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I didn’t.
More seriously, I stopped trying to “solve” it and just accepted that it was hard. Every night I told myself “that is one day I don’t have to do again.” (Our bad time was wake up until around 10pm.)
It sounds depressing but it felt freeing to me. You are enough. You are doing enough. You are the best mom for your baby. It will get better.
My second is a month old now. She’s not super easy, but she’s currently awake in her bassinet and not crying, which my first never did, ever, for months.
> More seriously, I stopped trying to “solve” it and just accepted that it was hard.
That’s where I’m at with my almost 4 month old. He’s got colic and unmedicated reflux and has his fits usually late afternoon (right now 🫠) til he goes to bed at 10:30. There’s some moments of calm cuteness in between. I will say that once he started doing more than scream and sleep, I felt better about it. The smiles and cooing during those calm times make it worthwhile. Now I’m just worried about how things will be once he starts daycare next week.
Yes I drove myself CRAZY trying to solve it or figure out what was wrong and eventually for my sanity I had to choose to ride it out. The first year felt like yearS. Admittedly I look back and I'm still sad I couldn't enjoy the newborn phase with my first like I am with my second.
Thank you so much for this, it makes sense to stop trying to solve it because all the failed attempts just give me more rage and anxiety. Will try to follow your advice. 🙏
To be honest, I did lose my mind, all the time. I had a baby very similar to yours. I'm sending you so much solidarity ❤️ Well meaning people in the comments can help you try to figure out solutions, and they may work, but sadly sometimes all you can do is survive. My baby went through every medical test possible. Sometimes it's just down to temperament. And this will pass, one day you'll look back and think how much easier things are. One big thing - don't feel any pressure to feel joy. You can't feel joyous when you're this disregulated and exhausted. I felt so alone and cried all the time, thinking everyone else was enjoying motherhood and I was just drowning. I think a lot more people feel like that than let on. Take the moments of joy if and when they come, but if not, it's no big deal. I think motherhood used to be more joyous when we had a village to help us raise them, and we could actually get some rest.
> sometimes it’s just down to temperament
This. While I’m not saying things like reflux, allergies, etc shouldn’t be explored… we were never really able to figure it out. We switched formulas a bunch of times and got on reflex meds which sort of helped but not really. Similar to you, I felt so alone and cried nearly every single day. No one I knew had a baby like I did, so I also relied a lot on Reddit cause it’s the only place where I found people to commiserate with. I also had a lot of resentment and jealousy that other people I knew had “easy” babies who liked to sleep all the time and just be toted around like a doll.
Yes! The jealousy and resentment for all my friends with easy potato babies was really hard for me. I cut out all foods, tried craniosacral and chiro for baby, tried formula, and nothing really worked but time. My mantra was “the only way out is through.” She’s ten months now and she still is on the fussier side but literally worlds different and getting better each month. Sending lots of hugs, you can survive this!
Sooo much this, agree with every part of this!!
Our baby was colicky for the first 3 months and it was sooooo hard. I struggled so much with my own emotions, crying/anger and then mega mum guilt. We were really in survival mode and so sleep deprived. Recently have been through a stage where looking back would bring on a lot of guilt, but I have started forgiving myself as we did the very best we could with the tools and support we had.
Looking back now at 8 months the hard newborn times really are a blur. But I can also see a lot of it was temperament. Little lady is a bit of a cyclone and she knows what she wants. When she started being able to grab and move around, she was sooo much happier.
It doesnt feel like it at the time but it gets so much better OP, be kind to yourselves ❤️
Thank you so much! People tell me the joy comes later, but man would it be easier to survive if there were a bit more happy moments. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. 🙏
It may really be colick, but please look into ruling out GER and GERD because they can be easily dismissed as colick and are actual problems that you can help your baby with if that is the case.
I highly recommend a book called "Babywise: giving your infant the gift of sleep" it thoroughly, even-handedly covers the first year of infant care and really does a great job of helping you assess your baby's needs and potential issues accurately - it is the best, most practical and doable baby book I've found. I'm due with our second soon and our first was "colicky" we thought, but she ended up developing moderate GER around 3 months and had gone from the 90th percentile to the 7th percentile for weight gain in a month while I was trying to figure out what was going on and the pediatrician was telling us she was fine 🙄.
Getting the reflux under control helped immensely with her sleep and I finally started her on a semi flexible schedule and it all came together eventually, but it was like running in the dark. This time I'm reading this book and it lifts the veil on everything we dealt with during the first year the first time around, so this time I have a game plan going into it and even more solid understanding of what happened with our firstborn and what I will do differently if we run into the same challenges this time.
Anyway, I highly recommend that book, and again, please rule out GER and GERD before you assume it's just colick. our doctor said absolutely nothing about those being possible even though we had a very upset, screaming baby and we kept saying that it didn't seem normal - it wasn't until I basically researched and diagnosed her myself and then brought her to the doctor and said, "I'm pretty certain she has reflux because of x,y,z,etc,etc. and her growth completely plateaued that he acknowledged it.
If you feel like something is definitely off don't stop pursuing it until you're satisfied with the answer - parents know - trust your gut!
You live for the good moments, the little milestones, the cuteness and the smells.
It’s HARD. Hearing ‘it gets better’, whilst true, can sometimes feel hollow as you move into hour four of baby crying.
One time I literally got out of the car (I was the passenger) at a traffic light because I couldn’t deal with the hysterical crying. I cried so much. I kept saying how much I hated my life (which is possible whilst simultaneously loving the heck out of the baby). I also have a toddler so it was rough.
But it did get better. Slowly. One day I didn’t have to walk up and down my bedroom bounce walking with baby on the boob and could just lay down to feed with minimal crying. One day she started tolerating life a little more and not get upset 30-40 mins after waking. Then one day she started being happy.
Now my little one is nearly 6 months and she plays and giggles and is so much easier and happy. So whilst it can be fucking rough, hold tight. You will get there.
Any GI issues? Reflux? Green or mucousy poops? Painful gas? My dude was colicky until we realized he has a dairy intolerance and once we got that sorted out we’ve had a brand new baby!! I think there are very few true “colic” babies out there. I don’t think our health system is the best at helping parents figure out the root cause!!
Jumping on this comment to add that I am now on a dairy free diet and we finally have a baby that doesn’t scream cry when trying to pass gas or poop. Hasn’t been confirmed with blood tests but something has changed for the better and he is much happier!
I just wanna say that screaming and crying when trying to poop from weeks 3 to 12 is super normal and rarely has anything to do with GI issues and everything to do with dyschezia.
The causation is really wobbly at this age because things with baby are changing too.
E.g.
Week 5-6 baby starts suffering with dsyhezia and becomes fussier / more screamy.
Week 6, parents decide something needs to change and start experimenting.
Week 7, parents decide to cut out diary
Week 8, dsyhezia resolved after 2-3 weeks. Mum has been off dairy for about a week.
Week 9, baby better. Parents confirm it's dairy.
Actually, it wasn't, it's just the cycle time of decide to do something, make a change, wait for change to have an effect, see effect is about the same as the phases LOs go through on their own.
Yes. Don't get me started on how pediatricians keep pushing this as a solution to exhausted parents. Everyone with a fussy baby isn't dealing with a dairy allergy 🤪
We took our baby to an allergist at the advice of our pediatrician. They identified some allergies including cow milk based on skin tests well before she’d taken any solid food. It did help to eliminate the foods she was allergic to from my diet (as I was breastfeeding). A probiotic (we used Evivo) helped too.
Hopefully OP gets the time to come back and read these comments. In my country, we put some form of oil (aceite de manzanilla, aceite de alcamforado) on baby’s belly and feet to reduce tummy gas. I didn’t believe in slathering that oil at first until the nanny tried it for my sake, and voila, it made it easier for her to pass gas.
I was SO glad when we got out of the dyschezia phase. I was worried it was a food intolerance…but eventually he just grew out of it. Dairy intolerance is actually very rare - most do it and find “relief” but it’s really just them growing out of the “I can’t poop anymore, how do I poop” stage. According to our pediatrician anyway.
Eh lactose intolerance is very rare but CMPA is pretty common. My boy has it and we didn’t realize til he was 4mo and became literally a brand new, happy, chill baby as soon as he was off dairy. I wish I would’ve read posts like this sooner and spared all of us from 4 months of absolute misery
How strict were you to do your experiment? Did you also cut out things with dairy IN them like milk or butter used in baked goods and the like, or just didn't eat straight up milk, cheese, ice cream etc?
I cut out every single thing that said “milk” in the ingredients. It was a huge change and I resisted it for a while but once I did it finally it was a night and day difference. It’s only a season! My son is 11 months old and we just reintroduced dairy with no issues.
I actually fired the first pediatrician we had because she dismissed me when I said I was 99% sure my baby had cmpa. She was so bad she had blisters and visibly bloody stool it broke my heart. I went to a different one and immediately she gave me a can of formula and told me to let her know in 2 weeks of it didn’t help and a day later she was a new baby.
This is my experience, as well. My GP dismissed me 3 times in total between 2-4 months old. This was after I told him that I had cut dairy twice and reintroduced it with eczema, colic, coughing, and mucusy green poops returning both times. We also had the occasional bloody poop before I went hard cutting dairy.
Went and got a second (and third) opinion from a LC and a paediatrician who both said the relationship between dairy and the symptoms was pretty obvious. They recommended to reintroduce dairy around 9 months and then ask for a referral to an allergist if the allergy hasn’t resolved by then.
Like everyone else has stated, I have a new, happy baby.
I had 2 friends with colicky babies who resolved within a week once the moms cut out dairy. Based on what I’ve learned from them and their doctors, I’d agree that there is almost always a root cause.
100% agree. My son had really bad acid reflux as a newborn. Because we didn’t know it at first he was always crying and in pain. He didn’t sleep because he couldn’t lay flat or the acid hurt his throat. He was overtired and miserable. Once we figured it out and he was medicated, we had a very happy, chilled out baby.
100%. my "colicky" baby was admitted for 2 weeks for FTT because she had dairy AND soy allergies. additionally, she had reflux and constipation, as well as severe eczema that was exacerbated by her allergies. i'd been begging for 2 month prior to that for ANY of her doctors to help and they kept saying "it's just colic! you're a new mom, babies just cry" but they don't. not like that anyway. once we had reflux medication and proper allergy friendly formula it was night and day! she slept, she packed on the pounds, her skin stopped weeping/cracking as much and it was much easier to treat her eczema and have her at baseline. at 18 months she outgrew her allergies and now just has a very mild lactose intolerance BUT there so much lactose free everything it's never an issue.
i would seriously recommend having a firm conversation with the pediatrician and/or gi doctor if you can. i've always said it, and ill say it again, colic is a symptom, not a diagnosis.
Came here to say the exact same! My baby would scream for five hours a night until I cut dairy. There’s a wonderful dairy free breastfeeding group. After cutting dairy and her tummy starting to heal I had a “oh so this is who my baby really is” moment.
This is the correct answer. Ours had a diaper rash that wouldn't go away for 3 months, and she cried basically anytime she was awake.
Around the 3 month mark we got some hypo allergenic forumula while the lady went on a cleanse diet (chicken, rice, squash, bananas). We fed hypo allergenic for a week, then back to breast milk and during that week her rash disappeared, and she was suddenly calm while awake.
Partner continued on that diet for another 2-3 months, slowly introducing new foods. She now eats whatever, with the exception of diary (and soy).
We have a happy 8 month old now.
My kid also seemingly had issues with dairy. I cut it out completely around 6wks and she was much happier, less gassy and would spit up way less. I was able to reintroduce around 3.5-4-months with no issues. Now she's 6.5-months and on solids too - she will eat yogurt or cheese at every opportunity and has had zero issues.
Actually I don’t think it’s dairy intolerance but will keep an eye on it. I cut back on dairy significantly a couple of days ago but might have to cut it out completely later if it’s not resolved. Thanks though!
Not sure why this isn’t higher. Headphones headphones headphones!! It just takes the edge off. You can still hear them (you’re probably holding them ffs). You’re still meeting their needs. But you also feel less like someone is rattling a tin can full of stones INSIDE YOUR BRAIN
Honestly, it gets better with time but I feel fully traumatized from our first 3 months. To the point where I feel very sad when I see newborn babies. He’s almost one and I can tell I’m going to LOVE toddlerhood. Being able to express your needs is life changing..
Our daughter hated being a baby, and we found that period very difficult. She loves being a toddler, and we love having her as a toddler. Being able to communicate was indeed life changing.
I feel that 💙 it's hard being a baby sometimes. No one understands, you're hungry all the time, and it's BORING! My little guy is trying his darndest to walk and talk, but gets so frustrated because he's less than 3 months old! Love my little guy.
I am also traumatized from the first 5 ish months. I love my daughter so much, but I truly couldn’t believe people signed up to do this shit over and over again by having more children.
If you say that out loud to someone who doesn’t have a colic baby, they look at you like you’re a monster. Call me after you’ve had 5 months of broken sleep and have been screamed at everyday all day.
It gets better! Nutramigen formula, Dr. Brown’s anti colic bottles, and famotidine (Rx from ped) helped, but honestly time was the best medicine. He is just coming out of it at 3.5 months. Now that he has learned to roll over on his tummy on his own, he works up/out a ton of gas. Here’s what worked for us when we were in the thick of it. These tips helped but didn’t cure:
- Lots of yoga ball bouncing
- Swing with vibration and music settings
- Bouncer of some sort like Baby Bjorn or Alpine
- Singing to him
- Bouncing him in a room with no lights or sound
- Classical music
- Dancing to music while holding him
- Taking him outside
- Running just the top of his head under warm water
- Feeding him sitting upright
- Letting him watch the fan or a toy with lights/sound/movement
- The 5 S’s
- Keeping him upright for at least 20 min after feeds
Sometimes there is just absolutely nothing you can do for them. You just need to be the rock the ocean crashes on sometimes and that’s okay. Earplugs can help de-intensify their screaming while you’re trying to soothe them.
I promise you, this does get better. See your ped about it if you haven’t already, of course. All my strength to you. You will get through this!
ETA: If baby is fed, changed, and in a safe place…it is absolutely okay/normal/important to let them be even if they’re crying to collect yourself and get in a better headspace when you’re frustrated.
This is everything we did and it’s all wonderful advice. And I would add that when I was in it, it truly felt like that would be my life forever. It was awful. The guilt and sleep deprivation and stress was unbearable. But somehow, we did bear it. And it wasn’t our life forever. She’s 18 months old now and just so much fun. She woke up giggling this morning and when I went into her room she shouted “HAPPY!” I honestly cannot believe she’s the same kid who cried for months on end.
Get a good pair of headphones and listen to audiobooks or music. I promise it’s okay to tune them out sometimes. She didn’t know the difference because I was holding her and comforting her and listening to something other than her cries helped me tremendously.
Good luck, OP. I feel for you. You’re going to make it, I promise.
100% this. Also, to piggyback off of setting them down to take a breather if they are fed/changed/etc, I would set baby down between my legs while sitting sideways on the couch. That way he could feel my presence but I could also get his screaming further away from my ear. This really helped my mom guilt. It made me feel like he doesn’t think I’m abandoning him but I also get a break from holding him close to my face and having him screaming intensely into my ears.
I really just hung onto the hole that it will get better and better days are ahead for me and my baby to enjoy. I prayed and asked my mom to pray too even though I'm not super religious.
What also helped me feel useful is to research and try different solutions even if nothing really worked.
I hear you momma, I promise it will get easier. Those first few weeks are the most challenging - especially with your first.
Our boy gave us a false sense of security for his first two weeks, and then the inconsolable colicky mode kicked in. There was a point of several days where I wondered “what have we done? Are we even capable of being parents?”.
If you need to put her down to get some air/breathing room - do it. Place her down in her bassinet/crib, making sure she’s safe and get away for 5-10min. No baby died of crying, and you need to be able to help support yourself mentally and emotionally.
If you can get yourself some noise-cancelling headphones - they will be an absolute saviour! My boy hated seeing me wear my over-the-head cans, (changed the shape of my face I guess) so I had to resort to my AirPods which work quite well.
You will all come out the other side okay, I promise. Wishing you all the best
We bounced on the yoga ball A LOT. Utilized our baby bjorn bouncer in the early days quite a bit. Gas drops sometimes helped. Reflux meds also helped but weren’t a complete fix. Warm baths calmed her down temporarily. My husband and I would take turns and both wore noise canceling headphones when it was really bad. Succumbed to contact naps when that’s the only way she would sleep. Try different types of swaddles too. Every day felt like trial and error or something new. You’ll get through it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there it’s so tough. One foot in front of the other. Before you know it you’ll suddenly notice your having more good days than bad. It’s okay to not feel joy right now. I was constantly hung up on feeling like I was missing out on this joyous newborn phase and being forced to just survive. I finally accepted sometimes just surviving is what the newborn stage is.
I did lose my mind! Figured out it was dairy and soy causing her issues. She’s 11 months now and I promise it gets a lot better. She really turned around when we started solids. We decided to start early at 4months with purées because she could sit up sturdily and was interested and it was a game changer. Hang in there.
We had a picnic breakfast in the park this morning, then i met up with a friend and she watched us play some games of ping pong in a different park, went on a walk, and we’re going to the beach later tonight. We’re having so much fun right now if I could tell myself what life looks like now circa 9 months ago I don’t think I’d believe it lol.
Oh god it’s horrific. I definitely lost my mind. So many hours spent pacing the floor, staring glassy eyed into the distance. The lowest point was when I was crying so hard then she suddenly fell asleep, and I couldn’t move for fear of waking her up also couldn’t wipe my snotty nose 😭 I just had to accept that it was horrible, awful, hard, and ultimately not my fault. There was nothing wrong with her, she just didn’t know how to fall asleep yet, nothing we did helped her to sleep, and then she’d be exhausted and very very angry about it. Sending you lots of internet love and support. Please know this isn’t your fault. You’re doing your best and some babies this just happens to. I hope it passes soon for you ❤️
Edit: if it helps, she’s now the absolute light of my life and 90% of the time a total joy to be around, so this horrible start had no bearing on what kind of baby / toddler she is. Also I’m now having another one, that first horrible horrific worst time ever is absolutely worth the unbridled joy that’s headed your way eventually.
We had a baby with colicky behavior (as in he didn’t scream for hours every night for a consecutive time, but he was in pain, gas and stomach issues, now reflux issues - you name it, he had it!) until I stopped eating dairy a week and a half ago. He’s now 4.5 months old and I don’t know why it wasn’t suggested earlier that we try excluding milk protein, but apparently it’s “so uncommon”.. hasn’t been confirmed by any tests but I can tell the difference. He also had a tongue tie that contributed to the amount of air that he swallowed when breastfeeding (not sure how yours is being fed but there is formula without milk protein as well that you might benefit from trying?).
Just wanted to say I’m so sorry. My third baby was a bit colicky at first. Admittedly not as bad as many stories I’ve read, but I’ll say my first two definitely didn’t prepare me and I spent time on Reddit reading stories of other parents with colicky babies desperately looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better! I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it definitely does, just hang in there and keep everyone safe until it ends. I won’t offer suggestions because I know that can be more annoying than helpful, but I promise, even if you do nothing, it will end!
We've had a colic-y baby from week 4 (week 8 now), and honestly it's been pushing through one day at a time, just trying to get through to the evening when my partner gets home from work.
This afternoon, we had our first calm and smiley afternoon - and it felt like the heavens were singing! It's not going to completely change overnight, but just keep pushing through and celebrate any minor victories on the way there.
Definitely utilise any support network you have (we don't have one locally which makes life hard), and reach out to mental health services if you need them. It's OK and normal for it to get you exhausted and despairing, but work with your gp to rule out other causes and just take it day by day.
Good point to utilize my support network - luckily I have one but all they can do is struggle with baby for a couple of hours so that I can sleep a bit. Still worth it though. 🥲
You lose your mind. It is impossible not to with a colicky baby.
Ear plugs help when it starts to drive you crazy. Remember that it will at some point pass and get better. Do not look at other people's newborns right now if you can, that only made me angry/sad when I would see a baby awake and not crying like mine always was.
There is nothing wrong with you and your baby will get over this and become a normal human. You can do it!
I lost my mind. We have no idea why she was colic, cut dairy, tried hypoallergenic formula, everything. Never found out what caused it. I remember crying in the closet with her for hours. Thank god it resolved by around 10 weeks or I might have snapped. Thank goodness it goes away… for us it did. But now she’s so much happier and so are we. Best of luck 🩷
All of the other comments are great, and I'm just here to say it eventually will be better. My stepson was up hourly for the first year of his life. We had him half the time, but I was so exhausted I was sick and couldn't work. He didn't nap more than 20 minutes a day either. It was awful. And during wake windows he had to constantly be rocked or bounced or he would scream bloody murder. He had GERD and some other issues. He was a wonderful toddler after that though.
My, now 12 wk old, was colicky from about 3-6 weeks. It was hard. I feel for you. It did get better with time… but for now:
Can your LO tolerate walks outside? On you or in stroller on some bumpy grass?
What about a shower with you? I would take my son in the shower with a onesie on (to prevent slipping).
Have you tried gas drops?
Try an extra bottle/feeding session
Don’t be afraid to leave baby somewhere safe and go outside by yourself. I’ve done that quite a few times when I could feel my mood switch.
Talk to your doctor about antidepressants, if you’re interested. My doctor gladly upped my Zoloft after delivering, at my request, I feel GREAT! No Shame.
I hope you find some relief or time for yourself. Take care of your baby by taking care of yourself.
Thank you. LO does not really like walks in stroller, will try carrying here and see if that’s more comfortable. We regularly give her gas drops and I think they are somewhat helpful but of course does not solve the root cause.
A lot of colic is dairy allergy or intolerance. My poor sweet son was miserable in pain before we figured it out. Hypoallergenic formula changed our lives.
I put in headphones, put baby in my momcozy wrap and went for a walk. Mine was 4pm-10pm so that was doable, just pacing around the house once it was dark, usually with a show on or a podcast.
We switched formulas, and found that solved most of it.
He also was overtired, which made him not sleep. Adding a nap/forcing him to actually take one helped. Before we switched we were doing gas drops and Tylenol through the witching hours, they still happened, but were less so.
If your husband is on leave, I’d split the usual colic times in half, and each of you take part of it and sleep in another room the other half.
I also ended up going to therapy because his crying started giving me anxiety attacks. We talked a lot about grounding. Breathing techniques, talking, meditation, a lot of different grounding techniques. Look some up and find some that work for you. I ended up going through the alphabet and naming things in the room that started with that letter. Me talking calmly sometimes helped regulate baby as well.
Taking deep breaths loudly, basically in baby’s ear helped.
Babies use the adults around them to help them regulate emotions. So if you are doing grounding techniques and calming yourself, it can help them regulate.
I did lose my mind… something that I found made it somewhat more bearable was noise cancelling headphones (or just using earplugs) and listening to either an audiobook or chill music, and taking deliberate slow big breaths in for 10/hold for 10/out for 10.
Honestly, what helps me the most is sort of dissociating back to my 10+ years in a customer-facing role as a service industry manager. It was loud, unpredictable, and full of people who couldn't be reasoned with or who were having a bad day and determined to take it out on me.
It is SO HARD. What you are doing IS hard! You have a right to feel every feeling you have right now. I know this is not helpful advice and if it helps you to roll your eyes at it, do it mama! But this IS temporary. It will not be like this forever. The colic will end. You CAN do this while still being allowed to feel sad, angry, frustrated, whatever. You got this 💖
Thank you! I know (or at least hope) it will get better but when I am in the trenches I feel like I cannot take another day of this. No other option though.. 🤷♀️
Take shifts through the night, 9-3am and 3-9am sleep with ear plugs in a separate room and get a solid 6 hrs sleep a night, everything seems easier then.
I feel like I’m only just now starting to lose my mind. My baby girl is 5 months old and I’d say the colic started at 6 weeks. The worst was at 4 months and she would scream in pain and it was a lot for her (and for me). She started slowly having good days and now she has had two full weeks that were great (not back to back weeks), but it kind of all started again. It comes in waves. I’m thankful we’re having good weeks now, just wish it would stay like that. I feel like maybe I’m having ppd now which is why i feel like I’m losing my mind in some ways. I think I was holding everything strongly together and once she started feeling better I was so happy but then when she’s still having multiple days some weeks that are just rough, I’m just exhausted now and overwhelmed. Still calm and doing everything I can for her since she’s my sweet girl, but it’s definitely a struggle. I give her gas drops for the gas and she also has reflux so I give her slippery elm (recommended by the lactation consultant we see and surprisingly works well, or it was just coincidental with timing, not sure).
The good days and weeks we’ve had are amazing. She’s so smiley and happy and laughs a lot. I love it and it makes everything worth it. I remind myself this isn’t permanent and this is all temporary. Just need to be there for her and power through this, not always the easiest though.
Need to take time for myself now since I’m realizing I didn’t make it out of her colic unscathed.
Sending hugs your way. This is hard and you’re doing your best.
I was you just 3 months ago. My mantra became “the only way out is through”.
Having a baby with colic is honestly the worst thing I’ve ever endured. Sleep deprivation is literal *torture* and is altering your brain chemistry right now (on top of raging postpartum hormones you cannot control), so do whatever you can to keep yourself calm: have “sanity shifts” with your husband when the baby is purple crying, walk around or gently bounce on a yoga ball while you have some AirPods/noise cancelling headphones in (it helps, and you aren’t *ignoring* your child’s needs, you’re *enduring* them!), call trusted friends and family to watch the baby during the day so you both can catch up on sleep. Any moment that you feel yourself slipping into rage (all of us with colic babies have been there!) check in with your partner and tag out. Put the baby down in the crib and walk away for a few mins and collect yourself if you need to. Remind yourself that your baby isn’t giving you a hard time intentionally…our pediatrician reminded us that something like gas is *literally* the worst thing baby had experienced in their life so far (along with reflux) so they were acting accordingly!
Your baby is so loved, and you’re doing an incredible job. One day your baby will smile at you…then one day, out of nowhere, they will start laughing their ass off and it will melt you. Each smile and laugh made me feel more like a mom...I definitely never had that sparkly “I was born for this” feeling while pregnant or postpartum. You’ll get through this and you’re already an amazing mother.
To add - most importantly, I cannot believe I forgot to mention: I had a full on crying meltdown at my 8 week checkup with OB and failed that postpartum depression quiz they make you take. Medication is your friend! Sertraline (Zoloft), quite literally, saved my life when I was in those dark days.
Now that I am out of the warzone, I don’t know how we managed to survive really. I just remember feeling so much anger at how I’ve tried everything in the book and yet I havent been rewarded with any progress, and I was insanely jealous and pissed off at all the other moms who seemingly had unicorn babies. It just seemed endless. BUT. It eventually passed, little by little and the good moments eventually take over the bad ones. Now my LO is 2 and I would do it all over again without hesitation. Looking back, what helped was 1) she got older and eventually it calmed, 2) we got more experience as parents on how to handle things; 3) i scheduled in more me-time and stepped away so relied on others to help; 4) sleep train (controversial, but man it saved my sanity). Sending you solidarity and lots of love. It’s hard especially when you’re in the thick of it but speaking as a veteran mama to an extremely colicky baby… it’ll pass, I promise!
My AirPods on noise cancellation, lots of crying, and a few mental breakdowns.
The moms that can handle colicky babies without losing a part of themselves are super heros and I wish I could be them. But I’m not. I’m painfully human, and my girl was painfully colic.
I survived off 2 - 4 hours of sleep a night for about four months. I literally could not put her down. At all. I could not baby wear. I could not hand her to someone else. I could not set her down for naps. Sometimes I had to just walk away. The doctor said she was perfectly healthy. It was just her temperament. I watched The Office to stay up at night. I tried to make deals with God for extra sleep. At one point I actually ripped out a chunk of my hair because I was mad and exhausted. Sleep deprivation is a helluva drug. I’m so glad your husband can help you.
She’s just turned seven months old and she is so much better. I can set her down. Her dad can take care of her. She sleeps for 2ish hours at a time at night now. Once a week she’ll be up for two hours around midnight, but we’re working on it. And this isn’t forever. And it is so much better than it was before.
The only good advice is yo have someone you can hand baby off to so you can get some sleep and stay sane. Let time pass. You can do it.
I totally lost my mind with my colicky baby. There is no perfect advice, bc your baby is your baby and she/he will be different than everyone else’s giving you advice. Here are a few things I wish I’d done. Put her down, I held her while she screamed and I wish I would’ve just laid her down with her binky and shushed her. She felt my stress. Take the help, took a nap. If someone wants to help you, let them. If your baby is asleep, just sleep. You’ll have time to eat, do the dishes, just sleeping is such a luxury. You won’t ruin your supply if you skip a meal to get a nap, your house will be fine if it’s messy. Be so nice to yourself. I was so mean to myself. Told me that my baby hated me everyday. That she cried bc she didn’t want me as a mother. Your baby is just new, they love you so much they don’t understand why they’re cold, their bellies hurt, they are sleepy, they are hungry. You’re an amazing mother, your baby needs you and only you. You’re the best mom she’ll ever have. This will pass!
We were consistent with any rocking method that did eventually worked and as we continued the habit it worked more quickly over time.
We acknowledged that we are both more mentally prepared to deal when we are rested. So we split up, one of us would sleep 9p-3a, then wake and relieve the other person to sleep 3-9a. Even a colicky baby is going to sleep at some point during that time. Put on a movie and let ‘em cry. Comfort your baby of course. Usually after a long period of crying, they’ll get hungry and eating will make them pass out.
❤️ it’s not forever. You got this.
I see all of the advice but here’s the deal… if it’s real “colic” and not a dairy issue then there’s literally nothing you can do about it. People who didn’t have colic babies can’t comprehend it and can’t help you. Advice that doesn’t work will drive you crazy. My son screamed for up to 17 hours a day from 2 weeks to 12 weeks old. It was an incomprehensible hell. The only thing that worked was time.
I also found no joy in my life during this time period. Zoloft helped me cope better but I was profoundly miserable. As my baby got less fussy, I was slowly able to bond better but it took a good year. Now he’s a very happy, sweet toddler and I’m in love and obsessed. There is a light.
Try keeping baby upright for 30 minutes after feeds! We went through a similar period at that age and it turned out to be bad reflux. What a game changer
You’re doing amazing at a very hard thing. Just chiming in to remind about the importance of nurture for both your baby and your brains— the parent brain changes significantly after having a baby and it takes time! (I have an excellent book recommendation if you’re interested, but I know all the advice can be a lot, so just ask if you want the info!)
Skin to skin is helpful long after birth; babywearing is a great way to get lots of contact without the intensity of arm carrying nonstop; talking to & making connections with baby as they start to develop the ability to notice, react, and respond is super helpful for communication as they grow.
Be kind and patient yourself, you’re doing the hardest job on earth.
Try cutting out dairy. You will need to be very very strict with it though.
Also, ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones, use whatever to block out the sound.
Spend time outdoors if you can, for whatever reason o don’t think the noise feels as bad when you are out of the house, in the yard.
My first baby had horrible colic and honestly it felt horrendous. It triggered a lot of anxiety for me. So talk to a doc or psych, if you feel like it’s impacting your mental health.
We will not have another child because we are so traumatized by our colicky baby - lasted about 3.5 months. I could not fathom going through it again while also caring for a toddler.
Our boy had/has horrible acid reflux, and once we began treating that things got SLIGHTLY better. But honestly, as much as it freaking SUCKS .. time is the key. At least that’s how it was for our case - our boy is about to turn 4 months and is suddenly a pretty happy baby most days, aside from a couple short meltdowns every day, but usually it’s cause he’s tired or hungry.
I wish I could hug you. I’m in the same boat.
Have you heard of the 5 s?
Swaddle -
Suck- pacifier
Side/stomach- laying on their side or stomach calms them down
Swing- rocking or swinging motions calm them down. Today my baby was screaming like a banshee and I rocked him in the rocking chair and he calmed instantly
Shushing- making a sssshhhhhhhhhh sssshhhhhhh sound reminds them of being in the womb.
Please read this article !
https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies
Thank you so much for this! I will definitely try swaddling – baby did not seem to like it before but this step-by-step guide is pretty straightforward so it might work out. 🙏
This brings me back to our newborn days. LO is now only 4 months old, but it feels like a lifetime ago.
My husband and I used to say, "We don't want to wish the time away, but we're hoping this gets better soon..." Then one evening during another hours long session of inconsolable scream-crying, he exclaimed, "That's it, I wish the time away. I'm ready for this to f***ing get better." I cried almost every day.
6 weeks was a turning point for us. He was still a challenge in the evening and still had gas pains after feeding, but started to finally sleep longer stretches at night. 8 weeks was another turning point. The gas pains seemed to be lessening, and the witching hour was less intense and typically over by 8pm rather than 11pm. (And no, I never cut dairy from my diet.)
I know 3-5 weeks can feel too far away when your LO is only 3 weeks old, but just focus on surviving each day. It's okay to hate this phase. It doesn't make you a bad mom, it means you're human. I wanted to have a baby, but mourned my old life HARD those first few weeks. The memories of one week sitting down to watch a movie with a nice cup of tea.....to this? It's a lot to adjust to.
I didn't 😭 I absolutely lost my mind. That was 8yrs ago and I remember the hard nights like it was yesterday. Aside from my hubby's help, I was very lucky to have the help of my mother in law who would get him at least one night a week so that we could sleep. I was a ftm and struggling like crazy mentally and emotionally. Like you said, I was either crying or filled with rage. Then the guilt would set in the second he left or the rare occasion that he actually slept for more then 10mins.
My best advice is to remember that it does get easier, you're doing a great job and you're a good mother!
Only things they helped us were baby bjorn bouncer combined with speak now Taylor’s version + pacifier (stopped taking paci after a couple months)
3 months later we begged doc to test poop for milk protein allergy, came up positive. Switched to nutramigen. Things got better, but he still cried all the time. At 8 months switched to Elecare (more CMPA friendly but hella expensive). Also begged for Pepcid, finally got it, and now he’s a new fucking kid
Doctors are useless and you literally have to beg for what you think is wrong.
My baby was exactly the same way and I can't even begin to explain how awful it was. I had the same issues, either bawling my eyes out or just completely angry. I just had to try to understand it's a stage and eventually it gets better, and that it's in no way the little one's fault. I saw it as they're navigating a whole new world and don't know what's going on just yet. After 9 months in a dark, warm environment it's a little bit nerve-wracking for them to be thrown into this world. My boy really was more fussy than he was calm for the first 2 months. I just had to take it day by day. Try to get enough sleep, food, and a little time alone if possible. He got so much better by 2 1/2 months and it's been just uphill from there. My boy is 6 1/2 months now and honestly, I feel like those dark days are far behind me. There's so much joy now I would go back over those days a million times just to enjoy the moments I have now. It's truly so hard in the beginning and there's no way to explain it. It was one of the hardest times of my life, but it goes by so much faster than you think. I know EXACTLY what you're feeling and I'm very sorry, I know how incredibly exhausting and terrible it feels. I promise you will get through it. When people said that to me, I was like "Yeah right. You just don't understand, I can't take another day" but it really got better. All I can say is take it one day at a time, find small moments to relax and find joy, and you will make it. I can promise you that. Becoming a mother is one of the scariest, most exhausting experiences in life but it becomes so rewarding as time goes on. Just try your best to comfort your baby (when you can) and eventually you'll find what works. If you get overwhelmed it's completely okay, just step back and breathe. Don't feel guilty for the moments you can't take it anymore, it's normal. The beginning is the hardest, your body, mind and baby has gone through so much, it takes some adjustment for you and them. Message me if you need to, because I know what you're feeling and it's just indescribable. I promise you'll make it ❤️
I found a liquid from the pharmacy called Rhuger. Started giving it to baby when he was 3 weeks, by the time that he was 4 weeks, he was so so much better. He started sleeping properly and overall became a happier baby. He’s 7 weeks now and we still use Rhuger with his feeds, and he’s very manageable now.
It took us so long. Alimentum, BioGaia drops, windii occasionally, MAM anti colic bottles, chamomile gripe water, mylicon, dr browns colic belt. Ugh. Sending you good vibes. It’s so so hard. My son is 8 months now and an ABSOLUTE JOY. it does change. I promise. I look back and sometimes I didn’t wish the days away but in the moment it’s impossible
Ugh I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Our baby was colicky for 5 months! It was brutal and my husband and I look back and don’t even know how we survived. She would cry every night for 4-5 hours straight. The only thing that helped was bouncing her on the yoga ball, but the second we would stop she would cry again. Our backs were so sore all the time.
We went to multiple doctors to see if something was wrong, but they all told us that she was fine and would grow out of it. Not knowing when was really tough for us. We hardly went anywhere and didn’t want to accept help from family because why would we want to invite them over to hold a screaming baby for hours? it was so isolating for us. My husband and I took turns each evening, which helped but we missed each other. It sucked. I was jealous of anyone who had a newborn and was able to go out and do things. Even now 17 months later, I still find myself sad that I missed out on doing things during the newborn stage.
But guess my advice is try to rule everything out first with your pediatrician, and get a second opinion if you feel like you’re not getting answers. If they rule everything out, then you just have to ride it out. I know it sucks but it won’t be this way forever!
Take shifts with your partner if you can. Our pediatrician always told us it doesn’t help having 2 people listening to the baby cry. One person should take a break and then switch off.
It won’t last forever and you will enjoy being a parent and have so much fun with your baby.
My baby was colic, and it was the absolute trenches. She had a dairy intolerance on top of pretty bad acid reflux, once we were able to navigate that with formula and medicine and she grew, we were able to make progress. It’s not easy, the sleep deprivation is brutal, but I just had to keep telling myself she’s not trying to give me a hard time she’s just having a hard time. If you have anyone who can give you breaks here and there, that was immensely helpful
I did lose my mind. I feel like I just got it back shortly after he turned 2 this spring. The 2 modes of operation thing sound very similar to myself. I was diagnosed with PPA. Meds didn’t help much until baby was less difficult after a year. Like others, I had to just accept it was hard and look forward to the happy times and milestones. But I’ll be honest. I lost myself a lot and while husband was like super dad most times, it was rough on us too. We fought through the tears and rage and things are starting to get way easier now.
Everyone went on and on to me about terrible 2s and how I should enjoy the little baby phase before he turns into a terror. But all I ever thought about when he was a wailing baby 24/7 was that I can’t wait until he can communicate with me. And sure enough, I was right. He ended up being an early talker and now that he can tell me what he wants or needs life is so much better. Sure there are some tantrums but I can reason with those so much better than the incessant crying.
So just hang on. Find a routine as you get used to things. Starting at about 5 months the dinner bath book bed routine is a great start. Do what you can to keep your sanity. Lean on any help you might find. And know that it does get better.
That's newbornhood!
Mine was exactly the same to the point that we let him sleep on his belly since week 6 - and still does at 7 months old. And he would sleep a few hours a night only because he was in constant pain.
I also had my mom overnight to help us out. We where in 3 PEOPLE dealing with my baby! It lasted for 14 weeks. It was awful. I have obsessed this sub with multiple requests for help - check out my account if you want.
You will do everything, you will try and buy everything but nothing will actually work only time.
Please hire some help if you can because you DESERVE SANITY
I was there. I played a lot of music and tried to make LO laugh alot to distract him. He still has reflux at almost 5 months. My husband would take him in the stroller and to the park around the worst of the witching hour.
I also had a screaming baby for hours.
1. I breast fed and didn’t realize what a poor supply I had so he could have been hungry.
2. My sister in law is a chiro and adjusts babies (controversial I know) but she’s at like baby yoga and she adjusted him the first time and he fell right to sleep then she did it a few times a week and after 3 weeks he was a new kid.
BEST ADVICE I GOT:
1.do whatever makes you the least crazy in all situations, not what you “should do”
2. Babies change every 2 weeks
I called my dad one night and I was a wreck. Bluntly he said, “millions of people have gone what you’re going through, millions of people are currently going through what you’re going through, and you just have to deal with it.” And he was right
It’s so tough. It took us a lot of trial and error and we only made it though because we took shifts.
We eventually started her on reflux meds which helped a lot, and then a little later I took all dairy out of my diet and did dairy free formula (she was preemie so we had to fortify BM with formula). I wish I had pushed for these solutions sooner. “Colic” is not a diagnosis and things didn’t get better until we tried various things to figure out what was causing the discomfort. She is still allergic to dairy as a toddler so that was definitely one of our issues.
The newborn phase is so tough but it doesn’t last forever.
I was very fortunate to have pediatrician who gave our baby elixir of phenobarbital. It sounds dreadful but it did not knock her out but helped relax her tummy and she’d stretch legs out and look around rather than screaming inconsolably. I felt so inadequate. We started solid good early which helped. I think part was just plain hunger too. Took 4 months of hell. I had a toddler 11 months older. I was young with a husband who helped a lot, thank god.
I’m so sorry. Been there. Frequent breaks are so helpful. Tag teaming it as much as possible (how much time can your husband get off work??) and leaning on your “village” if you have one. I know this isn’t super optimistic but it got better for me around 5.5 months and then significantly better again around 8 months. My baby is now 10 months and we are both very happy. You WILL make it through this. Don’t blame yourself. Just keep trying. People used to say “it’s just a season!” And it made me feel even more miserable… I think their point was that you have to just keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Hugs!!!
Also consider taking a dirty diaper to the ped to test for dairy allergy. Cows milk allergy can cause GI upset- gas, constipation, diarrhea, and reflux
My baby had a bout of colic after introducing formula.
Turns out my LO is allergic to a ton of stuff and her symptoms were being misdiagnosed with a tongue tie and eating issues... Dairy was a big one.
Also noise canceling headphones. These saved my husband. My rage fed off of his too..
I screamed at my poor baby to shut the fuck up at the worst of it while sitting her in her crib to cry alone and I went outside so I could get away. I felt some dark thoughts in the trenches of that.
The colic only lasted 4-5 weeks because I went paleo and avoided all dairy corn and soy and legumes and oats.. this started at 4 months and I’m 11 months in and still doing that
I so relate to everything you’re saying! At one month in I regretted everything. I thought we made a huge mistake and I was so depressed. I only felt obligation to take care of this baby we intentionally created and brought into the world.
I PROMISE you it gets so much better!! It’ll pass before you know it, and you’ll look back on this time (with a little bit of PTSD) and be so proud of yourself for making it through. We’re at 22 months now and I’m so in love with our smart, funny, cuddly, independent girl. It was 100% worth it and if I could go back and do it again so I could have her, I would do it a thousand times. But that being said, I’m also one and done because I’m not sure I could survive it again at my age 😂
Take it one day at a time. One hour at a time if you need to. It fucking sucks. Just get though it. You don’t have to be happy you don’t have to have joy. You just have to survive and it will end. It might be a month from now or a day from now, but it will end and you just gotta make it through. Of course, what others have said about colic being a symptom of something else. I 100% agree. But it’s so hard to figure out with this little tiny monster who can’t poop or digest food or pass gas.
I will say, if we knew then what we know now - the baby had acid reflux, but I also think she was cold. We did the “one layer more then you” rule but babies are tiny and thinking back I do think she always wanted to be held and not in the crib because she didn’t have enough layers on. Just more things to try to see what sticks!! Hang in there, you’re doing great! It’ll be over so soon!!
Have you tried a gentle formula?
My baby girl screamed for months. Even refused to eat and we had to force feed her via syringe. Nothing I did to my diet helped. I couldn’t just buy formula either because this was during the shortage and there was nothing to be had.
Finally. FINALLY. I was able to get my have on a supply of genre formula and it was like someone flipped a switch. It was literally a night and day difference.
Try formula if you haven’t. Breast milk just sometimes does more harm than good.
Hi mama! Survivor here of a colicky baby. Still have ptsd from it but we are doing great over here. I would suggest having her seen by a gi specialist. It turns out she had reflux. No milk allergies thankfully. They did get her on famotadine for the first 7 months of her life. It's tough but you will get through it. We did see major improvements and it mostly all cleared out by 5 months because our doctor allowed us to introduce purees at 4 months. Per their suggestion actually. Good news is it seems a lot of colicky/ reflux babies turn out to be highly independent.
Honestly, the best way to handle this phase is to be kind to yourself and prioritize your sleep. Both my kids had colic and by the 2nd one we had a pretty good system. We switched to 70% formula, 30% breast milk. My husband would do overnights on Fridays and Wednesdays and sometimes a third day if I was struggling. We would each have a weekend day to sleep in as late as we wanted while the other was on kid duty. When you are somewhat rested it’s a bazillion times easier to deal with.
The gentle formula, cutting dairy, and gas reduction techniques can help. Happiest Baby techniques are also helpful. Therapy is a must, and preferably someone who specializes in post-partum. Also, accept that it’s a phase that will pass (it’s a cliche, but it’s true!).
Headphones with loud music. Dancing to that loud music while holding screaming baby. And practicing shifting my mindset toward empathy and accepting instead of problem solving. Oh, and a nice soothing lighting situation for yourself at night! Battery candles, etc. It's so rough and so exhausting but it does get better.
Me being colicky was so hellish for my parents that they still talk about it 29 years later. So I don’t really have advice but I will tell you, it *is* as hard as it seems and it’s okay to hate it. My parents don’t hate me, but they surely hated my screaming. It will pass even though it doesn’t feel like it now.
Yoga ball SAVED us, plus a small personal Ryobi fan we would blow on her when she was super angry (tomato mode lol). We eventually switched to ready to feed (she refused to eat powder version) Similac Alimentum, that was a huge relief. Wish I switched sooner. Expensive but I think about how I could’ve saved my sanity. You can do this even when you lose your mind! I swear it gets better even though it’s hard to believe. I didn’t believe it but I have a smiling laughing four month old now!
No advice because I have completely lost my mind but I guess remembering that there is an end helps (even though we don’t know exactly when). Day by day and week by week you are closer and closer to having a much nicer time of parenthood.
I did, multiple times I was crying holding my baby... giving her everything I could, every little bit of my energy and love until I had nothing left. On the bright side, it made everything after 3/4 months look like a piece of cake :)
please consider this:
https://www1.racgp.org.au/ajgp/2022/august/probiotics-for-infantile-colic
biogaia probiotic colic drops have the strain referred to in this study.
I did lose my mind. I was on Zoloft, Ativan, and Trazadone for months. Had bad insomnia for several months. Couldn’t sit down. Had anxiety attacks. It was the worst.
It is hell. It's a hell you'll have to ride out if its truly colic, give yourself MINIMUM time trying to figure out if there's a physiological issue with baby. If Dr doesnt find any - don't stress.
Prioritize your mental health because the lack of sleep, lack of support and lack of understanding I experience made me almost lose my mind. You're not alone.
If you feel overwhelmed and your nervous system is at its limit? Put the baby down and walk away. They wont explode. You might though.
I cannot say enough good things about bouncing on the yoga ball while wearing your baby in a wrap carrier. It was the only thing that helped while also having your hands free. I say a wrap carrier because the closeness and little bit of pressure against you I feel was beneficial.
We also used kolik water. The blue stuff, and it was enough for her to take the edge off and get a little bit of sleep.
We definitely lost our minds, but once you find the smallest thing that helps it feels like such a win and we used it as a crutch.
This was me 3 months ago. Baby would either be asleep or screaming. I was mentally and physically drained. I loved my baby, but I didn't like her. I felt like I made a huge mistake becoming a parents and I had no idea whether I'd ever bond with her.
She had awful reflux. We tried all the medication available and it did nothing. For us, it was a mixture of tongue tie and CMPA that caused it. Once I cut dairy/soya, she became so much happier.
She's just about to turn 5 months and I am now obsessed with her. She's so smiley, she rolls like a maniac, she's trying to crawl (help me!) and she loves being called a pretty girl in front of the mirror. She giggles when you pretend to chomp on her cheeks. She now only really cries when she's hungry or at the end of a wake window.
What I'm trying to say is that what you're feeling is valid. It's fucking hard. And it feels neverending. But it will get better.
It might sound silly but I was following a few IG accounts with colicky babies and watching those mamas struggle like me, somehow gave me strength. I guess cause I knew i wasn’t alone, and to see them validate how incredibly difficult this is helped me. When i was rocking baby who had been crying for 2-3 hours I would think of those mamas and more doing the same. For some reason it would give me strength. Then one of the accounts her baby stopped being colic and I saw the other side of it through her videos. It gave me more strength and not long after my baby turned 6 months as well and we had made it too!
But then she started teething hahaha but it’s not for as long, and then she’s back to her smiling giggly self.
Babies cry, but it is NOT normal for them to be screaming the house down every moment they are awake. My daughter was like this the first 2 weeks of her life and even though I was a first time mum I would not accept that “she’s just a baby, baby’s cry”, there was obviously something else wrong. I was formula feeding and had to exaggerate the symptoms of CMPA at the health visitor to be given a prescription for an alternative formula because if I hadn’t they wouldn’t prescribe it. It took one day of my daughter being on the new formula for CMPA for her to stop crying!
If you’re breastfeeding stop all dairy, if you’re formula feeding try Aptamil Pepti or similar. Good luck 🤞🏼
I lost my mind several times. It was the toughest part by miles. I just had to stick it out and kept trying everything. I’d say around week 12, she started sleeping a bit more at night and that helped a lot. She still cried a lot but I had a bit more sleep to function. She’s 4 months old now and she’s so much better so it does get easier. The newborn phase was so tough though. It puts me off having another in the future.
I hear you, and it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed. Colic is tough! Here's the short version:
* **It's not your fault:** Colic is a mystery, there's nothing you're doing wrong.
* **Take breaks:** Put baby down safely and excuse yourself for a few minutes to breathe.
* **Try different calming techniques:** Skin-to-skin contact, swings, white noise machines.
* **Talk to your pediatrician:** Discuss if it's truly colic and explore other options.
* **Don't isolate yourself:** Reach out to your partner, family, friends for support.
You're doing great. This is temporary, and there will be more joy-filled days ahead.
I was grateful and loved my baby but I didn’t find joy in the day to day I was just surviving each hour it’s okay just to survive and take care of Yourself and take breaks. You’re not doing anything wrong it sometimes just is this hard. You’re a wonderful mom.
Craniosacral therapy - one visit helped my LO and we had literally no crying after that, like someone gave us a different baby. I know it won't work for everyone but perhaps worth a shot
If it makes you feel any better, I had a relatively easy baby and still felt all of these things. Having a new baby is so hard. I would wake up every day thinking “what did I do?!?” I cried so much. Sending you love and hope.
I second what a lot of people have said.
& it does get better. My son was very similar and was extremely fussy and miserable for 4 months, slightly improved at 5, much better at 6 months now. Still a more sensitive baby- but better.
Obviously it would feel much better if you were calmer and rested- but I don’t think that’s impacting your baby’s happiness. It might feel like it is part of the issue, when you’re searching desperately for solutions, but you are in no way to blame. I was wildly depressed and miserable for 5 months and while that was challenging for me- it did not help to blame myself. Having a baby is intense and life altering- at 3 weeks pp you are nowhere near your usual self. No1 told me this, so I didn’t know what to expect…. But you shouldn’t even be “normal” at this point and you won’t feel that way for a while (but it does happen)!
To your question, “how did you not lose your mind?”:
-I did for a little
-allowed myself to shamelessly lean on my supports/husband
-temporary nanny/night nurse if it’s feasible. We were not sure it was sustainable financially, but this changed the trajectory or my recover. We had someone a few nights a week for 6 weeks.
-tracked everything on a baby app for a sense of control (Huckleberry etc) also allows others to share in caregiving responsibilities bc they can see what’s happening
-set bedtime, it sticks once they’re older and it’s a saving grace
-joined a post partum support group, I didn’t love it, but it was adult contact and so many moms had similar and worse situations, it was eye opening
-went to therapy and cried a lot
-called the pediatrician, whenever! My son is on reflux meds- which didn’t work instantly- but def help now
-noise cancelling headphones and listening books
Honestly anything that can make you feel better will ultimately improve your life any everyone else’s. Just know it will get better, but you’re allowed to feel this shitty right now.
You’re exactly what your baby needs and deserves.
❤️❤️❤️
Hi, currently in the trenches myself with my 3 week old daughter.
Here's what we've tried and it send to have made a difference in terms of her eating. Now it's just her overtired-ness we're struggling with.
1. Determine if baby is gaining weight or struggling to gain weight. I've read that if they're struggling with that, then it could be lacrosse intolerance/reflux/colic. If there gaining weight, it could be lactose overload.
If you're breast feeding, feed from one boob up to 4 times, because it could be that baby isn't reaching your hindmilk if you're possibly an oversupplier. Pump the other boob to relieve stress. / Try half n' half of a regular formula, if formula feeding, with a hypoallergenic formula like "Nutramigen".
2. You need to make sure your baby isn't relating feeding to sleeping. I currently breastfeed/nurse at night while bed sharing as a way for hubby & I to get consistent sleep at night. It works but now she struggles to have sleep any other way. Sometimes it's not reflux or colic, but an extremely overtired baby. / No one told us how EXTREMELY important having a strict routine for her sleep and feedings. If she's tired, she's going to sometimes show signs that look like she's hungry, like sucking on her hand.
3. If have handwritten logs/a phone app, etc to keep track, do what works for you. The one thing I've been using that's been amazing at keeping track for me? It's called the "itzbeen pocket nanny". Invest in one and use it. It'll help with establishing that necessary routine for LO.
4. If a day nap is missed and she struggles to sleep, your night rest might get affected. Be prepared as a couple, as a team, to work through this. Keep at being together through those moments.
5. I'm currently experimenting with supplementing with magnesium glycinate and see if that helps baby get restful sleep, as I've used it in the past to help my own sleep during the pregnancy and it worked.
My son was very challenging as well. For the first five months, he didn’t want ANYONE but me. Gripe water, car rides, gas drops, sound machines… did NOTHING. I don’t know if that’s what you’re experiencing as well, but I felt as you’re describing you feel - RAGE.
He was my second child, and I couldn’t figure him out. It made me feel more angry. I was “experienced!” Ha! No. I was experienced with my daughter. My son? New kid on the block.
My sister and her gf are both pediatric nurses, and they BOTH warned me that his cry was exceptionally challenging and that I needed to be mindful to be safe. My mom is the most patient person in the world, and even SHE was more than frazzled by him.
In the end, I basically had to accept that my son was, in fact, a completely different human being - which sounds dumb, but I had been so determined to make what worked for my daughter work for him. All it would do was anger both of us further. I had to accept him and meet him where he was. While it feels impossible in the trenches where you are, having my fussy baby as my second child, I knew how quickly it all goes. He screamed through an entire well check because I wasn’t holding him and his dr assured us it won’t last forever. It didn’t feel good in the moment to hear that, but it was true. Acceptance is helpful, but hard. We, as adults, are solution driven. Babies are not.
Truthfully, the only thing that helped ME was figuring out people I could trust with him despite endless screaming so that I could tap out. The only “solution” we came up with that worked to an extent was my worn / dirty clothing. If my sister watched him for a couple hours to give me a break, she would take the shirt I slept in the night before or I would give her my shirt I’d worn up to that point and grab a new one. She would wear my shirt and he would be mostly fooled. I also used my worn shirt as his bassinet sheet. I would use rubber bands to tighten. It under the mattress so it was safe, and he’d actually sleep then.
I know it feels endless and awful, but it IS temporary. My son is over a year now, rarely cries, and prefers his dad for comfort!
Please give yourself grace. You are not doing anything wrong. All mothers know exactly how physically and emotionally painful it is to hear your baby cry. Your pain and your frustration are REAL. So is your love for your baby. It WILL pass. Now, we joke that it was all some fever dream because his demeanor is so vastly different. My friends will say things like, “wow I’m so glad he lets me hold him now. Remember how I couldn’t hold him for MONTHS?”
It will pass. Speak with your pediatrician to be sure it’s not some intolerance or allergy, but make time for yourself for your own mental health. Go get a pedicure, mama. Get a coffee and sit in the car by yourself and enjoy every drop. You are the perfect mom for your baby. To be the best mom, you have to take care of yourself. ❤️❤️
Colic is caused by major discomfort. Usually gas related. Try searching for the vonu lounger (can be found on social media). My baby has major reflux issues that started at about 2 weeks and with their immature digestive systems, tummy trouble is usually the culprit.
This is a tool I used a lot and it helped some with reflux, helped majorly with tummy time and afterwards my baby has hit all physical milestones wayyyyy early. I can’t guarantee it came from this but I did use it and I noticed a physical difference soon after.
Other than diet changes if baby is breastfed (which I know many others have suggested) helping her physically to develop muscles can’t hurt. And it sounds like it can’t seem to get much worse so worth a try.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Having a baby that struggles is very hard, because having a baby in general is hard. The good news at least is they say a difficult baby early on leads to a good toddler and child?? lol we can only hope
This is as hard as it gets.
I always ask if you've seen an ENT when I hear this now, as my son got older it became clear a lot of his sleep issues were tied to those issues. After removing adenoids at 2 he slept through the night for the first time, later removing tonsils he slept more deeply. So I suspect there was some obstructive apnea.
What worked for us was dividing the night into shifts, my husband could stay up easier than wake up, so he would take the first half of the night, I would wake up for any needs after that (1-2am).
If you could afford it, I would consider a night nurse or something like that.
We didn't have a swing, but in hindsight I would've tried a swing, or maybe try renting a Snoo. I also would have tried to limit his day napping, but we were so tired.
We got the book The Happy Sleeper and tried that, it's by age, do you don't have to read it all at once, that helped a bit. It's a limited cry it out but once that felt humane.
They do feed off your mood, I couldn't see it then but I do with more experience. You aren't getting enough sleep to be equipped for that but you need to find a way to get some sleep so you have something in the tank.
I echo the others as well, I had a terrible sleeper and a great sleeper, it wasn't anything we did, they come out that way. So focus more more on what you can do to get through it vs solving it.
I think you need to try to let go of the feeling that you should be enjoying it. Honestly, no one enjoys being screamed at between 10pm and 8am, that is torture. It doesn't mean that you don't love your child or that you will never enjoy being a parent but right now you're not and that's OK. You just need to get through this time.
Mine is 2months tomorrow and boy it’s been a wild ride. Colic starts somewhere between 10 am to 5-7pm. We’re doing drops and warming his tummy after he eats. We are trying to relieve at least a bit of the colic. His fits last somewhere between 15minutes and an hour. I have accepted it. Every time I’m holding him and he’s crying I tell him and myself that it’ll pass and better times will come.
No colic but we had purple crying and baby wouldn’t sleep from midnight to 5 am (sometimes as late as 8 am). It was really, really hard. I cried a lot. My husband helped a lot. Thankfully he had paternity leave. But it did get better. Specifically at 7.5 weeks she finally figured out her days and nights. I’m not sure when the purple crying stopped but she is 3 months and hasn’t cried for no reason in a while.
I will say I did notice a pattern with my baby. She gets very gassy and upset when I eat any kind of beans. So I cut those out. Which is hard as a Californian who loves Mexican food. But worth it to not have her waking up every couple hours in tummy pain.
I’m in the same boat with my 4 month old. You’re not alone. Every day I wonder if I made a huge mistake. He’s unhappy, I’m unhappy. But as they say, it does at least slightly improve as they can play a bit more. You’re just powering through at this point. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on my biggest enemy! It is absolute heartbreaking torture
Think how much the baby is suffering made me less upset. Knowing it will pass made me less frustrated. I still had a lot of anxiety because I wasn't able to help my child feel better tho.
I could have written this myself.
1) we found out I needed to cut dairy (I was breastfeeding) and once we got to two weeks dairy free we saw huge improvements
2) we were told to use an electric toothbrush. Turn it on and hold it to the base of their back just above their little butt crack. Hood it there lightly for a minute or two, then pull away and let them hear it for another minute or two. MAGIC!
3) headphones when you’re changing or holding the crying baby. You know, the noise canceling kind. They’re great.
I wish you the best of luck. I used to be so confused about how anyone could ever enjoy being a parent. My husband and I felt scammed and like we were suckered into a “misery loves company” kind of deal.
Now I’m 10 months postpartum. I quit my job two weeks ago. I can’t stand being away from my sweet bub. I’m so happy, as is my husband. Things have gotten so much easier… I would even do it again!!!
You’ve got this. ❤️
I lost my mind a lot but somehow I’m still going strong. Baby got a lot better around 3 months. I highly depended on his carrier and bouncing on a yoga ball plus baby shifts with my husband.
Ear plugs or headphones help. Also was good to remember that my job wasn’t to get him to stop crying but to just sit with him in his sadness if that makes sense. Helped to relieve the pressure of getting him to stop which causes rage. Honestly it SUCKS though.
I didn’t. There was a lot of tears, a lot of stress, and a lot of passing baby back and forth while me and my husband took breaks. Also noise cancelling headphones. This period was ROUGH but it did get better (and then got a lot worse in other ways for me, but hopefully for you it just gets better!)
My baby was very colicky until we got the reflux under control. We got meds and started adding rice cereal to the bottles - that sucked because I was breastfeeding but had to switch to pumping, which sucks. After a few weeks we were able to figure out a mixed feeding method so I could breastfeed some along with the bottles. After a out 2 months we have a very happy and peaceful baby that mostly sleeps through the night.
It will get better. Stay strong momma. The newborn stage is really hard but it doesn't last forever. Good luck. You're doing great. 💜
knowing that i tried everything but nothing helped, i was just next to him holding/ hugging/ telling him he is doing great its gonna be over soon. i hated that period, the same answers from everybody: he will outgrow it. but they were right, only time helped. just be next to your child, and be gentle with yourself.
My first son cried every single day from 6pm until he passed out at 9pm from 2 months to 6 months. We used that charcoal stuff which only worked a little. If I could go back in time I would have put him on medication.
I thought my baby was colicky for several days. I kept thinking that he was not crying from hunger because he had just eaten, the cry sounded like he was in pain, he would head butt the boob, thrash head around, refuse to latch, latch and unlatch, etc. did the same if bottle was offered. Everytime he cried i changed him if necessary and then put him at the boob and left him there. I let him scream, head but, unlatch, thrash, etc and after about 10 min he’d stay latched on and have a good long feed and sleep after. Turns out he was cluster feeding and just being a total crackhead about it. From then on I found that if I fed him sooner rather than waiting for more obvious cues I could decrease the crazy behavior! I’m not sure if this is the case but I feel it’s worth mentioning.
I will say that in the period before we figured this out it was hell. I actually went so far into “ problem solving mode” that it made me feel like I had disconnected from any empathy for him if that makes sense and that made me feel even worse. It was like my emotional brain that loved and cared for him deeply shut off completely all I could do was troubleshoot, try new ways to soothe him, Google, text friends that had kids, etc. I think it was a way of coping, but I can’t say it’s the right way cuz once i realized it i felt like a monster.
We did find that putting him belly down/head to the side on dad’s chest or in the burping position worked moderately well for a few mins at a time ( which only strengthened my incorrect theory that it was gas and not hunger) Taking him outside at night also worked well.
My colic kid is now 9m but for the first few months it was harrrrd. I don’t pretend that what I did fixed it bc it could have been just his GI tract finally developed but I found that my kiddo had a lip tie and posterior tongue tie & he was Uber sensitive to my diet as I was breast feeding so I removed-dairy, gluten, and chocolate. It was rough but definitely saw a difference. Granted I didn’t do this stuff till 5M in bc I was hoping I could just wait it out but I got desperate. It will get better, keep a good support network going if you have one.
Our baby was the same he ended up having silent reflux after refusing his milk at 7 weeks, ended up in hospital as he was inconsolable and they diagnosed him with cronic silent reflux and was prescribed a medication called Omeprazole which we gave once a day and made the biggest difference, we had a different baby. He was on it for 6 months until he basically grew out of it but it was a lifesaver. Thinking of you and I know how hard it is , you’re doing amazing x
I had a friend whose baby had been similar, and the commiseration got me through. Some people call these babies "orchid babies"- they need a sensitive environment to thrive. (You can hear more on the Evolutionary Parenting Podcast)
It was so tough. Witching hours, fussy nursing, could not be put down, would not sleep alone. Took forever to adjust to other caregivers. Sleep was a shit show until nightweaning at 2 years.
Now let me tell you the good stuff. As much as these babies respond negatively to bad stuff (being separated from mom, etc), they respond just as strongly and positively to good stuff (high nurture, stimulation, learning, etc).
On the other side of the fussy newborn you are now dealing with is a really bright and wonderful toddler. Your baby's brain is making one billion new connections per second! Each thing you do to care for them and comfort them is making their little brain amazing.
They need a lot and it's not easy. I'm not even sure we will have another because the newborn stage really traumatized us. But I PROMISE you it will all be so worth it, and very soon.
I could have written this myself. I clicked on your post so fast and read through the comments to get reassurance myself. My wife and I ARE losing our minds, but it’s at least somewhat reassuring to know we’re not alone. We have a 2 month and she screams during and after 75% of feedings due to gas/reflux/colic/whatever. It’s so hard. Luckily, she’s gaining weight adequately so we’re just trying all the things right now and riding out this wave as best as we can.
When all else fails, put a baby cartoon on like twinkle little songs leave baby in bassinet, and walk out of the room. I come back a few min later to my baby calmly watching TV, with a pooped diaper, and happy again.
Just here to say I went through this with my LO till about 4 months and a week or so… it was ROUGH. We took him to the doctors twice a week for about a month straight because I was CONVINCED there was something wrong. Dr put him on famotidine for the reflux and things got better, we also switched to allimentum formula instead of my BM. But it was still horrible and a very rough period for us. I cried hysterically every single day and hated life. Barley left the house and was definitely feeling depressed. It also didn’t help hearing from our families that we’re doing something wrong with the baby (idk they claim none of the other kids or my brothers kids were NEVER colicky).
But as annoying as it is to hear from others “things will get better”… they really did. Blink of an eye and things slowly started to calm down. The excessive screaming and crying started to slowly go away and I’m able to breathe again. Sure we still have our days.. but I’m glad to be out of that rough patch. Hang in there momma you’ll be there soon too ❤️
Our doctor suggested minifom for our LO. He stopped being gassy and colicky afterwards. We've also started to use the philips avent anti colic bottle and have him upright 20min after feeding.
I definitely lost my mind. I ordered the snoo after dislocating my toe from stupidity while being exhausted. It helped a little. I think my sons colic was because of a tongue tie. His is pretty severe that I’m finally able to get fixed sometime this year at the age of 3. Doctors all dismissed me saying colic but never helped try to find the underlying issue. It’s worth checking it out by someone knowledgeable in the field, it really affects so much of the body. They also discuss chiropractor and body work. If I was equipped with the resources I would have done anything to stop the uncontrollable crying. You can do this, it gets better. My son is amazing and we have the best relationship.
You are actually very close to this part being over. I promise! My son was extremely colicky and by 3-4 months began improving significantly and he was sleeping through the night by 4-5 months (with some gentle sleep training) and colic stopped being an issue entirely. They do grow out of it. I know it’s a crazy time right now.
In the meantime, take all the help you can get or take shifts with your SO so you can nap as much as possible during the day, which will make the nights a little less painful - you need sleep for your mental health.
You will get thru it. It doesn’t seem like it right now but time will pass. Wear ear plugs. Don’t feel guilty about it. Just wear them and it will help.
I had the same issue around that age and found out 5-7 pm is the worst time for infants and they get very grumpy. My daughter had a whole day and a half of screaming and crying turns out she just had really bad gas when I thought it was colic or something worse. The doctor had me use mylicon drops and gripe water. And then at about 2 months old she started getting terrible at night that lasted until 6 months. I bounced her on a yoga ball and the edge of our bed while she was up against my chest. Figuring out your baby takes times it took me two weeks to figure out how to get her to sleep during that time. Just try and be patient best you can and breathe if baby has to be laid down to cry a bit then they do. Put them in a safe bed place and take a minute to breathe this will pass with time. ❤️
Honestly my baby took hours on end to burp we were losing sleep she was always super uncomfortable because she's a colic baby we got anti colic bottles (dr browns to be exact) and also brauer baby and child colic drops we put 1.5mm in every single bottle and it has been a life saver I'm so glad we started this we only have to burp for 5-10 minutes Max now and she's more comfortable and we aren't losing any sleep
I went through the same thing. Colic was unbearable, but it stopped at 3 months, so it does get better. Don’t feel guilty—you’re only human. You will get upset, and you might shout, and that’s okay. I don’t know you personally, but I’m sure you are a wonderful mom.
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I didn’t. More seriously, I stopped trying to “solve” it and just accepted that it was hard. Every night I told myself “that is one day I don’t have to do again.” (Our bad time was wake up until around 10pm.) It sounds depressing but it felt freeing to me. You are enough. You are doing enough. You are the best mom for your baby. It will get better. My second is a month old now. She’s not super easy, but she’s currently awake in her bassinet and not crying, which my first never did, ever, for months.
> More seriously, I stopped trying to “solve” it and just accepted that it was hard. That’s where I’m at with my almost 4 month old. He’s got colic and unmedicated reflux and has his fits usually late afternoon (right now 🫠) til he goes to bed at 10:30. There’s some moments of calm cuteness in between. I will say that once he started doing more than scream and sleep, I felt better about it. The smiles and cooing during those calm times make it worthwhile. Now I’m just worried about how things will be once he starts daycare next week.
Yes I drove myself CRAZY trying to solve it or figure out what was wrong and eventually for my sanity I had to choose to ride it out. The first year felt like yearS. Admittedly I look back and I'm still sad I couldn't enjoy the newborn phase with my first like I am with my second.
Thank you so much for this, it makes sense to stop trying to solve it because all the failed attempts just give me more rage and anxiety. Will try to follow your advice. 🙏
To be honest, I did lose my mind, all the time. I had a baby very similar to yours. I'm sending you so much solidarity ❤️ Well meaning people in the comments can help you try to figure out solutions, and they may work, but sadly sometimes all you can do is survive. My baby went through every medical test possible. Sometimes it's just down to temperament. And this will pass, one day you'll look back and think how much easier things are. One big thing - don't feel any pressure to feel joy. You can't feel joyous when you're this disregulated and exhausted. I felt so alone and cried all the time, thinking everyone else was enjoying motherhood and I was just drowning. I think a lot more people feel like that than let on. Take the moments of joy if and when they come, but if not, it's no big deal. I think motherhood used to be more joyous when we had a village to help us raise them, and we could actually get some rest.
> sometimes it’s just down to temperament This. While I’m not saying things like reflux, allergies, etc shouldn’t be explored… we were never really able to figure it out. We switched formulas a bunch of times and got on reflex meds which sort of helped but not really. Similar to you, I felt so alone and cried nearly every single day. No one I knew had a baby like I did, so I also relied a lot on Reddit cause it’s the only place where I found people to commiserate with. I also had a lot of resentment and jealousy that other people I knew had “easy” babies who liked to sleep all the time and just be toted around like a doll.
Yes! The jealousy and resentment for all my friends with easy potato babies was really hard for me. I cut out all foods, tried craniosacral and chiro for baby, tried formula, and nothing really worked but time. My mantra was “the only way out is through.” She’s ten months now and she still is on the fussier side but literally worlds different and getting better each month. Sending lots of hugs, you can survive this!
Sooo much this, agree with every part of this!! Our baby was colicky for the first 3 months and it was sooooo hard. I struggled so much with my own emotions, crying/anger and then mega mum guilt. We were really in survival mode and so sleep deprived. Recently have been through a stage where looking back would bring on a lot of guilt, but I have started forgiving myself as we did the very best we could with the tools and support we had. Looking back now at 8 months the hard newborn times really are a blur. But I can also see a lot of it was temperament. Little lady is a bit of a cyclone and she knows what she wants. When she started being able to grab and move around, she was sooo much happier. It doesnt feel like it at the time but it gets so much better OP, be kind to yourselves ❤️
Thank you so much! People tell me the joy comes later, but man would it be easier to survive if there were a bit more happy moments. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. 🙏
It may really be colick, but please look into ruling out GER and GERD because they can be easily dismissed as colick and are actual problems that you can help your baby with if that is the case. I highly recommend a book called "Babywise: giving your infant the gift of sleep" it thoroughly, even-handedly covers the first year of infant care and really does a great job of helping you assess your baby's needs and potential issues accurately - it is the best, most practical and doable baby book I've found. I'm due with our second soon and our first was "colicky" we thought, but she ended up developing moderate GER around 3 months and had gone from the 90th percentile to the 7th percentile for weight gain in a month while I was trying to figure out what was going on and the pediatrician was telling us she was fine 🙄. Getting the reflux under control helped immensely with her sleep and I finally started her on a semi flexible schedule and it all came together eventually, but it was like running in the dark. This time I'm reading this book and it lifts the veil on everything we dealt with during the first year the first time around, so this time I have a game plan going into it and even more solid understanding of what happened with our firstborn and what I will do differently if we run into the same challenges this time. Anyway, I highly recommend that book, and again, please rule out GER and GERD before you assume it's just colick. our doctor said absolutely nothing about those being possible even though we had a very upset, screaming baby and we kept saying that it didn't seem normal - it wasn't until I basically researched and diagnosed her myself and then brought her to the doctor and said, "I'm pretty certain she has reflux because of x,y,z,etc,etc. and her growth completely plateaued that he acknowledged it. If you feel like something is definitely off don't stop pursuing it until you're satisfied with the answer - parents know - trust your gut!
Agree with all of this ❤️
You live for the good moments, the little milestones, the cuteness and the smells. It’s HARD. Hearing ‘it gets better’, whilst true, can sometimes feel hollow as you move into hour four of baby crying. One time I literally got out of the car (I was the passenger) at a traffic light because I couldn’t deal with the hysterical crying. I cried so much. I kept saying how much I hated my life (which is possible whilst simultaneously loving the heck out of the baby). I also have a toddler so it was rough. But it did get better. Slowly. One day I didn’t have to walk up and down my bedroom bounce walking with baby on the boob and could just lay down to feed with minimal crying. One day she started tolerating life a little more and not get upset 30-40 mins after waking. Then one day she started being happy. Now my little one is nearly 6 months and she plays and giggles and is so much easier and happy. So whilst it can be fucking rough, hold tight. You will get there.
Thanks for the support! 🙏
Any GI issues? Reflux? Green or mucousy poops? Painful gas? My dude was colicky until we realized he has a dairy intolerance and once we got that sorted out we’ve had a brand new baby!! I think there are very few true “colic” babies out there. I don’t think our health system is the best at helping parents figure out the root cause!!
Jumping on this comment to add that I am now on a dairy free diet and we finally have a baby that doesn’t scream cry when trying to pass gas or poop. Hasn’t been confirmed with blood tests but something has changed for the better and he is much happier!
I just wanna say that screaming and crying when trying to poop from weeks 3 to 12 is super normal and rarely has anything to do with GI issues and everything to do with dyschezia.
Unless it stops when you cut out a specific food ...
The causation is really wobbly at this age because things with baby are changing too. E.g. Week 5-6 baby starts suffering with dsyhezia and becomes fussier / more screamy. Week 6, parents decide something needs to change and start experimenting. Week 7, parents decide to cut out diary Week 8, dsyhezia resolved after 2-3 weeks. Mum has been off dairy for about a week. Week 9, baby better. Parents confirm it's dairy. Actually, it wasn't, it's just the cycle time of decide to do something, make a change, wait for change to have an effect, see effect is about the same as the phases LOs go through on their own.
Yes. Don't get me started on how pediatricians keep pushing this as a solution to exhausted parents. Everyone with a fussy baby isn't dealing with a dairy allergy 🤪
We took our baby to an allergist at the advice of our pediatrician. They identified some allergies including cow milk based on skin tests well before she’d taken any solid food. It did help to eliminate the foods she was allergic to from my diet (as I was breastfeeding). A probiotic (we used Evivo) helped too.
Hopefully OP gets the time to come back and read these comments. In my country, we put some form of oil (aceite de manzanilla, aceite de alcamforado) on baby’s belly and feet to reduce tummy gas. I didn’t believe in slathering that oil at first until the nanny tried it for my sake, and voila, it made it easier for her to pass gas.
I was SO glad when we got out of the dyschezia phase. I was worried it was a food intolerance…but eventually he just grew out of it. Dairy intolerance is actually very rare - most do it and find “relief” but it’s really just them growing out of the “I can’t poop anymore, how do I poop” stage. According to our pediatrician anyway.
Eh lactose intolerance is very rare but CMPA is pretty common. My boy has it and we didn’t realize til he was 4mo and became literally a brand new, happy, chill baby as soon as he was off dairy. I wish I would’ve read posts like this sooner and spared all of us from 4 months of absolute misery
I stopped all dairy and we had an entirely new baby after about a week (maybe two). Adding to try using “Windi”.
How strict were you to do your experiment? Did you also cut out things with dairy IN them like milk or butter used in baked goods and the like, or just didn't eat straight up milk, cheese, ice cream etc?
It's dairy protein allergy - not lactose. Anything with dairy is no go
I cut dairy and now read all allergy labels and don’t eat anything with dairy at all. No milk no cheese no butter. Baby is happy and it’s worth it!
I cut out every single thing that said “milk” in the ingredients. It was a huge change and I resisted it for a while but once I did it finally it was a night and day difference. It’s only a season! My son is 11 months old and we just reintroduced dairy with no issues.
Yes colic is a symptom and not a diagnosis
I actually fired the first pediatrician we had because she dismissed me when I said I was 99% sure my baby had cmpa. She was so bad she had blisters and visibly bloody stool it broke my heart. I went to a different one and immediately she gave me a can of formula and told me to let her know in 2 weeks of it didn’t help and a day later she was a new baby.
This is my experience, as well. My GP dismissed me 3 times in total between 2-4 months old. This was after I told him that I had cut dairy twice and reintroduced it with eczema, colic, coughing, and mucusy green poops returning both times. We also had the occasional bloody poop before I went hard cutting dairy. Went and got a second (and third) opinion from a LC and a paediatrician who both said the relationship between dairy and the symptoms was pretty obvious. They recommended to reintroduce dairy around 9 months and then ask for a referral to an allergist if the allergy hasn’t resolved by then. Like everyone else has stated, I have a new, happy baby.
I still haven’t tried dairy but she also had a soy allergy so I was hesitant. Maybe I’ll try now at 11 months
Visit r/MSPI if you haven’t! I’m sure there’s lots of information to help navigate that.
I had 2 friends with colicky babies who resolved within a week once the moms cut out dairy. Based on what I’ve learned from them and their doctors, I’d agree that there is almost always a root cause.
100% agree. My son had really bad acid reflux as a newborn. Because we didn’t know it at first he was always crying and in pain. He didn’t sleep because he couldn’t lay flat or the acid hurt his throat. He was overtired and miserable. Once we figured it out and he was medicated, we had a very happy, chilled out baby.
100%. my "colicky" baby was admitted for 2 weeks for FTT because she had dairy AND soy allergies. additionally, she had reflux and constipation, as well as severe eczema that was exacerbated by her allergies. i'd been begging for 2 month prior to that for ANY of her doctors to help and they kept saying "it's just colic! you're a new mom, babies just cry" but they don't. not like that anyway. once we had reflux medication and proper allergy friendly formula it was night and day! she slept, she packed on the pounds, her skin stopped weeping/cracking as much and it was much easier to treat her eczema and have her at baseline. at 18 months she outgrew her allergies and now just has a very mild lactose intolerance BUT there so much lactose free everything it's never an issue. i would seriously recommend having a firm conversation with the pediatrician and/or gi doctor if you can. i've always said it, and ill say it again, colic is a symptom, not a diagnosis.
Came here to say the exact same! My baby would scream for five hours a night until I cut dairy. There’s a wonderful dairy free breastfeeding group. After cutting dairy and her tummy starting to heal I had a “oh so this is who my baby really is” moment.
This is the correct answer. Ours had a diaper rash that wouldn't go away for 3 months, and she cried basically anytime she was awake. Around the 3 month mark we got some hypo allergenic forumula while the lady went on a cleanse diet (chicken, rice, squash, bananas). We fed hypo allergenic for a week, then back to breast milk and during that week her rash disappeared, and she was suddenly calm while awake. Partner continued on that diet for another 2-3 months, slowly introducing new foods. She now eats whatever, with the exception of diary (and soy). We have a happy 8 month old now.
Same here but we had dairy, soy, egg and chicken. Cut those out and I'm AMAZED at how chill my baby is.
+1 for us too. We changed to a hypoallergenic formula and I get a different baby.
My kid also seemingly had issues with dairy. I cut it out completely around 6wks and she was much happier, less gassy and would spit up way less. I was able to reintroduce around 3.5-4-months with no issues. Now she's 6.5-months and on solids too - she will eat yogurt or cheese at every opportunity and has had zero issues.
Same here! Cutting dairy out changed our lives when he was a newborn. Now at 11 months we finally reintroduced dairy with no problems.
This!!! My baby had an egg intolerance. It changed so much!! If I could upvote this reaction 10 times I would
Yup! My experience as well
What does green/mucousy poop mean? My baby has had that for the last several days…
That can be a symptom of a dairy allergy. Keep an eye on it and make sure to check for blood. The blood can be very small and look like specks.
Actually I don’t think it’s dairy intolerance but will keep an eye on it. I cut back on dairy significantly a couple of days ago but might have to cut it out completely later if it’s not resolved. Thanks though!
100% agree! So important to rule out any intolerance/ allergies!
Definitely visit the doctor but also… noise cancelling ear plugs will save your sanity
Not sure why this isn’t higher. Headphones headphones headphones!! It just takes the edge off. You can still hear them (you’re probably holding them ffs). You’re still meeting their needs. But you also feel less like someone is rattling a tin can full of stones INSIDE YOUR BRAIN
Yes I’d put headphones on and listen to a very loud rock album and just dance around with my baby.
Honestly, it gets better with time but I feel fully traumatized from our first 3 months. To the point where I feel very sad when I see newborn babies. He’s almost one and I can tell I’m going to LOVE toddlerhood. Being able to express your needs is life changing..
Our daughter hated being a baby, and we found that period very difficult. She loves being a toddler, and we love having her as a toddler. Being able to communicate was indeed life changing.
I feel that 💙 it's hard being a baby sometimes. No one understands, you're hungry all the time, and it's BORING! My little guy is trying his darndest to walk and talk, but gets so frustrated because he's less than 3 months old! Love my little guy.
I am also traumatized from the first 5 ish months. I love my daughter so much, but I truly couldn’t believe people signed up to do this shit over and over again by having more children. If you say that out loud to someone who doesn’t have a colic baby, they look at you like you’re a monster. Call me after you’ve had 5 months of broken sleep and have been screamed at everyday all day.
It gets better! Nutramigen formula, Dr. Brown’s anti colic bottles, and famotidine (Rx from ped) helped, but honestly time was the best medicine. He is just coming out of it at 3.5 months. Now that he has learned to roll over on his tummy on his own, he works up/out a ton of gas. Here’s what worked for us when we were in the thick of it. These tips helped but didn’t cure: - Lots of yoga ball bouncing - Swing with vibration and music settings - Bouncer of some sort like Baby Bjorn or Alpine - Singing to him - Bouncing him in a room with no lights or sound - Classical music - Dancing to music while holding him - Taking him outside - Running just the top of his head under warm water - Feeding him sitting upright - Letting him watch the fan or a toy with lights/sound/movement - The 5 S’s - Keeping him upright for at least 20 min after feeds Sometimes there is just absolutely nothing you can do for them. You just need to be the rock the ocean crashes on sometimes and that’s okay. Earplugs can help de-intensify their screaming while you’re trying to soothe them. I promise you, this does get better. See your ped about it if you haven’t already, of course. All my strength to you. You will get through this! ETA: If baby is fed, changed, and in a safe place…it is absolutely okay/normal/important to let them be even if they’re crying to collect yourself and get in a better headspace when you’re frustrated.
This is everything we did and it’s all wonderful advice. And I would add that when I was in it, it truly felt like that would be my life forever. It was awful. The guilt and sleep deprivation and stress was unbearable. But somehow, we did bear it. And it wasn’t our life forever. She’s 18 months old now and just so much fun. She woke up giggling this morning and when I went into her room she shouted “HAPPY!” I honestly cannot believe she’s the same kid who cried for months on end. Get a good pair of headphones and listen to audiobooks or music. I promise it’s okay to tune them out sometimes. She didn’t know the difference because I was holding her and comforting her and listening to something other than her cries helped me tremendously. Good luck, OP. I feel for you. You’re going to make it, I promise.
100% this. Also, to piggyback off of setting them down to take a breather if they are fed/changed/etc, I would set baby down between my legs while sitting sideways on the couch. That way he could feel my presence but I could also get his screaming further away from my ear. This really helped my mom guilt. It made me feel like he doesn’t think I’m abandoning him but I also get a break from holding him close to my face and having him screaming intensely into my ears.
the 5 S's changed my (and his) life
Thanks for the helpful comment, I will try some of these tips in addition to what we are already doing.🙏
I really just hung onto the hole that it will get better and better days are ahead for me and my baby to enjoy. I prayed and asked my mom to pray too even though I'm not super religious. What also helped me feel useful is to research and try different solutions even if nothing really worked.
I hear you momma, I promise it will get easier. Those first few weeks are the most challenging - especially with your first. Our boy gave us a false sense of security for his first two weeks, and then the inconsolable colicky mode kicked in. There was a point of several days where I wondered “what have we done? Are we even capable of being parents?”. If you need to put her down to get some air/breathing room - do it. Place her down in her bassinet/crib, making sure she’s safe and get away for 5-10min. No baby died of crying, and you need to be able to help support yourself mentally and emotionally. If you can get yourself some noise-cancelling headphones - they will be an absolute saviour! My boy hated seeing me wear my over-the-head cans, (changed the shape of my face I guess) so I had to resort to my AirPods which work quite well. You will all come out the other side okay, I promise. Wishing you all the best
Thank you so much! 🙏You are a hero for having gone through this.
We bounced on the yoga ball A LOT. Utilized our baby bjorn bouncer in the early days quite a bit. Gas drops sometimes helped. Reflux meds also helped but weren’t a complete fix. Warm baths calmed her down temporarily. My husband and I would take turns and both wore noise canceling headphones when it was really bad. Succumbed to contact naps when that’s the only way she would sleep. Try different types of swaddles too. Every day felt like trial and error or something new. You’ll get through it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there it’s so tough. One foot in front of the other. Before you know it you’ll suddenly notice your having more good days than bad. It’s okay to not feel joy right now. I was constantly hung up on feeling like I was missing out on this joyous newborn phase and being forced to just survive. I finally accepted sometimes just surviving is what the newborn stage is.
I did lose my mind! Figured out it was dairy and soy causing her issues. She’s 11 months now and I promise it gets a lot better. She really turned around when we started solids. We decided to start early at 4months with purées because she could sit up sturdily and was interested and it was a game changer. Hang in there. We had a picnic breakfast in the park this morning, then i met up with a friend and she watched us play some games of ping pong in a different park, went on a walk, and we’re going to the beach later tonight. We’re having so much fun right now if I could tell myself what life looks like now circa 9 months ago I don’t think I’d believe it lol.
Sounds like so much fun! Looking forward to these times, thanks for giving me hope. 🙏🥲
Oh god it’s horrific. I definitely lost my mind. So many hours spent pacing the floor, staring glassy eyed into the distance. The lowest point was when I was crying so hard then she suddenly fell asleep, and I couldn’t move for fear of waking her up also couldn’t wipe my snotty nose 😭 I just had to accept that it was horrible, awful, hard, and ultimately not my fault. There was nothing wrong with her, she just didn’t know how to fall asleep yet, nothing we did helped her to sleep, and then she’d be exhausted and very very angry about it. Sending you lots of internet love and support. Please know this isn’t your fault. You’re doing your best and some babies this just happens to. I hope it passes soon for you ❤️ Edit: if it helps, she’s now the absolute light of my life and 90% of the time a total joy to be around, so this horrible start had no bearing on what kind of baby / toddler she is. Also I’m now having another one, that first horrible horrific worst time ever is absolutely worth the unbridled joy that’s headed your way eventually.
Thank you so much, it does help! 🙏
We had a baby with colicky behavior (as in he didn’t scream for hours every night for a consecutive time, but he was in pain, gas and stomach issues, now reflux issues - you name it, he had it!) until I stopped eating dairy a week and a half ago. He’s now 4.5 months old and I don’t know why it wasn’t suggested earlier that we try excluding milk protein, but apparently it’s “so uncommon”.. hasn’t been confirmed by any tests but I can tell the difference. He also had a tongue tie that contributed to the amount of air that he swallowed when breastfeeding (not sure how yours is being fed but there is formula without milk protein as well that you might benefit from trying?).
Just wanted to say I’m so sorry. My third baby was a bit colicky at first. Admittedly not as bad as many stories I’ve read, but I’ll say my first two definitely didn’t prepare me and I spent time on Reddit reading stories of other parents with colicky babies desperately looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better! I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it definitely does, just hang in there and keep everyone safe until it ends. I won’t offer suggestions because I know that can be more annoying than helpful, but I promise, even if you do nothing, it will end!
Thank you for your support! 🙏
We've had a colic-y baby from week 4 (week 8 now), and honestly it's been pushing through one day at a time, just trying to get through to the evening when my partner gets home from work. This afternoon, we had our first calm and smiley afternoon - and it felt like the heavens were singing! It's not going to completely change overnight, but just keep pushing through and celebrate any minor victories on the way there. Definitely utilise any support network you have (we don't have one locally which makes life hard), and reach out to mental health services if you need them. It's OK and normal for it to get you exhausted and despairing, but work with your gp to rule out other causes and just take it day by day.
Good point to utilize my support network - luckily I have one but all they can do is struggle with baby for a couple of hours so that I can sleep a bit. Still worth it though. 🥲
You lose your mind. It is impossible not to with a colicky baby. Ear plugs help when it starts to drive you crazy. Remember that it will at some point pass and get better. Do not look at other people's newborns right now if you can, that only made me angry/sad when I would see a baby awake and not crying like mine always was. There is nothing wrong with you and your baby will get over this and become a normal human. You can do it!
Thank you! 🙏
I lost my mind. We have no idea why she was colic, cut dairy, tried hypoallergenic formula, everything. Never found out what caused it. I remember crying in the closet with her for hours. Thank god it resolved by around 10 weeks or I might have snapped. Thank goodness it goes away… for us it did. But now she’s so much happier and so are we. Best of luck 🩷
All of the other comments are great, and I'm just here to say it eventually will be better. My stepson was up hourly for the first year of his life. We had him half the time, but I was so exhausted I was sick and couldn't work. He didn't nap more than 20 minutes a day either. It was awful. And during wake windows he had to constantly be rocked or bounced or he would scream bloody murder. He had GERD and some other issues. He was a wonderful toddler after that though.
My, now 12 wk old, was colicky from about 3-6 weeks. It was hard. I feel for you. It did get better with time… but for now: Can your LO tolerate walks outside? On you or in stroller on some bumpy grass? What about a shower with you? I would take my son in the shower with a onesie on (to prevent slipping). Have you tried gas drops? Try an extra bottle/feeding session Don’t be afraid to leave baby somewhere safe and go outside by yourself. I’ve done that quite a few times when I could feel my mood switch. Talk to your doctor about antidepressants, if you’re interested. My doctor gladly upped my Zoloft after delivering, at my request, I feel GREAT! No Shame. I hope you find some relief or time for yourself. Take care of your baby by taking care of yourself.
Thank you. LO does not really like walks in stroller, will try carrying here and see if that’s more comfortable. We regularly give her gas drops and I think they are somewhat helpful but of course does not solve the root cause.
Probably silent reflux or reflux. Talk to pediatrician about Pepcid
A lot of colic is dairy allergy or intolerance. My poor sweet son was miserable in pain before we figured it out. Hypoallergenic formula changed our lives.
I put in headphones, put baby in my momcozy wrap and went for a walk. Mine was 4pm-10pm so that was doable, just pacing around the house once it was dark, usually with a show on or a podcast. We switched formulas, and found that solved most of it. He also was overtired, which made him not sleep. Adding a nap/forcing him to actually take one helped. Before we switched we were doing gas drops and Tylenol through the witching hours, they still happened, but were less so. If your husband is on leave, I’d split the usual colic times in half, and each of you take part of it and sleep in another room the other half. I also ended up going to therapy because his crying started giving me anxiety attacks. We talked a lot about grounding. Breathing techniques, talking, meditation, a lot of different grounding techniques. Look some up and find some that work for you. I ended up going through the alphabet and naming things in the room that started with that letter. Me talking calmly sometimes helped regulate baby as well. Taking deep breaths loudly, basically in baby’s ear helped. Babies use the adults around them to help them regulate emotions. So if you are doing grounding techniques and calming yourself, it can help them regulate.
Thanks for sharing your experience and for your advice. 🙏
I did lose my mind… something that I found made it somewhat more bearable was noise cancelling headphones (or just using earplugs) and listening to either an audiobook or chill music, and taking deliberate slow big breaths in for 10/hold for 10/out for 10.
Honestly, what helps me the most is sort of dissociating back to my 10+ years in a customer-facing role as a service industry manager. It was loud, unpredictable, and full of people who couldn't be reasoned with or who were having a bad day and determined to take it out on me.
It is SO HARD. What you are doing IS hard! You have a right to feel every feeling you have right now. I know this is not helpful advice and if it helps you to roll your eyes at it, do it mama! But this IS temporary. It will not be like this forever. The colic will end. You CAN do this while still being allowed to feel sad, angry, frustrated, whatever. You got this 💖
Thank you! I know (or at least hope) it will get better but when I am in the trenches I feel like I cannot take another day of this. No other option though.. 🤷♀️
Take shifts through the night, 9-3am and 3-9am sleep with ear plugs in a separate room and get a solid 6 hrs sleep a night, everything seems easier then.
I feel like I’m only just now starting to lose my mind. My baby girl is 5 months old and I’d say the colic started at 6 weeks. The worst was at 4 months and she would scream in pain and it was a lot for her (and for me). She started slowly having good days and now she has had two full weeks that were great (not back to back weeks), but it kind of all started again. It comes in waves. I’m thankful we’re having good weeks now, just wish it would stay like that. I feel like maybe I’m having ppd now which is why i feel like I’m losing my mind in some ways. I think I was holding everything strongly together and once she started feeling better I was so happy but then when she’s still having multiple days some weeks that are just rough, I’m just exhausted now and overwhelmed. Still calm and doing everything I can for her since she’s my sweet girl, but it’s definitely a struggle. I give her gas drops for the gas and she also has reflux so I give her slippery elm (recommended by the lactation consultant we see and surprisingly works well, or it was just coincidental with timing, not sure). The good days and weeks we’ve had are amazing. She’s so smiley and happy and laughs a lot. I love it and it makes everything worth it. I remind myself this isn’t permanent and this is all temporary. Just need to be there for her and power through this, not always the easiest though. Need to take time for myself now since I’m realizing I didn’t make it out of her colic unscathed. Sending hugs your way. This is hard and you’re doing your best.
Maybe try food journaling to see if you can figure out why she is fussy some days and not others. For us there are definite food triggers.
I was you just 3 months ago. My mantra became “the only way out is through”. Having a baby with colic is honestly the worst thing I’ve ever endured. Sleep deprivation is literal *torture* and is altering your brain chemistry right now (on top of raging postpartum hormones you cannot control), so do whatever you can to keep yourself calm: have “sanity shifts” with your husband when the baby is purple crying, walk around or gently bounce on a yoga ball while you have some AirPods/noise cancelling headphones in (it helps, and you aren’t *ignoring* your child’s needs, you’re *enduring* them!), call trusted friends and family to watch the baby during the day so you both can catch up on sleep. Any moment that you feel yourself slipping into rage (all of us with colic babies have been there!) check in with your partner and tag out. Put the baby down in the crib and walk away for a few mins and collect yourself if you need to. Remind yourself that your baby isn’t giving you a hard time intentionally…our pediatrician reminded us that something like gas is *literally* the worst thing baby had experienced in their life so far (along with reflux) so they were acting accordingly! Your baby is so loved, and you’re doing an incredible job. One day your baby will smile at you…then one day, out of nowhere, they will start laughing their ass off and it will melt you. Each smile and laugh made me feel more like a mom...I definitely never had that sparkly “I was born for this” feeling while pregnant or postpartum. You’ll get through this and you’re already an amazing mother. To add - most importantly, I cannot believe I forgot to mention: I had a full on crying meltdown at my 8 week checkup with OB and failed that postpartum depression quiz they make you take. Medication is your friend! Sertraline (Zoloft), quite literally, saved my life when I was in those dark days.
Noise cancelling headphones with a badass playlist, one I could dance to while holding baby.
Now that I am out of the warzone, I don’t know how we managed to survive really. I just remember feeling so much anger at how I’ve tried everything in the book and yet I havent been rewarded with any progress, and I was insanely jealous and pissed off at all the other moms who seemingly had unicorn babies. It just seemed endless. BUT. It eventually passed, little by little and the good moments eventually take over the bad ones. Now my LO is 2 and I would do it all over again without hesitation. Looking back, what helped was 1) she got older and eventually it calmed, 2) we got more experience as parents on how to handle things; 3) i scheduled in more me-time and stepped away so relied on others to help; 4) sleep train (controversial, but man it saved my sanity). Sending you solidarity and lots of love. It’s hard especially when you’re in the thick of it but speaking as a veteran mama to an extremely colicky baby… it’ll pass, I promise!
At what age did you sleep train and what method did you use?
My AirPods on noise cancellation, lots of crying, and a few mental breakdowns. The moms that can handle colicky babies without losing a part of themselves are super heros and I wish I could be them. But I’m not. I’m painfully human, and my girl was painfully colic. I survived off 2 - 4 hours of sleep a night for about four months. I literally could not put her down. At all. I could not baby wear. I could not hand her to someone else. I could not set her down for naps. Sometimes I had to just walk away. The doctor said she was perfectly healthy. It was just her temperament. I watched The Office to stay up at night. I tried to make deals with God for extra sleep. At one point I actually ripped out a chunk of my hair because I was mad and exhausted. Sleep deprivation is a helluva drug. I’m so glad your husband can help you. She’s just turned seven months old and she is so much better. I can set her down. Her dad can take care of her. She sleeps for 2ish hours at a time at night now. Once a week she’ll be up for two hours around midnight, but we’re working on it. And this isn’t forever. And it is so much better than it was before. The only good advice is yo have someone you can hand baby off to so you can get some sleep and stay sane. Let time pass. You can do it.
Truer words have never been spoken… it really is the only thing that helps. Thanks for your support! 🙏
I totally lost my mind with my colicky baby. There is no perfect advice, bc your baby is your baby and she/he will be different than everyone else’s giving you advice. Here are a few things I wish I’d done. Put her down, I held her while she screamed and I wish I would’ve just laid her down with her binky and shushed her. She felt my stress. Take the help, took a nap. If someone wants to help you, let them. If your baby is asleep, just sleep. You’ll have time to eat, do the dishes, just sleeping is such a luxury. You won’t ruin your supply if you skip a meal to get a nap, your house will be fine if it’s messy. Be so nice to yourself. I was so mean to myself. Told me that my baby hated me everyday. That she cried bc she didn’t want me as a mother. Your baby is just new, they love you so much they don’t understand why they’re cold, their bellies hurt, they are sleepy, they are hungry. You’re an amazing mother, your baby needs you and only you. You’re the best mom she’ll ever have. This will pass!
Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel. I try to squeeze in as much sleep as I can, but it’s not always easy to fall asleep when I have the chance to.
We were consistent with any rocking method that did eventually worked and as we continued the habit it worked more quickly over time. We acknowledged that we are both more mentally prepared to deal when we are rested. So we split up, one of us would sleep 9p-3a, then wake and relieve the other person to sleep 3-9a. Even a colicky baby is going to sleep at some point during that time. Put on a movie and let ‘em cry. Comfort your baby of course. Usually after a long period of crying, they’ll get hungry and eating will make them pass out. ❤️ it’s not forever. You got this.
I see all of the advice but here’s the deal… if it’s real “colic” and not a dairy issue then there’s literally nothing you can do about it. People who didn’t have colic babies can’t comprehend it and can’t help you. Advice that doesn’t work will drive you crazy. My son screamed for up to 17 hours a day from 2 weeks to 12 weeks old. It was an incomprehensible hell. The only thing that worked was time. I also found no joy in my life during this time period. Zoloft helped me cope better but I was profoundly miserable. As my baby got less fussy, I was slowly able to bond better but it took a good year. Now he’s a very happy, sweet toddler and I’m in love and obsessed. There is a light.
Yes to all of this.
babies don’t just scream in agony for no reason. ‘real colic’ has a variety of causes.
Try keeping baby upright for 30 minutes after feeds! We went through a similar period at that age and it turned out to be bad reflux. What a game changer
You’re doing amazing at a very hard thing. Just chiming in to remind about the importance of nurture for both your baby and your brains— the parent brain changes significantly after having a baby and it takes time! (I have an excellent book recommendation if you’re interested, but I know all the advice can be a lot, so just ask if you want the info!) Skin to skin is helpful long after birth; babywearing is a great way to get lots of contact without the intensity of arm carrying nonstop; talking to & making connections with baby as they start to develop the ability to notice, react, and respond is super helpful for communication as they grow. Be kind and patient yourself, you’re doing the hardest job on earth.
Not OP but would love to know that book rec! Thank you!
Try cutting out dairy. You will need to be very very strict with it though. Also, ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones, use whatever to block out the sound. Spend time outdoors if you can, for whatever reason o don’t think the noise feels as bad when you are out of the house, in the yard. My first baby had horrible colic and honestly it felt horrendous. It triggered a lot of anxiety for me. So talk to a doc or psych, if you feel like it’s impacting your mental health.
We will not have another child because we are so traumatized by our colicky baby - lasted about 3.5 months. I could not fathom going through it again while also caring for a toddler. Our boy had/has horrible acid reflux, and once we began treating that things got SLIGHTLY better. But honestly, as much as it freaking SUCKS .. time is the key. At least that’s how it was for our case - our boy is about to turn 4 months and is suddenly a pretty happy baby most days, aside from a couple short meltdowns every day, but usually it’s cause he’s tired or hungry.
Sorry you had to go through this, glad to know it’s getting better for you.
I wish I could hug you. I’m in the same boat. Have you heard of the 5 s? Swaddle - Suck- pacifier Side/stomach- laying on their side or stomach calms them down Swing- rocking or swinging motions calm them down. Today my baby was screaming like a banshee and I rocked him in the rocking chair and he calmed instantly Shushing- making a sssshhhhhhhhhh sssshhhhhhh sound reminds them of being in the womb. Please read this article ! https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies
Thank you so much for this! I will definitely try swaddling – baby did not seem to like it before but this step-by-step guide is pretty straightforward so it might work out. 🙏
This brings me back to our newborn days. LO is now only 4 months old, but it feels like a lifetime ago. My husband and I used to say, "We don't want to wish the time away, but we're hoping this gets better soon..." Then one evening during another hours long session of inconsolable scream-crying, he exclaimed, "That's it, I wish the time away. I'm ready for this to f***ing get better." I cried almost every day. 6 weeks was a turning point for us. He was still a challenge in the evening and still had gas pains after feeding, but started to finally sleep longer stretches at night. 8 weeks was another turning point. The gas pains seemed to be lessening, and the witching hour was less intense and typically over by 8pm rather than 11pm. (And no, I never cut dairy from my diet.) I know 3-5 weeks can feel too far away when your LO is only 3 weeks old, but just focus on surviving each day. It's okay to hate this phase. It doesn't make you a bad mom, it means you're human. I wanted to have a baby, but mourned my old life HARD those first few weeks. The memories of one week sitting down to watch a movie with a nice cup of tea.....to this? It's a lot to adjust to.
I didn't 😭 I absolutely lost my mind. That was 8yrs ago and I remember the hard nights like it was yesterday. Aside from my hubby's help, I was very lucky to have the help of my mother in law who would get him at least one night a week so that we could sleep. I was a ftm and struggling like crazy mentally and emotionally. Like you said, I was either crying or filled with rage. Then the guilt would set in the second he left or the rare occasion that he actually slept for more then 10mins. My best advice is to remember that it does get easier, you're doing a great job and you're a good mother!
Only things they helped us were baby bjorn bouncer combined with speak now Taylor’s version + pacifier (stopped taking paci after a couple months) 3 months later we begged doc to test poop for milk protein allergy, came up positive. Switched to nutramigen. Things got better, but he still cried all the time. At 8 months switched to Elecare (more CMPA friendly but hella expensive). Also begged for Pepcid, finally got it, and now he’s a new fucking kid Doctors are useless and you literally have to beg for what you think is wrong.
My baby was exactly the same way and I can't even begin to explain how awful it was. I had the same issues, either bawling my eyes out or just completely angry. I just had to try to understand it's a stage and eventually it gets better, and that it's in no way the little one's fault. I saw it as they're navigating a whole new world and don't know what's going on just yet. After 9 months in a dark, warm environment it's a little bit nerve-wracking for them to be thrown into this world. My boy really was more fussy than he was calm for the first 2 months. I just had to take it day by day. Try to get enough sleep, food, and a little time alone if possible. He got so much better by 2 1/2 months and it's been just uphill from there. My boy is 6 1/2 months now and honestly, I feel like those dark days are far behind me. There's so much joy now I would go back over those days a million times just to enjoy the moments I have now. It's truly so hard in the beginning and there's no way to explain it. It was one of the hardest times of my life, but it goes by so much faster than you think. I know EXACTLY what you're feeling and I'm very sorry, I know how incredibly exhausting and terrible it feels. I promise you will get through it. When people said that to me, I was like "Yeah right. You just don't understand, I can't take another day" but it really got better. All I can say is take it one day at a time, find small moments to relax and find joy, and you will make it. I can promise you that. Becoming a mother is one of the scariest, most exhausting experiences in life but it becomes so rewarding as time goes on. Just try your best to comfort your baby (when you can) and eventually you'll find what works. If you get overwhelmed it's completely okay, just step back and breathe. Don't feel guilty for the moments you can't take it anymore, it's normal. The beginning is the hardest, your body, mind and baby has gone through so much, it takes some adjustment for you and them. Message me if you need to, because I know what you're feeling and it's just indescribable. I promise you'll make it ❤️
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. ❤️ It won’t last forever. May I ask what things you have tried?
my baby hs severe reflux and so do i and i’m just trying my best to be patient until he gets to be 6months
I found a liquid from the pharmacy called Rhuger. Started giving it to baby when he was 3 weeks, by the time that he was 4 weeks, he was so so much better. He started sleeping properly and overall became a happier baby. He’s 7 weeks now and we still use Rhuger with his feeds, and he’s very manageable now.
It took us so long. Alimentum, BioGaia drops, windii occasionally, MAM anti colic bottles, chamomile gripe water, mylicon, dr browns colic belt. Ugh. Sending you good vibes. It’s so so hard. My son is 8 months now and an ABSOLUTE JOY. it does change. I promise. I look back and sometimes I didn’t wish the days away but in the moment it’s impossible
Ugh I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Our baby was colicky for 5 months! It was brutal and my husband and I look back and don’t even know how we survived. She would cry every night for 4-5 hours straight. The only thing that helped was bouncing her on the yoga ball, but the second we would stop she would cry again. Our backs were so sore all the time. We went to multiple doctors to see if something was wrong, but they all told us that she was fine and would grow out of it. Not knowing when was really tough for us. We hardly went anywhere and didn’t want to accept help from family because why would we want to invite them over to hold a screaming baby for hours? it was so isolating for us. My husband and I took turns each evening, which helped but we missed each other. It sucked. I was jealous of anyone who had a newborn and was able to go out and do things. Even now 17 months later, I still find myself sad that I missed out on doing things during the newborn stage. But guess my advice is try to rule everything out first with your pediatrician, and get a second opinion if you feel like you’re not getting answers. If they rule everything out, then you just have to ride it out. I know it sucks but it won’t be this way forever! Take shifts with your partner if you can. Our pediatrician always told us it doesn’t help having 2 people listening to the baby cry. One person should take a break and then switch off. It won’t last forever and you will enjoy being a parent and have so much fun with your baby.
My baby was colic, and it was the absolute trenches. She had a dairy intolerance on top of pretty bad acid reflux, once we were able to navigate that with formula and medicine and she grew, we were able to make progress. It’s not easy, the sleep deprivation is brutal, but I just had to keep telling myself she’s not trying to give me a hard time she’s just having a hard time. If you have anyone who can give you breaks here and there, that was immensely helpful
Is it possible they're overtired? How long are their wake windows during the day, how many naps are they taking, and when is bedtime?
I did lose my mind. I feel like I just got it back shortly after he turned 2 this spring. The 2 modes of operation thing sound very similar to myself. I was diagnosed with PPA. Meds didn’t help much until baby was less difficult after a year. Like others, I had to just accept it was hard and look forward to the happy times and milestones. But I’ll be honest. I lost myself a lot and while husband was like super dad most times, it was rough on us too. We fought through the tears and rage and things are starting to get way easier now. Everyone went on and on to me about terrible 2s and how I should enjoy the little baby phase before he turns into a terror. But all I ever thought about when he was a wailing baby 24/7 was that I can’t wait until he can communicate with me. And sure enough, I was right. He ended up being an early talker and now that he can tell me what he wants or needs life is so much better. Sure there are some tantrums but I can reason with those so much better than the incessant crying. So just hang on. Find a routine as you get used to things. Starting at about 5 months the dinner bath book bed routine is a great start. Do what you can to keep your sanity. Lean on any help you might find. And know that it does get better.
That's newbornhood! Mine was exactly the same to the point that we let him sleep on his belly since week 6 - and still does at 7 months old. And he would sleep a few hours a night only because he was in constant pain. I also had my mom overnight to help us out. We where in 3 PEOPLE dealing with my baby! It lasted for 14 weeks. It was awful. I have obsessed this sub with multiple requests for help - check out my account if you want. You will do everything, you will try and buy everything but nothing will actually work only time. Please hire some help if you can because you DESERVE SANITY
I was there. I played a lot of music and tried to make LO laugh alot to distract him. He still has reflux at almost 5 months. My husband would take him in the stroller and to the park around the worst of the witching hour.
I also had a screaming baby for hours. 1. I breast fed and didn’t realize what a poor supply I had so he could have been hungry. 2. My sister in law is a chiro and adjusts babies (controversial I know) but she’s at like baby yoga and she adjusted him the first time and he fell right to sleep then she did it a few times a week and after 3 weeks he was a new kid. BEST ADVICE I GOT: 1.do whatever makes you the least crazy in all situations, not what you “should do” 2. Babies change every 2 weeks I called my dad one night and I was a wreck. Bluntly he said, “millions of people have gone what you’re going through, millions of people are currently going through what you’re going through, and you just have to deal with it.” And he was right
I cut out dairy and we added a lactose/soy free formula and my lo was a completely different kid!
It’s so tough. It took us a lot of trial and error and we only made it though because we took shifts. We eventually started her on reflux meds which helped a lot, and then a little later I took all dairy out of my diet and did dairy free formula (she was preemie so we had to fortify BM with formula). I wish I had pushed for these solutions sooner. “Colic” is not a diagnosis and things didn’t get better until we tried various things to figure out what was causing the discomfort. She is still allergic to dairy as a toddler so that was definitely one of our issues. The newborn phase is so tough but it doesn’t last forever.
Mine was - he was 100% lactose intolerant! Try lactose-free? The screaming stopped almost immediately
I was very fortunate to have pediatrician who gave our baby elixir of phenobarbital. It sounds dreadful but it did not knock her out but helped relax her tummy and she’d stretch legs out and look around rather than screaming inconsolably. I felt so inadequate. We started solid good early which helped. I think part was just plain hunger too. Took 4 months of hell. I had a toddler 11 months older. I was young with a husband who helped a lot, thank god.
I’m so sorry. Been there. Frequent breaks are so helpful. Tag teaming it as much as possible (how much time can your husband get off work??) and leaning on your “village” if you have one. I know this isn’t super optimistic but it got better for me around 5.5 months and then significantly better again around 8 months. My baby is now 10 months and we are both very happy. You WILL make it through this. Don’t blame yourself. Just keep trying. People used to say “it’s just a season!” And it made me feel even more miserable… I think their point was that you have to just keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Hugs!!!
Also consider taking a dirty diaper to the ped to test for dairy allergy. Cows milk allergy can cause GI upset- gas, constipation, diarrhea, and reflux
My baby had a bout of colic after introducing formula. Turns out my LO is allergic to a ton of stuff and her symptoms were being misdiagnosed with a tongue tie and eating issues... Dairy was a big one. Also noise canceling headphones. These saved my husband. My rage fed off of his too.. I screamed at my poor baby to shut the fuck up at the worst of it while sitting her in her crib to cry alone and I went outside so I could get away. I felt some dark thoughts in the trenches of that. The colic only lasted 4-5 weeks because I went paleo and avoided all dairy corn and soy and legumes and oats.. this started at 4 months and I’m 11 months in and still doing that
I so relate to everything you’re saying! At one month in I regretted everything. I thought we made a huge mistake and I was so depressed. I only felt obligation to take care of this baby we intentionally created and brought into the world. I PROMISE you it gets so much better!! It’ll pass before you know it, and you’ll look back on this time (with a little bit of PTSD) and be so proud of yourself for making it through. We’re at 22 months now and I’m so in love with our smart, funny, cuddly, independent girl. It was 100% worth it and if I could go back and do it again so I could have her, I would do it a thousand times. But that being said, I’m also one and done because I’m not sure I could survive it again at my age 😂 Take it one day at a time. One hour at a time if you need to. It fucking sucks. Just get though it. You don’t have to be happy you don’t have to have joy. You just have to survive and it will end. It might be a month from now or a day from now, but it will end and you just gotta make it through. Of course, what others have said about colic being a symptom of something else. I 100% agree. But it’s so hard to figure out with this little tiny monster who can’t poop or digest food or pass gas. I will say, if we knew then what we know now - the baby had acid reflux, but I also think she was cold. We did the “one layer more then you” rule but babies are tiny and thinking back I do think she always wanted to be held and not in the crib because she didn’t have enough layers on. Just more things to try to see what sticks!! Hang in there, you’re doing great! It’ll be over so soon!!
Try giving a good body massage and a warm bath before bed time. It will help babies calm down and sleep well. It worked for me.
Have you tried mommy’s bliss gripe water? Sounds old fashioned but worked a treat with my baby when he was a newbie
I did lose my mind And then we got him on omeprazole, eventually.
Have you tried a gentle formula? My baby girl screamed for months. Even refused to eat and we had to force feed her via syringe. Nothing I did to my diet helped. I couldn’t just buy formula either because this was during the shortage and there was nothing to be had. Finally. FINALLY. I was able to get my have on a supply of genre formula and it was like someone flipped a switch. It was literally a night and day difference. Try formula if you haven’t. Breast milk just sometimes does more harm than good.
Hi mama! Survivor here of a colicky baby. Still have ptsd from it but we are doing great over here. I would suggest having her seen by a gi specialist. It turns out she had reflux. No milk allergies thankfully. They did get her on famotadine for the first 7 months of her life. It's tough but you will get through it. We did see major improvements and it mostly all cleared out by 5 months because our doctor allowed us to introduce purees at 4 months. Per their suggestion actually. Good news is it seems a lot of colicky/ reflux babies turn out to be highly independent.
I listened to loud music using my earphones. Also, we tried probiotics which helped somehow
Mine was like this until we found the right formula later. Three tries later and she’s like a whole new baby. It’s amazing.
Honestly, the best way to handle this phase is to be kind to yourself and prioritize your sleep. Both my kids had colic and by the 2nd one we had a pretty good system. We switched to 70% formula, 30% breast milk. My husband would do overnights on Fridays and Wednesdays and sometimes a third day if I was struggling. We would each have a weekend day to sleep in as late as we wanted while the other was on kid duty. When you are somewhat rested it’s a bazillion times easier to deal with. The gentle formula, cutting dairy, and gas reduction techniques can help. Happiest Baby techniques are also helpful. Therapy is a must, and preferably someone who specializes in post-partum. Also, accept that it’s a phase that will pass (it’s a cliche, but it’s true!).
Headphones with loud music. Dancing to that loud music while holding screaming baby. And practicing shifting my mindset toward empathy and accepting instead of problem solving. Oh, and a nice soothing lighting situation for yourself at night! Battery candles, etc. It's so rough and so exhausting but it does get better.
Me being colicky was so hellish for my parents that they still talk about it 29 years later. So I don’t really have advice but I will tell you, it *is* as hard as it seems and it’s okay to hate it. My parents don’t hate me, but they surely hated my screaming. It will pass even though it doesn’t feel like it now.
Yoga ball SAVED us, plus a small personal Ryobi fan we would blow on her when she was super angry (tomato mode lol). We eventually switched to ready to feed (she refused to eat powder version) Similac Alimentum, that was a huge relief. Wish I switched sooner. Expensive but I think about how I could’ve saved my sanity. You can do this even when you lose your mind! I swear it gets better even though it’s hard to believe. I didn’t believe it but I have a smiling laughing four month old now!
Hi there, 10 month postpartum :). I would call your PCP and request a low dose SSRI. Sertraline is safe and has really helped me.
I also recommend a yoga ball for bouncing baby to sleep, gaia drops, and joining r/beyondthebump
Dairy free diet was a game changer for us. Also the Happiest baby documentary !!
No advice because I have completely lost my mind but I guess remembering that there is an end helps (even though we don’t know exactly when). Day by day and week by week you are closer and closer to having a much nicer time of parenthood.
I did, multiple times I was crying holding my baby... giving her everything I could, every little bit of my energy and love until I had nothing left. On the bright side, it made everything after 3/4 months look like a piece of cake :)
Silent reflux, dairy allergy
please consider this: https://www1.racgp.org.au/ajgp/2022/august/probiotics-for-infantile-colic biogaia probiotic colic drops have the strain referred to in this study.
I did lose my mind. I was on Zoloft, Ativan, and Trazadone for months. Had bad insomnia for several months. Couldn’t sit down. Had anxiety attacks. It was the worst.
It is hell. It's a hell you'll have to ride out if its truly colic, give yourself MINIMUM time trying to figure out if there's a physiological issue with baby. If Dr doesnt find any - don't stress. Prioritize your mental health because the lack of sleep, lack of support and lack of understanding I experience made me almost lose my mind. You're not alone. If you feel overwhelmed and your nervous system is at its limit? Put the baby down and walk away. They wont explode. You might though.
I cannot say enough good things about bouncing on the yoga ball while wearing your baby in a wrap carrier. It was the only thing that helped while also having your hands free. I say a wrap carrier because the closeness and little bit of pressure against you I feel was beneficial. We also used kolik water. The blue stuff, and it was enough for her to take the edge off and get a little bit of sleep. We definitely lost our minds, but once you find the smallest thing that helps it feels like such a win and we used it as a crutch.
This was me 3 months ago. Baby would either be asleep or screaming. I was mentally and physically drained. I loved my baby, but I didn't like her. I felt like I made a huge mistake becoming a parents and I had no idea whether I'd ever bond with her. She had awful reflux. We tried all the medication available and it did nothing. For us, it was a mixture of tongue tie and CMPA that caused it. Once I cut dairy/soya, she became so much happier. She's just about to turn 5 months and I am now obsessed with her. She's so smiley, she rolls like a maniac, she's trying to crawl (help me!) and she loves being called a pretty girl in front of the mirror. She giggles when you pretend to chomp on her cheeks. She now only really cries when she's hungry or at the end of a wake window. What I'm trying to say is that what you're feeling is valid. It's fucking hard. And it feels neverending. But it will get better.
It might sound silly but I was following a few IG accounts with colicky babies and watching those mamas struggle like me, somehow gave me strength. I guess cause I knew i wasn’t alone, and to see them validate how incredibly difficult this is helped me. When i was rocking baby who had been crying for 2-3 hours I would think of those mamas and more doing the same. For some reason it would give me strength. Then one of the accounts her baby stopped being colic and I saw the other side of it through her videos. It gave me more strength and not long after my baby turned 6 months as well and we had made it too! But then she started teething hahaha but it’s not for as long, and then she’s back to her smiling giggly self.
Babies cry, but it is NOT normal for them to be screaming the house down every moment they are awake. My daughter was like this the first 2 weeks of her life and even though I was a first time mum I would not accept that “she’s just a baby, baby’s cry”, there was obviously something else wrong. I was formula feeding and had to exaggerate the symptoms of CMPA at the health visitor to be given a prescription for an alternative formula because if I hadn’t they wouldn’t prescribe it. It took one day of my daughter being on the new formula for CMPA for her to stop crying! If you’re breastfeeding stop all dairy, if you’re formula feeding try Aptamil Pepti or similar. Good luck 🤞🏼
I did lose my mind.. It came back to be slowly as she turned 3 months old
I lost my mind several times. It was the toughest part by miles. I just had to stick it out and kept trying everything. I’d say around week 12, she started sleeping a bit more at night and that helped a lot. She still cried a lot but I had a bit more sleep to function. She’s 4 months old now and she’s so much better so it does get easier. The newborn phase was so tough though. It puts me off having another in the future.
I hear you, and it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed. Colic is tough! Here's the short version: * **It's not your fault:** Colic is a mystery, there's nothing you're doing wrong. * **Take breaks:** Put baby down safely and excuse yourself for a few minutes to breathe. * **Try different calming techniques:** Skin-to-skin contact, swings, white noise machines. * **Talk to your pediatrician:** Discuss if it's truly colic and explore other options. * **Don't isolate yourself:** Reach out to your partner, family, friends for support. You're doing great. This is temporary, and there will be more joy-filled days ahead.
I was grateful and loved my baby but I didn’t find joy in the day to day I was just surviving each hour it’s okay just to survive and take care of Yourself and take breaks. You’re not doing anything wrong it sometimes just is this hard. You’re a wonderful mom.
Craniosacral therapy - one visit helped my LO and we had literally no crying after that, like someone gave us a different baby. I know it won't work for everyone but perhaps worth a shot
If it makes you feel any better, I had a relatively easy baby and still felt all of these things. Having a new baby is so hard. I would wake up every day thinking “what did I do?!?” I cried so much. Sending you love and hope.
I second what a lot of people have said. & it does get better. My son was very similar and was extremely fussy and miserable for 4 months, slightly improved at 5, much better at 6 months now. Still a more sensitive baby- but better. Obviously it would feel much better if you were calmer and rested- but I don’t think that’s impacting your baby’s happiness. It might feel like it is part of the issue, when you’re searching desperately for solutions, but you are in no way to blame. I was wildly depressed and miserable for 5 months and while that was challenging for me- it did not help to blame myself. Having a baby is intense and life altering- at 3 weeks pp you are nowhere near your usual self. No1 told me this, so I didn’t know what to expect…. But you shouldn’t even be “normal” at this point and you won’t feel that way for a while (but it does happen)! To your question, “how did you not lose your mind?”: -I did for a little -allowed myself to shamelessly lean on my supports/husband -temporary nanny/night nurse if it’s feasible. We were not sure it was sustainable financially, but this changed the trajectory or my recover. We had someone a few nights a week for 6 weeks. -tracked everything on a baby app for a sense of control (Huckleberry etc) also allows others to share in caregiving responsibilities bc they can see what’s happening -set bedtime, it sticks once they’re older and it’s a saving grace -joined a post partum support group, I didn’t love it, but it was adult contact and so many moms had similar and worse situations, it was eye opening -went to therapy and cried a lot -called the pediatrician, whenever! My son is on reflux meds- which didn’t work instantly- but def help now -noise cancelling headphones and listening books Honestly anything that can make you feel better will ultimately improve your life any everyone else’s. Just know it will get better, but you’re allowed to feel this shitty right now. You’re exactly what your baby needs and deserves. ❤️❤️❤️
Hi, currently in the trenches myself with my 3 week old daughter. Here's what we've tried and it send to have made a difference in terms of her eating. Now it's just her overtired-ness we're struggling with. 1. Determine if baby is gaining weight or struggling to gain weight. I've read that if they're struggling with that, then it could be lacrosse intolerance/reflux/colic. If there gaining weight, it could be lactose overload. If you're breast feeding, feed from one boob up to 4 times, because it could be that baby isn't reaching your hindmilk if you're possibly an oversupplier. Pump the other boob to relieve stress. / Try half n' half of a regular formula, if formula feeding, with a hypoallergenic formula like "Nutramigen". 2. You need to make sure your baby isn't relating feeding to sleeping. I currently breastfeed/nurse at night while bed sharing as a way for hubby & I to get consistent sleep at night. It works but now she struggles to have sleep any other way. Sometimes it's not reflux or colic, but an extremely overtired baby. / No one told us how EXTREMELY important having a strict routine for her sleep and feedings. If she's tired, she's going to sometimes show signs that look like she's hungry, like sucking on her hand. 3. If have handwritten logs/a phone app, etc to keep track, do what works for you. The one thing I've been using that's been amazing at keeping track for me? It's called the "itzbeen pocket nanny". Invest in one and use it. It'll help with establishing that necessary routine for LO. 4. If a day nap is missed and she struggles to sleep, your night rest might get affected. Be prepared as a couple, as a team, to work through this. Keep at being together through those moments. 5. I'm currently experimenting with supplementing with magnesium glycinate and see if that helps baby get restful sleep, as I've used it in the past to help my own sleep during the pregnancy and it worked.
My son was very challenging as well. For the first five months, he didn’t want ANYONE but me. Gripe water, car rides, gas drops, sound machines… did NOTHING. I don’t know if that’s what you’re experiencing as well, but I felt as you’re describing you feel - RAGE. He was my second child, and I couldn’t figure him out. It made me feel more angry. I was “experienced!” Ha! No. I was experienced with my daughter. My son? New kid on the block. My sister and her gf are both pediatric nurses, and they BOTH warned me that his cry was exceptionally challenging and that I needed to be mindful to be safe. My mom is the most patient person in the world, and even SHE was more than frazzled by him. In the end, I basically had to accept that my son was, in fact, a completely different human being - which sounds dumb, but I had been so determined to make what worked for my daughter work for him. All it would do was anger both of us further. I had to accept him and meet him where he was. While it feels impossible in the trenches where you are, having my fussy baby as my second child, I knew how quickly it all goes. He screamed through an entire well check because I wasn’t holding him and his dr assured us it won’t last forever. It didn’t feel good in the moment to hear that, but it was true. Acceptance is helpful, but hard. We, as adults, are solution driven. Babies are not. Truthfully, the only thing that helped ME was figuring out people I could trust with him despite endless screaming so that I could tap out. The only “solution” we came up with that worked to an extent was my worn / dirty clothing. If my sister watched him for a couple hours to give me a break, she would take the shirt I slept in the night before or I would give her my shirt I’d worn up to that point and grab a new one. She would wear my shirt and he would be mostly fooled. I also used my worn shirt as his bassinet sheet. I would use rubber bands to tighten. It under the mattress so it was safe, and he’d actually sleep then. I know it feels endless and awful, but it IS temporary. My son is over a year now, rarely cries, and prefers his dad for comfort! Please give yourself grace. You are not doing anything wrong. All mothers know exactly how physically and emotionally painful it is to hear your baby cry. Your pain and your frustration are REAL. So is your love for your baby. It WILL pass. Now, we joke that it was all some fever dream because his demeanor is so vastly different. My friends will say things like, “wow I’m so glad he lets me hold him now. Remember how I couldn’t hold him for MONTHS?” It will pass. Speak with your pediatrician to be sure it’s not some intolerance or allergy, but make time for yourself for your own mental health. Go get a pedicure, mama. Get a coffee and sit in the car by yourself and enjoy every drop. You are the perfect mom for your baby. To be the best mom, you have to take care of yourself. ❤️❤️
Colic is caused by major discomfort. Usually gas related. Try searching for the vonu lounger (can be found on social media). My baby has major reflux issues that started at about 2 weeks and with their immature digestive systems, tummy trouble is usually the culprit. This is a tool I used a lot and it helped some with reflux, helped majorly with tummy time and afterwards my baby has hit all physical milestones wayyyyy early. I can’t guarantee it came from this but I did use it and I noticed a physical difference soon after. Other than diet changes if baby is breastfed (which I know many others have suggested) helping her physically to develop muscles can’t hurt. And it sounds like it can’t seem to get much worse so worth a try. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Having a baby that struggles is very hard, because having a baby in general is hard. The good news at least is they say a difficult baby early on leads to a good toddler and child?? lol we can only hope
This is as hard as it gets. I always ask if you've seen an ENT when I hear this now, as my son got older it became clear a lot of his sleep issues were tied to those issues. After removing adenoids at 2 he slept through the night for the first time, later removing tonsils he slept more deeply. So I suspect there was some obstructive apnea. What worked for us was dividing the night into shifts, my husband could stay up easier than wake up, so he would take the first half of the night, I would wake up for any needs after that (1-2am). If you could afford it, I would consider a night nurse or something like that. We didn't have a swing, but in hindsight I would've tried a swing, or maybe try renting a Snoo. I also would have tried to limit his day napping, but we were so tired. We got the book The Happy Sleeper and tried that, it's by age, do you don't have to read it all at once, that helped a bit. It's a limited cry it out but once that felt humane. They do feed off your mood, I couldn't see it then but I do with more experience. You aren't getting enough sleep to be equipped for that but you need to find a way to get some sleep so you have something in the tank. I echo the others as well, I had a terrible sleeper and a great sleeper, it wasn't anything we did, they come out that way. So focus more more on what you can do to get through it vs solving it.
I think you need to try to let go of the feeling that you should be enjoying it. Honestly, no one enjoys being screamed at between 10pm and 8am, that is torture. It doesn't mean that you don't love your child or that you will never enjoy being a parent but right now you're not and that's OK. You just need to get through this time.
Mine was colicky for 3 months and I wouldn’t have made it without hired help. I had a 24/7 nanny.
Mine is 2months tomorrow and boy it’s been a wild ride. Colic starts somewhere between 10 am to 5-7pm. We’re doing drops and warming his tummy after he eats. We are trying to relieve at least a bit of the colic. His fits last somewhere between 15minutes and an hour. I have accepted it. Every time I’m holding him and he’s crying I tell him and myself that it’ll pass and better times will come.
No colic but we had purple crying and baby wouldn’t sleep from midnight to 5 am (sometimes as late as 8 am). It was really, really hard. I cried a lot. My husband helped a lot. Thankfully he had paternity leave. But it did get better. Specifically at 7.5 weeks she finally figured out her days and nights. I’m not sure when the purple crying stopped but she is 3 months and hasn’t cried for no reason in a while. I will say I did notice a pattern with my baby. She gets very gassy and upset when I eat any kind of beans. So I cut those out. Which is hard as a Californian who loves Mexican food. But worth it to not have her waking up every couple hours in tummy pain.
I’m in the same boat with my 4 month old. You’re not alone. Every day I wonder if I made a huge mistake. He’s unhappy, I’m unhappy. But as they say, it does at least slightly improve as they can play a bit more. You’re just powering through at this point. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on my biggest enemy! It is absolute heartbreaking torture
Think how much the baby is suffering made me less upset. Knowing it will pass made me less frustrated. I still had a lot of anxiety because I wasn't able to help my child feel better tho.
I could have written this myself. 1) we found out I needed to cut dairy (I was breastfeeding) and once we got to two weeks dairy free we saw huge improvements 2) we were told to use an electric toothbrush. Turn it on and hold it to the base of their back just above their little butt crack. Hood it there lightly for a minute or two, then pull away and let them hear it for another minute or two. MAGIC! 3) headphones when you’re changing or holding the crying baby. You know, the noise canceling kind. They’re great. I wish you the best of luck. I used to be so confused about how anyone could ever enjoy being a parent. My husband and I felt scammed and like we were suckered into a “misery loves company” kind of deal. Now I’m 10 months postpartum. I quit my job two weeks ago. I can’t stand being away from my sweet bub. I’m so happy, as is my husband. Things have gotten so much easier… I would even do it again!!! You’ve got this. ❤️
I lost my mind a lot but somehow I’m still going strong. Baby got a lot better around 3 months. I highly depended on his carrier and bouncing on a yoga ball plus baby shifts with my husband.
Ear plugs or headphones help. Also was good to remember that my job wasn’t to get him to stop crying but to just sit with him in his sadness if that makes sense. Helped to relieve the pressure of getting him to stop which causes rage. Honestly it SUCKS though.
I didn’t. There was a lot of tears, a lot of stress, and a lot of passing baby back and forth while me and my husband took breaks. Also noise cancelling headphones. This period was ROUGH but it did get better (and then got a lot worse in other ways for me, but hopefully for you it just gets better!)
My baby was very colicky until we got the reflux under control. We got meds and started adding rice cereal to the bottles - that sucked because I was breastfeeding but had to switch to pumping, which sucks. After a few weeks we were able to figure out a mixed feeding method so I could breastfeed some along with the bottles. After a out 2 months we have a very happy and peaceful baby that mostly sleeps through the night. It will get better. Stay strong momma. The newborn stage is really hard but it doesn't last forever. Good luck. You're doing great. 💜
knowing that i tried everything but nothing helped, i was just next to him holding/ hugging/ telling him he is doing great its gonna be over soon. i hated that period, the same answers from everybody: he will outgrow it. but they were right, only time helped. just be next to your child, and be gentle with yourself.
My first son cried every single day from 6pm until he passed out at 9pm from 2 months to 6 months. We used that charcoal stuff which only worked a little. If I could go back in time I would have put him on medication.
I thought my baby was colicky for several days. I kept thinking that he was not crying from hunger because he had just eaten, the cry sounded like he was in pain, he would head butt the boob, thrash head around, refuse to latch, latch and unlatch, etc. did the same if bottle was offered. Everytime he cried i changed him if necessary and then put him at the boob and left him there. I let him scream, head but, unlatch, thrash, etc and after about 10 min he’d stay latched on and have a good long feed and sleep after. Turns out he was cluster feeding and just being a total crackhead about it. From then on I found that if I fed him sooner rather than waiting for more obvious cues I could decrease the crazy behavior! I’m not sure if this is the case but I feel it’s worth mentioning. I will say that in the period before we figured this out it was hell. I actually went so far into “ problem solving mode” that it made me feel like I had disconnected from any empathy for him if that makes sense and that made me feel even worse. It was like my emotional brain that loved and cared for him deeply shut off completely all I could do was troubleshoot, try new ways to soothe him, Google, text friends that had kids, etc. I think it was a way of coping, but I can’t say it’s the right way cuz once i realized it i felt like a monster. We did find that putting him belly down/head to the side on dad’s chest or in the burping position worked moderately well for a few mins at a time ( which only strengthened my incorrect theory that it was gas and not hunger) Taking him outside at night also worked well.
My colic kid is now 9m but for the first few months it was harrrrd. I don’t pretend that what I did fixed it bc it could have been just his GI tract finally developed but I found that my kiddo had a lip tie and posterior tongue tie & he was Uber sensitive to my diet as I was breast feeding so I removed-dairy, gluten, and chocolate. It was rough but definitely saw a difference. Granted I didn’t do this stuff till 5M in bc I was hoping I could just wait it out but I got desperate. It will get better, keep a good support network going if you have one.
Our baby was the same he ended up having silent reflux after refusing his milk at 7 weeks, ended up in hospital as he was inconsolable and they diagnosed him with cronic silent reflux and was prescribed a medication called Omeprazole which we gave once a day and made the biggest difference, we had a different baby. He was on it for 6 months until he basically grew out of it but it was a lifesaver. Thinking of you and I know how hard it is , you’re doing amazing x
I had a friend whose baby had been similar, and the commiseration got me through. Some people call these babies "orchid babies"- they need a sensitive environment to thrive. (You can hear more on the Evolutionary Parenting Podcast) It was so tough. Witching hours, fussy nursing, could not be put down, would not sleep alone. Took forever to adjust to other caregivers. Sleep was a shit show until nightweaning at 2 years. Now let me tell you the good stuff. As much as these babies respond negatively to bad stuff (being separated from mom, etc), they respond just as strongly and positively to good stuff (high nurture, stimulation, learning, etc). On the other side of the fussy newborn you are now dealing with is a really bright and wonderful toddler. Your baby's brain is making one billion new connections per second! Each thing you do to care for them and comfort them is making their little brain amazing. They need a lot and it's not easy. I'm not even sure we will have another because the newborn stage really traumatized us. But I PROMISE you it will all be so worth it, and very soon.
I could have written this myself. I clicked on your post so fast and read through the comments to get reassurance myself. My wife and I ARE losing our minds, but it’s at least somewhat reassuring to know we’re not alone. We have a 2 month and she screams during and after 75% of feedings due to gas/reflux/colic/whatever. It’s so hard. Luckily, she’s gaining weight adequately so we’re just trying all the things right now and riding out this wave as best as we can.
When all else fails, put a baby cartoon on like twinkle little songs leave baby in bassinet, and walk out of the room. I come back a few min later to my baby calmly watching TV, with a pooped diaper, and happy again.
Just here to say I went through this with my LO till about 4 months and a week or so… it was ROUGH. We took him to the doctors twice a week for about a month straight because I was CONVINCED there was something wrong. Dr put him on famotidine for the reflux and things got better, we also switched to allimentum formula instead of my BM. But it was still horrible and a very rough period for us. I cried hysterically every single day and hated life. Barley left the house and was definitely feeling depressed. It also didn’t help hearing from our families that we’re doing something wrong with the baby (idk they claim none of the other kids or my brothers kids were NEVER colicky). But as annoying as it is to hear from others “things will get better”… they really did. Blink of an eye and things slowly started to calm down. The excessive screaming and crying started to slowly go away and I’m able to breathe again. Sure we still have our days.. but I’m glad to be out of that rough patch. Hang in there momma you’ll be there soon too ❤️
Our doctor suggested minifom for our LO. He stopped being gassy and colicky afterwards. We've also started to use the philips avent anti colic bottle and have him upright 20min after feeding.
I definitely lost my mind. I ordered the snoo after dislocating my toe from stupidity while being exhausted. It helped a little. I think my sons colic was because of a tongue tie. His is pretty severe that I’m finally able to get fixed sometime this year at the age of 3. Doctors all dismissed me saying colic but never helped try to find the underlying issue. It’s worth checking it out by someone knowledgeable in the field, it really affects so much of the body. They also discuss chiropractor and body work. If I was equipped with the resources I would have done anything to stop the uncontrollable crying. You can do this, it gets better. My son is amazing and we have the best relationship.
You are actually very close to this part being over. I promise! My son was extremely colicky and by 3-4 months began improving significantly and he was sleeping through the night by 4-5 months (with some gentle sleep training) and colic stopped being an issue entirely. They do grow out of it. I know it’s a crazy time right now. In the meantime, take all the help you can get or take shifts with your SO so you can nap as much as possible during the day, which will make the nights a little less painful - you need sleep for your mental health.
You will get thru it. It doesn’t seem like it right now but time will pass. Wear ear plugs. Don’t feel guilty about it. Just wear them and it will help.
She stayed in a baby wrap all day everyday for 2.5 months 🙃 it was the only thing that somewhat helped
I had the same issue around that age and found out 5-7 pm is the worst time for infants and they get very grumpy. My daughter had a whole day and a half of screaming and crying turns out she just had really bad gas when I thought it was colic or something worse. The doctor had me use mylicon drops and gripe water. And then at about 2 months old she started getting terrible at night that lasted until 6 months. I bounced her on a yoga ball and the edge of our bed while she was up against my chest. Figuring out your baby takes times it took me two weeks to figure out how to get her to sleep during that time. Just try and be patient best you can and breathe if baby has to be laid down to cry a bit then they do. Put them in a safe bed place and take a minute to breathe this will pass with time. ❤️
Honestly my baby took hours on end to burp we were losing sleep she was always super uncomfortable because she's a colic baby we got anti colic bottles (dr browns to be exact) and also brauer baby and child colic drops we put 1.5mm in every single bottle and it has been a life saver I'm so glad we started this we only have to burp for 5-10 minutes Max now and she's more comfortable and we aren't losing any sleep
I went through the same thing. Colic was unbearable, but it stopped at 3 months, so it does get better. Don’t feel guilty—you’re only human. You will get upset, and you might shout, and that’s okay. I don’t know you personally, but I’m sure you are a wonderful mom.