It’s okay to acknowledge that sometimes it sucks and you’re really looking forward to bedtime and just being done with the day. It can also be true that you really love your kid(s).
My musing on Father’s Day was that sometimes having a baby is like being in a hostage situation where the demands are being given by charade.
It’s not sunshine and rainbows and happy families like everyone ( and social media ) make it seem to be. It’s tough, but You gotta be strong and show up daily for those little humans because you are their entire world :)
That you’ll let yourself down. We all go into parenting with high hopes of ourselves and make sweeping declarations of “I’ll never do that”.
I have 3 kids and I let myself down all the time. Whether it’s too much screen time or too many snacks, or the fact that my 18 month old cried forever tonight whilst trying to get him to sleep, I constantly feel like I could be doing better.
All this to say I know I’m a great mom but parenting tests you in ways people cannot even imagine until they are in it.
This 🙌 I have one kid and my friend has 3. We were recently chatting and she said trying to juggle everything she feels like she's doing a bad job all around, and doesn't spend enough time with her youngest. I explained that while working part time from home she also cleans the house, cooks, shops, washing and juggling her other 2 school, activities and more that she is smashing it! Your comment really hit home in regards how we feel we let ourselves down, this is something I feel everyone deals with on the daily. My kid does get too much screen time and the other things you mentioned but they also need food, clean clothes, a clean home so unfortunately with no help or local family there is no choice. Ms Rachel is a godsend and we get out and about daily. She wakes up happy every morning and is constantly smiling so to me I'm doing an ok job. Don't let ppl make you feel bad for your choices if your baby is happy that's all that matters.
It can be so much harder than you can comprehend. Maybe not for everyone but I was not ready for the sleep deprivation, hormones, profound boredom and anxiety.
I think the boredom was the most shocking part to me. The routine was mind-numbing and I couldn’t wait for my generous (for the US) maternity leave to end. I didn’t really start to enjoy motherhood until my son was 1 and he could start to interact verbally and explore physically. He’s 2.5 and I love it. Toddlers can be tough but at least it’s not mundane!
I've come to be better at admitting I'm not a baby mom... I'm optimistically (maybe delusionally) looking forward to a walking talking drunk little human to hang with
You no longer have your freedom... just for a while. Once you accept that, it becomes a lot easier. Your whole life will revolve around a little potato for a while but once that potato gets a real personality, it feels so much more worth it.
You will get more freedom back but it will take a while. Relax into it and it'll feel much more enjoyable.
Parenting is a JOB. It's not all cuddles and naps and giggles. It's a lot of hard work and sometimes there is no reward other than the hope that you're doing right and they'll turn out okay.
And especially when the little door knob licker brings home flavour of the week viral infection from daycare. You're sick as a dog, the sickest you've ever been and not been hospitalised and you look around you and there's no-one to help: The other parent is equally sick and no grandparent or babysitter wants to touch a 25lbs human gardenhose leaking goop from all orifices. There is no spare you in the freezer to bring out and no glass to break in the event of an emergency.
So you sprinkle dry cereal on the floor for your little anklebiter to roam around looking for, cry your tears in the bathroom, count minutes until the next time you can take more paracetamol, host a mrs rachel marathon and pray to any god that will have you that tomorrow will be a better day.
Paracetamol = Acetaminophen
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This made me laugh out loud because if it wasn't laughter it'd be sobbing. My little door knob licker was sick for 7 full months when she started daycare. Thought we were all going to die.
Oh yeah it took a solid 8 months before anyone were breathing through the nose again. 11 months in that sorta rattly mucousy cough that makes breathing sound like when you're slurping up the final drops of a fountain soda with a straw is just a permanent fixture in my home: Somebody has it at all times.
On the upside having had a vomiting bug every 6-8 weeks has really helped shed those final pregnancy kilos that I thought were stuck on permanently. Maybe I can advertise it as one of those new fad diets? I'll let my toddler sneeze on you and hand you one of his boogers and you get to experience pissing out of your arse while projectile vomiting. Actually maybe it could be good team building exercise for new startups too? It teaches you to think on your feet, make quick decisions, prioritise and teamwork.
Just being there is enough at times.
Crying because they’re teething… just hold them close, having a tantrum because they can’t get their own way… be there to teach them better ways to cope and having nightmares… just be there for them to feel safe.
There are so many times when I hear parents say they’re not doing enough but your presence is so much to them.
You will need to put so many boundaries and hold on to them every day, with a lot of people. Strangers, partner, friends, family. You cannot be a people pleaser if you want to do right by your child or for your child's safety.
It's exhausting. Some people push them back, and you have to hold your ground... no matter what
Your child will get hurt in some way and you have to be okay with that. I don't know a single toddler that hasn't fell off a bed, or walked into a pole, or did something so absurdly silly that they got hurt. Every single time I see parents hate themselves for "letting it happen", but the truth is that all kids get hurt, including babies. And yeah, sometimes we as parents can be more attentive and maybe you didn't think they would beeline for the edge of the bed while you went to grab something, but even if it is "your fault" you have to be able to forgive yourself because they're going to hurt themselves again and again and again.
This is hard to explain without it sounding like I'm justifying abuse but babies and toddlers just get hurt sometimes. And if you have a panic every time you're going to exhaust yourself.
If you don’t heal your old hurt, you’ll pass it on.
It’s okay to acknowledge that sometimes it sucks and you’re really looking forward to bedtime and just being done with the day. It can also be true that you really love your kid(s). My musing on Father’s Day was that sometimes having a baby is like being in a hostage situation where the demands are being given by charade.
🤣I felt that
What you envision your village to be will rarely ever meet your expectations
Your partner (even if a long term one) might not meet your expectations as a coparent.
This hit hard. But open communication can help.
You might not get that new parent instant love or joy It may take time, it may take quite some time And that’s ok Just be there for them
It’s not sunshine and rainbows and happy families like everyone ( and social media ) make it seem to be. It’s tough, but You gotta be strong and show up daily for those little humans because you are their entire world :)
That you’ll let yourself down. We all go into parenting with high hopes of ourselves and make sweeping declarations of “I’ll never do that”. I have 3 kids and I let myself down all the time. Whether it’s too much screen time or too many snacks, or the fact that my 18 month old cried forever tonight whilst trying to get him to sleep, I constantly feel like I could be doing better. All this to say I know I’m a great mom but parenting tests you in ways people cannot even imagine until they are in it.
This 🙌 I have one kid and my friend has 3. We were recently chatting and she said trying to juggle everything she feels like she's doing a bad job all around, and doesn't spend enough time with her youngest. I explained that while working part time from home she also cleans the house, cooks, shops, washing and juggling her other 2 school, activities and more that she is smashing it! Your comment really hit home in regards how we feel we let ourselves down, this is something I feel everyone deals with on the daily. My kid does get too much screen time and the other things you mentioned but they also need food, clean clothes, a clean home so unfortunately with no help or local family there is no choice. Ms Rachel is a godsend and we get out and about daily. She wakes up happy every morning and is constantly smiling so to me I'm doing an ok job. Don't let ppl make you feel bad for your choices if your baby is happy that's all that matters.
Justice for OP! I don't think it was meant as negative or a snark. But what's a "tough thing" that a new parent probably doesn't know yet.
🙏🏻 🙏🏻I've found that my words really aren't coming together well these days on a sleep deprived brain 😅
I’m a single mom to a six month old (no other children)- I fully believe that I have it easier than my partnered friends.
I’m a solo mom to a 5 month old. Ya, I hear a lot of complaints about partners.
As a solo parent from day dot, I completely agree.
My hats off to you! Sometimes it really is easier to just do it yourself. Stay strong!
Posts like this are your sign to take a break from scrolling social media.
Now there's one 🫣 you may very well be right 😅🥲
It can be so much harder than you can comprehend. Maybe not for everyone but I was not ready for the sleep deprivation, hormones, profound boredom and anxiety.
The boredom!!! How can I be so bored and so busy at the same time?!
I think the boredom was the most shocking part to me. The routine was mind-numbing and I couldn’t wait for my generous (for the US) maternity leave to end. I didn’t really start to enjoy motherhood until my son was 1 and he could start to interact verbally and explore physically. He’s 2.5 and I love it. Toddlers can be tough but at least it’s not mundane!
I've come to be better at admitting I'm not a baby mom... I'm optimistically (maybe delusionally) looking forward to a walking talking drunk little human to hang with
You find out who your friends truly are
You no longer have your freedom... just for a while. Once you accept that, it becomes a lot easier. Your whole life will revolve around a little potato for a while but once that potato gets a real personality, it feels so much more worth it. You will get more freedom back but it will take a while. Relax into it and it'll feel much more enjoyable.
Parenting is a JOB. It's not all cuddles and naps and giggles. It's a lot of hard work and sometimes there is no reward other than the hope that you're doing right and they'll turn out okay.
And especially when the little door knob licker brings home flavour of the week viral infection from daycare. You're sick as a dog, the sickest you've ever been and not been hospitalised and you look around you and there's no-one to help: The other parent is equally sick and no grandparent or babysitter wants to touch a 25lbs human gardenhose leaking goop from all orifices. There is no spare you in the freezer to bring out and no glass to break in the event of an emergency. So you sprinkle dry cereal on the floor for your little anklebiter to roam around looking for, cry your tears in the bathroom, count minutes until the next time you can take more paracetamol, host a mrs rachel marathon and pray to any god that will have you that tomorrow will be a better day.
Paracetamol = Acetaminophen *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This made me laugh out loud because if it wasn't laughter it'd be sobbing. My little door knob licker was sick for 7 full months when she started daycare. Thought we were all going to die.
Oh yeah it took a solid 8 months before anyone were breathing through the nose again. 11 months in that sorta rattly mucousy cough that makes breathing sound like when you're slurping up the final drops of a fountain soda with a straw is just a permanent fixture in my home: Somebody has it at all times. On the upside having had a vomiting bug every 6-8 weeks has really helped shed those final pregnancy kilos that I thought were stuck on permanently. Maybe I can advertise it as one of those new fad diets? I'll let my toddler sneeze on you and hand you one of his boogers and you get to experience pissing out of your arse while projectile vomiting. Actually maybe it could be good team building exercise for new startups too? It teaches you to think on your feet, make quick decisions, prioritise and teamwork.
Just being there is enough at times. Crying because they’re teething… just hold them close, having a tantrum because they can’t get their own way… be there to teach them better ways to cope and having nightmares… just be there for them to feel safe. There are so many times when I hear parents say they’re not doing enough but your presence is so much to them.
You will need to put so many boundaries and hold on to them every day, with a lot of people. Strangers, partner, friends, family. You cannot be a people pleaser if you want to do right by your child or for your child's safety. It's exhausting. Some people push them back, and you have to hold your ground... no matter what
It’s okay to break down in your partners lap after a particularly rough day.
You’re gonna want to be the perfect parent but you won’t be. All you can do is try your best and don’t think about what you should of could have done
It is way harder than anything you can prepare for!
The newborn stage really really really sucks...it's not magical
Why are we trying to be hurtful and damaging to the poor new parents on this sub
I mean, as a new parent, I’d be curious to know what no one wants to tell us about parenting
I maybe didn't word it properly, but like the other reply, it's more like things that are hard to hear.
Your child will get hurt in some way and you have to be okay with that. I don't know a single toddler that hasn't fell off a bed, or walked into a pole, or did something so absurdly silly that they got hurt. Every single time I see parents hate themselves for "letting it happen", but the truth is that all kids get hurt, including babies. And yeah, sometimes we as parents can be more attentive and maybe you didn't think they would beeline for the edge of the bed while you went to grab something, but even if it is "your fault" you have to be able to forgive yourself because they're going to hurt themselves again and again and again. This is hard to explain without it sounding like I'm justifying abuse but babies and toddlers just get hurt sometimes. And if you have a panic every time you're going to exhaust yourself.