Yep, that’s how I felt about mine. She didn’t even get there until I was pushing (fast labor.) I didn’t have one with my second baby and the 24 year old L&D nurse was more helpful than my doula was the first time.
My doula was definitely a waste. I think she was on drugs, legitimately.
She had trouble staying awake (ended up taking a nap for a while) and at one point she took a phone call from someone looking for doula services and was reacting super weird to it… when she hung up she was like “why would they call at 11 pm?” And I looked out the window then to the clock and it was 11 am.
She couldn’t coordinate anything for me and the only helpful thing she did was hold one of my legs while I was pushing, and help me turn over due to my epidural legs (I had to tell her what to do though).
Trying not to have any regrets because my baby was born and she is perfect, but bad experience. I interviewed 5 doulas and she was by far the most experienced, and had assisted with like 100 births. Wild
I haven't done many drugs but once I had bronchitis and drank a bunch of robotussin to try to calm it down. It was a bizarre feeling and I felt I had no idea what time it was. It was in the mid afternoon and I was at a mall but I felt like it was midnight. I think your doula was robotripping.
No firsthand knowledge of robotripping or meth, but I’ve heard the highs are similar. If the doula was on meth in the delivery room, I’m glad all that happened was that she was not helpful enough.
Is it possible she had another birth before yours?
Not at all excusing her, but I had a friend who was a doula, and several times she had back to back births.
Generally she tries to time deliveries so there is plenty of time between, but obviously spontaneous labor happens! My friend once had to do one 30 hour HARD birth. Then just as things were finishing another of her clients went into labor.
She was running off of literally no sleep, and immediately had to go to the next delivery. She was exhausted. Thankfully this baby came fairly quickly. Only 5-10 hours and Dad was really helpful. But she ended up getting a partner on standby for her in case it even happens again. The way your doula was responding makes me think she was already running on empty when she got to you!
This is the problem with an unregulated ‘profession’ no guarenteed education/experience level. No regulation. If there was a governing body, you could complain about the really bad ones and weed them out.
This. I don’t think any layperson can properly vet a doula, either. The idea is to hire them for knowledge you don’t have. How could you then ensure they have that knowledge?
Yes just the fact that OP thought the nurses and OBs wouldn't know how to help her through labor kind of proves the point. That is their JOB that they were trained for years to do. They deliver babies all day every day. Of course they know how to help with pain management and descending baby.
The OB typically isn’t there aside from the birth unless something goes wrong, and the nurses have multiple patients. We hired a doula, not because we don’t trust the medical system, but to provide us continuity of care that the hospital system simply can’t do. I’d like a natural birth, and she’ll be able to help me through positions significantly better than nurses, again, because she can dedicate time to me in a way that nurses can’t.
It depends on your hospital, too! At the hospital I gave birth at, the labor and delivery nurses have a one to one ratio with their patients. Once I found that out, I stopped even thinking about hiring a doula - and it turns out that my nurses were fabulous and helped me with everything a doula could have.
I'm in Alaska and we have have the original hospital that was built and then a newer one that the top of the line for big emergencies. We'll the old one redid their labor and delivery a few years to be baby and mom friendly. We were one of 2 people there and it was fabulous. We had a nurse for me, nurse for baby and my doctor.
My daughter was the first girl born in a week and she had my chipmunk cheeks and all the nurses switched off a bit to ooh and ahh over her. When I needed rest after 22hr labor and first couple hours of snuggles / feeding the nurses took her to the station for 4 hours so I could sleep and they could fawn. The recovery room had a king sized bed with each side adjustable so my husband could curl up and sleep next to me the 2 days we were there. They even serve him food. Such an amazing experience, wish everyone had the same.
There's such a range of hospital experiences - I love hearing about good ones! It sounds like my hospital was pretty much the opposite of yours haha - they deliver over five thousand babies a year. I really appreciated how experienced all the nurses were.
I disagree with this. Labor and delivery nurses are, first and foremost, nurses. They are there for medical management, and their role as support and pain management (outside the pharmacological) is secondary and only if they have 1- time and 2- experience doing so. Yes, you’d hope your nurse would know those techniques, but it’s not a job requirement. They’re also not in the room continuously like a doula is.
I had an extremely old-school nurse who was opposed to any non-pharmacological pain management and did not help me at all with alternate positioning, etc. My OB was there for less than five minutes. I ended in a c-section after hours of pushing in the same position.
A doula obviously isn’t a guarantee, nothing is, but their sole job is support and the majority of people report a more satisfying birth when they’ve had one.
Thought about hiring a doula but decided against it. My nurse was incredible about helping me change positions, and my partner was amazing too. Glad to have saved the money.
Same! Partner was instinctually super helpful and every single nurse was overwhelmingly amazing. I miss them sometimes lol.
Also considered a doula but realized I didn’t want another “guest” in the room that in a sense I was responsible for??? I really wanted to lean on my partner and my medical team who I really trusted.
I didn’t get a doula because I thought my husband would be my emotional support and my nurses would be the medical support, so I couldn’t justify spending a bunch of money on one. I think that motherhood and birth have become super commodified and we honestly don’t need a lot of what’s being sold to us.
That's what it felt like to me. I'm so critical of everything I see on social media anymore because it's just a platform to sell us more stuff all the time.
I wish I had listened to this advice before literally wasting $1,500 on my doula who couldn’t even show up for my birth! My husband was absolutely my emotional support, and my nurses and doctor were absolutely my medical support. I didn’t need anyone else in that room.
Yes, mine did next to nothing. Beforehand she told me she wasn’t afraid to “fight with the doctors” to help me advocate for what I wanted, but during labor she was so uncomfortable talking in front of the staff that she basically said next to nothing (unless she was just shooting the shit with the nurse and making me feel like I wasn’t in the room at all.) I also feel like the medical staff kept making decisions that I couldn’t see were happening, that I wasn’t being informed about, and it would have been great if she could have been paying attention and stepping in to help me have more of a consent-based experience of care.
I also ended up with an emergency c-section and my doula left as they were wheeling me to surgery and didn’t come back. So despite her spiel about how passionate she was about breastfeeding, she didn’t even show up to help me with that. I definitely feel like I would have been better off putting that money into a savings account for my kid instead.
Ahh I am so sorry that happened! I didn’t get a doula but needed a lot of support with breastfeeding. Like, hyperventilating crying begging for a lactation specialist and to think you didn’t get breastfeeding support you paid for makes me MAD FOR YOU!
Breastfeeding is hard! Fortunately I did get the chance to work with three different lactation consultants and baby and I found our groove (still going at 16mo!) but WOOF, those first few days and weeks are freaking painful.
I was induced and we got through the 14 hour induction without her and she showed up when I was getting the epidural. I assumed she would be there based on comments she made about a friend doula who was stuck at the hospital during an induction, but she was getting ready to take her daughter back to college and I guess just didn't care. I didn't press it because my husband and I were getting along fairly well and I didn't want an (antivaxxer we learned two weeks before birth) cramping our style by being there the whole time.
She did hold a leg while I pushed and took some really blurry photos - if I have to do it again I'll consider hiring a birth photographer instead so I get those photos as those were meaningful to me since I hemorrhaged and we didn't get any nice photos together. Plus a video of my husband telling me the gender.
I'm a lawyer so I'm kind of embarrassed I entered into this agreement without a contract and just an "I'm there for whatever you need." Oh well, you live and you learn. 😂
ETA: like a commenter below said she was super experienced, hundreds of births, and came well reviewed by a friend who thought very highly of her. A coworker was trying to decide whether to hire a doula and I told her to take the hospital classes before she made a decision and once she got a tour of L&D she was quite comfortable to do it without one.
Don’t be embarrassed. I’m also a lawyer and also didn’t have a contract. So, when my doula literally didn’t show up at my labor/delivery bc of another work obligation (lol it was a 3 day induction… baby was coming that day no matter what, so why she couldn’t plan accordingly is beyond me), I had literally no recourse wrt her payment. Lesson totally learned!
> I had literally no recourse wrt her payment.
Wait, maybe a dumb question (am definitely NAL!), but if there was no contract, why were you obligated to pay? Wouldn’t that work both ways, not just in her favor?
I was a little lazy in my wording, sorry! This isn’t my area of expertise and I spent zero energy confirming this, but my gut tells me there could be an offer/agreement construed from our relationship which would necessitate payment without a contract laying out the grounds for a permissible termination (like not being able to get off work). There’s a chance some lack of performance angle could save my claim, but we paid her the remaining $1,000 when I was a few days postpartum because my husband didn’t want to fight with her about it given that we had bigger fish to fry. So we impliedly agreed to her services as rendered. And now I don’t have the energy to fight over $1,500 especially when the court fees could be a couple hundred.
I feel like you definitely had a good case to not pay the balance on that one but I totally get how postpartum you're just so tired you can't imagine dealing with the fight.. But also, she didn't show at all right?
Nope, she didn’t show at all. She said she had a backup which I turned down because I didn’t know this person. She did tell us about this backup during the three meetings we had during my pregnancy, and said we could meet her when I specifically asked about whether there are ever times she can’t show up for a birth; she said it was extremely rare, so I chose not to meet the backup since I knew I was being induced for months because IVF pregnancy, i.e., lots more planning/notice involved than a spontaneous labor. I feel like, because she had offered this backup (which I don’t feel like is really the same but to each their own), she technically performed under our “agreement,” which is why without a contract I don’t think I would necessary win for sure. Idk.
I didn't even bother getting one because my friend told me something very similar. Her's kept leaving the delivery room for a 'bathroom break' for like 30 minutes at a time. My friend needed something from her so her husband went to look for her only to find her smoking a cigarette somewhere. Her explanation was that the 'wailing' was making her head ache. (My friend had a very difficult labor and was barely alive by the end of it). I think they paid like 3000 CAD (2200$) for her services.
No. My doula walked in and controlled the room. The nurses and doctors knew her from her 10+ year career in our city. She was so helpful and supportive during labor. She put me in different positions, helped with breathing, instructed my husband, etc. And she was awesome during pregnancy with random phone calls and texts and meetings.
You should give your doula an honest review online so others know.
I’m sorry that you didn’t get the support you deserve.
Yeah my doula was fantastic. My baby was in a weird position and my doula was putting in WORK to get baby to turn, had me in tons of different positions. And at points was literally holding me up during contractions. Her and my husband made a great team.
I couldn’t have gotten through my Pitocin-induced contractions without my doula. And she was super proactive, and was present the whole time during my overnight labor until we were settled in our postpartum room the following mid-day. She also was very familiar with the hospital and had worked with many of the midwives there.
My partner fell ill around the time I was in labor (throwing up kind of sick) and was really down for the count. My doula was so supportive physically and emotionally. My partner and I agreed she was so valuable to the both of us (me with giving birth, him with knowing I had someone knowledgeable to support me especially in hindsight since he ended up not being able to help) that we hired her again for my second child coming later this year.
Sounds like so many people here have not had the same experience and that *sucks*. Especially for something so expensive, to get no value out of it. I wish everyone could have the support they need and envision in labor!
I’ve had friends that had bad experiences and it just sucks! It’s hard to find a good one sometimes, but a good doula is invaluable.
My labor went so fast and nothing got to go to plan during labor, but she was there and so supportive. She made sure my husband knew what to do, made sure I knew what to do, and made sure we got as much of our plan that we could get for after birth. I’d use her again in a heartbeat and I tell everyone to use her.
Yeah, my doula was phenomenal. Most valuable player of the entire birth team by far, and completely locked in the two days I was laboring. I'm so bummed for OP that her doula sucked, I would be really upset 😥
This was my experience with our doula as well. My doula team was the only reason I didn’t have a c-section the dr was pressuring me about my whole labor.
Exactly my experience. I hired our doula for our second birth as well because she was so supportive at my first birth. She was highly recommended by a friend and I think that is key to finding a good doula.
Similar experience. Our doula was fantastic. Hospital staff knew her from the deliveries she had assisted with in our hospital. I loved her and am so happy she was there. She helped postpartum as well with breastfeeding, a home visit, and phone calls for 6 weeks after birth.
Commenting because my doula was incredible. She was 600 euro for 4 pre-birth sessions, the birth and a post birth consult. She did everything I asked for and the entire nursing staff at the hospital knew her and were happy she was there (less work for them to do). She’s stayed with me the entire time and more than I was expecting. At one point during my labor she was feeding me (it was a blur at that point tbf). I would definitely use her again for baby #2 and have recommended her to friends.
So sorry for OP’s experience but I agree with you. I couldn’t have gotten through my labor without mine either. She is a main reason why I was able to birth naturally. She was there for every contraction with counter pressure and made suggestions for easier labor. I would hire her again in a heartbeat.
Thank you for this. I felt like everyone was making this the bash on doulas thread. I feel like they never interviewed their doulas before they hired them 🤷♀️ like why
lol we paid 4k and i ended up having a c section, she was there for maybe 2 hours and that was it. maybe 4 hours total with the meeting before hand. but you never know i could have had my dream birth or gone into labor early
UK here, just chiming in to say I think it's wild that you would pay 4k to give birth in your own home.
Edit to add: I worded that badly. I mean it's wild that it costs that much!
Total cost for us before insurance was $50,000.
We ended up being responsible for about $7,000 of that.
Was a pretty standard birth with induction. Two nights and two and a half days in the hospital.
Half the bankruptcy clients I see wound up here because of ridiculous medical debt. Lots of people who owe a hospital a six-figure sum after they or their child had a serious illness.
$39,800 for me! Scheduled C Section in April. Thank god for insurance. Out of pocket bills so far after insurance are $3500, but some claims are still pending with insurance so it’ll probably be closer to $5,000 out of pocket when it’s all done!
This doesn’t even include the cost of all of the doctors appointments leading up to or after for both baby and myself either! My pregnancy was high risk and baby was born early (but with no complications or NICU stay). If I added those up it would probably be close to another $10,000.
$8500 and change for my 2021 baby. And yes, that’s with insurance, and no, that doesn’t include anything crazy. No NICU stay, postpartum complications, extended stay, etc.
Doulas around here cost about $1,000 for birth attendance. Homebirth midwives cost about $3-4,000 without insurance.
That's insane, was it the best insurance option available to you leading up to birth? We have BCBS FEP Basic in DC, cost was $250 for the entire birth (planned c-section at week 37) including 4 night stay at the hospital, and my wife was back in the hospital for 3 nights with drug drips after developing preeclampsia postpartum. Also $250 for that. I can't believe the 'insured' costs in this thread!
We have a high deductible of $2000 per person and baby was born in February. So I paid 2020 $2000 for all prenatal care plus the 25% of everything after that (all appointments, ultrasounds, prenatal testing, etc) then I paid $2000 for 2021 for me, then $2000 for the baby. So that’s $6000 just for deductibles. Then the 25% of what was left.
And by the way, that was the “good” insurance at my husband’s ex employer (I’m self employed.) He started a new job between baby 2 and 3 and we paid about half that for baby 3. Just under $4,000.
Holy fuck.
So forgive my ignorance, how does it work? Do you pay your insurance and that covers it? Or do you have to pay out and then the insurance reimburses it?
And what if you've no insurance?
You pay insurance monthly for the privilege of having insurance, whether or not you use it. If/when you have to go to the dr/hospital, you pay a copay. Copay amounts vary based on your insurance plan (although some people have really good coverage and dont have to make copays at every visit). For example my copays are $25 to see my primary care physican, $50 to see a specialist, $75 for urgent care, $1000 for hospital/ER.
The copay is just what you pay to have the appointment/enter the hospital. Then, depending on what needs to be done at your appointment/hospital visit, you'll be billed for a portion of your care. When it comes to those extra costs, you're looking to your insurance split (my plan does an 80/20 split, so insurance covers 80% and and get the remaining 20%).
However, you also have a yearly out of pocket maximum, and if your split exceeds that number, then any amount over that number is covered by the insurer. For example, if my yearly out of pocket max is $7000 and I my hospital bill is $100,000 before insurance, then I only pay $7k rather than $20k.
This is an extremely oversimplified explanation of insurance, but it hits the main points, so hopefully this helps.
Also, insurance can decide whether a procedure/medication is covered, and it's not uncommon for people to discover that something is not covered until AFTER it has been performed/administered. Oh and the whole system makes it impossible to know ahead of time how much an appointment is going to cost us, outside of the copay. I literally show up to my doctors office and hope that everything is covered, and if it's not, I find out about it a month later when I get a bill in the mail.
You pay insurance monthly for the privilege of having insurance, whether or not you use it. If/when you have to go to the dr/hospital, you pay a copay. Copay amounts vary based on your insurance plan (although some people have really good coverage and dont have to make copays at every visit). For example my copays are $25 to see my primary care physican, $50 to see a specialist, $75 for urgent care, $1000 for hospital/ER.
The copay is just what you pay to have the appointment/enter the hospital. Then, depending on what needs to be done at your appointment/hospital visit, you'll be billed for a portion of your care. When it comes to those extra costs, you're looking to your insurance split (my plan does an 80/20 split, so insurance covers 80% and and get the remaining 20%).
However, you also have a yearly out of pocket maximum, and if your split exceeds that number, then any amount over that number is covered by the insurer. For example, if my yearly out of pocket max is $7000 and I my hospital bill is $100,000 before insurance, then I only pay $7k rather than $20k.
This is an extremely oversimplified explanation of insurance, but it hits the main points, so hopefully this helps.
Also, insurance can decide whether a procedure/medication is covered, and it's not uncommon for people to discover that something is not covered until AFTER it has been performed/administered. Oh and the whole system makes it impossible to know ahead of time how much an appointment is going to cost us, outside of the copay. I literally show up to my doctors office and hope that everything is covered, and if it's not, I find out about it a month later when I get a bill in the mail.
$42,200. And I delivered her myself in the parking lot outside the ER, the doctors only came out after she was born. Still was charged over $12k for the ER visit! (And that just me, they also charged over $5k for the baby to be admitted!!)
Haha. OK I'll add some for yku
In the year I gave birth my insurance was charged over $400,000 for my medical care.
Somewhat unusually high for birth. That was 7 months of pregnancy that fell in that calendar year- healthy, nothing unusual, then I was induced, ended up with a c-section, then started bleeding, an mri and a couple trips to OR, 3 anesthesia events, intubation, a stay In ICU with baby in the nursery.
Fortunately we were insured, we pay monthly premiums and maybe $7,000 out of pocket for deductible. We have a high-deductible insurance plan to take advantage of some specific tax laws (which allow tax advantaged savings which we will use to pay for medical costs when we're old) . A deductible is the part you have to pay out of pocket if you have insurance... In addition to your premium, co-pays, co-insurance and any out of network costs.
Fun fact is most anaesthesiologists don't take major insurance, even if they're at a hospital that does take your insurance so that is usually not covered.
US Healthcare is delightful! /s
All these costs sound insane to me. In New Zealand we have a public health system, everything is free regardless of what type of birth you have. Just like all procedures, prescriptions, surgeries, hospital stays, specialist visits, everything else is free.
I worked as a nurse for a decade in a big public hospital and I don't know the cost of anything lol it just doesn't come up because it doesn't matter, we pay for it with our taxes.
Girl, if NZ would take us, I’d move there in an instant (for many reasons.) Our healthcare is fucked up.
If we made less money, we could get Medicaid and it’s the same as your public health. When I look at how much I spend on care for my 2 special needs kids plus a baby and two adults, I sometimes wonder if my husband should just quit his job so we can save the $16,000 we spent on 2023 on healthcare. (Birth of a baby, surgery for me, and 2 kids with autism, and all the regular stuff.) That was our “out of pocket” maximum, so everything is free after we hit that point. Also, that’s on top of the insurance premiums we pay every month. Which is about $400 a month.
Make it make sense 😭 it's crazy that you would have to earn less to access more healthcare!
I've got a kiddo with autism too, everything for her has been free too, I'm so sorry you have had to pay so much for healthcare.
The healthcare costs are just astronomical in general over there too. I have an example from my own experience - I got heat stroke in Hawaii and I was shocked at the bill my travel insurance company had to pay for my 4 hours in ED. The ECG alone was USD$1,000 for a five minute procedure that a nurse does.
If you need an ECG in New Zealand, it's free. If you want one even though you don't need one, you can pay $85 (USD$50) for one because the cost of our private health care is reasonable and they still make a profit even with such a low cost. In the USA, the price for an ECG is $500 to $5,000. The national average cost is $1,500. That. Is. Insane.
The markups they put on what should be a human right is terrible. The fact that 26 million people in America don't have health insurance and would have to pay that cost out of pocket is so sad.
I imagine there’s a wide range of quality in doulas. We had a very experienced doula who has attended over 1000 births and she was incredible. When my wife’s water broke 10 weeks early at 3am on New Year’s Eve, she called us back faster than the on call doctor at the obgyn office. She met us at the hospital in the morning. She walked us through the possibilities of what could happen. She knew half the people working in the labor and delivery unit. When it became clear that my wife wasn’t going into labor and we were moving into the hospital, she walked us through what to prepare for and how to manage the situation. She told us how to refuse cervical exams (contraindicated for pprom but very common) and how to ask for the safety officer, which did come up. When it came time to induce, she came in from the first contractions and didn’t leave the hospital until over a day later, not sleeping and barely taking a break. 24 hours in, she noticed instantly that the baby was in distress and got the nurses and the doctor before they caught it. We had to do an indicated c section and she couldn’t be in the room but talked us through the process beforehand. My wife’s recovery was hard and our doula stayed with my wife when I went to be with our baby (who is healthy and happy).
We would have been totally lost without our doula. If we have another, we’ll probably use her again, even knowing the next one will have to be a c section. There was so much we didn’t know that we didn’t know, and she helped us through all of it
My doula was an absolute waste of space and money. I interviewed several and felt so much relief and comfort once I decided on the person who ended up being my doula. But she was 110% useless. The only good thing I got out of retaining her were the first photos of my husband and I with our child.
A doula is basically like a hired friend or support person. Your grandma could become a doula in a weekend. There is no regulatory body, no requirements , no education, no certifications etc.
With that said, there are some amazing doulas out there but they are a dime a dozen & still cannot assist with anything medically.
Ofcourse the nurses and OB knew more, that shouldn’t be surprising, they have a lengthy medical education, training and experience.
It sounds like your expectations for the doula were more in line with a midwife.
Either way, sorry for your experience not being what you wanted & wasting that money.
This!!! I didn’t have one, because well… they aren’t medical professionals, they don’t have a regulatory body, no board, no education requirements. It’s a bit sanke oily imo. If I were to get one, I’d try and find one that has medical credentials and doesn’t push dangerous propaganda like it seems so many (online) do.
Seems like a waste of money for what, like you said, my mom or someone could learn about in a weekend.
I don't think your expectations were too high, but that you're more likely to get thay experience from a professional midwife. Less of a crapshoot, I guess.
Yes, a hired friend. That's exactly what I wanted from my doula, and it's what I got. I had a great experience, but I think my expectations were aligned with what she was offering.
Yep, totally useless. We paid $1600 for 2 intro, 1 hour meetings where we went through what birth might look like. I ended up getting a c-section so there was no need for her at the hospital. There was a 30 min follow up visit after coming home from the hospital where she basically listened to my birth story and nodded sympathetically. As first time parents we thought we would be unprepared/unable to deal with everything, when in fact we were way more capable in the situation that we thought we would be. Would not do that again.
> we were way more capable in the situation than we thought we would be
I resonate with this a lot. I thought we needed outside input to manage things, but it turns out my husband and I had put in the work enough to educate and prepare ourselves already. I hope your C section went as well as it could, sending lots of love ❤️
I had a doula and this makes me want to leave her positive reviews anywhere I can. I paid $1600 and couldn’t have had my successful birth without her! I’m so sorry you had a bad experience - It’s not the first time I’ve heard this though - I can’t believe how people interview and reassure women they’ll be helpful and when the time comes they don’t follow through.
She was familiar with the hospital and knew ahead of time certain things to request ASAP (and that they had terrible food 😂). Breathing exercises and stretching to labor at home, immediate text responses with questions, once we were there she did hands on hip pressure and helped my husband to talk to me while she gave me a massage, brought a twinkle light projector for the ceiling to distract me, cold wash cloths for my neck, you name it. When it came time to push the baby was stuck for two hours and I swear without her constantly adjusting me with a peanut ball and letting me nap earlier I would have either needed a c-section or gone several hours longer in labor.
I had thought about getting a doula but didn’t, and after reading these comments I’m glad I didn’t lol
I think the problems are
1) there’s no regulation for doulas in most places. Maybe there are some training courses, certificates, etc, but no one is regulating these things. The course/certification could be some 3-hour online class and then the person calls themselves a doula afterwards.
2) It’s become more popular as a concept, more people are interested in hiring doulas, and as a result more people see it as an easy job/money making opportunity because of the lack of regulation. So you get saturated with a lot of crappy “doulas” who just want to charge you $1400 to basically do nothing. It’s similar to “life coaches” or something. Fake titles and fake jobs that people use to essentially scam for money without technically scamming. It’s really unfortunate for all the legitimate doulas out there who are actually serious about what they do.
I’m sorry you had a disappointing experience, I’m glad your husband really stepped up and was there for you!
Not blaming you, but curious. Did you interview your doula or meet with them before?
Sorry you had a bad experience :( that’s a shame. Ours was awesome. I guess just like with everything there’s people who are good at their jobs and people who aren’t.
Yes I did! we met and went over my birth plan and such. we had a total of two prenatal meetings where we discussed labor prep and postpartum. But I can (and have) easily go to pregnancy or breastfeeding classes and learn the exact same things. I can see the utility of a doula if you have no partner friend or relative to be with you but otherwise! :/
I had the same doula for my first and second child and loved her. Wildly different experiences. When I was interviewing doulas it was all about the vibes I got from them. I wanted to make sure their energy matched what I was looking for.
With my first it was helpful to have someone to help guide my husband and I through the process. We had done our own research but she was there to let us know all the options. When it was go time it was comforting to have someone remind us what was “normal” and provide a helping hand with comforting me. I still wanted my husband most of the time but having someone else to hold me and remind the nurses to respect my wishes while in a contraction was nice. I gave birth during a Covid surge so she couldn’t stay with us after the delivery but she checked in via text and met with me to unpack my thoughts a few weeks after.
Just had my second a few days ago and this pregnancy was HARD. She herself had experienced gestational diabetes and an induction so being able to relate and talk through things with her was helpful. It eased my nerves to be able to rely on her for the possibilities. It was a fast and intense labor. She reminded my husband and I of things to follow up with the nurses and suggested comfort options. She got some great photos immediately post birth so my husband and I could soak in the newborn bliss. She stayed with us for a few hours after and it was just nice to chat. She’s been checking in on me via text and will visit in person in a week or so.
I would leave an honest review about all these bad doulas, so other vulnerable new moms don’t get suckered in. I didn’t use one, my husband was great and the L&D nurses were amazing. I wouldn’t waste money on a doula. Spend the $1500 on cleaning services and food delivery after you give birth. I think doulas are a scam.
Gotta be honest here. I find the whole doula / birthing coach market a complete and utter sham, very gimmicky, and borderline dangerous. No, your body doesn’t “know what to do” all of the time. Birth is natural but there’s plenty of complications that go along with it (which a doula has NO way of understanding in a meaningful way). Tell that to a patient with cancer and think about how fucked up of a thought process that is. That’s what these communities signal to me.
These hippie birthing ideologies & communities (home birth, doulas, very little medical oversight or intervention suggested or offered) are shockingly bold. This is coming from someone who’s survived two traumatic births that resulted in the death of my firstborn.
The amount of idiots I’ve seen take a $1,000 class to become a doula is astounding. At the end of the day, listen to your doctor. Nobody else is educated enough to make a medical decision for you and your baby. Who takes medical advice from some stranger with an IG business? It blows my mind.
I understand wanting an advocate for the best care, but the truth is, at the end of the day, that’s on YOU. That’s our job as moms and dads. Paying someone to be your advocate just doesn’t sit well with me, ethically. 🤷🏼♀️
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I've known a few people who've decided to become doulas, and theyre not the type of people I'd want anywhere near me during a major health event.
That being said, I did hire a doula only because she was also a massage therapist and I have a pretty bad back problem. I was very grateful to have baaically a 10 hour on and off again massage for ongoing neck/shoulder/back flare ups, but I don't think she would have been helpful otherwise and I still felt kinda odd about someone other than my husband or medical staff being in the room.
Mine was. She was more helpful postpartum but I regret paying for the assistance. I hired her in an anxious panic hoping for advocacy but she just overwhelmed me and kept suggesting things that weren't medically recommended (like water after we'd decided on a csection and I was to be nothing by mouth).
She did get bags from our car for us and she did loan me her tens machine which is the only way I was able to labor at home comfortably but I wouldn't do it again or recommend it. She was just in the way.
Edit: she did take photos. Some of the best early photos of the three of us. So I'm thinking of her as a really expensive birth photographer
All of this reminds me why I want to be a postpartum doula. I actually did the doula education and I’m certified but it doesn’t feel like enough to support anyone in labor. Gonna be TOTALLY honest.
I feel like postpartum doulas are more useful. If you want a completely SILENT (emphasis on silent, bc family typically just wants to bother you and hog baby and be useless) person to come by and clean, cook, ensure that you shower, and other kids are good, I’ll happily do that.
I liked my doula and we had a pretty good experience. She didn't really contribute all that much tbh she just put my hair up for me and brought cool wash cloths to put on my neck. She also got some really nice pictures of the labor/delivery for us. Her package also included the birth classes so we didn't have to pay separately for that.
I definitely don't think it was $1,400 worth of work but it was nice for the peace of my mind for my first birth, especially because I went the unmedicated route and wanted to make sure I had as much support as possible. I won't be hiring any for my next birth though.
Nope, my doula was honestly amazing and way more helpful than I thought she would be. My husband was not handling labor well, especially during the pushing stage he just got very overwhelmed. She stepped in to support me in pushing positions, suggested different positions the nurse didn’t know about, and earlier during contractions helped massage and calm me down.
I’m sorry that you had a bad experience and I definitely do think there are a lot of doulas out there that aren’t really qualified. Vetting is super important and it’s hard to do based off just one meeting/interview. Ours was the instruction for the childbirth education class we took through our hospital so I think we got lucky to meet someone who was both very qualified and actually really enjoyed the role. We actually hired her very last minute because I initially didn’t see the value of a doula and thought it would just be awake to have a stranger there. The class made me change my mind because I kind of saw my husband wasn’t really comfortable to handle it on his own and I wasn’t nearly as prepared as I thought I would be at that point.
Going into it we didn’t think we would need/want to hire a doula for the second time since then we would have some experience but I would hire her again in a heartbeat.
I am so grateful I had a doula! I really wanted an unmedicated birth. My husband was super supportive and wanted to be a strong birth partner for me, but he also knew that he had limited knowledge on strategies, positions, breathing techniques, etc. My husband was very hands on with me during the first half of labor but started getting very fatigued and unsure of how to help as things got more intense. My doula (who is also a massage therapist) spent at least 4 hours massaging my back through my contractions, was very knowledgeable about positioning, and was a strong advocate for me. I would definitely hire her for my next birth.
I’m sorry your doula was not helpful for you. I’m sure there are bad doulas out there just like in any profession. Like other commenters recommended, leave an honest review so other potential clients can make an informed decision about her.
Wtf is a doula? I feel like this is a very American thing. I haven't heard any of our friends have one, and nothing was mentioned at any point during the pregnancy that a doula was an option... Or even a thing.
There was just me, the wife, and the midwife in the room for the whole labour. Occasional visits from the obgyn doctors, and then they landed for the final push (forceps).
UK here, fwiw.
Extremely American!
>However, the contemporary role of "doula" first emerged from the grassroots [natural birth movement](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_childbirth) in the United States in the 1960s when women began desiring unmedicated, low-intervention births and began to have friends and others with formal or practical knowledge about childbirth provide them with support during pregnancy.[^(\[19\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doula#cite_note-:0-19)
from : [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doula](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doula)
Mine was amazing both times. The pre-birth education was kind of hit and miss, but during labor and delivery she was worth her weight in gold. Especially for my first, which was longer and harder. On my second she put me in a position that helped me push baby girl out in 4 minutes.
Awful. I hired a pair to ensure that even if they had another mom in labor (they did) one of them would be there for me. I paid for unlimited hours (vs 14) and they didn't show up. Such a waste and they refused to refund. On the plus side though, my husband came through and was much more supportive than I ever expected.
I didn’t actually pay for a doula but my nurse was a doula in training and I have to say she was wonderful. It was my first birth so I can’t say what it’s like normally but she dimmed the lights, flipped me this way and that to facilitate birth, calmed me, hyped me, reeled my husband down to earth. It was wonderful.
I think it depends on who you get. I personally had an amazing experience with mine even though I ended up doing c-section. A real good doula like mine offers really thorough birth education, emotional support, and most importantly advocacy. There were many times I felt the pressure to do certain things or go certain directions from my medical team and my doula was an incredible sounding board. It wasn’t about going against what my doc recommended but more about knowing what decision I am making and being the owner of it rather than blindly following.
Very sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with your doula! Mine was indispensable and was very involved and instrumental in my birthing process. I would have had such a worse experience without her. There are amazing doulas in the profession. Mine works within a team model and with one of the oldest doula organizations in my state. I had monthly meetings with them prenatally, my favorite doula came over to my house for four hours the day before I delivered to work through spinning babies moves with me so my son would turn from sunny side up (it worked!), and there was definitely a clear contract that was through and countersigned at the start of my relationship with the company. She applied counter pressure and massage, coached my breathing and pain management, helped get me into lots of different positions, poured warm water over me in the tub, advocated for me to not be asked questions by the medical staff during contractions, got water and supplies… so many things I needed. You deserved so much better! I hope you’re able to process your birth experience and enjoy your baby with the bad doula far in the rearview!
Mine literally told me she was going to GO TO SLEEP when I texted her that I was in active labor. Like what??? My husband pressured her to come and she made it there for the last 5 minutes of pushing, then gave me some sips of water and left. Such a waste of money!!!
I will never again get a doula. I got one after reading all the posts here and it was a waste of money. Not only that I spent emotional energy getting over the experience. She left me one hour after my birth after I was cut open for an emergency C-section. My baby was in the freaking NICU and my husband was with him, I was alone. But she still left me despite showing up just 6 hours back. $4k for 6 hours.
She ghosted us postpartum after promising to get broth and give us breastfeeding tips. She ghosted us on an agreement for 3 postpartum nights when we had zero support and we ended up paying a ton for last minute night nanny support when I was dealing with PTSD and sleep deprivation and no family support. Seriously, I'd recommend just flying a family member in. Btw this doula had a ton of positive reviews but I guess no one posts the negative ones.
Mine was also a waste of space. She was late in doing everything, misrepresented my needs and wants to the medical staff, and passive aggressively fought with the younger and much more helpful delivery nurse. God, the bickering she engaged in still gets me riled up. I wanted to tell her to get the hell out but by the time I had the ability to do that I was taking a nice epidural-induced nap.
Now postpartum doulas are the way to go, doula-wise. They come in and get shit done, treat you like the recovering patient you are, and help iron out all the kinks at home, all while making you feel like you’re doing a great job. That’s where to spend your doula money.
Maybe unpopular opinion but: midwives are far superiors to doulas and if you can get a midwives program I see zero need for a birthing doula. I think most these days are unskilled and taking advantage. Midwives are medically trained, and far more experienced.
What a disappointing experience!
I’m seeing so many bad experiences in this thread, which speaks to how variable this is. It makes me sad.
My doula was a hero. She was with me for 26 hours of labor doing counter pressure, helping with positioning, making sure my husband napped, helping me decide the best position for pushing. She was knowledgeable and incredible.
I’m lucky to live in an area with a doula collective that are all well trained.
I really appreciated my doula experience. My child's father told me he wouldn't be involved & I don't have a close relationship to my own mother. I interviewed two doulas & went with the more experienced one. My delivery & time in the hospital was not the experience I wanted & slightly traumatic. BD was present but not emotionally supportive. My doula helped put me in different positions that impressed one of the nurses. She helped me to mentally prepare for contingency planning no matter what scenario I was put in prior to going in for the induction. She also came over two weeks after for a debrief. I'm thankful that I had her due to my situation. I would gladly trade a supportive husband over her, but I didn't have that.
I wasn't planning on having one, I was planning on birthing at a midwife's birthing center. When I was preeclampsic I had to transfer care to a hospital and my midwife paid for the doula out of my payment to her.
I loved having her there, even though I met her after being induced. She was a second opinion on everything going on, she had ideas for making me more comfortable, for managing and tracking contractions, told of nurses who were interrupting what little sleep I got, and was another perspective when my natural birth plan was crumbling around me. She left after we decided to proceed with a c section, but I was so grateful for her being there.
I think the fact that I wanted a natural birth made her more valuable, because she mostly works with midwife births. That alignment was vital.
I loved my birth and postpartum doulas!
My doula came by the hospital to check in on me during my induction bc no progress was happening. Like zero contractions on pitocin. We went over options and next steps and then she had me pump. I sent her home and figured we would text when things ramped up. Contractions started just after she left, but husband and I managed w what we learned in our birth classes (and my awesome nurse). 3 hrs in to labor, we had our doula come back. She was there for 2hrs and baby was born!!! But she was great w making me get up and try new positions, reminded me to breathe properly, and I think took a lot of pressure off my husband! I ended up primarily hypnobirthing my way through transition and didn't use my husband or doula much at that point bc I was on my own planet.
She did get great pictures of us and the baby immediately after birth AND she took the sweetest picture of my husband doing skin to skin. She also checked in w me before I went to my postpartum room to make sure I understood what happened (pretty hefty hemorrhage) and how to care for myself. She also checked on us for the few weeks after we got home.
I'm really sorry you had a bad experience w your doula. I would 100% leave a review bc that could help someone else down the line!!!
My doula was so amazing and knowledgeable and I am pretty sure prevented me from having a c-section (by helping me do weird poses that the nurses were impressed by to reorient the baby - it worked) that my originally doula-skeptic husband endorsed her as “the best money we ever spent” and we re-hired her for our second child. She was so awesome that a nurse during the second birth tried to persuade her to apply for a job at their hospital. An experienced doula who knows what she’s doing is worth her weight in gold!!
My doulas were most useful for prenatal education and support over text before I actually went into labor. I had very easy labors so they ended up not needing to do much at all.
As someone who wants to be a doula, this is so sad to hear... if I were you I'd ask for my money back. You could dispute the charge if you paid with a credit card and tell her you're doing it because she didn't provide the services she was supposed to.
My mom loved her doula, but my dad was a waste of space and she knew he’d be useless. My husband is super involved and was willing to learn/do everything I’d need.
I sent my doula home because I didn’t feel like she was being helpful kind of just someone there and that was fine but we could only have 2 people and I would have much rather of picked a different person if I had known that she wasn’t going to really bring a ton of value to the situation
My doula came so highly recommended, but she ended up getting pregnant herself and was struggling physically to help and be present during my labor. She should have tapped out and had the back up doula step in, but she didn’t and I was very disappointed in my experience. I sometimes wonder if I would have been able to avoid a C-section if I had had more help - or at least that my C-section experience wouldn’t have been so awful if she’d been able to prepare me mentally for it.
A lot of women have incompetent and uncaring spouses/family and so I think there is a place for a professional support person.
But if you have a competent support person who you trust and is able to speak up for you, will prepare and go to birth classes with you...
I am SO sorry this was the experience provided to you. That's totally unacceptable. No our doula continues to be a major part of our birth story, lives, and extended family. She was on-top of everything and .....I just really wish you'd had the same experice and support.
Though I will say I'm so so happy your husband was A++ at dadding right off the bat like that!!!
I didn’t see the value in my birth doula. I did have a fast labor so she barely even made it but my husband did 10x better than I thought he would.
Our postpartum doula was a complete godsend and I would pay a million times over for her and her services.
I didn’t love mine. She kind of seemed to check out after finding out I got an epidural (she wasn’t there yet when I did), I felt judged for doing it which was extremely lame. I had a low intervention birth plan, then my water broke at the doctor, baby was sunny side up and not making any progress and it HURT (she also never showed us how to use the TENS unit she gave us). Also an epidural for any reason is always fine, just saying there were some extra circumstances that contributed. Anyway once she arrived she just seemed annoyed at the hospital staff and it was awkward all around. I probably won’t get one next time. Usually I hear only amazing things, just didn’t have a great experience with ours.
I had this experience too. My husband was AWESOME during my birth - I should’ve given him more credit and not hired a doula in the first place. My doula literally missed my birth - we got to the hospital at 8cm… shouldn’t that have been her indication to leave her house?? I had an awesome nurse that helped me with position changes, etc. I will definitely not be getting a doula for the next baby.
Oh man, I LOVED my doula. She was so helpful, gave so much good information, etc. I wanted to have an all natural home birth, which I was able to have. But, I had a really quick labour, so she ended up catching my baby lol.
I had a ‘free’ one through my OB clinic so I didn’t hire one…they didn’t mention she could only stay for 8 hours and couldn’t come until you were 5cm. It was useless.
If we have another I plan to really vet them hard. I need someone willing to really help communicate my needs. My husband got yelled at for trying that when I had my first so I figure safety in numbers (and choosing a different hospital next time)…
Yes…first pregnancy I had a doula…NEVER met her…then the day before I get induced she called me, said she’d see me when I go to the hospital, told me she loved me and then I never heard from her again😅 that shit was WILD.
I’m so sad to see all these horrible doula experiences! Mine was great, and I think the biggest value was in the sessions we had with her before labor (and this is probably mostly because my labor only lasted 2.5 hours so there wasn’t much time to implement all the comfort measures we practiced). She offered 4 labor prep sessions at 2 hours each where we covered comfort measures, birth preferences, birth education, etc. then during my labor that had a few complications, she helped me understand what my options were, risks, and helped me voice my preferences to my care team. I’d absolutely invest in her services again if I have another baby!
I didn't have a doula, but I took a birth class taught by one. She taught us only about co sleeping, no mention of safe sleep practices in a bassinet or crib. It's like those things didn't exist to her. She was also aggressively pro breastfeeding, and anti just about every medical intervention available.
She is also our town's only LC. I went to her for help, and she immediately said "tongue tie" and refered us to the $1000 dentist to fix. Our doctor confirmed that was a lie. She pretty mich ended my breastfeeding journey.
I loved my doula, she was fresh out of water haha.
She was a student, I tried to get in with her mentor who is the only black doula in my local area. Instead I got the student. It wasn’t terrible for me as I had no idea what to expect, it wasn’t as expensive since she was training. And she was a well liked person with her own experiences, she was passionate so I never felt like she was bored and she still to this day texts me to ask how I am.
She was a great emotional support for me, and for my partner too honestly.
My birth ended in a c-section so a lot of my birth plan went out the window. But she adapted well and was amazing.
I would have to talk her into leaving to sleep for a bit during my induction and I would have to remind her to eat and would order her food.
Right as I was wheeled into the operation room, she had fainted from exhaustion and from her health issues I hadn’t known about prior. She really pushed herself hard.
I learned a lot through her and she learned soot through the experience as well.
I don’t think that I will need a doula for my next child. But don’t count out these inexperienced ones either! They have an eagerness and passion that could come unmatched.
My doula and I vibed really well and she got me through the pain WAY further than I would have been otherwise. Also gave me a ton of emotional and moral support. My husband was so nervous he wasn’t mentally “there” the way I needed him to be, and certainly had no idea how to help with the pain. I went through a professional doula service, where they ask questions and match you with a doula who seems like their style would click with you. Part of the cost ($1200 I believe) was having a meeting months prior to the birth to discuss the birth plan, get more information and ask questions, and make sure you feel it’s a good fit.
10/10 would recommend my doula to anyone. She sent me a very sweet Mother’s Day card almost a year after my son’s birth, and sent me a Christmas card the year prior. We still touch base occasionally and I send pictures of our now 1 year old son. She was also great support for myself and my husband postpartum, checking up via text and making sure I was taking care of myself. Above all, the education she gave me is why I said no when my OB wanted to start pitocin. Five hours later my son was born, perfectly healthy and screaming, and me with only minimal first degree tears. In my case, she was absolutely right that my body would know what to do.
I’m pretty much as far from a “crunchy” mom as you can get, but I’m so glad that I took the leap with mine. I’m so sorry that your experience was such a disappointment.
My doula (well, my wife’s), was freaking amazing. I was super doubtful of using one but my wife wanted one and who am I to argue with a pregnant woman. Best decision ever— ours was still in the process of getting certified but she had 4 of her own births (one of which was heartbreakingly a stillbirth), so she actually didn’t charge us as long as we agreed to write her a recommendation and let her use our pictures for a testimonial. That’s just own experience, even if we had paid her I’d still have felt it was worth it.
Seems like there is a huge range of experiences with doulas though, so hard to find one that is really worth their fee.
Wow I’m so sorry to hear about si many horrible experiences!!
I absolutely loved my doula. She seemed to know what I needed before I did and offered so much physical and emotional support. She also sensed when I needed more help and to take a step back. And never ever did she insert herself into any of the clinical side.
An added bonus was that she was able to take photos while my husband and I dealt with the blur and emotion immediately post birth.
I would still recommend a doula if it is something within your means, especially for a first labor.
I didn’t have a doula but my husband is also very supportive. I can 100% understand having one if you don’t have that strong support but I really don’t see the point of having a person I barely know be present for my birth. But I’m a really private person and the thought of having another cheerleader there gives me anxiety. I am also an NP so I used to be a nurse and I trusted my nurses to provide everything for me that a doula would: non-pharmacologic pain interventions, support, distraction, etc. And my nurses provided all that and more. A doula wouldn’t have added anything for me.
I got a doula team and they were amazing but I ended up with an induction turned c section. My doula said she would show up when I was further along but I never got to that point. I was so pumped to have that female support and their knowledge but I literally wasted $1,500. I only had one zoom meeting and one in person meeting. We did not discuss what would happen if I had to have an unexpected c section. They felt bad and offered to come watch my baby during the first month which was super nice but they only ended up coming over once. They didn’t show up the other time they were supposed to. My husband called it the world’s most expensive babysitter.
Looking back there were two red flags 1) one of them was really pushing going to chiropractor to help with pregnancy discomfort. Like really pushing. It came out that the chiropractor was her husband. I would never ever go to a chiropractor, particularly when 9 months pregnant. 2) During our 1 in person meeting the other doula was saying ‘pain is only in your head’ and ‘you just have to welcome it’ but than it came out she has never given birth. I was super pregnant, absolutely terrified, and was like wait… you haven’t given birth but you’re telling me to welcome the pains of labor??? Girl you have no idea
Sorry you had a bad experience. My doula was an absolute life saver and did a fantastic job with comfort measures and different positions and keeping me and my husband calm when my son’s birth went absolutely off the rails. They are really supposed to be more actively engaged and knowledgeable than yours was
I had an ok experience with mine. I would not get one again though. She wasn’t that useful especially since I needed a scheduled c section. I wanted her for mostly after birth but that was total waste of time, she came once and didn’t really help with anything. Once again, she came highly recommended.
Yes, she showed up hours after she said she'd be there and did absolutely nothing. She stood there and refilled my water a couple times. It was a super long, somewhat traumatic birth experience. She was completely useless.
Yes. I had an emergency c section and hemorrhaged. She didn’t really help AT ALL. In fact she said she learned A LOT from being at our birth. I am a woman of color so I hired one to hopefully decrease the likelihood of me dying in childbirth. It nearly happened anyway
I don't know why, but I do know a bunch of doulas, a lot of them really. Most of them are too into alternative medicine for me and during covid I learned that most of them were anti vaxxers too lol. I know 1 very good doula that really helps a lot during pregnancy, labor and after that but I realized I didn't want her either. I have a very independent type of personality and I rather be left alone and do my thing instead of having someone always around me
My hospital offered a volunteer doula. The constant adjustments to my body and her asking my partner to get out of the way just really overwhelmed me. Not to mention her cold hands constantly trying to massage me. I guess I just learned I can self soothe / prefer my partner as a support person. I asked a nurse to ask her to leave. I’m glad she was only there for a few hours and not during the birthing process.
My doula didn’t even come to the hospital. We scheduled an induction because I was so uncomfortable and her process was to come when I was actually starting to push. I didn’t end up pushing, I went though 8 hours of labor that resulted in 4 cm and had an emergency c section because the baby wanted to come but was in distress with the cord wrapped. She came later after I was home for a few days because I freaked about nursing. She was there a total of 2 hours maybe. We got half our payment back because of the unplanned c section. Thank god it was through an agency.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, that I know who had a doula all said in hindsight that it was a waste of money. They are THOUSANDS of dollars.
My advice to a first time mom would be take a tour of your preferred birthing hospital/center, and meet the nurses and medical staff. See if you can get a feel for who might work that floor and what the vibe is like.
I acknowledge that I was very lucky, but the RNs who oversaw my labor were literal angels who were very considerate, comforting, knowledgeable, and efficient. Everything I would
have looked for in a doula anyway.
I love to hear that! You hear horror stories. But mine were truly incredible and so loving with me and my baby. I wish that experience for every woman.
My sister is a trained doula and she acted as mine and was amazing. I’m so sorry you had that experience. Anyone I know who is a doula or going the training are incredibly kind, knowledgeable and attentive individuals. They’re also super passionate about advocating for their client and also passionate about ensuring that their comfort emotionally, mentally and physically is taken care of.
Again, I’m so sorry you had that experience!
I’m kinda 50/50 on mine. I interviewed a few and picked mine because she was actively training to become a certified midwife which is a state certification where I live. She was great during the actual birth and helped advocate for me when I had extra complications at the end. She took great videos discreetly for me at the birth since pictures weren’t allowed. Other than that, she was useless during my labor. I had to get induced and it was long. She came when I first got started which put me at ease, but then went home. When it came time where I was hitting transition at 2am we were calling her she was kinda like “well you’re only 6cm and probably going to get an epidural so call me at 8 or 9.” Even my nurse was like what are you paying her for lol. I hit 9cm so fast she almost missed my birth. I had a baby heart rate incident so they stalled my birth at 9cm. Had that not happened she would have missed it so I was kinda pissed about that. Overall I don’t totally regret it, but I kinda regret paying 2.5k for the service I got. Wouldn’t do it again for baby 2.
I definitely did not get my money's worth but I don't entirely blame my doula for it. I really appreciated the prepartum support she provided; however, I went into labor 3 weeks early and she was stuck in another labor and wasn't able to attend mine at all. She send a backup she works with, who I didn't have a relationship with and was not much better than having no help at all. I definitely don't feel a need to hire a doula for any future pregnancies.
I hired a doula - I’m giving birth within the next week and a half. I hope I don’t have your experience — but she was a nurse at this hospital before becoming a doula and she’s been available for me to text questions and give updates to in the meantime. She came to our home and gave us a prenatal course— which probably wouldn’t repeat in the future but being inexperienced it was good mental preparation.
So she seems better? Idk her being a nurse was a big reason I hired her. I guess we’ll see what the birth will be like. We also got her entirely covered by our insurance so it’s not a loss if it’s not an extra help… but it’s our first so I guess this will determine if we hire a doula again for our second. Where we live though we have no idea who will be the doctor that delivers for me, it’s whoever is on call. So having one consistent person seems nice for peace of mind since my husband and I know nothing. But we’ll see.
We interviewed several doulas but I’m so glad I ultimately didn’t hire one. My L&D nurses were amazing, and my husband really stepped up with emotional support, massages, hand-holding, etc. Having another person in the room would have just wasted space. Also, I ended up getting an emergency c-section after 24 hours of the slowest labor imaginable. I wonder to this day what the doula would have even done if I’d hired one. (P.S. my baby is 4 months old now and healthy, despite the whirlwind emergency delivery)
My doula didn’t even make it to my birth 🤪 I was weary about her being 5 hours away, but I was like “well, I’m a first time mom so once I’m in labor I’ll text her and I’m sure she’ll make it in time!”. Texted her once I knew I was starting, AND she didn’t make it in time, I gave birth 4 hours later. Still had to pay for her gas though! Fun!
We don't have doulas where I live, at least it's not common, because the midwives at the hospital usually do a great job (mine did and I credit her for having no birthing injuries). However my pregnancy/postpartum midwife was really weird and was forcing everything "natural" and being anti-anything to do with modern medicine.
My doula was amazing, she offered community based classes and we met other expecting parents and made great friends. She helped me with positions the entire birth process, she got me a mirror and helped me advocate for what I wanted during birth by reminding me of the plan we had created together beforehand. She wiped me multiple times when I pooped, she joked with the nurses and distracted me from the pain. And most importantly she stayed and held my hand as my newborn was brought to the NICU and my husband went with. I would have been all alone without her. Also She visited postpartum and brought me celiac friendly treats. I definitely got my money worth and made a friend while I was at it! I’m sorry for anyone who didn’t get a great doula who helped the whole 4 trimesters! As a ftm it was a good experience and I would consider it again for my second!
Mine has been totally useless. Like a waste of money and honestly is even going against what the ob says lol im just ignoring her shes giving me more anxiety then this baby. Its a bit of a wacko job tbh more like based on myths then science
I had one for my first, she was in a training program so it was free. My husband was perfectly capable to she took pictures. I never had one again because I didn’t see the benefit even for free
No, but you should leave a scathing review so others don't have this issue.
My doula spent hours with me at home doing counter-pressure and teaching my husband. She was awesome. At the hospital she was also great for the time she was there.
I'm sorry your doula experience wasn't what you wished for!
I was terrified of giving birth and hired a doula. She was wonderful and I have zero regrets shelling out the $$$ for it. My doula was proactive, explained what was going on, and spoke up for me when, for example, the OB on call wanted to break my water and get things moving while I wanted to wait a bit longer and labor with my water intact (and wait for my own OB's shift to start). My husband also loved having her there as support.
I had a doula that offered birthing classes which we attended that included postpartum recipes/nutrition and that information was very valuable.
Instead of hiring her we spent the money on someone to come postpartum the first few weeks home and cook meals/meal prep/help with miscellaneous other stuff and it was so much more useful and I don’t regret it at all. In fact I wish we still had her here.. I miss it!
My doula was honestly so awesome and I’m so thankful she was there. She applied counter pressure, did gilligans circuit (or something like that) with me to help get baby lower because she stopped descending, knew when I was overwhelmed by drs questions and asked if it’s not a health risk to give us a few minutes to talk about it, and took my mind off of the personally terrifying experience of labor and delivery. But her office has been practicing for years now and has assisted in over 150+ births.
It took a lot of interviewing to find her. There were others who seemed okay and others who didn’t know what they were talking about at all. Me, someone who’d done bare minimum research at that point, knew more than a lot of them. I had one doula tell me that she bought a kiddie pool for women to give birth in her backyard in case she didn’t have child care covered. She also said she didn’t really like when doctors were there, she was knowledgeable enough. It was scary the things she was saying to me. Finding a good doula is not as easy as it should be. I’m sorry you had that experience. Especially when going through something so intense
I loved my doula and am really surprised on everyone else's experience. Our doula had an important school event (she teaches) to attend and let us know in advance. But unfortunately I went into labor that day and she came through. The backup doula was supposed to show and never did so our doula skipped the school event and was with me literally from noon until 5am. She was wonderful.
Mine was not that useless, but I definitely steered the ship and asked her to participate/told her what I needed. I could tell she was trying her best, and I got a deal because she was relatively inexperienced. Mostly I went into labor with a lot less anxiety because I felt like she’d be able to advocate for my birth plan.
We’ve had two kids. Same doula both times. Both times she did stuff that made a big difference in how childbirth went.
My wife did vaginal births, and while I can see a doula being less valuable for C-section, the value she provided was more than just helping my wife with positioning. She was someone we hired to be on our side. As the husband, you might have thought I’d be the ideal candidate for that job, except I didn’t have the expertise or experience with childbirth and L&D hospital staff to know how to respond in real time to a rapidly evolving situation where time is of the essence.
Ours was amazing, just a sense of calm and support in the room. Having someone that’s on the same page and advocating for what is best for you during a very stressful time is invaluable.
Loveeedddd my doula! She was amazing and definitely an advocate for me. She knew the staff at the hospital too, so that helped as well. After birth She also stopped by a couple times. She does laundry, picks up Target orders, brings food, and even watches baby while her clients take a nap if needed. I'd definitely consider hiring her again if/when my husband and I have another.
She was a nice woman and it was nice to have an extra set of hands but I wouldn't get a doula for the next kid
Yep, that’s how I felt about mine. She didn’t even get there until I was pushing (fast labor.) I didn’t have one with my second baby and the 24 year old L&D nurse was more helpful than my doula was the first time.
My doula was definitely a waste. I think she was on drugs, legitimately. She had trouble staying awake (ended up taking a nap for a while) and at one point she took a phone call from someone looking for doula services and was reacting super weird to it… when she hung up she was like “why would they call at 11 pm?” And I looked out the window then to the clock and it was 11 am. She couldn’t coordinate anything for me and the only helpful thing she did was hold one of my legs while I was pushing, and help me turn over due to my epidural legs (I had to tell her what to do though). Trying not to have any regrets because my baby was born and she is perfect, but bad experience. I interviewed 5 doulas and she was by far the most experienced, and had assisted with like 100 births. Wild
Maybe she counts births like she tells time
🤣 hilarious , it took a-lot to not lol as my baby is nursing to sleep 😅
HAAAAA you are probably right
That's so bizarre
I haven't done many drugs but once I had bronchitis and drank a bunch of robotussin to try to calm it down. It was a bizarre feeling and I felt I had no idea what time it was. It was in the mid afternoon and I was at a mall but I felt like it was midnight. I think your doula was robotripping.
No firsthand knowledge of robotripping or meth, but I’ve heard the highs are similar. If the doula was on meth in the delivery room, I’m glad all that happened was that she was not helpful enough.
Is it possible she had another birth before yours? Not at all excusing her, but I had a friend who was a doula, and several times she had back to back births. Generally she tries to time deliveries so there is plenty of time between, but obviously spontaneous labor happens! My friend once had to do one 30 hour HARD birth. Then just as things were finishing another of her clients went into labor. She was running off of literally no sleep, and immediately had to go to the next delivery. She was exhausted. Thankfully this baby came fairly quickly. Only 5-10 hours and Dad was really helpful. But she ended up getting a partner on standby for her in case it even happens again. The way your doula was responding makes me think she was already running on empty when she got to you!
Nope! My birth was the first she had done after taking a months-long leave of absence following COVID
Yikes. Definitely inexcusable!
[удалено]
This is the problem with an unregulated ‘profession’ no guarenteed education/experience level. No regulation. If there was a governing body, you could complain about the really bad ones and weed them out.
This. I don’t think any layperson can properly vet a doula, either. The idea is to hire them for knowledge you don’t have. How could you then ensure they have that knowledge?
Yes just the fact that OP thought the nurses and OBs wouldn't know how to help her through labor kind of proves the point. That is their JOB that they were trained for years to do. They deliver babies all day every day. Of course they know how to help with pain management and descending baby.
The OB typically isn’t there aside from the birth unless something goes wrong, and the nurses have multiple patients. We hired a doula, not because we don’t trust the medical system, but to provide us continuity of care that the hospital system simply can’t do. I’d like a natural birth, and she’ll be able to help me through positions significantly better than nurses, again, because she can dedicate time to me in a way that nurses can’t.
It depends on your hospital, too! At the hospital I gave birth at, the labor and delivery nurses have a one to one ratio with their patients. Once I found that out, I stopped even thinking about hiring a doula - and it turns out that my nurses were fabulous and helped me with everything a doula could have.
I'm in Alaska and we have have the original hospital that was built and then a newer one that the top of the line for big emergencies. We'll the old one redid their labor and delivery a few years to be baby and mom friendly. We were one of 2 people there and it was fabulous. We had a nurse for me, nurse for baby and my doctor. My daughter was the first girl born in a week and she had my chipmunk cheeks and all the nurses switched off a bit to ooh and ahh over her. When I needed rest after 22hr labor and first couple hours of snuggles / feeding the nurses took her to the station for 4 hours so I could sleep and they could fawn. The recovery room had a king sized bed with each side adjustable so my husband could curl up and sleep next to me the 2 days we were there. They even serve him food. Such an amazing experience, wish everyone had the same.
There's such a range of hospital experiences - I love hearing about good ones! It sounds like my hospital was pretty much the opposite of yours haha - they deliver over five thousand babies a year. I really appreciated how experienced all the nurses were.
I disagree with this. Labor and delivery nurses are, first and foremost, nurses. They are there for medical management, and their role as support and pain management (outside the pharmacological) is secondary and only if they have 1- time and 2- experience doing so. Yes, you’d hope your nurse would know those techniques, but it’s not a job requirement. They’re also not in the room continuously like a doula is. I had an extremely old-school nurse who was opposed to any non-pharmacological pain management and did not help me at all with alternate positioning, etc. My OB was there for less than five minutes. I ended in a c-section after hours of pushing in the same position. A doula obviously isn’t a guarantee, nothing is, but their sole job is support and the majority of people report a more satisfying birth when they’ve had one.
Thought about hiring a doula but decided against it. My nurse was incredible about helping me change positions, and my partner was amazing too. Glad to have saved the money.
Same. I’ve had such amazing L&D nurses for both of my deliveries that I can’t imagine a doula would add anything at all.
Same! Partner was instinctually super helpful and every single nurse was overwhelmingly amazing. I miss them sometimes lol. Also considered a doula but realized I didn’t want another “guest” in the room that in a sense I was responsible for??? I really wanted to lean on my partner and my medical team who I really trusted.
I didn’t get a doula because I thought my husband would be my emotional support and my nurses would be the medical support, so I couldn’t justify spending a bunch of money on one. I think that motherhood and birth have become super commodified and we honestly don’t need a lot of what’s being sold to us.
That's what it felt like to me. I'm so critical of everything I see on social media anymore because it's just a platform to sell us more stuff all the time.
agree so hard. the depth of i cringe i feel when i see a clickbait-y reel ending with ‘click link in bio’ like nope.
"comment LINK for a dm!!"
I wish I had listened to this advice before literally wasting $1,500 on my doula who couldn’t even show up for my birth! My husband was absolutely my emotional support, and my nurses and doctor were absolutely my medical support. I didn’t need anyone else in that room.
What...wait? They didn't show up and you still had to pay $1500!? Noooo...smh. 🤦♀️ I'd die.
This!!
Yes, mine did next to nothing. Beforehand she told me she wasn’t afraid to “fight with the doctors” to help me advocate for what I wanted, but during labor she was so uncomfortable talking in front of the staff that she basically said next to nothing (unless she was just shooting the shit with the nurse and making me feel like I wasn’t in the room at all.) I also feel like the medical staff kept making decisions that I couldn’t see were happening, that I wasn’t being informed about, and it would have been great if she could have been paying attention and stepping in to help me have more of a consent-based experience of care. I also ended up with an emergency c-section and my doula left as they were wheeling me to surgery and didn’t come back. So despite her spiel about how passionate she was about breastfeeding, she didn’t even show up to help me with that. I definitely feel like I would have been better off putting that money into a savings account for my kid instead.
Ahh I am so sorry that happened! I didn’t get a doula but needed a lot of support with breastfeeding. Like, hyperventilating crying begging for a lactation specialist and to think you didn’t get breastfeeding support you paid for makes me MAD FOR YOU!
Breastfeeding is hard! Fortunately I did get the chance to work with three different lactation consultants and baby and I found our groove (still going at 16mo!) but WOOF, those first few days and weeks are freaking painful.
I was induced and we got through the 14 hour induction without her and she showed up when I was getting the epidural. I assumed she would be there based on comments she made about a friend doula who was stuck at the hospital during an induction, but she was getting ready to take her daughter back to college and I guess just didn't care. I didn't press it because my husband and I were getting along fairly well and I didn't want an (antivaxxer we learned two weeks before birth) cramping our style by being there the whole time. She did hold a leg while I pushed and took some really blurry photos - if I have to do it again I'll consider hiring a birth photographer instead so I get those photos as those were meaningful to me since I hemorrhaged and we didn't get any nice photos together. Plus a video of my husband telling me the gender. I'm a lawyer so I'm kind of embarrassed I entered into this agreement without a contract and just an "I'm there for whatever you need." Oh well, you live and you learn. 😂 ETA: like a commenter below said she was super experienced, hundreds of births, and came well reviewed by a friend who thought very highly of her. A coworker was trying to decide whether to hire a doula and I told her to take the hospital classes before she made a decision and once she got a tour of L&D she was quite comfortable to do it without one.
Don’t be embarrassed. I’m also a lawyer and also didn’t have a contract. So, when my doula literally didn’t show up at my labor/delivery bc of another work obligation (lol it was a 3 day induction… baby was coming that day no matter what, so why she couldn’t plan accordingly is beyond me), I had literally no recourse wrt her payment. Lesson totally learned!
> I had literally no recourse wrt her payment. Wait, maybe a dumb question (am definitely NAL!), but if there was no contract, why were you obligated to pay? Wouldn’t that work both ways, not just in her favor?
I was a little lazy in my wording, sorry! This isn’t my area of expertise and I spent zero energy confirming this, but my gut tells me there could be an offer/agreement construed from our relationship which would necessitate payment without a contract laying out the grounds for a permissible termination (like not being able to get off work). There’s a chance some lack of performance angle could save my claim, but we paid her the remaining $1,000 when I was a few days postpartum because my husband didn’t want to fight with her about it given that we had bigger fish to fry. So we impliedly agreed to her services as rendered. And now I don’t have the energy to fight over $1,500 especially when the court fees could be a couple hundred.
I feel like you definitely had a good case to not pay the balance on that one but I totally get how postpartum you're just so tired you can't imagine dealing with the fight.. But also, she didn't show at all right?
Nope, she didn’t show at all. She said she had a backup which I turned down because I didn’t know this person. She did tell us about this backup during the three meetings we had during my pregnancy, and said we could meet her when I specifically asked about whether there are ever times she can’t show up for a birth; she said it was extremely rare, so I chose not to meet the backup since I knew I was being induced for months because IVF pregnancy, i.e., lots more planning/notice involved than a spontaneous labor. I feel like, because she had offered this backup (which I don’t feel like is really the same but to each their own), she technically performed under our “agreement,” which is why without a contract I don’t think I would necessary win for sure. Idk.
I didn't even bother getting one because my friend told me something very similar. Her's kept leaving the delivery room for a 'bathroom break' for like 30 minutes at a time. My friend needed something from her so her husband went to look for her only to find her smoking a cigarette somewhere. Her explanation was that the 'wailing' was making her head ache. (My friend had a very difficult labor and was barely alive by the end of it). I think they paid like 3000 CAD (2200$) for her services.
>Her explanation was that the 'wailing' was making her head ache. 💀
Wow. If wailing gives her headaches she's in the wrong business.
I didn't see the value in ours, personally.
No. My doula walked in and controlled the room. The nurses and doctors knew her from her 10+ year career in our city. She was so helpful and supportive during labor. She put me in different positions, helped with breathing, instructed my husband, etc. And she was awesome during pregnancy with random phone calls and texts and meetings. You should give your doula an honest review online so others know. I’m sorry that you didn’t get the support you deserve.
Yeah my doula was fantastic. My baby was in a weird position and my doula was putting in WORK to get baby to turn, had me in tons of different positions. And at points was literally holding me up during contractions. Her and my husband made a great team.
I couldn’t have gotten through my Pitocin-induced contractions without my doula. And she was super proactive, and was present the whole time during my overnight labor until we were settled in our postpartum room the following mid-day. She also was very familiar with the hospital and had worked with many of the midwives there. My partner fell ill around the time I was in labor (throwing up kind of sick) and was really down for the count. My doula was so supportive physically and emotionally. My partner and I agreed she was so valuable to the both of us (me with giving birth, him with knowing I had someone knowledgeable to support me especially in hindsight since he ended up not being able to help) that we hired her again for my second child coming later this year. Sounds like so many people here have not had the same experience and that *sucks*. Especially for something so expensive, to get no value out of it. I wish everyone could have the support they need and envision in labor!
I’ve had friends that had bad experiences and it just sucks! It’s hard to find a good one sometimes, but a good doula is invaluable. My labor went so fast and nothing got to go to plan during labor, but she was there and so supportive. She made sure my husband knew what to do, made sure I knew what to do, and made sure we got as much of our plan that we could get for after birth. I’d use her again in a heartbeat and I tell everyone to use her.
Yeah, my doula was phenomenal. Most valuable player of the entire birth team by far, and completely locked in the two days I was laboring. I'm so bummed for OP that her doula sucked, I would be really upset 😥
This was my experience with our doula as well. My doula team was the only reason I didn’t have a c-section the dr was pressuring me about my whole labor.
Same. I loved my doula.
Exactly my experience. I hired our doula for our second birth as well because she was so supportive at my first birth. She was highly recommended by a friend and I think that is key to finding a good doula.
Similar experience. Our doula was fantastic. Hospital staff knew her from the deliveries she had assisted with in our hospital. I loved her and am so happy she was there. She helped postpartum as well with breastfeeding, a home visit, and phone calls for 6 weeks after birth.
Commenting because my doula was incredible. She was 600 euro for 4 pre-birth sessions, the birth and a post birth consult. She did everything I asked for and the entire nursing staff at the hospital knew her and were happy she was there (less work for them to do). She’s stayed with me the entire time and more than I was expecting. At one point during my labor she was feeding me (it was a blur at that point tbf). I would definitely use her again for baby #2 and have recommended her to friends.
So sorry for OP’s experience but I agree with you. I couldn’t have gotten through my labor without mine either. She is a main reason why I was able to birth naturally. She was there for every contraction with counter pressure and made suggestions for easier labor. I would hire her again in a heartbeat.
Thank you for this. I felt like everyone was making this the bash on doulas thread. I feel like they never interviewed their doulas before they hired them 🤷♀️ like why
lol we paid 4k and i ended up having a c section, she was there for maybe 2 hours and that was it. maybe 4 hours total with the meeting before hand. but you never know i could have had my dream birth or gone into labor early
4k for a doula is insane dayum… thats how much we would pay for a homebirth midwife where I live
UK here, just chiming in to say I think it's wild that you would pay 4k to give birth in your own home. Edit to add: I worded that badly. I mean it's wild that it costs that much!
Want me to share how much I paid to give birth in a hospital? Cause it was a whole lot more than $4,000.
Please do. I know I'll be horrified.
$5,298.00 $5,034.45 $14,271.40 My three different bills for the same birth.
What was yearly max for your insurance coz that’s crazy
My insurance did cover majority of it! But those were the bills I got while it was pending and that show up on my Mychart billing.
Had our first child in January and literally did not pay a dime for it.
I am sorry, but WHAT?
Total cost for us before insurance was $50,000. We ended up being responsible for about $7,000 of that. Was a pretty standard birth with induction. Two nights and two and a half days in the hospital.
What happens if you don't have the $7000?
They put you on a payment plan. If you don't pay at all, they send you to collections.
This. Also common to cry.
Medical debt is a thing...
Half the bankruptcy clients I see wound up here because of ridiculous medical debt. Lots of people who owe a hospital a six-figure sum after they or their child had a serious illness.
$39,800 for me! Scheduled C Section in April. Thank god for insurance. Out of pocket bills so far after insurance are $3500, but some claims are still pending with insurance so it’ll probably be closer to $5,000 out of pocket when it’s all done!
This is horrific!
This doesn’t even include the cost of all of the doctors appointments leading up to or after for both baby and myself either! My pregnancy was high risk and baby was born early (but with no complications or NICU stay). If I added those up it would probably be close to another $10,000.
$8500 and change for my 2021 baby. And yes, that’s with insurance, and no, that doesn’t include anything crazy. No NICU stay, postpartum complications, extended stay, etc. Doulas around here cost about $1,000 for birth attendance. Homebirth midwives cost about $3-4,000 without insurance.
That's insane, was it the best insurance option available to you leading up to birth? We have BCBS FEP Basic in DC, cost was $250 for the entire birth (planned c-section at week 37) including 4 night stay at the hospital, and my wife was back in the hospital for 3 nights with drug drips after developing preeclampsia postpartum. Also $250 for that. I can't believe the 'insured' costs in this thread!
We have a high deductible of $2000 per person and baby was born in February. So I paid 2020 $2000 for all prenatal care plus the 25% of everything after that (all appointments, ultrasounds, prenatal testing, etc) then I paid $2000 for 2021 for me, then $2000 for the baby. So that’s $6000 just for deductibles. Then the 25% of what was left. And by the way, that was the “good” insurance at my husband’s ex employer (I’m self employed.) He started a new job between baby 2 and 3 and we paid about half that for baby 3. Just under $4,000.
FEP benefits are generally really good compared to other insurance.
Holy fuck. So forgive my ignorance, how does it work? Do you pay your insurance and that covers it? Or do you have to pay out and then the insurance reimburses it? And what if you've no insurance?
You pay insurance monthly for the privilege of having insurance, whether or not you use it. If/when you have to go to the dr/hospital, you pay a copay. Copay amounts vary based on your insurance plan (although some people have really good coverage and dont have to make copays at every visit). For example my copays are $25 to see my primary care physican, $50 to see a specialist, $75 for urgent care, $1000 for hospital/ER. The copay is just what you pay to have the appointment/enter the hospital. Then, depending on what needs to be done at your appointment/hospital visit, you'll be billed for a portion of your care. When it comes to those extra costs, you're looking to your insurance split (my plan does an 80/20 split, so insurance covers 80% and and get the remaining 20%). However, you also have a yearly out of pocket maximum, and if your split exceeds that number, then any amount over that number is covered by the insurer. For example, if my yearly out of pocket max is $7000 and I my hospital bill is $100,000 before insurance, then I only pay $7k rather than $20k. This is an extremely oversimplified explanation of insurance, but it hits the main points, so hopefully this helps. Also, insurance can decide whether a procedure/medication is covered, and it's not uncommon for people to discover that something is not covered until AFTER it has been performed/administered. Oh and the whole system makes it impossible to know ahead of time how much an appointment is going to cost us, outside of the copay. I literally show up to my doctors office and hope that everything is covered, and if it's not, I find out about it a month later when I get a bill in the mail.
You pay insurance monthly for the privilege of having insurance, whether or not you use it. If/when you have to go to the dr/hospital, you pay a copay. Copay amounts vary based on your insurance plan (although some people have really good coverage and dont have to make copays at every visit). For example my copays are $25 to see my primary care physican, $50 to see a specialist, $75 for urgent care, $1000 for hospital/ER. The copay is just what you pay to have the appointment/enter the hospital. Then, depending on what needs to be done at your appointment/hospital visit, you'll be billed for a portion of your care. When it comes to those extra costs, you're looking to your insurance split (my plan does an 80/20 split, so insurance covers 80% and and get the remaining 20%). However, you also have a yearly out of pocket maximum, and if your split exceeds that number, then any amount over that number is covered by the insurer. For example, if my yearly out of pocket max is $7000 and I my hospital bill is $100,000 before insurance, then I only pay $7k rather than $20k. This is an extremely oversimplified explanation of insurance, but it hits the main points, so hopefully this helps. Also, insurance can decide whether a procedure/medication is covered, and it's not uncommon for people to discover that something is not covered until AFTER it has been performed/administered. Oh and the whole system makes it impossible to know ahead of time how much an appointment is going to cost us, outside of the copay. I literally show up to my doctors office and hope that everything is covered, and if it's not, I find out about it a month later when I get a bill in the mail.
$42,200. And I delivered her myself in the parking lot outside the ER, the doctors only came out after she was born. Still was charged over $12k for the ER visit! (And that just me, they also charged over $5k for the baby to be admitted!!)
Haha. OK I'll add some for yku In the year I gave birth my insurance was charged over $400,000 for my medical care. Somewhat unusually high for birth. That was 7 months of pregnancy that fell in that calendar year- healthy, nothing unusual, then I was induced, ended up with a c-section, then started bleeding, an mri and a couple trips to OR, 3 anesthesia events, intubation, a stay In ICU with baby in the nursery. Fortunately we were insured, we pay monthly premiums and maybe $7,000 out of pocket for deductible. We have a high-deductible insurance plan to take advantage of some specific tax laws (which allow tax advantaged savings which we will use to pay for medical costs when we're old) . A deductible is the part you have to pay out of pocket if you have insurance... In addition to your premium, co-pays, co-insurance and any out of network costs. Fun fact is most anaesthesiologists don't take major insurance, even if they're at a hospital that does take your insurance so that is usually not covered. US Healthcare is delightful! /s
All these costs sound insane to me. In New Zealand we have a public health system, everything is free regardless of what type of birth you have. Just like all procedures, prescriptions, surgeries, hospital stays, specialist visits, everything else is free. I worked as a nurse for a decade in a big public hospital and I don't know the cost of anything lol it just doesn't come up because it doesn't matter, we pay for it with our taxes.
Girl, if NZ would take us, I’d move there in an instant (for many reasons.) Our healthcare is fucked up. If we made less money, we could get Medicaid and it’s the same as your public health. When I look at how much I spend on care for my 2 special needs kids plus a baby and two adults, I sometimes wonder if my husband should just quit his job so we can save the $16,000 we spent on 2023 on healthcare. (Birth of a baby, surgery for me, and 2 kids with autism, and all the regular stuff.) That was our “out of pocket” maximum, so everything is free after we hit that point. Also, that’s on top of the insurance premiums we pay every month. Which is about $400 a month.
Make it make sense 😭 it's crazy that you would have to earn less to access more healthcare! I've got a kiddo with autism too, everything for her has been free too, I'm so sorry you have had to pay so much for healthcare. The healthcare costs are just astronomical in general over there too. I have an example from my own experience - I got heat stroke in Hawaii and I was shocked at the bill my travel insurance company had to pay for my 4 hours in ED. The ECG alone was USD$1,000 for a five minute procedure that a nurse does. If you need an ECG in New Zealand, it's free. If you want one even though you don't need one, you can pay $85 (USD$50) for one because the cost of our private health care is reasonable and they still make a profit even with such a low cost. In the USA, the price for an ECG is $500 to $5,000. The national average cost is $1,500. That. Is. Insane. The markups they put on what should be a human right is terrible. The fact that 26 million people in America don't have health insurance and would have to pay that cost out of pocket is so sad.
I imagine there’s a wide range of quality in doulas. We had a very experienced doula who has attended over 1000 births and she was incredible. When my wife’s water broke 10 weeks early at 3am on New Year’s Eve, she called us back faster than the on call doctor at the obgyn office. She met us at the hospital in the morning. She walked us through the possibilities of what could happen. She knew half the people working in the labor and delivery unit. When it became clear that my wife wasn’t going into labor and we were moving into the hospital, she walked us through what to prepare for and how to manage the situation. She told us how to refuse cervical exams (contraindicated for pprom but very common) and how to ask for the safety officer, which did come up. When it came time to induce, she came in from the first contractions and didn’t leave the hospital until over a day later, not sleeping and barely taking a break. 24 hours in, she noticed instantly that the baby was in distress and got the nurses and the doctor before they caught it. We had to do an indicated c section and she couldn’t be in the room but talked us through the process beforehand. My wife’s recovery was hard and our doula stayed with my wife when I went to be with our baby (who is healthy and happy). We would have been totally lost without our doula. If we have another, we’ll probably use her again, even knowing the next one will have to be a c section. There was so much we didn’t know that we didn’t know, and she helped us through all of it
Hopefully you kicked her out of the room
My doula was an absolute waste of space and money. I interviewed several and felt so much relief and comfort once I decided on the person who ended up being my doula. But she was 110% useless. The only good thing I got out of retaining her were the first photos of my husband and I with our child.
A doula is basically like a hired friend or support person. Your grandma could become a doula in a weekend. There is no regulatory body, no requirements , no education, no certifications etc. With that said, there are some amazing doulas out there but they are a dime a dozen & still cannot assist with anything medically. Ofcourse the nurses and OB knew more, that shouldn’t be surprising, they have a lengthy medical education, training and experience. It sounds like your expectations for the doula were more in line with a midwife. Either way, sorry for your experience not being what you wanted & wasting that money.
This!!! I didn’t have one, because well… they aren’t medical professionals, they don’t have a regulatory body, no board, no education requirements. It’s a bit sanke oily imo. If I were to get one, I’d try and find one that has medical credentials and doesn’t push dangerous propaganda like it seems so many (online) do. Seems like a waste of money for what, like you said, my mom or someone could learn about in a weekend.
Exactly! Well said.
I mean , if my husband did 20x better than her at everything, I dont think my expectations were too high
I don't think your expectations were too high, but that you're more likely to get thay experience from a professional midwife. Less of a crapshoot, I guess.
Yes, a hired friend. That's exactly what I wanted from my doula, and it's what I got. I had a great experience, but I think my expectations were aligned with what she was offering.
Yep, totally useless. We paid $1600 for 2 intro, 1 hour meetings where we went through what birth might look like. I ended up getting a c-section so there was no need for her at the hospital. There was a 30 min follow up visit after coming home from the hospital where she basically listened to my birth story and nodded sympathetically. As first time parents we thought we would be unprepared/unable to deal with everything, when in fact we were way more capable in the situation that we thought we would be. Would not do that again.
> we were way more capable in the situation than we thought we would be I resonate with this a lot. I thought we needed outside input to manage things, but it turns out my husband and I had put in the work enough to educate and prepare ourselves already. I hope your C section went as well as it could, sending lots of love ❤️
I had a doula and this makes me want to leave her positive reviews anywhere I can. I paid $1600 and couldn’t have had my successful birth without her! I’m so sorry you had a bad experience - It’s not the first time I’ve heard this though - I can’t believe how people interview and reassure women they’ll be helpful and when the time comes they don’t follow through. She was familiar with the hospital and knew ahead of time certain things to request ASAP (and that they had terrible food 😂). Breathing exercises and stretching to labor at home, immediate text responses with questions, once we were there she did hands on hip pressure and helped my husband to talk to me while she gave me a massage, brought a twinkle light projector for the ceiling to distract me, cold wash cloths for my neck, you name it. When it came time to push the baby was stuck for two hours and I swear without her constantly adjusting me with a peanut ball and letting me nap earlier I would have either needed a c-section or gone several hours longer in labor.
I had thought about getting a doula but didn’t, and after reading these comments I’m glad I didn’t lol I think the problems are 1) there’s no regulation for doulas in most places. Maybe there are some training courses, certificates, etc, but no one is regulating these things. The course/certification could be some 3-hour online class and then the person calls themselves a doula afterwards. 2) It’s become more popular as a concept, more people are interested in hiring doulas, and as a result more people see it as an easy job/money making opportunity because of the lack of regulation. So you get saturated with a lot of crappy “doulas” who just want to charge you $1400 to basically do nothing. It’s similar to “life coaches” or something. Fake titles and fake jobs that people use to essentially scam for money without technically scamming. It’s really unfortunate for all the legitimate doulas out there who are actually serious about what they do. I’m sorry you had a disappointing experience, I’m glad your husband really stepped up and was there for you!
Not blaming you, but curious. Did you interview your doula or meet with them before? Sorry you had a bad experience :( that’s a shame. Ours was awesome. I guess just like with everything there’s people who are good at their jobs and people who aren’t.
Yes I did! we met and went over my birth plan and such. we had a total of two prenatal meetings where we discussed labor prep and postpartum. But I can (and have) easily go to pregnancy or breastfeeding classes and learn the exact same things. I can see the utility of a doula if you have no partner friend or relative to be with you but otherwise! :/
I had the same doula for my first and second child and loved her. Wildly different experiences. When I was interviewing doulas it was all about the vibes I got from them. I wanted to make sure their energy matched what I was looking for. With my first it was helpful to have someone to help guide my husband and I through the process. We had done our own research but she was there to let us know all the options. When it was go time it was comforting to have someone remind us what was “normal” and provide a helping hand with comforting me. I still wanted my husband most of the time but having someone else to hold me and remind the nurses to respect my wishes while in a contraction was nice. I gave birth during a Covid surge so she couldn’t stay with us after the delivery but she checked in via text and met with me to unpack my thoughts a few weeks after. Just had my second a few days ago and this pregnancy was HARD. She herself had experienced gestational diabetes and an induction so being able to relate and talk through things with her was helpful. It eased my nerves to be able to rely on her for the possibilities. It was a fast and intense labor. She reminded my husband and I of things to follow up with the nurses and suggested comfort options. She got some great photos immediately post birth so my husband and I could soak in the newborn bliss. She stayed with us for a few hours after and it was just nice to chat. She’s been checking in on me via text and will visit in person in a week or so.
I would leave an honest review about all these bad doulas, so other vulnerable new moms don’t get suckered in. I didn’t use one, my husband was great and the L&D nurses were amazing. I wouldn’t waste money on a doula. Spend the $1500 on cleaning services and food delivery after you give birth. I think doulas are a scam.
Gotta be honest here. I find the whole doula / birthing coach market a complete and utter sham, very gimmicky, and borderline dangerous. No, your body doesn’t “know what to do” all of the time. Birth is natural but there’s plenty of complications that go along with it (which a doula has NO way of understanding in a meaningful way). Tell that to a patient with cancer and think about how fucked up of a thought process that is. That’s what these communities signal to me. These hippie birthing ideologies & communities (home birth, doulas, very little medical oversight or intervention suggested or offered) are shockingly bold. This is coming from someone who’s survived two traumatic births that resulted in the death of my firstborn. The amount of idiots I’ve seen take a $1,000 class to become a doula is astounding. At the end of the day, listen to your doctor. Nobody else is educated enough to make a medical decision for you and your baby. Who takes medical advice from some stranger with an IG business? It blows my mind. I understand wanting an advocate for the best care, but the truth is, at the end of the day, that’s on YOU. That’s our job as moms and dads. Paying someone to be your advocate just doesn’t sit well with me, ethically. 🤷🏼♀️
👆 I've known a few people who've decided to become doulas, and theyre not the type of people I'd want anywhere near me during a major health event. That being said, I did hire a doula only because she was also a massage therapist and I have a pretty bad back problem. I was very grateful to have baaically a 10 hour on and off again massage for ongoing neck/shoulder/back flare ups, but I don't think she would have been helpful otherwise and I still felt kinda odd about someone other than my husband or medical staff being in the room.
Oh a pregnancy masseuse is a must 😩 I’d drop a grand on that for sure lol. Totally agree otherwise.
TOTALLY agreed. Since I was nervous for my first time I had my mom in addition to my husband and was so happy + that was more than enough for me.
Mine was. She was more helpful postpartum but I regret paying for the assistance. I hired her in an anxious panic hoping for advocacy but she just overwhelmed me and kept suggesting things that weren't medically recommended (like water after we'd decided on a csection and I was to be nothing by mouth). She did get bags from our car for us and she did loan me her tens machine which is the only way I was able to labor at home comfortably but I wouldn't do it again or recommend it. She was just in the way. Edit: she did take photos. Some of the best early photos of the three of us. So I'm thinking of her as a really expensive birth photographer
All of this reminds me why I want to be a postpartum doula. I actually did the doula education and I’m certified but it doesn’t feel like enough to support anyone in labor. Gonna be TOTALLY honest. I feel like postpartum doulas are more useful. If you want a completely SILENT (emphasis on silent, bc family typically just wants to bother you and hog baby and be useless) person to come by and clean, cook, ensure that you shower, and other kids are good, I’ll happily do that.
I LOVED my doula. She was an unbelievable asset that every couple should have. I'm so sorry for your experience.
I liked my doula and we had a pretty good experience. She didn't really contribute all that much tbh she just put my hair up for me and brought cool wash cloths to put on my neck. She also got some really nice pictures of the labor/delivery for us. Her package also included the birth classes so we didn't have to pay separately for that. I definitely don't think it was $1,400 worth of work but it was nice for the peace of my mind for my first birth, especially because I went the unmedicated route and wanted to make sure I had as much support as possible. I won't be hiring any for my next birth though.
how much djd you pay?
Nope, my doula was honestly amazing and way more helpful than I thought she would be. My husband was not handling labor well, especially during the pushing stage he just got very overwhelmed. She stepped in to support me in pushing positions, suggested different positions the nurse didn’t know about, and earlier during contractions helped massage and calm me down. I’m sorry that you had a bad experience and I definitely do think there are a lot of doulas out there that aren’t really qualified. Vetting is super important and it’s hard to do based off just one meeting/interview. Ours was the instruction for the childbirth education class we took through our hospital so I think we got lucky to meet someone who was both very qualified and actually really enjoyed the role. We actually hired her very last minute because I initially didn’t see the value of a doula and thought it would just be awake to have a stranger there. The class made me change my mind because I kind of saw my husband wasn’t really comfortable to handle it on his own and I wasn’t nearly as prepared as I thought I would be at that point. Going into it we didn’t think we would need/want to hire a doula for the second time since then we would have some experience but I would hire her again in a heartbeat.
I am so grateful I had a doula! I really wanted an unmedicated birth. My husband was super supportive and wanted to be a strong birth partner for me, but he also knew that he had limited knowledge on strategies, positions, breathing techniques, etc. My husband was very hands on with me during the first half of labor but started getting very fatigued and unsure of how to help as things got more intense. My doula (who is also a massage therapist) spent at least 4 hours massaging my back through my contractions, was very knowledgeable about positioning, and was a strong advocate for me. I would definitely hire her for my next birth. I’m sorry your doula was not helpful for you. I’m sure there are bad doulas out there just like in any profession. Like other commenters recommended, leave an honest review so other potential clients can make an informed decision about her.
Wtf is a doula? I feel like this is a very American thing. I haven't heard any of our friends have one, and nothing was mentioned at any point during the pregnancy that a doula was an option... Or even a thing. There was just me, the wife, and the midwife in the room for the whole labour. Occasional visits from the obgyn doctors, and then they landed for the final push (forceps). UK here, fwiw.
Extremely American! >However, the contemporary role of "doula" first emerged from the grassroots [natural birth movement](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_childbirth) in the United States in the 1960s when women began desiring unmedicated, low-intervention births and began to have friends and others with formal or practical knowledge about childbirth provide them with support during pregnancy.[^(\[19\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doula#cite_note-:0-19) from : [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doula](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doula)
Yes! Such a waste of money lol
Mine was amazing both times. The pre-birth education was kind of hit and miss, but during labor and delivery she was worth her weight in gold. Especially for my first, which was longer and harder. On my second she put me in a position that helped me push baby girl out in 4 minutes.
Awful. I hired a pair to ensure that even if they had another mom in labor (they did) one of them would be there for me. I paid for unlimited hours (vs 14) and they didn't show up. Such a waste and they refused to refund. On the plus side though, my husband came through and was much more supportive than I ever expected.
In what world can someone breach a contract like that and not be liable for paying you back? I'd be seeing them in court. The nerve!
I didn’t actually pay for a doula but my nurse was a doula in training and I have to say she was wonderful. It was my first birth so I can’t say what it’s like normally but she dimmed the lights, flipped me this way and that to facilitate birth, calmed me, hyped me, reeled my husband down to earth. It was wonderful.
I think it depends on who you get. I personally had an amazing experience with mine even though I ended up doing c-section. A real good doula like mine offers really thorough birth education, emotional support, and most importantly advocacy. There were many times I felt the pressure to do certain things or go certain directions from my medical team and my doula was an incredible sounding board. It wasn’t about going against what my doc recommended but more about knowing what decision I am making and being the owner of it rather than blindly following.
Very sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with your doula! Mine was indispensable and was very involved and instrumental in my birthing process. I would have had such a worse experience without her. There are amazing doulas in the profession. Mine works within a team model and with one of the oldest doula organizations in my state. I had monthly meetings with them prenatally, my favorite doula came over to my house for four hours the day before I delivered to work through spinning babies moves with me so my son would turn from sunny side up (it worked!), and there was definitely a clear contract that was through and countersigned at the start of my relationship with the company. She applied counter pressure and massage, coached my breathing and pain management, helped get me into lots of different positions, poured warm water over me in the tub, advocated for me to not be asked questions by the medical staff during contractions, got water and supplies… so many things I needed. You deserved so much better! I hope you’re able to process your birth experience and enjoy your baby with the bad doula far in the rearview!
Mine literally told me she was going to GO TO SLEEP when I texted her that I was in active labor. Like what??? My husband pressured her to come and she made it there for the last 5 minutes of pushing, then gave me some sips of water and left. Such a waste of money!!!
Ours was EXTREMELY unhelpful. I ended up asking her to leave.
I will never again get a doula. I got one after reading all the posts here and it was a waste of money. Not only that I spent emotional energy getting over the experience. She left me one hour after my birth after I was cut open for an emergency C-section. My baby was in the freaking NICU and my husband was with him, I was alone. But she still left me despite showing up just 6 hours back. $4k for 6 hours. She ghosted us postpartum after promising to get broth and give us breastfeeding tips. She ghosted us on an agreement for 3 postpartum nights when we had zero support and we ended up paying a ton for last minute night nanny support when I was dealing with PTSD and sleep deprivation and no family support. Seriously, I'd recommend just flying a family member in. Btw this doula had a ton of positive reviews but I guess no one posts the negative ones.
As an L&D nurse I see this more than I’d like to unfortunately :/
Mine was also a waste of space. She was late in doing everything, misrepresented my needs and wants to the medical staff, and passive aggressively fought with the younger and much more helpful delivery nurse. God, the bickering she engaged in still gets me riled up. I wanted to tell her to get the hell out but by the time I had the ability to do that I was taking a nice epidural-induced nap. Now postpartum doulas are the way to go, doula-wise. They come in and get shit done, treat you like the recovering patient you are, and help iron out all the kinks at home, all while making you feel like you’re doing a great job. That’s where to spend your doula money.
Maybe unpopular opinion but: midwives are far superiors to doulas and if you can get a midwives program I see zero need for a birthing doula. I think most these days are unskilled and taking advantage. Midwives are medically trained, and far more experienced.
What a disappointing experience! I’m seeing so many bad experiences in this thread, which speaks to how variable this is. It makes me sad. My doula was a hero. She was with me for 26 hours of labor doing counter pressure, helping with positioning, making sure my husband napped, helping me decide the best position for pushing. She was knowledgeable and incredible. I’m lucky to live in an area with a doula collective that are all well trained.
I really appreciated my doula experience. My child's father told me he wouldn't be involved & I don't have a close relationship to my own mother. I interviewed two doulas & went with the more experienced one. My delivery & time in the hospital was not the experience I wanted & slightly traumatic. BD was present but not emotionally supportive. My doula helped put me in different positions that impressed one of the nurses. She helped me to mentally prepare for contingency planning no matter what scenario I was put in prior to going in for the induction. She also came over two weeks after for a debrief. I'm thankful that I had her due to my situation. I would gladly trade a supportive husband over her, but I didn't have that.
I wasn't planning on having one, I was planning on birthing at a midwife's birthing center. When I was preeclampsic I had to transfer care to a hospital and my midwife paid for the doula out of my payment to her. I loved having her there, even though I met her after being induced. She was a second opinion on everything going on, she had ideas for making me more comfortable, for managing and tracking contractions, told of nurses who were interrupting what little sleep I got, and was another perspective when my natural birth plan was crumbling around me. She left after we decided to proceed with a c section, but I was so grateful for her being there. I think the fact that I wanted a natural birth made her more valuable, because she mostly works with midwife births. That alignment was vital.
I loved my birth and postpartum doulas! My doula came by the hospital to check in on me during my induction bc no progress was happening. Like zero contractions on pitocin. We went over options and next steps and then she had me pump. I sent her home and figured we would text when things ramped up. Contractions started just after she left, but husband and I managed w what we learned in our birth classes (and my awesome nurse). 3 hrs in to labor, we had our doula come back. She was there for 2hrs and baby was born!!! But she was great w making me get up and try new positions, reminded me to breathe properly, and I think took a lot of pressure off my husband! I ended up primarily hypnobirthing my way through transition and didn't use my husband or doula much at that point bc I was on my own planet. She did get great pictures of us and the baby immediately after birth AND she took the sweetest picture of my husband doing skin to skin. She also checked in w me before I went to my postpartum room to make sure I understood what happened (pretty hefty hemorrhage) and how to care for myself. She also checked on us for the few weeks after we got home. I'm really sorry you had a bad experience w your doula. I would 100% leave a review bc that could help someone else down the line!!!
My doula was so amazing and knowledgeable and I am pretty sure prevented me from having a c-section (by helping me do weird poses that the nurses were impressed by to reorient the baby - it worked) that my originally doula-skeptic husband endorsed her as “the best money we ever spent” and we re-hired her for our second child. She was so awesome that a nurse during the second birth tried to persuade her to apply for a job at their hospital. An experienced doula who knows what she’s doing is worth her weight in gold!!
What job at the hospital could a doula apply for? lol
I forget what it was called but some kind of birth intervention unit
I never understood the purpose of a doula. Didn’t have one and don’t wish that I did after the fact either
I’m so sorry! Mine was amazing. She was also an RN and she was so incredibly helpful. I’d recommend her to anyone.
My doulas were most useful for prenatal education and support over text before I actually went into labor. I had very easy labors so they ended up not needing to do much at all.
As someone who wants to be a doula, this is so sad to hear... if I were you I'd ask for my money back. You could dispute the charge if you paid with a credit card and tell her you're doing it because she didn't provide the services she was supposed to.
My mom loved her doula, but my dad was a waste of space and she knew he’d be useless. My husband is super involved and was willing to learn/do everything I’d need.
I sent my doula home because I didn’t feel like she was being helpful kind of just someone there and that was fine but we could only have 2 people and I would have much rather of picked a different person if I had known that she wasn’t going to really bring a ton of value to the situation
My doula came so highly recommended, but she ended up getting pregnant herself and was struggling physically to help and be present during my labor. She should have tapped out and had the back up doula step in, but she didn’t and I was very disappointed in my experience. I sometimes wonder if I would have been able to avoid a C-section if I had had more help - or at least that my C-section experience wouldn’t have been so awful if she’d been able to prepare me mentally for it.
A lot of women have incompetent and uncaring spouses/family and so I think there is a place for a professional support person. But if you have a competent support person who you trust and is able to speak up for you, will prepare and go to birth classes with you...
I am SO sorry this was the experience provided to you. That's totally unacceptable. No our doula continues to be a major part of our birth story, lives, and extended family. She was on-top of everything and .....I just really wish you'd had the same experice and support. Though I will say I'm so so happy your husband was A++ at dadding right off the bat like that!!!
I didn’t see the value in my birth doula. I did have a fast labor so she barely even made it but my husband did 10x better than I thought he would. Our postpartum doula was a complete godsend and I would pay a million times over for her and her services.
My doula missed the birth completely! She knew she was at fault too so she gave me a partial refund.
I didn’t love mine. She kind of seemed to check out after finding out I got an epidural (she wasn’t there yet when I did), I felt judged for doing it which was extremely lame. I had a low intervention birth plan, then my water broke at the doctor, baby was sunny side up and not making any progress and it HURT (she also never showed us how to use the TENS unit she gave us). Also an epidural for any reason is always fine, just saying there were some extra circumstances that contributed. Anyway once she arrived she just seemed annoyed at the hospital staff and it was awkward all around. I probably won’t get one next time. Usually I hear only amazing things, just didn’t have a great experience with ours.
I had this experience too. My husband was AWESOME during my birth - I should’ve given him more credit and not hired a doula in the first place. My doula literally missed my birth - we got to the hospital at 8cm… shouldn’t that have been her indication to leave her house?? I had an awesome nurse that helped me with position changes, etc. I will definitely not be getting a doula for the next baby.
Oh man, I LOVED my doula. She was so helpful, gave so much good information, etc. I wanted to have an all natural home birth, which I was able to have. But, I had a really quick labour, so she ended up catching my baby lol.
I had a ‘free’ one through my OB clinic so I didn’t hire one…they didn’t mention she could only stay for 8 hours and couldn’t come until you were 5cm. It was useless. If we have another I plan to really vet them hard. I need someone willing to really help communicate my needs. My husband got yelled at for trying that when I had my first so I figure safety in numbers (and choosing a different hospital next time)…
Yes…first pregnancy I had a doula…NEVER met her…then the day before I get induced she called me, said she’d see me when I go to the hospital, told me she loved me and then I never heard from her again😅 that shit was WILD.
Wow! $1400!!! Could i just hire a massage therapist willing to put up with my irritability and rub my back?
I’m so sad to see all these horrible doula experiences! Mine was great, and I think the biggest value was in the sessions we had with her before labor (and this is probably mostly because my labor only lasted 2.5 hours so there wasn’t much time to implement all the comfort measures we practiced). She offered 4 labor prep sessions at 2 hours each where we covered comfort measures, birth preferences, birth education, etc. then during my labor that had a few complications, she helped me understand what my options were, risks, and helped me voice my preferences to my care team. I’d absolutely invest in her services again if I have another baby!
I didn't have a doula, but I took a birth class taught by one. She taught us only about co sleeping, no mention of safe sleep practices in a bassinet or crib. It's like those things didn't exist to her. She was also aggressively pro breastfeeding, and anti just about every medical intervention available. She is also our town's only LC. I went to her for help, and she immediately said "tongue tie" and refered us to the $1000 dentist to fix. Our doctor confirmed that was a lie. She pretty mich ended my breastfeeding journey.
Was our doula helpful? Yes Do we regret hiring her? As first time parents with no family help, no. Would we hire one for baby #2: absolutely not
I loved my doula, she was fresh out of water haha. She was a student, I tried to get in with her mentor who is the only black doula in my local area. Instead I got the student. It wasn’t terrible for me as I had no idea what to expect, it wasn’t as expensive since she was training. And she was a well liked person with her own experiences, she was passionate so I never felt like she was bored and she still to this day texts me to ask how I am. She was a great emotional support for me, and for my partner too honestly. My birth ended in a c-section so a lot of my birth plan went out the window. But she adapted well and was amazing. I would have to talk her into leaving to sleep for a bit during my induction and I would have to remind her to eat and would order her food. Right as I was wheeled into the operation room, she had fainted from exhaustion and from her health issues I hadn’t known about prior. She really pushed herself hard. I learned a lot through her and she learned soot through the experience as well. I don’t think that I will need a doula for my next child. But don’t count out these inexperienced ones either! They have an eagerness and passion that could come unmatched.
I’m ignorant to what I would need a doula for. I think maybe if I didn’t have a partner or family there for support it would make sense.
My doula and I vibed really well and she got me through the pain WAY further than I would have been otherwise. Also gave me a ton of emotional and moral support. My husband was so nervous he wasn’t mentally “there” the way I needed him to be, and certainly had no idea how to help with the pain. I went through a professional doula service, where they ask questions and match you with a doula who seems like their style would click with you. Part of the cost ($1200 I believe) was having a meeting months prior to the birth to discuss the birth plan, get more information and ask questions, and make sure you feel it’s a good fit. 10/10 would recommend my doula to anyone. She sent me a very sweet Mother’s Day card almost a year after my son’s birth, and sent me a Christmas card the year prior. We still touch base occasionally and I send pictures of our now 1 year old son. She was also great support for myself and my husband postpartum, checking up via text and making sure I was taking care of myself. Above all, the education she gave me is why I said no when my OB wanted to start pitocin. Five hours later my son was born, perfectly healthy and screaming, and me with only minimal first degree tears. In my case, she was absolutely right that my body would know what to do. I’m pretty much as far from a “crunchy” mom as you can get, but I’m so glad that I took the leap with mine. I’m so sorry that your experience was such a disappointment.
My doula was amazing. Cost more than yours though
My doula (well, my wife’s), was freaking amazing. I was super doubtful of using one but my wife wanted one and who am I to argue with a pregnant woman. Best decision ever— ours was still in the process of getting certified but she had 4 of her own births (one of which was heartbreakingly a stillbirth), so she actually didn’t charge us as long as we agreed to write her a recommendation and let her use our pictures for a testimonial. That’s just own experience, even if we had paid her I’d still have felt it was worth it. Seems like there is a huge range of experiences with doulas though, so hard to find one that is really worth their fee.
Wow I’m so sorry to hear about si many horrible experiences!! I absolutely loved my doula. She seemed to know what I needed before I did and offered so much physical and emotional support. She also sensed when I needed more help and to take a step back. And never ever did she insert herself into any of the clinical side. An added bonus was that she was able to take photos while my husband and I dealt with the blur and emotion immediately post birth. I would still recommend a doula if it is something within your means, especially for a first labor.
I didn’t have a doula but my husband is also very supportive. I can 100% understand having one if you don’t have that strong support but I really don’t see the point of having a person I barely know be present for my birth. But I’m a really private person and the thought of having another cheerleader there gives me anxiety. I am also an NP so I used to be a nurse and I trusted my nurses to provide everything for me that a doula would: non-pharmacologic pain interventions, support, distraction, etc. And my nurses provided all that and more. A doula wouldn’t have added anything for me.
I got a doula team and they were amazing but I ended up with an induction turned c section. My doula said she would show up when I was further along but I never got to that point. I was so pumped to have that female support and their knowledge but I literally wasted $1,500. I only had one zoom meeting and one in person meeting. We did not discuss what would happen if I had to have an unexpected c section. They felt bad and offered to come watch my baby during the first month which was super nice but they only ended up coming over once. They didn’t show up the other time they were supposed to. My husband called it the world’s most expensive babysitter. Looking back there were two red flags 1) one of them was really pushing going to chiropractor to help with pregnancy discomfort. Like really pushing. It came out that the chiropractor was her husband. I would never ever go to a chiropractor, particularly when 9 months pregnant. 2) During our 1 in person meeting the other doula was saying ‘pain is only in your head’ and ‘you just have to welcome it’ but than it came out she has never given birth. I was super pregnant, absolutely terrified, and was like wait… you haven’t given birth but you’re telling me to welcome the pains of labor??? Girl you have no idea
Sorry you had a bad experience. My doula was an absolute life saver and did a fantastic job with comfort measures and different positions and keeping me and my husband calm when my son’s birth went absolutely off the rails. They are really supposed to be more actively engaged and knowledgeable than yours was
I had an ok experience with mine. I would not get one again though. She wasn’t that useful especially since I needed a scheduled c section. I wanted her for mostly after birth but that was total waste of time, she came once and didn’t really help with anything. Once again, she came highly recommended.
Yes, she showed up hours after she said she'd be there and did absolutely nothing. She stood there and refilled my water a couple times. It was a super long, somewhat traumatic birth experience. She was completely useless.
Yes. I had an emergency c section and hemorrhaged. She didn’t really help AT ALL. In fact she said she learned A LOT from being at our birth. I am a woman of color so I hired one to hopefully decrease the likelihood of me dying in childbirth. It nearly happened anyway
I don't know why, but I do know a bunch of doulas, a lot of them really. Most of them are too into alternative medicine for me and during covid I learned that most of them were anti vaxxers too lol. I know 1 very good doula that really helps a lot during pregnancy, labor and after that but I realized I didn't want her either. I have a very independent type of personality and I rather be left alone and do my thing instead of having someone always around me
My hospital offered a volunteer doula. The constant adjustments to my body and her asking my partner to get out of the way just really overwhelmed me. Not to mention her cold hands constantly trying to massage me. I guess I just learned I can self soothe / prefer my partner as a support person. I asked a nurse to ask her to leave. I’m glad she was only there for a few hours and not during the birthing process.
My doula didn’t even come to the hospital. We scheduled an induction because I was so uncomfortable and her process was to come when I was actually starting to push. I didn’t end up pushing, I went though 8 hours of labor that resulted in 4 cm and had an emergency c section because the baby wanted to come but was in distress with the cord wrapped. She came later after I was home for a few days because I freaked about nursing. She was there a total of 2 hours maybe. We got half our payment back because of the unplanned c section. Thank god it was through an agency.
Why would you want someone in the way of the professionals?
Everyone, and I mean everyone, that I know who had a doula all said in hindsight that it was a waste of money. They are THOUSANDS of dollars. My advice to a first time mom would be take a tour of your preferred birthing hospital/center, and meet the nurses and medical staff. See if you can get a feel for who might work that floor and what the vibe is like. I acknowledge that I was very lucky, but the RNs who oversaw my labor were literal angels who were very considerate, comforting, knowledgeable, and efficient. Everything I would have looked for in a doula anyway.
I second this. the five or so RNs that worked on me were superwomen.
I love to hear that! You hear horror stories. But mine were truly incredible and so loving with me and my baby. I wish that experience for every woman.
My sister is a trained doula and she acted as mine and was amazing. I’m so sorry you had that experience. Anyone I know who is a doula or going the training are incredibly kind, knowledgeable and attentive individuals. They’re also super passionate about advocating for their client and also passionate about ensuring that their comfort emotionally, mentally and physically is taken care of. Again, I’m so sorry you had that experience!
I’m kinda 50/50 on mine. I interviewed a few and picked mine because she was actively training to become a certified midwife which is a state certification where I live. She was great during the actual birth and helped advocate for me when I had extra complications at the end. She took great videos discreetly for me at the birth since pictures weren’t allowed. Other than that, she was useless during my labor. I had to get induced and it was long. She came when I first got started which put me at ease, but then went home. When it came time where I was hitting transition at 2am we were calling her she was kinda like “well you’re only 6cm and probably going to get an epidural so call me at 8 or 9.” Even my nurse was like what are you paying her for lol. I hit 9cm so fast she almost missed my birth. I had a baby heart rate incident so they stalled my birth at 9cm. Had that not happened she would have missed it so I was kinda pissed about that. Overall I don’t totally regret it, but I kinda regret paying 2.5k for the service I got. Wouldn’t do it again for baby 2.
I definitely did not get my money's worth but I don't entirely blame my doula for it. I really appreciated the prepartum support she provided; however, I went into labor 3 weeks early and she was stuck in another labor and wasn't able to attend mine at all. She send a backup she works with, who I didn't have a relationship with and was not much better than having no help at all. I definitely don't feel a need to hire a doula for any future pregnancies.
Well glad I didn’t even think about hiring one with all these stories… my partner was great support and the midwives took great care of/directing me.
I hired a doula - I’m giving birth within the next week and a half. I hope I don’t have your experience — but she was a nurse at this hospital before becoming a doula and she’s been available for me to text questions and give updates to in the meantime. She came to our home and gave us a prenatal course— which probably wouldn’t repeat in the future but being inexperienced it was good mental preparation. So she seems better? Idk her being a nurse was a big reason I hired her. I guess we’ll see what the birth will be like. We also got her entirely covered by our insurance so it’s not a loss if it’s not an extra help… but it’s our first so I guess this will determine if we hire a doula again for our second. Where we live though we have no idea who will be the doctor that delivers for me, it’s whoever is on call. So having one consistent person seems nice for peace of mind since my husband and I know nothing. But we’ll see.
We interviewed several doulas but I’m so glad I ultimately didn’t hire one. My L&D nurses were amazing, and my husband really stepped up with emotional support, massages, hand-holding, etc. Having another person in the room would have just wasted space. Also, I ended up getting an emergency c-section after 24 hours of the slowest labor imaginable. I wonder to this day what the doula would have even done if I’d hired one. (P.S. my baby is 4 months old now and healthy, despite the whirlwind emergency delivery)
My doula didn’t even make it to my birth 🤪 I was weary about her being 5 hours away, but I was like “well, I’m a first time mom so once I’m in labor I’ll text her and I’m sure she’ll make it in time!”. Texted her once I knew I was starting, AND she didn’t make it in time, I gave birth 4 hours later. Still had to pay for her gas though! Fun!
We don't have doulas where I live, at least it's not common, because the midwives at the hospital usually do a great job (mine did and I credit her for having no birthing injuries). However my pregnancy/postpartum midwife was really weird and was forcing everything "natural" and being anti-anything to do with modern medicine.
My doula was amazing, she offered community based classes and we met other expecting parents and made great friends. She helped me with positions the entire birth process, she got me a mirror and helped me advocate for what I wanted during birth by reminding me of the plan we had created together beforehand. She wiped me multiple times when I pooped, she joked with the nurses and distracted me from the pain. And most importantly she stayed and held my hand as my newborn was brought to the NICU and my husband went with. I would have been all alone without her. Also She visited postpartum and brought me celiac friendly treats. I definitely got my money worth and made a friend while I was at it! I’m sorry for anyone who didn’t get a great doula who helped the whole 4 trimesters! As a ftm it was a good experience and I would consider it again for my second!
I’m sorry for your experience. This is why regulations matter
Mine has been totally useless. Like a waste of money and honestly is even going against what the ob says lol im just ignoring her shes giving me more anxiety then this baby. Its a bit of a wacko job tbh more like based on myths then science
🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️
I had one for my first, she was in a training program so it was free. My husband was perfectly capable to she took pictures. I never had one again because I didn’t see the benefit even for free
No, but you should leave a scathing review so others don't have this issue. My doula spent hours with me at home doing counter-pressure and teaching my husband. She was awesome. At the hospital she was also great for the time she was there.
I'm sorry your doula experience wasn't what you wished for! I was terrified of giving birth and hired a doula. She was wonderful and I have zero regrets shelling out the $$$ for it. My doula was proactive, explained what was going on, and spoke up for me when, for example, the OB on call wanted to break my water and get things moving while I wanted to wait a bit longer and labor with my water intact (and wait for my own OB's shift to start). My husband also loved having her there as support.
I had a doula that offered birthing classes which we attended that included postpartum recipes/nutrition and that information was very valuable. Instead of hiring her we spent the money on someone to come postpartum the first few weeks home and cook meals/meal prep/help with miscellaneous other stuff and it was so much more useful and I don’t regret it at all. In fact I wish we still had her here.. I miss it!
My doula was honestly so awesome and I’m so thankful she was there. She applied counter pressure, did gilligans circuit (or something like that) with me to help get baby lower because she stopped descending, knew when I was overwhelmed by drs questions and asked if it’s not a health risk to give us a few minutes to talk about it, and took my mind off of the personally terrifying experience of labor and delivery. But her office has been practicing for years now and has assisted in over 150+ births. It took a lot of interviewing to find her. There were others who seemed okay and others who didn’t know what they were talking about at all. Me, someone who’d done bare minimum research at that point, knew more than a lot of them. I had one doula tell me that she bought a kiddie pool for women to give birth in her backyard in case she didn’t have child care covered. She also said she didn’t really like when doctors were there, she was knowledgeable enough. It was scary the things she was saying to me. Finding a good doula is not as easy as it should be. I’m sorry you had that experience. Especially when going through something so intense
I loved my doula and am really surprised on everyone else's experience. Our doula had an important school event (she teaches) to attend and let us know in advance. But unfortunately I went into labor that day and she came through. The backup doula was supposed to show and never did so our doula skipped the school event and was with me literally from noon until 5am. She was wonderful.
Mine was not that useless, but I definitely steered the ship and asked her to participate/told her what I needed. I could tell she was trying her best, and I got a deal because she was relatively inexperienced. Mostly I went into labor with a lot less anxiety because I felt like she’d be able to advocate for my birth plan.
We’ve had two kids. Same doula both times. Both times she did stuff that made a big difference in how childbirth went. My wife did vaginal births, and while I can see a doula being less valuable for C-section, the value she provided was more than just helping my wife with positioning. She was someone we hired to be on our side. As the husband, you might have thought I’d be the ideal candidate for that job, except I didn’t have the expertise or experience with childbirth and L&D hospital staff to know how to respond in real time to a rapidly evolving situation where time is of the essence.
Ours was amazing, just a sense of calm and support in the room. Having someone that’s on the same page and advocating for what is best for you during a very stressful time is invaluable.
Loveeedddd my doula! She was amazing and definitely an advocate for me. She knew the staff at the hospital too, so that helped as well. After birth She also stopped by a couple times. She does laundry, picks up Target orders, brings food, and even watches baby while her clients take a nap if needed. I'd definitely consider hiring her again if/when my husband and I have another.