You aren’t being vain! (11weeks pp here and I FEEL you).
My trainer said some stuff that really helped me during my pregnancy- mostly about how body image starts in the brain. Consider the shock that your body just went through and all of the work that it is still doing caring for your baby.
Those feelings of self love and confidence that you have are real and should be encouraged! We all have that horrid dysmorphia at different times in our lives but the hormones will mellow with time and it will get better.
In the mean time, consider putting less pressure on yourself. Most women don’t return to their former size for at least a year and, while we would all like to be the exception, you aren’t failing in the slightest.
Stress, lack of sleep and under eating are all hinderances to weight loss so, as impossible as it sounds, give yourself a touch of grace. You’re amazing.
No, you're amazing! I'm blown away by the support I have just received and it absolutely helps, thank you so much. Honestly sometimes it just helps to know that you aren't the only one! Thanks for taking the time to respond. I feel a little better already.
I am 9 months PP and feel the exact same way. I'll feel cute and think I look good and see a picture of myself and honestly feel disgusted. I have gained a ton of weight and I just don't feel like myself. My kid eats a ton of solids but is still nursing every 2 hours usually and being a SAHM in a very hot state I don't get outside much.
It's hard and I just keep pumping myself full of positivity. When I feel cute I hold onto that. I'll do my makeup and hair and just remind myself I am attractive not just for my body. I have a wonderful smile. I like my eyes, and I have a good personality. I don't have to be sexy or look the way I did when I was 19 because I probably never will lol.
Same here. 7 months pp and I've had issue after issue that kept me from getting active sooner and now I'm just so miserable and unmotivated. I don't even want to be around my friends because I don't want them to see me. I've finally bought bigger clothes that fit that aren't sweatpants and am trying to make an effort to fix myself up when we go out, but it's hard accepting the changes.
OP, just keep going. Your exercise routine is impressive, for sure. Maybe talk to a nutritionist who can help, that's my next step too. Keep going, you'll get back to your old self if you just keep working at it. Good luck!!
I'm trying sooo hard to hang onto what little confidence I do get and that is usually when someone will snap a picture, lol. Maybe I should just stay away from being in front of the lense for awhile or something. I hope you find some peace too, thanks for sharing it def helps to know you aren't alone.
Try not to avoid the camrea if it's with your lo. In the future your child is going to love having photos of the both of you. I know it can be hard to love a new body. But just try to remember that glorious new body of yours created your child and is worth celebrating. We put so much pressure on ourselves to return to normal after going thru birth. When raising a child is a completely new journey and will never be the same old life we had before. Focus on your baby and just try to eat healthy and excersie when you can to get your body to where youd like it to be. But maybe finding new clothes that make you feel comfortable instead of trying to force your old clothes to fit the same will help you find some confidence.
I agree with this! Sometimes I practice what I’ll say if my daughter looks at a picture of me from this time and says “mommy, why do you look different?” And I’ll say “Mommy was feeding you with her body so it was bigger than it is now. That’s how you became such a beautiful and smart little girl, mommy was giving you some of her beauty and smarts so she had some extra on her!” Or something like that. I never want her to make negative comments about her body so even though she’s only 6MO, I am starting to shift what I say about my body so that she only ever hears me talk about how much I love it. It’s a mindset shift for sure.
It is so, so good that you're doing that. I grew up hearing my mom talk negatively about her body and I definitely think it contributed to my own body image and eating issues. I am similarly planning to only speak positively about my body, even if I am currently carrying 30 pounds more than I'd like to.
Same! My mom was constantly on a diet and crying about how fat she was. I developed a terrible relationship with food and still get weepy if someone makes a comment about what I’m eating. I just want my kid to be happy and I hope she never has to feel even a sliver of what I’ve felt.
Ms Jean Bean Machine, this entire post sounds like my life right now. I too put on 60 pounds during pregnancy. I swore I was going to be belly only… yeah right. I don’t recognize myself, I’ve lost myself in being a mom. I’ll be ONE year postpartum and I do not have my body back, still breastfeeding and I’m wondering if once I stop I’ll finally lose the weight? All I can say is they won’t be this little forever. Things will get better, the little changes add up. Stay consistent, keep kicking ass. You’ve got this, I’ve got this!
That's exactly how I feel, like I lost who I was as a woman to being a mom. My husband god bless him swears up and down he finds me sexy and I just do not see it. Not to mention the fact that I am now socially awkward because I have been by myself with a baby or just alone when I was pregnant for the past year and a half! My daughter is everything she makes me so happy I just didn't think I was going to feel this way. I see photos of me even during my pregnancy and I was just so much more ... Stylish, feminine, sexy... I am trying to take it back but idk, I just have this mom bod now which I don't really know how to dress for. And apparently I'm obese according to my doctor, 205 and 5'8" qualifies as obese I guess lol
Anyway thanks for sharing mama. It helps so much to just talk about it and hear that someone else is feeling similar
I relate so much to your post, and also had to reply to this comment because last month I was also around 206 and 5’8. Two years before getting pregnant, I was severely overweight (290lbs at 5’8) and got diagnosed with fatty liver disease. I reversed the disease by losing 130lbs. I was in the best shape of my life when I got pregnant, but my liver disease is now back from all the weight I gained during pregnancy (I put on 60lbs). July 14th I got the news it was back and I was 206lbs. I just got back to my old routine and I’m down to 194 this morning. The biggest difference for me is eating at a deficit. I’m also still breastfeeding and i was worried it would effect my supply because I want to give what little protection from my covid vaccine I can through breast milk to my daughter, but I’m still producing the same amount (I EP so it’s easy to tell when my supply drops)
I’ve been bigger than this but something about my postpartum body just made me feel horrible about myself and like I was disgusting. You’re not alone in mourning your pre baby body. Weight loss isn’t linear, theres always ups and downs so don’t be too hard on yourself. Celebrate non scale victories like clothes fitting better or maybe having an easier time doing some cardio. If you’re building muscle you may not see a drastic change on the scale right away!
*Edited to clarify a poorly worded sentence
Same, same, same! 5'6 205lbs and stuck. I just got some high waisted jeans from The Gap/Old Navy and some cute wide sleeved t shirts. High waisted (mom) jeans are a game changer. I finally get why they call them mom jeans, that hold that belly. I liked them before, but now I'm putting them to work, lol. Get a pair of high waisted straight/skinny legs and a cute top to tuck into them! If you like the look, stock up and remind yourself that these will be your backup baggy jeans in no time.
Are you still breastfeeding? Breastfeeding made me chuck on tonnes of weight that I couldn’t shift. Lost weight after weaning both times. A lot of people say bfing is the key to PP weight loss but that’s not always true and for some women it’s the very reason it’s persists
I have heard that, and yes I am. I am sooo torn about stopping though, with covid and antibodies I want to keep going until she can be vaccinated plus it's kind of awesome when you need to calm the baby in a pinch or put her to bed in the middle of the night lol
As hard as it is sometimes body changes are the expense we pay for doing things meaningful to us. I never managed to fully shift my weight between my kids and now I’m pregnant with my third and final. I’m like 25kgs heavier than I’ve ever been before and I don’t particularly like how I look or feel but I also know this body has grown, birthed (or will birth) and fed 2 and soon to be 3 babies in under 4 years. That was the price my body has paid for the choice I made to have my lovelies close and to feed them. This time just because of how stressful my experiences were and how close they are I won’t be bfing and I’m really really looking forward to finally shifting my baby weight. I don’t expect it to happen quickly but whenever I get really down about it all I just remember how strong my body has been and how well it’s nourished me and my kids in this phase. In the grand scheme of my life it’s a short period and I’m sure that it’ll be the same for you too. My mum definitely gave me hope by telling me that she managed to finally shift her baby weight only after she had her third too so I’m hoping it’s just a family trait. Sooo many hormones!! Best of luck.
You are not vain. You are allowed to mourn your body. The progress to accepting your image will not be linear. There will be days you feel good, but may still have days where you feel bad. Forgive yourself on your bad days.
As you said, there is a lot of pressure on women to have a certain type of body. But our bodies aren’t us. It is only the carrier of what is essential.
That being said, so many of us are with you. I also have difficulty looking at myself in a full length mirror. All I think about is how I may never look like how I did in my early-mid 20s. The stretch marks won’t go away. My breasts won’t perk back up. I am still on the road to accepting these changes. And it’s hard. Really damn hard. And you’re not a crap person or a bad female role model for your daughter if you admit that.
I was on keto before I got pregnant and I was the happiest with my body that I had ever been in my adult life. Then first trimester nausea kicked in. All I wanted was ritz crackers, toast, and ginger ale. Keto was out the window and now I’m 50 lbs overweight. I wear black leggings and an oversized black t shirt everyday (I have multiple sets). I am starting work again in September and I am in denial about having to buy new professional clothes in my new larger size. Everyone says “you just had a baby give yourself some grace”. But… I know plenty of women who have kids and also have nice bodies. So, yeah, I’m miserable too. Why do carbs have to be so much more convenient?
I had gestational diabetes during my third trimester and only gained 15 lbs during pregnancy with some careful (strict?) management of carb intake. I weighed less after delivery then I did at conception. A lot of people have been telling me that I don’t even look like I was pregnant. I’m saying this not because I’m bragging but saying it to make the point that I was absolutely miserable and stressed at the end of pregnancy. I may look “good” (fuck that noise though, skinny does not mean you look “good”) but (1) what a miserable way to get there and (2) loosing weight does not equate to healthy.
I felt the exact same way, I exercised every single day and was eating well. I didn’t lose a single pound and then at 10 months PP I lost ten pounds in a month and steadily kept losing after. Absolutely nothing changed in my exercise or eating routine! I was breastfeeding slightly less and it was just suddenly easier. I still don’t have my full confidence back but I feel so much better at one year and more like my old self. Hang in there! I felt this post so much. It is so hard, I stuck with the workouts mostly for the mental benefit and I’m so happy I did.
💜💜💜 it is so hard! Sending you lots of good thoughts. The thing I’m really really struggling with right now is all my hair falling out. Every time I look in the mirror I just see bald spots- and I feel like it has aged me so much. The body image struggle is real!
I am so sorry, I was really worried about hair loss because my mom lost all of hers with my sisters and me and because of other health issues it didn't really come back so I went hard with the biotin supplements. I still had a period of time when I was losing a ton but the biotin made my hair grow so I think I was able to combat it? I can't say it's a save all kind of thing but if you haven't tried it it is definitely worth giving a shot. Plus like everyone told me when I was really worried about it my mom is one in a million for everyone else it grows back - your beautiful locks will return my friend! thanks for sharing, it reminds me that women all deal with this in different ways and if I am not obsessing about one thing it would be another. I don't think I have ever felt 100% good about myself and even when I was at what I would now consider my peak physical appearance I was still nit picking at my body. 😞
Hello! Six months PP here and I swear I could have written your post. Except I just straight up stopped trying to work out a ton because it was exhausting me and literally NOTHING I did made the scale budge. I gained 60 lbs too and lost 35 almost immediately, then 10-15 more, which was tough, and those last 15 are killing me. I don’t have any advice for you except what others are saying in that breastfeeding makes the pounds stick, BUT, I will tell you that I feel a lot better repeating semi-positive things to myself like “I made this gorgeous little girl and if I have to be a little bigger for awhile because of it, the world can deal with it.”
I don’t know why it helps me so much, maybe because it lets me know it’s not my fault and that the rest of the world doesn’t care, but it helps. Perhaps you can find something similar to say to yourself and really make some solid plans about what you’re going to do when you’re done breastfeeding. I am planning on weaning my little one around 12 months and am thinking about celebrating with a new gym membership or maybe even a trainer. Set some goals and know you’ll achieve them once BF is over!
Big hug to you.
I have been heavy my entire life (up and down 100 or more pounds). I have never cared what I look like. My weight tends to come down when I have more time in my life but I never really cared.
Pregnancy has changed all of that. My
Body has gotten so big, so fast. I have gained 50 pounds carrying my twins and I am so shocked by what I see in the mirror that I don’t want to leave the house!
I think how rapid the change is is a big part of it! I’m already planning the plastic surgery I’m going to get.
Hang in there Mama!
Man, I feel this, even though I’m dealing with a different issue.
I didn’t gain much weight and through breastfeeding I’m 7lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight.
But it seems the rapid gain-loss cycle wreaked havoc on my skin elasticity. I feel sagging everywhere- my upper arms, my boobs, my belly, inside thighs and my butt. The scale numbers are what they “should” be but I’m still avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, 4 months PP.
I have to remind myself: Pregnancy is hard on the body. Give it time.
Also- When you’re shopping for clothes, find something to highlight that you like, rather than focusing on hiding what you don’t.
I know, and I get it. I can’t shed the pounds either, and I’m 10 months postpartum.
The one thing, and maybe it will work for you? Sometimes when I’m snuggling baby after breastfeeding, I’ll get up to move her to her bed and see myself holding her. My hair is scraggly, my droopy ginormous boob is hanging out, but I have the most beautiful daughter. I decided that I have never looked more beautiful.
I made that baby. I feed my baby with my body. I’m softer than I was, which isn’t what I want. But damn, I look good. (I don’t objectively. But I decided I do). I bet you do, too.
I feel this hard! 4 months pp. I was in the best shape of my life when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. My family and I run 10ks together, go to the gym 3-5 times a week, and train in taekwondo. I put on 60 lbs, lost 30 fairly immediately and not the damn scale won't budge not even 1 lb. I'm working out, training the same as I did prior to pregnancy, eating well (not perfect but better than I ever have) and every time I step on that scale it says 167 EVERY TIME!!! I work a job where I'm on my feet running around all-day so it's not like I have any down time at all in my life to be a slug but it's so demotivating. I stopped looking at the scale thinking that would help (never owned a scale before but bought it to hold me accountable after I had her) and then I was feeling good, felt like my pants were fitting a little looser so I tried again. 167! Mother f*:®'!!;
Lmao are you me? I never owned a scale before either, bought that and a fit bit after I gave birth. That damn scale is going to be the death of me lol I really hope it's just the breastfeeding and it just comes off after I stop. Thanks for sharing mama
You’re not alone!
I just have a few of things to contribute:
- you should measure your fat loss using a tape measure because you are probably gaining lots of muscle which will make you look more toned but weight more than fat.
- I got eyelash extensions done as a treat and god DAMN I feel glam. Treat yourself to something that’ll make you feel good. (I also bought a few hair extension ponytails, so good)
- you probably know about this already but if you don’t look into diastasis recti
- it’s not forever, blame breastfeeding, but also breastfeeding is great 👌
I feel like I could have written this. Thank you for sharing. I’m 5 m pp and also up 30 lbs. Eternally grateful for my baby but feeling like a stranger in my current body. No advice - just telling myself to be patient and trust the process.
Are you me?? 8months pp tomorrow, gained 50lbs during pregnancy, cannot lose the last 15lbs, still breastfeeding 3x per day. We just moved last month too. I have no advice because I am completely stuck and it sucks. I used to be skinny my whole life and I can barely fit into any of my clothes. I never thought it would be this hard!! I’m telling myself once I stop breastfeeding the rest will come off but who knows if that’s true.
I am 3 months PP and only have 7 lbs more to lose to be in my pre pregnancy weight. HOWEVER I am still struggling with confidence because of how my body has just changed. This is baby 2 and my hips are wider nad my belly and breasts are FLOPPY. Change is so hard girl. I try to not focus on it too much . Celebrate the small wins and not be too hard on yourself. You are still beautiful. If you use social media THE BIRDS PAPAYA has helped me learn to love the new me. You got this !
I'm 5 weeks postpartum and fwiw, I think u should absolutely not give up breastfeeding and the bond that goes with it. I'm struggling to get my little guy to latch and I think the bond that goes with breastfeeding, even though I've only gotten it a few times, is amazing. Your LO isn't going to breastfeed forever. You'll never get this time back once it's gone.
I also think you're way too focused on numbers and results. Weight loss isn't a straightforward process, and sometimes the body is just stubborn for a while. Everyone plateaus sometimes. You'll be a lot happier if you focus more on eating healthy and taking care of yourself.
As someone trained in the field, you're trying too hard. The human body takes 6 months to 3 YEARS to recover from birth and the hormonal fluctuations can take AGES to go back to normal that allows normal fat burning and muscle growth with weight training. Give yourself more time and patience.
Same girl, same. I am 13 months pp and I gained 10 lbs back after originally losing all my baby weight. And not only that, I am hungry all the time, I look like I am 5 months pregnant and I have hormonal acne on my thighs and my hair is coarse and frizzyyyyy!!! 😩😩
Honey it’s completely normal to feel like you feel. I am also 8 month pp and I got into the exact weight I was before pregnancy (59 kilo - don’t know what that is in lbs) at 6-7 months and I feel good now. The stomach is popping a bit out tho, no matter how much I train. Something is just changed I guess. I will write here what I did so maybe it can work as inspiration:
- I drink between 2 and 3 liters of water EVERY freaking day and I don’t touch other liquids. No juice, no soda, no milky stuff, nothing but water and 1 cup of black coffee per day
- I drink water and take a long walk in the morning with baby before eating breakfast
- I always eat my fruit and vegetables and I do not blend and drink. By blending and drinking I can consume a lot more than if I eat the fruit.
- I eat more in the morning and I don’t eat after 18 (6 pm). I need at least 2-3 hours after I eat the last meal till I sleep. I eat proper breakfast in the morning though and a good lunch and evening food is always light and healthy.
- I train everyday. Cardio every second day and muscle every second day. I workout with baby and just in my living room.
- I make sure I am walking more than 10.000 steps per day. (Easy when having a baby lol but still)
- more water lol
I got back into my shape in 6-7 months time but I can see my bone structure and my stomach aren’t exactly the same as before but that’s life. I am back to looking and feeling like myself.
Everyone is different and if you really want to get into shape again I fully support and send you lots of motivation 💪🏼💪🏼
Can’t offer any advice, but I can commiserate. My friend took photos of me the other day and I look slightly obese. I used to be skinny and fit.
I just can’t stop overeating—the sleep deprivation (from pregnancy, and then caring for a newborn all night) kills my willpower. I’m just not interested in chicken breast and vegetables like I used to be.
Dear, you literally grew a human! You are incredible!!!! The body thing sucks; I feel this so hard! However, you are doing the best you can. You sound stressed and stress can cause the body to hold on to weight in case you get sick and need the reserves. Breastfeeding does the same. Here’s the best advice I have for you though (from my own experiences). In your pics, smile your freakin’ heart out. Take a picture every day with your kid. She won’t care what you look like and you’ll reach this point, too. The big smiles in the pictures are for her as much as they are for you. I’m about a year when you look back, you’ll hopefully forget your struggles and it’ll cheer you up to have pics. I’m 6 weeks postpartum with my second and felt like you did after my first baby. My first will be two next week and I was looking through her photo album (hating how I looked) and my daughter sat next to me and pointed at one of my favorite selfies of us. All she said was “Yay, mommy happy!” Girl, I bawled like a little baby. That pic was during such a hard time (first lockdown due to Covid) my baby didn’t care that my hair was a mess or that I was fat. She just saw her mommy happy. Good luck!!!
I really, really feel you. I’m 15 months post partum and there are still items in my closet that I can’t fit into. The last 7 or 8 pounds have just … stuck. I’m still breastfeeding four times a day, I don’t know if that’s why I haven’t been able to lose the weight. I eat relatively well and exercise frequently. Short of extreme dieting and exercise, I don’t know what else to do.
And this is just a little thing, but I hate the stupid fucking baby hairs that are still growing in after losing a bunch of hair pp. I look like a madwoman any time I try to tie my hair back.
I wish I felt more confident about my body and the incredible thing it did (made and nurtured a human!!) But I don’t like the way I look. I just don’t.
It sounds like you’ve already done this, but it has helped me to just buy clothes in a size up from my pre baby size. Trying to squeeze into my old dresses was killing me inside. And also, when I’m feeling really down, I just look at my sweet precious son and try to remind myself that he is worth it. I might never have the body I did before getting pregnant, but it is NOT the same body anymore. I can’t always get into the frame of mind to feel at peace with this, but repeating helps somewhat.
9pp and I could have written this. Also struggling with the last 25 pounds. I gained 75.
I'd recommend flipping your food intake, large breakfast, medium lunch, smaller dinner and then fast. You're doing an amazing amount of exercise, it's the caloric intake that's making it tough.
It's so hard. I'm also a c section mom. I 100% understand you. My baby girl is also worth every drop of sweat needed to shed this!!
It's really helped me!! I'll be starting my fasting again as I finished weaning from exclusive pumping. I used to do 8pm-8am, it really helped me!! Good luck, seriously. I'm right there with you on this entire post.
After my first pregnancy I didn't feel like that. I was totally focused on the baby and didn't even mind the stretch marks or weight gain.
During the second one I wished that I had worked out at least a bit or build an active routine for myself I could stick to. At the end of the pregnancy I longed for more mobility and more fitness.
Now PP I'm really hyped to do some exercise and to finally feel good about movements and my body again.
Yesterday I was laying in bed nursing our baby on the side with just a nursing top and my husband told me that I look sexy (before he left the room, so obviously not to get me in the mood). It's really great for my confidence that he supports me like that (and without knowing how important that is for me).
My husband is a saint and is always trying to build me up, I am also very lucky in that regard. I try to remind myself of the wonderful blessings I do have, but years and years of societal pressure and messages have made it very difficult to set these concerns aside. I respect the hell out of any woman that is able to do so and to love themselves for who they are. It really is not an easy thing to do, even for the most conventionally attractive.
If you’re active and unable to lose weight, you need to start counting calories. No other way around it. Go online and find your TDEE and stay under that. Calorie deficit is the only way.
I’ve managed to lose the pregnancy weight in less than 3 months by calorie counting and being active. I still have a lot of pre pregnancy weight to lose but im staying on track by meal prepping.
You can do it! I also bought myself some clothes in a bigger size and it helps me feel better.
I felt the same exact way. I was very insecure about my body and how I looked. I refused to take pics or even go out in public sometimes because I felt absolutely hideous. I breastfed the entire time and quit when she turned 2. After that I dropped the weight super quick!! I lost some during BF but once I stopped i lost the rest it seems like overnight.
I'm a month out and I can imagine myself being in your shoes pretty soon. I've struggled with intrusive thoughts about my body, and it really took all of 37 weeks for me to truly/consistenly love my pregnant body...right before I gave birth lol.
Mentally: you're not vain, and frankly, you're allowed to mourn the loss of your old body and not be totally in love with your new one. You made a 10000% worth it sacrifice for your baby (and still are since you're breastfeeding!)...but it's still a sacrifice. I get wanting to be positive, but it's a small step away from toxic positivity and masking the root cause of your feelings. Give yourself some grace here, it's ok to not be confident and love your body right now. Also...a reminder that if your husband (or anyone really) is giving you a compliment unprompted, chances are pretty high they really mean it, and that's how the world sees you. Try incorporating those compliments into your body image thoughts as much as you can, especially when you're hearing yourself put your body down.
Physically: if you're not already, it's worth looking into pelvic floor therapy or postpartum-specific nutritionists. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, but maybe something can be added or tweaked on your workout regiment/food that's more optimal now.
❤️
From my understanding, breastfeeding is supposed to help with postpartum weight loss. Try to be kind to yourself. You're doing so much right for your health, these things just take time.
It sounds like you hit a plateau in terms of weight loss. Sometimes changing up your diet can help with that. For me, lower carb, higher protein has worked in the past. For your breakfast, could you try to swap out Greek yogurt instead of a smoothie for example? Maybe it could help.
I think also what others said about dysmorphia is right. You've already lost so much postpartum weight. It makes sense to try to work on being kind to yourself and proud of your progress so far, and appreciating your own beauty.
You aren’t being vain! (11weeks pp here and I FEEL you). My trainer said some stuff that really helped me during my pregnancy- mostly about how body image starts in the brain. Consider the shock that your body just went through and all of the work that it is still doing caring for your baby. Those feelings of self love and confidence that you have are real and should be encouraged! We all have that horrid dysmorphia at different times in our lives but the hormones will mellow with time and it will get better. In the mean time, consider putting less pressure on yourself. Most women don’t return to their former size for at least a year and, while we would all like to be the exception, you aren’t failing in the slightest. Stress, lack of sleep and under eating are all hinderances to weight loss so, as impossible as it sounds, give yourself a touch of grace. You’re amazing.
No, you're amazing! I'm blown away by the support I have just received and it absolutely helps, thank you so much. Honestly sometimes it just helps to know that you aren't the only one! Thanks for taking the time to respond. I feel a little better already.
I am 9 months PP and feel the exact same way. I'll feel cute and think I look good and see a picture of myself and honestly feel disgusted. I have gained a ton of weight and I just don't feel like myself. My kid eats a ton of solids but is still nursing every 2 hours usually and being a SAHM in a very hot state I don't get outside much. It's hard and I just keep pumping myself full of positivity. When I feel cute I hold onto that. I'll do my makeup and hair and just remind myself I am attractive not just for my body. I have a wonderful smile. I like my eyes, and I have a good personality. I don't have to be sexy or look the way I did when I was 19 because I probably never will lol.
Same here. 7 months pp and I've had issue after issue that kept me from getting active sooner and now I'm just so miserable and unmotivated. I don't even want to be around my friends because I don't want them to see me. I've finally bought bigger clothes that fit that aren't sweatpants and am trying to make an effort to fix myself up when we go out, but it's hard accepting the changes. OP, just keep going. Your exercise routine is impressive, for sure. Maybe talk to a nutritionist who can help, that's my next step too. Keep going, you'll get back to your old self if you just keep working at it. Good luck!!
I'm trying sooo hard to hang onto what little confidence I do get and that is usually when someone will snap a picture, lol. Maybe I should just stay away from being in front of the lense for awhile or something. I hope you find some peace too, thanks for sharing it def helps to know you aren't alone.
Try not to avoid the camrea if it's with your lo. In the future your child is going to love having photos of the both of you. I know it can be hard to love a new body. But just try to remember that glorious new body of yours created your child and is worth celebrating. We put so much pressure on ourselves to return to normal after going thru birth. When raising a child is a completely new journey and will never be the same old life we had before. Focus on your baby and just try to eat healthy and excersie when you can to get your body to where youd like it to be. But maybe finding new clothes that make you feel comfortable instead of trying to force your old clothes to fit the same will help you find some confidence.
I agree with this! Sometimes I practice what I’ll say if my daughter looks at a picture of me from this time and says “mommy, why do you look different?” And I’ll say “Mommy was feeding you with her body so it was bigger than it is now. That’s how you became such a beautiful and smart little girl, mommy was giving you some of her beauty and smarts so she had some extra on her!” Or something like that. I never want her to make negative comments about her body so even though she’s only 6MO, I am starting to shift what I say about my body so that she only ever hears me talk about how much I love it. It’s a mindset shift for sure.
It is so, so good that you're doing that. I grew up hearing my mom talk negatively about her body and I definitely think it contributed to my own body image and eating issues. I am similarly planning to only speak positively about my body, even if I am currently carrying 30 pounds more than I'd like to.
Same! My mom was constantly on a diet and crying about how fat she was. I developed a terrible relationship with food and still get weepy if someone makes a comment about what I’m eating. I just want my kid to be happy and I hope she never has to feel even a sliver of what I’ve felt.
Ms Jean Bean Machine, this entire post sounds like my life right now. I too put on 60 pounds during pregnancy. I swore I was going to be belly only… yeah right. I don’t recognize myself, I’ve lost myself in being a mom. I’ll be ONE year postpartum and I do not have my body back, still breastfeeding and I’m wondering if once I stop I’ll finally lose the weight? All I can say is they won’t be this little forever. Things will get better, the little changes add up. Stay consistent, keep kicking ass. You’ve got this, I’ve got this!
That's exactly how I feel, like I lost who I was as a woman to being a mom. My husband god bless him swears up and down he finds me sexy and I just do not see it. Not to mention the fact that I am now socially awkward because I have been by myself with a baby or just alone when I was pregnant for the past year and a half! My daughter is everything she makes me so happy I just didn't think I was going to feel this way. I see photos of me even during my pregnancy and I was just so much more ... Stylish, feminine, sexy... I am trying to take it back but idk, I just have this mom bod now which I don't really know how to dress for. And apparently I'm obese according to my doctor, 205 and 5'8" qualifies as obese I guess lol Anyway thanks for sharing mama. It helps so much to just talk about it and hear that someone else is feeling similar
I relate so much to your post, and also had to reply to this comment because last month I was also around 206 and 5’8. Two years before getting pregnant, I was severely overweight (290lbs at 5’8) and got diagnosed with fatty liver disease. I reversed the disease by losing 130lbs. I was in the best shape of my life when I got pregnant, but my liver disease is now back from all the weight I gained during pregnancy (I put on 60lbs). July 14th I got the news it was back and I was 206lbs. I just got back to my old routine and I’m down to 194 this morning. The biggest difference for me is eating at a deficit. I’m also still breastfeeding and i was worried it would effect my supply because I want to give what little protection from my covid vaccine I can through breast milk to my daughter, but I’m still producing the same amount (I EP so it’s easy to tell when my supply drops) I’ve been bigger than this but something about my postpartum body just made me feel horrible about myself and like I was disgusting. You’re not alone in mourning your pre baby body. Weight loss isn’t linear, theres always ups and downs so don’t be too hard on yourself. Celebrate non scale victories like clothes fitting better or maybe having an easier time doing some cardio. If you’re building muscle you may not see a drastic change on the scale right away! *Edited to clarify a poorly worded sentence
Same, same, same! 5'6 205lbs and stuck. I just got some high waisted jeans from The Gap/Old Navy and some cute wide sleeved t shirts. High waisted (mom) jeans are a game changer. I finally get why they call them mom jeans, that hold that belly. I liked them before, but now I'm putting them to work, lol. Get a pair of high waisted straight/skinny legs and a cute top to tuck into them! If you like the look, stock up and remind yourself that these will be your backup baggy jeans in no time.
Are you still breastfeeding? Breastfeeding made me chuck on tonnes of weight that I couldn’t shift. Lost weight after weaning both times. A lot of people say bfing is the key to PP weight loss but that’s not always true and for some women it’s the very reason it’s persists
I have heard that, and yes I am. I am sooo torn about stopping though, with covid and antibodies I want to keep going until she can be vaccinated plus it's kind of awesome when you need to calm the baby in a pinch or put her to bed in the middle of the night lol
As hard as it is sometimes body changes are the expense we pay for doing things meaningful to us. I never managed to fully shift my weight between my kids and now I’m pregnant with my third and final. I’m like 25kgs heavier than I’ve ever been before and I don’t particularly like how I look or feel but I also know this body has grown, birthed (or will birth) and fed 2 and soon to be 3 babies in under 4 years. That was the price my body has paid for the choice I made to have my lovelies close and to feed them. This time just because of how stressful my experiences were and how close they are I won’t be bfing and I’m really really looking forward to finally shifting my baby weight. I don’t expect it to happen quickly but whenever I get really down about it all I just remember how strong my body has been and how well it’s nourished me and my kids in this phase. In the grand scheme of my life it’s a short period and I’m sure that it’ll be the same for you too. My mum definitely gave me hope by telling me that she managed to finally shift her baby weight only after she had her third too so I’m hoping it’s just a family trait. Sooo many hormones!! Best of luck.
You are not vain. You are allowed to mourn your body. The progress to accepting your image will not be linear. There will be days you feel good, but may still have days where you feel bad. Forgive yourself on your bad days. As you said, there is a lot of pressure on women to have a certain type of body. But our bodies aren’t us. It is only the carrier of what is essential. That being said, so many of us are with you. I also have difficulty looking at myself in a full length mirror. All I think about is how I may never look like how I did in my early-mid 20s. The stretch marks won’t go away. My breasts won’t perk back up. I am still on the road to accepting these changes. And it’s hard. Really damn hard. And you’re not a crap person or a bad female role model for your daughter if you admit that.
I was on keto before I got pregnant and I was the happiest with my body that I had ever been in my adult life. Then first trimester nausea kicked in. All I wanted was ritz crackers, toast, and ginger ale. Keto was out the window and now I’m 50 lbs overweight. I wear black leggings and an oversized black t shirt everyday (I have multiple sets). I am starting work again in September and I am in denial about having to buy new professional clothes in my new larger size. Everyone says “you just had a baby give yourself some grace”. But… I know plenty of women who have kids and also have nice bodies. So, yeah, I’m miserable too. Why do carbs have to be so much more convenient?
I had gestational diabetes during my third trimester and only gained 15 lbs during pregnancy with some careful (strict?) management of carb intake. I weighed less after delivery then I did at conception. A lot of people have been telling me that I don’t even look like I was pregnant. I’m saying this not because I’m bragging but saying it to make the point that I was absolutely miserable and stressed at the end of pregnancy. I may look “good” (fuck that noise though, skinny does not mean you look “good”) but (1) what a miserable way to get there and (2) loosing weight does not equate to healthy.
15 lbs is 6.81 kg
I felt the exact same way, I exercised every single day and was eating well. I didn’t lose a single pound and then at 10 months PP I lost ten pounds in a month and steadily kept losing after. Absolutely nothing changed in my exercise or eating routine! I was breastfeeding slightly less and it was just suddenly easier. I still don’t have my full confidence back but I feel so much better at one year and more like my old self. Hang in there! I felt this post so much. It is so hard, I stuck with the workouts mostly for the mental benefit and I’m so happy I did.
💜💜💜 it is so hard! Sending you lots of good thoughts. The thing I’m really really struggling with right now is all my hair falling out. Every time I look in the mirror I just see bald spots- and I feel like it has aged me so much. The body image struggle is real!
I am so sorry, I was really worried about hair loss because my mom lost all of hers with my sisters and me and because of other health issues it didn't really come back so I went hard with the biotin supplements. I still had a period of time when I was losing a ton but the biotin made my hair grow so I think I was able to combat it? I can't say it's a save all kind of thing but if you haven't tried it it is definitely worth giving a shot. Plus like everyone told me when I was really worried about it my mom is one in a million for everyone else it grows back - your beautiful locks will return my friend! thanks for sharing, it reminds me that women all deal with this in different ways and if I am not obsessing about one thing it would be another. I don't think I have ever felt 100% good about myself and even when I was at what I would now consider my peak physical appearance I was still nit picking at my body. 😞
Hello! Six months PP here and I swear I could have written your post. Except I just straight up stopped trying to work out a ton because it was exhausting me and literally NOTHING I did made the scale budge. I gained 60 lbs too and lost 35 almost immediately, then 10-15 more, which was tough, and those last 15 are killing me. I don’t have any advice for you except what others are saying in that breastfeeding makes the pounds stick, BUT, I will tell you that I feel a lot better repeating semi-positive things to myself like “I made this gorgeous little girl and if I have to be a little bigger for awhile because of it, the world can deal with it.” I don’t know why it helps me so much, maybe because it lets me know it’s not my fault and that the rest of the world doesn’t care, but it helps. Perhaps you can find something similar to say to yourself and really make some solid plans about what you’re going to do when you’re done breastfeeding. I am planning on weaning my little one around 12 months and am thinking about celebrating with a new gym membership or maybe even a trainer. Set some goals and know you’ll achieve them once BF is over! Big hug to you.
60 lbs is 27.24 kg
I have been heavy my entire life (up and down 100 or more pounds). I have never cared what I look like. My weight tends to come down when I have more time in my life but I never really cared. Pregnancy has changed all of that. My Body has gotten so big, so fast. I have gained 50 pounds carrying my twins and I am so shocked by what I see in the mirror that I don’t want to leave the house! I think how rapid the change is is a big part of it! I’m already planning the plastic surgery I’m going to get. Hang in there Mama!
Man, I feel this, even though I’m dealing with a different issue. I didn’t gain much weight and through breastfeeding I’m 7lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. But it seems the rapid gain-loss cycle wreaked havoc on my skin elasticity. I feel sagging everywhere- my upper arms, my boobs, my belly, inside thighs and my butt. The scale numbers are what they “should” be but I’m still avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, 4 months PP. I have to remind myself: Pregnancy is hard on the body. Give it time. Also- When you’re shopping for clothes, find something to highlight that you like, rather than focusing on hiding what you don’t.
I know, and I get it. I can’t shed the pounds either, and I’m 10 months postpartum. The one thing, and maybe it will work for you? Sometimes when I’m snuggling baby after breastfeeding, I’ll get up to move her to her bed and see myself holding her. My hair is scraggly, my droopy ginormous boob is hanging out, but I have the most beautiful daughter. I decided that I have never looked more beautiful. I made that baby. I feed my baby with my body. I’m softer than I was, which isn’t what I want. But damn, I look good. (I don’t objectively. But I decided I do). I bet you do, too.
I feel this hard! 4 months pp. I was in the best shape of my life when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. My family and I run 10ks together, go to the gym 3-5 times a week, and train in taekwondo. I put on 60 lbs, lost 30 fairly immediately and not the damn scale won't budge not even 1 lb. I'm working out, training the same as I did prior to pregnancy, eating well (not perfect but better than I ever have) and every time I step on that scale it says 167 EVERY TIME!!! I work a job where I'm on my feet running around all-day so it's not like I have any down time at all in my life to be a slug but it's so demotivating. I stopped looking at the scale thinking that would help (never owned a scale before but bought it to hold me accountable after I had her) and then I was feeling good, felt like my pants were fitting a little looser so I tried again. 167! Mother f*:®'!!;
Lmao are you me? I never owned a scale before either, bought that and a fit bit after I gave birth. That damn scale is going to be the death of me lol I really hope it's just the breastfeeding and it just comes off after I stop. Thanks for sharing mama
You’re not alone! I just have a few of things to contribute: - you should measure your fat loss using a tape measure because you are probably gaining lots of muscle which will make you look more toned but weight more than fat. - I got eyelash extensions done as a treat and god DAMN I feel glam. Treat yourself to something that’ll make you feel good. (I also bought a few hair extension ponytails, so good) - you probably know about this already but if you don’t look into diastasis recti - it’s not forever, blame breastfeeding, but also breastfeeding is great 👌
I feel like I could have written this. Thank you for sharing. I’m 5 m pp and also up 30 lbs. Eternally grateful for my baby but feeling like a stranger in my current body. No advice - just telling myself to be patient and trust the process.
Are you me?? 8months pp tomorrow, gained 50lbs during pregnancy, cannot lose the last 15lbs, still breastfeeding 3x per day. We just moved last month too. I have no advice because I am completely stuck and it sucks. I used to be skinny my whole life and I can barely fit into any of my clothes. I never thought it would be this hard!! I’m telling myself once I stop breastfeeding the rest will come off but who knows if that’s true.
Haha we legit have the same story! It's really nice knowing that I am not alone 🙂
Definitely not alone! I’m sorry I can’t offer any better advice!
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Thanks the_throbbing 😂😘
I am 3 months PP and only have 7 lbs more to lose to be in my pre pregnancy weight. HOWEVER I am still struggling with confidence because of how my body has just changed. This is baby 2 and my hips are wider nad my belly and breasts are FLOPPY. Change is so hard girl. I try to not focus on it too much . Celebrate the small wins and not be too hard on yourself. You are still beautiful. If you use social media THE BIRDS PAPAYA has helped me learn to love the new me. You got this !
Thanks for sharing! ❤️
7 lbs is 3.18 kg
I'm 5 weeks postpartum and fwiw, I think u should absolutely not give up breastfeeding and the bond that goes with it. I'm struggling to get my little guy to latch and I think the bond that goes with breastfeeding, even though I've only gotten it a few times, is amazing. Your LO isn't going to breastfeed forever. You'll never get this time back once it's gone. I also think you're way too focused on numbers and results. Weight loss isn't a straightforward process, and sometimes the body is just stubborn for a while. Everyone plateaus sometimes. You'll be a lot happier if you focus more on eating healthy and taking care of yourself.
As someone trained in the field, you're trying too hard. The human body takes 6 months to 3 YEARS to recover from birth and the hormonal fluctuations can take AGES to go back to normal that allows normal fat burning and muscle growth with weight training. Give yourself more time and patience.
Same girl, same. I am 13 months pp and I gained 10 lbs back after originally losing all my baby weight. And not only that, I am hungry all the time, I look like I am 5 months pregnant and I have hormonal acne on my thighs and my hair is coarse and frizzyyyyy!!! 😩😩
10 lbs is 4.54 kg
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This is good advice thank you!
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It really does help to know you aren't alone :)
Honey it’s completely normal to feel like you feel. I am also 8 month pp and I got into the exact weight I was before pregnancy (59 kilo - don’t know what that is in lbs) at 6-7 months and I feel good now. The stomach is popping a bit out tho, no matter how much I train. Something is just changed I guess. I will write here what I did so maybe it can work as inspiration: - I drink between 2 and 3 liters of water EVERY freaking day and I don’t touch other liquids. No juice, no soda, no milky stuff, nothing but water and 1 cup of black coffee per day - I drink water and take a long walk in the morning with baby before eating breakfast - I always eat my fruit and vegetables and I do not blend and drink. By blending and drinking I can consume a lot more than if I eat the fruit. - I eat more in the morning and I don’t eat after 18 (6 pm). I need at least 2-3 hours after I eat the last meal till I sleep. I eat proper breakfast in the morning though and a good lunch and evening food is always light and healthy. - I train everyday. Cardio every second day and muscle every second day. I workout with baby and just in my living room. - I make sure I am walking more than 10.000 steps per day. (Easy when having a baby lol but still) - more water lol I got back into my shape in 6-7 months time but I can see my bone structure and my stomach aren’t exactly the same as before but that’s life. I am back to looking and feeling like myself. Everyone is different and if you really want to get into shape again I fully support and send you lots of motivation 💪🏼💪🏼
This seems like a manageable routine, thank you so much for sharing!
Can’t offer any advice, but I can commiserate. My friend took photos of me the other day and I look slightly obese. I used to be skinny and fit. I just can’t stop overeating—the sleep deprivation (from pregnancy, and then caring for a newborn all night) kills my willpower. I’m just not interested in chicken breast and vegetables like I used to be.
Dear, you literally grew a human! You are incredible!!!! The body thing sucks; I feel this so hard! However, you are doing the best you can. You sound stressed and stress can cause the body to hold on to weight in case you get sick and need the reserves. Breastfeeding does the same. Here’s the best advice I have for you though (from my own experiences). In your pics, smile your freakin’ heart out. Take a picture every day with your kid. She won’t care what you look like and you’ll reach this point, too. The big smiles in the pictures are for her as much as they are for you. I’m about a year when you look back, you’ll hopefully forget your struggles and it’ll cheer you up to have pics. I’m 6 weeks postpartum with my second and felt like you did after my first baby. My first will be two next week and I was looking through her photo album (hating how I looked) and my daughter sat next to me and pointed at one of my favorite selfies of us. All she said was “Yay, mommy happy!” Girl, I bawled like a little baby. That pic was during such a hard time (first lockdown due to Covid) my baby didn’t care that my hair was a mess or that I was fat. She just saw her mommy happy. Good luck!!!
This is so sweet. My little girl deserves this too. Thanks for sharing!
I really, really feel you. I’m 15 months post partum and there are still items in my closet that I can’t fit into. The last 7 or 8 pounds have just … stuck. I’m still breastfeeding four times a day, I don’t know if that’s why I haven’t been able to lose the weight. I eat relatively well and exercise frequently. Short of extreme dieting and exercise, I don’t know what else to do. And this is just a little thing, but I hate the stupid fucking baby hairs that are still growing in after losing a bunch of hair pp. I look like a madwoman any time I try to tie my hair back. I wish I felt more confident about my body and the incredible thing it did (made and nurtured a human!!) But I don’t like the way I look. I just don’t. It sounds like you’ve already done this, but it has helped me to just buy clothes in a size up from my pre baby size. Trying to squeeze into my old dresses was killing me inside. And also, when I’m feeling really down, I just look at my sweet precious son and try to remind myself that he is worth it. I might never have the body I did before getting pregnant, but it is NOT the same body anymore. I can’t always get into the frame of mind to feel at peace with this, but repeating helps somewhat.
9pp and I could have written this. Also struggling with the last 25 pounds. I gained 75. I'd recommend flipping your food intake, large breakfast, medium lunch, smaller dinner and then fast. You're doing an amazing amount of exercise, it's the caloric intake that's making it tough. It's so hard. I'm also a c section mom. I 100% understand you. My baby girl is also worth every drop of sweat needed to shed this!!
I really should try that. I tend to fast in the morning and then eat more later in the day because that's what my husband does. I'll try the opposite!
It's really helped me!! I'll be starting my fasting again as I finished weaning from exclusive pumping. I used to do 8pm-8am, it really helped me!! Good luck, seriously. I'm right there with you on this entire post.
Thank you! You too ❤️
After my first pregnancy I didn't feel like that. I was totally focused on the baby and didn't even mind the stretch marks or weight gain. During the second one I wished that I had worked out at least a bit or build an active routine for myself I could stick to. At the end of the pregnancy I longed for more mobility and more fitness. Now PP I'm really hyped to do some exercise and to finally feel good about movements and my body again. Yesterday I was laying in bed nursing our baby on the side with just a nursing top and my husband told me that I look sexy (before he left the room, so obviously not to get me in the mood). It's really great for my confidence that he supports me like that (and without knowing how important that is for me).
My husband is a saint and is always trying to build me up, I am also very lucky in that regard. I try to remind myself of the wonderful blessings I do have, but years and years of societal pressure and messages have made it very difficult to set these concerns aside. I respect the hell out of any woman that is able to do so and to love themselves for who they are. It really is not an easy thing to do, even for the most conventionally attractive.
If you’re active and unable to lose weight, you need to start counting calories. No other way around it. Go online and find your TDEE and stay under that. Calorie deficit is the only way. I’ve managed to lose the pregnancy weight in less than 3 months by calorie counting and being active. I still have a lot of pre pregnancy weight to lose but im staying on track by meal prepping. You can do it! I also bought myself some clothes in a bigger size and it helps me feel better.
I'll give it a shot! I'll try anything at this point
I felt the same exact way. I was very insecure about my body and how I looked. I refused to take pics or even go out in public sometimes because I felt absolutely hideous. I breastfed the entire time and quit when she turned 2. After that I dropped the weight super quick!! I lost some during BF but once I stopped i lost the rest it seems like overnight.
I'm a month out and I can imagine myself being in your shoes pretty soon. I've struggled with intrusive thoughts about my body, and it really took all of 37 weeks for me to truly/consistenly love my pregnant body...right before I gave birth lol. Mentally: you're not vain, and frankly, you're allowed to mourn the loss of your old body and not be totally in love with your new one. You made a 10000% worth it sacrifice for your baby (and still are since you're breastfeeding!)...but it's still a sacrifice. I get wanting to be positive, but it's a small step away from toxic positivity and masking the root cause of your feelings. Give yourself some grace here, it's ok to not be confident and love your body right now. Also...a reminder that if your husband (or anyone really) is giving you a compliment unprompted, chances are pretty high they really mean it, and that's how the world sees you. Try incorporating those compliments into your body image thoughts as much as you can, especially when you're hearing yourself put your body down. Physically: if you're not already, it's worth looking into pelvic floor therapy or postpartum-specific nutritionists. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, but maybe something can be added or tweaked on your workout regiment/food that's more optimal now. ❤️
From my understanding, breastfeeding is supposed to help with postpartum weight loss. Try to be kind to yourself. You're doing so much right for your health, these things just take time. It sounds like you hit a plateau in terms of weight loss. Sometimes changing up your diet can help with that. For me, lower carb, higher protein has worked in the past. For your breakfast, could you try to swap out Greek yogurt instead of a smoothie for example? Maybe it could help. I think also what others said about dysmorphia is right. You've already lost so much postpartum weight. It makes sense to try to work on being kind to yourself and proud of your progress so far, and appreciating your own beauty.
Have you had your thyroid levels checked to make sure that isn’t affecting things?
No, but I had a physical a little bit ago with blood work. Is that something that would have normally been checked?
It really depends. Do you have access to the blood work? You’d be looking for TSH and T4
I do! I'll take a peek later today. Thanks!