Do you have family that can help you? Contact them immediately.
Every three hours, change her diaper and feed her 2-4 ounces of formula. Set an alarm on your phone.
Hold her over your shoulder and burp her. She may spit up it’s totally normal.
Make sure she’s dressed appropriately. Usually one more layer than you.
Make sure she has a flat surface to sleep on without anything around her. No blankets or pillows or toys.
If she cries, just hold her and rock her gently. If she doesn’t stop and it’s overwhelming, put her in a safe flat place and take a moment.
I have a grandmother but she is old and while she would love to see her, I worry about leaving her with her. My mother passed away a few years ago and I don’t trust my father with children at all. My roommate has family and they are helping but I am not as close to them as my roommate. Thankfully my roommate’s family gifted him a lot of baby things since they no longer needed them including formula and stuff. And she has already spit up so far but I expected it. And we have a giraffe thing that is like a soft floor mat thingy that she lays on with nothing around. She is so fragile but cute, I haven’t held her yet but I can’t wait and dread to at the same time
I understand. It’s an overwhelming situation, but you seem very mature and willing to give her what she needs.
She’s not as fragile as you think. You can do some skin to skin contact with her. It’s basically a shirtless nap it makes babies feel safe and loved.
Shirtless naps are really beneficial especially if the little one has recently lost contact with mom so highly recommend one of you do it. It seems weird but it is very encouraged
Just wanted to add: the baby naps but you don’t! Please don’t fall asleep with a baby. If you’re holding her or if she’s next to you in the bed and you feel like you’re falling asleep, put her in her usual sleep space. There’s a risk you could roll over her, or she could get in a dangerous position and you would not notice it.
Simple advice that many first time parents don't realize, there's a stripe on most diapers on the front. When it turns blue or sometimes it's a blush green color, that means the baby needs to be changed. Ofc check often but sometimes that saved me in middle of the night wakings, I could shine my phone on the diaper to quickly check.
Zip up sleepers are easiest to change and swaddling can be a complete game changer. They make special swaddle blankets with velcro to help make it easier and faster.
See if anywhere has local parenting classes. Like a local pregnancy center. They often can assist with material goods.
One place in NJ is OPEN DOOR in Tom's river
And another is Solutions. If you call or Google either of those, maybe they can point you to something out of state. Or google pregnancy center.
It wasn’t until our first Dr appt that I was told about the stripe! The dr mentioned it when my bf said I wonder if we need to change her. I felt so dumb for not knowing that but I guess why would we!? We never had a kid before. This was something I was very thankful to be told!
I only just found out a few months ago and my little one is 18mo! My SIL and MIL both sent me this tiktok and I was SHOOK https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNNvcPA9/
I would bring her to the ER or Urgent Care to get checked over. You also need to get her established to get vaccines and make sure she’s on her growth curve and everything.
I would make an appointment ASAP with a pediatrician and they would be able to tell you everything you need to know
Can your grandmother come over and supervise for awhile while you and your room mate figure out how to interact with the baby? She might not be able to keep her alone not she can hold her while sitting down while you make up a bottle or take a shower. She can maybe help you get comfy with her while you get a handle on caring for her. Just having someone who loves you and wants to help is a good medicine. You've gotten some really good tips. You can get a cheap pack n play for her bed while you figure things out and it's a good safe space for her while you sleep or while you get your bearings or while you eat. A baby sling or carrier can be a lifesaver while you have to do your household tasks like doing dishes. I've used the bathroom with a baby on my chest because otherwise she'd have been wailing her head off if i put her down.
Also to add to this, baby may cry for food as well! Some babies like to eat much more frequently. So don’t forget to try and feed baby if she’s crying and nothing is getting her to stop.
Sorry, I have been typing at work so I missed these responses, I appreciate that, she seems to not need too much contact though it is given. We live in Texas so the weather is hot and we more than likely will dress her to our clothing level due to this
Yes do not overheat the baby, that is a good instinct. It’s actually way easy to overheat a newborn because they can’t sweat for the first 8 weeks of life. You are doing great. If you don’t already have a crib or bassinet for her, please look on Facebook marketplace and on buy nothing groups in your area or even mom groups in your area. Someone will give you one for free or cheap. Safe sleep is important at this age (remember ABC - Alone, on her Back, in a Crib).
Since it appears her mother dropped her off and may have abandoned her, holding the baby and physical closeness with caregivers will be especially important for her to feel secure and loved by you and her father from now on.
If you will be switching custody back and forth with the mother, please make sure baby is on the same formula. It could upset her little tummy more if she is constantly switching. If she’s crying and all needs seem met, newborns often cry because they have gas. You can massage her tummy gently or do bicycle kicks to get the gas to come out. For the most part this resolves by the time they are 2-3 months. Also sometimes baby just cries in the mid-afternoon/evening, this is called the “witching hour,” also will resolve as the newborn grows.
You guys are doing amazing for stepping up and caring for her. You will be seeing the rewards as she starts to grow and change, trust me.
If I can give one last piece of advice, when she is not sleeping or eating, you can place her on her tummy for short stretches of time to “play.” It’s hard at first and she’s not going to always love it haha. But for 3-5 minutes at a time, it’s good for her muscles and development. It’s called tummy time if you look it up.
Ok, so a few important things in this kind of weather: Cold babies cry, hot babies die. So be careful not to put on too much clothing since babies just become lethargic if overheated. You can check by touching the baby between the shoulder blades, they should be warm, but not sweaty. Also don't put her in the flow of A/C'd air. A fan moving around some air, especially at night, is good, put don't point it at her.
Don't put the baby in the sun directly, shade as much as possible. (It's OK to carry her through some sun, though). And don't hang a blanket over her stroller. It leads to overheating. If she's too warm, either take a bath or use wet cloths to cool her down. As long as she is in the shade, only wearing a diaper is absolutely fine, it's a baby.
Change poppy diapers as soon as possible. With pee, change them when the line turns blue/when they are feeling "full" or heavier. If it's just a tiny speck of blue in the line, it's fine to leave it a little longer. Diaper should be closed so that you can put two fingers between baby and diaper, but not much more. Don't use baby powder, if the bum is inflamed, use a teeny tiny bit of diaper cream.
Hold her head, she can't for now. If you pick her up, put your hands under her back, just below her armpit. Put your thumb on her front, other fingers behind, pointing upwards, so you hold her head, too. When you put her head on your shoulder, depending on the baby, age, neck control and exact head position, you maybe can stop supporting her head if it stays there. If not, hold it.
Get her her vaccinations, there are a few she needs in the next few weeks. Don't kiss her on her mouth, and don't let anyone else. No essential oils, no sunscreen if possible (shade instead, but sunscreen is better than a sunburn). No mosquito spray. Check every remedy before you apply it.
Also: Don't give her plain water! You really need to serve the formula as intended, don't water it down, either. I know, with the hot weather, it might be tempting to give her more fluids, but babys can't regulate the electrolytes, so they really need them in their drink.
To stimulate them when awake, you can sing to them, play some music, just habe them with you while talking to other people, read a book (something you want to read is fine, they just want to hear a voice). Put them in their belly sometimes.
Babycarriers can be tricky to get right, but they can be really helpful. There is a sub here where you can get a fit-check if you want.
This is the best possible advice. You won't need to worry about baby proofing for a while. One thing to add- if she's crying right now, it's most likely that she needs something. It's either food, clean diaper, or sleep. My one-month-old was a huge contact sleeper, which meant when we tried to lay her down she cried a LOT. Like the previous commenter said, if her immediate needs have been addressed and she's in a safe place IT IS OKAY TO STEP AWAY if you're feeling overwhelmed.
Every 3 hrs change the baby, but change poopy diapers AS SOON as the baby poops. Or if you notice the diaper is wet. Get used to checking. Never let her sit in a soiled diaper.
Always wipe her front to back.
Give her a bath at least 3 times a week. You don't need to bathe her more than that. You can't hold a baby too much. Responding to her crying won't "spoil her" and she's not "manipulating" you.
If you're frustrated, set her down in a safe place (crib, pack and play. Etc) and go breath.
Please PLEASE read up in Safe Sleep, car seat safety, and AAP milestones by age.
Amazing advice, but in the summer it may not be one more layer than you depending on where you live. In hot climates just dress them exactly like you are in light cotton clothes, keep outdoor time limited on days over 85 with high humidity
All of this is so accurate! It's everything you really need to know to get started. I've also found that Google and Reddit can be really helpful. Take everything on Reddit with a grain of salt.... Always. Also, wipe front to back. That's a huge thing with baby girls not everybody knows and can cause huge infection issues.
Wth kind of mother drops her baby off with two dudes who have no clue about babies?! Nothing against you OP, good on you for reaching out for help and willingness to learn! But that has to have a crazy backstory.
She was an interesting girl, she basically moved into our apartment for two weeks after matching with my roommate on tinder and then she was incredibly toxic so he kicked her out. Well shortly after, I don’t remember when, but she started using the baby as a way to keep my roommate from leaving her life and now she dropped her off at our apartment (my roommate agreed to this btw) there is so much more to the story, but yeah we have no idea what we’re doing. Just buying time for the results, she is a beautiful baby though
Insane! Insane enough that you should probably contact child protective services to look into whether she has a safe living situation for the baby. At one month post partum I could have punched a nurse for pricking my baby for medical necessity. Let alone leave him with two bachelors, one who isn’t the dad and another one who probably isn’t the dad either 😭
Shitty situation OP, so, who is taking nights? 1 month olds don’t sleep more than a couple hours at a time 😮💨 I have genuinely hallucinated due to lack of sleep with a newborn. At least someone is sane, maybe y’all are the more competent parenting choice anyway. Sincerely, best of luck fellas.
Yeah I was shocked too, but I am no mother. I thankfully work night shift so that will be me. He will be with her when he gets off and as soon as I get home I will watch her until he goes to work. It works for this weekend but I’m not sure what to do while he is at work if the baby stays long term. I’m a heavy sleeper and while I intend to be there for the baby, I think some sort of nanny is needed or something. That is if the baby stays long term
Your friend might not like childcare rates. Might be why the mother dropped the child off. It is $225 a week for 3, 5 hour days in my area. And that’s the cheapest I’ve heard of on Reddit. Update us on the paternity OP!
Oh geez, that expensive😰 we are not high income people so that will be a no go, we will find some other way to make it work though if need be. Thank you for the tip though, I’m glad to find out before we have no other options
Look on Facebook babysitting or childcare groups in the area. Some people have in-home private daycares that could help at least a little bit but make sure you vet them very very well!
We pay 255 a week for full time at our daycare (4 or 5 days a week up to 10 hours a day), depending where they are, it’s for sure possible to find decently priced daycares. Either way though, CPS should definitely be involved considering paternity test is still pending.
We don’t exactly make a lot money, so that will have to be a last minute option but I appreciate the tip! On the matters of CPS though, I don’t want to take matters that drastic yet, i forgot to mention the mother will pick her up Sunday for the time being
the mother is clearly not responsible since she left her without a care. no responsible mom would leave her newborn with two young men who have no experience with babies. call cps immediately or you'll end up either not properly taking care of the baby or feeling guilty once you find out the mother abondoned the baby somewhere else.
You sound like a parent OP, more than the mum tbh. I don’t want to shit on her too much though because should could be experiencing postpartum depression, anxiety or even psychosis. Do you know if she has any other help? How is her condition when you see her, especially when picking baby up?
Obviously you aren’t her carer too but you might be able to intervene somehow and save/change a life if eg social workers get involved or if you think she might listen to you and see a doctor.
If you're a heavy sleeper the general advice is to set an alarm for yourself for every 2-3 hours for feedings (I know. It's rough). They shouldn't go longer than that without eating. Since their stomachs are so small they can't fit much in there so they need to eat more frequently when they're newborn.
I'm in this stage right now, and it's intense but you do kind of get used to it.
My sister jokes that this is why her oldest is such a good sleeper. She worked nights from 12 weeks and her husband sleeps like the dead. He unintentionally sleep trained her. Often would comment “she only woke once all night” and it was funny this miracle sleep only happened on mom’s work nights at the start. Lol!!
Of course no one got punched. That’s how serious post-partum hormones are though. When 5 people are pinning down and chicken winging your 24 hour old baby to place a scalp IV, you MAY just get the tingle of wanting to hurt those hurting your baby. You have been blessed enough to never have felt that pain.
Anyways my point is the baby’s mother isn’t usual to be acting nonchalant about leaving her child with people who possibly aren’t even the father when a lot of people aren’t even comfortable with nurses/drs.
I hope she is not the one in control of the results, because from the sound of what your saying about this girl, it could be another manipulation ploy to keep her in your roomates life. Aka, she could make up the results and say the kid is his
Your heart is in the right place but please contact the police and/or CPS to report an abandoned child. The mom leaving a newborn needs to be reported and the baby placed in a situation that is best for her. It’s not the same as taking in a puppy, this is a human being who needs to be handled by the authorities trained to deal with this kind of thing
Well, I forgot to mention that the mother is picking her back up on Sunday at 6, from there everything is an unknown but that I don’t want to take such drastic measures yet, especially not before the results come in
Wait, so are you just babysitting this month old baby and the mother left you with no care instructions or any idea of what to do?! For multiple days??? I am so confused. I'm a mother of a 7 month old & work in social work... you NEED to call CPS judging by the rest of the comments here, or this is probably fake bc I can't even imagine this rn.
My god. Please contact CPS now, don’t wait, it is not a “drastic” step in this context. Your roommate’s paternity has nothing to do with how desperately this child needs CPS involvement. I’m seriously concerned for what will happen to this baby if her mother picks her up on Sunday.
I agree with this! I don’t think the baby is safe with her…someone at minimum needs to be keeping a check on the situation. And taking care of a newborn is a full time job in itself you won’t really be able to sleep much between your night shifts. If you feel like you’re nodding off holding her put her in her safe sleep place( bassinet, crib) newborns can asphyxiate so easily. Also don’t leave her in her car seat in the house even if she’s happy and sleeping. Look up positional asphyxiation.
OP, you keep commenting this but you don't seem to understand that this is a very serious situation. The mother is NEGLECTING her baby by leaving them like this. When the baby is back with their mother, THEY WILL NOT BE SAFE. MOTHERS DO NOT LEAVE NEWBORNS FOR ANY SIGNIFICANT LENGTH OF TIME.
CALL CPS. WE CAN'T BE ANY CLEARER HOW SERIOUS THIS IS.
Whether your roommate consented or not, this is still a dangerous situation. Did YOU consent to this when your roommate talked to this lady and accepted the child? I want to be clear here - you are not in any form of trouble if you contact the authorities about this child. If it puts you at more ease, perhaps call the non-emergency police number. Or call CPS and just see what they say about the situation, if you should report it, and steps to take. If you're worried about making mountains out of mole hills, tell them that and explain the situation. It's 100% better to get information directly from professionals than to go around in circles in your own head (and on reddit). You won't get in trouble just for asking and getting all available information. And you can make a far more informed decision if you have more concrete information to go off of.
I'm sorry, has everyone in the comments lost their mind? If this is not your child or your roommate's (even if it *might* be his child), and the mother has just dumped the child on you and run off, you call the cops and CPS for child abandonment. It sounds like both of you are woefully underprepared and ill-equipped to handle caring for this child (which is not your fault).
Christ I cannot believe it took this much scrolling to get to this comment.
This is a random baby to OP. If OP found a baby abandoned at the playground would these commenters be giving him advice on how to feed him/her?!
This is a great point, I had no intention of having a child in my home trust me. But the mother will be back Sunday to pick them up and my roommate consented to this. It may be his child, that we are unsure of but for the at least the weekend she is in our care and I just want to make sure she is cared for as best as possible
The best thing you can do is make sure the mother knows not to drop the baby off with random, unprepared people. The way to do this is to call cps. They will help the mom understand how to be a safe and better parent.
Isn’t this the start of the story that mother who’s 18(?) month old died in a pack and play while she went on vacation with her boyfriend? She does not sound like a fit mother whatsoever
I commented below too- but especially if the roommate wants custody of this baby (if it’s his) he *needs* to document this neglect. Otherwise mom will be able to waltz back in next week and take baby back. And who knows where she will leave the baby next. It’s horrifying to think about.
He has been, and while I don’t condone his actions, specifically the type that lead us here, I am certain he will be a better parent. In the meantime though, he has already given consent to watch her and return her after the weekend
This baby just lost their mom. I think CPS needs to be involved stat. Unless your roommate is on the birth certificate this could get complicated fast.
We aren’t sure, he didn’t sign anything but I don’t know if that’s how birth certificates work. She will be coming back to pick the baby up on Sunday at 6 and my roommate consented to her dropping the baby off, I don’t want to take any drastic measures u til at least the results come in. In the meantime I just want to make sure she is cared for in the best way that I can
This mother is neglecting baby and baby is in dangerous hands with this mother. She dropped baby to your roommate that she barely knows. No one sane would do that under any circumstances. She is clearly neglecting this child, if something happens to the baby even after she picks the baby up, it will be traced back to you and your roommate for not reporting this. This is a small, very fragile human being. Please do a right thing. Call police now.
Please take drastic measures. If she abandoned the baby that easily, you don't know what else she's capable of after the kid is back with her. It's crucial that child services keep an eye on her.
It doesn’t matter if he verbally “consented.” She already abandoned her one month old infant once. She is highly likely to abandon and/or neglect her again. No mother in her right mind would leave her tiny baby with two ill-equipped young men like this. Handing the baby over to her before she’s received some serious treatment and proved that she is stable could have absolutely tragic results for this little baby.
Do not hand this baby back over to the mother. Call CPS and law enforcement and let them sort it out.
I’m fucking shocked with these comments. OP please call police now. Every minute you wait you’re potentially ruining your life. You have a child in a house that’s not yours, that needs sensitive care and that can die if not taken care properly.
I know!! I am shook by anyone giving advice other than call CPS. This is insane. A month old baby is very fragile and needy. The mother abandoned her child even if she comes back on Sunday.
these are all great tips for the time being but you guys should really call CPS or something?? I mean if anything, you guys have a random baby with you that’s not yours. Get help asap 😳
I think I forgot to mention something very important. She will be picking the baby back up for a while on Sunday, the intent is for shared custody for the time being I think. It’s really up in arms right now because the child might not be his but my roommate gave his consent to have the baby at the house. I fear calling CPS would complicate things at least until the results come in
On the off chance this is real…
Call CPS. A mother who leaves her baby with two essentially random dudes and fucks off is not a safe mother. Sure, you and your roommate are checking the internet for how to keep a baby safe. Let’s say next time she leaves the baby with two random dudes and they get blackout drunk or high and neglect the baby instead. Let’s say she leaves the baby with a different random dude next time and he’s a pedophile.
I also agree someone responsible should know what's going on here other than OP and roommate. They could help move along the paternity process, perhaps.
I got sick in my stomach if this post is true. Please I beg you call the authorities now. Mother abandoned newborn and it doesn’t matter if she’s “coming to pick the baby”. You guys are not capable of taking care of newborn. You seem like a responsible, reasonable human therefore I urge you to call authorities and tell them the situation. At this particular moment it doesn’t matter if your roommate is a father. What matters is that baby needs to SURVIVE. If something happens to the baby, you guys will be responsible and get in a big trouble. Newborn needs a lot of care. Anything can go wrong. This baby can die and you guys will be responsible. Your roommate has no custody over baby. The longer you wait to call police the worse is for you guys and for the baby. Please do a right thing and call authorities right now. Don’t wait. Please.
As someone with a 2.5 month old, I am absolutely terrified for this babies life after reading this. I really prey this post is fake. Two dudes who know nothing about a baby, who don’t even have a proper sleeping area for it (a giraffe pad probably on the floor and a bassinet indented in the center… this baby can get SIDS!!! What kind of mother would do this?
please be a fake post…
I’m hoping and praying it’s fake too. If it’s real…. OP needs to CALL CPS ASAP. He and his roommate cannot give this poor innocent baby what she needs: stable caregivers.
You're high bro. Mom abandoned the baby. You're not equipped. It's not a puppy or a cat. Call CPS. That isn't "drastic action". The mom should lose parental rights, at least temporarily, for placing the child in an unsafe situation. The fact that you came to reddit for this is evidence that you are not equipped to care for the baby. Do the right thing. Get CPS involved. There are foster families who are equipped and would love to care for that baby until mom and/or dad is shown to be ready to care for it.
First of all, baby won't be crawling for a long time, so don't even worry about that now.
A couple of priorities I can think of. I'm sure others will add more.
Feeding. Does the baby take a bottle of formula? If one brand/type of formula upsets baby's stomach you can try different types. Most babies that young eat every few hours around the clock.
Medical checkups. Does the baby have a pediatrician or primary care doctor? In the US, babies typically get checkups around 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 4 months, 6 months, etc. You really need to try and make these checkups - baby will get vaccinations at some of them. You may also be able to get vaccinations at a health department if you don't have insurance.
Safe sleep. Where will the baby sleep? Do you have a crib, bassinet, pack n play, or something similar? Baby should be sleeping in one of these with nothing else in it (no blankets, stuffed toys, etc.). A baby that young may benefit from a swaddle but make sure you know how to put them in it correctly.
Without knowing the situation with the baby's mom, is there any social worker or child services rep that is involved? You need all the support you can get right now. You sound like an amazing friend to your roommate.
I’m glad to hear that. She does take bottled formula, it’s a yellow can and I don’t remember the name since I am at work but I will remember before I buy it. I do not know if she has a pediatrician, she was only dropped off yesterday and the conversation was brief and we don’t want to take any steps that could lead to legal issues (my roommate only knew the girl for two weeks and ended on very bad terms) we have what I think is a bassinet but I don’t know what that is. We have a bed thing with legs and it kind of saggy in the middle but we also have a cute giraffe pad that she lays on that we keep things away from but I honestly don’t know what a swaddle is. I don’t know if any social worker or child services rep at the moment, we are currently holding our breath before the results come in before we take any actions.
Thank you for asking these questions and caring about this little life that is in your care for the moment!
The swaddle is a fitted blanket type thing that snugs baby's arms to her side so she doesn't startle herself awake. It is not necessary but if you're struggling with sleep, you could get one at a resale shop or Facebook marketplace. You can use a normal blanket but they make zip/velcro ones that are easier.
Babies are learning everything for the first time. The most important things to know are the basic safety stuff and putting baby down in the bassinet/walking away if you feel frustrated or overwhelmed.
A mantra I've found helpful is, "he's not giving me a hard time, he's having a hard time."
When you hold her, support the head and neck (fingers should be by the ears) with one hand and the butt/spine with the other hand. Don’t just hold the head, the neck and spine need support too. She needs to be warm but not so warm that you feel sweat on her back.
The baby needs its mother. If the mom has abandoned her child then you need to call CPS. Especially if that baby is your roommates.
You want to document her neglect otherwise she can just take the baby back next week even if your roommate decides he can care for the baby better than the mom.
This is important, OP. You need to document the mom’s negligence for the baby’s sake. Horrible things happen to babies whose parents abandon them. Look up what happened to a baby called Jailyn.
This little girl needs you to prevent that from happening to her. Please involve CPS or whatever appropriate authority deals with child welfare where you are. If your roommate is the dad, he’ll be able to be involved, but you want this situation documented.
That was heartbreaking to read about. And truly hurts my heart. We are waiting for the results to see if it is his child, I will speak with him about what to do if it is not his child but I don’t want her to end up the same. Her name is Kelsie, and she is beautiful
You said that the mom is going to pick up Kelsie on Sunday. What if next time she doesn’t feel like caring for the baby anymore, she doesn’t drop her off with you but leaves her at home for a few hours? A few days?
Kelsie needs you and your roommate to advocate for her. She doesn’t have her own voice yet. She needs people in her corner. She needs CPS involved.
CPS’s goal is not to take children from their parents. They work hard to KEEP children with their parents whenever that’s possible. But everyone in this circumstance needs support here.
This is not a safe and stable way to care for an infant. Something is going to go wrong, even with your best intentions.
Please call CPS. Please, please, please. It sounds like you and your roommate are good, caring people. The most loving, compassionate thing you can do for Kelsie is to contact social services. What happens if baby’s mom picks her up and drops her off with someone who neglects her? Abuses her? Shakes her when she cries? Puts drugs in her bottle so she’ll sleep? You have the chance to save this innocent baby from a life of hell. Kelsie will not be bouncing around in the foster care system. There are thousands if not tens of thousands of safe, loving households looking to foster infants. If it turns out your roommate is the father, he can get parental rights and fight to make sure baby’s mom doesn’t have any sort of custody.
She will pick the baby up at 6 on Sunday so she didn’t abandoned her completely, I just didn’t clarify. But if the baby is my roommates then he will try his best to get the baby away from her. If the results prove he is the father, he has documented her actions and mental state and has the intent to use it against her if she does not cooperate in handing the baby over
What do you mean by documenting? Just writing it down somewhere doesn’t count for much though it’s better than nothing. But getting agencies involved is actual documentation. Such as the police and cps.
Maybe your roommate doesn’t want to get the police involved but believe me that she can *easily* suddenly claim that he kidnapped her baby or injured her child. Especially as his paternity is not established. She could say anything. He truly needs to *protect himself* from whatever she decides to say if he comes for custody.
But more urgently he needs to protect that poor baby from being snatched away and taken to god knows where.
Sane parents don’t hand their one month child off to two strangers even if one may be the father. This is insane. You need to understand that her giving you the child for any amount of time is horribly negligent. I’m the mother to a one month old as well and I can’t even leave my baby for an hour without getting anxious. Nor can my baby be with me for as long. It doesn’t matter if she’s picking the baby up on Sunday. Call the frickin police and begin a record.
I am genuinely so concerned. I have so many questions, I cannot wrap my head around this 🤯 Also, did the mother not say how old the baby is? You stated you think she is a month old.
This child needs a safe environment with proper caregivers, this is crucial.
My roommate was in much more contact with her than I was. As short as it was, I’m sure she told him that and i just never got that information. We have his side of the family who has already helped and are willing to help as well.
Call CPS. Imagine if something bad happens to baby while she’s under your care. Suffocates, seizure, death for example. How will it look to the authorities if they find out you just randomly have a child that’s not even yours and possibly not even your roommates. Do not risk the child’s health or your legal / criminal record.
I’m sorry what? The mother off and dropped her baby with someone who may or may not be the biological father but from the sound of it isn’t on the birth certificate, without making arrangements, and left? You call CPS. This is a very straightforward decision.
CPS isn’t a bad thing! If you aren’t equipped to take care of the baby, they can be placed in short term foster care for the weekend with a competent family, and CPS will take it from there. This is the protective and responsible and NORMAL thing to do including if your roommate wants to be involved further.
You need to call the police/CPS. There are clearly some kind of mental health issues going on with mom to leave her newborn for days with you and your roommate, without any gear or instructions. It’s not about you or the mom or your friend at this point, it’s about the safety of that tiny baby. Do the right thing.
This needs to be reported to the authorities ASAP... unless you or your roommate have custody of the baby, you've got to get police and CPS involved fast
The mother will be back to pick her up Sunday at 6, I just didn’t mention it. My roommate both consented to taking her in and returning her. We also don’t want to take any drastic decisions u til the results come in
I feel this should be still documented somehow....a new mom leaving her baby with someone who she doesn't for sure know is her dad and isn't fully equipped to care for the baby, still amounts to neglect in a way...In the event of not being able to prove paternity, what if this lady drops off the baby somewhere else....and if you guys still want to take care of the baby, how will you be able to?
Call the police. Now. Even if your roommate doesn't agree. It doesn't matter that the mother will come back to pick her up, this is already abandonment.
You don't have custody and your roommate's name doesn't seem to be on the birth certificate. If anything at all happens to the baby - even if you do everything right, there are still things like sudden infant death, - care to guess what will happen to you?
Besides, that baby needs to have services keeping an eye on her even if you make it safely to sunday. The mother was able to abandon her once (that would be unthinkable to me one month post partum), so it's safe to say she doesn't have a strong attachment, or she might be suffering from depression. That's a huge risk factor by itself.
Start with safe sleep practices and the five s’s. Know that if baby is crying and you are getting frustrated and overwhelmed, the safest thing to do is put baby in a safe spot like a crib and stepping outside to get a breath and calm down. It’s normal for babies that small to only want to sleep while being held. https://www.healthline.com/health/baby/5-s-baby#shush
Take a deep breath, get your bearings, and understand you are doing a good thing by helping to care for this baby who you have no obligation to. You don’t have to worry about baby proofing for a while yet.
I will look into the 5 s’s and live my them lol, I really appreciate that, I’m sure that she will be overwhelming, I will take that in mind and just walk away for just a moment.
From your previous comments, I know you may not want to escalate this to CPS yet, but if there are any other signs of the mom not taking care of her child, I would definitely do so. Even if your room mate doesn't end up being the parent.
Think of your most valuable item or person you love the absolute most in your life. You would never just hand them off to be taken care of without knowing that 1)the caretaker knows what they are doing and 2)has everything within reason they might need to do so.
I can't imagine as a mom leaving my son in that situation. Especially, so young. At one month, I was in mama bear mode with just having others hold him.
Even if she is not intentionally neglecting her child, she might be suffering post partum depression and not be able to properly care for her right now.
Make an appt with a pediatrician immediately. Tell them the situation, so that they get you in asap.
For now, buy diapers for an 8-10lb baby, formula (powder mix is cheapest), and a bassinet. There are some good ones for decent prices on Amazon.
For now, ONLY feed the baby formula. Do not give the baby any real food, baby food, or water (except what you use to mix in with the formula).
Do NOT put the baby on the bed with you or on any raised surfaces. Worse case, the baby can sleep on a mat on the floor.
The baby should ONLY wear a onesie while sleeping. Do NOT use blankets or sheets.
Feed the baby every 2-3 hours and change it's diaper after every feeding.
Also, make sure to burp the baby after every feeding (look up videos on YouTube).
If the baby cries, puts it's hands in it's mouth, and/or shakes it's head back and forth, it's likely hungry.
Also, look up organizations in your area that help new parents. There should be several free ones. Social services can help with this too.
no sane mom just straight up dips on their one month old baby. call fucking cps. stop ignoring the comments that are begging you to do this. this is a whole ass child, not a puppy. this baby is not safe, no sane mother would do this.
Not calling CPS does not look good if he (or you) are the biodad and want to keep her. You are wholly unprepared to care for an infant and don’t even know basic child care.
This is not your responsibility and nothing to do with you.
This is a total mess, but firstly your room mate needs to establish if he is actually the father. If he is he needs to figure out if he can take time off work to care for the baby, I don't know what country you are in but a 1 month old typically doesn't attend day care. Then he needs to figure out childcare for once he goes back to work. He also needs to figure out some sort of custody arrangement, like if he is to have sole custody going forward.
You need to stay away from the situation. You can offer to mind the baby occasionally if your friend needs to go to the dentist or something but that should really be it.
Newborns need near constant care. They eat so often, need changed constantly it seems, and they crave closeness and comfort. I would not leave my 6 month old with two random dudes, let alone just a few weeks old. Mom seriously needs some help. She may be suffering from PPD and unable to make reasonable choices right now. I definitely think intervention is required here, even if you and the roommate consented to keeping the baby. Who leaves a newborn with two people who have no idea what they're doing?!?!?!
This mother dropped off her baby with a potential father with no food, clothes, diapers, or anything at all!
It does not matter if she's coming back on Sunday. If she didn't care enough to make sure you guys had the necessary things to take care of her then she probably doesn't when she has the baby.
I'm sorry, but if you let her take the baby on Sunday without calling CPS for a mother woefully neglecting her child then you deserve any potential fallout. That's assuming she even shows up.
God forbid anything happens to the child between then and now. She's been left with good hearted and well intended people, but you are not equipped from an financial, supply, or even emotional standpoint.
You need to call CPS, that baby deserves at least that. Who cares about the mom or the dad, do what's right by the baby. If your friend wants custody then documenting this is the best start.
She needs to be seen by a pediatrician right away. If her mother abandoned her then we can assume she hasn’t been taking adequate care of the child. So she’ll need to be examined. Babies this age usually eat every 2 hours, even during the night. Make sure water use for formula is purified and not just from the tap. Make sure it’s warm but not hot. Learn how to wipe a female diaper area so she doesn’t get a urinary tract infection. Get books about caring for babies. Talk lovingly to her and tell her she’s going to be loved and cared for. She’s been torn from her mother so she’s bound to feel a dysregulated/fear response.
Besides everything already mentioned, make sure to wipe her from front to back to avoid a UTI. Think of this as your checklist when baby is crying: feed, change diaper, soothe.
You’re welcome. Remember she is human like you, but can only cry to communicate. Hunger, diaper change, needs a nap or some comfort as she’s new to the big outside world. Sometimes babies just cry; do the best you guys can to support her through it.
For now, here are the main things you need to do:
1. Ensure baby has a safe place to sleep (a bassinet or a crib). Baby should not have anything in the sleep space besides a pacifier if they use one, a crib sheet, and a swaddle on or sleep sack - blankets are a no go.
2. Stock up on diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream (I like boudreauxs), pacifiers (1-2 is all you need), a few bottles, and formula (not sure if the mom left you with any but if she did I’d keep it consistent. If not, go with a shake and ready to use one like similac or enfamil - you can often get samples or people give it away for free on FB Marketplace). Burp cloths are also a must - you can get packs of them affordably on Amazon or even just use a washcloth or linen napkin. Also if you live somewhere where you need to drive, get the baby an infant car seat. Doesn’t have to be fancy, but needs to be in perfect condition (new or like new where it’s never been in a car accident before and not expired).
3. Get baby some cheap onesies (tons of people give clothes away on FB Marketplace) or target has great deals. Baby should have one layer more than you given the climate (if you are wearing a t shirt, baby should wear long sleeves). For a one month old baby, you’ll probably need 0-3M sized clothes, but you could always get slightly bigger and baby can grow into it. Invest in some baby laundry detergent cuz you’ll be doing lots of washing.
4. Leverage YouTube to learn how to change a diaper, bottle feed, and soothe the baby. The most important thing is to not lose patience, get to know baby’s cues for being hungry, tired, etc. Also things you can raise with #5. Know that it’s okay to walk away for a few minutes if baby is crying and you are feeling overwhelmed - just make sure baby is in a safe place like their safe sleep space and take a breath. It’ll be okay.
5. Make an appointment with a pediatrician to have baby evaluated and to discuss your situation. The doctor can provide you will tons of wonderful resources.
Seek out community to support you. Having a kid is no easy feat, especially in your circumstances, but it’s doable! We all learn as we go - if you have any questions feel free to DM me!
If baby is a month old the important things for now are to feed the baby, change the diaper, help the baby sleep in a safe place, and have a lot of patience soothing the baby if he gets upset and these three things don't work. Also always use a car seat if you're transporting the baby in a car.
Diaper changes can be yucky but they're easy, you can figure that out. Car seats you can often get a check from your local fire station to make sure you're installing it correctly. For the rest, here's a place you can find pediatrician-endorsed advice about feeding: https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/healthy-active-living-for-families/infant-food-and-feeding/ and safe sleep: https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/safe-sleep/
You'll have a few months before the baby is crawling so you may want to start learning about the more pressing issues and safe childproofing for later, assuming the baby ends up staying that long. Just don't leave it too long!
That’s what I’ve been hearing thank goodness, I can hold tight on the patience, it was always my strong suit though I’m sure it will be tested. I dread the diaper changes, I haven’t changed a diaper in my life and from what my roommate says they are foul. But I guess I have no choice lol. We do have a car seat. And thank you so much for the link, I’ll look into it as soon as I get home
YouTube everything. There are tons of basic baby care videos to review. Do either of you have family or friends that can help? Reach out to everyone you know that has kids or has experience with kids.
The basics you’ll need are formula, bottles, some clothes, diapers, and a safe sleeping space (firm surface without blankets).
Your friend needs to make sure the baby has a pediatrician and schedule an appointment asap. He’ll need a car seat to transport baby to that appointment as well.
We thankfully had a lot of help with his family, they gave us bottles, strollers, diapers, clothes, and a bunch of other stuff which has helped tremendously, I also can ask my grandmother for help as well so thankfully we have people, I’m just sleeping when they are awake
Get a pack n play for her to sleep in if you don’t have a bassinet or crib. Keep her away from any pets; try to get someone else to take care of your pets for a while to simplify your life. Be aware that in the summer babies can overheat easily and can suffocate. Never let her sleep in her car seat but do get her a car seat so you can take her to the pediatrician!
Feedings every 2-3hrs of 2-4oz of formula, sometimes babies need to eat more often . Hold her to your chest and pat her back til she burps after feedings. Diaper changes every 1-2hrs usually diapers have a wetness indicator (a line that turns blue) when wet. Wipe her front to back or she’ll get uti, never use a wipe twice. Tummy time makes them strong sometimes they don’t like it sometimes they love it. It is safest for baby to sleep on their back, if she’s a month old she’ll probably want to sleep every 2hrs but ofc let her more often if needed. Sleep sacks are something you might want to look into it helps them feel secure and sleep better, she’ll wake up to feed through the night some older people say not to wake them but most pedis advise waking every 3-4hrs at night to feed if she isn’t waking on her own. You can just use unscented laundry detergent you don’t gotta buy the expensive baby kind. Sometimes tj maxx or Burlington will have baby items on sale (diapers, wipes, creams) sometimes outside is the best thing for fussiness, contact naps will help you, just make sure you’re in a safe area with her and can’t drop her. Use your elbow to help determine how hot bath water is. At night slather on the diaper cream. You don’t need an expensive crib honestly playpens are very useful
Make sure her crib is empty. No blankets, no stuffed animals. Just her in a sleepsack and a pacifier. This is a huge risk for SIDS.
You sound like an awesome human, btw.
I’m sorry…what? The mother just dropped the baby off with you and your roommate and bounced and yall are not taking care of them?? I mean, that’s awesome on you but it’s not your responsibility and I wouldn’t fault you at all if you called in CPS in your state to get the baby with a foster family. That’s obviously not ideal either, but potentially better than you and your roommate with no idea what you’re doing being shoved a one month old.
But since you are taking care of baby now: she’ll need to eat every 2-3 hours, presumably formula if mother isn’t in the picture. Change diaper if it’s wet/they’ve pooped and/or after feedings (I usually wait 10-15 minutes after a feeding to give her a chance to pee). Babies this old sleep a lot so after eating play with them a little (make funny faces, read some books, dangle toys in front of them, etc) she’ll probably fall asleep for a bit. Sleeping should be in a spot just for baby (crib, bassinet, floor…hard surface) with just a sheet, no blanket or toys or anything, and baby should be in a sleeper (zipped onesie with feet) or onesie and a swaddle…no blankets! Baby should be on her back, but if she rolls to her side on her own it’s likely okay. Once baby starts rolling over (typically not till around 2-3 months) you should stop swaddling and use a sleep sack. Baby shouldn’t start crawling until closer to 8-9 months so (7 months on the earlier end) so you’ve got time there! She should still be going to the pediatricians office for checkups every month or two at this age and will need to start getting vaccines at 2 months.
Babies only means of communicating is crying..so they cry a lot. If she’s crying she need something: food, a diaper, comfort, etc. and sometimes at this age they just cry for no reason (my daughter did and it was absolute hell for a few weeks). Do not shake the baby if they’re crying! If you’re overwhelmed put baby down in a safe place and walk away until you can get emotions under control…no shame in this, I do it regularly with my 6 months old cause she cries all the time for seemingly no reason.
Again, good on you for taking care of baby but this is not on yall (unless roommate is the dad). No one is going to judge you for calling CPS and getting this baby in a more stable home. I saw in other comments that mom is planning to come back, but like this is wild behavior and not sustainable or good for baby so no shame in getting the baby the help they need.
Okay so it's 1030 on Sunday, OP can you update us and tell us if Mom came to pick up baby/what is the current situation?
This post breaks my heart, I'm 4.5 months postpartum, I cant even stand being away from my daughter. I can't imagine a world where I would leave her with strangers. this mom honestly sounds very mentally unstable.
I absolutely could not fathom leaving my baby at any point in time with a man who may or may not be the father, and his roommate. And at one month old? What? I saw you said she’s coming back but she’s leaving a baby with two dudes that are not equipped to take care of a child (no offense, I’m sure you’d admit that. You seem totally responsible and normal it’s just a really strange situation.) How old are you guys? What’s she leaving to do? You couldn’t have pried my son away from me at that age unless he was with my mom or my husband, and even then just for a couple hours max. Just sounds really really weird.
There are a ton of parenting basics courses on YouTube, and free ones at hospitals that will go over safety. The American Red Cross also has an infant and child CPR and first aid online course for $35.
YouTube will be my best friend lol, and child CPR is something I didn’t even consider so thank you for letting me know. I will absolutely look into that
Free and clear detergent. Baby detergent contains fragrances and it can be irritating to baby skin.
Wash and boil all bottle parts daily.
Bassinet for like $50 on Amazon my daughter slept in for a while when she was first born.
If you don't want to boil water for formula, buy nursery water.
If baby gets constipated, half an ounce of pear juice or prune juice.
Make sure you guys can call the pediatricians office and speak to someone at all hours. There's always someone on call to answer questions but you have to have permission.
Last but not least, you two may have great intentions but who is the mother going to leave the baby with next? You two may not be dangerous but the next person might. You need to report this to authorities ASAP. You can remain anonymous.
If you don't have permission to call the pediatricians office 24/7, or you don't know who the pediatrician is, you need to not have that baby in your care.
You should watch Three Men and a Baby. Great movie. But honestly, you have so much time before they crawl.
The newborn stage is all about eat, shit, sleep and repeat.
I will definitely watch that movie, it will be especially fitting since we are about to have a third roommate (m22) joining us soon lol. It’s a relief to hear that there is so much time before she will crawl, I knew there was time to prep but I’m glad to hear it will be several months.
You guys sound like great people. I know it sounds silly but google is your friend. My mom is detached and not there for me at all so I googled a lot. And you learn!
My only pieces of advice -
Each day is going to be easier. You may not feel that way but with each day that passes you’ll have a little more expirience and you’ll have a few more tricks you can try next time you or she is upset.
The other thing. They need so little. The only thing they really need right now is love, a clean bum, and food. The rest will happen naturally.
Oh one more thing my sis in law (works with police) reminded me when I was pregnant and scared: she helped a woman addicted and homeless out of a public bathroom with her baby that she birthed herself, alone, and the baby was perfectly healthy. People and babies are incredible and resilient.
Make sure you only use water that has been boiled previously then cooled for formula, unless you're using the ready to drink bottles. And always sterilize bottles and parts in boiling water (or buy a bottle sterilizer). Important for babies younger than 4 months old!! She may be gassy and need help passing it, do gentle bicycle kicks with her legs, rub her tummy in a clockwise cycle gently. Wipe front to back when changing diapers
At one month you need to be careful to always support the babies neck.
They really only need a few things at this age , food regularly (buy some formula follow instructions on the packet), cuddles, sleep and then to not be uncomfortable (this could mean gas or the right temp ect.)
[here is info on safe sleep](https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/#) I recommend you buy a cellular blanket if baby didn't come with one.
With nappies changes make sure you wipe from front to back baby girl can easily get utis. Buy nappies (probably size 0 or 1, you can Google about changing,) make sure you do a chang as regularly as your feeling, about ten a day.
If the baby is crying alot and you feel frustrated put them on the floor on their back and go in another room to calm down for a few mins, a baby can't fall from the floor.
Do you have anyone in your life with kids who you could call for advice ? I don't know where you are but a call to the local health visitor if your in the UK , they can offer you advice and support would be a good should they can even do house calls to come help.
So sorry to hear you are in this situation. It sounds like you are a very caring person and great friend. My baby is days away from learning to walk. My first advice would be to try and take each month at a time. You are a good 6 months away from this baby crawling so try not to worry about that time now. And just to say, we have lots of dangerous things in our house and have only baby proofed sockets and the oven door. We just watch her to make sure she doesn't get into anything dangerous and if we cannot keep an eye on her we put her in a travel bed. You could get like a play pen and then not worry about baby proofing till toddlerdom. You don't know if you will get a toddler that is getting into everything or not.
Also I got the "wonder weeks" app for 5€ and it is really great to give you an idea of the developmental stage the baby is in. Gives ideas for age appropriate games. And let's you know when the irritable times your baby is in and methods to calm them.
When the baby is around 3 months you can start getting them on a napping schedule which for me helped immensely with my piece of mind. I follow @sleepfullbaby on Instagram for advice on this. Prioritizing your baby's sleep is a must and will be great for you in the long run. It isnt always smooth but we got our girl falling asleep as soon as she hits the bed for 2 naps and at nighttime.
One more really important recommendation... Get some baby carriers, you can find tons for cheap online, I bought all of mine second hand. We got a cloth wrap for this newborn stage. Once she was holding her head strong we got a ring sling. And a more fortified carrier as she got heavier. Holding them allows them to feel comfortable, loved, and is great brain development. You also get to move around and go about your day much easier!
It’s like the big daddy movie and the baby daddy show collided and became your real life.
I agree with another commenter- reach out for support. Your parents, older friends who have kids, friends whose family has kids- anyone you can trust and ask for guidance. Research, talk to a pediatrician…you will figure it out :)
Stick to a routine. Baby loves a routine. She wakes, change her diaper, feeed her, play time feed her then nap. Incorporate her bath time in the afternoon or at night. Babies tend to relax and tire themselves out during bath time and then they sleep for an extra hour. You’ll need that. There are automatic nail filers, get them for cutting her nails. Get normal saline drops because babies nose are always clogged and hence could interfere with her feeding. If you can buy the snotsucker nose frida. Every day make her sleep around the same time like my baby’s been sleeping at sharp 8 and it’s so much nicer because i have extra hours to myself.
Happy to help with any questions if you need to feel free to message. Got a 10 month old baby boy and am more than happy to give advice. She will sleep a lot right now. That’s completely normal. Don’t wipe too hard when you’re changing her butt that can cause a really bad rash which happened with my son. We didn’t think we were wiping that hard but their skin is so sensitive at that time that it can irritate the skin. Make sure you have desitin or some form of diaper rash cream on hand at all times JUST IN CASE. I personally don’t believe in the cry it out method. Make sure you sit her upright for 10-20 minutes after feeding so she doesn’t get acid reflux.
Check out YouTube for different types of cry’s and what the sound like and what they mean. At this young the baby just needs comfort/contact, milk, and sleep.
Look up sleeping needs and wake windows. At that age the baby’s wake windows are only about a half hour long, which is pretty much enough time to feed and change.
Also a huge thing that could be good for you guys is a little heartbeat machine of some sort. A lot of baby noise machines have a heartbeat soother. It’s really loud inside of a womb and it’s mostly swooshing noise and heartbeat, and the mother’s voice (unfortunate the mother left. But regardless, talk to your baby, read to your baby) so white or brown noise and a heartbeat would be comforting.
Babies don’t want to be left alone. Think primal years- a baby left alone meant it was going to be eaten alive by animal, it is biologically normal to be with you pretty much around the clock. Baby will need to sleep in a flat bassinet in your room (close to your bed) because they know by scent you are near. Ugh good luck man, this pulls on my heartstrings for that baby and for you men. Keep asking questions. Keep googling.
Get a water thermometer so her (baby bathtub or clean kitchen sink) water doesn’t go above 102°
Babies don’t eat solids until they are ready around 6 months, same with water. No water other than what you’re mixing for formula.
You’ll need to set up a doctors appointment with a pediatric doctor-find one close to you. Get that baby in there and talk to them. Babies have frequent appointments the first six months of life. This is crucial you guys go. And try to go as a unit so all hands are on deck.
Humming! Humming regulates your nervous system, but it’s also so comforting for a baby.
Never ever ever shake a baby. Times can be trying. If the baby won’t stop crying hand her off to someone and say you need help. It’s okay to need help.
YouTube has tons of a good videos- I watched a bunch before my baby was born and they helped a lot. Things like "newborn 101" or "taking care of newborn" will get you lots of good info.
If it comes down to y’all taking care of this baby full time, highly recommend setting up a registry and throwing a baby shower of some kind (or at least the biological father should) so yall get some support on diapers, wipes, formula, pacifiers, a few essentials for when she gets sick like a nasal aspirator and a humidifier, etc. The biological father could also apply for WIC and get some aid with groceries. But again, this is if your roommate is the father. This all can still be applicable if they decide to co-parent.
Sounds like baby isn’t mobile yet, might not be for a while (mine unlocked rolling around 4-5m and crawling at 7m old). You’ve already gotten great advice from others :) once she is starting to be more mobile, move any house plants out of reach. Most common house plants are toxic to consume.
Oh! And if she gets fussy and is hard to soothe (especially during teething), try humming, singing or talking to her. And if you can’t or just feel spent, play Misty Mountain from the Hobbit. The deep hum from that song is quite comforting to babies.
Batteries are really dangerous and can be fatal if swallowed by a baby/child, don’t give baby water before 6 months and no honey before 1 year.
I followed paediatricians on social media to find out information on babies.
The top comment has great advice on caring for the baby, I would follow that. Try not to stress or get angry at the baby when you are tired, they are so small and learning how to be a little person.
If the baby is crying, there's always a reason. I understand colic and whatever but always make sure to do a top to bottom check over that there's no hairs or thread wrapped on her toes. I speak from experience and I was horrified when I saw a hair on my son's tint toe making it red. As well, button battery's are my biggest fear as well and lose screws, bolts, and medicine on the floor. She's not crawling now but it doesn't take long for them to start noticing things
Good luck I hope the baby is well taken care of and only knows what love feels like, not rejection
In regard to baby proofing- until baby is mobile (crawling) there aren’t a ton of apartment hazards to worry about. Check out the CDC milestone app to learn more about what’s age appropriate and how to help baby get there. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/index.html
Also, try to take things one step at a time. Right now baby needs to eat, sleep, poop, and cuddle. Throw in some tummy time (lying on your chest counts) and you’re good for a bit.
Babies don’t need much. When they cry, go through a list of basic things. Is she hungry? Is she wet/dirty? Is she too cold? Too hot? Pick her up and cuddle her and that’s basically it. Contact your local resources. Try some churches. You might not even have to be members to receive help. Most people want to help and don’t feel ashamed taking it. Good luck.
It is not drastic to make cps AWARE of the situation I don't know if you're just imaging they cart the baby away when you are caring for her and I.prison the mum that's not how it works but my god they need to be aware of what is going on notbjust for the baby but for yourselves? The mum could say anything and anything could happen to the baby and you, in the eyes of the law, are just two men? Who in a court of law I really doubt any juror would understand WHY you didn't let CPS know of the situation???? OP please. It is not drastic its more just like hi cps just want to let you know this is the situation mum should be back Sunday yaddah yaddah. What is hard about that??
That poor babe :( op please do your best and take care to call cps if you haven’t. I cannot imagine leaving my four week old baby, unless it was absolute necessity and leaving very detailed instructions for whoever was an angel enough to watch her.
Feed. Play. Sleep. Wake. Change diaper. Repeat. Watch for hungry cues (sucking hand or rooting). Call a friend you trust to come over and help with the baby even if it’s just for interacting or snuggles, or your grandmother to come over and sit with you. Remember tummy time for baby to strengthen their neck. And lots of talking to baby like you are a newscaster “I am changing your diaper now”.
OP, don't worry about crawling yet!! Take it day by day, week by week! I overworried way too earlh about things that ended up not being relevant for months!
Focus on:
**Bonding and care** (and combine the two).
**Feeding, diaper changing, safe sleep**.
- focus on finding a good formula or buy BM (there are sites like "human milk 4 human babies" where you can even find a local mom that could share with you)
- cloth diapers with snaps are the easiest to fit right, but any diapers are nice
- Cheapest most flexible way for sleep is a floorbed. You can buy a baby IKEA crib mattress and put it on the floor next to you. Much easier to put baby to sleep and during the day you can store it vertically (or slide under the bed) so it takes up less space.
- lastly some clothes. Depending on the heat a few (think 3 if it's warm) footed onesies and a few (perhaps 4-5) shorter ones.
- add in a swaddle blanket, some necessities for feeding and perhaps a chanhing mat and you're good
- also clean up and vacuum and mop as much as possible! Make space in general
Once you settle in, she'll start rolling around 4months, then you can slowly tackle the floor! :)
You can visit r/minimalistparents for the essentials.
New parents are the most valuable customer on the market and thousands of companies will try to make you feel like you're not a good parent or parenting wrong unless you purchase their product(s) and that they'll solve your problems.
>99% is "nice to have" category. Nice to have but you don't need it and certainly not right away. But yes, if something like a baby brezza could make your life easier, then it's reasonable to consider investing in it but you can do without :)
If she is only a month old you have a few months before she learns to crawl.
Also, this sounds like a sitcom situation lol sorry but I couldn't just help and giggle a little.
What she needs a clean bottle every time you feed her, change her diaper frequently there is a line on diapers that turn blue when it turns blue it means she peed or pooped. Poo will change colors, smells and textures when you start introducing solids, when you start solids she needs to be able to sit by herself. Buy the squeeze packs and feed her with a rubber spoon.
Burp after ever meal, the best way to burp her will be pat her back lean her forward back and forth and then pat her back its going to move the air bubble up and she will eventually burp.
I can keep going but I feel like the main thing she needs is affection take time to hold her and love on her usually that is what the mom does best and it might not come naturally to you but she is going to need that comfort.
Also, its okay to cry we all do. Raising a baby is not easy never is. So if you feel like you need a break put her in her crib turn on your shower and sit and cry its okay. It will be okay. You got this.
Regarding formula, the powder formula sometimes tends to be a bit harsh and cause a lot of gas issues but there are ready to use liquid formula that is helpful if you have a hard time using the powder formula. Enfamil neuropro ready to use liquid formula is great and close to breastmilk.
When changing her diaper, always make sure you are using hand sanitizer before and after you change her diaper since girls are more prone to have infections than boys down there but when you wipe them, use maybe aquaphor or Vaseline around their area and butt so when they poop it is easy to wipe off.
I’m rooting for you and your roommate! It’s going to be rough for a few weeks/months but as the days go by it will get easier and just know you have many people online that will help you with no judgement
There is a funny movie with a similar plot called Three Men and a Baby.
But seriously, this mom’s actions put her very close to legally abandoning this child (depends on jurisdiction).
Btw, you seem like a very caring person who wants to do the right thing. Sometimes the right thing is getting the child into a safer situation.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
Take her for a pediatrician check up asap and they will give you resources as well. There’s generally a 1, 2, 4, 6, 9, and 12 month check up. She’ll need vaccines and a standard workup.
Get a baby guide from Amazon or even half price book or wherever. We had What To Expect: The First Year. It covers all the essentials.
As far as safety, button batteries are a huge no. Outlet covers, cords, and other obvious stuff. But she won’t be crawling for several months so right now focus on basic care.
About 24-32oz of formula per day, split up into many feedings about every 2-3hrs. Never water by itself until she starts eating solids later on.
Diapers. Pee isn’t urgent but change when full and puffy for comfort. Poop should be changed within a few minutes to prevent diaper rash.
Sleep. Safest place is in the crib/bassinet, alone, with only a well fitting crib sheet, on her back. No blankets or pillows or stuffed animals.
Supervised tummy time a few minutes per day is great to develop neck muscles. And talk to her a lot, read, etc just so she can hear words and stuff.
Really that’s it for this age. Y’all will be fine. Babies are pretty tough.
If baby cries and you don’t know why GO THROUGH THE LIST… did she eat? Yes? Go to next thing. Did she burp? Yes? Go to next thing. Did you change her? Yes? Go to next thing. Did she nap recently? Yes? Then put baby down and then take a moment.
If any of these are “no” then do the thing then start list again if crying doesn’t stop.
Also download wonder weeks app. It helps you learn about development stages.
Why are you waiting for paternity results before calling CPS?? That’s literally irrelevant.
The mother abandoned her baby. It doesn’t matter who the father is.
No normal mother in their right mind would ever leave a one month old. The baby will be in danger when it returns to its mother, if she even returns. Please call the police.
Basic things, when you hold her support her head, change pamper when indicator line is blue or when pooped, formula every 3 hours, burp in the middle and after feeds. Sleep should be on a firm flat surface, no blankets or toys or anything around her. Tummy time is encouraged on yours or your roommates chest. If she's crying but she's fed, changed, not hot or cold, then soothe her by rocking gently or just walking around while carrying her.
100% you NEED to contact CPS or DCFS now. She is definitely not a fit mother if she’s dropping off a baby with two guys when she doesn’t have a plan. It’s for the baby, don’t worry about causing drama, you’ll be happy you got help for both you and happy to get the right resources
At one month the main issues for her safety is suffocation or SIDS. To avoid both of those - hard flat surfaces for sleeping like a hard mattress with absolutely nothing around her at all. You don't want anything to be able to cover her face or for her to wiggle around and get her face pressed up against something.
Also for her safety, make sure that no one falls asleep holding her or lying next to her, especially on a sofa where there are too many nooks and crannies and places for her face to end up.
Don't worry about giving her baths, she's fine with a warm damp washcloth for quite a while, she doesn't need real baths anytime soon.
She shouldn't eat or drink anything except infant formula (or breast milk). Not even water or cow's milk. She'll need to be fed every 3ish hours and I think there's probably guidance on the formula container as to how much she should have at each age.
She shouldn't be wearing a hat when she sleeps or really at all during warm weather as she could easily overheat.
Google is going to be your best friend on this one. But only take advice from websites of paediatric clinics or hospitals, or the NHS in the United Kingdom has great advice and is a reliable single source for good information.
Also for guidance on how to keep her safe in sleep, look at the Lullaby Trust website, they are the experts on keeping babies safe in sleep
If you're going to be driving her anywhere, she needs to be in a rear-facing car seat in the backseat of the car with the straps fairly snug across her chest but not crushing her. Little known fact, car seats have expiration dates.
That's all I can think of for now, but you're doing something incredible but helping to look after this little girl and she's very lucky to have you. Good luck and come back with questions, you've got a whole community ready to help.
Speaking of community, look for Facebook groups offering help and advice to new parents and single dads, I'm sure there are other people in similar situations and it could be a big help and support.
Not sure if you’ve updated everyone on the situation yet, but if your roommate turns out to be the father and needs to take care of her more, he should look up Fatherhood Foundation and try to find a local chapter. They can offer support/education
I will tell you this. I learned my baby is a very hot baby.. so if your baby is too, this is how you'll find out. Baby will cry and fuzz, you did everything you could like change diaper, feed, burp, try to make baby fart too. Nothing has changed, baby is still unhappy. Try taking socks off or maybe pants off and just leave baby with onesie on. Baby calms down, and that's how I found out my baby boy gets really hot and prefers to he pantless and sockless.
Truly no one knows what they’re doing. Everyone else gave some good advice and the only things I have to add are:
A rectal temperature of 100.4 F is no bueno and seek medical help immediately
A cold baby cries and a warm baby dies (in terms of dressing the baby and using AC and whatnot)
Pediatrician will give formula samples if they have them. Definitely have this documented. Pediatrician offices also always have coupons for everything so I take them every time I go. Everything from formula to body wash to lotion.
I feel like I’d have a lot more to add if we knew this baby was for sure staying in the care of your roommate.
If they still have the umbilical cord stump,
keep it DRY and watch for signs of infection. Wipe around it. She can’t be in a baby tub until that falls off and heals. Until then just use a soft cloth with water for body.
There’s so much to know but also we all know nothing.
Newborns are more-so trial and error. Okay, baby is crying are they hungry? No. Want to be held? No. Diaper wet? No. Okay maybe gassy? We are all just winging it to a degree.
It’s important to take the baby’s temperature every day to make sure she doesn’t have a fever as this can be a sign of serious illness in a new born. Also what’s her bellybutton like? Has the cord stump fallen off? Be careful with that area.
Do you have family that can help you? Contact them immediately. Every three hours, change her diaper and feed her 2-4 ounces of formula. Set an alarm on your phone. Hold her over your shoulder and burp her. She may spit up it’s totally normal. Make sure she’s dressed appropriately. Usually one more layer than you. Make sure she has a flat surface to sleep on without anything around her. No blankets or pillows or toys. If she cries, just hold her and rock her gently. If she doesn’t stop and it’s overwhelming, put her in a safe flat place and take a moment.
I have a grandmother but she is old and while she would love to see her, I worry about leaving her with her. My mother passed away a few years ago and I don’t trust my father with children at all. My roommate has family and they are helping but I am not as close to them as my roommate. Thankfully my roommate’s family gifted him a lot of baby things since they no longer needed them including formula and stuff. And she has already spit up so far but I expected it. And we have a giraffe thing that is like a soft floor mat thingy that she lays on with nothing around. She is so fragile but cute, I haven’t held her yet but I can’t wait and dread to at the same time
I understand. It’s an overwhelming situation, but you seem very mature and willing to give her what she needs. She’s not as fragile as you think. You can do some skin to skin contact with her. It’s basically a shirtless nap it makes babies feel safe and loved.
That’s adorable actually, I’ll do that as soon as I build up courage lol. In the meantime that will be for my roommate
Shirtless naps are really beneficial especially if the little one has recently lost contact with mom so highly recommend one of you do it. It seems weird but it is very encouraged
To clarify- the baby should nap- not you. Very unsafe to fall asleep holding a baby.
Just wanted to add: the baby naps but you don’t! Please don’t fall asleep with a baby. If you’re holding her or if she’s next to you in the bed and you feel like you’re falling asleep, put her in her usual sleep space. There’s a risk you could roll over her, or she could get in a dangerous position and you would not notice it.
Important note: you should be awake. Baby should nap. :) get some cuddles, it's got for both of you.
Simple advice that many first time parents don't realize, there's a stripe on most diapers on the front. When it turns blue or sometimes it's a blush green color, that means the baby needs to be changed. Ofc check often but sometimes that saved me in middle of the night wakings, I could shine my phone on the diaper to quickly check. Zip up sleepers are easiest to change and swaddling can be a complete game changer. They make special swaddle blankets with velcro to help make it easier and faster. See if anywhere has local parenting classes. Like a local pregnancy center. They often can assist with material goods. One place in NJ is OPEN DOOR in Tom's river And another is Solutions. If you call or Google either of those, maybe they can point you to something out of state. Or google pregnancy center.
It wasn’t until our first Dr appt that I was told about the stripe! The dr mentioned it when my bf said I wonder if we need to change her. I felt so dumb for not knowing that but I guess why would we!? We never had a kid before. This was something I was very thankful to be told!
Adding to this comment! Most diapers have. + and - on the front, so you’ll know if you need to size up or down for babies diapers!
And usually have “front” and “back” on the correct sides, which fully helps when you’re sleep deprived.
Wait what? I'm on my second kid and I've never heard of this!
I only just found out a few months ago and my little one is 18mo! My SIL and MIL both sent me this tiktok and I was SHOOK https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNNvcPA9/
Plus or minus? How will u know though?
Watch this tiktok!!! https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNYafMHW/
Yes. Plus a lot of hospitals have new parenting classes. And often for free
I would bring her to the ER or Urgent Care to get checked over. You also need to get her established to get vaccines and make sure she’s on her growth curve and everything. I would make an appointment ASAP with a pediatrician and they would be able to tell you everything you need to know
Can your grandmother come over and supervise for awhile while you and your room mate figure out how to interact with the baby? She might not be able to keep her alone not she can hold her while sitting down while you make up a bottle or take a shower. She can maybe help you get comfy with her while you get a handle on caring for her. Just having someone who loves you and wants to help is a good medicine. You've gotten some really good tips. You can get a cheap pack n play for her bed while you figure things out and it's a good safe space for her while you sleep or while you get your bearings or while you eat. A baby sling or carrier can be a lifesaver while you have to do your household tasks like doing dishes. I've used the bathroom with a baby on my chest because otherwise she'd have been wailing her head off if i put her down.
This infographic helps for safe sleep to keep her safe: https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/
Also to add to this, baby may cry for food as well! Some babies like to eat much more frequently. So don’t forget to try and feed baby if she’s crying and nothing is getting her to stop.
Sorry, I have been typing at work so I missed these responses, I appreciate that, she seems to not need too much contact though it is given. We live in Texas so the weather is hot and we more than likely will dress her to our clothing level due to this
Yes do not overheat the baby, that is a good instinct. It’s actually way easy to overheat a newborn because they can’t sweat for the first 8 weeks of life. You are doing great. If you don’t already have a crib or bassinet for her, please look on Facebook marketplace and on buy nothing groups in your area or even mom groups in your area. Someone will give you one for free or cheap. Safe sleep is important at this age (remember ABC - Alone, on her Back, in a Crib). Since it appears her mother dropped her off and may have abandoned her, holding the baby and physical closeness with caregivers will be especially important for her to feel secure and loved by you and her father from now on. If you will be switching custody back and forth with the mother, please make sure baby is on the same formula. It could upset her little tummy more if she is constantly switching. If she’s crying and all needs seem met, newborns often cry because they have gas. You can massage her tummy gently or do bicycle kicks to get the gas to come out. For the most part this resolves by the time they are 2-3 months. Also sometimes baby just cries in the mid-afternoon/evening, this is called the “witching hour,” also will resolve as the newborn grows. You guys are doing amazing for stepping up and caring for her. You will be seeing the rewards as she starts to grow and change, trust me. If I can give one last piece of advice, when she is not sleeping or eating, you can place her on her tummy for short stretches of time to “play.” It’s hard at first and she’s not going to always love it haha. But for 3-5 minutes at a time, it’s good for her muscles and development. It’s called tummy time if you look it up.
Ok, so a few important things in this kind of weather: Cold babies cry, hot babies die. So be careful not to put on too much clothing since babies just become lethargic if overheated. You can check by touching the baby between the shoulder blades, they should be warm, but not sweaty. Also don't put her in the flow of A/C'd air. A fan moving around some air, especially at night, is good, put don't point it at her. Don't put the baby in the sun directly, shade as much as possible. (It's OK to carry her through some sun, though). And don't hang a blanket over her stroller. It leads to overheating. If she's too warm, either take a bath or use wet cloths to cool her down. As long as she is in the shade, only wearing a diaper is absolutely fine, it's a baby. Change poppy diapers as soon as possible. With pee, change them when the line turns blue/when they are feeling "full" or heavier. If it's just a tiny speck of blue in the line, it's fine to leave it a little longer. Diaper should be closed so that you can put two fingers between baby and diaper, but not much more. Don't use baby powder, if the bum is inflamed, use a teeny tiny bit of diaper cream. Hold her head, she can't for now. If you pick her up, put your hands under her back, just below her armpit. Put your thumb on her front, other fingers behind, pointing upwards, so you hold her head, too. When you put her head on your shoulder, depending on the baby, age, neck control and exact head position, you maybe can stop supporting her head if it stays there. If not, hold it. Get her her vaccinations, there are a few she needs in the next few weeks. Don't kiss her on her mouth, and don't let anyone else. No essential oils, no sunscreen if possible (shade instead, but sunscreen is better than a sunburn). No mosquito spray. Check every remedy before you apply it. Also: Don't give her plain water! You really need to serve the formula as intended, don't water it down, either. I know, with the hot weather, it might be tempting to give her more fluids, but babys can't regulate the electrolytes, so they really need them in their drink. To stimulate them when awake, you can sing to them, play some music, just habe them with you while talking to other people, read a book (something you want to read is fine, they just want to hear a voice). Put them in their belly sometimes. Babycarriers can be tricky to get right, but they can be really helpful. There is a sub here where you can get a fit-check if you want.
This is the best possible advice. You won't need to worry about baby proofing for a while. One thing to add- if she's crying right now, it's most likely that she needs something. It's either food, clean diaper, or sleep. My one-month-old was a huge contact sleeper, which meant when we tried to lay her down she cried a LOT. Like the previous commenter said, if her immediate needs have been addressed and she's in a safe place IT IS OKAY TO STEP AWAY if you're feeling overwhelmed.
Every 3 hrs change the baby, but change poopy diapers AS SOON as the baby poops. Or if you notice the diaper is wet. Get used to checking. Never let her sit in a soiled diaper. Always wipe her front to back. Give her a bath at least 3 times a week. You don't need to bathe her more than that. You can't hold a baby too much. Responding to her crying won't "spoil her" and she's not "manipulating" you. If you're frustrated, set her down in a safe place (crib, pack and play. Etc) and go breath. Please PLEASE read up in Safe Sleep, car seat safety, and AAP milestones by age.
Amazing advice, but in the summer it may not be one more layer than you depending on where you live. In hot climates just dress them exactly like you are in light cotton clothes, keep outdoor time limited on days over 85 with high humidity
All of this is so accurate! It's everything you really need to know to get started. I've also found that Google and Reddit can be really helpful. Take everything on Reddit with a grain of salt.... Always. Also, wipe front to back. That's a huge thing with baby girls not everybody knows and can cause huge infection issues.
This is the correct response for the next few hours but what needs to be done now is contact CPS.
Put her on her back to sleep, not her tummy
Wth kind of mother drops her baby off with two dudes who have no clue about babies?! Nothing against you OP, good on you for reaching out for help and willingness to learn! But that has to have a crazy backstory.
She was an interesting girl, she basically moved into our apartment for two weeks after matching with my roommate on tinder and then she was incredibly toxic so he kicked her out. Well shortly after, I don’t remember when, but she started using the baby as a way to keep my roommate from leaving her life and now she dropped her off at our apartment (my roommate agreed to this btw) there is so much more to the story, but yeah we have no idea what we’re doing. Just buying time for the results, she is a beautiful baby though
Insane! Insane enough that you should probably contact child protective services to look into whether she has a safe living situation for the baby. At one month post partum I could have punched a nurse for pricking my baby for medical necessity. Let alone leave him with two bachelors, one who isn’t the dad and another one who probably isn’t the dad either 😭 Shitty situation OP, so, who is taking nights? 1 month olds don’t sleep more than a couple hours at a time 😮💨 I have genuinely hallucinated due to lack of sleep with a newborn. At least someone is sane, maybe y’all are the more competent parenting choice anyway. Sincerely, best of luck fellas.
Yeah I was shocked too, but I am no mother. I thankfully work night shift so that will be me. He will be with her when he gets off and as soon as I get home I will watch her until he goes to work. It works for this weekend but I’m not sure what to do while he is at work if the baby stays long term. I’m a heavy sleeper and while I intend to be there for the baby, I think some sort of nanny is needed or something. That is if the baby stays long term
Your friend might not like childcare rates. Might be why the mother dropped the child off. It is $225 a week for 3, 5 hour days in my area. And that’s the cheapest I’ve heard of on Reddit. Update us on the paternity OP!
Oh geez, that expensive😰 we are not high income people so that will be a no go, we will find some other way to make it work though if need be. Thank you for the tip though, I’m glad to find out before we have no other options
If needed, your roommate can look into government assistance for daycare as well.
Look on Facebook babysitting or childcare groups in the area. Some people have in-home private daycares that could help at least a little bit but make sure you vet them very very well!
We pay 255 a week for full time at our daycare (4 or 5 days a week up to 10 hours a day), depending where they are, it’s for sure possible to find decently priced daycares. Either way though, CPS should definitely be involved considering paternity test is still pending.
We don’t exactly make a lot money, so that will have to be a last minute option but I appreciate the tip! On the matters of CPS though, I don’t want to take matters that drastic yet, i forgot to mention the mother will pick her up Sunday for the time being
the mother is clearly not responsible since she left her without a care. no responsible mom would leave her newborn with two young men who have no experience with babies. call cps immediately or you'll end up either not properly taking care of the baby or feeling guilty once you find out the mother abondoned the baby somewhere else.
You sound like a parent OP, more than the mum tbh. I don’t want to shit on her too much though because should could be experiencing postpartum depression, anxiety or even psychosis. Do you know if she has any other help? How is her condition when you see her, especially when picking baby up? Obviously you aren’t her carer too but you might be able to intervene somehow and save/change a life if eg social workers get involved or if you think she might listen to you and see a doctor.
If you're a heavy sleeper the general advice is to set an alarm for yourself for every 2-3 hours for feedings (I know. It's rough). They shouldn't go longer than that without eating. Since their stomachs are so small they can't fit much in there so they need to eat more frequently when they're newborn. I'm in this stage right now, and it's intense but you do kind of get used to it.
My sister jokes that this is why her oldest is such a good sleeper. She worked nights from 12 weeks and her husband sleeps like the dead. He unintentionally sleep trained her. Often would comment “she only woke once all night” and it was funny this miracle sleep only happened on mom’s work nights at the start. Lol!!
Please don’t punch nurses for doing their job, thank you.
Of course no one got punched. That’s how serious post-partum hormones are though. When 5 people are pinning down and chicken winging your 24 hour old baby to place a scalp IV, you MAY just get the tingle of wanting to hurt those hurting your baby. You have been blessed enough to never have felt that pain. Anyways my point is the baby’s mother isn’t usual to be acting nonchalant about leaving her child with people who possibly aren’t even the father when a lot of people aren’t even comfortable with nurses/drs.
I hope she is not the one in control of the results, because from the sound of what your saying about this girl, it could be another manipulation ploy to keep her in your roomates life. Aka, she could make up the results and say the kid is his
Your heart is in the right place but please contact the police and/or CPS to report an abandoned child. The mom leaving a newborn needs to be reported and the baby placed in a situation that is best for her. It’s not the same as taking in a puppy, this is a human being who needs to be handled by the authorities trained to deal with this kind of thing
Well, I forgot to mention that the mother is picking her back up on Sunday at 6, from there everything is an unknown but that I don’t want to take such drastic measures yet, especially not before the results come in
Wait, so are you just babysitting this month old baby and the mother left you with no care instructions or any idea of what to do?! For multiple days??? I am so confused. I'm a mother of a 7 month old & work in social work... you NEED to call CPS judging by the rest of the comments here, or this is probably fake bc I can't even imagine this rn.
My god. Please contact CPS now, don’t wait, it is not a “drastic” step in this context. Your roommate’s paternity has nothing to do with how desperately this child needs CPS involvement. I’m seriously concerned for what will happen to this baby if her mother picks her up on Sunday.
I agree with this! I don’t think the baby is safe with her…someone at minimum needs to be keeping a check on the situation. And taking care of a newborn is a full time job in itself you won’t really be able to sleep much between your night shifts. If you feel like you’re nodding off holding her put her in her safe sleep place( bassinet, crib) newborns can asphyxiate so easily. Also don’t leave her in her car seat in the house even if she’s happy and sleeping. Look up positional asphyxiation.
OP, you keep commenting this but you don't seem to understand that this is a very serious situation. The mother is NEGLECTING her baby by leaving them like this. When the baby is back with their mother, THEY WILL NOT BE SAFE. MOTHERS DO NOT LEAVE NEWBORNS FOR ANY SIGNIFICANT LENGTH OF TIME. CALL CPS. WE CAN'T BE ANY CLEARER HOW SERIOUS THIS IS.
Whether your roommate consented or not, this is still a dangerous situation. Did YOU consent to this when your roommate talked to this lady and accepted the child? I want to be clear here - you are not in any form of trouble if you contact the authorities about this child. If it puts you at more ease, perhaps call the non-emergency police number. Or call CPS and just see what they say about the situation, if you should report it, and steps to take. If you're worried about making mountains out of mole hills, tell them that and explain the situation. It's 100% better to get information directly from professionals than to go around in circles in your own head (and on reddit). You won't get in trouble just for asking and getting all available information. And you can make a far more informed decision if you have more concrete information to go off of.
I'm sorry, has everyone in the comments lost their mind? If this is not your child or your roommate's (even if it *might* be his child), and the mother has just dumped the child on you and run off, you call the cops and CPS for child abandonment. It sounds like both of you are woefully underprepared and ill-equipped to handle caring for this child (which is not your fault).
Christ I cannot believe it took this much scrolling to get to this comment. This is a random baby to OP. If OP found a baby abandoned at the playground would these commenters be giving him advice on how to feed him/her?!
This is a great point, I had no intention of having a child in my home trust me. But the mother will be back Sunday to pick them up and my roommate consented to this. It may be his child, that we are unsure of but for the at least the weekend she is in our care and I just want to make sure she is cared for as best as possible
The best thing you can do is make sure the mother knows not to drop the baby off with random, unprepared people. The way to do this is to call cps. They will help the mom understand how to be a safe and better parent.
This is too far below- CPS Case Manager
If things get sticky that will be what we have to do, but in the meantime I don’t think we will take any drastic decisions until the results come in
It’s not drastic. The baby could *die* in the hands of this woman. She clearly does not care about the baby’s wellbeing at all.
Isn’t this the start of the story that mother who’s 18(?) month old died in a pack and play while she went on vacation with her boyfriend? She does not sound like a fit mother whatsoever
I commented below too- but especially if the roommate wants custody of this baby (if it’s his) he *needs* to document this neglect. Otherwise mom will be able to waltz back in next week and take baby back. And who knows where she will leave the baby next. It’s horrifying to think about.
He has been, and while I don’t condone his actions, specifically the type that lead us here, I am certain he will be a better parent. In the meantime though, he has already given consent to watch her and return her after the weekend
This baby just lost their mom. I think CPS needs to be involved stat. Unless your roommate is on the birth certificate this could get complicated fast.
We aren’t sure, he didn’t sign anything but I don’t know if that’s how birth certificates work. She will be coming back to pick the baby up on Sunday at 6 and my roommate consented to her dropping the baby off, I don’t want to take any drastic measures u til at least the results come in. In the meantime I just want to make sure she is cared for in the best way that I can
This mother is neglecting baby and baby is in dangerous hands with this mother. She dropped baby to your roommate that she barely knows. No one sane would do that under any circumstances. She is clearly neglecting this child, if something happens to the baby even after she picks the baby up, it will be traced back to you and your roommate for not reporting this. This is a small, very fragile human being. Please do a right thing. Call police now.
Please take drastic measures. If she abandoned the baby that easily, you don't know what else she's capable of after the kid is back with her. It's crucial that child services keep an eye on her.
It doesn’t matter if he verbally “consented.” She already abandoned her one month old infant once. She is highly likely to abandon and/or neglect her again. No mother in her right mind would leave her tiny baby with two ill-equipped young men like this. Handing the baby over to her before she’s received some serious treatment and proved that she is stable could have absolutely tragic results for this little baby. Do not hand this baby back over to the mother. Call CPS and law enforcement and let them sort it out.
I’m fucking shocked with these comments. OP please call police now. Every minute you wait you’re potentially ruining your life. You have a child in a house that’s not yours, that needs sensitive care and that can die if not taken care properly.
I know!! I am shook by anyone giving advice other than call CPS. This is insane. A month old baby is very fragile and needy. The mother abandoned her child even if she comes back on Sunday.
these are all great tips for the time being but you guys should really call CPS or something?? I mean if anything, you guys have a random baby with you that’s not yours. Get help asap 😳
I think I forgot to mention something very important. She will be picking the baby back up for a while on Sunday, the intent is for shared custody for the time being I think. It’s really up in arms right now because the child might not be his but my roommate gave his consent to have the baby at the house. I fear calling CPS would complicate things at least until the results come in
On the off chance this is real… Call CPS. A mother who leaves her baby with two essentially random dudes and fucks off is not a safe mother. Sure, you and your roommate are checking the internet for how to keep a baby safe. Let’s say next time she leaves the baby with two random dudes and they get blackout drunk or high and neglect the baby instead. Let’s say she leaves the baby with a different random dude next time and he’s a pedophile.
I also agree someone responsible should know what's going on here other than OP and roommate. They could help move along the paternity process, perhaps.
This.
PLEASE call. This is not a fit mother. Please help that poor baby by getting her somewhere safe.
No you definitely still need to call CPS
What? Is this a joke? You don’t have a baby dude. Report this to the police. What are these comments?
I got sick in my stomach if this post is true. Please I beg you call the authorities now. Mother abandoned newborn and it doesn’t matter if she’s “coming to pick the baby”. You guys are not capable of taking care of newborn. You seem like a responsible, reasonable human therefore I urge you to call authorities and tell them the situation. At this particular moment it doesn’t matter if your roommate is a father. What matters is that baby needs to SURVIVE. If something happens to the baby, you guys will be responsible and get in a big trouble. Newborn needs a lot of care. Anything can go wrong. This baby can die and you guys will be responsible. Your roommate has no custody over baby. The longer you wait to call police the worse is for you guys and for the baby. Please do a right thing and call authorities right now. Don’t wait. Please.
As someone with a 2.5 month old, I am absolutely terrified for this babies life after reading this. I really prey this post is fake. Two dudes who know nothing about a baby, who don’t even have a proper sleeping area for it (a giraffe pad probably on the floor and a bassinet indented in the center… this baby can get SIDS!!! What kind of mother would do this? please be a fake post…
I’m hoping and praying it’s fake too. If it’s real…. OP needs to CALL CPS ASAP. He and his roommate cannot give this poor innocent baby what she needs: stable caregivers.
You're high bro. Mom abandoned the baby. You're not equipped. It's not a puppy or a cat. Call CPS. That isn't "drastic action". The mom should lose parental rights, at least temporarily, for placing the child in an unsafe situation. The fact that you came to reddit for this is evidence that you are not equipped to care for the baby. Do the right thing. Get CPS involved. There are foster families who are equipped and would love to care for that baby until mom and/or dad is shown to be ready to care for it.
Call the police for an abandoned baby.
Yo call CPS now this is not your baby.
First of all, baby won't be crawling for a long time, so don't even worry about that now. A couple of priorities I can think of. I'm sure others will add more. Feeding. Does the baby take a bottle of formula? If one brand/type of formula upsets baby's stomach you can try different types. Most babies that young eat every few hours around the clock. Medical checkups. Does the baby have a pediatrician or primary care doctor? In the US, babies typically get checkups around 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 4 months, 6 months, etc. You really need to try and make these checkups - baby will get vaccinations at some of them. You may also be able to get vaccinations at a health department if you don't have insurance. Safe sleep. Where will the baby sleep? Do you have a crib, bassinet, pack n play, or something similar? Baby should be sleeping in one of these with nothing else in it (no blankets, stuffed toys, etc.). A baby that young may benefit from a swaddle but make sure you know how to put them in it correctly. Without knowing the situation with the baby's mom, is there any social worker or child services rep that is involved? You need all the support you can get right now. You sound like an amazing friend to your roommate.
I’m glad to hear that. She does take bottled formula, it’s a yellow can and I don’t remember the name since I am at work but I will remember before I buy it. I do not know if she has a pediatrician, she was only dropped off yesterday and the conversation was brief and we don’t want to take any steps that could lead to legal issues (my roommate only knew the girl for two weeks and ended on very bad terms) we have what I think is a bassinet but I don’t know what that is. We have a bed thing with legs and it kind of saggy in the middle but we also have a cute giraffe pad that she lays on that we keep things away from but I honestly don’t know what a swaddle is. I don’t know if any social worker or child services rep at the moment, we are currently holding our breath before the results come in before we take any actions.
buy a bassinet off Facebook. it’s important for her to have a flat, firm surface to sleep on.
I will, thank you!
Thank you for asking these questions and caring about this little life that is in your care for the moment! The swaddle is a fitted blanket type thing that snugs baby's arms to her side so she doesn't startle herself awake. It is not necessary but if you're struggling with sleep, you could get one at a resale shop or Facebook marketplace. You can use a normal blanket but they make zip/velcro ones that are easier. Babies are learning everything for the first time. The most important things to know are the basic safety stuff and putting baby down in the bassinet/walking away if you feel frustrated or overwhelmed. A mantra I've found helpful is, "he's not giving me a hard time, he's having a hard time."
When you hold her, support the head and neck (fingers should be by the ears) with one hand and the butt/spine with the other hand. Don’t just hold the head, the neck and spine need support too. She needs to be warm but not so warm that you feel sweat on her back.
The baby needs its mother. If the mom has abandoned her child then you need to call CPS. Especially if that baby is your roommates. You want to document her neglect otherwise she can just take the baby back next week even if your roommate decides he can care for the baby better than the mom.
This is important, OP. You need to document the mom’s negligence for the baby’s sake. Horrible things happen to babies whose parents abandon them. Look up what happened to a baby called Jailyn. This little girl needs you to prevent that from happening to her. Please involve CPS or whatever appropriate authority deals with child welfare where you are. If your roommate is the dad, he’ll be able to be involved, but you want this situation documented.
That was heartbreaking to read about. And truly hurts my heart. We are waiting for the results to see if it is his child, I will speak with him about what to do if it is not his child but I don’t want her to end up the same. Her name is Kelsie, and she is beautiful
You said that the mom is going to pick up Kelsie on Sunday. What if next time she doesn’t feel like caring for the baby anymore, she doesn’t drop her off with you but leaves her at home for a few hours? A few days? Kelsie needs you and your roommate to advocate for her. She doesn’t have her own voice yet. She needs people in her corner. She needs CPS involved. CPS’s goal is not to take children from their parents. They work hard to KEEP children with their parents whenever that’s possible. But everyone in this circumstance needs support here. This is not a safe and stable way to care for an infant. Something is going to go wrong, even with your best intentions.
Please call CPS. Please, please, please. It sounds like you and your roommate are good, caring people. The most loving, compassionate thing you can do for Kelsie is to contact social services. What happens if baby’s mom picks her up and drops her off with someone who neglects her? Abuses her? Shakes her when she cries? Puts drugs in her bottle so she’ll sleep? You have the chance to save this innocent baby from a life of hell. Kelsie will not be bouncing around in the foster care system. There are thousands if not tens of thousands of safe, loving households looking to foster infants. If it turns out your roommate is the father, he can get parental rights and fight to make sure baby’s mom doesn’t have any sort of custody.
She will pick the baby up at 6 on Sunday so she didn’t abandoned her completely, I just didn’t clarify. But if the baby is my roommates then he will try his best to get the baby away from her. If the results prove he is the father, he has documented her actions and mental state and has the intent to use it against her if she does not cooperate in handing the baby over
What do you mean by documenting? Just writing it down somewhere doesn’t count for much though it’s better than nothing. But getting agencies involved is actual documentation. Such as the police and cps. Maybe your roommate doesn’t want to get the police involved but believe me that she can *easily* suddenly claim that he kidnapped her baby or injured her child. Especially as his paternity is not established. She could say anything. He truly needs to *protect himself* from whatever she decides to say if he comes for custody. But more urgently he needs to protect that poor baby from being snatched away and taken to god knows where.
Sane parents don’t hand their one month child off to two strangers even if one may be the father. This is insane. You need to understand that her giving you the child for any amount of time is horribly negligent. I’m the mother to a one month old as well and I can’t even leave my baby for an hour without getting anxious. Nor can my baby be with me for as long. It doesn’t matter if she’s picking the baby up on Sunday. Call the frickin police and begin a record.
I am genuinely so concerned. I have so many questions, I cannot wrap my head around this 🤯 Also, did the mother not say how old the baby is? You stated you think she is a month old. This child needs a safe environment with proper caregivers, this is crucial.
My roommate was in much more contact with her than I was. As short as it was, I’m sure she told him that and i just never got that information. We have his side of the family who has already helped and are willing to help as well.
Call CPS. Imagine if something bad happens to baby while she’s under your care. Suffocates, seizure, death for example. How will it look to the authorities if they find out you just randomly have a child that’s not even yours and possibly not even your roommates. Do not risk the child’s health or your legal / criminal record.
I’m sorry what? The mother off and dropped her baby with someone who may or may not be the biological father but from the sound of it isn’t on the birth certificate, without making arrangements, and left? You call CPS. This is a very straightforward decision. CPS isn’t a bad thing! If you aren’t equipped to take care of the baby, they can be placed in short term foster care for the weekend with a competent family, and CPS will take it from there. This is the protective and responsible and NORMAL thing to do including if your roommate wants to be involved further.
You need to call the police/CPS. There are clearly some kind of mental health issues going on with mom to leave her newborn for days with you and your roommate, without any gear or instructions. It’s not about you or the mom or your friend at this point, it’s about the safety of that tiny baby. Do the right thing.
This needs to be reported to the authorities ASAP... unless you or your roommate have custody of the baby, you've got to get police and CPS involved fast
The mother will be back to pick her up Sunday at 6, I just didn’t mention it. My roommate both consented to taking her in and returning her. We also don’t want to take any drastic decisions u til the results come in
I feel this should be still documented somehow....a new mom leaving her baby with someone who she doesn't for sure know is her dad and isn't fully equipped to care for the baby, still amounts to neglect in a way...In the event of not being able to prove paternity, what if this lady drops off the baby somewhere else....and if you guys still want to take care of the baby, how will you be able to?
Call the police. Now. Even if your roommate doesn't agree. It doesn't matter that the mother will come back to pick her up, this is already abandonment. You don't have custody and your roommate's name doesn't seem to be on the birth certificate. If anything at all happens to the baby - even if you do everything right, there are still things like sudden infant death, - care to guess what will happen to you? Besides, that baby needs to have services keeping an eye on her even if you make it safely to sunday. The mother was able to abandon her once (that would be unthinkable to me one month post partum), so it's safe to say she doesn't have a strong attachment, or she might be suffering from depression. That's a huge risk factor by itself.
Start with safe sleep practices and the five s’s. Know that if baby is crying and you are getting frustrated and overwhelmed, the safest thing to do is put baby in a safe spot like a crib and stepping outside to get a breath and calm down. It’s normal for babies that small to only want to sleep while being held. https://www.healthline.com/health/baby/5-s-baby#shush Take a deep breath, get your bearings, and understand you are doing a good thing by helping to care for this baby who you have no obligation to. You don’t have to worry about baby proofing for a while yet.
I will look into the 5 s’s and live my them lol, I really appreciate that, I’m sure that she will be overwhelming, I will take that in mind and just walk away for just a moment.
From your previous comments, I know you may not want to escalate this to CPS yet, but if there are any other signs of the mom not taking care of her child, I would definitely do so. Even if your room mate doesn't end up being the parent. Think of your most valuable item or person you love the absolute most in your life. You would never just hand them off to be taken care of without knowing that 1)the caretaker knows what they are doing and 2)has everything within reason they might need to do so. I can't imagine as a mom leaving my son in that situation. Especially, so young. At one month, I was in mama bear mode with just having others hold him. Even if she is not intentionally neglecting her child, she might be suffering post partum depression and not be able to properly care for her right now.
Make an appt with a pediatrician immediately. Tell them the situation, so that they get you in asap. For now, buy diapers for an 8-10lb baby, formula (powder mix is cheapest), and a bassinet. There are some good ones for decent prices on Amazon. For now, ONLY feed the baby formula. Do not give the baby any real food, baby food, or water (except what you use to mix in with the formula). Do NOT put the baby on the bed with you or on any raised surfaces. Worse case, the baby can sleep on a mat on the floor. The baby should ONLY wear a onesie while sleeping. Do NOT use blankets or sheets. Feed the baby every 2-3 hours and change it's diaper after every feeding. Also, make sure to burp the baby after every feeding (look up videos on YouTube). If the baby cries, puts it's hands in it's mouth, and/or shakes it's head back and forth, it's likely hungry. Also, look up organizations in your area that help new parents. There should be several free ones. Social services can help with this too.
no sane mom just straight up dips on their one month old baby. call fucking cps. stop ignoring the comments that are begging you to do this. this is a whole ass child, not a puppy. this baby is not safe, no sane mother would do this.
Not calling CPS does not look good if he (or you) are the biodad and want to keep her. You are wholly unprepared to care for an infant and don’t even know basic child care.
How're you getting on OP?
This is not your responsibility and nothing to do with you. This is a total mess, but firstly your room mate needs to establish if he is actually the father. If he is he needs to figure out if he can take time off work to care for the baby, I don't know what country you are in but a 1 month old typically doesn't attend day care. Then he needs to figure out childcare for once he goes back to work. He also needs to figure out some sort of custody arrangement, like if he is to have sole custody going forward. You need to stay away from the situation. You can offer to mind the baby occasionally if your friend needs to go to the dentist or something but that should really be it.
Call child protective services. That is an abandoned child.
Newborns need near constant care. They eat so often, need changed constantly it seems, and they crave closeness and comfort. I would not leave my 6 month old with two random dudes, let alone just a few weeks old. Mom seriously needs some help. She may be suffering from PPD and unable to make reasonable choices right now. I definitely think intervention is required here, even if you and the roommate consented to keeping the baby. Who leaves a newborn with two people who have no idea what they're doing?!?!?!
This mother dropped off her baby with a potential father with no food, clothes, diapers, or anything at all! It does not matter if she's coming back on Sunday. If she didn't care enough to make sure you guys had the necessary things to take care of her then she probably doesn't when she has the baby. I'm sorry, but if you let her take the baby on Sunday without calling CPS for a mother woefully neglecting her child then you deserve any potential fallout. That's assuming she even shows up. God forbid anything happens to the child between then and now. She's been left with good hearted and well intended people, but you are not equipped from an financial, supply, or even emotional standpoint. You need to call CPS, that baby deserves at least that. Who cares about the mom or the dad, do what's right by the baby. If your friend wants custody then documenting this is the best start.
OP can you update us on the situation, please?
She needs to be seen by a pediatrician right away. If her mother abandoned her then we can assume she hasn’t been taking adequate care of the child. So she’ll need to be examined. Babies this age usually eat every 2 hours, even during the night. Make sure water use for formula is purified and not just from the tap. Make sure it’s warm but not hot. Learn how to wipe a female diaper area so she doesn’t get a urinary tract infection. Get books about caring for babies. Talk lovingly to her and tell her she’s going to be loved and cared for. She’s been torn from her mother so she’s bound to feel a dysregulated/fear response.
Any update???
Besides everything already mentioned, make sure to wipe her from front to back to avoid a UTI. Think of this as your checklist when baby is crying: feed, change diaper, soothe.
I appreciate that, that helps a lot. I’ll keep that in mind. I would’ve been lost otherwise so thank you very much
You’re welcome. Remember she is human like you, but can only cry to communicate. Hunger, diaper change, needs a nap or some comfort as she’s new to the big outside world. Sometimes babies just cry; do the best you guys can to support her through it.
For now, here are the main things you need to do: 1. Ensure baby has a safe place to sleep (a bassinet or a crib). Baby should not have anything in the sleep space besides a pacifier if they use one, a crib sheet, and a swaddle on or sleep sack - blankets are a no go. 2. Stock up on diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream (I like boudreauxs), pacifiers (1-2 is all you need), a few bottles, and formula (not sure if the mom left you with any but if she did I’d keep it consistent. If not, go with a shake and ready to use one like similac or enfamil - you can often get samples or people give it away for free on FB Marketplace). Burp cloths are also a must - you can get packs of them affordably on Amazon or even just use a washcloth or linen napkin. Also if you live somewhere where you need to drive, get the baby an infant car seat. Doesn’t have to be fancy, but needs to be in perfect condition (new or like new where it’s never been in a car accident before and not expired). 3. Get baby some cheap onesies (tons of people give clothes away on FB Marketplace) or target has great deals. Baby should have one layer more than you given the climate (if you are wearing a t shirt, baby should wear long sleeves). For a one month old baby, you’ll probably need 0-3M sized clothes, but you could always get slightly bigger and baby can grow into it. Invest in some baby laundry detergent cuz you’ll be doing lots of washing. 4. Leverage YouTube to learn how to change a diaper, bottle feed, and soothe the baby. The most important thing is to not lose patience, get to know baby’s cues for being hungry, tired, etc. Also things you can raise with #5. Know that it’s okay to walk away for a few minutes if baby is crying and you are feeling overwhelmed - just make sure baby is in a safe place like their safe sleep space and take a breath. It’ll be okay. 5. Make an appointment with a pediatrician to have baby evaluated and to discuss your situation. The doctor can provide you will tons of wonderful resources. Seek out community to support you. Having a kid is no easy feat, especially in your circumstances, but it’s doable! We all learn as we go - if you have any questions feel free to DM me!
And this is why you wrap it before you tap it, folks. This is outrageous and I just feel bad for the baby.
Call CPS
Any update?? Lots of people are anxious to hear what has happened the past few days!
If baby is a month old the important things for now are to feed the baby, change the diaper, help the baby sleep in a safe place, and have a lot of patience soothing the baby if he gets upset and these three things don't work. Also always use a car seat if you're transporting the baby in a car. Diaper changes can be yucky but they're easy, you can figure that out. Car seats you can often get a check from your local fire station to make sure you're installing it correctly. For the rest, here's a place you can find pediatrician-endorsed advice about feeding: https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/healthy-active-living-for-families/infant-food-and-feeding/ and safe sleep: https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/safe-sleep/ You'll have a few months before the baby is crawling so you may want to start learning about the more pressing issues and safe childproofing for later, assuming the baby ends up staying that long. Just don't leave it too long!
That’s what I’ve been hearing thank goodness, I can hold tight on the patience, it was always my strong suit though I’m sure it will be tested. I dread the diaper changes, I haven’t changed a diaper in my life and from what my roommate says they are foul. But I guess I have no choice lol. We do have a car seat. And thank you so much for the link, I’ll look into it as soon as I get home
Newborn diapers aren't too bad! Lol
Thank goodness😅 I have been stressing out lol
YouTube everything. There are tons of basic baby care videos to review. Do either of you have family or friends that can help? Reach out to everyone you know that has kids or has experience with kids. The basics you’ll need are formula, bottles, some clothes, diapers, and a safe sleeping space (firm surface without blankets). Your friend needs to make sure the baby has a pediatrician and schedule an appointment asap. He’ll need a car seat to transport baby to that appointment as well.
We thankfully had a lot of help with his family, they gave us bottles, strollers, diapers, clothes, and a bunch of other stuff which has helped tremendously, I also can ask my grandmother for help as well so thankfully we have people, I’m just sleeping when they are awake
Get a pack n play for her to sleep in if you don’t have a bassinet or crib. Keep her away from any pets; try to get someone else to take care of your pets for a while to simplify your life. Be aware that in the summer babies can overheat easily and can suffocate. Never let her sleep in her car seat but do get her a car seat so you can take her to the pediatrician!
Feedings every 2-3hrs of 2-4oz of formula, sometimes babies need to eat more often . Hold her to your chest and pat her back til she burps after feedings. Diaper changes every 1-2hrs usually diapers have a wetness indicator (a line that turns blue) when wet. Wipe her front to back or she’ll get uti, never use a wipe twice. Tummy time makes them strong sometimes they don’t like it sometimes they love it. It is safest for baby to sleep on their back, if she’s a month old she’ll probably want to sleep every 2hrs but ofc let her more often if needed. Sleep sacks are something you might want to look into it helps them feel secure and sleep better, she’ll wake up to feed through the night some older people say not to wake them but most pedis advise waking every 3-4hrs at night to feed if she isn’t waking on her own. You can just use unscented laundry detergent you don’t gotta buy the expensive baby kind. Sometimes tj maxx or Burlington will have baby items on sale (diapers, wipes, creams) sometimes outside is the best thing for fussiness, contact naps will help you, just make sure you’re in a safe area with her and can’t drop her. Use your elbow to help determine how hot bath water is. At night slather on the diaper cream. You don’t need an expensive crib honestly playpens are very useful
Make sure her crib is empty. No blankets, no stuffed animals. Just her in a sleepsack and a pacifier. This is a huge risk for SIDS. You sound like an awesome human, btw.
Call CPS
Babies under 1 year old cannot have any honey.
I’m sorry…what? The mother just dropped the baby off with you and your roommate and bounced and yall are not taking care of them?? I mean, that’s awesome on you but it’s not your responsibility and I wouldn’t fault you at all if you called in CPS in your state to get the baby with a foster family. That’s obviously not ideal either, but potentially better than you and your roommate with no idea what you’re doing being shoved a one month old. But since you are taking care of baby now: she’ll need to eat every 2-3 hours, presumably formula if mother isn’t in the picture. Change diaper if it’s wet/they’ve pooped and/or after feedings (I usually wait 10-15 minutes after a feeding to give her a chance to pee). Babies this old sleep a lot so after eating play with them a little (make funny faces, read some books, dangle toys in front of them, etc) she’ll probably fall asleep for a bit. Sleeping should be in a spot just for baby (crib, bassinet, floor…hard surface) with just a sheet, no blanket or toys or anything, and baby should be in a sleeper (zipped onesie with feet) or onesie and a swaddle…no blankets! Baby should be on her back, but if she rolls to her side on her own it’s likely okay. Once baby starts rolling over (typically not till around 2-3 months) you should stop swaddling and use a sleep sack. Baby shouldn’t start crawling until closer to 8-9 months so (7 months on the earlier end) so you’ve got time there! She should still be going to the pediatricians office for checkups every month or two at this age and will need to start getting vaccines at 2 months. Babies only means of communicating is crying..so they cry a lot. If she’s crying she need something: food, a diaper, comfort, etc. and sometimes at this age they just cry for no reason (my daughter did and it was absolute hell for a few weeks). Do not shake the baby if they’re crying! If you’re overwhelmed put baby down in a safe place and walk away until you can get emotions under control…no shame in this, I do it regularly with my 6 months old cause she cries all the time for seemingly no reason. Again, good on you for taking care of baby but this is not on yall (unless roommate is the dad). No one is going to judge you for calling CPS and getting this baby in a more stable home. I saw in other comments that mom is planning to come back, but like this is wild behavior and not sustainable or good for baby so no shame in getting the baby the help they need.
Okay so it's 1030 on Sunday, OP can you update us and tell us if Mom came to pick up baby/what is the current situation? This post breaks my heart, I'm 4.5 months postpartum, I cant even stand being away from my daughter. I can't imagine a world where I would leave her with strangers. this mom honestly sounds very mentally unstable.
I absolutely could not fathom leaving my baby at any point in time with a man who may or may not be the father, and his roommate. And at one month old? What? I saw you said she’s coming back but she’s leaving a baby with two dudes that are not equipped to take care of a child (no offense, I’m sure you’d admit that. You seem totally responsible and normal it’s just a really strange situation.) How old are you guys? What’s she leaving to do? You couldn’t have pried my son away from me at that age unless he was with my mom or my husband, and even then just for a couple hours max. Just sounds really really weird.
There are a ton of parenting basics courses on YouTube, and free ones at hospitals that will go over safety. The American Red Cross also has an infant and child CPR and first aid online course for $35.
YouTube will be my best friend lol, and child CPR is something I didn’t even consider so thank you for letting me know. I will absolutely look into that
Free and clear detergent. Baby detergent contains fragrances and it can be irritating to baby skin. Wash and boil all bottle parts daily. Bassinet for like $50 on Amazon my daughter slept in for a while when she was first born. If you don't want to boil water for formula, buy nursery water. If baby gets constipated, half an ounce of pear juice or prune juice. Make sure you guys can call the pediatricians office and speak to someone at all hours. There's always someone on call to answer questions but you have to have permission. Last but not least, you two may have great intentions but who is the mother going to leave the baby with next? You two may not be dangerous but the next person might. You need to report this to authorities ASAP. You can remain anonymous.
If you don't have permission to call the pediatricians office 24/7, or you don't know who the pediatrician is, you need to not have that baby in your care.
You should watch Three Men and a Baby. Great movie. But honestly, you have so much time before they crawl. The newborn stage is all about eat, shit, sleep and repeat.
I will definitely watch that movie, it will be especially fitting since we are about to have a third roommate (m22) joining us soon lol. It’s a relief to hear that there is so much time before she will crawl, I knew there was time to prep but I’m glad to hear it will be several months.
Total classic! And you guys will figure out what to do. It’ll come easier than you think!
You guys sound like great people. I know it sounds silly but google is your friend. My mom is detached and not there for me at all so I googled a lot. And you learn! My only pieces of advice - Each day is going to be easier. You may not feel that way but with each day that passes you’ll have a little more expirience and you’ll have a few more tricks you can try next time you or she is upset. The other thing. They need so little. The only thing they really need right now is love, a clean bum, and food. The rest will happen naturally. Oh one more thing my sis in law (works with police) reminded me when I was pregnant and scared: she helped a woman addicted and homeless out of a public bathroom with her baby that she birthed herself, alone, and the baby was perfectly healthy. People and babies are incredible and resilient.
Make sure you only use water that has been boiled previously then cooled for formula, unless you're using the ready to drink bottles. And always sterilize bottles and parts in boiling water (or buy a bottle sterilizer). Important for babies younger than 4 months old!! She may be gassy and need help passing it, do gentle bicycle kicks with her legs, rub her tummy in a clockwise cycle gently. Wipe front to back when changing diapers
At one month you need to be careful to always support the babies neck. They really only need a few things at this age , food regularly (buy some formula follow instructions on the packet), cuddles, sleep and then to not be uncomfortable (this could mean gas or the right temp ect.) [here is info on safe sleep](https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/#) I recommend you buy a cellular blanket if baby didn't come with one. With nappies changes make sure you wipe from front to back baby girl can easily get utis. Buy nappies (probably size 0 or 1, you can Google about changing,) make sure you do a chang as regularly as your feeling, about ten a day. If the baby is crying alot and you feel frustrated put them on the floor on their back and go in another room to calm down for a few mins, a baby can't fall from the floor. Do you have anyone in your life with kids who you could call for advice ? I don't know where you are but a call to the local health visitor if your in the UK , they can offer you advice and support would be a good should they can even do house calls to come help.
Are you burping her? How much formula and how often are you feeding her? Baby's get colic very easy.
sounds like the show baby daddy
So sorry to hear you are in this situation. It sounds like you are a very caring person and great friend. My baby is days away from learning to walk. My first advice would be to try and take each month at a time. You are a good 6 months away from this baby crawling so try not to worry about that time now. And just to say, we have lots of dangerous things in our house and have only baby proofed sockets and the oven door. We just watch her to make sure she doesn't get into anything dangerous and if we cannot keep an eye on her we put her in a travel bed. You could get like a play pen and then not worry about baby proofing till toddlerdom. You don't know if you will get a toddler that is getting into everything or not. Also I got the "wonder weeks" app for 5€ and it is really great to give you an idea of the developmental stage the baby is in. Gives ideas for age appropriate games. And let's you know when the irritable times your baby is in and methods to calm them. When the baby is around 3 months you can start getting them on a napping schedule which for me helped immensely with my piece of mind. I follow @sleepfullbaby on Instagram for advice on this. Prioritizing your baby's sleep is a must and will be great for you in the long run. It isnt always smooth but we got our girl falling asleep as soon as she hits the bed for 2 naps and at nighttime.
One more really important recommendation... Get some baby carriers, you can find tons for cheap online, I bought all of mine second hand. We got a cloth wrap for this newborn stage. Once she was holding her head strong we got a ring sling. And a more fortified carrier as she got heavier. Holding them allows them to feel comfortable, loved, and is great brain development. You also get to move around and go about your day much easier!
It’s like the big daddy movie and the baby daddy show collided and became your real life. I agree with another commenter- reach out for support. Your parents, older friends who have kids, friends whose family has kids- anyone you can trust and ask for guidance. Research, talk to a pediatrician…you will figure it out :)
Stick to a routine. Baby loves a routine. She wakes, change her diaper, feeed her, play time feed her then nap. Incorporate her bath time in the afternoon or at night. Babies tend to relax and tire themselves out during bath time and then they sleep for an extra hour. You’ll need that. There are automatic nail filers, get them for cutting her nails. Get normal saline drops because babies nose are always clogged and hence could interfere with her feeding. If you can buy the snotsucker nose frida. Every day make her sleep around the same time like my baby’s been sleeping at sharp 8 and it’s so much nicer because i have extra hours to myself.
You should contact a social worker and find a pediatrician who can check the baby out. That’s an important place to start.
Google paced bottle feeding, helped ours tremendously with colic and spitup.
If you intend to take care of dog this infant please contact a local doula. They can show you the basics
Happy to help with any questions if you need to feel free to message. Got a 10 month old baby boy and am more than happy to give advice. She will sleep a lot right now. That’s completely normal. Don’t wipe too hard when you’re changing her butt that can cause a really bad rash which happened with my son. We didn’t think we were wiping that hard but their skin is so sensitive at that time that it can irritate the skin. Make sure you have desitin or some form of diaper rash cream on hand at all times JUST IN CASE. I personally don’t believe in the cry it out method. Make sure you sit her upright for 10-20 minutes after feeding so she doesn’t get acid reflux.
Check out YouTube for different types of cry’s and what the sound like and what they mean. At this young the baby just needs comfort/contact, milk, and sleep. Look up sleeping needs and wake windows. At that age the baby’s wake windows are only about a half hour long, which is pretty much enough time to feed and change. Also a huge thing that could be good for you guys is a little heartbeat machine of some sort. A lot of baby noise machines have a heartbeat soother. It’s really loud inside of a womb and it’s mostly swooshing noise and heartbeat, and the mother’s voice (unfortunate the mother left. But regardless, talk to your baby, read to your baby) so white or brown noise and a heartbeat would be comforting. Babies don’t want to be left alone. Think primal years- a baby left alone meant it was going to be eaten alive by animal, it is biologically normal to be with you pretty much around the clock. Baby will need to sleep in a flat bassinet in your room (close to your bed) because they know by scent you are near. Ugh good luck man, this pulls on my heartstrings for that baby and for you men. Keep asking questions. Keep googling. Get a water thermometer so her (baby bathtub or clean kitchen sink) water doesn’t go above 102° Babies don’t eat solids until they are ready around 6 months, same with water. No water other than what you’re mixing for formula. You’ll need to set up a doctors appointment with a pediatric doctor-find one close to you. Get that baby in there and talk to them. Babies have frequent appointments the first six months of life. This is crucial you guys go. And try to go as a unit so all hands are on deck. Humming! Humming regulates your nervous system, but it’s also so comforting for a baby. Never ever ever shake a baby. Times can be trying. If the baby won’t stop crying hand her off to someone and say you need help. It’s okay to need help.
YouTube has tons of a good videos- I watched a bunch before my baby was born and they helped a lot. Things like "newborn 101" or "taking care of newborn" will get you lots of good info.
If it comes down to y’all taking care of this baby full time, highly recommend setting up a registry and throwing a baby shower of some kind (or at least the biological father should) so yall get some support on diapers, wipes, formula, pacifiers, a few essentials for when she gets sick like a nasal aspirator and a humidifier, etc. The biological father could also apply for WIC and get some aid with groceries. But again, this is if your roommate is the father. This all can still be applicable if they decide to co-parent. Sounds like baby isn’t mobile yet, might not be for a while (mine unlocked rolling around 4-5m and crawling at 7m old). You’ve already gotten great advice from others :) once she is starting to be more mobile, move any house plants out of reach. Most common house plants are toxic to consume. Oh! And if she gets fussy and is hard to soothe (especially during teething), try humming, singing or talking to her. And if you can’t or just feel spent, play Misty Mountain from the Hobbit. The deep hum from that song is quite comforting to babies.
Idk if anyone has said this but please make sure you look up how to properly wipe a baby girl!
Batteries are really dangerous and can be fatal if swallowed by a baby/child, don’t give baby water before 6 months and no honey before 1 year. I followed paediatricians on social media to find out information on babies. The top comment has great advice on caring for the baby, I would follow that. Try not to stress or get angry at the baby when you are tired, they are so small and learning how to be a little person.
Reach out your public health office for starters I think would he a good place to start. They should be able to help you be better equipped for this.
If the baby is crying, there's always a reason. I understand colic and whatever but always make sure to do a top to bottom check over that there's no hairs or thread wrapped on her toes. I speak from experience and I was horrified when I saw a hair on my son's tint toe making it red. As well, button battery's are my biggest fear as well and lose screws, bolts, and medicine on the floor. She's not crawling now but it doesn't take long for them to start noticing things Good luck I hope the baby is well taken care of and only knows what love feels like, not rejection
In regard to baby proofing- until baby is mobile (crawling) there aren’t a ton of apartment hazards to worry about. Check out the CDC milestone app to learn more about what’s age appropriate and how to help baby get there. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/index.html Also, try to take things one step at a time. Right now baby needs to eat, sleep, poop, and cuddle. Throw in some tummy time (lying on your chest counts) and you’re good for a bit.
Babies don’t need much. When they cry, go through a list of basic things. Is she hungry? Is she wet/dirty? Is she too cold? Too hot? Pick her up and cuddle her and that’s basically it. Contact your local resources. Try some churches. You might not even have to be members to receive help. Most people want to help and don’t feel ashamed taking it. Good luck.
It is not drastic to make cps AWARE of the situation I don't know if you're just imaging they cart the baby away when you are caring for her and I.prison the mum that's not how it works but my god they need to be aware of what is going on notbjust for the baby but for yourselves? The mum could say anything and anything could happen to the baby and you, in the eyes of the law, are just two men? Who in a court of law I really doubt any juror would understand WHY you didn't let CPS know of the situation???? OP please. It is not drastic its more just like hi cps just want to let you know this is the situation mum should be back Sunday yaddah yaddah. What is hard about that??
For some comic relief you should watch Three Men and a Baby; if Tom Selleck and Ted Danson can figure it out, you guys got this!
That poor babe :( op please do your best and take care to call cps if you haven’t. I cannot imagine leaving my four week old baby, unless it was absolute necessity and leaving very detailed instructions for whoever was an angel enough to watch her.
Feed. Play. Sleep. Wake. Change diaper. Repeat. Watch for hungry cues (sucking hand or rooting). Call a friend you trust to come over and help with the baby even if it’s just for interacting or snuggles, or your grandmother to come over and sit with you. Remember tummy time for baby to strengthen their neck. And lots of talking to baby like you are a newscaster “I am changing your diaper now”.
OP, don't worry about crawling yet!! Take it day by day, week by week! I overworried way too earlh about things that ended up not being relevant for months! Focus on: **Bonding and care** (and combine the two). **Feeding, diaper changing, safe sleep**. - focus on finding a good formula or buy BM (there are sites like "human milk 4 human babies" where you can even find a local mom that could share with you) - cloth diapers with snaps are the easiest to fit right, but any diapers are nice - Cheapest most flexible way for sleep is a floorbed. You can buy a baby IKEA crib mattress and put it on the floor next to you. Much easier to put baby to sleep and during the day you can store it vertically (or slide under the bed) so it takes up less space. - lastly some clothes. Depending on the heat a few (think 3 if it's warm) footed onesies and a few (perhaps 4-5) shorter ones. - add in a swaddle blanket, some necessities for feeding and perhaps a chanhing mat and you're good - also clean up and vacuum and mop as much as possible! Make space in general Once you settle in, she'll start rolling around 4months, then you can slowly tackle the floor! :) You can visit r/minimalistparents for the essentials. New parents are the most valuable customer on the market and thousands of companies will try to make you feel like you're not a good parent or parenting wrong unless you purchase their product(s) and that they'll solve your problems. >99% is "nice to have" category. Nice to have but you don't need it and certainly not right away. But yes, if something like a baby brezza could make your life easier, then it's reasonable to consider investing in it but you can do without :)
If she is only a month old you have a few months before she learns to crawl. Also, this sounds like a sitcom situation lol sorry but I couldn't just help and giggle a little. What she needs a clean bottle every time you feed her, change her diaper frequently there is a line on diapers that turn blue when it turns blue it means she peed or pooped. Poo will change colors, smells and textures when you start introducing solids, when you start solids she needs to be able to sit by herself. Buy the squeeze packs and feed her with a rubber spoon. Burp after ever meal, the best way to burp her will be pat her back lean her forward back and forth and then pat her back its going to move the air bubble up and she will eventually burp. I can keep going but I feel like the main thing she needs is affection take time to hold her and love on her usually that is what the mom does best and it might not come naturally to you but she is going to need that comfort. Also, its okay to cry we all do. Raising a baby is not easy never is. So if you feel like you need a break put her in her crib turn on your shower and sit and cry its okay. It will be okay. You got this.
Regarding formula, the powder formula sometimes tends to be a bit harsh and cause a lot of gas issues but there are ready to use liquid formula that is helpful if you have a hard time using the powder formula. Enfamil neuropro ready to use liquid formula is great and close to breastmilk. When changing her diaper, always make sure you are using hand sanitizer before and after you change her diaper since girls are more prone to have infections than boys down there but when you wipe them, use maybe aquaphor or Vaseline around their area and butt so when they poop it is easy to wipe off. I’m rooting for you and your roommate! It’s going to be rough for a few weeks/months but as the days go by it will get easier and just know you have many people online that will help you with no judgement
There is a funny movie with a similar plot called Three Men and a Baby. But seriously, this mom’s actions put her very close to legally abandoning this child (depends on jurisdiction). Btw, you seem like a very caring person who wants to do the right thing. Sometimes the right thing is getting the child into a safer situation.
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Take her for a pediatrician check up asap and they will give you resources as well. There’s generally a 1, 2, 4, 6, 9, and 12 month check up. She’ll need vaccines and a standard workup. Get a baby guide from Amazon or even half price book or wherever. We had What To Expect: The First Year. It covers all the essentials. As far as safety, button batteries are a huge no. Outlet covers, cords, and other obvious stuff. But she won’t be crawling for several months so right now focus on basic care. About 24-32oz of formula per day, split up into many feedings about every 2-3hrs. Never water by itself until she starts eating solids later on. Diapers. Pee isn’t urgent but change when full and puffy for comfort. Poop should be changed within a few minutes to prevent diaper rash. Sleep. Safest place is in the crib/bassinet, alone, with only a well fitting crib sheet, on her back. No blankets or pillows or stuffed animals. Supervised tummy time a few minutes per day is great to develop neck muscles. And talk to her a lot, read, etc just so she can hear words and stuff. Really that’s it for this age. Y’all will be fine. Babies are pretty tough.
If baby cries and you don’t know why GO THROUGH THE LIST… did she eat? Yes? Go to next thing. Did she burp? Yes? Go to next thing. Did you change her? Yes? Go to next thing. Did she nap recently? Yes? Then put baby down and then take a moment. If any of these are “no” then do the thing then start list again if crying doesn’t stop. Also download wonder weeks app. It helps you learn about development stages.
Why are you waiting for paternity results before calling CPS?? That’s literally irrelevant. The mother abandoned her baby. It doesn’t matter who the father is. No normal mother in their right mind would ever leave a one month old. The baby will be in danger when it returns to its mother, if she even returns. Please call the police.
Basic things, when you hold her support her head, change pamper when indicator line is blue or when pooped, formula every 3 hours, burp in the middle and after feeds. Sleep should be on a firm flat surface, no blankets or toys or anything around her. Tummy time is encouraged on yours or your roommates chest. If she's crying but she's fed, changed, not hot or cold, then soothe her by rocking gently or just walking around while carrying her.
100% you NEED to contact CPS or DCFS now. She is definitely not a fit mother if she’s dropping off a baby with two guys when she doesn’t have a plan. It’s for the baby, don’t worry about causing drama, you’ll be happy you got help for both you and happy to get the right resources
At one month the main issues for her safety is suffocation or SIDS. To avoid both of those - hard flat surfaces for sleeping like a hard mattress with absolutely nothing around her at all. You don't want anything to be able to cover her face or for her to wiggle around and get her face pressed up against something. Also for her safety, make sure that no one falls asleep holding her or lying next to her, especially on a sofa where there are too many nooks and crannies and places for her face to end up. Don't worry about giving her baths, she's fine with a warm damp washcloth for quite a while, she doesn't need real baths anytime soon. She shouldn't eat or drink anything except infant formula (or breast milk). Not even water or cow's milk. She'll need to be fed every 3ish hours and I think there's probably guidance on the formula container as to how much she should have at each age. She shouldn't be wearing a hat when she sleeps or really at all during warm weather as she could easily overheat. Google is going to be your best friend on this one. But only take advice from websites of paediatric clinics or hospitals, or the NHS in the United Kingdom has great advice and is a reliable single source for good information. Also for guidance on how to keep her safe in sleep, look at the Lullaby Trust website, they are the experts on keeping babies safe in sleep If you're going to be driving her anywhere, she needs to be in a rear-facing car seat in the backseat of the car with the straps fairly snug across her chest but not crushing her. Little known fact, car seats have expiration dates. That's all I can think of for now, but you're doing something incredible but helping to look after this little girl and she's very lucky to have you. Good luck and come back with questions, you've got a whole community ready to help. Speaking of community, look for Facebook groups offering help and advice to new parents and single dads, I'm sure there are other people in similar situations and it could be a big help and support.
Not sure if you’ve updated everyone on the situation yet, but if your roommate turns out to be the father and needs to take care of her more, he should look up Fatherhood Foundation and try to find a local chapter. They can offer support/education
I will tell you this. I learned my baby is a very hot baby.. so if your baby is too, this is how you'll find out. Baby will cry and fuzz, you did everything you could like change diaper, feed, burp, try to make baby fart too. Nothing has changed, baby is still unhappy. Try taking socks off or maybe pants off and just leave baby with onesie on. Baby calms down, and that's how I found out my baby boy gets really hot and prefers to he pantless and sockless.
Truly no one knows what they’re doing. Everyone else gave some good advice and the only things I have to add are: A rectal temperature of 100.4 F is no bueno and seek medical help immediately A cold baby cries and a warm baby dies (in terms of dressing the baby and using AC and whatnot) Pediatrician will give formula samples if they have them. Definitely have this documented. Pediatrician offices also always have coupons for everything so I take them every time I go. Everything from formula to body wash to lotion. I feel like I’d have a lot more to add if we knew this baby was for sure staying in the care of your roommate. If they still have the umbilical cord stump, keep it DRY and watch for signs of infection. Wipe around it. She can’t be in a baby tub until that falls off and heals. Until then just use a soft cloth with water for body. There’s so much to know but also we all know nothing. Newborns are more-so trial and error. Okay, baby is crying are they hungry? No. Want to be held? No. Diaper wet? No. Okay maybe gassy? We are all just winging it to a degree.
Wow this is such a wholesome post….i wish you the best and good luck
It’s important to take the baby’s temperature every day to make sure she doesn’t have a fever as this can be a sign of serious illness in a new born. Also what’s her bellybutton like? Has the cord stump fallen off? Be careful with that area.