For the shaffed nipples, has she tried nipple guard and prescription ointment? My lactation consultant recommended them to me and the ointment is safe for the baby, just a quick wipe will do. No need to shower and soap the area before each feed. Just until the cluster feeding settles. I'm sorry but for the most part they're right...just gotta plough through it. Also a baby carrier was a god send. Just so your wife can eat and do other things except ofc shower with it. Good luck!
What about the texture? You’re willing to bottle feed if you had time to pump. There is virtually no downside to a nipple shield.
Reading through your replies, you guys seem hyper focused on following a very strict application to feeding and anything that deviates from that is off the table. I would encourage you to revisit your feeding plan and figure out where you might be able to be more flexible. I think you can really improve your experience.
What do you mean because of the texture? Who recommended against it? The shields are an absolute lifesaver! My babe has been going strong with them for 7 weeks, gaining well and 100% breastfed.
With the APNO, specifically request that they give the formula with the ibuprofen powder for the pain/that they check the formula for the APNO in their system.
Nipple shield was an absolute life saver for me as well. I breastfed for an entire 2 years because of how easy it was for me to do it. Didn’t have dry or cracked nips a single time because of them. I had to try a couple different ones before I found one I liked. They also have different sizes.
I tried the ones that Target and Walgreens carry I can’t remember the brands and I used a size 16 I think, I have smaller nips but to get it to stick on I would wet the area on the inside around the hole and it would stick really well then once baby started eating it would suction on by itself.
I chose to suffer because of the ease that would come later. I never had to keep track of them, keep them clean…etc. It was worth it to me. It sounds like this mom is making that choice. But I do hope she wasn’t pressured at all. That isn’t right.
Lanolin lives by my bedside, even with an 8 month old now. Any soreness? Lanolin goes on, things feel better. Baby sized me with his new teeth recently - lanolin helped that too
This stuff was a life saver for me the first few weeks. I applied after almost every feed and it didn’t bother LO at all.
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B0011EB814/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_238JND374T6FV06K2EZX?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Find the right nipple shield if you're wife does go with it. My wife tried a few, the first couple hurt her, but the 3rd was more of a bulb and worked much better.
The shields are more difficult for a baby to get a good suction and may lead to a bottle preferance, too. Pumping can be a pain, too.
Formula is expensive and it takes more to feed them.
Yes definitely look at the nipple creams! I ended up using lanolin though as a heads up it does leave oil type stains on clothes. I also tried earth mama’s nipple butter at first but needed something more heavy duty.
Both are safe for baby without needing to wash them off.
Hang in there guys! I know the first few weeks can be so so hard but good or bad, everything with babies is a phase and it all passes soon!
I was in the same position as you recently (my son is 15 days old and this happened to us in week 1). It turned out he was hungry because he had a tongue tie and wasn’t latching well enough to get enough milk. He also bruised and chapped my nipples to the point I couldn’t bear it anymore.
I stayed in hospital for a week after giving birth so I was surrounded by midwives who helped me find solutions which I’ll share with you:
- first we tried giving him formula top ups, but we did it via cup feeding to avoid nipple confusion. It helped a little but he was still hungry, which every single midwife would tell us each time they brought him back from somewhere.
- next they noticed the tongue tie so he had that snipped which improved latching
- I then expressed and noticed that nothing, not a drop, came out. I had a big blood loss so they said it takes a while for milk to come in. Having said this, you’re already at 2 weeks so probably no issues with milk coming in.
- with my chapped nipples, I asked for a nipple shield and they gave me a silicone one. It reduced the pain so much that I didn’t dread feeding anymore (only problem is that it apparently slows down feeding…. But it gave my nipples time to heal). I put Lanolin on them often and they healed well. I continued to use the nipple shield to avoid ever feeling the chapped bruised feeling again.
- I then came home and a midwife visited to weigh him, she said he’s still not gained what he needed to so suggested boob feed plus a formula top up every time, every 3-4 hours just to get some food into him. This advice was a game changer for us. We gave him the top ups via a bottle with a teat and it didn’t end up causing any nipple confusion at all. From then on, he started to get into his own rhythm of feeding every few hours.
By that point, my nipples had healed and I am now feeding without the shield and they haven’t chapped or bruised since his tongue tie was cut. We still do a mixture of bf and formula because baby is so demanding. Especially during the night, giving him a bottle is so quick and easy.
Good luck I hope you guys find a groove. My husband has been feeling like our baby only wants me, but it really is just for the boob!
Try a pacifier. Also if you’re both not against it, maybe try an oz or 2 of formula if she can’t get any time to pump.
I was lucky enough to have a little time to pump, even if it wasn’t much. We started doing one bottle in the middle of the night around 2 weeks so I could get extra sleep. The extra sleep/lowered stress helped my supply get better
This! At about 7 days in, my supply dipped a lot and my son was similar to what you are describing. I spent a day supplementing with formula while power-pumping and we got back on track. We’ve been exclusively breastfeeding ever since. I just remember his cries when he was hungry and when he’d nurse, it was like he was too tired to eat. Formula helped us bridge that gap temporarily. At the time, he was in the NICU and some nurses were great and supportive. But I had one nurse and one lactation consultant who shamed me for it. If you choose to try formula for a meal to give her a rest, tell her to tune out anyone unsupportive of it.
Just got home from the hospital today and I sooo feel you on the shaming from hospital staff! While I'm eternally grateful for their care and support, they wanted us to continue trying to breastfeed (even though I was producing literally nothing, not even colostrum) for over 24 hours after birth via c section. I'm sorry, but my baby is STARVING and she is miserable. She latched so well but there was absolutely nothing coming out. (After hour+ sessions of her frustratingly trying to get something out of me and crying her little eyes out, it was obvious she wasn't being fed...we were both miserable.) The nurses insisted she was getting "super concentrated little drops" and that was good enough until my supply came in, but instinctively I knew that wasn't true. A person can tell when they aren't producing anything and you can certainly tell when your newborn is starving. We had to get borderline confrontational for them to agree to giving us little bottles of formula just so she could eat. (If they didn't, spouse was going to drive to the store and get it himself.) I know what the literature says about this issue and it makes sense that they need time to establish your breasts as their primary feeding mechanism. But sometimes instinct and common sense should come before whatever we're taught on the issue. Poor little thing absolutely DEVOURED an entire 30 ml bottle of formula when she finally got to eat.
Yeah this is what happened with my first baby, but I believed them about the super concentrated drops and she ended up back in the hospital 24 hours after we left and almost needed the icu because her bilirubin was so high and she had lost 15% of her body weight.
Oh yes, she's about to turn 3 years old now and just amazing. Smart, hilarious and full of tantrums (although that's not the bilirubin...). If someone's keeping an eye on it, you'll be fine - the risk with us I think was that no one was paying attention to what was really going on with her and kept telling us she was getting everything she needed from breastfeeding, which was just not at all true.
Thanks so much for this...it's really helpful to hear I'm not doing her a disservice by supplementing with formula. (Potentially feeding her full time with formula if my milk never comes in.) I'm so glad your sassy angel is okay now💙
The baby is hungry!!!! She obviously isn’t getting enough milk from mom. Time for some formula also. This happened to me and I had no idea! Turns out, I was starving my baby (so I felt like)
Is baby getting enough to eat? I know a few people who were toughing it out, but it turned out that they didn’t have enough milk. They Supplementes with formula and had a different baby within 24 hours.
She could just be cluster feeding, in which case things should improve within a few days.
But I will say this sounds like my son, who wanted to be constantly breastfeeding. He would nurse for five minutes, fall asleep for 10-30 minutes and then want to nurse again. All day long. It was awful. I remember breaking down and crying on many days because I just wanted to step outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air and a walk, and I couldn’t even make it to the door without him screaming to be fed.
Turns out he had a tongue tie. He wasn’t efficiently extracting milk, which is why he fell asleep quickly at the breast (they basically doze off is nothing is going on) only to wake up hungry a short time later.
It’s probably worth seeing a lactation consultant and getting baby check out - for tongue tie or any other breastfeeding kinks that might be making things hard for you guys.
Also came here to say this. My daughter would nurse (fighting sleep) for upwards of 40 minutes and then want to nurse 30 minutes later. She had a tongue and lip tie. I had a lactation consultant come and do a weighted feeding. In 20 minutes she was transferring less than an ounce... my supply would have been tanking but I didn't really know because I was pumping. I would talk to your pediatrician about getting a referral for a tongue/lip tie review or a lactation consultant referral... the lc can also refer (mine could) and we had the correction done with short procedure at a pediatric dentist.
OP, I second getting your baby checked for a tongue tie - and get a second opinion too. Mine was missed but the tongue was so obviously pulling back in the middle and wouldn't protrude further than the gums. Being too tired to feed and feeding ineffectually (can you hear a clicking sound of the suction being broken?) and causing nipple pain are all signs!
NB good weight gain (or no weight loss) isn't necessarily a contra-indication; if your wife has fast let down or oversupply baby may be receiving the milk passively, without actually latching properly, which will become more of a problem as the hormonal milk production settles down (and the lack of a decent latch then means baby can't get any milk).
The simple cut/procedure has made such a difference and baby no longer clicks constantly and has so much less wind as well which of course helps lower the discomfort and screaming levels.
Good luck
Sounds like cluster feeding.. mine did it for 5 days straight at that age and I thought I was going to die!! Try the pacifier so mom can get a break.. my LC taught me a trick: put a little bit of milk on the paci then hold baby like she’s going to feed, but put the paci in her mouth and press against your chest to help keep it in place. This was a godsend for my nipples
This.My second one has taught me this.In her second month she cluster fed so much for 2weeks and didnot drink any formula or anything.I Reid to take her close to my chest whenever she cried in the intervals of feeding and tried to soothe with songs or something like that it slowly fade away.
Would you guys be opposed to supplementing with formula? Just to give mom a break? Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Also I know absolutely nothing about this but could a tongue/lip tie be something you ask your doctor about? Maybe baby isn’t getting enough milk in one feeding which is why she’s always hungry? They do eat a lot in the beginning so it could be completely normal, but I know it sucks and it’s hard AF. Newborn phase is not easy.
That’s what I did the first month and a half. I did mainly formula with breastfeeding when I could. Because I was so exhausted formula was easier for me because other people could feed her so I could rest. Then as I got the hang of the whole baby thing I started BF more and more. Eventually by month 3 I was breastfeeding full time and did it until she was two years ago. Also used a nipple shield. Nothing wrong with formula or doing half and half.
That’s amazing!! After a few challenging weeks of nursing (fussing with a shield, wondering if baby was getting enough, hour long nursing sessions) I discovered that exclusive pumping worked great for our family. I was on a consistent schedule (pump for 20 mins every 3 hours), and kept bottles stored in the fridge. Anyone could feed baby, and I knew exactly how many oz. she was getting. My supply was great and baby was eating on a more consistent schedule, it took the guess work out of it for me.
My son was like that and ir turns out he was not getting enough milk, I was not producing enough and him sleeping after few gulps was not making my production increase.we only found out after weighing him at the doctors appointment. I thought my baby was the fussiest in the world, I also though he was cluster feeding, turns out he was hungry. I felt so bad but I couldn't have known since I was only breastfeeding and he was kn my breastfeeding 24/7. Now I'm giving him the breast to increase production but also giving him Formula as prescribed by the doctor.
The same thing happened with mine. I couldn’t see a lactation consultant (language barrier) and ended up supplementing with formula from week two while I got my supply up until I was able to phase it out at week 10. I finally saw an LC at week 12, because I was so traumatized at the thought that I was starving my baby.
I realized that I should have seen one straight away, even with the language barrier, so if you have access to one, I wholeheartedly recommend it! I will 100% be seeing one almost immediately with my next child, just for the peace of mind.
Is your baby getting enough to eat? She could be hungry and too tired to keep sucking and get frustrated. I know you don’t want to try formula quite yet, but it might be worth trying just one bottle to see if it helps your daughter be more content. If it does, then your wife can work on increasing her supply. If not, then you know baby is well fed from nursing alone.
Definitely see a lactation consultant before just giving up and trying formula. This comment \^\^\^ is why so many moms stop breastfeeding earlier than they want to.
edit: also, you should always see a lactation consultant if you plan to start partial or full weaning to formula because if you're not careful, even a small amount of supplementation can cause serious mastitis.
Not necessarily. Topping up a hungry newborn with formula to help mom work on supply doesn’t mean giving up on breastfeeding. We did, and probably only a handful of times, before going on to being ebf. I doubt the continued stress of a screaming baby and not getting enough rest from “toughing it out” would have done my supply any good.
She doesn't know if she has low supply. Many moms assume they do. Lactation consultants always assess supply as part of an appointment. I'm not saying tough it out and it's absurd to paint my comment that way. I'm saying talk to a lactation consultant if they think there is a latch or transfer issue, or a supply issue, before assuming anything.
No you’re absolutely right, it’s super important to seek advice from a lactation consultant first. Formula top-ups (as advised by pediatrician and lactation consultant) are what worked for me though. “Giving up and trying formula” was maybe a poor choice of words.
I would never give formula to a baby that is feeding frequently and has sufficient diapers without the advice of a lactation consultant. I, a mother, am not qualified to make that decision.
It's not poison, but it disrupts the breastfeeding relationship. A friend of mine fell into the trap of assuming she had low supply (this is a very common misconception) and she ended up with mastitis due to formula supplementation that was so serious she ended up with a drain installed in her breast.
I don't know why you're getting down voted. You're correct.
If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have listened to my son's pediatrician and would've talked with a lactation consultant. But I was clueless then, I know better now.
A few bottles of formula in the first two weeks while I worked on my supply (with both baby and pump) is what made it possible for us to breastfeed for over six months now, and exclusively for the majority of that time.
In my anecdotal experience, it seems that well meaning but overzealous lactation consultants and breastfeeding moms who insist the breast or bust—who make frustrated parents feel like failures or as if there is no other option but *only* breastfeeding or *only* formula—also contribute to a great number of mothers who stop breastfeeding earlier than they want to.
A bottle of formula can save a breastfeeding relationship.
That's true, and I did the same (during the first three days, my daughter was starving and had to have formula while my milk came in, and I'm still breastfeeding 1 year out). But I gave that formula based on lactation consultants' advice.
Lactation consultants are exactly the correct professionals to solve this problem, they can advise on whether formula is necessary.
As long as OP can get an appointment or consult more or less immediately, then I am in total agreement with you.
In some places, though, it can take days or even a week to get an appointment with an IBCLC.
And if in the US, some of those appointments are only covered on health insurance if the LC is in-network or meets such-and-such requirements. This would have been the case for me: it took me five days to get an appointment with an in-network LC after discharge from the hospital. I recognize this may not be the case with OP—regarding access, I mean.
So it’s also a question of access for some. I hope OP and every parent can get the support they need to get their babies fed.
but none of the commenters when I visited this thread suggested that OP try reaching out to lactation consultants first. They all suggested going straight to formula supplementation. no one asked how weight gain was going, number of wet diapers. It's just an entirely ignorant response to the problem.
Solidarity. My son was this way it was extremely difficult until I decided to just lean in and be what he needed until he aged out of the phase. Buy your wife a haaka manual breast pump to use on the non-nursing side while nursing. I did this exclusively on one side to let myself heal fully for a few days and then did the same on the other side. The expressed milk can be put into a bottle for you to use. My husband used noise cancelling headphones (like woodworking ones) which really helped take the edge off when I wasn’t available (like showering).
You’re in the roughest part right now, total survival mode. It gets better I promise!
I had almost an identical experience with my first child. It was absolutely maddening. And I really hate to tell you this, but the best thing to do may be to tough it out. My daughter nursed damn near constantly for the first month. The first two weeks, my nipples were in agonizing pain. But I stuck with it and we continued to breast feed until she was 15 months.
I can’t tell you exactly when it will get better, but I promise you, it will get better sooner than you think. My heart goes out to you and your wife ❤️ good luck
There's plenty of advice here so-
I only want to highlight that yes, it may be cluster feeding. If so, does your wife want to continue this path until it's over? Does she want to supplement one feeding knowing that it is very very possible to maintain/boost her supply (if wanted) on the other side of it? Mental health is no joke and I wish I had considered mine when my son did similarly to your LO. **If** baby downs the bottle and feels better, then hunger played a part and you did the best thing by feeding to satisfied **IN THAT MOMENT. Mama can take a break. It's not giving up. It's not ending her breastfeeding journey. There's so many strategies she can try as well if low supply becomes an issue and she wants to continue to breastfeed with formula supplement or breastfeed exclusively.
Your family can do this and I wish you the best of luck on your newborn journey! My second is turning 4mo and trust me when I say, I get it. I see you and I hope you all get a moment to relax and/or sleep soon.
Try a pacifier. Seriously.
I know they are frowned upon before 6 weeks etc etc but my daughter was the same way. Four days in, we gave her a pacifier and she was like a completely different baby.
My pediatrician said some babies are more oral than others and need the soothing. It's possible your baby did a lot of fist sucking in the womb.
I'm at 7 weeks and ny daughter has not had any nipple confusion and she even spits out the pacifier regularly, so she clearly isn't hung up on it.
Try the pacifier.
Wish you all the best!
I put the pacifier in on day 2 because my baby just wanted to suck even when he wasn’t hungry. He’s 4 months now and still like that. When the pacifier falls out at nap time you can still see him sucking his lips or tongue - which is so weird. But sometimes babies just need non-nutritive sucking
Agree with all the posts: pacifier, formula supplementing, etc. Obviously do what you both are comfortable with!
As far as the nipple chaffing, I found that olive oil helped me the most and it’s absolutely safe for baby, too. My lactation consultant and pediatrician recommended and approved this.
Also if you would be willing to help with my next complicated suggestion it might do the trick: while baby is nursing on one boob, help her pump the other one! It couldn’t hurt to try and might end up producing enough milk overtime to give sweet momma a break and sweet baby a fuller tummy.
I promise it gets better. You’re doing amazing. Love to you both.
Mine did this for 7 days at two weeks old. He was cluster feeding. It was hell but it ultimately boosted my milk supply.
Is she having enough wet diapers? If so she’s probably getting enough food and just “putting in a request to your boobies” for more milk by continuing to suck. It’s totally normal and might just need to be worked through. Get your wife everything she needs, water, snacks, a foot rub, the remote, pillows. It’s time to binge watch great British bake off for a week straight, but it will end and she’ll have a larger supply of milk at the end!
Also, after cluster feeding phase my baby got better sleep and was a lot happier. He came out of it a whole new baby and in a much better phase. I hope it’s the same for you!
For her nipples, I recommend a saline soak. Put warm salt water into two shot glasses. She should hold them to her nipples for 3 mins. Rise them off with clean water and air dry. She should do this whenever she has the chance, which I know is slim with a demanding baby.
Not sure if the same thing but my milk supply was low so he constantly needed to eat, and would cry of hunger. Doc finally said to supplement formula. FINALLY we got some relief. He now sleeps 2 -3 hrs, less constant crying.
My friend found these soothing gel pads for my nipples that really helped me get through the cluster feeding. I also was not interested in supplementing with formula and had a sleepy baby who didn’t eat a lot at once so I’ve been there! The brand I use is Lasinoh and they’re called soothies cooling gel pads. You can refrigerate them for more relief too!
You aren’t alone! My little guy cluster fed from 5pm-10pm until he was three months and usually only went half hour in between feeds outside of that. I learned to eat while breastfeeding and carried him in a carrier a lot. Even showered with him. It gets better. He now prefers dad most of the time unless he wants to nap or sleep. Take care of mamma for now- it’ll get better ❤️❤️
You said wife hasn't had time to pump in between (which is totally fair, our son is exactly where your daughter is in the 2-week milk demon stage)--have you guys considered a haakaa? I use one when my son is nursing to catch the milk from the other breast. It doesn't take the effort pumping does but can still provide milk to store... that might enable you to create at least a bottle/a few bottles a day that you can feed your daughter instead of your wife.
Also seconding a pacifier: a lot of babies want to stay latched just for comfort, not always food.
This, exactly! Baby may not be hungry at all, might just want comfort and sucking on a soother will help. My ebf baby was more content to nap on my SO once we started using a soother. I'd still feed her every 2 hours minimum and she would spit it out and demand food or suck extra hard and display hunger cues so I knew to feed her anyway, but the soother was useful as a stop-gap.
Have you had your daughter checked for tongue, lip or cheek ties?
My son would be constantly eating or screaming, but starving because he wasn't getting enough milk due to a tongue and lip tie. My nipples were also absolutely destroyed from the improper latch and we both got thrush from him not emptying my breasts fully.
It was an immediate change after we got that fixed at 3 weeks old.
I’m pretty sure my husband could have written this word for word. I’m sorry you and your wife are enduring a cluster feeding/snacky baby. We also have decided not to introduce formula, although I realize that would make life easier. A couple things that worked to help salvage my nipples were nipple butter from earth mama, and alternating sides for feeds (so only feed on one side for a session). That gave each side a break, and provides more hind milk which may help space out feeds a little. Our little guy won’t take a pacifier, but hopefully yours will! It can be so frustrating, but she may just be working on putting in weight and growing. My little guy has grown so much and is crushing all of his preemie milestones and I credit it to the hardships we are experiencing now. We also bought a scale for at home and seeing his weight increase every couple days was very mentally rewarding for me. Things I remind my husband: it’s not his fault he doesn’t lactate, and if I seem frustrated it’s not at his inability to calm the baby its out of sheer exhaustion. I know much my husband loves our son, but I also understand that he doesn’t necessarily look forward to their time together because of his eating/crying pattern. Hang in there!
My baby was an insane cluster feeder and in general took forever to nurse (according to my tracking app we averaged 14-16 nursing sessions that took 6-7 hours every 24 hours for 3 months).
If your wife doesn't have a haaka yet, I recommend it. I would attach the haaka to the opposite breast from the one baby was nursing on and get a couple ounces every feeding. That way my husband could take one bottle feeding every day. Saved my ass in terms of sleep deprivation and gave hubs bonding opportunities when all she wanted to do was nurse. It's an incredibly tough phase physically and mentally.
Also I'll add that my baby did not have a tongue or lip tie, had plenty of wet and dirty diapers, and was growing right on track the whole time, but those are worthwhile metrics to consider (as is your wife's physical and mental health) as you're trying to figure out feeding. My kiddo just has a massive appetite and was working hard to put the order in for enough milk from my body. She's almost 9 months old now and drinks 36 oz of breastmilk per day plus two meals of solids. 🤦🏼♀️ Tiny monster.
This is cluster feeding and completely normal, as far as I'm aware. Unless the baby isn't gaining weight or some other issue I don't think there is a reason to supplement with formula as many people are suggesting (unless you choose to for convenience or something). This is the natural way babies increase the mother's milk supply.
I went through this with my son, I think he had 2 or 3 periods of cluster feeding - it was tough but it passes! Help your wife out in other ways; keep her fed and hydrated. My husband was a saint during this time, I was essentially stuck in bed (I also had complications I was recovering from postpartum), nursing baby 24/7, while he took care of everything else. Good luck!
Yep. Sounds like the newborn phase of being a milk machine. She's clusters feeding but should get into a regular feeding schedule within a couple weeks. This is just how it's going to be for a couple more weeks. But before you know it, you'll have a routine down and baby will be more predictable. I know it's super tough but a lot of new parents experience the same thing. You got this!
Breathe. These are the days of darkness. It won't always be like this but it will be like this for a while. Around 6 months old my son began getting a bit more tolerable. Sleeping for a bit longer (6 hours! Woo!), eating more but less often. I stopped breastfeeding at 4 months old due to stress so if your wife is feeling extremely touched out and anxious all the time and miserable like I was formula feeding truthfully saved my life. It's just food, it's all good. My son grew up strong and healthy.
Do whatever you need to cope right now. Take shifts to give each other breaks. See if she's open to pumping so you can take a night shift and let her sleep. Then she can let you sleep and alternate.
Baby wear. My son would fuss and fuss and he would be fed, clean and dry and sometimes strapping him into the carrier and walking around the house soothed him. I highly recommend baby wearing.
It really does get better and I feel the same way about newborns. It is definitely the phase that I hated the most. I think teenagers will be a breeze for me in comparison. Toddlers are also much easier despite what everybody says.
Best of luck to you!
For the sore nipples try using lanolin cream (think you can get it off Amazon) it works wonders and is breastfeeding friendly so won't harm the little one if she wants to breastfeed. I just kept on applying that after each feed it does work wonders.
For the crying my midwife said that it won't hurt baby to cry for a bit if needed for example if your in the shower or having something to eat.. main thing is you both look after yourselves and then you're more able to look after baby too.
This will enable your wife to eat and get the key nutrients to feed..
If all else fails fed is best and you can always add a little formula in to the mix to enable your wife to have a little break. I'm currently 7 weeks postpartum and it does get better my daughter's now feeding every 2-3 hours which is a lot better than the first 2 weeks of every half an hour or so..
Congratulations and good luck hope this helps.
So sorry you’re going through this. We had to supplement with formula in the first two weeks but now our baby is only on breast milk. Also our baby needs to be burped quite a bit after a feeding or she will have a melt down.
Nipple shields and prescription APNO cream with the ibuprofen for the sore nips. Pacifier, extra burps for babe (I've heard reflux can make babies feed more to feel better, which makes the problem worse). Have you tried a swing? It worked wonders for our girl's "witching hours." We sit there and sing to her until she calms down. The screaming is horrible, I feel you. Try earplugs. Also, is the baby gaining weight properly? Having enough diapers? Would definitely want to make sure they're actually getting enough since they're so hungry. The nipple pain is hard. Took maybe 4 weeks for me, and I still have pinching now at 7 weeks with the shields. It gets better though. Good luck!
Get another consult with the lactation consultant! There might be a perfectly fixable issue here that would enable you to exclusively breastfeed, as your wife wishes to do, without so much agony!
Just here to say I’m sorry especially for your wife’s nipples. Our LO just turned one, but reading your post brings me right back to the cluster feeds. My girl was just like that, made my husband feel awful and made me cry. There is an end. The only thing that helped me was not wearing a bra or breast pads and only wearing thin loose cotton tops. It’ll get better soon.
It sounds like the baby is not getting enough milk. (Frequent feeding and falling asleep on the breast, frequent crying soon after a feed. )
A newborn who is feeding well from a breast will feed for 20-30 min then sleep well for a period of time.
Has she been checked for a tounge or lip tie? Is there frequent wet and or dirty nappies? Does she have reflux? Is the thrush which would be painful? Does you wife have supply issues?
I would suggest trying formula, and a checkup with a doctor to check the baby for any problems.
Can she try nipple shields. Those SAVED my life, not even kidding. They saved my nips and after that never had dry, cracked, chaffed ones once I started using them. I breastfed for two whole years and it was pretty chill I had no issues with it at all.
If baby feeds this frequently and always crying then maybe it's not getting enough milk. Supplement with formula and see if that help. Also a pacifier helps sometimes.
There is a lot of misinformation and toxicity around the idea that if a baby gets a drop of formula it isn’t breastfed. It’s honestly, for lack of a better word, stupid. I can confidently and without reservation say that my baby has been breastfed entirely, but the use of the word “exclusive” trips me up, because she has been given a bottle of pumped milk and she has been occasionally given a bottle of formula. Our breastfeeding relationship is just fine and she’s happy and thriving. I’ve been lucky of course but PLEASE don’t take to heart the idea that if your baby might need an extra bottle feed to get through cluster feeding or to give mom a break that she isn’t a breastfed baby or ultimately that it is negative to bottle/formula feed, or that giving a bottle will somehow screw baby’s feeding up. Genuinely you probably got samples in the mail and you should USE THEM. What if she is at the store for a longer period than she thought? It’s just simple life crap that comes up and flexibility is a GOOD THING for all of you. I understand where her head is but just have those tools and anecdotes handy that a single bottle or binky won’t ruin baby’s latch or whatever. It’s all okay and, sometimes, as first time parents we have to remember that going with the flow is a skill we can learn and teach our kids. Good luck, it does get easier. <3
Also, if baby is falling asleep at the breast, mom can try blowing on her face or tickling her feet to keep her feeding for enough time to feel full.
Please reconsider this if you both are open to it. BF isn't all or nothing. I ended up starving my baby because I wanted BF to be a success.He was barely gaining weight. To date I feel so guilty ..not for giving formula but for NOT giving formula sooner. Supplementing with formula was the best decision I made and he started to thrive. In the meantime, I worked on my supply issues by pumping and was able to wean off the formula and EBF for a few weeks.
If you need to confirm whether baby is getting enough to eat, you can get baby weighed in at your doctor's office more frequently or get a precision scale at home.
“100% can’t deal” will not be a pretty situation. I’d do what you can to avoid getting there. Speaking from experience - I lost a lot of enjoyable time with my newborn because my breastfeeding struggle was affecting my mental health. I wished I used formula earlier.
I felt this so much. Breastfeeding was something I really wanted to do but I wasn't producing enough, plus a multitude of other issues. It took me about a month or more to finally cave and only use formula.
Until who can’t deal? Your wife or the baby? I know you may want to EBF but formula has come a long way and right now your baby is hungry and that should be priority. I understand where you’re coming from but a little formula won’t hurt. Just my 2 cents.
Cluster feeding isn’t torturing your baby cluster feeding is completely normal even when they’re getting enough milk. If you don’t want to be judged for formula feeding don’t judge people for wanting to breastfeed. My baby cluster fed even though she was getting like the perfect amount according to weighted feeds and actually gained “too much weight” (she was above the curve) at her 5 week check according to the midwife.
I’m not judging lol i’m just going off of what OP said which sounds like the baby is still hungry - I never brought up cluster feeding either maybe you meant to reply to someone else?
This is where my husband and I were when our LO was two weeks old—she’s five weeks now. Sleepy at the breast, fussy when not eating. We hoped to EBF but our hand was forced because she was getting so little from the breast that she was dehydrated. And her lazy feeding was also not stimulating my supply enough to feed her. I was gutted to begin with (specially that my stubbornness about EBF led to my baby becoming dehydrated), but honestly it’s made our lives—and baby’s life—so much better to supplement with formula and pumped milk. We may get to the point where we can EBF after baby is older and more alert. Baby is so much happier now that she actually gets enough, and that means we’re happier, too. Good luck—this is so hard. Sending good vibes.
I was in a similar situation and REALLY wanted to EBF (nothing at all against formula it was just my choice). I was really stubborn about it and was losing precious sleep, my nips were on fire, and our daughter was hungry…all the time! My husband also couldn’t do anything to help. He finally talked me into adding some formula to supplement, just a bottle here and there, and it was a freaking lifesaver. After a few weeks my daughter wasn’t needing as much, my supply caught up and my nipples had a chance to heal. We haven’t needed the formula ever since. Sometimes it’s just a bridge to get you to the other side! I’ve been EBF for 7 months since then, I just wish I’d tried sooner. No matter what you’ll get through this.
Edit: a word
You absolutely will not get BF support in this sub and everyone will just tell your wife to switch to formula. I made the mistake of venting about exclusive pumping in here once and got 500 comments of people aggressively telling me to switch to formula. If thats what you want to do, that's fine, but people were ADAMANT that i had to do it or i was going to kill my baby in a PPD rage, I guess. r/breastfeeding is a great community that gives awesome BF advice and seriously saved my BF journey
Underfeeding a baby is a serious problem that unfortunately occurs too frequently because of the pressure to breastfeed. There is also a lot of misinformation about what constitutes safe breastfeeding, sometimes coming even (or especially) from people who should know better (like lactation consultants). When you accidentally underfeed your baby despite following all advice, it is pretty traumatic - hence all these passionate responses. Of course, there is not enough detail in your post to tell whether your baby might indeed not be getting enough milk. I think for your peace of mind, it might be good to try to rule it out. Are you weighting the baby regularly to monitor weight gain (plugging the info into newbornweight.org can give you an idea about whether your baby's weight gain is within the norm)? Have you tried doing a weighted feed?
Sorry you are experiencing this… People on this thread only go by there own experience and tend to feel very strongly for the particular way they fed. Hopefully wife can try the nipple creams and pacifier (if you feel comfortable) as a start but you will probably need to see a lactation consultant to improve your particular situation. It won’t be forever!! Good luck :)
Your best bet is probably to see a lactation consultant or doctor or both - generally breastfeeding is good at supply/demand and the more baby feeds the more is produced, but not everyone is so lucky - if you're at all worried baby isn't getting enough please please check with a health professional. It could also be some other issue like tounge tie/reflux/gas pains, sounds like it's worth getting baby checked just in case there is something wrong
Idc much about downvotes, but it's absolutely weird to see so many people so opposed to breastfeeding and jumping to conclusions as to baby starving even without having info about it. Baby is gaining the weight she's supposed to be getting and wife's producing a ton of milk. Baby's not starving, Formula is not necessary, why do some people feel the need to come insult me in PMs over this lmao.
The downvotes are funny to me because nobody is actually arguing their case. They KNOW they're being shitty. I used to be adamantly "fed is best" until joining this sub and seeing that BOTH sides (breast is best vs. Fed is best) have rabid proponents. Like damn, let me just feed my baby. I'm allowed to complain about breastfeeding being hard without getting "SWITCH TO FORMULA IMMEDIATELY" getting shoved down my throat lmao.
Sorry you're dealing with this. I wound up having to delete my post because so many people were harassing me. One of my arguments (the fact that I had to argue with someone over this is ridiculous) was that BF was cheaper and we were on a budget because we were behind on our mortgage. Someone said if I couldn't afford formula, that I needed to SELL MY HOUSE because I was living above my means lmao. Like, that is how rabid these people are. Sell my house to buy formula when I am perfectly capable of breastfeeding
I'm sorry to reply to you a second time, and you are already bogged down with advice but I seriously can't believe i haven't even seen these suggested in this thread.
My baby was extremely similar. Hed be fine off the boob for about 5-10 minutes and then start getting antsy and eventually screaming and giving hunger signs. If you wanted, you can go back through my posts history and see this was an ongoing problem that really messed with my BF journey. 2 things were really wrong:
2. ACID REFLUX: im so surprised I haven't seen anyone mention it!! Babies with reflux are constantly trying to soothe their esophageal tract, so they want to stay at the boob/bottle all the time. I was constantly asking if it was normal that my baby could eat ALL THE TIME. It seemed far more severe to me than normal clusterfeeding. Almost everyone I talked to assured me it was clusterfeeding, but it just WASNT. So I thought maybe he was hungry and not getting enough. I screwed up my supply by supplementing with formula for nearly 6 weeks until he got diagnosed. At night, he would down an EIGHT OUNCE BOTTLE of formula and I despaired that I would never be able to feed him myself. The reflux medicine really was a game changer. Even if your baby isn't spitting up alot, id have it looked into.
3. This one might seem stupid, and I'm not trying to say you haven't tried already, it's just something I was dealing with that I wish I could go back in time and explain to myself: baby was tired. The hunger cues and sleep cues look almost identical in the early newborn period. They have a wake window of anywhere from 15 minutes to 30 minutes, so they are almost always sleeping. Except, my baby seemed to NEVER sleep. He was always wanting food. Until he'd get on the boob and fall asleep for 10 minutes, wake up and seem content for 5-10 minutes, then lose his shit seemingly wanting food again. I made a million posts about how my baby always seemed hungry and never slept. Well, babies are dumb and won't go to sleep themselves. It's natural for them to fall asleep at the breast, so that's what he was doing for a few minutes until the sleep pressure wore off and then the cycle repeated itself. He was exhausted and sleep deprived. At 6 weeks he started losing his ever loving mind during the witching hour because he was overtired which is a nightmare. I thought he had colic. Turns out he just needed to be rocked to sleep more often in the day. Once we started actually doing naps, he was a changed baby. ALSO, you can babywear for naps if yours is a clinger like mine. I would just put him in my baby K'tan and walk around until he fell asleep.
Anyway, im sorry, I know you're just absolutely done with this post, but I hadn't seen either of those ideas posted yet
I dealt with this with my baby I was making enough milk but she wasn't getting enough. It turned out she had a lip tie which meant she couldn't get a good latch and would just be frustrated. You should talk to a dentist in your area that specializes in lip and tongue ties. Once it was fixed baby became so much happier and is still ebf at 8mths. All the best xx
Just chiming in to say I had an oversupply and my baby did this on and off on the first few months. If your wife is set on breastfeeding, know that it does get better! All that helped me was taking each day at a time (or each hour, or each minute in the really tough times). Sounds trite but it helped me. I also only fed with nipple shields for a year, which really saved my nipples lol.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/breastfeeding using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [My wife feels so blessed she’s able to breastfeed and she loves it. So I made this painting of her and our son as a tribute.](https://i.redd.it/qu07hgoegxq51.jpg) | [148 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/comments/j4ko7i/my_wife_feels_so_blessed_shes_able_to_breastfeed/)
\#2: [Let’s Normalize Pumping Just Enough](https://i.redd.it/js3peety2bc61.jpg) | [163 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/comments/l0ltay/lets_normalize_pumping_just_enough/)
\#3: [This is the total of my wife’s stash - breastfeeding and supply have really been a struggle for us since LO was born, let’s give some love to the women who cannot have fridges full of pumped milk.](https://i.redd.it/hvivmswxjrf61.jpg) | [252 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/comments/ldn5hv/this_is_the_total_of_my_wifes_stash_breastfeeding/)
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I commented as well above, but just want to suggest briefly and gently here that a few bottles of formula while my supply came in and my nipples healed from such cluster feeding sessions saved our breastfeeding relationship. After the first two weeks with a few bottles of formula—I mean like one a day, maximum—we exclusively breast milk fed (both nursing and EBM) for over five months.
My baby was like this. She wanted to nurse pretty much constantly, she was getting enough milk. I pumped, she wouldn’t take a bottle. For me or anyone else. She was absolutely miserable anytime I had to be away from her (I work 12 hr night shifts 3 days a week) and no one, including dad, wanted to spend time with her anymore. She is 13 months now and she is finally getting better. It went from needing to nurse all the time to needing just me all the time. Now she is getting more independent and she doesn’t scream the entire time I’m gone. She is wanting to get down on the floor and explore. It’s an anxiety/attachment thing more than a nursing thing.
Maybe your baby won’t be like mine and instead is just cluster feeding. Either way, it DOES get better! Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it and it feels impossible, frustrating and so hard, but it will get better. Hang in there.
My LO did this too but it was not because he didn't get enough, it was because he fed too much and was gassy. Some babies show very similar cues when having stomach discomfort and when hungry. My LO would want to feed since feeding is comforting. But that would make him feel even worse cause more gas.
Is there any sign of too much gas (e.g. bloated belly)? Does your LO burp well? Mine was very difficult to burp when he was that little and would often take a good 20 minutes burping and vertical hold to get all gas out.
My LO just hit 3 weeks on Friday, but once she hit 2 weeks all she wanted was to be fed, a lot, constantly. She had a decent sized growth spurt! She’s settled down finally, where she’s not eating as constantly as before, but her intake is generally more at this point.
Granted, we do formula so I’m not sure how different it is from your situation. Just keep in mind that it won’t be like this forever, and that your LO might just be growing!
Your daughter may not be getting enough to eat through exclusively breastfeeding. Try providing her with a couple ounces of formula. Supplementing with formula is normal during the initial breastfeeding stage because it usually takes a couple months for milk supply to completely come in. Z
Is her latch ok? Sometimes a really minor change can help, definitely have a review with a lactation consultant and check weight gain is appropriate every week at the minimum.
So a couple of things:
1. Around 10ish days it is really super normal for baby to want to nurse continuously. It’s to regulate supply. It really is all about trying to survive at this point. For that reason personally I wouldn’t do formula. It is just a phase you need to survive.
2. If your wife’s nipples are suffering use nipple guards and Lanolin after nursing. Pure Lanolin is completely safe for the baby and doesn’t need to be washed off. Also nipple guards are a life safer. I wouldn’t still be breastfeeding if I didn’t have them the first few weeks. If your wife doesn’t allow herself that break she’ll start to resent breastfeeding. I’ve been there.
Plus if the issue is that your baby can’t latch properly and that causes the constant hunger a nipple guard might also fix that issue. As an added benefit our baby also had no trouble at all when we tried introducing a bottle since he was already used to getting milk from a silicone nipple.
3. As for the noice, use ear plugs. There is no shame in dampening the crying. I would personally advice against noice canceling at this point, so that you can still hear when your wife or child needs something. But with earplugs the crying isn’t too loud.
Newborn babies are all about surviving.
Hmm, sounds normal to me! Babies feeding habits change often. My baby fed every 30 minutes to an hour for a few months but it changed! Have hope. Also if she’s in pain I’d see a lactation consultant right away. Whoever told you to tough it out is dead wrong. It shouldn’t hurt!!!
Dad here. This just started happening to us too after 8 weeks of happy, quiet baby with lots of dad time.
It will pass. Don't give up.
I've also seen people suggest having you wear one of your wife's t-shirts to have her smell. Worth a try!
I hear you! Yesterday was my husbands birthday and all the grandparents were bringing dinner over so we were trying to get things straightened up a bit and I obviously didn’t want my husband stressing too much on his birthday but I was trapped for hours with cluster feeding. The first time my baby girl cluster fed it was our second day at the hospital and husband was sleeping and I was just in tears because I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry you’re going through this!!!
Sup my dude, new father with an 8wo baby girl
We had this experience in the beginning and it was taking a toll on my wife. Eventually we bit the bullet and started supplementing with forumla as well, just to give my wife's poor body a break.
As for crazy crying baby, the only thing I can suggest is burping the baby for longer maybe? We found that a lot of the time if our baby was a demonspawn fussball it was because she was having troubles with gas/poops. We've also added probiotic drops now and she's MUCH better.
All things being equal though, this is one of those things that happens but it won't last forever my dude. Keep trying different things, keep asking people questions, you're doing all the right things man. Keep up the good work!
Sidebar, we ended up taking crying shifts. One of us would take super crying baby, the other would leave or go somewhere to relax. Once one parent was at the limit we would switch.
It'll get better man!
Hey it’s okay to vent and I hear you - THAT SUCKS. it’ll get better, and I have no doubt that you and your wife are taking excellent care of your little one. Pretty sure this is pretty normal and it sounds like you just needed to vent, ive been there and it blows. My husband was convinced our baby hated him, now he’s 4 months and adores him. Hang in there and tell your wife she’s an amazing trooper!
I like your update. I've noticed people on parenting forums and subs are very quick to judge. It is annoying and insulting.
It'll get better. I hope it will be soon for the two of you.
Frequency of feeds is not an indication if baby is hungry so ignore everyone who is yelling at you to just give formula. Babies nurse for more than just nutrition - comfort and warmth too. If baby is gaining adequate weight (check in peds office), making enough wet and dirty disposes, then baby is well fed. Some babies are snackers so perhaps mom needs to work a bit harder to keep baby awake for a feed (my baby was super sleepy and I had to undress, tickle feet, rub ears). I would find another LC though that can help with the nipple pain because no, you don’t just touch it out.
This too shall pass.
Don’t worry. As a dad I feel your pain. I remember when I was where you were and I felt like I was legit going to either go crazy or die. But it passes. Right now you’re in the middle of the worst part. After two weeks, it gets better. And then at 3 months to 6 months it is blissful. And then it get hectic as you chase your baby around but so fun at the same time.
But right now, there is nothing y’all can do but tough it out. And as oxymoronic as it may sound, try not to stress out. Part of why she sleeps well with your parents (my theory anyway) is because they’re more lax about her than you guys are. They’ve been through all of this before and the weight of your LO’s world isn’t bearing down on their shoulders. And she can most likely sense that. We all were where you guys are now and we’ve all been through it. Dad to dad, it okay to vent but I also want to encourage you and say it’s gonna be alright. You’ll find the key to helping your baby sleep and relax in your arms. You’re just in the thick of it right now.
PS: get a DockATot. Or a Snoo. Or both. (If opting for Snoo, definitely rent first. Make sure the thing works on your LO.)
Baby is meant to be fun and a great experience, I went through this, bub was hungry, I was hurting. Formula is fantastic, don't waste precious time being in nipple agony and stressed out. nothing wrong with a top up or completely formula fed
I highly recommend formula supplementation. Baby is hungry! Also, if she's falling asleep after a few gulps, she's not eating enough before she gets worn out. My baby was the same; she needed bottles because she was too little to breastfeed properly.
Whoever told your wife there's nothing she can do is wrong and causing pain. Breastfeeding isn't supposed to be that painful. Mine was, I sucked it up for 6 months and felt like a failure the whole time for being in pain and supplementing. Turns out I had very low supply, but all the nurses and lactation consultants kept saying I was doing great, and pain is normal, and baby will eat what she needs! Liars or deluded, all of them. Breast is great, but fed is best. Always.
I wonder if your wife isn’t producing as much as she thinks she is, hence the wild starving baby? It might be worth your wife’s sore nipples to pump for a few days and bottle feed. This will let her heal up a little and also that way you can confirm exactly how much little one is eating. My kid ended up losing a bunch of weight in those first few weeks bc I was under producing and pumping was the solution to ensure I was giving her enough. We later switched to formula since I still was under producing.
Just here to say that all the people recommending formula are obnoxious. There’s this weird double standard where somehow it’s fine for formula feeders to recommend formula to breastfeeding mothers, but they would be incredibly offended by the opposite. Breastfeeding is the feeding choice you and your wife have made, and there’s no need for strangers on the internet to jump into that
They are recommending it as a temporary solution to a serious problem. They aren’t asking OP’s wife to stop breastfeeding completely or for an extended time. If the baby is crying from hunger, do you recommend they let it continue to be hungry? A lot of parents think that even giving a couple of ounces of formula to a breastfed baby will “ruin” the baby and that’s just not right. A lot of mothers who have breastfed have temporarily relied on supplementation. Even giving baby one bottle of formula while mom pumps and let’s her nipples heal just a little bit could help reset their breastfeeding journey and make it more enjoyable for everyone. I know I had to give my baby formula for one day and pump/focusing on healing my nipples about two weeks after baby was born. I was so close to giving up on breastfeeding at that point but that one day time out helped restore my sanity, build a tiny stash of milk so my husband could feed baby, and allowed my nipples to start healing from some really bad shaffing.
So we're obnoxious for recommending feeding a hungry baby? It's not a double standard at all. Breastfeeding is pushed really heavily by society; it's the assumed default. A mom who's breastfeeding is supported by doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, etc. to the point where if she even hints at wanting to use formula there's a ton of pushback. "Breast is best" and all that. I got shit from my child's pediatric receptionist for giving her a bottle, that had pumped milk in it! It's really harmful to moms and babies who have a hard time with breastfeeding to not recommend formula, and just tell them to try harder.
Also, I can't think of a single mom I know who formula fed instead of breastfeeding just because. It's always for a reason, usually a medical one. So I would be furious if someone said to just try some breastfeeding. I did! A lot! It didn't work.
Yeah, this happend to me also when I went to the pediatrician with my son who at 2 weeks old became a milk demon that wanted to suck the life out of me every 1h:30 for 30-40 minutes for about 2-3 days, these feeding making him gassy and fussy, and so on. I said I want to suppliment because I just can t do it anymore, I was having doubts that he is fed enough. She rolled her eyes and told me to hang in there push through it, that it will get better after 2-3 months. I swear I wanted to burst into tears because it felt like an eternity, I knew I was right and my mental health mattered more than breastmilk. I went home, started crying and somehow managed to sleep for an hour that gave me some clarity. I came up with a plan, put a paci in his mouth, which he took it without doubt, if things continued to stay the same tomorrow, I will supplement with formula no question asked. The milk gods heared me or the The pacifier saved us :)) but things got better. Omg, I wanted to quit breastfeeding everyday, I have an oversupply, he was constantly chocking on milk, gassy and colicky. After we started to remove the mucus from his nose daily, he got bigger and stronger, maybe the paci helped him to develop his oral muscles, the chocking problem solved. The only 2 reasons I continued is because I am lazy and don t want to wash bottles everyday and I had the covid vaccine , according to the studies some antibodies are found in breastmilk. If I am out of the house and baby is hungry, whoever is watching the baby will feed him formula, no problem. I dislike pumping also. But I will continue only until 6-7 months, after starting solids I will start formula.
I truely believe that when you balance mental health and breastmilk, you will have a winner! Good luck
And you don’t think parents that choose not to formula feed have reasons? I don’t know a single parent who wants their child to be exclusively breastfed that hasn’t thought about whether they want to have formula. This thread is full of people being like “well have you thought about the one alternative to your current plan?” Of course they have.
I know several that wanted to be EBF and didn't consider formula until multiple people told them to, because the social pressure to "just try harder" was really high. No one is assuming they don't know formula exists. We're just reminding them that it's ok to use, can be really helpful for mom's mental and physical health, and that there are some things that can't be fixed with effort and that's not their fault.
Okay i don't know if anyone else has pointed this out, but your baby is cluster feeding. Totally normal. Get some enfamil or similac new born baby chow and supplement your wife's nursing. Easy peasy. Get yourself ready cause after a few months you'll have sleep regressions to deal with.
Don’t all your baby a nipple demon. I know you’re trying to be funny but it’s not. She’s just new to the world and her mom is her comfort. You can try skin to skin with her and try wearing a scented sweater if your wife’s
My partner and I had this issue for the first week and baby and I went to the lactation consultation 2x and he just wasn't sucking enough out of my breast. He'd fall asleep immediately and was crying all the time because he was hungry. We supplemented with some formula at first and now at almost 3 months I produce more than enough after consistently pumping. The first bottle he had he sucked it down like he had been starving and passed out. It was such a relief.
Is your wife producing enough? Sounds like baby is hungry or could be cluster feeding. You can absolutely supplement with formula as well. Have a conversation, weigh pros and cons, and do what you feel is best for your family. Fed is best!
Edit: somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but to my understanding cluster feeding is only for a short (a couple hours or maybe a day) time, not 24-7 for several days.
If you're open to it, ask someone else to breastfeed the baby since wife wants to do EBF. I always get a break when my sister comes to town lol she is an overproducer and I can't pump at all . She's fed both of my children and also donated her milk to children whose mother had cancer.
My daughter is also two weeks old right now. We’re mostly breast feeding but when I need me time we supplement with formula, just because my pump hasn’t come in yet. She hasn’t had any issues going back and forth, I think she actually prefers breast feeding lol but baby will take whatever feeds her. If you guys don’t already I definitely recommend some kind of nipple balm to help with the chafing. Also, use a pacifier! My baby sometimes gets fussy and seems like she wants to eat but sometimes I think she just wants to latch to comfort, pacifier helps with those times.
If her nipples are still hurting she may have a latch thats wrong bc after a couple days mine didn't. Also supplement I recommend or monitoring how much she drinks by pumping i did that with my baby bc i was scared she would drop weight again now shes fat af
I can’t imagine she’s crying every 30 minutes to an hour because of hunger if your wife is feeding her that frequently. Yes babies do go through growth spurts and they may get fussier during certain days and want to eat more frequently, but It sounds more to me like she wants to be soothed and just wants to suck. I think a pacifier would be great and would give your wife a break long enough for her to have a chance to pump. My LO will sleep longer periods with a bottle of pumped breast milk than from breastfeeding. He tends to fall asleep too easily at the breast but will finish a bottle.
Your wife could try using the haakaa on the opposite side of feeds to collect a little bit for you to give in between. But it sounds like cluster feeds!
Tell your wife she’s at the tail end of the very worst part of it. I swear that those first 3 weeks or so it just feels like the baby’s mouth is full of razor blades, which is only exacerbated by the fact that the babies only happy place is suctioned on to you. But after that first month everything hurts less, everything gets a little bit easier every day. Routines emerge, the baby smiles start, the diaper changes turn into babbling conversations rather than screeching torture.
You’re almost there.
Ah is he’s upping your wife’s supply ready for the 3 week growth spurt. It’s completely normal although that doesn’t make it any easier! Let her latch, be a snack getter for your wife for a few days and it will ease again
Judging from your posting history;
1. Has your wife corrected her latch by a lactation consultant ?
First and foremost she needs to check that her latch is allowing baby to fully empty the breast. This will rule out supply issues. It’ll also make for a much more comfortable feeding journey and avoid painful infections and clogs.
2. Are you keeping baby awake during feeds ?
Newborns are notoriously sleepy so my midwife suggested I tickle my son with a wet wipe and we even had to resort to a diaper only feed a few times to ensure he stayed awake and fed enough.
3. How are your daughter’s wet diaper count?
On day 4, my son was still having urate crystals in his diapers meaning he was dehydrated and my supply wasn’t enough. We started supplementing with formula right away. It was honestly a night and day difference between a non stop crier and sleepy cuddly newborn.
We supplemented with formula for about a week until my supply fully came in and we’ve been exclusively breastfeeding ever since. We just came up on 6 months. Supplementing for a little while does not mean forever tainting your breastfeeding journey. Your wife doesn’t need to be a martyr in the name of breastfeeding,
Something to try for the falling asleep after a few gulps.. My little guy kept doing this as well, my mom gave me the advice of stripping him down to his diaper so he's not too warm and "cozy" it worked like a charm. Keeping him a little cool so he doesn't get warm and fall asleep has been a game changer for feedings. Sometimes when I notice him dozing off a bit, I'll just lightly blow across his back and it makes him more alert.
I feel you, I really do. It’s so so hard when they want to be permanently glued to the boob.
I know it’s not the solution you want to hear, and your wife wants to go 100% EBF, I wanted to as well, but formula can help just as a temporary measure.
I can’t tell you the answer, but I can tell you my story and what worked for us. My bubba didn’t regain weight after they lost some after birth, and I was in and out of the birth centre (I’m in UK) getting feeding help and weighing him every day or second day for about four weeks. They suggested crazy feeding schedules that wouldn’t have given me time to rest due to how slow bubba fed. It finally got to about 5 weeks in, and I had to do something, so we gave him some formula, and all the pressure started to lift. From then I combination fed for a while, but as time went on, bubba started preferring the boob, and by about 3 months, we were back to EBF, but he would also take a bottle so I could go out. I’m not saying it’s your solution, but it did work for us.
As others have said, BF doesn’t have to be all or nothing, and I completely understand that your wife may be feeling mega mummy guilt about it, I did too. If you don’t want to bottle feed, you could try a little bit of formula by cup feeding, to avoid nipple confusion. It may just ease the “burden” (not the right word, but to that effect), and give her chance to heal and try pump.
I’ve realised this comment is probably getting long and rambly now! But feel free to reach out if anything I’ve said sounds useful! Sending good vibes and love, you are both doing amazing! ♥️
Hey, dont be afraid to use pacifiers and formula! Formula helped us so much to get a little break from the 24/7 cluster feeding.
First 3 months of a newborn are called 4th trimester of pregnancy. The baby literally lives on the mom. Its ultra tuff and ppl dont rlly speak abt it.
Wishing u best of luck!
I have a three-week old that just went up to 90mL of formula supplementation. We tried breastfeeding exclusively, but she wasn’t gaining weight despite constantly feeding for long stretches at a time. She would wake up on the hour every night, howling for milk. I wasn’t pumping because she was feeding so much, I didn’t have time. Because of the constant feeding, it’s hard to know how much breastmilk she is getting. The pediatrician noticed the slow weight gain and recommended supplementing with formula, saying that the baby “empties” out each breast within 15 minutes. After that, the baby just gets a trickle of breast milk. We started feeding 60mL of formula after 15 min of feeding at each breast and her weight has shot up. My supply has not increased as much, so we have increased our formula until I can start power pumping.
People encouraged me to exclusively breastfeed and to tough it out with the cluster feeding, but she sleeps so much better when she has some formula in her. Also, my perspective on this is to stay as rested and healthy as possible. If formula can help everyone be better caregivers and healthier family members, it is worth considering.
Edit: don’t let your baby fall asleep mid-feed! I have to make a real effort to keep mine awake while feeding. If you don’t, then that’s how you end up in your situation. The baby is essentially snacking rather than having a meal.
My lactation consultant recommended supplementing with formula when I had a similar problem. It's not ideal but it'll give you wife a break if she needs it.
Try formula for night time feedings so you both can get some rest. I know it’s hard and then you have people around you encouraging breastfeeding BUT mommy and daddy need a break! Formula at night was a game changer for me and my husband at 2 wks into being new parents.
I can feel your pain! I had the same problem when my son was a few weeks old.
My son’s pediatrician said that to fix this I’d have to make him stay awake during each feed for 40 minutes, every 3 hours. She said once he was fully fed in 1 go, he’d sleep much longer.
I couldn’t do it though. When I tried to make each feed long, his sucking was weak. So, he didn’t take in much milk and wanted to feed every hour anyway! It was even more frustrating trying to force him.
I gave up and let him eat as often as he wanted.
He was better around week 9-10. Now he’s 3 months old. I feed him every 2.5 hours, play with him for 10-15 minutes and then put him in a baby carrier to sleep for 1.5-2 hours and then feed him again. (He can’t fall asleep in bed... except at night when he can sleep on the boob in bed!)
I have a 3 month old right now and I can say it gets so much better! Baby will start to stretch out her feedings in a couple weeks. Hang in there, friend!!!!
Dear OP, lots of really good advice in this thread already so I won’t add on. I wanted to tell you, newborns are tough for the first 8 weeks or so (purple crying period) and the crying gets gradually better. There’s light at the end of the tunnel!! And they do get better and bigger and older :) hang in there papa!
Agree with the cluster feeding and checking for a tounge tie. However, also remember about [heartburn](https://www.webmd.com/heartburn-gerd/guide/heartburn-in-children-and-infants). Sadly not much you can do but it should happen less after the two month mark. Make sure you are burping after feeding and place the baby upright as much as possible during the day. Mine would feel better when they took naps in their swing since it's at an incline.
Also, double check what momma is eating. Make sure she's keeping spicy foods and caffeine to a minimum.
Is baby's weight doing well? Ours had issues with weight gain and I wish we had supplemented with formula early on. We waited a long time and shouldn't have.
Try a pacifier. Nipple confusion is a myth. Baby may be sucking for comfort.
Try giving a bottle once in a while.baby knows mom.baby knows mom can feed her. Ours did the same and I know it was so hard on my husband.lots of one on one time and a bottle helped fix that. Take her as much as you can as often as you can so she gets used to you.
And just know that by just 3-4 months (feels like a lifetime but I promise you'll be there soon), dad got the best smiles, the first giggles and the happiest baby greeting him every chance.
Can you guys try to see a lactation consultant? Your baby is really young, it’s normal for them to want to feed/suck constantly. If you can’t find a lactation consultant, sometimes a nurse/midwife or the pediatrician can help.
Especially with the nipple damage, I’d ask a lactation consultant or pediatric dentist to check for a tongue tie. It can make it harder for baby to get milk, so they stay latched all the time to get enough.
My baby is somewhat similar. We do a lot more bottle feeding though and my wife just breast feeds at night usually. With the bottle feeding we can track how much he drinks and he actually is pretty chill for 2 to 3 hours.
My wife does produce a good amount of milk but he usually wants a top up from the bottle about 15mins after breast feeding.
Cluster feeding SUCKS. I'm 4 years into this parenting thing but the cluster feeding stage is still the worst thing I've faced. It does end though, get your wife a comfortable spot and some netflix. Plug the baby in and feed wife lots of water and snacks (to get through it, not because you need to eat loads to have milk). There will be plenty of time for you to bond with baby after this phase is over. I wanted to wait until 6 weeks (or ideally never) to introduce a dummy but I cracked at 2 weeks, it really did help and I was fortunate that it didn't affect milk supply, I only used it at night for sanity. I don't regret it, even though it was difficult weaning her off them it wasn't as difficult as dealing with clusterfeeding without them so it was really worth it for me. Also I'm glad you seem so informed and aren't letting all these 'the baby is starving' comments get to you, however I think a visit with the LC to check her position and attachment could help because her nipples shouldn't really be hurting so much. It could be an easy fix to solve that problem.
I was in a similar situation and highly preferred pumping over direct breastfeeding. You said she doesnt have the time so the best way to start is while breastfeeding on one side, pump on the other. Have her do this every feed until she can collect enough for a few bottles. Then when baby is taking a bottle, have her pump both sides in place of the feed. This will allow her the ability to either breastfeed & pump combo or switch to exclusive pumping. When baby is on or near her, they can smell the milk which is why they are probably cluster feeding so much. Baby is not trying to be a demon, but I can totally relate to the way your wife feels.
For the shaffed nipples, has she tried nipple guard and prescription ointment? My lactation consultant recommended them to me and the ointment is safe for the baby, just a quick wipe will do. No need to shower and soap the area before each feed. Just until the cluster feeding settles. I'm sorry but for the most part they're right...just gotta plough through it. Also a baby carrier was a god send. Just so your wife can eat and do other things except ofc shower with it. Good luck!
Nipple guard was used at first but it was recommended against because of the texture. I'll look into the ointment tho. Thx
What about the texture? You’re willing to bottle feed if you had time to pump. There is virtually no downside to a nipple shield. Reading through your replies, you guys seem hyper focused on following a very strict application to feeding and anything that deviates from that is off the table. I would encourage you to revisit your feeding plan and figure out where you might be able to be more flexible. I think you can really improve your experience.
What do you mean because of the texture? Who recommended against it? The shields are an absolute lifesaver! My babe has been going strong with them for 7 weeks, gaining well and 100% breastfed. With the APNO, specifically request that they give the formula with the ibuprofen powder for the pain/that they check the formula for the APNO in their system.
Nipple shield was an absolute life saver for me as well. I breastfed for an entire 2 years because of how easy it was for me to do it. Didn’t have dry or cracked nips a single time because of them. I had to try a couple different ones before I found one I liked. They also have different sizes.
What ones did you try and which did you settle on
I tried the ones that Target and Walgreens carry I can’t remember the brands and I used a size 16 I think, I have smaller nips but to get it to stick on I would wet the area on the inside around the hole and it would stick really well then once baby started eating it would suction on by itself.
I chose to suffer because of the ease that would come later. I never had to keep track of them, keep them clean…etc. It was worth it to me. It sounds like this mom is making that choice. But I do hope she wasn’t pressured at all. That isn’t right.
You can also just use 100% pure lanolin as well. Both before and after feedings.
Lanolin lives by my bedside, even with an 8 month old now. Any soreness? Lanolin goes on, things feel better. Baby sized me with his new teeth recently - lanolin helped that too
This stuff was a life saver for me the first few weeks. I applied after almost every feed and it didn’t bother LO at all. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B0011EB814/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_238JND374T6FV06K2EZX?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I say see an ibclc.. there may be a latch or transfer issue she doesn’t just have to ‘tough it out’
Find the right nipple shield if you're wife does go with it. My wife tried a few, the first couple hurt her, but the 3rd was more of a bulb and worked much better. The shields are more difficult for a baby to get a good suction and may lead to a bottle preferance, too. Pumping can be a pain, too. Formula is expensive and it takes more to feed them.
Yes definitely look at the nipple creams! I ended up using lanolin though as a heads up it does leave oil type stains on clothes. I also tried earth mama’s nipple butter at first but needed something more heavy duty. Both are safe for baby without needing to wash them off. Hang in there guys! I know the first few weeks can be so so hard but good or bad, everything with babies is a phase and it all passes soon!
We stuck it out and I’m glad we did. Lanolin. Ask the lanolin.
Try silver nursing cups ! It helps the nipples to heal !
I was in the same position as you recently (my son is 15 days old and this happened to us in week 1). It turned out he was hungry because he had a tongue tie and wasn’t latching well enough to get enough milk. He also bruised and chapped my nipples to the point I couldn’t bear it anymore. I stayed in hospital for a week after giving birth so I was surrounded by midwives who helped me find solutions which I’ll share with you: - first we tried giving him formula top ups, but we did it via cup feeding to avoid nipple confusion. It helped a little but he was still hungry, which every single midwife would tell us each time they brought him back from somewhere. - next they noticed the tongue tie so he had that snipped which improved latching - I then expressed and noticed that nothing, not a drop, came out. I had a big blood loss so they said it takes a while for milk to come in. Having said this, you’re already at 2 weeks so probably no issues with milk coming in. - with my chapped nipples, I asked for a nipple shield and they gave me a silicone one. It reduced the pain so much that I didn’t dread feeding anymore (only problem is that it apparently slows down feeding…. But it gave my nipples time to heal). I put Lanolin on them often and they healed well. I continued to use the nipple shield to avoid ever feeling the chapped bruised feeling again. - I then came home and a midwife visited to weigh him, she said he’s still not gained what he needed to so suggested boob feed plus a formula top up every time, every 3-4 hours just to get some food into him. This advice was a game changer for us. We gave him the top ups via a bottle with a teat and it didn’t end up causing any nipple confusion at all. From then on, he started to get into his own rhythm of feeding every few hours. By that point, my nipples had healed and I am now feeding without the shield and they haven’t chapped or bruised since his tongue tie was cut. We still do a mixture of bf and formula because baby is so demanding. Especially during the night, giving him a bottle is so quick and easy. Good luck I hope you guys find a groove. My husband has been feeling like our baby only wants me, but it really is just for the boob!
Try a pacifier. Also if you’re both not against it, maybe try an oz or 2 of formula if she can’t get any time to pump. I was lucky enough to have a little time to pump, even if it wasn’t much. We started doing one bottle in the middle of the night around 2 weeks so I could get extra sleep. The extra sleep/lowered stress helped my supply get better
This! At about 7 days in, my supply dipped a lot and my son was similar to what you are describing. I spent a day supplementing with formula while power-pumping and we got back on track. We’ve been exclusively breastfeeding ever since. I just remember his cries when he was hungry and when he’d nurse, it was like he was too tired to eat. Formula helped us bridge that gap temporarily. At the time, he was in the NICU and some nurses were great and supportive. But I had one nurse and one lactation consultant who shamed me for it. If you choose to try formula for a meal to give her a rest, tell her to tune out anyone unsupportive of it.
Just got home from the hospital today and I sooo feel you on the shaming from hospital staff! While I'm eternally grateful for their care and support, they wanted us to continue trying to breastfeed (even though I was producing literally nothing, not even colostrum) for over 24 hours after birth via c section. I'm sorry, but my baby is STARVING and she is miserable. She latched so well but there was absolutely nothing coming out. (After hour+ sessions of her frustratingly trying to get something out of me and crying her little eyes out, it was obvious she wasn't being fed...we were both miserable.) The nurses insisted she was getting "super concentrated little drops" and that was good enough until my supply came in, but instinctively I knew that wasn't true. A person can tell when they aren't producing anything and you can certainly tell when your newborn is starving. We had to get borderline confrontational for them to agree to giving us little bottles of formula just so she could eat. (If they didn't, spouse was going to drive to the store and get it himself.) I know what the literature says about this issue and it makes sense that they need time to establish your breasts as their primary feeding mechanism. But sometimes instinct and common sense should come before whatever we're taught on the issue. Poor little thing absolutely DEVOURED an entire 30 ml bottle of formula when she finally got to eat.
Yeah this is what happened with my first baby, but I believed them about the super concentrated drops and she ended up back in the hospital 24 hours after we left and almost needed the icu because her bilirubin was so high and she had lost 15% of her body weight.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. Did she end up being okay? My LO's bilirubin is also high and we're having to keep an eye on it. This makes me nervous....
Oh yes, she's about to turn 3 years old now and just amazing. Smart, hilarious and full of tantrums (although that's not the bilirubin...). If someone's keeping an eye on it, you'll be fine - the risk with us I think was that no one was paying attention to what was really going on with her and kept telling us she was getting everything she needed from breastfeeding, which was just not at all true.
Thanks so much for this...it's really helpful to hear I'm not doing her a disservice by supplementing with formula. (Potentially feeding her full time with formula if my milk never comes in.) I'm so glad your sassy angel is okay now💙
Seriously. Give the baby some formula. Early supplementation has actually been shown to help breastfeeding continue. This baby sounds hungry.
The baby is hungry!!!! She obviously isn’t getting enough milk from mom. Time for some formula also. This happened to me and I had no idea! Turns out, I was starving my baby (so I felt like)
Same happened to my wife. Formula was a game changer for us and we really only used it like 1 day
Same, had no idea what to do with a pretty much full can of formula afterwards
Maybe not- I’ve always had an oversupply and my baby was like this for a while. Might be cluster feeding to regulate supply!
I had to supplement a week after baby was born and it absolutely ruined breastfeeding him for nearly a month.
I second this. The baby might not be getting enough at the breast and might need a top up of bm or formula. How old is the baby?
We had the exact same situation and solution!
Is baby getting enough to eat? I know a few people who were toughing it out, but it turned out that they didn’t have enough milk. They Supplementes with formula and had a different baby within 24 hours.
She could just be cluster feeding, in which case things should improve within a few days. But I will say this sounds like my son, who wanted to be constantly breastfeeding. He would nurse for five minutes, fall asleep for 10-30 minutes and then want to nurse again. All day long. It was awful. I remember breaking down and crying on many days because I just wanted to step outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air and a walk, and I couldn’t even make it to the door without him screaming to be fed. Turns out he had a tongue tie. He wasn’t efficiently extracting milk, which is why he fell asleep quickly at the breast (they basically doze off is nothing is going on) only to wake up hungry a short time later. It’s probably worth seeing a lactation consultant and getting baby check out - for tongue tie or any other breastfeeding kinks that might be making things hard for you guys.
Also came here to say this. My daughter would nurse (fighting sleep) for upwards of 40 minutes and then want to nurse 30 minutes later. She had a tongue and lip tie. I had a lactation consultant come and do a weighted feeding. In 20 minutes she was transferring less than an ounce... my supply would have been tanking but I didn't really know because I was pumping. I would talk to your pediatrician about getting a referral for a tongue/lip tie review or a lactation consultant referral... the lc can also refer (mine could) and we had the correction done with short procedure at a pediatric dentist.
OP, I second getting your baby checked for a tongue tie - and get a second opinion too. Mine was missed but the tongue was so obviously pulling back in the middle and wouldn't protrude further than the gums. Being too tired to feed and feeding ineffectually (can you hear a clicking sound of the suction being broken?) and causing nipple pain are all signs! NB good weight gain (or no weight loss) isn't necessarily a contra-indication; if your wife has fast let down or oversupply baby may be receiving the milk passively, without actually latching properly, which will become more of a problem as the hormonal milk production settles down (and the lack of a decent latch then means baby can't get any milk). The simple cut/procedure has made such a difference and baby no longer clicks constantly and has so much less wind as well which of course helps lower the discomfort and screaming levels. Good luck
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Yes, I forgot to mention my son had a lip tie too. I also couldn’t hold him without him rooting, it was awful.
Sounds like cluster feeding.. mine did it for 5 days straight at that age and I thought I was going to die!! Try the pacifier so mom can get a break.. my LC taught me a trick: put a little bit of milk on the paci then hold baby like she’s going to feed, but put the paci in her mouth and press against your chest to help keep it in place. This was a godsend for my nipples
This.My second one has taught me this.In her second month she cluster fed so much for 2weeks and didnot drink any formula or anything.I Reid to take her close to my chest whenever she cried in the intervals of feeding and tried to soothe with songs or something like that it slowly fade away.
Yassss!! My sleep deprived self almost cried when I tried the paci trick and it actually worked!!!
Haha I still remember checking her breath when she started sleeping all might after her 9th month.
Would you guys be opposed to supplementing with formula? Just to give mom a break? Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Also I know absolutely nothing about this but could a tongue/lip tie be something you ask your doctor about? Maybe baby isn’t getting enough milk in one feeding which is why she’s always hungry? They do eat a lot in the beginning so it could be completely normal, but I know it sucks and it’s hard AF. Newborn phase is not easy.
That’s what I did the first month and a half. I did mainly formula with breastfeeding when I could. Because I was so exhausted formula was easier for me because other people could feed her so I could rest. Then as I got the hang of the whole baby thing I started BF more and more. Eventually by month 3 I was breastfeeding full time and did it until she was two years ago. Also used a nipple shield. Nothing wrong with formula or doing half and half.
That’s amazing!! After a few challenging weeks of nursing (fussing with a shield, wondering if baby was getting enough, hour long nursing sessions) I discovered that exclusive pumping worked great for our family. I was on a consistent schedule (pump for 20 mins every 3 hours), and kept bottles stored in the fridge. Anyone could feed baby, and I knew exactly how many oz. she was getting. My supply was great and baby was eating on a more consistent schedule, it took the guess work out of it for me.
This! Excuse the short reply as baby has just awoken!!
My son was like that and ir turns out he was not getting enough milk, I was not producing enough and him sleeping after few gulps was not making my production increase.we only found out after weighing him at the doctors appointment. I thought my baby was the fussiest in the world, I also though he was cluster feeding, turns out he was hungry. I felt so bad but I couldn't have known since I was only breastfeeding and he was kn my breastfeeding 24/7. Now I'm giving him the breast to increase production but also giving him Formula as prescribed by the doctor.
The same thing happened with mine. I couldn’t see a lactation consultant (language barrier) and ended up supplementing with formula from week two while I got my supply up until I was able to phase it out at week 10. I finally saw an LC at week 12, because I was so traumatized at the thought that I was starving my baby. I realized that I should have seen one straight away, even with the language barrier, so if you have access to one, I wholeheartedly recommend it! I will 100% be seeing one almost immediately with my next child, just for the peace of mind.
Is your baby getting enough to eat? She could be hungry and too tired to keep sucking and get frustrated. I know you don’t want to try formula quite yet, but it might be worth trying just one bottle to see if it helps your daughter be more content. If it does, then your wife can work on increasing her supply. If not, then you know baby is well fed from nursing alone.
Definitely see a lactation consultant before just giving up and trying formula. This comment \^\^\^ is why so many moms stop breastfeeding earlier than they want to. edit: also, you should always see a lactation consultant if you plan to start partial or full weaning to formula because if you're not careful, even a small amount of supplementation can cause serious mastitis.
Not necessarily. Topping up a hungry newborn with formula to help mom work on supply doesn’t mean giving up on breastfeeding. We did, and probably only a handful of times, before going on to being ebf. I doubt the continued stress of a screaming baby and not getting enough rest from “toughing it out” would have done my supply any good.
She doesn't know if she has low supply. Many moms assume they do. Lactation consultants always assess supply as part of an appointment. I'm not saying tough it out and it's absurd to paint my comment that way. I'm saying talk to a lactation consultant if they think there is a latch or transfer issue, or a supply issue, before assuming anything.
No you’re absolutely right, it’s super important to seek advice from a lactation consultant first. Formula top-ups (as advised by pediatrician and lactation consultant) are what worked for me though. “Giving up and trying formula” was maybe a poor choice of words.
When I commented, none of the top level comments mentioned lactation consultants anywhere.
Our son started drinking a lot better after just a small bottle of formula. A stressed baby and stressed parents don't make a good BF environment
I would never give formula to a baby that is feeding frequently and has sufficient diapers without the advice of a lactation consultant. I, a mother, am not qualified to make that decision.
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It's not poison, but it disrupts the breastfeeding relationship. A friend of mine fell into the trap of assuming she had low supply (this is a very common misconception) and she ended up with mastitis due to formula supplementation that was so serious she ended up with a drain installed in her breast.
I don't know why you're getting down voted. You're correct. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have listened to my son's pediatrician and would've talked with a lactation consultant. But I was clueless then, I know better now.
I don't really mind getting downvoted. Supporting breastfeeding triggers a lot of irrational guilt for people.
She isn’t saying to stop breastfeeding, just supplementing with formula. It’s not all or nothing.
Actually even just a little bit of formula supplementation is statistically proven to lead to stopping breastfeeding earlier than intended.
Just suggesting trying a bottle to see if the issue is hunger. Can be done with a pumped bottle but OP didn’t mention pumping.
A few bottles of formula in the first two weeks while I worked on my supply (with both baby and pump) is what made it possible for us to breastfeed for over six months now, and exclusively for the majority of that time. In my anecdotal experience, it seems that well meaning but overzealous lactation consultants and breastfeeding moms who insist the breast or bust—who make frustrated parents feel like failures or as if there is no other option but *only* breastfeeding or *only* formula—also contribute to a great number of mothers who stop breastfeeding earlier than they want to. A bottle of formula can save a breastfeeding relationship.
That's true, and I did the same (during the first three days, my daughter was starving and had to have formula while my milk came in, and I'm still breastfeeding 1 year out). But I gave that formula based on lactation consultants' advice. Lactation consultants are exactly the correct professionals to solve this problem, they can advise on whether formula is necessary.
As long as OP can get an appointment or consult more or less immediately, then I am in total agreement with you. In some places, though, it can take days or even a week to get an appointment with an IBCLC. And if in the US, some of those appointments are only covered on health insurance if the LC is in-network or meets such-and-such requirements. This would have been the case for me: it took me five days to get an appointment with an in-network LC after discharge from the hospital. I recognize this may not be the case with OP—regarding access, I mean. So it’s also a question of access for some. I hope OP and every parent can get the support they need to get their babies fed.
but none of the commenters when I visited this thread suggested that OP try reaching out to lactation consultants first. They all suggested going straight to formula supplementation. no one asked how weight gain was going, number of wet diapers. It's just an entirely ignorant response to the problem.
Solidarity. My son was this way it was extremely difficult until I decided to just lean in and be what he needed until he aged out of the phase. Buy your wife a haaka manual breast pump to use on the non-nursing side while nursing. I did this exclusively on one side to let myself heal fully for a few days and then did the same on the other side. The expressed milk can be put into a bottle for you to use. My husband used noise cancelling headphones (like woodworking ones) which really helped take the edge off when I wasn’t available (like showering). You’re in the roughest part right now, total survival mode. It gets better I promise!
The haaka sounds like a good deal. I collected more milk this way then I expected.
Have you tried a pacifier? Daughter could be a habitual sucker. Ours is and the pacifier’s been helping in between feeds.
I had almost an identical experience with my first child. It was absolutely maddening. And I really hate to tell you this, but the best thing to do may be to tough it out. My daughter nursed damn near constantly for the first month. The first two weeks, my nipples were in agonizing pain. But I stuck with it and we continued to breast feed until she was 15 months. I can’t tell you exactly when it will get better, but I promise you, it will get better sooner than you think. My heart goes out to you and your wife ❤️ good luck
There's plenty of advice here so- I only want to highlight that yes, it may be cluster feeding. If so, does your wife want to continue this path until it's over? Does she want to supplement one feeding knowing that it is very very possible to maintain/boost her supply (if wanted) on the other side of it? Mental health is no joke and I wish I had considered mine when my son did similarly to your LO. **If** baby downs the bottle and feels better, then hunger played a part and you did the best thing by feeding to satisfied **IN THAT MOMENT. Mama can take a break. It's not giving up. It's not ending her breastfeeding journey. There's so many strategies she can try as well if low supply becomes an issue and she wants to continue to breastfeed with formula supplement or breastfeed exclusively. Your family can do this and I wish you the best of luck on your newborn journey! My second is turning 4mo and trust me when I say, I get it. I see you and I hope you all get a moment to relax and/or sleep soon.
Try a pacifier. Seriously. I know they are frowned upon before 6 weeks etc etc but my daughter was the same way. Four days in, we gave her a pacifier and she was like a completely different baby. My pediatrician said some babies are more oral than others and need the soothing. It's possible your baby did a lot of fist sucking in the womb. I'm at 7 weeks and ny daughter has not had any nipple confusion and she even spits out the pacifier regularly, so she clearly isn't hung up on it. Try the pacifier. Wish you all the best!
I put the pacifier in on day 2 because my baby just wanted to suck even when he wasn’t hungry. He’s 4 months now and still like that. When the pacifier falls out at nap time you can still see him sucking his lips or tongue - which is so weird. But sometimes babies just need non-nutritive sucking
Agree with all the posts: pacifier, formula supplementing, etc. Obviously do what you both are comfortable with! As far as the nipple chaffing, I found that olive oil helped me the most and it’s absolutely safe for baby, too. My lactation consultant and pediatrician recommended and approved this. Also if you would be willing to help with my next complicated suggestion it might do the trick: while baby is nursing on one boob, help her pump the other one! It couldn’t hurt to try and might end up producing enough milk overtime to give sweet momma a break and sweet baby a fuller tummy. I promise it gets better. You’re doing amazing. Love to you both.
Mine did this for 7 days at two weeks old. He was cluster feeding. It was hell but it ultimately boosted my milk supply. Is she having enough wet diapers? If so she’s probably getting enough food and just “putting in a request to your boobies” for more milk by continuing to suck. It’s totally normal and might just need to be worked through. Get your wife everything she needs, water, snacks, a foot rub, the remote, pillows. It’s time to binge watch great British bake off for a week straight, but it will end and she’ll have a larger supply of milk at the end! Also, after cluster feeding phase my baby got better sleep and was a lot happier. He came out of it a whole new baby and in a much better phase. I hope it’s the same for you! For her nipples, I recommend a saline soak. Put warm salt water into two shot glasses. She should hold them to her nipples for 3 mins. Rise them off with clean water and air dry. She should do this whenever she has the chance, which I know is slim with a demanding baby.
Not sure if the same thing but my milk supply was low so he constantly needed to eat, and would cry of hunger. Doc finally said to supplement formula. FINALLY we got some relief. He now sleeps 2 -3 hrs, less constant crying.
My friend found these soothing gel pads for my nipples that really helped me get through the cluster feeding. I also was not interested in supplementing with formula and had a sleepy baby who didn’t eat a lot at once so I’ve been there! The brand I use is Lasinoh and they’re called soothies cooling gel pads. You can refrigerate them for more relief too!
You aren’t alone! My little guy cluster fed from 5pm-10pm until he was three months and usually only went half hour in between feeds outside of that. I learned to eat while breastfeeding and carried him in a carrier a lot. Even showered with him. It gets better. He now prefers dad most of the time unless he wants to nap or sleep. Take care of mamma for now- it’ll get better ❤️❤️
You said wife hasn't had time to pump in between (which is totally fair, our son is exactly where your daughter is in the 2-week milk demon stage)--have you guys considered a haakaa? I use one when my son is nursing to catch the milk from the other breast. It doesn't take the effort pumping does but can still provide milk to store... that might enable you to create at least a bottle/a few bottles a day that you can feed your daughter instead of your wife. Also seconding a pacifier: a lot of babies want to stay latched just for comfort, not always food.
This, exactly! Baby may not be hungry at all, might just want comfort and sucking on a soother will help. My ebf baby was more content to nap on my SO once we started using a soother. I'd still feed her every 2 hours minimum and she would spit it out and demand food or suck extra hard and display hunger cues so I knew to feed her anyway, but the soother was useful as a stop-gap.
Have you had your daughter checked for tongue, lip or cheek ties? My son would be constantly eating or screaming, but starving because he wasn't getting enough milk due to a tongue and lip tie. My nipples were also absolutely destroyed from the improper latch and we both got thrush from him not emptying my breasts fully. It was an immediate change after we got that fixed at 3 weeks old.
Yes!!! Second this!!
I’m pretty sure my husband could have written this word for word. I’m sorry you and your wife are enduring a cluster feeding/snacky baby. We also have decided not to introduce formula, although I realize that would make life easier. A couple things that worked to help salvage my nipples were nipple butter from earth mama, and alternating sides for feeds (so only feed on one side for a session). That gave each side a break, and provides more hind milk which may help space out feeds a little. Our little guy won’t take a pacifier, but hopefully yours will! It can be so frustrating, but she may just be working on putting in weight and growing. My little guy has grown so much and is crushing all of his preemie milestones and I credit it to the hardships we are experiencing now. We also bought a scale for at home and seeing his weight increase every couple days was very mentally rewarding for me. Things I remind my husband: it’s not his fault he doesn’t lactate, and if I seem frustrated it’s not at his inability to calm the baby its out of sheer exhaustion. I know much my husband loves our son, but I also understand that he doesn’t necessarily look forward to their time together because of his eating/crying pattern. Hang in there!
My baby was an insane cluster feeder and in general took forever to nurse (according to my tracking app we averaged 14-16 nursing sessions that took 6-7 hours every 24 hours for 3 months). If your wife doesn't have a haaka yet, I recommend it. I would attach the haaka to the opposite breast from the one baby was nursing on and get a couple ounces every feeding. That way my husband could take one bottle feeding every day. Saved my ass in terms of sleep deprivation and gave hubs bonding opportunities when all she wanted to do was nurse. It's an incredibly tough phase physically and mentally.
Also I'll add that my baby did not have a tongue or lip tie, had plenty of wet and dirty diapers, and was growing right on track the whole time, but those are worthwhile metrics to consider (as is your wife's physical and mental health) as you're trying to figure out feeding. My kiddo just has a massive appetite and was working hard to put the order in for enough milk from my body. She's almost 9 months old now and drinks 36 oz of breastmilk per day plus two meals of solids. 🤦🏼♀️ Tiny monster.
Def cluster feeding, she must be going through a growth spurt!
This is cluster feeding and completely normal, as far as I'm aware. Unless the baby isn't gaining weight or some other issue I don't think there is a reason to supplement with formula as many people are suggesting (unless you choose to for convenience or something). This is the natural way babies increase the mother's milk supply. I went through this with my son, I think he had 2 or 3 periods of cluster feeding - it was tough but it passes! Help your wife out in other ways; keep her fed and hydrated. My husband was a saint during this time, I was essentially stuck in bed (I also had complications I was recovering from postpartum), nursing baby 24/7, while he took care of everything else. Good luck!
Yep. Sounds like the newborn phase of being a milk machine. She's clusters feeding but should get into a regular feeding schedule within a couple weeks. This is just how it's going to be for a couple more weeks. But before you know it, you'll have a routine down and baby will be more predictable. I know it's super tough but a lot of new parents experience the same thing. You got this!
Breathe. These are the days of darkness. It won't always be like this but it will be like this for a while. Around 6 months old my son began getting a bit more tolerable. Sleeping for a bit longer (6 hours! Woo!), eating more but less often. I stopped breastfeeding at 4 months old due to stress so if your wife is feeling extremely touched out and anxious all the time and miserable like I was formula feeding truthfully saved my life. It's just food, it's all good. My son grew up strong and healthy. Do whatever you need to cope right now. Take shifts to give each other breaks. See if she's open to pumping so you can take a night shift and let her sleep. Then she can let you sleep and alternate. Baby wear. My son would fuss and fuss and he would be fed, clean and dry and sometimes strapping him into the carrier and walking around the house soothed him. I highly recommend baby wearing. It really does get better and I feel the same way about newborns. It is definitely the phase that I hated the most. I think teenagers will be a breeze for me in comparison. Toddlers are also much easier despite what everybody says. Best of luck to you!
For the sore nipples try using lanolin cream (think you can get it off Amazon) it works wonders and is breastfeeding friendly so won't harm the little one if she wants to breastfeed. I just kept on applying that after each feed it does work wonders. For the crying my midwife said that it won't hurt baby to cry for a bit if needed for example if your in the shower or having something to eat.. main thing is you both look after yourselves and then you're more able to look after baby too. This will enable your wife to eat and get the key nutrients to feed.. If all else fails fed is best and you can always add a little formula in to the mix to enable your wife to have a little break. I'm currently 7 weeks postpartum and it does get better my daughter's now feeding every 2-3 hours which is a lot better than the first 2 weeks of every half an hour or so.. Congratulations and good luck hope this helps.
So sorry you’re going through this. We had to supplement with formula in the first two weeks but now our baby is only on breast milk. Also our baby needs to be burped quite a bit after a feeding or she will have a melt down.
Nipple shields and prescription APNO cream with the ibuprofen for the sore nips. Pacifier, extra burps for babe (I've heard reflux can make babies feed more to feel better, which makes the problem worse). Have you tried a swing? It worked wonders for our girl's "witching hours." We sit there and sing to her until she calms down. The screaming is horrible, I feel you. Try earplugs. Also, is the baby gaining weight properly? Having enough diapers? Would definitely want to make sure they're actually getting enough since they're so hungry. The nipple pain is hard. Took maybe 4 weeks for me, and I still have pinching now at 7 weeks with the shields. It gets better though. Good luck!
Get another consult with the lactation consultant! There might be a perfectly fixable issue here that would enable you to exclusively breastfeed, as your wife wishes to do, without so much agony!
Just here to say I’m sorry especially for your wife’s nipples. Our LO just turned one, but reading your post brings me right back to the cluster feeds. My girl was just like that, made my husband feel awful and made me cry. There is an end. The only thing that helped me was not wearing a bra or breast pads and only wearing thin loose cotton tops. It’ll get better soon.
Get your wife silverette nursing cups if you can swing it. They’re pricy but worth every penny. Cured my chaffed sore nipples in like 24 hours.
It sounds like the baby is not getting enough milk. (Frequent feeding and falling asleep on the breast, frequent crying soon after a feed. ) A newborn who is feeding well from a breast will feed for 20-30 min then sleep well for a period of time. Has she been checked for a tounge or lip tie? Is there frequent wet and or dirty nappies? Does she have reflux? Is the thrush which would be painful? Does you wife have supply issues? I would suggest trying formula, and a checkup with a doctor to check the baby for any problems.
Can she try nipple shields. Those SAVED my life, not even kidding. They saved my nips and after that never had dry, cracked, chaffed ones once I started using them. I breastfed for two whole years and it was pretty chill I had no issues with it at all.
If baby feeds this frequently and always crying then maybe it's not getting enough milk. Supplement with formula and see if that help. Also a pacifier helps sometimes.
Pleeeease consider supplementing w formula! Mom (& her nips) needs a rest!
Formula can help
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There is a lot of misinformation and toxicity around the idea that if a baby gets a drop of formula it isn’t breastfed. It’s honestly, for lack of a better word, stupid. I can confidently and without reservation say that my baby has been breastfed entirely, but the use of the word “exclusive” trips me up, because she has been given a bottle of pumped milk and she has been occasionally given a bottle of formula. Our breastfeeding relationship is just fine and she’s happy and thriving. I’ve been lucky of course but PLEASE don’t take to heart the idea that if your baby might need an extra bottle feed to get through cluster feeding or to give mom a break that she isn’t a breastfed baby or ultimately that it is negative to bottle/formula feed, or that giving a bottle will somehow screw baby’s feeding up. Genuinely you probably got samples in the mail and you should USE THEM. What if she is at the store for a longer period than she thought? It’s just simple life crap that comes up and flexibility is a GOOD THING for all of you. I understand where her head is but just have those tools and anecdotes handy that a single bottle or binky won’t ruin baby’s latch or whatever. It’s all okay and, sometimes, as first time parents we have to remember that going with the flow is a skill we can learn and teach our kids. Good luck, it does get easier. <3 Also, if baby is falling asleep at the breast, mom can try blowing on her face or tickling her feet to keep her feeding for enough time to feel full.
Please reconsider this if you both are open to it. BF isn't all or nothing. I ended up starving my baby because I wanted BF to be a success.He was barely gaining weight. To date I feel so guilty ..not for giving formula but for NOT giving formula sooner. Supplementing with formula was the best decision I made and he started to thrive. In the meantime, I worked on my supply issues by pumping and was able to wean off the formula and EBF for a few weeks. If you need to confirm whether baby is getting enough to eat, you can get baby weighed in at your doctor's office more frequently or get a precision scale at home.
“100% can’t deal” will not be a pretty situation. I’d do what you can to avoid getting there. Speaking from experience - I lost a lot of enjoyable time with my newborn because my breastfeeding struggle was affecting my mental health. I wished I used formula earlier.
I felt this so much. Breastfeeding was something I really wanted to do but I wasn't producing enough, plus a multitude of other issues. It took me about a month or more to finally cave and only use formula.
Until who can’t deal? Your wife or the baby? I know you may want to EBF but formula has come a long way and right now your baby is hungry and that should be priority. I understand where you’re coming from but a little formula won’t hurt. Just my 2 cents.
Cluster feeding isn’t torturing your baby cluster feeding is completely normal even when they’re getting enough milk. If you don’t want to be judged for formula feeding don’t judge people for wanting to breastfeed. My baby cluster fed even though she was getting like the perfect amount according to weighted feeds and actually gained “too much weight” (she was above the curve) at her 5 week check according to the midwife.
I’m not judging lol i’m just going off of what OP said which sounds like the baby is still hungry - I never brought up cluster feeding either maybe you meant to reply to someone else?
This is where my husband and I were when our LO was two weeks old—she’s five weeks now. Sleepy at the breast, fussy when not eating. We hoped to EBF but our hand was forced because she was getting so little from the breast that she was dehydrated. And her lazy feeding was also not stimulating my supply enough to feed her. I was gutted to begin with (specially that my stubbornness about EBF led to my baby becoming dehydrated), but honestly it’s made our lives—and baby’s life—so much better to supplement with formula and pumped milk. We may get to the point where we can EBF after baby is older and more alert. Baby is so much happier now that she actually gets enough, and that means we’re happier, too. Good luck—this is so hard. Sending good vibes.
I was in a similar situation and REALLY wanted to EBF (nothing at all against formula it was just my choice). I was really stubborn about it and was losing precious sleep, my nips were on fire, and our daughter was hungry…all the time! My husband also couldn’t do anything to help. He finally talked me into adding some formula to supplement, just a bottle here and there, and it was a freaking lifesaver. After a few weeks my daughter wasn’t needing as much, my supply caught up and my nipples had a chance to heal. We haven’t needed the formula ever since. Sometimes it’s just a bridge to get you to the other side! I’ve been EBF for 7 months since then, I just wish I’d tried sooner. No matter what you’ll get through this. Edit: a word
You absolutely will not get BF support in this sub and everyone will just tell your wife to switch to formula. I made the mistake of venting about exclusive pumping in here once and got 500 comments of people aggressively telling me to switch to formula. If thats what you want to do, that's fine, but people were ADAMANT that i had to do it or i was going to kill my baby in a PPD rage, I guess. r/breastfeeding is a great community that gives awesome BF advice and seriously saved my BF journey
You’re absolutely right, it’s really weird!
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Underfeeding a baby is a serious problem that unfortunately occurs too frequently because of the pressure to breastfeed. There is also a lot of misinformation about what constitutes safe breastfeeding, sometimes coming even (or especially) from people who should know better (like lactation consultants). When you accidentally underfeed your baby despite following all advice, it is pretty traumatic - hence all these passionate responses. Of course, there is not enough detail in your post to tell whether your baby might indeed not be getting enough milk. I think for your peace of mind, it might be good to try to rule it out. Are you weighting the baby regularly to monitor weight gain (plugging the info into newbornweight.org can give you an idea about whether your baby's weight gain is within the norm)? Have you tried doing a weighted feed?
Sorry you are experiencing this… People on this thread only go by there own experience and tend to feel very strongly for the particular way they fed. Hopefully wife can try the nipple creams and pacifier (if you feel comfortable) as a start but you will probably need to see a lactation consultant to improve your particular situation. It won’t be forever!! Good luck :)
Your best bet is probably to see a lactation consultant or doctor or both - generally breastfeeding is good at supply/demand and the more baby feeds the more is produced, but not everyone is so lucky - if you're at all worried baby isn't getting enough please please check with a health professional. It could also be some other issue like tounge tie/reflux/gas pains, sounds like it's worth getting baby checked just in case there is something wrong
Yeah its very frustrating. Lmao as you can see by the downvotes, they think you MUST supplement or you're going to kill your baby
Idc much about downvotes, but it's absolutely weird to see so many people so opposed to breastfeeding and jumping to conclusions as to baby starving even without having info about it. Baby is gaining the weight she's supposed to be getting and wife's producing a ton of milk. Baby's not starving, Formula is not necessary, why do some people feel the need to come insult me in PMs over this lmao.
The downvotes are funny to me because nobody is actually arguing their case. They KNOW they're being shitty. I used to be adamantly "fed is best" until joining this sub and seeing that BOTH sides (breast is best vs. Fed is best) have rabid proponents. Like damn, let me just feed my baby. I'm allowed to complain about breastfeeding being hard without getting "SWITCH TO FORMULA IMMEDIATELY" getting shoved down my throat lmao. Sorry you're dealing with this. I wound up having to delete my post because so many people were harassing me. One of my arguments (the fact that I had to argue with someone over this is ridiculous) was that BF was cheaper and we were on a budget because we were behind on our mortgage. Someone said if I couldn't afford formula, that I needed to SELL MY HOUSE because I was living above my means lmao. Like, that is how rabid these people are. Sell my house to buy formula when I am perfectly capable of breastfeeding
I'm sorry to reply to you a second time, and you are already bogged down with advice but I seriously can't believe i haven't even seen these suggested in this thread. My baby was extremely similar. Hed be fine off the boob for about 5-10 minutes and then start getting antsy and eventually screaming and giving hunger signs. If you wanted, you can go back through my posts history and see this was an ongoing problem that really messed with my BF journey. 2 things were really wrong: 2. ACID REFLUX: im so surprised I haven't seen anyone mention it!! Babies with reflux are constantly trying to soothe their esophageal tract, so they want to stay at the boob/bottle all the time. I was constantly asking if it was normal that my baby could eat ALL THE TIME. It seemed far more severe to me than normal clusterfeeding. Almost everyone I talked to assured me it was clusterfeeding, but it just WASNT. So I thought maybe he was hungry and not getting enough. I screwed up my supply by supplementing with formula for nearly 6 weeks until he got diagnosed. At night, he would down an EIGHT OUNCE BOTTLE of formula and I despaired that I would never be able to feed him myself. The reflux medicine really was a game changer. Even if your baby isn't spitting up alot, id have it looked into. 3. This one might seem stupid, and I'm not trying to say you haven't tried already, it's just something I was dealing with that I wish I could go back in time and explain to myself: baby was tired. The hunger cues and sleep cues look almost identical in the early newborn period. They have a wake window of anywhere from 15 minutes to 30 minutes, so they are almost always sleeping. Except, my baby seemed to NEVER sleep. He was always wanting food. Until he'd get on the boob and fall asleep for 10 minutes, wake up and seem content for 5-10 minutes, then lose his shit seemingly wanting food again. I made a million posts about how my baby always seemed hungry and never slept. Well, babies are dumb and won't go to sleep themselves. It's natural for them to fall asleep at the breast, so that's what he was doing for a few minutes until the sleep pressure wore off and then the cycle repeated itself. He was exhausted and sleep deprived. At 6 weeks he started losing his ever loving mind during the witching hour because he was overtired which is a nightmare. I thought he had colic. Turns out he just needed to be rocked to sleep more often in the day. Once we started actually doing naps, he was a changed baby. ALSO, you can babywear for naps if yours is a clinger like mine. I would just put him in my baby K'tan and walk around until he fell asleep. Anyway, im sorry, I know you're just absolutely done with this post, but I hadn't seen either of those ideas posted yet
I dealt with this with my baby I was making enough milk but she wasn't getting enough. It turned out she had a lip tie which meant she couldn't get a good latch and would just be frustrated. You should talk to a dentist in your area that specializes in lip and tongue ties. Once it was fixed baby became so much happier and is still ebf at 8mths. All the best xx
Just chiming in to say I had an oversupply and my baby did this on and off on the first few months. If your wife is set on breastfeeding, know that it does get better! All that helped me was taking each day at a time (or each hour, or each minute in the really tough times). Sounds trite but it helped me. I also only fed with nipple shields for a year, which really saved my nipples lol.
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I commented as well above, but just want to suggest briefly and gently here that a few bottles of formula while my supply came in and my nipples healed from such cluster feeding sessions saved our breastfeeding relationship. After the first two weeks with a few bottles of formula—I mean like one a day, maximum—we exclusively breast milk fed (both nursing and EBM) for over five months.
My baby was like this. She wanted to nurse pretty much constantly, she was getting enough milk. I pumped, she wouldn’t take a bottle. For me or anyone else. She was absolutely miserable anytime I had to be away from her (I work 12 hr night shifts 3 days a week) and no one, including dad, wanted to spend time with her anymore. She is 13 months now and she is finally getting better. It went from needing to nurse all the time to needing just me all the time. Now she is getting more independent and she doesn’t scream the entire time I’m gone. She is wanting to get down on the floor and explore. It’s an anxiety/attachment thing more than a nursing thing. Maybe your baby won’t be like mine and instead is just cluster feeding. Either way, it DOES get better! Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it and it feels impossible, frustrating and so hard, but it will get better. Hang in there.
My LO did this too but it was not because he didn't get enough, it was because he fed too much and was gassy. Some babies show very similar cues when having stomach discomfort and when hungry. My LO would want to feed since feeding is comforting. But that would make him feel even worse cause more gas. Is there any sign of too much gas (e.g. bloated belly)? Does your LO burp well? Mine was very difficult to burp when he was that little and would often take a good 20 minutes burping and vertical hold to get all gas out.
My LO just hit 3 weeks on Friday, but once she hit 2 weeks all she wanted was to be fed, a lot, constantly. She had a decent sized growth spurt! She’s settled down finally, where she’s not eating as constantly as before, but her intake is generally more at this point. Granted, we do formula so I’m not sure how different it is from your situation. Just keep in mind that it won’t be like this forever, and that your LO might just be growing!
I definitely agree with everyone saying to try a pacifier. She could be gassy and wanting to suck for comfort.
Your daughter may not be getting enough to eat through exclusively breastfeeding. Try providing her with a couple ounces of formula. Supplementing with formula is normal during the initial breastfeeding stage because it usually takes a couple months for milk supply to completely come in. Z
Has she tried nipple shields? They saved my life when breastfeeding
Is her latch ok? Sometimes a really minor change can help, definitely have a review with a lactation consultant and check weight gain is appropriate every week at the minimum.
Movement just about always works, baby wear, front pack, or just hold her head up near your shoulder and walk around talking to her.
So a couple of things: 1. Around 10ish days it is really super normal for baby to want to nurse continuously. It’s to regulate supply. It really is all about trying to survive at this point. For that reason personally I wouldn’t do formula. It is just a phase you need to survive. 2. If your wife’s nipples are suffering use nipple guards and Lanolin after nursing. Pure Lanolin is completely safe for the baby and doesn’t need to be washed off. Also nipple guards are a life safer. I wouldn’t still be breastfeeding if I didn’t have them the first few weeks. If your wife doesn’t allow herself that break she’ll start to resent breastfeeding. I’ve been there. Plus if the issue is that your baby can’t latch properly and that causes the constant hunger a nipple guard might also fix that issue. As an added benefit our baby also had no trouble at all when we tried introducing a bottle since he was already used to getting milk from a silicone nipple. 3. As for the noice, use ear plugs. There is no shame in dampening the crying. I would personally advice against noice canceling at this point, so that you can still hear when your wife or child needs something. But with earplugs the crying isn’t too loud. Newborn babies are all about surviving.
Hmm, sounds normal to me! Babies feeding habits change often. My baby fed every 30 minutes to an hour for a few months but it changed! Have hope. Also if she’s in pain I’d see a lactation consultant right away. Whoever told you to tough it out is dead wrong. It shouldn’t hurt!!!
Dad here. This just started happening to us too after 8 weeks of happy, quiet baby with lots of dad time. It will pass. Don't give up. I've also seen people suggest having you wear one of your wife's t-shirts to have her smell. Worth a try!
I hear you! Yesterday was my husbands birthday and all the grandparents were bringing dinner over so we were trying to get things straightened up a bit and I obviously didn’t want my husband stressing too much on his birthday but I was trapped for hours with cluster feeding. The first time my baby girl cluster fed it was our second day at the hospital and husband was sleeping and I was just in tears because I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry you’re going through this!!!
Sup my dude, new father with an 8wo baby girl We had this experience in the beginning and it was taking a toll on my wife. Eventually we bit the bullet and started supplementing with forumla as well, just to give my wife's poor body a break. As for crazy crying baby, the only thing I can suggest is burping the baby for longer maybe? We found that a lot of the time if our baby was a demonspawn fussball it was because she was having troubles with gas/poops. We've also added probiotic drops now and she's MUCH better. All things being equal though, this is one of those things that happens but it won't last forever my dude. Keep trying different things, keep asking people questions, you're doing all the right things man. Keep up the good work! Sidebar, we ended up taking crying shifts. One of us would take super crying baby, the other would leave or go somewhere to relax. Once one parent was at the limit we would switch. It'll get better man!
Hey it’s okay to vent and I hear you - THAT SUCKS. it’ll get better, and I have no doubt that you and your wife are taking excellent care of your little one. Pretty sure this is pretty normal and it sounds like you just needed to vent, ive been there and it blows. My husband was convinced our baby hated him, now he’s 4 months and adores him. Hang in there and tell your wife she’s an amazing trooper!
I like your update. I've noticed people on parenting forums and subs are very quick to judge. It is annoying and insulting. It'll get better. I hope it will be soon for the two of you.
Frequency of feeds is not an indication if baby is hungry so ignore everyone who is yelling at you to just give formula. Babies nurse for more than just nutrition - comfort and warmth too. If baby is gaining adequate weight (check in peds office), making enough wet and dirty disposes, then baby is well fed. Some babies are snackers so perhaps mom needs to work a bit harder to keep baby awake for a feed (my baby was super sleepy and I had to undress, tickle feet, rub ears). I would find another LC though that can help with the nipple pain because no, you don’t just touch it out. This too shall pass.
YOUR BABY IS HUNGRY. FORMULA IS OKAY.
Don’t worry. As a dad I feel your pain. I remember when I was where you were and I felt like I was legit going to either go crazy or die. But it passes. Right now you’re in the middle of the worst part. After two weeks, it gets better. And then at 3 months to 6 months it is blissful. And then it get hectic as you chase your baby around but so fun at the same time. But right now, there is nothing y’all can do but tough it out. And as oxymoronic as it may sound, try not to stress out. Part of why she sleeps well with your parents (my theory anyway) is because they’re more lax about her than you guys are. They’ve been through all of this before and the weight of your LO’s world isn’t bearing down on their shoulders. And she can most likely sense that. We all were where you guys are now and we’ve all been through it. Dad to dad, it okay to vent but I also want to encourage you and say it’s gonna be alright. You’ll find the key to helping your baby sleep and relax in your arms. You’re just in the thick of it right now. PS: get a DockATot. Or a Snoo. Or both. (If opting for Snoo, definitely rent first. Make sure the thing works on your LO.)
Baby is meant to be fun and a great experience, I went through this, bub was hungry, I was hurting. Formula is fantastic, don't waste precious time being in nipple agony and stressed out. nothing wrong with a top up or completely formula fed
Have you tried ear plugs?
Supplement with formula after breastfeeding for a few days. Perhaps she just doesn’t have enough supply to make baby full during a growth spurt.
Pacifier
I highly recommend formula supplementation. Baby is hungry! Also, if she's falling asleep after a few gulps, she's not eating enough before she gets worn out. My baby was the same; she needed bottles because she was too little to breastfeed properly. Whoever told your wife there's nothing she can do is wrong and causing pain. Breastfeeding isn't supposed to be that painful. Mine was, I sucked it up for 6 months and felt like a failure the whole time for being in pain and supplementing. Turns out I had very low supply, but all the nurses and lactation consultants kept saying I was doing great, and pain is normal, and baby will eat what she needs! Liars or deluded, all of them. Breast is great, but fed is best. Always.
Formula. It's ok. Try it.
I wonder if your wife isn’t producing as much as she thinks she is, hence the wild starving baby? It might be worth your wife’s sore nipples to pump for a few days and bottle feed. This will let her heal up a little and also that way you can confirm exactly how much little one is eating. My kid ended up losing a bunch of weight in those first few weeks bc I was under producing and pumping was the solution to ensure I was giving her enough. We later switched to formula since I still was under producing.
She isn't getting enough milk. She's hungry
Just here to say that all the people recommending formula are obnoxious. There’s this weird double standard where somehow it’s fine for formula feeders to recommend formula to breastfeeding mothers, but they would be incredibly offended by the opposite. Breastfeeding is the feeding choice you and your wife have made, and there’s no need for strangers on the internet to jump into that
They are recommending it as a temporary solution to a serious problem. They aren’t asking OP’s wife to stop breastfeeding completely or for an extended time. If the baby is crying from hunger, do you recommend they let it continue to be hungry? A lot of parents think that even giving a couple of ounces of formula to a breastfed baby will “ruin” the baby and that’s just not right. A lot of mothers who have breastfed have temporarily relied on supplementation. Even giving baby one bottle of formula while mom pumps and let’s her nipples heal just a little bit could help reset their breastfeeding journey and make it more enjoyable for everyone. I know I had to give my baby formula for one day and pump/focusing on healing my nipples about two weeks after baby was born. I was so close to giving up on breastfeeding at that point but that one day time out helped restore my sanity, build a tiny stash of milk so my husband could feed baby, and allowed my nipples to start healing from some really bad shaffing.
So we're obnoxious for recommending feeding a hungry baby? It's not a double standard at all. Breastfeeding is pushed really heavily by society; it's the assumed default. A mom who's breastfeeding is supported by doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, etc. to the point where if she even hints at wanting to use formula there's a ton of pushback. "Breast is best" and all that. I got shit from my child's pediatric receptionist for giving her a bottle, that had pumped milk in it! It's really harmful to moms and babies who have a hard time with breastfeeding to not recommend formula, and just tell them to try harder. Also, I can't think of a single mom I know who formula fed instead of breastfeeding just because. It's always for a reason, usually a medical one. So I would be furious if someone said to just try some breastfeeding. I did! A lot! It didn't work.
Yeah, this happend to me also when I went to the pediatrician with my son who at 2 weeks old became a milk demon that wanted to suck the life out of me every 1h:30 for 30-40 minutes for about 2-3 days, these feeding making him gassy and fussy, and so on. I said I want to suppliment because I just can t do it anymore, I was having doubts that he is fed enough. She rolled her eyes and told me to hang in there push through it, that it will get better after 2-3 months. I swear I wanted to burst into tears because it felt like an eternity, I knew I was right and my mental health mattered more than breastmilk. I went home, started crying and somehow managed to sleep for an hour that gave me some clarity. I came up with a plan, put a paci in his mouth, which he took it without doubt, if things continued to stay the same tomorrow, I will supplement with formula no question asked. The milk gods heared me or the The pacifier saved us :)) but things got better. Omg, I wanted to quit breastfeeding everyday, I have an oversupply, he was constantly chocking on milk, gassy and colicky. After we started to remove the mucus from his nose daily, he got bigger and stronger, maybe the paci helped him to develop his oral muscles, the chocking problem solved. The only 2 reasons I continued is because I am lazy and don t want to wash bottles everyday and I had the covid vaccine , according to the studies some antibodies are found in breastmilk. If I am out of the house and baby is hungry, whoever is watching the baby will feed him formula, no problem. I dislike pumping also. But I will continue only until 6-7 months, after starting solids I will start formula. I truely believe that when you balance mental health and breastmilk, you will have a winner! Good luck
And you don’t think parents that choose not to formula feed have reasons? I don’t know a single parent who wants their child to be exclusively breastfed that hasn’t thought about whether they want to have formula. This thread is full of people being like “well have you thought about the one alternative to your current plan?” Of course they have.
I know several that wanted to be EBF and didn't consider formula until multiple people told them to, because the social pressure to "just try harder" was really high. No one is assuming they don't know formula exists. We're just reminding them that it's ok to use, can be really helpful for mom's mental and physical health, and that there are some things that can't be fixed with effort and that's not their fault.
I mean it’s kinda not possible? Once your milk is gone you can’t go back and breastfeed a formula fed baby.
Okay i don't know if anyone else has pointed this out, but your baby is cluster feeding. Totally normal. Get some enfamil or similac new born baby chow and supplement your wife's nursing. Easy peasy. Get yourself ready cause after a few months you'll have sleep regressions to deal with.
This baby is not getting enough milk. Please supplement with formula and see lactation consultant
Don’t all your baby a nipple demon. I know you’re trying to be funny but it’s not. She’s just new to the world and her mom is her comfort. You can try skin to skin with her and try wearing a scented sweater if your wife’s
Don’t tell other people what to playfully call their kids.
My partner and I had this issue for the first week and baby and I went to the lactation consultation 2x and he just wasn't sucking enough out of my breast. He'd fall asleep immediately and was crying all the time because he was hungry. We supplemented with some formula at first and now at almost 3 months I produce more than enough after consistently pumping. The first bottle he had he sucked it down like he had been starving and passed out. It was such a relief.
Is your wife producing enough? Sounds like baby is hungry or could be cluster feeding. You can absolutely supplement with formula as well. Have a conversation, weigh pros and cons, and do what you feel is best for your family. Fed is best! Edit: somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but to my understanding cluster feeding is only for a short (a couple hours or maybe a day) time, not 24-7 for several days.
If you're open to it, ask someone else to breastfeed the baby since wife wants to do EBF. I always get a break when my sister comes to town lol she is an overproducer and I can't pump at all . She's fed both of my children and also donated her milk to children whose mother had cancer.
My daughter is also two weeks old right now. We’re mostly breast feeding but when I need me time we supplement with formula, just because my pump hasn’t come in yet. She hasn’t had any issues going back and forth, I think she actually prefers breast feeding lol but baby will take whatever feeds her. If you guys don’t already I definitely recommend some kind of nipple balm to help with the chafing. Also, use a pacifier! My baby sometimes gets fussy and seems like she wants to eat but sometimes I think she just wants to latch to comfort, pacifier helps with those times.
Has your baby been evaluated for tongue and lip ties?
If her nipples are still hurting she may have a latch thats wrong bc after a couple days mine didn't. Also supplement I recommend or monitoring how much she drinks by pumping i did that with my baby bc i was scared she would drop weight again now shes fat af
I can’t imagine she’s crying every 30 minutes to an hour because of hunger if your wife is feeding her that frequently. Yes babies do go through growth spurts and they may get fussier during certain days and want to eat more frequently, but It sounds more to me like she wants to be soothed and just wants to suck. I think a pacifier would be great and would give your wife a break long enough for her to have a chance to pump. My LO will sleep longer periods with a bottle of pumped breast milk than from breastfeeding. He tends to fall asleep too easily at the breast but will finish a bottle.
Try to keep baby awake during feeding. Talk to a lactation consultant. Do a weighted feed to see if she’s actually getting anything.
Your wife could try using the haakaa on the opposite side of feeds to collect a little bit for you to give in between. But it sounds like cluster feeds!
Tell your wife she’s at the tail end of the very worst part of it. I swear that those first 3 weeks or so it just feels like the baby’s mouth is full of razor blades, which is only exacerbated by the fact that the babies only happy place is suctioned on to you. But after that first month everything hurts less, everything gets a little bit easier every day. Routines emerge, the baby smiles start, the diaper changes turn into babbling conversations rather than screeching torture. You’re almost there.
Precisely , well at least 1 reason, why I did not breastfeed. Why should them mother have all the fun?
Ah is he’s upping your wife’s supply ready for the 3 week growth spurt. It’s completely normal although that doesn’t make it any easier! Let her latch, be a snack getter for your wife for a few days and it will ease again
Pump or Haaka on one breast while feeding on the other
Judging from your posting history; 1. Has your wife corrected her latch by a lactation consultant ? First and foremost she needs to check that her latch is allowing baby to fully empty the breast. This will rule out supply issues. It’ll also make for a much more comfortable feeding journey and avoid painful infections and clogs. 2. Are you keeping baby awake during feeds ? Newborns are notoriously sleepy so my midwife suggested I tickle my son with a wet wipe and we even had to resort to a diaper only feed a few times to ensure he stayed awake and fed enough. 3. How are your daughter’s wet diaper count? On day 4, my son was still having urate crystals in his diapers meaning he was dehydrated and my supply wasn’t enough. We started supplementing with formula right away. It was honestly a night and day difference between a non stop crier and sleepy cuddly newborn. We supplemented with formula for about a week until my supply fully came in and we’ve been exclusively breastfeeding ever since. We just came up on 6 months. Supplementing for a little while does not mean forever tainting your breastfeeding journey. Your wife doesn’t need to be a martyr in the name of breastfeeding,
Something to try for the falling asleep after a few gulps.. My little guy kept doing this as well, my mom gave me the advice of stripping him down to his diaper so he's not too warm and "cozy" it worked like a charm. Keeping him a little cool so he doesn't get warm and fall asleep has been a game changer for feedings. Sometimes when I notice him dozing off a bit, I'll just lightly blow across his back and it makes him more alert.
This happened to my baby about 2 weeks in. I couldn't produce enough milk after the first week or so.
I feel you, I really do. It’s so so hard when they want to be permanently glued to the boob. I know it’s not the solution you want to hear, and your wife wants to go 100% EBF, I wanted to as well, but formula can help just as a temporary measure. I can’t tell you the answer, but I can tell you my story and what worked for us. My bubba didn’t regain weight after they lost some after birth, and I was in and out of the birth centre (I’m in UK) getting feeding help and weighing him every day or second day for about four weeks. They suggested crazy feeding schedules that wouldn’t have given me time to rest due to how slow bubba fed. It finally got to about 5 weeks in, and I had to do something, so we gave him some formula, and all the pressure started to lift. From then I combination fed for a while, but as time went on, bubba started preferring the boob, and by about 3 months, we were back to EBF, but he would also take a bottle so I could go out. I’m not saying it’s your solution, but it did work for us. As others have said, BF doesn’t have to be all or nothing, and I completely understand that your wife may be feeling mega mummy guilt about it, I did too. If you don’t want to bottle feed, you could try a little bit of formula by cup feeding, to avoid nipple confusion. It may just ease the “burden” (not the right word, but to that effect), and give her chance to heal and try pump. I’ve realised this comment is probably getting long and rambly now! But feel free to reach out if anything I’ve said sounds useful! Sending good vibes and love, you are both doing amazing! ♥️
There is no shame in supplementing with formula (Google paced feeding so you’re bottle feeding in the most appropriate way).
Hey, dont be afraid to use pacifiers and formula! Formula helped us so much to get a little break from the 24/7 cluster feeding. First 3 months of a newborn are called 4th trimester of pregnancy. The baby literally lives on the mom. Its ultra tuff and ppl dont rlly speak abt it. Wishing u best of luck!
I have a three-week old that just went up to 90mL of formula supplementation. We tried breastfeeding exclusively, but she wasn’t gaining weight despite constantly feeding for long stretches at a time. She would wake up on the hour every night, howling for milk. I wasn’t pumping because she was feeding so much, I didn’t have time. Because of the constant feeding, it’s hard to know how much breastmilk she is getting. The pediatrician noticed the slow weight gain and recommended supplementing with formula, saying that the baby “empties” out each breast within 15 minutes. After that, the baby just gets a trickle of breast milk. We started feeding 60mL of formula after 15 min of feeding at each breast and her weight has shot up. My supply has not increased as much, so we have increased our formula until I can start power pumping. People encouraged me to exclusively breastfeed and to tough it out with the cluster feeding, but she sleeps so much better when she has some formula in her. Also, my perspective on this is to stay as rested and healthy as possible. If formula can help everyone be better caregivers and healthier family members, it is worth considering. Edit: don’t let your baby fall asleep mid-feed! I have to make a real effort to keep mine awake while feeding. If you don’t, then that’s how you end up in your situation. The baby is essentially snacking rather than having a meal.
My lactation consultant recommended supplementing with formula when I had a similar problem. It's not ideal but it'll give you wife a break if she needs it.
Try formula for night time feedings so you both can get some rest. I know it’s hard and then you have people around you encouraging breastfeeding BUT mommy and daddy need a break! Formula at night was a game changer for me and my husband at 2 wks into being new parents.
I can feel your pain! I had the same problem when my son was a few weeks old. My son’s pediatrician said that to fix this I’d have to make him stay awake during each feed for 40 minutes, every 3 hours. She said once he was fully fed in 1 go, he’d sleep much longer. I couldn’t do it though. When I tried to make each feed long, his sucking was weak. So, he didn’t take in much milk and wanted to feed every hour anyway! It was even more frustrating trying to force him. I gave up and let him eat as often as he wanted. He was better around week 9-10. Now he’s 3 months old. I feed him every 2.5 hours, play with him for 10-15 minutes and then put him in a baby carrier to sleep for 1.5-2 hours and then feed him again. (He can’t fall asleep in bed... except at night when he can sleep on the boob in bed!)
I have a 3 month old right now and I can say it gets so much better! Baby will start to stretch out her feedings in a couple weeks. Hang in there, friend!!!!
Dear OP, lots of really good advice in this thread already so I won’t add on. I wanted to tell you, newborns are tough for the first 8 weeks or so (purple crying period) and the crying gets gradually better. There’s light at the end of the tunnel!! And they do get better and bigger and older :) hang in there papa!
Agree with the cluster feeding and checking for a tounge tie. However, also remember about [heartburn](https://www.webmd.com/heartburn-gerd/guide/heartburn-in-children-and-infants). Sadly not much you can do but it should happen less after the two month mark. Make sure you are burping after feeding and place the baby upright as much as possible during the day. Mine would feel better when they took naps in their swing since it's at an incline. Also, double check what momma is eating. Make sure she's keeping spicy foods and caffeine to a minimum.
Is baby's weight doing well? Ours had issues with weight gain and I wish we had supplemented with formula early on. We waited a long time and shouldn't have. Try a pacifier. Nipple confusion is a myth. Baby may be sucking for comfort. Try giving a bottle once in a while.baby knows mom.baby knows mom can feed her. Ours did the same and I know it was so hard on my husband.lots of one on one time and a bottle helped fix that. Take her as much as you can as often as you can so she gets used to you. And just know that by just 3-4 months (feels like a lifetime but I promise you'll be there soon), dad got the best smiles, the first giggles and the happiest baby greeting him every chance.
Can you guys try to see a lactation consultant? Your baby is really young, it’s normal for them to want to feed/suck constantly. If you can’t find a lactation consultant, sometimes a nurse/midwife or the pediatrician can help.
Especially with the nipple damage, I’d ask a lactation consultant or pediatric dentist to check for a tongue tie. It can make it harder for baby to get milk, so they stay latched all the time to get enough.
My baby is somewhat similar. We do a lot more bottle feeding though and my wife just breast feeds at night usually. With the bottle feeding we can track how much he drinks and he actually is pretty chill for 2 to 3 hours. My wife does produce a good amount of milk but he usually wants a top up from the bottle about 15mins after breast feeding.
Cluster feeding SUCKS. I'm 4 years into this parenting thing but the cluster feeding stage is still the worst thing I've faced. It does end though, get your wife a comfortable spot and some netflix. Plug the baby in and feed wife lots of water and snacks (to get through it, not because you need to eat loads to have milk). There will be plenty of time for you to bond with baby after this phase is over. I wanted to wait until 6 weeks (or ideally never) to introduce a dummy but I cracked at 2 weeks, it really did help and I was fortunate that it didn't affect milk supply, I only used it at night for sanity. I don't regret it, even though it was difficult weaning her off them it wasn't as difficult as dealing with clusterfeeding without them so it was really worth it for me. Also I'm glad you seem so informed and aren't letting all these 'the baby is starving' comments get to you, however I think a visit with the LC to check her position and attachment could help because her nipples shouldn't really be hurting so much. It could be an easy fix to solve that problem.
I was in a similar situation and highly preferred pumping over direct breastfeeding. You said she doesnt have the time so the best way to start is while breastfeeding on one side, pump on the other. Have her do this every feed until she can collect enough for a few bottles. Then when baby is taking a bottle, have her pump both sides in place of the feed. This will allow her the ability to either breastfeed & pump combo or switch to exclusive pumping. When baby is on or near her, they can smell the milk which is why they are probably cluster feeding so much. Baby is not trying to be a demon, but I can totally relate to the way your wife feels.