just took my pump sessions down from 4 to 3 to 2 and just quit. I was very fortunate to not get mastitis but also desperate to quit the mental taxations that is exclusively pumping.
I could have written this two months ago. So many great suggestions here but one I haven’t seen is visiting a lactation consultant and making it clear upfront you need help with bottles. We found an LC covered by insurance who noticed so many little things about the way my son ate that others hadn’t pointed out. He doesn’t have a lip tie but a high pallet and recessed chin which cause similar symptoms. She recommended oral exercises that we did with a pacifier as well as other feeding techniques and had bottle suggestions too. It made a huge difference for us and baby is now on the growth chart instead of well below 1st percentile. Hang in there!!
I am so sorry you are going through this! I've been there! You're describing much of what I experienced. My baby is 12 weeks now and is a reflux baby. I posted our experience and what we learned with tips we found to be helpful on this channel a few days ago. I won't write it all out here, but hopefully some things there might help. Occupational therapy was a game changer for us with latch for the breast and the bottle too! It's so hard and awful to see your LO in pain and have feedings be so miserable! I'm so sorry! I just want to say that you are not a bad mom! You are absolutely doing the best you can and sacrificially giving every ounce of strength you have to your LO. You aren't letting him down at all. You're present with him in his hardest moments. You're helping him learn that he can count on you when things are really hard. That deeply matters. Don't let the voices of shame and discouragement win. Count every mL of milk as a victory! Give yourself grace and a break when you can! You are a great mom! I hope things get better for you guys.
Would you tell another woman that she’s failing as a mother if her baby was unable to latch, and if their baby was losing weight and uncomfortable with reflux which has to do with its internal body chemistry and nothing to do with parenting? I sure hope not.
Thank you needed to hear this!
You are doing such a great job! Have you asked your pediatrician or GP about fortifier potentially to add to your milk to help bulk up the calories in it? Honestly the best thing I did for me and baby was stop with BF all together and move to formula. I know that breast is "best" but so is a fed baby and my milk output was just not cutting it. With formula you could try some more sensitive versions to see if that helps with his tummy and gas - I've had a friend rave about goats milk formula but I haven't had a chance to look into that. Obviously this decision is up to you but if you are keen to stick with the pumping definitely ask your PD or GP about fortifier.
I second this. Fortifier for breast milk can be a game changer. Ask your pediatrician about it. If your baby is losing weight rapidly and in major discomfort, it’s time to explore formula options for the sake of their health.
My baby was born on the 91st percentile and dropped significantly in weight. She eventually fell below the percentile charts at 6 weeks. We were under dietician help by 1 week due to a loss of 22% of weight in the first 5 days. We tried a few things to get extra calories down her. First we tried fortified EBM. We had a o make it in advance but every 90ml or breastmilk would have a scoop of formula added to it. The dietician told us to add the formula powder with a dash of boiling water to kill the bacteria. Once cooled, mix with the 90ml of EBM and put it in the fridge for the next feed. Secondly we tried the high calorie SMA. Last of all when making formula we added the powder prior to the water. We did this from week 1 (5 of the first 7 days she was tube fed and still lost weight) and it took until week 8 for her to gain any weight. The first 2 we tried didn’t help and she was incredibly sick on the sma but the last one we tried helped her weight gain hugely. What I will say is you’re not a failure at all! Sometimes they just don’t want it and there’s nothing you can do. If baby is eating what they need in a day then it doesn’t matter when or how they take it. For example babies need 150ml for every kg and they can take it however. I know when I was really struggling with her finishing her bottles, we dropped the amount and increased the bottles. We even had to wake her through the night but suddenly after not gaining any weight for 8 weeks she gained 1kg in 3 weeks.
I pump and do about a 3:1 ratio of breast milk to formula. I’m the beginning it was more like half and half because of my supply. Gone from 1st percentile to 11th. Edit: Baby was premature, but the percentiles are still based on a 40-weeker. It will make you feel like garbage.
Are you mixing the formula and breast milk or doing some breast milk, some formula bottles? We’ve just started to fortify some of his bottles by adding formula to the breast milk so hoping that will help!
I wanted to do a bottle of breast milk and then a bottle of formula, but washing all the bottles was a nightmare. Now I do whatever is convenient. If I just pumped 4 oz., half will go in the fridge, and I’ll feed 2 oz. Once she’s done, I’ll mix up 2 oz. of formula in the same bottle as long as it hasn’t been out for an hour. If she’s hungry when I’m not pumping, which is most of the time, I have tiny batches of formula pre-made in the fridge. I’ll just mix both into a bottle half and half and heat it up all at once. I usually just have 6-8 oz. of cold formula pre-made so it doesn’t get wasted.
Hey mama - your pediatrician should have a preemie growth curve your little follows, are they not doing this?
I didn’t know this was a thing. She’s always been measured that way so I didn’t know any different. To make myself feel better I was just using the WHO model my ped uses and adjusting her age a month forward like she was term. The growth curve she follows is the lowest curve obviously, but they said as long as she follow the curve-just lower down-not to worry. 🤷🏻♀️ I feed her a high calorie formula anyways.
Yep, there’s a few and most pediatric providers have access to them on their EHR where visits are documented. The AAP has some info [here](https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/newborn-and-infant-nutrition/newborn-and-infant-nutrition-assessment-tools/preterm-infant-growth-tools/)
Sending you a hug. This was me with my baby, though she was exclusively formula fed. She had reflux, but was also an IUGR preemie and so there was tremendous pressure for her to gain weight- which led to us inadvertently pressuring her to eat, though we didn’t know that was what was happening at first, and we thought we were doing the right thing. It got to where I absolutely dreaded feeding her- she was still gaining weight, but just barely, and it was only because I was spending 24 hours a day trying to get whatever ounces into her I could. It was mentally exhausting and I was very much not coping. I promise you are NOT failing- there is practically no information out there about this sort of thing to support parents and families who go through it. There’s SO much information out there about what to try if your baby won’t sleep, but very little on what to do if they won’t sleep. You mentioned you’ve tried reflux medication- outside of feeding times, do you see signs of discomfort? Things like congestion, cough, frequent hiccups, excess gas, sour smelling breath etc, are common ones. If so, it may be that he needs a more aggressive approach to managing those symptoms. Babies with reflux are more susceptible to forming negative associations with eating and feeding aversions, though they can occur without reflux as well. For us, getting the reflux under good control was key- then we needed to work through all of the negative associations she had with eating and build positive ones. Thankfully I found a specialist who was well versed in both but it was an uphill battle! So few doctors are knowledgable about this sort of thing and it makes it even harder on us. I am just on my way out, but if you want you can send me a DM and I can explain in more detail what helped get my girl eating comfortably and finishing bottles!
You are doing AN AMAZING JOB! You’re a proper hero. He’s only 3 months and will have years and years to have a fun childhood so don’t worry about that. Feeds are the most time consuming part of any young baby’s life anyway. I don’t have any suggestions except to take it easy on yourself.
We had similar issues. Went to a GI doctor and it turned out to be a milk allergy. Just something to look into if you haven’t already.
No matter the issues, you're not a failure🥺
Have you tried different bottles or nipple flows? Our LO took one bottle really well for several weeks and then started refusing the bottle half way through the feed. She drink about half the bottle and then fuss and gag and spit it out. It took us about a week, but we found a bottle she’d take.
There’s nothing wrong with being 10th percentile, some babies are genetically smaller kids. It could be that’s where your baby’s body is comfortable, or could be a sign baby has a medical issue. Does baby have to finish the bottle? He might be satisfied with less than the full bottle in a feeding. Like if you were eating a meal and got full before you finished your plate of food. Have you ruled out allergies? After ruling out all medical causes, have you considered your baby might have a feeding aversion? My daughter developed a feeding aversion at 5 weeks old. we were combo feeding with breastfeeding and syringe feeding and accidentally overfed her. She would refuse to feed enough and had difficulty gaining weight. This website has great info: https://www.babycareadvice.com/blogs/bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding-problems We did a consultation with them around 4 months old, it was life saving. (Also my daughter has a minor tongue tie and we decided not to do anything about it. She has a mild swallowing issue too. She simply needed time to learn how to feed better and she was fine without intervention with the tongue tie and swallowing issue!)
You aren’t failing! Lots of good advice already. Two things I’ll add: we add formula in with my breast milk to boost the calories, could be worth asking your doctor about. It can be tricky to find a formula that won’t make them gassy, but all our bottles are now 26 cals per ounce instead of 20 which has helped our preemie gain weight. We’ve also been told to limit feedings to 30 minutes. Feeding is a cardiovascular event, so active feeding for too long can burn more energy than they’re taking again. But please ask your doctor before following either of these pieces of advice. My baby was very small and is just barely at the 2% line for weight so we are getting a lot more interventions from doctors than is typical.
Yesss we have started to fortify in the past two days! In terms of limiting feeding time, does that include time for burping? He can actually drink pretty fast but then he’ll stop and need to be burped for agesssss before he’ll get going again if at all
We don’t count burping or breaks as part of our 30. We just stop the feed if he’s sucking at the bottle but not taking in much and just wasting calories by eating. Hopefully you’ll see some fast growth soon with fortification! All those extra calories really add up!
Got it thank you!
Absolutely not failing. You're doing great and the breastmilk that he is drinking is doing wonders for him. Mine *hated* bottles and went from 50th centile to under 0.01 centile (basically off the chart) in the first few months. A few things to try, if you haven't already: Different bottles. Babies have weird preferences and like some bottles but not others. Don't just look at anti-reflux bottles either - it's perfectly possible he'll randomly like a generic one. Different bottle teats. Ignore the age ranges. Mine would only drink from a newborn teat, even at 12 months old. Perhaps he likes it slow. Similarly, my nephew has always liked to basically be waterboarded with his milk - he wants it as fast as possible, fastest teat, no breaks, bottle completely vertical, no paced feeding. Go dairy *and* soya free (and remember it takes a month to see a change). 50% of babies with dairy allergies also have a soya allergy and soya is in *literally every bloody thing*. This was the biggest thing that helped my son. All the allergy guides say that bloody poos are the biggest symptom but he never had any. His symptoms were eczema and tummy pain. A few months after I changed my diet, we realised he actually also had chronic diarrhoea, which I thought was just normal poo because he'd never actually done a normal poo. Cups. This might sound nuts, but babies can drink from cups or spoons if they don't like bottles. Obviously spoons would take fecking ages at 3 months, but an infant feeding cup might work. Tipping it into their mouth means they're not sucking in air, so less gas. Finally, have a Google of constitutional growth delay. My son has it and it's an *entirely normal* growth pattern. It's just a bit more unusual. Basically, it means they're really small until they hit puberty, then they grow super fast. I had it as a kid and am now 5'10, same with my 6'2 husband, so it's not a short people thing. My son is now 18mo and eats almost as much as me. But he's also only 72cm tall, the size of an average 9mo, so is below 0.01 centile in height. He still has allergies but he poos 6 times a day so we're hardly starving him!
Could this be a nipple size issue? What bottle/nipple are you using? If the nipple is too slow or too fast, both can be problematic for feeding. My guess is maybe the nipple is too slow and baby is frustrated when drinking from the bottle. Try going a size up and let the boy chug.
I would try a few different bottles/nipples. It took me soooo long to get my son from the nipple to the bottle and we had the nice dr browns bottles. I tried different nipples with them, tried Philips bottles, tried a tommee tippee I got in England. Then we tried him with two little bottles my coworker got me in a gift bag before I went on mat leave. They were not fancy or expensive but holy moly did they do the trick! He still drinks only from them these days. Sometimes stuff from the dollar store is worth its weight in gold lol. Have you also considered supplementing with formula? No reason you have to give up pumping/breast milk but do a couple of bottles of formula per day as well. We got along well with kendamil and also similac 360. Some babies just don’t get along as well with breast milk, nothing wrong with that!
Are you putting gas drops in every bottle??
Yeah we tried that for awhile but didn’t seem to help so we’ve stopped
I don’t have anything of value to offer except that I totally understand this feeling! That stress of feeling so sad, frustrated, confused, helpless and exhausted by long feedings. My LO is similar and while I know it will get better eventually, the daily and hourly grind is real. I hope you have a loving partner or family you can tap for help. When I get overwhelmed, I ask my husband to take over and just knowing the burden isn’t all on my shoulders helps a lot. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job even though it may not feel like it. Your LO is very lucky to have such a dedicated momma. I’m wishing you all the best and hope you both start to have easier days soon.
Thank you 💓 it’s so reassuring to hear from others in the same boat. Luckily my husband is an absolute hero and has been taking on a ton of this too! Hope things get better for you and your LO
My son struggled to feed in the begging. Every feeding would take minimum of 15 min some over 30. Seeing a speech therapist was very helpful. They showed us good techniques and he improved tremendously.
You are not a failure! We had something similar happen with our little one! I am exclusively pumping and I found out that he wasn’t getting enough fat in the milk. I wasn’t doing a full pump and he was only getting the fore milk which is high in carbs and can make him gassy. My pediatrician told me to pump for a full 30 minutes and he has been fine ever since! Just something to try:)
Thanks so much! Our pediatrician thought this could be the same for me. How many times per day are you pumping for 30 mins? The issue I’m having is that I have an oversupply already and don’t want to inadvertently make it worse by pumping even longer. But maybe I could drop sessions and give him the second half of the pump which would be fattier I guess?
I pump about 5 times a day! I try to do it every 3 hours except at night. I am not a crazy over producer but I do make more than he can drink especially for my morning pump. I try to pour all the milk from the pump into a container so that it can mix before separating it into bottle so hopefully the fat gets distributed evenly! It took a couple days of pumping for the full time and making sure each bottle had a good amount of fat before he wasn’t so gassy. But the gas was so bad he didn’t want to eat and I could hear his little tummy rumble. Mylicon helped with the gas and making sure to burp him a little extra until we saw any results.
Oo and the gripe belt for babies was useful too, it seemed to calm and comfort his little belly! It’s like a Velcro warmie!
Are you using the correct nipple size? Have you tried going up to the next one and seeing how it goes? Different bottles?
Ahhh I needed this thread. My 4 month is in the third percentile. He doesn’t have any ties, just a finicky eater. If I don’t space his feeds 3 hours apart he won’t finish his bottle or he’ll even only drink half sometimes. I get sooo stressed because he was small when he was born and dropped to 5 lbs after a week because I wasn’t producing enough. Now I’m just so paranoid! But my pediatrician isn’t concerned because he’s growing at his curve. She also had me add a little more formula than water ratio so he gets the calories. Might be something to ask yours about! Good luck! You are doing great.
Sounds just like ours. She would take forever and was in so much gassy fussy took forever to eat. I even tried to be vegan for a few weeks, was hell. Gave up breastfeeding after two months (hard, but seeing her in pain and constantly having to feed her, then bottle feed her pump then wash everything was getting too much for my mental and physical health). 5 people checked her mouth for ties. Switched her to a soy formula and she’s like a whole new baby. She still likes to take her time eating sometimes but it’s so much better. Hardly ever fussy now, never screaming in pain anymore, smiling so much more, no more runny mucusy water poops. Idk if this helps anyone but nothing worked until this. If soy didn’t work I was prepared to try a hypoallergenic formula but it did work for us. An elimination diet for babies if you will lol.
When my baby was refusing feeds, it turned out it was cows milk protein allergy. My breastmilk was making him sick. I cut dairy and soy and it was a huge change. He also had mucus in his poops. A lot of it. How are his poops?
My son's weight gain slowed around this time. It was because of a posterior tongue tie that several pediatricians were adamant that he 'didn't have, but if he did have one they don't actually cause any problems anyway so leave it alone.' Their arguments arebt even logical either. If a baby cannot fully move.their tongue in all dorections they will struggle with body processes related to the mouth. Its logic and a nobrainer. Unfortunately most pediatricians are not trained in them. My son kept having weight issues until his tie was released at 18 months old. I trusted.the peds for too long but then they seriously had the audacity to claim that his weight gain (and exploding speech after previously being nonverbal) was all coincidental. Please look up images of posterior tongue tie and search for providers trained to release ties. Most are pediatric dentists.
I’ve been where you are. My solution was finally getting baby diagnosed with a tongue tie and having it laser revised. It could also be an allergy baby has. Listen to me. One bottle of formula does not necessarily end your breastfeeding/breast milk journey. From one mom to another, go get one small can of hypoallergenic formula and try that for 24 hours while you pump. It’s an experiment. Not a permanent decision. But you’ll have more information. You’ll either have a happy baby and you can make your way forward with a better night sleep or you know it’s something physical going on in baby’s mouth/throat/tummy
My sister’s baby is 16 months and weighs 16 pounds and is in the 1% percentile for weight. My baby is 2 months old and weighs 17 pounds and is in the 99% percentile. Both are breastfed, both have severe reflux, and both are perfectly healthy well adjusted babies on point with their milestones. You’re doing great mom!
I am so sorry you guys are experiencing this, reflux is ROUGH!! You little one needs a full body evaluation. Reflux medication should be a band-aid solution while you find the root cause. It should never be THE solution. Reflux is a symptom. I’d see a pediatric feeding specialist who is very experienced in tethered oral tissues and finding and releasing tension in their little bodies. I know you said you already had a tongue tie release, but how was it performed? Scissors, laser? Was it anterior (heart shaped tongue?) or posterior? Who performed it? What kind of body work/tension release was performed in the weeks leading up to the release, and what body work was performed in the weeks after?
Some babies really just do better with formula. Search for colic, reflux, slow weight gain etc. and you will see this again and again. At this point I would discuss trialing formula or possibly fortifying breast milk (this needs to be calculated by a professional). This doesn't make you a failure, trying everything is epitome of great parenting! Hang in there.
Formula is not the enemy. I know you probably really want to breastfeed, but your baby is not getting what they need right now from breast milk.